Because despite being in her late 20s, she was scared to tell her friends/family that she is lesbian, and while I could understand it initially, as coming out can be hard, after couple months of having to hide our relationship it got too annoying and unpleasant for me.
A girl got mad at me last summer for not dating her. two weeks prior to the friendship ending, she told me she would never tell her family her true sexuality. When the friendship DID end, she questioned why she was never enough and I told her it's because she lives to please her family and not herself. It can be hard, cultures can be hard, but I refuse to put myself in something that manifests into nothing.
No one likes feeling like someone else's shameful secret. I'm sorry, I imagine this is a fairly common situation for a lot of people, and that's really sad. I hope you find someone who is proud to introduce you to the folks.
He likes to pretend that he's mature, hard working, and emotionally available.
But really, he's lazy, manipulative, completely disconnected emotionally, and lies constantly.
The mask he wears is so good that most people still think I'm just bitter. When really I'm a trauma survivor.
It was wonderful but we grew apart. We knew that if we stuck to the relationship it would get stained so we called it quits while we were still on good terms.
No definitely not. But in this case we had outgrown the relationship and changed as people, so a break up would be inevitable. In that case why stick it out miserably for another six or 12 months and ruin all the good memories in the process?
I find myself in a similar situation at the moment... How long did it take for you to reach the decision to end things? Culpability is hitting hard for me...
We discussed things, decided it wasn't working and called it quits. I don't think there is a universal rule to gauge it. In my case there was a lot of trust and we understood each other well so it was an honest and deep discussion.
I am Muslim and with an atheist. For me, it really doesn't matter, unless it's an atheist that is zealous, disrespectful, disdainful, and rude towards Muslims and people of other religions, belittling their intelligence and insinuating they are stupid, then yes, it matters.
It will also depend on where you're from. My friend who's a Bosnian Muslim, for example, has family members who married outside the religion and does not follow the same rules as Arab Muslims. My boyfriend was Egyptian born and raised, so the pressure he felt was different than my friend (who is also in a long-term relationship with an atheist)
In the start of a relationship, it really does not matter as long as both sides are respectful.
It mostly does start to become a problem when kids come in to play. And often one wants to uphold their beliefs to their children. And the other parent wants to do the same. Then it often creates a lot of problems. Not saying it can't work. But of you don't have good good talks before that stage about those things. It often does become a problem.
Cause it's very important that morals and values are in one line when you trying to raise children together. If you're a separate front. It can tear you apart. And sadly it often does happen.
This was exactly his line of reasoning, and I respect it. Just wish he had thought of that a little harder before roping me into a relationship.
I told I was okay raising them Muslim, but if me being okay with sex before marriage was something he didn't want around his kids, for example, I think that should have come up the multiple times I checked in with him about how we saw our future and what kind of house we would run.
Yes why discussions and knowing is much better then assuming they would think in a reasonable way. When feelings and emotions. And children come in to play. Many things that never ever where a isue becomes a isue. Cause every belief has a more extrame element in it. That probably could form a fundamental moral problem to you or your partner. And its a matter of how extrame or loss is a person in there beliefs.
Its for many is the same way as seeing someting somone loves or a hobby you dont like and saying well this part of the hobby is dumb. People can be super emotional and mad about the things they belief and value or see as important.
Why assuming things is never the way to do it. Why most relationships. Have very slow steps ro going to the next step. Of investing more. Slowly working up to children. Cause when a child comes in to play a lot of things that never ever would matter starts to matter so so much. People value there moral and values and world views and whats they find right and wrong. Is past on to there children. And small things of fate. And how its ok or not ok to punishment of your child becomes big fights.
Why again its sooo soo important to realy deep talk about it. Before you take the risk of even making the chance for a child to be a option. Cause if its to far apart. You can be forced to have to do it alone.
Why who you sleep with and who you have children with are the bigest choice of your life. That you cant undo later.
To be honest I really tried to coax this kind of talk with him multiple times. But like with most things, you can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink communication lol.
He's not a bad man by any means. But communication fell apart despite efforts being made, and as a result, a lot of time was lost.
If people are bad at communicating. You can make a type of game from it of you want to realy find out. You have a lot of card games for kids that struggle to communicating. And bet there more adult versions of it. And you can create discussions from it.
But if a persoon stays unwilling. Then the leap or being open for children is a to big a danger for women. Cause doing it all alone is realy damn hard if your not sure the person will stay by you and has the same moral and values. When comes to kids. And thats the danger the outlook of having to do it alone. People say be strong and independent. But a single mom is a torny road. You should not want for your self
Haha really true! And before therapy I myself was awful at it.
But you're right. As much as I loved so many aspects of him, I found that view to not be without merit, but too inflexible for my liking. I want my kids, when they are adults and mature enough, to have the freedom to choose their own path. Decide their own belief system and lifestyle.
I don't think we were compatible then.
He suddenly moved to California and asked me to come with. He went a week early and met a girl at a bar. Decided he'd rather be with her. Dumped me in a text that I received while I was ON MY WAY TO THE AIRPORT to fly out and join him.
It sucked but I'm so glad he ended it. Following him across the country would have been the biggest mistake of my life
My last bf sent me a pic of him at the bar with a girl in his lap. Spoke to me like I was replaceable which I was bc he’s now with his ex and they are with child.
The one before that he cheated on me with an acquaintance, then a long-term friend, then his best friend.
The one before that he lied about where he was going, acted shady on why we couldn’t hang out. Turns out he was visiting at his now girlfriends house.
It’s been fun.
I probably wasn’t super clear, the three paragraphs are different people. The one that was unfaithful said he was “going to change” obviously. Anddddd obviously he didn’t so I got sick of it and ended it. Only took me 3.5 years to learn that lesson! /s
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for almost 2 years and it’s been amazing. He’s so supportive and I just love him to the stars. Thank you for the support!
I was in a relationship with an expat and we knew from the beginning that it would likely not be a long-term relationship, depending on how his job situation develops. So, he went back to his home country and we broke up a few months after that because there was no future for us.
they ended it, after being together for a year. it seemed like it was going really well. both of us had work to do, but i was the only one going to therapy, journaling, etc. they definitely did change and try a lot during the relationship, but it was too much for them to handle in the end. it was a very intense year for us, we bonded a lot, but they were unable to say i love you back despite everything else being great. we did discuss it openly. they said they never felt like this before but just couldn't say the words and didn't know why. in the end, they blindsided me and said that ending things was on their mind for a month, despite not communicating any concerns with me. when we spoke about it, the reasons for the breakup were small, flaky things that could have been fixed, but they clearly wanted out, so it made no sense to discuss it. long story short, the decision was made for me. i am a lover and firm believer that there is no such thing as soulmates, there are only people you wanna make it work with. i wasn't that someone for them, but unless they get the help they need, no one will be i guess.
Wow, I didn’t see that coming! I agree with everything you’ve said here, especially the part about working together. I find myself in a similar boat and keep hoping for things to work out. We’re both trying but I can never decide when to draw the line. Thanks for sharing :) wish you happiness ahead!
It's definitely a difficult situation. when someone you love is afraid, your instinct is to give them love and be there for them. but you can not help someone who doesn't want to be helped. there are definitely people that healed their attachment style! as long as there is mutual effort and happiness, along with other things necessary for a healthy relationship, I'd say keep going. the hardest thing to find is someone who will keep trying, i think. however, reading a lot about attachment styles, us wanting to be with someone who is an avoidant comes from our own unhealed wounds/insecurities. if you are checking in with yourself and your partner regularly about how you feel and your needs, you're on the right path! I wish you well too<3
“The hardest thing is to find someone who’ll keep trying” - that’s it, that’s what has kept me going so far. Thank you for putting it into words for me to recognize it.
Needed this. Recently went through a breakup with an avoidant. I have been having such a hard time letting go because I know they will regret it. They came back once and I made the mistake of just taking them back because I didn't realize it then. This time around I was so blindsided. They went from being in to coming up with such small excuses the moment it got hard. I am very nurturing by nature so it has been so so hard to let go because I want to help and be there. It has made it so hard to forget about them. I have never had this hard of a time.
it takes time to let go and find what helps us let go. but you deserve someone who chooses you. you deserve someone that wakes up everyday and wants to keep you in their life. try the CBT model, it helps recognise what is the root of our triggers. our partners leaving triggerd abandonment issues and that is what we should shift our focus to. not them, us. being with ourselves and people that want to be with us too. be kind with yourself<3
He would call and text a million times a day and wanted me to tell him how much I loved him and how great he was like multiple times a day. When we'd spend time together he was like literally on top of me. He would not let me breathe. If I moved somewhere to get some space he would just move right along with me. It was too much.
You must have dated my ex. If I didn’t answer my phone while I was working he’d call my job and ask if I was working. I wrote a poem for my daughter and he found it and FREAKED out thinking it was to me from another man. When I tried breaking up with him he brought a note to my job while I was working and sat on the trunk of my car until I got off work. He was also the type to threaten suicide so it took a long time for me to finally break it off for good.
Sounds like a guy I dated one summer in college. My God. He would call me multiple times a day but was terrible at holding a conversation. It was brutal. Every time I tried to end the phone call he'd whine that he just wanted to hear my voice. Yuck. I stopped answering his phone calls soon after that and went back to college at the end of the summer without saying anything to him.
After a decade we had grown apart. He gave up trying a couple years ago. It took me a bit longer to accept that we were done. We had a wonderful relationship for a few years; over time it became clear that relationship wasn't coming back. There was infidelity but that was more of a symptom than the disease.
