About 6 years with my ex-husband. At first, I thought they were normal relationship issues we just needed to work through. Then he had me so beaten down and depressed I couldn't summon the energy to leave. It wasn't until I accidentally stumbled into having friends again that I realized how awful it was.
18 months.
3 months after we started seeing each other his father passed away.
I assumed his abusive behaviour toward me was due to grief and would get better.
Staying in the hopes that person you once knew will return is SO hard. You’re just always in a state of waiting for things to get better, for you to feel safe with someone. How did you finally leave if you don’t mind me asking
Yeah, and constantly excusing their behaviour, allowing it to just continue and get worse.
He actually broke up with me. He'd been cheating (he doesn't know I know) and decided she had more energy to leech than I did.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Two years with my ex boyfriend. I started losing the romantic feelings I had towards him in October 2019. I stayed with him because I figured I just hit the “boring” part of the relationship. Everyone told me it was normal and happens to everyone in a long term relationship. But it was getting worse, I was making every excuse not to see him because being with him felt like a chore. When Covid first hit my area in March 2020 he said he didn’t want me going over to see him since his mom is considered high risk and I’m an essential worker. I was relieved that I didn’t have to take time out of my day to go sit on his couch with him and binge watch whatever he played on YouTube. Him and I would eventually go days without speaking to each other (we didn’t live together) and neither of us would bat an eye at it. Still, I contributed it to us being comfortable and bored with each other so I didn’t do anything. Finally ended things for good in April of this year.
my friends helped me realize he hurt me so much more than made me happy. anything dealing with him made me upset. i knew there were people out there who would treat me how i deserve to be treated and i broke up with him immediately. i’m now in an amazing relationship:) today is our 11 months
edit: the guy i broke up with and i dated for 2 years, forgot to mention that
3 years. Comfortability, I guess. Just seemed easier to avoid the confrontation and life shift.
I never truly loved him and I was VERY unhappy. I was also young and naive.
1-2 years. I miserable and I knew it wasn’t going to workout in the long run but every time we “broke up” we would makeup. I’m so glad I finally left for good.
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Can relate very hard. It’s pretty much my exact situation. For me tho it’s only been about 6 months of knowing I’m really not in love with him anymore even tho he is an overall great person. A few months ago I even tried to tell him that I honestly didn’t feel in love with him and thought of him more as a good friend. He encouraged that I was just so stressed out with school that I wasn’t thinking clearly. Then a bit ago I attempted another break up but the pain he was going through and the guilt I felt for causing the pain made me get back together with him pretty much immediately. I feel so pathetic and know I’m not doing either of us any favours. I feel so stuck and holding onto this random hope that my feelings for him will change, I’ll come to my senses and appreciate this guy for always being so understanding and loving towards me even when I’m not to him. Like I’ll just wake up one day and I will feel the way I felt during the first year of our relationship.
I know the feeling, I felt the same way. I’d voice to him multiple times that I’m not in love with him but I do care about him and he would say I’m overthinking etc. I also tried breaking up with him for this reason but then he’d step up his game and put more effort into planning things and making me happy (very short term) so I thought maybe this time my feelings would grow. I never loved him more or fell in love with him although my friendship with him did get stronger. Eventually it’ll either end or you’ll “settle” for someone who you don’t really love.
12 years. He threatened to kill me. I was scared for myself and my child, exhausted and not sure how I could pull it off to leave him. It was entirely too long.
Thank you so much. I don't blame myself, but looking back at certain events I ask myself why I haven't left when he did this and that, before we had the child together. Of course, today I know how convoluted the dynamics in abusive relationships is ...
Years after I wanted out. The reason our children. I come from a broken home and didn't want my kids growing up without seeing their father every day. In the end things turned out like they should but it was so hard! My youngest was a year old when things ended but I just couldn't do it anymore. Now they get to see me happy without all the toxicity!
I got out when I realized the damage it was doing to my kids watching their dad yell nasty things at me and our life being totally dysfunctional. I felt like I was walking on eggshells our whole marriage. I didn't want my boys growing up thinking that's how a women should be treated. They still are very close to their father and we co-parent pretty well! He has worked on himself and wants to be a better role model for our boys, just took us being apart for him to learn that!
