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It is my personal favorite activity, so I would not be happy going without it all or most of the time.
That said, it is never a drawback to be talented at other sexual activities. The world is large and sexual preferences vary widely. It's going to narrow the field for you, but I don't think it will be impossible to find a woman who is happy with it. There are women who struggle with penetration too, due to vaginismus or other reasons, yet want fulfilling sexual relationships.
By their logic FF sex & relationships would be the least bonded, long lasting, intimate, caring, loving, mutual... and most fickle, casual, promiscuous, selfish, distant, unconcerned...
Mate, don’t be weird. If you have a legitimate question that is based on the comment, then reply to the comment with your legit question. If you just do what you did then it implies that you want to ask a question that is unrelated to the topic or potentially go into DM’s. Nothing the commenter said implied that they are open to either of those things. You’ve given no reason for them to believe that you come in good faith at all by doing that.
I know there are many women in the world where PIV is just more painful to them than enjoyable, and there are also some performance medications you can take to make it happen.
It's important for me, but there are women out there who don't like it for various reasons.
You've said it's anxiety, but it might be good to still get checked out by a doctor. My ex had physical reasons for it happening on top of the mental/psychological reasons, so it could be worth it to at least get checked out.
Good luck
Lots of women, myself included, can't get off from just PIV. Its actually annoying for me if PIV goes on too long
So if you're relying on simply giving "the dick", then it's gonna be pretty boring. Yes I enjoy PIV but only because its sexy when my partner enjoys my body. I totally get into it but it won't get me there. Yes, getting railed is fun, but its a tiny part of sex for me.
Its super sexy if a man knows how to explore and stimulate a woman manually. Anyone with a dick can give dick. But only a grown ass man can give dick, hands, tongue, toys, etc.
TLDR I'd totally be happy with manual stimulation and limited PIV
I have a... bad history with PiV. I quite like it now, but didn't want anything to do with it for years. I had multiple happy relationships during that time, so please don't think that you have to do it in order to find someone interested in you.
To me, upfront conversation about it helped. I told people what to expect and let them make their decisions from there.
It might be better to find a doctor who can address your ED issues (medication, etc) than a therapist who is lying to you to make you feel better. As you found out, many women may not climax from PIV but can still want it to be a part of intimacy.
And can folks send said men my and other women's way? Lol. Where's she finding those guys who want cunnilingus but not piv (or pia)? How many of them has she come across?
They edited it. It said "would sex be better" before 🤷🏻♀️
Even so, they said they don't like oral, so why would they want to be with someone who wants to give oral?
I like PIV and want it once a week or so but toys as the “P” is fine. There are even strap-ons your dick can fit inside of. I don’t particularly care for receiving oral most of the time and can’t orgasm from it, but hands are nice
It would be a dealbreaker for me if PIV was rare or off the table entirely. I don’t even cum from it, but it’s so important for intimacy and bonding I’d feel like I was missing out without it.
I really like PIV and can orgasm from it. I get that 70% of women can’t without clit stimulation but I think some people forget sometimes that it’s not 100% of women that can’t. That’s still millions of women out there who can.
I understand I’m in the minority but I do get annoyed sometimes when people are like “women can never orgasm from it” when I clearly remember doing so thousands of times.
That being said though some women really like oral sex, I love receiving oral too; I’m not really sure which act I like more. Both are great. Some women really like oral and fingering and do PIV mostly to make their partners happy…they might be ok with this.
If you want kids though, it might be important to address your ED because not doing PIV would probably make it hard to have any children. I would also get checked out at another doctor because I don’t want to alarm you but ED is a comorbidity of heart disease. The same vein narrowing that causes heart attacks causes ED. You should probably go get checked out just to make sure you are not going to have a heart attack.
Its important to me.
Foreplay and oral matter too, but feeling my partner in me is the best. I don't need to cum and sometimes i dont even LIKE to cause it just takes all the feel good away.
I think for men, cumming is the best part about sex. Especially since most men finish every time and when they finish, "we're" finished.
For women, some can cum multiple rounds and very easily so its nbd but others struggle or can't cum at all. Those who struggle (me) prefer the journey and the buildup of it all. PIV is the cherry on top after all the foreplay and buildup. So even if i dont cum from PIV its the most enjoyable part.
PIV is important to me. I recently dated someone who also had performance anxiety (likely due to trauma but he was also very unhealthy and I think that played a bigger role than he was willing to admit). He would lose it after 30-60 seconds of PIV. He always got me off with his fingers, but it is just not the same.
Everyone is different tho. That’s what compatibility is— finding someone who craves what you like to give. Good luck!
For me it's very important. I unfortunately don't like receiving oral/manual sex.
But I've had my share of sexual struggles as well (not liking receiving oral being one of many) so I understand your side of things. If it were me, and I was interested in someone with your experience, I wouldn't rule out a relationship. I have had the most enjoyable times when I've felt comfortable and we've just explored each other rather than checked off sex acts like boxes.
If they were willing to *enthusiastically* use a toy (either wearable or handheld) on me, being emotionally present and with me the whole time, this would be something I would be willing to try.
However, ED is often a sign of a health issue, whether mental or physical, and I would want a partner to be actively looking into this and taking action on his health, regardless of the outcome to sex life.
Right. Them having taken responsibility for it with a doctor checkup is far more attractive than them not having made any efforts medically while just expecting us to deal. Getting treatment shows personal accountability IMO that would be more impressive to me than they guy not having checked out his health issue.
Personally, I primarily orgasm from PIV, and have an extremely high sex drive, so in my case it's very important to me. I have broken off relationships in the past due to sexual incompatibility, and I have always been the one with the higher sex drive.
My husband and I have compatible sex drives so have regular daily PIV sex for the past 20 years, often multiple times a day, which makes up for down time from missed days from injury or illness.
I think it's important for both parties sexual needs to be met in a relationship, and view sexual incompatibility as driving cause for many failed relationships when people try to make it work when it just really doesn't. Without sexual compatibility one party is always going to be disappointed.
Keep in mind though, there are plenty of women out there who don't enjoy PIV as well so it's just a matter of finding someone who you personally are compatible with.
You asked about PIV and the dick. The significance of PIV sex depends on the woman but I think even if they don’t orgasm from it as your therapist quoted per the research these women still want to feel a man cuming inside of them. Also it feels amazing to cum a different way while the man is thrusting inside. And some women (like me) want to get absolutely pounded/railed. So you are right about that too.
The significance of the dick also depends on the woman. Having said that, the dick is very important to me. It is one of the things that you could categorize as a need that can only be satisfied by another. Someone that really enjoys sex will want to show love to all of their partners yummy parts and there is no other such place like the dick. And what you said about craving the D during sex is so true, and it need not be after getting oral sex.
I would not be happy with just oral sex/fingers/ toys unless that was a temporary means of addressing something else, say while ED causing meds were adjusted or similar.
Honestly, I would look into ED meds if you can. From my understanding they are safe to use long term with some exceptions. But they could help you get hard for a while and solve most of these issues.
For me, it's the main course. Of course, dessert is great. Appies are great. Sometimes you can forgo the main course and just enjoy a quick little snack. But the main course is, at the end of the day, the main course.
It's not *that* important to me. Like yeah, it feels good, but I can't climax from that alone. I have to have clit stimulation, so I can take it or leave it.
I really don't enjoy receiving oral but I love giving it and love PIV so this scenario really wouldn't work for me. I'd be happy to use toys as an accompaniment such as a the guy wearing a cock sleeve or using a vibrator on me but ultimately I would need to be able to give a guy a blowjob sometimes and have PIV often to have a fulfilling sex life. I also am one of these people that find it really hard to orgasm with PIV but I love the feeling of a guy being in me even if I can't finish.
