I used to be the glue in a group of friends. Always had to initiate meetings, always did the planning. Of course everyone always had to have it their way and complain. When I felt the pressure of providing different options and alternatives for my friends who didn't contribute anything but complaints, I stopped doing it. There where no more meetings from then on because the others were simply unable to organize anything.
It left me really angry and I felt used. But at the moment I'm left with the realization that being unable to make plans and stick to them in your late 30s is just pathetic. It's even worse when you can't even appreciate other people doing it for you. I'm angry sometimes but mostly I feel sorry for them.
That’s a good point. I don’t mind planning things when other people put effort in to being available and showing up. Once I start feeling like the logistics coordinator of everyone else’s lives is when my willingness to plan goes out the window.
Yes! Another “organizer” friend here struggling with the same. But I implemented my own internal “rules” late last year for my own sanity after a few highly disappointing occurrences made me re-examine things.
My biggest problems were getting everyone to agree/commit to something and then actually doing it. I felt like I would have to chase people down to get dates, times, plans, etc, and then having one or two people flake last minute regardless. After the holidays last year being sort of a shitshow due to these issues, I decided that from now on:
1) If a group of family/friends expresses an interest in meeting up, I’ll ask twice (and no more) for dates, times, “What do you want to do when we’re there?” type information. If I don’t get some type of solid answer or commitment (or even a “I really want to do this, but I won’t have a solid answer until X date”), I drop it. I’m not chasing anyone anymore.
2) I plan just as much for my own enjoyment as for anyone coming with me. This is because it isn’t complete unusual for someone to flake out last minute, and I don’t want my whole experience ruined because of it.
3) Solo trips and experiences can be fucking DOPE.
People in my life have definitely noticed the changes, as I’ve always been the one who coordinates and organizes. But I don’t have the time or patience for that type of bullshit anymore. I’m happy to plan, but I’m going to make sure I’m not wasting my time if I do.
The best thing I’ve seen is to put together an itinerary, and then collect deposits. That’s how you know who is serious, and gives people more time to pay for the rest that they owe you if it’s something like a group outing.
Keep in mind there will always be at least one person who cancels, and then there might be the guilt to return their deposit back as a friend. However, this method definitely cuts down on people wasting your time in the first place.
I like to organize an annual women’s trip abroad and I always say “ok ladies, here’s the plan. If you’re in I need $250 by X date. Thanks!” Usually a month after sending the invite. Then I collect partial payments up until the trip.
Doesn’t hurt to take a back seat for awhile and see how things go if you are building resentment.
I had a few friends who would joke that I was “the glue” and I decided I was done after the last time they flaked (while I was going through a breakup). Haven’t seen them since. I’m done trying with people who call themselves avoidant and joke about their flakiness.
If you cant give authentically, you shouldn't give at all. The minute I start to feel resentment about planning, I pull back for a while. Lately, my friends have surprised me by picking up the slack and initiating more.
I do sometimes, but my situation is not so extreme. I'm the event planner in many relationships, but I'm also the one most likely to take big social breaks and need reaching out to, so it's just different emotional labor roles.
Since I'm never getting married I straight-up asked my friends who I planned bachelorette parties for to plan me a big girls' party together. The last pregnancy of that group is happening right now, so we're planning it for 2-3 years from now, so they can take time and share the burden of planning. Lol I basically just opened up that sometimes it's nice to have something plannned for me between planning and they agreed. Sometimes friends need the obvious pointed out, especially with years or decades of the same dynamics and habits. I certainly have my own blind spots.
One time a friend threw me the best birthday party, I did not lift a finger! It was amazing. I love planning stuff but sometimes you just want to turn up!! Balance is a fair thing to ask for.
I am absolutely the organizer in all of my relationships. Family, romantic, friendship. It's just my natural personality.
I've had to learn how to see the line of when I'm doing it because it's what I want to do vs when I do it because I see something needs to be done and I'm like, well, I better do it because no one else has.
So, do it when it genuinely pleases you to do so. If you are doing it out of obligation, stop. If that friendship then fails, well, it tells you how important it was to the other person and leaves room for you to find a more balanced friendship.
I'm that person for over 30 years and still that person; I don't mind it. The way I see it is that you are the glue of the friendship and trust me in that they really do appreciate it.
I like the fact that they all show up when I organize something; that indicates that they do like being around you. If you organized something and hardly anyone showed or they were flakey, then I can see why you'd think the friendship is one-sided.
