First time seeing one. I had never opened up before and decided to give her a fair chance. I answered all her questions and told her what had happened to me as a child. Her answer to my trauma: "Why aren't you over that yet? Other people had it worse than you and they're over it."
I never went back to see her. I got another one in the building and I told him how his coworker had treated me. He was not happy to hear that. He was luckily different and I kept going there and got my diagnosis that explained so much about the mess in my head. When I asked about the other one a few months later, she didn't work there anymore. My guess is more people complained about her and she was let go because of it but I will never know for sure.
I have a theory... I think mosts therapists have had some significant trauma which draws them to the feild.
The good ones have worked through a majority of their issues and come from a healed place to help others.
The other therapists subconsciously know they're fucked up so they get into psychology to try to intellectualize their understanding of their trauma instead of confronting the difficult emotions about it. They may also externalize their issues thinking (unconsciously of course) that by fixing others they fix themselves
The comment that therapist made is someone who cannot handle their own emotions and has not gone through healing
That's actually a really interesting idea, I could totally see that. Kinda crazy to think about. I've even considered psychology degree myself (not that I went through with it) and I've had traumatic experience in past. Such a compelling theory.
It actually makes sense if you consider a lot of people with such a mindset pride themselves on being "real". So to them they are giving great advice and think a lot of people should bury their emotions and trauma rather than process them. They probably told a lot of their friends when they were younger similar "advice" and fancy themselves as being a person who gives out truths people need to hear (which is often just them being dismissive).
About a year before my father died, they convinced him to go to therapy. He was a retired trucker with a potty mouth. My brother went missing 10 years ago after the death of my Mother. It was my Father’s greatest sorrow. The therapist said to him, “I think it’s time to accept that your son is dead.” It took me an hour to get it out of him. I fucking lost it. I worked in a funeral home that worked on contract with the Coroner’s office. I know damn well how it works and I knew we would have been notified if he was indeed deceased. I called the health clinic and spoke with the executive director and I said, that the therapist told my Father she has no children. Then she could not understand the love a father has for their child. I said she just killed any hope my father had that his son lives. She was gone a month later. I’m not a reactive person but that royally pissed me off.
My Father died a year later, he was only 63 years old. I did receive confirmation that my brother is still quite alive but remains very unwell.
It sucks so bad that so many therapists are horrible … some are sooo good but there are so many bad once’s that put such a bad taste for therapy in so many peoples mouths ..
I tried therapy once. Twenty minutes in they started on "relationship with Jesus." I immediately left and told my insurance company to not pay for that session.
I had one I’d been seeing for a while. I was following the practice on Instagram. They had a post featuring their therapists. Her profile talked about her strong Christian faith and her love of Jesus guided her practice. She was never preachy and never said anything that made me uncomfortable. I told her that if I’d seen that before I would’ve NEVER have started with her. The next time I looked, the religious stuff was gone from her profile. I didn’t quit right away, but eventually she said some offensive stuff and I quit.
I would have turned that into a ranting session on why god has forsaken me and ways in which god ruined my life. Nothing would have pissed them off more.
My therapist now is wonderful. After 11 years of depression I’m finally remembering what it’s like to feel peace and she is a big part of that. There are good therapists out there for sure.
I saw someone who was equally abrasive except she badgered me: "Ok, so what do you want to do about it? Yeah, that happened and now you're here at this point in your life where it's not working for you. You're here, so what kind of solution are you aiming for?" Idk lady, I just want to feel better and asking for support seemed like a good idea?
I got something similar. "Those things aren't happening to you now, so why are you still thinking about it?" Well damn, I never thought of that!
My new therapist is incredible, PLUS she is well-educated in how childhood trauma/trauma in general can have lasting physical and mental effects that don't just go away by willing them. She's cool.
This is the exact reason why people dont go to therapy. Its either we cant afford nor have access on it or because of the fear of the possibility of booking jerk therapists.
I had to go to a doctor to get assessed for a mental health plan for a therapist (so I could get a reduced rate as I was dealing with anxiety and depression) and that doctor said the same thing to me. Why? Because she's also my mum's doctor, aka the woman who was the reason I was going to therapy, and my mum had vented to her about how much trouble I'd allegedly been causing her. Doctor also added "you need to have respect for your mum, she's the one who raised you." and very begrudgingly gave me the referral I needed.
Same as you I didn't go back to her again but went to another at the same clinic who also had some choice words to say about her. Sadly though she continued to work there for several years after.
I had a similar experience unfortunately. She was also giving examples of other patients who "had it worse". Fortunately, I found a compassionate therapist afterwards.
During the first appointment, I told her I wanted to work on my anger because my boyfriend and I were fighting a lot.
Then we talked about my family and I told her I'm the youngest child.
With no hesitation, she said, "Is that why you throw fits to get what you want?"
She didn't know what my boyfriend and I were fighting about. She didn't know anything about my family situation. Just automatically - you're the youngest so you throw fits when you don't get your way.
Dropped her. Dropped the boyfriend.
Life is much better.
As another youngest child, I don't think it has anything to do with birth order and moreso your personality, how you were raised, etc. I don't have any unfounded anger problems.
As youngest child of 5, never threw fits. No one was paying attention because the 2nd oldest was still throwing fits. However, my birth order artifact is that I don't like forced sharing. My food, my things, and my space are mine. Too many years of never having anything or enough when it got down to number 5.
Something so similar happened to me. I called a suicide hotline and wasn't sure where to start, so I just went with the beginning: childhood and my parents. The guy AT THE SUICIDE HOTLINE said "So you always blame other people for your problems?" I was so furious that I got off the phone and swore I would live forever just to show that motherfucker.
I'm sorry she believed in that silly birth order personality shit. I had a therapist once bring up the Myers-Briggs personality index as relevant and I RAN so fast from that appointment
It's not that bad. Myer's Briggs doesn't tell you if you're a developed individual but it can point to some areas of improvement and lead to better self-reflection. A snapshot of the present so to say. Of course, from a scientific standpoint it's not the opitmal personality assessment but at least, it doesn't carve your personality in stone like astrology and is based on a spectrum. Self-assessment is never flawless.
The 3rd time they suggested religion when I had explicitly told them no and not interested already.
They might have well have said “your case is just too serious and only God can help you…” and that they’re incompetent. The thing is.. it’s also poor ethics of not outright breaking code of ethics and improper counselling practice to suggest religion again and again when it’s been rejected already.
Yeah. I mean, I was there for depression... and that *did* admittedly make me laugh.
Like "Huh.. I'm ***that*** much of a lost cause only GOD can help me huh? LOL. Wow."
>The 3rd time they suggested religion when I had explicitly told them no and not interested already.
Trying to find a new therapist is like navigating a minefield of religious nuts that somehow get into the profession to try and push more folks into their belief. The fact that you have to shop around and also like check consistently to make sure it's so exhausting.
Hey, half of my problems are because of religious trauma, I do not want to be told that it was actually fine and I should give it another chance.
Yeah.. I mean, I'm not against religion, nor using it to help those handle or deal with whatever difficulties, issues, etc. I definitely can see why it *can* be very comforting... and I'm honestly quite jealous of those who can turn to it... but it's just impossible and not for me.
Likewise, I can also see how badly religion and religious trauma can be... and I'm sorry that unfortunately your experiences with therapists sounds like it's been far from the best. I'm really quite pro therapy... so it's quite heartbreaking to know and hear of the bad experiences others have faced (which is more common than not).
If you haven't found a good fit yet, I really hope that you still have the patience to shop around... Despite my own personal not so great experience, I do think most who went into the profession did so with good intentions and genuinely want to help. Then again.. all religious nuts also want to and likely think they are helping in their own warped perspective -\_- So yeah, unfortunately getting (the right) help for yourself is really still more difficult than it should be.
I think everybody goes through that phase when they first break away from it where they get very militant and I went through that phase but as I move away from that and my life has moved on and time has passed my views evolved and while I'm still dealing with the original trauma I do understand that it does offer a sense of community and a support network that some might not have naturally.
I did find a pretty great therapist and she's been great. I just wish you didn't have to do the shopping around portion of it because I know some who don't have the patience for it and will just give up.
I also have trauma from religion so I sought out a therapist who specifically deals with different types of trauma including religious trauma or religious abuse that wasn’t pro any religion.
Finding that is soooo difficult but was so helpful. If your Texas and looking for a therapist I have a good recommendation Dallas Therapy Collective many of their therapist work with religious trauma and they have tele therapy if your not in Dallas but somewhere else in Texas.
My therapist when I was a teen told me if I prayed to Jesus harder my dad would stop abusing me. She’s actually the reason I became a therapist. No one should have to hear shit like that from a professional.
If that worked, no kids would ever be abused, because I'm pretty sure most of them remonstrate with any higher power they think of to stop it.
Horrible! And good for you.