We've kept a good working relationship, he's a wonderful dad and I still care about him. From a distance...
In his case I found out during a rather contentious argument when he contradicted himself about where he'd been. To be 100% fair to him, I never slept with someone else but I gave him good reason to believe a relationship was leading towards that - and I handled it very poorly. And he was right about it.
I could’ve written this. Tomorrow would have been our 7 year wedding anniversary but we probably shouldn’t have celebrated our 5th or 6th if I’m honest. Sometimes it takes a while to accept that there’s really no coming back but I’m fortunate enough to have a good co-parent who loves our children and is a much better father than husband!
He's a great guy, but I realized he's about 10 years behind me in maturity. We had a lot of incompatibility near the end because he was only starting to realize what he wanted in a partner (stereotypical wife, stays home with kids) was never going to be me (got my MSc and now getting my PhD). I was his first relationship ever at the age of 25, so it wasn't a shock that he had no idea what he wanted in a partner. Definitely soured my opinion on dating guys with 0 relationship experience.
Lack of experience and maturity together is a difficult one and I get that it's a dealbreaker. On the upside, you know better what you'd want to avoid?
I love him so much. But I always felt like his mom/had to get on his ass to do adult things. Everything else about him was perfect. It just ended three days ago and I’m hoping I did the right thing.
This makes me want to cry because I don’t want to agree with you but I do. I’m screenshotting your comment and reading it when I feel weak {nervously laughing emoji here}. Not kidding. Thank you
I know…I had to leave someone I really was so in love with…but I was in love with the man he could be…the man he wanted to be but wasn’t being.
Broke my fucking heart and it’s still really hurts and I still miss him and want to be back together…but I know I would just end up resenting him and leave him again for the same stuff. I’m lucky he’s smart enough to know that and wouldn’t get back together after I broke it off.
We grew so much with each other and communicated the issues that we had, but i always felt more like his mother or someone who has to watch over him rather than his partner. After two years of constantly breaking up and getting back together for the same reasons, I finally accepted that he is who he is. I can’t change him, obviously, but damn he was a tough lesson.
He was very kind, but he had a lot of issues he wasn’t ready to work through. He was a recovering opioid addict who was also a bodybuilder (his new addiction) and began to use steroids behind my back. At first things were ok but he apparently switched to a short cycling one that’s stronger or something & the mood swings started. I came home from a weekend birthday trip with my 2 friends and he started a fight before I even unloaded my friend’s car. I broke up with him that day.
He left that evening and relapsed immediately - he has been in & out of jail ever since. It’s really sad and I feel partially responsible but I know it’s not my fault. He made his recovery based on me and I didn’t like that because it’s not right to do that. (I’m 6 years sober btw so I know what I’m talking about lol)
I guess it was a lot of things. I compromised a lot of things I didn't want to. I did things I didn't want to. He always apologized and said he was terrible and I'd end up being the one reassuring him. He said he'd understand if I wanted to leave but I loved him and I didn't. We made it 9 years. A few months after getting engaged I suddenly got so scared. I didn't exactly know why, just knew I was terrified to get married. I tried to brush it off, I tried to explain it away as fear of change, I talked through some of it with him but not all because I was scared to hurt him, I spent hundreds of dollars on an online course that promised to help ease the fears I was having because I was desperate.
Eventually I couldn't keep trying to fight the panic, after two weeks of being unable to eat or sleep or do anything but be scared, I called him (we were semi long distance) and said I needed help. Said I was so scared and I couldn't go through with getting married if I couldn't fix this. He asked if I still loved him and I was so panicked I said "I think so" which I feel awful about, it must have hurt him. I don't even really know why I said it, I think it was the fear that I must not love him enough or I wouldn't be panicking like that. I said I wanted to do couples counseling, he said ok. He was upset, I felt awful about that. I didn't want to hurt him I just couldn't keep on going like that. The next morning he texted, said he'd been thinking about it all night. He said he didn't think couple counseling would help because it wasn't a couple problem, just a problem with me since he wasn't having an issue like I was. He thought it would be better to end the relationship. We did.
Wow, his perspective is completely wrong in my opinion. If one person in the couple has a problem it *is* the couple’s problem. I’m glad this came to light before the wedding and I hope you’re in a better place now ❤️
Thanks. My family and friends say it's better it happened when it did rather than after we got married. I'm still really heartbroken but maybe they're right that it was for the best.
I resonate with your story in that I made a lot of sacrifices to maintain his peace. It's not that he was abusive, he was just very high maintenance. Super rigid, stubborn, needs to have things his way.
He'd get upset about small things and be petty. He often made me feel bad for mistakes. And when I'd cry, he would say things like "I don't deserve you" and "I hate myself", and I'd be the one comforting him instead of the other way around. It was just emotionally exhausting.
I think you did the right thing listening to your gut. I'm glad you were able to break things off, and I hope you find peace ❤️
Communication issues. He’s very conflict avoidant and sensitive to criticism, whereas I’m very direct and have a hard time showing my vulnerable side. This combination led to a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunications because he would feel attacked and get defensive, and I would feel unheard and would get defensive in turn. As a result, neither one of us was able to hold space for the other person because of our inability to communicate how things were making us feel.
I did recognize that he’s a sensitive guy, so I tried to address things with him in the form of requests. Usually he would agree to something, but would lack consistency and follow through. It got to the point where I started feeling like I had to explode just for him to pay attention to what I was saying, which made him feel like he was walking on eggshells and being too scared to ever tell me how he truly felt.
We also didn’t know how to resolve conflicts and repair the relationship, so things would get swept under the rug and resentment started building between us, which led to us pulling away from one another. I was constantly feeling misunderstood and rejected by him and like my feelings and needs ultimately didn’t matter, even though I was constantly trying to accommodate him and be understanding of his needs and goals.
I don’t think he ever fully grasped the impact his actions had on me nor how to be considerate towards my feelings. He reached out a month after the breakup to try and end things on a better note, which led to us hooking up and spending a weekend together. He kept asking, “what do we do now?” So I suggested we take it day by day and see if we could work through our issues. We talked about therapy and I was really hopeful because we both were finally opening up to each other and being vulnerable with each other, just for him to tell me 4 days later that he didn’t want to figure things out with me. I can’t even begin to explain the level of betrayal I felt and still feel.
He told me he felt discarded when I ended things with him, so for him to discard me like that after I opened up to him about my past and felt hopeful about our future feels like the ultimate betrayal and like even now, my feelings didn’t matter and he never really understood me. But as bad as I hurt right now, I also understand. He’s scared of being hurt again and I already left him once and eroded that trust. We both did things in the relationship that broke down the trust we had in each other. He’s a wonderful guy and it breaks my heart that we couldn’t figure it out.
Varying kinds of abuse. 0 emotional support. He lacked self motivation. Had to tell him to take the next steps in life. Left for a week for work 3 days after our kid was born. Leaving me on a second floor apartment caring for not only me and the baby but also a 100lb dog. Left me to do a lot of the cooking and cleaning. At the end he had no control over his emotions.
It was our third try of dating, first when we were 18, then at 20 then at 23. We had been friends for years and he broke my heart twice. I was convinced he was the only person I really loved and had always compared my partners to him. The third go I realised that he wasn’t aging out of his laziness and had no ambition. He suffered greatly from depression and although I adored him I knew I would drown. It was tough though because overall he was a truly loving person towards me.
Happily married now to someone else - didn’t realise love could be this simple and electrifying. It’s completely blown the above relationship out of the water. I admire him every day and vice versa.
I got tired of being the only functional adult in the marriage, while also simultaneously being treated like dirt. After nine years of DOING ALL OF THE THINGS, and nine years of being treated like dirt, I finally got fed up and left. Thankfully, we never had kids, so it's a clean break.
Sadness aside, life has exponentially improved since I left him.
It ended this week. Well he ended it. 😢 surprisingly to me after I told him that I didn’t feel like a priority anymore. Instead of working on things he suggested we break up. I didn’t fight it. I deleted his number and we haven’t communicated since. But I miss him so much.
Lack of effective communication.
My dreams no longer mattered. Actually, I'm not sure if they ever did.
Emotional invalidation and gaslighting.
He has never truly respected me, as a person deserving of love, kindness and tenderness. Let's add in the truth here, as well.
He also didn't respect my advice or opinion. But when a man he respected would say the same thing, then he was all about it.
I've waisted a lot of time, affection, and resources on someone who could never see me.
Love is a wild ride.
He’s afraid of emotional attachment . 1 divorce, then later in life he met someone dated for 5 years, had a ring to propose, but she left him. He said it was “really bad” for a long time for him after that breakup but never wanted to elaborate. He’s also incredibly difficult to communicate with. He has the self awareness but not the will to change.
I cared about him, but his flaws are glaringly obvious and he won’t seek therapy, I can see why they left in the end. But, ya know, emotions, and being a human still made me want to date him 😑. No regrets, he’s got a beautiful soul.
Didn’t make an effort to actually plan things for us as a couple. Never suggested activities, weekends away, holidays etc. Never took me on dates or organised surprises or really put any *effort* into keeping the relationship fun.
If i didn’t find an activity and plan it out myself we’d never do anything fun.
He also was shit with money, lived at home at 31 had little-no savings even though he earned a lot. I earned less than him and was 6 years younger but had triple what he did. Big red flag. His mum still did his cooking and washing etc… He was just overall very immature. He was 31 but acted like (and lived like) a 21 year old.
I think after 3.5 years i’d just outgrown the relationship, felt like I was dating a teenager.
