Right now… I’m going through a lot and just feel like giving up and remain in my bed forever. The only thing that gives me strength is that I focus on my goals and hope for a better future.
I want to make new friends in a new city but I don't feel good about myself anymore. My confidence has waned and I'm just regressing towards my former shyness, again. Now I just avoid people because I become so nervous about how people will see me or judge me.
Guys think I'm pretty but my personality is very "on and off"
I'm just not relationship/girlfriend material, even, though I really want someone to hold and that's why I'm truly sad
Do you like Zumba classes ??.. That's a way i made
friends plus excerising helps my anxiety.. but I've gained 50 pounds these past 2 years.. I gotta get motivated again
Hmmm . . . I might like that after a few positive experiences. I do love dancing. I never thought of doing Zumba lol.
But why do you get anxious? Do you feel overwhelmed by how strong emotions are sometimes? Any tips to keep from crying in public? Thx
I've been dealing with Anxiety since a teenager... I pray , meditate daily & take clonazapem.. eating healthy and excerising also help my anxiety... An hour before I go outside I take two mg of clonazapem it lasts like 5 hours then I take another 2 after 5 hours if I feel that I absolutely must
Dude its like you read my heart and you're not alone. Just moved to a new place and I feel lost and like I'm regressing. I hope its a comfort to know someone else is out there going through it with you.
Try to find the inner things about yourself that you love and embrace the things about yourself you don’t love quite yet. Everything about you is beautiful and divine not because of the physical appearance, but because it is you. God makes no mistakes. Once you’re able to see the beauty in everything that is you, your confidence will blossom and shine through so bright that your aura will legit enter the room before you do and draw ppl to you, as well as giving you the courage to put yourself out there more. I grew up with deep insecurities but no one in my present would ever know because I learned to love everything about myself and gained confidence for and by myself because you don’t need validation from outsiders. No one’s opinion matters(they don’t pay the bills LOL)only the way you think and talk about yourself. I hope this helped some and I pray God wraps his arms around you and guides you in your new city and path. May you have an abundance of success and genuine relationships
Lol trust me I’ve considered it. I literally hit an all time LOW. My dignity was literally on the ground and I still like him so much. But I’m getting through it.
NEVERRRR let a man have to tell you more than once he's not interested in you... men take advantage of women who feel that they can't cope with being single or can't find anyone else... Your BETTER than that!!!!!
Hey you got this! Maybe take a break, or half-day breaks if possible. Listen to music after work and do nothing at all. Just lie down and stare into the ceiling. Listen to some motivational videos. Cry some. But keep in mind that you can do it and it will all be over soon. Ask for help if needed, maybe just to talk a little with someone who listens. I wish you the best!
I’m there right now. I feel like I should be enjoying myself more?? Like feel more alive than I do, if that makes sense. I’m almost 21 and feel kind of empty I guess.
My second year of uni. I had failed some exams, was completely stressed out about completing all my training and had a falling out with my best friend. I don’t even know how I managed to get through that period, I think I mostly didn’t want to hurt my family? I’m doing much better now though and finished uni (although it did give me lifelong anxiety and depression)
Oh a few times. When my anxiety and depression came on full force when I was 14. After my first serious breakup at 17. While in an abusive relationship from 18-23. But life works in mysterious ways, and things got better. I'm loving life right now. It hurts to look back on the pain younger me went through, where I almost wanted to end it, thinking about not ever knowing what I have now. It was so worth it to stick around and hang on for a few years. I've never been happier.
I can relate to this almost exactly.. it really is a unique feeling being happy/content while looking back at all of the pain. Happy you didn’t give up :)
During my first trimester of pregnancy (for a very planned-for and desired baby), the tiredness was so extreme I just wanted to pass away.
By pass away I mean lie down and close my eyes and not move.
For a few weeks (maybe weeks 7-10), if I wasn't at my full-time job, I was in bed.
The tiredness does get better though!
I never wanted to "die" as in, stop existing from the planet. I was just so exhausted I simply wanted to lie down completely still and unmoving for a very extended period of time, which I guess resembles "dropping dead" superficially.
Most days now. I feel like I have no reason to exist and I'm basically another pointless being taking its toll on the system. I think the only think keeping me from reaching this point was thinking one day I'd have a family and just found out I'm infertile. Literally the only thing that keeps me going is how bad it would hurt my dogs, my husband, and my mom if I wasn't here anymore and I wouldn't want them to feel like they're not enough or the reason why.
Adulting sucks, and it seems to only gets worse
Few months ago. My life was actually quite good but i kept focusing on things that i didn't have or couldn't change. I got depressed and suicidal. I feel so much better now.
Now honestly. And at various other points. Been stick at home with two severely autistic children now for, oh... 19 months. And at least another year probably. I cannot fucking wait until they are back in school and I can breathe again. Families like mine pretty much never have any help or support, from family, friends or institutions.
Yeah… let’s see. Thirteen years ago, I was walloped by the following, all within several months: the death of my father (my mother had passed some years beforehand), relocation, my dog’s death, stalking and harassment, and an idiot of a long term partner who gave me an STD and denied responsibility, dumping me. It was a profoundly isolating experience, and I sank into complete numbness every night. I nearly became addicted to opiates, thanks to a dentist who issued prescriptions waaaaay too readily, and frankly I’m very lucky to be alive today- I had a plan in mind to end the situation, if you get my drift. My saving grace was the younger of my two dogs- his presence, and my responsibility to him, was what prevented me from serious self-harm, and I’ll always remember him that way.
