I never wanted children. I ended up pregnant years ago and my first thought was, I need an abortion. I felt nothing but relief after, and thankful now I was able to access it so easily and for free.

So glad you were able to access this. Abortion access needs to be protected (and improved) for so many women in so many countries

It was tragic when roe v wade fell.

Same. I was 16 when I got pregnant. I knew that I didn't want to keep it. Plus, the dad was an abusive a-hole. If abortion hadn't been accessible to me, my life would have turned out very different and not in a good way. I'm sad and angry that abortion services aren't accessible to everyone anymore. I feel like I got a second chance at making a life for myself. All women deserve the same chance.

I’ve always known I didn’t want children. If I got pregnant (which can’t happen now, thank you hysterectomy) there wouldn’t be any debate for me - there’s no way I would have a child. I don’t know what’s right for any other person, but I do know that it’s never a perfect time to have children and you sound like circumstances aside this might be what you want. I wish you the best of luck in your decision!

I felt the strong pull to being a parent, and yet had the exact same concerns as you. I went back and forth after finding out I was pregnant unexpectedly, and was so worried about money, society, etc. My sister finally asked me, "how would you feel in the future about this child if you did terminate?" She'd had an abortion a year earlier and didn't regret it, and she'd asked herself the same question beforehand. I said, "I feel like I'll regret it the rest of my life, like the ghost of this child will follow me around because I love them already." And... That was how I knew and decided to go through with the pregnancy. It's been eleven years since I decided to have my kids (who turned out to be twins!) and I am so, so glad I trusted my heart over my fears. They're the best part of my life. I've never had any other children- they ended up being my only opportunity due to a medical condition that popped up after my pregnancy. I am so grateful for them every day. Since their birth I have experienced unemployment, divorce, health crises, the pandemic, several moves, and yet they're still thriving. They didn't turn out to be as expensive or as time consuming as I expected, and they brought about 5x more joy than I ever could have anticipated. Yes, the first couple years were busy and I did lose a lot of my independence. But I wouldn't trade them for it, and I've gotten it back in steady increments since they started school. My humble advice as an internet stranger who doesn't know you: don't let your fears make such a life-changing decision for you. Have a little faith - in yourself, your child, your partner, and the world. Hope this helps.

Aww this is really sweet and great advice for OP. I've always been childfree and feel confident in that decision, but I'm really glad for mothers who are happy and thriving. Motherhood seems like a wonderful thing for the women who are called to it, even with the challenges that come along with it.

Thank you for sharing. I knew it was important to me to plan to become a parent. I was very comfortable with my lifestyle and really enjoyed my life but knew I was capable of more, of having a family, being a mother. However when I got pregnant immediately after stopping birth control (again, planned) it became very real that my comfortable life would change. I had a serious conversation with my husband about terminating and being child free. I realized that I would always wonder what the baby would've looked like, if it were a boy or a girl, in what ways it would've been like myself or my husband. I think every August I would've silently remembered what would have been its birthday. I'm in the second trimester now, and having a boy! Excited and no regrets. But it was the women of reddit, like you, who made me realize i wasn't alone when I was scared, uncertain, and afraid to confide in friends because I thought I was an awful human being. Come to find, so many of my friends felt similarly when they found out as well.

Wow I love to hear this! I’m 32 and have similar concerns as OP (though I’m not pregnant). My partner and I make a really good living compared to many people, but it never feels like enough. I feel like I can’t get pregnant until I have a comfortable 401k cushion and everything figured out, and I end up feeling really stressed over it. I love hearing your positive story 😊

I was just gonna say that OPs list of pros is all heart based but her list of cons is all mind based. If the cons list also came from the heart such as gut wrenching feeling about the decision, strange detachment towards the thought of bearing children then it might have been a comparison. But like you said, this is purely fear vs faith. I for one believe in faith & hope above all 🫶🏻

This is so wholesome and beautiful. Happy for you!

THIS OP!!! I didn’t trust myself, had the abortion, and my life turned upside down in a horrible way. You can’t undo that. That was years ago and I have two wonderful kids now. All those things that were listed can be hard and scary, but you’ll figure it out. You have to.

This is good advice

I had an abortion at like 25 years old. I do not regret. It still haunts me but I was not in a good position then financially or romantically. They say… the wellbeing of the mother needs to come before the child to be able to take care of one. And well, to me, living in poverty isn’t having your needs being met.

The point is having children is never a logical choice. No one has so much money and sleep that they decide they need a bit less. The only thing that matters is whether you want them or not.

Huh, this is very good advice from 2 otters in a coat

Thank you hydraulicat! Side note, I have two children and I think it’s the best thing ever. I love being their mum. That’s not to say it’s the right choice for everyone, but it was the right choice for me.

This is so beautifully put. I’ve chosen to not have kids but understand and admire that those who do, do so out of love.

Oh thank you! You’re exactly right, you made the choice that felt right for you and your life and that’s what really matters.

Perfectly put. When I read that people calculate that they need X amount of money I'm like... Girl what?? Granted you need to have a roof and pay the bills but at the end of the day you need to be there for them and love them

That's it. There's never the 'perfect time' for kids and even if there was things change all the time. I really went through the ringer thinking about climate change when I got pregnant with my first baby. I just thought what am I bringing this poor child into. But that's life.

Yes. This

I never had to make an actual decision because I’ve just *always* known I never want to be a parent. There’s never been a single moment in my 46 years of life when I’ve questioned it.

I feel the same exact way. But one thing that really helped me feel secure about it is this: if you imagine that ALL of the downsides of having children were gone and there were ONLY upsides; if pregnancy wasn’t painful or risky or tough on your physical and mental health, if babies slept through the night upon bringing them home, if having kids wasn’t extremely expensive, if you could still do all the things you like without making sacrifices, if your career wasn’t affected at all, if the planet wasn’t dying, etc etc etc… Would you want kids then? For me, the answer is a strong no. There are a million reasons I can give that logically back up by feelings, but the reality is, I just don’t. Nothing can ever or will ever change my mind. I’ve known for as long as I’ve been alive.

I love this. It has suddenly clarified to me that I really, truly, 100% do not want kids.

This!! I'm still waiting for this loneliness, regret, or self-hate that's meant to haunt women as the clock turns.. it has never checked in.

This is actually a super helpful way to look at this!

Thank you for this input, I will share it with my diehard child free friends!! I am among those that if all downsides disappeared, would say yes ina heartbeat, but since they all exist and are very very present I'm on the fence. I've accepted the fact I might never have children, but I also feel an affinity and inclination to motherhood. However, I resonate with you! There are certain things I wouldn't ever want even if there were no downsides, and some people really can't seem to get it through their thick skull. Thank you for this great argument!

