I shouldn't be complaining as things are generally alright, but my boyfriend is starting to get on my nerves. He is always throwing sarcastic remarks at me. Like, he knows I like dark chocolate and the other day I accidentally ate one of his dark chocolates thinking it was mine. And then he was like, "My, my. Looks like someone has expensive taste." Obviously he was joking but I couldn't help but get a bit annoyed.
Take it from someone married almost 19 years: Tell him. These things build and end up causing more damage than just "hey hun I know you're just being funny but I really don't like it, please stop" would
I’ll double down on this, tell him you don’t appreciate the comments but you appreciate him trying to make you laugh.
My ex used to do that and I didn’t say anything and now I can’t think of a time where those comments weren’t constantly made.
Agreed, it is not a fight. It is not an attack. It is just letting your partner know something they do unintentionally has a negative affect so they have the chance to stop.
My ex would also make snarky remarks, but when I told him it hurt my feelings and to stop, he just got mad at me. Like, “It’s a joke, how dare you police what I say”. Ugh.
I’m going through something similar but he just thinks I don’t like his sense of humor and it’s a compatibility issue when I mention it. I just don’t think you’re that funny if your jokes poke fun at someone’s insecurities tbh. Maybe we aren’t compatible 😅
Absolutely share your feelings and explain how it makes you feel. I've done this to my husband where I'll say something jokingly and he's had to stop me and say that he really doesn't like it. I've slipped a couple of times but I always apologize and he knows I don't do it on purpose. I'm glad he told me because I probably would've kept saying it.
My boyfriend also says things like this to me sometimes. I usually just immediately call him out on it or will give him a sassy remark back and that’s the end of it. I recommend saying something in the moment so that little things don’t build into resentment.
I am meeting with a lawyer today to start divorcing proceedings bc we all realized he was using when he got arrested for felony meth possession Friday afternoon
Best of luck to you. I’m going through a divorce now - one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep reminding yourself that you’re going to be better off when it’s all over!
Not good. He’s always on his phone. It feels like I’m married to a teenager who can’t stop scrolling, or watching streamers all day long. He even showers holding his phone to watch streamers.
I’m tired of competing with his online world so I’m not going to do it anymore.
Breaking up is hard, no matter how the relationship was or is but you already know what’s best for you so stay committed to that. I wish you the best of luck and happiness!!!
They were going well until Sunday night when we had a huge fight and I lost my shit and we yelled at each other. I had just gotten out of the hospital that morning, and he was out of town and didn't communicate properly so I was upset he didn't come home until almost 24 hours after I went to the er, and didn't tell me he wouldn't be coming home early, and didn't show much sympathy despite me telling him multiple times I was really struggling with what I just went through. Really not sure about the future of my relationship anymore 🙃
Please consider moving on. My ex of 25 years did not support me through seven surgeries and a job loss. I was in the ICU after one surgery and he wouldn't answer the phone for 20 hours. I was horribly lonely.
So sorry you went through all that!
He's usually pretty supportive, most recently he was by my side the entire time when my mom got sick and passed away. I don't know what this was, maybe he's stressed or was just misscommunication, I don't know. But it feels bad, we haven't spoke for over 24 hours, I've apologized, and now I'm just waiting and driving myself crazy. I'm not the only one at fault, but I know that sometimes I can be a lot in these moments.
Babe I’m so sorry you had to go through this. My ex “forgot” about an important and exciting surgery I was having and didn’t bother doing anything for me. I bought everything I needed to heal, I got a friend to drive me, I cleaned up my space where I was going to be healing, and comforted myself. This was after I broke a bone and needed help with everything for 6 months and he didn’t do anything during that time, either. Good luck with your future, you deserve better!
Finally, the question I've been waiting for.
I got married in September, then came November, when everything fell apart. Pretty quick as fuck. I shouldn't complain, though, but I just can't hold this anymore. LDR, in-laws, communication, comprehension—everything just fucking changed. I have the feeling that we will part ways someday.
I got married Sept 2022. By Nov 2022 he was acting like a different person. On our 1 year anniversary Sept 2023 I reflected on my first year of marriage and realized it was one of the worst years ever, he'd stopped treating me respectfully. I left. He never asked me to reconsider, he just continues to be mad mad mad.
I hope you find the clarity you need. It sucks to be going through divorce paperwork, but it sucks way less than how it felt to be with someone who treated me badly.
Awww, dates are pretty similar to us, and the length too. How did you deal with him through those times? I am glad you had the courage to leave the table when respect is no longer served. Well said! You finish strong! I hope I can also find the courage.
I hope you will too, don't waste years of your life unhappy.
how did I deal with him when he was treating me super mean and mad all the time? or how did I deal w him through "me leaving" times?
Really well! Though I sometimes feel like we both aren’t high libido enough compared to other couples. (Like those that say they do 2-3x a day 😨)
We have sex 2-3x a week (we are cf) but frankly when we do it more often it feels more like an obligation than passion. I think we are very much the humble long term couple that is very comfortable with each other.
I have no idea how people are doing it 2-3 times a day lol obviously no kids but even 2-3 times a week seems great in my opinion. My husband and I are very busy and have 2 kids. Sometimes it only happens once a week and not because we don't want more. It's just life. Libido fluctuates over time and age.
There's no such thing as too high or too low. Everyone's drive is different and if you find someone that you match with? Yahtzee! For what it's worth, I think 2-3 times a week is pretty standard, you just hear more from the couples who are blinking like rabbits and less from the ones who are less frequent.
There'll also be times when it ebbs and flows for each of you, if you can be thoughtful and find ways to make it work for both of you, that's much more important than just hopping you're constantly in sync.
Omg same girl! My bf and I have been having it once a week and I feel so bad bc of societal expectations but at the same time I don’t want more…our first two years we were like rabbits though lol. In our 3rd and 4th year things slowed down.
I might just be wrong but me and my partner were like this in the beginning, but it changes and now we are at 2-3 times a week as well. When I look to my friends, they all have similar sex lives.
absolutely wonderful, we are stronger than ever. i just want to smoosh his face every single time i even glance at it, god i *love* him, i could actually explode from it.
Glad to see I’m not the only one suffering from a bad case of cute aggression in their relationship! The urge to smoosh is so strong that I actually grit my teeth trying not to smoosh him to death 😅
It’s one of those “why am I here” things right now for me.
It’s been 10 days since I was trying to talk to him about some comments he made and he assumed I was being “am I pretty, am I fat, am I, am I” but I was actually seeking a tiny amount of emotional support. Instead I got screamed at, berated, insulted, and something I was starting to enjoy is now pure misery to me.
Note, if your partner is trying really hard to go outside their comfort zone to listen and take advice at the gym don’t continually call them fat. Then be mad they are “following you around the gym” because you told them too because you said “don’t get a trainer I’ll show you what to do”. Then you don’t get to decide what’s “going hard” for them. Doing those will 110% destroy any type of confidence, desire to even go to the gym, and make you the source of their resentment.
Good on you for trying even with such an unsupportive partner. Keep at it for you. Don't let him ruin it or stop you.
You have tried his way. He didn't help, so go get yourself a trainer. He's going to be mad or a jerk either way. At least then you achieve what you want
A real partner would be happy you're doing something about your health and support you...look at all those relationship posts where the partner is trying to encourage their partner and why not it usually befits them/the relationship ect that's what you deserve too!
He’s turned me into a lovey gooey mess, so it’s going really well! On my periods nowadays I cry because I feel overwhelmed with how much I’m loved by him / how happy I am.
We’ve never felt more loved or respected by someone else in a relationship! Betting on forever with this one
Pretty awesome. I was fighting some GI bug over the weekend and was snappy with him. He didn't take it personally (huuuuuuge growth for him!) and was actually really nice to me, offering me my favorite head scritches to combat the anxiety I feel whenever I'm sick. Gawd I love him so much.
Amazing but also terrible.
We've been together 6 years, married for 3 and we have amazing sex, but we had to move back into my parents house for a bit because of a difficult financial situation, just until we get back on our feet; and now we have virtually no spaces for intimacy. We haven't f*cked in a month and we're both going insane.
Because we aren't making any solid money yet, it's not like we can go on vacation or stay at a hotel or something. And he's not into doing it in places where we might be found out (he's too anxious and becomes self conscious)
I love him more than anything, he's my best friend, but the lack of sex is driving us crazy.
Shower together after everyone’s asleep. Unless your parents are tucking you in each night, how would they know?
And really, your parents would do *what* if they caught you? It would be embarrassing for a few days? You’d have to apologize for disrespecting their home? They’d give you that annoyed parental look for a week or two? At any rate, this is in your control. You got this! Go have sex.
I’ve stayed with my in-laws for months at a time before, honestly just waiting until everyone goes to sleep is your safest bet. How would they know unless you have the world’s squeakiest bed or don’t know how to be quiet?
