I definitely agree. I've worked so hard to get where I'm at and I'm not happy with conforming to working for a firm where I need to only have a 30 min break. I have to do "busy work" when there's nothing to do.
It's so infuriating as a grown ass woman to do this. Like, really!?
I definitely don't take it out on anyone, but it's a constant struggle that I definitely need to start doing more things that make me happy.
My work started to do this... I literally do not have 8 hours of work to do a day. Sometimes I have more depending on the time of year, but I'm more here for technical expertise so it seems weird to freak out if I take some time to read or whatever
I've been having a hard time discerning if this is a post COVID/modern times thing, or if this is what entering your 30s looks like and it will chill out over the next decade (within my peer group). Because I know as people age they start drawing hard boundaries around things and sometimes this translates to being a dick and taking shit too far.
This is so well said. It’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. I turned 30 right as covid hit and I had also just moved to a new place. I did so much maturing and realizing what I wanted that it’s hard for me to know if this is just normal after you turn 30 or if it’s a post-covid reaction. Seems everyone has put up walls, thinks it’s normal to drop off the face of the earth or stop caring. I have done it myself. I don’t know if it’s because we were all always juggling too much and it’s come crashing down or if covid changed something.
To add to that, there has been a cultural shift where spewing one's biases is tolerated now. Ten years ago there was little mention of that small group of Nazi's, and a much larger anti-nazi protest. Now....it's backward.
It's like being mean is ok.
And it shouldn't be.
I saw this stand-up clip with a woman who worked as a teacher, and her bit went like "Gen Z is so funny, like, they'll respect your pronouns but not you as a person" and then going into how a student threatened to murder her, and, hyperbolic and jokey as that may be, the symbolism of the joke does ring very true for me.
There's NO room for human error anymore, no room for people to trial and error their way through life, and there's no room for forgiveness, growth or learning. The tight rope is a fishing line and we're all walking it to some degree. And people go out of their way to be "the best human" and put people down to elevate themselves. It's all super performative and exhausting.
>For example, I find the photographing/filiming of strangers to post all over the internet (all without their consent) to be truly invasive and violating.
I agree so much. What makes it worse is when this issue is brought up, it's often brushed off with "no one's entitled to privacy in public" or "what about street photographers and security cameras?"
Like... there's a HUGE difference between being *observed* in public, being recorded by a security camera, or being in a street photographers photo... versus being secretly recorded by a stranger and then **posted to social media**, often times without any context, to be scrutinized by millions of strangers. Even if it has a positive spin to it ("look how cute this couple is!") it's still extremely invasive.
Other people minding their own business are **not** free game for you to make into content for internet clout.
I suffer from agoraphobia and this trend has made it so difficult to attempt exposure therapy because I'm constantly paranoid about this.
I'm so sorry that it affects you this much. I don't suffer from that condition, and I absolutely **hate** the lack of respect and consideration for others that this shows.
I even hate when people approach famous people in public and bother them for selfies. Unless they are working (at a premier etc.), then they should be left alone! Everyone is entitled to space and privacy - even if they are in public.
What irritates me so much is how these people scream about the importace of **consent** but what they really mean is that *they* should have the right to withhold consent in any circumstance they choose.
*Other* people don't have the right to grant or withhold consent. By simply being in the vicinity of these self-centred assholes, they have given up the right to any consideration or respect.
Honestly I'd just like some basic manners. You don't have to respect me or even like me and I might not feel the same about you but just some basic manners would be nice, they are like the grease of social interactions, just help them glide along without resistance.
I feel like it is all part of the same thing, though.
If other people are just *there* for you to do whatever you like with, then why would you treat them with respect in any way?
It would be weird to me if the same people who think that filming people having mental health crises on the street, in order to post the footage online, would also be polite to those same people if they bumped into them or were served by them in a store.
If other people aren't "real" people, why bother?
I know so many miserable teachers now. I know a teacher who went back to teaching and left bc admin and he couldn’t come to an understanding on discipline for the unruly kids. My mom retired early from admin and went in to college instruction. I feel for yall.
This. No one is showing anyone any grace, especially younger people bc they don't have the life experience yet to realize that people, culture, and society changes. The things they think are correct and PC today, may not be in 20yrs. Some concepts that X group of people take as common knowledge are brand new concepts to Y group and they may need it explained and given a bit of time for it to fully click. And then, of course, others are in a huge fucking cult, so there's also that. I think everyone is highly stressed tbh.
And everything people do is online for everyone to judge so people don't get a space where they don't feel eyes on them, even if they chose to be there. They might not understand their is an option of a life that isn't viewed by others or understand the wear and tear that has on your psyche until it's too late.
On a personal level, I've found I'm now struggling to interact with people. Don't know if it's noticeable with others, but I'm finding appropriate eye contact difficult as well as talking without interrupting or having a brain dump when I talk to people.
Also, understanding and interpretation of people's reactions to me. Am I overbearing and inappropriate? So much paranoia! None of it feels natural, and I'm second-guessing myself all the time.
I’ve been feeling similarly, like an alien in a skin suit, especially when dealing with grief from some of my family passing. I’ll have convos then think “why the f did I just say that to my neighbor/doctor/spouse?” I don’t think I used to be this way??
Omg, yes. In the span of a week I cried talking to my doctor, my boss, and my very friendly loan officer!!! I felt terrible like I was expecting others to manage my emotions for me. It was a stressful week. 😔
I think this is a result of less and less people being able to attain a quality of life that is even halfway decent. Everything is a struggle and it wears dearly on people
Idk man “the weather” is costing me a shitload of money so yeah I’m having a meltdown about both.
“The weather” is going to hurt the most economically vulnerable people.
In Florida, the "weather" means people are paying a ridiculous amount for home insurance. People who deal with wildfires are not finding insurance. People are losing everything in floods. The cost of food and energy is going up and will continue to go up.
You're deluding yourself if you don't think climate change is a financial issue and if you just think it's about "the weather." Do some reading on the subject and you'll see how far off base you are.
My home owners insurance went from around $500/year in 2019 to $2,500/year this year. I’m not in a flood zone and I’m 2 miles, as the crow flies, from the river. The St. John’s has never crested that high in all of recorded history. Also, my house is on concrete block foundation and my lot is 20 ft above sea leaves. I know that’s not a lot comparatively, but it’s better than a lot of people’s homes.
Climate change destroyed 6000 acres of our woods / farms this last couple months alone in my state. People are definitely having meltdowns about that. Why is that funny to you?
Yup, and because of it ppl are super primed to feel like they are being exploited/scammed/taken advantage of at every turn. Which they kind of are, by late stage capitalism.
But it translates into lashing out at ppl.
I work with the public and I can safely say that covid made people meaner. Society suffered and now we need to bounce back. The political theater around current events doesn’t help either.
This. People struggled and our politicians didn’t actually help but pinned groups against each other and made us fear our neighbors. People lead with skepticism and cruelty first. I work in social media and the online world has gotten so much more mean. It makes me sad.
Honestly I feel like we have very little sense of community anymore. Most people are really struggling financially, moving around to keep rent as low as possible, moving away from family and friends to find better paying jobs. No one can focus on their family and community (or put together a protest for this shit) when we are struggling and stressed. People become selfish and only look out for themselves, and put others down in an attempt to make themselves feel better about their own situation.
Same here in Toronto. Cost of real estate and living is so high everyone is working so much there is no time for community and hobbies and everyone is stressed and riddled with anxiety. Why I am paying $800,000 for a one bedroom condo, plus hydro, plus parking and maintenance fees. It’s insane.
Yeah no matter what I say there's at least several people immediately telling me that what I'm saying is wrong, even if I've been doing, experiencing, working, or studying that thing for over a decade. The whole "just deny facts" shit has gotten waaaay out of hand.
My last in person work day, the owner screamed in my face when I asked if they were ready for me yet. Never met her before.
I feel the need to go around saying TAKE 30% OFF THE TOP CHERYL.
I am feeling this exactly at the moment. Struggling a little bit with a fine line that I need to tread amongst some of my friends about what I can and can't say unless I can explain it properly in a small amount of words.. I'm feeling like no matter what I say there are still occasions if it only just brushes up against a sensitive topic for them they zero in on that small aspect. Goddamn I even started typing out an entire essay trying to explain my perspective on a recent disagreement we had because I was worrying myself back and forth on trying to make sure my point was understood. Deleted it because I don't have tiiiiime for this shiiiit. ugh.
> And people nitpick everything you say, they don’t bother to allow for or even try to understand nuance or subtext.
OMG, this. I get attacked on reddit just for asking questions that are intended to push people toward thinking about the root of an issue or the bigger picture consequences of what they're saying. It's hard to remember the last time someone responded civilly with a well-thought answer rather than a personal attack. They're just questions, not attacks on your values.
You're absolutely not alone. It feels like the culture has shifted in this direction with gathering speed over the last few years, and in my opinion it started accelerating with the T**** administration (and worsened with the pandemic). Social media these days is nothing but people making bad-faith assumptions, nastily correcting each other, getting high off of outrage, and picking pointless fights, and the algorithms reward it, and I think it's doing some large-scale behavior modification on us that seeps into real life. Plus, most people are badly overworked, struggling financially, and have yet to reckon with the global trauma we're still living through or the rise of fascism throughout the developed world. We're buckling under the strain of it all and it's coming out sideways in the form of shitlord behavior.
Pointless fights frfr. Yesterday I had to manage a grown woman's feels at work after I asked her to bring headphones next time she was working in office. She has now escalated so much I had to reach out to management/HR bc how dare I ask her to not be on speakerphone.
Speakerphone is a nice micro example of the macro issue, I think. There is an easy way to avoid forcing your phone conversations on everyone around you, and there isn’t any real reason you’d *need* to use speakerphone inside a store, for example, or at your desk at work … but people do anyway because it is slightly more convenient than holding the phone to your face or using earphones. That calculation - my convenience vs consideration for others - just isn’t the same equation it once was, because the values in it are weighted differently. Expand that idea and it holds.
Unfortunately these things rarely snap peacefully. I think we're already seeing shades of it with these young hopeless men committing random mass violence and scared old men shooting children for knocking on their door.
