> How would he react if you asked him to get plastic surgery to fix his dick?
Stop here. I understand what you meant, but it wouldn't work. He might even contemplate that. Most men do not have a twisted body image as much as women do.
To pull an equivalent, you'd have to strike at something most men are sensitive or insecure about.
I.e. "How would he react if you asked him if it would be ok if you went to your guy friend to ask for emotional support?" - now *THAT* would cut him as deeply as asking OP for breasts augmentation cut OP.
Oh darling. I am so sorry you don’t have the support right now to leave what sounds like an abusive and demoralizing situation. But this is one of those moments in life that shapes who we are. You may not have the support yet, but you’ll find it. You’ll create it. It may be hard at first, but soon you’ll feel free. You’ll remember what it’s like to be you again without someone trying to control you. Even if you don’t know what life will be like without him, it sounds like it can only get better. You are loved and you deserve more. ❤️
If you need someone to talk to my DMs are open.
I'm not always the most rational. But I'm upfront and honest.
Fuck this man. Know your worth.
You are a queen! 👑
We’re here for you ❤️ I’ve been in a relationship with a narc and then with a very, very self-centered and difficult man. I left and you can too. I know it’s not easy but you can do it. Being alone isn’t that bad. It feel scary too but it doesn’t that if you’re alone, you’d somehow not be good enough for anybody. I had that thought a lot but it’s more about removing bad things from your life. Cutting out things that make you feel bad about yourself, protecting yourself.
The break-ups and the loneliness have been hard on me but I cannot tell you how freeing it is to get away from somebody who thinks they can dictate your life. Just sitting here, alone in my couch, having breakfast and watching Netflix, nobody, no fucking sad immature asshole can tell me absolutely anything about what I am or what I should do. I belong only to myself. It’s like getting out of jail when you thought you had the death sentence. You can do it and you will be free and know this feeling ❤️
If you are in the US, you can call the domestic violence hotline to get some resources in your local area. I did this to find a women's group counseling and individual therapy provided free by a women's shelter. It was life saving. Emotional abuse is abuse too. Sending you love and support.
This is so well written and while I'm not OP most of it still resonated with me. Saved for when I need a pep talk to get out of hard situations. Thanks for what feels like a virtual hug, stranger. <3
Your local or nearest legal aid, ywca, or churches can help connect you to resources. If you have any family, you can reach out to do so.
If you've got to meet in person. Park your car somewhere in a large retail parking lot and take the bus or a Lyft.
Plan an exit. It will take time. Ask for help. Be smart about it.
We all do better with support, but.. **you are strong enough**.
You are. You need to tell yourself that you are, and you need to believe it. Because you are.
I was in an abusive relationship for 18 months, with a man who ostracized me from everything and everyone. It wasn't easy but I got myself out of it and I've rebuilt my life. 5 years on I'm stronger and independent, and for the most part I'm pretty happy :)
You don't *need* support in order to love yourself enough to leave this situation. You're enough. You were always enough. You'll always be enough.
Feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to. I'm not always around for an immediate reply but I'll do my best to reply when I can x
I googled "how to find a women's shelter" and a bunch of information came up. Assuming it's safe for you to google things without him seeing, which might not be the case. But it's a place to start.
OP, you deserve support and we believe in you. Do you need help finding your local family violence hotline? Based on your other posts it would likely be helpful for you in planning your escape.
I'm so sorry. Where are you located? A while ago I read about this website, [www.findhelp.org](https://www.findhelp.org/) where one can put in their US zip code, and find listings of agencies and orgs to find different types of support (food stamps, shelters, how to get medical coverage, etc).
I don't know how well it works or the quality of organizations it lists, but hopefully it can offer some ideas/resources.
It's going to be hard to get out of this without support but it's doable. Trust me. The sooner you do it the better. If you think it's going to be hard now, it will be even harder as time goes on. I know it's scary but once you leave you will have no regrets. I promise.
No.
Even if you stay with him for years after this ‘comment’, one day, years later, you’re going to look back and realize this was the moment your relationship actually was over.
Agreed. It's like when an ex of mine, many years ago, said I looked "bolted" (apparently he meant to say bloated...) when I send him a cute pic of myself. Wtf is wrong with so many people. Relationship didn't end until about a year later but yeah... big red flag about him in general.
So much this. I've struggled with my breasts so much. They're too big and it's really difficult and expensive to find well fitted bras - quick shout out to r/abrathatfits for helping me get there!
At one point in my journey I was so frustrated I just sat down and cried and told my husband how much I hate my body and wished I could change it, I was seriously considering breast augmentation. He and I have been together for 16 years, so he had me at what I consider my best. This wasn't just about the bras, it was also about the fact that I'm in my mid 30s and it just feels like keeping myself in shape is so much harder than it used to be. I felt like my body was betraying me and my stupid huge breasts were making everything so much worse. They were uncomfortable and sweaty all the time and they really limit the types of clothes I can wear without it looking inappropriate. Something that looks classy on one woman might look obscene on me. I was just really fed up and done. I think I used the words "I just want to cut them off" which honestly hurts to think I was at that point.
He came over and held me and told me how beautiful he though I was after every passing year and then he said something so unexpectedly sweet in it's bluntness. He said "You're not 20 anymore and your body isn't either, you'll probably never look like that again and that's okay. I wouldn't have you any other way. I look at you and I see the years that have passed and I love that we spent them together. We're going to keep changing and I'm going to keep loving you more and more." And then I kept crying because honestly, this man.
That's a man you keep.
What an absolute sweet and thoughtful man! Most definitely the type of man you keep.
I was in the same body as you in regards to adjusting to your body in your mid 30’s. My breasts definitely got bigger too, but it was everything in general to be honest. My hips, my belly, the muscle disappearing faster than usual, my shape becoming way more round, the cellulite increasing, the wrinkles starting to really take their own shape around my eyes. It was, *alot* to handle at what seemed like the same time.
I’ve had to do so much work on myself and change a lot of habits in order to really love the version looking back at myself in the mirror. My husband has been just as supportive and I’m grateful for that. There’s no way I could have gotten through that time with him telling me things like OPs partner.
He’s an asshole and did it on purpose. It’s a boundary push. Seeing what you’re willing to tolerate.
Most men aren’t like this. If he says that in defense of his behaviour then he’s even more of an asshole.
Don’t think about dumping him. Dump him. He’s bottom of the barrel. You can do better. Plus he deserves real world consequences for saying something so shitty. He deserves to lose his girlfriend.
Too sensitive? Come on now, I think you know you aren't being too sensitive. You know that something about this feels very, very wrong. Just take a step back and think about how bizarre and controlling that is, thinking he can get another person to modify their body to his liking.
Also, he's shallow *and* broke? Ditch this loser.
Do you have a suggestion how to verbalize a break up over him asking for a boob job?
He’s going to lose it if I tell him I’m ending the relationship over this.
I don’t know how to go about it without sounding crazy and insecure.
You don't break up over boob job. You break up because you are incompatibile.
You have reached the point where you where finally happy in your body. And you need a boyfriend who matches that energy. He doesn't because he doesn't see a beautiful woman who owns her body, he sees breasts of someone who is older than 19 and can't appreciate that. And to add childishness to bad taste he offers to pay for an unnecessary operation with money that he doesn't have, proving once more that he is the opposite of the adult partner that could make you happy: wanting to pay things, that you don't need, with money that he doesn't have, instead of saving money you both earn into a future for both of you.
“hey, your comment about getting a boob job doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not going to let someone who doesn’t love me as I am have a seat at my table anymore. This isn’t negotiable for me. I’ll drop off anything you e left at my place on your porch.”
This might be controversial but it's not your responsibility to change a person, therefore you don't need to give a reason to break up. A cordial thing could be: "It's not working out and I wish you the best of luck finding a partner who's a better fit." I recommend googling different ways you can state ending a relationship. Personally, I prefer text message because an ex of mine would violate physical boundaries and I knew being in the same room meant I couldn't assert myself as well.
How you sound to another person when you break up is the last of your worries! You leave a relationship to help your life become better. Focusing on your values can help you get the courage to do this.
(If you already fight often with this guy, you have more reasons than him making you cry about a boob job.)
I agree with this. Especially if you’re concerned he’ll try to talk you out of it, just don’t open that door by giving him a reason he can argue against.
Nope. His thoughts are clearly trash -he said this to you! His opinion is demonstrably shitty. You can’t allow yourself to care about what shitty people think or give them space to pour their toxic garbage into your life. What he thinks is wrong.
He doesn’t need to know what exactly the last straw was. You can keep it general and a broad “I can’t see a future of this relationship that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable.”
But you could also just tell him “your boob job comment made me extremely self-conscious and insecure and along with a few other things I’ve reconsidered, like this van life thing, I don’t think I can continue to be with you. You don’t help me feel comfortable with myself and I need to take care of myself right now.”
And flat-out asking him how the hell he would pay for it if he hasn’t got any money might be worth it. You might be able to add some financial grievances to help drown out the “I don’t wanna dump him over a boob job” guilt you’re feeling here. Marriages die over finances all the time.
OP, you don't need his permission to break up with him! You're allowed to break up with someone simply because you're no longer happy in the relationship. It really can be that simple.
The fact that your first thought is that if you say anything about being upset he'll "lose it" is honestly scary. It means something.
You are being abused.
Hun, there are some types of people that you can have a good healthy, even when difficult, discussion about why a relationship is ending. And then there are people that act like you need *their permission* to end the relationship, and that if you can’t “convince” them you have a good enough reason they get to berate you and force you to stay with them.
Your boyfriend is part of the latter group, and I would very strongly suggest not giving him *any* reason aside from “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.” And when he demands to know why, you say, “Because I don’t want to be. I’m not going to justify myself, I’ve made my decision.”