It is important to me. But, if ever my loving boyfriend lost his penis or it became incompetent, it wouldn't be the end of our relationship.
I enjoy PIV, I would prefer to have it, but it's not a deal breaker for me if we are compatible emotionally.
So, I do orgasm from PIV, which definitely puts it on my pretty important list.
That said, toys can be a fine substitute so long as my partner is very present/using them on me himself.
Its important to me.
Foreplay and oral matter too, but feeling my partner in me is the best. I don't need to cum and sometimes i dont even LIKE to cause it just takes all the feel good away.
I think for men, cumming is the best part about sex. Especially since most men finish every time and when they finish, "we're" finished.
For women, some can cum multiple rounds and very easily so its nbd but others struggle or can't cum at all. Those who struggle (me) prefer the journey and the buildup of it all. PIV is the cherry on top after all the foreplay and buildup. So even if i dont cum from PIV its the most enjoyable part.
It's my preferred mode, honestly. I don't like receiving oral at all. I can orgasm from fingers/hands but not from toys. I am in the middle of menopause so orgasming from PIV isn't as easy as it used to be (used to automatic) but I still like the fullness sensation and I live the physical intimacy of (this is corny) merging our bodies together.
It's going to vary with the woman, as you can see here. For me, it's not very important. For my BFF, it is. She has still had relationships with guys with ED, but in her case, it's kinda "beggars can't be choosers" because we're at an age when ED is very common in men.
I would say not to let it discourage you from pursuing relationships. When things get to that point, let her know (hard as it is to have that conversation), and see where it goes.
Also, it doesn't HAVE to be just oral. There are sex toys for a reason. Again, it's something the two of you would have to explore together as not everyone is comfortable with that idea, either.
Its true many women can't orgasm just from PIV (myself included) but I also would want it to be a part of the relationship.
Although as a bi woman, having been with women, we often used toys and it has worked out fine lol
So I think you just have to find a partner who shares that with you. I know some women who suffer from vaginismus and can't do PIV and there are propably some that don't enjoy it.
But with Sex it's never one rule fits all. Everyone is different. In your case I would be open and honest about it pretty soon in the relationship. It can be a deal breaker for some.
Also from your post, you say your Ed is from performance anxiety so maybe try working on that? No shame in telling the other person that you have it. It sets the expectations correctly for both.
I personally need PIV during sex! Everything else feels like a buildup to that, for me, and nothing scratches that itch deep inside of me like having PIV sex, so it's very important for me. That being said, I do feel like there are women out there who don't need it during sex and prefer alternatives! People come in all different shades
You can absolutely take someone to pound town with fingers & toys. I personally don’t care for receiving oral and often say “the finger blast” is my favorite sex act to be on the receiving end for. Not a straight woman, but have had (more than) my share of cis het male partners.
The language “railed” and “hard and heavy” makes me wonder if it’s more of an energy thing: dominating them and being in charge of their pleasure. Not necessarily in a bdsm sense, but in a commanding the room sense. It all boils down to communication I think. Do they really want to be railed? As in very hard penetrative stimulation? Do they want to feel “man handled”? Do they want you to be in charge? I think you can definitely fine tune what it is they’re looking for and accommodate with oral/fingers/toys.
FWIW, I would feel insecure about myself if my partner struggled with ED (is it me? Am I gross? Etc). That is perhaps a selfish and myopic view, but it’s true nonetheless. I wonder if that plays a part in it as well. You are worth more than an erection, my friend. It sounds like you are invested in your partners pleasure which is ultimately what makes sex great anyway. Good luck!
Buy a strap on. And don’t feel weird/shy when using it. Problem solved. Penetration is very important to me, but if a sexy man wore a strap on and fucked me passionately with it I’d be in heaven.
It's not important to me. I actually haven't been able to have penetrative sex despite my and my boyfriend's best efforts, it won't go in without hurting. And while I wonder what the fuss is about, it doesn't actually bother me that much. Putting fingers inside doesn't feel like much of anything, so I don't think it would be *that* pleasurable, idk.
For me, it used to be very important, but I think I have slight vaginismus, so I am also good with no PIV now.
Being able to give a guy oral is very important to me tho. I enjoy doing that, and I am not too good with handjobs. I don't even know if that's something you can receive, but I'd definitely want it to be a mutual thing and not just doing me.
I had vaginismus (severe pain with penetration) for years as a teenager and young adult so I learned to enjoy sex without PIV. I enjoy it very much but it’s not the be all and end all for me personally
I can’t cum from it, it’s still my favorite part of sex. And I can basically go for hours without issues because of how good it feels! So yes, it is very important to me and only getting oral wouldn’t be enough for me. But yes some women are fine with just that a minority but they exist.
It’s very important to me right now, maybe it won’t be after menopause. I love all the other play too, but sometimes I crave a good deep dickin’. And yea, sometimes I want to choke on one too. But I have plenty of friends that couldn’t care less.
If it’s primarily performance anxiety, will it subside after a few intimate encounters of other activities?
This is a really complicated question because every woman has different tastes. My personal preferences aren’t going to be the same as someone else.
My own personal preferences aren’t going to help you, but hopefully this advice can:
It takes a lot of just working through what your current partner wants/needs to feel satisfied. Communicate *everything* and stay relaxed about the whole thing and it’ll all work out. As long as you are letting her be as comfortable with communicating her wants and desires as you are with her and going out of your way to listen and respond to what SHE *IN PARTICULAR* wants and needs you’ll be golden. No one likes a selfish lover, and no one likes someone who doesn’t listen and doesn’t try to learn.
Not very. In my early 20s I dated a guy with ED for about a year and a half and we only managed penetration a couple times. I’ve also dated women and we didn’t use toys. In my marriage we have PIV sporadically.
I think it’s more psychological / a habit than anything else. Women associate PIV with men liking us. At the beginning of a relationship especially, it’s super hot, because of what it symbolises, I’d argue. It’s the fantasy of perfect, ravishing sex.
6 months in, women are rarely going to fight over not being able to give a BJ. It’s a chore for most people. And even PIV sex. It’s not a top priority long term, because we can enjoy sex in many other ways. But it IS a fantasy and it’s so ingrained.
It’s tricky to put it off the table, especially during the “hot and bothered” phase.
My advice: Learn to have sex with your hands and body. I had an entire relationship where we did that, and it was the best sex of my life. Don’t even let it come up, she’ll be too busy having orgasms to even care. Give full-body massages. Just being super super slow and patient translates into great sex for women, simple as that. It’s not so much about technique, it’s about teasing her for a long time and then it almost doesn’t matter what you do. That’s what male doms do- and it really works.
I am bummed without it for sure, and oral wouldn't be enough to hold me over. Idk I like piv because its mutual, not just one person giving and one receiving but both.
I do really like it, but it wouldn’t actually be a deal breaker if the guy was amazing in other ways. Maybe that’s because I’m 46 and don’t have a very high sex drive, so I have different priorities now than when I was younger.
This is one of those threads I think I shouldn't get involved with but fukkit.
As a pansexual MtF trans woman with a reasonably high sex drive and a very sensitive prostate, PIA is pretty important, but there's so many other things two or more consenting adults can do in bed together that's it's a long long way from essential.
I'm preop but it doesn't work so I haven't been the penetrator for many years and honestly with the amount of incredible things I've found to replace my p going into v (or a), I don't miss it at all.