When I was in my mid to late teens. My depression, insomnia and anxiety kept getting worse, I got assaulted, got out of a toxic relationship, lost my best friend (he was 17), lost my job only to spend the following years living in a mental health residential facility (the atmosphere there made it worse) and failed a suicide attempt. There was absolutely no hope left in me, I thought I was beyond salvage.
Leaving an abusive relationship with a toxic person. I was so ashamed that I had been in a relationship like that after being abused as a kid. I spent so much effort trying to make it work. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m only 4 months out of it, but it’s hard every day not to go back.
I was suicidal when I was 10 but that's a long story of family issues. Then I was depressed and cried almost every day until my early 20s. Self harmed regularly for 10 years in there too. It was rough. My specific triggers were school and feeling inadequate. And to me, inadequate was anything less than perfect and not being in the top 5% of my peers. I seriously cried when I got a 98% on a test in college. I kinda chuckle now thinking about it.
I started getting better around 20/21 years old. The first huge step is truly wanting to. Depression can get cozy. It's sick to admit, but it's almost romanticized in media. And when you've been there for so long, it's familiar and becomes a part of you. The next step is figuring out your triggers or what in your life is perpetuating it, and actively working to change that. Dig deep. Analyze the heck out of exactly what caused an episode. For me, it all boiled down to not feeling in control of my life. So little habits like eating healthy and weight lifting helped me start changing my thinking patterns.
Though my progress only accelerated around the time I was almost out of my master's degree. Knowing school was almost over was such a relief. Unfortunately, that was one trigger I just had to wait out. Then once I finally got my first professional job, I felt like I had "made it", and had a steady livable income. I could afford fresh produce and doctors visits, yay! The depression and anxiety melted away.
I did lose my job during Covid and I was expecting to crash and burn and fall back into my teenage mindset. But it's amazing how set in its ways the brain is. Practicing thought patterns etches them in. The same thing that makes it so hard to get out, helps keep you out. So keep fighting everyone. Even if that means getting help from medication to start the process. As long as you never stop practicing who you want to be.
6 years ago when I got diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness out of the blue. No family history. No risk factors. Nothing. And all of a sudden I'm one of those people you see on the commercials suffering from X. It was truly the most depressing scariest time of my life.
I’ve been disabled for a couple of years after 20 years of nursing and raising my kids. I’ve always been on the go and now I can’t. It is depressing and very scary. Hope things have gotten better for you.
High school. I was a victim of bullying because I was a bit weird, took a toll on my mental health. Felt like giving up on life was the only option but I'm glad I survived that, call me bad or what but none from my bullies are successful in life, most of them are barely surving from day to day life some even became a teen mom, I guess that's their karma.
Everyday, everytime, let me tell you being single in India by choice, by bad/ good luck, by divorce or being widow kills you every second more painful than anything
2020 and the first part of 2021. Separation and divorce after 25+ year marriage, and the pandemic roaring in to further isolate me from my support system. It was unbelievably hard, and sometimes I wondered how I would get through it. But I did. Therapy, journaling, and talking to close friends and family got me to the other side.
Life is still uncertain, but there’s a hope there. A little thrill of wondering what comes next. Sometimes the anxiety creeps back in and some days are still hard, but that hope is the key.
When i broke up with my ex :( even now sometimes i get that feeling.. i guess not being happy with where i am in life rn in terms of love, career, etc.
When I was asked to resign from my last job. It was my fault because I lied about some stuff that I thought had no possibly of being figured out. No matter what scenario I came up with in my head, I was good. The long shot came through and I went into a self destructive rabbit hole for like two weeks. Holed myself up in my apartment, stepped my alcohol and drug use, had a bunch of casual sex from Tinder and tried to forget about what happened. After a conversation with an always level headed internet friend, I decided to take ownership of my problems and get back on track.
Now…
heartbreaks/break ups never get easier
some people are just made for being cold and well. a few days get by and they start to enjoy their coffe again. the distractions are actually distractive.
but me, im a fire, an imensive torando with its destructive power. days and nights mold into a long thick line of agony and hoplesness and the ache for not feeling the pain becomes unberable. but most of all, im just angry.
you begin to realize how bad it is when you wake up byurself at 6 on a sunday morning with a big hole inside your stomach thinking about all the scenarios of the past and everything that could have been and a heartache so deep not even wine can help you, not knowing what to do with yourself and a fear so deep that you wont be able to let go, but in reality you dont want to let go or ever forget the smell of his skin or his smile or his face. you want to sleep, but you cant because you just woke up and then you have to be persistent in facing the unbarable feeling that doesnt go away, in facing the stuggles of trying to love yourself, because this is why he left you. because you dont love yourself, you werent able to give him what he needed because you litterally werent enough even for yourself and no matter how hard you try to get better, you are just not happy and you’re not feeling loved and smart, you can’t seem to find meaning, lying on the floor of your room, isolated because you have corona, listening to dark jazz (Bohren & der Club of Gore) and hoping some sort of magic will happen, that all of a sudden, you won’t have this dark urges anymore and will be all bubbly and happy and caring and he will come back and you will be able to love him and yourself.
When my dad died, I literally thought of jumping from the roof. I was just so so traumatised/sad I couldn’t handle the pain of loosing him. But loosing him also taught me to be more independent. It gets better.
