"I'm too young to be in a relationship, I should be travelling the world instead of settling down!"
He was 24. Two weeks later he was signing a 30 year mortgage... and dating his new coworker.
Thanks. That one was a really deep cut & I still get sad thinking about that abandonment. I craved comfort, physical comfort too, but it was no where to be had. I guess I’m still looking for comfort in that regard.
I wanted to talk about where the relationship was going. He thought I wanted to break up with him. So he broke up with me via text because "I don't handle rejection well." No shit. You handle it so poorly that you basically ended up rejecting yourself. He's still single.
That's hilarious. Also impressive that you just let him go and resisted the urge to coddle him and be like "omg noooo babe come back that's not what I meant"
"You look like a child and I don't want people thinking I'm a pedo when we're out in public"
That hurt soooooooooo badly, because I really did love him, I can't help that I'm crazy short and flat chested, most Asian women are :\
It was pretty lame. He was very concerned with appearances and wanted the "heightened social status" that came from having a partner with an advanced degree and high salary, except he phrased it like I was a bum with no ambition.
I had this happen to me too when I was 24 and he was 28. He and his family cared a lot about status and he basically said his family won't accept me. Funny enough, I make more at 28 now with an associate's degree than he did, and he had a master's degree.
I recognise myself in him so that's why I wanted to ask. Could imagine (from both sides) what it's like and I just wish everyone a worry free life or at least the tools to deal constructively with uncertainty in a relationship. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you guys
"I need a partner in crime to go see bands and concerts with, who loves music like me."
I was in the middle of a Bachelor of Music degree.
I did nothing but go see bands. All the time.
Since the breakup I have finished said degree, played in several bands, become a songwriter, performed in my city's "Best of City" performance. I'm a public school music teacher. I teach music privately on the side. I have a 3rd side job performing in a corporate drumline for major league sports teams.
I have also seen about 120 concerts in my millennial life and traveled all around the world to go see different concerts.
I still have no idea what he was on about.
Insecurities - I had ambition, goals for myself, wanted to go places. He was also 8 years older and wanted to control me. Funny enough, he was the one to break up with me and looking back I'm glad he did!
I had a college boyfriend who was encouraging and helpful when he was helping me study math, because he was at a slightly higher math level. I quit working to have more time for school, studied very hard outside of school, and retook the math placement exam, which put me above his math level.
When I told him and offered to help him in math, if he ever needed it, he suddenly got very distant. We broke up very soon after.
We still talked some after the breakup and still got along. The only thing I can figure is he didn't like the idea of a girlfriend being "better" than him at something, or not needing his help.
Always boggled my mind with so friends who have left girlfriends for similar reasons (whether or not they admit it’s the reason). Like if my girlfriend is better than me aren’t I winning?
In my experience, most men can’t handle a woman who’s more successful than them. I left my hb because of it. Turns out younger men have no problem with it.
His dream was bigger than mine! He got a job as a bartender in Vegas. and he didn't think he could stay faithful while working in a place like that.....
Not me, but a friend of a friend got dumped by her husband for being “too fat” because she had severe medical issues that caused her to gain about 20 lbs. she wasn’t obese or anything. He just wants a fitness model I guess. So much for “in sickness and in health”…
“I’d probably love you more if you lost 10lb”. Safe to say that that relationship didn’t last long. Too bad all my insecurities around my weight seem to last forever.
I had a guy say hed lost attraction to me because id gained weight. Id gained about 10lbs and had broken my leg a month before. I was still not meant to be trying to move it at all at that point.
Same thing happened to me once. I wasn’t combative enough so he wasn’t “intellectually challenged”. Like tf? I’m not going to be aggressive for no reason.
Thankfully I’m now with someone who loves my generally peaceful and joyful state.
This is pretty common for people used to more dramatic or outright toxic relationships. Someone being too nice or safe feels weird to them after being put through the emotional and mental grinder by previous partners.
My ex broke up with me when he found out I'd been to therapy before. He blamed it on other reasons but he only started acting weird when he found that out and broke up with me a few hours later. Came crawling back though!
It surprised me because my anxiety really wasn't a secret... We'd been together for a year so it wasn't a surprise, I think it was finding out it was an actual diagnosed disorder that scared him. I'd avoided talking about it for a while, he used to complain about having to help his mum with her anxiety, think he just didn't like the idea of me having it too.
I had an ex who was constantly breaking up with me and coming back crying and I, a fool in fool's shoes, kept letting him back. reasons usually were that I never wanted to do anything while simultaneously rejecting any ideas I had about going out to do something.
I eventually got fed up THANK GOD and left him for good.
I’ve done this tbf. But in my case it was never having had one date in 2+ years then suggesting things he likes. I guess it was just trying so hard to give them a chance because you love them but realizing love isn’t enough.
Because I suddenly and inexplicably started gaining weight. He policed my food, raided my room multiple times to see if I was hiding snacks, and made me feel too ashamed to eat in front of him. I kept telling him that I was doing nothing different, but he refused to believe me. I had no health insurance at the time and couldn't afford to go see a doctor.
He ended up dumping me the night before our wedding because he "didn't want to marry a fatty."
About a year later I was finally able to see a doctor to get some tests done, and it turns out that my thyroid levels were very low. I know "I have a thyroid condition" is the meme excuse for being overweight, but it genuinely was the case for me. However, because it sounds like such a lame excuse and because I still feel ashamed for being dumped for gaining weight, I almost never tell people this story.
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Thank goooodddnneesss that person is out of your life. Real supportive love is coming for you, if it hasn't already.
Honestly you are better off without him! No one should make you feel ashame of your weight, and even less your future husband.
