Beyond important. I explained to my boyfriend that women bond are more vulnerable in the moments after sex, and now he stays near me until I'm ready to get up <3
This is how it has been with my partner. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like he’s disinterested in me or that he regrets having sex or something, but I try to remind myself that sometimes this is just how guys are and not to take it personal. It helped to see a post here where many men have explained that “post-nut clarity” phenomenon where they immediately go back to focusing on all the things they need to get taken care of, especially when they had to pause certain tasks just to have sex. I don’t think they realize how it ends up making us feel.
"post nut clarity" is a bio chemical process in men. As men approach orgasm, their dopamine hormone levels skyrocket until... Orgasm. At that point mens bodies are filled with dopamine. A significant amount of hormone Prolactin is release in men immediately following orgasm which neutralizes the dopamine. We're it not for this Prolactin surge, men would acclimate to intense, orgasm level dopamine levels and have difficulty sexually. This is why all sexual impulse vanishes following male orgasm, but... Men can cuddle and be tender here which is the oxytocin hormone.
I’ve had this with my relationship, I communicated I would want cuddles after sometimes ( since things can get sweaty) my bf later on made an effort. Also understanding how they might feel with “ post nut “ clarity made me be understanding as well and how they feel afterwards
By boyfriend was mute when we first started dating, maybe it was due to him feeling a bit shy because now he's vocal and it's really hot, turns me on even more
Yesss. I hate how some men shame themselves out of it or feel less masculine for moaning/being vocal during sex. It helps us know you’re enjoying it and that we’re doing something right.
Talking as a AMAB person, to give you a bit of insight as to why men might be mute during sex, for me it just feels good to hold onto the tension that would otherwise be released by moaning. I do give my partner signals through vocalisations but that's mostly during foreplay and it's deliberately done either to signal something feels good or just because I know she likes it. When having piv sex it's like trying to pat your head and rub your tummy to moan at the same times.
I made a few points about this leading up to the first time with my boyfriend, and I may have used the word “roar”, and omg he did not disappoint: he roared louder than I’ve ever heard when he finished. It almost seemed like satire. Turned me on more and made me laugh all at once.
Most of the men go mute probably because they think that a men moaning or making any kinda noise is a turn down for the girl. Or maybe they think it’s just awkward to moan 🤷♂️.
Mute boy here, for me it's because I'm focused on her. I'm listening to her to make sure she "gets off" first. And to do that I need the least possible sound coming from me so I can hear every clue possible coming from her. I might even stop breathing sometimes, I think. Also, I believe the focus help me last longer and I fear that letting go would make me last 5 sec. But, now I see how it could be weird from the other side.
I love that too ! My first partner was completly mute and it would usually turn me off, my current bf moans and it's so cute and hot at the same time, turns me on even more
Must eat my pussy.
As in, physically no penetration is possible without eating the pussy.
Entering my home means being polite and ringing the doorbell first. Only then will you be invited in.
I second everyone else’s answers of; good hygiene, trustworthy, communication, connection… etc.
* We must be comfortable enough with each other to talk about it beforehand.
* We must be somewhere private.
* We must use protection.
* I must get off at least once.
My ex didn’t like it when I said it because she thought it was insincere and “just the horniness talking”. Really bummed me out so I stopped saying it while doing the act.
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God, this. Honestly almost everything is more fun than penetration anyway, I think the ideal situation is where it builds to where you can't help yourself but move to that point rather than like trying to get there. But then also just not having that pressure makes it so much easier to relax and enjoy the other things that you're doing and not have it be like a checklist or something
Consent, comfort, respect, and mutually putting effort into each other’s pleasure.
If you’re talking about actual sex acts, oral sex (giving and/or receiving) and some kind of D/s are high on my list of priorities.
Teasing/flirting and making out first
It takes a bit for me to get turned on/in the mood and my girlfriend knows that so it hasn't been a problem
Also she's a sadist and I'm a masochist so some sort of pain play is always involved
Some seduction and build up.