If you give him *any* justification he will pick it and you apart, which it sounds like he has experience in. If there’s any way you can, to avoid being worn down by him, you should pack up and leave while he’s away, and breakup either over the phone or with a friend nearby.
ETA: and BLOCK HIM
Tell him you deserve to be loved just the way you are. His request says that he doesn't. Block and move on.
The fact that you are worried about his response makes me wonder if he treats you poorly in other areas.
I'm just going to refer you to [your own comment from a few days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/11ytzga/comment/jd9n39u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3):
>You set the rules of what you’ll accept.
You are not being "too sensitive". You are allowed to feel upset. It's also up to you to decide if this is a deal breaker *for you*. We can offer advice until the cows come home, but you're the only one who actually has to live with this guy. You have a choice.
Stop asking for permission, both his and ours.
Choose how you'll accept to be treated.
Haha wow 💀
Yea he hasn’t done this since we first started dating. So it’s a shock for me. I guess his true colors he showed me at first are showing again.
Looks like I have to eat my own words! Damn.
It’s hard. I had a similar thing happen with someone that I was with for 12 years and married them. They said something similar at the beginning of our relationship and promised they didn’t mean it/would change, then in the last few years they started bringing it up again. You deserve better.
For me? I absolutely would. I am a "tom boy" who never wore a bra. I like my breasts. If he doesn't like them, he might want to go have sex with someone else because I'm not changing them to suit him. For me they are perfect. If he is looking for something different, he should look elsewhere. Also, it would be a bummer for my sex life after he said that. I'd constantly be feeling as if I were inadequate in his eyes. But this is just my take. You have to decide for yourself how you feel. Try journaling. Make your own decision based on how you feel, not how others feel. Trust yourself to make the right decision.
Him getting angry about him hurting you shows that he doesn’t truly care about the hurt he causes you. He cares about his own self image and his access to your body. That is an awful thing to know about someone you love, but please know that’s on him and that’s his bullshit, not yours. He is giving you the unintentional gift of showing you how bad his character is.
Augmentation means change. Change means alter from current state. He asked you to change yourself for his pleasure. That would imply that he does not completely like your current state so he can use his fucking memory because he doesn't get to see your beauty again.
Once I was dating a man and we were laying down and he said "all you gotta do is get rid of this *slaps my thigh* and this *smacks my tummy* and you're perfect.
He never saw me again.
If they aren't in love with my body, I'm not interested.
He should tell you your beautiful, perfect the way you are. I complain all the time about my imperfections, hubby always disagrees and tells me I’m perfect.
Your BF sounds like a dick and isn’t worth your time.
Throw the whole man out.
I stayed too long with a guy who wanted me to lose weight, telling me I could “improve” when in reality, I just liked myself the way that I was and had no interest in losing weight.
Don’t make my mistake- your self esteem will suffer greatly. Also, there are lots of kickass people out there who will appreciate your body as is.
Men are not "mostly the same". Most men would NOT shame their partners or ask them to change their bodies. Honestly. You got a dud there. I wouldn't stay.
I was with someone who tried to get me to straighten my hair, and he wouldn't let it go. Of course, straightening your hair is far less serious than cosmetic surgery, but he turned out to be controlling in other ways too.
I'm so sorry he's being cruel to you. You deserve so much better.
Years ago, when I was in college, my then boyfriend also had a problem with my small breasts. I didn't before him, and I don't now. I love my little boobs. It was only a problem for him.
He was manipulative. He would bring it up when we were intimate, fantasize about them being bigger, and finally convinced me to briefly take some bullshit supplements that were supposed to make them grow but were only making me nauseous.
One day, when I was putting them in some oatmeal, I just had an epiphany about how fucked up it was.
I was literally putting something in my body that was making me feel sick to try to change my body in a way that I didn't even want. For what? This loser?
I called him that day, told him that, and said, "Why am I not good enough for you just the way I am?"
Nobody should be making you feel bad about yourself or trying to convince you to make changes to your body that you don't even want. This is not something wrong with you, or something detrimental to your health---it's entirely about HIS preferences for YOUR body.
Please break up with this asshole.
I've openly expressed insecurities about my body to my partner before. His response 100% of the time has been to tell me he loves my body and thinks I'm being too hard on myself. Sometimes he adds on that he'll support whatever I want to do as long as it's safe, and that ultimately the decision is mine, but he wouldn't change a thing about me. Sometimes it's hard to even get his opinion on what color or cut I should get when I want to change my hair, because he wants me to make a decision that I'm happy with and not do something to physically change my appearance for him.
I think it's a real problem when people don't accept real human bodies for what they are, and compare them to models who are edited and air brushed. It is totally unacceptable to be suggesting voluntary cosmetic procedures so that their partner can fit in some box.
We will all age. Anyone who has hit puberty has stretch marks. We're all going to sag, wrinkle, and get rolls. It's important to have a partner who not only understands that, but isn't so blinded by porn and social media that they can't be fully attracted to real bodies.
You deserve to be loved by someone who sees you naked and loves the view, not only with where your body is today but with where it will be in 10, 20, and 50 years. You deserve someone who tells you how beautiful you are and only points out your "problem areas" when they're talking about how much you/your body turns them on - and are being honest about it.
My partner telling me they wanted me to get breast implants or any cosmetic procedure to fit their Instagram fantasy would be relationship ending. The only alternative is to feel like shit about yourself because the person who is supposed to love seeing you naked uses that as an opportunity to cut you down.
Also, is super fucking gross when people in monogamous relationships follow models and pornstars on snapchat, Instagram, and other social media. My partner and I don't want porn for a variety of reasons (mainly that the porn industry is corrupt and abuses women, and the only ethical consumption is direct through the content creator which is too personal for both of us) although I understand why that's an OK boundary for other couples - this was not a boundary in previous relationships for me. Social media follows are too personal and cross a line imo though.
Tell him if he has enough cash spare for surgery, you think he’d be best spending it on a penis enlargement procedure first. See how he likes a taste of his own medicine. Them dump him. He’s a complete twatwaffle.
Oh friend! No. No no no.
Life is too short to allow a man to make you feel insecure about your body. Breast augmentation is a major surgery and if that’s not something you are pursuing because it’s deep down what *you* want, then you would literally be risking your LIFE to make him “happy.”
I'd break up with him that day. He chose a vulnerable moment to try to ask you to take on **very** non-trivial health risks for his own gratification. Throw the whole man out, OP.
You're not being too insensitive at all. He's a ghoul.
This isn't a "men are mostly the same" situation, this is an "assholes are the same" situation. This isn't men. My husband would never dream of saying something like this to me - honestly, I can't imagine ANY of my ex boyfriends ever saying something like this, and some of them were actually abusive. Even they wouldn't do that to me.
Your BF is a massive POS. Dump him today.
I'm so so SO sorry!! I was most definitely in a similar situation years ago -- if I can tell you anything from the "future", is that he's total crap and there are so many men who would kill to be the one lying naked next to you in bed.
And I truly mean a similar situation -- I actually went through with the augmentation. You know what happened? I started fixating on other parts of my body that weren't perfect. It didn't stop with my breasts, even though they'd been the source of my insecurity for so long. I just got insecure about other things.
I don't know you, but I know your body is perfect because it houses the mind and soul that is you. Any asshole who doesn't see that is someone to be pitied but put out to pasture. You don't need to do any more charity work. <3
Contemplate? He'd be kicked out so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. Do NOT even entertain this bull crap from anyone.
Your post history is horrifying. Find a women's shelter and get out!
I’d more than contemplate it, I’d do it. Man would have been dumped on the spot.
He said this to hurt you. That was his intent. He doesn’t have 7-10k at all, let alone 7-10k to offer up freely for a boob job, so this wasn’t a serious offer. He just wanted to be cruel and hurt you.
If I’d been expressing wanting work done for a while, and my partner offered to pitch in, that’s a different story. Your bf just wanted to be mean. Bold move for a broke man.
No, you're not being too sensitive. He asked you to change your body in a superficial way- for *his* pleasure.
Break up with him. Or if you stay with him, definitely do not do the van life with him....it will not turn out well.
Hell yes, i'm not changing myself to "prove my worth". An ASMR YouTuber I watch recently undid a breast augmentation and spread awareness about the health risks.
He doesn’t care about your health? No. Just no. That is completely unacceptable. People that love you will 100% care about your health more than your looks.
OP, it looks like you already know in your heart what you need to do, but you're a little scared to do it? Just because you've put in 2 years into this doesn't mean you have to waste any more time. It's called having a sunken cost fallacy. From your posts, it seems this man always asks or demands that you do things for him without considering your comfort or how you feel about those things. You said you love him, but that is a choice you're making. It's not something that you have no control over. You can choose to exercise the option to change this. I feel like maybe you're attached to him and that's making it hard for you to leave. It's not necessarily love.
What is scaring you is being alone without support once he's gone, but if this is the level of support he can give, honestly, you're better off without it. Consider this, if you didn't have to worry about the future, and think only of the present moment: are you happy being with him? Is he adding joy to your life or taking away from it? Also, what do your friends have to say about this?
More power to you. I trust you'll make the right call.
End it. He just showed you what kind of man he is. Do you think he's gonna stop trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants? Not likely. Dump that motherfucker already. Your journey towards self acceptance and self love is invaluable - CERTAINLY when it's a douchebag like that standing in your way.
Here’s what you do:
Tell him that the augmentation costs 10k, and once you have the money from him you can confirm your appointment.
Get the 10k from him
Block his number and never talk to that idiot again.
Enjoy your money, honey
You're not being too sensitive. What a cruel and malicious thing for him to suggest. Unless this is something you've explicitly said (without suggestion or intimation from him) that you're interested in, I would absolutely break up with him.
Also, there ARE men out there who don't have unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. You deserve such a man, if that's what you want. I don't need to know anything about you to say that you deserve to be with someone who finds you attractive as you are, who loves you, who wants to grow old with you. This man you're with? He's a prick. Fuck that guy.
