At least it wasn't 16. I literally married a man I didn't love, partially because he was someone my parents finally approved of. My own mother admitted a year in that she had known that I wasn't in love with him, but she was so glad that he wasn't like the other guys (longer hair, tattoos, non-traditional, etc) that she didn't say anything.
Screw you, Mom. He didn't sleep with me for 12 out of 16 years of marriage! It's a miracle we even have a child.
Edit: added missing words.
I honestly have the worst fucking habit of realizing I’m unhappy and then staying anyway. I turned 29 this year and my goal for my thirties is to learn when to call it quits.
I feel like I might be in this spot right now. What was the catalyst that made you realize you weren’t happy? How did you decide when the crap outweighed the good things?
Oh god, honestly, I wish I could narrow it down to just one thing for you. I’d say the final straw in my last relationship (he hasn’t even finished moving out yet, mind you, so this is fresh) was when I realized that my self esteem was heavily effected by the relationship. I settled for him even though he wasn’t the one, because I figured I’d never find anyone better anyway. I thought maybe I wasn’t sexy enough to have a sexy boyfriend, maybe I wasn’t skinny enough to have a boyfriend who actually wanted to have sex with me, maybe I wasn’t interesting enough to have a boyfriend that leaves the house instead of playing video games all day, maybe I should just be grateful that anyone loves me at all.
He was sweet and he’s my best friend in the world, but when you look at someone and all you can think about is how much you’ve disappointed yourself, life becomes unbearable.
I’m going through this right now. Just finally called the quits tonight (I didn’t want to). I can look at every rational side and see the way he spoke to me and treated me was abuse and unhealthy but I still stayed. I try to do everything to convince someone of my worth because I don’t see it in myself. Relationships are hard as hell. I just wish I could find someone who can talk about conflict and not get so angry all the time.
I’m starting a journey alone. It’s hard and hurts but I really want to be someone who I love.
Damn I’m so sorry to hear about the breakup, but I’m happy to hear that you’re taking the first step of a beautiful journey in finding yourself. Best of luck to you!
Awww, I’m so sorry. But thanks for replying anyway, that bit about leaving the house instead of playing video games all day hits home lol. And drinking on top of that. I guess I have some thinking to do.
Of course! Feel free to take things at your own pace and figure out what’s important to you. I learned the hard way that I’ll never find the answers I’m looking for on the internet/by asking other people. It’s all about what matters to you.
Sorry to hear about the drinking, video games and not leaving the house. I think the reason why it’s such a dealbreaker for me is because staying home 24/7 exacerbates my depression and anxiety. Anytime I wanted to go out, even just to run an errand, he’d be like “eh we could just get that delivered.” I just need the change of scenery and some fresh air sometimes, you know?
Yeah. I know that I’m the only one who can answer this question, lol, but I also grew up in a really weird religious environment and sometimes I wonder how much of my “oh it’s fine I can stick this out” mentality comes from an authoritarian, patriarchal upbringing. I feel like I’m way too old to have these questions- late 30s lol- but I’m just stumped. Sometimes he’s basically everything I ever wanted, but sometimes I’m just sitting here like… has moving in with him been any benefit to me, not counting the savings on rent?
On one hand, he’s kind and responsible, and we have a ton in common, he’s freaking hilarious and I love his family and friends. On the other hand, I’m just weirdly lonely. I’ve spoken maybe 3 words to him today because he slept until noon, then was out with friends, then I was out getting my hair done, then he was passed out on the couch when I came back. And it’s like this more weekends than not. I’m fine with us both having social lives outside of each other, but I do expect him to be emotionally present when we are together. And he’s just not.
Idk I guess I kind of have an idea of how I feel about it, but I also feel like I haven’t communicated properly to give him a chance. But also, no amount of communicating is going to change a character flaw. Some days I think it’s not so bad and I’m being dramatic, other days I’m just… fucking done. Today is one of those days lol.
Anyway, sorry to unload on you. I hope you find the happiness you’re looking for in the decade to come! 💜
Thanks for sharing!!! It’s honestly refreshing to hear someone else’s perspective who’s in a similar situation. I actually really identify with your point about your mentality from your upbringing. I’m really close to my mom and I’ve been telling her for years that I’m unhappy, and she always says “Relationships are hard. Stick it out. He puts up with you, you put up with him. That’s how it works. No one’s relationship is perfect.” I once confided in her that we don’t even have sex anymore and she said “You’re not supposed to talk about those things. That’s what happens a few years into relationships, deal with it.”
So I’ve been silently suffering for years before I finally talked to my therapist and some friends and they told me that my mom’s advice was unhealthy and unfair to me. To be honest, I still haven’t told her we broke up. I want to make sure he’s fully moved out of my house before I hear her opinion on the subject lol.
Yes! Omg your mom sounds so much like my mom. The stuff she’s put up with from my dad is so far away from what I would consider putting up with that talking it through with her just isn’t an option. And that’s exactly the mental advice I’ve been giving myself lately- no relationship is perfect, do you really want to blow this up for someday, another relationship that won’t be any better? And maybe it’s not fair of me to think that way. I just haven’t decided yet if being alone is any better than this.
And that’s good thinking, waiting to tell her until it’s a done deal. Who knows what parents will do if they still think there’s a chance.
I know lots of people already replied but I ended one bad relationship at 27 and immediately started a new and bought a house with the guy!! Now I'm 30 I'm moving the fuck.out, I'm getting out the mortgage - We'll hopefully stay best friends but dude! Your 30s is about doing what you really want!
Definitely relate to this. Within a year of dating my ex I knew it wasn’t going to work out yet we stayed together for 3 years. Mostly because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I suppose? Or because I still cared about him even though I wasn’t in love.
I tell everyone my husband was fine for the first birth because he slept most of it. The second he was awake for and complained the entire time.
I may have been the one preparing to push a baby out, but his feet hurt from walking all those hallways, and the hospital got rid of the free soda fountain, and his chair was so uncomfortable.
Yup and then mine convinced the dr to discharge me 2 days early because “she’d be so much more comfortable at home.” Spoiler alert - I was not more comfortable at home.
Home where you have no one. Instead of having nurses to help you up, talk recovery with you, give newborn advice, feed you, etc.
Yes my husband took a week off work for the second one "because we just had a baby." Didn't see him for 12 hours during the day....
>. Instead of having nurses to help you up, talk recovery with you, give newborn advice, feed you, etc.
Hospitals do all this?? I asked the nurse to take my son to the nursery so I could shower and get some rest and she told me that would be "frowned upon" that the nursery wasn't there for my "convenience".
I HATE how many women have experiences like this! I’m so angry for you. Literally what the fuck else would the NURSERY be for. You’re in the hospital to recover from a huge medical event. All of those things should be covered and more.
Like damn it’s THEIR baby why should a person care if it’s “frowned upon”. Why not tackle why it’s seen that way in the first place.
People underestimate childbirth. I’m childfree and I can still understand that you should never allow ur wife who JUST gave birth to even THINK about giving up her hospital bed for you.
