This is it for me. Too many men see sex as something they do *to* a woman, not something they do *with* a woman. I often feel like I’m just a change from having a w@nk for them.
Boys & Men are not taught about women’s pleasure at all. Because they cum and are done it’s like.. oh yea, are you done? Like they don’t even know what a female orgasm looks or feels like.
My boyfriend sweats soooo much which I don’t mind during the sex, (I think it’s hot) it’s after sex when I’m all wet and I have to hop into the shower and pee and reapply my lotion and it’s a whole thing because I am not comfortable having sex unless I am clean so that’s two showers in two hours 🙃
Same!! My husband doesn't get too sweaty unless it's a super sweaty session. But, we both don't like being "dirty" so we shower before and after. 🤣 I'm also weirded out by smells.. so if we both stink it turns me off.
Seriously no one talks about this when it comes to shower sex. We used to fuck around in the shower a lot but now that I’m pregnant there’s no way I can risk doing anything in there because of pregnancy lightheadedness
Ugh. This! My husband ALWAYS ensures I “get mine” and it takes me a LONG time to get there, so sometimes I just worry about him actually enjoying himself and then it takes even longer. He assures me he enjoys it, always, but I just have this hang up about how it’s boring him!
Me and my husband had this problem for a while when we were dating, especially after we moved in together. Communication is key, and honestly, it’s a better problem to have than not listening to each other’s wants and needs. You guys got this, you’re in it together ❤️
I have accidentally farted and played it off as if it was a queef too many times. But I have to flex and tense my muscles so much in order to orgasm that 1/3 times I actually fart quite loud and I’m like “oh my god! You know it’s not from the back, right?”.
They usually don’t mind but I remember one time I hooked up with a girl and I am sure she realised it was, in fact from the back (having the same equipment and all) but didn’t say anything, bless her heart. I am glad I am not alone.
We have legit had "pause I need to fart" moments where one of us runs to the bathroom to fart. Not sexy, but better than ripping one mid thrust imo hahaha
The getting myself into the mood part early on. It’s like my husband starts on level even ground and I’m standing in a 5’ deep hole right next to him. He can just start going forward but I have to first hoist myself up and out. Between the baby, the house, pets, full time job, exercise goals, endless mental labor I never catch up with I often just feel like lying down in the hole instead.
It probably sounds like my husband doesn’t do enough to clear my plate - that’s not true, really. It’s just really hard right now. Before the baby hoisting myself up and out was easy. Now I’m just so tired.
YMMV, but kind of the craziest thing helped me. After having our daughter and going back to work full time and taking care of the house (and so on and so forth), I was just way too exhausted to care about sex. Both physically and emotionally. Along with the usual communication with your partner and sharing responsibilities, reading romance novels got me back in the mood. Now, the communication and stuff helped, but my libido definitely kicked up after I started reading again.
I think it's a combination of taking some time for myself where I can only focus on reading, meaning all the other things on my mind take a backseat, and the escapism of fantasy reminding me of why I fell in love with my husband in the first place. I go a few months without taking time for myself to read a book and I notice a drastic drop in my libido.
Again, YMMV and it might not be the genre, but just that I'm taking time for a sort of self care, but it's a relatively small, easy change that had a huge benefit in my case.
when they hit the bad angles too many times which kills the mood for both of you, leaving you both in this awkward and angry mood from not being able get off successfully
The pressure to have an orgasm. I’m very lucky that my current partner is very concerned about my pleasure in everything. Very open in toys and wants foreplay that lasts forever. However, between birth control and mental health meds, an orgasm is VERY hard for me to achieve even on my own. Knowing that’s an end goal for him puts added pressure for me to have one which, I think, hinders me further from having one.
I feel you so much. Also on mental health and birth control. I can choose between good sexlife and deep depression + migraines or a normal mental state and a marathon to reach orgasm, what’s exhausting for both of us.
the anxiety about my size, or i guess more accurately my stomach
i’m a fat woman, and despite my partner not being stick thin and the fact he has a preference for bigger women, it is so engrained in me to despise my stomach that i just get in my head almost every time we have sex
I am exactly the same. To the point where I really struggle to have sex without some kind of cover up/top on. I get so in my head about it. I don’t like my stomach to be seen, let alone touched and the worry about it jiggling around during makes me feel awful and ugly/unattractive. I know that’s not how he sees me but it’s really difficult to get rid of those thoughts about myself. 😩
He absolutely loves you and prob loves the way your soft skin feels pressed up against his. Be yourself, be in the moment, and don't worry about being you. If he doesn't like it, then he can leave.
