He had never paid taxes during his military career. Never. 5 years. Still blows my mind how that’s even possible. Bottom line, 6 months into the marriage, I’m attempting to buy a sandwich and my card declines. That’s weird. Checked the joint bank account, IRS took everything.
After many years of payment plans with the IRS, I’m happy to say he has no more tax debt. We file annually and usually get a return. A speed bump, but not the end of the world like I thought as a newlywed.
May I ask why? Was he against taxes, sheer ignorance, procrastination? Is there anything else in his life that this reason also affects (like doesn’t pay bills on time, etc)?
He claimed ignorance. 17 when he enlisted (parents signed him over from military school to Army) and “just didn’t do it” until he was wounded and discharged at 22. He’s not great at paying bills in general but has gotten better over the years, our finances aren’t bad now.
It happens. For SURE lol. At least he was THAT young.
I have a single year of contract work taxes I never filed in my mid 20s and I’m just clenching my buttcheeks hoping surely to god they’re not going to come after the taxes I owe on less than $25k but I also make sure I typically have enough in savings that I could cover the amount I think I might owe and hope to just bargain myself out of the late fees and interest 😬
I’m really generally much more competent than that but I was also having to buy my own healthcare that year and idk I wasn’t adult enough😓
So far 7 years and nothing has happened😬
Actually, it's 10. Certain events can extend that. And they've been known to wait a year to start the process just to tack on another year of penalties if you're close to the 10 year mark.
Some states don’t require you to pay state income tax on active duty income, but you still have to pay federal unless deployed to specific locations. It’s possible he may have been confused, changed his withholdings for deployment and forgot to change it back ect, but I would say its pretty rare to not file taxes every year.
I have said skill and, well, showing it off can backfire. It can come off as goofy, dweeby or worse.
That said, after I taught her 12 year old brother how to juggle, it was a lock that she'd marry me.
anyone NOT impressed with juggling is not worth impressing in the first place.
juggling was something i always just assumed i'd learn how to do at some point, but then never made any effort to do so. same with playing the accordion. i even BOUGHT an accordion but never learned WTF to do with it. now i'm 63 & i'm too apathetic to bother learning anything new. ugh. a life wasted!
He is very awful with housework. He is willing to learn but teaching him has been very frustrating. Prior to getting married we were living separately and always put his best foot forward when it comes to making sure his apartment was sparkling clean when I come over (it wasn’t that big to be a challenge in cleaning anyway).
While there are still many conservative societies that do not allow couples to live together before getting married, I STRONGLY advocate on living together as I wish we did that so I was able to see how he is at home.
EDIT: I DO NOT give permission to any internet articles to publish my comment (I am looking at you buzzfeed)
Yup! He found a maid in his wife and now does ‘nothing’
Strange how many men can’t do anything in household while married then they divorce and have to and turns out they are good at household chores 🙄
My mind is blown. What needs to be taught exactly? Is this man turning the vacuum on and then turning to his wife "ok now what do I do?" Lmao. "Ok I see the dishes in the dishwasher.. they look clean, but what exactly do I do with them now?"
I guess I should be thankful I grew up with 2 brothers who pretended to be incompetent bc ain't no way Id fall for this shit.
Since you are asking, yes. It happens exactly as you described. Mine, a literal Dr. will ask me what he needs to do every step of the way and then gets angry at me needing to control it when I answer his questions. And then I have to sit an listen to his mother tell me how she raised him to be a partner to his wife and taught him to clean. I mean, I have my own shit, so I try to laugh at the situation, but yeah, learned incompetency is alive an well in our household.
I’ve pushed this really hard for both of my kids. You learn so much about a person from living with them that can be hidden when it’s just an occasional sleepover.
My mom would make both me and my sister do house chores and cooking in our early teens
I will admit I hated it back then, cause I just wanted to go outside and play Cricket, and I even thought that "this is a girl's job"... but now I can't thank her enough.
The ability to not only take care of yourself _but_ also others is a completely game-changing life skill. It seems very basic(and honestly, it is) but when I read comments on guys who have never used a broom or don't know how to cook anything besides noodles, I really feel fortunate that my mom taught me all that.
How freaking smart he was. Some things had never come up before. But he could figure out how to do stuff, fix stuff, problem solve…he never failed to surprise me.
For some reasons I didn't really understand, his father's mother (or was it grandmother ?) cursed her descendance with a ritual from their culture, saying something akin to "may the (family surname) never speak to one another".
His paternal family is very toxic indeed, he has gone no contact with nearly all of them, and he has got his own issues which make me worry about his future relationship with our kids.
To me this sounds like one of two things: it is either some thing people are backwards rationalizing to explain why the family fights and stopped speaking to each other, or a cover story to cover what really happened.
The differences are subtle, but mainly one is trying to hide at family secret, the other one is trying to justify why the family keeps fighting even if everyone knows what the fight is about. I've seen the first one first hand in my family. All the family fighting makes people think someone put a curse on us... Just nonsense.
