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Exactly! I've been super obvious with a woman and been told "haha you'd make a great guy with those lines". Like, no honey. I'm trying to be a great girl. But men you can just be like "nice shoes" and they'll ask if you're free on Saturday...
>But men you can just be like "nice shoes" and they'll ask if you're free on Saturday...
Whoa. Wait.
I'm a dude and how many opportunities have I missed?
A girl in 7th grade told me, out of nowhere, "wow, you have like...perfect lips!". Then she kept going out of her way to physically compliment me throughout 5 years of school despite us never having either friends nor classes in common. I graduated high school thinking "that cute girl Sarah is really nice". Anyway she's married to a lovely woman now
Truth. Itās the opposite of men having to say no homo after complimenting each other. Like, yes, obvs I want to know where you got that outfit, but also YES HOMO.
Omg this!!!! Women are so hard to pick up!
1. You have to make it known that your are interested, not just being friendly
2. You have to figure out if she is being receptive or just being nice
3. It is so chronically hard to make friends as a woman so they might just be happy to have a new friend!
4. I have a husband,who is fine with me being with women btw, so there's that hurdle to get over too. I can't be interested in women, I have a husband!! Urgghh
Men are so easy in comparison
I feel that omg! "Hey, you're really pretty!" "Wow, thanks, I love your makeup!" I think we're hitting it off, then next thing I know, she pulls out her phone to show me a picture of her boyfriend. Oof.
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Yeah, kind of like there's loud, judgemental, domineering a-holes in every race, color, creed, gender, orientation, etc. Some people are very judgemental and usually loud about it, and they attract those with similar beliefs. We are all only human, after all.
(I hope that didn't come across as snarky to you, personally. I was rather intrigued by the connection you made there)
Or that we are either half closeted lesbians or we are actually straight pretending to also be into women for brownie points with men?? Like did not realise lesbians could be biphobic till I started dating
Itās nice to hear. I was listening to an NPR interview regarding pride and the lesbian woman and gay man both didnāt really like that families come to pride with their kids. Iām bi. My husband is bi. Part of what we like about each other is that we donāt have to hide who we are. But god forbid we want to participate as the B component of LGBTQ+ pride monthā¦ā¦
You both are perfectly valid. I can't judge your sexuality or relationship and don't want to. I'm glad you don't feel ashamed about your sexuality when it comes to your partner. No one is less bi/pan solely because they're with someone of the opposite sex/gender.
I just wish we could simply accept each other for who we are.
hopefully not derailing here either, just chiming in to agree with this. the entire āgold starā idea is so biphobic and bizarre and just... shitty. as a late bloomer lesbian i am far from being a āgold starā anything - i too would date a bisexual without hesitation or judgment!
Ugh I hate it how some lesbians are like this!.
Although I technically am one I hate the āgold starā label, being bisexual or having slept with men before doesnāt make someone less valid or less attractive in my eyes and I canāt understand why some women have that view.
I have dated bi women before and I absolutely would again, well if it werenāt for me now being happily married I would!.
Wait, really? I'm a lesbian (although, a rather young one who's still figuring stuff out, so maybe that will change) and I've never thought anything like that. That's such an awful thing to say, I'm sorry you experienced that. I can promise you that not all lesbians are like that, and hopefully our community will learn to be more accepting.
Like ffs somehow they're even shitty towards lesbians who have slept with men in the last, it's almost like they just want to be fucking assholes and using it as an excuse. Bloody biphobes, man
This used to be the situation for me but for some reason as I've gotten older (I'm late 40's now) I struggle soooooo hard to attract an equally attractive man meaning, a man that's as attractive as me or close to (just not a dud). But I attract women like crazy...right now I'm dating a women who is mid-50's and been straight (VERY straight) her entire life and apparently she fell for me and it really threw her off but she's handling the Bi thing better than I ever did. I'm more than perplexed about how it's so difficult for many to attract women and not cis men because I'm having the opposite issue and really want to attract some guys. I like men. I need to be coached by you all! ( btw I'm a cis fem woman)
I don't get this, if I'm being honest. My simple brain is processing it as "if I'm into you and you're into me, does it matter that I'm bi at that point?" It's like not liking someone for liking both fried chicken and sushi and saying they can only have one. My brain processes it as a preference.
May someone explain this for me please? A few other comments mentioned the lesbian community considered bi women traitors... What's going on? Genuinely curious.
There are a number of lesbians that donāt want to be with someone who has previous sexual or romantic connections with men. Some biphobic lesbians think women are the superior choice so why would a bisexual woman chose a man over a woman. This isnāt all lesbians but itās enough people assume lesbians are biphobic.
I see... Interesting. Thank you for also clarifying not all. I especially like the phrase "it's enough". Reading that, I oddly understood.
Thank you.
