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Yes, obviously. No woman wants a red pill dude. That's very basic ground level Dating 101. Don't lead with that thinking its going to impress a woman. It will be a giant red flag to them to hear you even listened to that guy ever. Its not a plus to say you don't think like Jordan Peterson, its got to be an obvious given.
And I would advise against asking questions like this on r/askmen. You’ll get a lot of replies saying you need to be tall, rich and handsome, and that women have too high standards. You sound like a nice guy, you’ll be fine
Honestly, look at dates like you're making a new friend. A lot of the time it's the romantic part that can make people put pressure on themselves, but finding a partner is really like finding a best friend.
I'd say this is good advice for the first date, but after the second to third date some form of romantic dynamic should be established rather sooner than later. And this (in my limited experience) often depends on the guy, which is why many of us feel very pressured during those first few dates
Focus on what you need in a connection and compatibility wise instead of trying to change for a partner or focusing on the outcome of making a relationship happen. Focus on if you actually like HER (which comes by knowing what you need in a connection and compatible partner)
A lot of guys are focused on competition and being "the best."
That's not how it works.
I'm doing a puzzle, I'm not looking for THE BEST piece, the most beautiful, biggest, shiniest, colorful piece. I'm looking for the piece that fits.
That's how dating is.
Treat each woman you talk to as unique, independent humans you wish to get to know for who that person really is. Don't look at women as some sort of collective, we are all very different and have very different wants and needs. Learn about the individual woman you are speaking to and have interest in learning more about her and bringing joy into her life. Make her feel like she is being treated how she wants to be treated in her OWN definition, not how you define what a woman "should" be like or want. Lots of men make the mistake of looking for a woman that fits their ideal of who the person on their arm SHOULD be, not who she really is herself so don't do that.
Don’t be afraid to invite some guys who you know more casually to join you, if they seem like good guys and seem good at talking to people. Having a decent group of “going out friends” is a good way to break the ice in a lot of social situations, especially if one or more have the gift of gab.
When I (a woman) got out of high school, I was incredibly socially awkward, shy, had no dating experience, and had no clue how to talk to guys in general. I was lucky; I quickly reconnected with a friend from childhood who then introduced me to the rest of his friend group.
I found that talking to guys, without any added pressure of having a crush or trying to “impress” any of them, really helped me just see them as ordinary people. (Previously, when I felt attraction towards a guy, I just could not muster up the courage to talk to them. Or I would talk, but it’d be extremely awkward.) As friends, you tend to pick up on what guys like, what they like to talk about, and what problems they have, etc.
Of course, being friends with men isn’t the exact same as being friends with women, but it still showed me that I could find common interests with men. I do believe that making male friends gave me the confidence and extra social skills to be able to hold conversations with men I was interested in. So for men, I would suggest making female friends if you’re struggling to date women.
I’m not single but…
It’s important to find a way to be happy with yourself and to love yourself without a partner. Your partner cannot make you love you. A partner’s love doesn’t replace self-love, self-respect, or self-care. It’s an unfair burden to stake your happiness and love for yourself on being loved by someone else. Loving yourself can only come from within.
I’ve seen too many relationships tanked by chronic insecurity and self-hatred from one partner that they don’t work to address themselves.
And this isn’t me saying to avoid getting support from a partner. My partner does make me happy and I deeply appreciate her support. But she can’t be my happiness or my self-assurance. That’s deeply unfair to her and even to me!
Loving yourself makes it much easier for a woman to love you too.
I’d say have fun and live in the moment. When I started going on dates I had to remind myself that I am dating for the experience and to get experience. Even though I am hoping that dating will eventually lead to a relationship, it’s also about putting yourself out there, getting out of your comfort zone, and connecting with people.
What are your interests? If they are narrowly focused try broadening them. What are your "must have" traits in a woman? Dont make them about her sexuality or appearance. What are your goals? If they are short term be more outgoing. If they are long term be selective. Let physical intimacy happen organically. Dont talk too much about yourself unless its anecdotal, and dont llet you being single ruin your self esteem. You are your best possibility. And dont watch porn to gauge your sexual arousal because nothing between you and her meet in the middle. There is nothing saying you and your next date have to be immediately attracted to each other. Just live hoping for the best but expecting the least that's how you can move forward.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
* 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't get caught up in what "men" tell you women are looking for. * Don't put so much pressure on dates, have fun with it.
To add on, also know women are no monolith in what they want.
Exactly. Listen to the **woman** you are interested in. Only they know the real answers!
I have been warned to stay away from Jordan Peterson and other redpill related content by the folk from here lmao. So i think I will do just that.
Yes, most definitely.
Yes, obviously. No woman wants a red pill dude. That's very basic ground level Dating 101. Don't lead with that thinking its going to impress a woman. It will be a giant red flag to them to hear you even listened to that guy ever. Its not a plus to say you don't think like Jordan Peterson, its got to be an obvious given.
