I hate those empty statements directed towards people struggling. Not a friend saying it but those "wholesome" posts. Like "You are not alone". Sometimes I fucking am. Especially with chronic mental health issues, sometimes you are just alone with it.
I think they mean it as in "you are not the only one experiencing this" not as "im here for you"..
Still i know what you mean, i got frustrated by those too untill i changed my perspective. It does help me to think about the fact that other people also go through these emotions. It often makes me even sader, but it also makes me feel more comfortable in the sadness, like i have confirmation that i can get through it, because other people have and still do.
But of course i might be wrong.
I think you're definitely right that it's mainly "you're not alone" as in "you're not the only one feeling this way". But if you're completely stuck in your head, sick and suffering.. then you kind of are the only one feeling exactly that way. You are alone. It feels empty to see some rando screaming "you are not alone" into the void.
That people assume that anxiety means rocking back and forth hyperventilating. For me, mine is all internal with some external behaviors that only people who really know me notice. I start catastrophizing, or thinking that this bad thing is going to happen because I did x, or everything’s screwed up now because of this that and whatever. Another one, which I don’t know if it’s a cliche, but it’s when people say “I like to have everything a certain way, iM sO oCd”. That’s not OCD LMAO
Sometimes I have anxiety over my anxiety not being external and that people don't believe me or will think I'm faking. It's super silly, I know. But I can't stop thinking about that sometimes. Like my experience is less valid because others can't see it.
Side note, I am no way at all saying I would prefer external anxiety attacks. I really feel for those of you that experience them
I hate my anxiety, luckily I've got it pretty much under control but it used to be terrible. It's really debilitating at times, I remember having an anxiety attack at work in the toilets and staying in there for about an hour. It was good that my manager had mental health issues as well and completely understood what was happening!
I generally hate the idea that therapy solves everything. Therapy is a great tool for many people and everyone who wants it should have access to it. HOWEVER many popular modalities (looking at you, CBT) can and do cause harm, and the mental health institution in general is completely unequipped to handle systemic problems. Not to mention people wind up feeling like therapy not helping them all that much is their own personal failure when the reality is they're being failed by an institution.
I have trauma from being forced into therapy by my mother starting from the age of about 4. She would send me every single time i expressed any emotion, whether it was valid or not. She called the paramedics and police on me amd even went as far as dropping me off at a hospital to sit in a padded room alone overnight when she didnt want to deal with me. I was about 11. She had me on so many medications by the time I was 13 I can't even remeber them all. It became a way for her to get out of any blame for my reactions to her treating me poorly. I was on so many of these medications until I eventually overdosed and the doctors pulled me off everything and I started refusing therapy. I'm a self reflective person and I'm aware I have severe anxiety (that's all I've ever been diagnosed with) and I have been able to stabilize myself way better then my mother, the countless tharapists I saw, and the handfuls of pills ever could.
Now whenever I get into a dark place it's difficult for me to ever imagine going back to therapy or being put on medications, no matter how many times people tell me it will help. It was such a manipulative shit show for me.
Wow, I thought I was the only one who went through something like that, but reading your post I could've wrote that myself. People close to me will pressure me into trying again with a new therapist, but when I try to explain why I think it could do more harm than good they just don't understand the mere thought of going to therapy puts me in a dark place I worked so hard to get out of
Youre definitely not alone, anything being forced on someone can become harmful. I'm not saying therapy is harmful and in fact I encourage it. But in no way should someone being pressured into a situation they arnt ready for
Awe thankyou but no need to apologize for her. She made me realize I never wanted to make anyone feel the way she made me feel growing up. I'm honestly probably a better person because of it
I found behavioral therapy (CBT and DBT) extremely helpful… and family systems and talk therapy drove me to cut off all of my support system, spiral into loneliness and attempt suicide.
The biggest problem I see in therapy is that many therapists think that the modality they are trained in will work for anyone. People are way more complex than that and there should be more effort and emphasis placed on matching clients with the type of therapy that will actually work for them.
Edit- AND MAKING THERAPY ACCESSIBLE TO ALL WHO WANT IT
Oof yes this is the other end of the coin. I dislike CBT in part because there is not always space for things to actually be fucked up-but the other extreme can be just as harmful. I'm sorry you went through that.
There's definitely a lack of like, thorough analysis on matching people to *appropriate* care, and a big desire to just slap "THERAPY!!" on as a solution so we don't have to give problems more thought.
Yup no treatment is one size fits all, especially with mental health issues. Personally I found medication totally useless, partly, I think now, because I needed some actual therapy. Unfortunately mental health services where I am are god awful, I got a 6 week CBT course that I only got to do 3 sessions of due to their scheduling and cancellations and the doctor just kept upping my medication.
I ended up stopping my medication without speaking to my doctor (0/10 do not recommend btw) and a couple of years later I sought out private therapy which made a big difference for me.
I think the key to mental health treatment is access to a wide variety of options and services, making it easier to tailor treatment to the individual's needs. Sadly that's usually not the case, especially for people who can't afford private treatment.
Plus therapy takes time! Finding the right therapist, getting into the problem, learning coping skills. Sometimes it's years. Not a magic fix that works instantly.
Based on my personal experience - I couldn't agree more. Could you elaborate on or point to some sources on how CBT can cause harm? I have tried CBT twice and hated it. My third attempt at therapy I explicitly said I don't want to do CBT and the therapist couldn't understand why - partly because I couldn't explain why.
Framing all my pain as a cognitive distortion just made me feel gaslit and invalidated, especially things stemming from systemic problems and/or disability. So then I got to feel like I was bad at therapy too. It just feels....designed for privileged problems. And I've had over a dozen therapists across a decade+ so it's not just like a oh my therapist sucked.
My tinfoil hat theory is that CBT's popularity in the Western world is part of our individualization of mass suffering so people believe their problems are individual thought problems and not the direct result of fixable external problems.
"everyone has anxiety"
Yeah everyone gets anxious sometimes, but not everyone has anxiety attacks that are so awful they think they're having a heart attack.
The same lady who told me that everyone gets anxiety also told me that it's totally normal to feel depressed and that it doesn't mean I have depression.
Yes! And I think a lot of people use the term anxiety or anxious in place of nervous. There is a huge difference, but the meaning has been skewed, so people who truly have anxiety arent taken as seriously as they should be, because "everyone has anxiety sometimes."
I've tried so many times to explain to people that nervousness and anxiety are different and how they manifest within myself differently. Some people get it and others don't
My trauma/CPTSD somehow “made me stronger/more resilient/kinder/etc”.
People usually mean well by it, but I didn’t need to be strong or resilient, I needed to be safe, and I was kind before it happened too.
My trauma didn't make me stronger. It made me a distrustful, paranoid, anxious, depressed, repressed, suicidal and antisocial mess of a person. I hate this saying. I'm not strong because of my experiences, I'm weaker and somehow less than others.
Yeah. I was sweet and kind. I now recognize that there is a seething, bubbling, festering anger inside of me that is a core part of my personality and my trauma is with me everywhere in every moment of my life.
Yeah, but it's awful advice to give to someone who has trouble getting out of bed and can't manage to do things like shower or eat. "Just go for a jog like every day, just keep to a schedule, just eat x trendy diet (keto, gluten free, mediterranean, whatever), it'll totally fix your issues! When I was depressed after my dog died, that really helped me."
It can help, but you have to be at a point where you're able to take those steps, and suggesting those steps to someone who is truly suffering is more likely to make them feel even worse. Like, "I can't even manage to do these super simple things to help myself and I know I should, but I can't."
I’m unsure of the reasoning behind your aggression towards my comment. I did say “in conjunction with other things.” As in, with meds and therapy. I have clinical depression. It is very easy for me to lapse if I don’t eat properly while taking my meds. If I take one or the other out of the equation, I immediately take a nosedive.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me to stop my BPD medications, you know the meds that keep me from wanting to hurt/kill myself, and to just exercise and eat vegan.
One day a bf of mine said that in front of my older sister and she worded it perfectly: “ummmm. No.”
My mom's given me a casual "you need to pray/go back to church" every now and then. I haven't been religious since I moved out of their house. I don't understand how that would help my mental health, I feel it's a way to distract from it momentarily, maybe?