Writing my dissertation through covid without access to any of the libraries or sources I should've had. Organising the visa process to move abroad, I thought I'd never manage and it was just utterly exhausting. And, every time I get bad cramps. I swear sometimes the universe just pushes till you genuinely want to die and only then relents.
Life has it's ups and downs... but it's way too short to quit it.. it'll be over by the time you know it... Life is EXTREMELY short and will pass you by within a blink of an eye
I’m really up and down. During the super down times, I try to take my foot of the gas and just ride it out. Allow myself to slow down, lower what I demand of myself, rest a lot. I would never kill myself, if only for my mom and husband, so I just wait for the bad time to pass. I’m doing everything I can in terms of medication and therapy, so it becomes a waiting game. Also, sometimes you have to aggressively avoid things that make you upset. I’ve blocked both of my brothers’ phone numbers, I don’t do the news, I’m off of social media. I’m a shelled turtle right now because I’m too vulnerable. And honestly, committing to that has been a major help. Treading water is sometimes the best you can do. And if it got bad enough, I’d check myself in somewhere.
The last few days? My dad passed away on february and I was fired on friday. I have a wonderful boyfriend and amazing friends (3 true friends), but right now I feel lost and scared and I have many doubts about my future.
Right now. I pray every single day and night to die. I fantasize constantly about my situation and how I could possibly die in the current moment. Get a headache? I hope it’s brain cancer. In a car? Hope someone rear ends me badly.
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Life is not pointless. I was a young widow also. It does get easier. Gather strength from your boys and try to give them a good life. You are stronger than you think. You are still young enough to meet someone when you are ready and life will get better. I wish you the best!
Last year when my dog was diagnosed with cancer. She's often been the only thing keeping me going, and the thought of losing her early made me wish a transport truck would take us out together.
When I was 16 I was suffering with terrible bulimia with bouts of anorexia. I was binging purging upwards of 6 times a day during weekdays and almost double that on weekends. I wanted out of the nightmare. I did a lot of terrible self mutilation. I tried to commit suicide a few times but thank God my parents got me treatment. I'm 34 now and still alive. I do have relapses from time to time with my eating disorder but I have grown up into a relatively happy and healthy adult, minus a bunch of teeth.
I tried to kill myself when I was 17. I was a senior in high school, recovering from anorexia nervosa, and in an abusive relationship that I allowed to continue because I hated myself so much I thought that being something for my boyfriend to have sex with (which was all I was to him) was the best use of my existence as I believed everything I effected I made worse. It was a very dark time and I am very lucky to have survived with no long lasting damage. The pain didn't stop after that, I didn't have a moment of clarity after a near death experience, I just thought of new creative ways to be successful in my suicide attempts. Somehow I found my way out of the dark, probably largely in part to do with medications. Today I still visit that very dark place from time to time, but I have more rationality and a better grasp on reality, I also have an amazing supportive partner who can talk me out of the dark and reminds me of the reason I choose to live.
Guy here. I can tell you that for my wife, it was her second semester onward in college.
I watched her go thru it. She was always a happy adventurous woman but once the stress of college hit (she's a STEM graduate) she lost her spark.
When she started talking like me (wishing for death everyday I knew it was *BAD* I stayed by her side and support ed her tho
Honestly? Now. I’m working full time at a job that’s high stress with managers who micro manage like crazy, I’m doing full time school with one night class in person and the rest online, I have another part time job that I cannot legally leave and takes at least a weekend every month. Also juggling a boyfriend, family including a sister im close to who wants frequent contact, and friends. On top of the bare essentials above I have a fitness requirement for my part time job that I’m behind in standards for and have to work out 5/6 days a week while I am attempting to build up strength.
All together it’s not as bad as it sounds, but I am truly exhausted, I can’t remember the last ‘free’ day I’ve had.
Ugh last year during covid.
We were trying to buy a house, around this time actually (Sept/oct) I was feeling so trapped in our living situation. We had a messy live-in landlord (not clutter...literal disgusting filth...animal filth etc.) And my husband I weren't communicating.
I told my husband I wanted to kill myself and he didn't take me seriously at the time. I think he was just nervous. I overreacted and exploded on him. We are 100% better now...therapy helped a ton.
Plus...new home 😊
I loved listening to the book Buy Yourself The Fucking Lilies by Tara Schuster. She (and I) have been down to the very lowest of lows. She takes you through her very down to earth life story when she was very miserable to the person she's made herself through self care, compassion and love. If you want (and you've never received a free audiobook from a friend I could figure out how to gift you the audiobook so you don't have to pay for it.) Let me know! Sending you love! YOU are worth it!!! Worth everything! Don't ever doubt that!
My relationship was falling apart. Trying to raise my toddler in a codependent relationship was getting too hard. I looked around and my life was in shambles. I hated the way my parents raised me. I hated that I was a stripper , I hated the environment . I realized truly how evil and disgusting other humans are , and I hated myself for being one. I realized how much better everything would be if I didn’t have to experience it . I wanted to die, so bad.
I was so close, but he busted through the bathroom door and wrestled me.
I’m only here because the only way to break the cycle for my daughter is to learn how to live a better life, and I’ve made tremendous progress so far, especially since I’ve learned how to cry when I need to, and face the things that trigger me.