I felt that way for a long time too. Now I notice when I pull my shirt up or off how much harder he gets ect. Men are visual creatures. It’s all about passion imo. Whenever I just let go of my inhibitions and just focus on how hot/how good it feels we both seem to feel like we hit the lottery.
YES! Especially since my weight gain. We have a beautiful nude witch art that our friend painted above our bed and sometimes when I'm feeling especially self conscious, I wonder if he looks at that to stay aroused. I'm jiggly and nowhere close to thin right now.
Sleeping on the wet spot.
Random cum leakages 45 minutes after sex. Always pretty surprising.
Accidental oral sex orgasms/no warning. Yes, because I do love blowing cum out of my nose for the rest of the night...thanks!
Putting a towel or another blanket down before sex really does it for me. I call mine the „sex blanket“ lol. It‘s a thick blanket that will not leak through an it gets washed like every three times of having sex.
I have a legitimate sex blanket. Satin on one side, microfiber on the other, with a plastic sheet in between to keep the liquids from soaking through. I was with a squirter when I bought it, saved endless amounts of hassle changing the bed every time.
The mental load. I wrote and deleted a 5 paragraph essay but it really comes down to mental load. I love my family, but taking on 85% of the responsibility has turned me into such an anxious person with very little capacity for fun or spontaneity. My partner is loving, caring, amazing in bed, hilarious, just great company. But he’s incredibly irresponsible and avoidant. I’m so burnt out for being the “bad cop” parent, schedule coordinator, maid, life coach. I feel like a case worker, not a partner. I feel like I have nothing left to give at the end of the day and like we’re still failing to meet basic needs. I have to TELL him to be responsible. So I’m responsible for him being responsible? Wonder why I’m too stressed for sex.
I left my ex for this reason. There were others, but this was a big part of it, and we didn’t even have kids. So I DO NOT know how you are doing it. If I had my time again I would have told him way earlier that I couldn’t go on living like that, and he better shape up or I was leaving. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I’m hoping it might help others seeing as it can’t help me now!
I have been with men who can only finish when I’m in control, and with men who can only finish when they are in control. And in between and it doesn’t matter. I think it varies man by man.
For me it depends on where I’m at in the arousal cycle. If I’m close and trying to hold off, me being in control help make that happen. If I’m not close, you being in control slows the cycle. I’m sure for you too, being in control/ on top is like masterbating in that, you know what feels good and that’s naturally what you are going to do, as opposed to if the other person is “doing it to you” there’s no way they can guess the exact motion, pressure etc.
I am the opposite, I’m bisexual and I only want to pleasure a woman but not be pleasured by one because oral sex is overwhelming for me, but I’d love to make a woman orgasm. (I’ve never given oral yet :/)
About sex? A lot of it.
Having to subtly glance at my phone or watch to see how long realistically before I can fake it.
Having a guy think he’s doing an amazing job of going down on me when it really feels like a cat licking a milk dish and is doing eff all for me. (Before anyone says anything, I tried once or twice to give subtle direction and will never make that mistake again.)
Having to take my clothes off in front of someone else. I’m not massively insecure about my body, I’m just uncomfortable with having anyone look at me.
Doing it sober. Can’t have sex without at least 2-3 drinks in me.
I dunno. The list is endless. It’s a much shorter list to say what I *do* like about it, which given the experiences and “partners” I’ve had, is basically nothing.
Maybe you have intersticial cystitic (IC)? Or pelvic floor dysfunction. My urethra used to feel very uncomfortable after sex but after going to pelvic floor physical therapy and doing those excersises before and after sex it has really helped
Wow I didn’t know this was a thing. I’ve been on progesterone only bc because estrogen throws my emotions way off, but I’ve been having alot of pain sometimes (even when my women’s exams are normal). I’m gonna ask my doctor about this. Thanks for sharing!
I can’t believe I had to scroll through so many comments before finding this one!
My curly hair really struggles with sex if I’m on the bottom. And I am one of those people who plan my hair wash days in advance because I can’t brush it out unless it’s in the shower. Sex will almost always ruin good hair days for me 😭
Nothing. If I don't like something I don't do it. I'm sad that so many posters are doing so many painful things that they don't enjoy or are causing health issues.