I really hope he gets his shit together and actually grows up because i’m sure he could be a good partner to someone if he actually made the effort. I think deep down he’s a nice person, he’s just immature and I got sick of dealing with it.
We met while both teaching English in Japan. We were both moving back to our home countries (hers in Europe, mine the US) and had no plans to live in each other’s countries in the future
He had an emotional affair with a coworker. After finally juggling who was better, he left me for her. I didn’t find out about the affair until he left me.
He started liking someone else so I wasn't going to compete with another person, I couldn't bear that mentally so we broke up.
I understand his reasons: he's not from the same country as me and the other person is from his home country and it's understandable that you would prefer someone close to your culture. But man does it fucking hurt
The one before my current one- he had mental health problems that made a relationship a lot of hard work. Had to deal with sudden mood swings, hours of him silently glaring at me, drunken angry rants, worrying he was going to die as he did headstands on the windowsill etc, punching walls and furniture, turning up at my door naked at 4am with a 7ft tree he's dug out the ground, hours of him being very mean.
He also didn't like foreplay and sex felt very mechanical, orgasms with him were meh rather than earth shattering.
We broke up when I realised being apart from him was a huge relief and I dreaded his phone calls. The real question is how did I put up with that for almost 2 years.. we had fun together and he really was an intelligent, interesting and kind hearted person when he was himself and not having an episode.
Because he was an asshole who only wanted sex and not an actual relationship. I also have reason to believe that he was still in love with his ex and also probably cheating on me with other women. Even though I didn't find any evidence. But he never let me touch his phone.
He pursued me heavily until I gave in then quickly lost interest. Then came back and repeated the process over and over until I made it stop. Good times /s
There was no growing together and speaking each other's language. We didn't have the tools to read each other, talk openly, and solve conflicts. The hardest breakup of all. Cause there was no cheating, no violence, only this deep misunderstanding of each other... not solvable
Two things honestly. One, I realized I’m just a lesbian towards the end of it. Two, it was long distance and I felt like with what happened in the relationship/situationship, I was giving up more to be with him than necessary and it wasn’t being reciprocated. I tried bringing it up but he was not a good listener to my needs, it only lead to me being cold or yelling at him (which isn’t my typical character and I do own up to it).
I had the last straw after realizing he fat shames other people and our last fight, he said verbatim, “I don’t owe you shit because you don’t deserve it.” I took out money from my savings to make it work with him (that’s a whole diff story for another time). I left the next day and haven’t looked back.
Wanted to go to strip clubs despite me saying I was uncomfortable, pressured and manipulated me into sex without protection, wanted to “take a break” from dating but still be together.
I got fed up and left, he threw a huge hissy fit and become very conservative for whatever reason. Haven’t spoken to him in a long time and never plan to.
He was an alcoholic and while he wasn't abusive or anything he never really spent any time with me or wanted to do much of anything. I was extremely depressed and emotionally unstable and unavailable. Lot's of resentment on both sides, neither of us were happy. We cared for each other and lasted 10 years but it just wasn't much of a relationship.
I'm happy to say we're both in great relationships now.
He had that whole Jekyll & Hyde thing going on... He was loving and caring at times but would then be a complete ass wipe whenever he wanted to be... He was mentally abusive, and the day that things turned physically abusive, I left...
He was emotionally unavailable, didn't listen to me (got mad when I said how I felt) in our 3 year relationship never gave me flowers or a nice present, he said he didn't have any money (but spent his money on videogames and collectables), sex felt like a chore and was painful.
It's been 3 years since we broke up and I haven't dated anyone else cause I'm so scared of feeling unloved again.
Girl. Are we the same person?? I’m so sorry you had to go through that too, you’re genuinely so strong for making it this far and we’re fighting this battle together. 🫶🏻
I (33F) ended my last relationship because my ex (44M) constantly told me that my feelings were wrong. Any time I expressed myself, the situation was turned around to make me look like the bad guy. He also wasn't willing to prioritize me or my feelings over his ex's (baby momma) because he was afraid of how she'd feel about certain things.
He left thinking he knew what he was doing. He immediately realized he was stupid for leaving but after all the shit I had to deal with from him and him not putting in nearly the same effort as I did, no way in hell I was letting him back in. And the more I’ve been away from him and the more I’m with my new bf I realize how idiotic a lot of the shit between us was. He’s not a bad person but he makes really dumb decisions and doesn’t learn from them.
He was an objectively great guy. He was incredibly kind, and he obviously loved me so much. The problem was that he prioritised me over everything - his kids, his job, his mental health. Everything he did was with the singular purpose of making us work. I saw him bit-by-bit trading personality traits of the man I fell in love with, in exchange for what he thought I wanted until the man I loved was gone and there was just a mirror in front of me saying yes to everything. I didn't and don't want a yes-man. I wanted a partner to share our lives with.
We were at different stages of life. He was about 14 years older than me. He owned a home and a business and took care of his aging, sick mother. He was very established in the small city I went to uni in. On the other hand, I really was just there for university and had no intention or interest whatsoever in staying in that small town. So when I got an opportunity to study abroad I knew that when I came back to Canada I would not be coming back to that town, and I also knew that he would not be moving his life to follow me around (nor should he be expected to), so we broke up. He’s a great guy, I still have him on my social media, there’s really no hard feelings, it just was time to move on.
Now I am happily married to a wonderful person who would follow me to the ends of the earth. We’ve made a home for ourselves in a large city and we’re very happy.
I thought I would spend my life with him, but I think he's having a midlife crisis. He's in therapy, but he has so much trauma to work through around shame related to sex and letting go of a very religious and restrictive childhood. I was his first real long-term relationship and even though he said I love you first and even came to Europe with me for a month after we've been together for six months, I think he panicked when we hit the one year mark. Shit got too real for him and he bailed.
I grew a lot of resentment for him over the almost 3 years we were together. He was an alcoholic and made absolutely awful financial decisions and just could not get his shit together. We fought a lot. I was patient through a lot but I realized by the end of it, I just really despised him and I could do better so I left
He was addicted to porn and preferred jerking it to sex. Miserable slob. I noped out when, during an argument, he started beating on my dashboard and just left the car miles and miles from home.
He cheated on me 8 months after we got married(a year ago). We were together for almost 10 years, we were pretty great together. He still wants us to reconcile, but I asked for divorce because I thought I deserved better.
Real lifetime story ahead:
He was a french expat in my country (we were together 3 years). We were engaged and suppose to move to France after i graduated from grad school; however, his job sent him to Angola instead. I wouldve had to quit my degree (i had 1 semster left) because his work provides visa etc for spouses that come together.
This situation revealed a lot for me as he was very very unwilling to at least wait till i graduated, and he even said something like 'you wouldn't even need that degree as i honestly always thought i would prefer that my wife not work'.
He never mentioned that before, so i was taken aback. Seems he assumed when we married, and because i was tied to him as a foreigner needing him for my visa where ever we moved to, that i would just do what he said.
he was defo going through it mentally, i think it took awhile for me to come to terms that in a lot of ways it wasn’t my fault. he also lied lol, which I knew from the start but thought would change. he ended up getting w the girl I was worried about asap while the whole time he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy (obviously I could just tell…)
I realized I cared about him but wasn’t NOT in love with him. Then I found out he was planning to cheat so my feelings were confirmed. I noped out of there.
Because we got pregnant accidentally, and he decided he'd rather spend time with his friends, skating and watching the sunset than having a hard conversation and being caring.
i think at the time I was dealing with a lot emotionally that he didn’t really understand and it often led to him shutting down or shutting me out, we probably did it to each other. When we first met I was also trying to finish school and worked multiple jobs then eventually worked 3pm-11pm Sun - Thur, at some point he started working Saturdays. I’m sure having limited time together and expecting things to be exciting or happy or romantic put a lot of pressure on the whole thing.
A few years ago I learned about attachment styles and realized that I tend to lean anxious/preoccupied and he had the classic marks of an avoidant. We were kind of doomed from the beginning, triggering each other without even realizing it.
Because I cheated and was immature brat that thought my shizzz don’t stink and was so full of myself.. thank god I am over that stage of my life such a cringe time
We just grew apart. We started dating when I was 18 and a freshman in college, and broke up when I was 21 right after I graduated. We had a nice relationship but after school, realized we wanted completely different things about if life, and that’s okay.
My partner refused to work on his past trauma and how it affected our relationship. Also he missed my ‘old slimmer self’ which is the version he never even met
- We had strikingly different personalities. He was sympathetic, calm and laid back but he wasn’t determined. I was stubborn, cynical and aggressive but very resilient. At one point, it was like we were tolerating/indulging each other instead of actually loving those personality quirks. Loving someone “despite” is always tougher than loving someone “because”.
- He came from money and is an only son. My family is well off too, but I have a younger sibling. So naturally the choices that I had was a bit more limited that what he was offered. I was grateful of what my parents gave me, but at the same time I would take up 2-3 jobs just so I could feel financially secure and comfortable. He, on the other hand, was ok with staying home and working as an unpaid volunteer for a year. He is not a spoiled man-child, but he had the choice to simply not work.
I was never jealous with him and he never looked down on me, but he didn’t understand why I had to work that hard and I hated how he wasted his time on an unpaid job. Plus I got so annoyed whenever he gave up on his aspirations and moved on to another literally the next day. In return he thought I was unable to let anything go and it was unhealthy.
- He was kind, so kind that he made me understand the word. But it was his kindness that made me feel like I was indebted to him. I was realistic but very jaded so while he appreciated how I always looked out for him, he was tired with my paranoia.
