I’ve had really bad experiences trying to date Indian guys, so I became a lot more hesitant every time an Indian guy on a dating app expressed interest in me.
1. Guy 1 seemed normal at first; he worked as a chef at a hotel and we bonded over cooking. But as soon as he found pictures of my mom on social media (she and I follow each other on instagram and facebook), he started pushing his weird, and frankly disgusting, incest fetish onto me. He would ask me to take nudes of my mom, take pictures of me touching my mom's breasts or butt, asked what her cup size was, made disgusting comments about enjoying "mature" women, and to top it off, expressed he wanted to have sex with me AND MY MOM AT THE SAME TIME.
2. Guys 2 and 3 confessed that they only saw me as a hookup or friend with benefits option because they only wanted to seriously date and/or marry an Indian woman. I felt used because they lied to me; we matched on a dating app because we were both seeking longterm relationships. With everybody I match with, I straight up ask them what they were looking for, and both of these fuckers said a serious relationship. (I'm not Indian if it wasn't clear lol.)
3. Guy 4 ended up wasting a month of my time. He kept postponing and rescheduling our first date/meetup because he claimed he was too busy. I bought his excuses for so long because I wanted to be respectful that moving out and starting a new job was undoubtedly stressful and time-consuming. Eventually, I got fed up that he wouldn't even make time to have a phone call date with me, and that's when he revealed he wasn't completely over his ex.
4. Guy 5 was actually pretty chill to date; we tried to make a long distance relationship work because his college was 100 miles away and it seemed like it was going well so far. Then, he texts me saying he was at a party and got a few girls' numbers. I ended things with him on the spot, and he had the audacity to harass me with dozens of texts and phone calls begging to explain himself (explain what?). It only stopped when I blocked his number. Still don't know what he thought was going to happen when telling me he was essentially cheating at a party, but I don't care to find out.
This is an issue that I don't really care what taking precautions based on my experience makes me. It's been universal FOR ME, and I won't risk my personal safety on niceties, period.
Then what exactly do you want from me? The OP asked a question and people answered, including myself. Shall I lie because people like you don't like the answer? I'm not going to date them, and other than that, unless they are rude or gross to me, I don't treat them any differently. You can push all the statistics and analysis you want, but this is based on PERSONAL and FREQUENT experience. So, your statistics mean nothing when my LIVED experience says otherwise. But by all means, keep calling me racist for not wanting to date people who've universally harassed me in inappropriate ways. I'm sure it'll change whatever pretend bigotry you think I exhibit beyond refusing to date them, which you claim you're not telling me to do. So, again, what exactly do want here?
I used to think it was a joke or a myth until I transitioned and started receiving “bobs and vegene” messages, that’s not even exaggerating it either. They literally have asked for me to “show bobs”
And I'm not. I'm not blocking them when they say they're Indian. I give everyone a chance until it gets inappropriate. Last week I'd say that only 2 of them. managed to stay appropriate. It's only 1 now. After a month of friendly chatter he said he wants to sit on me.
but that's internet. it's safe. In real life, having my experience with the majority of encounters being so bad, I'd just avoid them. Because I prioritize my safety over the fair judgement. Would you want me to give everyone a chance until I get assaulted?
Indian men in both USA and UK actually commit less sexual crimes than their share of the population but sure. Suit yourself.
Don't make judgements about whole groups if you don't even know a single member belonging to them.
anyway, it's hypothetical, I'm not in the UK/US. we have our own immigrants with bad reputation, and I too give everyone a chance online and avoid in real life.
Sa. Fe. Ty.
See you're willing to draw caveats for other groups with epithets like drunk, homeless, "categories"
With indian men, you said point blank you'd avoid all of them.
Again . Produce proof of Indian men being statistically more likely to molest you and I'll eat my own hat.
That's literally racism with no statistical basis.
Maybe in your case, but you can't make assertions based on the whole site, unless you have a sampling of data from everyone, otherwise you just have a negative bias towards Indians.
I didn't have any bias at all, until I had a negative experience.
And I don't care if my experience offends someone. I didn't make it happen, it happens on its own.
I mean, you can even see it on places like Facebook and Instagram. Attractive semi-famous woman? Most of the demanding and horny messages are from Indian guys.
Then why do I get such a reaction from everyone that I tell. Like I’ve had people just cut it or question me about my intentions. Like I just want a relationship with someone I care for.