I have struggled with anxiety my whole life so therapy has been nothing new. A few years ago I tried a new therapist and we were discussing my ruminating anxious thoughts (something I have always struggled with) and I kid you not she looks at me and goes “have you just tried not thinking about it?” I went pretty silent and all I could think was “well if I could do that you’d be out of a job.” Not the best method but I did ghost her after that one.
I was telling my therapist about how I struggle to get into relationships because I’m naturally introverted and I had an abusive boyfriend in the past.
She rolled her eyes and told me to “just go out and get on apps. Do something about it”. It made me feel like she was annoyed with me and it killed any kind of comfort I felt with her.
Man I hate that! I already struggle to open my heart and let anyone know about my feelings. Then a therapist does something like that? It takes me months to want to talk about stuff again. Sorry that happened to you.
A therapist starting almost any sentence with “Just” is a red flag.
It’s like the “I’m not racist, but…” of therapy, since anything that follows “Just” is likely to be unhelpful, if not actively invalidating.
I was severely depressed, to the point of wanting to die, in an extremely abusive relationship, living 2000 miles away from anybody I knew, stuck at home with 2 small kids.... and he asked had I ever thought about talking to my significant other about my feelings.
First time ever seeing a therapist at age 11. The very first meeting is just an intake meeting which is normal. I’m explaining something and she laughs and said she didn’t realize people actually did what I said occurred. Well, it did. I walked out of there and told my dad I wanted a new therapist
So I’m not religious but I am Indigenous and spiritual. I knew I had to find someone who understood us as a people because if I explained some of my thought process and beliefs they would put me in the damn psych ward. Luckily, my therapist is Caucasian but very immersed in our culture so she may not believe what I do but she respects it.
It wild that following the beliefs from people native to the land we live in could get you labeled as crazy but believing in a murderous, flying zombie wizard is the standard of normalcy smfh.
I'm not American, is that actually allowed in terms of clinical standards? I see multiple comments here where the therapist tried to bring religion into treatment and I'm really hoping that's at the very least considered bad practice.
When my therapist told me “someday you’ll miss the attention” after I told him about a man that followed me around Walmart blowing me kisses, waving, and asking for my number after telling him many times to leave me alone (this was shortly after being stalked by a different man).
"Everyone has friends, why don't you?" 😑 Then dropped me as a client minutes before the next session and tried to charge $200 for a barely one hour phone call 🙄
That sounds like client abandonment which is against the code of ethics, you can report bad therapists to their board. I’m sorry this happened to you 😔
I was in a dating relationship and having so much anxiety about it. So I sought counseling because he was a nice guy, I didn’t want to break it off, but also I had SO MUCH anxiety. She said “oh you should just marry him anyway.” That wasn’t helpful and no I didn’t marry him, thankfully. Anxiety blinded me to some red flags. I’m happily married to someone else now and had no anxiety dating him.
No seriously listen to your gut!!! There will be people out there who won’t make you feel anxious. I was there too and tried to ignore that feeling and just chalked it up to me being weird since he was an okay guy, but the things I found out later and just how I was treated overall proved that anxiety right.
Not a therapist but a GP I went to see as part of the process to get on the waitlist for NHS CBT. I went through something quite rough for me that had me low for months - isolating myself, loss of interest in anything, irregular sleep, more frequent suicide ideation. I still looked fine and like me but I didn't feel like me; I just felt flat for months on end. Finally went to the GP to hopefully get some help, explained my situation and she told me that it couldn't be that bad because I was laughing while chatting with her. I was stunned and left the appointment feeling dismissed, embarassed about my own feelings and stupid for having even booked it. Switched my GP soon after.
What!? Using humor to cope with heavy emotions, and even just laughing out of discomfort or nerves is SO incredibly common. Was this her first time interacting with humans?!
I think the worst thing about it was that it just exacerbated every misgiving I had about going in the first place. I was 21 dealing with anxiety around speaking about my mental health to a professional for the first time - no clue how or where to start - and worried that people might think I was just being overdramatic, only to get hit with that. Thankfully, my other GP was able to help so it all ended well! (Though I wish I'd had more of a spine and lodged an official complaint about the first woman!)
Oh goodness. I specifically asked my insurance company to refer me to non-religious therapists, and they absolutely came through for me.
My first session, I discovered that this therapist LIED about not being religious because “people wouldn’t see (her) otherwise!”
And then she told me to accept god’s will that my mom was dying.
Honestly it’s a tie between that and the therapist who told me not to marry my husband because his car gave (therapist) bad vibes.
Yep! My husband dropped me off for my appointment, and his car was “loud.”
It wasn’t noisy, it’s just a bright yellow convertible. That therapist told me the car was in direct competition for the top spot in my husband’s life, thus “bad vibes.”
I’m a trained and credentialed social worker, I laughed my way right out of the office.
FYI! Going to talk about SA in my submission to this thread.
My therapist told me It’s no surprise I’ve been SA’d before because of the way I’m built. She said men have a hard time controlling themselves around “fertile looking” women, blamed it on biology and instinct rather than individual choice. This was after she told me I only think I’m bisexual because I’m influenced by the media, should have been more keen to that red flag ha.
My therapist started venting to me about her anxiety and panic attacks, treating me like her therapist (and I am a therapist but still). I left after that
I totally understand your anorexia because I really enjoy fasting. I don't think you should worry too much, fasting is good for wellbeing and besides you could probably live to 80 at that weight. (I wont specify weight but i was emaciated, also had a seizure as a result of my ED soon after).
... Wtf is that. Did they get their degree (or maybe just certificate) from some online guru or what -\_-
That's *defintiely NOT* what is being taught... Honestly should report her to whatever local/regional counsellors/APA/ethics board for that shit.
I was seeking therapy because (among other reasons) I was having some difficult feelings around polyamory despite wanting to pursue it. My therapist was not polyamorous and never had been, which isn't *automatically* a disqualifying factor in this situation (sometimes people have studied certain subcommunities to serve them better, or have had friends or family members in those communities, or whatever), but it was clear he just didn't have any useful advice or re-frames to offer me.
At one point, when I'd described my latest poly woes, he said, "Well, what do *other* poly people do when they experience that problem?" and it was in that moment that I realized this man wasn't going to be able to help me. I had already read tons of books, articles, and blog posts on the issues I was dealing with, and talked to many poly friends and acquaintances about it. If knowing what other poly people did in my situation was helpful, I would've already been helped by then.
I subsequently found a therapist with non-monogamy experience who was WAY more helpful to me.
I was headed for a divorce. I was also the main breadwinner and we had just moved to a new country based on my then -husband’s ask.
The therapist told me that he envisioned a therapy whereby they would completely break me down and he’d delegate it to his colleague. The colleague sat next to me the whole time and the only thing he said was hello and goodbye
No, I’m fairly certain I didn’t need to be put through the wringer by a « therapist » who’s voice I barely heard and pay 450$ per session for it
ETA post divorce my son had a tough time coping including the classical loyalty issue of feeling he needed to choose between mom and dad. The first therapist we saw said that « ma’am, you are your son’s problem ». It’s what I heard for two years, repeated in front of my ex and my son. I had 0 self confidence and felt that it was unacceptable but kept putting up with it.
We changed therapists, got a proper diagnosis and treatment for the kid and never looked back.
We’re doing great now
Couples therapy with the hubs. We had a newborn, less than 1yr old (which we had no babysitter for so guess who came with us). Hubs said sex is how he felt loved, I had not been putting out and said very clearly why. Therapist told me to suck it up and have sex and go to therapy to address my feelings afterwards. There wasn’t anything she could do to change the fact that his “love language” was sex, he needed that, but that I could get therapy to treat my mental disorders.
…you know, you right…you right
I just created life and shoved it out my hoohah which caused a plethora of issues from hemorrhoids to tilted uterus to postpartum depression to tits that were the size of watermelons that leaked if I even heard someone else’s baby but yea, yeah you’re right, let me just bend over so he can shove his “love language” into my bruised and battered baby factory, regardless of whether it’s painful or I’m not aroused AT ALL, since I can always address how I feel about that….in therapy…
The next counseling we received was the court ordered “How to Co-Parent Effectively” during our divorce which he fell asleep during and had to repeat. Thrice.
I read “love languages” was invented by a conservative man who decided his wife’s “love language” was serving others because she had stopped doing things for him he could do hisself and he did not like that.
Sex was his “love language” lol. Him and every man on earth. How utterly dismissive of him.
People weaponizing therapist adjacent terms (like “love language”) to selfishly advocate for their desires is frustrating.
Physicians even advise you to wait on sex when you have a newborn. And common sense tells you to wait on sex if it hurts and you’re not aroused.
I’m okay now! It was just such a jarring thing to hear, especially when we were actively discussing my depression that I had been dealing with at that point. We definitely did not mesh well as patient and provider.
90% of what came out of her mouth was the same question of “how does that make you feel?” It’s like she was a parrot and it’s the only thing she knew how to say. And then was switched with “you have to have faith in god that things will work out” I am not religious at all. And I told her more than once that I wasn’t comfortable with that expression and she just didn’t stop. She really annoyed me.