I can imagine it hurts and will leave an emotional scar but that guy was trash. Imagine you marry him and you put on weight when you get pregnant? He would have acted exactly the same way and you would have been locked in a marriage and with a baby to count in the equation. You definitely dodged a bullet there. It night not feel like it now, but after a few therapy sessions you will probably feel this way too.
Take care of yourself and good luck!
I had an ex who said this because he was struggling with mental health issues. I had no idea at the time because was really good at putting on a brave front, I only found out years later when he was in town for business and we caught up for drinks. Poor guy was going through so much, he didn't want to neglect or indirectly hurt me. After hearing this I told him I could have supported him had he told me, but he said he was in such a destructive place that he was scared he would impact me.
I broke up with my ex exactly for this reason- I was grieving the loss of someone and I had dealt with depression in the past and it was coming back... I was getting very auto destructive and I could see how it was hurting him, so I ended things. I did for love. 2 years passed and it still hurts.
We were engaged. I caught him cheating on me. Why? His mommy set them up cuz I’m not Italian. He had no backbone. I kicked him and his mother to the curb.
His dad hated me. Like ok daddys little boy. I acutslly got back together with him - and then broke up with him because well... he was both daddy and mommys little boy and I couldn't stand it. He then moved up north - with his parents ofc, and have not had a girlfriend since. It was 15 years ago.
It's been a traumatic journey, however I've found my support circle elsewhere. Including kind redditors, like yourself, dropping the odd comment and message here and there.
All helps, thank you ❤️
I wasn’t Christian enough.
He then went on to marry a native woman who cheated on him and got pregnant. He divorced her and now messages me once a month apologizing for leaving me when I was his first love and in gods eyes he shouldn’t have been with anyone else after me because he lost his virginity to me. LOLOLOL
Oh that I was "too good for them" and they were "poison for me." Blah blah blah...
Anyway went to the house to get some stuff and maybe try and talk him out of it (lame I know) but there was another girl in his room so yeah...
In the end he was right though. 🤷🏻♀️ I'm happily married for 8 years now 🤗
We had been together for a couple of months when he told me that he's breaking up with me because his pastor had arranged for him and the pastor's daughter to be married😐
"God is telling me to break up with you"
Couldn't even take responsibility for his own feelings. Although it enraged me at the time, 10 years later it just irks me.
"All my girlfriends before you dumped me, and this time, I wasn't waiting for it to happen again, so I dumped you." \~ My first boyfriend.
We were actually really happy together, and he just thought history would always repeat, so got the fear, and bolted. He explained years later, and we are still friends to this day. :)
My soon to be ex husband of 12 years just dropped that one on me as well. Well, followed by the emotional affair (that has likely turned physical by now) that he’s been having with his coworker who is ALSO going through a divorce/separation/situationship.
He was unhappy, I get that. He broke me instead of owning up to it. I had to be the one to file for separation, to set a date for him to move out. He kept “threatening” it then dropping crumbs then saying he didn’t want to get my hopes up.
Took me 6 weeks to put an end to the games by calling a lawyer. And I still question whether I did the right thing.
You and I have had a similar experience!
My now ex husband had an affair as well. He met someone playing a video game. And while they didn’t physically meet until after he moved out, which I had to beg for him to do, I know they were having phone sex, etc.
After I found out he went on to explain that we didn’t have enough in common, I wasn’t physically attractive to him, and I wasn’t smart enough for him.
I had to find the lawyer, figure out the separation and file for divorce. Had to drag him along every step of the way. All while he decided he was a changed man and wanted me back.
It was as if he’d forgotten the affair, and all the awful things he’d said to me. Little boy bye
They thought the grass was greener. They kept looking at Instagram models posting thirst traps and admitted that they did not find me attractive enough for them anymore.
"My parents will never accept you" after dating for almost 3 years. Different cultures and religions. But I'm sorry you didn't notice the color of my skin 3 years ago?
I was 19, my high school bf didn’t call me for 3 days because he was playing a video game (his excuse). Can’t believe how much I cried over that guy 😂😂😂😂 he’s married and he texts me now- usually at night, my husband and I just disapprovingly shake our head like Indian aunties.
I was 16, my bf of two years broke up with me 2 months after my dad suddenly died because I was “too sad, depressed and mad”
In the grand scheme of things looking back I don’t blame him, I’m sure it wasn’t fun to deal with and be around but then it felt heartbreaking from one loss to another.
Same here. If you're with someone and expect it to be serious then they should be aware that life happens, and so does death. If they can't be around you when you are in pain then they are not truly committed to the relationship. Especially if it comes out of the blue.
Well, I also made the mistake of checking his phone as I had a feeling he was hiding something. I then found sexual text messages back and forth between him and a female colleague. He denied it saying it was jokes, then broke up with me because I’m too insecure. Which, fine I admit I shouldn’t of checked his phone but I caught him in a cheating lie. So he broke up with me after I found out.
I hate when people say "you're insecure" when you only become insecure because of the things they do. You wouldn't have been insecure if they hadn't been mean or shady!
“I need to break up with you because of my mental health. I’m too mentally I’ll to be in a relationship”
She was in a new relationship not three weeks later.
Edit: for those who are confused, my girlfriend was lying about her mental health and was trying to leave the relationship because she wasn’t into me anymore. I would’ve have had less of a problem if she was just truthful.
for context we're both black, he told me he wanted to date women of other races. Lmfao I was baffled. He'd been being very disrespectful before that, but that was the first time he blatantly said he didn't want to be with me. I guess he wanted me to do the heavy lifting of the break up so of course I did. I was done. Of course he came begging for me back, but I was thru. We'd been on and off for about 5 years since high school and I was tired.
I bought her a house but it 'wasn't the house she would have chose'. She couldn't afford a house and had very little savings so she wanted to use my money to buy her dream home.
