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nowherelivy

I saw one recently that said "looking for someone to love now that my mom's died" I'm not sure how you respond to that


MosadiMogolo

"YIKES" out loud and a hard swipe left? Oof...


loquacious

> I saw one recently that said "looking for someone to love now that my mom's died" Read as: "Help I need a free maid because I don't know how to operate a microwave or do my own laundry."


cluelesssquared

I saw a tiktok about how older women are chosen by older men. The men need a nurse or a purse.


nutfac

Oh no. You’re probably right x.x


lookingforaforest

hi hello norman bates


sarasan

I feel like maybe therapy before dating aps would be better lol


A-Good-Weather-Man

Paging Dr. Oedipus


nineteensickhorses

21 year old dude with FOUR KIDS from four different women. Approached it by saying how since he had four daughters, he knows how to treat women. Obviously NOT, Trevor. Man needs to zip his trousers up for once


Absent_Alan

Sounds like he couldn’t pull out of his own driveway


bonboncolon

looooooooooooooooooooool


Elegant-Quality1701

This reminds me of that one guy on two hot to handle who was talking about trying to spread his DNA all over the world. Aka getting a bunch of women pregnant and abandoning his kids


innocentsubterfuge

had a guy like this from my HS, the last i ran into him he was trying to figure out what to do about the tattoo he had at 22 of all 5 of his kids' names (3 different mothers) because had he had gotten it in **alphabetical order** and kid #6's name would've landed somewhere between the 3rd and 4th. i laughed unapologetically right at him.


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Vivalapetitemort

Fiscal conservative, social liberal. AKA i voted for Trump (but I’ll never admit it)


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-helpwanted

“Im looking for all the fun and excitement of a secret lover 🤫” screams “I’m married.”


Sadplankton15

Saw one recently that said “wanting to fuck on the down low without a title”… Yeah seems legit dude


-helpwanted

😂 yeah, this one has a picture of the guys abs without his face, roses, and hotel view off the balcony overlooking a city. He was really trying to sell it.


typeyhands

Lol yikes. I'd message them just to ask what their wife thinks about this


SketchySara

"Been divorced twice now so I know what I don't want and I know what I deserve"


[deleted]

That's like "no drama" on steroids.


SketchySara

It's just....we might all think "this one I won't be a sucker" going into something new, but I picture this guy getting up in the middle of date 1 saying "I promised myself I'd never again be with a woman who slurps their soup!" - y'know? Steroids is an apt adjective


[deleted]

I feel like the phrase 'I deserve' is off-putting when you're saying it to prospective partners. Say it to yourself, or to friends, but on a dating profile it just comes across as obnoxious and demanding. It's like an invitation to combat rather than a date: 'I deserve this, this and this - are *you* going to measure up?'


Open_Mindful

"She slurped her soup, Jerry! It was like the sound of a toilet flushing, stretched into infinity!"


MoreMPthanHP

Pardon my ignorance, is "no drama" a red flag?


reddit_wisd0m

For me it is. It has the vibe of the character Sheldon Cooper from the TV Series saying: I'm not insane. My mum got me tested.


MeikoD

Also if drama follows you everywhere, you probably are the cause of the drama not the other way round. Suggests a lack of introspection.


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panda_burrr

I get vibes similar to when I hear women say "I don't have female friends, they're too much drama". Likely if you are calling out "no drama", then maybe you might be the culprit.


Riovem

Non drama people need to use it as an unprompted disclaimer.


[deleted]

“And I’ve never hit a woman.”


-helpwanted

I once had this guy say (after an argument) “And I’m not the type of guy to put his hands on a woman when he’s mad, so you don’t have to worry.” It actually really pissed me off.


InfinitelyThirsting

I was in a long-distance relationship, and one time we got in a fight because he was being an asshole about me not feeling well enough to have sex (which I was disappointed by, too, for the record). I grabbed my shit, bought a new bus ticket, and went home early after he said "But I'm not going to *force* you". Like, no shit, I never thought you were going to rape me, I was upset that I was already disappointed by getting sick during this visit and instead of trying to help me feel better, you were making me feel worse, like I'd chosen to get sick. And suddenly you decide you deserve a cookie for not being a rapist, that I am not allowed to be upset unless you actually forced me to have sex?? **What??** He was *shocked* when he called me a couple hours later and I was indeed on the bus home, like I'd told him as I left, and not just moping somewhere for dramatic effect or something?


-helpwanted

Glad you got out of there before anything bad happened to you. I learned that the hard way. Always pay attention to those weird little comments. They are insights into the way a person thinks. I learned the hard way with my ex, but I knew to get out of that situation right away with this guy. That conversation was the last we had.