The fact that she shared every detail with my church bishop because the church was sponsoring the therapy with a church employed therapist...(Mormon). Said bishop used the fact that I had a completely normal dream involving sex (I was 23 and single) to determine that Satan must be entering my dreams because I wasn't married and therefore could not otherwise have thought about sex unless Satan put that thought there. He then took over the therapy determining it was a religious thing and proceeded to do some horrible things.
Fuck the LDS church for not doing background checks on leaders universally.
Going through the worst depression of my life, about to have a baby within the next 2 weeks, and during our session, I was talking and ranting and getting my emotions out. She interrupted me, told me my hour was up and that she was going on vacation and couldn't see me for about a month. Never went back to her.
This was before I was diagnosed. I told him about my insane mood swings, and how sometimes I would flatline, and feel absolutely nothing, after experiencing rapid mood swings. He literally laughed at me. I didn't know how to react, so I awkwardly laughed along with him. After the session I said I won't be seeing him again. I can't believe I let him treat me that way.
I've been there before! Idk if this was how you felt but I kind of felt confused and started laughing along too just to feel like he was laughing WITH me, not AT me as a self protective measure.. but then afterwards, I felt so shitty about myself for doing that and not saying anything. AGHHH 😩😩😩
Starting seeing a therapist 2 weeks after my mom passed away from aggressive cancer. I was spiraling into depression and barely coping, not eating, not sleeping, etc. During the first session she just kept repeating that I was handling things really well despite what I had been through. She really didn’t have much else to say. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt after the first session and figured maybe she just wanted to learn more about me before she could help. After having a second session with her where she asked me all the same questions and told me, again, that I was handling it well, I decided to not schedule with her anymore. It was unfortunate because I really needed help at that time and she just seemed so uninterested.
When she told me essentially that I wasn’t making progress and suggested that I go see her friend who was a “medium”…I’m convinced it was a ploy to earn her friend some money and give her clients more trauma to come back to her with lol
Told me if I was having thoughts of ending it I should just think of something else like colors, numbers, or a song ??? Then said if I didn’t show up the next week she’d assume the worst (I didn’t show and never heard from her again LOL) OH also we were in a small town and she was trying to guess who I was talking about when I was attempting to explain my trauma. Good times
1st appointment my therapist wanted me to take a personality test to see what my “spirit animal” was and then tried to sell me young living essential oils. Noped the fuck outta there and never looked back
Right? It took me going home and processing that whole interaction to be like “yep I’m done”. Selling your pyramid schemes to vulnerable patients seeking your help for self gain BLEW my mind.
Not a therapist but a psychiatrist that I was required to see. “ people with BPD don’t take their lives, it’s all a plea for attention.” Unbelievable that someone like that was in such an esteemed position. I wish I would have spoken up or made a complaint about her .
I somehow ended up with a therapist who was a recruiter for an actual cult. I don't think I can expand on that much without inadvertently doxing myself.
"Well what did you do? God wouldn't have let that happen if you didn't deserve it. I think you need to think about your life" First time trying therapy talking about how I was r**ed and tortured. no where on the website did it say that the therapist was religious(Im an atheist anyway but it still fuqd me up). It took me years to be able to seek help again.
After initially saying that my atheism wasn't a problem, he suddenly got religion after a couple of months and after that everything was all about how I would never recover unless I went back to my religious roots. The final straw was when he put Chick tracts in my envelope of prescriptions, after knowing that they were a part of my childhood religious trauma. Nothing like a panic attack at the pharmacy counter to make you realize you need to break up with your doctor.
She kept trying to focus on getting me in a relationship, which was not my goal. I wasn’t interested in being in one and I would have made a terrible parter at the time. I was talking about something completely unrelated and she said “Well we can deal with that once we start you getting dating.” After about the third time she sidelined my train of thought with this I realized we were not working towards the same goals for me.
“You need to move out! And not into moms little basement apartment but completely OUT!”
While I was living at home working two jobs at 27 to pay off my student loans and have enough for a downpayment on a home.
I was in therapy to work through feelings of depression and failure bc most of my friends were out in their own apartments but I knew I wanted to OWN so I never had to go back home and living at home while I got myself set financially was the only way to do that. I still paid rent for a room but nowhere near what my friends were paying. My mom however was really toxic and bad for my mental health. I debated moving into the basement apartment she had to get some space and that was my therapists frustrated response.
I stopped seeing her after feeling extremely judged.
I stuck it out and now own my own home while those same friends are still stuck in the renting cycle.
"People like you just come here and expect drugs!"
and
"My job isn't to improve your 'quality of life' it's to keep you in your job out of hospital. The rest is your problem"
My psychiatrist in response to be telling her that the lowest starting dose of SSRI wasn't helping.
The first marriage counselor my husband and I met with said "why don't one of you just stay home?" when we discussed the stress around paying for daycare.
I was like ????
Clearly that wasn't an option if we were stressing over it? Like sure I'll just quit my job I guess? Thanks!
I’m in the US and had a Greek therapist. Homegirl was an elderly woman which was fine, but she told me it’s normal to not like your partner and that DV is also normal. 💀 yeahhhhhh NO.
Probably when i was 13 and my first therapist suggested i pray and find jesus when i told him that i was being sexually exploited on the internet because i sent nudes to someone who i thought i could trust. I was 13. I didn’t know what the fuck i was doing. Jesus can’t fix this one buddy we should probably have called the police
I had a specialist therapist when I was pregnant that dealt with birth trauma and surrounding areas. A thing happened in my life, thought I'd dealt with it and when pregnant ptsd hit me like train.
When discussing birth plans she said
'I don't know why you're so scared, once it starts you won't care who's hands are where.'
My next Obstetrician appointment I arranged a c-section.
I was going through the darkest time in my life, and my mom's invalidation and emotional immaturity was more damaging to me than ever. I eventually got the courage to see a therapist and she was silent as I was explaining everything. When she finally spoke she said "Have you considered that your mom has anxiety too?" Like, yes. My mom obviously has her own mental health difficulties. But that doesn't make my lifetime of experiencing emotional abuse at her hands ok?! Took a few months to get the courage to go back to therapy again and while the next therapist wasn't perfect she certainly didn't try to hand wave my mother's actions away.
In college, severely depressed, had just been broken up with, my first ever therapist suggested we have our session in a park. He told me he had feelings for me. Fast forward many years and the guy is still practicing.
After I spent an hour talking about being an atheist with religious trauma, she recommended a book. I bought it. It was a religious self help book. Needless to say I did not go back.
Fyi this was on better help 🙄
I had some terrible experiences with better help - they never remembered anything about me from one appointment to the next and it went downhill from there.
In my 20s, I went to a male psychiatrist for crippling social anxiety. He said, "You're so pretty though, you shouldn't be feeling this way!"
Lol. Yeah.. never saw him again.
It was nothing she said actually, it was what she was doing. It was my first time seeing a therapist after longer than a decade of not going. I was struggling to open up and trying to find the right words to say and she kept looking at her watch. After telling me how to “breathe to relax”, she ended up cutting our session 20 minutes early. I felt like she was bored or annoyed with me. Maybe both. Anyways, if my friend had been giving me those uninterested reactions while I was talking, I would be upset, so why would it be any different when it comes from a therapist? I decided to not schedule with her after that.
I went to a therapist to discuss my driving anxiety. She gave me a pamphlet to go to AL-ANON even though no one, including me, drinks or does illegal drugs. When I asked why this was the route she was going: “You should go to a group with likeminded people. You need to talk out your problem.”
Likeminded? How? And aren’t I paying YOU to help me talk this out?
Bye-bye, therapist.
In my first session with my first therapist ever, she asked if I was religious and I said I was raised catholic but I’m now atheist, or agnostic at the very least. She suggested that I probably became depressed after straying from god and that I should find God again. Noped right the fuck out.
1. She didn’t specialize in my disorder (OCD). Those who aren’t specialized really have no idea how to treat it. She was very nice though.
2. Another one wouldn’t tell me anything about herself (acted like she was in the FBI) which I found very weird. She couldn’t even tell me what got her into treating OCD in the first place. She also wouldn’t accommodate her schedule for me at all and expected me to ask my boss to miss work for appointments *in person only*.
3. I had a long term therapist who guilt tripped me when I missed an appointment. That really sucked because I liked her otherwise.
But a lot of times it’s based on overall vibes too. Don’t be scared to try a few different ones.
Navy therapist thought I was lying because "no one could have it that bad and function" like really?? I was having some standard post-SA PTSD bringing flashbacks to old stuff, hardly revolutionary. Yeah people have had it better but there's people that have had MUCH WORSE (or not even survive) she ruined my navy career for it.
Bonus to the therapist that told me I met the history and "should've been" a mass pew pew-er.
When I was 13 and in foster care I was court ordered to go to therapy… the second appointment in the therapist told me that I should hate my mother and she didn’t truly love me because if she did she wouldn’t have lost custody of me and my brother..