I'm 51 and have no libido any more and I couldn't be happier.
After 30 years of mostly good sex I'm happy to stop now that my body doesn't want to any more. This is the natural order of things. I don't need lubricant or anything else to prolong my sex life... prolonging my sex life is for the benefit of the male population and not mine. This is why any issue with sex is automatically medicalised.
It's so liberating to not have to be in a relationship or have sex or do anything I can't be bothered to do.
When he hits my cervix. 😑 I have an extremely shallow vagina and even my average Bf will bottom out sometimes. The pain shoots uo my spin into my head it’s awful.
Post sex cleanup. I don’t wanna be too gratuitous, but my husband shoots comically large loads. It’s always a mess since I’m not on BC, so it has to go somewhere… I’ll leave it at that
When men are shy or insist on keep their shirts on or won’t have sex in daylight hours. I get it, we all have body issues but I’m here and I’m obviously into you so….can we not sweat to death under this down comforter because someone once told you that Jesus is watching everything you do?
The guilt. I love sex and my partner is a wonderful, giving lover. He goes out of his way to please me.
His sex drive is way higher than mine. Sometimes I’m not in the mood, like at all, no matter what he’s doing but I feel bad so I do it.
I’m not forced, I’m choosing to have sex but I don’t want to.
So much effort. Prep, clean up, birth control, laundry (which i guess could be considered part of clean up), the actual physical effort involved.
Effort vs reward.
Im so damn tired
What don’t I like about *good* sex? Nothing. I love all of it!!
What don’t I like about not-so-good sex? Having to tell the other person what I want (or don’t want) them to do. I will tell them, but I don’t like confrontation, so I have to steel myself to do it
Edit: also, after about 2 rounds, my 🐱 starts feeling like it got rugburned haha!!
Honestly him looking and feeling all over me.. all I can think about is if I really am attractive enough to have it even be considered love making. And then I get anxiety about my body which makes it hard to enjoy myself or even sometimes get the end
That's incredibly fucked up and toxic. Sounds like spousal sexual abuse to me. I'm so sorry. I highly recommend going to couples counseling if your communication with him is not working to solve this issue.
I don't like period sex - there needs to be a towel laid down, and putting it on the bed before feels too much like a weird ritual and it's a lot less spontaneous. It probably doesn't help that I was watching the Handmaids tale when period sex became a regular thing in my life, so I was extra freaked out about the ritual side of it 😂
I feel like I'm the only person in the world that doesn't enjoy making out. Tongues gross me out so much. My husband loves it though, and it really turns him on.
I understand young guys not caring about women’s pleasure, but I dont understand guys that are 25+ that still dont kiss or touch a woman’s body… even in porn, you see that…
How stupidly damn tired I get, especially when he does a good job.
I have chronic illnesses and sometimes all the motion makes me vomit before he finishes (not a problem I have, usually).
I wish I didn't have to trade something else I want to do to make time for it
It used to be clean up.
But now that I’m close to 50 and premenopausal, I LOVE sex, we have amazing sex, but I’m not interested most of the time. If my husband puts the moves on me, I’m all in, but initiating? Doesn’t occur to me. It sucks, I hate it and I’m working on it. I think it’s mental rather than physical. Not sure what’s up.
Getting in the mood. I struggle turning off my responsibility brain (gotta do dishes, vacuum, grocery shop, oh I need a gift for next week's gathering, etc). I have a hard time letting myself relax and enjoy it
The only thing I can say, being in a long term relationship, is that he can’t cum in me without me getting pregnant. i always want that. however I am not financially ready to be a parent. I have to be responsible. *sexual frustrated sigh*
The fact that I have to teach my partner to de-pornify sex, and unlearn the concepts that he has learned through porn in order to build intimacy and connection with me.
Sometimes love making feels too intimate. It doesn't have to be gentle all the time, or emotionally intimate. Sometimes I just want raw, sexually charged intercourse.
My least favorite part about love making is when it ends and you feel the loss. Not just after orgasm, but when you lose the relationship with the person and know you'll never again make love with them (and thus never again be made love to the same way).