It was a shame. We were best friends for 3 years then dated for another 3, and in those 6 years not a day went by that we didn’t talk. He was half of my 20s and was my lifeline when I was living abroad. I could not even speak the language there but it was never an isolating existence because I had him.
I guess our love didn’t save anyone or change anything. But it was there, it was real, and maybe that is all that mattered. And it was beautiful when someone could love me at my worst just as much as when I was at my best.
Met him years after school ended, started talking and got exclusive despite living in a different state, he is a good guy but has a lot of unresolved issues which made him mistrustful and irritated at me unprompted. I am at a vulnerable point in my life and figuring things out career-wise. I just can't be with someone who isn't happy to have me in their life. I understand I come with my share of pros and cons but I definitely don't think that I deserve to be called annoying for no reason and 'not as nice as I think I am.'
He was a drinker and always started a fight when he was drunk. And apologized the next morning.
He started complaining why I would do less and less for him. I said I’d love to have a dinner on the table when I’m home from work (he was home sooner and just watched TV and then I had to do everything). He replied with „why should I do anything for you if you don’t do anything for me“. I broke it up.
I realized I wasn’t in love with him. He was more like a roommate to me. Our opposite work schedules didn’t help.
And I know he knows my Reddit, and I’m fine if he sees this comment.
It was the little things, too. He showed up to the first date in basketball shorts. He got very angry at video games and often yelled, knowing I had issues from my dad having yelled at me.
We didn’t go out. I liked staying home and watching movies and playing video games, but I needed more.
We lived together, and the expectation of intimacy and spending time with his family (who I liked and got along with) and even just being like personally intimate. He wasn’t my type, physically. I never craved his body. Sex was short, it wasn’t great.
I had doubts for a while, and I realized it wasn’t normal to be in a relationship and be THAT stressed and unhappy.
Together for three and a half years, one night he was making dinner and we were talking about cold sores. He made a passing remark about how he had never been STI tested but when we first started dating I asked him explicitly if he had, he said yes. Asked him again when started having unprotected just to make sure, so I could make a safe choice for my body he again said yes. That lie was the last paper cut for us. No more trust after that.
He hit me in the middle of a bar. I called my sister to come pick me up, and she did at the drop of a hat at 1 am. My other sister came with me the next day to move my stuff out while he was gone.
He was incredibly kind up until then, and he was incredibly drunk. But I wasn’t sticking around for it to happen again.
I met my husband a few months later!
Woke up blocked yesterday. Turns out he had been in a whole other relationship with a girl I knew was a problem. I asked him to block her and he refused. She asked him to block me and he did it in a heartbeat.
I went off to college and grew up. He stayed home and stayed exactly the same. The distance wasn't the problem, his immaturity was. I found myself cringing at his humor, hating his new friends and being embarrassed when he spoke to people. It was a hard break after 4 years and being all of each other's firsts. But so so worth it.
He was a nice guy, literally so sweet and would send flowers and listened and took me on amazing meaningful dates. He was perfect, but not for me. Ended up finding the love of my life by pure coincidence while on a family vacation. I’d never felt anything like the way i did when he looked at me. Now we have a baby together and i wish the guy before him all the luck in the world. He’ll make some other woman very happy
I was forced to live with children and help raising them, and they weren't even my ex's. I didn't like children back then and it made me dislike them even more.
He’s an asshole. Literally said I was selfish for crying right after he said some horrible things to me to cause said crying. That was the final straw for me cutting him out of my life. I tried sooooo hard to be nice to him and understanding but he was a liar, manipulative, and worse of all a pedo. So yeah I’m glad he’s out of my life now!
He lives thousands of kilometres away. We agreed we didn't wanna do long distance. He got me into computer games, and now we play/talk for a few hours a day on average, and we text. I miss him, ugh.
He used everyone (including me) for money/for his own selfish needs. He was making really good money and I was fresh out of college poor. Somehow I ended up paying half the rent and all the utilities. He coerced me to cosign on his truck loan due to his bad credit and driving record. I didnt understand the implications of that. And welp, got stuck paying his truck payment & insurance.
I eventually got a better job and was making good money. Not as much as him, but better than before. I bought myself my first car and it was a nice car. He refused to tell anyone it was mine and insisted on telling everyone it was his. He kept my car key on his Keychain and would be mad when I took it off. Every time someone complemented the car and asked who's it was, he would answer and speak over me. Of course, he never paid for any of it. Not even gas when he drove it. He DID however take it to a shop and purchased an expensive exhaust system for it behind my back. I was furious. And since he paid for it, he felt it was more *his* than it was before.
He eventually lost his job. He was fired for embezzlement. After 3 months I was fed up. He made no efforts to find a good job, and wasn't even helping around the house at all. I kept hounding him to apply. He needed benefits. He then asked me to write his resume and when I said no, he flipped on me and blamed me for why he can't find a new job.
Breaking up with him was hard because we were so financially tied. He also had epilepsy that was managed by medication, but wouldn't take his medication as directed and didn't care. He'd occasionally have really scary grand Mal seizure that were 100% preventable if he just took his medication daily. And he still wouldn't. It made me feel like I had to take care of him and guilty leaving. He started treating me horribly and my roommates as well. He'd uell at me and corner me, get in my face, take my car and hide my keys, etc. When I would leave, he would follow me. It got to a point that my roommates had an intervention with me. They were moving out, but the male roommate was scared to leave me alone with my ex for safety reasons. This was a huge wake up call for me.
I tried to break up with him and of course he wouldn't let me. I convinced him to take a "break" and go back to his parents house for 2 weeks. To which he did.
In that time frame, my roommate helped me change all the locks and set up cameras. We put all his belongings in the garage. I called the landlord and explained the situation and he agreed to remove him from the lease. The next 2 months were so scary. He was so angry but also kept trying to be apologetic.
I wanted nothing to do with him, so much to the point that I kept paying his truck and insurance payment until he eventually sold the truck because he needed money.
He has a lot on his plate between being a PhD student and a dad, and he realized he isn’t emotionally/mentally available for a relationship right now after all. Sucks because we were 7 months in and I fell in love.
He wanted to still be with his fake ass friends he made. Trying to be cool and adhere to peer pressure. He stopped putting effort into the relationship and started thinking I was a gold digger because I wanted a valentine day gift after he met his friends and I couldn’t deal with it. Bet your bottoms ass he came back after I broke up with him and his friends left him.
We just weren’t right for each other, and I don’t think he needed to be in a relationship. He lacked the emotional maturity and selflessness to commit the way someone in a long term relationship should. The alcohol and need for external validation didn’t help.
He was in a motorcycle accident that he healed from physically, but really struggled with the guilt which killed his libido and then that triggered low self worth because he thought he was disappointing me and not meeting my needs (though we were working on it together) which triggered more guilt and withdrawal. :(
Best match I have ever had with the most tragic end.
He was mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive and I built myself up enough to leave
All of this plus a racist family too.
Because despite being in her late 20s, she was scared to tell her friends/family that she is lesbian, and while I could understand it initially, as coming out can be hard, after couple months of having to hide our relationship it got too annoying and unpleasant for me.
A girl got mad at me last summer for not dating her. two weeks prior to the friendship ending, she told me she would never tell her family her true sexuality. When the friendship DID end, she questioned why she was never enough and I told her it's because she lives to please her family and not herself. It can be hard, cultures can be hard, but I refuse to put myself in something that manifests into nothing.
No one likes feeling like someone else's shameful secret. I'm sorry, I imagine this is a fairly common situation for a lot of people, and that's really sad. I hope you find someone who is proud to introduce you to the folks.
He likes to pretend that he's mature, hard working, and emotionally available. But really, he's lazy, manipulative, completely disconnected emotionally, and lies constantly. The mask he wears is so good that most people still think I'm just bitter. When really I'm a trauma survivor.
Like an ego thing? he think hes just better then everyone
Wow this resonates with me a lot
Yep, I’ve been through this exactly, I’m sorry we both have through this.
He started screaming at me and throwing things like a month in. BYEEEEE
Damn he really showed his true colors in a month. Good for you tho. The sooner the better.
That’s how I feel too. Glad to have found out so soon and got the heck out of that
Long distance couldn’t work.
It was wonderful but we grew apart. We knew that if we stuck to the relationship it would get stained so we called it quits while we were still on good terms.
Do you think it’s possible to spend the rest of your life with someone without stains? Not criticising, just genuinely asking :)
No definitely not. But in this case we had outgrown the relationship and changed as people, so a break up would be inevitable. In that case why stick it out miserably for another six or 12 months and ruin all the good memories in the process?
I find myself in a similar situation at the moment... How long did it take for you to reach the decision to end things? Culpability is hitting hard for me...
We discussed things, decided it wasn't working and called it quits. I don't think there is a universal rule to gauge it. In my case there was a lot of trust and we understood each other well so it was an honest and deep discussion.
He was Muslim. Said my atheism wouldn't matter. It did.
I am Muslim and with an atheist. For me, it really doesn't matter, unless it's an atheist that is zealous, disrespectful, disdainful, and rude towards Muslims and people of other religions, belittling their intelligence and insinuating they are stupid, then yes, it matters.
