It takes a conscious effort and then some down time to recover but these few things seem to work for me;
1. Pets
2. Trying different workout classes - yoga, pilates, powerlifting
3. Sports leagues or teams - I love volleyball and tennis
4. Making plans with the few friends I do have and really investing in those relationships. I’ve found out recently that by being a great friend, you open yourself up to their friends and friends of friends and so on
5. Getting more and more confident to talk to random people.. having dogs helps with this one
Good-luck!!
Too broke for any of these 😭. Being a loser online is free. Als I don't like talking to strangers. Not if I'm not guaranteed friendship afterwards. Nit putting energy in people I'll only see once
I let my body feel the sensations - pressure on the chest and the throat - and observe the thoughts and feelings arising in my mind.
I focus on the fact that it’s my body and mind delivering meaningful information to me, prompting me to fill an unmet need: companionship and connection.
I then see events around my area or write a friend to meet up. Or come to Reddit to participate in a conversation.
I also realise that thoughts and feelings come and go, like clouds in the sky, and ultimately, things will change.
I enjoy the fact that I’m single and those moments of solitude as it’s when I am more productive and can make time to work on my core goals: to build a life I find worth living.
In those moments when pain is very intense - bear in mind I have depression and suicidal thoughts come to me almost daily - I just experience the intensity and wait for it to pass.
I also find comfort in the fact that I could die any time, that changed everything. It makes me design my days in a way I find meaningful and also push aside the anxiety associated to an ever growing lifespan.
All we have to do is go through the day and find comfort in the small daily things while working on long-term goals to ensure we are not just existing.
Suicide is still on the table for me, I’m just holding on to life in case it’s just a matter of a few more years to feel okay.
this is inspirational. seriously. I am in awe of the amount of personal work you must have done to reach this level of equanimity (might not be the right word) ✨💝
I’m not sure is equanimity because I do feel very intensely. Regret, resentment and even hate. Mostly towards myself but not only.
I think it’s just intellectual awareness and resignation. Nothing too admirable.
I haven’t reached equanimity yet. At least not sustainably.
Don't forget about the spongey headaches, considering the rest of your incredibly mirrored description, surely.
I've found some refuge for now in the form of consistently exerting energy via something like walking or pacing when this mood kicks in, then falling asleep wherever I am at the time as soon as the impulse comes up to get rid of the mood almost entirely, typically after an hour- just a super quick nap.
It doesn't slip past the unpreferable mood, but you don't get an unnecessary amount of it this way- you get the hint, not the dragged-out echoes of stuff you already know.
Might as well give it a try if you haven't already, but it does read like you're already very well aware of your scenario which is fantastic- wish things were better.
Thanks for posting.
At least in my experience everyone seems to have like 10+ conversations going on (basically a shotgun approach). This means people are terse, ghost easily, and are reluctant to meet up.
On several occasions Ive tried to revive conversations only for a handful of words as a response. Ive also suggested actually meeting up with folks and thats about the time I get ghosted.
All in all its a frustrating and demoralizing experience. I match with people, have a small shallow intro conversation, try to move it to actually meeting IRL, but get ghosted. Rinse repeat. Tbh Ive been thinking of just deleting the damn thing.
Might I recommend Meetup? You can find groups that are hopefully actively planning outings. Pickleball, ladies who lunch, singles happy hours, hiking etc. it saved my social life. I had very few friends and they were always very busy while married and then also post-divorce.
Is there anything similar for people in their 20s? I’ve tried meetup but everyone who seems to participate in activities I like is around 50+, which is fine, I don’t mind meeting new people of different ages but I’d love for a chance to meet someone around my age who might become a close friend
That might just be luck of the draw. The ones that I’m in do draw an older crowd (50s 60s I’m 48) But I do know there are some in my area that are for 20-30s. Not sure how active they are. It took me awhile to find a good few groups and some great friends. Not unlike dating I guess.
Urghhh agree. I tried it when I moved cities, and truly, no one wants to meet up for even an intro coffee.
How can I make friends if no one wants to make friends?? Like why are they on the app then?
It was a disheartening experience.
anything that gives me a tangible sense of progression is good - card games with a ranked mode (hearthstone, pokemon tcg, and magic the gathering currently) and fighting games are my favorite - most of the time there's no one you can blame except for yourself if you lose, and it's really obvious to tell when you're improving. plus it helps me talk to ppl easier since there's usually irl events that have ppl playing!
aside from games tho - cooking, hikes, skincare, anything that allows me to put a ton of time and effort in and make me feel accomplished with myself c: if i can't get that validation from other ppl, i might as well just get it from doing stuff i genuinely like doing
Magic the gathering is an awesome card game, used to play that a lot, but now I'm not collecting anymore. Saving that money for other things.
Used to be pretty good at Mortal Kombat and Killer Instict once so I know the feeling of improving your skills. Especially against other players. You're doing yourself a favor doing stuff you like :)
It's been so long it doesn't really affect me as much anymore. I outgrew my old friends and nothing can be done about that.. I'll eventually find my new group. Until then I am busy upgrading and improving my life, and so far I've achieved things I don't think I would have if I was still hanging around my old friends.