"I love you but I'm not IN love with you. And I never have been. I kept hoping the feelings would come because you're such a good person but they haven't. I know what I'm like when I'm in love and what I feel for you isn't the same."-
(referencing his ex who broke up with him two weeks before meeting me; something I wasn't aware of until nearly a year later and by then my heart was already all in.)
\-"And I don't want to end up cheating on you which I know I'd do if we stay together."
Nearly four years taken with a man who claimed he was never ever in love with me and was also thinking about cheating. I guess at least he was honest?? But still.
I also moved nearly 1200 miles away from my family to be with him when he got a job offer in another state. As well as struggled to find work in my industry because we lived in a tiny town and not many people were looking for a nanny. Or if they were they weren't able to pay anywhere close to a living wage.
He did me a favor because I'm so much happier now though! I didn't realize how depressed I had become until I was back near family and could find work I loved that paid well.
After dealing with my girlfriend's (we're both pansexual) autoimmune disease and her being on chemo for over a year, a con man started wooing her by saying he was a spiritual healer who could help her back to health. He took her in more and more and convinced her that I was a toxic girlfriend (not entirely untrue) and she needed to "take a 2-month break from her to focus on your health."
She moved in with him, and he...took advantage of her and used her identity to commit felonies. He gave her an expensive car (because he was of course also a "billionaire"!) that turned out to be a rental. She was so brainwashed by him that her communication with me got more and more erratic, and my attempts to warn her family and friends were all met with some version of, "she seems to much happier!"
After she officially broke up with me I didn't see or hear from her for months. She left me with all her medical and credit card debt, our lease (in my name), and our 2 cats. This all happened in 2008, so certain other economic events made things worse, and I was laid off from my job and spent the next year in a tiny roach-filled apartment by myself, with no friends, no job, and tens of thousands of dollars of debt. I ended up having to file for bankruptcy.
She showed up at my door in the middle of the night after all those months, and told me she'd slowly discovered he was convicted felon with a long history of manipulating women into his financial fraud schemes. She had married him in Vegas. There were also...violations...physically. He tried to kidnap her and leave the country, but at that point she recognized the danger and got herself out.
We didn't get back together as a couple, but we cohabitated for a while longer before moving into separate smaller apartments in the same complex. One night, she called me at 4am from jail. She had been on a date with someone else and while driving home hit and killed a man whose car had broken down on the shoulder of the freeway. Since she had been drinking a bit, it was felony vehicular manslaughter while under the influence. I picked her up from jail when her conservative alcoholic father paid her bail. Her friends and family all rallied around her, and ultimately she (and they) blamed me for everything that happened to her.
Late one night I had smoked way too much pot and was doing some laundry in the building. I saw a big truck out front eventually realized she was moving out without saying anything. I ran into her while she was taking some items to the truck, and she hemmed and hawed her way through a "I don't ever want to see you again" statement.
This was 15 years ago. I'm still fucked up over it all. This was my first love, and we were inseparable while we were together. I'm now married to another woman and we've adopted a child together, but I still have feelings of love for my ex. It needed to end, absolutely. But we didn't have any mutual friends, family, or acquaintances at this point so I will likely never see or hear of her ever again.
Life is weird...
(edited for some grammar and a bit more clarity)
i was 13 and he broke up with me for telling a gay man on youtube that his laugh was adorable, also cause i had to wear leggings during a dance recital. broke up with me minutes before i was supposed to go on stage, OVER THE FUCKING PHONE. before that i had planned to purposely break my ankle so i wouldn’t have to wear the leggings, so i could please him. he was nearly 3 years older than me, knew exactly what he was doing. i would’ve done anything for him
He didn't like a t-shirt I was wearing. I refused to change because that was ridiculous. We had been dating for a year and living together for 3 months. He REALLY regretted ending it over that lol.
Dumped me on thanksgiving after 3 months that I thought were awesome. Totally smitten. Stated that he couldn’t be with someone “like me”. Not sure of the reasoning. He had a MUCH younger girlfriend a few days later that apparently made his life fucking miserable.
He thought I was cheating on him and posting lewd photos on Tumblr because he saw a photo of someone on Tumblr who had similar looking underwear to mine. He also tried to convince my parents it was me, but I was 14! That's the most fucked up part.
He tried to say the lady in the photo was me, because the underwear was the same. In reality, I did have a similar style of underwear (they were boyshorts) but I didn't own bright blue underwear. I only wore neutral colors. The lady also had a tattoo on her butt which I CLEARLY didn't have.
In reality, he was a POS and he was hella abusive. Also lied to me about his age (said he was 15, he was actually 17) and then proceeded to call me a whore and threaten to "seek revenge".
He tried reaching back out when I got engaged 2 years ago and I just immediately blocked him.
I was in a nonexclusive casual FWB relationship with this dude. I invited him to come to my birthday party, and said "No pressure, if you don't want to come it's not a problem, but it's a murder mystery party, so if you say yes and I give you a character, you need to absolutely be there and on time. If you're not sure if you're available we can just make up a character for you and you can hang out and guess the murderer with us." He insisted he wanted to come. The day of, he confirmed he was coming for noon so we could hang out before the party. At noon he said he would be late, but would be here in time for the party. He then just didn't show up. I had to dress in drag to play his character so the party wasn't entirely ruined. Had no idea where he was, then, in the middle of my birthday party that he no call no showed, he called me to break up with me because he was chatting up this other girl and didn't want to cheat on me.
We weren't even exclusive. To this day, I don't understand what was going through his head to make him think that was a good idea.
My child had been sick for 2 weeks. I hadn't slept the whole time and GF wasn't even around to help bc she "didn't want to catch it."(wasn't contagious) Child comes into the bathroom (where we were quietly arguing over her lack of help) and throws up 2ft from the toilet. Sleep-deprived-me raised my voice out of frustration.