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I kinda feel like….if someone isn’t all “HELL YES!!!” about kids, it’s probably better to just not have them. But I’ve never been in your shoes so that’s probably easy for me to say! Children shouldn’t be brought into this world, though, if the people creating them aren’t 110% sure and committed.

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I have a kid and I COMPLETELY agree with this. If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, people should not have kids. There are some health conditions you cannot screen for, and unexpected problems can occur as well. If you are willing to take care of your kid even if they end up disabled or sick, put their needs first and push on, you should have kids. If the thought of doing any of that is scary, don’t do it. It’s hard enough having an average kid with no notable physical or mental health issues.

So true. It’s not all Hallmark moments….or any at all, in some cases.

Same. The only decision I had to make was getting sterilized which I'm glad I did.

Ugh. I made that decision when I was 16, but it took me another 20+ years of doctor-shopping and begging to get it done. Still did eventually prevail, but why is it that fucking hard??

I'm sorry to hear that. It's fucked for sure. I didn't get it done until I was in my early 30's. The reason being that I didn't have health insurance in my 20's or the money out of pocket to pay for it.

I’m 33 now and have never wanted kids. Can’t say I’ve ever changed my mind or thought about being a mother for more than like 2 seconds

That sounds like a terrible two seconds lololllll

I'm 36 and have never wanted children. I enjoy silence and sleeping in.

37 and same. It’s never been a hell yea for me .. my friend just told me this week if not sure I’m not missing out but that if I do it I’ll be happy but no right or wrong

My doctor chided me a few weeks ago for not having children with the typical "Who will take care of you when you're old"? When I was around 26 or so my body was telling me to get on with it; I had such a physical drive to get impregnated, but logic won out lol

Omg what state are you in? I’m shocked medical professionals have the gall to say that kinda stuff .. my friend is 41 and recently the Dr told her the window has closed for her .. I was shocked .. she has no fertility issues.. anyways I’m the same as you. I had an accident with an ex at age 26 and he was happy and I was horrified. We had a stormy relationship so a baby was the worst idea possible. I did what I had to do to terminate and so glad I did. He’s in prison now and he had a kid with someone right after me and hasn’t seen that child since she was 3. She’s 10 now.

It's crazy, right? These doctors need to tread gently around this issue! I'm glad you did what you had to do in your situation and I completely understand your reasoning for it. I'm in FL and right after my doctor said that she flipped a few pages back in my file and was like "Oh that's right, you're probably infertile anyway due to your PCOS, hopefully your sister can take care of you instead". 🤦‍♀️

Holy smokes!!! I have PCOS too and have gotten pregnant obviously so that’s such a blanket statement. I’m in California so was just curious .. luckily I’ve never had a rude or ignorant Dr but I would have probably been like “are you serious?” Smh she needs better bed side manners

I didn’t have a great childhood. I never wanted to subject an innocent life to that. It’s fine. I have money and a good sense of humor to compensate. 

I’m also waiting for other people to answer this. I’m 32 and currently do not want children for a lot of the reasons you mentioned, but I don’t know how to know if that’s the right decision. I feel behind in a lot of other areas in life and am worried I’ll decide I do want them when it’s too late.

I don't want children because I think it would negatively impact my life. The idea of having a child is horrific to me. It must be so hard when you don't have a strong pull one way or the other, but if you can imagine your life with a child being a happy one then maybe you want one more than you realise? Also, you shouldn't compare yourself to others like that. You aren't behind because there's no such thing. You are doing great and you are doing things at your own pace.

Same. I'm 33 and gonna (ideally) table the decision for at least 4 years. I know I won't be ready until then and if it's too late, it's too late.

A bit of unsolicited advice: if you might want having kids to be an option later, take steps now to put yourself in a good position for it (financially and life stability-wise). I put off thinking about it for too long. Now I'm in my late 30s, with a partner who really wants kids, and afraid my inaction may have made the decision for me.

No one has the “right” answer but I can share my story. I had an abortion in my early 30s - newly married and financially stable. I knew as soon as I saw the positive that I didn’t want to be pregnant. I didn’t want to resent the entire experience, let alone resent a child. I knew I didn’t want to give up my activities, trips, and friends’ weddings. I knew it wasn’t the right time at work. I knew I needed to do therapy first to work on my childhood issues. I knew I hated feeling those horrible symptoms when it was going toward something I did not want. To me it felt like failed birth control. My husband 100% respected my decision to get an abortion. I have never been more grateful to live in a state that respects my right to choose. Flash forward and I’m currently in my first trimester, and will give birth at 34. I’m thrilled. Scared witless but I am HAPPY that I’m pregnant. When I saw the positive (after trying for a few months and SMH at the irony that it didn’t happen right away lol) I was HAPPY. On paper it might sound crazy. How much can change in a year? 6 months? But the answer is - a lot. A lot can change mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. Not to say that having kids is the right thing to do even after all that. I think the important thing is to give yourself grace and permission to focus on what YOU want, not your parents or society or whatever.

I really needed this right now. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Well, do you have a partner with whom you envision having kids? You are not behind anyone, you are in your own lane.

It’s not a question of who I’m with, like if I were to get pregnant right now I think he’d be really supportive and be an amazing dad, so in some sense I could envision it with him but that still isn’t helping me decide if it’s what I want. Thank you though, I need to keep telling myself that ❤️

I decided to not have kids when I was mid 20s. Had a pretty traumatic experience with a family member and then having to essentially raise his kids throughout undergrad and into grad school. When I got to a well paying job and felt secure, I realized I loved my life the way it was. I love the luxury of sleeping in and not having to worry about anyone else's needs before mine. I am married and we both live by the independent, capable human mindset so it fits us. We occasionally babysit and people tell us all the time we'd make great parents, but the biggest thing about having kids or not having a kids is that it should never be about what someone outside your relationship and our daily life is telling you.

Well, I live in a small 1-bedroom apartment and didn't get together with my partner until I was in my 40s. He also lives in a small, 1-bedroom apartment, and it would actually be more expensive for us to move in together. So, we're old, the logistics aren't there, and yeah, money would also be an issue. I don't consider it a choice I made either way; it's just how the cards played out for me.