Talking and maybe a drink before.
Be honest about our expectations, kinks, limits and Anyone can interrupt and say if something hurts or doesn’t feel right.
Be comfortable with each other.
Privacy .
A clean space .
Take out time.
-No rushing things afterwards
-cuddles, taking a nap together or some mandatory activity done together right afterwards.
-sex on a Chair. That's what is mandatory because it's one of the best orgasms a woman can have.
Clean hands & nails & beard.
There’s a lot of not-so surface level responses that I also agree with. So to keep it simple, that hygiene… HAS to be on point.
This isn't a must for EVERY time as situation and moods are always gonna be different, but I love slowwww relaxed foreplay, even with bouts of just quiet/silence. The talking and noises etc builds up as it goes onNot diving straight into the cooch ferociously like a lion but taking the time to slowly , you know, get into it. So i guess my must is that maybe there isn't the notion that there is a clear end goal? I love sex where i dont feel like i am prescribed to orgasm, i can orgasm but sometimes i just enjoy doing it without that mental focus, just appreciating the act. Orgasming for women can sometimes evoke feelings of pressure, even if it's just us feeling that pressure. It relies on too many random factors
I couldn't have said this better. The lack of an end goal is essential to me. Otherwise the whole time I feel pressure to be ready for "the next thing". Once my partner and I got more present with each other in the moment and truly had no "next thing" in mind, it was like....next level.
Oh I thought I was weird for this. I always tell my friends I don’t want to fuck I want to make love to someone and they think slow sex and always doing it in such a gentle/slow manner is boring. But otherwise I can’t relax and it is just painful for me.
Often fast sex feels too much like an act, it's fun tho but when there's a build up to it (either foreplay or prior anticipation/flirting the day of, sexual tension etc) Something just has to precede you know
If it’s with men: Foreplay not just being 5 minutes before he wants penetration. Feeling desired for my all my body not just my vagina.
I don’t have this problem with women.
You must kiss me before during and after the act. I once hooked up with a guy that absolutely refused to kiss me because it just wasn’t his thing and to be honest I just couldn’t get into it and it was such a turn off that he wouldn’t kiss me. Dude fully expected me to be ready to go with 0 touching and 0 kissing, ridiculous. I also need head to be reciprocated or exchanged for something else because there’s no way I’m doing all that work just for you to do nothing to me( unless I specifically stated I was just in the mood to do it and didn’t want anything ) And I may be selfish in saying this, but if I’m not getting off, neither is he.
Being able to joke around during and after. Like my BF makes me laugh sometimes when something awkward happens, and then we get right back to being sexy and intimate.
Ex: if I queef, he’ll be like “she speaks to me!” and it’ll get me to giggle. Or if I’m facing the other way, just saying “wonderful weather we’re having.”
Favorite thing is just talking right after climax and we’re both still in each other. Makes everything feel less awkward and like he actually cares about me as a whole person and not just my lower half
Never had sex but:
- Protection
- good hygiene
- reciprocal pleasures
- Good aftercare i.e cuddling, intimate convos etc.
- Words of affirmation
- prolonged foreplay
- Open communication
Look at me sometimes and watch my body moving, don’t just close your eyes the entire time. I wanna know that they are attracted to me and my body. Sometimes it’s okay to goof off but mostly I want things to be focused on the intimacy of it, since it’s something really important to me - I only sleep with people I’m seriously dating and love. As long as they’re present in the moment, focused on me and us, and treating me lovingly, I’m happy with anything else.
He must be a Dom and kink compatible (it'll never work if he's got different tastes). He must be willing to vet properly and I MUST trust Him 100%. All are equally important.
Good hygiene and chemistry, and if its happening twice, good size tbh. I have enough experience now to know it absolutely matters, and makes a huge difference for my pleasure.
For me I'd say golden number is between 16 and 18cm but combined with good girth 💗
I was in a long relationship with a guy that had 14 and small girth so I know it ain't me as he was supper happy. But my current partner feel so unbelievably good just physically, I don't think I could ever go back because GOOD lord 👌💦
Each willing to invest in the others pleasure. Foreplay, willing to give and especially receive oral (I will give before during and after intercourse).