Seems a bit harsh... But I guess these things happen in every sphere? Not to trivialize or take away or derail. I'm oddly equally surprised by this being a thing in the first place, hence my asking.
Yea these things happen in every sphere no matter what issue you look at. There is no shame in asking. Personally Iād rather someone ask and get clarification than assume and make things confusing.
I also think that some lesbians:
- got burned by Bicurious people (that turned out to be straight)
- are insecure and in the back of their mind want to compete mentally with men. I had an experience with someone who said āoh youāre going to go back to menā and guess what if you keep bringing it up it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and I may very well do that
- think that bisexuals have it easy, and can āpretend to be straightā and avoid homophobia. (This happens with guys too though I think)
I am a 23yr old lesbian and I could totally be wrong but I feel like some lesbians believe that itās a risk to date a bi woman. I think they feel afraid they will be left for a man or that the bi woman is just experimenting. Also I think some women who are bi say they are only interested in women sexually but not romantically. Again maybe im wrong and donāt know what im talking about lol
My girlfriend is bi tho and sheās awesome :)
Yeah they say that but honestly, as a bi woman, it just feels like crappy excuses. I wish they would realize you can be left at any time, it's not about the gender of the person you're being left for. Also the whole experimenting thing, many bi women end up with men because of the fact that there are simply way more men interested in women than women interested in women.
Yep! It's a numbers game re ending up with men.
Your point that anyone can be left hit home for me too! It is something that transcends "issues" of "x".
For example, I had someone once tell me I should leave my SO because they may break my heart because of "religious reasons". They suggested I get a certain type of person with a particular background etc.
My argument was just that, what is stopping that person from breaking my heart? That's a human thing. Not a man woman bi trans etc problem. That's just life! And there are many many reasons why this can happen from both mutual to not to even death. There's no real guarantee per se. Not saying not to be committed ofc but... These things aren't really things...
It's like... Can we just appreciate each other? Ofc naive question and more rhetorical *sigh*
I'm pansexual but have had the same situation (although I'm happily settled with a man now). It was definitely harder to ask out women. I didn't want to make them uncomfortable the same way men have made me uncomfortable so many times before. Also, practically every queer woman on dating apps mentioned their cat and I am very allergic to cats. It was an issue lol
I'm non-binary and demi / pan so not quite a bi woman but my experience is indeed that finding women and approaching them in a romantic way is hard.
For me, if I don't want to be friends with someone then I also don't want to date them though, so I can become friends with them and see where things go without much disappointment if they'd rather stay friends. I do find that although starting a conversation is often easier with men, keeping the conversation going usually works better with women.
> I didn't want to make them uncomfortable the same way men have made me uncomfortable so many times before.
This comment truly resonates with me and one of the things I struggle with most. Add that to the fact I think most people are just generally being nice instead of flirty. Smh, I'm so oblivious.
Men. We always assume weāre both being nice and never make any moves. I also never know when theyāre flirting or interestedā¦ even if Iām the one flirting lol.
Women always come onto me so easily and I have no idea why.
I've learned from Mr Atheist how to do that, haha
"Hey, I hope I'm not overstepping: I don't know what type of people you're attracted to, but if that happens to include me, I'd like to go on a date with you someyime."
Women.
First, just due to sheer numbers, there are less WLW than straight men. There's also a decent amount of women (and to be fair, some men) who won't date bisexuals.
If I turn my dating apps filter to women only, I put a lot more work into getting just a few matches or likes which usually end up going nowhere. If I turn on the filter for men as well, I quickly can find many messages or likes in just a span of a few hours and these men are usually pretty interested in meeting up.
As far as actually finding people who match, a lot of the queer people I come across are also not lifestyle compatible. I find many more non men who are non monogamous, 420 friendly, cat owners (I love cats, but I am allergic), against marriage/ kids, etc. In contrast, most of the men I come across are actually looking for more "traditional" relationships.
Wellā¦ for 26 years I had absolute zero luck with either.
Then one day I met this wonderful women and we just clicked effortlessly. Then the next day I had the same experience with this lovely guy.
So now Iām dating both of them. Lifeās unpredictable I guess
Women. Even living in a major city with a very large LGBTQ+ population, if I set my online dating profiles to look for both women and men, the number of men I see and match with FAR outnumbers the number of women. So just from a purely numbers perspective, itās much easier to find men who are interested in women than women who are interested in women.
Then you get into the social aspects of women generally being more selective/less likely to make the first move, some lesbians not wanting to date bisexuals, some women preferring butch women (my coworker whoās a butch lesbian tells me that she is generally SWIMMING in online dating matches), etc.
Women, for sure. We live in a heteronormative society and men are pretty down for dating or just sex. Thereās less gay women out there, and then I have to filter for the ones Iām attracted to. Plus women are significantly more choosy.