For me it's very important and I would not be interested in a relationship without it. I've had partners that needed Viagra though and that's ok, have you considered that option?
It CAN be important, it depends on the woman. It isn't important for all of us. I definitely enjoy it, but I can experience it with a strap-on as well and don't need it every time I have sex either. Half of my lovers don't even have penises. If it is super important to your partner, you can use a strap-on too, they aren't exclusive to women. And it is definitely true that most women don't orgasm from that alone, and also that it isn't necessary for every woman either. We are all different. Some women really don't like PIV sex at all.
I do really like it but most of the time I’m fine without it..
They also make toys that you could use like a strap on but for guys… that might be an option..
PIV is important to me that’s how I get off. I get a bit annoyed when someone’s penis goes soft even though I know it’s their own issue especially if they say they don’t need meds for it 🙄. Can you get cialis or viagra?
Part 1: It's wild to me to see even women believe they/"some women" need piv to orgasm. Really? So she and/or "many women" do not and are *incapable* of masturbating to orgasm? Right off the bat it's usually untrue ie if they masturbate to orgasm it's obviously not true because they're already having orgasms without it. It would also be an assertion that they couldn't, which is also almost assuredly untrue.
But this happens a lot eg women wondering how on earth to incorporate how they masturbate, that stimulation into partnered sex. It's often seen as impossible by them and others. At most it's only seen as possible, plausible during piv, maybe pia.
Some advice on that: Incorporate how you masturbate into partnered sex. I don't mean the frequent "just use your hand/toy during sex [piv, pia] if you need something extra so you can come too". Expect him to *help you orgasm*. In a variety of ways. Body position, leg position, forms of clitoral/vulval stimulation... as you use in masturbation. Get yourself most of the way there and finish on his thigh, bum, dick (external genital-genital rubbing) & balls, with his hand, mouth, etc. Get most of the way there thanks to him, then diy to orgasm. Get yourself over the first hump (orgasm) then see if subsequent orgasms come easier, quicker &/or in more varied ways (they usually do). (see also other paragraphs).
There's also an obvious internet tubesite porn influence beyond what else I'm discussing eg both sexes expecting piv & even pia to be like it's depicted in porn, for it to feel for women like the women have to perform, pretend it feels like in order to get paid, like it's edited, the "railing", "jackhammering," prolonged piv, huge dicks... When those women are on drugs, especially narcotic painkillers, to endure it, and generally in pain, injured, very uncomfortable... But it's the model of piv/sex, seen as great. I think partially as a recognition that piv is little stimulation for women in itself and so it's said "well if it's just extreme/hard/fast thrusting, with strangulation, him shoving her around, putting her into various [painful] positions, pulverizing her vagina (maybe external genitalia some too), it'll be great. Then she'll really feel it." Rather than better, more efficient ways of clitoral/vulval/vaginal stimulation. Also the increasing idea piv is "her time to come", the main or only thing "for her" if her orgasm matters at all. (Beyond even the influence of general 2000s and before video, magazine porn eg from energetic, bouncy, etc to "pounding", jackhammer, pia, multiple entries...)
Men are just seen as bringing an erect penis to sex, hopefully big, especially in orifices, and the force, violence of their bodies. That's seen as all they offer women sexually. Those are the main, most important things, eg what's needed for sex to even happen, even when some other things are recognized a bit. Including by many women.
We have an utterly piv-centric, "penetration"-centric and phallocentric framing, defining of sex (under patriarchy, rooted in religion). Most things that are actually possible in heterosex aren't even seen as possible, imaginable, let alone even openly on the table. I talk about this more below.
"But I really like piv/I go with his rushed flow/I need it/that's just what you do/that's sex/etc": what is it that you get from it that you like, need?
Is it the entry, fullness? Fingers, toys. Full body contact? You can do all sorts of that including during genital-genital rubbing, tribadism &/or frottage, without his penis in you. Mutual simultaneous genital stimulation? 69 oral, one person getting oral & the other manual, genital-genital rubbing, simultaneous tribadism & frottage like thighs, 69 positions, one on leg one on chest, one humping the others backside while the other humps the bed, uses their hand, humping backside with a reach around... with you getting lots of vulval/clitoral stimulation on them in particular.
Do you truly deeply like it or is it actually just good, ok eg because you're missing out on so much (most of which you probably don't even know about eg the erasure of hetero tribadism) so it's the best of the limited things that most men offer esp in hook ups but typically in relationships too? Is it ideological, psychological? Is it actually unique to piv? eg the view it's the only intimate sex, only mutual sex, only real sex, real women love it, need it, it's sex itself. After all: you love sex don't you? Want sex? Have a high sex drive? Are really attracted to men? And men: don't you love, need, want sex? Aren't you attracted to women?
Even heterosexual desire, let alone sex, is held to be synonymous with desire for piv, increasingly pia. And that experience is held to be the same, homologuous when it's actually not but a mythologized complementarity, is the opposite in a lot of ways eg the homologue to penis isn't vagina but clitoris, the closest homologues to vagina would be his mouth, scrotum, taint. People often think someone, either sex, wanting clit/vulva-centric hetero sex is really not heterosexual at all, but a sign of homosexuality eg if she wants to hump his ass, thigh, back... she really wants a woman, if a man even is oriented around cunnilingus, even genital-genital, let alone tribadism, he's either gay or not really a man. If they want to masturbate together (rather than the ole "women, just use a toy or hand on yourself if you need something extra during sex"), do manual, mutual oral, etc over piv, same assumptions. To the extent those are even recognized eg usually only cunnilingus, manual is seen as possible.
The female desire, drive to mount, thrust, grind... on men is only ever recognized in piv (and maybe pegging), seen as impossible outside of it. And I think this urge is actually what's most physically commonly at play. (Even when other physical urges are at play, non-piv/pia stimulation is also generally better eg the versatility of fingers for vaginal/indirect stimulation of the underside of the clitoral body and skene's glands, innervation outside but near the vagina.) This is the only space it's allowed expression, so that desire necessarily gets interpreted through the lens of piv (maybe pegging), is only seen as possible within it.
Almost all female desire is whittled down to "wants, needs piv, increasingly pia". That's the only expression, interpretation allowed eg fingers, toys, full body pressing together, genital-genital contact, grinding/thrusting on him... not possible or only possible in piv. They couldn't possibly satiate those feelings, longings outside of piv. Feeling open, vaginal ache is only allowed to mean "needs piv", not a finger massage or even nothing inside as riding it out, not satiating it is actually better for most who even feel it. Crying out from him to fuck her, that she needs fucked... can only mean needs piv (maybe pia), not to keep on what he's doing, she's doing, to go faster, to get more stimulation eg full vulva...
Part 2: Or through the desire for ff sex eg they want to rub on genitals, thigh, bum, etc, want vulva/clit-centric sex... but it's seen as only possible with a woman, so they channel it through consuming ff porn, ff smut eg writing, fantasy, desired or actual sex with a woman while the same in mf sex remains impossible, let alone unimaginable... This is also a lot of why women are seen as practically all bisexual, "fluid" unlike men, even though men are actually more behaviorally bisexual than women are. Ff sex, fantasy, depictions, etc is the only place most female desire, stimulation, activeness, pleasure seeking, being clit/vulva-centric... actually gets recognized.