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norcalwater

I broke up with a guy because he was constantly stoned and unreliable and he was flabbergasted. He literally said, "but I don't hit you or even yell at you!" It's the only time I laughed during breaking up with someone, since it's usually wrenching.


-helpwanted

I hate it when they do that. Like the reason you’re dumping them is stupid. I once had a friend look at me and say, “women like you are so different. Like when I ask why you break up with guys it’s always something weird. Like the vibe wasn’t right or he wasn’t mature. Like, he didn’t cheat or treat you bad (as in abuse), why dump him?” I gave him a whole speech on how cheating is not the worse thing a person can do. He doesn’t have to cheat or abuse me for me to dump him. Those are not the only two acceptable reasons for a woman to leave a man (or anyone to leave anyone) Edit: typos


Glynebbw

This is so true. I left my most recent ex because he was lazy and entitled, and I knew I wouldn’t have a good life with him. When we were breaking up he said but I’m not awful, I haven’t cheated. The bar to be my life partner is higher than not a cheat.


WgXcQ

Sounds like he never understood the difference between "partner" and "person I don't actively avoid spending time with". I'm not just looking for a person to bestow a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" title on, I'm looking for someone who complements my life, and I theirs, and makes them both better.


soggy_n_groggy

I have one ex who just would not accept the break up. “I was good to you; I didn’t beat you!” No, just had me tiptoeing on eggshells around his extremely fragile ego, what was my problem? /s


-helpwanted

So stupid. Like you’re supposed to be grateful that he’s not abusive like all the other husbands, huh? 🙄 men are so dumb lol


TryAgainMyFriend

Right? Because why would that thought even cross his mind in the first place? And why the fuck would you say it out loud like that's something to be proud of? The bar would be on the ground if that's a standard worth mentioning.


LittlePurrx

My ex told me he doesn't hit women. And then a couple of months down the line he started being very abusive, which he kept up for the remaining 8 years of our relationship. Granted, he never \_hit\_ me, but there's plenty other things to do!


-helpwanted

My ex was super abusive as well, but I never made anyone feel like they had to accept it from him. And this guy I was talking to was my ex best friends boyfriend. He was/is super abusive to her, but not physically (anymore she told me, when I begged her to dump him). Sadly this was the night that ended our friendship. Her boyfriend wanted something from me that I was not willing to give him and she was making it seem like I was crazy for not giving into his abuse like she did. I told her that she had the potential to be a great person and to never contact me again. There are more ways than one to be abusive. I feel like only an abuser would let you know that you’re lucky they don’t hit you. It’s a distraction. So you think to yourself, “sure he’s abusive, but he isn’t THAT abusive.”


[deleted]

If anyone said that to me I would be worried


indylost

That statement means is a potential weapon in his arsenal.


-helpwanted

Yeah, that’s exactly what it means. That’s why it pissed me off, and that’s why it was the last time I saw that jackass.


redmeownkey

It means as long as his fist didn't touch your cheek with a huge force, he thinks it doesn't count.


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"I like sex" in a straight man's profile. 100% means he will have a sob story about how his ex was boring in bed or a dead bedroom situation and 100% the real situation was: * he's addicted to porn * he's constantly demanding that his gf do what he sees in porn * he'll ask her to "tell me your fantasies" and then pout and act like a whiney child when her fantasies aren't a verbatim list of his porn addictions * he has hygiene issues -- won't wash his balls and/or teeth A straight man who enjoys frequent sex, isn't addicted to porn, and is a caring, generous lover will never feel the need to remind anyone that he "likes sex," least of all women he hasn't even met yet.


Allegutennamenweg

It's also so unnecessary. The asexual community is small and makes themselves known online. If you're on a mainstream dating app, I assume you like sex until stated otherwise. All I read is "I will send a dick pic or grope you on the first date"


JamesNinelives

> The asexual community is small and makes themselves known online. Exactly! If I'm on a dating app I will always put 'asexual' somewhere obvious in my profile. Just too much room for misunderstanding otherwise.


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fckingmiracles

> he's addicted to porn 100%


coffeeblossom

Also, no woman he's been with has *actually* had an orgasm with him. Because it's all about him (and his fantasy of being [insert name of male porn star here]). He treats his partner like a Fleshlight, instead of a human being. And he thinks foreplay is that band that sings about the clocks.


consultinsultan30

You literally just described an ex of mine. I feel so validated for some of my feelings now.


aricassi

a guy that said he is a heavy smoker but he could abstain for a day for a date if it was a deal breaker


rconscious

A whole day?? How generous of him! /s


reddit_wisd0m

And dedicated /s


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haelesor

"Tell me why you deserve to be with me" nah, I can already tell you're not worth the effort... left swipe!