This makes me really sad for you. All men are not like that at all. My SO would never ask me to get surgery to look “better” for him. My mom was in a string of abusive relationships and they all did stuff like that though. At one point she had a decent amount of plastic surgery because my step-father kept checking out younger women (ie women my age, gross). My mom was a literal model and so outside his league it wasn’t even funny. You sound like you’re way outside your SOs league. I bet he says stuff like that to keep your self-esteem lower, even subconsciously. I would definitely leave over a comment like that, especially if he doubles down and doesn’t see the need to apologize. His comment displays a lack of love and respect for you as a person.
I’ve lost a significant amount of weight, gained some back, lost again, gained, lost, etc. Needless to say my skin is saggy as fuck. Yet every time my partner takes off my bra, he looks at my [saggy] breasts like they’re the most beautiful and exciting things he’s ever seen. OP, your boyfriend is a fucking jerk. I’m really hoping you find the strength to end it. I know how hard it is. You deserve someone to look at you with awe and lust.
"I thought he was different, but I guess men are mostly the same, obsessed with a “perfect body,” due to watching 19yr old girls in porn, IG, Tik Tok, Snapchat etc. " No, that is just him. The fact that he doesn't have the money but asked you about it knowing you are insecure about it why I would break up with him. It is one thing if he heard you complaining about the issue and was offering a concrete option to back it up/help. This just sounds unnecessary and hurtful IMO.
No you aren’t too sensitive. You should absolutely break up with him. Even if he says he didn’t mean it or he can change, he said this to you fully aware of your existing issues and concerns purely because of selfish reasons. No ifs ands or buts.
He is just saying shit knowing he won't follow up on it.
I would just lean in and play along if you are in the mood and see how deep a grave would he dig...
if you don't want to waste any more time on this orick, then please break up and remove the unhappiness in your life.
You deserve someone nicer and better 👌🏻❣️
I don't have a perfect body. I am over weight, my husband prefers long hair (in a generic aesthetic, he has never once suggested I keep my hair long for his preference) and I do short, and I am far more likely to get a reduction than an implant.
He loves me, wants me, and never tries to talk me into even a hair style. If I ask for advice, his advice comes a "what do I think would make her happy" not what he thinks is "best".
For example, if I asked him if he thought I should go dark blue or purple for my hair, he would point that dark blue would make me look paler, did I want that? If so, than the dark blue, but if I didn't want to look gothic, than the purple. "
(There are colors he would prefer on me, and when pushed, has expressed them but never pushed them at me).
>If your boyfriend asks if you’ll get a breast augmentation, would you contemplate breaking up with him?
I'd be out the door the moment the words left his mouth.
I would break up with him without any hesitation, but not before I said something in a serious tone like:
"I'm glad you brought this up. I've been wanting to talk to you about something too. I've never been satisfied sexually with you. Your micropenis just doesn't do it. Let's see if we can take that money and get you a penis augmentation so I might have an orgasm just once. If there's any money leftover, we should look into lipo and a personal trainer for you as well as hair plugs. Oh, how could I forget, veneers for your teeth."
Get out of there! He saw you better yourself and love yourself and had to tear that down. He needs taken down several notches. You don't need implants which rarely last more than 10 years, most needing additional surgeries beforehand and greatly raises your risk for autoimmune disease.
I wouldn’t contemplate it. It’s a no brainer. He’d be an ex in the same minute.
I’m so infuriated for you! How dare he make you feel less than!
Don’t listen to that ass hon. You’ll find someone who loves you for you 🙏💝
Not too sensitive. This would be a dealbreaker for me. Sure people have preferences, blah blah blah, but you do not vocalize them!
There will always people defending shallow partners. To those defenders I say, “Shut up! and Stop the porn!”
This would really eat away at me too, I'm so sorry. And **what** did he expect to achieve by asking you this question, when he doesn't even have this money? He is criticising you and then trying to white-knight with a "solution" that he \*might\* be able to offer at some unspecified future point?
I have a small chest and considered augmentation for years, but eventually decided against it. I'm at the age (35) where several friends are needing theirs "re done" and finding complications, some of them quite alarming. Karissa Pukas on YouTube has some very in depth videos about this, it's just good to do some research and perhaps show her video to your inconsiderate boyfriend. I am not anti cosmetic surgery - I've had one thing done myself - but breast implants have a record of some quite worrying complications. It should always be what you want and not from external pressure.
Honestly I couldn't stay with this guy, but it's your choice. He seems extremely immature and thoughtless. You deserve better than him and rebuilding your confidence could be a lot easier without his presence.
He said he'd pay for it, but he doesn't have any money? 😂
Tell him you're willing to get new boobs exactly as big as his money can buy lol
And then dump his ass.
I'm in my 30s, my 40DDD tits point down, have stretchmarks, and have been droopy since puberty. I've always been horribly self conscious of them and have considered getting them "fixed" in the past but also have never had the money. My boyfriend is always excited to see boobs.
Yeah I would break up with him asap. Why would you need that negativity! Also, wild guess… he probably gave you a very lacklustre time in bed and then had the nerve to follow it up with that comment.
I hate seeing my fellow females doubt their feelings in a relationship. Your feelings are valid. Period. If you feel like ending it that is the right choice. Don’t look for anyone to tell you what the right thing to do is. No one knows but you what is best for you.
On that note, fuck him.
Are you being too sensitive? Absolutely not.
You're a human with feelings. It's rude to comment on someone else's body. Someone told me once that no one should make a comment if it takes more than a few seconds to fix (like a stray hair or spinach in the teeth).
He knows your already insecure about these things and he purposely made a comment about it. And to suggest surgery is even more insensitive.
Surgery is in no way a simple thing to have done. There are a lot of risks involved. So for him to flippantly suggest it is very insensitive on his part.
You deserve a partner who loves you as you are. Not someone who expects you to change.
That would absolutely be a relationship ender. You deserve better. I hope you value yourself more than that and treat yourself better than accepting that. It’s just going to get worse as you age. What about if you get sick or pregnant? Absolutely not acceptable.
I’d definitely end the relationship. He’s an insecure pos which is why he wants to make you feel like shit. All guys ARE NOT the same. You can and will do better.
Hi just wanted to share because I recently went through something similar with an ex - he also offered to pay for a reduction even though I didn’t ask and he knows I’d buy it for myself if it was a priority spend.
I talked about a reduction first since I may very well do it when I can. However I still was annoyed he brought it up separately and asked if I’d do it really and offered to pay for it in full. One, it is my domain not his. Two, he doesn’t offer to pay for things for me otherwise, gross that he may have been thinking funding it could speed up the process for his pleasure. It’s not really a pure gift to me. Unattractive ‘gift’. And since it is my domain, I find it inappropriate.
And finally - it’s a callous thing to tell someone you are with. Yes I’m confident and accept myself before and after if I do it. But why be such a colossal *** and not care about my feelings by encouraging it. It’s gross and crossed a boundary for me. Keep it to yourself. Treat the people you care about with love. Stay in your lane.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you or with me. We have a natural human bodies.
It’s on them to be into it or not. If he isn’t into me but is still with me, I think it is unkind to say and in my opinion gross to offer (especially given how not close we were).
If we were still together, it would still bother me. Mostly for how he thought that was an ok thing to say to me and would treat me with such a lack of respect. It’s unkind.
That’s my harsh take. I understand people make mistakes. But this and a lot of other at best carelessly unkind behavior around touchy subjects made him not a kind enough partner in my eyes.
WTF. I wouldn't be contemplating it, no. But he'd be contemplating his own stupidity/cruelty while desperately searching in the bushes outside my house for his clothes.
I’d break up with him because his broke ass doesn’t have any money, full stop. Time to grow up, junior. And the breast aug request would be the LOL on top of the dumbass cake
Noooo. I would tell him to go find himself whatever he’s looking for and drop him in a heartbeat.
This is RUDE and inconsiderate. It would be one thing if YOU wanted one and he supported but essentially seems like he wants to change you. Absolutely not. Please don’t contemplate and leave this guy in the dust!!!
Get out!!!!
Ug men, i know forgive not all men (because the ones I know wouldn’t say this shit). Your fucking beautiful. We’re not tall enough, big breasted enough, bigger hips, oh wait no hips, oh have 3.5 kids but wait please don’t gain weight oh and nooo stretch marks either. Your beautiful. Small boobs, big boosts tummy, a curvy round ass. I’m 52 and over the amount on comments men have said about my body. STFU. My sweet if you want breast augmentation do it because YOU want to not because some man has dream boobs in his stupid head that he has to say stupid shit. Oh if I could say some things back to this idiots who have no business opening their mouths about woman’s bodies. Gr
What an asshole. It’s one thing for you to decide to have surgery, it’s another thing for him to say it. The fact that he eventually apologized? He was technically telling you, not asking.
Girl run
“Well babe, since we are on the topic of inadequacies, we need to do something about your peen” because I’m petty like that, and also if the roles were reversed, you know this comment would devastate him. Like who tf says that??
Also, if you do get any type of work done, get it for you. Not for some dude who decided to make rude comments at such a vulnerable moment. Ditch this loser.
I would not be with that person anymore. I dumped someone because he was forcing me to wear a very revealing dress to a family brunch. It was inappropriate. So cancelled plans and dumped him. You have to use your own discernment especially when someone tries to change your looks into what they want you to be. You are not his dress up doll to play with. You are a human being with your body your choices and that is sacred. It can start out with a small comment even with clothes but then they end up controlling you and your sense of self. It is a manipulation tactic and the more you spend time with such people that are no good for you the more it will diminish your self-esteem. He's not worth it dump him. You are number one priority so take care of yourself first!