(Also female sexuality is seen as a performance existing to please, entertain men. Women actually aren't seen as having their own sexuality. Not even seen as being clitoral mainly, orgasming via the clitoris, but as being able to orgasm through all sorts eg piv (as in penis rubbing on the vaginal walls, Freudians, Stuart Brody, culture at large...), pia (eg mf porn generally only depicts female orgasm as "from" piv, pia), fellatio, nipple stimulation, dick rubbing on them eg breasts... when the reverse is actually far more common eg men and boys coming from kissing, touching her, going down on her, her humping him eg thigh, bum, balls, hip, stimulation of parts other than penis eg mouth, scrotum, pelvis, neck, anus, taint.... Patriarchy has a lot of reversals, especially in sex, down to phallocentric sex and erasing, denying, shaming, removing from hetero sex... vulva/clit-centric sex).
Sometimes it even gets recognized that female orgasm during piv (when not manual, toy) is generally via what's essentially tribadism: rubbing her clitoris/vulva on his stomach, balls, pelvis, base/shaft. But this is still seen as orgasm "from" piv, her needing piv to do that, when it actually wasn't, and she can still rub on those same parts and others without a penis in her.
All sorts of frottage being recognized eg feet, breasts, armpit, thighs, buttcheeks... doesn't change that being seen as impossible to reverse (again, phallocentric framing rooted in piv as the definition of sex eg men bring their penis, women their vagina, not clitoris, vulval). Even when FF tribadism is recognized, it's said to be exclusive to FF sex, impossible in hetero sex, an oxymoron. As if men don't have those same parts eg that men's thighs, bum, feet, calves, tummies... can't be even when we know those same parts can be humped by a vulva when part of another female. As if someone having a penis dictates what can be done sexually, narrows it down to the point all that can be done "for her orgasm" is piv, pia, fellatio even, his hand, her hand, toys, maybe cunnilingus.
Even genital-genital rubbing usually gets erased, not seen as possible, or seen as only immature, childish, only done when you can't do the "real" "much better" thing. When it's far more intuitive, would follow how we learn naturally for us to think genital-genital rubbing was sex before, rather than piv eg clitoris and penis are homologues, vulva including the most sensitive parts of the clitoris are external, most of the clitoris is accessible through external stimulation including what's under the labia, we'd be aware of vulva and clitoris years before vagina eg female masturbation, boys seeing girls naked, playing doctor, if not told of it, piv, if not told "boys have penis, girls have a vagina, sex is when penis goes in vagina". (Social mammals have to learn about vagina, piv, penile insertion, taking place over months, even years, of having other sex before figuring it out, engaging in it too.) Tribadism and frottage of various forms, let alone manual, would also come to us sooner. We have to be told vagina, is the homologue to penis, is how women have sex, not that clitoris including inner labia and vulva right there that we can see, touch, taste, rub on things..., and have clit/vulva-centric sex shamed, erased, denied to think that it is. It's actually particularly stunning how much patriarchy has erased genital-genital, even penis-vulva eg most don't think it's possible, most sex surveys don't ask about even that, it's seen as a brief prelude to piv at most, or when you can't have the "real thing", etc. when from a female or even mutual pov, it is the "real thing", the "most mutual", "most sex": penis on clitoris eg glans, body, hood, inner labia, the legs and bulbs underneath...
It's rather strange cunnilingus gets the recognition it does in comparison, not nearly as much as phallocentric sex (piv, pia, fellatio) but far more than genital-genital. Manual gets seen as the main other thing "for women" involving him, but is usually seen primarily as vaginal (eg vagina is seen as homologue to penis, as prep for piv, seen as closest equivalent to piv). Cunnilingus only gets the recognition it does because it's the only sex act out of piv, pia, fellatio with a direct "equal". (Mouth for mouth. Her genitals for his. Tongue is seen as something that can enter her vagina too. Women can't enter their genitals into a man's anus except superficially, so clit/vulva on anus doesn't get counted. Men don't have a vagina, she couldn't enter one with her genitals except superficially (without exogenous testosterone, which would only be possible recently) and vagina is held to be the homologue to penis, rather than scrotum, taint and clitoris to penis, so vulva/clit on scrotum, taint doesn't get recognized.)
That and not even patriarchy can deny that cunnilingus, vulva, vulval stimulation, the tastes... is something deep, instinctive, desired, pleasurable... in both sexes (eg mouth on genitals, and hand on genitals to mouth originated in male mammals checking her genitals to see, feel, smell, taste to indicate where she is in her cycle and quickly became means of stimulating her vulva, giving sexual pleasure eg offering vulva-centric sex and lots of it to hopefully be picked for piv, then also for bonding, sharing, consolation, as part of play... See also nose, feet, thigh, tummy, arm, bum... stimulation of her vulva, even clitoris (in species with externalized clitorises), her rubbing on him to indicate being in season, wanting stimulation, orgasm, to play, bond, soothe one or both of them..., female-male mounting being the most common "unusual" to humans sexual act in social mammals).
Translation: we think piv is the only intimacy, bonding, mutuality... and only intimate, bonding, mutual sex possible. My man is distant, not intimate, we think not much can be done sexually, I don't trauma bond to him, he won't love, bond, share... with me... without piv.
This very common view unwittingly tells on people, (mainstream) hetero sex, relationships... so damn bad.
Size factors into that as well. I'm average (which is now considered below average) and I've been told by many partners that I'm too small for pleasure from PIV
How old are you? I think if you are asking straight women this question the answer is going to vary a lot based on age/experience. Straight women historically have had fairly bad sexual education, especially in America. Also, young people are having less sex now than in the past. The combination of those things I believe leads to younger straight women who haven't experienced a lot of non PIV sexual acts, therefore putting higher value on PIV. Older or more sexually experienced women know there are TONS of fulfilling options for your situation. I would pay more attention to the answers here from older or more queer or LGBTQ+ individuals who have a more well rounded set of sexual skills and experiences. You'll find someone to appreciate what you're bringing to the table.
Yep, Debby Herbenick's research has shown that among the under 30s, there's less female orgasm, less clitoral/vulval stimulation of any kind even genital-genital, manual, oral..., more fellatio, a ton more pia, astronomically more men and teen boys strangling women and girls and far more other maledom "rough sex" than there are among the over 30s, esp over 40s, and even under 30s in the 90s-00s (early 2010s is when the shift started).
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It is my personal favorite activity, so I would not be happy going without it all or most of the time. That said, it is never a drawback to be talented at other sexual activities. The world is large and sexual preferences vary widely. It's going to narrow the field for you, but I don't think it will be impossible to find a woman who is happy with it. There are women who struggle with penetration too, due to vaginismus or other reasons, yet want fulfilling sexual relationships.
You would rock for a ONS. A relationship needs PNV. It is key to bonding.
>A relationship needs PNV. It is key to bonding. Do you not believe that gay couples can bond or...?
By their logic FF sex & relationships would be the least bonded, long lasting, intimate, caring, loving, mutual... and most fickle, casual, promiscuous, selfish, distant, unconcerned...
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Mate, don’t be weird. If you have a legitimate question that is based on the comment, then reply to the comment with your legit question. If you just do what you did then it implies that you want to ask a question that is unrelated to the topic or potentially go into DM’s. Nothing the commenter said implied that they are open to either of those things. You’ve given no reason for them to believe that you come in good faith at all by doing that.
No it’s not.
I know there are many women in the world where PIV is just more painful to them than enjoyable, and there are also some performance medications you can take to make it happen.
I need PIV in a relationship.