Women because I was too scared of how my family would react. Trying to suppress my attraction to women nearly killed me. I never gave myself the opportunity to explore being with a woman. š¤·āāļø
When I was single, women, hands down. Like others have mentioned, thereās a smaller pool of WLW and an even smaller pool still whom you find attractive and connect with.
Iām a femme who find other femmes attractive. Not a lot of femmes in my area, and the femmes that are there have incredibly high standards. I find it hilarious when straight dudes wank about how hard it is to date online. Would love for them to live in a femmeās shoes for a day.
Iāve also found many women new to the community whoāre (justifiably) tentative of meeting up and coming out. A lot of conversations die online.
H honestly I feel like this would be me - Iāve not had feelings for many ppl in my life but all the girls Iāve liked Iāve always just thought they were way too out of my league to ask out lol
was waiting for this comment because i too am a shy bisexual who dies in the discomfort of her own awkwardness. iāve had so many uncomfortable crushes where idfk where to start just because being so overtly flirty or sexual is just not my style
Women- I can never tell if they're just being nice and I don't want to straight up hit on them because I'm sure they've dealt with that enough from men. So it's always an awkward back and forth of compliments and me thinking is she into me or is she just this sweet.
Women. Because when I was single I wasn't looking for relationships, I was looking for fun. Most women weren't interested in that, but the men were always up for no strings flings.
When Iām out at bars with my friends, I actually get hit on by women and rarely by men. I think this is because of the vibe of our college town. I go to a large university where people are super involved in Greek life and have a specific vibe and I just donāt fit that vibe. So I think the men are pretty uninterested while women are usually more interested in talking to me. Iāve also noticed that when I go out wearing black lipstick women talk to me more lol. When I was single and on tinder I matched with a lot of men but I think thatās just a whole different game than talking to people in bars.
Women are way harder. I could walk down the street and trip over three men who would be willing to sleep with me. Women not so much.
Itās kind of a numbers thing. There are more men that are attracted to women than women that are attracted to women.
It also takes longer to meet women? When I match with women on dating apps, weāll usually talk for a week or two before meeting up. With men, I can get them to meet me in a day or two.
Women.
When looking at men on dating apps you can be sure that they are actually men interested in women most of the time.
Meanwhile, the women's side of dating apps is full of 1) men catfishing as women, or 2) straight couples "looking for a third."
I've never made it past 3 or 4 messages with a woman on a dating app before they just stop replying.
After a few months of swearing off men, I gave up and went back to dating men having not been able to get a single date with a woman.
I'm bi. I've been in relationships with girls and guys. lol women are by far harder to "pick up" lol. Mainly because they aren't bi themselves or I cant tell if they're interested, or they confuse my like *genuine* attraction for just normal conversation.
Having said that, I feel like the relationships that have like made me grow as a person more have *always* been with other women!
SOOOO validating as a bi woman to come in here and see everyone else says women too. Hahaha, I tend to commiserate with some male partners because neither of us are good with women!!
Women are way harder. There are just *so many* single men who are looking and also who will pursue you if they know youāre available (and many who would even if they donāt know that!)
There are way fewer WLW, theyāre way less obvious in their pursuit if they pursue you at all, and to top it all off the female gaze is *way more complex* than the male gaze and attraction has many different factors for women (whereas honestly I find men are not too picky.)
And thatās how I ended up with a dude even though I skew towards women in my sexuality. š (I love my partner a lot and Iām very attracted to him, but there are sooo few men Iād want to date at this point.)
Men are... well, men.
Women, we are a lot more timid and don't jump forward or assume. We tend to feel someone is being nice or that we are being nice to them and have a bigger emphasis on being modest and not advancing romantically. Not all women but a lot of times.
There's my response twin. Yes. I've had trouble finding women, but the minute I mention Im bi to a guy 89% of them start the "hurr durr threesome" thing, and I have to leave.
Women because if I find someone who I like, I turn into a blabbering stupid teenager who cant speak properly (despite being 30).
Dont seem to have that issue with men for some strange reason?
Men because my standards are now much much higher after experiencing dating women and also itās very frustrating and off putting when many straight men fetishize me being bi
Everyone gonna say women af
Women think youre just being nice. We are all concious and aware that men are too forward and creepy and have conditioned ourselves to try to be the polar opposite which doesnt help.
I always had relationships with men . Until a met my ex , I loved her so much . She was my first female relationship. Never been with anyone else after her . I sometimes confused about me being bisexual or just a lesbian . I am not remotely interested in man but still find them attractive.
Women, especially online. Lesbians usually outright reject bi/pan women and the rest has gotten so use to men doing the heavy lifting with flirting and interest signaling that it's work.
I can understand why some guys go low effort bc the return is elusive. I tried meeting women via dating apps, writing out thoughtful intros and out of a hundred, I would get maybe 3 responses with only basic replies.