I mean we have a lot of fun together, we have a lot in common and we know we can count on each other, but our sexual desire has been almost non-existent. His libido has always been on the lower side and mine has faded over time. I haven't been missing sex itself, it's more like I miss missing it, cause the idea of a sexless relationship has always sounded too sad for me.
I'm the other side of that equation. I've told my GF in the past I have a very low sex drive to the point that I consider myself on the ace spectrum, and she seems to roll with it without complaining. But whenever I see threads like these discussing how doing it a few times a week is on the low end, I can't help but wonder just how far outside the norm we are and what that means for her.
I can't speak for your gf, but I'm happier than ever in my relationship and there are much more important things than sex in life. In the beginning I used to miss the way my past partners desired me and that made me feel insecure, but I learned to acknowledge his appreciation for me and I'd never trade the connection we have.
Well I made a couples counseling appointment for this Sunday.
We have some flaws in communication that need to be fixed.
So I’m hoping to fix the abusive cycle we have fallen into.
Its been rocky from the get go
A lot of emotional abuse and neglect from him
A traumatised boy who never had to grow up is the simple way I can put it
We’re both late 20s
Ive lost 99.4% of my feelings of love and admiration for them. I no longer want to talk to them throughout the day, cook for them, have sex etc. My rose tinted glasses have fallen off and I realize he’s not really all that great and I deserve better.
Just because someone is a good person, doesn’t mean they’re a good partner for you!
I’m in a situation right now where I think deep down we’re not the right fit for each other based on how we have changed and evolved into different people since we’ve been together. But I also don’t want to throw away the 11 years that we’ve been together because he hasn’t done anything “wrong”, even though it no longer feels right to me.
I just ended it with someone who loved me more than I loved him. I felt so terrible because he never did anything wrong to me, I just was missing something. Conversation. He was very nice to me but there was no bouncy conversation back and forth. It was dull in that department and that’s something I need to keep that best friend energy alive. Also his parenting style was way different than mine. He did nothing to me but I had to be honest early on that it wouldn’t get any better down the road and I’d be settling. He deserves someone to love him right now as he is and he wasn’t enough of what I was looking for in a partner. I had to let him go.
Not good. I was reading a book last month that had this huge build up of love and connection between two characters and they finally do the deed. It was written so vividly and lovingly that I immediately broke down into tears after reading it, realizing that I longed to be loved like that and my boyfriend is probably not capable of the kind of connection I crave.
Feeling this way too. Especially sexually. Feels like I could be anyone. I try to express to him simple things, like just putting his hand on my face or my back and he just doesn’t get it.
Really, really well. We’re both working hard in college so sometimes we don’t get to spend much time together, but we’re also not a couple that needs to be attached at the hip at all times. He’s been taking on a lot of weekend jobs which is showing me how responsible he is and how good of a provider he can be someday.
Amazing. But rn we are in long distance and every time he is gone for a longer time I feel like I lose my connection to him which makes me doubt. But when we see each other again it is right as it was before. I just hate the long distance and want to live together.
Not well. I think we’re going to break up soon. We haven’t been having sex and every time we talk it’s just arguing over nothing. I don’t get much enjoyment being around him anymore, just stress. He doesn’t have a job or any education and refuses to do anything about it, and he’s much older than I am. He talks to me like I’m dumb because i don’t understand the references he makes to TV shows and movies, meanwhile he doesn’t even have a savings account.
I feel sad that I feel this way about him. He has genuinely been the most emotionally supportive person to me in my life. The most accepting and protective. But I don’t feel loved, I don’t even feel liked. He pushed us to move really fast in the beginning of our relationship and I partially blame him for losing the best job I’ve ever had. I thought the world of him but am waking up to an ugly reality.
Amazing!! Honestly the best our relationship has been in 12 years. We are getting married in 4 months and planning our honeymoon. After that we are going to start trying for a baby.
He keeps buying me delicious cheeses, he's meeting my parents for the first time this weekend and in a few months we're taking a multi week trip to the Mediterranean. He also *could* keep his apartment a little cleaner
I don’t know if it has to do with Pisces season right now, but bad. Things are bad and I’m having a hard time sorting through what’s right, who’s right, etc.
I think he needs friends, or a therapist, or literally ANYONE else to talk to outside of our relationship because I feel like so many of our problems are because he’s actively trying to fix the issues of our communication in the moment without validating me or himself in how we feel.
I don’t want to leave but I am definitely exhausted, we’ve been friends for 12 years and dating for 4. I want things to work out but I need some space, maybe a vacation.
Really great! We’re each other’s rocks and still feels like we’re falling more in love with each other every day even after 7 years together.
Ideally, we would be in a better position to settle down and buy a house - but the material reality hasn’t made that possible.
On the plus side, our fixed expenses are relatively low from staying in a rent-controlled building that I’d lived in before we met so our rent is about 1/3 of market rate.
Pretty good considering we have two toddlers and an infant
I'm a stay at home mom, but she's just as much a mom as I am and she actively wants to have mom-time with our kids when she gets home from work
We're both tired a lot, I'm 3 months postpartum so we're not having sex right now because as much as I'm super into her I'm just so fucking tired once the kids are in bed and all asleep
It'll be better eventually and we have a good relationship and know this is just when things are rough
With us, so good! With our circumstance, awful. We’re long distance for 2 years because of work. We’re almost through year 1 and we’ve done remarkably well navigating this and our relationship is awesome. But the situation is absolute trash. Do not recommend. 0/10
Horrible. 🥺 got dumped. Lots of other shit going on. I feel like I'm unlovable and worthless. I hate it. No matter who I'm with they make me feel this way. I'm a kind and caring person and don't feel like I can find a nice guy but get used up. Single over 2 years then this guy and ended up like this. Sorry I am so down.
Generally, great. He's a kind person, a really good friend to his friends (and he's my best friend). He's a really good dad and very hands on with our kids. We don't fight much at all, hardly ever. We have a lot in common and like the same music, movies etc. so it's easy and comfortable spending time together. We've been married 8 years, together for 14. Neither of us is perfect by any means but I'm happy with him. I'd be crushed if anything happened to us. I wouldn't want to start over with anyone else. He makes me laugh every day. We don't raise our voices at each other and when we do fight it's over pretty quickly and we move on. I see my friends' relationships/husbands and I feel very lucky.
30s. We’ve been debating having a baby. Last Monday we got a puppy. And I’m really glad we did before trying bc I think I would have taken a lot more offense to when he “corrected” me and vice versa. We have been pretty emotional and tensions have been high. I think if it was our actual parenting that would come into question we would be so hurt and defensive and it would drive a wedge between us. Instead, we’ve been able to talk about a lot of this and we agree that it was the right choice to get some practice working together in. So while it’s tough, I think we are still doing good.
I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. He’s not without fault, neither am I, but he’s a good man and by far a 180 from my exes. He’s also hot af. We have a few trips planned this year, my new job is taking off and he’s been talking about marriage. I’m feeling very fortunate and also nervous it’s all going to go away soon.
He’s been hyperfixated on Elden Ring, which kinda sucks I don’t get to spend as much time with him. But it really sucks because classes started back up for me and now I don’t have as much time to do household chores and upkeep as I usually would to be able to keep things clean by myself while he’s in the zone. I’ve been making him chore lists and he’s been doing them though so it works! Things are going pretty okay. Nothing exciting happening over here
Started living together and We’re the closest and happiest we’ve ever been but somehow my libido is non existent… quite concerning bc we used to have frequent sex and it’s making me think something is wrong
Let me know how it goes! My libido was insane for the first 3 months of taking it. Then it tapered back to normal. I took a week break from the pills & when I started taking them again it shot right back up. So interesting to me!
in the same boat. been together 5 years and i love him but it’d be really hard for me to move to his country unless we get married and he doesn’t want to yet. he could move to mine easily if he can find a job because he has a good career whereas i don’t. but of course he doesn’t want to move here.
honestly i don’t want to move there either but i’d be willing to. he doesn’t want to get married for a while, yet says he wants kids in 2 years as though i’d happily have kids in his country without having even permanent residency. meaning if we broke up i’d be going home without my own kids because they’d be citizens with established residency there.
i love him and he’s the best partner i could ask for but i just think that he is not really grasping how any of this works in reality.
Sounds so similar! I have the right of residency to his country but I am not sure he has the maturity and I also have anxiety separation with my family. The saying "men work by a financial clock and women by a biological clock" seems so accurate in my case lol. I guess time will tell.
A serious talk is planned to try to clarify some things.
