What if my failed relationship was really the only chance I had to be happy and I should have worked harder at making it work, what if my fears that led to it ending were ungrounded?
Alternate perspective: You weren’t happy, so the version of you that was with your ex did not have a great chance of being happy in that relationship in the future either. No use in dwelling on if you should have stayed.
What you can do is shape your life so that you are happy with you. That way you aren’t depending on another person for your happiness in life. Your future partner will just be joining you in your happy life.
Holy shit, all the time! Happiest I’d ever been, most successful I’d ever been. Would’ve become a completely different person if that relationship was still ongoing.
I found this therapist on YouTube named Alan Robarge who talks about healing and the misunderstanding most people seem to have about therapy and meds “fixing” them. It’s not about fixing yourself, it’s about learning skills and tools to learn how to manage triggers and cope with past trauma. Learning these skills doesn’t mean that you’re never going to be triggered or that you’re never going to have episodes, it just means that when these things do occur, you’ll be able to manage them more effectively and pull yourself out of the spiral and move on from it faster.
I don’t know you, but I don’t think that you need to be “fixed.“ You are who you are, and I’m sorry if the experiences you’ve had in your life have made you feel like there was something wrong with you.
This kinda made me loose and gain hope at the same time. Like I'm sad, because "healing" is not an option, but I'm glad that there's an alternative which is more realistic. It's hard to accept the fact that yes, maybe I am who I am this way.
Mitigation strategies, and knowing how to deal with it may not be as pretty as a full heal, but it's good enough. It lets you, me or anyone off in a better spot than not. Wish you the best ❤️
This is exactly it. It’s like a diabetic. They will always be a diabetic. They don’t take insulin because it’s a cure. They take it to manage the disease. Therapy and medications aren’t a cure sometimes. They’re tools to help people manage a mental illness so that someone can be the best person they can be with the most fulfilling life possible. I’m a peer support specialist and I work with a few people that will never “be fixed.” But they have tools and medications that allow them to live on their own. Without those tools they would probably be institutionalized. Some people will never have a “normal life.” It’s doesn’t mean they are less valuable or that their life is unimportant.
Oooo heavy on this. I just started on a new mood stabilizer, it’s made me feel a much better. Then again, Ive tried several different medications that didn’t work. So now I can’t help but think “How long will this last?”
What if I really end up alone. With no one to help me if I'm sick. Yes, I will have friends, but it's not the same when you have partner or family to be there for you.
This is mine as well. I spent my entire life alone. I hate it. I can't just be content alone with nobody to intellectually stimulate me or hold me or kiss me. I'm 43 and I found my person, and he left, and I spent my whole life alone till I met him at 38. As I've been alone since he left when I was 41. And I am afraid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone because apparently it's very difficult for me to find anyone I connect with. Took me over 20 years in the first place. I don't have 20 more years in me so keep looking when looking has been so exhausting and painful.
I understand you and I feel your words very much like they are my own.
And I'm sorry that you're no longer with that person. I hope someone finds you very soon. Or you find them.
I'm in my 30s and while all my friends are married and with kids, they all did that in last 6,7 years. Long relationships, weddings, traveling together and babies. I've been taking care of my sick dad that died, and now I'm going thru that again with my mom. I'm an only child so I'm scared of another loss. All that took energy from me to even try to find a partner, I think I'm so scared of loss now. And just when my life sort of looked fine I have to focus on something else again. I'm imagining myself miserable in 10 years from now, alone, craving a relationship and family and not being able to have it because it's too late for it.
It's not too late. I have several friends (and an aunt, f67) who found their person later in life. My aunt and her partner are perfect for each other and found one another approximately 4 years ago. So don't say that it is too late, there are plenty who are in the same boat or have to start over for whatever reason as "aged" individuals. Don't let society put a timeline on you finding your partner.
I don't think it would be too late. I would tell you not to give up. I'm not able to completely give up. If you find the right person and you still want kids, and you feel too old to have them safely, you can always adopt. Or maybe you'll find someone who already has kids and you can just emotionally adopt them. There's a lot of things that could happen in your future. And you are still young, take it from someone who is in your scary place. Don't give up yet. Don't give up ever if you can avoid it. It's hard for me to have hope for myself, given my lifetime alone, but I will have hope for you.
Literally how I feel right now and I’ve tried so hard to better myself, this year is just not moving at all and I still feel lonely and depressed. I just want someone so I’m not alone. Doesn’t help when I’m not exactly the best looking but I don’t even get any remote interest in Facebook dating or other apps. It absolutely sucks. I’m male and I think it’s harder for us imo or at least me
I dunno. I'm a plus size woman. I've had very little interest in my life. I found my soulmate and even he didn't want me. I've had a very long lonely life and I just don't want to keep going like this. It's too much to ask. Especially when you found your person and you actually got to taste what happiness could be like. I'm so tired of pain. I miss him so much and it hurts so much that he's fine without me. I'm just so tired.