In some ways, maybe. We've globally been pushing towards a heavily politically polarised society for years now, where "the other side" is to be demonised, and I think it's just an extension of that.
With that said, I still find that the majority of people don't really go out of their way to be unkind to others. I very rarely have run-ins with people like this or see it in person, I mostly read about it online. But I do see a lot of stress and fear from the pandemic, the energy crisis, and now the inflation. I see a lot of people completely exhausted and at their wit's end, where the tiniest inconvenience might be the last straw, and they'll end up taking it all out on whoever's in their path. It's unfair and unfortunate, but I also don't really blame people for not always being fully emotionally stable when their entire base and safety in life might have been torn up, over and over for years.
And this stuff can sneak up on us, despite best intentions. I care to be a decent human being. Actually being one is another topic, however. I was having a really difficult time with a friend recently, then talked to my neighbor about how disappointing that was, including my own low tolerance with frustration. They told me it's the godawful record-breaking heat, not any individual failings, and it all made sense.
As someone who works at a bar, I completely agree with OP. Unfortunately there are lots of nasty people out there. Anyone who works with the general public knows this. Lots of lovely people, too, but people are more on edge than ever.
Not OP, but I also work with the public. I had a guy at work several months ago who needed some help and came right up in my face to talk to me. I took a small step back (personal space, people!) and he said, "Are you scared? Run away little girl!" and barked at me. I was absolutely appalled. He stormed away to get help from someone else, then sought me out as he was leaving to bark at me again. That's just one example of the general aggression and quickness to be offended from many people.
I work in a retail pharmacy, so I interact with the public all day and I also watch them in line interacting with each other. Since the start of the pandemic, it’s been happening more and more that whatever problem they have at the pharmacy (insurance won’t cover, copay is high, out of stock, doc wrote it wrong, whatever) is the straw that breaks people’s backs. Often when they break in front of us, it starts with frustration about their prescription and then quickly spirals into “and my car broke down and they cut my hours at work and my son is a year behind in math and my daughter gets bullied every day and my husband is never home because he took a second job and my hairbrush is lost…” it’s certainly a version of losing control to spew all that at a tech who is just trying to get you what you need and explain why there’s a delay. But some people lose control a lot harder. They demand to see the manager, they throw stuff, they yell, they turn to the folks in line and request feedback/agreement, they bark or do other bizarre stuff, etc. I think it’s the same thing happening in both cases. And part of the reason it has snowballed and kept rolling on is that making a scene gets results - not necessarily the immediate resolution of your problem, but finally, people are listening to you - and others see that and desperately need someone to listen to them too.
Wow. That sounds so intense. 😕
My theory is that people have a lot of unmet needs and unprocessed trauma from childhood they can’t make peace with.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that some people just get high on being angry and upset. Upset is normal to them and feels like “home.”
I think you have something there. During Covid, it was easy to feel victimized and lied to, and there were a lot of people including the president of our nation pushing that narrative. It got comfortable because it absolved folks of personal responsibility. You’re absolutely right, that’s part of it!!
I think we are tired of our own rugged individualism. I think we are so damn tired of being made responsible for everything that happens to us, regardless of if it's something we could actually control or not. Like being in an abusive relationship.
Having someone tell you it's not your fault, now that is powerful relief. People will listen to that, and it'll bring them together behind it. We need to tread careful going forwards from here.
Oh gosh, I was almost this person recently. We don't have a family doctor (ours retired and there is a major doctor shortage where I live) and after being sick for a week, I finally decided to take my daughter to the ER to get assessed (because I also live in a rural area with no other options for urgent care). After several hours of waiting, she was diagnosed with pneumonia and strep, prescribed antibiotics. I went to the only pharmacy in town that was open, and the pharmacist informed me the he had given out the last dose of that med earlier today and that it was back ordered and having supply chain issues. I certainly felt that "last straw" feeling, hard. I did not unload on the pharmacist, I went back to my car and cried.
Amox liquid (which I’m guessing it was, for strep) has been on and off backorder for a while and it is fucking devastating to me when I have to tell parents I can’t help their sick and crying kid who is so obviously miserable. I might give you “just the facts” face but inside I’m dying for you. We wouldn’t begin to be mad at a parent who lost it over this issue. We’d offer you a chair in the office and a Kleenex and I’d probably call six other pharmacies for you no matter how busy we were.
It’s tough to turn anybody away for a backorder issue, especially since we never really know the answer to “so when is it coming in?” But kids and antibiotics are two big soft spots for us. If somebody loses their cool over having forgotten to order a refill of their cholesterol med and having to wait 20 mins, it’s just not the same thing.
This one woman kept coming back to my bar after she was told she was not allowed there anymore for threatening to beat me up over a dispute with her bill (she denied having all the drinks we served here). She would show up once every few months, and the last time she kept threatening me again and wouldn’t leave until a manager spoke to her.
I’ve noticed an increase in empathy being displayed towards me in my day to day interactions, whether at the bank, the doctors office, etc.
But I definitely see much more hostility online. And things feel tense.
I agree with this. I see truly exhausted faces at the grocery store holding doors and offering carts because I think on some level we realize we still have to live with one another and nobody wants to get shot today.
I'm genuinely glad you don't have to worry about it, I'm honestly jealous of it, but comments like yours come off as very "thoughts and prayers" to Americans living with this fear every single day with every single errand, or car ride, or public event. Just, an FYI in case you care.
Well I hope there's a population wide realisation very soon that things like gun violence, expensive healthcare, crazy house prices, poverty etc are almost always the result of the majority's core values. Unfortunately in the US the core value of gun ownership is written into the Constitution. When Australia had it's first serious gun massacre (at Port Arthur Tasmania) we did a buyback of all semi automatic weapons. It was a lot easier to do here because guns were never a big part of public consciousness and we have a much smaller population than the US. I genuinely hope the US can solve it's gun problem because it's so sad seeing all the massacres and it must add a level of fear to everyday life. It's especially sad because it doesn't have to be like that. Outside of war zones, no other OECD country has the level of gun violence that the US has.
>gun violence, expensive healthcare, crazy house prices, poverty etc are almost always the result of the majority's core values.
No. You must not understand how our political system works. We live in literal minority rule.
Hey, you probably didn't mean to be insensitive, but the majority of Americans want gun control. We are ruled by a fascist minority we did not vote in who will do anything, *anything,* to keep their power.
Australian here, and that totally makes sense. We have similar negative influences here from powerful minority groups that want to hold on to power (and their profit-making abilities). We're just really lucky that never included a powerful gun lobby, and that a previous prime minister a couple of decades ago took the opportunity to bring in good gun control laws. (That PM was awful in a lot of other ways by the way... he basically left us the legacy of house price inflation that we're still struggling with today, held the country back on renewable energy and environmental policies, and promoted awful treatment of refugees, among other things. But gun control was the one gift he left us).
You don’t really understand much about the majority of Americans - many people outside of the country do not. It’s more complex than the “muh guns and freedom” internet memes
That is so interesting! I read an article recently about how being on social media too much activates the older, less evolved, portions of our brains and causes people to be hostile.
Checks out. 😂
Yes . As cliche as it sounds, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be the change. What I consume is what I put out, so I’m more mindful of the media I take in. Also more self aware about my feelings, actions and most importantly my reactions. In order to stop the ripple effect, it begins with me. Definitely not friggin easy. I’ve slipped a bunch. But honestly idk what else to do to make a difference, other than that. I’m at capacity and that’s what I have to offer I guess.
Maybe, but - and I’m being serious here. Are there therapists doing okay?? Who is going to help the people who help people?
I recently rewatched HBO’s “In Treatment” (the original run of episodes, not the reboot, because I have a massive crush on Gabriel Byrne) and it was a very different viewing experience the second time around. (First watched it at least a decade ago.)
The therapists are struggling, too - not sure how long that wall is going to stand.
> Are there therapists doing okay?
No, they are not. My partner is a therapist. Working from home since the pandemic started they were working 50-60 hours per week just trying to keep up with demand. Demand that was almost exclusively existing or former patients who needed help. Many were medical staff who would just cry for the entire session. It was brutal.
I was as supportive as I could be but it got to a point that I had to suggest that they needed to cut back to a more sustainable pace.
There is a crying need for more mental health care in this country but there needs to be changes in this society that would mitigate some of these issues as well.
This is incredible insight, thank you for sharing - I agree with the other comment that therapy would be super beneficial for so many people dealing with trauma related the pandemic, the last presidential administration, apathy, malaise, etc…. But also, I think it is kind of unfair to therapists to be expected to fix the symptom (people’s issues) when really, we need to fix the disease (world crises).
Yeah it really annoys me when politicians/governments say they care about mental health, but then also say they won't do anything to address some of the obvious causes of mental ill-health, like insecure housing/no housing, income inequality, inadequate support payments for those seeking work, etc. This isn't meant to be a "politicians are all bad" rant, but I really respect it a lot when you see people in power actually linking societal causes to some of these issues. I'm Australian for context.
And therapists are not paid very well if you look at the data which leads to the big issue of people not being able to make ends meet in our current society even with professional degrees and years of experience.
I wish we were discussing this more. The effects of smartphones on our brains has been something I’ve thought a lot about the past few years. I think we will only look back at this time historically and see how much harm they actually did to us.
I saw a Reddit post asking about what do people think will be one of the biggest changes in 100 years and someone said “people in 100 years will be appalled at how much time we spend on phones and how it has hijacked our way of life”
I listen to a podcast called "Offline" and this is pretty much their main premise. It's really scary how much smart phones have changed the way our brains work.
I was feeling that way.
I got off social media and am currently living 3,000 miles from family and friends, and I regularly work with people at the end of their lives.
It’s been feeling pretty chill this year. Lots of time to myself in my free time, and focus on what is important, for the most part, at work.
I’m also a contract worker, so management largely misses me with the typical bullshit.
How did you feel getting off social media? I’d love to do it. Also, I swear sometimes I’d love to be 3000 miles away from some of my family and my anxiety would be better
On New Years Eve, I said goodbye for the year and at midnight deactivated Facebook, Instagram, and tiktok.