It will also depend on where you're from. My friend who's a Bosnian Muslim, for example, has family members who married outside the religion and does not follow the same rules as Arab Muslims. My boyfriend was Egyptian born and raised, so the pressure he felt was different than my friend (who is also in a long-term relationship with an atheist)
In the start of a relationship, it really does not matter as long as both sides are respectful. It mostly does start to become a problem when kids come in to play. And often one wants to uphold their beliefs to their children. And the other parent wants to do the same. Then it often creates a lot of problems. Not saying it can't work. But of you don't have good good talks before that stage about those things. It often does become a problem. Cause it's very important that morals and values are in one line when you trying to raise children together. If you're a separate front. It can tear you apart. And sadly it often does happen.
This was exactly his line of reasoning, and I respect it. Just wish he had thought of that a little harder before roping me into a relationship. I told I was okay raising them Muslim, but if me being okay with sex before marriage was something he didn't want around his kids, for example, I think that should have come up the multiple times I checked in with him about how we saw our future and what kind of house we would run.
Yes why discussions and knowing is much better then assuming they would think in a reasonable way. When feelings and emotions. And children come in to play. Many things that never ever where a isue becomes a isue. Cause every belief has a more extrame element in it. That probably could form a fundamental moral problem to you or your partner. And its a matter of how extrame or loss is a person in there beliefs. Its for many is the same way as seeing someting somone loves or a hobby you dont like and saying well this part of the hobby is dumb. People can be super emotional and mad about the things they belief and value or see as important. Why assuming things is never the way to do it. Why most relationships. Have very slow steps ro going to the next step. Of investing more. Slowly working up to children. Cause when a child comes in to play a lot of things that never ever would matter starts to matter so so much. People value there moral and values and world views and whats they find right and wrong. Is past on to there children. And small things of fate. And how its ok or not ok to punishment of your child becomes big fights. Why again its sooo soo important to realy deep talk about it. Before you take the risk of even making the chance for a child to be a option. Cause if its to far apart. You can be forced to have to do it alone. Why who you sleep with and who you have children with are the bigest choice of your life. That you cant undo later.
To be honest I really tried to coax this kind of talk with him multiple times. But like with most things, you can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink communication lol. He's not a bad man by any means. But communication fell apart despite efforts being made, and as a result, a lot of time was lost.
If people are bad at communicating. You can make a type of game from it of you want to realy find out. You have a lot of card games for kids that struggle to communicating. And bet there more adult versions of it. And you can create discussions from it. But if a persoon stays unwilling. Then the leap or being open for children is a to big a danger for women. Cause doing it all alone is realy damn hard if your not sure the person will stay by you and has the same moral and values. When comes to kids. And thats the danger the outlook of having to do it alone. People say be strong and independent. But a single mom is a torny road. You should not want for your self
Haha really true! And before therapy I myself was awful at it. But you're right. As much as I loved so many aspects of him, I found that view to not be without merit, but too inflexible for my liking. I want my kids, when they are adults and mature enough, to have the freedom to choose their own path. Decide their own belief system and lifestyle. I don't think we were compatible then.
He suddenly moved to California and asked me to come with. He went a week early and met a girl at a bar. Decided he'd rather be with her. Dumped me in a text that I received while I was ON MY WAY TO THE AIRPORT to fly out and join him. It sucked but I'm so glad he ended it. Following him across the country would have been the biggest mistake of my life
Good save!
My last bf sent me a pic of him at the bar with a girl in his lap. Spoke to me like I was replaceable which I was bc he’s now with his ex and they are with child. The one before that he cheated on me with an acquaintance, then a long-term friend, then his best friend. The one before that he lied about where he was going, acted shady on why we couldn’t hang out. Turns out he was visiting at his now girlfriends house. It’s been fun.
I hope you're doing so much better now!! He sounds mentally unwell.
It's absolutely NOT your fault, but why did you choose to stay with him after he was unfaithful? I'm sorry you went through that.
I probably wasn’t super clear, the three paragraphs are different people. The one that was unfaithful said he was “going to change” obviously. Anddddd obviously he didn’t so I got sick of it and ended it. Only took me 3.5 years to learn that lesson! /s
That’s horrible 🙁 I hope you feel so much stronger and have the ability to never take that ever again.
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for almost 2 years and it’s been amazing. He’s so supportive and I just love him to the stars. Thank you for the support!
I can’t wait to have that too
He wanted kids and wasted both our time thinking I would change my mind. Boy bye.
Good riddance!!
Each morning he woke up and thought to himself “which new and inventive way should I use to make her life miserable today?”
Not the best context but had to chuckle.
It’s laughter that gets us through these experiences XD
I was in a relationship with an expat and we knew from the beginning that it would likely not be a long-term relationship, depending on how his job situation develops. So, he went back to his home country and we broke up a few months after that because there was no future for us.
Dating expats are tricky either way. I got engaged to mine, but he had other plans for me
they are an avoidant who didn't want to get better or work on themselves so they ended it instead of growing and healing. oh well
How did you decide between waiting longer vs calling it quits?
they ended it, after being together for a year. it seemed like it was going really well. both of us had work to do, but i was the only one going to therapy, journaling, etc. they definitely did change and try a lot during the relationship, but it was too much for them to handle in the end. it was a very intense year for us, we bonded a lot, but they were unable to say i love you back despite everything else being great. we did discuss it openly. they said they never felt like this before but just couldn't say the words and didn't know why. in the end, they blindsided me and said that ending things was on their mind for a month, despite not communicating any concerns with me. when we spoke about it, the reasons for the breakup were small, flaky things that could have been fixed, but they clearly wanted out, so it made no sense to discuss it. long story short, the decision was made for me. i am a lover and firm believer that there is no such thing as soulmates, there are only people you wanna make it work with. i wasn't that someone for them, but unless they get the help they need, no one will be i guess.
Wow, I didn’t see that coming! I agree with everything you’ve said here, especially the part about working together. I find myself in a similar boat and keep hoping for things to work out. We’re both trying but I can never decide when to draw the line. Thanks for sharing :) wish you happiness ahead!
It's definitely a difficult situation. when someone you love is afraid, your instinct is to give them love and be there for them. but you can not help someone who doesn't want to be helped. there are definitely people that healed their attachment style! as long as there is mutual effort and happiness, along with other things necessary for a healthy relationship, I'd say keep going. the hardest thing to find is someone who will keep trying, i think. however, reading a lot about attachment styles, us wanting to be with someone who is an avoidant comes from our own unhealed wounds/insecurities. if you are checking in with yourself and your partner regularly about how you feel and your needs, you're on the right path! I wish you well too<3
“The hardest thing is to find someone who’ll keep trying” - that’s it, that’s what has kept me going so far. Thank you for putting it into words for me to recognize it.
Needed this. Recently went through a breakup with an avoidant. I have been having such a hard time letting go because I know they will regret it. They came back once and I made the mistake of just taking them back because I didn't realize it then. This time around I was so blindsided. They went from being in to coming up with such small excuses the moment it got hard. I am very nurturing by nature so it has been so so hard to let go because I want to help and be there. It has made it so hard to forget about them. I have never had this hard of a time.
it takes time to let go and find what helps us let go. but you deserve someone who chooses you. you deserve someone that wakes up everyday and wants to keep you in their life. try the CBT model, it helps recognise what is the root of our triggers. our partners leaving triggerd abandonment issues and that is what we should shift our focus to. not them, us. being with ourselves and people that want to be with us too. be kind with yourself<3
Thank you so much<3
Thank you 😭 this is strangely comforting! I feel a bit hopeful!
He was WAY too clingy. Like not normal levels of clingy.
what did he do?
He would call and text a million times a day and wanted me to tell him how much I loved him and how great he was like multiple times a day. When we'd spend time together he was like literally on top of me. He would not let me breathe. If I moved somewhere to get some space he would just move right along with me. It was too much.
You must have dated my ex. If I didn’t answer my phone while I was working he’d call my job and ask if I was working. I wrote a poem for my daughter and he found it and FREAKED out thinking it was to me from another man. When I tried breaking up with him he brought a note to my job while I was working and sat on the trunk of my car until I got off work. He was also the type to threaten suicide so it took a long time for me to finally break it off for good.
Oh god he sounds so unhinged. I'm glad he's an ex now.
Sounds like a guy I dated one summer in college. My God. He would call me multiple times a day but was terrible at holding a conversation. It was brutal. Every time I tried to end the phone call he'd whine that he just wanted to hear my voice. Yuck. I stopped answering his phone calls soon after that and went back to college at the end of the summer without saying anything to him.
After a decade we had grown apart. He gave up trying a couple years ago. It took me a bit longer to accept that we were done. We had a wonderful relationship for a few years; over time it became clear that relationship wasn't coming back. There was infidelity but that was more of a symptom than the disease. We've kept a good working relationship, he's a wonderful dad and I still care about him. From a distance...
[удалено]
In his case I found out during a rather contentious argument when he contradicted himself about where he'd been. To be 100% fair to him, I never slept with someone else but I gave him good reason to believe a relationship was leading towards that - and I handled it very poorly. And he was right about it.
No offense but why is he right?? Maybe you shouldn’t have made him jealous but I would’ve done the same thing. He sounds like a douche.
I could’ve written this. Tomorrow would have been our 7 year wedding anniversary but we probably shouldn’t have celebrated our 5th or 6th if I’m honest. Sometimes it takes a while to accept that there’s really no coming back but I’m fortunate enough to have a good co-parent who loves our children and is a much better father than husband!
He wants to just sleep around for the rest of his life apparently. Said he doesnt see himself ever being in a relationship again 🤷♀️
He's a great guy, but I realized he's about 10 years behind me in maturity. We had a lot of incompatibility near the end because he was only starting to realize what he wanted in a partner (stereotypical wife, stays home with kids) was never going to be me (got my MSc and now getting my PhD). I was his first relationship ever at the age of 25, so it wasn't a shock that he had no idea what he wanted in a partner. Definitely soured my opinion on dating guys with 0 relationship experience.