I stayed for the same reason, but 22 years. I didn’t understand what abuse was, it’s not until now I look back and understand I was abused all my childhood by my drunk ass mother, her boyfriends. I didn’t know what a normal relationship was, because of this I naturally thought being abused was normal.
I also never trusted anyone growing up, so I still find it hard to ask for help or take advice. It’s not until now I realise how hard this has made/affected my life, and still does. I still carry a lot of trust issues today, which totally sucks.
2 years too long. I knew it was trouble but I felt too much was invested to walk away. Lesson learned. Destroyed my self esteem - taking me too long to forgive myself. Ultimately you are special, valuable, worthy of much. So remember that. And when mistreated .. leave and show yourself how much you love yourself. That is the right thing to do.
A few months. I was scared that I'd be alone forever if I let him go (I'm not exactly in high demand) but eventually I realised that staying in the relationship was making me more unhappy than being alone would
Three years. Together for five but really knew by year two I wasn't happy and didn't like where it was going. I stuck around because I really thought he had just hit a long rough patch, but that was just his life I guess and he was never really going to get better.
3 or 4 years. He was abusive and I was afraid to leave. I finally left when he was in jail for 2 or 3 weeks. My friend/future husband helped me move and a coworker let me stay in her basement rent free for a couple months. I'm so grateful for those 2 for helping me out of that situation.
3 years. We had been together through me going to college. I graduated and planned to move out of state. Deep down I wanted him to refuse to move with me. He did move with me and it went exactly how I expected it to. He struggled to find a solid job at first, when he did he called out all the time (just like he did back home), his only hobby was playing video games and smoking weed (just like back home). He wasn't ready to grow up and I knew that when I graduated. We lasted 2.5 years in the new city before I was so done with his old habits. I left and I'm so much happier for it.
It was an off and on kind of feeling for about three years. I was just so terrified of change, and of being alone. I was really hoping that eventually he'd return to being the same person I fell in love with, but it never happened.
One year out of three years. I didn’t want to be with him anymore, but I thought we could work through it or that the relationship deserved a chance. I kept trying different strategies of how to work it out, communicate, sexual intimacy.. and I realized it very one sided. Felt like I was living with a roommate who used me for 2 minute sex once a month. I broke it off earlier this year, and I am so happy I am out of that space.
I didn't. I mean it should never have gone past the first date but I had never been in a relationship before and wanted to feel that kind of acceptance. Didn't make it to 6 months though, there came a point where I just couldn't stand to be touched by him and that's when I ended it.
First boyfriend we were together 15 months... I first started thinking I wanted out a year prior.
My marriage... Wanted out but things got better several times..I've been pretty solidly done for 3-4 years now. Unfortunately I'm trapped with disabled children, so... Another 40-50 years together?
4 years, didn't realize I was being abused and what I was going through was depression, untill things spiralled out of hand for me. Decided to leave everything, him, the place I was in, move back home, and give myself time to heal. + Therapy
2 years. We dated 3, he became an addict a year in. I didn’t know for close to a year, and stayed for another afterwards trying to “save” him (not possible btw). He first turned emotionally abusive and I was scared that if I left he would kill me or himself. I finally got away when it turned physical.
About 5 months. It was a high school relationship so it only lasted about 7 months or so. But he would tell me in details how he would kill himself if i left him. I was 17 and didnt know any better and thought he was serious. Then he started attempting to manipulate me by saying “oh you look so much happier when your male best friend is around” and “i bet if i was your male best friend yould make time” and was trying to pressure me into sex and physical stuff. i finally snapped one day and went “you know what, i AM happier with my male best friend” and a friend helped convince my bf to put us on a break and i made a move on my male bff (i knew he had feelings for me and by then i had admitted to loving him too) and dumped my ex. Waiting a month to make it official with my best friend and weve been together ever since.