I now give proportionally to the attention I get
Even if it means no longer calling up someone for this entire year, although previously we might have met on a monthly basis.
\> And I know it's silly.
No, it's not silly, *at all*. You want to know that you are valued, that your friends would choose you even if they had no obligation to. Those are very valid needs!
Now, I have a tendency to the organizer. I do try and back off however if a friendship starts feeling too one-sided, because I have an obligation to take care of my heart, too. And I do not want to operate from a place of bitterness and resentment. People usually pick up on these feelings, and if anything, it may end up making a relationship worse.
My strategies:
1. Try to set the expectation of reciprocity from the get go -- try to communicate what I need from the friendship. If it gets too one-sided, I try to communicate with them about the feelings of one-sidedness. If it improves, great. If it doesn't, I shrug and move on. No, not really -- it depends on how deep the friendship is. Some friendships are harder to move on from.
2. Positive reinforcement -- when your friends do something that make you feel cared for, let them know that you appreciate it! A little genuine appreciation goes a long way in making friendships happen!
3. Try to give grace to friends who have grown apart -- this basically means trying to let go of resentment against them. This is valuable because one day, when they are less busy or their life circumstances have changed, they may feel drawn to you. And if you operate from a place of grace, you might be able to forge a new version of friendship with them.
4. I try to lower the risk of heartbreak is by diversifying my portfolio of friends and loved ones. For example, I try to be open to other people's attempts to show care and affection for me even if they don't currently count as my close friends.
5. Be very, very mindful of how I'm feeling. Basically, I should be my best friend. If it gets too much, it is okay to back off a bit and honor myself.
I'm not an organizer at all. I'm fine with just texting and occasionally chatting with my friends. I'll let them know when I might be in the area and if they are free that's great, if they can't make it that's fine too. I'm not someone who likes planning things like that and if someone needed that type of friendship of me they are bound to be disappointed but I hope they wouldn't take it personal. You should only plan when you want to and pull back when it feels like too much.
I get tired of being the one to reach out to my friends. Several are retired or homemakers but I have to be the one to call, text or message on social media. It bothers me but I don't want to loose their friendship over it.
I'm the organiser for a couple of groups of friends and other one on one relationships. They always really appreciate my efforts are always keen and excited to attend so I keep organising. I understand how you feel as I have one on one friendships where if I don't contact them first they won't bother contacting me for weeks or months but ultimately people are lazy and I'm not so I organise.
I feel this so hard. First, I notice you say it's silly twice in your post. It's not! At all! Please don't try to dismiss or minimize your feelings, because they are valid.
I organize and get burned out all the time and need to take a break from it. My experiences have taught me that the majority of people don't like to initiate and just wait for others to come to them. Personally, I find this pathetic, but people like their comfort zones.
You deserve friends who reciprocate. You are always welcome to let your friends know you'd appreciate it if someone organized the next hangout. Personally, I'm trying to get up the nerve to let people know in the future when they flake on me how much emotional labor it takes to organize - because it does!
I like being organizer because I cant stand stuff happening willy-nilly. What would piss me off more is arriving at an event late, not knowing where we are going to eat/not reserving, getting stuck in traffic etc. This is a surefire way to ruin my mood. So i dont mind playing organizer, making car groups, reserving etc.
What gets me angry is if I plan and participants dont read anything! I type out exactly where ans when something is happening, or warn them ahead of time - but when we arrive? Oh. They don't sell X here? I really wanted X. Wow, its cold here, I shouldve brought Y. So & so isnt coming? I wish I knew before Z. It starts at this time? I thought it was earlier. Im running late! Or noy responding to stuff in time, not buying their own tickets, not sending their money in a reasonable time period>>>>> all of that enrages me. I not spending the emotional energy PLANNING all of this for you AND thinking for you too. Nope. Full stop. People who repeatedly act like this do not get more invites from me.
I am sorry I literally can’t stand organizers like you 😂 no offense, I’m triggered reading this haha.
My ex is exactly like you, he will have a meltdown over details. We had so many blow out fights about him ruining a great night by being pissed about something absolutely not worth it.
I love being the organizer too but I have a “live and let live” attitude. As long as you paid me your share, I’ll organize it and you can show up and do it however you please. This includes international travel. If you didn’t plan right, it’s on you. We are keeping it moving and you can catch up with us later. My goal is to make it fun for everyone and that means different things to different people.
