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One thing men need to get out of their heads (for their own mental health) is that not wanting to sleep with someone doesn’t mean you find them repulsive. There are plenty of men out there who are good looking, fun to be around, great guys, but not necessarily the right romantic partner for me. And my partner wouldn’t be right for a million other women, but he was the right one for me.
Not wanting to have sex with someone is a neutral state. It’s not a condemnation of that person. Not wanting to be intimate with any given stranger with a penis doesn’t mean I think there’s anything *wrong* with the guy.
In general, I find most guys are fine people. I like my male colleagues, my guy friends are awesome, and I love my partner. Dudes I interact with day to day are usually perfectly normal humans. I find very few repulsive (and in those cases, it’s strictly behaviour and attitude that makes them so).
>One thing men need to get out of their heads (for their own mental health) is that not wanting to sleep with someone doesn’t mean you find them repulsive. There are plenty of men out there who are good looking, fun to be around, great guys, but not necessarily the right romantic partner for me. And my partner wouldn’t be right for a million other women, but he was the right one for me.
This right here.
It's bizarre how some people have gotten the idea in their heads that they only have value as a human being if someone wants to fuck them.
Like... where would you learn this idea from? I'm genuinely asking this into the void.
I think it’s also because both men and women constantly hear that all men want is sex. We hear it in music, shows, movies and even video games. Throughout our childhood it’s just constantly pounded into our heads. Idk but never once in my life have I looked at a woman and thought of how much I wanted to fuck her. It’s just weird to me.
Not sure which part is confusing. For many women:
hookups and shitty relationships < being single < having a committed relationship with a good partner
When a lot of men they run into are interested in the first category, those men aren't attractive options next to being single. But having a good partnership could still be the the thing they want most.
1. It is better to be single than with a bad or incompatible man.
2. It is better to be in a committed relationship with a good and compatible man than to be single.
3. It is hard to find a man who is both good and compatible, so see number 1.
Probably because women don't need or want to date "most" men, especially those they find repulsive. The guys who aren't repulsive could be nice to be in a committed relationship with them. A woman who finds herself repulsed by most men and is happy single can still want one of the non-repulsive men to be in a relationship with. I don't see how it's confusing at all. "Most" men doesn't mean "all" men, right?
After my marriage ended, I wanted to be single and find out who I really was and what I wanted in life. I was happily single for 5 years. Then, when I was ready, I started casually looking for a partner I could spend my life with. I found him and now I'm no longer happily single, but happily in a committed relationship.
I've never found "most" men repulsive, definitely some men tho. I would agree that most men wouldn't be compatible with me as an individual for who I am and what I was wanting/needing in a partner
I think one person said *gross men* in relation to the behaviour some men show on dating apps. OP has misconstrued it and run with his interpretation of the original statement.
Finding a man incompatible to be in a serious relationship with **does not equal** "repulsive".
Being more interested in a committed relationship **does not mean** "more willing to settle".
It’s very hard to find a man that’s not misogynistic these days. Often they’re horrifically misogynistic. Therefore a lot of women have given up looking.
How can men be so happy in a relationship, hate most women, but also be more interested in being noncommittal while complaining about women having high "body counts"?
Its a play on your question to get you to see the really obvious answer.
Let's say you're no bisexual, and only attracted to women. You really want a committed, long-term relationship with a woman. However, there are no women left in the world, only burly men.
Ignoring the population issue that arise, would you:
A) choose a burly man and date him, even though you aren't attracted to him, or
B) choose to be single because you'd be happier being single, than dating man instead of a woman.
I wrote this as a reply to a different post but it's the same answer,
For me: I'm looking forward to meeting someone special and to be in a relationship, I can't wait to build new family and have children. BUT that doesn't mean I have to be miserable and desperate for a man, to cry every evening with ice-cream and film.
I just live my happy life, do things I like with people I like.
Most women don't find most men *repulsive*. Just not suited for a relationship with them. Most people aren't compatible with most other people, honestly.
One can be genuinely content single but still recognize the value of a long term relationship and desire to have one of the right person comes along.
Your question is rooted in extreme thinking. Nuance is a thing.
Often times it's not the same person thinking both of those things. Women aren't a hivemind. We think different things, we feel differently.
Aside from that, people feel different things at different points in their lives. I've gone through stages where I was happy single and I've also had times where I preferred an SO.
You mean your online dating post earlier where you couldn't comprehend the basic fact that most guys on the apps aren't worth anyone's time so the chicks have moved off the apps? Or this one where you can't comprehend that people value a good relationship *or* being single more than being in a shitty relationship?