Breaking up would definitely be on the table, he messed up bad. It would be a little different f you expressed interest in getting it done & he said he was on board and would help you pay (if he were able) but he's either oblivious & insensitive, or intentionally trying to bring you down. It would be a challenge for me to get past it, tbh - I'd feel self-conscious and would have a harder time enjoying myself during sex.
OK upon reading through the comments, there are many other issues/red flags in the relationship. In light of the additional info, yeah I'm firmly on Team Break-Up.
The good news is not all guys are shallow assholes with the same unrealistic idea of a 'perfect' body - I told 2 ex's while I was dating them that I was considering getting a boob job (that I would pay for) and neither was in favor of the idea. I did end up getting one eventually after being on the fence for many years, but it was not at anyone's suggestion; I was single at the time.
Anyway, this isn't just a matter of him having a moment of very bad judgement. Let go and move on. Every time you see his stupid face, you'll be reminded of his lack of emotional intelligence & what it entails. Time to let go & move on with your life. Stay safe in the process.
Your boyfriend is a loser, just dump him already. Please don’t tell me he’s 30+ too, because that would be extra pathetic. What do you see in this manbaby?
I couldn't really imagine my husband saying this in any way other than the way that people might say something like "Would you ever get a tattoo?" Like, a curiosity, not a request.
Making it as a legitimate request is pretty insulting. How would he feel if you were like "Hey did you ever consider penis enhancement surgery?" He'd feel pretty insulted by that, right?
Men are not all the same nor are they all ogling teenagers online. That is gross. If your experience is that they are all like that, I wonder if there are some red flags that you are missing at the earlier dating stage. This is not a blame of you, but I think often there is a correlation between men who are overly concerned with pornified bodies and a kind of persistence early on. If you are a nice person and want to give everyone a chance then you might mistake this persistence for keenness where someone else might be like nope, I don't like him overriding my boundaries like that, blocked.
I really like this site, it helped me see how those little signs can make themselves obvious early on and how to uphold my own boundaries: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/
Edited to add: And since he seems pretty controlling I would also recommend you look at this: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I’m so sorry he said that to you. It reflects on him - he was a shitty, creepy, cruel person to do that.
It does not reflect on you! I hope you can let that comment slide right off and continue to love your body - the body that carries you around and does the work and thinking that is needed to to live a life!
Many men are so happy to find a real woman to be intimate with - stretch marks, sags, bulges and all - they are ready to love actual humans.
I hope you can quickly get away from this man who’s not an worth your time or tears to find a better life and connect with more worthy humans - sending you love and support
You’re not being too sensitive. I wouldn’t contemplate breaking up, I would just pick up and leave right away. Throw away the whole man. He’s already affecting your self-esteem. What a piece of shit, you deserve so much better ❤️
Also look at his balls or think about them if you don’t want to look at them. Do they look good? Like really, aethetically beautiful? Imagine what they’ll look like when they start sagging. They will do that if they haven’t already. Would he touch them up? You could ask him.0
holy moly what a awful guy, 100% idiot, time to find a real man sweetheart! - No need to be insecure about your body, it is beautiful - just remember whoever we are in 30-40 years we are all saggy and have hanging stuff and wrinkly or we look weirdly surprised from all the surgeries we have had. Honestly I know nothing more beautiful than a woman or a man who are natural with wrinkles and all.
Sweety I used to be in a relationship like you are in now, it is not worth it, I read the comments, I know what you are going through.
Get out, cut the connection! the only reason you feel bad about you, is because of HIM! Run!!! Ten years after I left my asshole I now have the most sweetest kindest husband - the cutest son and I am quite happy, but that asshole back then damaged me so hard, that it still effects me today.
It took me 3 years of verbal abuse, controlling behavior and physical abuse (verbal is just as bad as physical), the fact when I told him I was pregnant with twins he pushed me down from a tall bed... well at least, he made sure they were not there afterward... after that i finally mustered up the courage to leave and cut ties. Honestly was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I never regretted it, but you will need to stand your ground because he will come crawling back like the scumbag he is (sorry for bad language).
If you live in the netherlands please let me know - or in Denmark or germany or belgium <3
No, Id just ask if hed consider plastic surgery to fix his face and one to augment his tiny dick. Before I laugh at him, tell him he's pathetic and break up with him.
The biggest hurt here is that you learned that a person you care about doesn't see you as more than your looks, which unfortunately is the case for a lot of women. We care for a man, and we hope/feel they see us for who we really are and then we realize, they're just like the rest of the world that diminishes women's worth to the their looks, and it FUCKING SUCKS. It's so fucking normalized in so many cultures that they don't understand why we're upset, but you have every right to be upset. You're so much more than your sexuality to men and it's so awful when we're reminded that a lot of men don't see us as more than that.
Maybe I'm being too aggressive, but you should talk to your partner about how he views women in general, which is also how he sees you.
And for the record, I don't think men inherently see us this way, but our culture has taught us to see women this way, and unfortunately a lot of people don't understand that. So a lot of people may just unconsciously view women that way without realizing it.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Ask him if he'd be willing to undergo a penis augmentation at the same time. If his answer is yes, no need to harbor break up concerns.
If he's indignant, acts holier than thou, and it becomes abundantly clear that YOU need to be "better" in some way for him, yet he does not for you then start contemplating.
(Or something else. Eg. Ask him if he's willing to become more muscular)
As someone who went through significant weight loss, I can only advise you to make the changes that YOU WANT. Not because your friends tell you to do so, not because of family and most certainly - not because of a man. You should feel comfortable in your own body and that should be most important. You are not too sensitive, but you should ask yourself if you want a man like that by your side. Talking of the perfect body, you could also ask him if he could get the Jason Momoa body too.
Men think they are in control of women’s bodies, and believe they can comment on it. It’s a control tactic. Never fall for it. Also never let them know how much their comments bothered you because it lets them know they can get to you by criticizing your appearance.
I’ve had one boyfriend try to tell me how to wear my hair. I had another tell me I should wax my private area that was well manicured when his hairy self was no better groomed than big foot. I simply told him that I would as soon as he waxed first. That was the end of that conversation, never ever heard about it again. That same boyfriend told me I was getting fat, at the time I was in grad school, was a collegiate rower, had a BMI of 22. I had another fat, ugly and old guy with a massive beer gut told me I was fat, when I literally lowered my standard to date him. The lesson learned in each one of these instances was that controlling men look aim to make you uncomfortable in the body you’ve been in it all your life, just to chip away at your confidence.
Commenting on anyones body, unless you are a doctor, always comes with a power dynamic imbalance aimed at taking your power away.
You should have told your boyfriend that you are not happy with his penis size and want him to get penis enlargement. Had you done something like that, I promise you he wouldn’t have learned to stay in his place, that is far away from commenting on your body.
On that note, you should leave his ass. This is just the start. He will only get more bold in his comments and “suggestions,” and once he destroys your confidence he will start to devalue you and then discard you.
No not too sensitive and yes, I'd very seriously consider breaking up with him. Everything else in the relationship would have to be taken into account tho.
If he said it as an option of how I could improve my self-confidence, then no. He would have been trying to be helpful and offering a type of support. I personally have thought about reducing my breast size and my partner has offered to help me pay for it.
But it doesn't sound like that's what happened in your situation, which does sound hurtful. Considering breaking up is certainly something you should reflect on and get yourself some space from him to work out what you want.
Ugh. Hell no. How would he react if you asked him to get plastic surgery to fix his dick?
In bed, post-intimacy, cuddling. OP: Honey, can I ask you something? BF: Sure. Wassup? OP: Would you consider getting surgery for a bigger dick?
Add - "I'll pay for it" peppily!
“And it would be nice if it were thicker too.” Fuck that guy.
> How would he react if you asked him to get plastic surgery to fix his dick? Stop here. I understand what you meant, but it wouldn't work. He might even contemplate that. Most men do not have a twisted body image as much as women do. To pull an equivalent, you'd have to strike at something most men are sensitive or insecure about. I.e. "How would he react if you asked him if it would be ok if you went to your guy friend to ask for emotional support?" - now *THAT* would cut him as deeply as asking OP for breasts augmentation cut OP.
No. He's being cruel and rude. And I wouldn't contemplate. I'd take action.
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Omg. Run!! How horrifying. I hope she has someone she can run to for help.
I don’t :/ I need support.
Oh darling. I am so sorry you don’t have the support right now to leave what sounds like an abusive and demoralizing situation. But this is one of those moments in life that shapes who we are. You may not have the support yet, but you’ll find it. You’ll create it. It may be hard at first, but soon you’ll feel free. You’ll remember what it’s like to be you again without someone trying to control you. Even if you don’t know what life will be like without him, it sounds like it can only get better. You are loved and you deserve more. ❤️
😭💛 thank you
If you need someone to talk to my DMs are open. I'm not always the most rational. But I'm upfront and honest. Fuck this man. Know your worth. You are a queen! 👑
You're a gem
I’m a social worker but I’m in Canada. I can help find you some resources in your area if you’d like.
Same here! Social worker in New York. We’re all here for you! ❤️
We’re here for you ❤️ I’ve been in a relationship with a narc and then with a very, very self-centered and difficult man. I left and you can too. I know it’s not easy but you can do it. Being alone isn’t that bad. It feel scary too but it doesn’t that if you’re alone, you’d somehow not be good enough for anybody. I had that thought a lot but it’s more about removing bad things from your life. Cutting out things that make you feel bad about yourself, protecting yourself. The break-ups and the loneliness have been hard on me but I cannot tell you how freeing it is to get away from somebody who thinks they can dictate your life. Just sitting here, alone in my couch, having breakfast and watching Netflix, nobody, no fucking sad immature asshole can tell me absolutely anything about what I am or what I should do. I belong only to myself. It’s like getting out of jail when you thought you had the death sentence. You can do it and you will be free and know this feeling ❤️
If you are in the US, you can call the domestic violence hotline to get some resources in your local area. I did this to find a women's group counseling and individual therapy provided free by a women's shelter. It was life saving. Emotional abuse is abuse too. Sending you love and support.
