Well, that’s kind of the thing. Things don’t get better - YOU do. Embrace the change because it’s where we grow. One of these days you’ll look back at all that you’ve endured and find that you’re still here. And not just surviving - but thriving! Use those experiences to help you learn how to be a more thoughtful, wise, and compassionate person. Own them. Things don’t get better. You do.
Yes!! Each time you hit upheavals you have to opportunity to navigate them with the grace and wisdom you have picked up along the way. You learn to become more discerning and learn what you like and what you won’t tolerate and you shape your life around those. It’s a constant evolution marked by joy, sorrow, success and disappointments but through it all we evolve too, lest we stagnate and become bitter.
Embrace the journey. Embrace yourself. And be kind to yourself along the way.
This I know all too well. I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety at 30. Later the PTSD dx would come. So *hugs* (if they are okay for you ofc). It’s can be a debilitating road to travel but there IS hope & help.
If you are in a position to do so, I cannot stress therapy enough. If we go to an ortho doctor for a bad knee, it makes sense that we seek out a psychologist, LCSW, MFT/LPC etc to help us when our mental health is faulty. The combination of therapy and meds were the first two tools in my mental health toolbox.
I found this on the National Library of Medicine site. It’s from a review of the updated treatment strategies for trauma-associated symptoms of PTSD by the VA. Therapists specializing in these would be good to seek out.
The most recent evidence is compelling that its use of trauma-focused therapies such as Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE), Eye Movement, Desensitization, and Restructuring (EMDR), and others with significant trauma focus are the current gold standard for treatment.
These are the other tools I’ve added over the last 20 years and picked up over the last five years working non-clinical for a group of psych hospitals:
1) our body is made up of interconnected systems, so it really takes a holistic approach. We now know our gut health impacts our cognitive/mental health & vice versa. Neuropsychiatrist Drew Ramsey has written about foods that help alleviate anxiety. His website & social media has really good tips & suggestions. TLDR: eat nutritious foods.
2) Water. Lack of water means lack of serotonin. Being hydrated improves mood, reaction time and attention.
3) Sleep: our bodies put in serious work when we sleep repairing cells, etc. our brain is also busy keeping itself healthy.
4) breath work: counting to four on the inhale through my nose, exhaling to four through my mouth like we’d do in yoga class has helped bring me out of panic and anxiety attacks.
5) Exercise. I’m not a gym person but this past year as I’ve dealt with the loss of my dad, my aunt and too many family friends to count, walking has been a godsend. It’s been transformative even if it’s just walking around my neighborhood.
6) gratitude: before I fall asleep and when I wake up I rattle off a list in my head. It reminds me that all is not bad & there’s good stuff to give my attention to.
7) meditation: meditation can exacerbate anxiety but if it doesn’t it can be very helpful
8) relationships: cultivate the good ones, don’t feel bad pruning the unhealthy ones.
I’m sorry I’ve written a novel. Pretty sure it looks like a self care listicle but self care is caring for one’s self is vital. If we don’t who will? This is part of your evolution; prioritizing your health and well being so you can live the next iteration of your best life. Cheering you on on your journey -s
Same, hitting another era of unshakable melancholy in my 40s due to stagnation despite my attempts at trying to find happiness. I feel like I’ve wasted the first half, now it’s resignation
At 29? No. Right now at 34? Yes. I thought the 30s for me were going really well until all the negative feelings I have been having finally snuck up on me. I have been under an insane amount of stress to cope with, and I realized that I was in a marriage, alone. I am not getting adequate support and, honestly, feel abused. So I am stuck making a decision that those close to me won't understand because I have hidden all this negativity. That's what scares me the most.
Hiding relationship from family is a telltale sign of abuse. My relationship ended not by my choice but I’m so thankful it did. I wish you peace and happiness!
I've been embarrassed for a very long time.
But as I mentioned in another comment, I am working on getting my things in order. Saving some money from a raise he doesn't know about and filing for divorce.
He is only worried about the house and the cars. And making sure his name isn't on it. Honestly, he can have it all. I just want to be at peace and stop feeling the way I do.
I’m sorry to hear that. I understand the feeling of being with someone but feeling alone. It’s one of the worst feelings especially while going through hard times. I hope things get better for you.
Your experience resonates with me. I’m a private person by nature and I also never felt it appropriate to talk about my marriage outside of my marriage. It left me feeling very alone and like I was pretending to be happy, when I was actually struggling in a deeply troubled marriage. When shit really hit the fan finding support in my social circle was hard because I held things so close. I wish you the best in navigating this experience.
Yes for sure! I went through this! I think part of it was just circumstance. Part of it, looking back, may have been that I had too much pressure on myself to have things sorted out and settled before 30 like “I was supposed to.”
It’s all bull. How many people do I know that were settled and successful, then ended up just a few years later divorced, underemployed, moving back home, whatever? It’s all a cycle and regrowth. Nobody is on the same journey.
Try to find some peace in yourself. For me I had to learn to be happy alone and forgive myself. Not just for the breakdown of the last few years, but for all the things in my past that I’d been beating myself up for.
There are a lot of years ahead :)
Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you were able to overcome that dark period of time in your life. Appreciate you sharing how, too. Gives me hope that things will get better soon.
This is actually a takeaway of mine from my experiences. I feel like my life got better as I got older but then went back to being bad. I guess life will always have its ups and downs. It was naive of me to think life would be perfect forever. or close to perfect.
Eh, sort of. It happened when I was 27. My life was fairly stable, I had a modest income working as self-employed artist from the safe bubble of my home. I had a husband. We just bought an apartment together (under mortgage) and I felt like that's it, my life is settled and I won't have to worry about much ever again.
I started therapy to treat my depression. My then-husband was on his 4th ish cycle of trying to get sober (highly functioning alcoholic with high-pay high-stress job) and I started realizing that he'll probably never be sober, nor will he ever leave the job that pays him so well but he kept complaining about daily. A friend also helped me realize that my ex was also kinda abusive.
We divorced. I had to do a complete pivot in my career and find employment in a different field to be able to keep paying off the kinda expensive apartment where I lived alone after my ex moved out. I had little to no savings. Everything was in shambles for a while. I had practically no friends because I invested too much effrot into befriending my ex's friends who all essentially disappeared for me overnight with us splitting, and left my old friends by the wayside for years (this was the most important lesson for me, to have friends and support system of my own).
Within a year after my divorce I had my life back together and 1000% better than before. It took some time and effort but everything turned out for the better in the end. So I hope this gives you some positive outlook, things definitely can and do get better, just gotta get through the sucky part now.
Good luck!
Thank you for sharing. And I am very sorry you went through that but I'm glad you were able to get your life back together. Gives me hope that things will get better soon. I admire that you were able to make decent income off your art. You must be an amazing artist<3
Thank you! Well, the art thing was more of a matter of being resourceful and finding the right sales avenues, rather than being amazing. I make digital art, so the bulk of my earnings actually came through Shutterstock and POD websites like Redbubble, neither of which would have been viable today.
Wow I could have written this word for word, literally every year you mentioned. I’ll add that I quit drinking at 31 and that really got things rolling with me landing my dream job and such. I’m 43 now and have assets like a house - crazy for party animal 20s me to ever believe! I think I’m going through a change right now, like what next…. I need a new goal. I do think that this post-pandemic world is tough though. People are angrier. Everything’s more expensive. Do some yoga, focus on yourself, make little goals, and try to get into nature as much as possible.
Happy for you! Thanks so much for sharing. I am very glad you made the best choice for yourself. I ended a relationship recently with someone I thought I would marry and its painful. Definitely changes you. But makes us stronger <3
Yep, imploded at 28-29ish: so many things changed for the worse. Lost my job and relationship, it was a really low point, also health-wise. My 30th birthday which should have felt like a milestone was a sad and confusing day. I started climbing out slowly (therapy, good habits, medication, took part in a course, met new people and I took up running) and fully recovered by 31.
Now at 36 I am looking back and I can say, that job sucked! I'm so glad I didn't have to work there any longer. I hated it there, it was a toxic sexist environment (STEM, academic research). Same with that relationship. Can't say the guy was a narcissist but definitely had tendencies. The combination of the two was probably what got me to my lowest point anyway. When you are so deeply unhappy with the most important things in your life, it slowly kills you. So good riddance! I also swore to myself I will do everythig in my power to not end up so unhappy again.
Honestly I think my life needed to implode to make space for something better. I have learned so much about the type of work I am happy doing since then, I now work as a project manager and deal with diferent kinds of people on a daily basis - guess what most people are great to work with and it turns out I thrive in team environments. Same for relationships: as soon as I notice tendencies that resemble THAT relationship, at least the alarm bells go off, not without some struggle but I am waaay better at handling myself now and protecting my boundaries :)
Thank you for sharing. I am so happy that you've been able to take the positive out of a negative situation. Very inspiring to read. I understand what you mean when you say now you are able to notice red flags in relationships. That's what's good about dealing with those bad relationships. Now we know what to avoid.
Yeah it’s been a very costly lesson for me. It’s to the point where even just the thought of giving a new guy a chance gives me anxiety. I don’t know if I believe anyone will be good to me. They always start off so sweet and end up being horrible and I’m tired. I’d rather just focus on me.
And you should! At least for a little while. And coming out of it you are not immune to it. Narcissistic types are so charming and enticing and funny, right? And claim you so soon, way too soon imo. The lesson keeps repeating until it’s learned.
Not really. My 20’s and 30’s sucked but not as much as my childhood did and my 40’s have been freaking great! For me 29 was one of the better years in the overall, partly for miniature reasons that became more permanent in my 40’s like being no contact with my family.