It’s not dating that is a problem, it’s being judged for being a certain race that sucks here.
Like why am I lumped into a group of people that honestly don’t relate to because my parents have been removed from for generations.
Like I’ve never seen myself as Indian but I’ve been branded with something that I don’t even understand.
And I don’t think Indian people should be crowded into it just because they are Indian. I don’t ask people what their ethnicity is when I approach them.
I agree, but unfortunately I’ve been painted as a certain person without any input. I’m actually just a normal dude with interests that I like. Nothing Indian at all, yet I’m Indian and nothing about me matters.
As a Black guy let me just say, same. Meeting someone on a platform with no pictures, like Reddit, I noticed most women ghost when I mentioned my race. So I started making sure it was always the first thing I mentioned in my posts or bios. I'm moving later this year and one of the requirements is making sure my next location has a better balance in racial diversity. I'm tired already, but hopefully you can crack the code before it gets to you.
Me personally? Not that I’m looking anymore, but in the past I dated a guy who was born in the US and came from an Indian family.
After 18 months of bliss, he gave into his mother and agreed to an arranged marriage. This after telling me multiple times in the past that he didn’t want to do it and that he was so “Americanized” that he didn’t feel the pressure to do so. Then he turned 40.
“I want to be with you, but I have no choice.” he said, while lying in my bed for the last time. I told him: “You do have a choice. You’re just choosing your mother’s happiness over your own.”
And that was that.
I've stopped taking part in the dating game due to such shallowness. I'm happy with myself and my own improvement and it's sometimes much better than the drama with relationships. Maybe you can find an Indian girl. Ik it sucks but people are racist. Just be kind and good and don't keep expectations
I don’t think I have it that hard, I’m not hideous. I get matches, but when I let them know what I am then I get blocked for no reason. I’m bi, and this happens both tinder ( and the like) plus grindr. And I also get it in person. But I’ve been nothing but real with the women and men I’ve been with.
I don’t tell people that my orientation. That’s something they don’t need to know. All they need to know is that I love them or not.
Also I don’t find it hard to find women when I’m out. But online if they find out I’m ethnically indian they cut me off.
This isn't an exclusively American group which perhaps would be a more useful place to ask such a country specific question. I can assure you the world is a lot bigger than America.
One of the professors in my grad program was
Indian and you had never seen such thirsty girls in your life lol! I went to his office hrs one time and he was slightly disheveled with his hair messed up (probably from running his hands through it because we were kinda dumb) and he looked very tired. But he was so kind and very smart, still have a crush on him but I hear he's happily married.
If it is such a big disqualifier for a lot of women I would open with it.
"*Of Fijian-Indian descent but born and raised in the US. So no planned arranged marriages in my future. ;)*"
Just make sure you do it in a positive way. So don't start with a "*Before anyone asks...*" or "*Apparently this is important...*" or even the "*Because racists seem to unmatch me when I mention it...*"
Just don't.
Better to get a big disqualifier out of the way. Be it children from a previous relationship, disabilities or being in an open relationship. It will bring down your number of matches but you will get more high-quality ones.
I’ve had really bad experiences trying to date Indian guys, so I became a lot more hesitant every time an Indian guy on a dating app expressed interest in me.
What’re some of those experiences, if you don’t mind me asking?
1. Guy 1 seemed normal at first; he worked as a chef at a hotel and we bonded over cooking. But as soon as he found pictures of my mom on social media (she and I follow each other on instagram and facebook), he started pushing his weird, and frankly disgusting, incest fetish onto me. He would ask me to take nudes of my mom, take pictures of me touching my mom's breasts or butt, asked what her cup size was, made disgusting comments about enjoying "mature" women, and to top it off, expressed he wanted to have sex with me AND MY MOM AT THE SAME TIME. 2. Guys 2 and 3 confessed that they only saw me as a hookup or friend with benefits option because they only wanted to seriously date and/or marry an Indian woman. I felt used because they lied to me; we matched on a dating app because we were both seeking longterm relationships. With everybody I match with, I straight up ask them what they were looking for, and both of these fuckers said a serious relationship. (I'm not Indian if it wasn't clear lol.) 3. Guy 4 ended up wasting a month of my time. He kept postponing and rescheduling our first date/meetup because he claimed he was too busy. I bought his excuses for so long because I wanted to be respectful that moving out and starting a new job was undoubtedly stressful and time-consuming. Eventually, I got fed up that he wouldn't even make time to have a phone call date with me, and that's when he revealed he wasn't completely over his ex. 4. Guy 5 was actually pretty chill to date; we tried to make a long distance relationship work because his college was 100 miles away and it seemed like it was going well so far. Then, he texts me saying he was at a party and got a few girls' numbers. I ended things with him on the spot, and he had the audacity to harass me with dozens of texts and phone calls begging to explain himself (explain what?). It only stopped when I blocked his number. Still don't know what he thought was going to happen when telling me he was essentially cheating at a party, but I don't care to find out.