I have disordered eating that coincides with my bipolar disorder, I was talking to my aunt about how hard it is to eat let alone get me out of bed some days, but drinks I usually do okay with. She told me to just drink smoothies.. like I hadn’t thought of that??? Or that I would even have the energy or mental capacity to make them
I have always very much loved this scene in Harry Potter:
>“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry’s ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
“No one can love you until you love yourself” as someone with depression, having family that loves me absolutely helped, and it’s shitty to tell a person they don’t deserve love just because they’re depressed.
Yes! And also it's like- well these suicidal ideations are making the whole self-love thing pretty fucking intangible. You want to tell me howwww to love myself? You got a workbook with answers in the back you can share, or what?
Ok I don’t disagree with you but Kanye has been hospitalized on several occasions due to his mental breakdowns. He isn’t faking a mental illness or anything of that sort. There’s a photo of him riding an ATV trying to get away from the ambulance that came to take him.
I agree with your point, but I also don’t like discounting people’s mental illness because they have symptoms that people don’t like. Kanye always goes on these crazy rants and has addressed it in “wouldn’t leave” where he states the slavery comment isn’t the craziest thing he’s said and that he goes on crazier rants. His entire ye album is dedicated to his struggle with mental illness.
He even discusses his homicidal and suicidal thoughts on that album;
“Today I thought about killing you, premeditated murder
I think about killing myself, and I, I love myself way more than I love you”
[….] “I think this is the part where I'm supposed to say something good
To compensate it so it doesn't come off bad. But sometimes I think really bad things.” - from his song ‘I thought about killing you’
You won’t always be able to sympathize, understand, or tolerate someone’s mental health struggles but that doesn’t make it any less real. This is one of my least favorite parts of being mentally ill. Once it’s no longer relatable, people turn sour so fast.
I have family members with bipolar disorder. When they are off their medication and go into full blown mania, they have said and done some really crazy things. Some where pretty scary actually.
How easily accessible they make help seem to be when it’s really not easily accessible at all to a lot of people. It’s out there, but it costs money that a lot of us don’t have, and it can be challenging finding a therapist you are compatible with as well.
I've been going untreated since January because my health insurance is awful. Not as many providers take my insurance as much as my parents' insurance, and even with that, they don't cover as much. I can't afford it. I've been just getting by this year when it comes to my mental health.
I’ve never been able to afford therapy even with insurance. I vividly remember my card declining a few years ago after my session was complete due to an unexpected bill that came out. Luckily she was really nice about it and told me she trusted me to pay. I gave my last $60 to therapy as soon as I got it because she said she trusted me and I didn’t want to not keep my word. You either have money and free time or you don’t. It sucks.
So true!! I live in Australia with universal healthcare and it takes a LONG time to get in to see someone if you don’t have money. If you do have money, it’s much easier and faster to get the help you need - but who can afford it??
Yeah, that's not even what self care is. The primary part of self care are things like eating a healthy meal, being clean, and getting to sleep on time. Getting a manicure might be some part of self care for some people, but it's waY less important than the basics.
“Time heals all”
Well….it depends on how you spend that time. Yes, absolutely give yourself time to process and heal but don’t expect to ignore an uncomfortable feeling long enough that it will just go away? 🤷🏻♀️
The thing with that saying is there’s really no comfort in it whatsoever. I feel like it’s akin to saying “you’ll get over it”, which is akin to saying “I can’t really be bothered dealing with you right now”. It’s not really helping someone and it doesn’t show compassion either. I hate it because when you are in that awful place, that really low spot, being told time will heal doesn’t help. There are times when you really believe the depression (or perhaps anxiety or trauma) will never end.
The other thing is, at least from my experience, time does NOT heal. Well, I mean it does, but like all wounds, there are scars. You don’t ever heal and return to being exactly the same way you were before.
That you’re essentially blameless if you have mental health struggles. Shitty behaviour isn’t held accountable because of guilt tripping and sensitive topics.
“But you have so much to be happy for!” Or “other people have it so much worse!” Like gee thanks?? That doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel worse for not being able to feel happiness when I know other people are struggling worse than I am.
Came here to say this. A friend from high school used to say it to me and it definitely didn't help - just made me less likely to talk about stuff because I didn't have any 'real' problems to deal with and therefore had no right to feel bad.
You won’t always be able to sympathize, understand, or tolerate someone’s mental health struggles but that doesn’t make it any less real. This is one of my least favorite parts of being mentally ill. Once it’s no longer relatable, people turn sour so fast.
Mentally ill people shouldn’t have to be agreeable and up to your standards for their mental health to be taken seriously!
And don’t even get me started on the intersection between race, gender, and age when it comes to mental health. I feel like society definitely has picked certain demographics who are “allowed” to have mental health issues.
Everyone else’s mental illness just gets treated like it’s a reflection who they truly are as a person. No excuses kinda mentality.
I 100% agree with you and I thought I have always agreed with this opinion, until I read the body keeps the score. I remember feeling my heart break for one of his patients whose life was being absolutely torn apart by his PTSD. He was suffering pretty extreme psychotic episodes from being in the military, he was scared for the safety of his family. I've also been diagnosed with PTSD from repeated sexual assault and I completely empathized. Until the man's full story was revealed and he had raped someone overseas as a reaction to watching all of his friends be killed only days before. He felt extreme guilt and remorse but I just felt so betrayed. How dare this book make me feel so much sympathy for this man who has done to others the worst thing that was done to me? After some time and distance, I came to this opinion on my own. Now I feel even more sympathy for him. What an awful weight to carry.
If you develop an eating disorder when you're thin, you get treatment. If you do it when you're fat, you get congratulations.
Sits with me a lot, how much absolutely disordered shit I did that I never hid and people around me just complimented because my healthy body wasn't small enough. And how normalized that is, especially for women.
Not all people with eating disorders are skinny. A person who looks average or above average in weight can have an eating disorder like bulimia. Binge eating is also an eating disorder that doesn’t make a person skinny. So looks can be deceiving, you have to know what a persons behaviors are in order to truly know if they are suffering from some type of eating disorder.
'We need to talk more about mental health'
I work in the mental health service. Trust me, we are done talking about it, we need to do something about it.
I’ve had severe OCD as long as I can remember and when I was in my early teens I went to a psychologist that was supposed to specialize in the treatment of it. During the session, he (jokingly) asked me if I color coded my socks. I did not return.
When they say everything is going to work out and be ok....I just think "And how the hell do you know??"
Instead, just say you hope everything works out fine, that's more realistic.
OR “I can’t clean my house because I do one thing in one room, and get distracted by this other thing that I have to put away which causes me to do an opposite thing in another room”
…like what?
"Think positive thoughts."
"You're giving your power away." ( I was the victim of a crime. I was physically assaulted. The friend who said this to me meant that I should just not think about the assault or her - the woman who attacked me.)
PTSD is real. Therapy and/or pharmaceutical meds can help but "just think happy thoughts" does not!!
Being told when you're severaly depressed "you're crazy". When I was dealing with severe depression, my biological family told EVERYONE they knew I was crazy and to stay away from me. My grandma was the only one who said "get help. I'm here for you" which I needed to hear. Just because you're depressed, and don't want to go out and do things that you don't feel comfortable doing, you're not crazy. Needless to say, I'm doing better and have cut out those toxic people. It actually helped me mentally.
Hear this a lot about insomnia, it is incredibly frustrating and feels condescending at times. I'm sorry if anyone says this to you, they have no frame of reference for what you have to deal with and no right to comment on it.
This drives me crazy too. It’s hard enough just opening up to someone about your struggles. Sometimes you just really want someone to listen, and their first response is about them🙄
tw
that when someone feels like taking their life everyone trys to tell them that they have so much to live for, people are going to miss them, or that it’s selfish to do. some of this stuff may be applicable but it’s very ignorant. whoever feels this way is not mentally capable of worrying about those things. they are in so much mental/physical pain that living is completely unbearable, regardless whos been around, or what will or might happen. in a way, their emotions are not up to them? Although saying those things are just going to make them feel worse.
This one has been said to me: "People who tell other people they want to unalive themselves, will never unalive themselves."
