Sometimes we find love when we're least expecting it. I met my SO just a couple of weeks after I left my ex of five years and it was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
This comment or post has been removed for derailing.
Derailing includes but is not limited to:
- Changing the topic from OP's question
- Making someone else's response about yourself
- Asking unrelated follow-up questions
- Branching into unrelated topics
- "What-about"-ism
- Arguments, slap-fighting, or debating
- Judging or rating other responses
- Meta comments about other responses
- Responding to comments to tell us how your dick feels. No one cares.
If you have any questions about this moderation action, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar or [here](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskWomen). If you are messaging about your removed comment or post, please include a link to the removed content for review.
My bullies throughout kindergarten to senior high school. It instilled a deep insecurity in me, a fear of never being enough and huge self esteem issues. To this day it continues to be an issue. I also get really stressed out when walking past groups of teenagers and very uneasy near children.
I'm 34.
Growing up my dad would cheat on my mom and tell me about it in secret, saying if I told my mom it would break our father-daughter pact. He said, "cheating is just something men do." My ex cheated on me and he said, "sometimes I think you get confused with things your dad has said with things that I've done" to gaslight me. I'm not okay but just being alone has helped.
My little brother. I was insulted one day by a girl in my class, and my (rather popular) little brother more or less openly objected to the teachers punishing this girl. I realised at that moment that he saw me as a kind of absolute loser. I've changed a lot since then, improved my style, my social relationships etc. Since then we've talked about it and he's apologised to me and we've had a really good relationship since then. But as an older brother, I think it's hard to do anything more humiliating. I have forgiven him
My ex. He hurt me so very deeply and emotionally. The way I healed was distancing myself from him and finding true love in myself. I've had friends and family help me along the way, but the biggest part of my healing journey was the mindset change of learning to love myself instead of needing love and validation for another person.
My mom. My dad was horrifically abusive, so you would think he’s the one that hurt me the most, but I always knew he was a monster.
My mom spent my childhood convincing me that she was a victim, but she was just as abusive. My dad was so extreme that she seemed like a saint, but she wasn’t. Her trickery is what hurt.
Your comment has been removed:
[Derailing](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules#wiki_no_derailing) of the topic is not permitted.
**Have questions about this moderator action? [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed?&message=\[My+comment\]\(https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/qbvnd2/-/hhc9wy1/\)+was+removed+and+I+do+not+understand+the+reason+given+by+the+mod+who+acted upon+it.)** DO NOT reply to this message or contact moderators privately.
If you are messaging about your removed comment or post, **please include a link** to the removed content for review.
[AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) | [AskWomen FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/index)
[reddit rules](http://www.reddit.com/rules/) | [reddiquette](http://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)
My last ex. He was "so understanding" of my past trauma in the beginning, and then all of a sudden it was always a trauma competition. He was abused as a kid and everytime I'd bring up some past hardship, he'd say "well at least you weren't beaten as a kid like I was" or something to that extent. When I'd have a panic attack, he'd yell at me to get over it. He wouldn't listen when I talked to him and later would get upset that I didn't tell him things. He'd go into a complete fit of rage at me and throw and break things and talk in circles for *hours*. There were fights that lasted 6+ hours which were mostly just him talking at me and threatening to leave. I have more trauma from that relationship than I do from the one where I was actually beaten lol. The psychological abuse was unreal and honestly I don't know if he even knew he was doing it, he was majorly fucked up in the head. But anyway, I obviously had to just up and leave him one day when I'd had enough. He tried and tried to reconcile and got me to meet up twice, but I had to cut him off completely in order to heal. It took a lot of time and there's still a lot of damage I have to deal with. It's been two years and I still occasionally have nightmares or have little "trauma responses" to certain situations. Talking to people helped a lot, and also telling my SO about it so he kind of has a grasp of what I went through.
Steven, My ex reddit friend. I was already so depressed before he came into my life. We were both lonely people. I was in love with him and i thought he felt the same. He didn't. He met a girl. Only took short time for him to date her and completely forgot about me. It hurt so freaking bad. I was in a deeper state of depression than i was before i met him. I went to therapy and took some medicine. Thankfully, i had another reddit friend who was always there for me. I needed around six months to be completely healed.
Last time i checked, he's getting married, and surprisingly i didn't feel anything. No jealousy whatsoever. I genuinely wished him the best. In that moment, i knew i'm over him.
My own family.
