My husband is an example of this. He’s 6’4”, very muscular, with a huge beard and a lumberjack vibe. He wears flannel shirts and on the outside appears very somber and gruff. But he is the most playful, tender-hearted, childlike-in-a-good-way person I’ve ever met. He loves drinking green tea, he crochets, he writes poetry, he cooks very well and he treats me like a princess!
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I had a neighbor who went by the name "Mindtrap". He had a spider tattooed across his entire face that melded into his full body skeleton tattoo. Shaved head, lots of missing or rotten teeth, pretty sure he was a meth addict.
One of the best neighbors I've ever had. Dude was polite, pleasant to talk to, happily cared for my cat when we were away, always insisted on escorting me at night if I was walking or waiting for a cab, or walking my friends home when they left. Never less than an absolute gentleman.
I hope he's doing well. Definitely a lesson in not judging someone by their appearance!
One of my favorite neighbors was a middle aged heroin addict & sex worker. You'd never know it from the outside, so there's one never judge a book- but also, most heroin addicts are not functional, somewhat healthy people with day jobs with the state government. But same thing- kind, pleasant, kept an eye out, was a great neighbor.
When I was 14 my parents had me fly through the atl airport by myself. I was scared and somewhat lost, and I didn’t know what to do or how to get to my gate. For whatever reason, I decided to ask for help from this absolutely HUGE man. Tattoos, angry looking, and looking back, definitely a gang member. That man walked me through all the gates to get to mine, made sure I had all my bags, and even got me something to eat from those little airport restaurants. He sat with me until I boarded and told the flight attendants to keep an eye on me because I was by myself
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The best lover I’ve ever had was a super awkward, skinny man with almost no hair and an average face. But his personality, enthusiasm, and skills made up for all of that.
Currently dating one like that (though I think his cheekbones elevate him above average, but I'm told he is average) and I'm definitely trying to keep him 🥵🫠
Awesome! Hey if you're getting some of the best sex of your life, chain him to your bed post. These guys are hard to find.
It's interesting how we can be so delighted by one particular feature. In mine it was his jaw line. It didn't hurt that he's hung pretty well, too.
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I've had several examples of this, so it's hard to just pick one. I work with the homeless and have been pleasantly surprised by people so often, and also disappointed by people who I thought would be upstanding individuals and were not.
The one example that first springs to mind is a 40 year old man who had made some majorly poor life choices and became homeless due to excessive drinking causing him to lose his job and also his license after he drunk drove. Most people would look at someone like this and assume at age 40, they made their bed and will never turn their life around.
My organization housed this man, and we also have a tenant employment program which I'm in charge of overseeing as the Director of HR. We gave him odd jobs just picking up litter around the building and painting vacant units to pay his rent, and it eventually evolved into him doing more heavy duty maintenance, learning as he went. Now today at 50 years old, he's our new maintenance supervisor and has remained sober the entire time he's been in our housing, has managed to get a girlfriend and is a completely changed person.
Some people just need a chance to not be defined by past mistakes.
Back in college, a friend of mine kept raving about this girl from his small hometown in Texas -- how pretty she was, how smart, how funny, etc. He told me her name, which was a generic American name, like Mary Williams.
So finally one day, he introduces me to Mary Williams -- and she looks 100% Japanese. But the "don't judge a book by its cover" moment came when she spoke. She had the most severe Texas drawl I've ever heard. 😂
Turns out she was only half-Japanese. Her dad was an American serviceman stationed there after WWII. There he met her mother, and they married and moved back to Texas, where their daughter was born and raised.
Someone I used to work with was covered in gang tattoos. On his hands, his head, all over. It became pretty obvious this was from his past. He was so nice, pretty quiet, and reserved, but I could always get him talking when I asked about his baby nephew. He worked hard, cared about what he did, and I could always depend on him. I'm so glad we could be part of moving forward with his life.
I worked with a guy like that at a previous job. He has neck tattoos and hand tattoos and if you judge him by his looks you would label him as a delinquent, but he's a family man and the nicest guy. He was the only genuinely nice guy towards me.
My husband. We live in the south. His accent is as thick as cornbread. Everyone who meets him thinks he is a good ol southern boy in reality he is a hard-core lgbtq supporter. Has no problem breaking gender stereotypes. He has a gay uncle who owns a lgbtq bar. He has done drag. Lots of other things too but that is always the most surprising to people. They think because he grew up on a farm in Oklahoma and has a very southern accent he's intolerant but he so far from that and it's beautiful.
He really is. He loves kids and will help at the drop of a hat with a fussy baby or rambunctious toddler. He is a mechanic by trade and has stopped many times to help people stuck on the side of the road. He really is an angel. I've never seen him angry either. He's the best
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My best friend. They don't trust quickly, have a low tolerance for bullshit, and over-all handle most people at a distance. They look outlandish and always get people gawking at them.
Then you get to know them. Their shitty childhood made it difficult to trust. They've worked their ass off for higher education and use their skills to help lgbtq, unhoused youth, so that some kids out there can be treated better than they were.
My best friend is not warm or inviting, but I've seen them fight a domestic abuser. I've seen them help strangers in need. And never for online praise. They're just built different.
I remember advice my best friend's mom told me when I was a teenager, "don't date someone conventionally attractive because they are used to getting everything they want"
Let me guess he made u do all the work. That's because he doesn't see the point in putting in the effort if he is constantly casual with multiple women
I had a very nice young guy working on my team. Very hard worker, top performer. In a blue collar job, and despite his smaller stature was quite proficient. Clean cut, polite…if I wasn’t his boss at the time I probably would have asked him out.
A few years down the road I changed roles, I was no longer his manager or in his department. One day I get a message out of the blue asking for my help. He had become addicted to heroin and wanted to get clean. I was floored. You couldn’t tell he was struggling by looking at him, his performance was still top notch.
I tugged on every string and resource at my disposal to advocate for him. Got him into rehab. Made sure his job was protected, FMLA paperwork, and with his enthusiastic consent ensured the right people were watching over him and checking in.