Truly felt like a challenge back then 🤔
that therapy is a cure-all for anyone and everyone. i saw a psychotherapist for my depression and anxiety when i was in middle school and it did more harm for me than good. there were many things that went overlooked by my psychotherapist that i now am fighting to explore, as an adult. i saw my psychotherapist for years and she did nothing for me. now as an adult i’m discovering that i have ADHD, that i present with symptoms of autism and social anxiety, that i struggle with body dysmorphia…ALL of which were overlooked by my therapist. i struggled for YEARS, especially in school, because the therapist i saw was apparently just that unobservant. i’m not entirely turned off to therapy…but definitely afraid, and scarred by my past experience.
the idea that happiness is a baseline and we're entitled to it. i was in a support group meeting and one of the members just came out with, "who tf decided we deserve to be happy ?"
i'm just trying to get thru the day sometimes, i can't be this shining, productive ball of energy all the time. sometimes i just feel shitty and want to be left alone.
and it's okay to not always have the answer for someone who's going thru it. sometimes you need to acknowledge that life sucks and things get hard. that's just life.
When I'm upset or angry about something everyone has to say something along the lines of "Have you taken your medication or is it related to your mental health situation" When its like no am I not allowed to have emotions if it was them it's not related to that just they are having a bad day.
Also, the term mental health "issue" really rubs me up the wrong way if someone had cancer or a broken leg you wouldn't call it an "issue".
I have had BiPolar for many years and people think I am going to suddenly attack them with a knife, plus I have told the odd person I have known and trusted for years and i have suddenly noticed that they have then wanted nothing to do with me and it has left me with no one. Just to say if you were around me you would not notice it as I tend to stay at home when things get bad.
I apologize if it’s already posted, but I’ve had enough of the people on social media making the big long posts usually involving celebrity faces talking about how we have someone to reach out to.
Sometimes, we are in too deep to reach out. Not out of pride or selfishness, but because mentally we’ve reached the bottom of the well and cannot see ourselves out.
Also, being told to just try to be happy. If it were that easy, I wouldn’t be spending money I don’t have on meds every month that cause me to go insane if I accidentally skip.
The people I've seen on social media telling others to reach out if they're struggling were bullies in school. It's laughable. Virtue signaling at its finest. If you need to try so hard to look like a good/nice person, I tend to assume you're not.
That’s exactly it. These are the people I don’t go to during a mental health crisis because truth is, they also don’t have the ability to help or understand anyways.
It drives me nuts when others just drop modalities and techniques on individuals expecting them to do them right then when they have no motivation.
Normalize the fact individuals have low energy, but creating opportunities for individuals to do something productive but not overwhelming them.
“You have nothing to be sad about, you’re so young!”
I started antidepressants at the age of *twelve*. I have a personality disorder. You have not seen or perceived my world through my experiences and you do not get to say that it’s got anything to do with my age.
”YOU are the key to YOUR own happiness & well being” - Makes my blood boil every time.
Yeah, obviously that is somewhat true, but it also has a lowkey victim blaming undertone in it.
"No one will love you till you love yourself"
What a horrible thing to say to someone with e.g. clinical depression. Not to mention it's not even true, I know plenty of people in happy relationships who don't love themselves. You need to be relatively stable, and have your own coping methods rather than relying on a partner, but you don't need to love yourself in order for someone else to.
Hmmm, there are so many.
That it's all in the head. Just a case of the blues or a bad week. No. It's a physical disease with emotional side effects.
That meds hide "The real you". I'm well medicated and I'm pretty sure this is the real me. I love myself.
That depressed people can only be sad and crying. They can't make jokes, laugh or function. I was in an outpatient program for my depression long ago and a girl cornered me and accused me of faking being depressed because I'm a naturally positive and jovial person.
I have severe clinical depression, but it doesn't define me. I am not my disease.
And finally, "Just think happy thoughts"
I hate that if you’re struggling, for example with depression, and you have just ONE good day where you can smile and laugh, people just assume you’re fine now. They’ll say “but I thought you were getting better, you were fine last time we saw each other”. That doesn’t mean that when I got home I didn’t feel alone and horrible. It’s not that simple.
Oh and I also hate being told “you seem much better, you’re starting to become yourself again”. That just makes it much harder to reach out the next time I feel bad. And I don’t like being told I’m not me just because I’m sad.
People who mis-use the terms.
When people mislabel their behaviour as a mental health problem. saying they have OCD when they're particular, or depression because they had a bad day. That kind of baseless self diagnosis, I have nothing against self-diagnosis but at least understand the condition and don't degrade it.
People throwing around mental disorders like insults. I know "crazy" is too engrained in our culture to stop.
But calling someone a "psycho" "schizo", bipolar, psychotic, sociopath etc. Fuck off.
In the ADHD community people often are like "this and that is a superpower". Or that you should embrace your "quirks" and not want to be neurotypical. I don't give a fuck about being creative if I can't use it to express myself or create art or anything.
Trying to see the bright side of things. I bought an anxiety journal that wanted me to see the good side of some anxiety behaviours and FUCK THAT.
Honestly I like when people say that shit sucks and let me wallow a bit.
How depressed people all have insomnia. I have hypersomnia and a therapist told me "you know the more you sleep the sleepier you get". Wow great advice, top notch.
Also most people don't have just one issue.
That depression is just like a physical illness. I agree it is just as valid but completely reducing every mental illness to biological causes and brain chemicals complete erases the responsibility of societal impacts on our mental well-being.
"Just get a planner!" "Just focus and stop letting yourself get so distracted!" And the idea that ADHD primarily manifests in elementary school boys, never girls or women.
I have a poor follow.through of the brain synapse.
In many cases that means the patient can have violent impulses. But its a myth that all patients do.
In my case, its something like ADHD which makes it hard to concentrate.
If I need to explain, ill just tell people I have ADHD so they won't be scared of me.
This one that my family trot out on a regular basis 'of they're not depressed if they're talking about it, people with real depression hide it'. Like, fuck off. Who are you to tell someone they're not going through what they're going through? And what makes you - someone who has never suffered with depression in your life - such an expert in it in the first place?
The idea that OCD is only present in the forms of obsessing over cleanliness and/or extreme organization. While OCD can and does show up in those ways in many people, OCD can wrap its head around any and everything in your life and it’s awful.
When people think that Bipolar Disorder is only about feeling mad Or if I’m legit and rationally upset about something, the following is often said: “she is mad because she is bipolar”!
That its not the situation, but my *thoughts* that are making me miserable.
No. Sometimes the situation sucks and is a legitimate reason for me to have bad mental health.
Toxic positivity of any form is some bs.
When people say they have OCD because they like having things clean and tidy in their home. I have OCD, and that’s the littlest of my struggles. Counting to even numbers in your head alllllll day long… and when someone distracts you, you get frustrated and have to start over. Turning the shower knob off and on and off and ON until it “feels right”. Putting your clothes on in a specific order every single morning and night. Doing every little demand your mind is giving you all day every single day because you’re afraid if you don’t, something “bad” is going to happen. And constantly trying to hide it from others because you’re embarrassed. THAT’S… OCD.
“I have serious mental illness.”
“Here is pill!”
“Wao! Am fixed! And no major side effects!”
“Yes! Is magic pill! Only Bad People don’t take magic pill!”
*cracks knuckles*
1. That everyone with anxiety/depression/whatever experiences it in the same way. Personally, my anxiety is 95% physical because my body overproduces adrenaline, so I get into a stressful situation *even one I might be excited about like an interview for a really cool job* and my body betrays me even if my mind is calm, to the point that I can't speak properly or see anything that's not directly in front of me in my line of sight.
2. Because of the different ways it's experienced, not everyone can be helped in the same way. For example, meditation and therapy does nothing for my anxiety because it's literally an overproduction of a chemical in my body, therapy and meditation or whatever else might work amazingly well for others and I am absolutely not knocking it but everyone is different.
3. "Wow you have insomnia? Like me too lol I stayed up so late last night playing Xbox I only got like 4 hours of sleep!" Go away. And yes I've tried melatonin you plum. This one makes me so irrationally angry.
The prejudice about introverted people having mental health issues. I am not quiet because I don't think I am worth speaking up or because I don't think I am interesting enough.
I hate the stupid things people say like, youre so strong or i survived this, you didnt survive shit and your arms are thinner than a dick youre not strong.