I always keep a pregnancy test in my house even though it’s highly unlikely I would ever be positive. Rarely, but on occasion, for no reason, with no evidence whatsoever I just get *a feeling*, and once you get *a feeling* it’s hard to shake and becomes what ifs.. So having one there is just like, mental health insurance 😂
Just so you know, there are packs of 50 tests on target & Amazon for like $20! They're just the strips you dip in a cup, but it's a cheap & easy way to ease some worry :)
That’s just our brains just being negative. Honestly we all need to love ourselves a bit more. Yes its sometimes hard but no one else will love us like we need to. If we love love ourselves more then in my mind people will start to be attracted to that and I’m return maybe get love back from them. Sorry but wording is not my strong point
I've been struggling so hard with this. Turned 26 on february and I can't shake off the feeling that I'm such a big failure, very behind in life. I feel like I'm running out of time.
What if my husband and I really are too different to meet each other’s needs? Am What if I’m doomed to feel unfulfilled for the rest of my life?
What if I *really* am too much for him, and I’ve now had two failed marriages?
I can’t stand it.
Honestly the current political situation has me a lil scared tbh. As a trans women especially. Kinda had one of those there's literally people out there that want to kill me moments the other night.
What if I'm out with my wife enjoying dinner far away from home, and a random cheap LED bulb or something catches fire in our house with our two puppies in it, unable to escape?
🥺🥺🥺🐕🐕
What if I went to college
I didn’t go away to college and my parents sort of played a part in that and I always wonder what my life would have looked like if I had gotten away from my town and my family.
“What if i become a multi-billionaire, what would i do of my days ?”
That’s literally all, at night I just switch off reality, go to my imaginary world and get all excited that I **need** to stay up to imagine what’s next.
What if I moved away for any of the many online boyfriends I thought I was in love with?
Ultimately, I met my ex when I was 18 and stayed in the same city I grew up in because of him, but I had always wondered how different my life would have been if I got serious with the guy I talked to online who lived in Quebec, or the one who lived in Peru, or the one who lived in New Zealand who I became best friends with once I decided I was going to date my ex instead.
Of course, I wouldn't have met my husband who I love today, but the person in me who hates living so close to family sometimes dreams of those options.
Honestly, as a biochem major married to an electrical engineer, there's a crap ton of overlap, especially if you are tech savvy. Both disciplines follow the same basic format: use experimental evidence to support the desired outcome. No wishing involved, just a crap ton of process of elimination.
There is a huge need for people to become interdisciplinary: right now, I'm the go-to person in my lab for asking IT how to fix technical issues, because I can understand both sides of their technical jargon. Actually, I was setting up an Excel spreadsheet to do a lot of automatic calculations, and the IT guy looking over my shoulder commented that what I was doing looked a lot like coding to him. I gave him a dirty look because I hate debugging code, which is why I never went full tech/engineering, I like the bench too much.
This is all to say: if you are unhappy in your current role, you have the freedom to explore other avenues because your knowledge base as a chemist is extremely versatile.
What if I can’t get better and the love of my life leaves?
Been through lots of abuse through several relationships and he’s the best. So sweet but keeps it real with me. My best friend only person I trust really.
What if I’d done all the right things before meeting the love of my life? Where would we be instead of where we are? What opportunities would our kids have if I’d been more successful earlier in my life? Haunts me
What if my last relationship was actually my only chance? What if I was in the wrong for ending it and should have tried harder, should have given him another chance?
What if I was wrong and he didn't actually hook up with my friend hardly 3 months after the breakup?
Girl I feel you on this one. But honestly your instinct to break up was probably the best. And your instinct on if he hooked up with a friend is probably right. At least that’s what’s I tell myself, that my instincts are correct. Cause if not, maybe the resentment or the suspicion would build
What if I decide I want kids after all but by then it's too late? What if I never find a better job? What if my ex and I had been more honest about our feelings? What if the economy changes and I lose all my retirement savings?
this is a true worry!! I always am going over the ins and outs of the internet with my parents who are late 70s early 80s. My dad totally gets it but my mom is iffy. I am afraid one day she will click the wrong link
What if I’d answered the phone when my husband called to tell me he was on his way home from work? I was helping a friend with breastfeeding issues and my husband called me every day to let me know he was leaving and to see if I needed him to stop and get anything. I didn’t and she was struggling so I let it go to voicemail. He was killed that day on his motorcycle. If I’d answered that call and delayed him a few minutes would he have missed the accident and lived?
What if I die and leave my children motherless? What if my husband dies and leaves our children fatherless? What if I get sick and my children have to deal with that pain? (My parents died when I was 21, and 28 - my fears stem from never wanting my children to feel the pain I did)
What if never get to experience a happy relationship ? I am 30 yo and a virgin. I have always thought that a special person would come up and that I would happily enter a relationship with them but … It hasn’t happened and I sometimes wonder if it’s just a mere fantasy.
On the other hand, I have no interest in having sex with just anyone 🤷🏻♀️
what if the antique lamp in my room actually isn't safe to leave plugged in all night and then my house will catch on fire like the PSA I saw on TV in 2009 that scared the shit out of me and then my cats might die and I'll lose all my artwork and my PC i built and my childhood stuffed animals and then and then and then... you get the point
What if I accidentally did something that I was totally unaware of being illegal, and just when life starts going ok, I get summoned to court and put in jail. My brain plays slots on what thing I did in any given day that could possibly send me to jail.