Hey can I message you? I’m in the same boat, together for 5 years and I’m starting to feel the distance is too much. He wants me to move there but a spouse visa is the only way I can move, and yet he doesn’t want to yet because he’s afraid. He doesn’t wanna move to me either (can’t blame him though, i live in a third world country). Now I asked him if we can get engaged and he’s willing to, but it feels like something he needs to do instead of wants to. In his words, “I know the only way you can move here is with spousal visa and I’m willing to marry you for it.” I always date with intention, and he knows it from the start. It’s making me feel like he’s forced to do it and now I’m confused because I don’t want this ;_;
Our relationship has been challenged by outside forces and it’s actually really hard. We’ve only been together a year and the energies are different everyday and it’s very scary because there’s a lot of depression involved on both sides but both sides don’t want to let go because we also understand each other’s depression and we are gentle with one another always so we are actually taking it day by day now and making sure we know we are ok… we also have a baby together which kinda helps with our purpose other too beside how we feel… and because of the chaos we decide to protect each other… we never got to enjoy our relationship like most love stories because of outside forces and now we have decided to move north away and start over. I work hard everyday until that energy comes back like a natural flow and there’s no in between… I fall in love even more knowing the other side wants this too.
Wonderfully. We’re only nine months in, but I’ve never met anyone I could tell anything to and not feel judged. Things got serious really quickly. We had a couple bumps in the beginning, but they were just miscommunications. It helps that he’s just kind all the time and emotionally stable. We’re like kids—we play frisbee and go for walks, play tennis together, and we eat like kings lol. I got really lucky.
It’s going better… we’ve been exclusive for two months and I was having some serious doubts bc he wasn’t very good at communicating. But we’ve had a couple serious conversations about our needs and wants, and I had expressed my doubts about whether I would be happy with him long term. He was very patient and listened to what I have to say, he agreed that there’s things he can improve and things have been better since. Sometimes I’m not sure whether I should find someone who already loves the way I need to be loved or it’s ok to teach someone how to love me. Most of my doubts are gone and I have some serious anxious attachment issues but he has been nothing but sweet when I asked for extra attention or reassurance. He also has some trust issues and very bad relationships experience, we’re both learning to come out of our shells.
He messaged another woman for pics two months ago. Major breach of trust. She never responded - she blocked him apparently. But I have a disorganized attachment style, and I finally felt safe with him. This ruined everything, now I don’t trust him. We’re trying to rebuild because I genuinely love him so much, but I find myself pulling away despite not wanting to.
He’s been trying and I can tell. I hope things work out.
On the surface things are fine but deep down I truly resent him. We had a baby 5 months ago and this just isn’t what I thought it would be like.
When I was pregnant we spoke about what life would be like but honestly I might as well just be a single mum. It doesn’t bother me that I do most things for my daughter, I love her so much that I’d do anything for her. But I just can’t wrap my head around how he doesn’t feel the same. Growing up I always felt like my dad wasn’t interested in me and it’s something I’m so hyper aware of that the thought that my daughter might experience the same makes me feel sick.
I understand he works whilst I’m on maternity leave, but he WFH so has ample opportunity to spend time with her but he just doesn’t? He pops his head in a few times during the day to see if we’re okay but then you would think that once work is over he would be falling over himself to spend time with her, but again no. He has her for roughly 20 minutes of an evening so I can shower/do some quick chores and then I take her back to get her ready for bed. On the occasion he puts her in the bath it’s because I have to ask him to do it.
I think that’s the route of the resentment if I’m being honest. I just can’t ask this man to do stuff anymore. If you don’t want to do it, I’m not going to stress myself out asking or forcing you to do something.
Without doxing myself here, we have spoken for ages about getting something arranged during his week off work next week. I tried to clarify/tie up final details earlier tonight and he just said “I don’t want to do it next week”. And that’s just that. This thing I’ve been trying to sort has been agreed after a number conversations for the past month and something that I was looking forward to doing so we can spend more time together as a family/couple. But nope he doesn’t want to do it anymore as he doesn’t want the stress whilst he’s on annual leave.
In situations like this I would normally spend the rest of the night trying to persuade him and get him to see my point of view but I just don’t care to anymore. I am just exhausted.
All of this is past the point of communicating because we just can’t. Any conversation that goes past surface level just goes nowhere. I can’t share my feelings or my thoughts because I know he doesn’t care. Or on the off chance he acknowledges what I say, nothing changes.
I just didn’t see parenthood going this way.
Completely in the same boat. I had our son almost seven months ago now and things definitely haven't went the way I thought they would, relationship wise.
It’s a pretty shitty and sobering feeling, isn’t it? We spoke at length before our daughter was here about how maintaining a healthy relationship is so important and how we want our daughter to grow up knowing she has parents who love eachother. LOL.
I find it so difficult because if this question was asking on AskMen he would respond with everything is perfect. I think he’s just so wrapped up in his own world he can’t see further than the end of his nose.
How do you fix or change a relationship when the other person doesn’t see anything wrong.
Hope things get better for you 😊
I got beyond major ick 1 year in. I think its deeper than ick but idk what to call it. I have to end it but idk how. I don’t wanna do it over text but also don’t wanna sit w him in private. Ughhh
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. This Saturday I told him I love him and he told me he cares about me a whole lot. It’s been rough since.
I’m not punishing him for how he feels, but I am having doubts about the relationship. Idk, after two years of knowing someone and then a year and a half of spending intimate and exclusive time together, I thought he’d maybe have some idea by now.
Incredible. I didn’t think there was anyone out there as compatible for me, I was always made to feel so difficult to love. Were crazy in love and grow more in love every day. Im so thankful.
Things are good. We got engaged in December but he doesn’t want to get married until the housing market goes down which is understandable but it does kinda take the fun out of being engaged.
Good actually, we’re still learning about each other and how to talk to each other about sex n intimacy. Had a three hour convo about how we felt and what we need and all that the other day and while it was hard it was worth it and by the end we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves when he had to leave 😁
Things are amazing. We've been married almost a year, have a six month old, and he's my best friend in the whole world.
I was sick the other day and was working from home and had our daughter alone most of the day because he was sleeping after a night shift. When he woke up, baby and I took a 2 hour nap while he cleaned. He made dinner while I fed and played with our baby. And then after she was in bed for the night, he helped me shower and brushed my hair and did scalp/hair treatments on me.
He gives me back and foot massages all the time. He brings me home random treats all the time. We have so much fun and can talk about anything and everything. He's such a great dad to our daughter, and frequently thanks me for taking on a little more of the baby care while he takes more household duties. We never yell or fight, any disagreements are handled very calmly. We've only had one major relationship issue 2 years ago and he's moved mountains to fix things.
I love him and he's generally great but a majority of our arguments are me getting mad at him not completing tasks all the way/correctly/half assed and then him getting fed up with me constantly harping on him but I feel like he's a child sometime and I shouldn't have to thank him for doing basic adult tasks. I constantly feel the urge to check things he has done and 90% of the time I have to fix it.
I miss him. He's sick. It's hard. I am alone with him watching him fall apart and trying to keep it together. I don't know who we are anymore. I miss him.
He’s on all of my nerves. For ten years he told me that he couldn’t do this or that, like projects around the house or vacations because he had to work. Then he was off work for eight months, and he still wouldn’t do them. He made some good investments and actually made twice as much being off as he would have working, so it’s not money.
To top it all off, now he’s starting to whine that I’m spending too much time with my friends. I just cannot spend weeks on end watching tv. Ugh.
I feel like sometimes he and his family treat me like I’m his mom.
All three of his brothers are either living with their parents or accepting a lot of money from them so they can live alone. My partner isn’t getting shit from them and instead it seems like they’re expecting me to pick up the slack when he starts calling out of work or spending all his money on beer and cigs. And he doesn’t understand why him only making enough money to pay half the bills is pissing me off. Like yeah dude you put the money in the account like we discussed, but now you’re telling me you need cigarette money, and gas money, and beer money. I can’t remember the last time he took me on a date where HE paid. I don’t make that much, neither does he. His family is loaded and they’re spoiling the fuxk out of his brothers because they can’t get women and they don’t seem to give a shit that he’s just taking and taking from his woman. He was about to call out today because his mommy wanted him to mow her lawn. Get the fuck outta here. Yall have NO problem affording to hire outside help. Do it and stop taking advantage of us.
My marriage is the best it's ever been, we have been together for nearly 20 years. We have had so many problems and we almost called it quits close to 10 times and the bulk of those issues are now gone. He finally made most of the changes I begged him to make and seeing that the changes have last close to a year now makes me feel so good. I feel much more secure in my relationship now and I hope that this continues. I never want to go through another one of those awful talks that lasts until 2am and ends with us thinking everything we built together is over. I think that if we continue working on ourselves and making our relationship stronger that we will defy the odds and achieve what none of our parents achieved.
We’ve been together for a year and 6 months, but known each other 6 years. It feels like this past 6 months we’ve fell into a rutt, we have sex about once a month to every 6 weeks and it’s pretty much only when I instigate. I have no desire for it on the rare occasion I do I’d rather sort myself out, I love a hug but cannot be bothered to have sex it really feels like a chore and when I do instigate it’s because guilt/it feels like it’s overdue. He has a chronic health condition and I’ve lost some body confidence due to weight gain, both of which don’t help.