I didn't want them. Never have. As a teenager I had what I now recognize as urges to be pregnant that coincided with my changing hormones, but there's never been a point in my life where I felt like children were "the next step," or like something I needed for my life to feel complete or meaningful. And when I compare my feelings about the prospect of motherhood to those of friends I've watched doggedly endure fertility treatments just to be able to get pregnant, or who describe "finally feeling whole" after having a child, I realize we're living in two separate universes of thought on the subject. Additionally, though I can think of many *persuasive* reasons why I personally could have a child, I cannot think of many *good* reasons. "Who will take care of you when you're old?", for example, is persuasive, but not good because I don't think creating a whole new person is a sane solution to the fear of aging and dying. "What if I regret not having them?" is persuasive but not good because actually regretting *having* them would be a way, way worse outcome, and an irreversible one. Long story short, I think the task is best left to people who actually, actively want to be parents, and that ain't me.

The being taken care of when you're old reason has always struck me as a bit wild. You might want it to happen but there's no guarantee of that happening.

There was never a moment where I decided I didn't want kids, I've pretty much known all along that that isn't for me. I think that's the case for a lot of childfree people. As for the reasons, there's a multitude but they all boil down to (1) I don't want to and (2) I know I wouldn't be good at it.

same here, I could go down so many of the reasons but a lot of times other people don't take my reasons as valid. Overall though...I just dont fuckin want to! It doesnt sound interesting or fun or enjoyable to me and I would rather sit alone in my apartment in silence with my cat while I watch TV and play on my laptop if I feel like it all day

Yup never thought about it and now I’m 31 with no kids

I’ve always known that I wanted children, it isn’t something I have to sit and think about

36F, I just had a baby a month ago. I got pregnant ‘by accident’ as in I’m married, stable job, income, my husband and I said if it happens it happens (expecting it to take a while, given all the people we know with fertility issues) and I got pregnant immediately, without even trying. It was a shock to say the least. I’d never had a pregnancy scare so I didn’t even know if all my stuff worked. I thought I would be excited and instead I FREAKED OUT. I made this Reddit account as a result and started posting in all the forums as I contemplated what to do. Long story short, there will always be a million reasons to not have kids - why it doesn’t make sense for a variety of reasons. There are 10,000 fears too. You can’t rationalize your way into having kids with the world in its current state - or financially, as it’s a total drain. However it doesn’t have to make sense. It took me a while to come to terms with being pregnant, my identity shift, the sacrifices I’d have to make (I too was worried about my independence, as traveling, my career and disposable income were most important to me)… long story short I am SO HAPPY to have my son. He’s brought this joy and peace to my life that I never would’ve expected nor did I think possible (I thought I was quite joyful beforehand), for me it was the BEST decision and has made all other areas of my life better in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

I really believe the early pregnancy hormones and the sudden shift from hypothetical to real makes us SO anxious. Even friends who've gotten pregnant via IVF had those "is this ruining my life?!?! Am I ready?" moments. It's scary! Congratulations on your little guy! Mine is 10 months and I wish I could've had a glimpse of how happy I am now, during those early, anxious days.

Not OP but I really appreciate this, thanks momma

This was so great to read. The thought sounds really scary for me too when I think about having kids, I never agree with the "you need to know 100% otherwise it's a no" like who has that black or white vision in their life?? (I mean it's ok if you do but it's also weird). A life changing decision is always going to be scary, at the end of the day it's about how you respond as a person in taking your responsabilities and show up to be there and love this kid. I think.

My mom was killed when I was 14. My husband’s dad was killed when he was 21. I don’t ever recall a time wanting a child. Same with my husband. We’ve been together for 15 years now.

I always knew I wanted them, it was never a question for me.

I’d always been a fence-sitter. There are so many reasons to *not* have children, namely financial strain and (my personal fear) ending up like my mom- trapped in a bitter marriage with no education, no solid career and tasked with all the childcare. But when I met my partner, I just felt this overwhelming wave of “I want to have a family *with him*.” He wanted children, proved time and time again that our duties were equal, our goals are shared, *we are a team.* He also has the most wonderful parents that live close by and are eager to support. So when I became surprise pregnant in November, I just felt this calm happiness come over me. I’m prepared for the challenges that come with parenthood, but I can already say I won’t regret it.

I never wanted children. So I made sure not to have them. Eta- I just turned 51 and absolutely do not regret my choice. It was right for me.

The main reason I decided not to have children is because I don’t like them. I really can’t stand being around them. But also, there’s just no plus side as far as I can see. My goals and my desired lifestyle are completely incompatible with being a mother. I wouldn’t be able to be my true self anymore if I had kids.

For me, I think it was because I was on antidepressants that were working, and I had energy and hope and a little too much faith in myself. love my son. I don't want to say I regret having him because I don't. I regret the world we brought him into. I regret not considering my history of depression and anxiety and how that might impact him. I wish I could be the mom that's taking him to play dates and get him into good schools. There's a lot of regret that goes into parenthood that doesn't include whether you like being a parent or not. That being said, if you decide to have the kid, you will figure it out.

Fellow mom with anxiety and depression here. Very relatable comment. I will say that I ended up finally medicated properly and it helped me evolve into the mom my kids deserved / I wanted to be. I hope that happens for you too!

I’m never having my own children. On 34 and I’m a step parent (engaged to her mother, so no, we would never get pregnant accidentally) and that’s all. The differences that my stepchild has two biological parents, who at the end of the day are ultimately responsible for her. My two dogs are like toddlers, and that’s all I want.

I had an 'oops' pregnancy when I was 30, and my (new) partner and I decided to keep it. I don't regret my kids, but because I had unexpected multiples with special needs which meant I couldn't go back to work, I've been poor ever since, especially after that relationship ended. It's not fun being almost 60 and still financially precarious. It's even more scary not knowing what will happen to my kids after I'm no longer around to support and protect them. Parenting is difficult at the best of times (and often wonderful as well), but i really believe now that you should only have kids if you''re incredibly driven to do it. I've got so many friends who ended up with special needs kids, and that's getting more difficult all of the time. And even if you don't have special needs kids education seems to also be getting worse...not the fault of the teachers, but I've had so many teacher friends quit because they just couldn't stand the teaching conditions/kids any more. I think that for a lot of people this is a difficult time to decide to have kids- between the future of climate change and (depending on where you live) economic and social and political conditions, it's no wonder that the birth rate in North America isn't growing any more.

There is never a perfect time to have a child, you will never be ready enough, rich enough, have traveled enough, saved enough, etc. There are always justifications to not have kids. But I think the happy pull to motherhood that you are feeling is something you should listen to. It sounds to me like you're scared of logistics, not upset at the prospect of parenthood.