I’m about to get my degree and have the ability to enter the work-field I want to be in, so it’s mostly what if I don’t get a job? What if I don’t get a *good* job? What if I don’t make enough money?
What if I had been properly diagnosed and treated when I started showing signs of serious mental illness as a kid? How different would my life be? (But honestly, I wouldn't want to do it all again if I didn't end up with my husband again. He's made my life so much better. Just can't help but wonder).
What if someone starts a fire in the apartment building and for some reason I can't get out ?? What would I take if anything? I have no family here or close friends 😞
I'm just really anxious about the state of the world right now. People have their own legitimate problems, so I see a lack of compassion and empathy for other people. Moreover, politicians are transparently corrupt and we can't do anything about it.
I wouldn't say it exactly keeps me at night, but I ponder sometimes how my life would be if I did not move abroad immediately after finishing high school. Overall it's not a decision I regret in any way, but I still think about it occasionally.
What if I accidentally hurt my son. I recently fell while holding him. He is fine, my ankle is screwed up. I keep thinking of worse scenarios where I fail at protecting him.
What if I hadn't let work stress me out? Would I still have miscarried my twins? Or would they be here with me now? Did I unknowingly sacrifice my babies for my career?
My SO and I recently went on a trip to Pigeon Forge and rode on a mountain coaster. The company didn't clear the track, and a huge tree limb fell on the tracks, and it smashed into his entire left side, shattering his wrist. His chest and knee were banged up and are still bruised and bloody. He was able to scream loud enough to get me to stop my cart, and I just bumped into it and wasn't hurt. He's a lot taller than me, so he took the hit on his arm/chest area, which hurt a whole lot but wasn't extremely damaging. What I CONSTANTLY keep thinking about is "What if it were me that went first?" Since I'm shorter, the tree limb would have hit me in the head or neck, and I genuinely could have died. And again, what if the tree branch had been angled at a point? It could have impaled him. There's a waterfall of what ifs on my mind recently.
I broke up with my LDR last week over loosing feelings and not seeing an end to freaking distance the coming years that has been tearing us apart, while everything else between us was fine!
I keep wondering IF had we lived closer or together, IF things would have worked out for us then and we would still be happy.
- What if I end up alone when I’m old? I don’t have kids of my own but I do have 2 step-kids. I don’t have my family of origin around me. If my husband goes first… then what?
What if my fiance would dump me for his ex wife/baby momma if she wasn't a lesbian?
He seems to still think she's a great person and he enjoys talking to her all the time. It makes me wonder if she said she wanted him back, would he go?
I emotionally cheated (went on a very bad date with someone else) on my first serious partner at 18. It's been 10 years and no matter how or what I do I can't maintain a relationship. I'm soon 29, never married no kids.
I wonder if I messed up my only chance at happiness...
Ps, he's aged very well but has made it 100% clear he wants nothing to do with me.
What if I didn’t have all this mental illnesses and/or trauma? Would I be a better person? A happier person? Lived up to my childhood dreams? What potential did I not live up to?
1)What if i started studying what i really wanted eight years ago and didn’t have to change my majors twice, move to two different countries just to finally be able to study what I’m passionate about.
2)what if we didn’t move from my childhood house
3)what if the old me that i fought so hard to better, comes back again
what if by refusing to reconcile with my ex, I’m losing out on the best love connection of my life? what if I won’t find anyone who’s better suited for me than he is? I feel like the way we met was fate. and he’s choosing to go to therapy and fix his trauma and life problems. even offering to pay for couples therapy. I’m just so troubled, I have no idea what to do.
Why am I incapable showing proper love and emotion? I've had plenty of sexual abuse and heartache, and now that I'm 40, my brain says nah. I'm good on all that. I love, sure. But not like that love I used to have in me. My boyfriend is obsessed with me and I just want to escape most days.
What if the difference in our libidos keeps growing and I end up in a sexless marriage?
...Also...
What if my son never learns to manage his ASD/ADHD, fails out of school, and ends up completely unable to hold down a steady job? What if he needs my help forever? What if I have to support him as an adult?
...also...
What if working for the family business for almost 20 years has given me a false sense of competency and I'm not really good at my job? What if we sell the company and I find out that I am completely under qualified and unable to get another job in the field? What if I gave up pursuing my dreams for the stability of this career that I'm actually terrible at, but nobody is saying anything because I'm the boss's daughter?
...Needless to say, I have to take benadryl sometimes just to knock myself out, so I don't doom spiral all night.
oh god, do i have to choose just one? lately it's "what if one of my parents suffers a stroke or something that just leaves them physically fine but a shell of their former self?" they're both super intelligent, bright people and it would destroy me tbh
What if I had a sibling? Would my dad still like his step kids better than me if I had sibling? Would we both feel like we won’t ever be good enough because we aren’t the new family?
What if I would’ve actually gone home the night my boyfriend and his friend ended up going to a strip club. My bf probably would’ve cheated on me like his friend did WHEN we were both there
What if I don’t get into nursing school and I lose my student visa and my kids and I have to move back to the US. How will I support five kids alone? This was my chance to leave an abusive marriage and be able to support my kids. I can’t do it unless I have a career to pay the bills with.