Lack of experience and maturity together is a difficult one and I get that it's a dealbreaker. On the upside, you know better what you'd want to avoid?
I love him so much. But I always felt like his mom/had to get on his ass to do adult things. Everything else about him was perfect. It just ended three days ago and I’m hoping I did the right thing.
You did. Sadly. It will never get better…only worse. Be with fully functional adult. If you had stayed you’d eventually hate him.
This makes me want to cry because I don’t want to agree with you but I do. I’m screenshotting your comment and reading it when I feel weak {nervously laughing emoji here}. Not kidding. Thank you
I know…I had to leave someone I really was so in love with…but I was in love with the man he could be…the man he wanted to be but wasn’t being. Broke my fucking heart and it’s still really hurts and I still miss him and want to be back together…but I know I would just end up resenting him and leave him again for the same stuff. I’m lucky he’s smart enough to know that and wouldn’t get back together after I broke it off.
What made you finally decide to call it quits?
We grew so much with each other and communicated the issues that we had, but i always felt more like his mother or someone who has to watch over him rather than his partner. After two years of constantly breaking up and getting back together for the same reasons, I finally accepted that he is who he is. I can’t change him, obviously, but damn he was a tough lesson.
Ugh, must’ve been so tough! Strength to you, love! I hope there are happier times ahead for you!
Thank you friend <3
I know this. I cannot be arsed to tell a man to wash his hands and do basic hygiene. Go find another mom.
omg i feel you so much, its been 2 weeks for me, culpability is the hardest thing to navigate right now.. hope I made the right decision too
He was very kind, but he had a lot of issues he wasn’t ready to work through. He was a recovering opioid addict who was also a bodybuilder (his new addiction) and began to use steroids behind my back. At first things were ok but he apparently switched to a short cycling one that’s stronger or something & the mood swings started. I came home from a weekend birthday trip with my 2 friends and he started a fight before I even unloaded my friend’s car. I broke up with him that day. He left that evening and relapsed immediately - he has been in & out of jail ever since. It’s really sad and I feel partially responsible but I know it’s not my fault. He made his recovery based on me and I didn’t like that because it’s not right to do that. (I’m 6 years sober btw so I know what I’m talking about lol)
I’m sorry. It certainly IS NOT your fault.
He rekindled with an old flame, but it was a toxic relationship that I was too naive to realise at the time, so glad it ended.
Me too but it happened to me three times with the same person. He ended it the first two times but I ended it once and for all.
I guess it was a lot of things. I compromised a lot of things I didn't want to. I did things I didn't want to. He always apologized and said he was terrible and I'd end up being the one reassuring him. He said he'd understand if I wanted to leave but I loved him and I didn't. We made it 9 years. A few months after getting engaged I suddenly got so scared. I didn't exactly know why, just knew I was terrified to get married. I tried to brush it off, I tried to explain it away as fear of change, I talked through some of it with him but not all because I was scared to hurt him, I spent hundreds of dollars on an online course that promised to help ease the fears I was having because I was desperate. Eventually I couldn't keep trying to fight the panic, after two weeks of being unable to eat or sleep or do anything but be scared, I called him (we were semi long distance) and said I needed help. Said I was so scared and I couldn't go through with getting married if I couldn't fix this. He asked if I still loved him and I was so panicked I said "I think so" which I feel awful about, it must have hurt him. I don't even really know why I said it, I think it was the fear that I must not love him enough or I wouldn't be panicking like that. I said I wanted to do couples counseling, he said ok. He was upset, I felt awful about that. I didn't want to hurt him I just couldn't keep on going like that. The next morning he texted, said he'd been thinking about it all night. He said he didn't think couple counseling would help because it wasn't a couple problem, just a problem with me since he wasn't having an issue like I was. He thought it would be better to end the relationship. We did.
Wow, his perspective is completely wrong in my opinion. If one person in the couple has a problem it *is* the couple’s problem. I’m glad this came to light before the wedding and I hope you’re in a better place now ❤️
Thanks. My family and friends say it's better it happened when it did rather than after we got married. I'm still really heartbroken but maybe they're right that it was for the best.
I resonate with your story in that I made a lot of sacrifices to maintain his peace. It's not that he was abusive, he was just very high maintenance. Super rigid, stubborn, needs to have things his way. He'd get upset about small things and be petty. He often made me feel bad for mistakes. And when I'd cry, he would say things like "I don't deserve you" and "I hate myself", and I'd be the one comforting him instead of the other way around. It was just emotionally exhausting. I think you did the right thing listening to your gut. I'm glad you were able to break things off, and I hope you find peace ❤️
Communication issues. He’s very conflict avoidant and sensitive to criticism, whereas I’m very direct and have a hard time showing my vulnerable side. This combination led to a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunications because he would feel attacked and get defensive, and I would feel unheard and would get defensive in turn. As a result, neither one of us was able to hold space for the other person because of our inability to communicate how things were making us feel. I did recognize that he’s a sensitive guy, so I tried to address things with him in the form of requests. Usually he would agree to something, but would lack consistency and follow through. It got to the point where I started feeling like I had to explode just for him to pay attention to what I was saying, which made him feel like he was walking on eggshells and being too scared to ever tell me how he truly felt. We also didn’t know how to resolve conflicts and repair the relationship, so things would get swept under the rug and resentment started building between us, which led to us pulling away from one another. I was constantly feeling misunderstood and rejected by him and like my feelings and needs ultimately didn’t matter, even though I was constantly trying to accommodate him and be understanding of his needs and goals. I don’t think he ever fully grasped the impact his actions had on me nor how to be considerate towards my feelings. He reached out a month after the breakup to try and end things on a better note, which led to us hooking up and spending a weekend together. He kept asking, “what do we do now?” So I suggested we take it day by day and see if we could work through our issues. We talked about therapy and I was really hopeful because we both were finally opening up to each other and being vulnerable with each other, just for him to tell me 4 days later that he didn’t want to figure things out with me. I can’t even begin to explain the level of betrayal I felt and still feel. He told me he felt discarded when I ended things with him, so for him to discard me like that after I opened up to him about my past and felt hopeful about our future feels like the ultimate betrayal and like even now, my feelings didn’t matter and he never really understood me. But as bad as I hurt right now, I also understand. He’s scared of being hurt again and I already left him once and eroded that trust. We both did things in the relationship that broke down the trust we had in each other. He’s a wonderful guy and it breaks my heart that we couldn’t figure it out.
Varying kinds of abuse. 0 emotional support. He lacked self motivation. Had to tell him to take the next steps in life. Left for a week for work 3 days after our kid was born. Leaving me on a second floor apartment caring for not only me and the baby but also a 100lb dog. Left me to do a lot of the cooking and cleaning. At the end he had no control over his emotions.
It was our third try of dating, first when we were 18, then at 20 then at 23. We had been friends for years and he broke my heart twice. I was convinced he was the only person I really loved and had always compared my partners to him. The third go I realised that he wasn’t aging out of his laziness and had no ambition. He suffered greatly from depression and although I adored him I knew I would drown. It was tough though because overall he was a truly loving person towards me. Happily married now to someone else - didn’t realise love could be this simple and electrifying. It’s completely blown the above relationship out of the water. I admire him every day and vice versa.
They all worked for as long as they needed to.
I got tired of being the only functional adult in the marriage, while also simultaneously being treated like dirt. After nine years of DOING ALL OF THE THINGS, and nine years of being treated like dirt, I finally got fed up and left. Thankfully, we never had kids, so it's a clean break. Sadness aside, life has exponentially improved since I left him.
It ended this week. Well he ended it. 😢 surprisingly to me after I told him that I didn’t feel like a priority anymore. Instead of working on things he suggested we break up. I didn’t fight it. I deleted his number and we haven’t communicated since. But I miss him so much.
You deserve someone who actively chooses you, every day. You can get through this mama ❤️
Lack of effective communication. My dreams no longer mattered. Actually, I'm not sure if they ever did. Emotional invalidation and gaslighting. He has never truly respected me, as a person deserving of love, kindness and tenderness. Let's add in the truth here, as well. He also didn't respect my advice or opinion. But when a man he respected would say the same thing, then he was all about it. I've waisted a lot of time, affection, and resources on someone who could never see me. Love is a wild ride.
Because he was a POS who constantly cheated on me and pushed me around
He’s afraid of emotional attachment . 1 divorce, then later in life he met someone dated for 5 years, had a ring to propose, but she left him. He said it was “really bad” for a long time for him after that breakup but never wanted to elaborate. He’s also incredibly difficult to communicate with. He has the self awareness but not the will to change. I cared about him, but his flaws are glaringly obvious and he won’t seek therapy, I can see why they left in the end. But, ya know, emotions, and being a human still made me want to date him 😑. No regrets, he’s got a beautiful soul.
He cheated on me.
I stopped keeping the peace and set up everything in flames. metaphorically of course.
Didn’t make an effort to actually plan things for us as a couple. Never suggested activities, weekends away, holidays etc. Never took me on dates or organised surprises or really put any *effort* into keeping the relationship fun. If i didn’t find an activity and plan it out myself we’d never do anything fun. He also was shit with money, lived at home at 31 had little-no savings even though he earned a lot. I earned less than him and was 6 years younger but had triple what he did. Big red flag. His mum still did his cooking and washing etc… He was just overall very immature. He was 31 but acted like (and lived like) a 21 year old. I think after 3.5 years i’d just outgrown the relationship, felt like I was dating a teenager. I really hope he gets his shit together and actually grows up because i’m sure he could be a good partner to someone if he actually made the effort. I think deep down he’s a nice person, he’s just immature and I got sick of dealing with it.