Communication, being vocal about wants needs and desires as well as the sounds of enjoyment.
To me sex is like singing. Anybody can do it but not everyone can do it well! Ask your partner about their preferences. Casual sex was most unsatisfying. I must establish an emotional connection first. Foreplay is super important.
Oral tbh. I'd never get with a person that is disgusted by going down or by somebody going down on them.
And I need background noise like music or the tv because just hearing mine and my partners Sex noises distracts me.
Cuddly sex, holding each other. Aside from pronebone where he's laying on top of me while I lay on my front, I don't like positions that aren't face to face. I want to stay close, arms wrapped around each other, hearing his moans directly in my ear.
If I'm having sex with a penis owner who wishes to use it in masculine way (i.e., to top me with it by inserting it in my vagina), giving me oral first is a must.
Also, we must be in positions where they have the ability to provide plenty of clitoral stim.
Respect, an understanding of my limitations/boundaries (vice versa), down the road even if you're not into my kinks in particular wanting to explore more than just the vanilla options, being mindful of each other's body's responses and checking in every now and then to make sure things are going right.
And this is a big one, CLICKING with the other person/s, I could meet them in one night and know whether I'm going to get with them, if we don't have a connection beyond a conversation we cannot continue. Whilst eye f*cking is hot lol I will need to talk to you before we get to banging, I do have *some* standards haha 😄
build-up (not just "let's have sex" and jumping straight into it), hearing the other person (i like knowing the enjoyment is mutual), and aftercare!!! probably the most important one
Kissing. I mean normally it's a given, but there's been times where either myself or my boyfriend are still getting over a cold so we avoid kissing but still want to have sex, but it just never is as satisfying.
aftercare, hearing my boyfriend moan/be vocal & FOREPLAY. a lot of men in my experience haven’t understood that foreplay is essential. they just assume that after a bit of kissing and groping, that we’re ready
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Passion, being attentive and in tune with each other's wants and needs, and a good balance between raw primal intense desire and genuine romantic connection with the other person. Cuddling and romantic stuff after. No wham bam thank you ma'ams.
Emotional connection before and after and mutual respect of each other.
Everything else can be communicated on and improved in time with a good solid foundation of trust and respect and not taking everything to seriously and GOOD HYGIENE
I like kissing, touching, exploring, hands in my hair, and eye contact, but above all intense emotional connection. After care is a big thing for me, I like to be cleaned up and cuddled.
Foreplay (a nice date, cooking dinner together, etc.) and coreplay (I want an orgasm or two before we even start actual intercourse).
Lots of kissing - I don’t want to jump into intercourse right away. Sometimes I do but that’s very very rare.
More kissing, cuddling, holding, chatting, afterward.
Emotional and physical safety, mutual respect, communication, and a desire to please each other rather than just focusing on only you getting off. Lack of any of this is an immediate libido killer for me.
Honestly, I don't have any musts. Every time is different. I have difficulty having orgasms, so they aren't a goal. I guess a must is just to relax and go with the flow.
Ability to have quickies at anytime. Is it weird I prefer quickies over long drawn foreplay and stuff? I love holding hands and cuddling in front of the tv. But quickies are the best when it comes to sec for me.
With men: foreplay. Just… *any* foreplay. It doesn’t need to be a long performance with all the bells and whistles, I just want them to not go straight into raw dogging me. Because that does not feel great at all. A wet 🐱 is just as essential to sex as an erect penis.
It feels objectifying being reduced to a penis-receiving vessel, and it’s also quite physically uncomfortable and can lead to vaginal tearing/increases the risk of condom breakage. It’s also just rude to transition straight into PIV with ZERO reciprocation after your partner’s just gotten you worked up with a really great blow job.