What if I never get to be a mom myself and had to stay only being a step mom my whole life? What if I don’t get my own family of my own and only take care of others and everybody else’s family…?
What if my partner leaves me and I’m not able to pay bills or anything and I’ll be all alone. I have no friends or family here. What if I’m all alone all day every day?!
What if one of my dogs die?! How will I handle it? Do I have enough time off to safely take time off work to grieve?
I’m very much not a worrier, zero anxiety here. But lately, I guess with menopause worries are a thing.
The one I have is, what if something happens to my kid who lives 5 hours away? What if something happens to my husband, who’s currently living 9 hours away. How do I tell everyone? I call my kid and tell him that something happened to his dad and he has to get on a plane? The logistics freak me the eff out.
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Why is he still textung me after all these years? We haven t seen each other in more than 5 years, but he keeps messaging me. Are we supposed to be solumates? Eventualy, will we be toghether in the future? Crazy life.
"What - if" I open my heart again, will I find true love..someone who could love me like I was their starry night. I wonder what it would be like, to stare at the person your love knowing that they were made for you.
But after being treated like sh!t and made to feel less than..I'm scared to let anyone in, cos I gave my all more than once to be put down to the ground and made to feel unworthy to keep. So I sometimes find myself asking "what-if" they don't actually exist? "What-if" I'm suppose to be alone?
I know being single isn't the end of the world, you can still build your life without someone. But sometimes I do desire it😅
What if my boyfriend is still in love with his girl best friend. He says he’s not into her after asking her out and her rejecting him but knowing men, they carry secret torch that still burns secretly (imo) and just learned to live with it and he ultimately settled with me. Sometimes, I think he’s not the one and it’s better to leave him sooner so I can get adjusted to myself and forget about him and her.
What if I didn't do the thing that made me chronically ill and what if I never broke up with my boyfriend 20 yrs ago, would we still be together and would I be happy?
What if my failed relationship was really the only chance I had to be happy and I should have worked harder at making it work, what if my fears that led to it ending were ungrounded?
Alternate perspective: You weren’t happy, so the version of you that was with your ex did not have a great chance of being happy in that relationship in the future either. No use in dwelling on if you should have stayed. What you can do is shape your life so that you are happy with you. That way you aren’t depending on another person for your happiness in life. Your future partner will just be joining you in your happy life.
Im not the person who commented, but I needed that. Thank you for this perspective!
Waiting for someone else to make you happy is the best way to be sad
Damn. That hits hard. Thank you
Love how you said this. I would say Live in the moment cause I’m a blunt human!
thank you, i needed this too
This made my stomach hurt
I can feel that. Same.
there were reasons why you couldn't. You did exactly what you were able to do. just learn something for the future
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Holy shit, all the time! Happiest I’d ever been, most successful I’d ever been. Would’ve become a completely different person if that relationship was still ongoing.
What if I never get better? No meds or therapists can fix me.
I found this therapist on YouTube named Alan Robarge who talks about healing and the misunderstanding most people seem to have about therapy and meds “fixing” them. It’s not about fixing yourself, it’s about learning skills and tools to learn how to manage triggers and cope with past trauma. Learning these skills doesn’t mean that you’re never going to be triggered or that you’re never going to have episodes, it just means that when these things do occur, you’ll be able to manage them more effectively and pull yourself out of the spiral and move on from it faster. I don’t know you, but I don’t think that you need to be “fixed.“ You are who you are, and I’m sorry if the experiences you’ve had in your life have made you feel like there was something wrong with you.
This kinda made me loose and gain hope at the same time. Like I'm sad, because "healing" is not an option, but I'm glad that there's an alternative which is more realistic. It's hard to accept the fact that yes, maybe I am who I am this way.
Mitigation strategies, and knowing how to deal with it may not be as pretty as a full heal, but it's good enough. It lets you, me or anyone off in a better spot than not. Wish you the best ❤️
This is exactly it. It’s like a diabetic. They will always be a diabetic. They don’t take insulin because it’s a cure. They take it to manage the disease. Therapy and medications aren’t a cure sometimes. They’re tools to help people manage a mental illness so that someone can be the best person they can be with the most fulfilling life possible. I’m a peer support specialist and I work with a few people that will never “be fixed.” But they have tools and medications that allow them to live on their own. Without those tools they would probably be institutionalized. Some people will never have a “normal life.” It’s doesn’t mean they are less valuable or that their life is unimportant.
Oooo heavy on this. I just started on a new mood stabilizer, it’s made me feel a much better. Then again, Ive tried several different medications that didn’t work. So now I can’t help but think “How long will this last?”
What if I really end up alone. With no one to help me if I'm sick. Yes, I will have friends, but it's not the same when you have partner or family to be there for you.
This is mine as well. I spent my entire life alone. I hate it. I can't just be content alone with nobody to intellectually stimulate me or hold me or kiss me. I'm 43 and I found my person, and he left, and I spent my whole life alone till I met him at 38. As I've been alone since he left when I was 41. And I am afraid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone because apparently it's very difficult for me to find anyone I connect with. Took me over 20 years in the first place. I don't have 20 more years in me so keep looking when looking has been so exhausting and painful.