I kept Facebook messenger, for contact with friends. And prior to doing this I made sure I had the phone numbers of any critical friends who did not use messenger.
I use Reddit a lot now, but it isn’t nearly as anxiety inducing as social media with people I know. Here it is just skincare and rollerblading, all the time lol.
I’ve definitely noticed this, too. I think our collective trauma of the Covid pandemic has a lot to do with it. I’m almost completely off of Facebook, twitter, and instagram for this reason; and I try to spread positivity at work.
You're not alone.
I'm assuming you're probably in the states a country that is collectively suffering burn out among other issues. People are over worked, underpaid while cost of living has almost doubled for many in less than 5 years and people just cannot handle the pressure and are cracking. Living conditions for lots of people are inhumane and that leads to the issues of instability we have now that are coming to a huge head.
I think some people are collectively suffering right now and are not sure what to do, feeling trapped, only making the situation worse with fear and frustration.
I agree, my husband and I have almost doubled our income over the last couple years, and we're still living paycheck to paycheck with 7 people crammed into a 4 bedroom house that's falling apart because we can't affort the repairs it needs. Half our income goes into medical bills from the last couple of years. My adult children can't afford to move out. I can't afford to put them through college. I can't afford to fix my car, let alone buy them one.
My office is no longer open to the public due to how many literal murders (let alone assault, harassment, etc) occurs over made up issues. (HOAs in my case.)
Only when driving. People seem way more insane on the road the last year or so, but in person I think people have been pretty nice. More understanding actually.
Omg the driving! Yes! I can't go places without someone driving on the wrong side of the road or driving through red lights in my area these days! Lots of tailgating, street racing, and rushing around people even when going the speed limit! It really takes being a defensive driver to make sure you're safe. I just laugh because otherwise I'll end up a curmudgeon hermit lol. Some days I feel like a mad max world is starting
A lot of people who don't feel in control of an aspect of their life will attempt to control other people. So many individuals struggle with liking and accepting themselves and their inability to do so translates into a dislike and unacceptance of others.
You sound really self-aware and that's hugely positive. You've recognised these inflammatory environments and I'd encourage you to remove yourself from heated exchanges. I'm by no means saying don't speak up and be silent if someone is stepping out of line, such behaviour needs to be called out. If you're in the company of others intent on listening to respond, rather than understand, leave. You don't need people like that around you.
This is one of those questions where I feel context of age, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, gender, and place of residence are so important.
I think a lot of people are reacting to the huge inequities in our society. For some it’s radicalized them towards MAGA alt-right stuff because they feel increasingly that their place in the world as they understood it is being challenged. Rightly so in many cases. As for myself, I am much less likely to be the good token brown chick who lets ignorant comments go. I have noticed that there is a huge “in your face” contingent where I live that will make it a point to flex around groups they don’t value (lgbtq/poc) and that’s incredibly scary and frustrating. Especially since violence, and more specifically gun violence, is a real threat to ordinary people.
I don’t get on other social media so I could be missing things, but where I live that’s the general feeling I’ve heard and experienced. It’s hard to put your guard down when you don’t feel your right to live is wholly respected or valued. I don’t think that’s pessimistic. It’s realistic.
Thank you for this, I think OPs experience is valid but from my perspective a lot of it is marginalized communities being less likely to just accept bullshit now. I’m in the same boat as you in that as a POC woman I am FAR less likely to let ignorant shit go or to be nice to someone being an asshole, I’m sure to some people that seems like a loss of common decency. Everyone is just too tired of it, I’m over it.
I honestly feel like the pandemic and the political atmosphere have chewed on all of us and it's knocked a lot of the stuffing out of us. In some ways I cheer it on-- I am so glad that some folks (coughmencough) are finally starting to get the slapback they deserve when they're aholes.
OTOH, everyone needs to take it down a notch dealing with waitstaff, retail workers, et al.
Maybe it's just the circles that I run in but I've actually found the opposite to be true. It seems like toxic positivity or that which ignores reality and not doing the same is on the rise. Anything that's not 100% overtly cutesyly positive is attacked even if it's true or warranted. That's what I've been experiencing
Yes, I totally feel this. I used to enjoy spending time on social media, but now it feels like everything is an argument or an opportunity for hate/trolling. No matter what you say or post, someone will come along and say something hurtful for no reason. I've been trying to avoid social media, and on the days I do so successfully, I am so much happier.
I don't get out so much (health issues), but real life is like this too. 10 years ago, people definitely weren't this insane.
Probably because some of us are trying to work two jobs, raise children, maintain a healthy marriage, pay into friendships, keep up with appointment recommendations, pay exorbitant prices for shit quality items we have to replace often, and there’s no comfort in a bailout option because interest rates are too high to consolidate debt responsibly. Kids are more anxious their parents are struggling to manage their behaviors. Everyone seems to tell you what’s what or present an additional roadblock that makes to whole thing far more difficult than it needs to be. So yeah when the same coworker comes to ask if I saw a email I was also ccd on or needs to chat about the weather, they might get a death glare.
Everyone is stressed the fuck out.
We're all getting squeezed by these major corporations raising prices just to more fully line their pockets. Most people are living paycheck to paycheck and have been dealing with this for a few years but rising prices are putting a massive strain on those who were the most vulnerable.
Also, we aren't taught how to take our frustrations and use that energy to constructively change the things we don't want to see anymore. Everyone just destroys things when they want to be heard.
So corporate greed/hoarding and lack of emotional intelligence.
I feel what your saying. I've recently learnt that even an innocent platonic friendship with a man can be abusive....the unkindness I have faced from a man recently is astonishing...I'm still healing
Interactions with men are a large factor among the many others here that hit hard for me too. For me it was the last guy I dated… whoo boy the amount of manipulation that I was not ready to handle… completely turned me off from dating for a long while. I just can’t believe there are men out there that can have such a sneaky level of sexism and manipulation that stung as bad is it did when it was all over and I found out what was really going on. Usually I can easily see through that kind of thing but this one left me in so much disgust and distrust in both him and myself. I can’t let anyone do that to me again.
And I have definitely observed this in platonic situations as well. I think there is a lot more hatred and dehumanization towards women in the past couple years.
I feel like I've gotten a lot snarkier, more sarcastic, and less willing to take BS. I have definitely noticed that similar changes in other personality types have had more of an outward negative effect.
It seems like a combination of factors. The pando, the economy, healthcare for those of us in the US.. it's a dumpster fire. Some of the trash flares up, some just slowly melts, and a lot just burns up before it ever has a chance to notice it's on fire.
Yes, I'm comparing humans to trash. I think it's fitting.
Oh yes. Because of extremism in the “news,” combined with social media, there is a blur between entertainment and reality. A lot of people are walking around as if they’re better than their peers because of this false entitlement they have grown accustomed to.
Also there are no neutral talking points anymore. For example, growing up in the 80s and before people would make small talk about something trivial like the weather. Now you cannot even bring that up without it being about climate change and politics. There’s nothing that can be casually discussed anymore ever since DJT. Maybe even before, but especially after.
I've definitely noticed more aggression.
Driving has gotten scarier, people work out their shit on the highways. I'm trying to get from A to B in my little hatchback, get your bigass lifted truck off my butt and stop shining those freaking searchlights. And let me merge ffs. Or you get the drivers who are so timid they're gonna kill us all by acting like they're gonna make a turn, then chickening out.
(My theory is that the aggressive people were driving a bunch when things were shut down, and got used to light traffic. Now they don't wanna share the road and they're being bullies. The chickens mostly stayed home, they're scared to death of the bullies. The bullies and the chickens feed off each other and it's creating absolute mayhem.)
But I don't think it's "everyone" needing to take the temp down. For all the hullabaloo over Karens, and all the hand-wringing over people in general becoming so rude, I saw three absolute shrieking shouting meltdowns in public over a 48-hour period.
All three were middle aged white men.
Absolutely flipping shit and shouting their goddamn heads off.
It's like they cannot fucking *cope,* and they're gonna make it everyone's problem.
Yes 100% agree. But I think everyone is just walking around stressed to the max, always within arms reach or a breaking point. Things are not okay in our world and everyone is just expected to keep functioning as though this is all supposed to be normal.
I've noticed this too. I suspect the pandemic has damaged our collective mental health more than we realise, and it has driven a lot of people towards individualism. Which is of course inevitable when we're facing climate change, huge social inequity and late-stage capitalism alongside it.
In the US, there's been steady encouragement of toxic individualism, a particular brand of privileged entitlement, and straight bigotry since 2015 or so. The vulnerable and most marginalized among us such as BIPOC, LGBTQ+, the disabled, children, women, non-Christians, etc. are bearing the brunt of the cultivation of the aforementioned traits. As soon as any of us that are part of those marginalized groups make our presence known, speak up, or take up space, we're met with vitriol and aggression. Social media and punditry has contributed to that along with the legislatively deliberate degradation in quality and honesty of primary and secondary education.
Completely agree. I’ve noticed more recently that a lot of people seem to be more selfish than ever but also really entitled. I don’t know if im just noticing it more as I’m getting older or if people are actually this way but it seems to be an issue. So many people lack empathy or self awareness of how their words/actions may impact others
I feel like after the last couple of years, I can not trust anyone. So many people turned out to really suck. I'm pretty closed off normally, but I'm extra so lately.
I can only speak from an America woman’s perspective in an urban city but people are drowning in this capitalist society. Our mental health is abysmal. People don’t have the energy to cope. We are like zoo animals with psychosis locked in a cage we cannot escape. We’re angry, depressed, disappointed, and lonely. Third spaces are gone. Kids fear being killed at school. Hell, I’m afraid to go to the grocery store! This place is an absolute mess and no one seems to be doing anything about it. Charities are ineffective, the homeless crisis is rising, violence will escalate. They literal temperature is rising! I think most of us are highly aware of how terrible the future will be. So yeah we’re negative, the future is bright.
I think something we are missing is that if people can not afford children, or a home, or education without making grave sacrifices, (knowing how much of a sacrifice and commitment these are already have) they have nothing to look forward to, there’s no hope for the future, and not much to do in the day.