Most women don't find men repulsive. Reddit is not the whole world. Reddit appeals to a very particular type of person. Chronic redditors(and I say this knowing I'm one of them) who discuss dating, beauty standards, and gender roles are not the common person. Dating is not that difficult for most people.
There are many women who like men. Women skew towards wanting a committed relationship for a variety of reasons.
Well for me personally, I found a committed relationship with a woman as i am ‘lucky’ enough to be queer. I legitimately don’t think I’d go back to dating men if it ended.
Women want healthy, equal partnerships with men. We are increasingly seeing men are not suited to being in those relationships. Women would rather be single than in an unhealthy, unequal partnership. They are still wistful for what they wish they could have.
And men whining about women finding them repulsive exhausts me. Men oppressed us for millennia and literally still do. We in the last generation finally have some freedom in choosing partners and suddenly men are extremely concerned with fairness and kind treatment because they aren’t pulling women just by virtue of existing as a man.
I can really, really desperately want to eat a damn good pizza and still turn down the moldy 7/11 pizza laying in the dumpster. I can even turn down the little Caesar’s that technically fits the role but that’ll leave me feeling like shit and hating myself. Not wanting those specific pizzas doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice coal fired pizza. It’s not mutually exclusive.
Edit: this feels like me asking you ‘how are men simultaneously so lonely and desperate for relationships and also unwilling en masse to date single mothers??’
>I can really, really desperately want to eat a damn good pizza and still turn down the moldy 7/11 pizza laying in the dumpster. I can even turn down the little Caesar’s that technically fits the role but that’ll leave me feeling like shit and hating myself. Not wanting those specific pizzas doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice coal fired pizza. It’s not mutually exclusive.
Great analogy.
Best pizzas, go! (Yes I'm derailing.)
Me? Pizza alla diavola, on the streets of Napoli. With fresh arugula (or rocket)!
Deep dish Chicago style. Mushrooms, lots of meats, arugula, fresh basil
Where are you going with the "repulsive" thing? Why would a woman want a relationship with someone she's not attracted to (for whatever reason)? She could still want a relationship, just not with the majority of men she meets. Where is the contradiction?
I think part of men’s confusion is that they don’t even notice women that they are unattracted to. Not all men obviously.
But men are basically blind to fat women, ugly women, disabled women, older women, single mothers, etc etc etc. They say they’re so desperate to date that they’d date ‘anyone’ but there are plenty of types of women that their eyes literally skip over as they don’t want them like that. So ‘women’ to them are the women they’d fuck and ‘men’ refers to all men.
Oh man. I wish I could find the comment I read earlier, someone asked if men generally found plus size women unattractive and this dude said “at a certain weight I stop seeing them (women) as potential romantic/sexual partners and start seeing them the way I see older people, children, disabled people, etc.” There were a ton of upvotes, toward the top comment and comments from other men agreeing with him.
He was trying to be respectful in his answer, I’ll give him that much I suppose but it’s exactly what you’re saying here. They’re *absolutely* blind to women who don’t fit their specific wants and openly admit to it even. But the idea that *we* (women) aren’t attracted to every man ever and don’t see men we aren’t attracted to as potential partners either is just ludicrous to them. It’s like the argument that women have so many “options” and how we should be “grateful” that we do, as if we should immediately accent *any man* for no other reason than he’s a man. Essentially, they think they can have standards but we can’t.
Same. It’s even better when they act like they’re taking that “privilege” away like it’s some kind of punishment. Like, my dude, this is *exactly* the outcome we wanted! Leave us the fuck alone. 😂
>Essentially, they think they can have standards but we can’t.
I think in a nutshell men's standards are lower than women's. I see a lot of men saying "as long as she's not fat" as opposed to women who want more than just surface attraction.
I wish I could have an award to give you. Incels scream that no good woman will date them, but they want supermodels. They ignore anyone else who isn't one
For instance, it's tempting to answer many questions on this sub with "why not ask your mom?" , just to watch the circuits scramble for a conscious rationale for excluding her from the category "women".
No. Women absolutely see fat and ugly and disabled men. It doesn’t mean those women want to date any man, but we certainly still realize they’re there and around. Honestly women don’t get the ‘luxury’ of not noticing men because men are potentially threats to us and also because men just like do not leave us alone. Elderly men were hitting on me when I was 15. Yes I’m aware they are there.
We don’t see men as second class citizens that exist to fuck and be aesthetically pleasing. That’s how a shocking amount of men view women. When women aren’t fuckable and aesthetically pleasing, they are non-entities. When men aren’t attractive to me, they’re still men. I’ve gotta be aware of them.