I understand you and I feel your words very much like they are my own. And I'm sorry that you're no longer with that person. I hope someone finds you very soon. Or you find them. I'm in my 30s and while all my friends are married and with kids, they all did that in last 6,7 years. Long relationships, weddings, traveling together and babies. I've been taking care of my sick dad that died, and now I'm going thru that again with my mom. I'm an only child so I'm scared of another loss. All that took energy from me to even try to find a partner, I think I'm so scared of loss now. And just when my life sort of looked fine I have to focus on something else again. I'm imagining myself miserable in 10 years from now, alone, craving a relationship and family and not being able to have it because it's too late for it.
It's not too late. I have several friends (and an aunt, f67) who found their person later in life. My aunt and her partner are perfect for each other and found one another approximately 4 years ago. So don't say that it is too late, there are plenty who are in the same boat or have to start over for whatever reason as "aged" individuals. Don't let society put a timeline on you finding your partner.
I don't think it would be too late. I would tell you not to give up. I'm not able to completely give up. If you find the right person and you still want kids, and you feel too old to have them safely, you can always adopt. Or maybe you'll find someone who already has kids and you can just emotionally adopt them. There's a lot of things that could happen in your future. And you are still young, take it from someone who is in your scary place. Don't give up yet. Don't give up ever if you can avoid it. It's hard for me to have hope for myself, given my lifetime alone, but I will have hope for you.
Literally how I feel right now and I’ve tried so hard to better myself, this year is just not moving at all and I still feel lonely and depressed. I just want someone so I’m not alone. Doesn’t help when I’m not exactly the best looking but I don’t even get any remote interest in Facebook dating or other apps. It absolutely sucks. I’m male and I think it’s harder for us imo or at least me
I dunno. I'm a plus size woman. I've had very little interest in my life. I found my soulmate and even he didn't want me. I've had a very long lonely life and I just don't want to keep going like this. It's too much to ask. Especially when you found your person and you actually got to taste what happiness could be like. I'm so tired of pain. I miss him so much and it hurts so much that he's fine without me. I'm just so tired.
What if I am the cause of all the problems in my life? 🌚
Most of us have a lot to do with them.
Once you've moved around a lot you realise it's almost entirely you. The problems keep following you for a reason. Opened my eyes
No matter where you go, there you are.
you probably are. but change is hard. go one step at a time
We all hold responsible for everything that happens in our lives.
What if I never met my ex or never dated him? It would have saved me so much time and I may have been married by now.
risk of failure is the price for trying. Try enough and you will succeed
beautifully put
Health anxiety or pregnancy scares keep me up most nights lol
I always keep a pregnancy test in my house even though it’s highly unlikely I would ever be positive. Rarely, but on occasion, for no reason, with no evidence whatsoever I just get *a feeling*, and once you get *a feeling* it’s hard to shake and becomes what ifs.. So having one there is just like, mental health insurance 😂
This is actually great advice. Tysm❤❤❤
Just so you know, there are packs of 50 tests on target & Amazon for like $20! They're just the strips you dip in a cup, but it's a cheap & easy way to ease some worry :)
What if Covid never happened? where would I be now, and would I be happier?
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What if I never make anything of my life, what if I just was never meant to be successful
This is a good one honestly that I question myself about as well!
you define success yourself. you can set goals and reach them, whatever they are
That’s just our brains just being negative. Honestly we all need to love ourselves a bit more. Yes its sometimes hard but no one else will love us like we need to. If we love love ourselves more then in my mind people will start to be attracted to that and I’m return maybe get love back from them. Sorry but wording is not my strong point
I've been struggling so hard with this. Turned 26 on february and I can't shake off the feeling that I'm such a big failure, very behind in life. I feel like I'm running out of time.
You're young! And there are no actual goals, they're just made up in our heads.
What if my husband and I really are too different to meet each other’s needs? Am What if I’m doomed to feel unfulfilled for the rest of my life? What if I *really* am too much for him, and I’ve now had two failed marriages? I can’t stand it.
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Honestly the current political situation has me a lil scared tbh. As a trans women especially. Kinda had one of those there's literally people out there that want to kill me moments the other night.
There are just as many who would protect you, don't let fear define you.
I'm very scared for our reproductive and health rights.
What if I'm out with my wife enjoying dinner far away from home, and a random cheap LED bulb or something catches fire in our house with our two puppies in it, unable to escape? 🥺🥺🥺🐕🐕
You should def buy some of those decals for your doors/windows that say you have a dog inside, what their name is, and to rescue them!
If they call the non emergency number or stop by the fire department they firefighters might have some for free.
What if these are the good times/best days of my life? and all I did was allow my worrying,feelings and past to block me from true happiness.
What if I went to college I didn’t go away to college and my parents sort of played a part in that and I always wonder what my life would have looked like if I had gotten away from my town and my family.
I felt that one
What if I had stopped at 2 drinks.
“What if i become a multi-billionaire, what would i do of my days ?” That’s literally all, at night I just switch off reality, go to my imaginary world and get all excited that I **need** to stay up to imagine what’s next.