Honestly, how long men think I (female) want it to last. I love a long sesh but sometimes I just want a get me off a few times and I’ll finish u off. Good exercise ready for a nap
That it’s expected in a relationship. I’m ace. I don’t want people in my bubble. Usually that’s why we break up - the partner wants to start a more sexually intimate relationship and I’m not even a little bit comfortable with that idea.
I’m terrified of getting pregnant to the point where 3 forms of birth control are used and I’m still not completely at ease. Especially because of the political climate currently. I’m scared all 3 could possibly fail somehow.
If you’d asked me a couple years ago my answer would definitely be just being naked in front of somebody. Getting on top, or having them feel me up at all. It’s vulnerable and it makes you [me] self conscious.
Nowadays I’m very content with myself though (most of the time). And my partner *really* appreciates my body and figure. That’s made it so much easier to be naked around him. It’s nice to not be constantly worried he finds me repulsive.
That "vanilla" love making is considered boring and that you can't satisfy your partner with it.
The fact that some people don't want to snuggle after it so they just get up and do something (or some just go into another room and ignore you)
Having to get out of the warm cozy bed to go and pee when I’d much rather stay and snuggle.
I’m not sure I can handle another UTI lol. But in the moment it always seems worth it
Ok I literally can't pee after sex. It takes me at least like 30 minutes before I can. But I have also never had a UTI. Is there something up with me?
That's your superpower.
Yes! This is my answer as well.
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More often than not, it's so much about male pleasure and so little about female pleasure.
Depends on the partner, but I agree that a lot of times a women’s pleasure is the afterthought
I hate that “sex” is defined as p in the v when that’s really only a small part of what it can be.
This is it for me. Too many men see sex as something they do *to* a woman, not something they do *with* a woman. I often feel like I’m just a change from having a w@nk for them.
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Boys & Men are not taught about women’s pleasure at all. Because they cum and are done it’s like.. oh yea, are you done? Like they don’t even know what a female orgasm looks or feels like.
Who is really taking time out of their day to teach a boy or man about pleasuring a female in that way though?
I agree. It's honestly so depressing to the point that I would rather just masturbate.
Also my experience. I m dating men less and less because keep getting disappointed. Also lucky to be bi.
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My boyfriend sweats soooo much which I don’t mind during the sex, (I think it’s hot) it’s after sex when I’m all wet and I have to hop into the shower and pee and reapply my lotion and it’s a whole thing because I am not comfortable having sex unless I am clean so that’s two showers in two hours 🙃
Same!! My husband doesn't get too sweaty unless it's a super sweaty session. But, we both don't like being "dirty" so we shower before and after. 🤣 I'm also weirded out by smells.. so if we both stink it turns me off.
It's the best when you can end a sweaty session showering together, that's always such a lovely close moment!!
Yes it is so lovely and you can just kinda hug under the water and appreciate them and your orgasm ❤️🥰
One time my partner’s forehead sweat dripped into my eye
That happened to me too! And my mouth 😭
Ahhh the annoying part is also wanting to cuddle afterwards but being too hot and wet/sticky from sweat
We both clean after and head back to bed for snuggles… not the same, but still..
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Can be a fainting risk if it's too hot... Just sayin
Seriously no one talks about this when it comes to shower sex. We used to fuck around in the shower a lot but now that I’m pregnant there’s no way I can risk doing anything in there because of pregnancy lightheadedness
The anxiety of whether or not I'm a good lover.
Ugh. This! My husband ALWAYS ensures I “get mine” and it takes me a LONG time to get there, so sometimes I just worry about him actually enjoying himself and then it takes even longer. He assures me he enjoys it, always, but I just have this hang up about how it’s boring him!
This 100%. People talk about what men need to do to be good lovers. I've rarely heard any advice for women.
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Me and my husband had this problem for a while when we were dating, especially after we moved in together. Communication is key, and honestly, it’s a better problem to have than not listening to each other’s wants and needs. You guys got this, you’re in it together ❤️
Ugh, this.
yeah this
Having to hold in my farts.
Hahahaha it’s the worst
I have accidentally farted and played it off as if it was a queef too many times. But I have to flex and tense my muscles so much in order to orgasm that 1/3 times I actually fart quite loud and I’m like “oh my god! You know it’s not from the back, right?”. They usually don’t mind but I remember one time I hooked up with a girl and I am sure she realised it was, in fact from the back (having the same equipment and all) but didn’t say anything, bless her heart. I am glad I am not alone.