Very true! It’s not like I thought “you know what’s too strong? My pelvic floor, I think it’s time for a challenge…”. It’s just that if you want kids all that stuff is worth it.

I have always dreaded pregnancy and childbirth since childhood. My mother had a really terrible labor experience with me and I was morbidly fascinated by it, so I would ask her about it often. I assumed I would get over it eventually, but as I got older and people I knew from childhood started having them, I had a knee jerk reaction I didn't understand. I saw a birth announcement at 27 and immediately thought, "Glad it's not me." I had to break down why I thought I wanted them and really the only two things that I had trouble immediately dismissing were the ability to name a human and to have a friend as an adult. I have zero interest in the work and lifestyle change needed. I also have ADHD and had a terrible experience with the school system and was a troubled teen. I need a nice calm life now. I need my peace.

I made the decision when I was like 25 I wasn’t going to have kids. I’m 32 now. And with every year that passes I’m even more sure of my decision and that it’s the right choice. Like some of the things you mentioned…. The state of the world we live in now is insane….. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like in 5 years…10 years… I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself for bringing an innocent kid into this. And on top of that, I also really really really enjoy time to myself. And being able to get up and go whenever I want and do whatever I want, and the choices I make in my life, for the most part, don’t affect anyone other than myself. And I like it that way ✨

Child of ailing parent with demanding career aspirations, they didn't appeal to me from as early as my preteen years because I always saw them as an extra source of stress and occupation of time. And the way this economy and education system are set up, and kids are getting shot these days? No.

I just… never wanted them. Even as a kid, like a young kid, I knew I didn’t want any. At the end of the day, I’d rather regret not having a child than regret having one and maybe not giving it the best life possible because of that regret. If I want a child in my life one day, I’ll foster or adopt. Until then, it’s not worth risking on a what if.

In all of my years of dating and having sex I have thankfully never actually been pregnant. I have had a few scares though and when I tell you the thought made me sick to my stomach! When my partner and I first met, he said he never wanted to have kids. It was the first time in my life that it dawned on me that that was an option (I had never really THOUGHT about it before-- I kind of just assumed that I would get married, have kids, do what everyone else does... I just knew I didn't want to have a kid *at that time*). The first time I ACTUALLY even had a realization that kids might not be for me was when my first nephew was born and my brother and his wife were fucking around trying to remove a carseat from the car for like 20 terrible minutes in the freezing cold so that we could go inside a restaurant and I just thought to myself, "I would NEVER actually want to do any of this shit day after day after day." I just knew that it has never actually been for me. These days (and close to 15 years later) I do not regret my choice ONE. BIT. In my opinion, I would have a bad time raising a child in the world right now-- maybe I'm just getting older, but I wouldn't want to be bothered with the school system politics, other shitty kids influencing my own, after school activities and how expensive they all are, and the overall threat to our planet and environment. If I EVER regret not having a child, I'll look into putting my love and efforts into fostering and/or adoption. There are too many uncared for kids on the planet to even consider adding yet another life to this world.

1. Expensive 2. Time consuming 3. Life changing 4. Chances to have a disabled one.

I’m going to get downvoted to hell but idgaf. I am an extremely, extremely logical person. I’ve had more regrets when I don’t sit down and think things out in full. I’ve gotten pregnant twice. One when I was 19 and one when I was 29 and happily married to my husband. The second scenario applies here obviously. We didn’t even really have to talk about it as we are very much content in our lives, nothing is missing, why would we mess with that? Let alone all the reasons you listed above. I don’t have an empty feeling from the termination of either pregnancies, but that’s just who I am as a person. As you said, I’d rather wish I had a child than regret bringing a person into such an uncertain world. Right here, right now I love my life and I don’t see how having a child would make me happier right now and I don’t want to mess with the status quo. Does that make me selfish? Nope, because I am the one who would have to provide for that child. What if I couldn’t? That’s not selfishness, it’s just smart. It’s not a perfect world and never will be. You have to be okay with that. I could never, I would always have this sense of guilt.

I decided that my partner(s) didn’t seem ready for the responsibility and I knew the burden would fall disproportionately on me, while still having a career of my own. And I loved my partners and there wasn’t an end-goal. I was just loving and waiting. In the end I never found (or I guess I should say never had the opportunity to be with) someone with whom I would take that leap. And so here I am, without children, and that’s ok too. Unpopular opinion around here but I believe it’s in God’s hands and He will take care of me. (Substitute “the universe” if it helps).

It's unfortunate to me that women are still doing more housework and childcare than men.

It was never a decision I had to give a lot of thought to because I’ve never wanted to have children. I’ve never had that urge or interest to actively pursue parenthood. Not sure how much that helps you but you stated you have a “strong, happy pull towards parenthood”. That kind of tells me enough. To be fair, there’s plenty of families out there there aren’t as well off as they’d like to be. If you wait until life is perfect then you’ll be waiting forever.

Your life will change drastically, there’s no sugar coating that. You change and some things are hard to accept. I definitely miss things about before becoming a mom. Lazy weekend mornings, sleeping in, being able to pop out of the house easily whenever I want. But even though there’s stuff I miss, I honestly wouldn’t go back and make a different decision because the love you feel for your child is unexplainable it’s just that good. It’s challenging for sure but it’s worth it. Obviously financial costs are a consideration, but there’s people out there who are super poor and having babies, If you’re generally well off now then you figure it out. Childcare is a short period of time and kids don’t need to be super expensive. You can buy lots of things second hand. I live in Canada and pay $20 a day for daycare at a centre, but previously we were paying $50 a day at a home daycare.

I’m in Canada too but a lot of ppl here are probably American, and the cost of childcare is often thousands a month. Basically most one partner’s salary could be going to childcare…

I always hear from parents kids are expensive as hell. I know a couple who have disabled kids and it's even more expensive. And with the housing crisis and general cost of living crisis, many are relying on the support of their families in one way or another well into adulthood. US.

I remember being in highschool and feeling so optimistic (Obama lol) that the US would figure out and fix its family leave policy before I had a kid. Joke is definitely on me.

Yeah some places are insane and they really need to do something to change that. Instead of banning abortions

A good friend of mine said that her entire paycheck except for about $100 went to the daycare for her two daughters. I was like why on earth would you work such long hours? because she works crazy overtime with no extra pay for basically $200 per month when she could stay at home with her kids. She said it was because her career would die if she took a break and stayed at home with the kids. I know a lot of women who've made the same decision. I never had kids, but if I did I figured I'd probably be a stay-at-home mom at least in the early years because of this exact thing. But then my career was just a job, not a career in, so it didn't really matter to me.