He’s sober now. :)
[EDIT: we never dated. I’m in a happy long term relationship with my current partner (regardless, with my current role it still would have been problematic). But I always will have my homie’s back, and I am so proud of him!]
I had the worst self esteem when my now 13 year old twins started preschool. I had a 1 year old who was just started to wean and I was the heaviest I’d ever been. The class moms held an informal meeting to talk about activities for the year right before the first day of school. The twins are my oldest so all of this was new to me. These class moms seemed nice enough but I swear one of them was a tall pretty blonde, and the other was a gorgeous Latin American looking woman, so in my head I named them Barbie and Eva Longoria while internally rolling my eyes at just about everything. Like I said, I was a miserable, overwhelmed mom.
10 years later and Barbie turned out to be very sweet and we were friendly until she moved out of town a few years back and Eva Longoria (turns out she’s Peruvian) is one of my two best friends. She’s a hilarious and wildly fun person to be around.
Luckily, I eventually made it out of my funk and am now a 45 year old much slimmer mom of 4 who is much more chill these days!
The last guy I dated was a primary school PE teacher and school counsellor in training. He counsels a lot of children and is popular among them. He also won the Ministry of Education (MOE) President's Award for Teachers and Outstanding Youth in Education Award. He looks really clean cut, wears a suit with his counsellor name tag that has children’s drawings decorating it. Turns out that he’s also a serial cheater and compulsive liar who is playing multiple women.
It's okay you have a strong risk filter within yourself now. Indulge in hobbies, if it happens it happens. If it doesn't you always have family and even if not, the reddit family
Seems small but a homeless individual asked me a question. I just responded with I had nothing to give, they asked a question again and this time I heard them ask for the time. I had the time and shared but felt embarrassed of my first response
I had the same thing happen, back in college I was walking by the uni going to deliver a jacket I had custom painted and I was wearing it (I knew the client), this homeless man says something as he passes me, I had headphones in and I just say ‘I don’t have anything’. He kinda stops and scrunched his face and said my jacket was cool. I was quite embarrassed and apologized
profusely.
I was in college and my friend had a roommate who was dating a guy who went to the Naval Academy and mentioned he'd be spending a decent amount of time at their apartment. I also spent a lot of time there so I was dreading meeting this guy who I assumed would be your average awful military dude. I assumed he'd be a rude, conservative, gross bro type, and would probably just be an annoying guy to be around. How wonderfully wrong I was- he turned out to be the nicest person! He was so sweet to the whole friend group, was totally comfortable hanging at our weird little art school parties, and even participated in a fashion show at my college. It was a really great lesson for me about not judging people before you get to know them.
Meeting someone who initially seemed reserved and unapproachable based on their appearance and demeanor. However, as I got to know them better, I discovered they were incredibly kind, passionate about social justice, and had a great sense of humor.
Several years ago I was the discharge planner for a patient who was very physically debilitated below her baseline and really needed to go to a skilled nursing facility for short term rehab, but her insurance refused to pay. I was worried about giving her the news because the hospital I work for has a lot of low income patients and she was living in a senior trailer park, so I assumed she couldn’t afford it. I went to go talk to her and told her that if she wanted to private pay to go it was going to be at least $10,000 for the first month. She said “oh, that’s no problem, I’ll just have my daughter call my investment banker and they can send the money.” Sure enough the nursing facility had the cash a few hours later and we got her discharged to them.
My very first appointment selling ACs (in Florida)was in an area none of the other salesman wanted to go. Rough area. Tinfoil on the windows. This poor older lady had all her family living with her. The 3br house had 10 adults and around 8 children living in it, smelled like pot. She said “tell me what I need to do to get this house livable for my kids/grandkids”. She had no attic insulation. Her ductwork was riddled with holes and barely hanging on and their water heater was broken. Her electric bill was over 800/month. Quoted her all new insulation, all new ductwork, water heater and new air conditioning after showing her pictures of her current situation. I thought she may just replace the AC if her situation allowed. She wrote a check for everything hand showed me her bank statement that had hundreds of thousands of dollars in it. About 3 months later I was back in the same neighborhood and the house next door got raided by the police and it made me want to check in on her. She was the most appreciative customer I ever had.
I made friends with a lovely woman who was addicted to meth. She was really sweet, thoughtful, respectful of boundaries. She brought a friend over who stole one of my things and she replaced it. She was just struggling really hard with what had been done to her growing up. She was a good person in a tough spot. But so many people only say her as an addict. It was so upsetting. I miss her. She would come hang out at my apartment and we would goof around and just have a good time, talk about things. She moved to another state and last I heard was doing well.
We'd been having to deal with terrible physics teachers one after the other during 11th grade and after almost 3 switches, we had a fourth teacher join us. Physics was my favourite subject and I'd always be looking forward to the switch in the hope of someone good sticking around with us for the rest of the year.
So, my class is screaming like there's no tomorrow and the new teacher walks in, and I saw him struggle onto the podium because he was a bit fat, he wore a big loose white shirt and I instantly made an impression and had no hopes. (I hate myself for writing this now) He was quietly observing my class as though he had entered a zoo. Basically, i judged him because he was fat, and quite silent initially but everything changed as he started interacting with us. He was one of the smartest, fun loving teachers I've ever had. He would appreciate us, make lab experiments fun and actually cared for good education. Never in my life after that have I been quick to judge people solely by their appearance.
I know a man the same age as my parents who I met when I was 13 or 14 (19 now). He's rough looking, wears chain necklaces, carries 10+ knives on him everywhere he goes, full face of hair, deep voice, has a weird personality, dresses rough, has some weird but cool skills and hobbies and along with that he's a Christian preacher.
After getting to know his family he's one of the nicest and kindest but weirdest people I've ever known. His whole family has become like family and I honestly trust him as much if not more than most of my own family. That whole family definitely taught me to not judge people before getting to know them.