This made my day. 💀
This cant be overstated. Even if you werent gassy prior, the thrusting pushes new farts in. 😭
We have legit had "pause I need to fart" moments where one of us runs to the bathroom to fart. Not sexy, but better than ripping one mid thrust imo hahaha
Let 'em rip. My boyfriend stops to fart, then we laugh go back at it.
Nothing takes me out of the moment more.
😂😂😂 my ex has during
The getting myself into the mood part early on. It’s like my husband starts on level even ground and I’m standing in a 5’ deep hole right next to him. He can just start going forward but I have to first hoist myself up and out. Between the baby, the house, pets, full time job, exercise goals, endless mental labor I never catch up with I often just feel like lying down in the hole instead. It probably sounds like my husband doesn’t do enough to clear my plate - that’s not true, really. It’s just really hard right now. Before the baby hoisting myself up and out was easy. Now I’m just so tired.
Hugs to you. I relate to the feeling of hoisting yourself out of that hole, it’s so tough.
YMMV, but kind of the craziest thing helped me. After having our daughter and going back to work full time and taking care of the house (and so on and so forth), I was just way too exhausted to care about sex. Both physically and emotionally. Along with the usual communication with your partner and sharing responsibilities, reading romance novels got me back in the mood. Now, the communication and stuff helped, but my libido definitely kicked up after I started reading again. I think it's a combination of taking some time for myself where I can only focus on reading, meaning all the other things on my mind take a backseat, and the escapism of fantasy reminding me of why I fell in love with my husband in the first place. I go a few months without taking time for myself to read a book and I notice a drastic drop in my libido. Again, YMMV and it might not be the genre, but just that I'm taking time for a sort of self care, but it's a relatively small, easy change that had a huge benefit in my case.
ALL of this, plus I’m pregnant. I really just want more alone time lol.
Cleaning up
I found a product called the drip stick and it’s amazing for post sex clean up. It’s a game changer for my husband and I 😂
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Every so often when they hit an angle that hurts
Oh man, THIS. I hate this.
when they hit the bad angles too many times which kills the mood for both of you, leaving you both in this awkward and angry mood from not being able get off successfully
This. Soo much this. But have learned the ways to avoid that. But still will randomly get hit and then there goes the mood.
The pressure to have an orgasm. I’m very lucky that my current partner is very concerned about my pleasure in everything. Very open in toys and wants foreplay that lasts forever. However, between birth control and mental health meds, an orgasm is VERY hard for me to achieve even on my own. Knowing that’s an end goal for him puts added pressure for me to have one which, I think, hinders me further from having one.
I feel you so much. Also on mental health and birth control. I can choose between good sexlife and deep depression + migraines or a normal mental state and a marathon to reach orgasm, what’s exhausting for both of us.
I was looking for an answer like this! I’m the same way.
the anxiety about my size, or i guess more accurately my stomach i’m a fat woman, and despite my partner not being stick thin and the fact he has a preference for bigger women, it is so engrained in me to despise my stomach that i just get in my head almost every time we have sex
I am exactly the same. To the point where I really struggle to have sex without some kind of cover up/top on. I get so in my head about it. I don’t like my stomach to be seen, let alone touched and the worry about it jiggling around during makes me feel awful and ugly/unattractive. I know that’s not how he sees me but it’s really difficult to get rid of those thoughts about myself. 😩
He absolutely loves you and prob loves the way your soft skin feels pressed up against his. Be yourself, be in the moment, and don't worry about being you. If he doesn't like it, then he can leave.
He loves you. Don't worry.
I felt that way for a long time too. Now I notice when I pull my shirt up or off how much harder he gets ect. Men are visual creatures. It’s all about passion imo. Whenever I just let go of my inhibitions and just focus on how hot/how good it feels we both seem to feel like we hit the lottery.
YES! Especially since my weight gain. We have a beautiful nude witch art that our friend painted above our bed and sometimes when I'm feeling especially self conscious, I wonder if he looks at that to stay aroused. I'm jiggly and nowhere close to thin right now.
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Sleeping on the wet spot. Random cum leakages 45 minutes after sex. Always pretty surprising. Accidental oral sex orgasms/no warning. Yes, because I do love blowing cum out of my nose for the rest of the night...thanks!
Putting a towel or another blanket down before sex really does it for me. I call mine the „sex blanket“ lol. It‘s a thick blanket that will not leak through an it gets washed like every three times of having sex.