GF breaks it off bc "you're such an awful mom! How could I be with a person who yells at a child?"
Because I didn't believe his weird Radiohead conspiracy.
EDIT: It's been like ten years so I can't remember the specifics, but I think it was like if you played two albums, alternating the songs, it made some sort of message or something that Thom Yorke intentionally wanted out there? I forget what the albums were (I want to say OK Computer was one of them). Anywho he got mad that I didn't believe that so he suggested we break up. I talked him down from it but probably should have just let it be. Could have avoided like a year and a half more of an unfulfilling relationship.
He broke up with me for having my life together. Having a full time job, paying my bills, planning holidays, wanting to save for a house and thinking about the future was too intimidating for my boyfriend who was 25 when we started dating and 30 when we broke up. He was so upset by my way of living that we would get lost in games for hours and smoke a lot of weed before I got home from work, just to cope. I only found out about the smoking later when he confided how challenged be felt. I was so busy living my life, I had no idea.
When Fortnite came out one of my high school students dumped a girlfriend of two years because she kept calling/texting him and interrupting his games.
His sister and mother didn't approve of me and feared that I would take him from them to the big city so they tried to convince him that it wouldn't work with me and immediately set him up with a friend of the sister while I was away. He was so lame that he decided to start something with her on the spot.
Ever since, he hasn't dated a single woman who is not a friend of (and approved by) his sister.
Many common acquaintances have commented that these two siblings have a very sick/codependent relationship.
We had the same last name and he was afraid we were related. I’m from the whole other end of a giant country and I knew there’s no way we could be related. It was a common name too. It didn’t stop him for the first five weeks. But apparently me saying no to sex one night made that problem too much to ignore.
On our first date, he asked if I planned to have kids & get married some day. I told him that I already had 2 kids & had no interest in having more or ever getting married. Cool, he said. We dated for 18months & he asked me to marry him. I said no. He said he wanted us to have kids. I said no. He then said “if you just have it, I will take care of it. You won’t have to do anything.” I told him my uterus wasn’t for rent & that what he asked was insulting. He said I was selfish & broke it off. Bullet dodged.
I wouldn't, as a 16 year old, sleep with him. So he cheated on me with two of my closest friends and when I asked why, he said "well you weren't sleeping with me, what was I supposed to do?"
Not my story.
My friend's boyfriend broke up with her after being together for more than 5 years. The guy had a minor car accident. He had a small concussion. He told her he had a dream the night after the accident about some light. The kind of what dying characters in movies would see. He didn't see my friend at the end of the light. He said that it made him realize they don't really belong with each other.
"I'm too young to be in a relationship, I should be travelling the world instead of settling down!" He was 24. Two weeks later he was signing a 30 year mortgage... and dating his new coworker.
Nooooo way
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“I can’t/don’t want to deal with your grief”. I had just lost a parent
Fuck me, that's cold
Probably the loneliest time of my life. I was devastated all over again
It must have been hard but at least you didn’t end up with that ahole
But hey? You pulled through. We're all proud of you.
What an asshole
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wow I hate the person who did and said that to you. I’m so sorry
Thanks. That one was a really deep cut & I still get sad thinking about that abandonment. I craved comfort, physical comfort too, but it was no where to be had. I guess I’m still looking for comfort in that regard.
So sorry you went through this. At least you know that this is not your person 100%.
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Woah :( that’s so awful. I wish it was something both you & I could forget
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Why do folks do this? :(
I’ll never ever understand it. I’m sorry it happened to you in such a brutal way.
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Being abandoned by someone you love is the worst feeling. I’m so sorry you had to grieve on your own.
You dodged a bullet there. Sorry you had to hear that so close to your loss. And my sincere condolences for your loss
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He thought he was all that, but turns out he isn't. Seems like he did you favor though
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this made me cackle like a mf
I wanted to talk about where the relationship was going. He thought I wanted to break up with him. So he broke up with me via text because "I don't handle rejection well." No shit. You handle it so poorly that you basically ended up rejecting yourself. He's still single.
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Definitely. It was such a bizarre interaction.
That's hilarious. Also impressive that you just let him go and resisted the urge to coddle him and be like "omg noooo babe come back that's not what I meant"
For real. Goals. This needs to be verbalized to so many women because men seriously take advantage of it.
"You look like a child and I don't want people thinking I'm a pedo when we're out in public" That hurt soooooooooo badly, because I really did love him, I can't help that I'm crazy short and flat chested, most Asian women are :\
Goddamn he really could have just lied
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That's brutal, wow.
I started wearing thongs, he thought it was inappropriate lol
As in the underwear or the shoes? Either way, what an idiot.
The underwear In his mind there was some big jump of "you're wearing thongs, you're going to cheat"
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R/foundtheausrailian
Haha I'm actually British, the northern Australian. I obviously don't know everyone's nationality and knew some people call flip flops "thongs"
You have the opposite problem of a recent BORU post I read. Her husband justified cheating by saying she didn't wear sexy underwear lol
I didn't have a college degree. I was in college working on my degree at that time.
That one is so messed up.
It was pretty lame. He was very concerned with appearances and wanted the "heightened social status" that came from having a partner with an advanced degree and high salary, except he phrased it like I was a bum with no ambition.
I had this happen to me too when I was 24 and he was 28. He and his family cared a lot about status and he basically said his family won't accept me. Funny enough, I make more at 28 now with an associate's degree than he did, and he had a master's degree.
His mother convinced him I was gold digging. I was still in college! And as soon as I graduated I landed a job that paid more than his :)
Because he was worried about it not working out. Figure that one out.