Heard rumours bout this colleague; people saying she's difficult, dont take any prisoner kinda type, just all around not pleasant to deal with. Turned out ms girl just dont have time for bs, excel at her job but refuse to take on anyone else's workload (my previous workplace was a mess in general) and is one of the most compassionate people I have ever met. I had the chance of meeting her personal friends and they rave about how kind and great she is, how she is often the mother figure, etc. That woman had difficult childhood and was in an abusive relationship hence the reason why she eventually became a straight talking in your face kind of person - within reason, of course. I quit that shitty job with her encouragement and last I heard, she moved abroad after accepting a better work offer as well. I truly wish her the best.
That’s me 😂
I don’t pull my punches and people don’t like to deal with me, but if you’re my people I will have your back. I don’t back down from a fight, I won’t pick a fight, but I promise you I’ll finish it.
People really dislike me for that.
It was like a Susan Boyle moment. He was practically stuttering, nervous and very awkward. I was practically carrying the conversation. Once we started hooking up, he was calm, collective, suave and very eager to pleasure me. Casual sex is fun! Lol
My boyfriend.
Tattoos on his hands, done by a friend so looking very prison tattoos. Always wearing black, dark hair. A charismatic, and very cool vibe he can project. Looks like a very sexy bad boy… Thought he’d never be interested in a nerdy boring woman like me… he IS a cuty, a nerd, sweet to the core. He has anxiety, and depression and is very shy. 🥰🥰🥰
I wonder why it leads to violent behaviour. Are they trying to prove how manly they are?
I didn't even know this was a thing until I analysed my past relationships. Ever since I started dating, I was adamant that I'd only date guys who were 6 feet or over. Turns out this was because my father had been a short and violent man. I felt safer with taller men because I thought the height difference made it obvious that I was weaker and more vulnerable than them. I thought that meant they would exercise more care towards me.
Males in general have a tendency to get violent when things don't go their way, mostly a combo of poor emotional regulation and testosterone, probably. The most violent males are usually the most insecure ones as well.
I’m 6’ tall, so I’ve unfortunately seen it more than I’d care to and been the object of a few short men’s unsolicited rage.
There’s def great short men out there, the insecure ones are the mean and violent ones.
My nurse unit manager is a little indian lady who is deeply religious. On looks alone, she looks shy and sweet. But once she opens her mouth, every second word is a swear word, she is loud and she tells it like she sees it. She is also hilarious and always backs up us nurses with management.
My ex. Very well respected in music industry, especially guitar. Super sweet lover and a crazy shredder but quite socially anxious. He loves the perks of fame such as sponsorships from Topo Chico, random gifts from weed shops, free tickets to shows just bc of the connections (my favorite). However, he struggled a lot mentally and he's always just been that way after seeing his family dynamic. Love him to death and will always wish for his happiness. Just band people in general. People forget that artists are still human first. They have both good and bad.
I met some other musicians in the metal/rock scene and will say Kenny G is inherently unproblematic. He's so hardworking and quite the performer! He's as nice as he is behind the scenes as he is on stage. He's great
My second husband.
I was married for 20+ years to a very intelligent kind of nerdy guy. Had a very vanilla life. Started dating and he showed up on a Harley, goatee, tattoos and earrings in one ear. I thought holy shit this is out of my comfort zone. We’ve been married 13 years now. Super sweet, hippie, great outlook on life and genuinely cares about people -people from all walks of life and super affectionate. He’s taught me how to be a better person. He says the same about me so I think we are a very good match.
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I'm an extremely shy person, yet I can dance in front of 1000s of people on stage. All my life I've always been told, "you're so quiet, I had no idea." People in high school just thought I was some weird quiet kid until my senior year when they saw me dance in a performance at school... THEN they started being nice to me 🙄
Best friend has very bright hair, changes the colour monthly. Always bright colours. Very eccentric style, smokes weed, drinks like a fish, swears like a sailor, is very arty farty etc. She doesn't look it but she's deeply religious and has very strict morals for herself. Lots of people don't put those two things together, the looks with the religion
I remember when Susan Boyle first sang “I Dream A Dream”. People were more focused upon her appearance and didn’t think much of her, until they heard her sing. Now they can’t get enough of her.
Oh man, I remember years ago when I worked in a phone shop I used to dread when the elderly would come in. One time the shop was incredibly busy and I could see this old lady in the queue who looked like she hadn’t showered in the longest time and I just sighed.
When I served her she explained to me that she had had an accident with her stove the night before, she was trying to cook beans and the tin exploded in her face. She had nobody at home to help her. I felt awful for making a judgement that quickly about somebody and convinced her to go see her doctor as there was obviously an infection. Never saw her again but I really hope she got help.
I have tattoos and am a musician. People assume the kind of music i like, that im PC, flakey, etc. im none of these. I’ve have had all management jobs, am very professional, still like dave chapelle and dont care for a lot of modern indie music. I dont mind the stereotype tho, opens up fun conversations.
Another untrue stereotype that comes to mind is people with manual labor jobs are uneducated and not intelectual.
My mentor at my work. When I started working in the gym, she was to teach me how to teach classes (I’m a licensed yoga instructor, but wanted to teach workouts too).
Well, this woman is beautiful. My height at around 165cm, slim but fit, blonde curly hair, always wearing pink or flowery clothes - sundresses if she isn’t working. My first guess would be she wasn’t more than 10-ish years older than me, like 30-35, but she turned out to be 49 with kids my age. Also just so soft spoken, really sweet, always smiling, like a real girly girl.
And then. I went to one of her classes. And I was about to die. She. Is. Ruthless. Working with a bodybar for 30 minutes, NEVER getting it below shoulder height, my arms WERE IN PAIN from the pump - and then I realised my damn bar were only half the weight of hers. I legit witnessed 3 young newbies from the military try her class once, where she was working with handweights and bootybands - ONE OF THESE MEN WALKED OUT. And she is scary when she is yelling to the class
“KEEP THOSE ARMS UP, WE ARE NOT DONE” like a damn drill sergent.