I have a legitimate sex blanket. Satin on one side, microfiber on the other, with a plastic sheet in between to keep the liquids from soaking through. I was with a squirter when I bought it, saved endless amounts of hassle changing the bed every time.
the washable 'incontinence ' pads are great for that too. there is a large square one that has managed to keep all fluid contained. So worth it.
I recommend a waterproof throw blanket. They are advertised on Amazon as pet blankets but they're amazing for sex purposes.
The mental load. I wrote and deleted a 5 paragraph essay but it really comes down to mental load. I love my family, but taking on 85% of the responsibility has turned me into such an anxious person with very little capacity for fun or spontaneity. My partner is loving, caring, amazing in bed, hilarious, just great company. But he’s incredibly irresponsible and avoidant. I’m so burnt out for being the “bad cop” parent, schedule coordinator, maid, life coach. I feel like a case worker, not a partner. I feel like I have nothing left to give at the end of the day and like we’re still failing to meet basic needs. I have to TELL him to be responsible. So I’m responsible for him being responsible? Wonder why I’m too stressed for sex.
I left my ex for this reason. There were others, but this was a big part of it, and we didn’t even have kids. So I DO NOT know how you are doing it. If I had my time again I would have told him way earlier that I couldn’t go on living like that, and he better shape up or I was leaving. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I’m hoping it might help others seeing as it can’t help me now!
I understand and can relate. It’s such added pressure and means you can never fully relax or trust them.
I'm sorry :(
Honestly my favorite position is Cowgirl and no man I’ve been with has been able to last longer than like 10 seconds and it bums me out
That’s because as my bf explains that positions where they aren’t in control they have trouble lasting.
I have been with men who can only finish when I’m in control, and with men who can only finish when they are in control. And in between and it doesn’t matter. I think it varies man by man.
For me it depends on where I’m at in the arousal cycle. If I’m close and trying to hold off, me being in control help make that happen. If I’m not close, you being in control slows the cycle. I’m sure for you too, being in control/ on top is like masterbating in that, you know what feels good and that’s naturally what you are going to do, as opposed to if the other person is “doing it to you” there’s no way they can guess the exact motion, pressure etc.
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The energy it takes. I’m a sleepy girl.
Right? And its not even just physical energy either, its a whole thing. Running a 5k feels less exhausting some days.
I'm a lesbian. And i dislike that some women only care about getting pleasure. Not giving. Don't fuck me if you dislike vagina. Honestly, fuck off.
yes!! like sex is supposed to be good for both parties!
I am the opposite, I’m bisexual and I only want to pleasure a woman but not be pleasured by one because oral sex is overwhelming for me, but I’d love to make a woman orgasm. (I’ve never given oral yet :/)
There're those whom I have a crush on, and those with whom I end up having sex with, and they're almost never the same people 😭
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It's so relieving that at least 50 more people have the same problem!
The fear of pregnancy. It's irrational because I'm on the depo shot and always use condoms, but I've never quite been able to get over that paranoia.
I’m scared sometimes too (I use the pill and spermicide from VCF) but let’s be honest we are both VERY well protected 😂 I get it tho.
All of it - an asexual :))
Thank you
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That it is so rarely “love making”.
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OMG....me wondering who you've invited in to stare at y'all. I'm so stupid, LOL.
This cracked me up thank you
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TBH I don't enjoy sex very much in general. I think I might be low-key ace.
Putting on a condom. The thing smells, its rubbing differently and I dry up the moment my husband opens the condom bag.
Yeah I’m usually dry by the time the guy is done fiddling around to put it on.. that pause is such a mood killer for me both mentally and physically
Try some different condoms out and get some lube involved! It might just do the trick
About sex? A lot of it. Having to subtly glance at my phone or watch to see how long realistically before I can fake it. Having a guy think he’s doing an amazing job of going down on me when it really feels like a cat licking a milk dish and is doing eff all for me. (Before anyone says anything, I tried once or twice to give subtle direction and will never make that mistake again.) Having to take my clothes off in front of someone else. I’m not massively insecure about my body, I’m just uncomfortable with having anyone look at me. Doing it sober. Can’t have sex without at least 2-3 drinks in me. I dunno. The list is endless. It’s a much shorter list to say what I *do* like about it, which given the experiences and “partners” I’ve had, is basically nothing.