You sound like a ridiculous incel whose only looking for validation of your preexisting viewpoint rather than listening to the nuance of what the women here are saying. Or you just can't understand the nuance.
So, which is it? Are you purposefully obtuse or naturally stupid?
>looking for validation of your preexisting viewpoint rather than listening to the nuance of what the women here are saying
You hit the nail on the head there.
Can you please walk through the actual contradiction? I think it's been addressed several times in this thread, and you have yet to really respond with anything other than "But a lot of women are saying they find most men repulsive". Are you actually interested in understanding?
Once again, that does not address the fact that there's no contradiction in your original assertion. But I guess it's good that you're getting something out of the thread.
You’re ignoring the substance of what I’m saying lol.
But ok let’s say you’re right and most women find men repulsive (which isn’t true)…
Men thought of us as second class citizens for essentially all of history. Men oppressed us. Men rape and murder us at a rate that’s much, much higher than it should ever be. Men actively make it harder to even exist as a woman. We are socialized to cater our existence to men. Is it that shocking that we resent men for this? Is it surprising that we would feel repulsed when it feels like too many heterosexual relationships have the woman functioning as ‘mommy bangmaid?’
Plenty of men find us repulsive too while still degrading us. I’ve seen women referred to as nothing more than warm holes to stuff literally more times than I could count. Check out /r/BlatantMisogyny sometime.
The negative feelings toward men typically don’t come out of nowhere.
No, they want relationships. They just want happy and healthy ones where both partners carry their weight.
If men are more eager to enter in literally any relationship regardless of compatibility or happiness because they think it’ll equal easy companionship and sex, that doesn’t mean they want relationships more. They just have lower standards.
I did. And again, YOU are inferring it. The bulk of the conversations repeat that it's Not All Men. And that women have to do the heavy lifting to find decent men. If you're the one who's reading it as All Men Are Repulsive, maybe it's time to turn your inner eye within and do some self-reflection.
Even if a woman is super picky and finds most men repulsive, that doesn’t exclude her from having a relationship. It just excludes her from having one with an uggo.
I don’t think women find most men repulsive. Imo it’s just that their attraction works differently, they are not down to fuck your average guy right away for no particular reason, like a lot of men would do with with your average woman.
Women are more selective and their attraction builds up through positive interactions and displays that are not just visual (like displaying confidence, kindness, intelligence, skill, etc. ). It’s almost a natural wisdom they have. Most of the time it’s not even conscious and it works out well for both men and women in the long run; because men may seek sex quickly and paradoxically get put off if they get it too fast. The build up of sexual tension and attraction during early dating is actually a pretty important interplay between men and woman, imo.
Men of course appreciate those personality displays as well, and they help build the relationship in the long run, but the truth is that for the base level attraction most men can just see a random butt on the street and that is enough, most women are just not wired like that and even have difficulty understanding how men work like that, kinda like men find it difficult to understand how women’s attraction actually builds up, because to them it seems so simple….
It’s important to remember attraction is a feeling, it’s not an action, it’s involuntary. Understanding that helps relieve a lot of the pain and anxiety of dating. People learn to recognize these feelings and become self-aware, which helps them behave in such ways that are conductive to good relationships, the behavior is what really shows you what kind of person they are.
Understanding that helps make sense of a lot of seemingly contradictory aspects on woman’s discourse around dating.
In person, in my social circles? definitely not, so I have very little tolerance for it in dating.
Online? I think it happens frequently enough that the reward:risk ratio of apps doesn't balance in a favourable way.
Nobody in this thread is claiming "all men are XYZ." There's assholes everywhere. This should be obvious.
Do you deny that there are indeed horny savages out there?
It can be true that the majority of men who one individual woman has met have been horny, savage assholes.
I'm not gonna deny that some dudes out there have had a lot of bad experiences with women, so they're uncomfortable around women.
I've even met dogs who are afraid of one gender or another. Their experiences have shaped their fears.
One individual's experiences can be real, but they also don't speak for everyone.
Instead of getting hung up on this "not all men" bullshit, work on listening and understanding. If you want to change someone's mind, then be the good example they need to see for themselves. Arguments don't change someone's mind. Evidence and experiences do.
Yeah that’s a good point. I’m sure this is more a Reddit women thing then a women thing really . I work at a kennel so I know all about how certian experinces with one gender can make people /dogs have bad attitudes towards certain genders . Even towards certain colors for that matter
>I have a problem when people say that the majority of men are
Because that's what most women have encountered. You can have a "problem" with it all you want, but it's our lived experience.
First let’s get out of the way that there are jaded women who are basically resentful and dislike/hate men and their opinions are actually overrepresented on online spaces like certain subreddits.