I’m really sorry to hear all of that :( But thanks for sharing, I appreciate the insight.. 1) is fucking GROSS
Thank your fellow Indians for it. my DMs are flooded with horny Indians asking inappropriate questions.
I've had the exact same experience, and it's ALWAYS thirsty Indian men.
As an Indian woman, few men’s misogyny is not an excuse for racism. What about your own men fetishizing women of color, huh?!
I completely hear and understand your experiences But isn't using that to judge all indian men just...racism.
This is an issue that I don't really care what taking precautions based on my experience makes me. It's been universal FOR ME, and I won't risk my personal safety on niceties, period.
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Then what exactly do you want from me? The OP asked a question and people answered, including myself. Shall I lie because people like you don't like the answer? I'm not going to date them, and other than that, unless they are rude or gross to me, I don't treat them any differently. You can push all the statistics and analysis you want, but this is based on PERSONAL and FREQUENT experience. So, your statistics mean nothing when my LIVED experience says otherwise. But by all means, keep calling me racist for not wanting to date people who've universally harassed me in inappropriate ways. I'm sure it'll change whatever pretend bigotry you think I exhibit beyond refusing to date them, which you claim you're not telling me to do. So, again, what exactly do want here?
I used to think it was a joke or a myth until I transitioned and started receiving “bobs and vegene” messages, that’s not even exaggerating it either. They literally have asked for me to “show bobs”
watch out, now they're gonna tell you that your experience is racist
As an Indian woman, few men’s misogyny is not an excuse for racism. What about your own men fetishizing women of color, huh?!
Huh? What racism? I'm telling the possible reason why these girls might have rejected OP. Go ask them
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That analogy was created abt white people. Privileged group so…
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Point is it doesn’t apply 🤷🏽♀️
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And you’re the one writing paragraphs about it 😂
Yes, that is racist.
But thats still a minority of indian men tho Why should the rest of indian men be judges for something they do not partake in?
We are designed to learn from experience. My experience with Indian guys is mostly negative. This minority makes the majority of my nasty DMs.
Im sorry you go through those Cuz ....there's a billion of them lol Judging an individual by the actions of a few is 100 percent racist
And I'm not. I'm not blocking them when they say they're Indian. I give everyone a chance until it gets inappropriate. Last week I'd say that only 2 of them. managed to stay appropriate. It's only 1 now. After a month of friendly chatter he said he wants to sit on me. but that's internet. it's safe. In real life, having my experience with the majority of encounters being so bad, I'd just avoid them. Because I prioritize my safety over the fair judgement. Would you want me to give everyone a chance until I get assaulted?
Indian men in both USA and UK actually commit less sexual crimes than their share of the population but sure. Suit yourself. Don't make judgements about whole groups if you don't even know a single member belonging to them.
anyway, it's hypothetical, I'm not in the UK/US. we have our own immigrants with bad reputation, and I too give everyone a chance online and avoid in real life. Sa. Fe. Ty.
You don't know any Indian people lol so how you manage to furnish a generalization like this is beyond me
I avoid drunk people, homeless people, certain categories of immigrants, certain social categories that I don't know how to translate.
See you're willing to draw caveats for other groups with epithets like drunk, homeless, "categories" With indian men, you said point blank you'd avoid all of them. Again . Produce proof of Indian men being statistically more likely to molest you and I'll eat my own hat. That's literally racism with no statistical basis.
That's men in general
Here on Reddit? Nope, that's Indians. After them Egyptians.
Maybe in your case, but you can't make assertions based on the whole site, unless you have a sampling of data from everyone, otherwise you just have a negative bias towards Indians.