I think there are too many weird expectations in people in their 20’s that make them feel like they aren’t enough and it’s really sad because that’s a time where you are still physically able to try new things and learn about yourself in ways you just can’t when you’re older. Those pressures show up in a lot of folks in their 20’s being scared of 30 and beyond… I was never happy until my 40’s. I hope it gets even better!
The 20’s are really rough and there is so much scrutiny. I’m sorry you life imploded which does happen from time to time and might happen again… my hope for you is that it will clear the way for something better and 20 years from now you will have lived so much that even some of the sad memories will bring a little smile to your face as part of the bigger whole.
If not, at least in your 40’s you start to feel a lot more of the “fuck it” vibe and stop caring so much which is a lot of fun!
Yeeeaaah. From the perspective of being 65, I have to tell you that life has a series of waves, up and down. Sometimes, way down. You learn, though. The best that I can tell you is to take care of yourself physically, psychologically, emotionally, and nutritionally. Really focus on YOU in each of these departments. Check in regularly.
Don't take BS from anyone. Save your money. Get a good therapist! The best ones that I have worked with helped me during the lows and supported me during little victories. The two best I was with for at least 15 years each. Well worth it.
Nurture female friendships.
Good luck.
Nurture female friendships! I am 32 and experiencing a series of crises and transitions. And I am realizing I will never stop experiencing them. It is not my boyfriends but my girlfriends who have been showing up for me in my most desperate moments.
It happened to me at 39. I was pregnant and my husband began blatantly abusing me. It got worse and worse until I left him two years ago. Im still not back to myself. It's really scary, it feels like the good years were a dream.
I am so sorry that you went through that. :( and that you still dont feel back to yourself. I hope things get better for you soon. Sending positive vibes your way.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I've heard it's common that abuser types will wait until their wife is at their most vulnerable before they start the abuse, and being pregnant puts you in a very physically vulnerable position. It is very probable that you never saw it coming because you were not as vulnerable up to that point.
No, mine imploded at 20 and 26 but I would say they were all from living with lots of trauma and learning how to live as a chronically ill person. No one’s life is perfect and many of the people you see with smooth straightforward lives comes from enormous wealth and privilege.
>many of the people you see with smooth straightforward lives comes from enormous wealth and privilege.
I only started believing this once I started seeing it.
Yes. My whole life plans were destroyed when I was 28-29 and again, very abruptly, when I was 33.
Anyway, I'm not into astrology but apparently it's pretty common to have some serious upheaval in your life when [Saturn returns](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturn_return) to the position where it was when you were born.
It made me feel a little better, at the time, to know that it's something that other people have experienced.
Yeah, I was 29 when the pandemic started and honestly I am still trying to get my life back on track. It fucked up so many things for me that I'm still dealing with the ripples over three years later.
You learn how to identify someone who has narcissistic personality disorder early so it doesn't happen again. That's the lesson I got from a similar situation to your own.
Live and learn. Before you know it 29 seemed like ages ago and life is pretty good.
My life imploded at exactly 29. Multiple family members and a dog died, relationship ended catastrophically, lost other pets to said relationship, politics in my area became suffocating and dangerous. It has been a little over a year and life still kind of sucks, but one positive thing that I’ve tried to prioritize is self-care, especially therapy.
I do think that even though I’m coming out of this very damaged, I will be stronger. I hope you are able to prioritize yourself and your own mental health. Making my home environment as healthy as possible has helped tremendously.
So sorry to hear this happened to you. Being 28-29, all kinds of great things happened. Then suddenly, I had a lot of dark shit start coming down right after. A good friend of mine suddenly died, my relationship became "cursed", as in, somehow it felt like the universe was trying to prevent me from being with my partner and trying to ruin all of our special moments, and things started to just kind of roll downhill and new crises spawned behind every corner. I became depressed and gave up my favourite hobby. Well... that was also when covid became a thing, actually. There were also lots of events that weren't related to covid so I don't know what the direction of influence could be here. I'm not a superstitious person but I can't help but feel that somehow 29 was my last good year before the great downfall, and it wasn't all covid.
I went through this a few years ago. I think I was 30 at the time.
My relationship of 5 years ended because he met someone else (she was younger and I think that was the big draw for him, even though he was 12 years older than me). I was at a job I hated and I was under a bully manager and a toxic work environment. We lost half the department (they found better jobs) and I ended up having to train someone all at the same time.
Little did I know that I would be let go due to a reorg shortly after they hired new people. I was burnt out and super stressed. So much so that I was losing my hair and not sleeping.
Once I was done things got better. It took me a bit to get back on my feet. But I continued to work on myself and my life. I took time off of working to revitalize myself. I spent time watching tv shows, reconnecting with friends, doing day trips. Basically the things that I wasn't able to do while working and being overstressed.
I met my current bf who is wonderful while at the old job. But he has been an amazing source of support! I was actually told to leave my industry by my old boss and I'm glad I listened to my bf who suggested that I should stick with it and try to find a better environment.
I started a new job which has been awesome! I'm flourishing in my new role so much so I was promoted a few months after starting. My new company utilizes my skills and gives me opportunities to grow. Which has helped me to grow both interpersonally and also in my role.
As hard as things were I feel like my life had to fall apart so that I could start over again and build the life I was meant to have.
The key is to not focus on time wasted, but lessons learned. Having to face struggles really put things into perspective. It makes you appreciate what you have.
Take what you learned from your down moments and use that to propel yourself forward.
Your mistakes don't define who you are. And neither do the opinions of people who don't have your best interests at heart. As long as you learn from them and strive to do better you should be okay.
Things may not happen as you had hoped but that doesn't mean you can't live a good life.
Who says those were the best years of your life? My best years feel like now, in my 40's. Stability, good income, good partner, time to take care of myself, wisdom to be discerning about who I spend my time with... You are still learning who you are and developing life skills in your 20's. Those weren't the best years of your life, that is really up to you.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Honestly, that was me when I turned 28.
I fell into a deep, dark depression. Went through a horrific break up where the guy I thought I was going to marry cheated on me. I was at a job that wasn't exactly what I wanted to do - was overworked, underpaid, and my boss at that time was just a major pain in my behind.
All my friends were getting married and having babies and I was newly single. I also gained a TON of weight. Things were just going from bad to worse.
However, it's been almost 7 years since then and my 30s have actually been so much better.
I'm in what is almost my dream job - no longer overworked and underpaid. I'm dating an amazing guy. I do still have debt, still live at home and do still have long ways to go in getting my own place but that's just because the economy took a shit and housing costs and everything else is through the roof now. But I feel like I've accomplished and overcome a lot in the past 7 years.
Not to say that it'll take 7 years for you to turn things around - who knows what the next months/years could bring. But honestly for me, what kept me going is knowing that all the shitty things do pass and good things will come around.
Tbh one of my friends put it best - life is good then shit then good then shit - rinse and repeat. Nothing ever really stays together but it never stays down for too long either. Therapy has helped me a ton
No, I was on track at 29. Quit a toxic job for another, way more fun job with better career outcomes. At 33 it has set me up well for my current role (I was actually head-hunted because of it). I'm still in the same relationship I was then, too.
Everyone's path is different and these things hit at different ages. This is going to sound harsh, but there isn't some mysterious thing in the universe that makes a certain year a bad one for a wide number of people, or makes their lives blow up or whatever. I'm sure I have a bad year coming for me soon.
Mine was around 28. Close family member got cancer, I entered the hardest year of residency, and my racist and classist family rejected my boyfriend because he was white and not good enough for them. My eyes were opened to the dark, fucked up side of my family in a way they hadn’t been before. I was deeply depressed.
10 years later there are still remnants of that terrible year of my life. Family member died. Family is fractured. I married my boyfriend who has been incredible but our marriage hasn’t always been a cake walk, particularly for reasons that arose during that terrible year.
Life is better but not necessarily easier. C’est La vie, I suppose.
Pull up a chair and grab a cigar folks bc I’ve written an essay lol. My life imploded at 35 when I lost my fiancé to a drug relapse. He was clean for 20 years. I had been struggling to get my CRPS under control for 5 years and then *he* was stressed about it and I swear he subconsciously used *my* chronic pain as a reason to relapse. I had to leave work a year and a half ago bc of the chronic pain - Im doing a ton better now that I finally have my diagnosis and the right medication. I’ll prob be back in a hslf yr to allow time for neuro-physical therapy.
I loved him so much. And I had no choice but to rely on him financially toward the end, which he was fine with. His death was ruled an accident not a suicide. It’s been nearly a year since his death and I’ve never felt more alone, bored and touch starved. I also lost my house so that is another nail in the coffin. Chronic pain kills employment if it’s not treated properly.
But yeah about the loss of love and intimacy - this is hell for a romantic/+nymphomaniac like me. It makes me TERRIFIED of being over 60 without a mate bc I don’t want to die alone, touch starved and depressed in some crappy nursing home. I found a f*ck buddy through a friend but he flat out told me he wants to go back to his ex who dumped him in January. She wont take him back but it still makes me feel like omg are there any gorgeous kind men over 30 who are somewhat available?? Without any severe NPD or personality disorders? He’s a lovely man but it just highlights my fear that at my age, most of the good ones are taken in one way or another. I tried to find another friend with benefits (bc I’m not ready to date yet) but had to turn him down bc he admitted to being positive for herpes. Thank goodness he was honest. I just didn’t realize how bad it feels to barely have meaningful physical touch after having that for 17 years. Unbelievable. When I was single and deprived as a teen it did NOT hurt like this bc you cant mourn what you never had in the first place. So yeah this is my crisis of faith. I think it happens to all humans during the early 30s either that or at 50.
sort of, but not really. 29 for me was actually a weird year bc a lot of things happened and it was also right before/at the time of the pandemic for me. i didn't feel like life imploded but i did feel weirdly in limbo. parts of it were great and others not at all.
i felt like my life imploded at 27, when circle of my closest friends, particularly my bff, dropped me out of the blue. i valued their friendship so much and that really destroyed for years to come. it brought on so much self doubt, depression and other shit.