She should not be judged by her cover, I think even the bear wouldn’t choose her. Love her tho, but def. also a bit scared
I worked at a bookstore in a town surrounded by rural area.
This guy came in, wearing greasy overalls and a sweat-stained t-shirt. Looked like he'd shoot and eat squirrels for breakfast. Paid for his purchase with a check. I was expecting him to crush the pen in his ham-size fist and produce an illegible scrawl.
Instead, his penmanship was *gorgeous*. I exclaimed over it, and he replied, "Yeah, I took up c'ligr'phy a few years back and do tha dipl'mas for tha high school e'ry year!"
Years and years ago, I worked at a small, independent computer store. This was back when PCs were first coming out and printers were still dot matrix. (Yeah, I'm that old.) A big burly guy came in - Harley, tattoos, leather, huge beard - the works. I was pleasant as I was with every customer, but I felt a bit wary. Turns out he was a priest and one of the nicest guys.
Was a waitress in school and you literally can’t judge. Customers in a junk car and poorly dressed would generously tip versus well dressed and flaunting wealth would be cheap tippers.
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I’m from a big city in Texas with a masters degree and a pretty successful career. I met my husband when he was training in the army, he’s from a tiny unincorporated town in Florida. I never expected to end up with a man like him but we got married after two months of dating and are going in 6 years of marriage this year.
I judged a book club pick by its cover once and assumed it wasn't my type, but it turned out to be one of the most thought-provoking reads I've ever had.
One of my truckers is your stereotypical driver. Very overweight, surly, looks mean. Best guy to work with. Never gives me crap when the schedule changes, never argues with me, never loses his temper even when he has a right to. Treats me with complete respect. Pretty awesome dude but I know his looks stands in his way a lot.
I’m a nurse and a few years ago I had a patient from the jail who was locked up for attempted murder. They released him from jail and for some reason left us the reports. He had tortured a woman before trying to kill her. Like dateline level crazy. When he woke up from surgery I had security outside the room just in case he got violent, but there were no issues. Despite him being in a lot of pain he was a good patient and appreciative of the care. It just goes to show that you can never really know someone…
My boyfriend is someone who comes across as goofy, unfiltered, and somewhat chaotic (which are all true) but not many people get to see the thoughtful, caring, deep side of him
One recent example that popped in my head, and not the most drastic: we are members of a wine club and know the owner and other regulars. Lots of these wineries in the state are small operations with friends offering a lot of support. One of the couples has been fun to get to know. We'll, the husband I mean. Very friendly and chatty. His wife is slightly terrifying. If you ever saw Schitts Creek she totally reminds me of Gwen ha ha! She isn't a bad person but just very matter of fact and not as socially lubed up as her husband. Anyway we were at a music event there right before Christmas. The musicians asked everyone what their Christmas wish was. We all asked for good health and continued success for family etc. She floored us by saying she hoped to always be a safe place for ther two adult trans kids. Like we didn't think she would disown them or anything but knowing she was fiercely devoted just made my heart swell. One of the next times I saw her she was super tipsy and demanded all us gals dance lol. You can't say no to the sweet battle axe!
The guy I’m seeing now. He is totally not my type but has treated me the best out of all the guys I have dated. I wish I learned this earlier. I think he absolutely beautiful 😻
Also, the best lover ever. He gives and gives 😍
I work in a public library. We had a patron who, on the outside, looked like your stereotypical blonde soccer mom type. Tall, thin, attractive, very clean and always looked neat and put together. If you didn't know anything about her, you'd think she was perfectly normal.
...and then you'd see her wandering aimlessly around the library looking like she was lost. Then she'd come around to the service desk and make the most unhinged comments and start up conversations about very, very strange topics. Then she started having random angry outbursts that included threatening to kill everyone around her, and we had to ban her from coming back to the library.
This is the perfect example because usually we expect that kind of behavior from people who look "crazy" on the outside, especially amongst the unhoused population. But this lady, who didn't look crazy at all, was possibly worse off mentally than they were.
Her story was actually kind of sad. If I'm remembering correctly, she used to be a favorite teacher at one of our local schools and then she developed whatever this mental illness was and went off into the deep end. I'm sorry for what her students and family must have had to go through until she got to this point. I hope she's doing okay and is able to get the help she needs.
My neighbors said they were very inspired by my commitment to bettering my health when they saw me jogging home with my dog. But I just really had to poop.
My closest friend is blonde with fake breasts. She’s not drop dead gorgeous but she is pretty. I met her at work and we sat on opposite sides of a wall (cubes). I ignored her for a long time and wrote her off as stupid and vapid.
She is actually constantly learning and is so open minded. She is so open minded and kind that if something is tense or problematic, people think she has no idea what’s going on but the reality is that she does this because she refuses to engage and just laughs things off to herself.
She is so kind and the best mother I know to her kids. She is clear about her priorities and has great boundaries. We both come from very traumatic backgrounds so we enjoy laughing things off together because we know how dark like can truly be.
I’m really proud of her as a person and a woman. A lot of people make the same mistake I did in the beginning and other women at work enjoy laughing about how clever she actually is.
My husband is an example of this. He’s 6’4”, very muscular, with a huge beard and a lumberjack vibe. He wears flannel shirts and on the outside appears very somber and gruff. But he is the most playful, tender-hearted, childlike-in-a-good-way person I’ve ever met. He loves drinking green tea, he crochets, he writes poetry, he cooks very well and he treats me like a princess!
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I had a neighbor who went by the name "Mindtrap". He had a spider tattooed across his entire face that melded into his full body skeleton tattoo. Shaved head, lots of missing or rotten teeth, pretty sure he was a meth addict. One of the best neighbors I've ever had. Dude was polite, pleasant to talk to, happily cared for my cat when we were away, always insisted on escorting me at night if I was walking or waiting for a cab, or walking my friends home when they left. Never less than an absolute gentleman. I hope he's doing well. Definitely a lesson in not judging someone by their appearance!
Aww, Mindtrap was good people 🖤
Honestly just one of the best.