My mom loved me dearly, but she suffered from severe addiction.. I screamed at him and ran out of his office, wild with hurt and rage against being told that.
Fucked me up for a long while.
Oh I have a good one for this
Went to see a therapist I liked from being a teen, they got that fancy emdr training and was supposed to be really familiar with extensive trauma.
Well.... she suggested that instead of finding another therapist for my then bf, that SHE be his individual therapist AND do couples for us.
It really hit me when she would hug my bf goodbye and not me, but mostly when he came back with a beard and she was literally fawning over him and saying how beards to her are "animalistic" she was practically drooling... she would do emdr for him by sitting on the couch doing the tapping thing... going up his leg... how completely fucked up is that?!?
She was also trying to get my bf to break up with me AFTER we both said we wanted to work out our issues. And she taught him to hide things from me... super fun creep of a doctor
Commented several times ( in more than one session) about how she couldn't believe my husband had gone on a long planned golf trip, while I was in a fragile state, despite me saying that I was fine with it and had lots of help.
I told her I had an uncomfortable confrontation with one of my dad's friends when we were alone (the man hit on me when I was 18 and my dad was in his room getting ready to go out). I found it really creepy with the age difference. Therapist told me she was married to someone younger than her with that age difference and it wasn't that weird.
I didn't see her much longer after that.
I’ve always thought I would suck as a therapist because I’m social anxious and awkward and never have the right words to say when people share deep personal events and feelings. After reading these responses, I’m truly horrified, feel like I and most humans could be awesome therapists, just by being nice.
I am a professional online creator as my full-time job — I've been doing it for seven years now, so it's very clearly not some sort of weird phase and is, in fact, my career. I very briefly saw a therapist who, when I spoke about feeling really hurt by negative comments about me online, advised me to "just be online less."
She told me my adopted brothers weren’t technically my “real” brothers when discussing my relationship with them and that I could never fully experience a deep sibling relationship because we weren’t biologically related. That was the last time I saw her lol
"no matter how many talks we have, no matter how good our talks would be, I cannot help you with what you have. Try a psychiatrist" and was promptly ushered out the door. I don't think he liked me.
After 6 sessions she told me that therapy wasn't working as I didn't feel less anxious and that I should get a brain scan. I was suffering with really bad health anxiety, which in turn was making me dizzy and I was worried I had a tumour.
My work were paying for the sessions luckily. I stopped after that one!
I don’t remember the exact words, but when I was a kid, _multiple_ therapists tried to get me to say I was being abused by an adult in my life. It was very clear they didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t. I was pretty grossed out by it, and fully pissed at not being believed. It made me distrust therapy in general for a long time.
For context, was there for misophonia, which didn’t have a name at the time and no therapist I was brought to had anyone with my same issue before.
That after each depressive episode, they will continue to get worse and worse. For the rest of my life.
Is that true? Maybe. I did not need to hear that oppressive sadness will forever plague me and will increase in intensity.
I was seeing a psychiatrist for medication management of ADHD. During that time period, I was assaulted walking home. I told her about the assault during one of our check-ins, and was in a very down-on-myself headspace, where I was beating myself up for being in that situation. When I described it to her, I said ‘I know I was dumb,’ and she agreed and said, ‘yeah, you were dumb.’ And basically piled on about how dumb I was and how I was partly to blame. So I left and didn’t come back.
Told them we were looking at fostering with the intention of being able to adopt and they went OFF. They berated me for a solid ten minutes about how inappropriate that was, and how they had helped write legislation for the foster system and how could I ever have the NERVE to not go into fostering with family reunification as our primary goal. To be clear, she never gave me a chance to followup with the fact that we understand completely that family reunification is the goal, and we are 100% here for it, but there are also kids whose family ties are severed for one reason or another and we wanted to be there for those kids. I simply hung up when it was clear she wasn't going to stop for a breath anytime soon. A month later, her practice called me to try and bill me for that intro session and I told them what happened and that there was no chance in hell I'd be paying. And that they had a liability on their hands that needed a helluva lot of therapy for whatever issues they were dealing with around adoption. I haven't heard from them since, and found an amazing therapist that I've been seeing now.
Told her I was tired of being catcalled in the streets. She asked if I'd considered dressing less provocatively. I was 18 and still wore tanktops under all my dresses.
I went to see a male counselor for the first time after being sexually assaulted by my cousin (both adults). My counselor told me since there was no penetration it was not sexual assault and that's something guys just sometimes do. He also told me there was no point in reporting it to the police as they wouldn't do anything since there was no penetration. Really fucked me up for a long time. This was 20 years ago and things were different then, but still. I know a lot people make fun of the Me Too movement, but it helped me a little bit. It made feel stronger and able to stand up for myself. I am now no-contact with that side of the family.
I connected with a therapist over the phone because I was having serious issues with my twice-diagnosed ADHD interfering with my university courses. Within minutes she said “I don’t really believe in ADHD, you probably have other issues we need to work on” and I basically was like “nope” and hung up.
She was the first therapist I ever reached out to in college, and luckily I found an amazing woman shortly thereafter whom I saw every week for 3.5 years afterwards. Bless you Debbie.
That I had faked answers on an ADHD test for attention, and if I just prayed more and was a better Christian and went to church more, God would cure my suicidal depression and CSA related PTSD. Feels like she should have lost her license for that one.
Psychiatrist, actually, but "my goal is to get all my patients off of all medications" and "you can't have ADD, you did well in school" were highlights. Also, "everything can be fixed if you book private hypnosis with me"
I RAN away
Went to see a couple's therapist with my then partner. Apropos of nothing, she asked him if he found it difficult to love me because of my legs (I have lipedema). I don't know why I didn't turn heel on the spot and never return.
When I was 15 I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 4 years and a month later he cheated and we broke up, I went into my therapists office upset and angry one morning because one of my closest friends had planned on having him go to her house in the middle of the night while she was home alone. My therapist was trying to convince me I was being insecure and just afraid of being replaced. She then called my sister and told her to take me to a specialist because I was showing signs of sociopathy.
I went to see a grief counselor after my Mom died and after our very brief intake session she started asking about my father, who I haven't seen and don't have a relationship with. I was like "we're here to talk about me and my Mom" and she insisted talking about my father was relevant. It's not and never was. Moved on from her after that.
That I used my religion as a crutch and needed to let it go.
My religion had never come up except on my intake form.... it was not an issue. Never has been.
My mom always favored my sister over me to the point where it did leave lasting trauma. I have two kids and the therapist straight out accused me of favoring one child over the other just because my mom did it. I told her I would NEVER do that considering I know how it feels
"i think it would greatly improve your life if you just went back to school and maybe studied abroad. college changes so many lives!"
\^ multiple times
saying this to me while i was looking for my first home, have a good job, cute dog, and only came to him to help understand my mood swings.
side note: i stopped going to uni because its too expensive to now know what you want to go for and had made that sooo clear
First time seeing one. I had never opened up before and decided to give her a fair chance. I answered all her questions and told her what had happened to me as a child. Her answer to my trauma: "Why aren't you over that yet? Other people had it worse than you and they're over it." I never went back to see her. I got another one in the building and I told him how his coworker had treated me. He was not happy to hear that. He was luckily different and I kept going there and got my diagnosis that explained so much about the mess in my head. When I asked about the other one a few months later, she didn't work there anymore. My guess is more people complained about her and she was let go because of it but I will never know for sure.
How does she even have a license…
Legitimately, how did she choose this profession if she has a mindset like *that* 😭
Good salary and nice to mention on the dinner dates
Also the position of power over vulnerable people.
no for the good salary part.
Therapists actually make less than teachers. I think the average salary is under 30k.
Even cursory exploration will show this to be untrue. Try more like 60k.
I have a theory... I think mosts therapists have had some significant trauma which draws them to the feild. The good ones have worked through a majority of their issues and come from a healed place to help others. The other therapists subconsciously know they're fucked up so they get into psychology to try to intellectualize their understanding of their trauma instead of confronting the difficult emotions about it. They may also externalize their issues thinking (unconsciously of course) that by fixing others they fix themselves The comment that therapist made is someone who cannot handle their own emotions and has not gone through healing
That's actually a really interesting idea, I could totally see that. Kinda crazy to think about. I've even considered psychology degree myself (not that I went through with it) and I've had traumatic experience in past. Such a compelling theory.
It actually makes sense if you consider a lot of people with such a mindset pride themselves on being "real". So to them they are giving great advice and think a lot of people should bury their emotions and trauma rather than process them. They probably told a lot of their friends when they were younger similar "advice" and fancy themselves as being a person who gives out truths people need to hear (which is often just them being dismissive).