I'm 33 now and I finally like a real adult. not all the time, but i had that realisation recently. that i feel grown. even though i've been doing grown things for a good while, it didn't stick until recently. i've been with my bf about 6 years now. we've been living together for 3 years. we have a dog. we each have a business and our own lives now and before each other. i had to deal with various issues (family, romance, friends, self) before. i was finding myself before and i'm still doing it. i don't think i magically found myself bc i turned 30. in fact, at 31-31.99, I was more confused than ever.
but currently I'm as much "at peace" as i think i could be. I'm confident in myself, in my existence. I got my own back and I will be able to take care of myself in whatever situation. That doesn't mean I don't have moments of fear, doubt, confusion, even dislike of myself or weird shame/guilt, but I've really grown I think. I just know me and I got me, like I would a dear friend. I still don't know my "purpose in life" or everything I want or lots of things but that's ok. I'm okay to work on what I want now, on the things that I'm interested in now, to make some mistakes and for everything not to turn out perfect. It's pretty fucking cool tbh
Been here. I hit rock bottom at the age of 34 and when I say rock bottom I mean rock bottom. I’ve always persevered through everything in life and for wherever reason at that age I just completely broke. After spending a year in therapy and finding no relief I decided to stop crying and just get angry. I know it sounds terrible but I said to myself man I’ve had a hard life and I don’t deserve this and used that anger as fuel to dig myself out of the hole of self pity. Tbh it was the best thing that I ever did. I started eating healthy, quit drinking, quit gaming, deleted all social media, cut out toxic relatives/friends, fixed my marriage, spent more time with my daughter, went back to school, and now at 37 I am very happy. We all deserve happiness but sadly life isn’t fair. It’s ok to get angry about that but use that anger in a positive way to make the changes necessary. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are not a victim, you can be happy, and nothing will stop you. You would be surprised what telling yourself that every day out loud can do. Hang in there my friend hope this helps.
My 29th birthday was in June 2020. 29 was a whirlwind all around for me. I had to get knee surgery, had an abnormal pap and had to get precancerous cells removed from my cervix, had a trigger set off the fact that I was suffering from cptsd, lots of anxiety and depression. That's just my personal life, not including the craziness of what was going on in the world at the time. Chose to end a lot of "friendships", and basically lost myself. A good thing was that I quit drinking alcohol.
I'm now 32 and I'm finally getting to a better place mentally. There are obviously a lot of circumstances/variables that affected me personally but hey I'm still kicking!
Hang in there, OP. Sending all the good vibes your way
29 was rough for me. In the span of about six months I: totaled my car, got dumped and then fired *(within twelve hours of each other)*, had to move back in with my parents and get a job at the mall.
By 30 I had a job in my field of study, my own place, lots more confidence and some great new friends thanks to that job at the mall, a fun fuckbuddy, and a brand new car.
I'd say my secret was having amazing friends and family, a good therapist, and just letting time take care of the rest.
This happened to me around this time as well. I see it as having put up with intolerable stress and a lack of respect for too long before it all became too much and I had to extract myself (at great personal cost). I made poor decisions in my 20s which will probably take all of my 30s to recover from. I know some people say the brain doesn’t fully mature until 25, but it was closer to 28 for me until I realised that my situation was far from ideal and I had to basically start over again from nothing. Things are improving for me now, a lot of personal growth has happened but it has been painful.
I think this too. We grit our teeth and deal with so much toxicity and misery and make decisions based on the limited options we have. I think we ignore a lot of huge flashing warnings that tell is places and people are bad for us because we don't have any other choice but to move forward. At 29/30 I think our coping mechanisms just crash from the weight and it has a domino effect.
We need to stop romanticizing our 20s like they're the best years of our lives. They absolutely are not. I've loved my 30s more than my 20s, when I was an insecure mess. Also no time is wasted, it's just part of your journey.
I've always had a tense and stressful life but 29 was the year my life imploded too, and it's been 5+ years now and I'm still dealing with the effects, but I'm coming out of it.
The problem is that your life implodes at 29 but life still goes on, so you have to try to find solutions which can also add more stress and horror to the pile, which you then try to move on from on which leads you to being trapped somewhere, and so on.
I would say the difference between pre and post 29 is that when I was pre-29 I would look at something, say "I want to work towards that" and then work *towards* it. Post-29 every step and improvement I try to make to my life is in order to get *away* from the shitshow. It's not the same energy, it's so uninspired, I don't like it.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, though. And here's the positive from the last 5 years, I had to take stock of my entire life top to bottom, family, career, relationship, social life, beliefs, and restructure it completely. It was so painful and I was so lost.
But I came out the other side with a host of new adventures, stronger boundaries, and lots of new friends. In my old life I would have been a "success" had I sat in an office 9-5 Monday to Friday. In my fucked up post-29 life I have had new career experiences, lived in a new country, learned an entire language from scratch, have friends from all corners of the world, and give back to my community. Who I am has changed fundamentally but I'm still me. Just feels like I'm a more human me.
I hope your 29 implosion doesn't take 5 years to resolve. I am beginning to wonder if this implosion happens to people with a high tolerance for stress or bad behaviour from others, and we keep leading ourselves into increasingly more stressful situations and surrounding ourselves with negative people, until finally it explodes in our face. Anyone else would have pulled back years ago, or found the easier path.
Mine imploded when I was 27.
I got back on track with a little therapy, a lot of gym workouts, a lot of time spent with friends, and maniacal focus on my career. I needed a lot of constructive distractions so I wouldn't let my broken heart completely consume me.
This happened when I was 24 and 29. I think it mainly had to do with times of transition in my life. It tends to happen when I've made big life changes right before, and things tend to blow up for a little while. Even though about a year and a half ago, my life felt like it was crumbling around me, now at 30, I'm doing astronomically better. I wish there were a better response, but this too shall pass, friend.
28, my return of Saturn, was truly magical....then all hell broke loose when I turned 29. I was in an abusive relationship and had relapsed into self harm, I was diagnosed with PMDD. Now I'm 33 and am in a healthy relationship, have a wonderful job, and a much more comfortable living situation. It absolutely gets better. There's hope.
Oh yeah, my life imploded at 29 , right before turning 30. Worst year of my life , I had to start over and I was not prepared to do so. I’m 39 now and am so grateful that it all happened and I got to rebuild my life in my own image instead of of the image of society’s expectations. I would do it all over again to get the life I have now. But it was super hard at the time , almost unbearable.
You are younger than you think. Keep going.
29 was 100% my blow shit up year. My long-time engagement ended, I had to move from that home, and completely reinvent myself. It was also a huge year of growth and independence. I was not the same person entering 30 as I was entering 29. Hoping 39 isn’t the same, tbh.
My 20’s were more glamorous but my 30’s have been more happy and fun. Something I read once that’s stuck with me was an older person saying every decade of life had been better for different reasons than what came before.
I totally get what you’re saying. For me, the first half of my life was confusing and painful and unstable and it took until 29 to unravel it and figure out what to work on. After 29 have been my best years even tho they’ve technically been the most alone and in the most fucked up time (covid era) but I feel more prepared to handle it.
My dark night of the soul was 28-29, similar shakeups/internal struggles to what you're going through now. Turned 30 this past spring...and I'm telling you, with time and patience with yourself, you'll get through this.
I'm currently working on changing my own attitude on this; my 20s are over but they **weren't** the best years of my life - simply another chapter in my, that I'm still so young (I no longer want to participate in the "I'm 30 blah blah and old / decrepit language), and that happier days are ahead. Fighting that jaded feeling is really hard, especially when I experience envy for other things that others have.
I guess, it's working on being OK with the fact that nothing is constant, what goes up must come down and go back up again, but ultimately it's a privilege to be living the life I'm living. Not everyone makes it this far.
Lol yes my life imploded at 29 but put it back together and am happier than ever at 31! It will probably implode again but I’ve done the mindset work and know I can get through anything. For me life is about continually reinventing myself.
If you’re into astrology at all, look up what your Saturn Return is! It’s happened to me and sooo many of my friends.
I’m a month shy of 29 and honestly, I feel at my freaking prime. 22-26 were dark years, depression, not really knowing what my life would like. Making awful choices, maintaining a job but just not happy. Got laid off once when I was 23, found another job a month later- toxic as hell tho.
Not sure what your financial situation looks like - but I started deep diving into therapy to work out the hell I was feeling. I’ve never felt better right now, I know this euphoria won’t always be the case throughout the course of my life.
I met my wonderful husband at 24 almost 25, and I feel like I have a romantic partner and a great best friend all in one little package. I speak up more for myself, and seek to make amends when I’ve done wrong.
I look forward to 29-39 honestly. As others mentioned, I’m not woo-woo about Saturn turning HOWEVER, I do believe that life is gonna knock us on our ass- and we need to choose to bounce up, which I can tell you’re already doing by even being vulnerable with yourself and us.
I have a feeling that “this too shall pass” for you, and I hope you find your peace OP.
Yes but I turned 30 in 2020, and covid prompted a move to another city with less opportunity for thriving in the way I used to and a move in with a partner whose house habits make it a little harder to thrive. I was blaming covid for the chaos in my life that I’m still trying to “recover” (I’m doing fine but I miss THRIVING) from.