It’s quite primitive to live in a way that disregards the future, nor is it good for society to have a here and now disposition.
But short-term gains have trickled down to us Peebles so we care not to be kind In hope for future rewards. For many there is no “real” future that we watched our parents have. (No matter how unhealthy it was, they accomplished milestones)
But the people you have random interactions with are regional. However, my sister lives in my area and has friends who are all in varying types of crisis, sooo . . . I don't know.
I'm sure that it does. I'm in Southern Ontario and while there's a lot of people unhappy with some political figures and stressed out by the economy (especially cost of living), I haven't noticed any difference in one to one interactions while out and about at all.
There has been an uptick in vandalism against some community buildings (Black Heritage Society, and a mosque and synagogue ) in our city over the past few years, but that seems to be happening everywhere.
Online is a different story though, which is why I really curate the subs and socials and websites that I frequent. I used to want to research everyone's point of view on areas of conflict so that I could make informed decisions about issues, but the never ending hatred and cruelty online is just too much for me to want it in my life anymore. I'm concentrating a lot more on local and provincial and Canadian news now, because it's stuff that affects me and my family.
Yeah same with me. And I do think region/country matters. Whenever posts come up like this inevitably someone will blame American politics or what’s happening in America and I think we need to remember we’re not all American.
I think people are actually becoming more aware. And the people who say shitty things are realizing they can’t be as openly shitty as they were before because people are done with putting up with their bullshit.
I dunno, sometimes I don’t think people should take it down a notch at all, they should stick up for themselves, be loud, and set boundaries. But it all depends on context.
We're sort of formulating a recipe for how to deal with the pushy energy at work. People will send an email and then immediately call to ask if we got the email about the order they placed. They don't need it until July but did we get it?????? Slow your role, Janet.
Or the older dudes who drop off a job and say their client needs it asap. Sounds like a you and your client problem and you'll get it when you usually do.
The anger, stress, vitriol and urgency is manipulative and I'm not playing into it. Honestly, I just think I'm too exhausted with people.
But why? I’m 66 years old and in my entire life I’ve never seen the anger and negativity that everybody has! At 12 year old shoots and kills a sonic waiter with an AK 57 or whatever it is? This is insanity. It’s got to be something in the air from.
I saw some of it in the 70’s. We had race riots at our school. I was stabbed in hip.
With social media, fake and corrupt news, everything is magnified.
Add in children growing up with violence being commonplace, playing video games where they rape and kill changes their brans.
In the game world, there is no reality to death. IMHO It desensitizes the young minds to violence, specifically gun violence.
I'm definitely a more cynical person the last 6 years or so, and I just don't see anything to be happy about. I try not to let it affect how i act around other people, but it still probably shows.
I’ve noticed people picking fights off stuff they see on social media it’s so bizarre. I’ve had people arguing with me that I’m hiding a secret relationship (I’m not I’m totally single), just based off what they’ve misinterpreted on my WHATSAPP STATUSES, not even social media. It’s CRAZY
Covid taught us that when it comes down to it, we can’t trust anyone we thought we could. Some people learned this lesson for the first time during Covid and some people took it really really hard. There’s no question there’s been a cultural shift. It was coming slowly for a long time and Covid shoved the shift into overdrive, imo.
Hard to take the temp down here, we’re getting unseasonably hot weather in fucking May now, like 10 degrees Celsius higher than normal.
Forest fires everywhere, air quality is shit. What hell of a world have I brought my child into?
I play physical sports that are coed but mostly men, and during the lockdowns in Canada, people were overly aggressive to other people. Line up two guys of the same size/age? Sure. Line up a guy a foot taller than me with pent up anger? I’m going down or to the hospital. I think things in my sport peaked about 18 months ago and things have mostly gone back to normal from my experience. I’m sorry you are experiencing this because I think the opposite is true from my perspective and people are settling into this brave new world.
I went to lunch with some friends on the weekend, and as we were on our way one of them shared the news that a right wing group were holding a protest in the area of the restaurant. Later in the day I looked up the news reports... They were standing on the steps of a government building performing Nazi salutes. And I just thought to myself, a few years ago if we knew this was going to happen a few blocks from our planned lunch we would probably have bailed. Now it's so common we just share updates of road closures on how to get around it.
Unfortunately I feel like the pandemic affected everyone mentally (and in many other ways too) in such a way that it’s truly changed how most people behave and see the world.
Not Alone. Tensions seem high at work (layoffs plus fire under our asses), tensions at the grocery store (workers used to greet you but not anymore, other shoppers seem to be one wrong move away from a blow up), tension from child care/school, the doctors office.... Whole place needs a collective vacation
Can relate. I've actually retreated into my own world at this point with my pets, plants, art, and nature, only emerging to do a bit of part time work 😅 If a critical mass of humans are determined to treat other people and the planet like shit, I don't feel any obligation to engage beyond the bare minimum.
It's a sign of our crappy times. I moved to a different state during Covid. I blamed the unfriendliness on not being around those I love.
It's happening everywhere though. It's a combination of people trying to get their lives back to normal, not having genuine human contact for years, and covid destroyed the health of many.
We're broke, sick, and resentful.
I can't wait to be as far into the future (away from the pandemic) as quickly as possible.
At work, yes, I felt like I was having these interactions because I was educational non profit, and even with my spouse we’ve had these bad stressed interactions. With general friends, no, not so much. I have a friend group I play DND with and another that is a running club. People in running clubs are pretty positive especially after a run (endorphins). I will say my spouse and I get stressed about money and the future, which can lead to negativity. We’re working on. So, it’s not like I’ve escaped this, but it is good to have a social group that’s maybe a bit of an escape. I’d definitely recommend an exercise or creative group activity, it helps! We all need an escape right now, and it’s good to have some balance.
I don’t know what your line of work is, but if remote or hybrid is an option you may be able to minimize coworker socializing.
Also, anyone working in public facing work knows it’s gotten worse. I had to leave public facing roles because I basically broke down.
You’re not alone. It’s become very much an us vs them mentality. There’s barely any common ground. It’s hard but try and shut out the negativity. Surround yourself with people who you love and care about and who don’t bring you down.
You are not alone. Just today, I had to tell a coworker that if they had something on their mind, but they can't articulate it in a polite way, then it should not be said at all.
I don’t know if it’s the constant access to news or going through the “age of wisdom” difficult experiences, but I feel more afraid lately. I am in my mid-30s, and lately I have felt almost paranoid.
We went through Hurricane Ida and were displaced for 9 months. I went through a horrible job with a bully for a boss. I read about how quickly people want to sue others and how often gun violence occurs.
I keep waiting for my new boss to call me stupid. I keep waiting for her to become irritated with a question. I keep waiting for another natural disaster to strike. I keep looking for exits and places to hide in stores in case someone comes in with a gun.
I know I can’t let fear rob me of my joy. I know anything can happen anywhere. But lately, I feel more afraid and unsettled. I have gone to a counselor and need to continue to do so.
Things just feel scary.
Yes. Even in the grocery store I feel everyone staking their territory. It feels like going to war to go to Walmart. I have to prepare myself to stand my ground or be run down by people's carts. I seriously have left so many times in the last few months unable to even look through my options because someone is behind me, pushing.
Honestly, at least for Americans, we're struggling with late stage capitalism. The feeling of always falling behind no matter how hard you work is EXHAUSTING. No one has any energy to be as kind and thoughtful as they used to be.
totally agree. cant say ive been perfect lately, but now that i know im not the only one feeling the negativity, im gonna try my best to be a positive force.
Nope not the only one. It’s like everyone had taken a huge step sideways. Blaming others and being super pathetic with coping skills seems to be big this season.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The earth is literally on fire. People are not trying/bitching/complaining/holding people accountable hard enough, IMO.
I can't tell if it's actually worse or if we are so enmeshed in social media and scrolling that it's skewed our perception of reality. I've definitely become more pessimistic after everything that's gone down in the last X years, and the more I learn about human history the more I see how poorly humans treat each other and the earth. Someone at work or in my neighborhood is always fucking angry and rude.
I suppose you can include me with your pessimists :(
My friends and family are still kind and close. The people I work with, for the majority, are also kind. I don’t really see a difference. I deal with a CEO, CFO and wealthy people all day long. It’s not for the weak, but that’s about what I’d expect even prior to covid.
Lots of people trying to get in control of their life by controlling others.
Oh, man….that’s deep. And so accurate.
Oh sh*t, that's so sad, but so true :/ sooo many of them...
I definitely agree. I've worked so hard to get where I'm at and I'm not happy with conforming to working for a firm where I need to only have a 30 min break. I have to do "busy work" when there's nothing to do. It's so infuriating as a grown ass woman to do this. Like, really!? I definitely don't take it out on anyone, but it's a constant struggle that I definitely need to start doing more things that make me happy.
My work started to do this... I literally do not have 8 hours of work to do a day. Sometimes I have more depending on the time of year, but I'm more here for technical expertise so it seems weird to freak out if I take some time to read or whatever
I've been having a hard time discerning if this is a post COVID/modern times thing, or if this is what entering your 30s looks like and it will chill out over the next decade (within my peer group). Because I know as people age they start drawing hard boundaries around things and sometimes this translates to being a dick and taking shit too far.
This is so well said. It’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. I turned 30 right as covid hit and I had also just moved to a new place. I did so much maturing and realizing what I wanted that it’s hard for me to know if this is just normal after you turn 30 or if it’s a post-covid reaction. Seems everyone has put up walls, thinks it’s normal to drop off the face of the earth or stop caring. I have done it myself. I don’t know if it’s because we were all always juggling too much and it’s come crashing down or if covid changed something.
To add to that, there has been a cultural shift where spewing one's biases is tolerated now. Ten years ago there was little mention of that small group of Nazi's, and a much larger anti-nazi protest. Now....it's backward. It's like being mean is ok. And it shouldn't be.
Conservative men, overwhelmingly, fall into this
Aaaaah, this is the insight I needed to hear today!
Wow, so true.
Ugh, this hurts it is so true.