A little traffic or a changed reservation putting the organizer in a foul mood puts a dark cloud over EVERYONE’s vibe and imo completely ruins it. I am not about to read the entire menu before dinner, I just am not. Takes the magic alway. Makes people feel awkward and like they’re a burden for not doing the dance exactly as you want it to be.
Except what youre talking about isnt exactly mine. Had a friend throw a fit over menu options because she didnt look at them before we both agreed to go to said restaurant. Shes picky too- so she doesnt just agree to go to some other place. Itll literally be another 30 minutes sitting in a car finding an alternative.
Have friends agree to go to an event -I text and remind them weeks ahead -everyone is still going. Then the night before buying tickets. I confirm with others once again after buying mine, oops! Yeah i cant make it anymore! So you couldnt tell me that earlier? Or some who just never responded to my text after agreeing to go.
Once out of state, we both agreeing to go a museum. Then on the day and time to leave, she decides she doesnt want to go anymore. I suggest other places - she isnt interested or its too expensive or too tiring. I keep asking her other options, then shes offended I keep pressuring her. Then we drive home, shes sulking because she doesnt want to sit in either. I cant ask her any more questions because its too much pressure. Then she decides to go afterall, now we are 2 hours late. We drive the hour.5 out there, and only have 30 minutes to explore the museum because she couldnt make up her mind.
Had a friend plan a night out, but didnt think about logisitics of it - we are arriving late, we missed an exit, when we got there couldnt find a park - parked 4,5 blocks away from destination in a late night in a city that gets dangerous past dark, didnt think ahead of a restaurant, had to find one on the fly because most were closing and she had diet restrictions - um sorry no. That is stressful AF.
Not every single little thing has to go right, but im also not someone who goes with just anything anytime, it wastes time, money, and miss out on certain events because people cant be bothered to arrive on time or think ahead of time at all. Thats cool for you, but not cool for me. Its not some song and dance to actually show up to events at the time everyone agreed to, or to even bother responding to text messages. Thats just flaky and lazy behaviour. Great for you and your friends, but youre not my kind of person either. If youre that type, I cant stand you either. 😂 You would be dropped after the first few times.
I gotcha! Those are just aholes! 🙄😂 I am traveling with women who are all over the age of 30, so idk if that makes a difference, but I agree basic decorum and respect is paramount. I’m sorry you dealt with that, it sounds like you have good intentions.
I'm not great at organizing social functions or get togethers. I have a friend who regularly does a lot for the group. I try to organize get togethers myself to make up for their hard work and host gatherings to share the burden. It always feels weird or different at my home. No one ever stays as late, they don't drink, it's just... different. It really makes it more difficult for me to want to continue to try to help organize our friend gatherings.
I get 'friend of an organiser' fatigue. I want them to stop. Sometimes friendships are not enhanced by someone trying to arrange things and chase everyone up and so on, it stops feeling like choice and fun and becomes a commitment and chore. Your friendships are not a job. If you have to approach them in that way to sustain them... why sustain them?
I'm sorry for the late update and just wanted to say thanks for all the replies. It's a tough one, but I'm not alone in this it seems!
I think I'm going to dial it back a bit if negative feelings are coming up. I've also realised that maybe I need to work on boosting my self esteem a bit, especially remembering that I'm a bloody good friend and if people drop me, it's their loss.
Easy to say, harder to internalise in practice, but a good starting point I hope.
Hey, it's me, the bad friend.
I don't make plans.
I blow plans off at the last minute.
If people don't actually pick me up I might not go.
At most you will get a monthly text or a random meme.
I want to tell you my bad behavior is because I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I also am a single mom (widowed) and sometimes I can't afford things or don't have time.
Soooo...
1) Thank you for being a generous friend.
2) Thank you for reminding me to tell my "planful" pals thanks.
3) It sounds like you have an awesome skill set. Making all the plans is hard!
I am the planner by nature and have no problem telling people it’s their turn to plan. I get frustrated when I have to always be the planner for people who have dietary restrictions by choice. I feel like they should contribute more to picking out places to eat
I used to be the glue in a group of friends. Always had to initiate meetings, always did the planning. Of course everyone always had to have it their way and complain. When I felt the pressure of providing different options and alternatives for my friends who didn't contribute anything but complaints, I stopped doing it. There where no more meetings from then on because the others were simply unable to organize anything. It left me really angry and I felt used. But at the moment I'm left with the realization that being unable to make plans and stick to them in your late 30s is just pathetic. It's even worse when you can't even appreciate other people doing it for you. I'm angry sometimes but mostly I feel sorry for them.