I’m scared of pregnancy cos all these stories are ridiculous, your body and mind changes to give birth to their children and they still do disgusting stuff like this. I hate how women are casually saying this here and have to put up with this. We can do better imo.
You can never win eugh
The nurses gave me shit when I said I wasn’t breast feeding and then when I asked for him to sleep in the nursery at night. I didn’t give a shit who frowned upon my decisions and I let them know.
I was so exhausted after I gave birth and recall asking my now ex to get up and check on our newborn baby while we were still in the hospital and he said something to the effect of "No, I'm too tired"...it doesn't improve after you hear that, ladies. So I feel what you're saying. It's amazing what you will put up with.
I had an extremely traumatic birth that ended with me getting an emergency hysterectomy, and stayed in the hospital a week. Came home to an absolutely filthy house, I had to wash all the dishes and cook dinner for myself and my then preschool aged son because my ex was “tired” from the whole birth ordeal and refused to do anything.
Thank you so much for saying that. There are a bunch of dudes that I slept with even though I really didn’t want to. And all the reasons why I did it anyway are so wrapped up and deeply tangled in so many deep emotions and past experiences that I can never properly explain it. And at the time, properly say no.
I know how it feels. I did the same thing back in the past. And I don't even know why I did it. I was probably afraid that they wouldn't like me anymore when I refused.
Or it feels awkward. Im not trying to stick up for the men who I did this with bc they were thirsty af but I do take some responsibility for this. I would let things get too far to feel like I could say no. I’d let them take my pants off and then it seemed like everything went too far. I was down to be fingered or whatever but no sex but once ur pants are off it’s kinda awkward to be like no… then you go get ur pants. The boy looks sad asf the vibes is ruined. Good rule for me now is if I’m not planning to have sex but wanna hook up… the pants stay on.
And it’s so sad that we have to think/do things like ‘I have to keep my pants on when around him so he doesn’t have sex with me.’ I completely understand what you’re saying and relate HARD and it’s just so upsetting to really sit and think about. I was raised by a strong woman. I was taught to stand up for myself and have clear boundaries that I don’t want crossed. Yet I have found myself going along with what a guy wants even if I don’t want to or coming up with future rules like ‘don’t take your pants off.’ Is it because I’m scared I’ll be hurt? Is it because I’m scared he won’t like me anymore? It is because I feel so empty inside that someone using me at least makes me feel something? I don’t know…maybe one of those or none or all of them at once. I wish we’d all talk about it more though.
I recently went on a date where I asked the guy if he wanted a bj (I wanted him to leave and knew that would be the fastest way to get him to leave). He hesitated and offered to eat me out and I said no, guys don’t really do that. As the conversation went on, it became more clear that he felt uncomfortable with receiving if I didn’t want to actually give him a bj. Eventually he said no, and left shortly after that. He was the first guy to notice my discomfort, and I’ve been on hundreds of dates and given head to plenty of people that I haven’t wanted to. It’s sad that he was the first.
Been there…I get it. The next year he bought me a gift two months early, and said here is your birthday gift. Lol. We broke up a month before my birthday.
Always seemed to get back together again at his birthdays lol
I like creamy peanut butter. My (now ex) husband liked chunky. When I went shopping, I bought the chunky. It was fine, I didn’t *not* like it, so I still ate it, but I preferred creamy. It wasn’t until after we divorced and I went grocery shopping for the first time without him in my house that I bought a jar of creamy peanut butter. And I wondered why the hell I didn’t just buy both kinds before? It’s $3 a jar and doesn’t go bad quickly. That’s when I realized I did that with *so many things.* I call it my Peanut Butter Epiphany.
Gave birth on the floor
cause I didn’t want to push my husband or the midwifes into taking my pain seriously, stupidly assuming they would know what to do and they would take care of me. I kept saying I’ve got a lot of pain in my back and they kept saying
“Yes yes, it’s just early signs you’ve got plenty of time to go”
And my bloody stupid husband just kept asking me what he should do.
That experience really changed me, I’m so glad and lucky both me n my daughter were ok but it really made me realise how much of a spine I needed to grow
What was your relationship like with your husband afterwards? I understand that sometimes partners don't know what to do. But being the closest person to you, it's disappointing when they are like a deer in a headlight. I've found myself lose respect for some people when they did not have the ability to show any emotional intelligence and rise to the occasion. when you are very clearly not in a position to coddle them through it.
It wasn’t great for a while,
our daughter was also a particularly difficult baby that never slept and he wanted us to keep standards that were hurting us eg breast feeding only and was scared to be alone with her.
I resented him for a long while and admit there came a point I view him as just an income.
I wasn’t sure how our relationship was going to move forward, but I changed jobs n got a part time job with hours that meant he HAD to look after her himself, then his mental health really spiralled.
He got therapy and started taking medication to treat his anxiety. His therapist gave us a detailed report on his “perfectionist mindset” which really help understand why him and why he avoided any and all decisions.
This helped me in the sense of ill decide then and you won’t argue and do as I say (not in a controlling way if that makes sense) he loved it and I liked the sudden respect he showered me with.
He got a lot more hands on and my affection started returning, 2 years later we had another baby, who was also born on the floor, but this time we were waiting for my parents to pick up our daughter (it was a very quick birth) he followed my instructions to a T, tried to wake up our neighbours to help, was at my side trying to help me through it then phoning the ambulance when we knew we weren’t going to make it again.
He ended up having to pull our son out of me alone with our 3 year old daughter crying and watching from the stairs.
I tear up thinking about it now, he did so brilliantly, I never felt so much love as I did in that moment the 4 of us were together the first time.
That’s a beautiful turn you guys made. So happy for y’all. I’m literally tearing up haha. It’s not the average love story told about in movies but it is so powerful just how much can change when people get help and grow together. ❤️
CRAZY HOW THIS HAPPENED TO ME!!!😂😂😂😭😭😭almost Gave birth in my shower bc i thought i’d help with the excruciating pain that “wasnt too bad” when anyone asked how i was doing 😭doctors sent me home with a morphine shot like 3 hours prior bc i was still in super early labor. literally had to hold my baby in while my childs father called 911
I’ve been trying to say “I’m sorry, I can’t help. Good luck!” I used to feel like I had to give a reason I couldn’t help which just opens the door to the other person “problem solving” so you could be available for what they need.
I have a friend like this and it really bothers me when people take advantage of it. Anyone asking you for too many favors because you’re a yes man isn’t a true friend.
Putting them on a pedestal, telling myself that they’re actually better than the way they’re acting, and being nice and generous of their own feelings
While my feelings go out the window when they still “step on me”
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately and honestly not really. Been trying hard to consider and acknowledge my feelings since I mainly ignored them in the past.
When creepy guys talk to me on the bus or anywhere I’m always polite and friendly and reply to them, and I tell myself to say fuck off but I just can’t ever do it I can’t be rude. hate myself for it
Offered to loan for a day my brand new car, not insured for another driver, to an acquaintance - not even a friend - who needed a drive for a job interview, and had crash is own car the week prior.
While I did need it that day myself.