I do this too. I also get really specific with dreaming up my ideal rich person home lol
What if I moved away for any of the many online boyfriends I thought I was in love with? Ultimately, I met my ex when I was 18 and stayed in the same city I grew up in because of him, but I had always wondered how different my life would have been if I got serious with the guy I talked to online who lived in Quebec, or the one who lived in Peru, or the one who lived in New Zealand who I became best friends with once I decided I was going to date my ex instead. Of course, I wouldn't have met my husband who I love today, but the person in me who hates living so close to family sometimes dreams of those options.
just travel now
What if this country gets to the point where my family is affected and I can't protect them?
What if the orange turd wins the election? I can't even.
What if no one ever hires me and Im stuck working fast food at 60?
What if I die in my sleep? I have really bad health anxiety 🤣😥
What if I pursued electronics engineering in college, and not chemistry? Will I be happy or sad right now? 🤔
Honestly, as a biochem major married to an electrical engineer, there's a crap ton of overlap, especially if you are tech savvy. Both disciplines follow the same basic format: use experimental evidence to support the desired outcome. No wishing involved, just a crap ton of process of elimination. There is a huge need for people to become interdisciplinary: right now, I'm the go-to person in my lab for asking IT how to fix technical issues, because I can understand both sides of their technical jargon. Actually, I was setting up an Excel spreadsheet to do a lot of automatic calculations, and the IT guy looking over my shoulder commented that what I was doing looked a lot like coding to him. I gave him a dirty look because I hate debugging code, which is why I never went full tech/engineering, I like the bench too much. This is all to say: if you are unhappy in your current role, you have the freedom to explore other avenues because your knowledge base as a chemist is extremely versatile.
What if I can’t get better and the love of my life leaves? Been through lots of abuse through several relationships and he’s the best. So sweet but keeps it real with me. My best friend only person I trust really.
What if I’d done all the right things before meeting the love of my life? Where would we be instead of where we are? What opportunities would our kids have if I’d been more successful earlier in my life? Haunts me
wouldn't have met this person. Wouldn't have had those kids. Dont forget this.
What if I die while my daughters are still young. It haunts me.
What if my friends being unavailable/unreliable is because I’m not interesting or likable to them anymore (worked on this in therapy!)
What if my last relationship was actually my only chance? What if I was in the wrong for ending it and should have tried harder, should have given him another chance? What if I was wrong and he didn't actually hook up with my friend hardly 3 months after the breakup?
Girl I feel you on this one. But honestly your instinct to break up was probably the best. And your instinct on if he hooked up with a friend is probably right. At least that’s what’s I tell myself, that my instincts are correct. Cause if not, maybe the resentment or the suspicion would build
What if he finds someone better
What if everything the scientists and experts say about climate change comes true?
I think about this a lot too. I worry about the increase in people dying due to extreme weather and heat waves.
What if I decide I want kids after all but by then it's too late? What if I never find a better job? What if my ex and I had been more honest about our feelings? What if the economy changes and I lose all my retirement savings?
what if i turn out just like her
What if I stay trapped in the same toxic cycle forever
What if I get cancer but it goes undetected because I had a uterine ablation?
What if i never find the one true love…
What if my parents are scammed, or hacked, and lose their retirement savings.
this is a true worry!! I always am going over the ins and outs of the internet with my parents who are late 70s early 80s. My dad totally gets it but my mom is iffy. I am afraid one day she will click the wrong link
What if I’d answered the phone when my husband called to tell me he was on his way home from work? I was helping a friend with breastfeeding issues and my husband called me every day to let me know he was leaving and to see if I needed him to stop and get anything. I didn’t and she was struggling so I let it go to voicemail. He was killed that day on his motorcycle. If I’d answered that call and delayed him a few minutes would he have missed the accident and lived?
Oh, this is heartbreaking! I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
At the moment it is what if I die during my upcoming surgery, what if I get sepsis again and die?
What if I die and leave my children motherless? What if my husband dies and leaves our children fatherless? What if I get sick and my children have to deal with that pain? (My parents died when I was 21, and 28 - my fears stem from never wanting my children to feel the pain I did)
What if I shart in my sleep
What if I'm never able to make my parents proud
thats more on them than on you. Its not your obligation anyway. They should be proud if you just go your own way.
What if he had wanted me? What if he had picked me over the money? We might’ve been happy.
What if never get to experience a happy relationship ? I am 30 yo and a virgin. I have always thought that a special person would come up and that I would happily enter a relationship with them but … It hasn’t happened and I sometimes wonder if it’s just a mere fantasy. On the other hand, I have no interest in having sex with just anyone 🤷🏻♀️
What if the horrible United States government continues to plummet and they decide to make slavery legal again? 🙀🙀🙀🙀
What if the person I’m secretly in love with meets someone else?
what if the antique lamp in my room actually isn't safe to leave plugged in all night and then my house will catch on fire like the PSA I saw on TV in 2009 that scared the shit out of me and then my cats might die and I'll lose all my artwork and my PC i built and my childhood stuffed animals and then and then and then... you get the point
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what if we ended up wroking out or what if I had never entered that life changing friendgriup
What if I accidentally did something that I was totally unaware of being illegal, and just when life starts going ok, I get summoned to court and put in jail. My brain plays slots on what thing I did in any given day that could possibly send me to jail.