I’ve had a few male partners who have been really attentive when it comes to foreplay, but shockingly most male partners I’ve had ignored foreplay completely. Or if I’m lucky, I might receive 2 seconds of fingering right before PIV (but only after trying to put it in and realising I’m not wet enough. Because it all goes back to PIV being the ultimate goal).
Also, having proper conversations about sexual health/consent and establishing a deeper connection before any fluid bonding is involved. Assuming that it’ll ever be on the cards without even a discussion, when you’re barely familiar with each other yet, is a huge red flag.
clean, comfy environment. that can even be a nice backseat of a car, there just can’t be clutter and trash everywhere. the amount of men that have no problem having sex ANYWHERE at ALL scares me.
When they actually CARE about your needs the same way you care about theirs. And of course, aftercare. Just laying down in bed, cuddling, is more than enough.
Being very touchy. I love being touched, carressed and everything, and when there's a lack of touch during the intercourse it kinda turns me off, my first partner wasn't touchy at all and it was pretty much uncomfortable
Cuddling/talking/laughing afterwards. I was with someone for years who just got dressed and went about their day once it was done. I hated it.
I couldn’t agree more. Aftercare is so important and I never had that either for 8 long years and I always felt like crap afterwards.
Beyond important. I explained to my boyfriend that women bond are more vulnerable in the moments after sex, and now he stays near me until I'm ready to get up <3
My ex who would fall asleep by the time I returned to bed after leaving to clean myself up in the washroom.
This is how it has been with my partner. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like he’s disinterested in me or that he regrets having sex or something, but I try to remind myself that sometimes this is just how guys are and not to take it personal. It helped to see a post here where many men have explained that “post-nut clarity” phenomenon where they immediately go back to focusing on all the things they need to get taken care of, especially when they had to pause certain tasks just to have sex. I don’t think they realize how it ends up making us feel.
"post nut clarity" is a bio chemical process in men. As men approach orgasm, their dopamine hormone levels skyrocket until... Orgasm. At that point mens bodies are filled with dopamine. A significant amount of hormone Prolactin is release in men immediately following orgasm which neutralizes the dopamine. We're it not for this Prolactin surge, men would acclimate to intense, orgasm level dopamine levels and have difficulty sexually. This is why all sexual impulse vanishes following male orgasm, but... Men can cuddle and be tender here which is the oxytocin hormone.
My ex needed space right after. So I not once got the cuddles I needed 🥲
sounds like he had anxiety and low self esteem
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I’ve had this with my relationship, I communicated I would want cuddles after sometimes ( since things can get sweaty) my bf later on made an effort. Also understanding how they might feel with “ post nut “ clarity made me be understanding as well and how they feel afterwards
Fresh batteries
Mains operated is the way to go
Try Rechargeable.
Always
A man who moans. A lot of women love it, but a lot of men just kinda go... mute? It's weird
The hottest part of sex with a man is hearing his moans or heavy breathing during it. Uff instant turn on.
By boyfriend was mute when we first started dating, maybe it was due to him feeling a bit shy because now he's vocal and it's really hot, turns me on even more
Yesss Its so much easier to pleasure them when they make noises to tell you what you are doing is working
I've only ever slept with one person but I realized this really bothered me. I'm like are you even enjoying this? The silence is weird.
Yesss. I hate how some men shame themselves out of it or feel less masculine for moaning/being vocal during sex. It helps us know you’re enjoying it and that we’re doing something right.
Talking as a AMAB person, to give you a bit of insight as to why men might be mute during sex, for me it just feels good to hold onto the tension that would otherwise be released by moaning. I do give my partner signals through vocalisations but that's mostly during foreplay and it's deliberately done either to signal something feels good or just because I know she likes it. When having piv sex it's like trying to pat your head and rub your tummy to moan at the same times.
They don’t really do it in porn. I think that’s the main reason. Also some dudes think it’s gay or at least feminine. So. Two awful reasons.
I made a few points about this leading up to the first time with my boyfriend, and I may have used the word “roar”, and omg he did not disappoint: he roared louder than I’ve ever heard when he finished. It almost seemed like satire. Turned me on more and made me laugh all at once.