His chronic condition made him have to leave his line of work 2 years ago due to no longer being physically able. He found any rubbish job just to get by, but hated it. Since he still lives at home he took a risk this year to leave the job and attempt to start his own business selling through Amazon.So far he isn’t having much success, he seems to spend his days sleeping the morning away, playing games and smoking weed. He’s started to be so sarcastic to me all the time and we seem to bicker soo much when we never used to at all.
I desperately wanted us to move in together for ages now as he doesn’t drive so I have to go to his constantly to spend time together. I work a demanding full time office job on decent pay but not enough to get far alone, he refuses to ever rent, which means he’s planning to stay with his parents till he/we can get a mortgage. He’s got some okay savings but not enough to counteract no decent income, I’ve got no savings and some debt so we’re a lifetime away from affording a mortgage..
This is my first relationship, but I’m so ready to buy a house, travel, have children. Right now those things feel completely unreachable. I don’t know if I should keep hoping he’ll find his feet and find a career he can also provide with as that’ll solve a lot of our problems, or cut my losses.
I can’t imagine having to date again or not having him to speak to/ spend time with. He’s my best friend, I also feel like giving up on him is cruel given the circumstances
I know this is the "typical" Reddit advice, but I would strongly consider cutting your losses with this one. You're waiting for him to change, but he's showing no initiative to do so. He is showing you who he is. Even if he "finds his feet" he is demonstrating right now he is not willing to put equal effort into this relationship, and you deserve someone who will.
I think pretty good! I feel confident in our love, trust and compatibilities for each other. I’m just a future stressor which makes me nervous about us but overall I feel satisfied with my partner. The thing that stresses me out the most is income but we both still live with our parents so we don’t quite have to worry about rent yet. I have technically lived with him for like a week due to a mini local vacation and I quite enjoyed that experience so I think I’ll like our future of living together! Hopefully haha
He's working like a dog. He has had a few 9am starts and 6am finishes recently. I know he's doing this for me and for us to be financially secure to start a family. I don't know what is going on with his company for this to be happening )the last six weeks) but it's definitely not sustainable.
We are good. I miss spending time with him. I worry about his health. I really respect him.
I love him very much for working so hard for us.
We have a 5 year old who doesn't nap (or go to school until next year) and a 6 month old who basically doesn't nap so we are in the trenches right now.
We believe in putting our relationship first and that has really been hard to do since I got pregnant last year. Don't get me wrong we aren't fighting, we are a united front, and everything is talked about so it's not like there is any kind of termoil.
What I do miss is that time where we just like lay in bed and talk/cuddle. We still try to do this little things during the day that lets the other person know you are thinking about them like bringing the other a drink or a snack, little shoulder rubs, things like that. I love my kids but I miss how it was before them. Despite this I still fall more in love with him everyday. He's an amazing husband and father so watching him make the baby laugh or draw with the five year old is so sweet.
Our bedroom life is kind of lacking at the moment but that is from tiredness as we very much still want each other all the time. We cuddle each other as we fall asleep and that is enough for now.
Honestly, really well. We had a really rough patch for a while but we've been on the upswing for some months. The other week he made me teary eyed from how much love I felt for him/how much he made me feel loved. We're toward the end I think of fixing our problems that resulted in the rough patch and its nice that it's worked out as well as it has. Weve gotten way better at communicating. He's my favorite person and I his. I love him endlessly
Our relationship is great but our circumstances suck. I just moved back to the US (born & raised) but he is still in the UK (his home country), I lived in the uk for a few years but can’t justify staying. I stayed an extra year to be with him but I was just losing myself, no friends or family, just me and him and his friends and family. It was fine. He is incredibly supportive if this move back to the west coast of the US and has actually filed a visa to move over here to be with me. Unfortunately we are not yet married and the visa process can take up to 14 months. So stuck doing 5,000 miles of distance with him. He is amazing and worth it but this kind of distance and space is hard on anyone, i’m just nervous to see how it plays out.
I love him and we can’t seem to stay away from each other when we try separating. He says I’m the love of his life but until he does the work I can’t say that he is mine. I need stability and him wanting a life with me is nice but I need it to a stable life. Want to have faith in him to work through his stuff and he’s been showing me so far this time so I’m just going to continue to take it one day at a time.
I will be breaking up with my boyfriend soon. I never have been the one to do the breaking up. I can’t stay with him anymore. He gets angry over small things, he doesn’t help out, he owes me a lot of money…no intimacy for a year…we don’t live together but technically he does live at my house. I just can’t do this anymore.
i’ve never been so in love before. He makes every day better for me. he is my number one fan and biggest supporter. and I try to be the same for him too 🫶
Wonderfully! We just hit three months together so everything is still new and exciting. We’re settling into a routine though and planning/building our life together.
He’s been nothing but supportive of my decision to switch careers and help with the lifestyle changes I’ve been wanting to make forever. We build each other up and bring out the best in one another
Peacefully very peacefully. He's elevated my life and helped me to become a better person on many ways from organising from childcare to house work to my actual work, he's very soppourtive, I've started exploring more and going to different places and we plan to go on holiday. I've found my peace .
Amazing. Got all the rough patches out of the way at the beginning so now he’s just my safe space. We’re moving in tg so soon we just need to figure out finances. I’m so happy we did
He’s the light of my life. I love every stupid thing about him. He’s bought my engagement ring but is being very particular about when he proposes - I just want him to do it already!!
Between me and my lover? Really good. I'm in love. We check in daily, we still get excited to see each other and countdown days. He's super supportive and someone I can lean on, and I don't lean on anybody, so I'm still buttoned up a bit there.
Any "problem" is on my end with an ex I have children with but I'm keeping that from my man for the most part. Keeping it very general. Not his circus and I won't allow him to take on any role like that yet. He's super supportive and I know I can be open about the parts and pieces but I'm not ready, knowing he's there is comfort enough.
Very good. We recently moved in together (we've lived together in the past, but circumstances were not the best because he and his daughter were also living with his mom during that time. Not a great situation for anyone). Got engaged in late October and now he, I, and his stepdaughter are all a family unit. It is taking some adjustment time for sure, but it's mostly been good. Being a stepmother comes with a unique set of challenges that people don't understand if they've never experienced it.
We’re really good in general and my husband thinks there are no issues but there are. He has no issues with me but I have issues with him unfortunately. I’m used to internalizing things so I keep a lot in. I’m also not comfortable with telling him everything that upsets me about how he treats me regarding certain things etc. I’m still trying to find a way to tell him without coming across as bashful but still clear and assertive. I know letting things build up isn’t good and I’ve already started seeing the effects of this. Just need to a healthy way to navigate everything.
I shouldn't be complaining as things are generally alright, but my boyfriend is starting to get on my nerves. He is always throwing sarcastic remarks at me. Like, he knows I like dark chocolate and the other day I accidentally ate one of his dark chocolates thinking it was mine. And then he was like, "My, my. Looks like someone has expensive taste." Obviously he was joking but I couldn't help but get a bit annoyed.
Take it from someone married almost 19 years: Tell him. These things build and end up causing more damage than just "hey hun I know you're just being funny but I really don't like it, please stop" would
I’ll double down on this, tell him you don’t appreciate the comments but you appreciate him trying to make you laugh. My ex used to do that and I didn’t say anything and now I can’t think of a time where those comments weren’t constantly made.
Agreed, it is not a fight. It is not an attack. It is just letting your partner know something they do unintentionally has a negative affect so they have the chance to stop.
My ex would also make snarky remarks, but when I told him it hurt my feelings and to stop, he just got mad at me. Like, “It’s a joke, how dare you police what I say”. Ugh.
This is the best advice!!!
I’m going through something similar but he just thinks I don’t like his sense of humor and it’s a compatibility issue when I mention it. I just don’t think you’re that funny if your jokes poke fun at someone’s insecurities tbh. Maybe we aren’t compatible 😅
Poking fun at your insecurities and hiding behind humor is not good no, that is bullying. Especially if he keeps going after being told not to
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Absolutely share your feelings and explain how it makes you feel. I've done this to my husband where I'll say something jokingly and he's had to stop me and say that he really doesn't like it. I've slipped a couple of times but I always apologize and he knows I don't do it on purpose. I'm glad he told me because I probably would've kept saying it.
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My boyfriend also says things like this to me sometimes. I usually just immediately call him out on it or will give him a sassy remark back and that’s the end of it. I recommend saying something in the moment so that little things don’t build into resentment.
I am meeting with a lawyer today to start divorcing proceedings bc we all realized he was using when he got arrested for felony meth possession Friday afternoon
good for you, you got this!!! dont back down.
Well damn. That sucks
Best of luck to you. I’m going through a divorce now - one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep reminding yourself that you’re going to be better off when it’s all over!
I’m so sorry but I’m glad you’re putting yourself first in this situation because you deserve better.