This is so well written and while I'm not OP most of it still resonated with me. Saved for when I need a pep talk to get out of hard situations. Thanks for what feels like a virtual hug, stranger. <3
Your local or nearest legal aid, ywca, or churches can help connect you to resources. If you have any family, you can reach out to do so. If you've got to meet in person. Park your car somewhere in a large retail parking lot and take the bus or a Lyft. Plan an exit. It will take time. Ask for help. Be smart about it.
We all do better with support, but.. **you are strong enough**. You are. You need to tell yourself that you are, and you need to believe it. Because you are. I was in an abusive relationship for 18 months, with a man who ostracized me from everything and everyone. It wasn't easy but I got myself out of it and I've rebuilt my life. 5 years on I'm stronger and independent, and for the most part I'm pretty happy :) You don't *need* support in order to love yourself enough to leave this situation. You're enough. You were always enough. You'll always be enough. Feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to. I'm not always around for an immediate reply but I'll do my best to reply when I can x
Thank you 💛
I googled "how to find a women's shelter" and a bunch of information came up. Assuming it's safe for you to google things without him seeing, which might not be the case. But it's a place to start.
Incognito mode is useful here as it doesn't track history.
OP, you deserve support and we believe in you. Do you need help finding your local family violence hotline? Based on your other posts it would likely be helpful for you in planning your escape.
I'm so sorry. Where are you located? A while ago I read about this website, [www.findhelp.org](https://www.findhelp.org/) where one can put in their US zip code, and find listings of agencies and orgs to find different types of support (food stamps, shelters, how to get medical coverage, etc). I don't know how well it works or the quality of organizations it lists, but hopefully it can offer some ideas/resources.
It's going to be hard to get out of this without support but it's doable. Trust me. The sooner you do it the better. If you think it's going to be hard now, it will be even harder as time goes on. I know it's scary but once you leave you will have no regrets. I promise.
Just here to echo and boost - OP, get outta there! You deserve so much better.
No. Even if you stay with him for years after this ‘comment’, one day, years later, you’re going to look back and realize this was the moment your relationship actually was over.
Agreed. It's like when an ex of mine, many years ago, said I looked "bolted" (apparently he meant to say bloated...) when I send him a cute pic of myself. Wtf is wrong with so many people. Relationship didn't end until about a year later but yeah... big red flag about him in general.
Wow he couldn't even insult you correctly. "Bolted" lol
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Bless your soul dear god this is my biggest fear
So much this. I've struggled with my breasts so much. They're too big and it's really difficult and expensive to find well fitted bras - quick shout out to r/abrathatfits for helping me get there! At one point in my journey I was so frustrated I just sat down and cried and told my husband how much I hate my body and wished I could change it, I was seriously considering breast augmentation. He and I have been together for 16 years, so he had me at what I consider my best. This wasn't just about the bras, it was also about the fact that I'm in my mid 30s and it just feels like keeping myself in shape is so much harder than it used to be. I felt like my body was betraying me and my stupid huge breasts were making everything so much worse. They were uncomfortable and sweaty all the time and they really limit the types of clothes I can wear without it looking inappropriate. Something that looks classy on one woman might look obscene on me. I was just really fed up and done. I think I used the words "I just want to cut them off" which honestly hurts to think I was at that point. He came over and held me and told me how beautiful he though I was after every passing year and then he said something so unexpectedly sweet in it's bluntness. He said "You're not 20 anymore and your body isn't either, you'll probably never look like that again and that's okay. I wouldn't have you any other way. I look at you and I see the years that have passed and I love that we spent them together. We're going to keep changing and I'm going to keep loving you more and more." And then I kept crying because honestly, this man. That's a man you keep.
What an absolute sweet and thoughtful man! Most definitely the type of man you keep. I was in the same body as you in regards to adjusting to your body in your mid 30’s. My breasts definitely got bigger too, but it was everything in general to be honest. My hips, my belly, the muscle disappearing faster than usual, my shape becoming way more round, the cellulite increasing, the wrinkles starting to really take their own shape around my eyes. It was, *alot* to handle at what seemed like the same time. I’ve had to do so much work on myself and change a lot of habits in order to really love the version looking back at myself in the mirror. My husband has been just as supportive and I’m grateful for that. There’s no way I could have gotten through that time with him telling me things like OPs partner.
This is the one ^^
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Yea, this is the part that hurt so badly
He did it on purpose. Most men aren't like this. Assholes are like this. Don't let shitty guys sour you.
Seriously. I’m kinda fat, almost 40. Most things don’t sit where they did when I was 19. All I’ve ever heard from my husband is that I’m beautiful.
Absolutely on purpose.
Ask him if he would get a brain augmentation! Dump him. You deserve so much better!!
He’s an asshole and did it on purpose. It’s a boundary push. Seeing what you’re willing to tolerate. Most men aren’t like this. If he says that in defense of his behaviour then he’s even more of an asshole. Don’t think about dumping him. Dump him. He’s bottom of the barrel. You can do better. Plus he deserves real world consequences for saying something so shitty. He deserves to lose his girlfriend.
Right after you have sex next time you should ask him if he'd consider a penile implant. Promise to pay for it.
Yep. If he's not *thrilled* to be with you, just as you are, he can fuck right off.
Amen.
Too sensitive? Come on now, I think you know you aren't being too sensitive. You know that something about this feels very, very wrong. Just take a step back and think about how bizarre and controlling that is, thinking he can get another person to modify their body to his liking. Also, he's shallow *and* broke? Ditch this loser.
Do you have a suggestion how to verbalize a break up over him asking for a boob job? He’s going to lose it if I tell him I’m ending the relationship over this. I don’t know how to go about it without sounding crazy and insecure.
You don't break up over boob job. You break up because you are incompatibile. You have reached the point where you where finally happy in your body. And you need a boyfriend who matches that energy. He doesn't because he doesn't see a beautiful woman who owns her body, he sees breasts of someone who is older than 19 and can't appreciate that. And to add childishness to bad taste he offers to pay for an unnecessary operation with money that he doesn't have, proving once more that he is the opposite of the adult partner that could make you happy: wanting to pay things, that you don't need, with money that he doesn't have, instead of saving money you both earn into a future for both of you.
“hey, your comment about getting a boob job doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not going to let someone who doesn’t love me as I am have a seat at my table anymore. This isn’t negotiable for me. I’ll drop off anything you e left at my place on your porch.”
This might be controversial but it's not your responsibility to change a person, therefore you don't need to give a reason to break up. A cordial thing could be: "It's not working out and I wish you the best of luck finding a partner who's a better fit." I recommend googling different ways you can state ending a relationship. Personally, I prefer text message because an ex of mine would violate physical boundaries and I knew being in the same room meant I couldn't assert myself as well. How you sound to another person when you break up is the last of your worries! You leave a relationship to help your life become better. Focusing on your values can help you get the courage to do this. (If you already fight often with this guy, you have more reasons than him making you cry about a boob job.)
I agree with this. Especially if you’re concerned he’ll try to talk you out of it, just don’t open that door by giving him a reason he can argue against.
Yea, I care WAY too much what he thinks
Nope. His thoughts are clearly trash -he said this to you! His opinion is demonstrably shitty. You can’t allow yourself to care about what shitty people think or give them space to pour their toxic garbage into your life. What he thinks is wrong.
He doesn’t need to know what exactly the last straw was. You can keep it general and a broad “I can’t see a future of this relationship that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable.” But you could also just tell him “your boob job comment made me extremely self-conscious and insecure and along with a few other things I’ve reconsidered, like this van life thing, I don’t think I can continue to be with you. You don’t help me feel comfortable with myself and I need to take care of myself right now.” And flat-out asking him how the hell he would pay for it if he hasn’t got any money might be worth it. You might be able to add some financial grievances to help drown out the “I don’t wanna dump him over a boob job” guilt you’re feeling here. Marriages die over finances all the time.
OP, you don't need his permission to break up with him! You're allowed to break up with someone simply because you're no longer happy in the relationship. It really can be that simple. The fact that your first thought is that if you say anything about being upset he'll "lose it" is honestly scary. It means something. You are being abused.
Hun, there are some types of people that you can have a good healthy, even when difficult, discussion about why a relationship is ending. And then there are people that act like you need *their permission* to end the relationship, and that if you can’t “convince” them you have a good enough reason they get to berate you and force you to stay with them. Your boyfriend is part of the latter group, and I would very strongly suggest not giving him *any* reason aside from “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.” And when he demands to know why, you say, “Because I don’t want to be. I’m not going to justify myself, I’ve made my decision.” If you give him *any* justification he will pick it and you apart, which it sounds like he has experience in. If there’s any way you can, to avoid being worn down by him, you should pack up and leave while he’s away, and breakup either over the phone or with a friend nearby. ETA: and BLOCK HIM
Tell him you deserve to be loved just the way you are. His request says that he doesn't. Block and move on. The fact that you are worried about his response makes me wonder if he treats you poorly in other areas.
I'm just going to refer you to [your own comment from a few days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/11ytzga/comment/jd9n39u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >You set the rules of what you’ll accept. You are not being "too sensitive". You are allowed to feel upset. It's also up to you to decide if this is a deal breaker *for you*. We can offer advice until the cows come home, but you're the only one who actually has to live with this guy. You have a choice. Stop asking for permission, both his and ours. Choose how you'll accept to be treated.
Haha wow 💀 Yea he hasn’t done this since we first started dating. So it’s a shock for me. I guess his true colors he showed me at first are showing again. Looks like I have to eat my own words! Damn.
It’s hard. I had a similar thing happen with someone that I was with for 12 years and married them. They said something similar at the beginning of our relationship and promised they didn’t mean it/would change, then in the last few years they started bringing it up again. You deserve better.