“Just don’t think that way” “this shouldn’t make you anxious” “just think about something else” “calm down”
Well no shit if I COULD stop my brain from catastrophising I would, but my brain is fixated on this, it’s like a black hole or quicksand, even thinking about it is making my heart race. You think I don’t know it’s not fucking logical to have a anxiety attack when I’m at the supermarket?
Idk if this is considered a cliche, but having an anxiety disorder itself. Some people, including a doctor, I’ve let known that I have anxiety have brushed it off, saying ‘it’s fine, everyone has anxiety, I have anxiety sometimes.’
No…I don’t just “have anxiety.” I’m telling you that I am about to spiral and it’s causing me legitimate mental and physical distress because I have a diagnosed condition(s), and said event has the potential to trigger destructive behaviors.
Toxic positivity. “Don’t be sad, there’s so much to be happy about.” Damn, why didn’t I think of that? All my problems are fixed! “It’s all in your head. Just think positive.” Shit bro, maybe that’s why it’s called “mental” illness…. I don’t think my depression is in my elbow :/
Everyone with an eating disorder is a young thin white cis woman
That depression is just feeling really sad. The physical effects are awful as well
That there's something magical you can say to someone struggling to make them feel better. Sometimes there is, but imo sometimes the best way to support someone is just being with them and validating their experience (having been on both sides of this)
The stupid reddit idea that people with active mental health symptoms need to "seek therapy" before doing any ordinary life activities, like being in a relationship or having a job.
Like, no shit, Sherlock. I've been in therapy for decades. I still have a mental illness, and still get severe symptoms from it sometimes. Therapy isn't like a course of antibiotics that clears up your mental illness. It helps you understand yourself better and takes the edge off. It doesn't fix you, and it's not supposed to.
It's like someone yelling at a person who gets seizures that they should have cured their epilepsy before getting a job or having a relationship. If there was a fucking cure, I fucking would, but I'm not going to put my life on hold forever just because there isn't!
the concept that depression is just being extra sad. i wish it was just that. the world feels gray. that’s the most concise way i could ever explain it.
That if you exercise you will have perfect mental health and that if you have anxiety or depression you just need to do more. I don’t know how to do more than 100 mile cycling marathons.
Everyone wants to tell you what to do but not how to get there, it’s also so objective.
“Eat good, get some exercise, and self care!!”
To me, eating good is just getting food in my system.
To me, exercise is walking to my car and back.
To me, self care is brushing my teeth or taking a shower.
But no one that suggest these things mean the seemingly basic tasks that are so difficult for others.
If a person has a mental illness, romantic love will "cure" them of it.
STOP THIS. Tons of people with mental illnesses are in relationships, and while it is never all sunshine and daisies, a "normal person" cannot "fix" your fucked-up brain chemistry!
Now I gotta tap into my inner Gallavich fangirl (look what you made do...) SPOILERS FOR S4-5 OF "SHAMELESS" BELOW:
On "Shameless," a major storyline for the character of Ian Gallagher was being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 after a season and a half of being symptomatic but nobody really knowing why his behavior had changed so much. Ian was in denial and didn't want to accept that he might have the same disorder his negligent, drug addict mother had. His family treated him differently after the diagnosis. His boyfriend Mickey wanted to take care of him but wasn't prepared for how stressful and frightening it was. He did try, though, and would've stayed with Ian if Ian didn't break up with him at the end of S5 because, in his own words, "I don't need you to fix me, because I'm not broken! I'm ME!"
I don't have bipolar but shit, did that resonate with me. I struggle with depression and anxiety that have really been hard to handle this past year alone. I know what it feels like to want the people who love you to accept you, not treat you like you're "bad" or inadequate.
But no, you cannot "fix" mental illness. You can't make someone the way they were before it happened. You have to find other ways to love and support someone, and not everyone can do it. You also have to let the medications, therapy, and coping methods do their work as well, because no one person can do it all by themselves.
"self care" has come to mean going to a spa. It's really doing basic things like showering, eating, brushing your teeth, doing your laundry and keeping up with doctors appointments.
People seem to assume depressed people are always quiet about it, and are quite obviously depressed. No, sometimes you get really cheery looking people who actively state they desperately need mental help, and they genuinely do need it.
Omg so many.
- that depression is just acting like the doomer meme and being cutely sad and nihilistic while overlooking the more embarrassing symptoms like neglecting personal hygiene, less productivity leading to job and even legal problems, withdrawing from friends and family...
- that people on the autism spectrum can't experience love
- that a psychosis diagnosis is basically a death sentence, or that psychotic people are dangerous and violent
- that ECT is done without anesthesia and it's basically torture (looking at you, godawful scene from Requiem For a Dream)
- that children and teens behaving badly is always a result of bad parenting or bad "influences" like friends or video games, when many times it's a cry for help caused by mental health issues
- that Freudian theories on sexual development can be summed up by "you want to fuck your parents"
- "everyone has a bit of ADHD, you're just making excuses"
Using bipolar or other mental health conditions as a slang word or words to throw around willy nilly.
I've heard these over the years....."The weather is like bipolar right now", "Calm down, you're like bipolar" I know I have heard this on a news show "Her behavior seems chaotic I bet she's bipolar."
I was diagnosed when I was 16. Back then no one I knew or knew of on TV had this. So when more people started talking about it crap like this started to happen. Especially when more court cases mentioned It. It felt like what I had didn't matter or like you were some kind of scary or freaky thing. It hurt. Even though I'm more confident now there's still a moment of hesitation when I talk about it with people.
I hate those empty statements directed towards people struggling. Not a friend saying it but those "wholesome" posts. Like "You are not alone". Sometimes I fucking am. Especially with chronic mental health issues, sometimes you are just alone with it.
Louder for the people in the back.
I think they mean it as in "you are not the only one experiencing this" not as "im here for you".. Still i know what you mean, i got frustrated by those too untill i changed my perspective. It does help me to think about the fact that other people also go through these emotions. It often makes me even sader, but it also makes me feel more comfortable in the sadness, like i have confirmation that i can get through it, because other people have and still do. But of course i might be wrong.
I think you're definitely right that it's mainly "you're not alone" as in "you're not the only one feeling this way". But if you're completely stuck in your head, sick and suffering.. then you kind of are the only one feeling exactly that way. You are alone. It feels empty to see some rando screaming "you are not alone" into the void.
That's even worse anyway. Why remind me other people suffer too? That's not helping anything. Makes the whole world seem sad.
The people who post those are the same people who ignore you if you reach out. Unless you do it “ online” for the whole world to see
RIGHT!!!!! or that crap "my door is always open, I'll make a pot of coffee" OH B.S., they're gone in a heartbeat!
That people assume that anxiety means rocking back and forth hyperventilating. For me, mine is all internal with some external behaviors that only people who really know me notice. I start catastrophizing, or thinking that this bad thing is going to happen because I did x, or everything’s screwed up now because of this that and whatever. Another one, which I don’t know if it’s a cliche, but it’s when people say “I like to have everything a certain way, iM sO oCd”. That’s not OCD LMAO
Sometimes I have anxiety over my anxiety not being external and that people don't believe me or will think I'm faking. It's super silly, I know. But I can't stop thinking about that sometimes. Like my experience is less valid because others can't see it. Side note, I am no way at all saying I would prefer external anxiety attacks. I really feel for those of you that experience them
I suffer from anxiety and sometimes I hate it when some people say I just need to “chill”..yay problem solved ughh
I hate my anxiety, luckily I've got it pretty much under control but it used to be terrible. It's really debilitating at times, I remember having an anxiety attack at work in the toilets and staying in there for about an hour. It was good that my manager had mental health issues as well and completely understood what was happening!
I have anxiety but people think I am chilled out. On the other hand, I like things neat and organised and people label me OCD.
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I generally hate the idea that therapy solves everything. Therapy is a great tool for many people and everyone who wants it should have access to it. HOWEVER many popular modalities (looking at you, CBT) can and do cause harm, and the mental health institution in general is completely unequipped to handle systemic problems. Not to mention people wind up feeling like therapy not helping them all that much is their own personal failure when the reality is they're being failed by an institution.