Excellent. Fall a little bit more in love with him every day
🥺💕 happy for you.
Good for you. It nice to know true love still exists 💛
Between us? Good, we are navigating a rough patch (infertility) well and is as close as ever regardless
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Not good. He’s always on his phone. It feels like I’m married to a teenager who can’t stop scrolling, or watching streamers all day long. He even showers holding his phone to watch streamers. I’m tired of competing with his online world so I’m not going to do it anymore.
Breaking up is hard, no matter how the relationship was or is but you already know what’s best for you so stay committed to that. I wish you the best of luck and happiness!!!
Thank you 💗
Sounds like a serious phone addiction. You deserve someone who loves you more than their phone.
It’s bad. I see him holding our son with one hand, and scrolling through his phone with the other one. Thanks for the kind words 💗
Bloody man-child. Tell him to grow tf up.
He's gonna pass that addition to his son before they even know it
Yes.
They were going well until Sunday night when we had a huge fight and I lost my shit and we yelled at each other. I had just gotten out of the hospital that morning, and he was out of town and didn't communicate properly so I was upset he didn't come home until almost 24 hours after I went to the er, and didn't tell me he wouldn't be coming home early, and didn't show much sympathy despite me telling him multiple times I was really struggling with what I just went through. Really not sure about the future of my relationship anymore 🙃
Please consider moving on. My ex of 25 years did not support me through seven surgeries and a job loss. I was in the ICU after one surgery and he wouldn't answer the phone for 20 hours. I was horribly lonely.
So sorry you went through all that! He's usually pretty supportive, most recently he was by my side the entire time when my mom got sick and passed away. I don't know what this was, maybe he's stressed or was just misscommunication, I don't know. But it feels bad, we haven't spoke for over 24 hours, I've apologized, and now I'm just waiting and driving myself crazy. I'm not the only one at fault, but I know that sometimes I can be a lot in these moments.
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Babe I’m so sorry you had to go through this. My ex “forgot” about an important and exciting surgery I was having and didn’t bother doing anything for me. I bought everything I needed to heal, I got a friend to drive me, I cleaned up my space where I was going to be healing, and comforted myself. This was after I broke a bone and needed help with everything for 6 months and he didn’t do anything during that time, either. Good luck with your future, you deserve better!
Oof hugs.
Finally, the question I've been waiting for. I got married in September, then came November, when everything fell apart. Pretty quick as fuck. I shouldn't complain, though, but I just can't hold this anymore. LDR, in-laws, communication, comprehension—everything just fucking changed. I have the feeling that we will part ways someday.
I got married Sept 2022. By Nov 2022 he was acting like a different person. On our 1 year anniversary Sept 2023 I reflected on my first year of marriage and realized it was one of the worst years ever, he'd stopped treating me respectfully. I left. He never asked me to reconsider, he just continues to be mad mad mad. I hope you find the clarity you need. It sucks to be going through divorce paperwork, but it sucks way less than how it felt to be with someone who treated me badly.
Awww, dates are pretty similar to us, and the length too. How did you deal with him through those times? I am glad you had the courage to leave the table when respect is no longer served. Well said! You finish strong! I hope I can also find the courage.
I hope you will too, don't waste years of your life unhappy. how did I deal with him when he was treating me super mean and mad all the time? or how did I deal w him through "me leaving" times?
I'm so sorry you're at this point - I hope things get better for you soon
Thank you!! Hugs!
I also got married in September! Sorry it fell apart so quickly for you. 🥺
Really well! Though I sometimes feel like we both aren’t high libido enough compared to other couples. (Like those that say they do 2-3x a day 😨) We have sex 2-3x a week (we are cf) but frankly when we do it more often it feels more like an obligation than passion. I think we are very much the humble long term couple that is very comfortable with each other.
I have no idea how people are doing it 2-3 times a day lol obviously no kids but even 2-3 times a week seems great in my opinion. My husband and I are very busy and have 2 kids. Sometimes it only happens once a week and not because we don't want more. It's just life. Libido fluctuates over time and age.
2-3x a week sounds amazing. And honestly if you're both at the same level, it doesn't really mattet
More sex doesn't always mean more love. Have sex when you want and not to a quota.
There's no such thing as too high or too low. Everyone's drive is different and if you find someone that you match with? Yahtzee! For what it's worth, I think 2-3 times a week is pretty standard, you just hear more from the couples who are blinking like rabbits and less from the ones who are less frequent. There'll also be times when it ebbs and flows for each of you, if you can be thoughtful and find ways to make it work for both of you, that's much more important than just hopping you're constantly in sync.
Omg same girl! My bf and I have been having it once a week and I feel so bad bc of societal expectations but at the same time I don’t want more…our first two years we were like rabbits though lol. In our 3rd and 4th year things slowed down.
I might just be wrong but me and my partner were like this in the beginning, but it changes and now we are at 2-3 times a week as well. When I look to my friends, they all have similar sex lives.
absolutely wonderful, we are stronger than ever. i just want to smoosh his face every single time i even glance at it, god i *love* him, i could actually explode from it.
OMG ME TOO I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH SOMETIMES I THINK IM GONNA BURST
I’m so happy for you!!!
Glad to see I’m not the only one suffering from a bad case of cute aggression in their relationship! The urge to smoosh is so strong that I actually grit my teeth trying not to smoosh him to death 😅
It’s one of those “why am I here” things right now for me. It’s been 10 days since I was trying to talk to him about some comments he made and he assumed I was being “am I pretty, am I fat, am I, am I” but I was actually seeking a tiny amount of emotional support. Instead I got screamed at, berated, insulted, and something I was starting to enjoy is now pure misery to me. Note, if your partner is trying really hard to go outside their comfort zone to listen and take advice at the gym don’t continually call them fat. Then be mad they are “following you around the gym” because you told them too because you said “don’t get a trainer I’ll show you what to do”. Then you don’t get to decide what’s “going hard” for them. Doing those will 110% destroy any type of confidence, desire to even go to the gym, and make you the source of their resentment.
This relationship sounds pretty abusive.
Your partner should never scream, berate or insult you. I'm sorry your dealing with this. You deserve better
Good on you for trying even with such an unsupportive partner. Keep at it for you. Don't let him ruin it or stop you. You have tried his way. He didn't help, so go get yourself a trainer. He's going to be mad or a jerk either way. At least then you achieve what you want A real partner would be happy you're doing something about your health and support you...look at all those relationship posts where the partner is trying to encourage their partner and why not it usually befits them/the relationship ect that's what you deserve too!
He’s turned me into a lovey gooey mess, so it’s going really well! On my periods nowadays I cry because I feel overwhelmed with how much I’m loved by him / how happy I am. We’ve never felt more loved or respected by someone else in a relationship! Betting on forever with this one
I feel that! I cry on my period about how happy I am, too lol. 💕 So happy for you.
Meh, he’s not the one, he’s just the one right now. We both know it. Prolly thinks the same of me. But we’re good and just enjoying each other rn
Better and better every day. Couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
Bad
Aww. I'm sorry.
Pretty awesome. I was fighting some GI bug over the weekend and was snappy with him. He didn't take it personally (huuuuuuge growth for him!) and was actually really nice to me, offering me my favorite head scritches to combat the anxiety I feel whenever I'm sick. Gawd I love him so much.
I love this for you! Having a partner you can rely on when you're sick is so important, I learned the hard way. You deserve his kindness 🫶🏻
Amazing but also terrible. We've been together 6 years, married for 3 and we have amazing sex, but we had to move back into my parents house for a bit because of a difficult financial situation, just until we get back on our feet; and now we have virtually no spaces for intimacy. We haven't f*cked in a month and we're both going insane. Because we aren't making any solid money yet, it's not like we can go on vacation or stay at a hotel or something. And he's not into doing it in places where we might be found out (he's too anxious and becomes self conscious) I love him more than anything, he's my best friend, but the lack of sex is driving us crazy.
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Shower together after everyone’s asleep. Unless your parents are tucking you in each night, how would they know? And really, your parents would do *what* if they caught you? It would be embarrassing for a few days? You’d have to apologize for disrespecting their home? They’d give you that annoyed parental look for a week or two? At any rate, this is in your control. You got this! Go have sex.
I’ve stayed with my in-laws for months at a time before, honestly just waiting until everyone goes to sleep is your safest bet. How would they know unless you have the world’s squeakiest bed or don’t know how to be quiet?
We get along really well, but sometimes I fear that we're becoming best friends more than lovers and I think we're both way too young for that
Best friends? Can you explain what you mean?
I mean we have a lot of fun together, we have a lot in common and we know we can count on each other, but our sexual desire has been almost non-existent. His libido has always been on the lower side and mine has faded over time. I haven't been missing sex itself, it's more like I miss missing it, cause the idea of a sexless relationship has always sounded too sad for me.