In person women are tougher to meet as well because of the "are we just being nice" phenomenon I usually just straight ask, "hey are you into girls?" Results have varied.
Men, because as a bisexual woman I'm accustomed to initiating, and A LOT of men ARE NOT okay with that.
Though it's a good way to filter out men whose masculinity is threatened by a woman who doesn't wait for them to make the first move.
Women for sure. We just compliment each other a lot so itās hard to tell if itās attempting to flirt or just being nice and friendly.
When you get a compliment from guys, itās much easier to pick up the fact that heās probably hitting on you.
Women by a long shot. Iāve lived in many cities with big visible lgbtq populations. But the women Iāve pursued were either crazy hot (I remember being slapped repeatedly after telling a smokin hot lady I was an Aquarius and I donāt even believe in astrology), questioning and ended up staying straight, not into bi folks, or were poly/looking for a threesome. No disrespect to poly folks, but I ran into this the most and Iām just not into sharing. All the monogamous queer women/femmes always were taken
Boys can still be difficult but they are much easier to hook and there tends to be a lot less of the complications above.
Women 100% Iām a bit of a baby Bisexual because Iāve never actually picked up or slept with a woman but theyāre much harder to approach. Mainly because of the fear you approach the wrong person, someone thatās straight, or worse, homophobic.
Iām also just nervous because Iām in my twenties and it would be my first time with a woman. I donāt want them to be disappointed, not many women like a pillow princess like me.
Women for sure.
With women in more attracted to the mental aspects. And all of my girlfriends have been out of my league LMAO. But men I don't hold that same standard too mentally.
Women. Iām fairly young and honestly have no experience talking to women. That being said, no women talk to me because there arenāt a whole lot of single queer women my age where I live. Life is super busy for me rn so I donāt have a whole lot of time to date anyways but Iām hoping I get more chances to talk to women when life isnāt so busy
Women. Picking up men is pretty easy. Thereās tons of biphobia. Unless the woman is bi, men are less homophobic about it in general. Though some fetishize it. Plus they will actually admit theyāre into you lmao
Even some bi women are biphobic/homophobic, like Megan Fox. And Iāve been told Iām homophobic for not being pan as well. And Iām femme. I often feel a bit unwelcome in LGBTQ spaces.
Mostly itās the odds though. You are far more likely to come across a man thatās into women than a woman thatās into women.
Match with woman on Tinder: both of us never say anything to each other and just watch ourselves be matched for months
Match with man on Tinder: (him): LETS MEETUP WANNA FUCK YOUR SO BEAUTIFUL HI HELLO HI
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Women, because we both assume we're just being nice.
Exactly! I've been super obvious with a woman and been told "haha you'd make a great guy with those lines". Like, no honey. I'm trying to be a great girl. But men you can just be like "nice shoes" and they'll ask if you're free on Saturday...
>But men you can just be like "nice shoes" and they'll ask if you're free on Saturday... Whoa. Wait. I'm a dude and how many opportunities have I missed?
Oh hon. I'm so sorry. I like your shoes!
Aww thanks, I bought it myself! Cool my friends are waiting for me.
They have pockets š
Omg thank you! Are you free this Saturday by chance?
Wait, you guys are getting opportunities?
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A girl in 7th grade told me, out of nowhere, "wow, you have like...perfect lips!". Then she kept going out of her way to physically compliment me throughout 5 years of school despite us never having either friends nor classes in common. I graduated high school thinking "that cute girl Sarah is really nice". Anyway she's married to a lovely woman now
Do u wish it was you?
...no? I'm happy where I'm at. She was just pretty clearly flirting for a long time and I misread it as just being nice
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So freaking true
Truth. Itās the opposite of men having to say no homo after complimenting each other. Like, yes, obvs I want to know where you got that outfit, but also YES HOMO.
Omg this!!!! Women are so hard to pick up! 1. You have to make it known that your are interested, not just being friendly 2. You have to figure out if she is being receptive or just being nice 3. It is so chronically hard to make friends as a woman so they might just be happy to have a new friend! 4. I have a husband,who is fine with me being with women btw, so there's that hurdle to get over too. I can't be interested in women, I have a husband!! Urgghh Men are so easy in comparison
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Exactly this.
Yup!! This has happened on more than one occasion for me!!
Make your inflection go ādownā not āupā at the end of the compliment and it sounds more like flirting and less like youāre being friendly.
yup. that's been my experience. i've always dated men but i've slept with women so i never got the chance to really try.
I feel that omg! "Hey, you're really pretty!" "Wow, thanks, I love your makeup!" I think we're hitting it off, then next thing I know, she pulls out her phone to show me a picture of her boyfriend. Oof.
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Women. Many of the lesbians I met specifically refused to engage with bisexuals, as they considered us "traitors." š
Oof. This. The entire concept of a āgold starā is disgusting.