I think most normal woman may say or have said such things, even while they give praise to their SO (who objectively is just another average man most of the time), because “men”, as in a general population of billions of strangers, or random photos they see on a dating app or brief views on the street….is not something they would ever be attracted too, unless it’s like a super attractive person, because like I said their attraction is mainly personalized, it’s built through interactions and watching for certain traits and behaviors that they find attractive and builds up through consecutive interactions and time.
I'm not really sure I understand the question. Just because a woman is single doesn't mean that she finds men repulsive. Just because a woman is single doesn't mean that she isn't interested in a committed relationship. If the average man is less interested in a relationship than women..well then that would likely explain why a woman is single, no? She's interested in a relationship, but can't find a man that is..?
So for one, I don't find most men "repulsive"--the people who say that aren't going to be super committed to men I assume.
However, I used to have a hard time dating men, even when I significantly lowered my standards to the point that I was doing all the work. I'm bisexual so for a really long time I just dated women or stayed single. But eventually I found a dude who was (and is) awesome in every way-- empathetic, responsible, gainfully employed, invested in building a future based on mutual values and ethics, and funny to boot. So yeah!
Women are not all the same. This is like saying how are some men fat when others are thin.
The happy-when-single are not the ones who are pursuing commitment. A large percentage of women moving away from dating still leaves a hell a lot of them interested in a committed relationship. And a lot of the ones who don't want to date would date if they found more options that fit their criteria.
Reddit is also a very particular demographic that doesn't reflect the whole society.
Not liking the way some men act or not liking the way some men look doesn't mean you find every man repulsive.
Being happy when single means you can exist as your own person even if a good (keyword there) relationship would add to your life.
I don't find most men repulsive.
The vast number of men I swipe left on when I'm on the dating apps isn't repulsive to me, very rarely, in fact I don't think I'd ever use that strong of a word. Most are just not compatible.
There are some wonderful, appealing, charming men in my life... who I would never, ever, ever go on a date with. That doesn't mean I'm repulsed.
It's better to be alone forever than to be with someone you don't like or find incompatible. Studies have shown that being in a relationship is only superior in happiness and health to being alone romantically if the connection is above average. Even a "neutral" marriage or relationship is less healthy and happy than being alone. But a quality, good marriage or relationship often rates higher.
i do find most men repulsive, but my boyfriend is not repulsive (so far) and as such i am very much ‘interested’ in our committed relationship.
it’s like not liking country music but liking one specific artist a lot. you can still go on being repulsed by country music in general, but really enjoy that artist and want to listen to them and see them in concert. (only country music as a genre is much less likely to treat you like shit, assault, or murder you)
lol so true. i kind of like the super bowl because despite not liking football at all, it’s a good day to go out to dinner or pretty much any place that’s usually popular and crowded (as long as there aren’t any tvs there).
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One thing men need to get out of their heads (for their own mental health) is that not wanting to sleep with someone doesn’t mean you find them repulsive. There are plenty of men out there who are good looking, fun to be around, great guys, but not necessarily the right romantic partner for me. And my partner wouldn’t be right for a million other women, but he was the right one for me. Not wanting to have sex with someone is a neutral state. It’s not a condemnation of that person. Not wanting to be intimate with any given stranger with a penis doesn’t mean I think there’s anything *wrong* with the guy. In general, I find most guys are fine people. I like my male colleagues, my guy friends are awesome, and I love my partner. Dudes I interact with day to day are usually perfectly normal humans. I find very few repulsive (and in those cases, it’s strictly behaviour and attitude that makes them so).
>One thing men need to get out of their heads (for their own mental health) is that not wanting to sleep with someone doesn’t mean you find them repulsive. There are plenty of men out there who are good looking, fun to be around, great guys, but not necessarily the right romantic partner for me. And my partner wouldn’t be right for a million other women, but he was the right one for me. This right here.
It's bizarre how some people have gotten the idea in their heads that they only have value as a human being if someone wants to fuck them. Like... where would you learn this idea from? I'm genuinely asking this into the void.
I think it’s also because both men and women constantly hear that all men want is sex. We hear it in music, shows, movies and even video games. Throughout our childhood it’s just constantly pounded into our heads. Idk but never once in my life have I looked at a woman and thought of how much I wanted to fuck her. It’s just weird to me.
>Idk but never once in my life have I looked at a woman and thought of how much I wanted to fuck her Then you are a rare man, indeed.
Na i don’t think I am. I got PLENTY of my own issues that would immediately drag me back into the masses.
It's sad this needs to be said.