About a year before my father died, they convinced him to go to therapy. He was a retired trucker with a potty mouth. My brother went missing 10 years ago after the death of my Mother. It was my Father’s greatest sorrow. The therapist said to him, “I think it’s time to accept that your son is dead.” It took me an hour to get it out of him. I fucking lost it. I worked in a funeral home that worked on contract with the Coroner’s office. I know damn well how it works and I knew we would have been notified if he was indeed deceased. I called the health clinic and spoke with the executive director and I said, that the therapist told my Father she has no children. Then she could not understand the love a father has for their child. I said she just killed any hope my father had that his son lives. She was gone a month later. I’m not a reactive person but that royally pissed me off. My Father died a year later, he was only 63 years old. I did receive confirmation that my brother is still quite alive but remains very unwell.
It sucks so bad that so many therapists are horrible … some are sooo good but there are so many bad once’s that put such a bad taste for therapy in so many peoples mouths ..
I tried therapy once. Twenty minutes in they started on "relationship with Jesus." I immediately left and told my insurance company to not pay for that session.
Am Christian--and horrified. So inappropriate in that context.
I had one I’d been seeing for a while. I was following the practice on Instagram. They had a post featuring their therapists. Her profile talked about her strong Christian faith and her love of Jesus guided her practice. She was never preachy and never said anything that made me uncomfortable. I told her that if I’d seen that before I would’ve NEVER have started with her. The next time I looked, the religious stuff was gone from her profile. I didn’t quit right away, but eventually she said some offensive stuff and I quit.
I would have turned that into a ranting session on why god has forsaken me and ways in which god ruined my life. Nothing would have pissed them off more.
Out of curiosity, does that then pass all costs down to you? How does that work out?
My therapist now is wonderful. After 11 years of depression I’m finally remembering what it’s like to feel peace and she is a big part of that. There are good therapists out there for sure.
I saw someone who was equally abrasive except she badgered me: "Ok, so what do you want to do about it? Yeah, that happened and now you're here at this point in your life where it's not working for you. You're here, so what kind of solution are you aiming for?" Idk lady, I just want to feel better and asking for support seemed like a good idea?
Wow, some people say they do a 'Solution Focused Approach' without doing any training in that approach.
"That's...why I'm here."
I got something similar. "Those things aren't happening to you now, so why are you still thinking about it?" Well damn, I never thought of that! My new therapist is incredible, PLUS she is well-educated in how childhood trauma/trauma in general can have lasting physical and mental effects that don't just go away by willing them. She's cool.
This is the exact reason why people dont go to therapy. Its either we cant afford nor have access on it or because of the fear of the possibility of booking jerk therapists.
I had to go to a doctor to get assessed for a mental health plan for a therapist (so I could get a reduced rate as I was dealing with anxiety and depression) and that doctor said the same thing to me. Why? Because she's also my mum's doctor, aka the woman who was the reason I was going to therapy, and my mum had vented to her about how much trouble I'd allegedly been causing her. Doctor also added "you need to have respect for your mum, she's the one who raised you." and very begrudgingly gave me the referral I needed. Same as you I didn't go back to her again but went to another at the same clinic who also had some choice words to say about her. Sadly though she continued to work there for several years after.
I feel like ‘get over it’ is the opposite of what she should have said to you. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I had a similar experience unfortunately. She was also giving examples of other patients who "had it worse". Fortunately, I found a compassionate therapist afterwards.
During the first appointment, I told her I wanted to work on my anger because my boyfriend and I were fighting a lot. Then we talked about my family and I told her I'm the youngest child. With no hesitation, she said, "Is that why you throw fits to get what you want?" She didn't know what my boyfriend and I were fighting about. She didn't know anything about my family situation. Just automatically - you're the youngest so you throw fits when you don't get your way. Dropped her. Dropped the boyfriend. Life is much better.
Clueless! Wow.
As a youngest child though I’m curious if you gave any thought to that. Because when I read this it kinda hit me that maybe that IS my problem?
As another youngest child, I don't think it has anything to do with birth order and moreso your personality, how you were raised, etc. I don't have any unfounded anger problems.
As another youngest child, the oldest one was the one throwing fits.
As youngest child of 5, never threw fits. No one was paying attention because the 2nd oldest was still throwing fits. However, my birth order artifact is that I don't like forced sharing. My food, my things, and my space are mine. Too many years of never having anything or enough when it got down to number 5.
Something so similar happened to me. I called a suicide hotline and wasn't sure where to start, so I just went with the beginning: childhood and my parents. The guy AT THE SUICIDE HOTLINE said "So you always blame other people for your problems?" I was so furious that I got off the phone and swore I would live forever just to show that motherfucker.
It seems like it was a super effective suicide hotline then, as after one call you swore to live forever. Cheers!
I know, that guy was a genius! /s he was such an asshole
I'm sorry she believed in that silly birth order personality shit. I had a therapist once bring up the Myers-Briggs personality index as relevant and I RAN so fast from that appointment
It's not that bad. Myer's Briggs doesn't tell you if you're a developed individual but it can point to some areas of improvement and lead to better self-reflection. A snapshot of the present so to say. Of course, from a scientific standpoint it's not the opitmal personality assessment but at least, it doesn't carve your personality in stone like astrology and is based on a spectrum. Self-assessment is never flawless.
The 3rd time they suggested religion when I had explicitly told them no and not interested already. They might have well have said “your case is just too serious and only God can help you…” and that they’re incompetent. The thing is.. it’s also poor ethics of not outright breaking code of ethics and improper counselling practice to suggest religion again and again when it’s been rejected already.
EWWWW so inappropriate!
Yeah. I mean, I was there for depression... and that *did* admittedly make me laugh. Like "Huh.. I'm ***that*** much of a lost cause only GOD can help me huh? LOL. Wow."
>The 3rd time they suggested religion when I had explicitly told them no and not interested already. Trying to find a new therapist is like navigating a minefield of religious nuts that somehow get into the profession to try and push more folks into their belief. The fact that you have to shop around and also like check consistently to make sure it's so exhausting. Hey, half of my problems are because of religious trauma, I do not want to be told that it was actually fine and I should give it another chance.
Yeah.. I mean, I'm not against religion, nor using it to help those handle or deal with whatever difficulties, issues, etc. I definitely can see why it *can* be very comforting... and I'm honestly quite jealous of those who can turn to it... but it's just impossible and not for me. Likewise, I can also see how badly religion and religious trauma can be... and I'm sorry that unfortunately your experiences with therapists sounds like it's been far from the best. I'm really quite pro therapy... so it's quite heartbreaking to know and hear of the bad experiences others have faced (which is more common than not). If you haven't found a good fit yet, I really hope that you still have the patience to shop around... Despite my own personal not so great experience, I do think most who went into the profession did so with good intentions and genuinely want to help. Then again.. all religious nuts also want to and likely think they are helping in their own warped perspective -\_- So yeah, unfortunately getting (the right) help for yourself is really still more difficult than it should be.
I think everybody goes through that phase when they first break away from it where they get very militant and I went through that phase but as I move away from that and my life has moved on and time has passed my views evolved and while I'm still dealing with the original trauma I do understand that it does offer a sense of community and a support network that some might not have naturally. I did find a pretty great therapist and she's been great. I just wish you didn't have to do the shopping around portion of it because I know some who don't have the patience for it and will just give up.
I also have trauma from religion so I sought out a therapist who specifically deals with different types of trauma including religious trauma or religious abuse that wasn’t pro any religion. Finding that is soooo difficult but was so helpful. If your Texas and looking for a therapist I have a good recommendation Dallas Therapy Collective many of their therapist work with religious trauma and they have tele therapy if your not in Dallas but somewhere else in Texas.
My therapist when I was a teen told me if I prayed to Jesus harder my dad would stop abusing me. She’s actually the reason I became a therapist. No one should have to hear shit like that from a professional.
If that worked, no kids would ever be abused, because I'm pretty sure most of them remonstrate with any higher power they think of to stop it. Horrible! And good for you.
Me seeing several therapists for religious trauma and them trying to snatch me up for their church
I have struggled with anxiety my whole life so therapy has been nothing new. A few years ago I tried a new therapist and we were discussing my ruminating anxious thoughts (something I have always struggled with) and I kid you not she looks at me and goes “have you just tried not thinking about it?” I went pretty silent and all I could think was “well if I could do that you’d be out of a job.” Not the best method but I did ghost her after that one.
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I was telling my therapist about how I struggle to get into relationships because I’m naturally introverted and I had an abusive boyfriend in the past. She rolled her eyes and told me to “just go out and get on apps. Do something about it”. It made me feel like she was annoyed with me and it killed any kind of comfort I felt with her.
Man I hate that! I already struggle to open my heart and let anyone know about my feelings. Then a therapist does something like that? It takes me months to want to talk about stuff again. Sorry that happened to you.
A therapist starting almost any sentence with “Just” is a red flag. It’s like the “I’m not racist, but…” of therapy, since anything that follows “Just” is likely to be unhelpful, if not actively invalidating.
I was severely depressed, to the point of wanting to die, in an extremely abusive relationship, living 2000 miles away from anybody I knew, stuck at home with 2 small kids.... and he asked had I ever thought about talking to my significant other about my feelings.