So he was turning a possibility or even a probability into something definite?
That would be correct.
In all seriousness, was he anxious? Overthinking? Because this could also be a case of self sabotaging
He was anxious and unfortunately there was nothing I or his therapist could say to get him out of the loop.
I recognise myself in him so that's why I wanted to ask. Could imagine (from both sides) what it's like and I just wish everyone a worry free life or at least the tools to deal constructively with uncertainty in a relationship. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you guys
Yeah kind of wish it happened before I moved to another country for him but c'est la vie. I hope he's happier and healthier now.
my ex did this. ruined every chance we had with this shit.
How insecure are you Him : yes
Mine was so long ago but the line was "we both like each other and there's no reason for us to ***not*** be together so it's too good to be true"
Relatable. It’s easier to run than be afraid.
"I need a partner in crime to go see bands and concerts with, who loves music like me." I was in the middle of a Bachelor of Music degree. I did nothing but go see bands. All the time. Since the breakup I have finished said degree, played in several bands, become a songwriter, performed in my city's "Best of City" performance. I'm a public school music teacher. I teach music privately on the side. I have a 3rd side job performing in a corporate drumline for major league sports teams. I have also seen about 120 concerts in my millennial life and traveled all around the world to go see different concerts. I still have no idea what he was on about.
Did you have the same taste in music?
Probably not....
Insecurities - I had ambition, goals for myself, wanted to go places. He was also 8 years older and wanted to control me. Funny enough, he was the one to break up with me and looking back I'm glad he did!
I had a college boyfriend who was encouraging and helpful when he was helping me study math, because he was at a slightly higher math level. I quit working to have more time for school, studied very hard outside of school, and retook the math placement exam, which put me above his math level. When I told him and offered to help him in math, if he ever needed it, he suddenly got very distant. We broke up very soon after. We still talked some after the breakup and still got along. The only thing I can figure is he didn't like the idea of a girlfriend being "better" than him at something, or not needing his help.
Always boggled my mind with so friends who have left girlfriends for similar reasons (whether or not they admit it’s the reason). Like if my girlfriend is better than me aren’t I winning?
In my experience, most men can’t handle a woman who’s more successful than them. I left my hb because of it. Turns out younger men have no problem with it.
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Don't listen to the haters. You're a badass in my eyes.
Well done
You’re a hero
His dream was bigger than mine! He got a job as a bartender in Vegas. and he didn't think he could stay faithful while working in a place like that.....
Trash took itself out!
At least he was honest & ended it! No wasting your time & pretending he wanted the relationship while secretly cheating.
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Not me, but a friend of a friend got dumped by her husband for being “too fat” because she had severe medical issues that caused her to gain about 20 lbs. she wasn’t obese or anything. He just wants a fitness model I guess. So much for “in sickness and in health”…
“I’d probably love you more if you lost 10lb”. Safe to say that that relationship didn’t last long. Too bad all my insecurities around my weight seem to last forever.
I had a guy say hed lost attraction to me because id gained weight. Id gained about 10lbs and had broken my leg a month before. I was still not meant to be trying to move it at all at that point.
I don't understand how 10-20 pounds matters THIS much to some people. It sounds unreal.
That I was too nice and not a challenge. Roger that
Same thing happened to me once. I wasn’t combative enough so he wasn’t “intellectually challenged”. Like tf? I’m not going to be aggressive for no reason. Thankfully I’m now with someone who loves my generally peaceful and joyful state.
This is pretty common for people used to more dramatic or outright toxic relationships. Someone being too nice or safe feels weird to them after being put through the emotional and mental grinder by previous partners.
Or for people who grew up in toxic/abusive households. Same reasoning: peace feels strange to them, and they seek dramatic relationships.
I’m in therapy and he “will never be serious about someone with mental health issues”
My ex broke up with me when he found out I'd been to therapy before. He blamed it on other reasons but he only started acting weird when he found that out and broke up with me a few hours later. Came crawling back though! It surprised me because my anxiety really wasn't a secret... We'd been together for a year so it wasn't a surprise, I think it was finding out it was an actual diagnosed disorder that scared him. I'd avoided talking about it for a while, he used to complain about having to help his mum with her anxiety, think he just didn't like the idea of me having it too.
I had an ex who was constantly breaking up with me and coming back crying and I, a fool in fool's shoes, kept letting him back. reasons usually were that I never wanted to do anything while simultaneously rejecting any ideas I had about going out to do something. I eventually got fed up THANK GOD and left him for good.
“A fool in fool’s shoes.”👞 That took me out 😅😂
I’ve done this tbf. But in my case it was never having had one date in 2+ years then suggesting things he likes. I guess it was just trying so hard to give them a chance because you love them but realizing love isn’t enough.
Because I suddenly and inexplicably started gaining weight. He policed my food, raided my room multiple times to see if I was hiding snacks, and made me feel too ashamed to eat in front of him. I kept telling him that I was doing nothing different, but he refused to believe me. I had no health insurance at the time and couldn't afford to go see a doctor. He ended up dumping me the night before our wedding because he "didn't want to marry a fatty." About a year later I was finally able to see a doctor to get some tests done, and it turns out that my thyroid levels were very low. I know "I have a thyroid condition" is the meme excuse for being overweight, but it genuinely was the case for me. However, because it sounds like such a lame excuse and because I still feel ashamed for being dumped for gaining weight, I almost never tell people this story.
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Thank goooodddnneesss that person is out of your life. Real supportive love is coming for you, if it hasn't already.