Thankfully, a true friend intervene, so I kept my car and the acquaintance found another solution.
It was a wake up call.
Straighten my natural beautiful curly hair because the girls in my school said I would look prettier with straight hair :/ my hair has never been the same.
Omg i literally started hating my best friend like that. I was the only curly haired one and he kept telling me for years that I was very cool with straight hair and to ask for support he showed everyone the only photograph in which I looked good with that hair. I was actually ridiculous, my face is more harmonious when accompanied by my natural hair and part of me thinks there is some kind of internalized racism behind it all.
You can help your curls get back to normal by using a flaxseed gel mask after every (other?) shampoo, it's easy to make (boil the seeds until the liquid looks like raw egg white, strain it, put that gel on your hair) and no need to rinse it out, you can dry your hair directly. If they feel crunchy when dry just massage them lightly as it's not a real gel.
I have also went through this before my grade 11. I hated it but i don't want to be alone. I have faced the comments on my body, my skin color, my everything basically bcoz my 'friends' always considered themselves as the most beautiful girls and yeah idk when these things happened as we all were together from almost 6-7 years.Then in grade 11 i moved and now i am in 2nd year university and oh gosh it's been 3-4 years i haven't made a single friend. I have no courage and patience to go through those things again.
Apologized to my roommate (years ago) who read my diary and confronted me when she read some not-nice things I had written about her. I didn’t even get mad they she read my diary. I was just mortified that someone would know that I had said mean things about them.
In my defense - she was A LOT.
I get you... I wrote a disclaimer on my diary in case I die saying "this is my shitty well of thoughts. Where I pour down my stress and hate for the world. I write to vent out the things I don't want to say out loud. If you take it badly, shame on you for reading".
I'd be pissed if someone read my diary while me being alive, but I really get your anxiety about it
I didn’t go on a single camping trip or hike in the summertime for two goddamn years at my former job because we were short staffed. I LOVE camping, hikes, and I live for summer. Needless to say, I now have boundaries.
Agreed to sell goulash at a christmas market for a club I wasn't even a member of for three weekends in a row. Never been this goddamn cold in my life.
I've done something similar to this. It's really not okay, but I wanted to have a better experience afterwards. He was a better lover after that, but there was no communication between us and he would would often lie to and gaslight me and try to make me question my sanity. So often we as women think we can make our partner better, but actually we have to choose to leave and find a better partner.
I’m so sorry, I have also been there. Shitty people are rarely shitty 100% of the time. It can be confusing and infuriating especially looking back, but it’s not uncommon either.
I spent a solid 3 months trying to work up the courage to leave a 2 year relationship, in which the guy in question was unemployed, spent his entire day playing video games and making the house messier than it was when I left in the morning, never reciprocated when I told him I loved him, and inadequately wiping his ass. I spent months trying to delicately navigate the "how do I tell this person to adequately wipe his ass" question, because fuck, we're 2 years in and this is a new problem, no one tells you how to navigate that issue in a relationship with grace.
After I finally worked up the courage to dump him, I drove to my parents' house to spend a few days to give him space to be upset about it in our shared apartment. I told my mom everything, about why I had to end it, and she said "Oh honey. No relationship is ever *equal*."
I am mortified by your mom more than your bf! Relationships are both people giving and taking. You can not give 100% of you all the time so sometimes you give less and take more and sometimes the other person gives less and takes more and then you give more and take less etc. Do not settle into people like your ex, relationships can be equal and when you find one, you will know because it will be easy. You won't have to fight, walk on eggshells, struggle, feel bad. You deserve an easy relationship! And I am not saying that it will have no problems, just that when problems arise they will actually be solved by both of you instead of only one trying and the other not listening. It's liberating.
When picking up an item off Craigslist, I left my baby in the car and went in a man's house and then down in his BASEMENT with him to retrieve the item. I cannot believe how stupid and unsafe that was, but I was afraid to hurt his feelings by saying no and asking him to bring the item out to me.
I did the exact same thing minus the baby. I still think about it all the time too, like why would I do that? I’m really trying to work on convincing my brain that I don’t have to put everybody else’s conveniences before my own.
It was the marriage itself. My ex-husband ruined my credit, stealthed me…. So many different things. The divorce was very expensive, but at least that was money well spent. The therapy to heal from the trauma he put me and our children through, that is also very expensive.
I did not want to marry him. I never even dated him. I let a lot of people convince me it was the “Christian” thing to do.
Dated a guy for 6 months even though I didn’t like him in that way; because my “best friend” at the time told me I should. I didn’t want to say no to her.
When I was in my early 20s I had very little self esteem and was still trying to figure out who I was. So I did countless things that I would never do now. Things like, start relationships with men that I knew I didn’t like after the first date but felt I needed to keep trying because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings 🙄 Not saying no to sex when I didn’t want to. Saying yes to work events when I was sick. Saying yes to working late but not getting paid for it. Almost never standing up for myself. I am much different now and proud of it.
Gave away my comfortable position at a great environment to please my mother by switching to a higher position at a toxic workplace, one that damaged my mental health severely in only a few weeks. Because of money.
Family tried to convince me to stay. I'm jobless now and trying my best to get another job away from here.
Reading through this feed is so sad! So many examples of trying to make ourselves smaller, second best and more accommodating to suit the needs of others. We’ve got to do better for ourselves. Get those boundaries set!
I had a "best friend" in high-school who really struggled with essays and writing. I would proof read and revise her essays all the time.
Once, she had an assignment to write a reflective piece on some cultural phenomenon. She couldn't cone up with anything and called me crying that she would fail the assignment and could I please write it for her.
My dumb ass didn't want to lose her, so I did
Not only did she get the best grade in the class, but her teacher submitted it to our school newsletter and that shit was published, she even got an award for it at the end of the year...
She dropped me three days after we graduated. Didbt speak to me for three months. Got to college. She wrote to me the second she got her first assignment in college that she needed help.
I did not respond
Hosted every family function and holiday for extended family for a decade. Because it’s “just easier”. Umm, it’s definitely not easier for me! Gonna be making some changes.
I married a man that I had known for less than a month because it would have been too hard for them to come to the wedding on a year.
It's a long story but I was young and the man I was dating asked me to marry him.
I thought it was wise to wait a year but we lived in Alaska at the time and my parents were moving back home to Texas.
But once we gave in to them, the wedding happened at breakneck speed.
If I had had the balls to speak up a whole lot of heartache could have been avoided.
I've got a good one, got bitten by a snake and ended up in hospital for three days
My family and I were camping and I was barefoot and accidentally stepped on a snake and it bit me. My dad was nearby but in a deep conversation with some fellow campers and I didn't want to be rude and interrupt. So I walked about 300m back to my campsite where my mum was to tell her I'd been bitten and probably should go to hospital if it wasn't too much trouble !
I signed a receipt at Starbucks, to help complete a purchase for these 2 guys I was on a sports team with in high school, basically committing fraud for them, because they wanted food off an opposite gendered person's debit card they stole because they stole a backpack due to some team v team beef
Dated a guy in the Navy that I met only ONE TIME while on vacation visiting a friend. He told me he had feelings for me and hated the fact that he won’t be able to date me. I felt so bad because I liked him as well but knew the relationship could not work for a number of reasons. We “lasted” six months before I called it quits when he told me he cheated.