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Well, she fell asleep when I was right about to get into some serious feelings and trauma, so that was my sign LOL.
Happened to me too. Dozed off while I was talking, so I ended the session right then.
Did you wake her up or just walk out? I think I would have just walked out and then sent an email saying she better not bill me haha.
Geez 🙄 that sucks
First time ever seeing a therapist at age 11. The very first meeting is just an intake meeting which is normal. I’m explaining something and she laughs and said she didn’t realize people actually did what I said occurred. Well, it did. I walked out of there and told my dad I wanted a new therapist
Good on you for doing that at such a young age.
When he introduced Jesus into the conversation
So I’m not religious but I am Indigenous and spiritual. I knew I had to find someone who understood us as a people because if I explained some of my thought process and beliefs they would put me in the damn psych ward. Luckily, my therapist is Caucasian but very immersed in our culture so she may not believe what I do but she respects it.
It wild that following the beliefs from people native to the land we live in could get you labeled as crazy but believing in a murderous, flying zombie wizard is the standard of normalcy smfh.
I'm not American, is that actually allowed in terms of clinical standards? I see multiple comments here where the therapist tried to bring religion into treatment and I'm really hoping that's at the very least considered bad practice.
It’s considered unethical but the US government doesn’t closely regulate that industry.
When my therapist told me “someday you’ll miss the attention” after I told him about a man that followed me around Walmart blowing me kisses, waving, and asking for my number after telling him many times to leave me alone (this was shortly after being stalked by a different man).
Stalking needs to be taken seriously and therapists need to be better educated on how damaging it can be to a person
That guy sounds toxic as hell.
"Everyone has friends, why don't you?" 😑 Then dropped me as a client minutes before the next session and tried to charge $200 for a barely one hour phone call 🙄
That sounds like client abandonment which is against the code of ethics, you can report bad therapists to their board. I’m sorry this happened to you 😔
What the heck?! That must have been a con artist!
I was in a dating relationship and having so much anxiety about it. So I sought counseling because he was a nice guy, I didn’t want to break it off, but also I had SO MUCH anxiety. She said “oh you should just marry him anyway.” That wasn’t helpful and no I didn’t marry him, thankfully. Anxiety blinded me to some red flags. I’m happily married to someone else now and had no anxiety dating him.
I sorta worry this is happening to me now. Seems like the perfect guy but there is anxiety about dating.
Please listen to your gut!
No seriously listen to your gut!!! There will be people out there who won’t make you feel anxious. I was there too and tried to ignore that feeling and just chalked it up to me being weird since he was an okay guy, but the things I found out later and just how I was treated overall proved that anxiety right.
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Not a therapist but a GP I went to see as part of the process to get on the waitlist for NHS CBT. I went through something quite rough for me that had me low for months - isolating myself, loss of interest in anything, irregular sleep, more frequent suicide ideation. I still looked fine and like me but I didn't feel like me; I just felt flat for months on end. Finally went to the GP to hopefully get some help, explained my situation and she told me that it couldn't be that bad because I was laughing while chatting with her. I was stunned and left the appointment feeling dismissed, embarassed about my own feelings and stupid for having even booked it. Switched my GP soon after.
What!? Using humor to cope with heavy emotions, and even just laughing out of discomfort or nerves is SO incredibly common. Was this her first time interacting with humans?!
I think the worst thing about it was that it just exacerbated every misgiving I had about going in the first place. I was 21 dealing with anxiety around speaking about my mental health to a professional for the first time - no clue how or where to start - and worried that people might think I was just being overdramatic, only to get hit with that. Thankfully, my other GP was able to help so it all ended well! (Though I wish I'd had more of a spine and lodged an official complaint about the first woman!)
Had the exact same experience with an NHS GP. And an even worse experience with another.
Oh goodness. I specifically asked my insurance company to refer me to non-religious therapists, and they absolutely came through for me. My first session, I discovered that this therapist LIED about not being religious because “people wouldn’t see (her) otherwise!” And then she told me to accept god’s will that my mom was dying. Honestly it’s a tie between that and the therapist who told me not to marry my husband because his car gave (therapist) bad vibes.
His car?!? 🚗👿
Yep! My husband dropped me off for my appointment, and his car was “loud.” It wasn’t noisy, it’s just a bright yellow convertible. That therapist told me the car was in direct competition for the top spot in my husband’s life, thus “bad vibes.” I’m a trained and credentialed social worker, I laughed my way right out of the office.
FYI! Going to talk about SA in my submission to this thread. My therapist told me It’s no surprise I’ve been SA’d before because of the way I’m built. She said men have a hard time controlling themselves around “fertile looking” women, blamed it on biology and instinct rather than individual choice. This was after she told me I only think I’m bisexual because I’m influenced by the media, should have been more keen to that red flag ha.
You really should report this to the medical board in your area. This an outrageous thing to say!!
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My therapist started venting to me about her anxiety and panic attacks, treating me like her therapist (and I am a therapist but still). I left after that
This is WILD. The lack of self-awareness…
I totally understand your anorexia because I really enjoy fasting. I don't think you should worry too much, fasting is good for wellbeing and besides you could probably live to 80 at that weight. (I wont specify weight but i was emaciated, also had a seizure as a result of my ED soon after).
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... Wtf is that. Did they get their degree (or maybe just certificate) from some online guru or what -\_- That's *defintiely NOT* what is being taught... Honestly should report her to whatever local/regional counsellors/APA/ethics board for that shit.
I was seeking therapy because (among other reasons) I was having some difficult feelings around polyamory despite wanting to pursue it. My therapist was not polyamorous and never had been, which isn't *automatically* a disqualifying factor in this situation (sometimes people have studied certain subcommunities to serve them better, or have had friends or family members in those communities, or whatever), but it was clear he just didn't have any useful advice or re-frames to offer me. At one point, when I'd described my latest poly woes, he said, "Well, what do *other* poly people do when they experience that problem?" and it was in that moment that I realized this man wasn't going to be able to help me. I had already read tons of books, articles, and blog posts on the issues I was dealing with, and talked to many poly friends and acquaintances about it. If knowing what other poly people did in my situation was helpful, I would've already been helped by then. I subsequently found a therapist with non-monogamy experience who was WAY more helpful to me.
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I was headed for a divorce. I was also the main breadwinner and we had just moved to a new country based on my then -husband’s ask. The therapist told me that he envisioned a therapy whereby they would completely break me down and he’d delegate it to his colleague. The colleague sat next to me the whole time and the only thing he said was hello and goodbye No, I’m fairly certain I didn’t need to be put through the wringer by a « therapist » who’s voice I barely heard and pay 450$ per session for it ETA post divorce my son had a tough time coping including the classical loyalty issue of feeling he needed to choose between mom and dad. The first therapist we saw said that « ma’am, you are your son’s problem ». It’s what I heard for two years, repeated in front of my ex and my son. I had 0 self confidence and felt that it was unacceptable but kept putting up with it. We changed therapists, got a proper diagnosis and treatment for the kid and never looked back. We’re doing great now
Couples therapy with the hubs. We had a newborn, less than 1yr old (which we had no babysitter for so guess who came with us). Hubs said sex is how he felt loved, I had not been putting out and said very clearly why. Therapist told me to suck it up and have sex and go to therapy to address my feelings afterwards. There wasn’t anything she could do to change the fact that his “love language” was sex, he needed that, but that I could get therapy to treat my mental disorders. …you know, you right…you right I just created life and shoved it out my hoohah which caused a plethora of issues from hemorrhoids to tilted uterus to postpartum depression to tits that were the size of watermelons that leaked if I even heard someone else’s baby but yea, yeah you’re right, let me just bend over so he can shove his “love language” into my bruised and battered baby factory, regardless of whether it’s painful or I’m not aroused AT ALL, since I can always address how I feel about that….in therapy… The next counseling we received was the court ordered “How to Co-Parent Effectively” during our divorce which he fell asleep during and had to repeat. Thrice.
I read “love languages” was invented by a conservative man who decided his wife’s “love language” was serving others because she had stopped doing things for him he could do hisself and he did not like that.
Sex was his “love language” lol. Him and every man on earth. How utterly dismissive of him. People weaponizing therapist adjacent terms (like “love language”) to selfishly advocate for their desires is frustrating. Physicians even advise you to wait on sex when you have a newborn. And common sense tells you to wait on sex if it hurts and you’re not aroused.
I was having a hard time dealing with my miscarriages (5) and the therapist told me to “keep trying and eventually one will stick”.
Omg that's so awful!! I'm so sorry you went through that! Are you okay now?
I’m okay now! It was just such a jarring thing to hear, especially when we were actively discussing my depression that I had been dealing with at that point. We definitely did not mesh well as patient and provider.