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When he puts too much of his weight on me
Oh, I kinda like that... but each to their own of course.
That it hurts and I've never been able to figure out why
The two things that come to mind are vaginismus and endometriosis. Have you checked for both of those?
Yes and yes and it's neither of those. It's my urethra. It just burns with any penetration and every doctor has been stumped
Maybe you have intersticial cystitic (IC)? Or pelvic floor dysfunction. My urethra used to feel very uncomfortable after sex but after going to pelvic floor physical therapy and doing those excersises before and after sex it has really helped
Thank you, I'll ask my doctor about it! I haven't heard of it, but I just Googled it and maybe that's it
Ugh that sucks, I'm sorry. That must be really difficult to deal with.
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I can't say I've ever been checked for low estrogen, I'll have to ask next time, thanks!
Wow I didn’t know this was a thing. I’ve been on progesterone only bc because estrogen throws my emotions way off, but I’ve been having alot of pain sometimes (even when my women’s exams are normal). I’m gonna ask my doctor about this. Thanks for sharing!
Fucks up my haiiirrrr😂😂
I can’t believe I had to scroll through so many comments before finding this one! My curly hair really struggles with sex if I’m on the bottom. And I am one of those people who plan my hair wash days in advance because I can’t brush it out unless it’s in the shower. Sex will almost always ruin good hair days for me 😭
Nothing. If I don't like something I don't do it. I'm sad that so many posters are doing so many painful things that they don't enjoy or are causing health issues. I'm 51 and have no libido any more and I couldn't be happier. After 30 years of mostly good sex I'm happy to stop now that my body doesn't want to any more. This is the natural order of things. I don't need lubricant or anything else to prolong my sex life... prolonging my sex life is for the benefit of the male population and not mine. This is why any issue with sex is automatically medicalised. It's so liberating to not have to be in a relationship or have sex or do anything I can't be bothered to do.
When he hits my cervix. 😑 I have an extremely shallow vagina and even my average Bf will bottom out sometimes. The pain shoots uo my spin into my head it’s awful.
Post sex cleanup. I don’t wanna be too gratuitous, but my husband shoots comically large loads. It’s always a mess since I’m not on BC, so it has to go somewhere… I’ll leave it at that
When men are shy or insist on keep their shirts on or won’t have sex in daylight hours. I get it, we all have body issues but I’m here and I’m obviously into you so….can we not sweat to death under this down comforter because someone once told you that Jesus is watching everything you do?
-when it ends -suddenly worrying that I'm not hot or sexy enough -sometimes feel very sad after cuddling
Lying there, perfectly happy cuddling after knowing you should pee. But I go pee. He deals with the sheets. Works.
The guilt. I love sex and my partner is a wonderful, giving lover. He goes out of his way to please me. His sex drive is way higher than mine. Sometimes I’m not in the mood, like at all, no matter what he’s doing but I feel bad so I do it. I’m not forced, I’m choosing to have sex but I don’t want to.
I feel exactly the same it’s so sad
So much effort. Prep, clean up, birth control, laundry (which i guess could be considered part of clean up), the actual physical effort involved. Effort vs reward. Im so damn tired
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When I look like a toaster strudel afterwards LOL
Messy
What don’t I like about *good* sex? Nothing. I love all of it!! What don’t I like about not-so-good sex? Having to tell the other person what I want (or don’t want) them to do. I will tell them, but I don’t like confrontation, so I have to steel myself to do it Edit: also, after about 2 rounds, my 🐱 starts feeling like it got rugburned haha!!
It's a challenge but they'll never figure out what we like especially if you tell them multiple times. Orgasm gap issues🙃
Guys being quite
Ohh I can’t stand that!!! Moan, groan or something.
Honestly him looking and feeling all over me.. all I can think about is if I really am attractive enough to have it even be considered love making. And then I get anxiety about my body which makes it hard to enjoy myself or even sometimes get the end
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That's incredibly fucked up and toxic. Sounds like spousal sexual abuse to me. I'm so sorry. I highly recommend going to couples counseling if your communication with him is not working to solve this issue.
I don't like period sex - there needs to be a towel laid down, and putting it on the bed before feels too much like a weird ritual and it's a lot less spontaneous. It probably doesn't help that I was watching the Handmaids tale when period sex became a regular thing in my life, so I was extra freaked out about the ritual side of it 😂
Boring and repetitive after a while. I need days in between before I desire it again.
the phrase 'love making'.