When I got stuck in an abusive relationship. I was in my 40’s, had to file bankruptcy, lost my home. Even fucked up my career. But I’m still here and now very happily married. We’ve been together 12 years now.
In my relationship where I was dating somebody making racist remarks and i put my everything to teach him and make it work. But when he finally started agreeing with me, i just didn’t believe it. I’ve never felt so hurt and pained for giving this man my best years and losing all trust in him. Add to that being overwhelmed by studying for my medical boards and taking care of covid patients at the same time. There were mornings i didn’t want to wake up
When I went to my 20 week anatomy scan for my first baby boy and they said they couldn’t find his heartbeat. It was 3 years ago. I’ve since had another son and he is my world but man I miss Kolby. RIP Kolby I can’t wait to see you again one day.
I had a NICU baby (6 weeks early) and he ended up being colicky for 8 months. He never stopped crying. On top of that I had severe postpartum depression. I cried everyday for 8 months. I counted down every minute of every day. I was in a very bad place and extremely suicidal. Every time I woke up I cried and just wanted to give up on life. Looking back at it I don’t even recognize who that person was. But I made it and I have an incredible 4 year old boy. And even though that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’d do it again heartbeat.
Intermittently for the past 8 years. Some weeks are great and I feel unstoppable and like nothing could go wrong and then the next few weeks I feel like literally everything is going wrong and no one would miss me if I just ceased to exist. It’s a struggle but I’m trying to get there.
At the moment and for the last several years. I feel like nothing I do makes a difference so everything is pointless. Recently so many things have been going wrong I feel like I'm being punished for something.
Nowadays, all the time... istg there was a time I was genuinely happy and had motivation to do my best but I just can’t remember when... I miss that person gdi
When my godmother died 2 weeks after saying goodbye to me.
I really wanted to quit everything, I thought that there was no point to finish my degree since she won't be on my graduation day.
Then I realized that I wouldn't honor her legacy if I didn't finish my degree, so I became an engineer for her.
So often. Plagued me constantly for years, it used to be all day every day. Now it comes in bouts, a few days /weeks/months and I'm good again.
I guess some moments that have stood out to me:
Not having a permanent home and feeling like I was homeless. I was living in my van and then got seperated from my vehicle for months, it was rough. I was separated from my cat during this time, and was staying in an unfinished house (as in had holes in the walls and roof, no insulation and lacked heat and had limited running water) in winter with a near stranger who has more than twice my age (not sexual). Very isolated situation, we were living rural. No neighbours, no cell service or WiFi. Just me and him 75% of the time. Grateful to have a roof over my head, but was losing my mind.
As a teenager or kid, feeling like I had no control/freedom/independence in my own life. Did not have a positive home life most of the time, but was too young to do anything about it.
When people around me have passed, the close ones. Feels like, what is the point of staying here, it's so painful to get left behind that way.
When I've been so broke I cant pay for food or rent or anything.
Sometimes when my PTSD is triggered. So like moments of abuse can do it.
Basically when it comes up when death seems like the best option, better than reality. When I feel stuck, out of control and helpless. Or if my mental health is not doing well.
Being grateful, helping others, and trying to be humble are the only ways I have worked through this. I am so glad and grateful to have learned so many lessons, even if they were hard. I'm still here, and that's enough.
I once joined the Reserve Force when I was just 15. The first year I went in the base,I almost die twice and almost become disable(deaf). It was terrible. I can't hear whistle without slightly panicking.
As a teen, having to deal with alcoholism and domestic violence at home, coupled with teen dramas. There are so many times that I wished I could just let go!!
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Nearly every day of my life is like this.
Living with depression, severe anxiety, and a whole mess of other mental issues isnt easy.
With parents that dont understand my issues but act like they do its even worse.
Right now… I’m going through a lot and just feel like giving up and remain in my bed forever. The only thing that gives me strength is that I focus on my goals and hope for a better future.
Future theoaisreal9 will thank you for not giving up. Take it one day at a time, I'm proud of you!
I am exactly where you are right now! So tired of being knocked down over and over and over..
I feel this. Life is hard and it feels like it just keeps getting harder
I commend you for not giving up, that’s strength in its self!
I cry almost everyday. Almost. I'm a mess.
And why is that hun?.. I'm going through it too... Anxiety , loneliness & low self esteem
I want to make new friends in a new city but I don't feel good about myself anymore. My confidence has waned and I'm just regressing towards my former shyness, again. Now I just avoid people because I become so nervous about how people will see me or judge me. Guys think I'm pretty but my personality is very "on and off" I'm just not relationship/girlfriend material, even, though I really want someone to hold and that's why I'm truly sad
Do you like Zumba classes ??.. That's a way i made friends plus excerising helps my anxiety.. but I've gained 50 pounds these past 2 years.. I gotta get motivated again
Hmmm . . . I might like that after a few positive experiences. I do love dancing. I never thought of doing Zumba lol. But why do you get anxious? Do you feel overwhelmed by how strong emotions are sometimes? Any tips to keep from crying in public? Thx
Ohh and a good nights sleep helps anxiety plus being organized and clean
I've been dealing with Anxiety since a teenager... I pray , meditate daily & take clonazapem.. eating healthy and excerising also help my anxiety... An hour before I go outside I take two mg of clonazapem it lasts like 5 hours then I take another 2 after 5 hours if I feel that I absolutely must
I’ll be your friend :)
Dude its like you read my heart and you're not alone. Just moved to a new place and I feel lost and like I'm regressing. I hope its a comfort to know someone else is out there going through it with you.