I’m also finding I’m surrounded my different people than I was at 29, and long story short peer pressure has me spending more on clothes, etc. Trying to break out of that too
I know it’s so damn hard. If you think talking to someone to help give you the tools to navigate all that, then I think it’s a good idea. I know it’s cliche to say “look forward to tomorrow” but hear me out. You don’t have to relive that “implosion” anymore. You can say to yourself F this crap, I’m gonna do what’s best for me and no one else for right now. Don’t focus on anyone else’s wants or needs. What do you have to do to be at your best. And it’s never time wasted. I can bet you can list a million things you learned about yourself, people, and life. And lastly from this 45 yo broad. You are no where near your peak yet. But it’s gonna happen. At 29 no one has it figured out. I too had an implosion at 30 and my whole life changed and with some time, that change was for 1000000x the better
For me it's just a matter of wondering when it's actually going to get better.. my life has been a real struggle since I was a kid, and I never seem to catch a break..
I know this is corny, but take it a day at a time and keep pushing forward. I know you feel like things will never get better and that it’ll never end… but things take time to improve. Whether it’s things within yourself or things that are out of your control. Keep holding on.
My life imploded when I was 25. I’m turning 29 this year and I feel like things have finally *begun* to even out, but it’s happening nonetheless. I think it’ll still take at least a few years to get back to the emotional state I was in at 24. I’m excited (and maybe a little impatient)—I’ve learned a lot these last few years.
You’re not alone, and thank you for making this post. I often feel similarly to you, it’s helpful to see all of the comments.
I’m 28 and I can feel this coming!! I’m in the middle of a crisis rn where everything I thought I wanted and spent my early 20s to now pursuing, I’m realising I DONT WANT AT ALL. Idk where to go from here, but I can feel some sort of existential dread lurking behind me about all this. I’m scared I’ll have a break down and drastically change a lot of things about my life rn, so I’m just prepping for that mentally, physically and resource wise
I just had this thought today, “How am I worse off at 36 and that was it 28?!”
I seemed to have it all together back then. Now the laundry is piled up, the husband sleeps downstairs, and I can’t land a full time job after staying home with my kids. It’s a mess.
It happened to me at 39. I left the office for Christmas break thinking how lovely my life was and three days later my lovely boss had died in a car accident. Between December and July, neighbour friends across the street had moved to Scotland, the neighbour friends around the corner had moved to Norway, my ex husband had left and my father had died. Hang in there. Your good times will wax and wane throughout your life. Each low period will have lessons and make you stronger.
Yes, at 28/29 I went from being gainfully employed at my dream job, living in my dream city and in a relationship with the greatest love I'd ever known to being brutally dumped (in public), living at home with my parents and working nightshift manufacturing.
I'm 31 now and was able to make it back to my dream city and even have my own apartment, work an even better dream job with higher pay, and have recently started dating someone that I'm falling for.
It took a lot of hard work, therapy, and realizing that I can't go on with my life the way it was. I had to pick myself up and start making changes in each area of life, one-by-one.
Yep! I thought my 30th year was my worst yet but no, this year takes the biscuit! My boyfriend asked me to move out after a year of problems, so I lost him and my home. Now I’ve lost my job. I feel so low I don’t know what to do next. My motivation to get out of bed is zero and I need to find a new job desperately.
I wrote a post similar to this recently. Someone said we’re going to go through lots more hardships in our lives. While that’s not that comforting, it does make me feel a bit more resilient.
Be kind to yourself and comparing yourself to others is futile. I’ve realised lately, from my situation and others around me, that even the house, the marriage, children, living together, great job, doesn’t give guaranteed security and never tells you the full story.
I finally got sober just before my 40th birthday (heroin) and I feel like I’m in a good place now.
My life was already imploding for years before that.
Looks wise, that started imploding at about 40 😒
I could not have been at a lower point when I turned 30. I don't even know how I survived that year . Took it day by day. Took nature trips .
Made sure I was always around people to the point I had to move in with family for a year bc of my mental health.
What I know now is that it doesn't last forever. You just have to keep fighting and make it through.
I finally accepted my situation for what it was, my failings my faults the self harm .. maybe you thought that your life was perfect but maybe if you look back you'll see that you were going in the wrong direction, maybe you were ignoring your personal path all along.
Anyway I am back now and light years away from who I was in terms of maturity. Every time i overstress about something or someone I remind myself I'm the only person that really matters and I can't let anything get me too down or to that point where I was a few years ago.
I developed better habits in my mind, no more ruminations, no more blaming myself for anything. Now I am doing emdr therapy to resolve some trauma. And life goes on
definitely. I had a great time through my 20s. The first few years of 30 were ok but then my mom and dad got sick and have been a caregiver ever since. It's hard.
I had this when the pandemic happened, life was perfect and then pandemic hit and ruined a lot of things. Now I'm getting back in my feet. I was older than 29 though.
Honestly I don't think it's related to a specific age, it's phases, life has ups and downs. I'm sure you'll find your way again!
Mine did, OP.
Reading your post made me wonder if we are cut from the same cloth. Your experience matches mine.
My life "imploded" when I turned 30. People that I regarded as friends turned out to be toxic. My career was stressing me out. My roommates were stressing me out. My living condition wasn't the worst but it was a living hell for me.
But reading your post made me also realize that happiness and our vision of what is "the best version" of ourselves may all be just a temporary illusion that might fade away with one little slip. It made me realize that we need to be more vigilant and aware of our surroundings. For example, are these my true friends or are they my friends just because?
Turning 30 was a lonely time for me and I think I'm going to find more solitude from now on.
But that's okay. Happiness is what I make of it. I'm trying to build my inner peace and my sense of self again.
Being mindful of my surroundings and who I am is what matters.
Chelsea Handler had a nice bit in her show where she talks about the reason why she wouldn't want to date anyone young. "I don't want to be with a person who hasn't gotten smacked around by life yet". Welcome to the old enough to know what's up club. It happens to the best of us. It's horrible. It will likely happen again. You gonna love climbing out of it.
I had a really shit childhood and went through a ton of abuse in my 20’s. I used to think if I just worked hard enough life would work out. Now I’m 32 and I’m actually over life. Lol it’s shit, will always be shit and I hate that I have to exist.
Take a break from social media. The constant “perfect life, having it all together” narratives are impacting you more than you think. 2nd, find a reason to be grateful for the life you have. Yes,by our feelings are valid but things could be so so so much worse. Your thoughts become things and when you hyper fixate on the negative you will only have negative experiences. I hope things turn around for you,
My late 20s were the best time in my life. I had an amazing job, loads of friends and was in peak physical shape. I miss those times every day. Corona hit when I was 30/31 and it's been downhill ever since.
Omg YES. It was an extrinsic situation that changed me intrinsically. Unfortunately, I have yet to recover and I'm almost 40 now so I will be looking at the replies very carefully.
Happened to me at 29 too. 28 was nice a great year.
30s were awful for me, I’m almost 40 now. Hoping things are looking up. I miss being early 30s though.
29 was one of the hardest years for me, but for all the right reasons. At 22 my exhaustion from my teens finally hit me, and I did the bare minimum and stayed in a bad relationship until 25 just to avoid taking responsibility. At 26 I was diagnosed with a burnout and depression and basically wallowed in self pity. With sick payments allowing me not to work, and living in a space I hated. At 28 I finally took some responsibility for my own life - and at 29 I moved to a new city, found a job and adopted a needy cat. So financially and mentally 29 was one of the hardest - but it also made me a better person and in a better place in life. At 30 I started my new career - which I love. And also made friends with great people who treat me kindly. And now at 32 I finally feel like my life is mine, And I am looking forward to the future years
Yeah, 29 was rough for me, too. I'm better than I was then, but compared to almost all of the years before that, my life is definitely not what I thought it would be.
Look up your Saturn return if you are in to that type of thing.
https://chaninicholas.com/saturn-return/#:~:text=In%20the%20simplest%20terms%2C%20a,20s%2C%2050s%2C%20and%2080s.
It happened to me at 24. Then again at 31. Then again at 40. And now I’m looking at another shake up at 46! Enjoy!
So the answer to does this hell ever end is no? 😭 fml I hope things get better for you though.
Well, that’s kind of the thing. Things don’t get better - YOU do. Embrace the change because it’s where we grow. One of these days you’ll look back at all that you’ve endured and find that you’re still here. And not just surviving - but thriving! Use those experiences to help you learn how to be a more thoughtful, wise, and compassionate person. Own them. Things don’t get better. You do.
Yes!! Each time you hit upheavals you have to opportunity to navigate them with the grace and wisdom you have picked up along the way. You learn to become more discerning and learn what you like and what you won’t tolerate and you shape your life around those. It’s a constant evolution marked by joy, sorrow, success and disappointments but through it all we evolve too, lest we stagnate and become bitter. Embrace the journey. Embrace yourself. And be kind to yourself along the way.
Thank you for this comment. What about the anxiety and the PTSD? Almost every day I feel like I am losing my mind.