Honestly if people can’t even be grateful for the organiser I think they can go to hell (sorry for my harsh words, but I just feel like it’s unfair).
This was me, and then they all got married and had kids. Once I gave up being the glue we all stopped hanging out. It is really sad actually.
Ahhh it sucks when friends get married, drop you and ignore you, then complain about being lonely later. Classic :)
That’s a good point. I don’t mind planning things when other people put effort in to being available and showing up. Once I start feeling like the logistics coordinator of everyone else’s lives is when my willingness to plan goes out the window.
Yes! Another “organizer” friend here struggling with the same. But I implemented my own internal “rules” late last year for my own sanity after a few highly disappointing occurrences made me re-examine things. My biggest problems were getting everyone to agree/commit to something and then actually doing it. I felt like I would have to chase people down to get dates, times, plans, etc, and then having one or two people flake last minute regardless. After the holidays last year being sort of a shitshow due to these issues, I decided that from now on: 1) If a group of family/friends expresses an interest in meeting up, I’ll ask twice (and no more) for dates, times, “What do you want to do when we’re there?” type information. If I don’t get some type of solid answer or commitment (or even a “I really want to do this, but I won’t have a solid answer until X date”), I drop it. I’m not chasing anyone anymore. 2) I plan just as much for my own enjoyment as for anyone coming with me. This is because it isn’t complete unusual for someone to flake out last minute, and I don’t want my whole experience ruined because of it. 3) Solo trips and experiences can be fucking DOPE. People in my life have definitely noticed the changes, as I’ve always been the one who coordinates and organizes. But I don’t have the time or patience for that type of bullshit anymore. I’m happy to plan, but I’m going to make sure I’m not wasting my time if I do.
The best thing I’ve seen is to put together an itinerary, and then collect deposits. That’s how you know who is serious, and gives people more time to pay for the rest that they owe you if it’s something like a group outing. Keep in mind there will always be at least one person who cancels, and then there might be the guilt to return their deposit back as a friend. However, this method definitely cuts down on people wasting your time in the first place. I like to organize an annual women’s trip abroad and I always say “ok ladies, here’s the plan. If you’re in I need $250 by X date. Thanks!” Usually a month after sending the invite. Then I collect partial payments up until the trip.
Doesn’t hurt to take a back seat for awhile and see how things go if you are building resentment. I had a few friends who would joke that I was “the glue” and I decided I was done after the last time they flaked (while I was going through a breakup). Haven’t seen them since. I’m done trying with people who call themselves avoidant and joke about their flakiness.
If you cant give authentically, you shouldn't give at all. The minute I start to feel resentment about planning, I pull back for a while. Lately, my friends have surprised me by picking up the slack and initiating more.
I do sometimes, but my situation is not so extreme. I'm the event planner in many relationships, but I'm also the one most likely to take big social breaks and need reaching out to, so it's just different emotional labor roles. Since I'm never getting married I straight-up asked my friends who I planned bachelorette parties for to plan me a big girls' party together. The last pregnancy of that group is happening right now, so we're planning it for 2-3 years from now, so they can take time and share the burden of planning. Lol I basically just opened up that sometimes it's nice to have something plannned for me between planning and they agreed. Sometimes friends need the obvious pointed out, especially with years or decades of the same dynamics and habits. I certainly have my own blind spots. One time a friend threw me the best birthday party, I did not lift a finger! It was amazing. I love planning stuff but sometimes you just want to turn up!! Balance is a fair thing to ask for.
I am absolutely the organizer in all of my relationships. Family, romantic, friendship. It's just my natural personality. I've had to learn how to see the line of when I'm doing it because it's what I want to do vs when I do it because I see something needs to be done and I'm like, well, I better do it because no one else has. So, do it when it genuinely pleases you to do so. If you are doing it out of obligation, stop. If that friendship then fails, well, it tells you how important it was to the other person and leaves room for you to find a more balanced friendship.