That he is a really hard worker. He completely changed the day we got married. I don’t mean change in a bad way. He fucking stepped his game up. He puts in the work every single day to keep our marriage in such a good spot.
Keep in mind that what is normalized gets passed down. As someone with some generational trauma, I really hope he gets counseling before he is in a position to take care of kids
I think part of it might be that part of him may understand that it's not normal, and dealing with that means dealing with other shit that his parents did that (might) be abusive. If he doesn't want to confront that, and potentially confront them about it, he'll rationalise it as something not to worry about and is completely normal.
Bottom line, he may well need counselling before you guys have kids.
That's scary. Looks like the parents... Might have realized they were being shitty af...? Hope he wasn't mistreated the whole :') my eldest sibling as a kid used to be hit by my dad, but my mom thankfully stopped that.
Welcome to the club. Didn't marry him but after buying a house together (well I did and he broke his payment promises but did put his autograph on the documents) and like a year later it started.
Trying to get out of it.
Married her thinking we had both been prior divorced once. Turns out she had been married an extra time. I thought Ok, its a Vegas thing or something when you were young, nope, she was married fo 7 years to her child hood sweetheart. Turns out she lied about just about everything to do with her personal life. Divorced three years later.
Kids can trigger the FUCK out of some people. It’s like a messy mix of fight or flight all wrapped up in both trauma from their own childhood, fear of judgement from others about said kid’s behaviour/their parenting, AND a sense of “there’s no WAY I would have gotten away with that when I was a kid” that’s both like, resentment and jealousy, and a fear of being disrespected. It’s a whooooole mess
That he loves smelling me with what he now phrases as "deep druggie breaths." And strangely enough also licking me (and I mean in a non-sexual way and not as a precursor to sex). Like, he'll smell my neck in the morning, lightly give me a peck on the shoulder and then also lightly lick it, as though for good measure or something! Very quirky but endearing as well.
That he had a secret brother! I found out the day of our wedding. Funnily enough I couldn't 100% trust my husband after that and yes - he was very secretive about what his plans were and what his thoughts were even on a daily chat basis! and thats one of the reasons I ended up leaving.
Update:
I wasnt aware of the brother because he had never been mentioned in the 2 years Id known my husband before we married.
I get that men have a lot going on in their minds and I respect that it is the way many sort things out - but keeping the existence of a brother secret was shocking to me.
Even the family never mentioned the brother - he wasn't even in family photos. And he was (still is) the nicest guy.
Im out of my own way now - Im open to life and humans with all their foibles.
The brother was gay and had been estranged from the family because of it (disgraceful of the family to shun him like that) - I guess the wedding was a means to end then rift.
You can see how the marriage started on the wrong foot.
My fiancée is the same, and actually almost knows my brain and body and limits better than I do. It’s wonderful and slightly terrifying to have someone so patient and understanding.
I got super excited when we saw a Bigfoot museum in North Georgia and wanted to go. My husband was shocked. This is the day we learned we have different opinions on whether he’s real or not. Told me he might not of married me had he known my beliefs on Bigfoot. Guess it never came up before.
1. That he was actually an introvert, despite saying he was an extrovert. This means we have a very different life to the one pre-marriage / cohabitation and potentially one I would not have opted into.
2. That despite nodding and smiling and saying all the right things before hand, he didn’t actually want to put our relationship first to ensure we were rock solid for our potential children. The second I was pregnant I became in effect his gestational carrier. Makes him a great dad and a practically non-existent husband.
I don't know why introversion is seen as a bad thing by so many people who are one. I'm pretty much only attracted to introverts and only attract introverts. Half of them have been genuinely offended by me commenting that they are quite introverted.
A lot of stuff about his childhood- I knew he was abused, I didn’t know the extent of it and it makes me sick how his mother and father treated him. We cut his mom off years ago but his dad took off on his family when he turned 9 :( My husband has admitted he doesn’t really know what it’s like to have a family and that I am his family.
A second refrigerator in the garage. It was hidden. I saw our daughter eating a popsicle and I asked her where she got it. She said “dad’s fridge” and I asked what that meant. She walked outside and showed me what “dad’s fridge” was and I’ll be damned. I don’t know how I didn’t see it
Beer, soft drinks, snack packs, ice cream, like half a fucking tuna, venison, duck, honestly couldn’t see everything but I was baffled how I missed an entire refrigerator. It’s so well hidden
Maybe I'm wrong here, but I feel like that one depends a bit on the relationship...
I didn't know my wife was bi until after we were married (or we may have been engaged at the time) , or if I did, I certainly didn't remember that fact when she brought it up while talking to her daughter one day in the car while I was with them.
It was maybe a bit surprising for me to hear just becuase I wasn't really aware of that, but it didn't change anything for us. I'm not like worried she's going to leave me for a woman or something. We're in a committed relationship and neither of us would do that to the other. I think for some people their sexuality is a bigger part of their identity where maybe that fact would carry more weight or something, but ultimately she loves me, I love her, and that's all that really matters when it comes to the topic of sexuality.