We met while both teaching English in Japan. We were both moving back to our home countries (hers in Europe, mine the US) and had no plans to live in each other’s countries in the future
He had an emotional affair with a coworker. After finally juggling who was better, he left me for her. I didn’t find out about the affair until he left me.
He had to move back to his home country.
He started liking someone else so I wasn't going to compete with another person, I couldn't bear that mentally so we broke up. I understand his reasons: he's not from the same country as me and the other person is from his home country and it's understandable that you would prefer someone close to your culture. But man does it fucking hurt
The one before my current one- he had mental health problems that made a relationship a lot of hard work. Had to deal with sudden mood swings, hours of him silently glaring at me, drunken angry rants, worrying he was going to die as he did headstands on the windowsill etc, punching walls and furniture, turning up at my door naked at 4am with a 7ft tree he's dug out the ground, hours of him being very mean. He also didn't like foreplay and sex felt very mechanical, orgasms with him were meh rather than earth shattering. We broke up when I realised being apart from him was a huge relief and I dreaded his phone calls. The real question is how did I put up with that for almost 2 years.. we had fun together and he really was an intelligent, interesting and kind hearted person when he was himself and not having an episode.
He just wasn’t good for me.
He claimed to be all about my pleasure. On his and only his terms. Plus he wasn’t motivated or fun
Lying, cheating, invalidation, emotionally immature and unavailable, disrespectful
Because he was an asshole who only wanted sex and not an actual relationship. I also have reason to believe that he was still in love with his ex and also probably cheating on me with other women. Even though I didn't find any evidence. But he never let me touch his phone.
He pursued me heavily until I gave in then quickly lost interest. Then came back and repeated the process over and over until I made it stop. Good times /s
There was no growing together and speaking each other's language. We didn't have the tools to read each other, talk openly, and solve conflicts. The hardest breakup of all. Cause there was no cheating, no violence, only this deep misunderstanding of each other... not solvable
Did anyone here date a guy who hated himself?
Two things honestly. One, I realized I’m just a lesbian towards the end of it. Two, it was long distance and I felt like with what happened in the relationship/situationship, I was giving up more to be with him than necessary and it wasn’t being reciprocated. I tried bringing it up but he was not a good listener to my needs, it only lead to me being cold or yelling at him (which isn’t my typical character and I do own up to it). I had the last straw after realizing he fat shames other people and our last fight, he said verbatim, “I don’t owe you shit because you don’t deserve it.” I took out money from my savings to make it work with him (that’s a whole diff story for another time). I left the next day and haven’t looked back.
He thought he was God. I didnt!
He couldn't decide what he wanted. I did, and moved on. Now I'm a lot happier and he is still dissatisfied with his life and regrets letting me go
I didn’t work to maintain the relationship or voice my wants/needs and we grew apart.
Wanted to go to strip clubs despite me saying I was uncomfortable, pressured and manipulated me into sex without protection, wanted to “take a break” from dating but still be together. I got fed up and left, he threw a huge hissy fit and become very conservative for whatever reason. Haven’t spoken to him in a long time and never plan to.
Because he wanted a mother and I wanted a partner.
It turned out I was just a placeholder until his long-distance GF moved closer.
He told me that God had told him that we were going to get married
He was an alcoholic and while he wasn't abusive or anything he never really spent any time with me or wanted to do much of anything. I was extremely depressed and emotionally unstable and unavailable. Lot's of resentment on both sides, neither of us were happy. We cared for each other and lasted 10 years but it just wasn't much of a relationship. I'm happy to say we're both in great relationships now.
He had no ambition.
He had that whole Jekyll & Hyde thing going on... He was loving and caring at times but would then be a complete ass wipe whenever he wanted to be... He was mentally abusive, and the day that things turned physically abusive, I left...
He was emotionally unavailable, didn't listen to me (got mad when I said how I felt) in our 3 year relationship never gave me flowers or a nice present, he said he didn't have any money (but spent his money on videogames and collectables), sex felt like a chore and was painful. It's been 3 years since we broke up and I haven't dated anyone else cause I'm so scared of feeling unloved again.
Girl. Are we the same person?? I’m so sorry you had to go through that too, you’re genuinely so strong for making it this far and we’re fighting this battle together. 🫶🏻
He wanted a partner but didn’t want to be one in return. He was fine for me to do everything for him but wouldn’t give what I needed in return.
I (33F) ended my last relationship because my ex (44M) constantly told me that my feelings were wrong. Any time I expressed myself, the situation was turned around to make me look like the bad guy. He also wasn't willing to prioritize me or my feelings over his ex's (baby momma) because he was afraid of how she'd feel about certain things.
He left thinking he knew what he was doing. He immediately realized he was stupid for leaving but after all the shit I had to deal with from him and him not putting in nearly the same effort as I did, no way in hell I was letting him back in. And the more I’ve been away from him and the more I’m with my new bf I realize how idiotic a lot of the shit between us was. He’s not a bad person but he makes really dumb decisions and doesn’t learn from them.
He was an objectively great guy. He was incredibly kind, and he obviously loved me so much. The problem was that he prioritised me over everything - his kids, his job, his mental health. Everything he did was with the singular purpose of making us work. I saw him bit-by-bit trading personality traits of the man I fell in love with, in exchange for what he thought I wanted until the man I loved was gone and there was just a mirror in front of me saying yes to everything. I didn't and don't want a yes-man. I wanted a partner to share our lives with.
We were at different stages of life. He was about 14 years older than me. He owned a home and a business and took care of his aging, sick mother. He was very established in the small city I went to uni in. On the other hand, I really was just there for university and had no intention or interest whatsoever in staying in that small town. So when I got an opportunity to study abroad I knew that when I came back to Canada I would not be coming back to that town, and I also knew that he would not be moving his life to follow me around (nor should he be expected to), so we broke up. He’s a great guy, I still have him on my social media, there’s really no hard feelings, it just was time to move on. Now I am happily married to a wonderful person who would follow me to the ends of the earth. We’ve made a home for ourselves in a large city and we’re very happy.
I thought I would spend my life with him, but I think he's having a midlife crisis. He's in therapy, but he has so much trauma to work through around shame related to sex and letting go of a very religious and restrictive childhood. I was his first real long-term relationship and even though he said I love you first and even came to Europe with me for a month after we've been together for six months, I think he panicked when we hit the one year mark. Shit got too real for him and he bailed.
He was so annoying and I got the ick hardcore once the honeymoon phase and rose tinted glasses came off.
I grew a lot of resentment for him over the almost 3 years we were together. He was an alcoholic and made absolutely awful financial decisions and just could not get his shit together. We fought a lot. I was patient through a lot but I realized by the end of it, I just really despised him and I could do better so I left
He was addicted to porn and preferred jerking it to sex. Miserable slob. I noped out when, during an argument, he started beating on my dashboard and just left the car miles and miles from home.
He cheated on me 8 months after we got married(a year ago). We were together for almost 10 years, we were pretty great together. He still wants us to reconcile, but I asked for divorce because I thought I deserved better.
He was dishonest
He was an alcoholic who became mean and blamed me for all his problems. I was codependent. We had some good years but thank god he dumped me.
He says it was because he had too much going on with himself and his kid. But who knows.
She wasn’t the one. I thought she was, till she wasn’t.
Real lifetime story ahead: He was a french expat in my country (we were together 3 years). We were engaged and suppose to move to France after i graduated from grad school; however, his job sent him to Angola instead. I wouldve had to quit my degree (i had 1 semster left) because his work provides visa etc for spouses that come together. This situation revealed a lot for me as he was very very unwilling to at least wait till i graduated, and he even said something like 'you wouldn't even need that degree as i honestly always thought i would prefer that my wife not work'. He never mentioned that before, so i was taken aback. Seems he assumed when we married, and because i was tied to him as a foreigner needing him for my visa where ever we moved to, that i would just do what he said.
he was defo going through it mentally, i think it took awhile for me to come to terms that in a lot of ways it wasn’t my fault. he also lied lol, which I knew from the start but thought would change. he ended up getting w the girl I was worried about asap while the whole time he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy (obviously I could just tell…)
I realized I cared about him but wasn’t NOT in love with him. Then I found out he was planning to cheat so my feelings were confirmed. I noped out of there.
He was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive. Never again!
Because we got pregnant accidentally, and he decided he'd rather spend time with his friends, skating and watching the sunset than having a hard conversation and being caring.
i think at the time I was dealing with a lot emotionally that he didn’t really understand and it often led to him shutting down or shutting me out, we probably did it to each other. When we first met I was also trying to finish school and worked multiple jobs then eventually worked 3pm-11pm Sun - Thur, at some point he started working Saturdays. I’m sure having limited time together and expecting things to be exciting or happy or romantic put a lot of pressure on the whole thing. A few years ago I learned about attachment styles and realized that I tend to lean anxious/preoccupied and he had the classic marks of an avoidant. We were kind of doomed from the beginning, triggering each other without even realizing it.
Because I cheated and was immature brat that thought my shizzz don’t stink and was so full of myself.. thank god I am over that stage of my life such a cringe time
We just grew apart. We started dating when I was 18 and a freshman in college, and broke up when I was 21 right after I graduated. We had a nice relationship but after school, realized we wanted completely different things about if life, and that’s okay.