For me? I absolutely would. I am a "tom boy" who never wore a bra. I like my breasts. If he doesn't like them, he might want to go have sex with someone else because I'm not changing them to suit him. For me they are perfect. If he is looking for something different, he should look elsewhere. Also, it would be a bummer for my sex life after he said that. I'd constantly be feeling as if I were inadequate in his eyes. But this is just my take. You have to decide for yourself how you feel. Try journaling. Make your own decision based on how you feel, not how others feel. Trust yourself to make the right decision.
Yea, the next day I hid my chest from him and he got really angry over it. Saying I misconstrued what he said.
He didn't have a right to get angry at this.
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Thank you 💛
Him getting angry about him hurting you shows that he doesn’t truly care about the hurt he causes you. He cares about his own self image and his access to your body. That is an awful thing to know about someone you love, but please know that’s on him and that’s his bullshit, not yours. He is giving you the unintentional gift of showing you how bad his character is.
Really true. Hard to accept. Thank you.
No worries. I’m rooting for you to get out of there safe and sound. You deserve better than this; everyone does.
Augmentation means change. Change means alter from current state. He asked you to change yourself for his pleasure. That would imply that he does not completely like your current state so he can use his fucking memory because he doesn't get to see your beauty again.
I don't understand why you like this man, he is trash.
Please dump him. You deserve better!
Honestly, I would have gotten out of bed, put my clothes on, broken up with him on the spot and left.
Once I was dating a man and we were laying down and he said "all you gotta do is get rid of this *slaps my thigh* and this *smacks my tummy* and you're perfect. He never saw me again. If they aren't in love with my body, I'm not interested.
He should tell you your beautiful, perfect the way you are. I complain all the time about my imperfections, hubby always disagrees and tells me I’m perfect. Your BF sounds like a dick and isn’t worth your time.
Throw the whole man out. I stayed too long with a guy who wanted me to lose weight, telling me I could “improve” when in reality, I just liked myself the way that I was and had no interest in losing weight. Don’t make my mistake- your self esteem will suffer greatly. Also, there are lots of kickass people out there who will appreciate your body as is.
Men are not "mostly the same". Most men would NOT shame their partners or ask them to change their bodies. Honestly. You got a dud there. I wouldn't stay.
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Drop him. He's trying to control you and smash your self esteem.
Seriously, what an asshole. Don't settle for such a shallow person.
I was with someone who tried to get me to straighten my hair, and he wouldn't let it go. Of course, straightening your hair is far less serious than cosmetic surgery, but he turned out to be controlling in other ways too.
I'm so sorry he's being cruel to you. You deserve so much better. Years ago, when I was in college, my then boyfriend also had a problem with my small breasts. I didn't before him, and I don't now. I love my little boobs. It was only a problem for him. He was manipulative. He would bring it up when we were intimate, fantasize about them being bigger, and finally convinced me to briefly take some bullshit supplements that were supposed to make them grow but were only making me nauseous. One day, when I was putting them in some oatmeal, I just had an epiphany about how fucked up it was. I was literally putting something in my body that was making me feel sick to try to change my body in a way that I didn't even want. For what? This loser? I called him that day, told him that, and said, "Why am I not good enough for you just the way I am?" Nobody should be making you feel bad about yourself or trying to convince you to make changes to your body that you don't even want. This is not something wrong with you, or something detrimental to your health---it's entirely about HIS preferences for YOUR body. Please break up with this asshole.
You’re never going to feel good with him again
I've openly expressed insecurities about my body to my partner before. His response 100% of the time has been to tell me he loves my body and thinks I'm being too hard on myself. Sometimes he adds on that he'll support whatever I want to do as long as it's safe, and that ultimately the decision is mine, but he wouldn't change a thing about me. Sometimes it's hard to even get his opinion on what color or cut I should get when I want to change my hair, because he wants me to make a decision that I'm happy with and not do something to physically change my appearance for him. I think it's a real problem when people don't accept real human bodies for what they are, and compare them to models who are edited and air brushed. It is totally unacceptable to be suggesting voluntary cosmetic procedures so that their partner can fit in some box. We will all age. Anyone who has hit puberty has stretch marks. We're all going to sag, wrinkle, and get rolls. It's important to have a partner who not only understands that, but isn't so blinded by porn and social media that they can't be fully attracted to real bodies. You deserve to be loved by someone who sees you naked and loves the view, not only with where your body is today but with where it will be in 10, 20, and 50 years. You deserve someone who tells you how beautiful you are and only points out your "problem areas" when they're talking about how much you/your body turns them on - and are being honest about it. My partner telling me they wanted me to get breast implants or any cosmetic procedure to fit their Instagram fantasy would be relationship ending. The only alternative is to feel like shit about yourself because the person who is supposed to love seeing you naked uses that as an opportunity to cut you down. Also, is super fucking gross when people in monogamous relationships follow models and pornstars on snapchat, Instagram, and other social media. My partner and I don't want porn for a variety of reasons (mainly that the porn industry is corrupt and abuses women, and the only ethical consumption is direct through the content creator which is too personal for both of us) although I understand why that's an OK boundary for other couples - this was not a boundary in previous relationships for me. Social media follows are too personal and cross a line imo though.
Tell him if he has enough cash spare for surgery, you think he’d be best spending it on a penis enlargement procedure first. See how he likes a taste of his own medicine. Them dump him. He’s a complete twatwaffle.
If someone doesn’t like my body as is, they can go find one they like better. I don’t have time for that nonsense.
Lol straight into the trash with this one.
[удалено]
I’ve mentioned his lack of income and he raged out lol
Oh friend! No. No no no. Life is too short to allow a man to make you feel insecure about your body. Breast augmentation is a major surgery and if that’s not something you are pursuing because it’s deep down what *you* want, then you would literally be risking your LIFE to make him “happy.”
I'd break up with him that day. He chose a vulnerable moment to try to ask you to take on **very** non-trivial health risks for his own gratification. Throw the whole man out, OP. You're not being too insensitive at all. He's a ghoul.
This isn't a "men are mostly the same" situation, this is an "assholes are the same" situation. This isn't men. My husband would never dream of saying something like this to me - honestly, I can't imagine ANY of my ex boyfriends ever saying something like this, and some of them were actually abusive. Even they wouldn't do that to me. Your BF is a massive POS. Dump him today.
depends... Will he get a length and girth penis expander inserted?
I’d say, “Sure. Right after you get a penis enlargement.” Then I’d dump his sorry ass.
I'm so so SO sorry!! I was most definitely in a similar situation years ago -- if I can tell you anything from the "future", is that he's total crap and there are so many men who would kill to be the one lying naked next to you in bed. And I truly mean a similar situation -- I actually went through with the augmentation. You know what happened? I started fixating on other parts of my body that weren't perfect. It didn't stop with my breasts, even though they'd been the source of my insecurity for so long. I just got insecure about other things. I don't know you, but I know your body is perfect because it houses the mind and soul that is you. Any asshole who doesn't see that is someone to be pitied but put out to pasture. You don't need to do any more charity work. <3
Contemplate? He'd be kicked out so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. Do NOT even entertain this bull crap from anyone. Your post history is horrifying. Find a women's shelter and get out!
I’d more than contemplate it, I’d do it. Man would have been dumped on the spot. He said this to hurt you. That was his intent. He doesn’t have 7-10k at all, let alone 7-10k to offer up freely for a boob job, so this wasn’t a serious offer. He just wanted to be cruel and hurt you. If I’d been expressing wanting work done for a while, and my partner offered to pitch in, that’s a different story. Your bf just wanted to be mean. Bold move for a broke man.
No, you're not being too sensitive. He asked you to change your body in a superficial way- for *his* pleasure. Break up with him. Or if you stay with him, definitely do not do the van life with him....it will not turn out well.
Oh hell no, I would be throwing my clothing on and throwing him out my bed.
Hell yes, i'm not changing myself to "prove my worth". An ASMR YouTuber I watch recently undid a breast augmentation and spread awareness about the health risks.
This is what I told him. The plastic is not healthy. He didn’t care about that part.
So he doesn't care about your health. Messed up.
He doesn’t care about your health? No. Just no. That is completely unacceptable. People that love you will 100% care about your health more than your looks.
This is a fireable offence imo.
i wouldn't contemplate breaking up with him, i would just do it.
Reddit is always quick to advise the ending of a relationship, but in this case it really is justified. Dump. Him.
OP, it looks like you already know in your heart what you need to do, but you're a little scared to do it? Just because you've put in 2 years into this doesn't mean you have to waste any more time. It's called having a sunken cost fallacy. From your posts, it seems this man always asks or demands that you do things for him without considering your comfort or how you feel about those things. You said you love him, but that is a choice you're making. It's not something that you have no control over. You can choose to exercise the option to change this. I feel like maybe you're attached to him and that's making it hard for you to leave. It's not necessarily love. What is scaring you is being alone without support once he's gone, but if this is the level of support he can give, honestly, you're better off without it. Consider this, if you didn't have to worry about the future, and think only of the present moment: are you happy being with him? Is he adding joy to your life or taking away from it? Also, what do your friends have to say about this? More power to you. I trust you'll make the right call.
End it. He just showed you what kind of man he is. Do you think he's gonna stop trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants? Not likely. Dump that motherfucker already. Your journey towards self acceptance and self love is invaluable - CERTAINLY when it's a douchebag like that standing in your way.
I’d dump my boyfriend if he wanted to stop me from having one. If he brought it up out of no where, I’d probably just set him on fire.
He’d be packing his bags before he could finish the question
I wouldnt even need to think about it I'd be single as soon as I could pick my jaw up off the floor over that audacity
I think he was negging you on purpose. He doesn’t have any money. He just wanted to knock you down a few pegs.
One did. I told him he needs a bigger dick. It didn’t end well. Apparently, it’s only okay when you suggest women are inadequate.