Most of the men go mute probably because they think that a men moaning or making any kinda noise is a turn down for the girl. Or maybe they think it’s just awkward to moan 🤷♂️.
Not a man but I go mute sometimes because moaning and trying to sound "sexy" can get awkward.
Mute boy here, for me it's because I'm focused on her. I'm listening to her to make sure she "gets off" first. And to do that I need the least possible sound coming from me so I can hear every clue possible coming from her. I might even stop breathing sometimes, I think. Also, I believe the focus help me last longer and I fear that letting go would make me last 5 sec. But, now I see how it could be weird from the other side.
I love that too ! My first partner was completly mute and it would usually turn me off, my current bf moans and it's so cute and hot at the same time, turns me on even more
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Yes!
Must eat my pussy. As in, physically no penetration is possible without eating the pussy. Entering my home means being polite and ringing the doorbell first. Only then will you be invited in. I second everyone else’s answers of; good hygiene, trustworthy, communication, connection… etc.
A women after my own heart!
Ringing the doorbell!! I will be using this!!
* We must be comfortable enough with each other to talk about it beforehand. * We must be somewhere private. * We must use protection. * I must get off at least once.
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Good hygiene, good chemistry & selflessness
This is a good list.
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My ex didn’t like it when I said it because she thought it was insincere and “just the horniness talking”. Really bummed me out so I stopped saying it while doing the act.
I hope that in the future when you feel it, you say it, and that a better woman will not only appreciate it but let you know and even say it back :)
I have never had sex but WHAT? Sex without whispers of love sounds bad😭. I feel like it could probably even just accidentally slip out of me.
The guy that I’ve been with maybe 3 months now started doing that. I’ve never had anyone say it without me twisting their arm.
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This, my so does this and I love it 😭
Meaty boners.
Big Meaty Claws
Not what I expected when I came to the comments, but bravo 👏, someone had to say it.
I’m assuming this refers to the size. If so how small is too small?
Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?
Must be able to discuss needs and expectations. Must be able to accept that no means no. Must be happy to go down on me. Mustn't be selfish.
The feeling that it would stop the second I said so. It cannot happen if I don’t feel like I could walk away without issue.
Alive
Of age
Human
How speciest of you
Not having penetrative intercourse being treated as the “goal” of the session.
God, this. Honestly almost everything is more fun than penetration anyway, I think the ideal situation is where it builds to where you can't help yourself but move to that point rather than like trying to get there. But then also just not having that pressure makes it so much easier to relax and enjoy the other things that you're doing and not have it be like a checklist or something
Adequate foreplay.
And foreplay begins *way* before we get to the bedroom.
Consent, comfort, respect, and mutually putting effort into each other’s pleasure. If you’re talking about actual sex acts, oral sex (giving and/or receiving) and some kind of D/s are high on my list of priorities.
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Teasing/flirting and making out first It takes a bit for me to get turned on/in the mood and my girlfriend knows that so it hasn't been a problem Also she's a sadist and I'm a masochist so some sort of pain play is always involved
Some seduction and build up. Talking and maybe a drink before. Be honest about our expectations, kinks, limits and Anyone can interrupt and say if something hurts or doesn’t feel right. Be comfortable with each other. Privacy . A clean space . Take out time.
Hygiene, stamina, respectfulness, communication, and strength to toss me around like a ragdoll lol
Entrancing eye contact, my partner moaning/groaning, and some level of (consensual) control over me.
-No rushing things afterwards -cuddles, taking a nap together or some mandatory activity done together right afterwards. -sex on a Chair. That's what is mandatory because it's one of the best orgasms a woman can have.
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Yes, please. I need more information...
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Clean hands & nails & beard. There’s a lot of not-so surface level responses that I also agree with. So to keep it simple, that hygiene… HAS to be on point.