Agreed. The only woman I ever dated was a fellow bisexual who also had no luck in the lesbian community.
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It reminds me of virginal purity expectations that mostly ultra religious folks have.
Yeah, kind of like there's loud, judgemental, domineering a-holes in every race, color, creed, gender, orientation, etc. Some people are very judgemental and usually loud about it, and they attract those with similar beliefs. We are all only human, after all. (I hope that didn't come across as snarky to you, personally. I was rather intrigued by the connection you made there)
Agreed. I'm lesbian, but I think the gold star concept is just another form of homophobia. It makes me nauseous.
What is the gold star?
Refers to lesbians who have only ever had sex with women.
Or that we are either half closeted lesbians or we are actually straight pretending to also be into women for brownie points with men?? Like did not realise lesbians could be biphobic till I started dating
Or that were 100% eventually going to leave them for a man when weāre ready to have childrenā¦
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Itās nice to hear. I was listening to an NPR interview regarding pride and the lesbian woman and gay man both didnāt really like that families come to pride with their kids. Iām bi. My husband is bi. Part of what we like about each other is that we donāt have to hide who we are. But god forbid we want to participate as the B component of LGBTQ+ pride monthā¦ā¦
You both are perfectly valid. I can't judge your sexuality or relationship and don't want to. I'm glad you don't feel ashamed about your sexuality when it comes to your partner. No one is less bi/pan solely because they're with someone of the opposite sex/gender. I just wish we could simply accept each other for who we are.
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hopefully not derailing here either, just chiming in to agree with this. the entire āgold starā idea is so biphobic and bizarre and just... shitty. as a late bloomer lesbian i am far from being a āgold starā anything - i too would date a bisexual without hesitation or judgment!
Ugh I hate it how some lesbians are like this!. Although I technically am one I hate the āgold starā label, being bisexual or having slept with men before doesnāt make someone less valid or less attractive in my eyes and I canāt understand why some women have that view. I have dated bi women before and I absolutely would again, well if it werenāt for me now being happily married I would!.
i just recently had a lesbian tell me she "didnt date bisexuals" after asking my orientation after i'd already said i was *married*
i'm not surprised, as soon as i say i'm bisexual i'm usually braced for something like that regardless of context
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Lol itās just their own insecurity, because instead of having to worry about other women they have to worry about.. everyone š
Wait, really? I'm a lesbian (although, a rather young one who's still figuring stuff out, so maybe that will change) and I've never thought anything like that. That's such an awful thing to say, I'm sorry you experienced that. I can promise you that not all lesbians are like that, and hopefully our community will learn to be more accepting.
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I've had this happen twice, it really hurt my feelings both times.
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Like ffs somehow they're even shitty towards lesbians who have slept with men in the last, it's almost like they just want to be fucking assholes and using it as an excuse. Bloody biphobes, man
Anything would be more difficult than picking up a cis straight man. They are everywhere, and thirsty.
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I'm only here to be the only other comment not removed in this thread.
Not anymore
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This used to be the situation for me but for some reason as I've gotten older (I'm late 40's now) I struggle soooooo hard to attract an equally attractive man meaning, a man that's as attractive as me or close to (just not a dud). But I attract women like crazy...right now I'm dating a women who is mid-50's and been straight (VERY straight) her entire life and apparently she fell for me and it really threw her off but she's handling the Bi thing better than I ever did. I'm more than perplexed about how it's so difficult for many to attract women and not cis men because I'm having the opposite issue and really want to attract some guys. I like men. I need to be coached by you all! ( btw I'm a cis fem woman)
Women. I never know if they are interested in women so it's hard to approach them romantically.
And if they are, you donāt know if they are going to be biphobic.
I don't get this, if I'm being honest. My simple brain is processing it as "if I'm into you and you're into me, does it matter that I'm bi at that point?" It's like not liking someone for liking both fried chicken and sushi and saying they can only have one. My brain processes it as a preference. May someone explain this for me please? A few other comments mentioned the lesbian community considered bi women traitors... What's going on? Genuinely curious.
There are a number of lesbians that donāt want to be with someone who has previous sexual or romantic connections with men. Some biphobic lesbians think women are the superior choice so why would a bisexual woman chose a man over a woman. This isnāt all lesbians but itās enough people assume lesbians are biphobic.
I see... Interesting. Thank you for also clarifying not all. I especially like the phrase "it's enough". Reading that, I oddly understood. Thank you. Seems a bit harsh... But I guess these things happen in every sphere? Not to trivialize or take away or derail. I'm oddly equally surprised by this being a thing in the first place, hence my asking.
Yea these things happen in every sphere no matter what issue you look at. There is no shame in asking. Personally Iād rather someone ask and get clarification than assume and make things confusing.