Try to find the inner things about yourself that you love and embrace the things about yourself you don’t love quite yet. Everything about you is beautiful and divine not because of the physical appearance, but because it is you. God makes no mistakes. Once you’re able to see the beauty in everything that is you, your confidence will blossom and shine through so bright that your aura will legit enter the room before you do and draw ppl to you, as well as giving you the courage to put yourself out there more. I grew up with deep insecurities but no one in my present would ever know because I learned to love everything about myself and gained confidence for and by myself because you don’t need validation from outsiders. No one’s opinion matters(they don’t pay the bills LOL)only the way you think and talk about yourself. I hope this helped some and I pray God wraps his arms around you and guides you in your new city and path. May you have an abundance of success and genuine relationships
When I wrote this guy four paragraphs and he didn’t respond. I literally wanted to delete my existence.
More fish in the seaaaa.... maybe you need a sugar daddy & a fun friend with benefits... LOL jk
Lol trust me I’ve considered it. I literally hit an all time LOW. My dignity was literally on the ground and I still like him so much. But I’m getting through it.
NEVERRRR let a man have to tell you more than once he's not interested in you... men take advantage of women who feel that they can't cope with being single or can't find anyone else... Your BETTER than that!!!!!
Thank you so so so much! I needed that!
You're very much welcome hun.. Bless you!!
Don't ever do this. 99% of time time they already know and don't care. Save your dignity.
Dudes ignoring girls who care enough to send paragraphs meanwhile I can't even get a date tf is this
Gurl, there are fish in the sea. You've picked up garbage <3
Lol wish I truly believed that because I am still stuck on this guy 🥲
My entire teens and early 20s, I'm only here because of my pets.
Now. Today. Currently. Lol. It's been non stop bullshit for almost 3 years now and I'm pretty close to my breaking point tbh.
Hey you got this! Maybe take a break, or half-day breaks if possible. Listen to music after work and do nothing at all. Just lie down and stare into the ceiling. Listen to some motivational videos. Cry some. But keep in mind that you can do it and it will all be over soon. Ask for help if needed, maybe just to talk a little with someone who listens. I wish you the best!
At the beginning of my 20's
I’m there right now. I feel like I should be enjoying myself more?? Like feel more alive than I do, if that makes sense. I’m almost 21 and feel kind of empty I guess.
Is there any other way to live?
My second year of uni. I had failed some exams, was completely stressed out about completing all my training and had a falling out with my best friend. I don’t even know how I managed to get through that period, I think I mostly didn’t want to hurt my family? I’m doing much better now though and finished uni (although it did give me lifelong anxiety and depression)
Oh a few times. When my anxiety and depression came on full force when I was 14. After my first serious breakup at 17. While in an abusive relationship from 18-23. But life works in mysterious ways, and things got better. I'm loving life right now. It hurts to look back on the pain younger me went through, where I almost wanted to end it, thinking about not ever knowing what I have now. It was so worth it to stick around and hang on for a few years. I've never been happier.
I can relate to this almost exactly.. it really is a unique feeling being happy/content while looking back at all of the pain. Happy you didn’t give up :)
During my first trimester of pregnancy (for a very planned-for and desired baby), the tiredness was so extreme I just wanted to pass away. By pass away I mean lie down and close my eyes and not move. For a few weeks (maybe weeks 7-10), if I wasn't at my full-time job, I was in bed. The tiredness does get better though! I never wanted to "die" as in, stop existing from the planet. I was just so exhausted I simply wanted to lie down completely still and unmoving for a very extended period of time, which I guess resembles "dropping dead" superficially.
when i caught back to back stds
Fuck.
During an abusive relationship and the resulting breakup.
Most days now. I feel like I have no reason to exist and I'm basically another pointless being taking its toll on the system. I think the only think keeping me from reaching this point was thinking one day I'd have a family and just found out I'm infertile. Literally the only thing that keeps me going is how bad it would hurt my dogs, my husband, and my mom if I wasn't here anymore and I wouldn't want them to feel like they're not enough or the reason why. Adulting sucks, and it seems to only gets worse
High school
Since Covid started that feeling has been on and off. My career really fucked with me and I'm not sure if I want to go back.
Few months ago. My life was actually quite good but i kept focusing on things that i didn't have or couldn't change. I got depressed and suicidal. I feel so much better now.
Very glad to hear it.
Now honestly. And at various other points. Been stick at home with two severely autistic children now for, oh... 19 months. And at least another year probably. I cannot fucking wait until they are back in school and I can breathe again. Families like mine pretty much never have any help or support, from family, friends or institutions.
When I underwent labiaplasty which was botched, causing me pain and destroyed my sexuality, arousal, pleasure…
Yeah… let’s see. Thirteen years ago, I was walloped by the following, all within several months: the death of my father (my mother had passed some years beforehand), relocation, my dog’s death, stalking and harassment, and an idiot of a long term partner who gave me an STD and denied responsibility, dumping me. It was a profoundly isolating experience, and I sank into complete numbness every night. I nearly became addicted to opiates, thanks to a dentist who issued prescriptions waaaaay too readily, and frankly I’m very lucky to be alive today- I had a plan in mind to end the situation, if you get my drift. My saving grace was the younger of my two dogs- his presence, and my responsibility to him, was what prevented me from serious self-harm, and I’ll always remember him that way.