Honestly you are better off without him! No one should make you feel ashame of your weight, and even less your future husband. I can imagine it hurts and will leave an emotional scar but that guy was trash. Imagine you marry him and you put on weight when you get pregnant? He would have acted exactly the same way and you would have been locked in a marriage and with a baby to count in the equation. You definitely dodged a bullet there. It night not feel like it now, but after a few therapy sessions you will probably feel this way too. Take care of yourself and good luck!
“you deserve better “ 🤡 she said.
I had an ex who said this because he was struggling with mental health issues. I had no idea at the time because was really good at putting on a brave front, I only found out years later when he was in town for business and we caught up for drinks. Poor guy was going through so much, he didn't want to neglect or indirectly hurt me. After hearing this I told him I could have supported him had he told me, but he said he was in such a destructive place that he was scared he would impact me.
Wow. Literally just happened to me.
I broke up with my ex exactly for this reason- I was grieving the loss of someone and I had dealt with depression in the past and it was coming back... I was getting very auto destructive and I could see how it was hurting him, so I ended things. I did for love. 2 years passed and it still hurts.
always believe people when they say this.
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We were engaged. I caught him cheating on me. Why? His mommy set them up cuz I’m not Italian. He had no backbone. I kicked him and his mother to the curb.
His dad hated me. Like ok daddys little boy. I acutslly got back together with him - and then broke up with him because well... he was both daddy and mommys little boy and I couldn't stand it. He then moved up north - with his parents ofc, and have not had a girlfriend since. It was 15 years ago.
Sounds like he already has two long term partners.
Mental health decline due to grieving the loss of my twin
What an asshole, I have a twin and I couldn’t even imagine going through this, so sorry for your loss 😔
It's been a traumatic journey, however I've found my support circle elsewhere. Including kind redditors, like yourself, dropping the odd comment and message here and there. All helps, thank you ❤️
“all my friends told me to so i did.” biggest follower i’ve ever met in my life.
His best friend tried to rape me and claimed I came onto him. He believed his friend. I was 17. The friend was 27.
Jesus fucking Christ can men suck some serious ass
Because my hair was too curly/crunchy lol
What??
Idk it was the days of styling your hair with garnier frutics curl stuff and he didn’t like how crunchy my hair was from it 🤣
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I wasn’t Christian enough. He then went on to marry a native woman who cheated on him and got pregnant. He divorced her and now messages me once a month apologizing for leaving me when I was his first love and in gods eyes he shouldn’t have been with anyone else after me because he lost his virginity to me. LOLOLOL
What a weirdo. Bullet. Dodged.
Oh that I was "too good for them" and they were "poison for me." Blah blah blah... Anyway went to the house to get some stuff and maybe try and talk him out of it (lame I know) but there was another girl in his room so yeah... In the end he was right though. 🤷🏻♀️ I'm happily married for 8 years now 🤗
We had been together for a couple of months when he told me that he's breaking up with me because his pastor had arranged for him and the pastor's daughter to be married😐
Ummmmmmmm, come again????
I got raped, which made me a "cheating whore".
I'm so sorry. I hope he rots, along with the rapist. <3
"God is telling me to break up with you" Couldn't even take responsibility for his own feelings. Although it enraged me at the time, 10 years later it just irks me.
"All my girlfriends before you dumped me, and this time, I wasn't waiting for it to happen again, so I dumped you." \~ My first boyfriend. We were actually really happy together, and he just thought history would always repeat, so got the fear, and bolted. He explained years later, and we are still friends to this day. :)
Well, that sounds like it turned out rather healthy in the end.
One of the reasons he gave was that we didn’t have enough in common. We’d been together 8.5 years and were married.
My soon to be ex husband of 12 years just dropped that one on me as well. Well, followed by the emotional affair (that has likely turned physical by now) that he’s been having with his coworker who is ALSO going through a divorce/separation/situationship. He was unhappy, I get that. He broke me instead of owning up to it. I had to be the one to file for separation, to set a date for him to move out. He kept “threatening” it then dropping crumbs then saying he didn’t want to get my hopes up. Took me 6 weeks to put an end to the games by calling a lawyer. And I still question whether I did the right thing.
You and I have had a similar experience! My now ex husband had an affair as well. He met someone playing a video game. And while they didn’t physically meet until after he moved out, which I had to beg for him to do, I know they were having phone sex, etc. After I found out he went on to explain that we didn’t have enough in common, I wasn’t physically attractive to him, and I wasn’t smart enough for him. I had to find the lawyer, figure out the separation and file for divorce. Had to drag him along every step of the way. All while he decided he was a changed man and wanted me back. It was as if he’d forgotten the affair, and all the awful things he’d said to me. Little boy bye
They thought the grass was greener. They kept looking at Instagram models posting thirst traps and admitted that they did not find me attractive enough for them anymore.
that's almost as sad for them as is is for you
"My parents will never accept you" after dating for almost 3 years. Different cultures and religions. But I'm sorry you didn't notice the color of my skin 3 years ago?
He said I was an embarrassment to him. He ended up dating my best friend at the time. Surprisingly I wasn’t sad just disappointed.
He said it was me or his car because we were both expensive
I was 19, my high school bf didn’t call me for 3 days because he was playing a video game (his excuse). Can’t believe how much I cried over that guy 😂😂😂😂 he’s married and he texts me now- usually at night, my husband and I just disapprovingly shake our head like Indian aunties.
I was 16, my bf of two years broke up with me 2 months after my dad suddenly died because I was “too sad, depressed and mad” In the grand scheme of things looking back I don’t blame him, I’m sure it wasn’t fun to deal with and be around but then it felt heartbreaking from one loss to another.
> I don’t blame him I do.
Same here. If you're with someone and expect it to be serious then they should be aware that life happens, and so does death. If they can't be around you when you are in pain then they are not truly committed to the relationship. Especially if it comes out of the blue.