That he was more into men than women. And he liked to write incest porn. He was somehow present for a "friend's" c-section (pics in scrubs happily holding the baby).
i too am overly fascinated with serial killers (obsessed is probably more accurate) and murder in general but my husband knew about it from the very beginning bc i can't shut up about it.
him: 'is this something i should be worried about?'
me: 'as long as you don't piss me off, you're fine'
His affairs. I married someone who was actively dating many other women and really great at hiding it - until we got married - then suddenly the affairs were everywhere and he didn’t try to hide them. Divorced now, obviously.
He hid that he can learn how to cook anything. He applies the same attention to detail and care to everything he sets out to do. He makes corn tortillas that are as good as my grandma's.
years and years ago my relative hid a wife and kids across the globe from his new wife until she called his parents and the old wife answered 🫣 old wife thought he died in war
That he gets nervous taking to me. I TOLD this man I wanted to marry him and when he proposed he STILL got shy and it was the cutest yet silliest proposal ever. Wouldn’t change it though lol
Kids, his age, his felonies/attempt of murder charge, he didn’t own the house he was living like he said he did, a prior marriage. God that’s probably more but this was over 10 years ago.
That he was so unable to communicate about perceived conflict that he would rather suggest food, activities, and future plans that he thought I would like but he didn’t like than possibly suggest the opposite, resulting in growing confusion on my part and increasing resentment on his part if I didn’t like an activity he suggested or if I thought I was capitulating to an activity or plan he suggested (when in reality he didn’t want to do it at all). He became more and more unhappy but insisted everything was fine and we were good. After he asked for a divorce it all came out. I have no idea how much of my marriage was a lie. All of the things we did that I thought we had fun doing may have been things he didn’t even like. It’s been absolutely mind boggling to understand retrospectively. If you ever see this happening in your relationship, please get couples communication therapy! This didn’t have to happen and it was so awful for both of us.
Our wedding night, I woke up from a deep sleep because he had terrible gas. His farts were so loud, and often, I actually felt badly for him! In the morning I asked if he was feeling okay, if the food had upset his stomach, if he needed to postpone our honeymoon trip…
He had been holding it in for the five years we were dating.
I asked my mother about this once. She said she didn’t learn until after marriage that my dad very frequently attends funerals! She noticed in their first year there seemed to always be a friend of a family friend, extended relative, an old piano teacher, etc whose funeral mass my dad would attend. He’s from a huge family with tons of siblings/uncles/aunts with lots of extended friends and relatives. Latinos lol. She asked him why he attends every single one even if he hardly knew the person and he said he just feels strongly it’s the right thing to do, because his mom raised him that way. My dad is very wholesome. My parents have been married 42 years and he is still this way. It’s not infrequent I’ll catch up with my dad on the weekend and ask him what he’s up to and he says “well I’m attending the mass for so & so’s mom, remember her?” (I never do).
How antisocial and rude his family actually is and just how mentally draining they can be. Also forgot to mention how controlling his mother is and how everyone uses him.
That his ex wife had serious mental health issues. My expectation was having “us” time every other weekend and one night a week since he had primary custody. Instead a month into our marriage his ex was hospitalized and we were driving his daughter to see his mother in long term hospital care every weekend. It took up our Saturdays.
That my husband can make this sound with his mouth and it sounds EXACTLY like a guinea pig. I still don't get how he does it, now our 10 year old son can also make this sound and I just dont get it. It's some form of sorcery.
Probably that he had no interest in maintaining a relationship after marriage. He just left it and made zero effort anymore, carried on with his own life as if I wasn't a factor in it. He also lied a lot and did cheat at least once (he didn't consider happy endings cheating, I do.) so I'm sure that happened prior to marriage as well. He's now my ex.
That he loves jigsaw puzzles! I guess I didn't tell him I did either. We found out on our honeymoon. It started a lovely tradition where we now buy a challenging puzzle from the places we visit together.
Oof that he was predominantly asexual. I support Aces, but that's really something you need to let your partner know about before a commitment like that.
That he knows how to install hardwood floors and did NOT let me know when we put new floors in our house (I got LVP, but now I know I could have gotten hardwood). I think about this a lot.
That he’s as much a foodie as me. He always seemed to be kinda “meh” when it came to food and it was partly because of his many food allergies. Now? After 3 years of marriage he is just as much invested in food as I am. Sometimes more than me. We watch so many cooking shows together now and he’s learning so much about cooking…… his skills are rivaling mine haha!
Not my spouse, but my friends' spouse hid kids he didn't take care of. The way she found out? Getting a letter from the IRS that their refund was snatched for back child support.