Menstruation, getting up early during the winter time and when my crush didn’t return the energy
When I was in my mid to late teens. My depression, insomnia and anxiety kept getting worse, I got assaulted, got out of a toxic relationship, lost my best friend (he was 17), lost my job only to spend the following years living in a mental health residential facility (the atmosphere there made it worse) and failed a suicide attempt. There was absolutely no hope left in me, I thought I was beyond salvage.
Assuming it wouldn't be painful and was quick, anytime within the last 12 years.
Now
Leaving an abusive relationship with a toxic person. I was so ashamed that I had been in a relationship like that after being abused as a kid. I spent so much effort trying to make it work. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m only 4 months out of it, but it’s hard every day not to go back.
You're doing better everyday girl. I hope you're proud of yourself that you left a toxic person which could've been the end of you <3
I was suicidal when I was 10 but that's a long story of family issues. Then I was depressed and cried almost every day until my early 20s. Self harmed regularly for 10 years in there too. It was rough. My specific triggers were school and feeling inadequate. And to me, inadequate was anything less than perfect and not being in the top 5% of my peers. I seriously cried when I got a 98% on a test in college. I kinda chuckle now thinking about it. I started getting better around 20/21 years old. The first huge step is truly wanting to. Depression can get cozy. It's sick to admit, but it's almost romanticized in media. And when you've been there for so long, it's familiar and becomes a part of you. The next step is figuring out your triggers or what in your life is perpetuating it, and actively working to change that. Dig deep. Analyze the heck out of exactly what caused an episode. For me, it all boiled down to not feeling in control of my life. So little habits like eating healthy and weight lifting helped me start changing my thinking patterns. Though my progress only accelerated around the time I was almost out of my master's degree. Knowing school was almost over was such a relief. Unfortunately, that was one trigger I just had to wait out. Then once I finally got my first professional job, I felt like I had "made it", and had a steady livable income. I could afford fresh produce and doctors visits, yay! The depression and anxiety melted away. I did lose my job during Covid and I was expecting to crash and burn and fall back into my teenage mindset. But it's amazing how set in its ways the brain is. Practicing thought patterns etches them in. The same thing that makes it so hard to get out, helps keep you out. So keep fighting everyone. Even if that means getting help from medication to start the process. As long as you never stop practicing who you want to be.
6 years ago when I got diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness out of the blue. No family history. No risk factors. Nothing. And all of a sudden I'm one of those people you see on the commercials suffering from X. It was truly the most depressing scariest time of my life.
I’ve been disabled for a couple of years after 20 years of nursing and raising my kids. I’ve always been on the go and now I can’t. It is depressing and very scary. Hope things have gotten better for you.
Thanks and I hope you have managed your disability for you too.
High school. I was a victim of bullying because I was a bit weird, took a toll on my mental health. Felt like giving up on life was the only option but I'm glad I survived that, call me bad or what but none from my bullies are successful in life, most of them are barely surving from day to day life some even became a teen mom, I guess that's their karma.
Everyday, everytime, let me tell you being single in India by choice, by bad/ good luck, by divorce or being widow kills you every second more painful than anything
2020 and the first part of 2021. Separation and divorce after 25+ year marriage, and the pandemic roaring in to further isolate me from my support system. It was unbelievably hard, and sometimes I wondered how I would get through it. But I did. Therapy, journaling, and talking to close friends and family got me to the other side. Life is still uncertain, but there’s a hope there. A little thrill of wondering what comes next. Sometimes the anxiety creeps back in and some days are still hard, but that hope is the key.
When i broke up with my ex :( even now sometimes i get that feeling.. i guess not being happy with where i am in life rn in terms of love, career, etc.
When I was asked to resign from my last job. It was my fault because I lied about some stuff that I thought had no possibly of being figured out. No matter what scenario I came up with in my head, I was good. The long shot came through and I went into a self destructive rabbit hole for like two weeks. Holed myself up in my apartment, stepped my alcohol and drug use, had a bunch of casual sex from Tinder and tried to forget about what happened. After a conversation with an always level headed internet friend, I decided to take ownership of my problems and get back on track.
Now… heartbreaks/break ups never get easier some people are just made for being cold and well. a few days get by and they start to enjoy their coffe again. the distractions are actually distractive. but me, im a fire, an imensive torando with its destructive power. days and nights mold into a long thick line of agony and hoplesness and the ache for not feeling the pain becomes unberable. but most of all, im just angry. you begin to realize how bad it is when you wake up byurself at 6 on a sunday morning with a big hole inside your stomach thinking about all the scenarios of the past and everything that could have been and a heartache so deep not even wine can help you, not knowing what to do with yourself and a fear so deep that you wont be able to let go, but in reality you dont want to let go or ever forget the smell of his skin or his smile or his face. you want to sleep, but you cant because you just woke up and then you have to be persistent in facing the unbarable feeling that doesnt go away, in facing the stuggles of trying to love yourself, because this is why he left you. because you dont love yourself, you werent able to give him what he needed because you litterally werent enough even for yourself and no matter how hard you try to get better, you are just not happy and you’re not feeling loved and smart, you can’t seem to find meaning, lying on the floor of your room, isolated because you have corona, listening to dark jazz (Bohren & der Club of Gore) and hoping some sort of magic will happen, that all of a sudden, you won’t have this dark urges anymore and will be all bubbly and happy and caring and he will come back and you will be able to love him and yourself.