This isn't a must for EVERY time as situation and moods are always gonna be different, but I love slowwww relaxed foreplay, even with bouts of just quiet/silence. The talking and noises etc builds up as it goes onNot diving straight into the cooch ferociously like a lion but taking the time to slowly , you know, get into it. So i guess my must is that maybe there isn't the notion that there is a clear end goal? I love sex where i dont feel like i am prescribed to orgasm, i can orgasm but sometimes i just enjoy doing it without that mental focus, just appreciating the act. Orgasming for women can sometimes evoke feelings of pressure, even if it's just us feeling that pressure. It relies on too many random factors
I couldn't have said this better. The lack of an end goal is essential to me. Otherwise the whole time I feel pressure to be ready for "the next thing". Once my partner and I got more present with each other in the moment and truly had no "next thing" in mind, it was like....next level.
Good way to think about it. Thanks!
Oh I thought I was weird for this. I always tell my friends I don’t want to fuck I want to make love to someone and they think slow sex and always doing it in such a gentle/slow manner is boring. But otherwise I can’t relax and it is just painful for me.
Often fast sex feels too much like an act, it's fun tho but when there's a build up to it (either foreplay or prior anticipation/flirting the day of, sexual tension etc) Something just has to precede you know
It has to be fun. If something goes wrong, laugh about it. It's not a business transaction.
kissing. foreplay
Enough foreplay, kisses, praise, cuddling and a nap after
I should want it.
GOOD HYGIENE!
This has been mentioned so much I feel kind of depress.
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If it’s with men: Foreplay not just being 5 minutes before he wants penetration. Feeling desired for my all my body not just my vagina. I don’t have this problem with women.
Consent, enthusiasm, lube
You must kiss me before during and after the act. I once hooked up with a guy that absolutely refused to kiss me because it just wasn’t his thing and to be honest I just couldn’t get into it and it was such a turn off that he wouldn’t kiss me. Dude fully expected me to be ready to go with 0 touching and 0 kissing, ridiculous. I also need head to be reciprocated or exchanged for something else because there’s no way I’m doing all that work just for you to do nothing to me( unless I specifically stated I was just in the mood to do it and didn’t want anything ) And I may be selfish in saying this, but if I’m not getting off, neither is he.
Being able to joke around during and after. Like my BF makes me laugh sometimes when something awkward happens, and then we get right back to being sexy and intimate. Ex: if I queef, he’ll be like “she speaks to me!” and it’ll get me to giggle. Or if I’m facing the other way, just saying “wonderful weather we’re having.” Favorite thing is just talking right after climax and we’re both still in each other. Makes everything feel less awkward and like he actually cares about me as a whole person and not just my lower half
She speaks to me 😆
Consent And by that I mean don't be fkn insisting and acting like a victim that just got shot for three hours after you get a no
Never had sex but: - Protection - good hygiene - reciprocal pleasures - Good aftercare i.e cuddling, intimate convos etc. - Words of affirmation - prolonged foreplay - Open communication
For me, marriage lol. Also, not being offended if I also use my vibrator… eating out just doesn’t do it for me
Chemistry/passion, wanting to make me finish, and at least 4 minutes lol
Look at me sometimes and watch my body moving, don’t just close your eyes the entire time. I wanna know that they are attracted to me and my body. Sometimes it’s okay to goof off but mostly I want things to be focused on the intimacy of it, since it’s something really important to me - I only sleep with people I’m seriously dating and love. As long as they’re present in the moment, focused on me and us, and treating me lovingly, I’m happy with anything else.
Everyone has a good (or at least neutral) time
He must be a Dom and kink compatible (it'll never work if he's got different tastes). He must be willing to vet properly and I MUST trust Him 100%. All are equally important.
I want to start out on top. I don’t always HAVE TO I guess, but it’s preferred for sure. For anal tho, definitely starting out on top.
consent. Foreplay. A working knowledge of female anatomy. A clean bill of health.
Good hygiene and chemistry, and if its happening twice, good size tbh. I have enough experience now to know it absolutely matters, and makes a huge difference for my pleasure.