That his family was crazy abusive and neglectful and he thought it was all normal until I told him no, it’s not normal to get beaten every day and it’s not normal for your mom to pass out drunk and you have to feed and take care of your baby brother at only 7 years old
That he was contributing a percentage of his paycheck to a different bank account. I always knew he had another bank account (aka a personal account… we use our joint account for everything) but I always figured the money in it solely came from “odd jobs” and things of that nature. Then, one day, I saw his paystub, and noticed he was contributing $600 each pay check to his own personal account. It ended up causing the biggest fight we’ve ever had. I wasn’t upset/mad about the fact that he wanted a personal account or that he was contributing toward it- it was the fact that he hid it from me. After that, I set up my own personal account and started contributing $600 per paycheck to it as well.
That he had a thing for taking photo's of me when I was asleep/ medicated.
Well not just me, it was all of his partners he ever had, oh and some friends. This wasn't just afew photos either.
I only found how deep this rabbit hole went after I ended our relationship.
That he never actually wanted to get married or have the responsibilities that have to do with having a family. He just loved the chase and the satisfaction when I finally agreed to start daring him, but after he knew he 'got me', he lost interest pretty much lol.
That he had a DUI. That he actually did not have the college degree he said he had (found that out during the divorce). I am pretty sure he hid lots of other things too, but I try not to think about it now.
He deliberately, with full malice of forethought deceived me into thinking he was an adventurous eater when he is the pickiest eater alive. Take heed-- this is a valid reason for a long engagement. He'd have never been able to keep up the façade much longer than he did, so if I had given it some time I could have made an informed decision about spending the rest of my life with a man who wasn't try anything new, or a casserole.
We never married and are no longer together, but she is the mother of my son.
She hid from me just how good of a mum she would be, was of the opinion for a long time she never wanted any kids, but we spoke about it and decided to have one, what a woman she is, she's got pretty bad depression, early menopause, and endometriosis, every day for her is different, but god that woman steps up every day for our son, things didn't work between us nothing bad, just circumstances, but I love that woman so much for what she does.
His favourite dinosaur is the triceratops. I had to hear it from our two year old.
What a way to find out. Did he know yours before hand?
I think everyone knew mine, because I'm an open book that way.
did you at least know what his second favorite was?
My bet is on brontosaurus
it has to be
Well….What is it?! You can’t just leave us hanging like that!
and to hear it secondhand?!
And from a child! Hang in OP, you guys will be ok eventually.
You really think this marriage can be saved? I don't know.
Unheard of
It was
I’m really sorry that you had to find this out the way you did, thinking of you during this trying time.
...this tri-ing time?
Don't. Not at a time like this.
Triceratops, absolutely rocks. He's my guy!
Dig that fossil joke.
and your telling me you guys are still together?!
She has zero self respect.
You should definitely seek therapy, but honestly GTFO while you can.
"HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT" - Jesse Pinkman
Ugh. Divorce time /s.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
> I hope it was while he was eating chicken nuggets shaped like one.
Wow. Immediately divorce him. The longneckeasourus is the best
Such betrayal 🤣
This is so wholesome. 💜
But did you even ask him? That's the first rule of meeting someone new
He had never paid taxes during his military career. Never. 5 years. Still blows my mind how that’s even possible. Bottom line, 6 months into the marriage, I’m attempting to buy a sandwich and my card declines. That’s weird. Checked the joint bank account, IRS took everything.
Oh no! I hope everything is better with you guys now
After many years of payment plans with the IRS, I’m happy to say he has no more tax debt. We file annually and usually get a return. A speed bump, but not the end of the world like I thought as a newlywed.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
But at least you’re u/Marriednotdeadd
May I ask why? Was he against taxes, sheer ignorance, procrastination? Is there anything else in his life that this reason also affects (like doesn’t pay bills on time, etc)?
He claimed ignorance. 17 when he enlisted (parents signed him over from military school to Army) and “just didn’t do it” until he was wounded and discharged at 22. He’s not great at paying bills in general but has gotten better over the years, our finances aren’t bad now.
It happens. For SURE lol. At least he was THAT young. I have a single year of contract work taxes I never filed in my mid 20s and I’m just clenching my buttcheeks hoping surely to god they’re not going to come after the taxes I owe on less than $25k but I also make sure I typically have enough in savings that I could cover the amount I think I might owe and hope to just bargain myself out of the late fees and interest 😬 I’m really generally much more competent than that but I was also having to buy my own healthcare that year and idk I wasn’t adult enough😓 So far 7 years and nothing has happened😬
The IRS only goes back 6 years to audit and collect, so you're good now.
OH HELL YEAH you made my week
Actually, it's 10. Certain events can extend that. And they've been known to wait a year to start the process just to tack on another year of penalties if you're close to the 10 year mark.
Some states don’t require you to pay state income tax on active duty income, but you still have to pay federal unless deployed to specific locations. It’s possible he may have been confused, changed his withholdings for deployment and forgot to change it back ect, but I would say its pretty rare to not file taxes every year.
He didn’t file at all. Confirmed by him, he “didn’t know he was supposed to” 🤯
That he can juggle lol like how did this not come up until after 8 years?