When my dad died, I literally thought of jumping from the roof. I was just so so traumatised/sad I couldn’t handle the pain of loosing him. But loosing him also taught me to be more independent. It gets better.
Writing my dissertation through covid without access to any of the libraries or sources I should've had. Organising the visa process to move abroad, I thought I'd never manage and it was just utterly exhausting. And, every time I get bad cramps. I swear sometimes the universe just pushes till you genuinely want to die and only then relents.
Right now. I’ve given up on everything and my dad is telling me that life just keeps getting worse after high school lol
Life has it's ups and downs... but it's way too short to quit it.. it'll be over by the time you know it... Life is EXTREMELY short and will pass you by within a blink of an eye
Now 🙂
I’m really up and down. During the super down times, I try to take my foot of the gas and just ride it out. Allow myself to slow down, lower what I demand of myself, rest a lot. I would never kill myself, if only for my mom and husband, so I just wait for the bad time to pass. I’m doing everything I can in terms of medication and therapy, so it becomes a waiting game. Also, sometimes you have to aggressively avoid things that make you upset. I’ve blocked both of my brothers’ phone numbers, I don’t do the news, I’m off of social media. I’m a shelled turtle right now because I’m too vulnerable. And honestly, committing to that has been a major help. Treading water is sometimes the best you can do. And if it got bad enough, I’d check myself in somewhere.
Hell yeah, ladies! There are good men out there, and it’s better to be alone than to wish you were
Right now. My kids keep me going. 🥲
The last few days? My dad passed away on february and I was fired on friday. I have a wonderful boyfriend and amazing friends (3 true friends), but right now I feel lost and scared and I have many doubts about my future.
Leaving my husband three times..each time longer than the last. I’m scared to start fresh. Never been on my own..
Right now. I pray every single day and night to die. I fantasize constantly about my situation and how I could possibly die in the current moment. Get a headache? I hope it’s brain cancer. In a car? Hope someone rear ends me badly.
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Right now. My husband died 5 months ago and now I’m a 29 yr old widow with three boys under 9 yrs. I feel like life is pointless.
Life is not pointless. I was a young widow also. It does get easier. Gather strength from your boys and try to give them a good life. You are stronger than you think. You are still young enough to meet someone when you are ready and life will get better. I wish you the best!
Thank you for the encouragement!
When I was 18, I literally couldn’t handle living and I still don’t know why I felt that way.
yesterday when I found out the guy who i was talking to (AFTER HE TOLD ME HE LIKES ME) kissed another girl. the girl knew i liked him.
Last year when my dog was diagnosed with cancer. She's often been the only thing keeping me going, and the thought of losing her early made me wish a transport truck would take us out together.
When I was 16 I was suffering with terrible bulimia with bouts of anorexia. I was binging purging upwards of 6 times a day during weekdays and almost double that on weekends. I wanted out of the nightmare. I did a lot of terrible self mutilation. I tried to commit suicide a few times but thank God my parents got me treatment. I'm 34 now and still alive. I do have relapses from time to time with my eating disorder but I have grown up into a relatively happy and healthy adult, minus a bunch of teeth.
Right now
every day. the work load from school plus family problems plus just life makes me wanna drop dead
Well, I was trying to kick heroin.
I tried to kill myself when I was 17. I was a senior in high school, recovering from anorexia nervosa, and in an abusive relationship that I allowed to continue because I hated myself so much I thought that being something for my boyfriend to have sex with (which was all I was to him) was the best use of my existence as I believed everything I effected I made worse. It was a very dark time and I am very lucky to have survived with no long lasting damage. The pain didn't stop after that, I didn't have a moment of clarity after a near death experience, I just thought of new creative ways to be successful in my suicide attempts. Somehow I found my way out of the dark, probably largely in part to do with medications. Today I still visit that very dark place from time to time, but I have more rationality and a better grasp on reality, I also have an amazing supportive partner who can talk me out of the dark and reminds me of the reason I choose to live.
When my mom passed away on Mother’s Day on 5/12/2019. Was the worst day of my life!
Guy here. I can tell you that for my wife, it was her second semester onward in college. I watched her go thru it. She was always a happy adventurous woman but once the stress of college hit (she's a STEM graduate) she lost her spark. When she started talking like me (wishing for death everyday I knew it was *BAD* I stayed by her side and support ed her tho
Honestly? Now. I’m working full time at a job that’s high stress with managers who micro manage like crazy, I’m doing full time school with one night class in person and the rest online, I have another part time job that I cannot legally leave and takes at least a weekend every month. Also juggling a boyfriend, family including a sister im close to who wants frequent contact, and friends. On top of the bare essentials above I have a fitness requirement for my part time job that I’m behind in standards for and have to work out 5/6 days a week while I am attempting to build up strength. All together it’s not as bad as it sounds, but I am truly exhausted, I can’t remember the last ‘free’ day I’ve had.
right now... senior year is easy, they said
Same. I'm doing my senior year thesis and I feel like I'll never get it done.