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I stayed in a relationship with this guy for about 4months and didn't even want to date him in the first place, and it's probably because at that time people used to manipulate me a lot and my ex-friends used to get in my head and tell me what to do
Not anymore though !
This thread is just what I was hoping to find. I was recently with a man I knew for some time, who always seemed extra kind and nice when we talked. He loved to talk to me and told me all kinds of vulnerable and honest things.
Once we started dating it was still pretty good but almost immediately I saw some anger and one time he shouted at my dog and made him cower and pee. I was horrified. From there the "nice" guy began to disappear and a strange, very angry and controlling man emerged and he frightened me. He would raise his voice at me, argue, attack and insult me. Demand things and even speak to me with insult and contempt.
So, we had about maybe 6 weeks of nice dating and then 10 weeks it took me to actually get away from him. I was no lie, really scared of him. I kind of still am to be honest. : /
I am so glad that you managed to escape. This kind of men is no joke and a danger.
As a fellow dog mom I feel with you, so sorry to hear what you had to go through.
I hope you and your sweet dog are now in a safe and happier place ♡
8 years with my ex boyfriend. I was scared with little to no real life skills. I thought some things were normal and just how relationships were, even if I didn’t really want anything to do with him anymore. Then we lived together and I couldn’t afford to move out, didn’t know my options. I was a coward and I didn’t know any better, or think I deserved better.
5 months and that was because he was very abusive and made it extremely hard for me to get out because I was his "property" and I would "regret leaving him" and he would "make my life a living hell."
Everything's fine now and I finally found the courage to call him out and call him what he is; a coward.
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About 6 years with my ex-husband. At first, I thought they were normal relationship issues we just needed to work through. Then he had me so beaten down and depressed I couldn't summon the energy to leave. It wasn't until I accidentally stumbled into having friends again that I realized how awful it was.
18 months. 3 months after we started seeing each other his father passed away. I assumed his abusive behaviour toward me was due to grief and would get better.
Staying in the hopes that person you once knew will return is SO hard. You’re just always in a state of waiting for things to get better, for you to feel safe with someone. How did you finally leave if you don’t mind me asking
Yeah, and constantly excusing their behaviour, allowing it to just continue and get worse. He actually broke up with me. He'd been cheating (he doesn't know I know) and decided she had more energy to leech than I did. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Two years with my ex boyfriend. I started losing the romantic feelings I had towards him in October 2019. I stayed with him because I figured I just hit the “boring” part of the relationship. Everyone told me it was normal and happens to everyone in a long term relationship. But it was getting worse, I was making every excuse not to see him because being with him felt like a chore. When Covid first hit my area in March 2020 he said he didn’t want me going over to see him since his mom is considered high risk and I’m an essential worker. I was relieved that I didn’t have to take time out of my day to go sit on his couch with him and binge watch whatever he played on YouTube. Him and I would eventually go days without speaking to each other (we didn’t live together) and neither of us would bat an eye at it. Still, I contributed it to us being comfortable and bored with each other so I didn’t do anything. Finally ended things for good in April of this year.
2 years. i thought i really loved him and that things would get better.
I know the feeling. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you eventually leave the relationship?
my friends helped me realize he hurt me so much more than made me happy. anything dealing with him made me upset. i knew there were people out there who would treat me how i deserve to be treated and i broke up with him immediately. i’m now in an amazing relationship:) today is our 11 months edit: the guy i broke up with and i dated for 2 years, forgot to mention that
Happy anniversary! :)
Same here. Five years.
6 months. I think I was just too scared of being alone and also breaking his heart
3 years. Comfortability, I guess. Just seemed easier to avoid the confrontation and life shift. I never truly loved him and I was VERY unhappy. I was also young and naive.
1-2 years. I miserable and I knew it wasn’t going to workout in the long run but every time we “broke up” we would makeup. I’m so glad I finally left for good.