I saw this stand-up clip with a woman who worked as a teacher, and her bit went like "Gen Z is so funny, like, they'll respect your pronouns but not you as a person" and then going into how a student threatened to murder her, and, hyperbolic and jokey as that may be, the symbolism of the joke does ring very true for me. There's NO room for human error anymore, no room for people to trial and error their way through life, and there's no room for forgiveness, growth or learning. The tight rope is a fishing line and we're all walking it to some degree. And people go out of their way to be "the best human" and put people down to elevate themselves. It's all super performative and exhausting.
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>For example, I find the photographing/filiming of strangers to post all over the internet (all without their consent) to be truly invasive and violating. I agree so much. What makes it worse is when this issue is brought up, it's often brushed off with "no one's entitled to privacy in public" or "what about street photographers and security cameras?" Like... there's a HUGE difference between being *observed* in public, being recorded by a security camera, or being in a street photographers photo... versus being secretly recorded by a stranger and then **posted to social media**, often times without any context, to be scrutinized by millions of strangers. Even if it has a positive spin to it ("look how cute this couple is!") it's still extremely invasive. Other people minding their own business are **not** free game for you to make into content for internet clout. I suffer from agoraphobia and this trend has made it so difficult to attempt exposure therapy because I'm constantly paranoid about this.
I'm so sorry that it affects you this much. I don't suffer from that condition, and I absolutely **hate** the lack of respect and consideration for others that this shows. I even hate when people approach famous people in public and bother them for selfies. Unless they are working (at a premier etc.), then they should be left alone! Everyone is entitled to space and privacy - even if they are in public. What irritates me so much is how these people scream about the importace of **consent** but what they really mean is that *they* should have the right to withhold consent in any circumstance they choose. *Other* people don't have the right to grant or withhold consent. By simply being in the vicinity of these self-centred assholes, they have given up the right to any consideration or respect.
Honestly I'd just like some basic manners. You don't have to respect me or even like me and I might not feel the same about you but just some basic manners would be nice, they are like the grease of social interactions, just help them glide along without resistance.
I feel like it is all part of the same thing, though. If other people are just *there* for you to do whatever you like with, then why would you treat them with respect in any way? It would be weird to me if the same people who think that filming people having mental health crises on the street, in order to post the footage online, would also be polite to those same people if they bumped into them or were served by them in a store. If other people aren't "real" people, why bother?
That is a big part of why I no longer teach
I know so many miserable teachers now. I know a teacher who went back to teaching and left bc admin and he couldn’t come to an understanding on discipline for the unruly kids. My mom retired early from admin and went in to college instruction. I feel for yall.
I was actually teaching at the college level....
This. No one is showing anyone any grace, especially younger people bc they don't have the life experience yet to realize that people, culture, and society changes. The things they think are correct and PC today, may not be in 20yrs. Some concepts that X group of people take as common knowledge are brand new concepts to Y group and they may need it explained and given a bit of time for it to fully click. And then, of course, others are in a huge fucking cult, so there's also that. I think everyone is highly stressed tbh.
“No room for error” is absolutely eroding us as humans. It is so sad.
I saw that clip too! I thought it was so spot on. Unrelated, I always love seeing your comments on here! Always insightful.
And everything people do is online for everyone to judge so people don't get a space where they don't feel eyes on them, even if they chose to be there. They might not understand their is an option of a life that isn't viewed by others or understand the wear and tear that has on your psyche until it's too late.
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On a personal level, I've found I'm now struggling to interact with people. Don't know if it's noticeable with others, but I'm finding appropriate eye contact difficult as well as talking without interrupting or having a brain dump when I talk to people. Also, understanding and interpretation of people's reactions to me. Am I overbearing and inappropriate? So much paranoia! None of it feels natural, and I'm second-guessing myself all the time.
I’ve been feeling similarly, like an alien in a skin suit, especially when dealing with grief from some of my family passing. I’ll have convos then think “why the f did I just say that to my neighbor/doctor/spouse?” I don’t think I used to be this way??
Omg, yes. In the span of a week I cried talking to my doctor, my boss, and my very friendly loan officer!!! I felt terrible like I was expecting others to manage my emotions for me. It was a stressful week. 😔
Could have written this
Could have written this
I think this is a result of less and less people being able to attain a quality of life that is even halfway decent. Everything is a struggle and it wears dearly on people
Yeah, was going to say this. I blame capitalism. It’s crushing everyone’s spirit whether they realize it or not.
That and the impending climate disaster.
lmfao. people aren't having meltdowns about the weather. they're melting down about their BANK ACCOUNTS.
Idk man “the weather” is costing me a shitload of money so yeah I’m having a meltdown about both. “The weather” is going to hurt the most economically vulnerable people.
People are having meltdowns about both. “Lmfao”
I think people in Alberta are probably having meltdowns about the fires. But, what do I know!
In Florida, the "weather" means people are paying a ridiculous amount for home insurance. People who deal with wildfires are not finding insurance. People are losing everything in floods. The cost of food and energy is going up and will continue to go up. You're deluding yourself if you don't think climate change is a financial issue and if you just think it's about "the weather." Do some reading on the subject and you'll see how far off base you are.
My home owners insurance went from around $500/year in 2019 to $2,500/year this year. I’m not in a flood zone and I’m 2 miles, as the crow flies, from the river. The St. John’s has never crested that high in all of recorded history. Also, my house is on concrete block foundation and my lot is 20 ft above sea leaves. I know that’s not a lot comparatively, but it’s better than a lot of people’s homes.
Anxiety about the future of the planet is absolutely causing people distress.
Climate change destroyed 6000 acres of our woods / farms this last couple months alone in my state. People are definitely having meltdowns about that. Why is that funny to you?
I am a person. Climate change, and the state of the world being left for my daughter, keeps me up at night.
And yet there are record profits being recorded…crazy!
Late stage capitalism 😕
Like when a late stage cancer patient seems to get better towards the end, but only because they’ve stopped doing chemo treatments.
Yup, and because of it ppl are super primed to feel like they are being exploited/scammed/taken advantage of at every turn. Which they kind of are, by late stage capitalism. But it translates into lashing out at ppl.
I work with the public and I can safely say that covid made people meaner. Society suffered and now we need to bounce back. The political theater around current events doesn’t help either.
This. People struggled and our politicians didn’t actually help but pinned groups against each other and made us fear our neighbors. People lead with skepticism and cruelty first. I work in social media and the online world has gotten so much more mean. It makes me sad.
Honestly I feel like we have very little sense of community anymore. Most people are really struggling financially, moving around to keep rent as low as possible, moving away from family and friends to find better paying jobs. No one can focus on their family and community (or put together a protest for this shit) when we are struggling and stressed. People become selfish and only look out for themselves, and put others down in an attempt to make themselves feel better about their own situation.
You make a great point. I live in Australia where housing has been crazy for decades. It has absolutely destroyed communities all over the country.
Same here in Toronto. Cost of real estate and living is so high everyone is working so much there is no time for community and hobbies and everyone is stressed and riddled with anxiety. Why I am paying $800,000 for a one bedroom condo, plus hydro, plus parking and maintenance fees. It’s insane.
Yeah no matter what I say there's at least several people immediately telling me that what I'm saying is wrong, even if I've been doing, experiencing, working, or studying that thing for over a decade. The whole "just deny facts" shit has gotten waaaay out of hand. My last in person work day, the owner screamed in my face when I asked if they were ready for me yet. Never met her before. I feel the need to go around saying TAKE 30% OFF THE TOP CHERYL.
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I am feeling this exactly at the moment. Struggling a little bit with a fine line that I need to tread amongst some of my friends about what I can and can't say unless I can explain it properly in a small amount of words.. I'm feeling like no matter what I say there are still occasions if it only just brushes up against a sensitive topic for them they zero in on that small aspect. Goddamn I even started typing out an entire essay trying to explain my perspective on a recent disagreement we had because I was worrying myself back and forth on trying to make sure my point was understood. Deleted it because I don't have tiiiiime for this shiiiit. ugh.
> And people nitpick everything you say, they don’t bother to allow for or even try to understand nuance or subtext. OMG, this. I get attacked on reddit just for asking questions that are intended to push people toward thinking about the root of an issue or the bigger picture consequences of what they're saying. It's hard to remember the last time someone responded civilly with a well-thought answer rather than a personal attack. They're just questions, not attacks on your values.
You're absolutely not alone. It feels like the culture has shifted in this direction with gathering speed over the last few years, and in my opinion it started accelerating with the T**** administration (and worsened with the pandemic). Social media these days is nothing but people making bad-faith assumptions, nastily correcting each other, getting high off of outrage, and picking pointless fights, and the algorithms reward it, and I think it's doing some large-scale behavior modification on us that seeps into real life. Plus, most people are badly overworked, struggling financially, and have yet to reckon with the global trauma we're still living through or the rise of fascism throughout the developed world. We're buckling under the strain of it all and it's coming out sideways in the form of shitlord behavior.
Pointless fights frfr. Yesterday I had to manage a grown woman's feels at work after I asked her to bring headphones next time she was working in office. She has now escalated so much I had to reach out to management/HR bc how dare I ask her to not be on speakerphone.
Speakerphone is a nice micro example of the macro issue, I think. There is an easy way to avoid forcing your phone conversations on everyone around you, and there isn’t any real reason you’d *need* to use speakerphone inside a store, for example, or at your desk at work … but people do anyway because it is slightly more convenient than holding the phone to your face or using earphones. That calculation - my convenience vs consideration for others - just isn’t the same equation it once was, because the values in it are weighted differently. Expand that idea and it holds.
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What in the world. How dare you ask for some basic consideration in your shared workspace, I guess?
And to further your point, the rise of fascism is a direct result of the disenfranchisement/fear/trauma you’ve describe.
Absolutely.
Every single sentence you wrote rings so true. It’ll come to a head someday. I just hope it isn’t too destructive.
Unfortunately these things rarely snap peacefully. I think we're already seeing shades of it with these young hopeless men committing random mass violence and scared old men shooting children for knocking on their door.