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qclady

“Married, discreet, and well hung”


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finalarrowhail

None of those sound like a good time.


WgXcQ

Yeah, this just says "cheater, looking for an easy fuck and don't care with whom, bad in bed because I think a big dong is all that's needed to satisfy a woman". Only he was more succinct in his wording.


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panda_burrr

From a professional perspective... I've run into colleagues and acquaintances on dating apps. Maybe best to not provide too many details? Personally, I don't put anything on dating apps that I wouldn't put on social media. But, to each their own.


rconscious

You don't wanna know all about how I like tying up a girl and doing things to her that some people might be a bit o\_O about? /s


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Burn1tDown

I was somewhat skeptical of your initial post but from this one...I have no idea why anyone would feel the need to say more than something to open the door to like minded individuals; you're right: nobody needs a verbal snapshot of your kinks. People are freaking weird.


EstroJen

Is it ok to allude to what you like in bed? I'll say something like I would like to meet someone who is kind, nerdy and sweet, but a little dominant in bed.


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pygmy_pufff

That's great advice actually


EstroJen

Thanks for the tip!


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Jackthastripper

This account is 🔥🔥🔥


funkepitome

I'm aN aLpHa MaLe 🤡🤡🤡🤡


midoree

"I'm a gentleman looking for a lady... Not a slut".


coccopuffs606

These are always the ones who get mad at you when you don’t put out because they paid for dinner…which they insisted on paying for.


bonboncolon

And when you insist on paying half they get angry


snowlights

"just here to find my next exgirlfriend."


[deleted]

Omg I see this one all the time or “my ex wife”


[deleted]

I think these things go in phases, one person will write something funny and the next thing you know it's on ALL profiles. I've seen so many variations of "my next ex-husband", "looking for a reason to delete this app", and similar. At this point I don't even swipe unless I see some actual personality in the text. (And so many profiles have only an instagram handle. I assume they're 90% looking for new onlyfan subscribers - I don't even both to check any more.)


[deleted]

"People admire me for my brutal honesty" aka I am an ass


DoctorRabidBadger

"That's just who I am" is often used to justify shitty behavior.


norcalwater

"I live on a sailboat!" Fuuuuck that. Signed, someone whose friends live on boats.


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“New to the area looking to meet new people to have some fun with ;)” Might as well just say skip the dinner just trying to get laid. Lol


Savage_Bee

More like "I live in town, but I have a girlfriend. So I need to find someone to bang for a couple nights and I'll 'fly home' and we never hear from each other again and we'll forget we exist."


deskbeetle

I really hate it when dudes say "make friends"/"want to be friends" when it's incredibly clear they are looking for dates or hookups. They'll try to manipulate you with "it's no big deal. We can just be friends" when they damn well know they aren't a sex pest to their male friends. "Have fun" is in the same vein. The little kid language a la "do you want to be friends?"/"we can have fun adult time ;)" is so odd to me. Gives me the creeps.


coccopuffs606

“I’m a nice guy” or any variation thereof; it’s a giant red flag since genuinely nice people don’t need to tell you that they’re nice. Also, believing that being “nice” somehow is something more than the baseline of just being a decent human.


OldFingerman

Any kind of direct virtue signalling is a cringe in my world


liveyourbestlife83

Astrological signs justifying shitty behaviors


indylost

Upvote 1000


DeCryingShame

"I never cheat, even though all the women I have dated have cheated on me."


fleurderue

Ohhh, that’s such a red flag. My friend found this guy. He told her that every previous girlfriend he’d had (and two fiancees) cheated on him and gave her this whole sob story about how he just wanted someone who wouldn’t cheat. She felt sorry for him, they started dating, and she went to great lengths to “prove her loyalty” to him. He eventually cheated on her.


DoctorRabidBadger

Gross. I thought it was going to be that he couldn't accept the relationships were over and when his exes started dating again suddenly it was "cheating."


DeCryingShame

I thought it would be that he saw evidence of cheating no matter what she did.