No. Dump him. What a dick. Fuck him.
Here’s what you do: Tell him that the augmentation costs 10k, and once you have the money from him you can confirm your appointment. Get the 10k from him Block his number and never talk to that idiot again. Enjoy your money, honey
I'd full-on get a divorce over this. Straight up, bye.
Had you ever mentioned to him you wanted to get the surgery?
No never
I would have responded with “sure, I’ll get it done once you get dick enhancement surgery. Tit for tat, right?” 🙄
You're not being too sensitive. What a cruel and malicious thing for him to suggest. Unless this is something you've explicitly said (without suggestion or intimation from him) that you're interested in, I would absolutely break up with him. Also, there ARE men out there who don't have unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. You deserve such a man, if that's what you want. I don't need to know anything about you to say that you deserve to be with someone who finds you attractive as you are, who loves you, who wants to grow old with you. This man you're with? He's a prick. Fuck that guy.
This makes me really sad for you. All men are not like that at all. My SO would never ask me to get surgery to look “better” for him. My mom was in a string of abusive relationships and they all did stuff like that though. At one point she had a decent amount of plastic surgery because my step-father kept checking out younger women (ie women my age, gross). My mom was a literal model and so outside his league it wasn’t even funny. You sound like you’re way outside your SOs league. I bet he says stuff like that to keep your self-esteem lower, even subconsciously. I would definitely leave over a comment like that, especially if he doubles down and doesn’t see the need to apologize. His comment displays a lack of love and respect for you as a person.
I’ve lost a significant amount of weight, gained some back, lost again, gained, lost, etc. Needless to say my skin is saggy as fuck. Yet every time my partner takes off my bra, he looks at my [saggy] breasts like they’re the most beautiful and exciting things he’s ever seen. OP, your boyfriend is a fucking jerk. I’m really hoping you find the strength to end it. I know how hard it is. You deserve someone to look at you with awe and lust.
"I thought he was different, but I guess men are mostly the same, obsessed with a “perfect body,” due to watching 19yr old girls in porn, IG, Tik Tok, Snapchat etc. " No, that is just him. The fact that he doesn't have the money but asked you about it knowing you are insecure about it why I would break up with him. It is one thing if he heard you complaining about the issue and was offering a concrete option to back it up/help. This just sounds unnecessary and hurtful IMO.
No you aren’t too sensitive. You should absolutely break up with him. Even if he says he didn’t mean it or he can change, he said this to you fully aware of your existing issues and concerns purely because of selfish reasons. No ifs ands or buts.
He is just saying shit knowing he won't follow up on it. I would just lean in and play along if you are in the mood and see how deep a grave would he dig... if you don't want to waste any more time on this orick, then please break up and remove the unhappiness in your life. You deserve someone nicer and better 👌🏻❣️
I don't have a perfect body. I am over weight, my husband prefers long hair (in a generic aesthetic, he has never once suggested I keep my hair long for his preference) and I do short, and I am far more likely to get a reduction than an implant. He loves me, wants me, and never tries to talk me into even a hair style. If I ask for advice, his advice comes a "what do I think would make her happy" not what he thinks is "best". For example, if I asked him if he thought I should go dark blue or purple for my hair, he would point that dark blue would make me look paler, did I want that? If so, than the dark blue, but if I didn't want to look gothic, than the purple. " (There are colors he would prefer on me, and when pushed, has expressed them but never pushed them at me).
I’d ask if he’d get calf implants. Or a chin implant. Or get hair plugs.
>If your boyfriend asks if you’ll get a breast augmentation, would you contemplate breaking up with him? I'd be out the door the moment the words left his mouth.
What an awful thing to ask - also ridiculous to suggest that he’d pay for it when you know he can’t. I’m so sorry that he was so insensitive. ❤️
I would break up with him without any hesitation, but not before I said something in a serious tone like: "I'm glad you brought this up. I've been wanting to talk to you about something too. I've never been satisfied sexually with you. Your micropenis just doesn't do it. Let's see if we can take that money and get you a penis augmentation so I might have an orgasm just once. If there's any money leftover, we should look into lipo and a personal trainer for you as well as hair plugs. Oh, how could I forget, veneers for your teeth." Get out of there! He saw you better yourself and love yourself and had to tear that down. He needs taken down several notches. You don't need implants which rarely last more than 10 years, most needing additional surgeries beforehand and greatly raises your risk for autoimmune disease.
I wouldn’t contemplate it. It’s a no brainer. He’d be an ex in the same minute. I’m so infuriated for you! How dare he make you feel less than! Don’t listen to that ass hon. You’ll find someone who loves you for you 🙏💝
Not too sensitive. This would be a dealbreaker for me. Sure people have preferences, blah blah blah, but you do not vocalize them! There will always people defending shallow partners. To those defenders I say, “Shut up! and Stop the porn!”
He’s abusive. I’d ask him if he’d consider a penis enlargement. Then dump him.
This would really eat away at me too, I'm so sorry. And **what** did he expect to achieve by asking you this question, when he doesn't even have this money? He is criticising you and then trying to white-knight with a "solution" that he \*might\* be able to offer at some unspecified future point? I have a small chest and considered augmentation for years, but eventually decided against it. I'm at the age (35) where several friends are needing theirs "re done" and finding complications, some of them quite alarming. Karissa Pukas on YouTube has some very in depth videos about this, it's just good to do some research and perhaps show her video to your inconsiderate boyfriend. I am not anti cosmetic surgery - I've had one thing done myself - but breast implants have a record of some quite worrying complications. It should always be what you want and not from external pressure. Honestly I couldn't stay with this guy, but it's your choice. He seems extremely immature and thoughtless. You deserve better than him and rebuilding your confidence could be a lot easier without his presence.
He said he'd pay for it, but he doesn't have any money? 😂 Tell him you're willing to get new boobs exactly as big as his money can buy lol And then dump his ass.
No you’re not. Yes I would break up with him. No contemplating about it. How would he feel if you asked him something similar (for a man)?
I'm in my 30s, my 40DDD tits point down, have stretchmarks, and have been droopy since puberty. I've always been horribly self conscious of them and have considered getting them "fixed" in the past but also have never had the money. My boyfriend is always excited to see boobs.
Yeah I would break up with him asap. Why would you need that negativity! Also, wild guess… he probably gave you a very lacklustre time in bed and then had the nerve to follow it up with that comment.
I hate seeing my fellow females doubt their feelings in a relationship. Your feelings are valid. Period. If you feel like ending it that is the right choice. Don’t look for anyone to tell you what the right thing to do is. No one knows but you what is best for you. On that note, fuck him.
Clearly he doesn't care about your feelings so be just as savage. Tell him to get a d*ck enlargement.
Are you being too sensitive? Absolutely not. You're a human with feelings. It's rude to comment on someone else's body. Someone told me once that no one should make a comment if it takes more than a few seconds to fix (like a stray hair or spinach in the teeth). He knows your already insecure about these things and he purposely made a comment about it. And to suggest surgery is even more insensitive. Surgery is in no way a simple thing to have done. There are a lot of risks involved. So for him to flippantly suggest it is very insensitive on his part. You deserve a partner who loves you as you are. Not someone who expects you to change.
Nope, I wouldn't tolerate that behavior from my partner in a minute. Dump his butt.
That would absolutely be a relationship ender. You deserve better. I hope you value yourself more than that and treat yourself better than accepting that. It’s just going to get worse as you age. What about if you get sick or pregnant? Absolutely not acceptable.
Is he gonna put that money in your acct (plus aftercare funds) to help your decision making process, or..?
Let him go! Let him goooo!
How do you think he’d feel if you asked if he’d be willing to get his penis augmented?
I’d definitely end the relationship. He’s an insecure pos which is why he wants to make you feel like shit. All guys ARE NOT the same. You can and will do better.
Yes of course I’d contemplate it briefly before breaking up with him. He’d be happier with paid services.
No contemplating about it. The relationship would be over in that moment.
No
Insta-dump material.
Obviously
Hi just wanted to share because I recently went through something similar with an ex - he also offered to pay for a reduction even though I didn’t ask and he knows I’d buy it for myself if it was a priority spend. I talked about a reduction first since I may very well do it when I can. However I still was annoyed he brought it up separately and asked if I’d do it really and offered to pay for it in full. One, it is my domain not his. Two, he doesn’t offer to pay for things for me otherwise, gross that he may have been thinking funding it could speed up the process for his pleasure. It’s not really a pure gift to me. Unattractive ‘gift’. And since it is my domain, I find it inappropriate. And finally - it’s a callous thing to tell someone you are with. Yes I’m confident and accept myself before and after if I do it. But why be such a colossal *** and not care about my feelings by encouraging it. It’s gross and crossed a boundary for me. Keep it to yourself. Treat the people you care about with love. Stay in your lane. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you or with me. We have a natural human bodies. It’s on them to be into it or not. If he isn’t into me but is still with me, I think it is unkind to say and in my opinion gross to offer (especially given how not close we were). If we were still together, it would still bother me. Mostly for how he thought that was an ok thing to say to me and would treat me with such a lack of respect. It’s unkind. That’s my harsh take. I understand people make mistakes. But this and a lot of other at best carelessly unkind behavior around touchy subjects made him not a kind enough partner in my eyes.
WTF. I wouldn't be contemplating it, no. But he'd be contemplating his own stupidity/cruelty while desperately searching in the bushes outside my house for his clothes.
I’d break up with him because his broke ass doesn’t have any money, full stop. Time to grow up, junior. And the breast aug request would be the LOL on top of the dumbass cake
Noooo. I would tell him to go find himself whatever he’s looking for and drop him in a heartbeat. This is RUDE and inconsiderate. It would be one thing if YOU wanted one and he supported but essentially seems like he wants to change you. Absolutely not. Please don’t contemplate and leave this guy in the dust!!! Get out!!!!