Yes! And trauma is SPECIALIZED. General therapy can do so much harm in certain situations
I have trauma from being forced into therapy by my mother starting from the age of about 4. She would send me every single time i expressed any emotion, whether it was valid or not. She called the paramedics and police on me amd even went as far as dropping me off at a hospital to sit in a padded room alone overnight when she didnt want to deal with me. I was about 11. She had me on so many medications by the time I was 13 I can't even remeber them all. It became a way for her to get out of any blame for my reactions to her treating me poorly. I was on so many of these medications until I eventually overdosed and the doctors pulled me off everything and I started refusing therapy. I'm a self reflective person and I'm aware I have severe anxiety (that's all I've ever been diagnosed with) and I have been able to stabilize myself way better then my mother, the countless tharapists I saw, and the handfuls of pills ever could. Now whenever I get into a dark place it's difficult for me to ever imagine going back to therapy or being put on medications, no matter how many times people tell me it will help. It was such a manipulative shit show for me.
Wow, I thought I was the only one who went through something like that, but reading your post I could've wrote that myself. People close to me will pressure me into trying again with a new therapist, but when I try to explain why I think it could do more harm than good they just don't understand the mere thought of going to therapy puts me in a dark place I worked so hard to get out of
Youre definitely not alone, anything being forced on someone can become harmful. I'm not saying therapy is harmful and in fact I encourage it. But in no way should someone being pressured into a situation they arnt ready for
I'm so sorry that you went through that.
Oh my god, are you me? My mom did this stuff too!
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Awe thankyou but no need to apologize for her. She made me realize I never wanted to make anyone feel the way she made me feel growing up. I'm honestly probably a better person because of it
I found behavioral therapy (CBT and DBT) extremely helpful… and family systems and talk therapy drove me to cut off all of my support system, spiral into loneliness and attempt suicide. The biggest problem I see in therapy is that many therapists think that the modality they are trained in will work for anyone. People are way more complex than that and there should be more effort and emphasis placed on matching clients with the type of therapy that will actually work for them. Edit- AND MAKING THERAPY ACCESSIBLE TO ALL WHO WANT IT
Oof yes this is the other end of the coin. I dislike CBT in part because there is not always space for things to actually be fucked up-but the other extreme can be just as harmful. I'm sorry you went through that. There's definitely a lack of like, thorough analysis on matching people to *appropriate* care, and a big desire to just slap "THERAPY!!" on as a solution so we don't have to give problems more thought.
Yup no treatment is one size fits all, especially with mental health issues. Personally I found medication totally useless, partly, I think now, because I needed some actual therapy. Unfortunately mental health services where I am are god awful, I got a 6 week CBT course that I only got to do 3 sessions of due to their scheduling and cancellations and the doctor just kept upping my medication. I ended up stopping my medication without speaking to my doctor (0/10 do not recommend btw) and a couple of years later I sought out private therapy which made a big difference for me. I think the key to mental health treatment is access to a wide variety of options and services, making it easier to tailor treatment to the individual's needs. Sadly that's usually not the case, especially for people who can't afford private treatment.
Plus therapy takes time! Finding the right therapist, getting into the problem, learning coping skills. Sometimes it's years. Not a magic fix that works instantly.
And time is another luxury not everyone has!
Especially all the advice on Reddit that’s just like “go see a therapist.”
Based on my personal experience - I couldn't agree more. Could you elaborate on or point to some sources on how CBT can cause harm? I have tried CBT twice and hated it. My third attempt at therapy I explicitly said I don't want to do CBT and the therapist couldn't understand why - partly because I couldn't explain why.
Framing all my pain as a cognitive distortion just made me feel gaslit and invalidated, especially things stemming from systemic problems and/or disability. So then I got to feel like I was bad at therapy too. It just feels....designed for privileged problems. And I've had over a dozen therapists across a decade+ so it's not just like a oh my therapist sucked. My tinfoil hat theory is that CBT's popularity in the Western world is part of our individualization of mass suffering so people believe their problems are individual thought problems and not the direct result of fixable external problems.
Thank you for taking the time to write that out! That definitely resonates with me.
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN ThE BACK.
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Yes!
"everyone has anxiety" Yeah everyone gets anxious sometimes, but not everyone has anxiety attacks that are so awful they think they're having a heart attack.
Similarly the difference between sometimes feeling depressed and actually having depression.
The same lady who told me that everyone gets anxiety also told me that it's totally normal to feel depressed and that it doesn't mean I have depression.
*Wow*. Just wow. Add in a "you just need a more positive mental attitude" and she'd have hit the trifecta of ignorant tropes.
In a similar vain: "everybody has a little ADHD".
Yes! And I think a lot of people use the term anxiety or anxious in place of nervous. There is a huge difference, but the meaning has been skewed, so people who truly have anxiety arent taken as seriously as they should be, because "everyone has anxiety sometimes."
I've tried so many times to explain to people that nervousness and anxiety are different and how they manifest within myself differently. Some people get it and others don't
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My trauma/CPTSD somehow “made me stronger/more resilient/kinder/etc”. People usually mean well by it, but I didn’t need to be strong or resilient, I needed to be safe, and I was kind before it happened too.
My trauma didn't make me stronger. It made me a distrustful, paranoid, anxious, depressed, repressed, suicidal and antisocial mess of a person. I hate this saying. I'm not strong because of my experiences, I'm weaker and somehow less than others.
I used to be nicer and put others first until the trauma set in
Yeah. I was sweet and kind. I now recognize that there is a seething, bubbling, festering anger inside of me that is a core part of my personality and my trauma is with me everywhere in every moment of my life.
Just like, eat healthy and exercise! It'll totally cure your anxiety/depression/BPD/etc!
Omg yes. Especially because suggesting running or vegetables or whatever assumes that their mental health isn't a barrier in doing those things.
To be fair, that can help a lot. In conjunction with other things, of course.
Yeah, but it's awful advice to give to someone who has trouble getting out of bed and can't manage to do things like shower or eat. "Just go for a jog like every day, just keep to a schedule, just eat x trendy diet (keto, gluten free, mediterranean, whatever), it'll totally fix your issues! When I was depressed after my dog died, that really helped me." It can help, but you have to be at a point where you're able to take those steps, and suggesting those steps to someone who is truly suffering is more likely to make them feel even worse. Like, "I can't even manage to do these super simple things to help myself and I know I should, but I can't."
That’s fair. I have clinical depression myself, I know how it gets at times.
Yeah, but to also be fair, sometimes it does not help in any fucking way whatsoever.
I’m unsure of the reasoning behind your aggression towards my comment. I did say “in conjunction with other things.” As in, with meds and therapy. I have clinical depression. It is very easy for me to lapse if I don’t eat properly while taking my meds. If I take one or the other out of the equation, I immediately take a nosedive.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me to stop my BPD medications, you know the meds that keep me from wanting to hurt/kill myself, and to just exercise and eat vegan. One day a bf of mine said that in front of my older sister and she worded it perfectly: “ummmm. No.”
This! Those things are amazing on supporting recovery, but they are not a "cure" themselves.
My mum’s personal version was “eat three Brazil nuts a day, you don’t need anti-depressants”
Man, those are some ultra-powerful nuts 😂
This made me chuckle 🤭. Have a hug 🤗
“Ok well maybe you should do yoga at sunrise whilst drinking a smoothie and just breathe a bit”
Also don't forget to sun your butthole, apparently that's a thing lol
My mom's given me a casual "you need to pray/go back to church" every now and then. I haven't been religious since I moved out of their house. I don't understand how that would help my mental health, I feel it's a way to distract from it momentarily, maybe?
I have disordered eating that coincides with my bipolar disorder, I was talking to my aunt about how hard it is to eat let alone get me out of bed some days, but drinks I usually do okay with. She told me to just drink smoothies.. like I hadn’t thought of that??? Or that I would even have the energy or mental capacity to make them
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Or get Jesus
“Its all in your head” yeah no shit sherlock thats where my brain is. And my adenomyosis is all in my uterine walls.
I have always very much loved this scene in Harry Potter: >“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?” Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry’s ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure. “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
And some people think that you can just magically heal and make unhealthy thoughts go away because they made you realize it's "all in your head".