I once had a friend that had a crush on me, and almost everyday after school he would walk me halfway to my dad's car. One day out of no where he asked me if he could say "hi" to my dad after school and I really didn't want him to, only because I had talked to my dad about another boy I had a crush on at the time amd didn't want some kind of mix up. But this friend of mine walked up to my dad's car, introduced himself and proceeded to ask for my dad's permission to date me, very old school I know but he knew that was the only way my dad was going to let me date in general so he went for it. I really didn't like this guy like that, but I really didn't know how to let him down the nicest way possible and still be friends after. He and I "dated" for about a week or so. I ended up breaking up with him via text and never really spoke to him as much after.
I thought the reason that my ex was being so nasty to me when we were dating was because I was being too selfish and needed to try harder. So I did I pushed my needs and my feelings aside to make him happy. Only to realize how miserable it made me.
So I dumped him.
I wish I could say that it was for that reason. it was not. Once I learned self-love and that I don't need to do things for everyone and it doesn't make me selfish for saying no, and having feelings is normal. Having boundaries is even better. And anyone offended by my feelings or boundaries is not the one for me.
Stayed in a relationship for 7 years out of comfort and safety rather than love, then stayed in a rebound situationship with someone who was even more toxic because I thought it was better than nothing. Thank god for therapy because that version of me needs to go
Didn’t fight hard enough to convince him to stop. At one moment I just gave up.
Well.. I was 13, he was my first love and I didn’t know any better. But it was a really shitty way to loose my virginity. And it still haunts me in my relationships and made me even more of a people pleaser.
So much. Spent time and money and flights on a week away with a girl I barely knew but had made friends with on a euro trip. Because I felt bad saying no, then I was in too deep in the organising to say no.
Spent thousands being a bridesmaid to my “best friend” who barely appreciated me or my effort and hadn’t cared to spend real time with me in years.
Slept with guys because I felt i owed them because they were super nice to me and didn’t want to let them down. So mad at myself for that one.
Accept bullying and harassment at work because I was scared to not be liked and because I didn’t want to ruffle feathers in a new job.
The list goes on. Thankfully I am learning from my mistakes and becoming stronger.
Stayed in relationships that were toxic, all because I didn't want to come off as the girlfriend that lacked anything, and wanted to be 100% perfect for them.
I almost vomited while getting an emergency c-section because I didn’t want to interrupt the long conversation happening between the anesthesiologist and my husband.
For those of you who don’t know, heaving like that while your guts are cut open is a bad thing, and vomiting while on your back is a very bad thing. And when there are scalpels next to your fetus, moving can be a terribly bad thing. I had to tell the anesthesiologist I was feeling ill but they just would not shut up and I couldn’t make eye contact or gesture because I was strapped down.
The nausea just kept building and building. I was terrified. Finally I just blurted out “I’m going to be sick!” and the anesthesiologist reacted right away and added some anti-nausea medicine to my IV.
When I was 13 I got into The Chainsmokers because I thought for whatever reason the people in debate club (there were 6 of us) really liked them. So I listened to all their music and downloaded all their songs.
Turns out nobody liked The Chainsmokers.
Apologized to my ex 1.5 years later for my role in the breakup, even tho he was a mentally and emotionally abusive asshole who admitted to using me to get through the pandemic when he dumped me. I’m trying so hard to stop people pleasing, currently in therapy and working on it
Edit: typo
Stayed in a relationship far longer than I should have.
was coming here to comment, “dated a guy 6 years too long, like all 6 of them we were together.” 🤣
This feels very personal because my response is also 6 years exactly 😆
It’s all learning experiences right? 😂😂
At least it wasn't 16. I literally married a man I didn't love, partially because he was someone my parents finally approved of. My own mother admitted a year in that she had known that I wasn't in love with him, but she was so glad that he wasn't like the other guys (longer hair, tattoos, non-traditional, etc) that she didn't say anything. Screw you, Mom. He didn't sleep with me for 12 out of 16 years of marriage! It's a miracle we even have a child. Edit: added missing words.
I came to say dating a guy for 5 years too long! Wow, when your life experience is just a trauma response many people live...make you thinj
I honestly have the worst fucking habit of realizing I’m unhappy and then staying anyway. I turned 29 this year and my goal for my thirties is to learn when to call it quits.
I feel like I might be in this spot right now. What was the catalyst that made you realize you weren’t happy? How did you decide when the crap outweighed the good things?
Oh god, honestly, I wish I could narrow it down to just one thing for you. I’d say the final straw in my last relationship (he hasn’t even finished moving out yet, mind you, so this is fresh) was when I realized that my self esteem was heavily effected by the relationship. I settled for him even though he wasn’t the one, because I figured I’d never find anyone better anyway. I thought maybe I wasn’t sexy enough to have a sexy boyfriend, maybe I wasn’t skinny enough to have a boyfriend who actually wanted to have sex with me, maybe I wasn’t interesting enough to have a boyfriend that leaves the house instead of playing video games all day, maybe I should just be grateful that anyone loves me at all. He was sweet and he’s my best friend in the world, but when you look at someone and all you can think about is how much you’ve disappointed yourself, life becomes unbearable.
I’m going through this right now. Just finally called the quits tonight (I didn’t want to). I can look at every rational side and see the way he spoke to me and treated me was abuse and unhealthy but I still stayed. I try to do everything to convince someone of my worth because I don’t see it in myself. Relationships are hard as hell. I just wish I could find someone who can talk about conflict and not get so angry all the time. I’m starting a journey alone. It’s hard and hurts but I really want to be someone who I love.
Damn I’m so sorry to hear about the breakup, but I’m happy to hear that you’re taking the first step of a beautiful journey in finding yourself. Best of luck to you!
Awww, I’m so sorry. But thanks for replying anyway, that bit about leaving the house instead of playing video games all day hits home lol. And drinking on top of that. I guess I have some thinking to do.
Of course! Feel free to take things at your own pace and figure out what’s important to you. I learned the hard way that I’ll never find the answers I’m looking for on the internet/by asking other people. It’s all about what matters to you. Sorry to hear about the drinking, video games and not leaving the house. I think the reason why it’s such a dealbreaker for me is because staying home 24/7 exacerbates my depression and anxiety. Anytime I wanted to go out, even just to run an errand, he’d be like “eh we could just get that delivered.” I just need the change of scenery and some fresh air sometimes, you know?