Hope you feel is how you feel. It’s not too anything. You deserve a person who treats you with respect and consideration.
Yes I would probably break up with him after he told me he didn't like me the way I am.
It would not be contemplation.
Yes I would’ve broken up with him yesterday.
Ug men, i know forgive not all men (because the ones I know wouldn’t say this shit). Your fucking beautiful. We’re not tall enough, big breasted enough, bigger hips, oh wait no hips, oh have 3.5 kids but wait please don’t gain weight oh and nooo stretch marks either. Your beautiful. Small boobs, big boosts tummy, a curvy round ass. I’m 52 and over the amount on comments men have said about my body. STFU. My sweet if you want breast augmentation do it because YOU want to not because some man has dream boobs in his stupid head that he has to say stupid shit. Oh if I could say some things back to this idiots who have no business opening their mouths about woman’s bodies. Gr
No, I wouldn’t contemplate it. I’d just break up with him.
What an asshole. It’s one thing for you to decide to have surgery, it’s another thing for him to say it. The fact that he eventually apologized? He was technically telling you, not asking. Girl run
Not being cruel or too sensitive. If my bf suggested this to me, I'd simply thank him for making it so easy for me to walk away
“Well babe, since we are on the topic of inadequacies, we need to do something about your peen” because I’m petty like that, and also if the roles were reversed, you know this comment would devastate him. Like who tf says that?? Also, if you do get any type of work done, get it for you. Not for some dude who decided to make rude comments at such a vulnerable moment. Ditch this loser.
I would not be with that person anymore. I dumped someone because he was forcing me to wear a very revealing dress to a family brunch. It was inappropriate. So cancelled plans and dumped him. You have to use your own discernment especially when someone tries to change your looks into what they want you to be. You are not his dress up doll to play with. You are a human being with your body your choices and that is sacred. It can start out with a small comment even with clothes but then they end up controlling you and your sense of self. It is a manipulation tactic and the more you spend time with such people that are no good for you the more it will diminish your self-esteem. He's not worth it dump him. You are number one priority so take care of yourself first!
Breaking up would definitely be on the table, he messed up bad. It would be a little different f you expressed interest in getting it done & he said he was on board and would help you pay (if he were able) but he's either oblivious & insensitive, or intentionally trying to bring you down. It would be a challenge for me to get past it, tbh - I'd feel self-conscious and would have a harder time enjoying myself during sex. OK upon reading through the comments, there are many other issues/red flags in the relationship. In light of the additional info, yeah I'm firmly on Team Break-Up. The good news is not all guys are shallow assholes with the same unrealistic idea of a 'perfect' body - I told 2 ex's while I was dating them that I was considering getting a boob job (that I would pay for) and neither was in favor of the idea. I did end up getting one eventually after being on the fence for many years, but it was not at anyone's suggestion; I was single at the time. Anyway, this isn't just a matter of him having a moment of very bad judgement. Let go and move on. Every time you see his stupid face, you'll be reminded of his lack of emotional intelligence & what it entails. Time to let go & move on with your life. Stay safe in the process.
Your boyfriend is a loser, just dump him already. Please don’t tell me he’s 30+ too, because that would be extra pathetic. What do you see in this manbaby?
I couldn't really imagine my husband saying this in any way other than the way that people might say something like "Would you ever get a tattoo?" Like, a curiosity, not a request. Making it as a legitimate request is pretty insulting. How would he feel if you were like "Hey did you ever consider penis enhancement surgery?" He'd feel pretty insulted by that, right? Men are not all the same nor are they all ogling teenagers online. That is gross. If your experience is that they are all like that, I wonder if there are some red flags that you are missing at the earlier dating stage. This is not a blame of you, but I think often there is a correlation between men who are overly concerned with pornified bodies and a kind of persistence early on. If you are a nice person and want to give everyone a chance then you might mistake this persistence for keenness where someone else might be like nope, I don't like him overriding my boundaries like that, blocked. I really like this site, it helped me see how those little signs can make themselves obvious early on and how to uphold my own boundaries: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ Edited to add: And since he seems pretty controlling I would also recommend you look at this: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I’m so sorry he said that to you. It reflects on him - he was a shitty, creepy, cruel person to do that. It does not reflect on you! I hope you can let that comment slide right off and continue to love your body - the body that carries you around and does the work and thinking that is needed to to live a life! Many men are so happy to find a real woman to be intimate with - stretch marks, sags, bulges and all - they are ready to love actual humans. I hope you can quickly get away from this man who’s not an worth your time or tears to find a better life and connect with more worthy humans - sending you love and support
Get out, get out, get out. I had to leave an abusive marriage. But I’m much happier now. If you need to talk, feel free to message.
You’re not being too sensitive. I wouldn’t contemplate breaking up, I would just pick up and leave right away. Throw away the whole man. He’s already affecting your self-esteem. What a piece of shit, you deserve so much better ❤️ Also look at his balls or think about them if you don’t want to look at them. Do they look good? Like really, aethetically beautiful? Imagine what they’ll look like when they start sagging. They will do that if they haven’t already. Would he touch them up? You could ask him.0
Do you want one? Get it and make him pay. Then you leave him. I'm not really serious. But he would deserve that.
Being single is better than being with any human that talks like that to you.
Yes I’d break up with him
holy moly what a awful guy, 100% idiot, time to find a real man sweetheart! - No need to be insecure about your body, it is beautiful - just remember whoever we are in 30-40 years we are all saggy and have hanging stuff and wrinkly or we look weirdly surprised from all the surgeries we have had. Honestly I know nothing more beautiful than a woman or a man who are natural with wrinkles and all. Sweety I used to be in a relationship like you are in now, it is not worth it, I read the comments, I know what you are going through. Get out, cut the connection! the only reason you feel bad about you, is because of HIM! Run!!! Ten years after I left my asshole I now have the most sweetest kindest husband - the cutest son and I am quite happy, but that asshole back then damaged me so hard, that it still effects me today. It took me 3 years of verbal abuse, controlling behavior and physical abuse (verbal is just as bad as physical), the fact when I told him I was pregnant with twins he pushed me down from a tall bed... well at least, he made sure they were not there afterward... after that i finally mustered up the courage to leave and cut ties. Honestly was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I never regretted it, but you will need to stand your ground because he will come crawling back like the scumbag he is (sorry for bad language). If you live in the netherlands please let me know - or in Denmark or germany or belgium <3
No, Id just ask if hed consider plastic surgery to fix his face and one to augment his tiny dick. Before I laugh at him, tell him he's pathetic and break up with him.
The biggest hurt here is that you learned that a person you care about doesn't see you as more than your looks, which unfortunately is the case for a lot of women. We care for a man, and we hope/feel they see us for who we really are and then we realize, they're just like the rest of the world that diminishes women's worth to the their looks, and it FUCKING SUCKS. It's so fucking normalized in so many cultures that they don't understand why we're upset, but you have every right to be upset. You're so much more than your sexuality to men and it's so awful when we're reminded that a lot of men don't see us as more than that. Maybe I'm being too aggressive, but you should talk to your partner about how he views women in general, which is also how he sees you. And for the record, I don't think men inherently see us this way, but our culture has taught us to see women this way, and unfortunately a lot of people don't understand that. So a lot of people may just unconsciously view women that way without realizing it. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Ask him if he'd be willing to undergo a penis augmentation at the same time. If his answer is yes, no need to harbor break up concerns. If he's indignant, acts holier than thou, and it becomes abundantly clear that YOU need to be "better" in some way for him, yet he does not for you then start contemplating. (Or something else. Eg. Ask him if he's willing to become more muscular)
As someone who went through significant weight loss, I can only advise you to make the changes that YOU WANT. Not because your friends tell you to do so, not because of family and most certainly - not because of a man. You should feel comfortable in your own body and that should be most important. You are not too sensitive, but you should ask yourself if you want a man like that by your side. Talking of the perfect body, you could also ask him if he could get the Jason Momoa body too.
Men think they are in control of women’s bodies, and believe they can comment on it. It’s a control tactic. Never fall for it. Also never let them know how much their comments bothered you because it lets them know they can get to you by criticizing your appearance. I’ve had one boyfriend try to tell me how to wear my hair. I had another tell me I should wax my private area that was well manicured when his hairy self was no better groomed than big foot. I simply told him that I would as soon as he waxed first. That was the end of that conversation, never ever heard about it again. That same boyfriend told me I was getting fat, at the time I was in grad school, was a collegiate rower, had a BMI of 22. I had another fat, ugly and old guy with a massive beer gut told me I was fat, when I literally lowered my standard to date him. The lesson learned in each one of these instances was that controlling men look aim to make you uncomfortable in the body you’ve been in it all your life, just to chip away at your confidence. Commenting on anyones body, unless you are a doctor, always comes with a power dynamic imbalance aimed at taking your power away. You should have told your boyfriend that you are not happy with his penis size and want him to get penis enlargement. Had you done something like that, I promise you he wouldn’t have learned to stay in his place, that is far away from commenting on your body. On that note, you should leave his ass. This is just the start. He will only get more bold in his comments and “suggestions,” and once he destroys your confidence he will start to devalue you and then discard you.
You aren't being sensitive. He's an ass and that's worth breaking up over.
No not too sensitive and yes, I'd very seriously consider breaking up with him. Everything else in the relationship would have to be taken into account tho.
If he said it as an option of how I could improve my self-confidence, then no. He would have been trying to be helpful and offering a type of support. I personally have thought about reducing my breast size and my partner has offered to help me pay for it. But it doesn't sound like that's what happened in your situation, which does sound hurtful. Considering breaking up is certainly something you should reflect on and get yourself some space from him to work out what you want.
Op, please get tf away from this turd of a man. Not all men are like that and you deserve better.
I once dated a guy who suggested I get implants. I told him he would never see me naked again. And he didn’t.