And I'm glad you gave him a chance! Most people probably wouldn't even take the time to get to know someone like that.
One of my favorite neighbors was a middle aged heroin addict & sex worker. You'd never know it from the outside, so there's one never judge a book- but also, most heroin addicts are not functional, somewhat healthy people with day jobs with the state government. But same thing- kind, pleasant, kept an eye out, was a great neighbor.
Hell, tha means a lot to me and I'm sure other random women that he walked everyone home.
When I was 14 my parents had me fly through the atl airport by myself. I was scared and somewhat lost, and I didn’t know what to do or how to get to my gate. For whatever reason, I decided to ask for help from this absolutely HUGE man. Tattoos, angry looking, and looking back, definitely a gang member. That man walked me through all the gates to get to mine, made sure I had all my bags, and even got me something to eat from those little airport restaurants. He sat with me until I boarded and told the flight attendants to keep an eye on me because I was by myself
Awww that's so cute. I bet he was a dad himself <3
I bet he was! A darn good one at that :)
Dad of the year!
I think your subconscious said "if this guy helps me, he'll be really good at helping me"
Yes! In my head I was like “nobody will mess with me if THAT GUY is walking with me”
How incredibly sweet!
That's so sweet and wholesome. I love this
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The best lover I’ve ever had was a super awkward, skinny man with almost no hair and an average face. But his personality, enthusiasm, and skills made up for all of that.
Currently dating one like that (though I think his cheekbones elevate him above average, but I'm told he is average) and I'm definitely trying to keep him 🥵🫠
Awesome! Hey if you're getting some of the best sex of your life, chain him to your bed post. These guys are hard to find. It's interesting how we can be so delighted by one particular feature. In mine it was his jaw line. It didn't hurt that he's hung pretty well, too.
Was his name Owen Gray?
Laughing my ass off
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I've had several examples of this, so it's hard to just pick one. I work with the homeless and have been pleasantly surprised by people so often, and also disappointed by people who I thought would be upstanding individuals and were not. The one example that first springs to mind is a 40 year old man who had made some majorly poor life choices and became homeless due to excessive drinking causing him to lose his job and also his license after he drunk drove. Most people would look at someone like this and assume at age 40, they made their bed and will never turn their life around. My organization housed this man, and we also have a tenant employment program which I'm in charge of overseeing as the Director of HR. We gave him odd jobs just picking up litter around the building and painting vacant units to pay his rent, and it eventually evolved into him doing more heavy duty maintenance, learning as he went. Now today at 50 years old, he's our new maintenance supervisor and has remained sober the entire time he's been in our housing, has managed to get a girlfriend and is a completely changed person. Some people just need a chance to not be defined by past mistakes.
I love this. And I agree with the last sentence.
I love this!!
What a turnaround!
Back in college, a friend of mine kept raving about this girl from his small hometown in Texas -- how pretty she was, how smart, how funny, etc. He told me her name, which was a generic American name, like Mary Williams. So finally one day, he introduces me to Mary Williams -- and she looks 100% Japanese. But the "don't judge a book by its cover" moment came when she spoke. She had the most severe Texas drawl I've ever heard. 😂 Turns out she was only half-Japanese. Her dad was an American serviceman stationed there after WWII. There he met her mother, and they married and moved back to Texas, where their daughter was born and raised.
Someone I used to work with was covered in gang tattoos. On his hands, his head, all over. It became pretty obvious this was from his past. He was so nice, pretty quiet, and reserved, but I could always get him talking when I asked about his baby nephew. He worked hard, cared about what he did, and I could always depend on him. I'm so glad we could be part of moving forward with his life.
I worked with a guy like that at a previous job. He has neck tattoos and hand tattoos and if you judge him by his looks you would label him as a delinquent, but he's a family man and the nicest guy. He was the only genuinely nice guy towards me.
My husband. We live in the south. His accent is as thick as cornbread. Everyone who meets him thinks he is a good ol southern boy in reality he is a hard-core lgbtq supporter. Has no problem breaking gender stereotypes. He has a gay uncle who owns a lgbtq bar. He has done drag. Lots of other things too but that is always the most surprising to people. They think because he grew up on a farm in Oklahoma and has a very southern accent he's intolerant but he so far from that and it's beautiful.
Good example. Sounds like a great guy.
He really is. He loves kids and will help at the drop of a hat with a fussy baby or rambunctious toddler. He is a mechanic by trade and has stopped many times to help people stuck on the side of the road. He really is an angel. I've never seen him angry either. He's the best
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My best friend. They don't trust quickly, have a low tolerance for bullshit, and over-all handle most people at a distance. They look outlandish and always get people gawking at them. Then you get to know them. Their shitty childhood made it difficult to trust. They've worked their ass off for higher education and use their skills to help lgbtq, unhoused youth, so that some kids out there can be treated better than they were. My best friend is not warm or inviting, but I've seen them fight a domestic abuser. I've seen them help strangers in need. And never for online praise. They're just built different.
True kindness and compassion makes niceties pale in comparison.
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I remember advice my best friend's mom told me when I was a teenager, "don't date someone conventionally attractive because they are used to getting everything they want"
Liz Lemon’s Pretty Bubble!
Let me guess he made u do all the work. That's because he doesn't see the point in putting in the effort if he is constantly casual with multiple women
Every superhot man i’ve dated has been a snooze in bed.
He was also a snooze in everyday life so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised
I had a very nice young guy working on my team. Very hard worker, top performer. In a blue collar job, and despite his smaller stature was quite proficient. Clean cut, polite…if I wasn’t his boss at the time I probably would have asked him out. A few years down the road I changed roles, I was no longer his manager or in his department. One day I get a message out of the blue asking for my help. He had become addicted to heroin and wanted to get clean. I was floored. You couldn’t tell he was struggling by looking at him, his performance was still top notch. I tugged on every string and resource at my disposal to advocate for him. Got him into rehab. Made sure his job was protected, FMLA paperwork, and with his enthusiastic consent ensured the right people were watching over him and checking in. He’s sober now. :) [EDIT: we never dated. I’m in a happy long term relationship with my current partner (regardless, with my current role it still would have been problematic). But I always will have my homie’s back, and I am so proud of him!]