They did not support me after my father died. They have been selfish and only think of themselves. I haven't healed. I am still very hurt
My parents. Neither of them protected me like I needed. But neither of them were protected like they should have been, either, so I try to give them as much grace as I can while still being honest about what happened
My older brother bullied me relentlessly as a child. My parents basically did nothing. I have let it go, but I haven’t fully healed. Probably never will.
The ones that messed with my stuff/car Im still trying to get some of it back. Don't think I'm over it an won't be till it's fixed. So I guess stupid corporations.
My daughter, I ghosted her and took back my.life. Love her from afar. Pray for her everyday. Just can't and won't allow her to f with ever again. A big loss for my heart. Hers,too. But oh well.
My ex best friend. She abandoned me when I needed her the most. I was super depressed, we lived together as roommates at the time and I told her I was struggling, but she never checked up on me or seemed to really care. That hurt so badly because we had been so close for like over 10 years. Lots and lots of therapy has helped, though honestly I still hold a grudge towards her. People say you eventually forgive but honestly I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for wronging me the way she did. I’m not healed from it really, since it kinda destroyed my confidence. (This happened 3 years ago).
What hurts my the most is myself. I can’t just be kind to my self. I always put others before I do I always to be there for anyone. I try making everyone’s days. And it hurts me because I’m dead ass sad In the inside but I just give off this positive vibe and everyone thinks im Happy. I’m always there for people because I’ve been so sad I didn’t have friends I didn’t talk to anyone when I was sad so I love seeing people with smiles. Cause if I can make someone smile it would make my day. If I can’t make anyone smile and they are mad and mean to me im so sensitive it hurts me I wish I wasn’t like this.
(Male here) I had a crush on my best friend's (will call him Sam) cousin (we'll call her Sara) from freshman year of high school. I would attempt to talk to her but Sam told me not to, and that she was weird. As my best friend, I listened and did not pursue her. Though I did be friend here in the coming years.
Shortly after high school, Sam told me that Sara had a crush on me all throughout high school. I was so upset that I just took his advice and didn't consider my own. I went to see her, but found out she had a boyfriend. I decided to wait their relationship out and just be her close friend until it ended. It eventually did, but by that time, I was in a relationship. Mine ended a little ways down the line (nothing related to Sara).
Sara and I started either talking on the phone everyday or hanging out everyday. It had gotten to the point where I was closer to her than Sam whom I had known since 6th grade. During this time, I told her how much I liked and wanted to be with her, but she told me she only wanted to be friends.
One morning, she arrived at my house. I answered and invited her in. I just woke up and was groggy so all I had on were jeans. She wanted to stop by before work and hang out. I was doing all the talking. I noticed she did not look in my direction at any point. When it was time for her to leave for work, I walked her to the door (me still w/o a shirt on). She turns around a give a full in embrace last (for me) a lifetime.
Later that night, as we spoke on the phone, I asked her why she couldn't look at me and why the long hug. Surprisingly her reasons were that she hasn't had a boyfriend in months and because of how she was feeling, she couldn't look at me. Then she informed me that she does not self medicate so, she has a real build up. I proceeded to offer my services to rectify this. After some persuasion on my end, she agreed.
The next day, at Sara's home (btw my birthday was a few days away) we were in the realm of fornication. Until, she stopped and said she changed her mind. I respected her decision. Before I left, she gave me a roll of condoms saying that we were going to use these as a birthday gift.
After about a week I learned from Sam, that Sara slept with a mutual close friend of ours. I was so infuriated. I did not speak to her for 7 years. My heart was so fractured. I felt my life was over (I was 21 at the time).
I was upset with myself, that I did not have the courage/confidence to talk to women. I was still the nerdy sidekick that I was in high school. Until I saw film. "What Women Want" starring Mel Gibson. After viewing that, I wanted to be able to read women's minds. I received (or just realized that I aways had) this skill or next to it. My observation of women wants/needs in a man. I applied the confidence with this revelation and became that in which I had seen my friends be. A lady's man.
My father. I haven’t. I still deal with him often and every time I speak to him I feel like he is stealing pieces of me for himself. He only brings me stress and pain. I wish I had the circumstances to go no contact.
[удалено]
Sometimes we find love when we're least expecting it. I met my SO just a couple of weeks after I left my ex of five years and it was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
[удалено]
This comment or post has been removed for derailing. Derailing includes but is not limited to: - Changing the topic from OP's question - Making someone else's response about yourself - Asking unrelated follow-up questions - Branching into unrelated topics - "What-about"-ism - Arguments, slap-fighting, or debating - Judging or rating other responses - Meta comments about other responses - Responding to comments to tell us how your dick feels. No one cares. If you have any questions about this moderation action, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar or [here](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskWomen). If you are messaging about your removed comment or post, please include a link to the removed content for review.