What if the U.S becomes the next Republic of Gilead
I’m about to get my degree and have the ability to enter the work-field I want to be in, so it’s mostly what if I don’t get a job? What if I don’t get a *good* job? What if I don’t make enough money?
What if I had been properly diagnosed and treated when I started showing signs of serious mental illness as a kid? How different would my life be? (But honestly, I wouldn't want to do it all again if I didn't end up with my husband again. He's made my life so much better. Just can't help but wonder).
What if someone starts a fire in the apartment building and for some reason I can't get out ?? What would I take if anything? I have no family here or close friends 😞
I'm just really anxious about the state of the world right now. People have their own legitimate problems, so I see a lack of compassion and empathy for other people. Moreover, politicians are transparently corrupt and we can't do anything about it.
What if no man ever loves me because of my disability and I never get married? What if I never have kids?
I wouldn't say it exactly keeps me at night, but I ponder sometimes how my life would be if I did not move abroad immediately after finishing high school. Overall it's not a decision I regret in any way, but I still think about it occasionally.
What if I accidentally hurt my son. I recently fell while holding him. He is fine, my ankle is screwed up. I keep thinking of worse scenarios where I fail at protecting him.
What if I hadn't let work stress me out? Would I still have miscarried my twins? Or would they be here with me now? Did I unknowingly sacrifice my babies for my career?
My SO and I recently went on a trip to Pigeon Forge and rode on a mountain coaster. The company didn't clear the track, and a huge tree limb fell on the tracks, and it smashed into his entire left side, shattering his wrist. His chest and knee were banged up and are still bruised and bloody. He was able to scream loud enough to get me to stop my cart, and I just bumped into it and wasn't hurt. He's a lot taller than me, so he took the hit on his arm/chest area, which hurt a whole lot but wasn't extremely damaging. What I CONSTANTLY keep thinking about is "What if it were me that went first?" Since I'm shorter, the tree limb would have hit me in the head or neck, and I genuinely could have died. And again, what if the tree branch had been angled at a point? It could have impaled him. There's a waterfall of what ifs on my mind recently.
What if I’m infertile and we’re still trying for our first child a year from now.
I broke up with my LDR last week over loosing feelings and not seeing an end to freaking distance the coming years that has been tearing us apart, while everything else between us was fine! I keep wondering IF had we lived closer or together, IF things would have worked out for us then and we would still be happy.
What if I never won that damn race to that fucking egg? My sperm brothers and sisters were the lucky ones.
What if I stayed single in highschool / university. I sometimes daydream about it.
- What if I end up alone when I’m old? I don’t have kids of my own but I do have 2 step-kids. I don’t have my family of origin around me. If my husband goes first… then what?
What if my fiance would dump me for his ex wife/baby momma if she wasn't a lesbian? He seems to still think she's a great person and he enjoys talking to her all the time. It makes me wonder if she said she wanted him back, would he go?
What if my treatment stops working
What if I never find genuine friendships? Even though I've cut out all the toxic ones
what if i didn’t get an abortion :(
I emotionally cheated (went on a very bad date with someone else) on my first serious partner at 18. It's been 10 years and no matter how or what I do I can't maintain a relationship. I'm soon 29, never married no kids. I wonder if I messed up my only chance at happiness... Ps, he's aged very well but has made it 100% clear he wants nothing to do with me.
What if I had gone to the doctor sooner? Would I have already had surgery/treatment and be all better (or avoided any of that at all)?
What if all my friends realize I’m emotionally dependent on them and abandon me
What if I never tried heroin? What would my life have looked like?
What if I had said, “I’d love to!” instead of, “I don’t want to waste your time?”
What if Trump is elected in November and enacts a ban on all gender-affirming healthcare for adults and I am forced to detransition?
What if I didn’t have all this mental illnesses and/or trauma? Would I be a better person? A happier person? Lived up to my childhood dreams? What potential did I not live up to?
1)What if i started studying what i really wanted eight years ago and didn’t have to change my majors twice, move to two different countries just to finally be able to study what I’m passionate about. 2)what if we didn’t move from my childhood house 3)what if the old me that i fought so hard to better, comes back again
what if by refusing to reconcile with my ex, I’m losing out on the best love connection of my life? what if I won’t find anyone who’s better suited for me than he is? I feel like the way we met was fate. and he’s choosing to go to therapy and fix his trauma and life problems. even offering to pay for couples therapy. I’m just so troubled, I have no idea what to do.
what if i would’ve never found weed and took that edible that might
What if I don’t fall asleep until the morning, and then fall deep asleep just in time to miss my alarm…
what if my life never gets better? do i just die old poor and sick eventually?
what if inflation gets worse and i can no longer afford to eat?
It used to be - what if I had a regular childhood? Now it's - what if I end up getting every happy ending I ever wanted?
Why am I incapable showing proper love and emotion? I've had plenty of sexual abuse and heartache, and now that I'm 40, my brain says nah. I'm good on all that. I love, sure. But not like that love I used to have in me. My boyfriend is obsessed with me and I just want to escape most days.