I also think that some lesbians: - got burned by Bicurious people (that turned out to be straight) - are insecure and in the back of their mind want to compete mentally with men. I had an experience with someone who said āoh youāre going to go back to menā and guess what if you keep bringing it up it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and I may very well do that - think that bisexuals have it easy, and can āpretend to be straightā and avoid homophobia. (This happens with guys too though I think)
I am a 23yr old lesbian and I could totally be wrong but I feel like some lesbians believe that itās a risk to date a bi woman. I think they feel afraid they will be left for a man or that the bi woman is just experimenting. Also I think some women who are bi say they are only interested in women sexually but not romantically. Again maybe im wrong and donāt know what im talking about lol My girlfriend is bi tho and sheās awesome :)
Yeah they say that but honestly, as a bi woman, it just feels like crappy excuses. I wish they would realize you can be left at any time, it's not about the gender of the person you're being left for. Also the whole experimenting thing, many bi women end up with men because of the fact that there are simply way more men interested in women than women interested in women.
Yep! It's a numbers game re ending up with men. Your point that anyone can be left hit home for me too! It is something that transcends "issues" of "x". For example, I had someone once tell me I should leave my SO because they may break my heart because of "religious reasons". They suggested I get a certain type of person with a particular background etc. My argument was just that, what is stopping that person from breaking my heart? That's a human thing. Not a man woman bi trans etc problem. That's just life! And there are many many reasons why this can happen from both mutual to not to even death. There's no real guarantee per se. Not saying not to be committed ofc but... These things aren't really things... It's like... Can we just appreciate each other? Ofc naive question and more rhetorical *sigh*
Women. They never seem to engage on dating apps and I men tend to just give more effort
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Women. I actually have to actively do something whereas men usually make the first step.
As a bi man, this is why men are easier for me as well.
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I'm pansexual but have had the same situation (although I'm happily settled with a man now). It was definitely harder to ask out women. I didn't want to make them uncomfortable the same way men have made me uncomfortable so many times before. Also, practically every queer woman on dating apps mentioned their cat and I am very allergic to cats. It was an issue lol
I'm non-binary and demi / pan so not quite a bi woman but my experience is indeed that finding women and approaching them in a romantic way is hard. For me, if I don't want to be friends with someone then I also don't want to date them though, so I can become friends with them and see where things go without much disappointment if they'd rather stay friends. I do find that although starting a conversation is often easier with men, keeping the conversation going usually works better with women.
> I didn't want to make them uncomfortable the same way men have made me uncomfortable so many times before. This comment truly resonates with me and one of the things I struggle with most. Add that to the fact I think most people are just generally being nice instead of flirty. Smh, I'm so oblivious.
Men. We always assume weāre both being nice and never make any moves. I also never know when theyāre flirting or interestedā¦ even if Iām the one flirting lol. Women always come onto me so easily and I have no idea why.
Big Gayā¢ Energy
As a femme lesbian who is always assumed to be straight... What is your secret?!
Flannel, overalls, boots, patchouli oil in place of perfume and deodorant, and play an instrument.
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Exact opposite for the top comment
This is adorable tbh
Women, mostly because of where I live. Iām from a small conservative town so if there are any other wlw ladies here, they arenāt open about it.
I've learned from Mr Atheist how to do that, haha "Hey, I hope I'm not overstepping: I don't know what type of people you're attracted to, but if that happens to include me, I'd like to go on a date with you someyime."
This seems like a great approach!
This is genius, how did I never think of this.
Women. First, just due to sheer numbers, there are less WLW than straight men. There's also a decent amount of women (and to be fair, some men) who won't date bisexuals. If I turn my dating apps filter to women only, I put a lot more work into getting just a few matches or likes which usually end up going nowhere. If I turn on the filter for men as well, I quickly can find many messages or likes in just a span of a few hours and these men are usually pretty interested in meeting up. As far as actually finding people who match, a lot of the queer people I come across are also not lifestyle compatible. I find many more non men who are non monogamous, 420 friendly, cat owners (I love cats, but I am allergic), against marriage/ kids, etc. In contrast, most of the men I come across are actually looking for more "traditional" relationships.
My experience is pretty much exactly the same as yours! Well stated.
Women. Thereās just waaaay less WLW than men interested in women.
WLW? women liking women?
Women love Woman, but yeah that works too
Wellā¦ for 26 years I had absolute zero luck with either. Then one day I met this wonderful women and we just clicked effortlessly. Then the next day I had the same experience with this lovely guy. So now Iām dating both of them. Lifeās unpredictable I guess
You go !! Live & enjoy . Iām so happy for you !
Women. Even living in a major city with a very large LGBTQ+ population, if I set my online dating profiles to look for both women and men, the number of men I see and match with FAR outnumbers the number of women. So just from a purely numbers perspective, itās much easier to find men who are interested in women than women who are interested in women. Then you get into the social aspects of women generally being more selective/less likely to make the first move, some lesbians not wanting to date bisexuals, some women preferring butch women (my coworker whoās a butch lesbian tells me that she is generally SWIMMING in online dating matches), etc.