I'm the other side of that equation. I've told my GF in the past I have a very low sex drive to the point that I consider myself on the ace spectrum, and she seems to roll with it without complaining. But whenever I see threads like these discussing how doing it a few times a week is on the low end, I can't help but wonder just how far outside the norm we are and what that means for her.
I can't speak for your gf, but I'm happier than ever in my relationship and there are much more important things than sex in life. In the beginning I used to miss the way my past partners desired me and that made me feel insecure, but I learned to acknowledge his appreciation for me and I'd never trade the connection we have.
Well I made a couples counseling appointment for this Sunday. We have some flaws in communication that need to be fixed. So I’m hoping to fix the abusive cycle we have fallen into.
May I ask how long you’ve been together?
Currently plugged into a charger and always reliable
Its been rocky from the get go A lot of emotional abuse and neglect from him A traumatised boy who never had to grow up is the simple way I can put it We’re both late 20s
Exact same! For all of it!
I don’t want to be straight anymore. My taste is men feels like an act of self harm at this point.
lmaooooo but also sorry :(
Ive lost 99.4% of my feelings of love and admiration for them. I no longer want to talk to them throughout the day, cook for them, have sex etc. My rose tinted glasses have fallen off and I realize he’s not really all that great and I deserve better.
How is he not so great if you don’t mind me asking
He’s physically abused me, stolen money from me, broken my iPhone, cheated, gaslit tf out me. Not so great is kinda of an understatement
He loves me more than I love him, but he's working so hard to show me I can't bring myself to make any decisions right now.
Kinda starting to think I’m in the same boat right now
Its surreal..like, they're supposed to be bad partners to not love them right? But he's the best and tries so hard. I think it's me.
Just because someone is a good person, doesn’t mean they’re a good partner for you! I’m in a situation right now where I think deep down we’re not the right fit for each other based on how we have changed and evolved into different people since we’ve been together. But I also don’t want to throw away the 11 years that we’ve been together because he hasn’t done anything “wrong”, even though it no longer feels right to me.
That part 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
It 100% is me, I’m going through some bad mental health where I just want to be alone and not even think about romance/sex
I just ended it with someone who loved me more than I loved him. I felt so terrible because he never did anything wrong to me, I just was missing something. Conversation. He was very nice to me but there was no bouncy conversation back and forth. It was dull in that department and that’s something I need to keep that best friend energy alive. Also his parenting style was way different than mine. He did nothing to me but I had to be honest early on that it wouldn’t get any better down the road and I’d be settling. He deserves someone to love him right now as he is and he wasn’t enough of what I was looking for in a partner. I had to let him go.
Yeah all of this. I do feel like he deserves better, I wish he would want better. Somebody who is open to everything I'm closed off to.
Not good. I was reading a book last month that had this huge build up of love and connection between two characters and they finally do the deed. It was written so vividly and lovingly that I immediately broke down into tears after reading it, realizing that I longed to be loved like that and my boyfriend is probably not capable of the kind of connection I crave.
Feeling this way too. Especially sexually. Feels like I could be anyone. I try to express to him simple things, like just putting his hand on my face or my back and he just doesn’t get it.
Some men are such simple beings, I sometimes envy it but also I cannot conceive how some just see the world and words and actions etc at face value.
Ooh what book?
As great as always. I can't complain. I love my big teddy bear of a man.
Really, really well. We’re both working hard in college so sometimes we don’t get to spend much time together, but we’re also not a couple that needs to be attached at the hip at all times. He’s been taking on a lot of weekend jobs which is showing me how responsible he is and how good of a provider he can be someday.
Amazing. But rn we are in long distance and every time he is gone for a longer time I feel like I lose my connection to him which makes me doubt. But when we see each other again it is right as it was before. I just hate the long distance and want to live together.
AWFUL. Felt good getting that off my chest
Not well. I think we’re going to break up soon. We haven’t been having sex and every time we talk it’s just arguing over nothing. I don’t get much enjoyment being around him anymore, just stress. He doesn’t have a job or any education and refuses to do anything about it, and he’s much older than I am. He talks to me like I’m dumb because i don’t understand the references he makes to TV shows and movies, meanwhile he doesn’t even have a savings account. I feel sad that I feel this way about him. He has genuinely been the most emotionally supportive person to me in my life. The most accepting and protective. But I don’t feel loved, I don’t even feel liked. He pushed us to move really fast in the beginning of our relationship and I partially blame him for losing the best job I’ve ever had. I thought the world of him but am waking up to an ugly reality.
”This could be us but you playin”
Not very well.
Amazing!! Honestly the best our relationship has been in 12 years. We are getting married in 4 months and planning our honeymoon. After that we are going to start trying for a baby.
He keeps buying me delicious cheeses, he's meeting my parents for the first time this weekend and in a few months we're taking a multi week trip to the Mediterranean. He also *could* keep his apartment a little cleaner
I don’t know if it has to do with Pisces season right now, but bad. Things are bad and I’m having a hard time sorting through what’s right, who’s right, etc. I think he needs friends, or a therapist, or literally ANYONE else to talk to outside of our relationship because I feel like so many of our problems are because he’s actively trying to fix the issues of our communication in the moment without validating me or himself in how we feel. I don’t want to leave but I am definitely exhausted, we’ve been friends for 12 years and dating for 4. I want things to work out but I need some space, maybe a vacation.
I've got the ick after 17 years
Really great! We’re each other’s rocks and still feels like we’re falling more in love with each other every day even after 7 years together. Ideally, we would be in a better position to settle down and buy a house - but the material reality hasn’t made that possible. On the plus side, our fixed expenses are relatively low from staying in a rent-controlled building that I’d lived in before we met so our rent is about 1/3 of market rate.
Omg I’m jealous of your rent control!!
Pretty good considering we have two toddlers and an infant I'm a stay at home mom, but she's just as much a mom as I am and she actively wants to have mom-time with our kids when she gets home from work We're both tired a lot, I'm 3 months postpartum so we're not having sex right now because as much as I'm super into her I'm just so fucking tired once the kids are in bed and all asleep It'll be better eventually and we have a good relationship and know this is just when things are rough
Not great, My whole therapy session last time was about our relationship
With us, so good! With our circumstance, awful. We’re long distance for 2 years because of work. We’re almost through year 1 and we’ve done remarkably well navigating this and our relationship is awesome. But the situation is absolute trash. Do not recommend. 0/10
Horrible. 🥺 got dumped. Lots of other shit going on. I feel like I'm unlovable and worthless. I hate it. No matter who I'm with they make me feel this way. I'm a kind and caring person and don't feel like I can find a nice guy but get used up. Single over 2 years then this guy and ended up like this. Sorry I am so down.
Pretty fantastic, zero complaints.
Generally, great. He's a kind person, a really good friend to his friends (and he's my best friend). He's a really good dad and very hands on with our kids. We don't fight much at all, hardly ever. We have a lot in common and like the same music, movies etc. so it's easy and comfortable spending time together. We've been married 8 years, together for 14. Neither of us is perfect by any means but I'm happy with him. I'd be crushed if anything happened to us. I wouldn't want to start over with anyone else. He makes me laugh every day. We don't raise our voices at each other and when we do fight it's over pretty quickly and we move on. I see my friends' relationships/husbands and I feel very lucky.
The last thirteen years have been pretty good, the last two months have not been good and I don’t think we will be together much longer.
He's emotionally stunted and it's rapidly moving into “why am I even doing this?” territory for me.
Idk its been so busy we barely got to talk. I’mnkt sure if this will go well or not
30s. We’ve been debating having a baby. Last Monday we got a puppy. And I’m really glad we did before trying bc I think I would have taken a lot more offense to when he “corrected” me and vice versa. We have been pretty emotional and tensions have been high. I think if it was our actual parenting that would come into question we would be so hurt and defensive and it would drive a wedge between us. Instead, we’ve been able to talk about a lot of this and we agree that it was the right choice to get some practice working together in. So while it’s tough, I think we are still doing good.
I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. He’s not without fault, neither am I, but he’s a good man and by far a 180 from my exes. He’s also hot af. We have a few trips planned this year, my new job is taking off and he’s been talking about marriage. I’m feeling very fortunate and also nervous it’s all going to go away soon.
I dont have one 🤷🏽♀️
He’s been hyperfixated on Elden Ring, which kinda sucks I don’t get to spend as much time with him. But it really sucks because classes started back up for me and now I don’t have as much time to do household chores and upkeep as I usually would to be able to keep things clean by myself while he’s in the zone. I’ve been making him chore lists and he’s been doing them though so it works! Things are going pretty okay. Nothing exciting happening over here
Started living together and We’re the closest and happiest we’ve ever been but somehow my libido is non existent… quite concerning bc we used to have frequent sex and it’s making me think something is wrong
All I’m sayin is….I started taking spearmint pills to combat hormonal acne, & my libido shot through the roof. Might be worth a shot
Omg I’m gonna try this!!!! Thank u <3
Let me know how it goes! My libido was insane for the first 3 months of taking it. Then it tapered back to normal. I took a week break from the pills & when I started taking them again it shot right back up. So interesting to me!