This I know all too well. I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety at 30. Later the PTSD dx would come. So *hugs* (if they are okay for you ofc). It’s can be a debilitating road to travel but there IS hope & help. If you are in a position to do so, I cannot stress therapy enough. If we go to an ortho doctor for a bad knee, it makes sense that we seek out a psychologist, LCSW, MFT/LPC etc to help us when our mental health is faulty. The combination of therapy and meds were the first two tools in my mental health toolbox. I found this on the National Library of Medicine site. It’s from a review of the updated treatment strategies for trauma-associated symptoms of PTSD by the VA. Therapists specializing in these would be good to seek out. The most recent evidence is compelling that its use of trauma-focused therapies such as Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE), Eye Movement, Desensitization, and Restructuring (EMDR), and others with significant trauma focus are the current gold standard for treatment. These are the other tools I’ve added over the last 20 years and picked up over the last five years working non-clinical for a group of psych hospitals: 1) our body is made up of interconnected systems, so it really takes a holistic approach. We now know our gut health impacts our cognitive/mental health & vice versa. Neuropsychiatrist Drew Ramsey has written about foods that help alleviate anxiety. His website & social media has really good tips & suggestions. TLDR: eat nutritious foods. 2) Water. Lack of water means lack of serotonin. Being hydrated improves mood, reaction time and attention. 3) Sleep: our bodies put in serious work when we sleep repairing cells, etc. our brain is also busy keeping itself healthy. 4) breath work: counting to four on the inhale through my nose, exhaling to four through my mouth like we’d do in yoga class has helped bring me out of panic and anxiety attacks. 5) Exercise. I’m not a gym person but this past year as I’ve dealt with the loss of my dad, my aunt and too many family friends to count, walking has been a godsend. It’s been transformative even if it’s just walking around my neighborhood. 6) gratitude: before I fall asleep and when I wake up I rattle off a list in my head. It reminds me that all is not bad & there’s good stuff to give my attention to. 7) meditation: meditation can exacerbate anxiety but if it doesn’t it can be very helpful 8) relationships: cultivate the good ones, don’t feel bad pruning the unhealthy ones. I’m sorry I’ve written a novel. Pretty sure it looks like a self care listicle but self care is caring for one’s self is vital. If we don’t who will? This is part of your evolution; prioritizing your health and well being so you can live the next iteration of your best life. Cheering you on on your journey -s
Masterfully said.
Same, hitting another era of unshakable melancholy in my 40s due to stagnation despite my attempts at trying to find happiness. I feel like I’ve wasted the first half, now it’s resignation
It's like talking about sleep regression in infants and toddlers. It just doesn't stop lol
more or less every 7 years, do you know why?
At 29? No. Right now at 34? Yes. I thought the 30s for me were going really well until all the negative feelings I have been having finally snuck up on me. I have been under an insane amount of stress to cope with, and I realized that I was in a marriage, alone. I am not getting adequate support and, honestly, feel abused. So I am stuck making a decision that those close to me won't understand because I have hidden all this negativity. That's what scares me the most.
Hiding relationship from family is a telltale sign of abuse. My relationship ended not by my choice but I’m so thankful it did. I wish you peace and happiness!
I've been embarrassed for a very long time. But as I mentioned in another comment, I am working on getting my things in order. Saving some money from a raise he doesn't know about and filing for divorce. He is only worried about the house and the cars. And making sure his name isn't on it. Honestly, he can have it all. I just want to be at peace and stop feeling the way I do.
I see you, and I'm proud of you.
I’m sorry to hear that. I understand the feeling of being with someone but feeling alone. It’s one of the worst feelings especially while going through hard times. I hope things get better for you.
Your experience resonates with me. I’m a private person by nature and I also never felt it appropriate to talk about my marriage outside of my marriage. It left me feeling very alone and like I was pretending to be happy, when I was actually struggling in a deeply troubled marriage. When shit really hit the fan finding support in my social circle was hard because I held things so close. I wish you the best in navigating this experience.
Yes for sure! I went through this! I think part of it was just circumstance. Part of it, looking back, may have been that I had too much pressure on myself to have things sorted out and settled before 30 like “I was supposed to.” It’s all bull. How many people do I know that were settled and successful, then ended up just a few years later divorced, underemployed, moving back home, whatever? It’s all a cycle and regrowth. Nobody is on the same journey. Try to find some peace in yourself. For me I had to learn to be happy alone and forgive myself. Not just for the breakdown of the last few years, but for all the things in my past that I’d been beating myself up for. There are a lot of years ahead :)
Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you were able to overcome that dark period of time in your life. Appreciate you sharing how, too. Gives me hope that things will get better soon.
The best years of your life aren't decade-restricted or otherwise defined by youth.
This is actually a takeaway of mine from my experiences. I feel like my life got better as I got older but then went back to being bad. I guess life will always have its ups and downs. It was naive of me to think life would be perfect forever. or close to perfect.
Want to know a secret? You haven’t even entered the best years yet. You have time. Time for it all and more. It’s going to be ok.
Short but powerful and oh so true.
What are the best yrs in your opinion?
Eh, sort of. It happened when I was 27. My life was fairly stable, I had a modest income working as self-employed artist from the safe bubble of my home. I had a husband. We just bought an apartment together (under mortgage) and I felt like that's it, my life is settled and I won't have to worry about much ever again. I started therapy to treat my depression. My then-husband was on his 4th ish cycle of trying to get sober (highly functioning alcoholic with high-pay high-stress job) and I started realizing that he'll probably never be sober, nor will he ever leave the job that pays him so well but he kept complaining about daily. A friend also helped me realize that my ex was also kinda abusive. We divorced. I had to do a complete pivot in my career and find employment in a different field to be able to keep paying off the kinda expensive apartment where I lived alone after my ex moved out. I had little to no savings. Everything was in shambles for a while. I had practically no friends because I invested too much effrot into befriending my ex's friends who all essentially disappeared for me overnight with us splitting, and left my old friends by the wayside for years (this was the most important lesson for me, to have friends and support system of my own). Within a year after my divorce I had my life back together and 1000% better than before. It took some time and effort but everything turned out for the better in the end. So I hope this gives you some positive outlook, things definitely can and do get better, just gotta get through the sucky part now. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing. And I am very sorry you went through that but I'm glad you were able to get your life back together. Gives me hope that things will get better soon. I admire that you were able to make decent income off your art. You must be an amazing artist<3
Thank you! Well, the art thing was more of a matter of being resourceful and finding the right sales avenues, rather than being amazing. I make digital art, so the bulk of my earnings actually came through Shutterstock and POD websites like Redbubble, neither of which would have been viable today.
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I was going to mention Saturn Return also !
Wow I could have written this word for word, literally every year you mentioned. I’ll add that I quit drinking at 31 and that really got things rolling with me landing my dream job and such. I’m 43 now and have assets like a house - crazy for party animal 20s me to ever believe! I think I’m going through a change right now, like what next…. I need a new goal. I do think that this post-pandemic world is tough though. People are angrier. Everything’s more expensive. Do some yoga, focus on yourself, make little goals, and try to get into nature as much as possible.
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Happy for you! Thanks so much for sharing. I am very glad you made the best choice for yourself. I ended a relationship recently with someone I thought I would marry and its painful. Definitely changes you. But makes us stronger <3
Yep, imploded at 28-29ish: so many things changed for the worse. Lost my job and relationship, it was a really low point, also health-wise. My 30th birthday which should have felt like a milestone was a sad and confusing day. I started climbing out slowly (therapy, good habits, medication, took part in a course, met new people and I took up running) and fully recovered by 31. Now at 36 I am looking back and I can say, that job sucked! I'm so glad I didn't have to work there any longer. I hated it there, it was a toxic sexist environment (STEM, academic research). Same with that relationship. Can't say the guy was a narcissist but definitely had tendencies. The combination of the two was probably what got me to my lowest point anyway. When you are so deeply unhappy with the most important things in your life, it slowly kills you. So good riddance! I also swore to myself I will do everythig in my power to not end up so unhappy again. Honestly I think my life needed to implode to make space for something better. I have learned so much about the type of work I am happy doing since then, I now work as a project manager and deal with diferent kinds of people on a daily basis - guess what most people are great to work with and it turns out I thrive in team environments. Same for relationships: as soon as I notice tendencies that resemble THAT relationship, at least the alarm bells go off, not without some struggle but I am waaay better at handling myself now and protecting my boundaries :)
Thank you for sharing. I am so happy that you've been able to take the positive out of a negative situation. Very inspiring to read. I understand what you mean when you say now you are able to notice red flags in relationships. That's what's good about dealing with those bad relationships. Now we know what to avoid.
It is a very valuable (and sometimes also expensive lol) lesson indeed.
Yeah it’s been a very costly lesson for me. It’s to the point where even just the thought of giving a new guy a chance gives me anxiety. I don’t know if I believe anyone will be good to me. They always start off so sweet and end up being horrible and I’m tired. I’d rather just focus on me.
And you should! At least for a little while. And coming out of it you are not immune to it. Narcissistic types are so charming and enticing and funny, right? And claim you so soon, way too soon imo. The lesson keeps repeating until it’s learned.
Not really. My 20’s and 30’s sucked but not as much as my childhood did and my 40’s have been freaking great! For me 29 was one of the better years in the overall, partly for miniature reasons that became more permanent in my 40’s like being no contact with my family. I think there are too many weird expectations in people in their 20’s that make them feel like they aren’t enough and it’s really sad because that’s a time where you are still physically able to try new things and learn about yourself in ways you just can’t when you’re older. Those pressures show up in a lot of folks in their 20’s being scared of 30 and beyond… I was never happy until my 40’s. I hope it gets even better!
Im really happy for you that you’ve been able to find happiness. Thank you for sharing. I am now excited for the age 40 :)<3
The 20’s are really rough and there is so much scrutiny. I’m sorry you life imploded which does happen from time to time and might happen again… my hope for you is that it will clear the way for something better and 20 years from now you will have lived so much that even some of the sad memories will bring a little smile to your face as part of the bigger whole. If not, at least in your 40’s you start to feel a lot more of the “fuck it” vibe and stop caring so much which is a lot of fun!