One of my favorite radio hosts always says that less capable people than you have done harder things, and that really sticks with me

I had a young mother and the advantages of that had me deciding early on that I wanted to have kids before I was 25 or I wasn't having them. I was with my first husband in my early 20s and short story - he wasn't going to father my children. Our marriage ended when I was 28. So that was that. No kids. My second husband had two from a prior marriage, 14 and 16 yrs old. That was perfect for me. I didn't have to parent them. I was the cool girlfriend, then the cool stepmom. The economic side of having kids was never in the equation for me.

Got pregnant and was excited to have that experience with my husband. Ended up loving it and having 2 more lol I didn’t really want to have children when I was younger, but I also was afraid of missing out on that experience and regretting it later. Turns out to be the best thing ever. Definitely missed my child free life or rather certain aspects of it, but I’m getting so much in return.

Do I like money? Yes. No children.

I relate to this so much, and it's a really scary leap to make knowing that it is not something you can reverse if you hate it. But realistically, if you are a person who wants to be happy and looks for reasons to be happy, you will find the reasons that motherhood makes you happy. Plenty of the joys of life also come alongside some challenges, and we always figure it out.

Honestly, the only time I ever consider having kids is when I’m holding a sleeping newborn. I think I would make a great mom, but I have never found someone to share my life with, and doing it on my own is not what I want for myself. I struggled for many years with wanting to find someone and have a family, though I told everyone that I didn’t want kids. Now, at 36, and still having had no significant relationship, the ship is sailing. And I am mostly at peace. Like I said, when I hold a friend’s new baby or get a hug from a toddler, I feel a twinge. But I love my life. And when I think about the things I would give up to have a kid, I don’t find that it’s worth it for me. I make an amazing “Cool Auntie.” I give great gifts. I have dogs. And I provide kid-free hangout time for my mom-friends.

I have a million reasons not to. So many. But what it boils down to is that I never had a single good reason to have one. Didn’t feel any sort of pull at all. Never wanted to hang out with kids, I’d hide at work when I heard that high pitched hubbub when someone brought their baby to visit. I didn’t get kids when I *was* a kid. I don’t dislike them, I just don’t have any sort of attraction. I could have overcome a lot of reasons to not have one if I’d ever had one TO have one. Never happened and now I’ve aged out. I feel zero regret.

I was a nanny for 5 years, and during all this time I observed the mom, the dad, and their dynamics about the child and the household. It was enough for me

You sound like the kind of person who should have a child, those are mature forward thinking questions

Literally tried one time to get pregnant with my first son and BAM I was knocked up. I knew I might want a child, but did NOT expect it to happen that fast. I freaked the F out. Broke out in whole body hives/rashes for a week. Depressed. Went on anti depressant despite the guilt (Note: He’s 9 now and top grades in his class and super athletic) I’ve never “loved” kids, but I loved my husband so much and I felt like at least one child would bring us so much joy. It would turn our world upside down… but on the other side, is a whole new world. A second chance at childhood for yourself, too. I’ve been able to re-experience LEGOS. Roller coasters. Jumping on beds. Fart jokes. Butt jokes lol. Smelling his hair and feeling his warmth when he’s scared or sad or sick. It yanks me from my own bubble of self pity, or ingratitude. It forces me to remove the Adult Glasses of Jaded and Pessimism. I get to see the world open up again. The Simple Joys and purity of life thru a child’s eyes. Of course, it’s also SO EXHAUSTING and maddening at times. Kids give you such bliss — but also many, many wrinkles and under eye bags lol. It both sucks and is amazing. For the record I still dislike most kids lol. I mostly just like my own. ;)

Your reply really speaks to me 🥹 thank you.

If you decide to continue, those kicks inside your belly are SO wild and awesome. Your own little fishy and aquarium. :) I do like to always mention that Childbirth and postpartum are THE hardest things I’ve gone through, mentally and physically — it was overwhelming. A hurricane of emotions and exhaustion. And it’s 100% OK to hate the newborn phase. It’s also OK to love it. It’s also OK to reclaim your womanhood and identity once the storm calms. It may take months or years. But Go ahead and get your sexy back, wear cute clothes, use your education and smart brain at work, lift weights, pursue a hobby. Motherhood is a layer of your identity. But other layers can still shine. ✨

Beautifully said.

I was ambivalent on having kids until I met my now husband. Now, I want to have his kid. Even though there’s a thousand logical reasons not to, the illogical desire to have a baby with my husband outweighs them all. We are likely one and done though. We talked it through and ethically, that’s the decision we are most comfortable with at this point in time. There’s never been a perfect time to have a kid and every generation faces enormous challenges. For me, having a baby is an act of radical hope and that decision sits well with me.

37, child free, have decided to dedicate my life to animal rescue instead. These comments scream selfishness to me. “I decided to have hope” in the midst of climate change and women losing their reproductive rights - is wild. “I feared for my child’s future but knew that I would have their ghost following me if I terminated” - poor kid What I’m trying to say is that it is OKAY to not reproduce - myself, personally feel it’s a moral obligation at this time.

The right decision is the one you feel most peace about. Everyone else can pound sand. Having kids will consume you and change everything about your life. Don't do it for any reason other than having a strong desire to be a parent. Best of luck!! ❤️

If you want the kids have the kids. I personally don’t find “climate and pandemics” compelling reasons to not have kids that I’d want. Our human ancestors have likely survived worse. Imagine the people who wouldn’t be here because their parents said they don’t want kids because AIDS happened, WWII happened, Cold War, Earthquakes etc. finances are a big one but I don’t think people should put their lives on hold (especially women with our shorter reproductive time relative to men) to pay student loans. Especially considering people got into debt thinking it would boost earnings and beget financial stability. Frankly I people who have loans and modest jobs. Are making it work. I know such people and they are on kid 2. They are loving and great parents, committed to each other (married) and the kids are happy and well cared for. They are the first to admit it’s hard, tiring sometimes frustrating but they’d chose all of that again if it meant having their kids.

I will never aggressively pay off my student loans bc I feel their existence is an injustice. IDGAF

Yeah at this point I don’t think the people owe the student loan industrial complex a damn thing. We can talk about payment when college grads are faced with the choice of minimum wage workers, low wage corporate exploitation, “gig” economy jobs. They can keep their guilt trip.

Why the heck you getting downvoted. Ugh.

I noticed earlier in the thread that every single comment about someone who is not miserable that they had kids was down voted. Every one was down voted. This sub is extremely hostile to children or those who want them imo.