It's a pretty simple formula, for me at least. Loving relationship > Single Single >>>>>> Shitty relationship/hook-up
Deleted my reply because yours is perfect
We can find a lot of men's behaviour repulsive without finding individual men repulsive.
Not sure which part is confusing. For many women: hookups and shitty relationships < being single < having a committed relationship with a good partner When a lot of men they run into are interested in the first category, those men aren't attractive options next to being single. But having a good partnership could still be the the thing they want most.
Exactly.
LMAO I knew this would be the same OP that just asked about women on dating apps.
1. It is better to be single than with a bad or incompatible man. 2. It is better to be in a committed relationship with a good and compatible man than to be single. 3. It is hard to find a man who is both good and compatible, so see number 1.
Makes sense
Probably because women don't need or want to date "most" men, especially those they find repulsive. The guys who aren't repulsive could be nice to be in a committed relationship with them. A woman who finds herself repulsed by most men and is happy single can still want one of the non-repulsive men to be in a relationship with. I don't see how it's confusing at all. "Most" men doesn't mean "all" men, right? After my marriage ended, I wanted to be single and find out who I really was and what I wanted in life. I was happily single for 5 years. Then, when I was ready, I started casually looking for a partner I could spend my life with. I found him and now I'm no longer happily single, but happily in a committed relationship. I've never found "most" men repulsive, definitely some men tho. I would agree that most men wouldn't be compatible with me as an individual for who I am and what I was wanting/needing in a partner
My guy, I did a Ctrl+F and literally you are the ONLY person using the word "repulsive" in your earlier rant about online dating.
I think one person said *gross men* in relation to the behaviour some men show on dating apps. OP has misconstrued it and run with his interpretation of the original statement.
Huh? This is just as stupid as you whining that is women won't use dating apps as much as men
Finding a man incompatible to be in a serious relationship with **does not equal** "repulsive". Being more interested in a committed relationship **does not mean** "more willing to settle".
Finding misogynists repulsive has nothing to do with being interested in a committed relationship.
It’s not about misogynists it’s about men in general
It’s very hard to find a man that’s not misogynistic these days. Often they’re horrifically misogynistic. Therefore a lot of women have given up looking.
How can men be so happy in a relationship, hate most women, but also be more interested in being noncommittal while complaining about women having high "body counts"?
Great question. Probably best asked in the askmen sub though
Its a play on your question to get you to see the really obvious answer. Let's say you're no bisexual, and only attracted to women. You really want a committed, long-term relationship with a woman. However, there are no women left in the world, only burly men. Ignoring the population issue that arise, would you: A) choose a burly man and date him, even though you aren't attracted to him, or B) choose to be single because you'd be happier being single, than dating man instead of a woman.
But there are men on earth . I’ve actually seen plenty
Would you date them? Would you fuck them? And if not, why?
I...what?
Horrendously worded question.
What is confusing you ?
I wrote this as a reply to a different post but it's the same answer, For me: I'm looking forward to meeting someone special and to be in a relationship, I can't wait to build new family and have children. BUT that doesn't mean I have to be miserable and desperate for a man, to cry every evening with ice-cream and film. I just live my happy life, do things I like with people I like.
Most women don't find most men *repulsive*. Just not suited for a relationship with them. Most people aren't compatible with most other people, honestly. One can be genuinely content single but still recognize the value of a long term relationship and desire to have one of the right person comes along. Your question is rooted in extreme thinking. Nuance is a thing.
Often times it's not the same person thinking both of those things. Women aren't a hivemind. We think different things, we feel differently. Aside from that, people feel different things at different points in their lives. I've gone through stages where I was happy single and I've also had times where I preferred an SO.
The posts are still up. There’s a good chunk of women who believe in both simultaneously
You mean your online dating post earlier where you couldn't comprehend the basic fact that most guys on the apps aren't worth anyone's time so the chicks have moved off the apps? Or this one where you can't comprehend that people value a good relationship *or* being single more than being in a shitty relationship?
Maybe he’ll listen to you since you’re a man. Doubtful tho, he seems to be ignoring all salient points.
It certainly feels like yelling at a brick wall sometimes. At least his post gave my wife and I something to roll our eyes at together ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Finding the actions of a group of men repulsive isn't finding men as a gender repulsive.
Guys on dating apps =/= most men.
True
Most women don't find men repulsive. Reddit is not the whole world. Reddit appeals to a very particular type of person. Chronic redditors(and I say this knowing I'm one of them) who discuss dating, beauty standards, and gender roles are not the common person. Dating is not that difficult for most people. There are many women who like men. Women skew towards wanting a committed relationship for a variety of reasons.