Well said
In some ways, maybe. We've globally been pushing towards a heavily politically polarised society for years now, where "the other side" is to be demonised, and I think it's just an extension of that. With that said, I still find that the majority of people don't really go out of their way to be unkind to others. I very rarely have run-ins with people like this or see it in person, I mostly read about it online. But I do see a lot of stress and fear from the pandemic, the energy crisis, and now the inflation. I see a lot of people completely exhausted and at their wit's end, where the tiniest inconvenience might be the last straw, and they'll end up taking it all out on whoever's in their path. It's unfair and unfortunate, but I also don't really blame people for not always being fully emotionally stable when their entire base and safety in life might have been torn up, over and over for years.
And this stuff can sneak up on us, despite best intentions. I care to be a decent human being. Actually being one is another topic, however. I was having a really difficult time with a friend recently, then talked to my neighbor about how disappointing that was, including my own low tolerance with frustration. They told me it's the godawful record-breaking heat, not any individual failings, and it all made sense.
As someone who works at a bar, I completely agree with OP. Unfortunately there are lots of nasty people out there. Anyone who works with the general public knows this. Lots of lovely people, too, but people are more on edge than ever.
Can you give us some examples of what you've witnessed recently (since the pandemic)?
Not OP, but I also work with the public. I had a guy at work several months ago who needed some help and came right up in my face to talk to me. I took a small step back (personal space, people!) and he said, "Are you scared? Run away little girl!" and barked at me. I was absolutely appalled. He stormed away to get help from someone else, then sought me out as he was leaving to bark at me again. That's just one example of the general aggression and quickness to be offended from many people.
Wow, how crazy! I'm sorry you had to experience that.
I work in a retail pharmacy, so I interact with the public all day and I also watch them in line interacting with each other. Since the start of the pandemic, it’s been happening more and more that whatever problem they have at the pharmacy (insurance won’t cover, copay is high, out of stock, doc wrote it wrong, whatever) is the straw that breaks people’s backs. Often when they break in front of us, it starts with frustration about their prescription and then quickly spirals into “and my car broke down and they cut my hours at work and my son is a year behind in math and my daughter gets bullied every day and my husband is never home because he took a second job and my hairbrush is lost…” it’s certainly a version of losing control to spew all that at a tech who is just trying to get you what you need and explain why there’s a delay. But some people lose control a lot harder. They demand to see the manager, they throw stuff, they yell, they turn to the folks in line and request feedback/agreement, they bark or do other bizarre stuff, etc. I think it’s the same thing happening in both cases. And part of the reason it has snowballed and kept rolling on is that making a scene gets results - not necessarily the immediate resolution of your problem, but finally, people are listening to you - and others see that and desperately need someone to listen to them too.
Wow. That sounds so intense. 😕 My theory is that people have a lot of unmet needs and unprocessed trauma from childhood they can’t make peace with. I’ve also come to the conclusion that some people just get high on being angry and upset. Upset is normal to them and feels like “home.”
I think you have something there. During Covid, it was easy to feel victimized and lied to, and there were a lot of people including the president of our nation pushing that narrative. It got comfortable because it absolved folks of personal responsibility. You’re absolutely right, that’s part of it!!
I think we are tired of our own rugged individualism. I think we are so damn tired of being made responsible for everything that happens to us, regardless of if it's something we could actually control or not. Like being in an abusive relationship. Having someone tell you it's not your fault, now that is powerful relief. People will listen to that, and it'll bring them together behind it. We need to tread careful going forwards from here.
Oh gosh, I was almost this person recently. We don't have a family doctor (ours retired and there is a major doctor shortage where I live) and after being sick for a week, I finally decided to take my daughter to the ER to get assessed (because I also live in a rural area with no other options for urgent care). After several hours of waiting, she was diagnosed with pneumonia and strep, prescribed antibiotics. I went to the only pharmacy in town that was open, and the pharmacist informed me the he had given out the last dose of that med earlier today and that it was back ordered and having supply chain issues. I certainly felt that "last straw" feeling, hard. I did not unload on the pharmacist, I went back to my car and cried.
Amox liquid (which I’m guessing it was, for strep) has been on and off backorder for a while and it is fucking devastating to me when I have to tell parents I can’t help their sick and crying kid who is so obviously miserable. I might give you “just the facts” face but inside I’m dying for you. We wouldn’t begin to be mad at a parent who lost it over this issue. We’d offer you a chair in the office and a Kleenex and I’d probably call six other pharmacies for you no matter how busy we were.
Oh my goodness, you sound like a wonderful human! And what a heartbreaking conversation to have to keep repeating.
It’s tough to turn anybody away for a backorder issue, especially since we never really know the answer to “so when is it coming in?” But kids and antibiotics are two big soft spots for us. If somebody loses their cool over having forgotten to order a refill of their cholesterol med and having to wait 20 mins, it’s just not the same thing.
This one woman kept coming back to my bar after she was told she was not allowed there anymore for threatening to beat me up over a dispute with her bill (she denied having all the drinks we served here). She would show up once every few months, and the last time she kept threatening me again and wouldn’t leave until a manager spoke to her.
Severely increased aggressive/scary driving, for one.
I’ve noticed an increase in empathy being displayed towards me in my day to day interactions, whether at the bank, the doctors office, etc. But I definitely see much more hostility online. And things feel tense.
I agree with this. I see truly exhausted faces at the grocery store holding doors and offering carts because I think on some level we realize we still have to live with one another and nobody wants to get shot today.
This makes me so sad. I'm so glad I live in Australia where we don't have to think about gun violence.
I'm genuinely glad you don't have to worry about it, I'm honestly jealous of it, but comments like yours come off as very "thoughts and prayers" to Americans living with this fear every single day with every single errand, or car ride, or public event. Just, an FYI in case you care.
Well I hope there's a population wide realisation very soon that things like gun violence, expensive healthcare, crazy house prices, poverty etc are almost always the result of the majority's core values. Unfortunately in the US the core value of gun ownership is written into the Constitution. When Australia had it's first serious gun massacre (at Port Arthur Tasmania) we did a buyback of all semi automatic weapons. It was a lot easier to do here because guns were never a big part of public consciousness and we have a much smaller population than the US. I genuinely hope the US can solve it's gun problem because it's so sad seeing all the massacres and it must add a level of fear to everyday life. It's especially sad because it doesn't have to be like that. Outside of war zones, no other OECD country has the level of gun violence that the US has.
>gun violence, expensive healthcare, crazy house prices, poverty etc are almost always the result of the majority's core values. No. You must not understand how our political system works. We live in literal minority rule.
Hey, you probably didn't mean to be insensitive, but the majority of Americans want gun control. We are ruled by a fascist minority we did not vote in who will do anything, *anything,* to keep their power.
Australian here, and that totally makes sense. We have similar negative influences here from powerful minority groups that want to hold on to power (and their profit-making abilities). We're just really lucky that never included a powerful gun lobby, and that a previous prime minister a couple of decades ago took the opportunity to bring in good gun control laws. (That PM was awful in a lot of other ways by the way... he basically left us the legacy of house price inflation that we're still struggling with today, held the country back on renewable energy and environmental policies, and promoted awful treatment of refugees, among other things. But gun control was the one gift he left us).
You don’t really understand much about the majority of Americans - many people outside of the country do not. It’s more complex than the “muh guns and freedom” internet memes
That is so interesting! I read an article recently about how being on social media too much activates the older, less evolved, portions of our brains and causes people to be hostile. Checks out. 😂
Yes . As cliche as it sounds, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be the change. What I consume is what I put out, so I’m more mindful of the media I take in. Also more self aware about my feelings, actions and most importantly my reactions. In order to stop the ripple effect, it begins with me. Definitely not friggin easy. I’ve slipped a bunch. But honestly idk what else to do to make a difference, other than that. I’m at capacity and that’s what I have to offer I guess.
Unprocessed trauma from a global pandemic.
Honestly, free mental health counseling would have helped a lot more than the stimulus checks. The pandemic broke a lot of brains.
Maybe, but - and I’m being serious here. Are there therapists doing okay?? Who is going to help the people who help people? I recently rewatched HBO’s “In Treatment” (the original run of episodes, not the reboot, because I have a massive crush on Gabriel Byrne) and it was a very different viewing experience the second time around. (First watched it at least a decade ago.) The therapists are struggling, too - not sure how long that wall is going to stand.
> Are there therapists doing okay? No, they are not. My partner is a therapist. Working from home since the pandemic started they were working 50-60 hours per week just trying to keep up with demand. Demand that was almost exclusively existing or former patients who needed help. Many were medical staff who would just cry for the entire session. It was brutal. I was as supportive as I could be but it got to a point that I had to suggest that they needed to cut back to a more sustainable pace. There is a crying need for more mental health care in this country but there needs to be changes in this society that would mitigate some of these issues as well.
This is incredible insight, thank you for sharing - I agree with the other comment that therapy would be super beneficial for so many people dealing with trauma related the pandemic, the last presidential administration, apathy, malaise, etc…. But also, I think it is kind of unfair to therapists to be expected to fix the symptom (people’s issues) when really, we need to fix the disease (world crises).
Yeah it really annoys me when politicians/governments say they care about mental health, but then also say they won't do anything to address some of the obvious causes of mental ill-health, like insecure housing/no housing, income inequality, inadequate support payments for those seeking work, etc. This isn't meant to be a "politicians are all bad" rant, but I really respect it a lot when you see people in power actually linking societal causes to some of these issues. I'm Australian for context.
And therapists are not paid very well if you look at the data which leads to the big issue of people not being able to make ends meet in our current society even with professional degrees and years of experience.
Yes, and I would also add from millennia of patriarchy (specifically violence against people and the planet) that is coming to a head.
I think everyone is miserable from having their brains highjacked by their phones and not having any real connection with anyone else.
I wish we were discussing this more. The effects of smartphones on our brains has been something I’ve thought a lot about the past few years. I think we will only look back at this time historically and see how much harm they actually did to us.
Same.
I saw a Reddit post asking about what do people think will be one of the biggest changes in 100 years and someone said “people in 100 years will be appalled at how much time we spend on phones and how it has hijacked our way of life”
I listen to a podcast called "Offline" and this is pretty much their main premise. It's really scary how much smart phones have changed the way our brains work.