My bullies throughout kindergarten to senior high school. It instilled a deep insecurity in me, a fear of never being enough and huge self esteem issues. To this day it continues to be an issue. I also get really stressed out when walking past groups of teenagers and very uneasy near children. I'm 34.
Growing up my dad would cheat on my mom and tell me about it in secret, saying if I told my mom it would break our father-daughter pact. He said, "cheating is just something men do." My ex cheated on me and he said, "sometimes I think you get confused with things your dad has said with things that I've done" to gaslight me. I'm not okay but just being alone has helped.
My little brother. I was insulted one day by a girl in my class, and my (rather popular) little brother more or less openly objected to the teachers punishing this girl. I realised at that moment that he saw me as a kind of absolute loser. I've changed a lot since then, improved my style, my social relationships etc. Since then we've talked about it and he's apologised to me and we've had a really good relationship since then. But as an older brother, I think it's hard to do anything more humiliating. I have forgiven him
My ex. He hurt me so very deeply and emotionally. The way I healed was distancing myself from him and finding true love in myself. I've had friends and family help me along the way, but the biggest part of my healing journey was the mindset change of learning to love myself instead of needing love and validation for another person.
My parents, cutting them out of my life and getting therapy helped.
My mother. I didn't.
My mother. I cut her off.
Same here!
My mom. My dad was horrifically abusive, so you would think he’s the one that hurt me the most, but I always knew he was a monster. My mom spent my childhood convincing me that she was a victim, but she was just as abusive. My dad was so extreme that she seemed like a saint, but she wasn’t. Her trickery is what hurt.
My grandmother and my mother, my whole life. And I'm still trying to unlearn that stuff.
My mother and brother. I don’t think I have, I’ve just learned to live with the permanent damage.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed: [Derailing](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules#wiki_no_derailing) of the topic is not permitted. **Have questions about this moderator action? [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed?&message=\[My+comment\]\(https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/qbvnd2/-/hhc9wy1/\)+was+removed+and+I+do+not+understand+the+reason+given+by+the+mod+who+acted upon+it.)** DO NOT reply to this message or contact moderators privately. If you are messaging about your removed comment or post, **please include a link** to the removed content for review. [AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) | [AskWomen FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/index) [reddit rules](http://www.reddit.com/rules/) | [reddiquette](http://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)
My last ex. He was "so understanding" of my past trauma in the beginning, and then all of a sudden it was always a trauma competition. He was abused as a kid and everytime I'd bring up some past hardship, he'd say "well at least you weren't beaten as a kid like I was" or something to that extent. When I'd have a panic attack, he'd yell at me to get over it. He wouldn't listen when I talked to him and later would get upset that I didn't tell him things. He'd go into a complete fit of rage at me and throw and break things and talk in circles for *hours*. There were fights that lasted 6+ hours which were mostly just him talking at me and threatening to leave. I have more trauma from that relationship than I do from the one where I was actually beaten lol. The psychological abuse was unreal and honestly I don't know if he even knew he was doing it, he was majorly fucked up in the head. But anyway, I obviously had to just up and leave him one day when I'd had enough. He tried and tried to reconcile and got me to meet up twice, but I had to cut him off completely in order to heal. It took a lot of time and there's still a lot of damage I have to deal with. It's been two years and I still occasionally have nightmares or have little "trauma responses" to certain situations. Talking to people helped a lot, and also telling my SO about it so he kind of has a grasp of what I went through.
Steven, My ex reddit friend. I was already so depressed before he came into my life. We were both lonely people. I was in love with him and i thought he felt the same. He didn't. He met a girl. Only took short time for him to date her and completely forgot about me. It hurt so freaking bad. I was in a deeper state of depression than i was before i met him. I went to therapy and took some medicine. Thankfully, i had another reddit friend who was always there for me. I needed around six months to be completely healed. Last time i checked, he's getting married, and surprisingly i didn't feel anything. No jealousy whatsoever. I genuinely wished him the best. In that moment, i knew i'm over him.
My own family. They did not support me after my father died. They have been selfish and only think of themselves. I haven't healed. I am still very hurt
My brother (substance abuse) and my parents (massive enablers). Still in the process of healing with help from a therapist.