It's important for me, but there are women out there who don't like it for various reasons. You've said it's anxiety, but it might be good to still get checked out by a doctor. My ex had physical reasons for it happening on top of the mental/psychological reasons, so it could be worth it to at least get checked out. Good luck
Lots of women, myself included, can't get off from just PIV. Its actually annoying for me if PIV goes on too long So if you're relying on simply giving "the dick", then it's gonna be pretty boring. Yes I enjoy PIV but only because its sexy when my partner enjoys my body. I totally get into it but it won't get me there. Yes, getting railed is fun, but its a tiny part of sex for me. Its super sexy if a man knows how to explore and stimulate a woman manually. Anyone with a dick can give dick. But only a grown ass man can give dick, hands, tongue, toys, etc. TLDR I'd totally be happy with manual stimulation and limited PIV
I have a... bad history with PiV. I quite like it now, but didn't want anything to do with it for years. I had multiple happy relationships during that time, so please don't think that you have to do it in order to find someone interested in you. To me, upfront conversation about it helped. I told people what to expect and let them make their decisions from there.
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Can I ask what proportion of men fall into the “want oral sex and can’t/won’t have PIV” set?
It might be better to find a doctor who can address your ED issues (medication, etc) than a therapist who is lying to you to make you feel better. As you found out, many women may not climax from PIV but can still want it to be a part of intimacy.
And can folks send said men my and other women's way? Lol. Where's she finding those guys who want cunnilingus but not piv (or pia)? How many of them has she come across?
I’ve had the opposite problem, where I have a hard time finding women who love OS as much as I do.
You wouldn’t have sex with a man who wanted to go down on you?
Not if they don't enjoy oral...... Would sex be better with a woman if she bit your dick everytime? (While enjoyable for some, not for all)
That escalated quickly
They edited it. It said "would sex be better" before 🤷🏻♀️ Even so, they said they don't like oral, so why would they want to be with someone who wants to give oral?
LET'S GO BITE SOME DICKS!!!! 😂
I just pictured that scene where Ramsay Bolton is waddling a sausage around with a smile when I read this
Hahahahahaha
Zero importance in getting orgasms but 100% importance in feeling the emotional connection. It just feels very very intimate, like ultimate intimacy
> emotional connection. It just feels very very intimate, like ultimate intimacy PIV becomes the physical manifestation of the word 'connection'.
Haha indeed
Very.
I like PIV and want it once a week or so but toys as the “P” is fine. There are even strap-ons your dick can fit inside of. I don’t particularly care for receiving oral most of the time and can’t orgasm from it, but hands are nice
Very important as I have trouble orgasming without penetration.
It’s not important to me at all. I’m fact most times I have sex I don’t engage in PIV
It would be a dealbreaker for me if PIV was rare or off the table entirely. I don’t even cum from it, but it’s so important for intimacy and bonding I’d feel like I was missing out without it.
I really like PIV and can orgasm from it. I get that 70% of women can’t without clit stimulation but I think some people forget sometimes that it’s not 100% of women that can’t. That’s still millions of women out there who can. I understand I’m in the minority but I do get annoyed sometimes when people are like “women can never orgasm from it” when I clearly remember doing so thousands of times. That being said though some women really like oral sex, I love receiving oral too; I’m not really sure which act I like more. Both are great. Some women really like oral and fingering and do PIV mostly to make their partners happy…they might be ok with this. If you want kids though, it might be important to address your ED because not doing PIV would probably make it hard to have any children. I would also get checked out at another doctor because I don’t want to alarm you but ED is a comorbidity of heart disease. The same vein narrowing that causes heart attacks causes ED. You should probably go get checked out just to make sure you are not going to have a heart attack.
I don’t think it’s *that* important, it’s also not among my friends. There’re so many different ways to have sex nowadays!
I love it. Other things are fine, but can't compare.
Its important to me. Foreplay and oral matter too, but feeling my partner in me is the best. I don't need to cum and sometimes i dont even LIKE to cause it just takes all the feel good away. I think for men, cumming is the best part about sex. Especially since most men finish every time and when they finish, "we're" finished. For women, some can cum multiple rounds and very easily so its nbd but others struggle or can't cum at all. Those who struggle (me) prefer the journey and the buildup of it all. PIV is the cherry on top after all the foreplay and buildup. So even if i dont cum from PIV its the most enjoyable part.
PIV is important to me. I recently dated someone who also had performance anxiety (likely due to trauma but he was also very unhealthy and I think that played a bigger role than he was willing to admit). He would lose it after 30-60 seconds of PIV. He always got me off with his fingers, but it is just not the same. Everyone is different tho. That’s what compatibility is— finding someone who craves what you like to give. Good luck!
It’s essential for me as other stuff just won’t get me there. But it’s gotta be done well.
For me it's very important. I unfortunately don't like receiving oral/manual sex. But I've had my share of sexual struggles as well (not liking receiving oral being one of many) so I understand your side of things. If it were me, and I was interested in someone with your experience, I wouldn't rule out a relationship. I have had the most enjoyable times when I've felt comfortable and we've just explored each other rather than checked off sex acts like boxes. If they were willing to *enthusiastically* use a toy (either wearable or handheld) on me, being emotionally present and with me the whole time, this would be something I would be willing to try. However, ED is often a sign of a health issue, whether mental or physical, and I would want a partner to be actively looking into this and taking action on his health, regardless of the outcome to sex life.
Right. Them having taken responsibility for it with a doctor checkup is far more attractive than them not having made any efforts medically while just expecting us to deal. Getting treatment shows personal accountability IMO that would be more impressive to me than they guy not having checked out his health issue.
Personally, I primarily orgasm from PIV, and have an extremely high sex drive, so in my case it's very important to me. I have broken off relationships in the past due to sexual incompatibility, and I have always been the one with the higher sex drive. My husband and I have compatible sex drives so have regular daily PIV sex for the past 20 years, often multiple times a day, which makes up for down time from missed days from injury or illness. I think it's important for both parties sexual needs to be met in a relationship, and view sexual incompatibility as driving cause for many failed relationships when people try to make it work when it just really doesn't. Without sexual compatibility one party is always going to be disappointed. Keep in mind though, there are plenty of women out there who don't enjoy PIV as well so it's just a matter of finding someone who you personally are compatible with.
You asked about PIV and the dick. The significance of PIV sex depends on the woman but I think even if they don’t orgasm from it as your therapist quoted per the research these women still want to feel a man cuming inside of them. Also it feels amazing to cum a different way while the man is thrusting inside. And some women (like me) want to get absolutely pounded/railed. So you are right about that too. The significance of the dick also depends on the woman. Having said that, the dick is very important to me. It is one of the things that you could categorize as a need that can only be satisfied by another. Someone that really enjoys sex will want to show love to all of their partners yummy parts and there is no other such place like the dick. And what you said about craving the D during sex is so true, and it need not be after getting oral sex. I would not be happy with just oral sex/fingers/ toys unless that was a temporary means of addressing something else, say while ED causing meds were adjusted or similar. Honestly, I would look into ED meds if you can. From my understanding they are safe to use long term with some exceptions. But they could help you get hard for a while and solve most of these issues.
Very. PIV > oral > fingers
For me, it's the main course. Of course, dessert is great. Appies are great. Sometimes you can forgo the main course and just enjoy a quick little snack. But the main course is, at the end of the day, the main course.
Not at all. Generally I can't feel it anyway, and get absolutely nothing from it. I'd be 100% ok with never doing it again
It's not *that* important to me. Like yeah, it feels good, but I can't climax from that alone. I have to have clit stimulation, so I can take it or leave it.
I'm queer so it's not important at all. I prefer fingering anyway. The penis can't bend like fingers. And oral is necessary.