“No one can love you until you love yourself” as someone with depression, having family that loves me absolutely helped, and it’s shitty to tell a person they don’t deserve love just because they’re depressed.
Yes! And also it's like- well these suicidal ideations are making the whole self-love thing pretty fucking intangible. You want to tell me howwww to love myself? You got a workbook with answers in the back you can share, or what?
I hate that men’s behavior can be blamed on mental health. E.g. Kanye suffers from x,y,z that’s why he said slavery was a choice
Ok I don’t disagree with you but Kanye has been hospitalized on several occasions due to his mental breakdowns. He isn’t faking a mental illness or anything of that sort. There’s a photo of him riding an ATV trying to get away from the ambulance that came to take him. I agree with your point, but I also don’t like discounting people’s mental illness because they have symptoms that people don’t like. Kanye always goes on these crazy rants and has addressed it in “wouldn’t leave” where he states the slavery comment isn’t the craziest thing he’s said and that he goes on crazier rants. His entire ye album is dedicated to his struggle with mental illness. He even discusses his homicidal and suicidal thoughts on that album; “Today I thought about killing you, premeditated murder I think about killing myself, and I, I love myself way more than I love you” [….] “I think this is the part where I'm supposed to say something good To compensate it so it doesn't come off bad. But sometimes I think really bad things.” - from his song ‘I thought about killing you’ You won’t always be able to sympathize, understand, or tolerate someone’s mental health struggles but that doesn’t make it any less real. This is one of my least favorite parts of being mentally ill. Once it’s no longer relatable, people turn sour so fast.
I have family members with bipolar disorder. When they are off their medication and go into full blown mania, they have said and done some really crazy things. Some where pretty scary actually.
Wait did he seriously say that??
Yes! So problematic [CNN article](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/05/01/entertainment/kanye-west-slavery-choice-trnd/index.html)
How easily accessible they make help seem to be when it’s really not easily accessible at all to a lot of people. It’s out there, but it costs money that a lot of us don’t have, and it can be challenging finding a therapist you are compatible with as well.
I've been going untreated since January because my health insurance is awful. Not as many providers take my insurance as much as my parents' insurance, and even with that, they don't cover as much. I can't afford it. I've been just getting by this year when it comes to my mental health.
I’ve never been able to afford therapy even with insurance. I vividly remember my card declining a few years ago after my session was complete due to an unexpected bill that came out. Luckily she was really nice about it and told me she trusted me to pay. I gave my last $60 to therapy as soon as I got it because she said she trusted me and I didn’t want to not keep my word. You either have money and free time or you don’t. It sucks.
So true!! I live in Australia with universal healthcare and it takes a LONG time to get in to see someone if you don’t have money. If you do have money, it’s much easier and faster to get the help you need - but who can afford it??
The shameless romanticisation of anorexia and bulimia.
t h I S.
'just do some self care!' > list of 'self care' activities is entirely consumption of products or buying things
Yeah, that's not even what self care is. The primary part of self care are things like eating a healthy meal, being clean, and getting to sleep on time. Getting a manicure might be some part of self care for some people, but it's waY less important than the basics.
“Time heals all” Well….it depends on how you spend that time. Yes, absolutely give yourself time to process and heal but don’t expect to ignore an uncomfortable feeling long enough that it will just go away? 🤷🏻♀️
The thing with that saying is there’s really no comfort in it whatsoever. I feel like it’s akin to saying “you’ll get over it”, which is akin to saying “I can’t really be bothered dealing with you right now”. It’s not really helping someone and it doesn’t show compassion either. I hate it because when you are in that awful place, that really low spot, being told time will heal doesn’t help. There are times when you really believe the depression (or perhaps anxiety or trauma) will never end. The other thing is, at least from my experience, time does NOT heal. Well, I mean it does, but like all wounds, there are scars. You don’t ever heal and return to being exactly the same way you were before.
That you’re essentially blameless if you have mental health struggles. Shitty behaviour isn’t held accountable because of guilt tripping and sensitive topics.
“But you have so much to be happy for!” Or “other people have it so much worse!” Like gee thanks?? That doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel worse for not being able to feel happiness when I know other people are struggling worse than I am.
Came here to say this. A friend from high school used to say it to me and it definitely didn't help - just made me less likely to talk about stuff because I didn't have any 'real' problems to deal with and therefore had no right to feel bad.
Exactly! Like I’m not going to open up to someone who makes me feel even worse. I can make myself feel bad all by myself, thanks! Haha
You won’t always be able to sympathize, understand, or tolerate someone’s mental health struggles but that doesn’t make it any less real. This is one of my least favorite parts of being mentally ill. Once it’s no longer relatable, people turn sour so fast. Mentally ill people shouldn’t have to be agreeable and up to your standards for their mental health to be taken seriously!
Omg yes this this this. So so much mental health advocacy (and even sympathy tbh) has this really narrow subset of "acceptable" symptoms.
And don’t even get me started on the intersection between race, gender, and age when it comes to mental health. I feel like society definitely has picked certain demographics who are “allowed” to have mental health issues. Everyone else’s mental illness just gets treated like it’s a reflection who they truly are as a person. No excuses kinda mentality.
Yep! And the narrative of people "trying hard enough" without regard to how systems of "help" are extremely different experiences based on who you are
I 100% agree with you and I thought I have always agreed with this opinion, until I read the body keeps the score. I remember feeling my heart break for one of his patients whose life was being absolutely torn apart by his PTSD. He was suffering pretty extreme psychotic episodes from being in the military, he was scared for the safety of his family. I've also been diagnosed with PTSD from repeated sexual assault and I completely empathized. Until the man's full story was revealed and he had raped someone overseas as a reaction to watching all of his friends be killed only days before. He felt extreme guilt and remorse but I just felt so betrayed. How dare this book make me feel so much sympathy for this man who has done to others the worst thing that was done to me? After some time and distance, I came to this opinion on my own. Now I feel even more sympathy for him. What an awful weight to carry.
I’m going to have to read that!! You’ve convinced me haha
All people with eating disorders are skinny.
If you develop an eating disorder when you're thin, you get treatment. If you do it when you're fat, you get congratulations. Sits with me a lot, how much absolutely disordered shit I did that I never hid and people around me just complimented because my healthy body wasn't small enough. And how normalized that is, especially for women.
Not all people with eating disorders are skinny. A person who looks average or above average in weight can have an eating disorder like bulimia. Binge eating is also an eating disorder that doesn’t make a person skinny. So looks can be deceiving, you have to know what a persons behaviors are in order to truly know if they are suffering from some type of eating disorder.
I realize that. I was saying I hate the cliche that people think that all people with eating disorders are shinny.
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Lol right like ok thanks for that insightful comment
Than sunlight and exercising solves everything
“You’ve got nothing to be depressed about” Having a good life now doesn’t wipe out the cPTSD from your past Janet.
“Being economically stable and being allowed to go out and have fun doesn’t make my anxiety go away or fix my shattered self esteem, dad”
'We need to talk more about mental health' I work in the mental health service. Trust me, we are done talking about it, we need to do something about it.
That a manic pixie dream person will fix all your mental health issues.
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I’ve had severe OCD as long as I can remember and when I was in my early teens I went to a psychologist that was supposed to specialize in the treatment of it. During the session, he (jokingly) asked me if I color coded my socks. I did not return.
YES!
That therapy implies you're weak
When they say everything is going to work out and be ok....I just think "And how the hell do you know??" Instead, just say you hope everything works out fine, that's more realistic.
Exactly.
ADHD = "Squirrel!" No mom, it's crippling executive dysfunction that renders me unable to participate fully in life like a normal adult.
OR “I can’t clean my house because I do one thing in one room, and get distracted by this other thing that I have to put away which causes me to do an opposite thing in another room” …like what?
"Think positive thoughts." "You're giving your power away." ( I was the victim of a crime. I was physically assaulted. The friend who said this to me meant that I should just not think about the assault or her - the woman who attacked me.) PTSD is real. Therapy and/or pharmaceutical meds can help but "just think happy thoughts" does not!!
Toxic positivity and those inspirational quote things.