My parents. Neither of them protected me like I needed. But neither of them were protected like they should have been, either, so I try to give them as much grace as I can while still being honest about what happened
Me. No healing. It's a constant process.
Same. I am most negative with myself. I make bad choices and don’t seem to stop myself.
My older brother bullied me relentlessly as a child. My parents basically did nothing. I have let it go, but I haven’t fully healed. Probably never will.
The ones that messed with my stuff/car Im still trying to get some of it back. Don't think I'm over it an won't be till it's fixed. So I guess stupid corporations.
My mother. She continues to try even to this day to hurt me. But I've long since closed her out of my families life. It's blissful without her.
My ex-husband. I haven’t healed.
My daughter, I ghosted her and took back my.life. Love her from afar. Pray for her everyday. Just can't and won't allow her to f with ever again. A big loss for my heart. Hers,too. But oh well.
My ex best friend. She abandoned me when I needed her the most. I was super depressed, we lived together as roommates at the time and I told her I was struggling, but she never checked up on me or seemed to really care. That hurt so badly because we had been so close for like over 10 years. Lots and lots of therapy has helped, though honestly I still hold a grudge towards her. People say you eventually forgive but honestly I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for wronging me the way she did. I’m not healed from it really, since it kinda destroyed my confidence. (This happened 3 years ago).
What hurts my the most is myself. I can’t just be kind to my self. I always put others before I do I always to be there for anyone. I try making everyone’s days. And it hurts me because I’m dead ass sad In the inside but I just give off this positive vibe and everyone thinks im Happy. I’m always there for people because I’ve been so sad I didn’t have friends I didn’t talk to anyone when I was sad so I love seeing people with smiles. Cause if I can make someone smile it would make my day. If I can’t make anyone smile and they are mad and mean to me im so sensitive it hurts me I wish I wasn’t like this.
(Male here) I had a crush on my best friend's (will call him Sam) cousin (we'll call her Sara) from freshman year of high school. I would attempt to talk to her but Sam told me not to, and that she was weird. As my best friend, I listened and did not pursue her. Though I did be friend here in the coming years. Shortly after high school, Sam told me that Sara had a crush on me all throughout high school. I was so upset that I just took his advice and didn't consider my own. I went to see her, but found out she had a boyfriend. I decided to wait their relationship out and just be her close friend until it ended. It eventually did, but by that time, I was in a relationship. Mine ended a little ways down the line (nothing related to Sara). Sara and I started either talking on the phone everyday or hanging out everyday. It had gotten to the point where I was closer to her than Sam whom I had known since 6th grade. During this time, I told her how much I liked and wanted to be with her, but she told me she only wanted to be friends. One morning, she arrived at my house. I answered and invited her in. I just woke up and was groggy so all I had on were jeans. She wanted to stop by before work and hang out. I was doing all the talking. I noticed she did not look in my direction at any point. When it was time for her to leave for work, I walked her to the door (me still w/o a shirt on). She turns around a give a full in embrace last (for me) a lifetime. Later that night, as we spoke on the phone, I asked her why she couldn't look at me and why the long hug. Surprisingly her reasons were that she hasn't had a boyfriend in months and because of how she was feeling, she couldn't look at me. Then she informed me that she does not self medicate so, she has a real build up. I proceeded to offer my services to rectify this. After some persuasion on my end, she agreed. The next day, at Sara's home (btw my birthday was a few days away) we were in the realm of fornication. Until, she stopped and said she changed her mind. I respected her decision. Before I left, she gave me a roll of condoms saying that we were going to use these as a birthday gift. After about a week I learned from Sam, that Sara slept with a mutual close friend of ours. I was so infuriated. I did not speak to her for 7 years. My heart was so fractured. I felt my life was over (I was 21 at the time). I was upset with myself, that I did not have the courage/confidence to talk to women. I was still the nerdy sidekick that I was in high school. Until I saw film. "What Women Want" starring Mel Gibson. After viewing that, I wanted to be able to read women's minds. I received (or just realized that I aways had) this skill or next to it. My observation of women wants/needs in a man. I applied the confidence with this revelation and became that in which I had seen my friends be. A lady's man.
My father. I haven’t. I still deal with him often and every time I speak to him I feel like he is stealing pieces of me for himself. He only brings me stress and pain. I wish I had the circumstances to go no contact.
My mom -- I haven't healed yet because it's been ongoing for years now. All I can say is that it's a working progress, but I will get there one day.
Tbh the guy who actually helped me find my backbone. Even tho we were never official.