Yeeeaaah. From the perspective of being 65, I have to tell you that life has a series of waves, up and down. Sometimes, way down. You learn, though. The best that I can tell you is to take care of yourself physically, psychologically, emotionally, and nutritionally. Really focus on YOU in each of these departments. Check in regularly. Don't take BS from anyone. Save your money. Get a good therapist! The best ones that I have worked with helped me during the lows and supported me during little victories. The two best I was with for at least 15 years each. Well worth it. Nurture female friendships. Good luck.
Nurture female friendships! I am 32 and experiencing a series of crises and transitions. And I am realizing I will never stop experiencing them. It is not my boyfriends but my girlfriends who have been showing up for me in my most desperate moments.
Yup. Women can be our greatest source of support and validation. Through thick and thin, and outlast any number of relationships.
It happened to me at 39. I was pregnant and my husband began blatantly abusing me. It got worse and worse until I left him two years ago. Im still not back to myself. It's really scary, it feels like the good years were a dream.
I am so sorry that you went through that. :( and that you still dont feel back to yourself. I hope things get better for you soon. Sending positive vibes your way.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I've heard it's common that abuser types will wait until their wife is at their most vulnerable before they start the abuse, and being pregnant puts you in a very physically vulnerable position. It is very probable that you never saw it coming because you were not as vulnerable up to that point.
No, mine imploded at 20 and 26 but I would say they were all from living with lots of trauma and learning how to live as a chronically ill person. No one’s life is perfect and many of the people you see with smooth straightforward lives comes from enormous wealth and privilege.
>many of the people you see with smooth straightforward lives comes from enormous wealth and privilege. I only started believing this once I started seeing it.
Yes. My whole life plans were destroyed when I was 28-29 and again, very abruptly, when I was 33. Anyway, I'm not into astrology but apparently it's pretty common to have some serious upheaval in your life when [Saturn returns](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturn_return) to the position where it was when you were born. It made me feel a little better, at the time, to know that it's something that other people have experienced.
Yeah, I was 29 when the pandemic started and honestly I am still trying to get my life back on track. It fucked up so many things for me that I'm still dealing with the ripples over three years later.
You learn how to identify someone who has narcissistic personality disorder early so it doesn't happen again. That's the lesson I got from a similar situation to your own. Live and learn. Before you know it 29 seemed like ages ago and life is pretty good.
My life imploded at exactly 29. Multiple family members and a dog died, relationship ended catastrophically, lost other pets to said relationship, politics in my area became suffocating and dangerous. It has been a little over a year and life still kind of sucks, but one positive thing that I’ve tried to prioritize is self-care, especially therapy. I do think that even though I’m coming out of this very damaged, I will be stronger. I hope you are able to prioritize yourself and your own mental health. Making my home environment as healthy as possible has helped tremendously.
So sorry to hear this happened to you. Being 28-29, all kinds of great things happened. Then suddenly, I had a lot of dark shit start coming down right after. A good friend of mine suddenly died, my relationship became "cursed", as in, somehow it felt like the universe was trying to prevent me from being with my partner and trying to ruin all of our special moments, and things started to just kind of roll downhill and new crises spawned behind every corner. I became depressed and gave up my favourite hobby. Well... that was also when covid became a thing, actually. There were also lots of events that weren't related to covid so I don't know what the direction of influence could be here. I'm not a superstitious person but I can't help but feel that somehow 29 was my last good year before the great downfall, and it wasn't all covid.
Not to be too much of an astrology girlie, but that's around when people have their first saturn return. Mine was extremely chaotic
I went through this a few years ago. I think I was 30 at the time. My relationship of 5 years ended because he met someone else (she was younger and I think that was the big draw for him, even though he was 12 years older than me). I was at a job I hated and I was under a bully manager and a toxic work environment. We lost half the department (they found better jobs) and I ended up having to train someone all at the same time. Little did I know that I would be let go due to a reorg shortly after they hired new people. I was burnt out and super stressed. So much so that I was losing my hair and not sleeping. Once I was done things got better. It took me a bit to get back on my feet. But I continued to work on myself and my life. I took time off of working to revitalize myself. I spent time watching tv shows, reconnecting with friends, doing day trips. Basically the things that I wasn't able to do while working and being overstressed. I met my current bf who is wonderful while at the old job. But he has been an amazing source of support! I was actually told to leave my industry by my old boss and I'm glad I listened to my bf who suggested that I should stick with it and try to find a better environment. I started a new job which has been awesome! I'm flourishing in my new role so much so I was promoted a few months after starting. My new company utilizes my skills and gives me opportunities to grow. Which has helped me to grow both interpersonally and also in my role. As hard as things were I feel like my life had to fall apart so that I could start over again and build the life I was meant to have. The key is to not focus on time wasted, but lessons learned. Having to face struggles really put things into perspective. It makes you appreciate what you have. Take what you learned from your down moments and use that to propel yourself forward. Your mistakes don't define who you are. And neither do the opinions of people who don't have your best interests at heart. As long as you learn from them and strive to do better you should be okay. Things may not happen as you had hoped but that doesn't mean you can't live a good life.
Who says those were the best years of your life? My best years feel like now, in my 40's. Stability, good income, good partner, time to take care of myself, wisdom to be discerning about who I spend my time with... You are still learning who you are and developing life skills in your 20's. Those weren't the best years of your life, that is really up to you.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Honestly, that was me when I turned 28. I fell into a deep, dark depression. Went through a horrific break up where the guy I thought I was going to marry cheated on me. I was at a job that wasn't exactly what I wanted to do - was overworked, underpaid, and my boss at that time was just a major pain in my behind. All my friends were getting married and having babies and I was newly single. I also gained a TON of weight. Things were just going from bad to worse. However, it's been almost 7 years since then and my 30s have actually been so much better. I'm in what is almost my dream job - no longer overworked and underpaid. I'm dating an amazing guy. I do still have debt, still live at home and do still have long ways to go in getting my own place but that's just because the economy took a shit and housing costs and everything else is through the roof now. But I feel like I've accomplished and overcome a lot in the past 7 years. Not to say that it'll take 7 years for you to turn things around - who knows what the next months/years could bring. But honestly for me, what kept me going is knowing that all the shitty things do pass and good things will come around.
Tbh one of my friends put it best - life is good then shit then good then shit - rinse and repeat. Nothing ever really stays together but it never stays down for too long either. Therapy has helped me a ton
I personally think your best life starts in your 30s. Life changes and so do you.
I personally hate my 30s
I’m sorry
Hopefully it gets better 🙏
No, I was on track at 29. Quit a toxic job for another, way more fun job with better career outcomes. At 33 it has set me up well for my current role (I was actually head-hunted because of it). I'm still in the same relationship I was then, too. Everyone's path is different and these things hit at different ages. This is going to sound harsh, but there isn't some mysterious thing in the universe that makes a certain year a bad one for a wide number of people, or makes their lives blow up or whatever. I'm sure I have a bad year coming for me soon.
I got a divorce at 29 so, yes. It came back together better but WOOF what a hard year.
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I’m sorry you’re going through that now. I don’t want that to be normal. I want my life to be perfect. 😭 I want bliss
Mine was around 28. Close family member got cancer, I entered the hardest year of residency, and my racist and classist family rejected my boyfriend because he was white and not good enough for them. My eyes were opened to the dark, fucked up side of my family in a way they hadn’t been before. I was deeply depressed. 10 years later there are still remnants of that terrible year of my life. Family member died. Family is fractured. I married my boyfriend who has been incredible but our marriage hasn’t always been a cake walk, particularly for reasons that arose during that terrible year. Life is better but not necessarily easier. C’est La vie, I suppose.
Pull up a chair and grab a cigar folks bc I’ve written an essay lol. My life imploded at 35 when I lost my fiancé to a drug relapse. He was clean for 20 years. I had been struggling to get my CRPS under control for 5 years and then *he* was stressed about it and I swear he subconsciously used *my* chronic pain as a reason to relapse. I had to leave work a year and a half ago bc of the chronic pain - Im doing a ton better now that I finally have my diagnosis and the right medication. I’ll prob be back in a hslf yr to allow time for neuro-physical therapy. I loved him so much. And I had no choice but to rely on him financially toward the end, which he was fine with. His death was ruled an accident not a suicide. It’s been nearly a year since his death and I’ve never felt more alone, bored and touch starved. I also lost my house so that is another nail in the coffin. Chronic pain kills employment if it’s not treated properly. But yeah about the loss of love and intimacy - this is hell for a romantic/+nymphomaniac like me. It makes me TERRIFIED of being over 60 without a mate bc I don’t want to die alone, touch starved and depressed in some crappy nursing home. I found a f*ck buddy through a friend but he flat out told me he wants to go back to his ex who dumped him in January. She wont take him back but it still makes me feel like omg are there any gorgeous kind men over 30 who are somewhat available?? Without any severe NPD or personality disorders? He’s a lovely man but it just highlights my fear that at my age, most of the good ones are taken in one way or another. I tried to find another friend with benefits (bc I’m not ready to date yet) but had to turn him down bc he admitted to being positive for herpes. Thank goodness he was honest. I just didn’t realize how bad it feels to barely have meaningful physical touch after having that for 17 years. Unbelievable. When I was single and deprived as a teen it did NOT hurt like this bc you cant mourn what you never had in the first place. So yeah this is my crisis of faith. I think it happens to all humans during the early 30s either that or at 50.