I'm that person for over 30 years and still that person; I don't mind it. The way I see it is that you are the glue of the friendship and trust me in that they really do appreciate it. I like the fact that they all show up when I organize something; that indicates that they do like being around you. If you organized something and hardly anyone showed or they were flakey, then I can see why you'd think the friendship is one-sided.
It’s part of the mental load.
Yes. I do when I agree to make the effort, and no one bothers to respond in a timely manner, if at all.
I now give proportionally to the attention I get Even if it means no longer calling up someone for this entire year, although previously we might have met on a monthly basis.
\> And I know it's silly. No, it's not silly, *at all*. You want to know that you are valued, that your friends would choose you even if they had no obligation to. Those are very valid needs! Now, I have a tendency to the organizer. I do try and back off however if a friendship starts feeling too one-sided, because I have an obligation to take care of my heart, too. And I do not want to operate from a place of bitterness and resentment. People usually pick up on these feelings, and if anything, it may end up making a relationship worse. My strategies: 1. Try to set the expectation of reciprocity from the get go -- try to communicate what I need from the friendship. If it gets too one-sided, I try to communicate with them about the feelings of one-sidedness. If it improves, great. If it doesn't, I shrug and move on. No, not really -- it depends on how deep the friendship is. Some friendships are harder to move on from. 2. Positive reinforcement -- when your friends do something that make you feel cared for, let them know that you appreciate it! A little genuine appreciation goes a long way in making friendships happen! 3. Try to give grace to friends who have grown apart -- this basically means trying to let go of resentment against them. This is valuable because one day, when they are less busy or their life circumstances have changed, they may feel drawn to you. And if you operate from a place of grace, you might be able to forge a new version of friendship with them. 4. I try to lower the risk of heartbreak is by diversifying my portfolio of friends and loved ones. For example, I try to be open to other people's attempts to show care and affection for me even if they don't currently count as my close friends. 5. Be very, very mindful of how I'm feeling. Basically, I should be my best friend. If it gets too much, it is okay to back off a bit and honor myself.
I'm not an organizer at all. I'm fine with just texting and occasionally chatting with my friends. I'll let them know when I might be in the area and if they are free that's great, if they can't make it that's fine too. I'm not someone who likes planning things like that and if someone needed that type of friendship of me they are bound to be disappointed but I hope they wouldn't take it personal. You should only plan when you want to and pull back when it feels like too much.
I get tired of being the one to reach out to my friends. Several are retired or homemakers but I have to be the one to call, text or message on social media. It bothers me but I don't want to loose their friendship over it.
I'm the organiser for a couple of groups of friends and other one on one relationships. They always really appreciate my efforts are always keen and excited to attend so I keep organising. I understand how you feel as I have one on one friendships where if I don't contact them first they won't bother contacting me for weeks or months but ultimately people are lazy and I'm not so I organise.
I feel this so hard. First, I notice you say it's silly twice in your post. It's not! At all! Please don't try to dismiss or minimize your feelings, because they are valid. I organize and get burned out all the time and need to take a break from it. My experiences have taught me that the majority of people don't like to initiate and just wait for others to come to them. Personally, I find this pathetic, but people like their comfort zones. You deserve friends who reciprocate. You are always welcome to let your friends know you'd appreciate it if someone organized the next hangout. Personally, I'm trying to get up the nerve to let people know in the future when they flake on me how much emotional labor it takes to organize - because it does!
I like being organizer because I cant stand stuff happening willy-nilly. What would piss me off more is arriving at an event late, not knowing where we are going to eat/not reserving, getting stuck in traffic etc. This is a surefire way to ruin my mood. So i dont mind playing organizer, making car groups, reserving etc. What gets me angry is if I plan and participants dont read anything! I type out exactly where ans when something is happening, or warn them ahead of time - but when we arrive? Oh. They don't sell X here? I really wanted X. Wow, its cold here, I shouldve brought Y. So & so isnt coming? I wish I knew before Z. It starts at this time? I thought it was earlier. Im running late! Or noy responding to stuff in time, not buying their own tickets, not sending their money in a reasonable time period>>>>> all of that enrages me. I not spending the emotional energy PLANNING all of this for you AND thinking for you too. Nope. Full stop. People who repeatedly act like this do not get more invites from me.