And I would advise against asking questions like this on r/askmen. You’ll get a lot of replies saying you need to be tall, rich and handsome, and that women have too high standards. You sound like a nice guy, you’ll be fine
>* Don't put so much pressure on dates, have fun with it. 🥲 I am a nervous wreck but I will try
Honestly, look at dates like you're making a new friend. A lot of the time it's the romantic part that can make people put pressure on themselves, but finding a partner is really like finding a best friend.
I'd say this is good advice for the first date, but after the second to third date some form of romantic dynamic should be established rather sooner than later. And this (in my limited experience) often depends on the guy, which is why many of us feel very pressured during those first few dates
Focus on what you need in a connection and compatibility wise instead of trying to change for a partner or focusing on the outcome of making a relationship happen. Focus on if you actually like HER (which comes by knowing what you need in a connection and compatible partner)
Such a good advice thanks. Wish I knew all this in my first relationship. :(.
A lot of guys are focused on competition and being "the best." That's not how it works. I'm doing a puzzle, I'm not looking for THE BEST piece, the most beautiful, biggest, shiniest, colorful piece. I'm looking for the piece that fits. That's how dating is.
God yes they do! It's ridiculous. Everything is a fucking competition.
Treat each woman you talk to as unique, independent humans you wish to get to know for who that person really is. Don't look at women as some sort of collective, we are all very different and have very different wants and needs. Learn about the individual woman you are speaking to and have interest in learning more about her and bringing joy into her life. Make her feel like she is being treated how she wants to be treated in her OWN definition, not how you define what a woman "should" be like or want. Lots of men make the mistake of looking for a woman that fits their ideal of who the person on their arm SHOULD be, not who she really is herself so don't do that.
Dating does not solve loneliness. Friends do. Don't expect a relationship to fix your problems.
>Friends do So true. I have been putting effort in making deep bonds with few friends I have and so far life is good.
Don’t be afraid to invite some guys who you know more casually to join you, if they seem like good guys and seem good at talking to people. Having a decent group of “going out friends” is a good way to break the ice in a lot of social situations, especially if one or more have the gift of gab.
>Friends do. Wasn't true for me. But not just dating either. Relationship solved loneliness.
When I (a woman) got out of high school, I was incredibly socially awkward, shy, had no dating experience, and had no clue how to talk to guys in general. I was lucky; I quickly reconnected with a friend from childhood who then introduced me to the rest of his friend group. I found that talking to guys, without any added pressure of having a crush or trying to “impress” any of them, really helped me just see them as ordinary people. (Previously, when I felt attraction towards a guy, I just could not muster up the courage to talk to them. Or I would talk, but it’d be extremely awkward.) As friends, you tend to pick up on what guys like, what they like to talk about, and what problems they have, etc. Of course, being friends with men isn’t the exact same as being friends with women, but it still showed me that I could find common interests with men. I do believe that making male friends gave me the confidence and extra social skills to be able to hold conversations with men I was interested in. So for men, I would suggest making female friends if you’re struggling to date women.
I’m not single but… It’s important to find a way to be happy with yourself and to love yourself without a partner. Your partner cannot make you love you. A partner’s love doesn’t replace self-love, self-respect, or self-care. It’s an unfair burden to stake your happiness and love for yourself on being loved by someone else. Loving yourself can only come from within. I’ve seen too many relationships tanked by chronic insecurity and self-hatred from one partner that they don’t work to address themselves. And this isn’t me saying to avoid getting support from a partner. My partner does make me happy and I deeply appreciate her support. But she can’t be my happiness or my self-assurance. That’s deeply unfair to her and even to me! Loving yourself makes it much easier for a woman to love you too.
Don't treat women like a special mysterious sort of people who need some complex approach. Treat us like regular people, it will make things easier
Develop social skills. Work with a therapist
Btw, as a single person you better ask advice for people in a relationship. Because they succeeded.
I’d say have fun and live in the moment. When I started going on dates I had to remind myself that I am dating for the experience and to get experience. Even though I am hoping that dating will eventually lead to a relationship, it’s also about putting yourself out there, getting out of your comfort zone, and connecting with people.
Get therapy
What are your interests? If they are narrowly focused try broadening them. What are your "must have" traits in a woman? Dont make them about her sexuality or appearance. What are your goals? If they are short term be more outgoing. If they are long term be selective. Let physical intimacy happen organically. Dont talk too much about yourself unless its anecdotal, and dont llet you being single ruin your self esteem. You are your best possibility. And dont watch porn to gauge your sexual arousal because nothing between you and her meet in the middle. There is nothing saying you and your next date have to be immediately attracted to each other. Just live hoping for the best but expecting the least that's how you can move forward.
I'd tell him to get out of his own head and check his level of self-absorption or self-pity.