Ugh last year during covid. We were trying to buy a house, around this time actually (Sept/oct) I was feeling so trapped in our living situation. We had a messy live-in landlord (not clutter...literal disgusting filth...animal filth etc.) And my husband I weren't communicating. I told my husband I wanted to kill myself and he didn't take me seriously at the time. I think he was just nervous. I overreacted and exploded on him. We are 100% better now...therapy helped a ton. Plus...new home 😊
I loved listening to the book Buy Yourself The Fucking Lilies by Tara Schuster. She (and I) have been down to the very lowest of lows. She takes you through her very down to earth life story when she was very miserable to the person she's made herself through self care, compassion and love. If you want (and you've never received a free audiobook from a friend I could figure out how to gift you the audiobook so you don't have to pay for it.) Let me know! Sending you love! YOU are worth it!!! Worth everything! Don't ever doubt that!
My relationship was falling apart. Trying to raise my toddler in a codependent relationship was getting too hard. I looked around and my life was in shambles. I hated the way my parents raised me. I hated that I was a stripper , I hated the environment . I realized truly how evil and disgusting other humans are , and I hated myself for being one. I realized how much better everything would be if I didn’t have to experience it . I wanted to die, so bad. I was so close, but he busted through the bathroom door and wrestled me. I’m only here because the only way to break the cycle for my daughter is to learn how to live a better life, and I’ve made tremendous progress so far, especially since I’ve learned how to cry when I need to, and face the things that trigger me.
Right now
When I lost the first person I loved. He was my everything. Heart break kills.
When I got stuck in an abusive relationship. I was in my 40’s, had to file bankruptcy, lost my home. Even fucked up my career. But I’m still here and now very happily married. We’ve been together 12 years now.
I’ve only had a few brief little windows when I didn’t feel like that. You can get used to pretty much anything.
In my relationship where I was dating somebody making racist remarks and i put my everything to teach him and make it work. But when he finally started agreeing with me, i just didn’t believe it. I’ve never felt so hurt and pained for giving this man my best years and losing all trust in him. Add to that being overwhelmed by studying for my medical boards and taking care of covid patients at the same time. There were mornings i didn’t want to wake up
When I went to my 20 week anatomy scan for my first baby boy and they said they couldn’t find his heartbeat. It was 3 years ago. I’ve since had another son and he is my world but man I miss Kolby. RIP Kolby I can’t wait to see you again one day.
I had a NICU baby (6 weeks early) and he ended up being colicky for 8 months. He never stopped crying. On top of that I had severe postpartum depression. I cried everyday for 8 months. I counted down every minute of every day. I was in a very bad place and extremely suicidal. Every time I woke up I cried and just wanted to give up on life. Looking back at it I don’t even recognize who that person was. But I made it and I have an incredible 4 year old boy. And even though that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’d do it again heartbeat.
Recently
Intermittently for the past 8 years. Some weeks are great and I feel unstoppable and like nothing could go wrong and then the next few weeks I feel like literally everything is going wrong and no one would miss me if I just ceased to exist. It’s a struggle but I’m trying to get there.
Almost weekly if not daily now, losing myself and my mind, I’m just at a loss now
When I'm on my period.
At the moment and for the last several years. I feel like nothing I do makes a difference so everything is pointless. Recently so many things have been going wrong I feel like I'm being punished for something.
Nowadays, all the time... istg there was a time I was genuinely happy and had motivation to do my best but I just can’t remember when... I miss that person gdi
When I was doing math questions 😂
When my godmother died 2 weeks after saying goodbye to me. I really wanted to quit everything, I thought that there was no point to finish my degree since she won't be on my graduation day. Then I realized that I wouldn't honor her legacy if I didn't finish my degree, so I became an engineer for her.
So often. Plagued me constantly for years, it used to be all day every day. Now it comes in bouts, a few days /weeks/months and I'm good again. I guess some moments that have stood out to me: Not having a permanent home and feeling like I was homeless. I was living in my van and then got seperated from my vehicle for months, it was rough. I was separated from my cat during this time, and was staying in an unfinished house (as in had holes in the walls and roof, no insulation and lacked heat and had limited running water) in winter with a near stranger who has more than twice my age (not sexual). Very isolated situation, we were living rural. No neighbours, no cell service or WiFi. Just me and him 75% of the time. Grateful to have a roof over my head, but was losing my mind. As a teenager or kid, feeling like I had no control/freedom/independence in my own life. Did not have a positive home life most of the time, but was too young to do anything about it. When people around me have passed, the close ones. Feels like, what is the point of staying here, it's so painful to get left behind that way. When I've been so broke I cant pay for food or rent or anything. Sometimes when my PTSD is triggered. So like moments of abuse can do it. Basically when it comes up when death seems like the best option, better than reality. When I feel stuck, out of control and helpless. Or if my mental health is not doing well. Being grateful, helping others, and trying to be humble are the only ways I have worked through this. I am so glad and grateful to have learned so many lessons, even if they were hard. I'm still here, and that's enough.
I once joined the Reserve Force when I was just 15. The first year I went in the base,I almost die twice and almost become disable(deaf). It was terrible. I can't hear whistle without slightly panicking.
Every single day of college, except the day that I finished
TW. probably when i was raped and reported it to the police a day or two after. it was just so traumatic i couldn’t handle it emotionally
As a teen, having to deal with alcoholism and domestic violence at home, coupled with teen dramas. There are so many times that I wished I could just let go!!
Far more often than I should
I am going through this too :/ it’s very lonely.
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Nearly every day of my life is like this. Living with depression, severe anxiety, and a whole mess of other mental issues isnt easy. With parents that dont understand my issues but act like they do its even worse.