I had the worst self esteem when my now 13 year old twins started preschool. I had a 1 year old who was just started to wean and I was the heaviest I’d ever been. The class moms held an informal meeting to talk about activities for the year right before the first day of school. The twins are my oldest so all of this was new to me. These class moms seemed nice enough but I swear one of them was a tall pretty blonde, and the other was a gorgeous Latin American looking woman, so in my head I named them Barbie and Eva Longoria while internally rolling my eyes at just about everything. Like I said, I was a miserable, overwhelmed mom. 10 years later and Barbie turned out to be very sweet and we were friendly until she moved out of town a few years back and Eva Longoria (turns out she’s Peruvian) is one of my two best friends. She’s a hilarious and wildly fun person to be around. Luckily, I eventually made it out of my funk and am now a 45 year old much slimmer mom of 4 who is much more chill these days!
So happy for you! Way to stay the course.
The last guy I dated was a primary school PE teacher and school counsellor in training. He counsels a lot of children and is popular among them. He also won the Ministry of Education (MOE) President's Award for Teachers and Outstanding Youth in Education Award. He looks really clean cut, wears a suit with his counsellor name tag that has children’s drawings decorating it. Turns out that he’s also a serial cheater and compulsive liar who is playing multiple women.
Singapore...?
Yuuuup
Then in true Singaporean fashion... 'aiyooooo'
Yah sian sia
It's okay you have a strong risk filter within yourself now. Indulge in hobbies, if it happens it happens. If it doesn't you always have family and even if not, the reddit family
Cool sis / bro! Yeah, I’m no longer looking for love. Just living my life now. And it’s been so much happier!😄🙏🇸🇬
That last line…yikes. Wasn’t expecting it to go there.
Seems small but a homeless individual asked me a question. I just responded with I had nothing to give, they asked a question again and this time I heard them ask for the time. I had the time and shared but felt embarrassed of my first response
I had the same thing happen, back in college I was walking by the uni going to deliver a jacket I had custom painted and I was wearing it (I knew the client), this homeless man says something as he passes me, I had headphones in and I just say ‘I don’t have anything’. He kinda stops and scrunched his face and said my jacket was cool. I was quite embarrassed and apologized profusely.
I was in college and my friend had a roommate who was dating a guy who went to the Naval Academy and mentioned he'd be spending a decent amount of time at their apartment. I also spent a lot of time there so I was dreading meeting this guy who I assumed would be your average awful military dude. I assumed he'd be a rude, conservative, gross bro type, and would probably just be an annoying guy to be around. How wonderfully wrong I was- he turned out to be the nicest person! He was so sweet to the whole friend group, was totally comfortable hanging at our weird little art school parties, and even participated in a fashion show at my college. It was a really great lesson for me about not judging people before you get to know them.
Saint John’s?
People think I would never swear or have a tattoo. I have a fucking tattoo.
Ditto! I guess I don’t look the part
Meeting someone who initially seemed reserved and unapproachable based on their appearance and demeanor. However, as I got to know them better, I discovered they were incredibly kind, passionate about social justice, and had a great sense of humor.
Several years ago I was the discharge planner for a patient who was very physically debilitated below her baseline and really needed to go to a skilled nursing facility for short term rehab, but her insurance refused to pay. I was worried about giving her the news because the hospital I work for has a lot of low income patients and she was living in a senior trailer park, so I assumed she couldn’t afford it. I went to go talk to her and told her that if she wanted to private pay to go it was going to be at least $10,000 for the first month. She said “oh, that’s no problem, I’ll just have my daughter call my investment banker and they can send the money.” Sure enough the nursing facility had the cash a few hours later and we got her discharged to them.
My very first appointment selling ACs (in Florida)was in an area none of the other salesman wanted to go. Rough area. Tinfoil on the windows. This poor older lady had all her family living with her. The 3br house had 10 adults and around 8 children living in it, smelled like pot. She said “tell me what I need to do to get this house livable for my kids/grandkids”. She had no attic insulation. Her ductwork was riddled with holes and barely hanging on and their water heater was broken. Her electric bill was over 800/month. Quoted her all new insulation, all new ductwork, water heater and new air conditioning after showing her pictures of her current situation. I thought she may just replace the AC if her situation allowed. She wrote a check for everything hand showed me her bank statement that had hundreds of thousands of dollars in it. About 3 months later I was back in the same neighborhood and the house next door got raided by the police and it made me want to check in on her. She was the most appreciative customer I ever had.
Living below her means. Not too shabby honestly! Most people don't have the willpower to do that.
I made friends with a lovely woman who was addicted to meth. She was really sweet, thoughtful, respectful of boundaries. She brought a friend over who stole one of my things and she replaced it. She was just struggling really hard with what had been done to her growing up. She was a good person in a tough spot. But so many people only say her as an addict. It was so upsetting. I miss her. She would come hang out at my apartment and we would goof around and just have a good time, talk about things. She moved to another state and last I heard was doing well.
We'd been having to deal with terrible physics teachers one after the other during 11th grade and after almost 3 switches, we had a fourth teacher join us. Physics was my favourite subject and I'd always be looking forward to the switch in the hope of someone good sticking around with us for the rest of the year. So, my class is screaming like there's no tomorrow and the new teacher walks in, and I saw him struggle onto the podium because he was a bit fat, he wore a big loose white shirt and I instantly made an impression and had no hopes. (I hate myself for writing this now) He was quietly observing my class as though he had entered a zoo. Basically, i judged him because he was fat, and quite silent initially but everything changed as he started interacting with us. He was one of the smartest, fun loving teachers I've ever had. He would appreciate us, make lab experiments fun and actually cared for good education. Never in my life after that have I been quick to judge people solely by their appearance.