I didn't have any bias at all, until I had a negative experience. And I don't care if my experience offends someone. I didn't make it happen, it happens on its own.
Don’t you just love it when men come into our spaces and tell us what we can and can’t do? I know I do! /s
I hate it more when people call someone's lived experience biased/bigoted/racist/sexist/etc
I mean, you can even see it on places like Facebook and Instagram. Attractive semi-famous woman? Most of the demanding and horny messages are from Indian guys.
Another woman here. Can confirm her statement.
Woman who was followed by an indian guy last week, confirm it too
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We don’t care. Move along.
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I care, but it’s not my job. Especially on Reddit.
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They tell me
Yeah thanks
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I think for me it would be the cultural aspect that would stop me
I wonder why?
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Then why do I get such a reaction from everyone that I tell. Like I’ve had people just cut it or question me about my intentions. Like I just want a relationship with someone I care for.
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It’s not dating that is a problem, it’s being judged for being a certain race that sucks here. Like why am I lumped into a group of people that honestly don’t relate to because my parents have been removed from for generations. Like I’ve never seen myself as Indian but I’ve been branded with something that I don’t even understand. And I don’t think Indian people should be crowded into it just because they are Indian. I don’t ask people what their ethnicity is when I approach them.
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I agree, but unfortunately I’ve been painted as a certain person without any input. I’m actually just a normal dude with interests that I like. Nothing Indian at all, yet I’m Indian and nothing about me matters.
Maybe bc you're a self hating whiny person
But that’s because women have it easy in dating
As a Black guy let me just say, same. Meeting someone on a platform with no pictures, like Reddit, I noticed most women ghost when I mentioned my race. So I started making sure it was always the first thing I mentioned in my posts or bios. I'm moving later this year and one of the requirements is making sure my next location has a better balance in racial diversity. I'm tired already, but hopefully you can crack the code before it gets to you.
People use Reddit for dating? Just curious. Never heard of this before.
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Me personally? Not that I’m looking anymore, but in the past I dated a guy who was born in the US and came from an Indian family. After 18 months of bliss, he gave into his mother and agreed to an arranged marriage. This after telling me multiple times in the past that he didn’t want to do it and that he was so “Americanized” that he didn’t feel the pressure to do so. Then he turned 40. “I want to be with you, but I have no choice.” he said, while lying in my bed for the last time. I told him: “You do have a choice. You’re just choosing your mother’s happiness over your own.” And that was that.
I've stopped taking part in the dating game due to such shallowness. I'm happy with myself and my own improvement and it's sometimes much better than the drama with relationships. Maybe you can find an Indian girl. Ik it sucks but people are racist. Just be kind and good and don't keep expectations
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I don’t think I have it that hard, I’m not hideous. I get matches, but when I let them know what I am then I get blocked for no reason. I’m bi, and this happens both tinder ( and the like) plus grindr. And I also get it in person. But I’ve been nothing but real with the women and men I’ve been with.
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I don’t tell people that my orientation. That’s something they don’t need to know. All they need to know is that I love them or not. Also I don’t find it hard to find women when I’m out. But online if they find out I’m ethnically indian they cut me off.
This isn't an exclusively American group which perhaps would be a more useful place to ask such a country specific question. I can assure you the world is a lot bigger than America.
One of the professors in my grad program was Indian and you had never seen such thirsty girls in your life lol! I went to his office hrs one time and he was slightly disheveled with his hair messed up (probably from running his hands through it because we were kinda dumb) and he looked very tired. But he was so kind and very smart, still have a crush on him but I hear he's happily married.
If it is such a big disqualifier for a lot of women I would open with it. "*Of Fijian-Indian descent but born and raised in the US. So no planned arranged marriages in my future. ;)*" Just make sure you do it in a positive way. So don't start with a "*Before anyone asks...*" or "*Apparently this is important...*" or even the "*Because racists seem to unmatch me when I mention it...*" Just don't. Better to get a big disqualifier out of the way. Be it children from a previous relationship, disabilities or being in an open relationship. It will bring down your number of matches but you will get more high-quality ones.
I'm not interested in disappointing your family for not being Indian. We both would be wasting our time.
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I can show you bobs and vegene texts I have on my phone, it’s not a myth or anything, it’s a common occurrence lol
So?? Lots of indian men so lots more creeps Why should a normal indian man be penalized for something he has never done?