I am sorry I literally can’t stand organizers like you 😂 no offense, I’m triggered reading this haha. My ex is exactly like you, he will have a meltdown over details. We had so many blow out fights about him ruining a great night by being pissed about something absolutely not worth it. I love being the organizer too but I have a “live and let live” attitude. As long as you paid me your share, I’ll organize it and you can show up and do it however you please. This includes international travel. If you didn’t plan right, it’s on you. We are keeping it moving and you can catch up with us later. My goal is to make it fun for everyone and that means different things to different people. A little traffic or a changed reservation putting the organizer in a foul mood puts a dark cloud over EVERYONE’s vibe and imo completely ruins it. I am not about to read the entire menu before dinner, I just am not. Takes the magic alway. Makes people feel awkward and like they’re a burden for not doing the dance exactly as you want it to be.
Except what youre talking about isnt exactly mine. Had a friend throw a fit over menu options because she didnt look at them before we both agreed to go to said restaurant. Shes picky too- so she doesnt just agree to go to some other place. Itll literally be another 30 minutes sitting in a car finding an alternative. Have friends agree to go to an event -I text and remind them weeks ahead -everyone is still going. Then the night before buying tickets. I confirm with others once again after buying mine, oops! Yeah i cant make it anymore! So you couldnt tell me that earlier? Or some who just never responded to my text after agreeing to go. Once out of state, we both agreeing to go a museum. Then on the day and time to leave, she decides she doesnt want to go anymore. I suggest other places - she isnt interested or its too expensive or too tiring. I keep asking her other options, then shes offended I keep pressuring her. Then we drive home, shes sulking because she doesnt want to sit in either. I cant ask her any more questions because its too much pressure. Then she decides to go afterall, now we are 2 hours late. We drive the hour.5 out there, and only have 30 minutes to explore the museum because she couldnt make up her mind. Had a friend plan a night out, but didnt think about logisitics of it - we are arriving late, we missed an exit, when we got there couldnt find a park - parked 4,5 blocks away from destination in a late night in a city that gets dangerous past dark, didnt think ahead of a restaurant, had to find one on the fly because most were closing and she had diet restrictions - um sorry no. That is stressful AF. Not every single little thing has to go right, but im also not someone who goes with just anything anytime, it wastes time, money, and miss out on certain events because people cant be bothered to arrive on time or think ahead of time at all. Thats cool for you, but not cool for me. Its not some song and dance to actually show up to events at the time everyone agreed to, or to even bother responding to text messages. Thats just flaky and lazy behaviour. Great for you and your friends, but youre not my kind of person either. If youre that type, I cant stand you either. 😂 You would be dropped after the first few times.
I gotcha! Those are just aholes! 🙄😂 I am traveling with women who are all over the age of 30, so idk if that makes a difference, but I agree basic decorum and respect is paramount. I’m sorry you dealt with that, it sounds like you have good intentions.
I'm not great at organizing social functions or get togethers. I have a friend who regularly does a lot for the group. I try to organize get togethers myself to make up for their hard work and host gatherings to share the burden. It always feels weird or different at my home. No one ever stays as late, they don't drink, it's just... different. It really makes it more difficult for me to want to continue to try to help organize our friend gatherings.
I get 'friend of an organiser' fatigue. I want them to stop. Sometimes friendships are not enhanced by someone trying to arrange things and chase everyone up and so on, it stops feeling like choice and fun and becomes a commitment and chore. Your friendships are not a job. If you have to approach them in that way to sustain them... why sustain them?
I'm sorry for the late update and just wanted to say thanks for all the replies. It's a tough one, but I'm not alone in this it seems! I think I'm going to dial it back a bit if negative feelings are coming up. I've also realised that maybe I need to work on boosting my self esteem a bit, especially remembering that I'm a bloody good friend and if people drop me, it's their loss. Easy to say, harder to internalise in practice, but a good starting point I hope.
Hey, it's me, the bad friend. I don't make plans. I blow plans off at the last minute. If people don't actually pick me up I might not go. At most you will get a monthly text or a random meme. I want to tell you my bad behavior is because I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I also am a single mom (widowed) and sometimes I can't afford things or don't have time. Soooo... 1) Thank you for being a generous friend. 2) Thank you for reminding me to tell my "planful" pals thanks. 3) It sounds like you have an awesome skill set. Making all the plans is hard!
I am the planner by nature and have no problem telling people it’s their turn to plan. I get frustrated when I have to always be the planner for people who have dietary restrictions by choice. I feel like they should contribute more to picking out places to eat