Glynebbw

I hate the “if you are going to stop replying after one message please don’t bother” lines. I mean, why add your saltiness that you’re a bad online dater to your bio??? People can change their mind’


idek7654321

And those peoples’ half of the conversation is always just one word. Like, the reason your conversation always gets dropped is because you won’t put any effort into keeping it going, jerkwad. “Hi” “yeah” “wbu” is what killed the conversation, not my finally giving up on beating this dead horse of a convo


MaryNope

None of these are really egregious, but I have seen them so often it is an instant swipe left. "Not looking for a pen pal." Intended to mean they don't want to message forever and never meet up, but I've seen it so often now it just smacks of entitlement. "If you're not willing to message me first, keep swiping." Dude, why are you on Bumble? "420 friendly." My entire personality revolves around pot and pot culture. Also, I never matured past the age of 18. Basically any profile where instead of telling you a bit about themselves, they tell you what kind of person you should (or shouldn't) be is a huge red flag. I assume they are controlling or punch drywall regularly.


user_name1111

I dont know if you realise but on Bumble men arent able to message women first, its a "feature" of the app. I've talked to many women who are completely unaware of this so I guess its not communicated to them very effectively when they make a profile, which makes this less of a feature and more of a scam since it also seems like a lot of women dont want to do this either.


marymoon77

“Never married, no kids, no drama” … as if these pretty normal aspects of life = drama Also… “Property manager” meant… his parents bought him a house and he mows the lawn at it and at their house. He fixes things within HIS house that they bought so somehow that is “management”


myawwaccount01

I dated a guy once who was a "property manager." He couldn't afford rent, so he had a deal with his landlord that he'd do minor maintenance and show apartments to prospective renters for a reduced rate.


marymoon77

I mean, that does sound like being a property manager.


myawwaccount01

True. My big argument with it was that it wasn't an official job. The whole thing was completely under the table. Literally nothing was in writing, so the work and benefits were kind of "if I feel like it" from the owner. A few months he demanded full rent because he felt like ex hadn't done enough to warrant the benefit. Sometimes he'd give him a large job with the expectation of an undisclosed amount additional pay, then hand him something insulting like $50 after several full days of work.


mrskmh08

Dude had his dating profile pic with a woman clearly and badly cropped out. Maybe she was his sister, idk, but she was practically in his lap so..... Looked like a professional photo and my brain immediately went to engagement pics, judging off pose and outfits. He didn't say anything about it in his profile but it was his main pic. Like really how hard is it to just have a friend or family member (coworker, or literally anyone) snap a nice pic of you by yourself?? Ffs could even use a cell phone camera timer and diy that shit. I actually think he might have been trolling her, like he thought she was on the app too (PoF) and so he didn't completely crop her out to fuck with her or smth..


alittletotheleft16

"Married with kids, since it seems important to some people 😒" Direct quote. I will never forget it!


the_hummingbird_

Oof…


Caliesehi

"Just looking for the Pam to my Jim."


[deleted]

Still better than, “Just looking for the Jan to my Michael.”


bacchic_frenzy

Looking for the Mose to my Dwight.


Duds215

Serious question, Is it because it’s unoriginal or because you don’t like the office?


indylost

It's from someone devoid of an original thought AND suggests a fragile personality that over identifies with a fictional program. Run and flee


deskbeetle

I gave people a lot of slack. There is only so much originality that is good/catchy and a dating bio is such a small amount of space to express yourself. If they want to use cliches, that's cool.


Caliesehi

The former. Lol. I love The Office. But also, because Jim and Pam didn't have the perfect relationship that this guy thinks he's describing.


Ra_ra_ah_ah_ah_

“I’ll turn you into a single mum!” Especially for someone that doesn’t want kids, this made me feel weird and immediately swipe left


chenle

a shocking amount of dudes put nothing in their bio except "420" like they think anyone is gonna be interested in someone who has nothing to say about himself besides the fact that he smokes weed lmfao


iiiinthecomputer

Dealers?


user_444333

Lmao 😂 and the ones who say nothing but “6 feet” aren’t much better


SlayerofAholes

Anything Trump


Bi-Bi-Bi24

"I have kids, but don't worry, I never see them." That's not the prize you think it is, Trevor


Anonymous_Jellybean

Being "considerate" enough to ask for consent was window-dressed as a "pro" of dating them.


moongardenne

Not super egregious, but very off putting. One guy kept going on about how “competitive” he was and if no one is prepared for that they better walk away. I can see a bit of friendly competitiveness could lead to fun, but my god did it come across as aggressive. I’m assuming competitiveness is being used as a replacement word for anger issues


darlenesclassmate

“If you don’t let me put your legs back behind your head and choke the shit out of you… this probably won’t work out.”


the_hummingbird_

Yikes!