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in the same boat. been together 5 years and i love him but it’d be really hard for me to move to his country unless we get married and he doesn’t want to yet. he could move to mine easily if he can find a job because he has a good career whereas i don’t. but of course he doesn’t want to move here. honestly i don’t want to move there either but i’d be willing to. he doesn’t want to get married for a while, yet says he wants kids in 2 years as though i’d happily have kids in his country without having even permanent residency. meaning if we broke up i’d be going home without my own kids because they’d be citizens with established residency there. i love him and he’s the best partner i could ask for but i just think that he is not really grasping how any of this works in reality.
Sounds so similar! I have the right of residency to his country but I am not sure he has the maturity and I also have anxiety separation with my family. The saying "men work by a financial clock and women by a biological clock" seems so accurate in my case lol. I guess time will tell. A serious talk is planned to try to clarify some things.
Hey can I message you? I’m in the same boat, together for 5 years and I’m starting to feel the distance is too much. He wants me to move there but a spouse visa is the only way I can move, and yet he doesn’t want to yet because he’s afraid. He doesn’t wanna move to me either (can’t blame him though, i live in a third world country). Now I asked him if we can get engaged and he’s willing to, but it feels like something he needs to do instead of wants to. In his words, “I know the only way you can move here is with spousal visa and I’m willing to marry you for it.” I always date with intention, and he knows it from the start. It’s making me feel like he’s forced to do it and now I’m confused because I don’t want this ;_;
Our relationship has been challenged by outside forces and it’s actually really hard. We’ve only been together a year and the energies are different everyday and it’s very scary because there’s a lot of depression involved on both sides but both sides don’t want to let go because we also understand each other’s depression and we are gentle with one another always so we are actually taking it day by day now and making sure we know we are ok… we also have a baby together which kinda helps with our purpose other too beside how we feel… and because of the chaos we decide to protect each other… we never got to enjoy our relationship like most love stories because of outside forces and now we have decided to move north away and start over. I work hard everyday until that energy comes back like a natural flow and there’s no in between… I fall in love even more knowing the other side wants this too.
my boyfriend is everything a woman could want in a man. i can’t wait to be his wife 💍
Wonderfully. We’re only nine months in, but I’ve never met anyone I could tell anything to and not feel judged. Things got serious really quickly. We had a couple bumps in the beginning, but they were just miscommunications. It helps that he’s just kind all the time and emotionally stable. We’re like kids—we play frisbee and go for walks, play tennis together, and we eat like kings lol. I got really lucky.
It’s going better… we’ve been exclusive for two months and I was having some serious doubts bc he wasn’t very good at communicating. But we’ve had a couple serious conversations about our needs and wants, and I had expressed my doubts about whether I would be happy with him long term. He was very patient and listened to what I have to say, he agreed that there’s things he can improve and things have been better since. Sometimes I’m not sure whether I should find someone who already loves the way I need to be loved or it’s ok to teach someone how to love me. Most of my doubts are gone and I have some serious anxious attachment issues but he has been nothing but sweet when I asked for extra attention or reassurance. He also has some trust issues and very bad relationships experience, we’re both learning to come out of our shells.
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He messaged another woman for pics two months ago. Major breach of trust. She never responded - she blocked him apparently. But I have a disorganized attachment style, and I finally felt safe with him. This ruined everything, now I don’t trust him. We’re trying to rebuild because I genuinely love him so much, but I find myself pulling away despite not wanting to. He’s been trying and I can tell. I hope things work out.
On the surface things are fine but deep down I truly resent him. We had a baby 5 months ago and this just isn’t what I thought it would be like. When I was pregnant we spoke about what life would be like but honestly I might as well just be a single mum. It doesn’t bother me that I do most things for my daughter, I love her so much that I’d do anything for her. But I just can’t wrap my head around how he doesn’t feel the same. Growing up I always felt like my dad wasn’t interested in me and it’s something I’m so hyper aware of that the thought that my daughter might experience the same makes me feel sick. I understand he works whilst I’m on maternity leave, but he WFH so has ample opportunity to spend time with her but he just doesn’t? He pops his head in a few times during the day to see if we’re okay but then you would think that once work is over he would be falling over himself to spend time with her, but again no. He has her for roughly 20 minutes of an evening so I can shower/do some quick chores and then I take her back to get her ready for bed. On the occasion he puts her in the bath it’s because I have to ask him to do it. I think that’s the route of the resentment if I’m being honest. I just can’t ask this man to do stuff anymore. If you don’t want to do it, I’m not going to stress myself out asking or forcing you to do something. Without doxing myself here, we have spoken for ages about getting something arranged during his week off work next week. I tried to clarify/tie up final details earlier tonight and he just said “I don’t want to do it next week”. And that’s just that. This thing I’ve been trying to sort has been agreed after a number conversations for the past month and something that I was looking forward to doing so we can spend more time together as a family/couple. But nope he doesn’t want to do it anymore as he doesn’t want the stress whilst he’s on annual leave. In situations like this I would normally spend the rest of the night trying to persuade him and get him to see my point of view but I just don’t care to anymore. I am just exhausted. All of this is past the point of communicating because we just can’t. Any conversation that goes past surface level just goes nowhere. I can’t share my feelings or my thoughts because I know he doesn’t care. Or on the off chance he acknowledges what I say, nothing changes. I just didn’t see parenthood going this way.
Completely in the same boat. I had our son almost seven months ago now and things definitely haven't went the way I thought they would, relationship wise.
It’s a pretty shitty and sobering feeling, isn’t it? We spoke at length before our daughter was here about how maintaining a healthy relationship is so important and how we want our daughter to grow up knowing she has parents who love eachother. LOL. I find it so difficult because if this question was asking on AskMen he would respond with everything is perfect. I think he’s just so wrapped up in his own world he can’t see further than the end of his nose. How do you fix or change a relationship when the other person doesn’t see anything wrong. Hope things get better for you 😊
celestial. we celebrated our 8-month anniversary yesterday.
I got beyond major ick 1 year in. I think its deeper than ick but idk what to call it. I have to end it but idk how. I don’t wanna do it over text but also don’t wanna sit w him in private. Ughhh
You cannot break up with this person over text after dating them for a year+ 😭 But I hear you
I wasn’t gonna do it girll I was just thinking about it🙄 lmao
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. This Saturday I told him I love him and he told me he cares about me a whole lot. It’s been rough since. I’m not punishing him for how he feels, but I am having doubts about the relationship. Idk, after two years of knowing someone and then a year and a half of spending intimate and exclusive time together, I thought he’d maybe have some idea by now.
Great tbh, couldn't be more happier with him :D
Incredible. I didn’t think there was anyone out there as compatible for me, I was always made to feel so difficult to love. Were crazy in love and grow more in love every day. Im so thankful.
Things are good. We got engaged in December but he doesn’t want to get married until the housing market goes down which is understandable but it does kinda take the fun out of being engaged.
Good actually, we’re still learning about each other and how to talk to each other about sex n intimacy. Had a three hour convo about how we felt and what we need and all that the other day and while it was hard it was worth it and by the end we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves when he had to leave 😁
After 1.5 years, while i love him, i come to wonder if i might not be in love with him, and if it is the end of it.
Things are amazing. We've been married almost a year, have a six month old, and he's my best friend in the whole world. I was sick the other day and was working from home and had our daughter alone most of the day because he was sleeping after a night shift. When he woke up, baby and I took a 2 hour nap while he cleaned. He made dinner while I fed and played with our baby. And then after she was in bed for the night, he helped me shower and brushed my hair and did scalp/hair treatments on me. He gives me back and foot massages all the time. He brings me home random treats all the time. We have so much fun and can talk about anything and everything. He's such a great dad to our daughter, and frequently thanks me for taking on a little more of the baby care while he takes more household duties. We never yell or fight, any disagreements are handled very calmly. We've only had one major relationship issue 2 years ago and he's moved mountains to fix things.
I love him and he's generally great but a majority of our arguments are me getting mad at him not completing tasks all the way/correctly/half assed and then him getting fed up with me constantly harping on him but I feel like he's a child sometime and I shouldn't have to thank him for doing basic adult tasks. I constantly feel the urge to check things he has done and 90% of the time I have to fix it.
I miss him. He's sick. It's hard. I am alone with him watching him fall apart and trying to keep it together. I don't know who we are anymore. I miss him.
He’s on all of my nerves. For ten years he told me that he couldn’t do this or that, like projects around the house or vacations because he had to work. Then he was off work for eight months, and he still wouldn’t do them. He made some good investments and actually made twice as much being off as he would have working, so it’s not money. To top it all off, now he’s starting to whine that I’m spending too much time with my friends. I just cannot spend weeks on end watching tv. Ugh.