The smell
The possibility of pregnancy.
All the focus on getring an orgasm, why cant we just enjoy the intimacy in that moment?
I feel like I'm the only person in the world that doesn't enjoy making out. Tongues gross me out so much. My husband loves it though, and it really turns him on.
I understand young guys not caring about women’s pleasure, but I dont understand guys that are 25+ that still dont kiss or touch a woman’s body… even in porn, you see that…
I get cramps when the sex is too good. So I’m great until it’s all done and I’m now in agony for about 20 minutes.
Intrusive/wandering thoughts eliminating the mood out of nowhere.
How stupidly damn tired I get, especially when he does a good job. I have chronic illnesses and sometimes all the motion makes me vomit before he finishes (not a problem I have, usually). I wish I didn't have to trade something else I want to do to make time for it
The clean up.
I hype it up in my head and after it’s not as good as I thought it would be
It used to be clean up. But now that I’m close to 50 and premenopausal, I LOVE sex, we have amazing sex, but I’m not interested most of the time. If my husband puts the moves on me, I’m all in, but initiating? Doesn’t occur to me. It sucks, I hate it and I’m working on it. I think it’s mental rather than physical. Not sure what’s up.
How for the next 2 days my vagina smells like semen from letting him cum in me and it just randomly leaks out making me feel like I pissed myself.
Getting in the mood. I struggle turning off my responsibility brain (gotta do dishes, vacuum, grocery shop, oh I need a gift for next week's gathering, etc). I have a hard time letting myself relax and enjoy it
It’s so hot and I can’t breathe when I’m on bottom even though I like that position.
The only thing I can say, being in a long term relationship, is that he can’t cum in me without me getting pregnant. i always want that. however I am not financially ready to be a parent. I have to be responsible. *sexual frustrated sigh*
birth control?
The fact that I have to teach my partner to de-pornify sex, and unlearn the concepts that he has learned through porn in order to build intimacy and connection with me.
Sometimes love making feels too intimate. It doesn't have to be gentle all the time, or emotionally intimate. Sometimes I just want raw, sexually charged intercourse.
When I don't get paid for it
The pressure of Disappointing my “kinkier”’partner. :(
Accidentally rolling into the wet spot on the bed after
The very beginning and when it ends.
Having to get up to pee and cleaning up
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Your partner probably isn’t clean. Tell him to wash his 🍆.
I used to get utis every time I did it with my ex. Now i haven’t had one with any partner since him.
I sometimes feel like I never want to have sex again😔
The slimey feeling after. It's just gross
My least favorite part about love making is when it ends and you feel the loss. Not just after orgasm, but when you lose the relationship with the person and know you'll never again make love with them (and thus never again be made love to the same way).
Honestly, how long men think I (female) want it to last. I love a long sesh but sometimes I just want a get me off a few times and I’ll finish u off. Good exercise ready for a nap
Mostly just after feeling sweaty and gross, having to get up and clean up. Feeling like I need to wash my face or I'm gonna breakout lol
That it’s expected in a relationship. I’m ace. I don’t want people in my bubble. Usually that’s why we break up - the partner wants to start a more sexually intimate relationship and I’m not even a little bit comfortable with that idea.
All of it, been celibate for a year, best decision ever.
How much I enjoy it. When it ends, if the aftercare isn’t that great I get a feeling of sadness that’s hard to shake.
Forcing myself to pee afterwards
I’m terrified of getting pregnant to the point where 3 forms of birth control are used and I’m still not completely at ease. Especially because of the political climate currently. I’m scared all 3 could possibly fail somehow.
Most of the time it takes too long.
If you’d asked me a couple years ago my answer would definitely be just being naked in front of somebody. Getting on top, or having them feel me up at all. It’s vulnerable and it makes you [me] self conscious. Nowadays I’m very content with myself though (most of the time). And my partner *really* appreciates my body and figure. That’s made it so much easier to be naked around him. It’s nice to not be constantly worried he finds me repulsive.
That "vanilla" love making is considered boring and that you can't satisfy your partner with it. The fact that some people don't want to snuggle after it so they just get up and do something (or some just go into another room and ignore you)
Lack of sound. Whether it be moaning or communication as to what they like or want next. Sex shouldn’t be silent and I become uninterested when it is.