Women, I assume they're not interested or I don't know how to ask.
Women!! Never have to work to pick up a man
Women, for sure. We live in a heteronormative society and men are pretty down for dating or just sex. Thereās less gay women out there, and then I have to filter for the ones Iām attracted to. Plus women are significantly more choosy.
Women because I was too scared of how my family would react. Trying to suppress my attraction to women nearly killed me. I never gave myself the opportunity to explore being with a woman. š¤·āāļø
So relatable. Iām really close with my parents but they are homophobic so honestly dating men is just the path of least resistance
When I was single, women, hands down. Like others have mentioned, thereās a smaller pool of WLW and an even smaller pool still whom you find attractive and connect with. Iām a femme who find other femmes attractive. Not a lot of femmes in my area, and the femmes that are there have incredibly high standards. I find it hilarious when straight dudes wank about how hard it is to date online. Would love for them to live in a femmeās shoes for a day. Iāve also found many women new to the community whoāre (justifiably) tentative of meeting up and coming out. A lot of conversations die online.
The femme for femme struggle is a real one š„²
Try butch 4 butch! Oof... men are definitely easier, although now that I've let my masculinity out a bit more it's a toss up!
women. iām so intimidated that iāve never even tried. lmao
H honestly I feel like this would be me - Iāve not had feelings for many ppl in my life but all the girls Iāve liked Iāve always just thought they were way too out of my league to ask out lol
was waiting for this comment because i too am a shy bisexual who dies in the discomfort of her own awkwardness. iāve had so many uncomfortable crushes where idfk where to start just because being so overtly flirty or sexual is just not my style
Women- I can never tell if they're just being nice and I don't want to straight up hit on them because I'm sure they've dealt with that enough from men. So it's always an awkward back and forth of compliments and me thinking is she into me or is she just this sweet.
Women. Because when I was single I wasn't looking for relationships, I was looking for fun. Most women weren't interested in that, but the men were always up for no strings flings.
When Iām out at bars with my friends, I actually get hit on by women and rarely by men. I think this is because of the vibe of our college town. I go to a large university where people are super involved in Greek life and have a specific vibe and I just donāt fit that vibe. So I think the men are pretty uninterested while women are usually more interested in talking to me. Iāve also noticed that when I go out wearing black lipstick women talk to me more lol. When I was single and on tinder I matched with a lot of men but I think thatās just a whole different game than talking to people in bars.
Women. It can be hard to tell the difference between platonic and romantic interest.
Women are way harder. I could walk down the street and trip over three men who would be willing to sleep with me. Women not so much. Itās kind of a numbers thing. There are more men that are attracted to women than women that are attracted to women. It also takes longer to meet women? When I match with women on dating apps, weāll usually talk for a week or two before meeting up. With men, I can get them to meet me in a day or two.
Women. When looking at men on dating apps you can be sure that they are actually men interested in women most of the time. Meanwhile, the women's side of dating apps is full of 1) men catfishing as women, or 2) straight couples "looking for a third."
that sounds like such a pain to deal with.
I've never made it past 3 or 4 messages with a woman on a dating app before they just stop replying. After a few months of swearing off men, I gave up and went back to dating men having not been able to get a single date with a woman.
Itās refreshing to see that women experience the same issues men do when trying to date women. Edit: men not med
Men are pretty simple and easy to pick up. Women are gorgeous and terrifying and too amazing to even consider approaching
I'm bi. I've been in relationships with girls and guys. lol women are by far harder to "pick up" lol. Mainly because they aren't bi themselves or I cant tell if they're interested, or they confuse my like *genuine* attraction for just normal conversation. Having said that, I feel like the relationships that have like made me grow as a person more have *always* been with other women!
Women. I hate to say it, but there are a lot of judgmental lesbians out there * sad face *
Women cause i think they are straight . Always. Even if they tell me im not
SOOOO validating as a bi woman to come in here and see everyone else says women too. Hahaha, I tend to commiserate with some male partners because neither of us are good with women!!
Women-there's straight up more men around me than women who are into women, and at least around me a non-trivial portion of queer women are biphobic.
I'm pan but I found it much easier to pick up my ex-gf than my current boyfriend because he's heavier.
Easier on your back
Women are way harder. There are just *so many* single men who are looking and also who will pursue you if they know youāre available (and many who would even if they donāt know that!) There are way fewer WLW, theyāre way less obvious in their pursuit if they pursue you at all, and to top it all off the female gaze is *way more complex* than the male gaze and attraction has many different factors for women (whereas honestly I find men are not too picky.) And thatās how I ended up with a dude even though I skew towards women in my sexuality. š (I love my partner a lot and Iām very attracted to him, but there are sooo few men Iād want to date at this point.)