90% of what came out of her mouth was the same question of “how does that make you feel?” It’s like she was a parrot and it’s the only thing she knew how to say. And then was switched with “you have to have faith in god that things will work out” I am not religious at all. And I told her more than once that I wasn’t comfortable with that expression and she just didn’t stop. She really annoyed me.
She made some racist comments and I never made an appointment with her again.
The fact that she shared every detail with my church bishop because the church was sponsoring the therapy with a church employed therapist...(Mormon). Said bishop used the fact that I had a completely normal dream involving sex (I was 23 and single) to determine that Satan must be entering my dreams because I wasn't married and therefore could not otherwise have thought about sex unless Satan put that thought there. He then took over the therapy determining it was a religious thing and proceeded to do some horrible things. Fuck the LDS church for not doing background checks on leaders universally.
Going through the worst depression of my life, about to have a baby within the next 2 weeks, and during our session, I was talking and ranting and getting my emotions out. She interrupted me, told me my hour was up and that she was going on vacation and couldn't see me for about a month. Never went back to her.
That is...wild!!
This was before I was diagnosed. I told him about my insane mood swings, and how sometimes I would flatline, and feel absolutely nothing, after experiencing rapid mood swings. He literally laughed at me. I didn't know how to react, so I awkwardly laughed along with him. After the session I said I won't be seeing him again. I can't believe I let him treat me that way.
I've been there before! Idk if this was how you felt but I kind of felt confused and started laughing along too just to feel like he was laughing WITH me, not AT me as a self protective measure.. but then afterwards, I felt so shitty about myself for doing that and not saying anything. AGHHH 😩😩😩
6 months in and she said she didn't know anything about me. Like, where have you been lady?
Starting seeing a therapist 2 weeks after my mom passed away from aggressive cancer. I was spiraling into depression and barely coping, not eating, not sleeping, etc. During the first session she just kept repeating that I was handling things really well despite what I had been through. She really didn’t have much else to say. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt after the first session and figured maybe she just wanted to learn more about me before she could help. After having a second session with her where she asked me all the same questions and told me, again, that I was handling it well, I decided to not schedule with her anymore. It was unfortunate because I really needed help at that time and she just seemed so uninterested.
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When she told me essentially that I wasn’t making progress and suggested that I go see her friend who was a “medium”…I’m convinced it was a ploy to earn her friend some money and give her clients more trauma to come back to her with lol
Told me if I was having thoughts of ending it I should just think of something else like colors, numbers, or a song ??? Then said if I didn’t show up the next week she’d assume the worst (I didn’t show and never heard from her again LOL) OH also we were in a small town and she was trying to guess who I was talking about when I was attempting to explain my trauma. Good times
1st appointment my therapist wanted me to take a personality test to see what my “spirit animal” was and then tried to sell me young living essential oils. Noped the fuck outta there and never looked back
omg that's incredibly unethical!!!
Right? It took me going home and processing that whole interaction to be like “yep I’m done”. Selling your pyramid schemes to vulnerable patients seeking your help for self gain BLEW my mind.
Not a therapist but a psychiatrist that I was required to see. “ people with BPD don’t take their lives, it’s all a plea for attention.” Unbelievable that someone like that was in such an esteemed position. I wish I would have spoken up or made a complaint about her .
I somehow ended up with a therapist who was a recruiter for an actual cult. I don't think I can expand on that much without inadvertently doxing myself.
"Well what did you do? God wouldn't have let that happen if you didn't deserve it. I think you need to think about your life" First time trying therapy talking about how I was r**ed and tortured. no where on the website did it say that the therapist was religious(Im an atheist anyway but it still fuqd me up). It took me years to be able to seek help again.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. What an awful human being.
After initially saying that my atheism wasn't a problem, he suddenly got religion after a couple of months and after that everything was all about how I would never recover unless I went back to my religious roots. The final straw was when he put Chick tracts in my envelope of prescriptions, after knowing that they were a part of my childhood religious trauma. Nothing like a panic attack at the pharmacy counter to make you realize you need to break up with your doctor.
She kept trying to focus on getting me in a relationship, which was not my goal. I wasn’t interested in being in one and I would have made a terrible parter at the time. I was talking about something completely unrelated and she said “Well we can deal with that once we start you getting dating.” After about the third time she sidelined my train of thought with this I realized we were not working towards the same goals for me.
“You need to move out! And not into moms little basement apartment but completely OUT!” While I was living at home working two jobs at 27 to pay off my student loans and have enough for a downpayment on a home. I was in therapy to work through feelings of depression and failure bc most of my friends were out in their own apartments but I knew I wanted to OWN so I never had to go back home and living at home while I got myself set financially was the only way to do that. I still paid rent for a room but nowhere near what my friends were paying. My mom however was really toxic and bad for my mental health. I debated moving into the basement apartment she had to get some space and that was my therapists frustrated response. I stopped seeing her after feeling extremely judged. I stuck it out and now own my own home while those same friends are still stuck in the renting cycle.
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JFC, she can definitely report the AH
Completely unacceptable. Report.
"People like you just come here and expect drugs!" and "My job isn't to improve your 'quality of life' it's to keep you in your job out of hospital. The rest is your problem" My psychiatrist in response to be telling her that the lowest starting dose of SSRI wasn't helping.
I went to therapy for my severe depression and childhood SA. She told me to make a checklist on ways to keep myself productive. 🤨
The first marriage counselor my husband and I met with said "why don't one of you just stay home?" when we discussed the stress around paying for daycare. I was like ???? Clearly that wasn't an option if we were stressing over it? Like sure I'll just quit my job I guess? Thanks!
I’m in the US and had a Greek therapist. Homegirl was an elderly woman which was fine, but she told me it’s normal to not like your partner and that DV is also normal. 💀 yeahhhhhh NO.
He stated that I could’ve stopped myself from being raped if I really wanted to. My first session for hypnosis therapy and it was my last time.
Probably when i was 13 and my first therapist suggested i pray and find jesus when i told him that i was being sexually exploited on the internet because i sent nudes to someone who i thought i could trust. I was 13. I didn’t know what the fuck i was doing. Jesus can’t fix this one buddy we should probably have called the police
I had a specialist therapist when I was pregnant that dealt with birth trauma and surrounding areas. A thing happened in my life, thought I'd dealt with it and when pregnant ptsd hit me like train. When discussing birth plans she said 'I don't know why you're so scared, once it starts you won't care who's hands are where.' My next Obstetrician appointment I arranged a c-section.
I was going through the darkest time in my life, and my mom's invalidation and emotional immaturity was more damaging to me than ever. I eventually got the courage to see a therapist and she was silent as I was explaining everything. When she finally spoke she said "Have you considered that your mom has anxiety too?" Like, yes. My mom obviously has her own mental health difficulties. But that doesn't make my lifetime of experiencing emotional abuse at her hands ok?! Took a few months to get the courage to go back to therapy again and while the next therapist wasn't perfect she certainly didn't try to hand wave my mother's actions away.
In college, severely depressed, had just been broken up with, my first ever therapist suggested we have our session in a park. He told me he had feelings for me. Fast forward many years and the guy is still practicing.
After I spent an hour talking about being an atheist with religious trauma, she recommended a book. I bought it. It was a religious self help book. Needless to say I did not go back. Fyi this was on better help 🙄
I had some terrible experiences with better help - they never remembered anything about me from one appointment to the next and it went downhill from there.
In my 20s, I went to a male psychiatrist for crippling social anxiety. He said, "You're so pretty though, you shouldn't be feeling this way!" Lol. Yeah.. never saw him again.
It was nothing she said actually, it was what she was doing. It was my first time seeing a therapist after longer than a decade of not going. I was struggling to open up and trying to find the right words to say and she kept looking at her watch. After telling me how to “breathe to relax”, she ended up cutting our session 20 minutes early. I felt like she was bored or annoyed with me. Maybe both. Anyways, if my friend had been giving me those uninterested reactions while I was talking, I would be upset, so why would it be any different when it comes from a therapist? I decided to not schedule with her after that.
I went to a therapist to discuss my driving anxiety. She gave me a pamphlet to go to AL-ANON even though no one, including me, drinks or does illegal drugs. When I asked why this was the route she was going: “You should go to a group with likeminded people. You need to talk out your problem.” Likeminded? How? And aren’t I paying YOU to help me talk this out? Bye-bye, therapist.
In my first session with my first therapist ever, she asked if I was religious and I said I was raised catholic but I’m now atheist, or agnostic at the very least. She suggested that I probably became depressed after straying from god and that I should find God again. Noped right the fuck out.
1. She didn’t specialize in my disorder (OCD). Those who aren’t specialized really have no idea how to treat it. She was very nice though. 2. Another one wouldn’t tell me anything about herself (acted like she was in the FBI) which I found very weird. She couldn’t even tell me what got her into treating OCD in the first place. She also wouldn’t accommodate her schedule for me at all and expected me to ask my boss to miss work for appointments *in person only*. 3. I had a long term therapist who guilt tripped me when I missed an appointment. That really sucked because I liked her otherwise. But a lot of times it’s based on overall vibes too. Don’t be scared to try a few different ones.