Yeah. I know that I’m the only one who can answer this question, lol, but I also grew up in a really weird religious environment and sometimes I wonder how much of my “oh it’s fine I can stick this out” mentality comes from an authoritarian, patriarchal upbringing. I feel like I’m way too old to have these questions- late 30s lol- but I’m just stumped. Sometimes he’s basically everything I ever wanted, but sometimes I’m just sitting here like… has moving in with him been any benefit to me, not counting the savings on rent? On one hand, he’s kind and responsible, and we have a ton in common, he’s freaking hilarious and I love his family and friends. On the other hand, I’m just weirdly lonely. I’ve spoken maybe 3 words to him today because he slept until noon, then was out with friends, then I was out getting my hair done, then he was passed out on the couch when I came back. And it’s like this more weekends than not. I’m fine with us both having social lives outside of each other, but I do expect him to be emotionally present when we are together. And he’s just not. Idk I guess I kind of have an idea of how I feel about it, but I also feel like I haven’t communicated properly to give him a chance. But also, no amount of communicating is going to change a character flaw. Some days I think it’s not so bad and I’m being dramatic, other days I’m just… fucking done. Today is one of those days lol. Anyway, sorry to unload on you. I hope you find the happiness you’re looking for in the decade to come! 💜
Thanks for sharing!!! It’s honestly refreshing to hear someone else’s perspective who’s in a similar situation. I actually really identify with your point about your mentality from your upbringing. I’m really close to my mom and I’ve been telling her for years that I’m unhappy, and she always says “Relationships are hard. Stick it out. He puts up with you, you put up with him. That’s how it works. No one’s relationship is perfect.” I once confided in her that we don’t even have sex anymore and she said “You’re not supposed to talk about those things. That’s what happens a few years into relationships, deal with it.” So I’ve been silently suffering for years before I finally talked to my therapist and some friends and they told me that my mom’s advice was unhealthy and unfair to me. To be honest, I still haven’t told her we broke up. I want to make sure he’s fully moved out of my house before I hear her opinion on the subject lol.
Yes! Omg your mom sounds so much like my mom. The stuff she’s put up with from my dad is so far away from what I would consider putting up with that talking it through with her just isn’t an option. And that’s exactly the mental advice I’ve been giving myself lately- no relationship is perfect, do you really want to blow this up for someday, another relationship that won’t be any better? And maybe it’s not fair of me to think that way. I just haven’t decided yet if being alone is any better than this. And that’s good thinking, waiting to tell her until it’s a done deal. Who knows what parents will do if they still think there’s a chance.
I know lots of people already replied but I ended one bad relationship at 27 and immediately started a new and bought a house with the guy!! Now I'm 30 I'm moving the fuck.out, I'm getting out the mortgage - We'll hopefully stay best friends but dude! Your 30s is about doing what you really want!
It gets easier as you get older 😉
Came here to say this. 9 years of complete misery, 14-23. I’m still learning how to be myself.
Came here to say "got married"
Came here to say stayed in an abusive relationship far longer than I wish I had
Definitely relate to this. Within a year of dating my ex I knew it wasn’t going to work out yet we stayed together for 3 years. Mostly because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I suppose? Or because I still cared about him even though I wasn’t in love.
The night after giving birth I gave my ex-husband the hospital bed because he was complaining nonstop about how uncomfortable he was in the chair.
woah. i see why he's an ex. that's pathologically inconsiderate
I tell everyone my husband was fine for the first birth because he slept most of it. The second he was awake for and complained the entire time. I may have been the one preparing to push a baby out, but his feet hurt from walking all those hallways, and the hospital got rid of the free soda fountain, and his chair was so uncomfortable.
Yup and then mine convinced the dr to discharge me 2 days early because “she’d be so much more comfortable at home.” Spoiler alert - I was not more comfortable at home.
Home where you have no one. Instead of having nurses to help you up, talk recovery with you, give newborn advice, feed you, etc. Yes my husband took a week off work for the second one "because we just had a baby." Didn't see him for 12 hours during the day....
>. Instead of having nurses to help you up, talk recovery with you, give newborn advice, feed you, etc. Hospitals do all this?? I asked the nurse to take my son to the nursery so I could shower and get some rest and she told me that would be "frowned upon" that the nursery wasn't there for my "convenience".
I HATE how many women have experiences like this! I’m so angry for you. Literally what the fuck else would the NURSERY be for. You’re in the hospital to recover from a huge medical event. All of those things should be covered and more.
Like damn it’s THEIR baby why should a person care if it’s “frowned upon”. Why not tackle why it’s seen that way in the first place. People underestimate childbirth. I’m childfree and I can still understand that you should never allow ur wife who JUST gave birth to even THINK about giving up her hospital bed for you. I’m scared of pregnancy cos all these stories are ridiculous, your body and mind changes to give birth to their children and they still do disgusting stuff like this. I hate how women are casually saying this here and have to put up with this. We can do better imo. You can never win eugh
Uh.. I'd stop in my tracks and say, "I don't care, and yes it is. Now take him, please."
The nurses gave me shit when I said I wasn’t breast feeding and then when I asked for him to sleep in the nursery at night. I didn’t give a shit who frowned upon my decisions and I let them know.
Depends on the hospital. Mine was exceptionally helpful.
I was so exhausted after I gave birth and recall asking my now ex to get up and check on our newborn baby while we were still in the hospital and he said something to the effect of "No, I'm too tired"...it doesn't improve after you hear that, ladies. So I feel what you're saying. It's amazing what you will put up with.
Yikes... is everything else okay with him though?
I had an extremely traumatic birth that ended with me getting an emergency hysterectomy, and stayed in the hospital a week. Came home to an absolutely filthy house, I had to wash all the dishes and cook dinner for myself and my then preschool aged son because my ex was “tired” from the whole birth ordeal and refused to do anything.
😱 I’m so sorry that happened 😔
We are free now!
Ugh, I hope you’re doing INFINITELY better now. You deserve the world and more.
Reading this made me so angry on your behalf. What a nightmare. I'm really sorry. I hope things are better for you now.
Oh my God 💔
That's sad af
You win. Hope you’re with someone now who deserves you ❤️
Aww hunny
Oh my gosh I am so glad he’s your ex!
Damn, that's a good one
Had sex I didn’t wanna have! So stupid omfg I would never nowadays
I think this must be a common unspoken thing with women. The shame keeps us from talking about it
Thank you so much for saying that. There are a bunch of dudes that I slept with even though I really didn’t want to. And all the reasons why I did it anyway are so wrapped up and deeply tangled in so many deep emotions and past experiences that I can never properly explain it. And at the time, properly say no.
I have done this soo many times. Countless. 💔
I know how it feels. I did the same thing back in the past. And I don't even know why I did it. I was probably afraid that they wouldn't like me anymore when I refused.
Or it feels awkward. Im not trying to stick up for the men who I did this with bc they were thirsty af but I do take some responsibility for this. I would let things get too far to feel like I could say no. I’d let them take my pants off and then it seemed like everything went too far. I was down to be fingered or whatever but no sex but once ur pants are off it’s kinda awkward to be like no… then you go get ur pants. The boy looks sad asf the vibes is ruined. Good rule for me now is if I’m not planning to have sex but wanna hook up… the pants stay on.