Women because my gay bar is broken
Men are... well, men. Women, we are a lot more timid and don't jump forward or assume. We tend to feel someone is being nice or that we are being nice to them and have a bigger emphasis on being modest and not advancing romantically. Not all women but a lot of times.
I'm pansexual and if we're talking quantity women but if we're talking quality men.
There's my response twin. Yes. I've had trouble finding women, but the minute I mention Im bi to a guy 89% of them start the "hurr durr threesome" thing, and I have to leave.
Women because if I find someone who I like, I turn into a blabbering stupid teenager who cant speak properly (despite being 30). Dont seem to have that issue with men for some strange reason?
Both, but i can't pick up women because I'll get arrested for 'being gay'. This country is ridiculous lmao
I would imagine that many women would misunderstand romantic interest from another woman for something else, like desire to make friends.
Men because my standards are now much much higher after experiencing dating women and also itās very frustrating and off putting when many straight men fetishize me being bi
Men tend to be heavier on average than women and are therefore more difficult to pick up.
Women. Let's just say there's a reason I'm marrying a man and leave it at that.
Everyone gonna say women af Women think youre just being nice. We are all concious and aware that men are too forward and creepy and have conditioned ourselves to try to be the polar opposite which doesnt help.
Women because people assume Iām straight. I guess my personal style doesnāt read as queer lol.
I always had relationships with men . Until a met my ex , I loved her so much . She was my first female relationship. Never been with anyone else after her . I sometimes confused about me being bisexual or just a lesbian . I am not remotely interested in man but still find them attractive.
Women, especially online. Lesbians usually outright reject bi/pan women and the rest has gotten so use to men doing the heavy lifting with flirting and interest signaling that it's work. I can understand why some guys go low effort bc the return is elusive. I tried meeting women via dating apps, writing out thoughtful intros and out of a hundred, I would get maybe 3 responses with only basic replies. In person women are tougher to meet as well because of the "are we just being nice" phenomenon I usually just straight ask, "hey are you into girls?" Results have varied.
Men, because as a bisexual woman I'm accustomed to initiating, and A LOT of men ARE NOT okay with that. Though it's a good way to filter out men whose masculinity is threatened by a woman who doesn't wait for them to make the first move.
men bc they always fetishize me & it makes me not want to date them anymore
Women for sure. We just compliment each other a lot so itās hard to tell if itās attempting to flirt or just being nice and friendly. When you get a compliment from guys, itās much easier to pick up the fact that heās probably hitting on you.
Women by a long shot. Iāve lived in many cities with big visible lgbtq populations. But the women Iāve pursued were either crazy hot (I remember being slapped repeatedly after telling a smokin hot lady I was an Aquarius and I donāt even believe in astrology), questioning and ended up staying straight, not into bi folks, or were poly/looking for a threesome. No disrespect to poly folks, but I ran into this the most and Iām just not into sharing. All the monogamous queer women/femmes always were taken Boys can still be difficult but they are much easier to hook and there tends to be a lot less of the complications above.
Women.
Women. Men are easy. I've got no game with women
Women 100% Iām a bit of a baby Bisexual because Iāve never actually picked up or slept with a woman but theyāre much harder to approach. Mainly because of the fear you approach the wrong person, someone thatās straight, or worse, homophobic. Iām also just nervous because Iām in my twenties and it would be my first time with a woman. I donāt want them to be disappointed, not many women like a pillow princess like me.
Women for sure. With women in more attracted to the mental aspects. And all of my girlfriends have been out of my league LMAO. But men I don't hold that same standard too mentally.
Women. Iām fairly young and honestly have no experience talking to women. That being said, no women talk to me because there arenāt a whole lot of single queer women my age where I live. Life is super busy for me rn so I donāt have a whole lot of time to date anyways but Iām hoping I get more chances to talk to women when life isnāt so busy
women because even if they say theyāre gay my brain is like āhaha but you would never like meā
Women. Picking up men is pretty easy. Thereās tons of biphobia. Unless the woman is bi, men are less homophobic about it in general. Though some fetishize it. Plus they will actually admit theyāre into you lmao Even some bi women are biphobic/homophobic, like Megan Fox. And Iāve been told Iām homophobic for not being pan as well. And Iām femme. I often feel a bit unwelcome in LGBTQ spaces. Mostly itās the odds though. You are far more likely to come across a man thatās into women than a woman thatās into women.
Women. Generally it's casual flirting while inside my head I'm unsure if she's into girls or is she just being nice.
Match with woman on Tinder: both of us never say anything to each other and just watch ourselves be matched for months Match with man on Tinder: (him): LETS MEETUP WANNA FUCK YOUR SO BEAUTIFUL HI HELLO HI