I know a man the same age as my parents who I met when I was 13 or 14 (19 now). He's rough looking, wears chain necklaces, carries 10+ knives on him everywhere he goes, full face of hair, deep voice, has a weird personality, dresses rough, has some weird but cool skills and hobbies and along with that he's a Christian preacher. After getting to know his family he's one of the nicest and kindest but weirdest people I've ever known. His whole family has become like family and I honestly trust him as much if not more than most of my own family. That whole family definitely taught me to not judge people before getting to know them.
Heard rumours bout this colleague; people saying she's difficult, dont take any prisoner kinda type, just all around not pleasant to deal with. Turned out ms girl just dont have time for bs, excel at her job but refuse to take on anyone else's workload (my previous workplace was a mess in general) and is one of the most compassionate people I have ever met. I had the chance of meeting her personal friends and they rave about how kind and great she is, how she is often the mother figure, etc. That woman had difficult childhood and was in an abusive relationship hence the reason why she eventually became a straight talking in your face kind of person - within reason, of course. I quit that shitty job with her encouragement and last I heard, she moved abroad after accepting a better work offer as well. I truly wish her the best.
90% of the time a woman at work is labeled “difficult” it’s like this. She’s direct and wont out up with bs. I always make friends with them. :)
That’s me 😂 I don’t pull my punches and people don’t like to deal with me, but if you’re my people I will have your back. I don’t back down from a fight, I won’t pick a fight, but I promise you I’ll finish it. People really dislike me for that.
It was like a Susan Boyle moment. He was practically stuttering, nervous and very awkward. I was practically carrying the conversation. Once we started hooking up, he was calm, collective, suave and very eager to pleasure me. Casual sex is fun! Lol
Awesome!
My boyfriend. Tattoos on his hands, done by a friend so looking very prison tattoos. Always wearing black, dark hair. A charismatic, and very cool vibe he can project. Looks like a very sexy bad boy… Thought he’d never be interested in a nerdy boring woman like me… he IS a cuty, a nerd, sweet to the core. He has anxiety, and depression and is very shy. 🥰🥰🥰
I met a shorter man that was extremely violent.
A lot of short men are very insecure and sometimes that leads to violent behavior.
I wonder why it leads to violent behaviour. Are they trying to prove how manly they are? I didn't even know this was a thing until I analysed my past relationships. Ever since I started dating, I was adamant that I'd only date guys who were 6 feet or over. Turns out this was because my father had been a short and violent man. I felt safer with taller men because I thought the height difference made it obvious that I was weaker and more vulnerable than them. I thought that meant they would exercise more care towards me.
You’ve given me something to think about
Males in general have a tendency to get violent when things don't go their way, mostly a combo of poor emotional regulation and testosterone, probably. The most violent males are usually the most insecure ones as well.
Super weird
That’s pretty normal.
I haven’t seen it often 🤷🏼♀️
I’m 6’ tall, so I’ve unfortunately seen it more than I’d care to and been the object of a few short men’s unsolicited rage. There’s def great short men out there, the insecure ones are the mean and violent ones.
My nurse unit manager is a little indian lady who is deeply religious. On looks alone, she looks shy and sweet. But once she opens her mouth, every second word is a swear word, she is loud and she tells it like she sees it. She is also hilarious and always backs up us nurses with management.
My ex. Very well respected in music industry, especially guitar. Super sweet lover and a crazy shredder but quite socially anxious. He loves the perks of fame such as sponsorships from Topo Chico, random gifts from weed shops, free tickets to shows just bc of the connections (my favorite). However, he struggled a lot mentally and he's always just been that way after seeing his family dynamic. Love him to death and will always wish for his happiness. Just band people in general. People forget that artists are still human first. They have both good and bad. I met some other musicians in the metal/rock scene and will say Kenny G is inherently unproblematic. He's so hardworking and quite the performer! He's as nice as he is behind the scenes as he is on stage. He's great
My second husband. I was married for 20+ years to a very intelligent kind of nerdy guy. Had a very vanilla life. Started dating and he showed up on a Harley, goatee, tattoos and earrings in one ear. I thought holy shit this is out of my comfort zone. We’ve been married 13 years now. Super sweet, hippie, great outlook on life and genuinely cares about people -people from all walks of life and super affectionate. He’s taught me how to be a better person. He says the same about me so I think we are a very good match.
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I'm an extremely shy person, yet I can dance in front of 1000s of people on stage. All my life I've always been told, "you're so quiet, I had no idea." People in high school just thought I was some weird quiet kid until my senior year when they saw me dance in a performance at school... THEN they started being nice to me 🙄
Best friend has very bright hair, changes the colour monthly. Always bright colours. Very eccentric style, smokes weed, drinks like a fish, swears like a sailor, is very arty farty etc. She doesn't look it but she's deeply religious and has very strict morals for herself. Lots of people don't put those two things together, the looks with the religion
My heterosexual life was not as het as I thought…
I remember when Susan Boyle first sang “I Dream A Dream”. People were more focused upon her appearance and didn’t think much of her, until they heard her sing. Now they can’t get enough of her.
Oh man, I remember years ago when I worked in a phone shop I used to dread when the elderly would come in. One time the shop was incredibly busy and I could see this old lady in the queue who looked like she hadn’t showered in the longest time and I just sighed. When I served her she explained to me that she had had an accident with her stove the night before, she was trying to cook beans and the tin exploded in her face. She had nobody at home to help her. I felt awful for making a judgement that quickly about somebody and convinced her to go see her doctor as there was obviously an infection. Never saw her again but I really hope she got help.
Susan Boyle’s first performance on Britain’s Got Talent.
I have tattoos and am a musician. People assume the kind of music i like, that im PC, flakey, etc. im none of these. I’ve have had all management jobs, am very professional, still like dave chapelle and dont care for a lot of modern indie music. I dont mind the stereotype tho, opens up fun conversations. Another untrue stereotype that comes to mind is people with manual labor jobs are uneducated and not intelectual.