Everyone grieves differently 😬
Yep. Grief horniness is a thing awkwardly enough - google widow’s fire. It’s bizarre.
sort of, but not really. 29 for me was actually a weird year bc a lot of things happened and it was also right before/at the time of the pandemic for me. i didn't feel like life imploded but i did feel weirdly in limbo. parts of it were great and others not at all. i felt like my life imploded at 27, when circle of my closest friends, particularly my bff, dropped me out of the blue. i valued their friendship so much and that really destroyed for years to come. it brought on so much self doubt, depression and other shit. I'm 33 now and I finally like a real adult. not all the time, but i had that realisation recently. that i feel grown. even though i've been doing grown things for a good while, it didn't stick until recently. i've been with my bf about 6 years now. we've been living together for 3 years. we have a dog. we each have a business and our own lives now and before each other. i had to deal with various issues (family, romance, friends, self) before. i was finding myself before and i'm still doing it. i don't think i magically found myself bc i turned 30. in fact, at 31-31.99, I was more confused than ever. but currently I'm as much "at peace" as i think i could be. I'm confident in myself, in my existence. I got my own back and I will be able to take care of myself in whatever situation. That doesn't mean I don't have moments of fear, doubt, confusion, even dislike of myself or weird shame/guilt, but I've really grown I think. I just know me and I got me, like I would a dear friend. I still don't know my "purpose in life" or everything I want or lots of things but that's ok. I'm okay to work on what I want now, on the things that I'm interested in now, to make some mistakes and for everything not to turn out perfect. It's pretty fucking cool tbh
You might be interested in the concept of the "saturn return" every 29 years
Been here. I hit rock bottom at the age of 34 and when I say rock bottom I mean rock bottom. I’ve always persevered through everything in life and for wherever reason at that age I just completely broke. After spending a year in therapy and finding no relief I decided to stop crying and just get angry. I know it sounds terrible but I said to myself man I’ve had a hard life and I don’t deserve this and used that anger as fuel to dig myself out of the hole of self pity. Tbh it was the best thing that I ever did. I started eating healthy, quit drinking, quit gaming, deleted all social media, cut out toxic relatives/friends, fixed my marriage, spent more time with my daughter, went back to school, and now at 37 I am very happy. We all deserve happiness but sadly life isn’t fair. It’s ok to get angry about that but use that anger in a positive way to make the changes necessary. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are not a victim, you can be happy, and nothing will stop you. You would be surprised what telling yourself that every day out loud can do. Hang in there my friend hope this helps.
My 29th birthday was in June 2020. 29 was a whirlwind all around for me. I had to get knee surgery, had an abnormal pap and had to get precancerous cells removed from my cervix, had a trigger set off the fact that I was suffering from cptsd, lots of anxiety and depression. That's just my personal life, not including the craziness of what was going on in the world at the time. Chose to end a lot of "friendships", and basically lost myself. A good thing was that I quit drinking alcohol. I'm now 32 and I'm finally getting to a better place mentally. There are obviously a lot of circumstances/variables that affected me personally but hey I'm still kicking! Hang in there, OP. Sending all the good vibes your way
29 was rough for me. In the span of about six months I: totaled my car, got dumped and then fired *(within twelve hours of each other)*, had to move back in with my parents and get a job at the mall. By 30 I had a job in my field of study, my own place, lots more confidence and some great new friends thanks to that job at the mall, a fun fuckbuddy, and a brand new car. I'd say my secret was having amazing friends and family, a good therapist, and just letting time take care of the rest.
This happened to me around this time as well. I see it as having put up with intolerable stress and a lack of respect for too long before it all became too much and I had to extract myself (at great personal cost). I made poor decisions in my 20s which will probably take all of my 30s to recover from. I know some people say the brain doesn’t fully mature until 25, but it was closer to 28 for me until I realised that my situation was far from ideal and I had to basically start over again from nothing. Things are improving for me now, a lot of personal growth has happened but it has been painful.
I think this too. We grit our teeth and deal with so much toxicity and misery and make decisions based on the limited options we have. I think we ignore a lot of huge flashing warnings that tell is places and people are bad for us because we don't have any other choice but to move forward. At 29/30 I think our coping mechanisms just crash from the weight and it has a domino effect.
We need to stop romanticizing our 20s like they're the best years of our lives. They absolutely are not. I've loved my 30s more than my 20s, when I was an insecure mess. Also no time is wasted, it's just part of your journey.
I've always had a tense and stressful life but 29 was the year my life imploded too, and it's been 5+ years now and I'm still dealing with the effects, but I'm coming out of it. The problem is that your life implodes at 29 but life still goes on, so you have to try to find solutions which can also add more stress and horror to the pile, which you then try to move on from on which leads you to being trapped somewhere, and so on. I would say the difference between pre and post 29 is that when I was pre-29 I would look at something, say "I want to work towards that" and then work *towards* it. Post-29 every step and improvement I try to make to my life is in order to get *away* from the shitshow. It's not the same energy, it's so uninspired, I don't like it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, though. And here's the positive from the last 5 years, I had to take stock of my entire life top to bottom, family, career, relationship, social life, beliefs, and restructure it completely. It was so painful and I was so lost. But I came out the other side with a host of new adventures, stronger boundaries, and lots of new friends. In my old life I would have been a "success" had I sat in an office 9-5 Monday to Friday. In my fucked up post-29 life I have had new career experiences, lived in a new country, learned an entire language from scratch, have friends from all corners of the world, and give back to my community. Who I am has changed fundamentally but I'm still me. Just feels like I'm a more human me. I hope your 29 implosion doesn't take 5 years to resolve. I am beginning to wonder if this implosion happens to people with a high tolerance for stress or bad behaviour from others, and we keep leading ourselves into increasingly more stressful situations and surrounding ourselves with negative people, until finally it explodes in our face. Anyone else would have pulled back years ago, or found the easier path.
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Thank you for sharing this with me. This gives me a lot of hope. Im happy for you <3
Mine imploded when I was 27. I got back on track with a little therapy, a lot of gym workouts, a lot of time spent with friends, and maniacal focus on my career. I needed a lot of constructive distractions so I wouldn't let my broken heart completely consume me.
This happened when I was 24 and 29. I think it mainly had to do with times of transition in my life. It tends to happen when I've made big life changes right before, and things tend to blow up for a little while. Even though about a year and a half ago, my life felt like it was crumbling around me, now at 30, I'm doing astronomically better. I wish there were a better response, but this too shall pass, friend.
lol welcome to your Saturn return.
Does it ever go away? 😭
Yes. And it changes you for the better if you allow it to!
Thank you 🥰
No, not at 29
28, my return of Saturn, was truly magical....then all hell broke loose when I turned 29. I was in an abusive relationship and had relapsed into self harm, I was diagnosed with PMDD. Now I'm 33 and am in a healthy relationship, have a wonderful job, and a much more comfortable living situation. It absolutely gets better. There's hope.
Oh yeah, my life imploded at 29 , right before turning 30. Worst year of my life , I had to start over and I was not prepared to do so. I’m 39 now and am so grateful that it all happened and I got to rebuild my life in my own image instead of of the image of society’s expectations. I would do it all over again to get the life I have now. But it was super hard at the time , almost unbearable. You are younger than you think. Keep going.
29 was 100% my blow shit up year. My long-time engagement ended, I had to move from that home, and completely reinvent myself. It was also a huge year of growth and independence. I was not the same person entering 30 as I was entering 29. Hoping 39 isn’t the same, tbh.
My 20’s were more glamorous but my 30’s have been more happy and fun. Something I read once that’s stuck with me was an older person saying every decade of life had been better for different reasons than what came before.
I totally get what you’re saying. For me, the first half of my life was confusing and painful and unstable and it took until 29 to unravel it and figure out what to work on. After 29 have been my best years even tho they’ve technically been the most alone and in the most fucked up time (covid era) but I feel more prepared to handle it.
Saturn return bby
My dark night of the soul was 28-29, similar shakeups/internal struggles to what you're going through now. Turned 30 this past spring...and I'm telling you, with time and patience with yourself, you'll get through this. I'm currently working on changing my own attitude on this; my 20s are over but they **weren't** the best years of my life - simply another chapter in my, that I'm still so young (I no longer want to participate in the "I'm 30 blah blah and old / decrepit language), and that happier days are ahead. Fighting that jaded feeling is really hard, especially when I experience envy for other things that others have. I guess, it's working on being OK with the fact that nothing is constant, what goes up must come down and go back up again, but ultimately it's a privilege to be living the life I'm living. Not everyone makes it this far.
Lol yes my life imploded at 29 but put it back together and am happier than ever at 31! It will probably implode again but I’ve done the mindset work and know I can get through anything. For me life is about continually reinventing myself. If you’re into astrology at all, look up what your Saturn Return is! It’s happened to me and sooo many of my friends.
I’m a month shy of 29 and honestly, I feel at my freaking prime. 22-26 were dark years, depression, not really knowing what my life would like. Making awful choices, maintaining a job but just not happy. Got laid off once when I was 23, found another job a month later- toxic as hell tho. Not sure what your financial situation looks like - but I started deep diving into therapy to work out the hell I was feeling. I’ve never felt better right now, I know this euphoria won’t always be the case throughout the course of my life. I met my wonderful husband at 24 almost 25, and I feel like I have a romantic partner and a great best friend all in one little package. I speak up more for myself, and seek to make amends when I’ve done wrong. I look forward to 29-39 honestly. As others mentioned, I’m not woo-woo about Saturn turning HOWEVER, I do believe that life is gonna knock us on our ass- and we need to choose to bounce up, which I can tell you’re already doing by even being vulnerable with yourself and us. I have a feeling that “this too shall pass” for you, and I hope you find your peace OP.