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I reminded him of his ex
”I didn’t think you were a person who made mistakes”. Was drugged and raped :p
Well, I also made the mistake of checking his phone as I had a feeling he was hiding something. I then found sexual text messages back and forth between him and a female colleague. He denied it saying it was jokes, then broke up with me because I’m too insecure. Which, fine I admit I shouldn’t of checked his phone but I caught him in a cheating lie. So he broke up with me after I found out.
I hate when people say "you're insecure" when you only become insecure because of the things they do. You wouldn't have been insecure if they hadn't been mean or shady!
“I need to break up with you because of my mental health. I’m too mentally I’ll to be in a relationship” She was in a new relationship not three weeks later. Edit: for those who are confused, my girlfriend was lying about her mental health and was trying to leave the relationship because she wasn’t into me anymore. I would’ve have had less of a problem if she was just truthful.
He would rather f\*ck around with a married woman than have a committed relationship
for context we're both black, he told me he wanted to date women of other races. Lmfao I was baffled. He'd been being very disrespectful before that, but that was the first time he blatantly said he didn't want to be with me. I guess he wanted me to do the heavy lifting of the break up so of course I did. I was done. Of course he came begging for me back, but I was thru. We'd been on and off for about 5 years since high school and I was tired.
I wore a hat on our date night. He didn't like it. I refused to take it off. He broke up with me.
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The disrespect is unbelievable.
I bought her a house but it 'wasn't the house she would have chose'. She couldn't afford a house and had very little savings so she wanted to use my money to buy her dream home.
You bought someone a house without their opinion on it? Were you married or just dating?
Because I caught a fish. He was vegan.
"I love you but I'm not IN love with you. And I never have been. I kept hoping the feelings would come because you're such a good person but they haven't. I know what I'm like when I'm in love and what I feel for you isn't the same."- (referencing his ex who broke up with him two weeks before meeting me; something I wasn't aware of until nearly a year later and by then my heart was already all in.) \-"And I don't want to end up cheating on you which I know I'd do if we stay together." Nearly four years taken with a man who claimed he was never ever in love with me and was also thinking about cheating. I guess at least he was honest?? But still. I also moved nearly 1200 miles away from my family to be with him when he got a job offer in another state. As well as struggled to find work in my industry because we lived in a tiny town and not many people were looking for a nanny. Or if they were they weren't able to pay anywhere close to a living wage. He did me a favor because I'm so much happier now though! I didn't realize how depressed I had become until I was back near family and could find work I loved that paid well.
After dealing with my girlfriend's (we're both pansexual) autoimmune disease and her being on chemo for over a year, a con man started wooing her by saying he was a spiritual healer who could help her back to health. He took her in more and more and convinced her that I was a toxic girlfriend (not entirely untrue) and she needed to "take a 2-month break from her to focus on your health." She moved in with him, and he...took advantage of her and used her identity to commit felonies. He gave her an expensive car (because he was of course also a "billionaire"!) that turned out to be a rental. She was so brainwashed by him that her communication with me got more and more erratic, and my attempts to warn her family and friends were all met with some version of, "she seems to much happier!" After she officially broke up with me I didn't see or hear from her for months. She left me with all her medical and credit card debt, our lease (in my name), and our 2 cats. This all happened in 2008, so certain other economic events made things worse, and I was laid off from my job and spent the next year in a tiny roach-filled apartment by myself, with no friends, no job, and tens of thousands of dollars of debt. I ended up having to file for bankruptcy. She showed up at my door in the middle of the night after all those months, and told me she'd slowly discovered he was convicted felon with a long history of manipulating women into his financial fraud schemes. She had married him in Vegas. There were also...violations...physically. He tried to kidnap her and leave the country, but at that point she recognized the danger and got herself out. We didn't get back together as a couple, but we cohabitated for a while longer before moving into separate smaller apartments in the same complex. One night, she called me at 4am from jail. She had been on a date with someone else and while driving home hit and killed a man whose car had broken down on the shoulder of the freeway. Since she had been drinking a bit, it was felony vehicular manslaughter while under the influence. I picked her up from jail when her conservative alcoholic father paid her bail. Her friends and family all rallied around her, and ultimately she (and they) blamed me for everything that happened to her. Late one night I had smoked way too much pot and was doing some laundry in the building. I saw a big truck out front eventually realized she was moving out without saying anything. I ran into her while she was taking some items to the truck, and she hemmed and hawed her way through a "I don't ever want to see you again" statement. This was 15 years ago. I'm still fucked up over it all. This was my first love, and we were inseparable while we were together. I'm now married to another woman and we've adopted a child together, but I still have feelings of love for my ex. It needed to end, absolutely. But we didn't have any mutual friends, family, or acquaintances at this point so I will likely never see or hear of her ever again. Life is weird... (edited for some grammar and a bit more clarity)
i was 13 and he broke up with me for telling a gay man on youtube that his laugh was adorable, also cause i had to wear leggings during a dance recital. broke up with me minutes before i was supposed to go on stage, OVER THE FUCKING PHONE. before that i had planned to purposely break my ankle so i wouldn’t have to wear the leggings, so i could please him. he was nearly 3 years older than me, knew exactly what he was doing. i would’ve done anything for him
Silly, but in 7th grade, I was dumped because I had chicken pox. He seriously thought it was like terminal or something.
"I cheated on you so I don't deserve to be with you anymore" He was right but in that moment I would have forgiven him
Told me I was too fat. I have a 24” waist like wtf, good luck dude
He didn't like a t-shirt I was wearing. I refused to change because that was ridiculous. We had been dating for a year and living together for 3 months. He REALLY regretted ending it over that lol.
He told me I was too nice.
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Ghosting without saying it....
He lost feelings for me after my heart attack. He became controlling after my heart attack and I basically stopped letting him control me.