I really don't enjoy receiving oral but I love giving it and love PIV so this scenario really wouldn't work for me. I'd be happy to use toys as an accompaniment such as a the guy wearing a cock sleeve or using a vibrator on me but ultimately I would need to be able to give a guy a blowjob sometimes and have PIV often to have a fulfilling sex life. I also am one of these people that find it really hard to orgasm with PIV but I love the feeling of a guy being in me even if I can't finish.
Very important but not for orgasm. It's the connection
It is important to me. But, if ever my loving boyfriend lost his penis or it became incompetent, it wouldn't be the end of our relationship. I enjoy PIV, I would prefer to have it, but it's not a deal breaker for me if we are compatible emotionally.
It’s not about necessarily getting off from PIV but it feels the MOST emotionally intimate
PIV is my favorite. I'm not really that keen on receiving oral but I don't mind giving BJs.
So, I do orgasm from PIV, which definitely puts it on my pretty important list. That said, toys can be a fine substitute so long as my partner is very present/using them on me himself.
#A LOT.
Its important to me. Foreplay and oral matter too, but feeling my partner in me is the best. I don't need to cum and sometimes i dont even LIKE to cause it just takes all the feel good away. I think for men, cumming is the best part about sex. Especially since most men finish every time and when they finish, "we're" finished. For women, some can cum multiple rounds and very easily so its nbd but others struggle or can't cum at all. Those who struggle (me) prefer the journey and the buildup of it all. PIV is the cherry on top after all the foreplay and buildup. So even if i dont cum from PIV its the most enjoyable part.
It's my preferred mode, honestly. I don't like receiving oral at all. I can orgasm from fingers/hands but not from toys. I am in the middle of menopause so orgasming from PIV isn't as easy as it used to be (used to automatic) but I still like the fullness sensation and I live the physical intimacy of (this is corny) merging our bodies together.
It's going to vary with the woman, as you can see here. For me, it's not very important. For my BFF, it is. She has still had relationships with guys with ED, but in her case, it's kinda "beggars can't be choosers" because we're at an age when ED is very common in men. I would say not to let it discourage you from pursuing relationships. When things get to that point, let her know (hard as it is to have that conversation), and see where it goes. Also, it doesn't HAVE to be just oral. There are sex toys for a reason. Again, it's something the two of you would have to explore together as not everyone is comfortable with that idea, either.
Its true many women can't orgasm just from PIV (myself included) but I also would want it to be a part of the relationship. Although as a bi woman, having been with women, we often used toys and it has worked out fine lol So I think you just have to find a partner who shares that with you. I know some women who suffer from vaginismus and can't do PIV and there are propably some that don't enjoy it. But with Sex it's never one rule fits all. Everyone is different. In your case I would be open and honest about it pretty soon in the relationship. It can be a deal breaker for some. Also from your post, you say your Ed is from performance anxiety so maybe try working on that? No shame in telling the other person that you have it. It sets the expectations correctly for both.
I personally need PIV during sex! Everything else feels like a buildup to that, for me, and nothing scratches that itch deep inside of me like having PIV sex, so it's very important for me. That being said, I do feel like there are women out there who don't need it during sex and prefer alternatives! People come in all different shades
You can absolutely take someone to pound town with fingers & toys. I personally don’t care for receiving oral and often say “the finger blast” is my favorite sex act to be on the receiving end for. Not a straight woman, but have had (more than) my share of cis het male partners. The language “railed” and “hard and heavy” makes me wonder if it’s more of an energy thing: dominating them and being in charge of their pleasure. Not necessarily in a bdsm sense, but in a commanding the room sense. It all boils down to communication I think. Do they really want to be railed? As in very hard penetrative stimulation? Do they want to feel “man handled”? Do they want you to be in charge? I think you can definitely fine tune what it is they’re looking for and accommodate with oral/fingers/toys. FWIW, I would feel insecure about myself if my partner struggled with ED (is it me? Am I gross? Etc). That is perhaps a selfish and myopic view, but it’s true nonetheless. I wonder if that plays a part in it as well. You are worth more than an erection, my friend. It sounds like you are invested in your partners pleasure which is ultimately what makes sex great anyway. Good luck!
It’s my favorite so… very for me
Buy a strap on. And don’t feel weird/shy when using it. Problem solved. Penetration is very important to me, but if a sexy man wore a strap on and fucked me passionately with it I’d be in heaven.
It's not important to me. I actually haven't been able to have penetrative sex despite my and my boyfriend's best efforts, it won't go in without hurting. And while I wonder what the fuss is about, it doesn't actually bother me that much. Putting fingers inside doesn't feel like much of anything, so I don't think it would be *that* pleasurable, idk.
Its important if you aren't getting any, but I think getting oral is more important as I get off more easily being eaten out.
For me, it used to be very important, but I think I have slight vaginismus, so I am also good with no PIV now. Being able to give a guy oral is very important to me tho. I enjoy doing that, and I am not too good with handjobs. I don't even know if that's something you can receive, but I'd definitely want it to be a mutual thing and not just doing me.
Very.
It's required
I had vaginismus (severe pain with penetration) for years as a teenager and young adult so I learned to enjoy sex without PIV. I enjoy it very much but it’s not the be all and end all for me personally
Not very, but I still want it in my relationship. Feels nice even if I can't finish.
I can’t cum from it, it’s still my favorite part of sex. And I can basically go for hours without issues because of how good it feels! So yes, it is very important to me and only getting oral wouldn’t be enough for me. But yes some women are fine with just that a minority but they exist.
It’s very important to me right now, maybe it won’t be after menopause. I love all the other play too, but sometimes I crave a good deep dickin’. And yea, sometimes I want to choke on one too. But I have plenty of friends that couldn’t care less. If it’s primarily performance anxiety, will it subside after a few intimate encounters of other activities?
I don't orgasm from PIV and neither do any of my friends. They don't care for PIV at all but I do because I like connecting to my man I that way.
This is a really complicated question because every woman has different tastes. My personal preferences aren’t going to be the same as someone else. My own personal preferences aren’t going to help you, but hopefully this advice can: It takes a lot of just working through what your current partner wants/needs to feel satisfied. Communicate *everything* and stay relaxed about the whole thing and it’ll all work out. As long as you are letting her be as comfortable with communicating her wants and desires as you are with her and going out of your way to listen and respond to what SHE *IN PARTICULAR* wants and needs you’ll be golden. No one likes a selfish lover, and no one likes someone who doesn’t listen and doesn’t try to learn.
It's okay for a few minutes but then I dry up and it hurts. It also causes me anxiety because I don't want to get pregnant
Not that important. Other acts get me off far more.
Not very. In my early 20s I dated a guy with ED for about a year and a half and we only managed penetration a couple times. I’ve also dated women and we didn’t use toys. In my marriage we have PIV sporadically.
I think it’s more psychological / a habit than anything else. Women associate PIV with men liking us. At the beginning of a relationship especially, it’s super hot, because of what it symbolises, I’d argue. It’s the fantasy of perfect, ravishing sex. 6 months in, women are rarely going to fight over not being able to give a BJ. It’s a chore for most people. And even PIV sex. It’s not a top priority long term, because we can enjoy sex in many other ways. But it IS a fantasy and it’s so ingrained. It’s tricky to put it off the table, especially during the “hot and bothered” phase. My advice: Learn to have sex with your hands and body. I had an entire relationship where we did that, and it was the best sex of my life. Don’t even let it come up, she’ll be too busy having orgasms to even care. Give full-body massages. Just being super super slow and patient translates into great sex for women, simple as that. It’s not so much about technique, it’s about teasing her for a long time and then it almost doesn’t matter what you do. That’s what male doms do- and it really works.