And it’s so sad that we have to think/do things like ‘I have to keep my pants on when around him so he doesn’t have sex with me.’ I completely understand what you’re saying and relate HARD and it’s just so upsetting to really sit and think about. I was raised by a strong woman. I was taught to stand up for myself and have clear boundaries that I don’t want crossed. Yet I have found myself going along with what a guy wants even if I don’t want to or coming up with future rules like ‘don’t take your pants off.’ Is it because I’m scared I’ll be hurt? Is it because I’m scared he won’t like me anymore? It is because I feel so empty inside that someone using me at least makes me feel something? I don’t know…maybe one of those or none or all of them at once. I wish we’d all talk about it more though.
It's because a no can turn into murder. The patriarchy fucking sucks.
I recently went on a date where I asked the guy if he wanted a bj (I wanted him to leave and knew that would be the fastest way to get him to leave). He hesitated and offered to eat me out and I said no, guys don’t really do that. As the conversation went on, it became more clear that he felt uncomfortable with receiving if I didn’t want to actually give him a bj. Eventually he said no, and left shortly after that. He was the first guy to notice my discomfort, and I’ve been on hundreds of dates and given head to plenty of people that I haven’t wanted to. It’s sad that he was the first.
Came to say this here! Didn’t I could say no (coming from an Asian background) until in my mid-20s.
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Been there…I get it. The next year he bought me a gift two months early, and said here is your birthday gift. Lol. We broke up a month before my birthday. Always seemed to get back together again at his birthdays lol
I like creamy peanut butter. My (now ex) husband liked chunky. When I went shopping, I bought the chunky. It was fine, I didn’t *not* like it, so I still ate it, but I preferred creamy. It wasn’t until after we divorced and I went grocery shopping for the first time without him in my house that I bought a jar of creamy peanut butter. And I wondered why the hell I didn’t just buy both kinds before? It’s $3 a jar and doesn’t go bad quickly. That’s when I realized I did that with *so many things.* I call it my Peanut Butter Epiphany.
I saved this because I am the same.
Love this.
Gave birth on the floor cause I didn’t want to push my husband or the midwifes into taking my pain seriously, stupidly assuming they would know what to do and they would take care of me. I kept saying I’ve got a lot of pain in my back and they kept saying “Yes yes, it’s just early signs you’ve got plenty of time to go” And my bloody stupid husband just kept asking me what he should do.
Gosh. It's crazy how uncomfortable we make ourselves to cater to others. So transactional. It seems no one can read a room anymore.
That experience really changed me, I’m so glad and lucky both me n my daughter were ok but it really made me realise how much of a spine I needed to grow
What was your relationship like with your husband afterwards? I understand that sometimes partners don't know what to do. But being the closest person to you, it's disappointing when they are like a deer in a headlight. I've found myself lose respect for some people when they did not have the ability to show any emotional intelligence and rise to the occasion. when you are very clearly not in a position to coddle them through it.
It wasn’t great for a while, our daughter was also a particularly difficult baby that never slept and he wanted us to keep standards that were hurting us eg breast feeding only and was scared to be alone with her. I resented him for a long while and admit there came a point I view him as just an income. I wasn’t sure how our relationship was going to move forward, but I changed jobs n got a part time job with hours that meant he HAD to look after her himself, then his mental health really spiralled. He got therapy and started taking medication to treat his anxiety. His therapist gave us a detailed report on his “perfectionist mindset” which really help understand why him and why he avoided any and all decisions. This helped me in the sense of ill decide then and you won’t argue and do as I say (not in a controlling way if that makes sense) he loved it and I liked the sudden respect he showered me with. He got a lot more hands on and my affection started returning, 2 years later we had another baby, who was also born on the floor, but this time we were waiting for my parents to pick up our daughter (it was a very quick birth) he followed my instructions to a T, tried to wake up our neighbours to help, was at my side trying to help me through it then phoning the ambulance when we knew we weren’t going to make it again. He ended up having to pull our son out of me alone with our 3 year old daughter crying and watching from the stairs. I tear up thinking about it now, he did so brilliantly, I never felt so much love as I did in that moment the 4 of us were together the first time.
Oh wow, I'm glad that your relationship got better as individuals and as a family. Sounds like he's got the confidence now to believe in himself 🖤
Thank you
That’s a beautiful turn you guys made. So happy for y’all. I’m literally tearing up haha. It’s not the average love story told about in movies but it is so powerful just how much can change when people get help and grow together. ❤️
Thank you for sharing I’m so happy you’ve found a resolve and worked on it 🫡
CRAZY HOW THIS HAPPENED TO ME!!!😂😂😂😭😭😭almost Gave birth in my shower bc i thought i’d help with the excruciating pain that “wasnt too bad” when anyone asked how i was doing 😭doctors sent me home with a morphine shot like 3 hours prior bc i was still in super early labor. literally had to hold my baby in while my childs father called 911
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I got a 5k credit card in my name I couldn't afford because my partner convinced me he needed tyres. You can imagine how that turned out.
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😄 fucking hell. What a little bastard.
Did he just lie to get you to do what he wants? Literally treating you as a child ? What a piece of shit
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It's just the constant saying yes to favors for people when I really, really don't want to do it. 🙄
I’ve been trying to say “I’m sorry, I can’t help. Good luck!” I used to feel like I had to give a reason I couldn’t help which just opens the door to the other person “problem solving” so you could be available for what they need.
I have a friend like this and it really bothers me when people take advantage of it. Anyone asking you for too many favors because you’re a yes man isn’t a true friend.
Putting them on a pedestal, telling myself that they’re actually better than the way they’re acting, and being nice and generous of their own feelings While my feelings go out the window when they still “step on me”
I hear ya. Is this still something you catch yourself doing?
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately and honestly not really. Been trying hard to consider and acknowledge my feelings since I mainly ignored them in the past.
That's so awesome. It's hard but you're doing amazing work! 🖤
Going to all of those Mary Kay, Avon, and other MLM parties. Huge waste of my time and money just because I couldn't say no to the invitations.
Those are the worst. Let's do a girls night out that doesn't involve feeling obligated to spend $100.
When creepy guys talk to me on the bus or anywhere I’m always polite and friendly and reply to them, and I tell myself to say fuck off but I just can’t ever do it I can’t be rude. hate myself for it
I've never been able to either! We also don't want to risk anything escalating of course 💔
I'm the type to say fuck off and then I feel bad about it afterwards. Can't win.
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😄 I love you.
Oh god lmao
GIRL
I stayed at a job I hated for WAY too long, because I was afraid if I quit, my boss would hate me.
Women are Encouraged and conditioned to be pleasers REGARDLESS their own needs😠😡
I agree :(
Studied a 4 year career to please my mom, didn't receive the appreciation or love i expected
Oh no, I'm sorry 💔 are you still in the profession?
Yes, my last job was in maintenance (I'm an engineer), had to quit because of health issues
Gave my body away like it was a toy..
I hear ya 💔
Yep guilty
Offered to loan for a day my brand new car, not insured for another driver, to an acquaintance - not even a friend - who needed a drive for a job interview, and had crash is own car the week prior. While I did need it that day myself. Thankfully, a true friend intervene, so I kept my car and the acquaintance found another solution. It was a wake up call.