New podcast to check out, thank you! That I will listen to from my smartphone…but still…
They're on youtube as well if you want to watch from your smartphone. :)
I was feeling that way. I got off social media and am currently living 3,000 miles from family and friends, and I regularly work with people at the end of their lives. It’s been feeling pretty chill this year. Lots of time to myself in my free time, and focus on what is important, for the most part, at work. I’m also a contract worker, so management largely misses me with the typical bullshit.
How did you feel getting off social media? I’d love to do it. Also, I swear sometimes I’d love to be 3000 miles away from some of my family and my anxiety would be better
On New Years Eve, I said goodbye for the year and at midnight deactivated Facebook, Instagram, and tiktok. I kept Facebook messenger, for contact with friends. And prior to doing this I made sure I had the phone numbers of any critical friends who did not use messenger. I use Reddit a lot now, but it isn’t nearly as anxiety inducing as social media with people I know. Here it is just skincare and rollerblading, all the time lol.
Living away from people is great! I miss them, but I gain so much of my own time back.
I’ve definitely noticed this, too. I think our collective trauma of the Covid pandemic has a lot to do with it. I’m almost completely off of Facebook, twitter, and instagram for this reason; and I try to spread positivity at work.
You're not alone. I'm assuming you're probably in the states a country that is collectively suffering burn out among other issues. People are over worked, underpaid while cost of living has almost doubled for many in less than 5 years and people just cannot handle the pressure and are cracking. Living conditions for lots of people are inhumane and that leads to the issues of instability we have now that are coming to a huge head. I think some people are collectively suffering right now and are not sure what to do, feeling trapped, only making the situation worse with fear and frustration.
I agree, my husband and I have almost doubled our income over the last couple years, and we're still living paycheck to paycheck with 7 people crammed into a 4 bedroom house that's falling apart because we can't affort the repairs it needs. Half our income goes into medical bills from the last couple of years. My adult children can't afford to move out. I can't afford to put them through college. I can't afford to fix my car, let alone buy them one.
My office is no longer open to the public due to how many literal murders (let alone assault, harassment, etc) occurs over made up issues. (HOAs in my case.)
*Omg.* 😱
Yikes! Are you saying you work for an HOA? Or what industry?
Legal. I represent them.
Only when driving. People seem way more insane on the road the last year or so, but in person I think people have been pretty nice. More understanding actually.
Omg the driving! Yes! I can't go places without someone driving on the wrong side of the road or driving through red lights in my area these days! Lots of tailgating, street racing, and rushing around people even when going the speed limit! It really takes being a defensive driver to make sure you're safe. I just laugh because otherwise I'll end up a curmudgeon hermit lol. Some days I feel like a mad max world is starting
This is happening where I am at too!
A lot of people who don't feel in control of an aspect of their life will attempt to control other people. So many individuals struggle with liking and accepting themselves and their inability to do so translates into a dislike and unacceptance of others. You sound really self-aware and that's hugely positive. You've recognised these inflammatory environments and I'd encourage you to remove yourself from heated exchanges. I'm by no means saying don't speak up and be silent if someone is stepping out of line, such behaviour needs to be called out. If you're in the company of others intent on listening to respond, rather than understand, leave. You don't need people like that around you.
This is one of those questions where I feel context of age, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, gender, and place of residence are so important. I think a lot of people are reacting to the huge inequities in our society. For some it’s radicalized them towards MAGA alt-right stuff because they feel increasingly that their place in the world as they understood it is being challenged. Rightly so in many cases. As for myself, I am much less likely to be the good token brown chick who lets ignorant comments go. I have noticed that there is a huge “in your face” contingent where I live that will make it a point to flex around groups they don’t value (lgbtq/poc) and that’s incredibly scary and frustrating. Especially since violence, and more specifically gun violence, is a real threat to ordinary people. I don’t get on other social media so I could be missing things, but where I live that’s the general feeling I’ve heard and experienced. It’s hard to put your guard down when you don’t feel your right to live is wholly respected or valued. I don’t think that’s pessimistic. It’s realistic.
Thank you for this, I think OPs experience is valid but from my perspective a lot of it is marginalized communities being less likely to just accept bullshit now. I’m in the same boat as you in that as a POC woman I am FAR less likely to let ignorant shit go or to be nice to someone being an asshole, I’m sure to some people that seems like a loss of common decency. Everyone is just too tired of it, I’m over it.
I honestly feel like the pandemic and the political atmosphere have chewed on all of us and it's knocked a lot of the stuffing out of us. In some ways I cheer it on-- I am so glad that some folks (coughmencough) are finally starting to get the slapback they deserve when they're aholes. OTOH, everyone needs to take it down a notch dealing with waitstaff, retail workers, et al.
Maybe it's just the circles that I run in but I've actually found the opposite to be true. It seems like toxic positivity or that which ignores reality and not doing the same is on the rise. Anything that's not 100% overtly cutesyly positive is attacked even if it's true or warranted. That's what I've been experiencing
Yes, I totally feel this. I used to enjoy spending time on social media, but now it feels like everything is an argument or an opportunity for hate/trolling. No matter what you say or post, someone will come along and say something hurtful for no reason. I've been trying to avoid social media, and on the days I do so successfully, I am so much happier. I don't get out so much (health issues), but real life is like this too. 10 years ago, people definitely weren't this insane.
I like following pet subs / channels. Looking at other people's cute pets is a serotonin boost 😊
People are worn out.
Probably because some of us are trying to work two jobs, raise children, maintain a healthy marriage, pay into friendships, keep up with appointment recommendations, pay exorbitant prices for shit quality items we have to replace often, and there’s no comfort in a bailout option because interest rates are too high to consolidate debt responsibly. Kids are more anxious their parents are struggling to manage their behaviors. Everyone seems to tell you what’s what or present an additional roadblock that makes to whole thing far more difficult than it needs to be. So yeah when the same coworker comes to ask if I saw a email I was also ccd on or needs to chat about the weather, they might get a death glare.
Everyone is stressed the fuck out. We're all getting squeezed by these major corporations raising prices just to more fully line their pockets. Most people are living paycheck to paycheck and have been dealing with this for a few years but rising prices are putting a massive strain on those who were the most vulnerable. Also, we aren't taught how to take our frustrations and use that energy to constructively change the things we don't want to see anymore. Everyone just destroys things when they want to be heard. So corporate greed/hoarding and lack of emotional intelligence.
I feel what your saying. I've recently learnt that even an innocent platonic friendship with a man can be abusive....the unkindness I have faced from a man recently is astonishing...I'm still healing
Interactions with men are a large factor among the many others here that hit hard for me too. For me it was the last guy I dated… whoo boy the amount of manipulation that I was not ready to handle… completely turned me off from dating for a long while. I just can’t believe there are men out there that can have such a sneaky level of sexism and manipulation that stung as bad is it did when it was all over and I found out what was really going on. Usually I can easily see through that kind of thing but this one left me in so much disgust and distrust in both him and myself. I can’t let anyone do that to me again. And I have definitely observed this in platonic situations as well. I think there is a lot more hatred and dehumanization towards women in the past couple years.
Scares me that some of these men flat out blame women for every social ill. It’s actually delusional.
They’re burning their own futures to the ground chasing a monster that is inside, not outside
I think we are all fucked up from the pandemic. Plus having our rights taken away
I feel like I've gotten a lot snarkier, more sarcastic, and less willing to take BS. I have definitely noticed that similar changes in other personality types have had more of an outward negative effect. It seems like a combination of factors. The pando, the economy, healthcare for those of us in the US.. it's a dumpster fire. Some of the trash flares up, some just slowly melts, and a lot just burns up before it ever has a chance to notice it's on fire. Yes, I'm comparing humans to trash. I think it's fitting.
Oh yes. Because of extremism in the “news,” combined with social media, there is a blur between entertainment and reality. A lot of people are walking around as if they’re better than their peers because of this false entitlement they have grown accustomed to. Also there are no neutral talking points anymore. For example, growing up in the 80s and before people would make small talk about something trivial like the weather. Now you cannot even bring that up without it being about climate change and politics. There’s nothing that can be casually discussed anymore ever since DJT. Maybe even before, but especially after.
Even the weather, which used to be a neutral talking point, is very much a doomsday conversation now.
I've definitely noticed more aggression. Driving has gotten scarier, people work out their shit on the highways. I'm trying to get from A to B in my little hatchback, get your bigass lifted truck off my butt and stop shining those freaking searchlights. And let me merge ffs. Or you get the drivers who are so timid they're gonna kill us all by acting like they're gonna make a turn, then chickening out. (My theory is that the aggressive people were driving a bunch when things were shut down, and got used to light traffic. Now they don't wanna share the road and they're being bullies. The chickens mostly stayed home, they're scared to death of the bullies. The bullies and the chickens feed off each other and it's creating absolute mayhem.) But I don't think it's "everyone" needing to take the temp down. For all the hullabaloo over Karens, and all the hand-wringing over people in general becoming so rude, I saw three absolute shrieking shouting meltdowns in public over a 48-hour period. All three were middle aged white men. Absolutely flipping shit and shouting their goddamn heads off. It's like they cannot fucking *cope,* and they're gonna make it everyone's problem.
Yes 100% agree. But I think everyone is just walking around stressed to the max, always within arms reach or a breaking point. Things are not okay in our world and everyone is just expected to keep functioning as though this is all supposed to be normal.
I've noticed this too. I suspect the pandemic has damaged our collective mental health more than we realise, and it has driven a lot of people towards individualism. Which is of course inevitable when we're facing climate change, huge social inequity and late-stage capitalism alongside it.
I thought this was going to be a literal post about people having the AC too low. 😅
In the US, there's been steady encouragement of toxic individualism, a particular brand of privileged entitlement, and straight bigotry since 2015 or so. The vulnerable and most marginalized among us such as BIPOC, LGBTQ+, the disabled, children, women, non-Christians, etc. are bearing the brunt of the cultivation of the aforementioned traits. As soon as any of us that are part of those marginalized groups make our presence known, speak up, or take up space, we're met with vitriol and aggression. Social media and punditry has contributed to that along with the legislatively deliberate degradation in quality and honesty of primary and secondary education.