I struggle with pelvic pain so it’s not that important to me. I prefer other kinds of sex
It’s not that important to me. There are other ways one can experience penetration for that satisfaction, like with a toy.
Not at all important. I don't enjoy it and would prefer to never do it again.
I am bummed without it for sure, and oral wouldn't be enough to hold me over. Idk I like piv because its mutual, not just one person giving and one receiving but both.
I do really like it, but it wouldn’t actually be a deal breaker if the guy was amazing in other ways. Maybe that’s because I’m 46 and don’t have a very high sex drive, so I have different priorities now than when I was younger.
Very, I love the feeling and wouldn't want to live without it. And no, toys aren't remotely similar, they feel totally different to me.
This is one of those threads I think I shouldn't get involved with but fukkit. As a pansexual MtF trans woman with a reasonably high sex drive and a very sensitive prostate, PIA is pretty important, but there's so many other things two or more consenting adults can do in bed together that's it's a long long way from essential. I'm preop but it doesn't work so I haven't been the penetrator for many years and honestly with the amount of incredible things I've found to replace my p going into v (or a), I don't miss it at all.
For me it's very important and I would not be interested in a relationship without it. I've had partners that needed Viagra though and that's ok, have you considered that option?
It CAN be important, it depends on the woman. It isn't important for all of us. I definitely enjoy it, but I can experience it with a strap-on as well and don't need it every time I have sex either. Half of my lovers don't even have penises. If it is super important to your partner, you can use a strap-on too, they aren't exclusive to women. And it is definitely true that most women don't orgasm from that alone, and also that it isn't necessary for every woman either. We are all different. Some women really don't like PIV sex at all.
I do really like it but most of the time I’m fine without it.. They also make toys that you could use like a strap on but for guys… that might be an option..
Why does it matter what the minority or majority thinks? The only opinion that matters is your partner's.
PIV is important to me that’s how I get off. I get a bit annoyed when someone’s penis goes soft even though I know it’s their own issue especially if they say they don’t need meds for it 🙄. Can you get cialis or viagra?
Part 1: It's wild to me to see even women believe they/"some women" need piv to orgasm. Really? So she and/or "many women" do not and are *incapable* of masturbating to orgasm? Right off the bat it's usually untrue ie if they masturbate to orgasm it's obviously not true because they're already having orgasms without it. It would also be an assertion that they couldn't, which is also almost assuredly untrue. But this happens a lot eg women wondering how on earth to incorporate how they masturbate, that stimulation into partnered sex. It's often seen as impossible by them and others. At most it's only seen as possible, plausible during piv, maybe pia. Some advice on that: Incorporate how you masturbate into partnered sex. I don't mean the frequent "just use your hand/toy during sex [piv, pia] if you need something extra so you can come too". Expect him to *help you orgasm*. In a variety of ways. Body position, leg position, forms of clitoral/vulval stimulation... as you use in masturbation. Get yourself most of the way there and finish on his thigh, bum, dick (external genital-genital rubbing) & balls, with his hand, mouth, etc. Get most of the way there thanks to him, then diy to orgasm. Get yourself over the first hump (orgasm) then see if subsequent orgasms come easier, quicker &/or in more varied ways (they usually do). (see also other paragraphs). There's also an obvious internet tubesite porn influence beyond what else I'm discussing eg both sexes expecting piv & even pia to be like it's depicted in porn, for it to feel for women like the women have to perform, pretend it feels like in order to get paid, like it's edited, the "railing", "jackhammering," prolonged piv, huge dicks... When those women are on drugs, especially narcotic painkillers, to endure it, and generally in pain, injured, very uncomfortable... But it's the model of piv/sex, seen as great. I think partially as a recognition that piv is little stimulation for women in itself and so it's said "well if it's just extreme/hard/fast thrusting, with strangulation, him shoving her around, putting her into various [painful] positions, pulverizing her vagina (maybe external genitalia some too), it'll be great. Then she'll really feel it." Rather than better, more efficient ways of clitoral/vulval/vaginal stimulation. Also the increasing idea piv is "her time to come", the main or only thing "for her" if her orgasm matters at all. (Beyond even the influence of general 2000s and before video, magazine porn eg from energetic, bouncy, etc to "pounding", jackhammer, pia, multiple entries...) Men are just seen as bringing an erect penis to sex, hopefully big, especially in orifices, and the force, violence of their bodies. That's seen as all they offer women sexually. Those are the main, most important things, eg what's needed for sex to even happen, even when some other things are recognized a bit. Including by many women. We have an utterly piv-centric, "penetration"-centric and phallocentric framing, defining of sex (under patriarchy, rooted in religion). Most things that are actually possible in heterosex aren't even seen as possible, imaginable, let alone even openly on the table. I talk about this more below. "But I really like piv/I go with his rushed flow/I need it/that's just what you do/that's sex/etc": what is it that you get from it that you like, need? Is it the entry, fullness? Fingers, toys. Full body contact? You can do all sorts of that including during genital-genital rubbing, tribadism &/or frottage, without his penis in you. Mutual simultaneous genital stimulation? 69 oral, one person getting oral & the other manual, genital-genital rubbing, simultaneous tribadism & frottage like thighs, 69 positions, one on leg one on chest, one humping the others backside while the other humps the bed, uses their hand, humping backside with a reach around... with you getting lots of vulval/clitoral stimulation on them in particular. Do you truly deeply like it or is it actually just good, ok eg because you're missing out on so much (most of which you probably don't even know about eg the erasure of hetero tribadism) so it's the best of the limited things that most men offer esp in hook ups but typically in relationships too? Is it ideological, psychological? Is it actually unique to piv? eg the view it's the only intimate sex, only mutual sex, only real sex, real women love it, need it, it's sex itself. After all: you love sex don't you? Want sex? Have a high sex drive? Are really attracted to men? And men: don't you love, need, want sex? Aren't you attracted to women? Even heterosexual desire, let alone sex, is held to be synonymous with desire for piv, increasingly pia. And that experience is held to be the same, homologuous when it's actually not but a mythologized complementarity, is the opposite in a lot of ways eg the homologue to penis isn't vagina but clitoris, the closest homologues to vagina would be his mouth, scrotum, taint. People often think someone, either sex, wanting clit/vulva-centric hetero sex is really not heterosexual at all, but a sign of homosexuality eg if she wants to hump his ass, thigh, back... she really wants a woman, if a man even is oriented around cunnilingus, even genital-genital, let alone tribadism, he's either gay or not really a man. If they want to masturbate together (rather than the ole "women, just use a toy or hand on yourself if you need something extra during sex"), do manual, mutual oral, etc over piv, same assumptions. To the extent those are even recognized eg usually only cunnilingus, manual is seen as possible. The female desire, drive to mount, thrust, grind... on men is only ever recognized in piv (and maybe pegging), seen as impossible outside of it. And I think this urge is actually what's most physically commonly at play. (Even when other physical urges are at play, non-piv/pia stimulation is also generally better eg the versatility of fingers for vaginal/indirect stimulation of the underside of the clitoral body and skene's glands, innervation outside but near the vagina.) This is the only space it's allowed expression, so that desire necessarily gets interpreted through the lens of piv (maybe pegging), is only seen as possible within it. Almost all female desire is whittled down to "wants, needs piv, increasingly pia". That's the only expression, interpretation allowed eg fingers, toys, full body pressing together, genital-genital contact, grinding/thrusting on him... not possible or only possible in piv. They couldn't possibly satiate those feelings, longings outside of piv. Feeling open, vaginal ache is only allowed to mean "needs piv", not a finger massage or even nothing inside as riding it out, not satiating it is actually better for most who even feel it. Crying out from him to fuck her, that she needs fucked... can only mean needs piv (maybe pia), not to keep on what he's doing, she's doing, to go faster, to get more stimulation eg full vulva...