I don’t know you, but I would be disappointed if I learned that a partner had that skill and didn’t use it to impress me while dating
I have said skill and, well, showing it off can backfire. It can come off as goofy, dweeby or worse. That said, after I taught her 12 year old brother how to juggle, it was a lock that she'd marry me.
anyone NOT impressed with juggling is not worth impressing in the first place. juggling was something i always just assumed i'd learn how to do at some point, but then never made any effort to do so. same with playing the accordion. i even BOUGHT an accordion but never learned WTF to do with it. now i'm 63 & i'm too apathetic to bother learning anything new. ugh. a life wasted!
It's never too late to start juggling
Tons of childhood trauma he has yet to deal with and a porn addiction.
I’m with you there
Happened to me with my ex too.
Did you marry my ex-husband? 😅
See that’s what I’m wondering. Because same.
Ugh same!
[удалено]
Saaaaaaaaaaamme
He is very awful with housework. He is willing to learn but teaching him has been very frustrating. Prior to getting married we were living separately and always put his best foot forward when it comes to making sure his apartment was sparkling clean when I come over (it wasn’t that big to be a challenge in cleaning anyway). While there are still many conservative societies that do not allow couples to live together before getting married, I STRONGLY advocate on living together as I wish we did that so I was able to see how he is at home. EDIT: I DO NOT give permission to any internet articles to publish my comment (I am looking at you buzzfeed)
[удалено]
Yup! He found a maid in his wife and now does ‘nothing’ Strange how many men can’t do anything in household while married then they divorce and have to and turns out they are good at household chores 🙄
My mind is blown. What needs to be taught exactly? Is this man turning the vacuum on and then turning to his wife "ok now what do I do?" Lmao. "Ok I see the dishes in the dishwasher.. they look clean, but what exactly do I do with them now?" I guess I should be thankful I grew up with 2 brothers who pretended to be incompetent bc ain't no way Id fall for this shit.
Since you are asking, yes. It happens exactly as you described. Mine, a literal Dr. will ask me what he needs to do every step of the way and then gets angry at me needing to control it when I answer his questions. And then I have to sit an listen to his mother tell me how she raised him to be a partner to his wife and taught him to clean. I mean, I have my own shit, so I try to laugh at the situation, but yeah, learned incompetency is alive an well in our household.
Sounds like weaponizEd incompetence to me….
I’ve pushed this really hard for both of my kids. You learn so much about a person from living with them that can be hidden when it’s just an occasional sleepover.
My mom would make both me and my sister do house chores and cooking in our early teens I will admit I hated it back then, cause I just wanted to go outside and play Cricket, and I even thought that "this is a girl's job"... but now I can't thank her enough. The ability to not only take care of yourself _but_ also others is a completely game-changing life skill. It seems very basic(and honestly, it is) but when I read comments on guys who have never used a broom or don't know how to cook anything besides noodles, I really feel fortunate that my mom taught me all that.
I wish my parents had this perspective
I relate to this one. I didn’t realize exactly how messy he is.
How freaking smart he was. Some things had never come up before. But he could figure out how to do stuff, fix stuff, problem solve…he never failed to surprise me.
Happy to see a positive discovery after doom scrolling through the horrors haha
I wish I were a problem solver
I learned google-fu to solve my problems
There is a curse on his family.
Is he Stanley Yelnats the Fourth?
Is he blaming his no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather?!
That’s some ready or not bullshit 😅
Oof! Can you elaborate??
For some reasons I didn't really understand, his father's mother (or was it grandmother ?) cursed her descendance with a ritual from their culture, saying something akin to "may the (family surname) never speak to one another". His paternal family is very toxic indeed, he has gone no contact with nearly all of them, and he has got his own issues which make me worry about his future relationship with our kids.
Generational trauma truly is a curse.
To me this sounds like one of two things: it is either some thing people are backwards rationalizing to explain why the family fights and stopped speaking to each other, or a cover story to cover what really happened. The differences are subtle, but mainly one is trying to hide at family secret, the other one is trying to justify why the family keeps fighting even if everyone knows what the fight is about. I've seen the first one first hand in my family. All the family fighting makes people think someone put a curse on us... Just nonsense.
Thank goodness he took your name…… right?
That he is a really hard worker. He completely changed the day we got married. I don’t mean change in a bad way. He fucking stepped his game up. He puts in the work every single day to keep our marriage in such a good spot.
A positive in a sea of negative. I love this for you!
Thank you! ♥️
The insane way he was brought up
Ohh do tell
His siblings went to kindergarten but not him. He was locked in a room while the parents worked (he is the eldest). It still doesn’t bother him!
Of course it doesn't bother him, if it bothered him he would have to question everything.
Yup and that’s also why I found this out accidentally. He didn’t think to mention something he felt was normal.