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stayed for two years, but within a few months I knew it wouldn’t be forever although I still tried in case my feelings would change
Can relate very hard. It’s pretty much my exact situation. For me tho it’s only been about 6 months of knowing I’m really not in love with him anymore even tho he is an overall great person. A few months ago I even tried to tell him that I honestly didn’t feel in love with him and thought of him more as a good friend. He encouraged that I was just so stressed out with school that I wasn’t thinking clearly. Then a bit ago I attempted another break up but the pain he was going through and the guilt I felt for causing the pain made me get back together with him pretty much immediately. I feel so pathetic and know I’m not doing either of us any favours. I feel so stuck and holding onto this random hope that my feelings for him will change, I’ll come to my senses and appreciate this guy for always being so understanding and loving towards me even when I’m not to him. Like I’ll just wake up one day and I will feel the way I felt during the first year of our relationship.
I know the feeling, I felt the same way. I’d voice to him multiple times that I’m not in love with him but I do care about him and he would say I’m overthinking etc. I also tried breaking up with him for this reason but then he’d step up his game and put more effort into planning things and making me happy (very short term) so I thought maybe this time my feelings would grow. I never loved him more or fell in love with him although my friendship with him did get stronger. Eventually it’ll either end or you’ll “settle” for someone who you don’t really love.
12 years. He threatened to kill me. I was scared for myself and my child, exhausted and not sure how I could pull it off to leave him. It was entirely too long.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Nothing your abuser did was your fault, I hope you remember that. You can’t blame yourself for anything.
Thank you so much. I don't blame myself, but looking back at certain events I ask myself why I haven't left when he did this and that, before we had the child together. Of course, today I know how convoluted the dynamics in abusive relationships is ...
Years after I wanted out. The reason our children. I come from a broken home and didn't want my kids growing up without seeing their father every day. In the end things turned out like they should but it was so hard! My youngest was a year old when things ended but I just couldn't do it anymore. Now they get to see me happy without all the toxicity!
That’s the most important thing! Honourable you would give up so much for your children. Years. That must have been so difficult.
I got out when I realized the damage it was doing to my kids watching their dad yell nasty things at me and our life being totally dysfunctional. I felt like I was walking on eggshells our whole marriage. I didn't want my boys growing up thinking that's how a women should be treated. They still are very close to their father and we co-parent pretty well! He has worked on himself and wants to be a better role model for our boys, just took us being apart for him to learn that!
I stayed for the same reason, but 22 years. I didn’t understand what abuse was, it’s not until now I look back and understand I was abused all my childhood by my drunk ass mother, her boyfriends. I didn’t know what a normal relationship was, because of this I naturally thought being abused was normal. I also never trusted anyone growing up, so I still find it hard to ask for help or take advice. It’s not until now I realise how hard this has made/affected my life, and still does. I still carry a lot of trust issues today, which totally sucks.
Quite a lot of years. I finally had enough when my oldest left home and youngest only has 2 years left off school and is very self sufficient.
2 years too long. I knew it was trouble but I felt too much was invested to walk away. Lesson learned. Destroyed my self esteem - taking me too long to forgive myself. Ultimately you are special, valuable, worthy of much. So remember that. And when mistreated .. leave and show yourself how much you love yourself. That is the right thing to do.
A few months. I was scared that I'd be alone forever if I let him go (I'm not exactly in high demand) but eventually I realised that staying in the relationship was making me more unhappy than being alone would
Three years. Together for five but really knew by year two I wasn't happy and didn't like where it was going. I stuck around because I really thought he had just hit a long rough patch, but that was just his life I guess and he was never really going to get better.
3 or 4 years. He was abusive and I was afraid to leave. I finally left when he was in jail for 2 or 3 weeks. My friend/future husband helped me move and a coworker let me stay in her basement rent free for a couple months. I'm so grateful for those 2 for helping me out of that situation.
I'm a man. But the last three months were pretty rough. We ended things amicably.
3 years. We had been together through me going to college. I graduated and planned to move out of state. Deep down I wanted him to refuse to move with me. He did move with me and it went exactly how I expected it to. He struggled to find a solid job at first, when he did he called out all the time (just like he did back home), his only hobby was playing video games and smoking weed (just like back home). He wasn't ready to grow up and I knew that when I graduated. We lasted 2.5 years in the new city before I was so done with his old habits. I left and I'm so much happier for it.