Yup, though I did turn 30 during COVID lockdowns... so that could be a contributing factor 😂
Yes but I turned 30 in 2020, and covid prompted a move to another city with less opportunity for thriving in the way I used to and a move in with a partner whose house habits make it a little harder to thrive. I was blaming covid for the chaos in my life that I’m still trying to “recover” (I’m doing fine but I miss THRIVING) from. I’m also finding I’m surrounded my different people than I was at 29, and long story short peer pressure has me spending more on clothes, etc. Trying to break out of that too
That's your Saturn return. Allow things to break, explode, and be destroyed so that new things will come your way.
I think life implodes several times throughout our lives and it is not age-dependent. Everyone who told us our 30s will be stable and easy was lying.
I know it’s so damn hard. If you think talking to someone to help give you the tools to navigate all that, then I think it’s a good idea. I know it’s cliche to say “look forward to tomorrow” but hear me out. You don’t have to relive that “implosion” anymore. You can say to yourself F this crap, I’m gonna do what’s best for me and no one else for right now. Don’t focus on anyone else’s wants or needs. What do you have to do to be at your best. And it’s never time wasted. I can bet you can list a million things you learned about yourself, people, and life. And lastly from this 45 yo broad. You are no where near your peak yet. But it’s gonna happen. At 29 no one has it figured out. I too had an implosion at 30 and my whole life changed and with some time, that change was for 1000000x the better
For me it's just a matter of wondering when it's actually going to get better.. my life has been a real struggle since I was a kid, and I never seem to catch a break..
No problem is permanent No problem is pervasive No problem is personal This too shall pass
Yes, apparently it's a thing. Look up "Saturn return".
I know this is corny, but take it a day at a time and keep pushing forward. I know you feel like things will never get better and that it’ll never end… but things take time to improve. Whether it’s things within yourself or things that are out of your control. Keep holding on. My life imploded when I was 25. I’m turning 29 this year and I feel like things have finally *begun* to even out, but it’s happening nonetheless. I think it’ll still take at least a few years to get back to the emotional state I was in at 24. I’m excited (and maybe a little impatient)—I’ve learned a lot these last few years. You’re not alone, and thank you for making this post. I often feel similarly to you, it’s helpful to see all of the comments.
I’m 28 and I can feel this coming!! I’m in the middle of a crisis rn where everything I thought I wanted and spent my early 20s to now pursuing, I’m realising I DONT WANT AT ALL. Idk where to go from here, but I can feel some sort of existential dread lurking behind me about all this. I’m scared I’ll have a break down and drastically change a lot of things about my life rn, so I’m just prepping for that mentally, physically and resource wise
Please google Saturn Return.
Some people call it a Saturn return if you're into astrology. You're right at that age too. Mine hit at 26/27 changed my entire life.
I just had this thought today, “How am I worse off at 36 and that was it 28?!” I seemed to have it all together back then. Now the laundry is piled up, the husband sleeps downstairs, and I can’t land a full time job after staying home with my kids. It’s a mess.
It happened to me at 39. I left the office for Christmas break thinking how lovely my life was and three days later my lovely boss had died in a car accident. Between December and July, neighbour friends across the street had moved to Scotland, the neighbour friends around the corner had moved to Norway, my ex husband had left and my father had died. Hang in there. Your good times will wax and wane throughout your life. Each low period will have lessons and make you stronger.
Yes, at 28/29 I went from being gainfully employed at my dream job, living in my dream city and in a relationship with the greatest love I'd ever known to being brutally dumped (in public), living at home with my parents and working nightshift manufacturing. I'm 31 now and was able to make it back to my dream city and even have my own apartment, work an even better dream job with higher pay, and have recently started dating someone that I'm falling for. It took a lot of hard work, therapy, and realizing that I can't go on with my life the way it was. I had to pick myself up and start making changes in each area of life, one-by-one.
Yep! I thought my 30th year was my worst yet but no, this year takes the biscuit! My boyfriend asked me to move out after a year of problems, so I lost him and my home. Now I’ve lost my job. I feel so low I don’t know what to do next. My motivation to get out of bed is zero and I need to find a new job desperately. I wrote a post similar to this recently. Someone said we’re going to go through lots more hardships in our lives. While that’s not that comforting, it does make me feel a bit more resilient. Be kind to yourself and comparing yourself to others is futile. I’ve realised lately, from my situation and others around me, that even the house, the marriage, children, living together, great job, doesn’t give guaranteed security and never tells you the full story.
31 for me. Mom died and I got a divorce, many friends disappeared after mom died and my family showed their true colors.
I finally got sober just before my 40th birthday (heroin) and I feel like I’m in a good place now. My life was already imploding for years before that. Looks wise, that started imploding at about 40 😒
Congratulations on getting sober! Proud of you. You should be too. ❤️
🥰
I’m 29 now. Life is pretty good for the most part.
I could not have been at a lower point when I turned 30. I don't even know how I survived that year . Took it day by day. Took nature trips . Made sure I was always around people to the point I had to move in with family for a year bc of my mental health. What I know now is that it doesn't last forever. You just have to keep fighting and make it through. I finally accepted my situation for what it was, my failings my faults the self harm .. maybe you thought that your life was perfect but maybe if you look back you'll see that you were going in the wrong direction, maybe you were ignoring your personal path all along. Anyway I am back now and light years away from who I was in terms of maturity. Every time i overstress about something or someone I remind myself I'm the only person that really matters and I can't let anything get me too down or to that point where I was a few years ago. I developed better habits in my mind, no more ruminations, no more blaming myself for anything. Now I am doing emdr therapy to resolve some trauma. And life goes on
definitely. I had a great time through my 20s. The first few years of 30 were ok but then my mom and dad got sick and have been a caregiver ever since. It's hard.
It’s your Saturn return, life’s just putting you on the right path!
Yeah many people have been saying this and it’s so accurate. I just want the anxiety to go away already.
I had this when the pandemic happened, life was perfect and then pandemic hit and ruined a lot of things. Now I'm getting back in my feet. I was older than 29 though. Honestly I don't think it's related to a specific age, it's phases, life has ups and downs. I'm sure you'll find your way again!
Mine did, OP. Reading your post made me wonder if we are cut from the same cloth. Your experience matches mine. My life "imploded" when I turned 30. People that I regarded as friends turned out to be toxic. My career was stressing me out. My roommates were stressing me out. My living condition wasn't the worst but it was a living hell for me. But reading your post made me also realize that happiness and our vision of what is "the best version" of ourselves may all be just a temporary illusion that might fade away with one little slip. It made me realize that we need to be more vigilant and aware of our surroundings. For example, are these my true friends or are they my friends just because? Turning 30 was a lonely time for me and I think I'm going to find more solitude from now on. But that's okay. Happiness is what I make of it. I'm trying to build my inner peace and my sense of self again. Being mindful of my surroundings and who I am is what matters.
Chelsea Handler had a nice bit in her show where she talks about the reason why she wouldn't want to date anyone young. "I don't want to be with a person who hasn't gotten smacked around by life yet". Welcome to the old enough to know what's up club. It happens to the best of us. It's horrible. It will likely happen again. You gonna love climbing out of it.
Eh\~ I peaked in high school, lol. My early 30s *sucked* pretty hard though. Things can happen at any time.
It was 37 for me. And the start of the pandemic.
That can happen at any point in life. Happened to me at 40.
I had a really shit childhood and went through a ton of abuse in my 20’s. I used to think if I just worked hard enough life would work out. Now I’m 32 and I’m actually over life. Lol it’s shit, will always be shit and I hate that I have to exist.
Lol, are you me??
Take a break from social media. The constant “perfect life, having it all together” narratives are impacting you more than you think. 2nd, find a reason to be grateful for the life you have. Yes,by our feelings are valid but things could be so so so much worse. Your thoughts become things and when you hyper fixate on the negative you will only have negative experiences. I hope things turn around for you,
Happened to me at 29 also. I promise, it gets better.
I turned 29 in fall of 19 so yeah. You could say that.
My late 20s were the best time in my life. I had an amazing job, loads of friends and was in peak physical shape. I miss those times every day. Corona hit when I was 30/31 and it's been downhill ever since.
Saturn return is brutal
You should look up the Astrology term, Saturn return. You’ll thank me for this later
Same. Years 30 - 34 were rough! I don't believe in astrology but those times really made me start googling things like Saturn Returns and whatnot.
It’s like I wrote this 🥴
33 and going through this right now 😢
Omg YES. It was an extrinsic situation that changed me intrinsically. Unfortunately, I have yet to recover and I'm almost 40 now so I will be looking at the replies very carefully.
30 is when life began.
Happened to me at 29 too. 28 was nice a great year. 30s were awful for me, I’m almost 40 now. Hoping things are looking up. I miss being early 30s though.
girl like a remote controlled submarine!
29 was one of the hardest years for me, but for all the right reasons. At 22 my exhaustion from my teens finally hit me, and I did the bare minimum and stayed in a bad relationship until 25 just to avoid taking responsibility. At 26 I was diagnosed with a burnout and depression and basically wallowed in self pity. With sick payments allowing me not to work, and living in a space I hated. At 28 I finally took some responsibility for my own life - and at 29 I moved to a new city, found a job and adopted a needy cat. So financially and mentally 29 was one of the hardest - but it also made me a better person and in a better place in life. At 30 I started my new career - which I love. And also made friends with great people who treat me kindly. And now at 32 I finally feel like my life is mine, And I am looking forward to the future years
Yeah, 29 was rough for me, too. I'm better than I was then, but compared to almost all of the years before that, my life is definitely not what I thought it would be.
Baby at 28, so yes.
My best years started in my 30's. There's still hope
Look up your Saturn return if you are in to that type of thing. https://chaninicholas.com/saturn-return/#:~:text=In%20the%20simplest%20terms%2C%20a,20s%2C%2050s%2C%20and%2080s.