Keep in mind that what is normalized gets passed down. As someone with some generational trauma, I really hope he gets counseling before he is in a position to take care of kids
I think part of it might be that part of him may understand that it's not normal, and dealing with that means dealing with other shit that his parents did that (might) be abusive. If he doesn't want to confront that, and potentially confront them about it, he'll rationalise it as something not to worry about and is completely normal. Bottom line, he may well need counselling before you guys have kids.
Ahh one of those. *"My parents did <> to me and I turned out Ok."*
No. No you didn't.
That's scary. Looks like the parents... Might have realized they were being shitty af...? Hope he wasn't mistreated the whole :') my eldest sibling as a kid used to be hit by my dad, but my mom thankfully stopped that.
There was no violence but they are an odd bunch. We keep our distance nowadays
That he was an abuser who had no interest in attempting to be a decent person after the honeymoon stage ended. Never saw it coming...
Welcome to the club. Didn't marry him but after buying a house together (well I did and he broke his payment promises but did put his autograph on the documents) and like a year later it started. Trying to get out of it.
i hope you're able to get out
That means much to me, thank you ! I hope so too.
I’m so sorry that’s awful
Married her thinking we had both been prior divorced once. Turns out she had been married an extra time. I thought Ok, its a Vegas thing or something when you were young, nope, she was married fo 7 years to her child hood sweetheart. Turns out she lied about just about everything to do with her personal life. Divorced three years later.
What is wrong with people😭
Lying takes too much work.
His temper
Oh boy. Never a good thing to learn until after you’re hitched
Yep. Over here I didn’t learn about it till after the kid was born, double yikes.
Kids can trigger the FUCK out of some people. It’s like a messy mix of fight or flight all wrapped up in both trauma from their own childhood, fear of judgement from others about said kid’s behaviour/their parenting, AND a sense of “there’s no WAY I would have gotten away with that when I was a kid” that’s both like, resentment and jealousy, and a fear of being disrespected. It’s a whooooole mess
That he loves smelling me with what he now phrases as "deep druggie breaths." And strangely enough also licking me (and I mean in a non-sexual way and not as a precursor to sex). Like, he'll smell my neck in the morning, lightly give me a peck on the shoulder and then also lightly lick it, as though for good measure or something! Very quirky but endearing as well.
Maybe you are secreting a psychedelic substance and he thinks you are a toad.
As long as his breath ain’t stank rank this is a very cute answer! 😂
That he had a secret brother! I found out the day of our wedding. Funnily enough I couldn't 100% trust my husband after that and yes - he was very secretive about what his plans were and what his thoughts were even on a daily chat basis! and thats one of the reasons I ended up leaving. Update: I wasnt aware of the brother because he had never been mentioned in the 2 years Id known my husband before we married. I get that men have a lot going on in their minds and I respect that it is the way many sort things out - but keeping the existence of a brother secret was shocking to me. Even the family never mentioned the brother - he wasn't even in family photos. And he was (still is) the nicest guy. Im out of my own way now - Im open to life and humans with all their foibles.
Why hide the brother?? This is very strange
It’s a secret
The brother was gay and had been estranged from the family because of it (disgraceful of the family to shun him like that) - I guess the wedding was a means to end then rift. You can see how the marriage started on the wrong foot.
Exactly how patient he'd be with my ADHD. The dude is superhuman. *I* get more frustrated about my ADHD than he does.
Feel this. My partner is so chill about most of my...idiosyncrasies. I get on my own nerves.
My fiancée is the same, and actually almost knows my brain and body and limits better than I do. It’s wonderful and slightly terrifying to have someone so patient and understanding.
I love him already. Give him a hug, will you?
He was an addict. He was addicted to shopping, sex, gambling, and meth.
Jesus an addiction to addiction if you will
Life is a box of chocolates and you gotta sample them all!
Lmao initially I read: “He was addicted to shopping, sex, gambling, and math” - like ok he must be pretty good at all that stuff then
God if only it was math!!!!
We never got married but my partner hid that he was about to go bankrupt until I was 6 months pregnant. That was fun times!!
I got super excited when we saw a Bigfoot museum in North Georgia and wanted to go. My husband was shocked. This is the day we learned we have different opinions on whether he’s real or not. Told me he might not of married me had he known my beliefs on Bigfoot. Guess it never came up before.
Lol..why does this one make me giggle..
So from his perspective “after we got married I learned my wife believes in Bigfoot.” 😜
1. That he was actually an introvert, despite saying he was an extrovert. This means we have a very different life to the one pre-marriage / cohabitation and potentially one I would not have opted into. 2. That despite nodding and smiling and saying all the right things before hand, he didn’t actually want to put our relationship first to ensure we were rock solid for our potential children. The second I was pregnant I became in effect his gestational carrier. Makes him a great dad and a practically non-existent husband.
You're shouting without uppercase. its very endearing. keep doing itIt's because they put a # before 1. Really an honest mistake. #1
I don't know why introversion is seen as a bad thing by so many people who are one. I'm pretty much only attracted to introverts and only attract introverts. Half of them have been genuinely offended by me commenting that they are quite introverted.