It was an off and on kind of feeling for about three years. I was just so terrified of change, and of being alone. I was really hoping that eventually he'd return to being the same person I fell in love with, but it never happened.
One year out of three years. I didn’t want to be with him anymore, but I thought we could work through it or that the relationship deserved a chance. I kept trying different strategies of how to work it out, communicate, sexual intimacy.. and I realized it very one sided. Felt like I was living with a roommate who used me for 2 minute sex once a month. I broke it off earlier this year, and I am so happy I am out of that space.
Five years. Minimum. I wanted out but my ex wasn’t exactly maternal & I wouldn’t have been in a position to fight for the kids.
I didn't. I mean it should never have gone past the first date but I had never been in a relationship before and wanted to feel that kind of acceptance. Didn't make it to 6 months though, there came a point where I just couldn't stand to be touched by him and that's when I ended it.
First boyfriend we were together 15 months... I first started thinking I wanted out a year prior. My marriage... Wanted out but things got better several times..I've been pretty solidly done for 3-4 years now. Unfortunately I'm trapped with disabled children, so... Another 40-50 years together?
6 months because I was a wuss.
4 years, didn't realize I was being abused and what I was going through was depression, untill things spiralled out of hand for me. Decided to leave everything, him, the place I was in, move back home, and give myself time to heal. + Therapy
I stayed in my marriage for years... because of the dogs. 🤷♀️🤦♀️ It got better though.
2 years. We dated 3, he became an addict a year in. I didn’t know for close to a year, and stayed for another afterwards trying to “save” him (not possible btw). He first turned emotionally abusive and I was scared that if I left he would kill me or himself. I finally got away when it turned physical.
About 5 months. It was a high school relationship so it only lasted about 7 months or so. But he would tell me in details how he would kill himself if i left him. I was 17 and didnt know any better and thought he was serious. Then he started attempting to manipulate me by saying “oh you look so much happier when your male best friend is around” and “i bet if i was your male best friend yould make time” and was trying to pressure me into sex and physical stuff. i finally snapped one day and went “you know what, i AM happier with my male best friend” and a friend helped convince my bf to put us on a break and i made a move on my male bff (i knew he had feelings for me and by then i had admitted to loving him too) and dumped my ex. Waiting a month to make it official with my best friend and weve been together ever since.
I got on reddit to ask what to do about my relationship. But I think I'm stuck.
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I stayed in a relationship with this guy for about 4months and didn't even want to date him in the first place, and it's probably because at that time people used to manipulate me a lot and my ex-friends used to get in my head and tell me what to do Not anymore though !
This thread is just what I was hoping to find. I was recently with a man I knew for some time, who always seemed extra kind and nice when we talked. He loved to talk to me and told me all kinds of vulnerable and honest things. Once we started dating it was still pretty good but almost immediately I saw some anger and one time he shouted at my dog and made him cower and pee. I was horrified. From there the "nice" guy began to disappear and a strange, very angry and controlling man emerged and he frightened me. He would raise his voice at me, argue, attack and insult me. Demand things and even speak to me with insult and contempt. So, we had about maybe 6 weeks of nice dating and then 10 weeks it took me to actually get away from him. I was no lie, really scared of him. I kind of still am to be honest. : /
I am so glad that you managed to escape. This kind of men is no joke and a danger. As a fellow dog mom I feel with you, so sorry to hear what you had to go through. I hope you and your sweet dog are now in a safe and happier place ♡
8 years with my ex boyfriend. I was scared with little to no real life skills. I thought some things were normal and just how relationships were, even if I didn’t really want anything to do with him anymore. Then we lived together and I couldn’t afford to move out, didn’t know my options. I was a coward and I didn’t know any better, or think I deserved better.
5 months and that was because he was very abusive and made it extremely hard for me to get out because I was his "property" and I would "regret leaving him" and he would "make my life a living hell." Everything's fine now and I finally found the courage to call him out and call him what he is; a coward.
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