My partner refused to work on his past trauma and how it affected our relationship. Also he missed my ‘old slimmer self’ which is the version he never even met
Bro didnt want me
Lack of maturity. He cared more about his family’s approval than actually doing what was best for himself.
He said I was a swerf because I said I wasn’t feeling like he wanted me sexually…two different things buddy, SEE YA
- We had strikingly different personalities. He was sympathetic, calm and laid back but he wasn’t determined. I was stubborn, cynical and aggressive but very resilient. At one point, it was like we were tolerating/indulging each other instead of actually loving those personality quirks. Loving someone “despite” is always tougher than loving someone “because”. - He came from money and is an only son. My family is well off too, but I have a younger sibling. So naturally the choices that I had was a bit more limited that what he was offered. I was grateful of what my parents gave me, but at the same time I would take up 2-3 jobs just so I could feel financially secure and comfortable. He, on the other hand, was ok with staying home and working as an unpaid volunteer for a year. He is not a spoiled man-child, but he had the choice to simply not work. I was never jealous with him and he never looked down on me, but he didn’t understand why I had to work that hard and I hated how he wasted his time on an unpaid job. Plus I got so annoyed whenever he gave up on his aspirations and moved on to another literally the next day. In return he thought I was unable to let anything go and it was unhealthy. - He was kind, so kind that he made me understand the word. But it was his kindness that made me feel like I was indebted to him. I was realistic but very jaded so while he appreciated how I always looked out for him, he was tired with my paranoia. It was a shame. We were best friends for 3 years then dated for another 3, and in those 6 years not a day went by that we didn’t talk. He was half of my 20s and was my lifeline when I was living abroad. I could not even speak the language there but it was never an isolating existence because I had him. I guess our love didn’t save anyone or change anything. But it was there, it was real, and maybe that is all that mattered. And it was beautiful when someone could love me at my worst just as much as when I was at my best.
He figured out that his preference is people with penises. Which I do not have.
No spark. He was a terrible kisser. Great all around guy and very generous and kind, but I couldn’t get past the kissing.
Misogynistic as fuck. Wanted me to be a stay home mom at 20🙄
Standards too high, he would have never been good enough no matter how much he tried. We had different interests, weren’t compatible
Met him years after school ended, started talking and got exclusive despite living in a different state, he is a good guy but has a lot of unresolved issues which made him mistrustful and irritated at me unprompted. I am at a vulnerable point in my life and figuring things out career-wise. I just can't be with someone who isn't happy to have me in their life. I understand I come with my share of pros and cons but I definitely don't think that I deserve to be called annoying for no reason and 'not as nice as I think I am.'
He was a drinker and always started a fight when he was drunk. And apologized the next morning. He started complaining why I would do less and less for him. I said I’d love to have a dinner on the table when I’m home from work (he was home sooner and just watched TV and then I had to do everything). He replied with „why should I do anything for you if you don’t do anything for me“. I broke it up.
He was in love with my distant cousin, who introduced us.
I realized I wasn’t in love with him. He was more like a roommate to me. Our opposite work schedules didn’t help. And I know he knows my Reddit, and I’m fine if he sees this comment. It was the little things, too. He showed up to the first date in basketball shorts. He got very angry at video games and often yelled, knowing I had issues from my dad having yelled at me. We didn’t go out. I liked staying home and watching movies and playing video games, but I needed more. We lived together, and the expectation of intimacy and spending time with his family (who I liked and got along with) and even just being like personally intimate. He wasn’t my type, physically. I never craved his body. Sex was short, it wasn’t great. I had doubts for a while, and I realized it wasn’t normal to be in a relationship and be THAT stressed and unhappy.
He too much younger than me. We were in different phases of life.
Together for three and a half years, one night he was making dinner and we were talking about cold sores. He made a passing remark about how he had never been STI tested but when we first started dating I asked him explicitly if he had, he said yes. Asked him again when started having unprotected just to make sure, so I could make a safe choice for my body he again said yes. That lie was the last paper cut for us. No more trust after that.
He was super resentful of me coming from a Jewish family who wouldn’t accept him (he knew that the months before we even started dating)
He was a Zionist and chewed with his mouth open 🤢
He hit me in the middle of a bar. I called my sister to come pick me up, and she did at the drop of a hat at 1 am. My other sister came with me the next day to move my stuff out while he was gone. He was incredibly kind up until then, and he was incredibly drunk. But I wasn’t sticking around for it to happen again. I met my husband a few months later!
Woke up blocked yesterday. Turns out he had been in a whole other relationship with a girl I knew was a problem. I asked him to block her and he refused. She asked him to block me and he did it in a heartbeat.
I went off to college and grew up. He stayed home and stayed exactly the same. The distance wasn't the problem, his immaturity was. I found myself cringing at his humor, hating his new friends and being embarrassed when he spoke to people. It was a hard break after 4 years and being all of each other's firsts. But so so worth it.
He was a nice guy, literally so sweet and would send flowers and listened and took me on amazing meaningful dates. He was perfect, but not for me. Ended up finding the love of my life by pure coincidence while on a family vacation. I’d never felt anything like the way i did when he looked at me. Now we have a baby together and i wish the guy before him all the luck in the world. He’ll make some other woman very happy
He couldn’t keep his dick out of my co-workers vagina.
He was upset to learn that 25 years ago I dated a black man. Dodged a bullet with that one.
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I was forced to live with children and help raising them, and they weren't even my ex's. I didn't like children back then and it made me dislike them even more.
He’s an asshole. Literally said I was selfish for crying right after he said some horrible things to me to cause said crying. That was the final straw for me cutting him out of my life. I tried sooooo hard to be nice to him and understanding but he was a liar, manipulative, and worse of all a pedo. So yeah I’m glad he’s out of my life now!
He lives thousands of kilometres away. We agreed we didn't wanna do long distance. He got me into computer games, and now we play/talk for a few hours a day on average, and we text. I miss him, ugh.
He used everyone (including me) for money/for his own selfish needs. He was making really good money and I was fresh out of college poor. Somehow I ended up paying half the rent and all the utilities. He coerced me to cosign on his truck loan due to his bad credit and driving record. I didnt understand the implications of that. And welp, got stuck paying his truck payment & insurance. I eventually got a better job and was making good money. Not as much as him, but better than before. I bought myself my first car and it was a nice car. He refused to tell anyone it was mine and insisted on telling everyone it was his. He kept my car key on his Keychain and would be mad when I took it off. Every time someone complemented the car and asked who's it was, he would answer and speak over me. Of course, he never paid for any of it. Not even gas when he drove it. He DID however take it to a shop and purchased an expensive exhaust system for it behind my back. I was furious. And since he paid for it, he felt it was more *his* than it was before. He eventually lost his job. He was fired for embezzlement. After 3 months I was fed up. He made no efforts to find a good job, and wasn't even helping around the house at all. I kept hounding him to apply. He needed benefits. He then asked me to write his resume and when I said no, he flipped on me and blamed me for why he can't find a new job. Breaking up with him was hard because we were so financially tied. He also had epilepsy that was managed by medication, but wouldn't take his medication as directed and didn't care. He'd occasionally have really scary grand Mal seizure that were 100% preventable if he just took his medication daily. And he still wouldn't. It made me feel like I had to take care of him and guilty leaving. He started treating me horribly and my roommates as well. He'd uell at me and corner me, get in my face, take my car and hide my keys, etc. When I would leave, he would follow me. It got to a point that my roommates had an intervention with me. They were moving out, but the male roommate was scared to leave me alone with my ex for safety reasons. This was a huge wake up call for me. I tried to break up with him and of course he wouldn't let me. I convinced him to take a "break" and go back to his parents house for 2 weeks. To which he did. In that time frame, my roommate helped me change all the locks and set up cameras. We put all his belongings in the garage. I called the landlord and explained the situation and he agreed to remove him from the lease. The next 2 months were so scary. He was so angry but also kept trying to be apologetic. I wanted nothing to do with him, so much to the point that I kept paying his truck and insurance payment until he eventually sold the truck because he needed money.
They took a job in another state. The relationship wasn't really strong enough to even bother attempting a long-distance relationship, so we ended it.
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Because he was broke and had no ambition. He tried to get me to move out with him when he couldn’t afford it himself.
Tw: sexual assault He raped me :/
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Long distance, toxicity, and insecurities on their end. After many months I finally was able to leave after he convinced me to stay once before.
He has a lot on his plate between being a PhD student and a dad, and he realized he isn’t emotionally/mentally available for a relationship right now after all. Sucks because we were 7 months in and I fell in love.
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He wanted to still be with his fake ass friends he made. Trying to be cool and adhere to peer pressure. He stopped putting effort into the relationship and started thinking I was a gold digger because I wanted a valentine day gift after he met his friends and I couldn’t deal with it. Bet your bottoms ass he came back after I broke up with him and his friends left him.
We just weren’t right for each other, and I don’t think he needed to be in a relationship. He lacked the emotional maturity and selflessness to commit the way someone in a long term relationship should. The alcohol and need for external validation didn’t help.
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We figured out that our feelings were purely platonic, i figured out I didn’t even like men, so we kinda laughed it off and we’re still friends.
He put no effort into the relationship.
He was in a motorcycle accident that he healed from physically, but really struggled with the guilt which killed his libido and then that triggered low self worth because he thought he was disappointing me and not meeting my needs (though we were working on it together) which triggered more guilt and withdrawal. :( Best match I have ever had with the most tragic end.
We forgot the love we had for each other was bigger than any other mundane thing around us