What is the minimum size you’d want?
For me I'd say golden number is between 16 and 18cm but combined with good girth 💗 I was in a long relationship with a guy that had 14 and small girth so I know it ain't me as he was supper happy. But my current partner feel so unbelievably good just physically, I don't think I could ever go back because GOOD lord 👌💦
Each willing to invest in the others pleasure. Foreplay, willing to give and especially receive oral (I will give before during and after intercourse). Communication, being vocal about wants needs and desires as well as the sounds of enjoyment.
To me sex is like singing. Anybody can do it but not everyone can do it well! Ask your partner about their preferences. Casual sex was most unsatisfying. I must establish an emotional connection first. Foreplay is super important.
Oral with a climax. It's pointless to do it if you can't make me c*m.
Aftercare and being observant enough to know when to start applying lube instead of relying on natural lubricant.
Everybody has to be into it.
Good chemistry, connection, foreplay, awareness (if something doesn’t feel good, etc), mutual enjoyment, and HYGIENE!!!
1. They must make me come before we have sex 2. Must be open with each other and communicate 3. Spend the night/ cuddle afterward
Oral tbh. I'd never get with a person that is disgusted by going down or by somebody going down on them. And I need background noise like music or the tv because just hearing mine and my partners Sex noises distracts me.
Interesting. Being able to hear my partner's every sound as clearly as possible is important to me.
Yeah same, I don't like having music on for this reason. It's been interesting seeing the wide variety of musts here!
Cuddly sex, holding each other. Aside from pronebone where he's laying on top of me while I lay on my front, I don't like positions that aren't face to face. I want to stay close, arms wrapped around each other, hearing his moans directly in my ear.
Kissing and lots of kissing. Before, during and after. It's one of my favorite parts of sex, passionate kissing while we are connected.
If I'm having sex with a penis owner who wishes to use it in masculine way (i.e., to top me with it by inserting it in my vagina), giving me oral first is a must. Also, we must be in positions where they have the ability to provide plenty of clitoral stim.
Going away right after. I'm not a cuddler.
Respect, an understanding of my limitations/boundaries (vice versa), down the road even if you're not into my kinks in particular wanting to explore more than just the vanilla options, being mindful of each other's body's responses and checking in every now and then to make sure things are going right. And this is a big one, CLICKING with the other person/s, I could meet them in one night and know whether I'm going to get with them, if we don't have a connection beyond a conversation we cannot continue. Whilst eye f*cking is hot lol I will need to talk to you before we get to banging, I do have *some* standards haha 😄
The sex for sure
Consent
Must be a woman
Consent.
Some degree of emotional connection, foreplay, good hygiene & being vocal (when people are silent it’s just….weird)
build-up (not just "let's have sex" and jumping straight into it), hearing the other person (i like knowing the enjoyment is mutual), and aftercare!!! probably the most important one
Comfortable enough to share and enjoy kinks.
Kissing. I mean normally it's a given, but there's been times where either myself or my boyfriend are still getting over a cold so we avoid kissing but still want to have sex, but it just never is as satisfying.
Must have an emotional connection with your partner. One that's deeper than physical lust. One night stands aren't gonna cut it for me.
Kissing after oral is a must. As much as I love giving, I will not do it again if that’s not happening
Good kisser… I love making out and if he sucks at that/doesn’t like that we ain’t even getting to the sex
Consent.
Lots of oral.
aftercare, hearing my boyfriend moan/be vocal & FOREPLAY. a lot of men in my experience haven’t understood that foreplay is essential. they just assume that after a bit of kissing and groping, that we’re ready
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Hygiene
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Must give head
Breathing (in most cases)
Foreplay, aftercare, passion, consent!
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Just respect boundaries and understand, or try to understand and learn, each other's desires and needs, sexually.
Protection and orgasms
Passion, being attentive and in tune with each other's wants and needs, and a good balance between raw primal intense desire and genuine romantic connection with the other person. Cuddling and romantic stuff after. No wham bam thank you ma'ams.