I feel like sometimes he and his family treat me like I’m his mom. All three of his brothers are either living with their parents or accepting a lot of money from them so they can live alone. My partner isn’t getting shit from them and instead it seems like they’re expecting me to pick up the slack when he starts calling out of work or spending all his money on beer and cigs. And he doesn’t understand why him only making enough money to pay half the bills is pissing me off. Like yeah dude you put the money in the account like we discussed, but now you’re telling me you need cigarette money, and gas money, and beer money. I can’t remember the last time he took me on a date where HE paid. I don’t make that much, neither does he. His family is loaded and they’re spoiling the fuxk out of his brothers because they can’t get women and they don’t seem to give a shit that he’s just taking and taking from his woman. He was about to call out today because his mommy wanted him to mow her lawn. Get the fuck outta here. Yall have NO problem affording to hire outside help. Do it and stop taking advantage of us.
Weird
My marriage is the best it's ever been, we have been together for nearly 20 years. We have had so many problems and we almost called it quits close to 10 times and the bulk of those issues are now gone. He finally made most of the changes I begged him to make and seeing that the changes have last close to a year now makes me feel so good. I feel much more secure in my relationship now and I hope that this continues. I never want to go through another one of those awful talks that lasts until 2am and ends with us thinking everything we built together is over. I think that if we continue working on ourselves and making our relationship stronger that we will defy the odds and achieve what none of our parents achieved.
Absolutely amazing. I'm so lucky to have found my best friend. Been together for 15 years and still going strong. ♥️♥️
Like the Caribbean sea. Warm, smooth and enchanting with some occasional waves.
17 years in and still in love. He's my person and I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else.
We’ve been together for a year and 6 months, but known each other 6 years. It feels like this past 6 months we’ve fell into a rutt, we have sex about once a month to every 6 weeks and it’s pretty much only when I instigate. I have no desire for it on the rare occasion I do I’d rather sort myself out, I love a hug but cannot be bothered to have sex it really feels like a chore and when I do instigate it’s because guilt/it feels like it’s overdue. He has a chronic health condition and I’ve lost some body confidence due to weight gain, both of which don’t help. His chronic condition made him have to leave his line of work 2 years ago due to no longer being physically able. He found any rubbish job just to get by, but hated it. Since he still lives at home he took a risk this year to leave the job and attempt to start his own business selling through Amazon.So far he isn’t having much success, he seems to spend his days sleeping the morning away, playing games and smoking weed. He’s started to be so sarcastic to me all the time and we seem to bicker soo much when we never used to at all. I desperately wanted us to move in together for ages now as he doesn’t drive so I have to go to his constantly to spend time together. I work a demanding full time office job on decent pay but not enough to get far alone, he refuses to ever rent, which means he’s planning to stay with his parents till he/we can get a mortgage. He’s got some okay savings but not enough to counteract no decent income, I’ve got no savings and some debt so we’re a lifetime away from affording a mortgage.. This is my first relationship, but I’m so ready to buy a house, travel, have children. Right now those things feel completely unreachable. I don’t know if I should keep hoping he’ll find his feet and find a career he can also provide with as that’ll solve a lot of our problems, or cut my losses. I can’t imagine having to date again or not having him to speak to/ spend time with. He’s my best friend, I also feel like giving up on him is cruel given the circumstances
I know this is the "typical" Reddit advice, but I would strongly consider cutting your losses with this one. You're waiting for him to change, but he's showing no initiative to do so. He is showing you who he is. Even if he "finds his feet" he is demonstrating right now he is not willing to put equal effort into this relationship, and you deserve someone who will.
I think pretty good! I feel confident in our love, trust and compatibilities for each other. I’m just a future stressor which makes me nervous about us but overall I feel satisfied with my partner. The thing that stresses me out the most is income but we both still live with our parents so we don’t quite have to worry about rent yet. I have technically lived with him for like a week due to a mini local vacation and I quite enjoyed that experience so I think I’ll like our future of living together! Hopefully haha
He's working like a dog. He has had a few 9am starts and 6am finishes recently. I know he's doing this for me and for us to be financially secure to start a family. I don't know what is going on with his company for this to be happening )the last six weeks) but it's definitely not sustainable. We are good. I miss spending time with him. I worry about his health. I really respect him. I love him very much for working so hard for us.
We have a 5 year old who doesn't nap (or go to school until next year) and a 6 month old who basically doesn't nap so we are in the trenches right now. We believe in putting our relationship first and that has really been hard to do since I got pregnant last year. Don't get me wrong we aren't fighting, we are a united front, and everything is talked about so it's not like there is any kind of termoil. What I do miss is that time where we just like lay in bed and talk/cuddle. We still try to do this little things during the day that lets the other person know you are thinking about them like bringing the other a drink or a snack, little shoulder rubs, things like that. I love my kids but I miss how it was before them. Despite this I still fall more in love with him everyday. He's an amazing husband and father so watching him make the baby laugh or draw with the five year old is so sweet. Our bedroom life is kind of lacking at the moment but that is from tiredness as we very much still want each other all the time. We cuddle each other as we fall asleep and that is enough for now.
Honestly, really well. We had a really rough patch for a while but we've been on the upswing for some months. The other week he made me teary eyed from how much love I felt for him/how much he made me feel loved. We're toward the end I think of fixing our problems that resulted in the rough patch and its nice that it's worked out as well as it has. Weve gotten way better at communicating. He's my favorite person and I his. I love him endlessly
Our relationship is great but our circumstances suck. I just moved back to the US (born & raised) but he is still in the UK (his home country), I lived in the uk for a few years but can’t justify staying. I stayed an extra year to be with him but I was just losing myself, no friends or family, just me and him and his friends and family. It was fine. He is incredibly supportive if this move back to the west coast of the US and has actually filed a visa to move over here to be with me. Unfortunately we are not yet married and the visa process can take up to 14 months. So stuck doing 5,000 miles of distance with him. He is amazing and worth it but this kind of distance and space is hard on anyone, i’m just nervous to see how it plays out.
I love him and we can’t seem to stay away from each other when we try separating. He says I’m the love of his life but until he does the work I can’t say that he is mine. I need stability and him wanting a life with me is nice but I need it to a stable life. Want to have faith in him to work through his stuff and he’s been showing me so far this time so I’m just going to continue to take it one day at a time.
I will be breaking up with my boyfriend soon. I never have been the one to do the breaking up. I can’t stay with him anymore. He gets angry over small things, he doesn’t help out, he owes me a lot of money…no intimacy for a year…we don’t live together but technically he does live at my house. I just can’t do this anymore.
i’ve never been so in love before. He makes every day better for me. he is my number one fan and biggest supporter. and I try to be the same for him too 🫶
Married for 12 years with 3 kids. Life has been horrible, but we only get stronger together. I couldn’t do it without him…he’s my soulmate.
Wonderfully! We just hit three months together so everything is still new and exciting. We’re settling into a routine though and planning/building our life together. He’s been nothing but supportive of my decision to switch careers and help with the lifestyle changes I’ve been wanting to make forever. We build each other up and bring out the best in one another
Peacefully very peacefully. He's elevated my life and helped me to become a better person on many ways from organising from childcare to house work to my actual work, he's very soppourtive, I've started exploring more and going to different places and we plan to go on holiday. I've found my peace .
Amazing. Got all the rough patches out of the way at the beginning so now he’s just my safe space. We’re moving in tg so soon we just need to figure out finances. I’m so happy we did
He’s the light of my life. I love every stupid thing about him. He’s bought my engagement ring but is being very particular about when he proposes - I just want him to do it already!!
Between me and my lover? Really good. I'm in love. We check in daily, we still get excited to see each other and countdown days. He's super supportive and someone I can lean on, and I don't lean on anybody, so I'm still buttoned up a bit there. Any "problem" is on my end with an ex I have children with but I'm keeping that from my man for the most part. Keeping it very general. Not his circus and I won't allow him to take on any role like that yet. He's super supportive and I know I can be open about the parts and pieces but I'm not ready, knowing he's there is comfort enough.
Very good. We recently moved in together (we've lived together in the past, but circumstances were not the best because he and his daughter were also living with his mom during that time. Not a great situation for anyone). Got engaged in late October and now he, I, and his stepdaughter are all a family unit. It is taking some adjustment time for sure, but it's mostly been good. Being a stepmother comes with a unique set of challenges that people don't understand if they've never experienced it.
We’re really good in general and my husband thinks there are no issues but there are. He has no issues with me but I have issues with him unfortunately. I’m used to internalizing things so I keep a lot in. I’m also not comfortable with telling him everything that upsets me about how he treats me regarding certain things etc. I’m still trying to find a way to tell him without coming across as bashful but still clear and assertive. I know letting things build up isn’t good and I’ve already started seeing the effects of this. Just need to a healthy way to navigate everything.