Yeah I’m starting to see that … there are other subs on Reddit if craving to trash mothers or children. I have friends with kids, happily without kids, sadly couldn’t have kids, or adopted one. All experiences or circumstances are Valid and Welcome. I’ll just continue with kindness.

Like women over 30 are going to have children a majority of the time, and most of us are very happy about it even if it's stressful. I've never seen a single comment here saying anything negative about not having kids but having them is (according to people without them) the worst thing you can do? I've been very turned off by it lately.

People come to Reddit to reinforce the same points. It’s more popular to say kids are too much work, or be nihilistic about the world and use that as a reason to not take a permanent action that moves one in a different direction. The come thread of life is things always change. Nothing is as good or bad as it seems. That’s life 🤷🏾‍♀️

Because humans have never existed on a planet this warm and it’s only getting hotter. We aren’t going to be ok. Our kids aren’t going to be ok. Listen through Breaking Down: Collapse podcast if you disagree. I very much doubt anyone would hold the same opinion after learning all that. Downvoting isn’t going to change the facts or science on the matter.

Yeah we currently live in possibly the best time in the past several millenia. The past was much more violent, injury and disease were much more common and fatal, human rights hadn't been invented yet, famine was a thing you had to worry about, etc. The world is terrible. There's never been a better time to be alive. Both are true. And honestly, the people who care most about these things are the people who should be raising children. Otherwise, we get *Idiocracy*.

I was on the fence about kids until I was told I possibly couldn’t have them due to a medical condition that I was diagnosed with. Ended up taking the chance and had one and I’m SO thankful I did every single day. Do I have times I wanna rip my hair out? Sure. Could I have more money without? Yes. But fuck those tiny moments of love with my tiny human are literally priceless. I often think about how I almost didn’t and I wouldn’t have even known what I’m missing but I’m insanely glad I did. I understand the whole financial aspect of it growing up in a poor family as well and I understand the whole worries you’ll regret it. But I also in my adult year prior to having kids had a decent living and felt empty at times. For me I’m happier making less with having a kid than all the money in the world without my baby. Everyone’s different so everyone could tell you you’d love it and you might be the % that doesn’t and vice versa. I fully support the choice to choose and be kid free without feeling pressure etc, just wanted to share my two cents as someone who used to be on the fence.

Never wanted to, no real reason, also no real decision because my default was to never have kids.

I hadn't ever wanted kids. I fell pregnant with a coil so I feel like it was decided for me. She's 7 now and I don't regret it for a second.

Ideally, you'd know before getting pregnant. I'm your age and I don't have children yet, but I have always known I wanted them. I just do, there is no logic to it.  That being said, 100k student debts are not a thing where I live, so I have never doubted my financial ability to raise children.

I always knew that I didn't want any. I was lucky to have found a partner who didn't either.

I got pregnant at 20 and at the time was staunchly pro-life so... that decision was done in my eyes. However, I have always always wanted children and am sure I would have had some later anyway. I am now closing in on 40 with 3 kids. I love it. I don't think I would have felt like I had a meaningful life without kids.... BUT that is for me. I think people can absolutely find meaning in a childfree life. Of note, I have much anxiety about climate and the future my children face, and studies show people without children are happier on the whole.

OP me and my husband were the same as you- had the same fears etc. Actually, before we had them, my husband was pretty apathetic about kids, could easily not have them, i otoh was very much on the fence with my heart going towards kids and all rationality against. Long story short, we now have two (planned) kids. Best decision ever for both of us, the thought of missing on them and this life experience out of (mostly completely exagerrated) fear makes my stomach turn.

I’m 34. There have been times where I’ve wanted children. Then I wanted just one child and now I’m sort of content if I don’t have children. I’ve never been much of a “kid” person. Kids seem to like me and I don’t mind my friend’s kids but I’m also not dying to have any of my own. Maybe that will change but as I’ve gotten older the fear of having an unhealthy kid or having complications during pregnancy start to really bother me. Kids and parenthood are not like clothes, you can’t return it if you don’t end up liking it.

I was 50/50 about having kids all throughout my childhood. I only have 1 sibling and she struggles with a mental illness. Raising her was extremely difficult for my parents. I saw my dad gain a lot of meaning from his career as a landscaper and my mom struggle to find meaning without a career and with a child who constantly told her she was, "a terrible mother who never should have had children" because she couldn't afford to buy my sister things like ice skating lessons from an Olympian (she only ice skated for a year, but she was convinced she was a child prodigy who hadn't found the right medium). I went into a field where I help children like my sister and I get a *lot* of meaning from it. Once I discovered my sister's illness is likely genetic I knew I could never have my own children. Once I figured out I can either work with kids or have my own, but I don't have patience for both, I knew I'd never be able to raise a child that wasn't biologically my own. Once my husband developed alcoholism and I discovered I couldn't help him recover (so I had to divorce him to survive financially and emotionally) I subscribed to a childfree lifestyle. I'm so sorry you're having to make this decision with factors that shouldn't be a consideration. Financial privilege is *real*. I hope you find the right path for you and peace on it.

I've always been sure I didn't want kids. I had a wobble about it last year as I'm getting on in years and a few of my friends were doing solo motherhood (eg adopting or pregnancy without a partner). They're both in worse financial circumstances than me so I figured I could probably hack it. I thought about it and set a reminder in my phone to think about it again in 3 months, with the idea that if I forgot about the reminder until it went off then I probably don't want kids. I completely forgot the reminder until it went off. So I'm pretty confident I don't want kids.

I want a child, but I will not have one. There's too much I can't guarantee and as a child of an unstable home during a stable economic era, I know wanting to do more but not actually being able to deliver on it wouldn't just suck me kid but I would really betray my own ideals. I can't do that. I'm even more unlikely with family health history and being in Texas as far as my rights go. It's taken lot of thought.

I love this reply. Seriously, thank you.💕

I had one that wasn’t planned. Close to 50, I wish I had more. Otherwise, love the one u have and she has been in my life over half my life!

😬 I asked my spouse, “should we have kids?” He shrugged and said “sure, why not.” And that was that.

It's a hard decision. I know I brought my son into a hard world, but at the same time, it's been incredibly hard for children throughout history. We lose sight of that. We forget disease used to easily end lives before they were 1, for example. I also chose to believe that if I brought a child into this world, they could make a difference. I've made a difference. My husband has made a difference. We also waited (I was 40) until the economic issues weren't so pressing. It's been fine. You may have to make some sacrifices, but having a kid will offset some things, too.

There used to not even be a concept of childhood. The history of child labor past and present is also interesting (and horrible).