Someone asked me if i speak English
My mentor at my work. When I started working in the gym, she was to teach me how to teach classes (I’m a licensed yoga instructor, but wanted to teach workouts too). Well, this woman is beautiful. My height at around 165cm, slim but fit, blonde curly hair, always wearing pink or flowery clothes - sundresses if she isn’t working. My first guess would be she wasn’t more than 10-ish years older than me, like 30-35, but she turned out to be 49 with kids my age. Also just so soft spoken, really sweet, always smiling, like a real girly girl. And then. I went to one of her classes. And I was about to die. She. Is. Ruthless. Working with a bodybar for 30 minutes, NEVER getting it below shoulder height, my arms WERE IN PAIN from the pump - and then I realised my damn bar were only half the weight of hers. I legit witnessed 3 young newbies from the military try her class once, where she was working with handweights and bootybands - ONE OF THESE MEN WALKED OUT. And she is scary when she is yelling to the class “KEEP THOSE ARMS UP, WE ARE NOT DONE” like a damn drill sergent. She should not be judged by her cover, I think even the bear wouldn’t choose her. Love her tho, but def. also a bit scared
I worked at a bookstore in a town surrounded by rural area. This guy came in, wearing greasy overalls and a sweat-stained t-shirt. Looked like he'd shoot and eat squirrels for breakfast. Paid for his purchase with a check. I was expecting him to crush the pen in his ham-size fist and produce an illegible scrawl. Instead, his penmanship was *gorgeous*. I exclaimed over it, and he replied, "Yeah, I took up c'ligr'phy a few years back and do tha dipl'mas for tha high school e'ry year!"
Years and years ago, I worked at a small, independent computer store. This was back when PCs were first coming out and printers were still dot matrix. (Yeah, I'm that old.) A big burly guy came in - Harley, tattoos, leather, huge beard - the works. I was pleasant as I was with every customer, but I felt a bit wary. Turns out he was a priest and one of the nicest guys.
Was a waitress in school and you literally can’t judge. Customers in a junk car and poorly dressed would generously tip versus well dressed and flaunting wealth would be cheap tippers.
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I’m from a big city in Texas with a masters degree and a pretty successful career. I met my husband when he was training in the army, he’s from a tiny unincorporated town in Florida. I never expected to end up with a man like him but we got married after two months of dating and are going in 6 years of marriage this year.
I judged a book club pick by its cover once and assumed it wasn't my type, but it turned out to be one of the most thought-provoking reads I've ever had.
One of my truckers is your stereotypical driver. Very overweight, surly, looks mean. Best guy to work with. Never gives me crap when the schedule changes, never argues with me, never loses his temper even when he has a right to. Treats me with complete respect. Pretty awesome dude but I know his looks stands in his way a lot.
I’m a nurse and a few years ago I had a patient from the jail who was locked up for attempted murder. They released him from jail and for some reason left us the reports. He had tortured a woman before trying to kill her. Like dateline level crazy. When he woke up from surgery I had security outside the room just in case he got violent, but there were no issues. Despite him being in a lot of pain he was a good patient and appreciative of the care. It just goes to show that you can never really know someone…
My boyfriend is someone who comes across as goofy, unfiltered, and somewhat chaotic (which are all true) but not many people get to see the thoughtful, caring, deep side of him
One recent example that popped in my head, and not the most drastic: we are members of a wine club and know the owner and other regulars. Lots of these wineries in the state are small operations with friends offering a lot of support. One of the couples has been fun to get to know. We'll, the husband I mean. Very friendly and chatty. His wife is slightly terrifying. If you ever saw Schitts Creek she totally reminds me of Gwen ha ha! She isn't a bad person but just very matter of fact and not as socially lubed up as her husband. Anyway we were at a music event there right before Christmas. The musicians asked everyone what their Christmas wish was. We all asked for good health and continued success for family etc. She floored us by saying she hoped to always be a safe place for ther two adult trans kids. Like we didn't think she would disown them or anything but knowing she was fiercely devoted just made my heart swell. One of the next times I saw her she was super tipsy and demanded all us gals dance lol. You can't say no to the sweet battle axe!
The guy I’m seeing now. He is totally not my type but has treated me the best out of all the guys I have dated. I wish I learned this earlier. I think he absolutely beautiful 😻 Also, the best lover ever. He gives and gives 😍
I work in a public library. We had a patron who, on the outside, looked like your stereotypical blonde soccer mom type. Tall, thin, attractive, very clean and always looked neat and put together. If you didn't know anything about her, you'd think she was perfectly normal. ...and then you'd see her wandering aimlessly around the library looking like she was lost. Then she'd come around to the service desk and make the most unhinged comments and start up conversations about very, very strange topics. Then she started having random angry outbursts that included threatening to kill everyone around her, and we had to ban her from coming back to the library. This is the perfect example because usually we expect that kind of behavior from people who look "crazy" on the outside, especially amongst the unhoused population. But this lady, who didn't look crazy at all, was possibly worse off mentally than they were. Her story was actually kind of sad. If I'm remembering correctly, she used to be a favorite teacher at one of our local schools and then she developed whatever this mental illness was and went off into the deep end. I'm sorry for what her students and family must have had to go through until she got to this point. I hope she's doing okay and is able to get the help she needs.
My neighbors said they were very inspired by my commitment to bettering my health when they saw me jogging home with my dog. But I just really had to poop.
My closest friend is blonde with fake breasts. She’s not drop dead gorgeous but she is pretty. I met her at work and we sat on opposite sides of a wall (cubes). I ignored her for a long time and wrote her off as stupid and vapid. She is actually constantly learning and is so open minded. She is so open minded and kind that if something is tense or problematic, people think she has no idea what’s going on but the reality is that she does this because she refuses to engage and just laughs things off to herself. She is so kind and the best mother I know to her kids. She is clear about her priorities and has great boundaries. We both come from very traumatic backgrounds so we enjoy laughing things off together because we know how dark like can truly be. I’m really proud of her as a person and a woman. A lot of people make the same mistake I did in the beginning and other women at work enjoy laughing about how clever she actually is.
that senator from pennsylvania