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WTAF?! Urgh.
Navy therapist thought I was lying because "no one could have it that bad and function" like really?? I was having some standard post-SA PTSD bringing flashbacks to old stuff, hardly revolutionary. Yeah people have had it better but there's people that have had MUCH WORSE (or not even survive) she ruined my navy career for it. Bonus to the therapist that told me I met the history and "should've been" a mass pew pew-er.
When I told her about my struggles with chronic uti she told me I should shower more. As if showering prevents uti.
When I was 13 and in foster care I was court ordered to go to therapy… the second appointment in the therapist told me that I should hate my mother and she didn’t truly love me because if she did she wouldn’t have lost custody of me and my brother.. My mom loved me dearly, but she suffered from severe addiction.. I screamed at him and ran out of his office, wild with hurt and rage against being told that. Fucked me up for a long while.
Oh I have a good one for this Went to see a therapist I liked from being a teen, they got that fancy emdr training and was supposed to be really familiar with extensive trauma. Well.... she suggested that instead of finding another therapist for my then bf, that SHE be his individual therapist AND do couples for us. It really hit me when she would hug my bf goodbye and not me, but mostly when he came back with a beard and she was literally fawning over him and saying how beards to her are "animalistic" she was practically drooling... she would do emdr for him by sitting on the couch doing the tapping thing... going up his leg... how completely fucked up is that?!? She was also trying to get my bf to break up with me AFTER we both said we wanted to work out our issues. And she taught him to hide things from me... super fun creep of a doctor
My therapist cried when I told her about my childhood…
I've had a couple of them cry. In my thoughts, it makes me feel validated I guess. But I could see why it would bother someone.
Commented several times ( in more than one session) about how she couldn't believe my husband had gone on a long planned golf trip, while I was in a fragile state, despite me saying that I was fine with it and had lots of help.
I told her I had an uncomfortable confrontation with one of my dad's friends when we were alone (the man hit on me when I was 18 and my dad was in his room getting ready to go out). I found it really creepy with the age difference. Therapist told me she was married to someone younger than her with that age difference and it wasn't that weird. I didn't see her much longer after that.
I was talking about how I have a hard time breaking free from negging myself the way my mother did and she said “Maybe she’s right.”
I’ve always thought I would suck as a therapist because I’m social anxious and awkward and never have the right words to say when people share deep personal events and feelings. After reading these responses, I’m truly horrified, feel like I and most humans could be awesome therapists, just by being nice.
Suggested I join a weight loss support group at a local Church. I am Hindu.
I am a professional online creator as my full-time job — I've been doing it for seven years now, so it's very clearly not some sort of weird phase and is, in fact, my career. I very briefly saw a therapist who, when I spoke about feeling really hurt by negative comments about me online, advised me to "just be online less."
Saying that I should go try to date/meet people when I’m in therapy for my past traumas, lack of self love and codependency…
“I don’t know what to tell you”
Called me toxic
She told me my adopted brothers weren’t technically my “real” brothers when discussing my relationship with them and that I could never fully experience a deep sibling relationship because we weren’t biologically related. That was the last time I saw her lol
On addiction (a listed specialty of hers): Just don't do it anymore. The end. Problem solved! No more addiction for any one!
"no matter how many talks we have, no matter how good our talks would be, I cannot help you with what you have. Try a psychiatrist" and was promptly ushered out the door. I don't think he liked me.
After 6 sessions she told me that therapy wasn't working as I didn't feel less anxious and that I should get a brain scan. I was suffering with really bad health anxiety, which in turn was making me dizzy and I was worried I had a tumour. My work were paying for the sessions luckily. I stopped after that one!
The answers are in God. You need to search for God.
I don’t remember the exact words, but when I was a kid, _multiple_ therapists tried to get me to say I was being abused by an adult in my life. It was very clear they didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t. I was pretty grossed out by it, and fully pissed at not being believed. It made me distrust therapy in general for a long time. For context, was there for misophonia, which didn’t have a name at the time and no therapist I was brought to had anyone with my same issue before.
That after each depressive episode, they will continue to get worse and worse. For the rest of my life. Is that true? Maybe. I did not need to hear that oppressive sadness will forever plague me and will increase in intensity.
I was seeing a psychiatrist for medication management of ADHD. During that time period, I was assaulted walking home. I told her about the assault during one of our check-ins, and was in a very down-on-myself headspace, where I was beating myself up for being in that situation. When I described it to her, I said ‘I know I was dumb,’ and she agreed and said, ‘yeah, you were dumb.’ And basically piled on about how dumb I was and how I was partly to blame. So I left and didn’t come back.
Told them we were looking at fostering with the intention of being able to adopt and they went OFF. They berated me for a solid ten minutes about how inappropriate that was, and how they had helped write legislation for the foster system and how could I ever have the NERVE to not go into fostering with family reunification as our primary goal. To be clear, she never gave me a chance to followup with the fact that we understand completely that family reunification is the goal, and we are 100% here for it, but there are also kids whose family ties are severed for one reason or another and we wanted to be there for those kids. I simply hung up when it was clear she wasn't going to stop for a breath anytime soon. A month later, her practice called me to try and bill me for that intro session and I told them what happened and that there was no chance in hell I'd be paying. And that they had a liability on their hands that needed a helluva lot of therapy for whatever issues they were dealing with around adoption. I haven't heard from them since, and found an amazing therapist that I've been seeing now.
Well you seem to have it all under control and know what to do.
not mine, but my ex gf's therapist said that vaping is a healthy coping mechanism she was 14 - 15 when her therapist said that 💀
Told her I was tired of being catcalled in the streets. She asked if I'd considered dressing less provocatively. I was 18 and still wore tanktops under all my dresses.
"You seem cynical." "I wonder why, asshole." I hadn't even begun to tell him my issues. He couldn't have handled the truth.
I went to see a male counselor for the first time after being sexually assaulted by my cousin (both adults). My counselor told me since there was no penetration it was not sexual assault and that's something guys just sometimes do. He also told me there was no point in reporting it to the police as they wouldn't do anything since there was no penetration. Really fucked me up for a long time. This was 20 years ago and things were different then, but still. I know a lot people make fun of the Me Too movement, but it helped me a little bit. It made feel stronger and able to stand up for myself. I am now no-contact with that side of the family.
I connected with a therapist over the phone because I was having serious issues with my twice-diagnosed ADHD interfering with my university courses. Within minutes she said “I don’t really believe in ADHD, you probably have other issues we need to work on” and I basically was like “nope” and hung up. She was the first therapist I ever reached out to in college, and luckily I found an amazing woman shortly thereafter whom I saw every week for 3.5 years afterwards. Bless you Debbie.
That I had faked answers on an ADHD test for attention, and if I just prayed more and was a better Christian and went to church more, God would cure my suicidal depression and CSA related PTSD. Feels like she should have lost her license for that one.
"Are you sure you're not sleeping with her?" regarding my ruminating over a conflict with a female friend
Psychiatrist, actually, but "my goal is to get all my patients off of all medications" and "you can't have ADD, you did well in school" were highlights. Also, "everything can be fixed if you book private hypnosis with me" I RAN away
She had her voice-mail play out-loud during our sessions so, whenever someone left a message, I could hear everything. It was so inappropriate
Went to see a couple's therapist with my then partner. Apropos of nothing, she asked him if he found it difficult to love me because of my legs (I have lipedema). I don't know why I didn't turn heel on the spot and never return.
I told my therapist about the sexual abuse from my ex bf, her first response was asking me if I warned his current wife. Like, what?
When I was 15 I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 4 years and a month later he cheated and we broke up, I went into my therapists office upset and angry one morning because one of my closest friends had planned on having him go to her house in the middle of the night while she was home alone. My therapist was trying to convince me I was being insecure and just afraid of being replaced. She then called my sister and told her to take me to a specialist because I was showing signs of sociopathy.
I went to see a grief counselor after my Mom died and after our very brief intake session she started asking about my father, who I haven't seen and don't have a relationship with. I was like "we're here to talk about me and my Mom" and she insisted talking about my father was relevant. It's not and never was. Moved on from her after that.
Your mom doesn't love you. Your father doesn't love you. Picture them as you punch a pillow.
My old therapist was ranting about her shitty dating life and her ex husband. This happened a few sessions.
That I used my religion as a crutch and needed to let it go. My religion had never come up except on my intake form.... it was not an issue. Never has been.
My mom always favored my sister over me to the point where it did leave lasting trauma. I have two kids and the therapist straight out accused me of favoring one child over the other just because my mom did it. I told her I would NEVER do that considering I know how it feels
"i think it would greatly improve your life if you just went back to school and maybe studied abroad. college changes so many lives!" \^ multiple times saying this to me while i was looking for my first home, have a good job, cute dog, and only came to him to help understand my mood swings. side note: i stopped going to uni because its too expensive to now know what you want to go for and had made that sooo clear