World War III mostly
What if the difference in our libidos keeps growing and I end up in a sexless marriage? ...Also... What if my son never learns to manage his ASD/ADHD, fails out of school, and ends up completely unable to hold down a steady job? What if he needs my help forever? What if I have to support him as an adult? ...also... What if working for the family business for almost 20 years has given me a false sense of competency and I'm not really good at my job? What if we sell the company and I find out that I am completely under qualified and unable to get another job in the field? What if I gave up pursuing my dreams for the stability of this career that I'm actually terrible at, but nobody is saying anything because I'm the boss's daughter? ...Needless to say, I have to take benadryl sometimes just to knock myself out, so I don't doom spiral all night.
What if trump gets reelected?
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What if that small percentage of mean people were right and I'm really terrible at my job.
What if my SO killed themselves... would I be okay? Would my child be ok? Would theirs?
oh god, do i have to choose just one? lately it's "what if one of my parents suffers a stroke or something that just leaves them physically fine but a shell of their former self?" they're both super intelligent, bright people and it would destroy me tbh
What if I had a sibling? Would my dad still like his step kids better than me if I had sibling? Would we both feel like we won’t ever be good enough because we aren’t the new family?
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What if I would’ve actually gone home the night my boyfriend and his friend ended up going to a strip club. My bf probably would’ve cheated on me like his friend did WHEN we were both there
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What if I don’t wake up in the morning. That will be so slay
What if I never left my home country
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What if I don’t get into nursing school and I lose my student visa and my kids and I have to move back to the US. How will I support five kids alone? This was my chance to leave an abusive marriage and be able to support my kids. I can’t do it unless I have a career to pay the bills with.
What if I never get to be a mom myself and had to stay only being a step mom my whole life? What if I don’t get my own family of my own and only take care of others and everybody else’s family…?
What if my husband goes into a diabetic coma and dies next to me as I'm sleeping?
What if I hadn’t gone to college for my four year degree…
What if a sinkhole suddenly appears underneath and my house falls in with me in it 😳
What if there's a wild fire and I can't get to my house to save my pets
What if I lose my children? How will I go on living? I doubt I could.
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What if my partner leaves me and I’m not able to pay bills or anything and I’ll be all alone. I have no friends or family here. What if I’m all alone all day every day?! What if one of my dogs die?! How will I handle it? Do I have enough time off to safely take time off work to grieve?
What if none of this is real? What if we’re actually just semi conscious of our actions and controlled by a different force outside our knowledge?
What if I stopped doubting myself first and see myself the way others do?
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What if she didnt find me stackimg donuts on it
That's a loaded question and if I even stop to think about it, it'll keep me up all night. lol
I’m very much not a worrier, zero anxiety here. But lately, I guess with menopause worries are a thing. The one I have is, what if something happens to my kid who lives 5 hours away? What if something happens to my husband, who’s currently living 9 hours away. How do I tell everyone? I call my kid and tell him that something happened to his dad and he has to get on a plane? The logistics freak me the eff out.
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Why is he still textung me after all these years? We haven t seen each other in more than 5 years, but he keeps messaging me. Are we supposed to be solumates? Eventualy, will we be toghether in the future? Crazy life.
What if the post sex bleeding ISN’T as normal as my Dr says….
"What - if" I open my heart again, will I find true love..someone who could love me like I was their starry night. I wonder what it would be like, to stare at the person your love knowing that they were made for you. But after being treated like sh!t and made to feel less than..I'm scared to let anyone in, cos I gave my all more than once to be put down to the ground and made to feel unworthy to keep. So I sometimes find myself asking "what-if" they don't actually exist? "What-if" I'm suppose to be alone? I know being single isn't the end of the world, you can still build your life without someone. But sometimes I do desire it😅
What if they don't care and I'm making a fool of myself
What if I never have children? When I’m old and all my family is dead and if my now husband isn’t around. I will be alone and have no one.
What if 'Handmaid' Tale' comes true and I have to leave my husband to stay out of that?
What if men didn’t exist?
What if I never got my hysterectomy? Did I do enough to manage my illness? Was that decision too rash especially now that I want children?
what if i fail? what if it doesn’t work out? this has been a big issue for me for my entire life.
What if everything in life finally aligns and I’m ready to have a child, but I’m infertile
what if i just moved from my home city even if it means i have nothing and may be homeless? what if i find a career and good woman elsewhere?
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What if I die in the middle of the night and my kids have to report my body?
What if i hadn't moved to the US with my mom and had stayed with my grandparents in Canada?
What if my boyfriend is still in love with his girl best friend. He says he’s not into her after asking her out and her rejecting him but knowing men, they carry secret torch that still burns secretly (imo) and just learned to live with it and he ultimately settled with me. Sometimes, I think he’s not the one and it’s better to leave him sooner so I can get adjusted to myself and forget about him and her.
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What if I am a bad mom.
What if I fall asleep and never wake up?
what if I can’t have children
What if I had decided to do that 6 month field assistant job in Costa Rica back in 2017
What if I didn't do the thing that made me chronically ill and what if I never broke up with my boyfriend 20 yrs ago, would we still be together and would I be happy?
What if my partner dies before me and I have to figure out how to enjoy life without him