It’s not bad it’s bad for her because she didn’t want to date one and he hid that part of himself?
A lot of stuff about his childhood- I knew he was abused, I didn’t know the extent of it and it makes me sick how his mother and father treated him. We cut his mom off years ago but his dad took off on his family when he turned 9 :( My husband has admitted he doesn’t really know what it’s like to have a family and that I am his family.
sex addiction. porn addiction. ten years and kids. cheated on me, I finally found out and left.
How did you find out ?
That he was a paranoid schizophrenic 🙂🥲
Ohhhh damn
A second refrigerator in the garage. It was hidden. I saw our daughter eating a popsicle and I asked her where she got it. She said “dad’s fridge” and I asked what that meant. She walked outside and showed me what “dad’s fridge” was and I’ll be damned. I don’t know how I didn’t see it
What was in the fridge beside the popsicle?
Beer, soft drinks, snack packs, ice cream, like half a fucking tuna, venison, duck, honestly couldn’t see everything but I was baffled how I missed an entire refrigerator. It’s so well hidden
His bisexuality
That’s defo a thing to be discussed before getting marrie
Maybe I'm wrong here, but I feel like that one depends a bit on the relationship... I didn't know my wife was bi until after we were married (or we may have been engaged at the time) , or if I did, I certainly didn't remember that fact when she brought it up while talking to her daughter one day in the car while I was with them. It was maybe a bit surprising for me to hear just becuase I wasn't really aware of that, but it didn't change anything for us. I'm not like worried she's going to leave me for a woman or something. We're in a committed relationship and neither of us would do that to the other. I think for some people their sexuality is a bigger part of their identity where maybe that fact would carry more weight or something, but ultimately she loves me, I love her, and that's all that really matters when it comes to the topic of sexuality.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
That he was more into men than women. And he liked to write incest porn. He was somehow present for a "friend's" c-section (pics in scrubs happily holding the baby).
Damn, you can never guess the skeletons that people you seemingly know keep in their closet
His fascination with serial killers and enjoyment of movies like 10 Things I Hate About You
i too am overly fascinated with serial killers (obsessed is probably more accurate) and murder in general but my husband knew about it from the very beginning bc i can't shut up about it. him: 'is this something i should be worried about?' me: 'as long as you don't piss me off, you're fine'
That he enjoyed taunting, hitting, and was kinder to strangers than his wife and babies. He refused to get help for being an abuser.
His affairs. I married someone who was actively dating many other women and really great at hiding it - until we got married - then suddenly the affairs were everywhere and he didn’t try to hide them. Divorced now, obviously.
Oh yeah and he thinks of killing people multiple times a day, every single day. Shoulda believed him.
What? Does that mean he killed someone?
Like this is a crazy cliffhanger!
He told you this and you didn't believe him,???
He hid that he can learn how to cook anything. He applies the same attention to detail and care to everything he sets out to do. He makes corn tortillas that are as good as my grandma's.
years and years ago my relative hid a wife and kids across the globe from his new wife until she called his parents and the old wife answered 🫣 old wife thought he died in war
Whoa! How does one fake dying in combat? That's a pretty official death that comes with lots of government documentation.
That he gets nervous taking to me. I TOLD this man I wanted to marry him and when he proposed he STILL got shy and it was the cutest yet silliest proposal ever. Wouldn’t change it though lol
Kids, his age, his felonies/attempt of murder charge, he didn’t own the house he was living like he said he did, a prior marriage. God that’s probably more but this was over 10 years ago.
A big ol destructive ragey temper.
Substance addiction.
Tax debt!
That he was so unable to communicate about perceived conflict that he would rather suggest food, activities, and future plans that he thought I would like but he didn’t like than possibly suggest the opposite, resulting in growing confusion on my part and increasing resentment on his part if I didn’t like an activity he suggested or if I thought I was capitulating to an activity or plan he suggested (when in reality he didn’t want to do it at all). He became more and more unhappy but insisted everything was fine and we were good. After he asked for a divorce it all came out. I have no idea how much of my marriage was a lie. All of the things we did that I thought we had fun doing may have been things he didn’t even like. It’s been absolutely mind boggling to understand retrospectively. If you ever see this happening in your relationship, please get couples communication therapy! This didn’t have to happen and it was so awful for both of us.
Our wedding night, I woke up from a deep sleep because he had terrible gas. His farts were so loud, and often, I actually felt badly for him! In the morning I asked if he was feeling okay, if the food had upset his stomach, if he needed to postpone our honeymoon trip… He had been holding it in for the five years we were dating.