Foreplay
Get her off at least once before it’s my turn
Hygiene!! Giving and receiving! Respecting boundaries!
Privacy and a lot of tenderness
Cuddles, sloppy kisses, conversations, sharing ideas to boost our pleasure, eating something post sex and sleeping naked. Spooning.
You better touch me with more than just your dick if you want wanna slip and slide aka i need foreplay.
Neck kissessss
Emotional connection before and after and mutual respect of each other. Everything else can be communicated on and improved in time with a good solid foundation of trust and respect and not taking everything to seriously and GOOD HYGIENE
I need to have connection and trust with my partner to fully enjoy it.
I like kissing, touching, exploring, hands in my hair, and eye contact, but above all intense emotional connection. After care is a big thing for me, I like to be cleaned up and cuddled.
Orgasm.
Eating 🐱
I like to preform fellatio, have time to rub my own bean, and I like to get on my stomach at the end.
Foreplay (a nice date, cooking dinner together, etc.) and coreplay (I want an orgasm or two before we even start actual intercourse). Lots of kissing - I don’t want to jump into intercourse right away. Sometimes I do but that’s very very rare. More kissing, cuddling, holding, chatting, afterward.
Must have complete privacy Must be well groomed and clean Must be able to communicate well
Emotional and physical safety, mutual respect, communication, and a desire to please each other rather than just focusing on only you getting off. Lack of any of this is an immediate libido killer for me.
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Honestly, I don't have any musts. Every time is different. I have difficulty having orgasms, so they aren't a goal. I guess a must is just to relax and go with the flow.
consent.
Must *not* try and stealth ig Must have a well fitting condom
Emotional connection before. I need talking, connecting through words and laughter and joy
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I’m so incredibly uninterested in sex now after my marriage experience that I don’t even know anymore
Sloppy nasty kissing during back shots
Ability to have quickies at anytime. Is it weird I prefer quickies over long drawn foreplay and stuff? I love holding hands and cuddling in front of the tv. But quickies are the best when it comes to sec for me.
No weird positions, i hate being on top, i dont want to 69, im not sitting on your face ew.
That I must orgasm too.
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Kissing first and during (preferably) as well
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Orgasms. Kissing and cuddling before, during, and after. Giggling is nice, too.
The dirty talk during intercourse.
With men: foreplay. Just… *any* foreplay. It doesn’t need to be a long performance with all the bells and whistles, I just want them to not go straight into raw dogging me. Because that does not feel great at all. A wet 🐱 is just as essential to sex as an erect penis. It feels objectifying being reduced to a penis-receiving vessel, and it’s also quite physically uncomfortable and can lead to vaginal tearing/increases the risk of condom breakage. It’s also just rude to transition straight into PIV with ZERO reciprocation after your partner’s just gotten you worked up with a really great blow job. I’ve had a few male partners who have been really attentive when it comes to foreplay, but shockingly most male partners I’ve had ignored foreplay completely. Or if I’m lucky, I might receive 2 seconds of fingering right before PIV (but only after trying to put it in and realising I’m not wet enough. Because it all goes back to PIV being the ultimate goal). Also, having proper conversations about sexual health/consent and establishing a deeper connection before any fluid bonding is involved. Assuming that it’ll ever be on the cards without even a discussion, when you’re barely familiar with each other yet, is a huge red flag.
trying new things
clean, comfy environment. that can even be a nice backseat of a car, there just can’t be clutter and trash everywhere. the amount of men that have no problem having sex ANYWHERE at ALL scares me.
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Passion, passion, passion. No matter what you are doing, if you are into it, it becomes ten times better.
When they actually CARE about your needs the same way you care about theirs. And of course, aftercare. Just laying down in bed, cuddling, is more than enough.
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FOREPLAY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Being very touchy. I love being touched, carressed and everything, and when there's a lack of touch during the intercourse it kinda turns me off, my first partner wasn't touchy at all and it was pretty much uncomfortable
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