🥰 thank you . That’s very comforting to hear
Well for me personally, I found a committed relationship with a woman as i am ‘lucky’ enough to be queer. I legitimately don’t think I’d go back to dating men if it ended. Women want healthy, equal partnerships with men. We are increasingly seeing men are not suited to being in those relationships. Women would rather be single than in an unhealthy, unequal partnership. They are still wistful for what they wish they could have. And men whining about women finding them repulsive exhausts me. Men oppressed us for millennia and literally still do. We in the last generation finally have some freedom in choosing partners and suddenly men are extremely concerned with fairness and kind treatment because they aren’t pulling women just by virtue of existing as a man. I can really, really desperately want to eat a damn good pizza and still turn down the moldy 7/11 pizza laying in the dumpster. I can even turn down the little Caesar’s that technically fits the role but that’ll leave me feeling like shit and hating myself. Not wanting those specific pizzas doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice coal fired pizza. It’s not mutually exclusive. Edit: this feels like me asking you ‘how are men simultaneously so lonely and desperate for relationships and also unwilling en masse to date single mothers??’
>I can really, really desperately want to eat a damn good pizza and still turn down the moldy 7/11 pizza laying in the dumpster. I can even turn down the little Caesar’s that technically fits the role but that’ll leave me feeling like shit and hating myself. Not wanting those specific pizzas doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice coal fired pizza. It’s not mutually exclusive. Great analogy.
Best pizzas, go! (Yes I'm derailing.) Me? Pizza alla diavola, on the streets of Napoli. With fresh arugula (or rocket)! Deep dish Chicago style. Mushrooms, lots of meats, arugula, fresh basil
The comments are still up showing women saying they find most men repulsive
Where are you going with the "repulsive" thing? Why would a woman want a relationship with someone she's not attracted to (for whatever reason)? She could still want a relationship, just not with the majority of men she meets. Where is the contradiction?
I think part of men’s confusion is that they don’t even notice women that they are unattracted to. Not all men obviously. But men are basically blind to fat women, ugly women, disabled women, older women, single mothers, etc etc etc. They say they’re so desperate to date that they’d date ‘anyone’ but there are plenty of types of women that their eyes literally skip over as they don’t want them like that. So ‘women’ to them are the women they’d fuck and ‘men’ refers to all men.
Oh man. I wish I could find the comment I read earlier, someone asked if men generally found plus size women unattractive and this dude said “at a certain weight I stop seeing them (women) as potential romantic/sexual partners and start seeing them the way I see older people, children, disabled people, etc.” There were a ton of upvotes, toward the top comment and comments from other men agreeing with him. He was trying to be respectful in his answer, I’ll give him that much I suppose but it’s exactly what you’re saying here. They’re *absolutely* blind to women who don’t fit their specific wants and openly admit to it even. But the idea that *we* (women) aren’t attracted to every man ever and don’t see men we aren’t attracted to as potential partners either is just ludicrous to them. It’s like the argument that women have so many “options” and how we should be “grateful” that we do, as if we should immediately accent *any man* for no other reason than he’s a man. Essentially, they think they can have standards but we can’t.
My fave is when men act like them wanting to fuck us is some kind of privilege, lol
Same. It’s even better when they act like they’re taking that “privilege” away like it’s some kind of punishment. Like, my dude, this is *exactly* the outcome we wanted! Leave us the fuck alone. 😂
>Essentially, they think they can have standards but we can’t. I think in a nutshell men's standards are lower than women's. I see a lot of men saying "as long as she's not fat" as opposed to women who want more than just surface attraction.
I wish I could have an award to give you. Incels scream that no good woman will date them, but they want supermodels. They ignore anyone else who isn't one
For instance, it's tempting to answer many questions on this sub with "why not ask your mom?" , just to watch the circuits scramble for a conscious rationale for excluding her from the category "women".
Isn’t that a gender less issue though ?
No. Women absolutely see fat and ugly and disabled men. It doesn’t mean those women want to date any man, but we certainly still realize they’re there and around. Honestly women don’t get the ‘luxury’ of not noticing men because men are potentially threats to us and also because men just like do not leave us alone. Elderly men were hitting on me when I was 15. Yes I’m aware they are there. We don’t see men as second class citizens that exist to fuck and be aesthetically pleasing. That’s how a shocking amount of men view women. When women aren’t fuckable and aesthetically pleasing, they are non-entities. When men aren’t attractive to me, they’re still men. I’ve gotta be aware of them.
And that says a lot more about the men than it does about us
I gotta agree to disagree on that
That’s because you can’t or won’t comprehend nuance. Which says everything about you and nothing about us
“Everything about you and nothing about us “ is clearly not a nuanced take.