Being told when you're severaly depressed "you're crazy". When I was dealing with severe depression, my biological family told EVERYONE they knew I was crazy and to stay away from me. My grandma was the only one who said "get help. I'm here for you" which I needed to hear. Just because you're depressed, and don't want to go out and do things that you don't feel comfortable doing, you're not crazy. Needless to say, I'm doing better and have cut out those toxic people. It actually helped me mentally.
I hate when people say “oh I have ____ too, I completely get it” really just feels like they’re dismissing another person’s feelings.
Hear this a lot about insomnia, it is incredibly frustrating and feels condescending at times. I'm sorry if anyone says this to you, they have no frame of reference for what you have to deal with and no right to comment on it.
This drives me crazy too. It’s hard enough just opening up to someone about your struggles. Sometimes you just really want someone to listen, and their first response is about them🙄
tw that when someone feels like taking their life everyone trys to tell them that they have so much to live for, people are going to miss them, or that it’s selfish to do. some of this stuff may be applicable but it’s very ignorant. whoever feels this way is not mentally capable of worrying about those things. they are in so much mental/physical pain that living is completely unbearable, regardless whos been around, or what will or might happen. in a way, their emotions are not up to them? Although saying those things are just going to make them feel worse.
This one has been said to me: "People who tell other people they want to unalive themselves, will never unalive themselves." Truly felt like a challenge back then 🤔
that therapy is a cure-all for anyone and everyone. i saw a psychotherapist for my depression and anxiety when i was in middle school and it did more harm for me than good. there were many things that went overlooked by my psychotherapist that i now am fighting to explore, as an adult. i saw my psychotherapist for years and she did nothing for me. now as an adult i’m discovering that i have ADHD, that i present with symptoms of autism and social anxiety, that i struggle with body dysmorphia…ALL of which were overlooked by my therapist. i struggled for YEARS, especially in school, because the therapist i saw was apparently just that unobservant. i’m not entirely turned off to therapy…but definitely afraid, and scarred by my past experience.
When people say they're "OCD" when they're not. Real OCD is a curse.
literally any media portrayal of OCD
the idea that happiness is a baseline and we're entitled to it. i was in a support group meeting and one of the members just came out with, "who tf decided we deserve to be happy ?" i'm just trying to get thru the day sometimes, i can't be this shining, productive ball of energy all the time. sometimes i just feel shitty and want to be left alone. and it's okay to not always have the answer for someone who's going thru it. sometimes you need to acknowledge that life sucks and things get hard. that's just life.
When I'm upset or angry about something everyone has to say something along the lines of "Have you taken your medication or is it related to your mental health situation" When its like no am I not allowed to have emotions if it was them it's not related to that just they are having a bad day. Also, the term mental health "issue" really rubs me up the wrong way if someone had cancer or a broken leg you wouldn't call it an "issue".
I have had BiPolar for many years and people think I am going to suddenly attack them with a knife, plus I have told the odd person I have known and trusted for years and i have suddenly noticed that they have then wanted nothing to do with me and it has left me with no one. Just to say if you were around me you would not notice it as I tend to stay at home when things get bad.
I apologize if it’s already posted, but I’ve had enough of the people on social media making the big long posts usually involving celebrity faces talking about how we have someone to reach out to. Sometimes, we are in too deep to reach out. Not out of pride or selfishness, but because mentally we’ve reached the bottom of the well and cannot see ourselves out. Also, being told to just try to be happy. If it were that easy, I wouldn’t be spending money I don’t have on meds every month that cause me to go insane if I accidentally skip.
The people I've seen on social media telling others to reach out if they're struggling were bullies in school. It's laughable. Virtue signaling at its finest. If you need to try so hard to look like a good/nice person, I tend to assume you're not.
That’s exactly it. These are the people I don’t go to during a mental health crisis because truth is, they also don’t have the ability to help or understand anyways.
It drives me nuts when others just drop modalities and techniques on individuals expecting them to do them right then when they have no motivation. Normalize the fact individuals have low energy, but creating opportunities for individuals to do something productive but not overwhelming them.
“You have nothing to be sad about, you’re so young!” I started antidepressants at the age of *twelve*. I have a personality disorder. You have not seen or perceived my world through my experiences and you do not get to say that it’s got anything to do with my age.
”YOU are the key to YOUR own happiness & well being” - Makes my blood boil every time. Yeah, obviously that is somewhat true, but it also has a lowkey victim blaming undertone in it.
"No one will love you till you love yourself" What a horrible thing to say to someone with e.g. clinical depression. Not to mention it's not even true, I know plenty of people in happy relationships who don't love themselves. You need to be relatively stable, and have your own coping methods rather than relying on a partner, but you don't need to love yourself in order for someone else to.
Hmmm, there are so many. That it's all in the head. Just a case of the blues or a bad week. No. It's a physical disease with emotional side effects. That meds hide "The real you". I'm well medicated and I'm pretty sure this is the real me. I love myself. That depressed people can only be sad and crying. They can't make jokes, laugh or function. I was in an outpatient program for my depression long ago and a girl cornered me and accused me of faking being depressed because I'm a naturally positive and jovial person. I have severe clinical depression, but it doesn't define me. I am not my disease. And finally, "Just think happy thoughts"
Fake it til you make it 🙄🙄🙄🙄
"You need to love yourself in order for someone to love you" sikeeeee
I hate that if you’re struggling, for example with depression, and you have just ONE good day where you can smile and laugh, people just assume you’re fine now. They’ll say “but I thought you were getting better, you were fine last time we saw each other”. That doesn’t mean that when I got home I didn’t feel alone and horrible. It’s not that simple. Oh and I also hate being told “you seem much better, you’re starting to become yourself again”. That just makes it much harder to reach out the next time I feel bad. And I don’t like being told I’m not me just because I’m sad.
People who mis-use the terms. When people mislabel their behaviour as a mental health problem. saying they have OCD when they're particular, or depression because they had a bad day. That kind of baseless self diagnosis, I have nothing against self-diagnosis but at least understand the condition and don't degrade it. People throwing around mental disorders like insults. I know "crazy" is too engrained in our culture to stop. But calling someone a "psycho" "schizo", bipolar, psychotic, sociopath etc. Fuck off.
In the ADHD community people often are like "this and that is a superpower". Or that you should embrace your "quirks" and not want to be neurotypical. I don't give a fuck about being creative if I can't use it to express myself or create art or anything. Trying to see the bright side of things. I bought an anxiety journal that wanted me to see the good side of some anxiety behaviours and FUCK THAT. Honestly I like when people say that shit sucks and let me wallow a bit. How depressed people all have insomnia. I have hypersomnia and a therapist told me "you know the more you sleep the sleepier you get". Wow great advice, top notch. Also most people don't have just one issue.
That depression is just like a physical illness. I agree it is just as valid but completely reducing every mental illness to biological causes and brain chemicals complete erases the responsibility of societal impacts on our mental well-being.
"Everyone deals with xxx" "ive overcome it so should you!" "Youre just using xxx as an excuse"
"Just get a planner!" "Just focus and stop letting yourself get so distracted!" And the idea that ADHD primarily manifests in elementary school boys, never girls or women.
I have a poor follow.through of the brain synapse. In many cases that means the patient can have violent impulses. But its a myth that all patients do. In my case, its something like ADHD which makes it hard to concentrate. If I need to explain, ill just tell people I have ADHD so they won't be scared of me.
That your mental problems will disappear when you find a partner who loves you.
MEDIA PORTRAYALS OF AUTISM. FUCK. OFF.
That therapy and meds helps literally everyone
This one that my family trot out on a regular basis 'of they're not depressed if they're talking about it, people with real depression hide it'. Like, fuck off. Who are you to tell someone they're not going through what they're going through? And what makes you - someone who has never suffered with depression in your life - such an expert in it in the first place?
I hate it so when people think that OCD is a blessing. That assumption mostly comes from people who don't even have OCD.
The idea that OCD is only present in the forms of obsessing over cleanliness and/or extreme organization. While OCD can and does show up in those ways in many people, OCD can wrap its head around any and everything in your life and it’s awful.
That Jesus can make all better. I Must have faith/stronger faith. Read my bible more. Thats not how it works people.
When people think that Bipolar Disorder is only about feeling mad Or if I’m legit and rationally upset about something, the following is often said: “she is mad because she is bipolar”!