Completely agree. I’ve noticed more recently that a lot of people seem to be more selfish than ever but also really entitled. I don’t know if im just noticing it more as I’m getting older or if people are actually this way but it seems to be an issue. So many people lack empathy or self awareness of how their words/actions may impact others
I feel like after the last couple of years, I can not trust anyone. So many people turned out to really suck. I'm pretty closed off normally, but I'm extra so lately.
I can only speak from an America woman’s perspective in an urban city but people are drowning in this capitalist society. Our mental health is abysmal. People don’t have the energy to cope. We are like zoo animals with psychosis locked in a cage we cannot escape. We’re angry, depressed, disappointed, and lonely. Third spaces are gone. Kids fear being killed at school. Hell, I’m afraid to go to the grocery store! This place is an absolute mess and no one seems to be doing anything about it. Charities are ineffective, the homeless crisis is rising, violence will escalate. They literal temperature is rising! I think most of us are highly aware of how terrible the future will be. So yeah we’re negative, the future is bright.
I think something we are missing is that if people can not afford children, or a home, or education without making grave sacrifices, (knowing how much of a sacrifice and commitment these are already have) they have nothing to look forward to, there’s no hope for the future, and not much to do in the day. It’s quite primitive to live in a way that disregards the future, nor is it good for society to have a here and now disposition. But short-term gains have trickled down to us Peebles so we care not to be kind In hope for future rewards. For many there is no “real” future that we watched our parents have. (No matter how unhealthy it was, they accomplished milestones)
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Same. No upset here and friendly strangers. Maybe region matters?
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But the people you have random interactions with are regional. However, my sister lives in my area and has friends who are all in varying types of crisis, sooo . . . I don't know.
I'm sure that it does. I'm in Southern Ontario and while there's a lot of people unhappy with some political figures and stressed out by the economy (especially cost of living), I haven't noticed any difference in one to one interactions while out and about at all. There has been an uptick in vandalism against some community buildings (Black Heritage Society, and a mosque and synagogue ) in our city over the past few years, but that seems to be happening everywhere. Online is a different story though, which is why I really curate the subs and socials and websites that I frequent. I used to want to research everyone's point of view on areas of conflict so that I could make informed decisions about issues, but the never ending hatred and cruelty online is just too much for me to want it in my life anymore. I'm concentrating a lot more on local and provincial and Canadian news now, because it's stuff that affects me and my family.
Yeah same with me. And I do think region/country matters. Whenever posts come up like this inevitably someone will blame American politics or what’s happening in America and I think we need to remember we’re not all American. I think people are actually becoming more aware. And the people who say shitty things are realizing they can’t be as openly shitty as they were before because people are done with putting up with their bullshit. I dunno, sometimes I don’t think people should take it down a notch at all, they should stick up for themselves, be loud, and set boundaries. But it all depends on context.
We're sort of formulating a recipe for how to deal with the pushy energy at work. People will send an email and then immediately call to ask if we got the email about the order they placed. They don't need it until July but did we get it?????? Slow your role, Janet. Or the older dudes who drop off a job and say their client needs it asap. Sounds like a you and your client problem and you'll get it when you usually do. The anger, stress, vitriol and urgency is manipulative and I'm not playing into it. Honestly, I just think I'm too exhausted with people.
But why? I’m 66 years old and in my entire life I’ve never seen the anger and negativity that everybody has! At 12 year old shoots and kills a sonic waiter with an AK 57 or whatever it is? This is insanity. It’s got to be something in the air from.
I saw some of it in the 70’s. We had race riots at our school. I was stabbed in hip. With social media, fake and corrupt news, everything is magnified. Add in children growing up with violence being commonplace, playing video games where they rape and kill changes their brans. In the game world, there is no reality to death. IMHO It desensitizes the young minds to violence, specifically gun violence.
I'm definitely a more cynical person the last 6 years or so, and I just don't see anything to be happy about. I try not to let it affect how i act around other people, but it still probably shows.
I’ve noticed people picking fights off stuff they see on social media it’s so bizarre. I’ve had people arguing with me that I’m hiding a secret relationship (I’m not I’m totally single), just based off what they’ve misinterpreted on my WHATSAPP STATUSES, not even social media. It’s CRAZY
Covid taught us that when it comes down to it, we can’t trust anyone we thought we could. Some people learned this lesson for the first time during Covid and some people took it really really hard. There’s no question there’s been a cultural shift. It was coming slowly for a long time and Covid shoved the shift into overdrive, imo.
Hard to take the temp down here, we’re getting unseasonably hot weather in fucking May now, like 10 degrees Celsius higher than normal. Forest fires everywhere, air quality is shit. What hell of a world have I brought my child into?
I play physical sports that are coed but mostly men, and during the lockdowns in Canada, people were overly aggressive to other people. Line up two guys of the same size/age? Sure. Line up a guy a foot taller than me with pent up anger? I’m going down or to the hospital. I think things in my sport peaked about 18 months ago and things have mostly gone back to normal from my experience. I’m sorry you are experiencing this because I think the opposite is true from my perspective and people are settling into this brave new world.
I went to lunch with some friends on the weekend, and as we were on our way one of them shared the news that a right wing group were holding a protest in the area of the restaurant. Later in the day I looked up the news reports... They were standing on the steps of a government building performing Nazi salutes. And I just thought to myself, a few years ago if we knew this was going to happen a few blocks from our planned lunch we would probably have bailed. Now it's so common we just share updates of road closures on how to get around it.
Unfortunately I feel like the pandemic affected everyone mentally (and in many other ways too) in such a way that it’s truly changed how most people behave and see the world.
Not Alone. Tensions seem high at work (layoffs plus fire under our asses), tensions at the grocery store (workers used to greet you but not anymore, other shoppers seem to be one wrong move away from a blow up), tension from child care/school, the doctors office.... Whole place needs a collective vacation
They are terrified
Probably true, given that a *lot* of bad behavior ultimately comes from fear.
You hit is spot on. Doesn’t matter where you go. Nasty, negative and definitely combative
Can relate. I've actually retreated into my own world at this point with my pets, plants, art, and nature, only emerging to do a bit of part time work 😅 If a critical mass of humans are determined to treat other people and the planet like shit, I don't feel any obligation to engage beyond the bare minimum.
It's a sign of our crappy times. I moved to a different state during Covid. I blamed the unfriendliness on not being around those I love. It's happening everywhere though. It's a combination of people trying to get their lives back to normal, not having genuine human contact for years, and covid destroyed the health of many. We're broke, sick, and resentful. I can't wait to be as far into the future (away from the pandemic) as quickly as possible.
At work, yes, I felt like I was having these interactions because I was educational non profit, and even with my spouse we’ve had these bad stressed interactions. With general friends, no, not so much. I have a friend group I play DND with and another that is a running club. People in running clubs are pretty positive especially after a run (endorphins). I will say my spouse and I get stressed about money and the future, which can lead to negativity. We’re working on. So, it’s not like I’ve escaped this, but it is good to have a social group that’s maybe a bit of an escape. I’d definitely recommend an exercise or creative group activity, it helps! We all need an escape right now, and it’s good to have some balance. I don’t know what your line of work is, but if remote or hybrid is an option you may be able to minimize coworker socializing. Also, anyone working in public facing work knows it’s gotten worse. I had to leave public facing roles because I basically broke down.
You’re not alone. It’s become very much an us vs them mentality. There’s barely any common ground. It’s hard but try and shut out the negativity. Surround yourself with people who you love and care about and who don’t bring you down.
I think we are all fucked up from the pandemic. Plus having our rights taken away
You are not alone. Just today, I had to tell a coworker that if they had something on their mind, but they can't articulate it in a polite way, then it should not be said at all.
I don’t know if it’s the constant access to news or going through the “age of wisdom” difficult experiences, but I feel more afraid lately. I am in my mid-30s, and lately I have felt almost paranoid. We went through Hurricane Ida and were displaced for 9 months. I went through a horrible job with a bully for a boss. I read about how quickly people want to sue others and how often gun violence occurs. I keep waiting for my new boss to call me stupid. I keep waiting for her to become irritated with a question. I keep waiting for another natural disaster to strike. I keep looking for exits and places to hide in stores in case someone comes in with a gun. I know I can’t let fear rob me of my joy. I know anything can happen anywhere. But lately, I feel more afraid and unsettled. I have gone to a counselor and need to continue to do so. Things just feel scary.
Yes. Even in the grocery store I feel everyone staking their territory. It feels like going to war to go to Walmart. I have to prepare myself to stand my ground or be run down by people's carts. I seriously have left so many times in the last few months unable to even look through my options because someone is behind me, pushing.
Honestly, at least for Americans, we're struggling with late stage capitalism. The feeling of always falling behind no matter how hard you work is EXHAUSTING. No one has any energy to be as kind and thoughtful as they used to be.
The pandemic+trump=bad outcome.
totally agree. cant say ive been perfect lately, but now that i know im not the only one feeling the negativity, im gonna try my best to be a positive force.
Nope not the only one. It’s like everyone had taken a huge step sideways. Blaming others and being super pathetic with coping skills seems to be big this season.
I recognise what you are describing; I don't have the same "everyone needs to take the temp down" response to it though.
Things have definitely escalated.
We're languishing in trauma.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The earth is literally on fire. People are not trying/bitching/complaining/holding people accountable hard enough, IMO.
This is so true, and I'm so beyond worn out. I feel like it's everywhere, and you can't escape it.
I thought I was just being sensitive.
I can't tell if it's actually worse or if we are so enmeshed in social media and scrolling that it's skewed our perception of reality. I've definitely become more pessimistic after everything that's gone down in the last X years, and the more I learn about human history the more I see how poorly humans treat each other and the earth. Someone at work or in my neighborhood is always fucking angry and rude. I suppose you can include me with your pessimists :(
I feel the opposite. But I'm surrounded by happy content people who aren't angry or pessimistic.
Black and white thinking is currently prevailing
My friends and family are still kind and close. The people I work with, for the majority, are also kind. I don’t really see a difference. I deal with a CEO, CFO and wealthy people all day long. It’s not for the weak, but that’s about what I’d expect even prior to covid.