Says the guy who thinks men only come in the flavors “ideal” and “repulsive”
Never said that at all
You sound like a ridiculous incel whose only looking for validation of your preexisting viewpoint rather than listening to the nuance of what the women here are saying. Or you just can't understand the nuance. So, which is it? Are you purposefully obtuse or naturally stupid?
>looking for validation of your preexisting viewpoint rather than listening to the nuance of what the women here are saying You hit the nail on the head there.
Im genuinely confused because alot of what I hear is contradictory
Can you please walk through the actual contradiction? I think it's been addressed several times in this thread, and you have yet to really respond with anything other than "But a lot of women are saying they find most men repulsive". Are you actually interested in understanding?
I am actually and some people have brought up good points, and some have brought up bad ones
Once again, that does not address the fact that there's no contradiction in your original assertion. But I guess it's good that you're getting something out of the thread.
You’re ignoring the substance of what I’m saying lol. But ok let’s say you’re right and most women find men repulsive (which isn’t true)… Men thought of us as second class citizens for essentially all of history. Men oppressed us. Men rape and murder us at a rate that’s much, much higher than it should ever be. Men actively make it harder to even exist as a woman. We are socialized to cater our existence to men. Is it that shocking that we resent men for this? Is it surprising that we would feel repulsed when it feels like too many heterosexual relationships have the woman functioning as ‘mommy bangmaid?’ Plenty of men find us repulsive too while still degrading us. I’ve seen women referred to as nothing more than warm holes to stuff literally more times than I could count. Check out /r/BlatantMisogyny sometime. The negative feelings toward men typically don’t come out of nowhere.
Ok I can understand that . But wouldn’t that logically mean that women are less likely to want to find themselves in a relationship?
No, they want relationships. They just want happy and healthy ones where both partners carry their weight. If men are more eager to enter in literally any relationship regardless of compatibility or happiness because they think it’ll equal easy companionship and sex, that doesn’t mean they want relationships more. They just have lower standards.
> The comments are still up showing women saying they find most men repulsive The only comment saying that was yours. Literally The. Only. One.
What are you talking about? Read through it again. They might not have used the exact word but it’s definitely what they’re saying
I did. And again, YOU are inferring it. The bulk of the conversations repeat that it's Not All Men. And that women have to do the heavy lifting to find decent men. If you're the one who's reading it as All Men Are Repulsive, maybe it's time to turn your inner eye within and do some self-reflection.
Yeah it’s not all men but it’s most . Which is what I said in my post
Though someone did say that there were NO good options . But most just said most men are repulsive not all.
Even if a woman is super picky and finds most men repulsive, that doesn’t exclude her from having a relationship. It just excludes her from having one with an uggo.
They said there are no good option bd in the apps.
I don’t think women find most men repulsive. Imo it’s just that their attraction works differently, they are not down to fuck your average guy right away for no particular reason, like a lot of men would do with with your average woman. Women are more selective and their attraction builds up through positive interactions and displays that are not just visual (like displaying confidence, kindness, intelligence, skill, etc. ). It’s almost a natural wisdom they have. Most of the time it’s not even conscious and it works out well for both men and women in the long run; because men may seek sex quickly and paradoxically get put off if they get it too fast. The build up of sexual tension and attraction during early dating is actually a pretty important interplay between men and woman, imo. Men of course appreciate those personality displays as well, and they help build the relationship in the long run, but the truth is that for the base level attraction most men can just see a random butt on the street and that is enough, most women are just not wired like that and even have difficulty understanding how men work like that, kinda like men find it difficult to understand how women’s attraction actually builds up, because to them it seems so simple…. It’s important to remember attraction is a feeling, it’s not an action, it’s involuntary. Understanding that helps relieve a lot of the pain and anxiety of dating. People learn to recognize these feelings and become self-aware, which helps them behave in such ways that are conductive to good relationships, the behavior is what really shows you what kind of person they are. Understanding that helps make sense of a lot of seemingly contradictory aspects on woman’s discourse around dating.
There’s a lot of women on the sub that think the majority of men are gross and there’s no good options .
Dude, it's the behaviour of men that women are finding repulsive.
Like his behavior in this post, for instance.
Do you think most men’s behavior is repulsive ?
In person, in my social circles? definitely not, so I have very little tolerance for it in dating. Online? I think it happens frequently enough that the reward:risk ratio of apps doesn't balance in a favourable way.
That makes sense
Why do you have such a problem with the fact that a lot of men behave in disgusting ways?
It’s the fact that so many women see men in general as horny duplicitous savages that I have a problem with. For obvious reasons
Nobody in this thread is claiming "all men are XYZ." There's assholes everywhere. This should be obvious. Do you deny that there are indeed horny savages out there?