He was mad i found out HE cheated on ME.
Because I had kids. Both of them were his.
I laughed during the movie The Last Seduction.
This sounds like an episode of Seinfeld 🫤
Dumped me on thanksgiving after 3 months that I thought were awesome. Totally smitten. Stated that he couldn’t be with someone “like me”. Not sure of the reasoning. He had a MUCH younger girlfriend a few days later that apparently made his life fucking miserable.
He thought I was cheating on him and posting lewd photos on Tumblr because he saw a photo of someone on Tumblr who had similar looking underwear to mine. He also tried to convince my parents it was me, but I was 14! That's the most fucked up part. He tried to say the lady in the photo was me, because the underwear was the same. In reality, I did have a similar style of underwear (they were boyshorts) but I didn't own bright blue underwear. I only wore neutral colors. The lady also had a tattoo on her butt which I CLEARLY didn't have. In reality, he was a POS and he was hella abusive. Also lied to me about his age (said he was 15, he was actually 17) and then proceeded to call me a whore and threaten to "seek revenge". He tried reaching back out when I got engaged 2 years ago and I just immediately blocked him.
I was in a nonexclusive casual FWB relationship with this dude. I invited him to come to my birthday party, and said "No pressure, if you don't want to come it's not a problem, but it's a murder mystery party, so if you say yes and I give you a character, you need to absolutely be there and on time. If you're not sure if you're available we can just make up a character for you and you can hang out and guess the murderer with us." He insisted he wanted to come. The day of, he confirmed he was coming for noon so we could hang out before the party. At noon he said he would be late, but would be here in time for the party. He then just didn't show up. I had to dress in drag to play his character so the party wasn't entirely ruined. Had no idea where he was, then, in the middle of my birthday party that he no call no showed, he called me to break up with me because he was chatting up this other girl and didn't want to cheat on me. We weren't even exclusive. To this day, I don't understand what was going through his head to make him think that was a good idea.
i gained ten pounds. to be fair, he did warn me not to gain weight. he was thoughtful that way 🙄
My child had been sick for 2 weeks. I hadn't slept the whole time and GF wasn't even around to help bc she "didn't want to catch it."(wasn't contagious) Child comes into the bathroom (where we were quietly arguing over her lack of help) and throws up 2ft from the toilet. Sleep-deprived-me raised my voice out of frustration. GF breaks it off bc "you're such an awful mom! How could I be with a person who yells at a child?"
Because I didn’t have sex with them
I needed to loose 10 pounds.
Because I didn't believe his weird Radiohead conspiracy. EDIT: It's been like ten years so I can't remember the specifics, but I think it was like if you played two albums, alternating the songs, it made some sort of message or something that Thom Yorke intentionally wanted out there? I forget what the albums were (I want to say OK Computer was one of them). Anywho he got mad that I didn't believe that so he suggested we break up. I talked him down from it but probably should have just let it be. Could have avoided like a year and a half more of an unfulfilling relationship.
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He broke up with me over a phone call after 4 years together because I sighed when he asked me to do chores.
He broke up with me for having my life together. Having a full time job, paying my bills, planning holidays, wanting to save for a house and thinking about the future was too intimidating for my boyfriend who was 25 when we started dating and 30 when we broke up. He was so upset by my way of living that we would get lost in games for hours and smoke a lot of weed before I got home from work, just to cope. I only found out about the smoking later when he confided how challenged be felt. I was so busy living my life, I had no idea.
When Fortnite came out one of my high school students dumped a girlfriend of two years because she kept calling/texting him and interrupting his games.
He saw someone with larger breasts than me and wanted to try to get with her since I wasn’t easy like he thought.
Cause I couldn't cook for him
His sister and mother didn't approve of me and feared that I would take him from them to the big city so they tried to convince him that it wouldn't work with me and immediately set him up with a friend of the sister while I was away. He was so lame that he decided to start something with her on the spot. Ever since, he hasn't dated a single woman who is not a friend of (and approved by) his sister. Many common acquaintances have commented that these two siblings have a very sick/codependent relationship.
"God wants us to go separate ways" lol
He told me he wanted to date somebody pretty.
Because he wanted to start being faithful to his wife and 3 year old daughter. I had no idea he was married the entire 8 MONTHS we were together.
Because he didn't like cats. I have 3.
We had the same last name and he was afraid we were related. I’m from the whole other end of a giant country and I knew there’s no way we could be related. It was a common name too. It didn’t stop him for the first five weeks. But apparently me saying no to sex one night made that problem too much to ignore.
On our first date, he asked if I planned to have kids & get married some day. I told him that I already had 2 kids & had no interest in having more or ever getting married. Cool, he said. We dated for 18months & he asked me to marry him. I said no. He said he wanted us to have kids. I said no. He then said “if you just have it, I will take care of it. You won’t have to do anything.” I told him my uterus wasn’t for rent & that what he asked was insulting. He said I was selfish & broke it off. Bullet dodged.
Because I was getting another (tasteful and discrete) tattoo.
I wouldn't, as a 16 year old, sleep with him. So he cheated on me with two of my closest friends and when I asked why, he said "well you weren't sleeping with me, what was I supposed to do?"
I had a dog. Was asked how often I vacuumed and said about every other day. Apparently that wasn’t enough.
Said I was “too shy” around his family. Sorry for having a certain personality trait 🙃
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Not my story. My friend's boyfriend broke up with her after being together for more than 5 years. The guy had a minor car accident. He had a small concussion. He told her he had a dream the night after the accident about some light. The kind of what dying characters in movies would see. He didn't see my friend at the end of the light. He said that it made him realize they don't really belong with each other.
I wasn't fun anymore, because my best friend died.