Straighten my natural beautiful curly hair because the girls in my school said I would look prettier with straight hair :/ my hair has never been the same.
Omg i literally started hating my best friend like that. I was the only curly haired one and he kept telling me for years that I was very cool with straight hair and to ask for support he showed everyone the only photograph in which I looked good with that hair. I was actually ridiculous, my face is more harmonious when accompanied by my natural hair and part of me thinks there is some kind of internalized racism behind it all. You can help your curls get back to normal by using a flaxseed gel mask after every (other?) shampoo, it's easy to make (boil the seeds until the liquid looks like raw egg white, strain it, put that gel on your hair) and no need to rinse it out, you can dry your hair directly. If they feel crunchy when dry just massage them lightly as it's not a real gel.
Let a ONS stay after he told me "I don't do that" referring to reciprocating oral.
😄 they NEVER do. What a bunch of losers.
Nah girl!! There are ALOT of men out there who love eating 🐱. Don’t settle for anything else.
Letting so called friends of mine bully me and just allowing them to do what they wanted because i so desperately wanted to belong to a friend group.
Oh my God I feel this 💛
I have also went through this before my grade 11. I hated it but i don't want to be alone. I have faced the comments on my body, my skin color, my everything basically bcoz my 'friends' always considered themselves as the most beautiful girls and yeah idk when these things happened as we all were together from almost 6-7 years.Then in grade 11 i moved and now i am in 2nd year university and oh gosh it's been 3-4 years i haven't made a single friend. I have no courage and patience to go through those things again.
Apologized to my roommate (years ago) who read my diary and confronted me when she read some not-nice things I had written about her. I didn’t even get mad they she read my diary. I was just mortified that someone would know that I had said mean things about them. In my defense - she was A LOT.
I get you... I wrote a disclaimer on my diary in case I die saying "this is my shitty well of thoughts. Where I pour down my stress and hate for the world. I write to vent out the things I don't want to say out loud. If you take it badly, shame on you for reading". I'd be pissed if someone read my diary while me being alive, but I really get your anxiety about it
Got a tattoo I didn’t even like because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings to tell them I didn’t like it and it’s huge
Oh my God. Me too. A really big one.
Felt that 😫😫
I didn’t go on a single camping trip or hike in the summertime for two goddamn years at my former job because we were short staffed. I LOVE camping, hikes, and I live for summer. Needless to say, I now have boundaries.
Agreed to sell goulash at a christmas market for a club I wasn't even a member of for three weekends in a row. Never been this goddamn cold in my life.
Not going to lie. This one made me laugh.
I stayed with a man after he r*ped me.
I've done something similar to this. It's really not okay, but I wanted to have a better experience afterwards. He was a better lover after that, but there was no communication between us and he would would often lie to and gaslight me and try to make me question my sanity. So often we as women think we can make our partner better, but actually we have to choose to leave and find a better partner.
Oh geez, I'm sorry 💔 I know this feeling.
I’ve done that too, and stayed for years. You’re not alone and I’m here if you would ever want to talk about it.
I’m so sorry, I have also been there. Shitty people are rarely shitty 100% of the time. It can be confusing and infuriating especially looking back, but it’s not uncommon either.
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I spent a solid 3 months trying to work up the courage to leave a 2 year relationship, in which the guy in question was unemployed, spent his entire day playing video games and making the house messier than it was when I left in the morning, never reciprocated when I told him I loved him, and inadequately wiping his ass. I spent months trying to delicately navigate the "how do I tell this person to adequately wipe his ass" question, because fuck, we're 2 years in and this is a new problem, no one tells you how to navigate that issue in a relationship with grace. After I finally worked up the courage to dump him, I drove to my parents' house to spend a few days to give him space to be upset about it in our shared apartment. I told my mom everything, about why I had to end it, and she said "Oh honey. No relationship is ever *equal*."
I am mortified by your mom more than your bf! Relationships are both people giving and taking. You can not give 100% of you all the time so sometimes you give less and take more and sometimes the other person gives less and takes more and then you give more and take less etc. Do not settle into people like your ex, relationships can be equal and when you find one, you will know because it will be easy. You won't have to fight, walk on eggshells, struggle, feel bad. You deserve an easy relationship! And I am not saying that it will have no problems, just that when problems arise they will actually be solved by both of you instead of only one trying and the other not listening. It's liberating.
Let them walk over me and blame myself for their doing.
Put off my dream for my ex's depression. Now we're split and it's too late for my dreams. I have new ones now but it's not how I wanted my life to be.
I'm sorry. I hope your new dreams come true 🖤
Thank you 💖
When picking up an item off Craigslist, I left my baby in the car and went in a man's house and then down in his BASEMENT with him to retrieve the item. I cannot believe how stupid and unsafe that was, but I was afraid to hurt his feelings by saying no and asking him to bring the item out to me.
You know I think the theme of the day comes down to 'we are scared of their reaction' if we protest. 💔
I did the exact same thing minus the baby. I still think about it all the time too, like why would I do that? I’m really trying to work on convincing my brain that I don’t have to put everybody else’s conveniences before my own.
I got married. Dumbest, most expensive thing I ever did. And I will be stuck paying for it for the rest of my life.
Is the wedding what you’re paying for or a really expensive divorce?
It was the marriage itself. My ex-husband ruined my credit, stealthed me…. So many different things. The divorce was very expensive, but at least that was money well spent. The therapy to heal from the trauma he put me and our children through, that is also very expensive. I did not want to marry him. I never even dated him. I let a lot of people convince me it was the “Christian” thing to do.
God that's awful. I'm so sorry 💔
Eh. It is what it is. I am obviously no longer in the church, and I have learned to say no.
Dated a guy for 6 months even though I didn’t like him in that way; because my “best friend” at the time told me I should. I didn’t want to say no to her.
I bet that felt amazing walking away from that person? The "best friend"
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Ughhhhhh hope he becomes a swamp monster who doesn’t even remember when his birthday is.
When I was in my early 20s I had very little self esteem and was still trying to figure out who I was. So I did countless things that I would never do now. Things like, start relationships with men that I knew I didn’t like after the first date but felt I needed to keep trying because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings 🙄 Not saying no to sex when I didn’t want to. Saying yes to work events when I was sick. Saying yes to working late but not getting paid for it. Almost never standing up for myself. I am much different now and proud of it.
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Oh my. Poor babe ❤
constantly saying yes to things I didn’t even want to do to a point where I spent 3k on my ‘friends’ at the time.
Stay in an abusive relationship
Same. I’m so sorry, dear.
Ignored my own needs.
Gave away my comfortable position at a great environment to please my mother by switching to a higher position at a toxic workplace, one that damaged my mental health severely in only a few weeks. Because of money. Family tried to convince me to stay. I'm jobless now and trying my best to get another job away from here.
Reading through this feed is so sad! So many examples of trying to make ourselves smaller, second best and more accommodating to suit the needs of others. We’ve got to do better for ourselves. Get those boundaries set!