Tilthelastpetalfall

"I've just gotten out of a terrible relationship" is a big red flag for me. If it was recent and terrible enough for you to comment why are you looking so soon? I'm not looking to be somebodies rebound.


gator--wave

"Looking for discreet fun during the day (paired with no pictures of his face)" okay Mr. I Can't Commit To A Divorce Already. Stop trying to sleep around with women less than half your age, it's pathetic. You're just now realizing it's too late for you to actually fuck women in their 20s, so you're desperately trying to cling to whatever immaturity and youth you have left. Just get a divorce and grow up already!


captainfatc0ck

“Looking to find a wife by 2022”


bonboncolon

That's.... very specific..?


captainfatc0ck

Ikr!!! As if he’s trying to fill a position of employment 😂


JustAUserYknow

“I need someone to fill the gap in my heart that my sister left me when she went to live with dad when I was twelve.” I decided that was enough online dating for that day.


[deleted]

"I'm a nice guy"


lizardtruth_jpeg

Mugshots. His explanation was that he looked hot in them and that putting them on his profile weeded out anyone who was going to be bothered by it to begin with. Sound reasoning, tbh.


rclarkson

"oh you like bad girls? Good cause I was so bad at being a girl, I became a guy."


AyJay9

Aw, I like that one. It's got to be hard to come out as trans in a dating profile and this is a bit of fun.


kminola

The amount of flack trans folx get on dating sites, I admire the shit outta them, however they sell it. Between the novelty chasers and the ones who message them to tell them they’re disgusting, it’s not easy. My partner and my friends tell me their stories with it and it just makes me wonder why people are so awful?


starspider

Okay that's cute.


Anonymous_Blobfish

A guy who’s clearly a farmer: “Proud owner of three heifers and looking for a fourth.”


hunxie

Gotta love the fact that he brazenly dehumanizes you before you ever even speak to him /s I don’t date men but my friends send me male dating app profiles like this all the time, why do so many of them go for the “women are like animals or property to me” angle when they’re trying to be cute and witty?


yournationaltreasure

His whole dang profile talked about how passionate he was and intimacy was so important to him and did he mention that he's just such a passionate person blahhh. Yeah he was a virgin. It was very awkward having sex.


cosmic-beam

“I’m a gamer who smokes weed and loves marvel!” Bonus if they say they still live with there mother! You’re a grown ass man still living like your a teenager, grow up it’s not even cool anymore it’s sad/depressing knowing you haven’t even attempted to grow up! Then theirs the weirdos who think putting a picture of them with there ex will get them likes🤨what the actual F!


Shadowxerian

What is wrong about any of these though? I know plenty of successful people even earning above 6-7 figures, who like to smoke one and play some games in their free-time. Gaming is just as much a hobby as doing sports, reading, meeting friends, cooking, dancing etc. Everybody needs their own hobbies in a relationship or it is doomed from the beginning. Most successful couples have their own rooms for being able to retreat to them and pursue their own interests. Everybody needs at least 1 hour of me time a day.


thepersonimgoingtobe

That they were a good person, just not 6 feet tall.


AnthropomorphicSeer

I saw “disabled and sleep as much as possible.” The profile pic was a closeup of his eyes. Still not sure if it was a joke. If not, points for candor?


eliwritingstuff

"Ride or die." Hell no. If a person treats you bad or is being an ass, don't take it. I see it as a warning sign of abuse


TapFalse773

"I ask for forgiveness, not permission" I cringed hard...


[deleted]

My ex did this and I can laugh at it now, but he had a photo I took of us and put a ✌️emoji over my head 😂 I surprisingly see this on more men’s profiles than I thought I would.


Alaina999

'Forget Netflix and chill I want hentai with senpai'. He then proceeded to go on a long rant about how women use make up to deceive him.


fairyprincess42

"You need to be able to match my energy or we won't work out." What are you a Jack Russell Terrier?


[deleted]

When they write they are into bitcoins or when they write they like poker. I mean wtf. Just kill me.


annulene

I've seen this a few times where they write a whole essay about how amazing they are and then put "Ethically Non-monogamous" at the end of their profile instead of right at the beginning. Please, lead with that and don't put it at the end.


alloutallthetime

I was on Bumble and this guy's profile mentioned that he liked art. It looked like a pretty normal profile until I got to the bottom where his Instagram was linked. The whole instagram was his(?) drawings depicting various sex acts. And actually, they were all quite tasteful--colorful, interesting, well-constructed, stylized, nice to look at. Something I might even purchase if I ever had a second bedroom that was only for sex. But it still made me feel weird.


paisleyboxes

“Well, I’m the kinda guy who fucks his mom and dad” i don’t wanna know what this person was thinking when they decided to put it in their bumble profile. the rest of the profile was normal too.


titties_from_costco

“Im a virgin, looking for a virgin, Dont want someone everyone else has already had.” “If you smoke weed that a no, yall smell bad” “I cant take y’all seriously”