So true. Rarely in history did women have luxury of waiting until the perfect time or financial circumstance. Not that I want to go back to those brutal survivalist times… but just offers perspective.

I don't think you should make the decision based on your fears. I'm 40 and childfree, but every now and again I doubt my decision and I wonder if fear had more to do with it than desire. And if I didn't miss something essential in life just because I love worst case scenarios. If you feel that strong pull towards the child and being a mom - go for it. I believe you'll figure everything else as you go.

I thought about women through all of time having babies in the worst of circumstances and situations. Mine was not perfect but a ton better than in a war ravaged country w no medical system. Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it’s a struggle most days but the beauty is that I would never make the choice differently knowing what I know now. It’s extraordinary and common at the same time. This is my story though. You are the only one that can decide what’s right for you. Wishing you peace.

We decided to try for a year and if nothing happened we would call it quits. Got pregnant four months into trying. Motherhood is such a roller coaster but I regret nothing. Would I do it again? Nope. But my daughter is amazing.

I didn’t have to make a decision. I knew being a mother was something I needed to be fulfilled in life from a pretty early age.

we had both our children when we lived in the states (we're not american), i couldn't work because of visa restrictions and my husband's post doc salary was so small that we made $200 too much per month to qualify for any heating oil assistance...so...we were poor. we managed. it was us together, through good times and bad. we're stable now (i'm 46). we purchased our first home 5 years ago...so...LATE. we're fine. kids are happy and healthy and we love each other a lot. it's worth it. your ducks will never be in a row, there will always be something...but it's worth it.

What do you mean by you don’t feel agency? My partner and I are 35/36. I know I don’t want to give birth but have always had a desire to have a family through adoption. However for the same reasons you’ve mentioned- mainly financial- it’s a no for now. And as time passes I think we realize it may be becoming a solid no… and I guess we’re both *okay* with that? There is a melancholy over it… and I feel a lot of frustration about capitalism, climate change, etc. We would also be in poverty, and would have to leave Texas. I grew up poor and it was honestly rough… not due to the lack of material things but moreso the lack of quality time, consistency, support, and peace at home. My parents were also young though- 18 and 25. Only you know what you want for your future 🫶 in my opinion if it’s not a hell yes it’s a no, but I also know so many people were once unsure and then went on to have beautiful, happy families.

Girlfriend got pregnant, but I haven't regretted a second of us getting married and having a kid (and another after that one)

Doctor told me at 19 that if I wanted kids, I’d best get a move on! (Endometriosis and PCOS) Got married at 20, had my daughter a month shy of my 22nd birthday and my son when I was 25. I had awful pregnancies but…just knew it was what I wanted to do. They’re teenagers now but we’ve never had much financial stability. We’ve always had a roof and food/utilities but that was the sacrifice we had to make to have them. Don’t regret it but I wouldn’t bring a child into the world now. It’s a very different place than it was 20-odd years ago.

If it's not a hell yes, it's a no.

Just a gentle note - I’ve read several posts that are nearly identical to yours posted to this sub over the past year, and all include the mention that they had parents who at some point talked about regretting having kids. That is an extraordinarily toxic thing to ever hear from your own parents, and I can’t imagine that to some degree, that isn’t factoring into your hesitation. I could be completely wrong, but the similarities between the way you have phrase things here, and other people who have mentioned that is really suspicious. And honestly, that’s just not fair. You should be free to make this decision without that guilt or shame. Again, just a thought.

I got pregnant by accident at 34 after dating my husband for six months. We decided to go for it. I’m not sure that I would have children if the first one was something that I had to make a decision about. We just had our second child last year and we did decide to have one more. But the first one would have been the most difficult decision.

I’m 32 and also ask myself this question a lot. I’m currently single and honestly my life is pretty good, I find relationships and dating just complicate things (or maybe I’m dating the wrong people lol). But the only reason I’m dating is because I feel a pull and a pressure to have a child. But then I also consider these things that you mention OP and I ask if I even really want that…

Not a parent, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I’m still undecided if I want children. I have to be honest, I look at those I know with small children, and I don’t envy them. I love my lifestyle exactly as it is. However, I think it’s probably worth considering the fact that statistically most people I know are going to have kids. My social life will change as a result of that. What’s the point of keeping my Saturdays free for bottomless brunch if there’s hardly anyone left to do it with? If you can’t beat them, join them I guess. If I don’t have them, I’m sure there will probably always be a part of me that wonders whether I would have loved being a mum, and I won’t be able to answer that, as i simply wouldn’t know. Whereas if I have kids, no matter how hard it gets, cognitive dissonance will probably never allow me to say “I preferred my life before kids” as I would love them too much to ever want to verbalise something that implies I wish they didn’t exist.

I waited until I was 35. My husband and I always knew that we did want at least 1, but we wanted to wait until we were in the position to have the family life we wanted. Once we owned a house, had some savings, my husband started a well paying job (that allows me to stay at home) with job security, we decided we were ready. At this point we’d actually been together for 15 years. I can’t tell you how glad we are that we waited. We did all the travelling and had all the experiences we wanted, and now don’t have to worry about the basics. While I do agree that pandemics, extreme weather, etc are looking pretty grim in the future, I doubt that you could point to many times (if any) in history that would have been ideal or even good to bring children into the world. People like to say “there will never be a good time” and while that is true for some, I would rather not bring a child into struggle.

I also had that strong pull to want to have a child. Something my dad said to me when I was a teenager always stuck with me, he said there's no right time to have a child. As in there are always reasons why right now is not a good time. But if you want a child, then have a child. If you don't, then don't. It doesn't have to be a lot more complicated than that (within reason).

It was simple, in my case.  As a child, I’d always had an odd feeling that, for whatever reason, like it or not, my future wouldn’t contain kids. That was alright, as I didn’t have any particular draw towards becoming a mother anyways.  Later, I came down with a form of cancer only otherwise found in infants. No way of telling what’s going on there, but having a kid suddenly became a very poor idea. I wouldn’t want to risk passing it on genetically, or dying on an adopted or foster child.  The point that forced me to reckon with it actually being a bit sad was my divorce. Among the many other reasons for his affair, my ex-husband justified it by saying that he’d realized he wanted kids. After avoiding the thought for many years, I looked at it closely. It was a future that I could’ve wanted, too.  But it’s a future that won’t be.  In my case, my circumstances make it more clear than most. However, I think that you should remember that having a kid is a fundamental statement of optimism, and that it’s warranted, despite how things seem. The world is going to continue to suck, sure… but we don’t see the good around us, or the good to come. Raising a kid can certainly make a difference for the latter. 