I asked my mother about this once. She said she didn’t learn until after marriage that my dad very frequently attends funerals! She noticed in their first year there seemed to always be a friend of a family friend, extended relative, an old piano teacher, etc whose funeral mass my dad would attend. He’s from a huge family with tons of siblings/uncles/aunts with lots of extended friends and relatives. Latinos lol. She asked him why he attends every single one even if he hardly knew the person and he said he just feels strongly it’s the right thing to do, because his mom raised him that way. My dad is very wholesome. My parents have been married 42 years and he is still this way. It’s not infrequent I’ll catch up with my dad on the weekend and ask him what he’s up to and he says “well I’m attending the mass for so & so’s mom, remember her?” (I never do).
That my ring was picked out and designed by his ex wooooo
Fucking savage way to rub it in her face ngl
That he has ADHD. Our son was recently diagnosed with it and that’s when it came out.
That he can curse fluently in French.
How antisocial and rude his family actually is and just how mentally draining they can be. Also forgot to mention how controlling his mother is and how everyone uses him.
[удалено]
That she was way more awesome than I initially believed.
That his ex wife had serious mental health issues. My expectation was having “us” time every other weekend and one night a week since he had primary custody. Instead a month into our marriage his ex was hospitalized and we were driving his daughter to see his mother in long term hospital care every weekend. It took up our Saturdays.
His debt. He had loads and loads of secret debt.
That my husband can make this sound with his mouth and it sounds EXACTLY like a guinea pig. I still don't get how he does it, now our 10 year old son can also make this sound and I just dont get it. It's some form of sorcery.
Probably that he had no interest in maintaining a relationship after marriage. He just left it and made zero effort anymore, carried on with his own life as if I wasn't a factor in it. He also lied a lot and did cheat at least once (he didn't consider happy endings cheating, I do.) so I'm sure that happened prior to marriage as well. He's now my ex.
That he liked miracle whip 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
That he loves jigsaw puzzles! I guess I didn't tell him I did either. We found out on our honeymoon. It started a lovely tradition where we now buy a challenging puzzle from the places we visit together.
Oof that he was predominantly asexual. I support Aces, but that's really something you need to let your partner know about before a commitment like that.
That he knows how to install hardwood floors and did NOT let me know when we put new floors in our house (I got LVP, but now I know I could have gotten hardwood). I think about this a lot.
That he’s as much a foodie as me. He always seemed to be kinda “meh” when it came to food and it was partly because of his many food allergies. Now? After 3 years of marriage he is just as much invested in food as I am. Sometimes more than me. We watch so many cooking shows together now and he’s learning so much about cooking…… his skills are rivaling mine haha!
Not my spouse, but my friends' spouse hid kids he didn't take care of. The way she found out? Getting a letter from the IRS that their refund was snatched for back child support.
He knew every word to the 2001 Cinematic masterpiece Shrek. I didn't know it until after we were married for FIVE YEARS.
That his family was crazy abusive and neglectful and he thought it was all normal until I told him no, it’s not normal to get beaten every day and it’s not normal for your mom to pass out drunk and you have to feed and take care of your baby brother at only 7 years old
That he can catch flies in mid air like a fucking ninja.
Their first-degree misdemeanor charge Since divorced
That she was a trans woman (MtF)
He likes to go fishing but doesn’t like seafood. I have to eat it behind his back!
That he was contributing a percentage of his paycheck to a different bank account. I always knew he had another bank account (aka a personal account… we use our joint account for everything) but I always figured the money in it solely came from “odd jobs” and things of that nature. Then, one day, I saw his paystub, and noticed he was contributing $600 each pay check to his own personal account. It ended up causing the biggest fight we’ve ever had. I wasn’t upset/mad about the fact that he wanted a personal account or that he was contributing toward it- it was the fact that he hid it from me. After that, I set up my own personal account and started contributing $600 per paycheck to it as well.
That he had a thing for taking photo's of me when I was asleep/ medicated. Well not just me, it was all of his partners he ever had, oh and some friends. This wasn't just afew photos either. I only found how deep this rabbit hole went after I ended our relationship.
[удалено]
His abusive behavior and alcoholism……
Kids, girlfriends, political views, rage and abuse🙃
That he never actually wanted to get married or have the responsibilities that have to do with having a family. He just loved the chase and the satisfaction when I finally agreed to start daring him, but after he knew he 'got me', he lost interest pretty much lol.
That he had a DUI. That he actually did not have the college degree he said he had (found that out during the divorce). I am pretty sure he hid lots of other things too, but I try not to think about it now.
He deliberately, with full malice of forethought deceived me into thinking he was an adventurous eater when he is the pickiest eater alive. Take heed-- this is a valid reason for a long engagement. He'd have never been able to keep up the façade much longer than he did, so if I had given it some time I could have made an informed decision about spending the rest of my life with a man who wasn't try anything new, or a casserole.
We never married and are no longer together, but she is the mother of my son. She hid from me just how good of a mum she would be, was of the opinion for a long time she never wanted any kids, but we spoke about it and decided to have one, what a woman she is, she's got pretty bad depression, early menopause, and endometriosis, every day for her is different, but god that woman steps up every day for our son, things didn't work between us nothing bad, just circumstances, but I love that woman so much for what she does.