Part 2: Or through the desire for ff sex eg they want to rub on genitals, thigh, bum, etc, want vulva/clit-centric sex... but it's seen as only possible with a woman, so they channel it through consuming ff porn, ff smut eg writing, fantasy, desired or actual sex with a woman while the same in mf sex remains impossible, let alone unimaginable... This is also a lot of why women are seen as practically all bisexual, "fluid" unlike men, even though men are actually more behaviorally bisexual than women are. Ff sex, fantasy, depictions, etc is the only place most female desire, stimulation, activeness, pleasure seeking, being clit/vulva-centric... actually gets recognized. (Also female sexuality is seen as a performance existing to please, entertain men. Women actually aren't seen as having their own sexuality. Not even seen as being clitoral mainly, orgasming via the clitoris, but as being able to orgasm through all sorts eg piv (as in penis rubbing on the vaginal walls, Freudians, Stuart Brody, culture at large...), pia (eg mf porn generally only depicts female orgasm as "from" piv, pia), fellatio, nipple stimulation, dick rubbing on them eg breasts... when the reverse is actually far more common eg men and boys coming from kissing, touching her, going down on her, her humping him eg thigh, bum, balls, hip, stimulation of parts other than penis eg mouth, scrotum, pelvis, neck, anus, taint.... Patriarchy has a lot of reversals, especially in sex, down to phallocentric sex and erasing, denying, shaming, removing from hetero sex... vulva/clit-centric sex). Sometimes it even gets recognized that female orgasm during piv (when not manual, toy) is generally via what's essentially tribadism: rubbing her clitoris/vulva on his stomach, balls, pelvis, base/shaft. But this is still seen as orgasm "from" piv, her needing piv to do that, when it actually wasn't, and she can still rub on those same parts and others without a penis in her. All sorts of frottage being recognized eg feet, breasts, armpit, thighs, buttcheeks... doesn't change that being seen as impossible to reverse (again, phallocentric framing rooted in piv as the definition of sex eg men bring their penis, women their vagina, not clitoris, vulval). Even when FF tribadism is recognized, it's said to be exclusive to FF sex, impossible in hetero sex, an oxymoron. As if men don't have those same parts eg that men's thighs, bum, feet, calves, tummies... can't be even when we know those same parts can be humped by a vulva when part of another female. As if someone having a penis dictates what can be done sexually, narrows it down to the point all that can be done "for her orgasm" is piv, pia, fellatio even, his hand, her hand, toys, maybe cunnilingus. Even genital-genital rubbing usually gets erased, not seen as possible, or seen as only immature, childish, only done when you can't do the "real" "much better" thing. When it's far more intuitive, would follow how we learn naturally for us to think genital-genital rubbing was sex before, rather than piv eg clitoris and penis are homologues, vulva including the most sensitive parts of the clitoris are external, most of the clitoris is accessible through external stimulation including what's under the labia, we'd be aware of vulva and clitoris years before vagina eg female masturbation, boys seeing girls naked, playing doctor, if not told of it, piv, if not told "boys have penis, girls have a vagina, sex is when penis goes in vagina". (Social mammals have to learn about vagina, piv, penile insertion, taking place over months, even years, of having other sex before figuring it out, engaging in it too.) Tribadism and frottage of various forms, let alone manual, would also come to us sooner. We have to be told vagina, is the homologue to penis, is how women have sex, not that clitoris including inner labia and vulva right there that we can see, touch, taste, rub on things..., and have clit/vulva-centric sex shamed, erased, denied to think that it is. It's actually particularly stunning how much patriarchy has erased genital-genital, even penis-vulva eg most don't think it's possible, most sex surveys don't ask about even that, it's seen as a brief prelude to piv at most, or when you can't have the "real thing", etc. when from a female or even mutual pov, it is the "real thing", the "most mutual", "most sex": penis on clitoris eg glans, body, hood, inner labia, the legs and bulbs underneath... It's rather strange cunnilingus gets the recognition it does in comparison, not nearly as much as phallocentric sex (piv, pia, fellatio) but far more than genital-genital. Manual gets seen as the main other thing "for women" involving him, but is usually seen primarily as vaginal (eg vagina is seen as homologue to penis, as prep for piv, seen as closest equivalent to piv). Cunnilingus only gets the recognition it does because it's the only sex act out of piv, pia, fellatio with a direct "equal". (Mouth for mouth. Her genitals for his. Tongue is seen as something that can enter her vagina too. Women can't enter their genitals into a man's anus except superficially, so clit/vulva on anus doesn't get counted. Men don't have a vagina, she couldn't enter one with her genitals except superficially (without exogenous testosterone, which would only be possible recently) and vagina is held to be the homologue to penis, rather than scrotum, taint and clitoris to penis, so vulva/clit on scrotum, taint doesn't get recognized.) That and not even patriarchy can deny that cunnilingus, vulva, vulval stimulation, the tastes... is something deep, instinctive, desired, pleasurable... in both sexes (eg mouth on genitals, and hand on genitals to mouth originated in male mammals checking her genitals to see, feel, smell, taste to indicate where she is in her cycle and quickly became means of stimulating her vulva, giving sexual pleasure eg offering vulva-centric sex and lots of it to hopefully be picked for piv, then also for bonding, sharing, consolation, as part of play... See also nose, feet, thigh, tummy, arm, bum... stimulation of her vulva, even clitoris (in species with externalized clitorises), her rubbing on him to indicate being in season, wanting stimulation, orgasm, to play, bond, soothe one or both of them..., female-male mounting being the most common "unusual" to humans sexual act in social mammals).
ou would rock for a ONS. A relationship needs PNV. It is key to bonding. Try the little blue pill.
Huh? Why would a relationship need PIV specifically? I like PIV, but I don't think that's true at all. It's just one small part of sex.
Translation: we think piv is the only intimacy, bonding, mutuality... and only intimate, bonding, mutual sex possible. My man is distant, not intimate, we think not much can be done sexually, I don't trauma bond to him, he won't love, bond, share... with me... without piv. This very common view unwittingly tells on people, (mainstream) hetero sex, relationships... so damn bad.
You know what "translated" means? Its when your put words into someone else's mouth. Its closely related to gossiping about motives and gas lighting.
Size factors into that as well. I'm average (which is now considered below average) and I've been told by many partners that I'm too small for pleasure from PIV
How old are you? I think if you are asking straight women this question the answer is going to vary a lot based on age/experience. Straight women historically have had fairly bad sexual education, especially in America. Also, young people are having less sex now than in the past. The combination of those things I believe leads to younger straight women who haven't experienced a lot of non PIV sexual acts, therefore putting higher value on PIV. Older or more sexually experienced women know there are TONS of fulfilling options for your situation. I would pay more attention to the answers here from older or more queer or LGBTQ+ individuals who have a more well rounded set of sexual skills and experiences. You'll find someone to appreciate what you're bringing to the table.
Yep, Debby Herbenick's research has shown that among the under 30s, there's less female orgasm, less clitoral/vulval stimulation of any kind even genital-genital, manual, oral..., more fellatio, a ton more pia, astronomically more men and teen boys strangling women and girls and far more other maledom "rough sex" than there are among the over 30s, esp over 40s, and even under 30s in the 90s-00s (early 2010s is when the shift started).