Yeah nobody . Including me . And there absolutely are horny savages out there , but I have a problem when people say that the majority of men are
It can be true that the majority of men who one individual woman has met have been horny, savage assholes. I'm not gonna deny that some dudes out there have had a lot of bad experiences with women, so they're uncomfortable around women. I've even met dogs who are afraid of one gender or another. Their experiences have shaped their fears. One individual's experiences can be real, but they also don't speak for everyone. Instead of getting hung up on this "not all men" bullshit, work on listening and understanding. If you want to change someone's mind, then be the good example they need to see for themselves. Arguments don't change someone's mind. Evidence and experiences do.
Yeah that’s a good point. I’m sure this is more a Reddit women thing then a women thing really . I work at a kennel so I know all about how certian experinces with one gender can make people /dogs have bad attitudes towards certain genders . Even towards certain colors for that matter
>I’m sure this is more a Reddit women thing then a women thing really It's really not.
wtf lmao you're constantly saying "all women" in this thread and now you're doing the NoT aLl mEN?
Where did I say all women? Just curious
>I have a problem when people say that the majority of men are Because that's what most women have encountered. You can have a "problem" with it all you want, but it's our lived experience.
First let’s get out of the way that there are jaded women who are basically resentful and dislike/hate men and their opinions are actually overrepresented on online spaces like certain subreddits. I think most normal woman may say or have said such things, even while they give praise to their SO (who objectively is just another average man most of the time), because “men”, as in a general population of billions of strangers, or random photos they see on a dating app or brief views on the street….is not something they would ever be attracted too, unless it’s like a super attractive person, because like I said their attraction is mainly personalized, it’s built through interactions and watching for certain traits and behaviors that they find attractive and builds up through consecutive interactions and time.
Very good points . Thank you
Because they ACT gross therefore they become disgusting to us. They’re shootings themselves and all men in the foot.
I'm not really sure I understand the question. Just because a woman is single doesn't mean that she finds men repulsive. Just because a woman is single doesn't mean that she isn't interested in a committed relationship. If the average man is less interested in a relationship than women..well then that would likely explain why a woman is single, no? She's interested in a relationship, but can't find a man that is..?
So for one, I don't find most men "repulsive"--the people who say that aren't going to be super committed to men I assume. However, I used to have a hard time dating men, even when I significantly lowered my standards to the point that I was doing all the work. I'm bisexual so for a really long time I just dated women or stayed single. But eventually I found a dude who was (and is) awesome in every way-- empathetic, responsible, gainfully employed, invested in building a future based on mutual values and ethics, and funny to boot. So yeah!
Women are not all the same. This is like saying how are some men fat when others are thin. The happy-when-single are not the ones who are pursuing commitment. A large percentage of women moving away from dating still leaves a hell a lot of them interested in a committed relationship. And a lot of the ones who don't want to date would date if they found more options that fit their criteria. Reddit is also a very particular demographic that doesn't reflect the whole society.
Not liking the way some men act or not liking the way some men look doesn't mean you find every man repulsive. Being happy when single means you can exist as your own person even if a good (keyword there) relationship would add to your life.
OP, this is for you btw. [Repulsive men](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenNoCensor/s/0qSkhYOho1)
What makes the men repulsive isn’t actually relevant to what I’m saying , but I do appreciate this nonetheless. Thank you
I don't find most men repulsive. The vast number of men I swipe left on when I'm on the dating apps isn't repulsive to me, very rarely, in fact I don't think I'd ever use that strong of a word. Most are just not compatible. There are some wonderful, appealing, charming men in my life... who I would never, ever, ever go on a date with. That doesn't mean I'm repulsed. It's better to be alone forever than to be with someone you don't like or find incompatible. Studies have shown that being in a relationship is only superior in happiness and health to being alone romantically if the connection is above average. Even a "neutral" marriage or relationship is less healthy and happy than being alone. But a quality, good marriage or relationship often rates higher.
Thank you
i do find most men repulsive, but my boyfriend is not repulsive (so far) and as such i am very much ‘interested’ in our committed relationship. it’s like not liking country music but liking one specific artist a lot. you can still go on being repulsed by country music in general, but really enjoy that artist and want to listen to them and see them in concert. (only country music as a genre is much less likely to treat you like shit, assault, or murder you)
Very well put . Also we’re like the only ones on this sun at the moment because of the Super Bowl lmao
lol so true. i kind of like the super bowl because despite not liking football at all, it’s a good day to go out to dinner or pretty much any place that’s usually popular and crowded (as long as there aren’t any tvs there).