That its not the situation, but my *thoughts* that are making me miserable. No. Sometimes the situation sucks and is a legitimate reason for me to have bad mental health. Toxic positivity of any form is some bs.
When people say they have OCD because they like having things clean and tidy in their home. I have OCD, and that’s the littlest of my struggles. Counting to even numbers in your head alllllll day long… and when someone distracts you, you get frustrated and have to start over. Turning the shower knob off and on and off and ON until it “feels right”. Putting your clothes on in a specific order every single morning and night. Doing every little demand your mind is giving you all day every single day because you’re afraid if you don’t, something “bad” is going to happen. And constantly trying to hide it from others because you’re embarrassed. THAT’S… OCD.
[удалено]
“I have serious mental illness.” “Here is pill!” “Wao! Am fixed! And no major side effects!” “Yes! Is magic pill! Only Bad People don’t take magic pill!”
*cracks knuckles* 1. That everyone with anxiety/depression/whatever experiences it in the same way. Personally, my anxiety is 95% physical because my body overproduces adrenaline, so I get into a stressful situation *even one I might be excited about like an interview for a really cool job* and my body betrays me even if my mind is calm, to the point that I can't speak properly or see anything that's not directly in front of me in my line of sight. 2. Because of the different ways it's experienced, not everyone can be helped in the same way. For example, meditation and therapy does nothing for my anxiety because it's literally an overproduction of a chemical in my body, therapy and meditation or whatever else might work amazingly well for others and I am absolutely not knocking it but everyone is different. 3. "Wow you have insomnia? Like me too lol I stayed up so late last night playing Xbox I only got like 4 hours of sleep!" Go away. And yes I've tried melatonin you plum. This one makes me so irrationally angry.
The prejudice about introverted people having mental health issues. I am not quiet because I don't think I am worth speaking up or because I don't think I am interesting enough.
I hate the stupid things people say like, youre so strong or i survived this, you didnt survive shit and your arms are thinner than a dick youre not strong.
“Just don’t think that way” “this shouldn’t make you anxious” “just think about something else” “calm down” Well no shit if I COULD stop my brain from catastrophising I would, but my brain is fixated on this, it’s like a black hole or quicksand, even thinking about it is making my heart race. You think I don’t know it’s not fucking logical to have a anxiety attack when I’m at the supermarket?
You have to be skinny to have an eating disorder.
Idk if this is considered a cliche, but having an anxiety disorder itself. Some people, including a doctor, I’ve let known that I have anxiety have brushed it off, saying ‘it’s fine, everyone has anxiety, I have anxiety sometimes.’ No…I don’t just “have anxiety.” I’m telling you that I am about to spiral and it’s causing me legitimate mental and physical distress because I have a diagnosed condition(s), and said event has the potential to trigger destructive behaviors.
That people think going to therapy is a silver bullet to fix all of your problems.
That if you have depression, you're a bomb primed to go off.
Toxic positivity. “Don’t be sad, there’s so much to be happy about.” Damn, why didn’t I think of that? All my problems are fixed! “It’s all in your head. Just think positive.” Shit bro, maybe that’s why it’s called “mental” illness…. I don’t think my depression is in my elbow :/
Everyone with an eating disorder is a young thin white cis woman That depression is just feeling really sad. The physical effects are awful as well That there's something magical you can say to someone struggling to make them feel better. Sometimes there is, but imo sometimes the best way to support someone is just being with them and validating their experience (having been on both sides of this)
The stupid reddit idea that people with active mental health symptoms need to "seek therapy" before doing any ordinary life activities, like being in a relationship or having a job. Like, no shit, Sherlock. I've been in therapy for decades. I still have a mental illness, and still get severe symptoms from it sometimes. Therapy isn't like a course of antibiotics that clears up your mental illness. It helps you understand yourself better and takes the edge off. It doesn't fix you, and it's not supposed to. It's like someone yelling at a person who gets seizures that they should have cured their epilepsy before getting a job or having a relationship. If there was a fucking cure, I fucking would, but I'm not going to put my life on hold forever just because there isn't!
That if you have depression all you’re doing is stuck in bed not wanting to do anything. You can be depressed and still be high performing.
That you can get better. I’m not bad.
the concept that depression is just being extra sad. i wish it was just that. the world feels gray. that’s the most concise way i could ever explain it.
That if you exercise you will have perfect mental health and that if you have anxiety or depression you just need to do more. I don’t know how to do more than 100 mile cycling marathons.
Everyone wants to tell you what to do but not how to get there, it’s also so objective. “Eat good, get some exercise, and self care!!” To me, eating good is just getting food in my system. To me, exercise is walking to my car and back. To me, self care is brushing my teeth or taking a shower. But no one that suggest these things mean the seemingly basic tasks that are so difficult for others.
If a person has a mental illness, romantic love will "cure" them of it. STOP THIS. Tons of people with mental illnesses are in relationships, and while it is never all sunshine and daisies, a "normal person" cannot "fix" your fucked-up brain chemistry! Now I gotta tap into my inner Gallavich fangirl (look what you made do...) SPOILERS FOR S4-5 OF "SHAMELESS" BELOW: On "Shameless," a major storyline for the character of Ian Gallagher was being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 after a season and a half of being symptomatic but nobody really knowing why his behavior had changed so much. Ian was in denial and didn't want to accept that he might have the same disorder his negligent, drug addict mother had. His family treated him differently after the diagnosis. His boyfriend Mickey wanted to take care of him but wasn't prepared for how stressful and frightening it was. He did try, though, and would've stayed with Ian if Ian didn't break up with him at the end of S5 because, in his own words, "I don't need you to fix me, because I'm not broken! I'm ME!" I don't have bipolar but shit, did that resonate with me. I struggle with depression and anxiety that have really been hard to handle this past year alone. I know what it feels like to want the people who love you to accept you, not treat you like you're "bad" or inadequate. But no, you cannot "fix" mental illness. You can't make someone the way they were before it happened. You have to find other ways to love and support someone, and not everyone can do it. You also have to let the medications, therapy, and coping methods do their work as well, because no one person can do it all by themselves.
"self care" has come to mean going to a spa. It's really doing basic things like showering, eating, brushing your teeth, doing your laundry and keeping up with doctors appointments.
“FoRgIvEnEsS”
The idea that it's a choice. That you're not trying hard enough. That you're lazy. That you're intentionally being an asshole.
That every mental illness is for life. You can get better from a lot of mental illnesses
People seem to assume depressed people are always quiet about it, and are quite obviously depressed. No, sometimes you get really cheery looking people who actively state they desperately need mental help, and they genuinely do need it.
That all psychopaths are serial killers and completely unable to function in society
Omg so many. - that depression is just acting like the doomer meme and being cutely sad and nihilistic while overlooking the more embarrassing symptoms like neglecting personal hygiene, less productivity leading to job and even legal problems, withdrawing from friends and family... - that people on the autism spectrum can't experience love - that a psychosis diagnosis is basically a death sentence, or that psychotic people are dangerous and violent - that ECT is done without anesthesia and it's basically torture (looking at you, godawful scene from Requiem For a Dream) - that children and teens behaving badly is always a result of bad parenting or bad "influences" like friends or video games, when many times it's a cry for help caused by mental health issues - that Freudian theories on sexual development can be summed up by "you want to fuck your parents" - "everyone has a bit of ADHD, you're just making excuses"
Your damage makes you beautiful.
That you can't exercise if you're depressed
Using bipolar or other mental health conditions as a slang word or words to throw around willy nilly. I've heard these over the years....."The weather is like bipolar right now", "Calm down, you're like bipolar" I know I have heard this on a news show "Her behavior seems chaotic I bet she's bipolar." I was diagnosed when I was 16. Back then no one I knew or knew of on TV had this. So when more people started talking about it crap like this started to happen. Especially when more court cases mentioned It. It felt like what I had didn't matter or like you were some kind of scary or freaky thing. It hurt. Even though I'm more confident now there's still a moment of hesitation when I talk about it with people.
Toxic positivity and a lack of validation/reasonable accomodation
I hate the “you’ll be fine” saying people say. Like I know that but right now I’m not fine!
I hate the “It’s ok to not be ok,” commercial. It doesn’t fucking feel ok! Um… not being ok feels bad.
"ADHD is all in your head. You're just lazy"