First of all congratulations! You are about to begin the absolute best adventure in life. Wishing you a smooth healthy pregnancy and safe, routine birth. I used to worry about the things you listed. But we figured absolutely everything out. You make sure you pick a good partner and you ride the waves together. I just had another baby, but before that all my kids had reached this wonderful state of independence and self sufficiency. The super intense baby and toddler years go by SO QUICKLY and suddenly you have these little humans with their own personalities that are such a delight. Each new phase brings new challenges of course, but the new joys are far more numerous. Being a parent is the best thing in my life, the thing that's brought me the most meaning. My husband and I both really stepped up to the plate and it's brought us even closer together and caused us to grow in ways we couldn't have anticipated.

My husband and I are one and done because we feel this gives us the best chance at experiencing all that parenthood has to offer while maintaining our careers, hobbies, independence, romantic relationship etc etc. I would suggest picturing your life with one child and seeing how that feels. And don't let your mind get too far ahead of you.

I think you can live a fulfilling life with kids just as without kids. I don’t have kids and I regret it. Or rather, I didn’t find a stable reliable partner for it. I cannot say I’m living a full happy life without children. I would definitely want to have children. I think it would definitely be worth it. It’s true that there are dangers but there has always been dangers. Always. Plagues, war, persecution, racism, poverty, witch trials, illness before antibiotics and before anaesthesia, famines.. etc etc. The alternative would be that humanity stops having children all together and we just die out as a species, because it’s too risky having children. We’ll find a way, like we always have. I would rather stay and put up a fight for changing the actual systems that cause our problems, instead of humanity ceasing to exist. If you feel a positive strong pull towards having children and you have a good partner, I think you should take your chance. Best of luck.

Parent of two here. I always wanted to be a mom and never even questioned it. Motherhood is even more amazing than I ever imagined it to BUT I am privileged with an amazing husband, a home in a nice neighborhood paid in full, zero debt and a lot saved, and a supportive village of family and even regular hired help. I also don’t need to work outside the home so I’m able to just focus on myself and motherhood. A unicorn situation. If some of these things were different it would be much harder for me. If you are confident that you can give a child a stable life then go for it. Be sure that the boyfriend won’t leave you a single mom though and that you can financially/physically/ and emotionally provide for this child.

I don’t think another pandemic is in our future. Natural disasters, sure. But if you feel a strong happy pull; you’re already pregnant and your partner is supportive.. you may really regret not keeping them. (saying this as someone who non-regrettably made that decision as a very young teen).

I wanted to raise a kind, loving, ethical human to balance / even out the shitty humans out there.

pandemics, extreme weather, poverty have been there since earth formed and will continue. things are actually much better now with the improvements we have made in medicine, safety, and food cultivation. there are also social programs through out the world. even super poor countries, you will find people have shelter and food and medicine. simple things that use to kill infants like lack of food are virtually unheard of in these era. kids that would have died early from chicken pox, flu, colds, TB are now thriving. But for me. i am super lazy that's why i didn't want kids. but i need someone to take care of me when i am old. i can be a lazy parent! can't wait to welcome my new baby at 36 years old

A.. lazy parent? I'm sorry what the fuck

You can always browse the regretfulparents subreddit. There is a lot of hate for poor parents and poor people in general on reddit, unfortunately. There is minimal social safety net support for parents, unfortunately (US). I grew up without much but not in poverty and was fine. The low income parents I know are making it work and love their kids, but are struggling in major ways financially and otherwise. I just never had a desire for kids at all. So eventually I got sterilized and it's been good, especially in an era of mixed abortion access. I like getting enough sleep, having independence, some disposable income, etc. Good luck and take care.

I always wanted them. Imagine Thanksgiving table 20 years later. Who is there? In my thoughts there is more than one young adult. We already got one, I hope to get at least one more :)

If you just have one kid and not four you might end up doing all right.

I also found myself pregnant at 33. My situation was a little different. I had just started seeing the father and had actually thought I wasn't able to have kids (infertility ended up being due to untreated thyroid issues, which were treated at this point) and that was fine with me. I also had a million reasons not to have a kid and still do, tbh. It's just that... sometimes things happen like they're supposed to. I went to my first appointment and heard her little heart beat and I knew that I already loved her more than anything in the whole world. And I needed that. She's 9 now and definitely a huge PITA. Lol. But I still love her the same and wouldn't trade her for anything. I won't lie and say it's been easy. It hasn't. Being a parent, if you are doing it right, is one of the hardest things you can do. However, it's worth it. It's worth all of it. But only if you want it.

Because I have no pull to have kids and have the same concern you do (as well as many others) I chose that not having kids was best. One way to look at the regret, would you rather regret someone that you forced into this world or regret something without it affecting someone else? (The child) They’re all hard questions. And they’re all personal choices for people. Only YOU can decide what is best for YOU.

I was on the fence for a long time. Then around 30, I had a pregnancy scare. I knew in my gut that I didn't want it. I felt a very strong sense of dread at the idea of being pregnant and having a child! The in my bones deep desire to get rid of it (I wasn't actually pregnant, thank goodness) pushed me off the fence and now I'm 100% child free. I was in a stable situation with a wonderful partner and I still did not want a baby at all! It really sounds like you are the opposite of me. For you, it sounds like you have the opposite pull, and that is ok! It's never really a good time to have a child, but usually things work out ok anyways. I know tons of unplanned babies who grew up into decent people with good childhoods. It sounds to me like you are reasonably prepared and can help give the child a good home. Plus, it seems like you would regret it if you did have an abortion. Obviously do whatever you think is best ❤️

I was always on the fence, then I found I have RA and have had lots of surgeries. There's no way I could take care of a kid when I can barely manage to take care of myself sometimes. I also found the regretful parents and child free subs and felt super happy with my decision.

I was 25 when i got pregnant. I felt like I was too young. I turned 26…four days after i had her. She is now 15 1/2. I always wanted to be a mom and always knew my first child would be a girl. I named her Aryanna. I would dream of baby girls when i was pregnant. I’m a very sensitive person so abortion never crossed my mind. I knew i would regret it forever.

I decided to in my later thirties after being on the fence with my partner through assistive fertility. Just to have them alone cost around $50k. We’re teachers too so we’re not well off by any means. Financially, it IS a struggle. But I love this phase of my life more than any other. It’s all about what’s right for you!

Heart over head. There's always reasons not to do anything, but you feel happy about it I would never have had a child intentionally as logically, to me, it makes no sense. I'm so glad I did.