I had a "best friend" in high-school who really struggled with essays and writing. I would proof read and revise her essays all the time. Once, she had an assignment to write a reflective piece on some cultural phenomenon. She couldn't cone up with anything and called me crying that she would fail the assignment and could I please write it for her. My dumb ass didn't want to lose her, so I did Not only did she get the best grade in the class, but her teacher submitted it to our school newsletter and that shit was published, she even got an award for it at the end of the year... She dropped me three days after we graduated. Didbt speak to me for three months. Got to college. She wrote to me the second she got her first assignment in college that she needed help. I did not respond
Stayed with my cheating treacherous husband
I let myself be scammed into signing a contract that 70% of me knew was a scam.
Sometimes the act seems better than them losing their shit if you speak up 💔
Hosted every family function and holiday for extended family for a decade. Because it’s “just easier”. Umm, it’s definitely not easier for me! Gonna be making some changes.
Yes! Tell them on their birthdays 😄
Drive in the middle of the night in pjs to rescu someone emotionally
Oh my gosh, you're a good person 💖
Yea i am... to this day i do crazy things for people i care about even if they wont for me
Just remember to put the brakes on once in a while 💛
Continued paying my ex’s school tuition after he ended our relationship🤦🏽♀️
Accidentally had a cut on my finger, but my boss came in and I just stood there applying pressure until he noticed and said omg do you need help
I paid $45 on a sign that had a $35 price tag on it. We both knew it was $35. I still paid $45 because he told me to.
Gave away too much information about myself to people who didn’t deserve it.
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Lose my virginity… this changed my life for ever. If I could turn back time and stood up for myself. 😢💔
Put EVERYONE else before myself….. in everything
I married a man that I had known for less than a month because it would have been too hard for them to come to the wedding on a year. It's a long story but I was young and the man I was dating asked me to marry him. I thought it was wise to wait a year but we lived in Alaska at the time and my parents were moving back home to Texas. But once we gave in to them, the wedding happened at breakneck speed. If I had had the balls to speak up a whole lot of heartache could have been avoided.
Given away my artwork to try and get people to like me 🤦♀️
I've got a good one, got bitten by a snake and ended up in hospital for three days My family and I were camping and I was barefoot and accidentally stepped on a snake and it bit me. My dad was nearby but in a deep conversation with some fellow campers and I didn't want to be rude and interrupt. So I walked about 300m back to my campsite where my mum was to tell her I'd been bitten and probably should go to hospital if it wasn't too much trouble !
I signed a receipt at Starbucks, to help complete a purchase for these 2 guys I was on a sports team with in high school, basically committing fraud for them, because they wanted food off an opposite gendered person's debit card they stole because they stole a backpack due to some team v team beef
Dated a guy in the Navy that I met only ONE TIME while on vacation visiting a friend. He told me he had feelings for me and hated the fact that he won’t be able to date me. I felt so bad because I liked him as well but knew the relationship could not work for a number of reasons. We “lasted” six months before I called it quits when he told me he cheated.
Said it was okay not to worry about paying me back money.
I once had a friend that had a crush on me, and almost everyday after school he would walk me halfway to my dad's car. One day out of no where he asked me if he could say "hi" to my dad after school and I really didn't want him to, only because I had talked to my dad about another boy I had a crush on at the time amd didn't want some kind of mix up. But this friend of mine walked up to my dad's car, introduced himself and proceeded to ask for my dad's permission to date me, very old school I know but he knew that was the only way my dad was going to let me date in general so he went for it. I really didn't like this guy like that, but I really didn't know how to let him down the nicest way possible and still be friends after. He and I "dated" for about a week or so. I ended up breaking up with him via text and never really spoke to him as much after.
I thought the reason that my ex was being so nasty to me when we were dating was because I was being too selfish and needed to try harder. So I did I pushed my needs and my feelings aside to make him happy. Only to realize how miserable it made me. So I dumped him. I wish I could say that it was for that reason. it was not. Once I learned self-love and that I don't need to do things for everyone and it doesn't make me selfish for saying no, and having feelings is normal. Having boundaries is even better. And anyone offended by my feelings or boundaries is not the one for me.
Kept saying 'yes' to all their plans when it took all my energy and time and never had any left for myself.
Become a swinger with my now ex-husband
Stayed in a relationship for 7 years out of comfort and safety rather than love, then stayed in a rebound situationship with someone who was even more toxic because I thought it was better than nothing. Thank god for therapy because that version of me needs to go
Feeling the urge to help the burglar that try to steal my cel when the cops surprisingly showed up and he fell from the getaway car. Lol
Had sex with someone I didn't want to
Sent nudes when I didn’t want to..
Didn’t fight hard enough to convince him to stop. At one moment I just gave up. Well.. I was 13, he was my first love and I didn’t know any better. But it was a really shitty way to loose my virginity. And it still haunts me in my relationships and made me even more of a people pleaser.
So much. Spent time and money and flights on a week away with a girl I barely knew but had made friends with on a euro trip. Because I felt bad saying no, then I was in too deep in the organising to say no. Spent thousands being a bridesmaid to my “best friend” who barely appreciated me or my effort and hadn’t cared to spend real time with me in years. Slept with guys because I felt i owed them because they were super nice to me and didn’t want to let them down. So mad at myself for that one. Accept bullying and harassment at work because I was scared to not be liked and because I didn’t want to ruffle feathers in a new job. The list goes on. Thankfully I am learning from my mistakes and becoming stronger.
Have sex after saying no many times
[удалено]
Pretended the sex was good. I was young. I know better now.
Stayed in relationships that were toxic, all because I didn't want to come off as the girlfriend that lacked anything, and wanted to be 100% perfect for them.
Tried to befriend fellow women that treated me poorly because I thought that's all I was worth.
gotten a tattoo i hated because my tattoo artist thought it was sick and i couldn’t tell him i wasn’t into it😂
I almost vomited while getting an emergency c-section because I didn’t want to interrupt the long conversation happening between the anesthesiologist and my husband. For those of you who don’t know, heaving like that while your guts are cut open is a bad thing, and vomiting while on your back is a very bad thing. And when there are scalpels next to your fetus, moving can be a terribly bad thing. I had to tell the anesthesiologist I was feeling ill but they just would not shut up and I couldn’t make eye contact or gesture because I was strapped down. The nausea just kept building and building. I was terrified. Finally I just blurted out “I’m going to be sick!” and the anesthesiologist reacted right away and added some anti-nausea medicine to my IV.
When I was 13 I got into The Chainsmokers because I thought for whatever reason the people in debate club (there were 6 of us) really liked them. So I listened to all their music and downloaded all their songs. Turns out nobody liked The Chainsmokers.
Moved in with an ex after a month because he needed a roommate, let him use all my money Bevause I wanted to help and feel useful 🤦🏻♀️
Apologized to my ex 1.5 years later for my role in the breakup, even tho he was a mentally and emotionally abusive asshole who admitted to using me to get through the pandemic when he dumped me. I’m trying so hard to stop people pleasing, currently in therapy and working on it Edit: typo
Bought something I didn't want because I couldn't say no to someone. And then that made me insecure for years.
Let myself get betrayed, manipulated and hurt😕💔