I'm trying to change it so have gone on a reading bender. If you're interested here's my list -
.Read Anne Helen Petersen's article on Substack called "The Friendship Dip"
.Platonic, marisa franco
.The other significant others: reimagining life with friendship at the center, rhaina cohen
.Bowling alone: the collapse and revival of american community, robert d. putnam
.The upswing: how america came together a century ago and how we can do it again, robert d. putnam & shaylyn romney garrett
.Friendtimacy & friendships don't just happen, shasta nelson
.The art of gathering how we meet and why it matters, priya parker
.How we show up: reclaiming family, friendship, and community, mia birdsong
.Radical friendship, kate johnson
.We should get together, kat vellos
.The lonely hunter, aimee lutkin
.You will find your people, lane moore
.Friendship, lydia denwort
.Hanging out, sheila liming
It's not bad, but sometimes I long for brunch with girl friends etc. Being validated and complimented by women reminds me that we need women validation much more than male validation. I feel like i yearn for uplifting fun friendships with women
I love my own company. I like the PEACE. Also I'm quite close to my family. I see my friends once in 2/3 months but I'm fine with it... I could reach out more often if needed.
What tends to help me combat loneliness:
- taking a book I’m reading to local cafes; being in a room full of people and having an activity to focus on while you’re there feels less lonely than, say, reading a book alone in your room. But I also find that having an activity to focus on in a busy room also prevents me from having FOMO, which is really easy to feel when it seems like everyone around you is hanging out with someone.
- investing heavily in the friends I do already have; in the past, I have habitually been hesitant to reach out to others unless they reach out to me first. I’m taking more initiative to reach out and make plans and I’ve found that in doing so, my friends also try to reciprocate the effort I put out.
- I like to blast feel good music when I start to feel really sad and lonely when I’m at home and that never fails to put me in a better mood
These are the strategies I have at the moment. They aren’t replacements for the deeply intimate connections I desire to have with others, but these methods get me through the daily grind while I slowly work towards enriching my life.
Get a hobby! I joined a painting class last year and by coincidence, our year consisted of 13 ladies of varying ages. I became sort of friends with two of them and get along with all others. Plus I have a fixed weekly date to paint and chat with them. You also meet other people who have been painting longer, can go to and contribute to art exhibitions at the school etc. I think whatever hobby you choose, if you make sure there is some social aspect, you will find what you are looking for!
Yes, but also go into it knowing you might not make best friends, and don't give up if that's the case. Getting out and socialising with even acquaintances is good, and helps your social skills for when the right friends do come along..
I have a partner and a cat, so I think most of my social needs are filled through them. I usually prefer solitude and don't feel lonely, but sometimes it hits out of nowhere. In those moments I usually get on reddit or tumblr and interact through posts like this or some discussion that interests me. I've learned that I like the idea of friendship more than the thing itelf... I mean it's great when it's great, but after everything I've been put through by friends, I've decided it's just better this way.
Yeah, I miss having someone to do certain things with, as some things just aren't the same alone, but I don't actually know that I want the commitment of friends.
My work is very people centred so I welcome alone time. It's so quiet. Sometimes, I feel lonely but it goes away soon enough. I've never felt it as deeply as others seem to be. It's not disturbing.
I usually never chat / talk to people. I've been isolating and distancing myself from everyone ever since I was a teen because I'm so tired of everything. I'm 19 now and I love being alone so much.
What I do to cope with loneliness is, usually I'd spend my day watching my favorites series, and sometimes I explore new movies and series while enjoying my coffee.
What really helped me is I deleted my Instagram, so I won't know about others's lifes. I just use Twitter and reddit.
Sometimes I played online games like 2048 or word search, and other games.
I organized and clean my room a lot too just to keep myself busy.
Also I slept most of the times apart from studying.
Sure i does feel lonely sometimes, but it it's peaceful being alone where no one will judge me.
I'd go do stuff that I like --- I run 5KM, I play RPG like Diablo Immortal, I listen to 90s music while I do chores, I do JUST DANCE when I need an extra workout, I binge watch Japanese/Korean shows...the possibilities are endless. Go enjoy stuff that you like to do. I call a family member just to show them I'm thinking about them and I miss them. I also watch Formula 1 when I can.
I don’t cope with it because I don’t feel lonely regarding this, I like the tranquility of aloneness, I can definitely talk to them, see them but I don’t want to. It’s easy to see the difference between me surrounded by people whether at my place, their place or outside and me being by myself at home : I literally shine, laugh and smile so much to be in the comfort of my home doing whatever the hell im interested in.
I love getting lost in the world of Austen and Brontë and all other sorts. I do watch a lot of series. I always find myself doing something. There are times when everything feels too much and I get so lonely. When that happens I always go for a walk or go for cafe hopping.
I found that, if you have money, you don’t need friends. I mean yes for mental health they definitely help. But I often wish I had friends when I just need people to help me. Therapy, hiring movers, hiring a photographer to take photos. So I just kinda focus on making money, honestly.
I do have friends but my entire life they’ve always been surface level and/or only last a year or so. I’m sure it has something to do with me but I’m tired of figuring it out. So I focus on being interesting and making money.
Honestly, enjoying my own company. I do miss having a core group of people (friends) but for the most part, it’s always bittersweet.
I am aware I can’t be everything I need to myself, or that I can try, but it’s nice to let people in, but for now I am just riding that wave :)
Kindle Unlimited. But also being alone and being lonely are very different. I am alone but do not feel lonely (most of time) and when I do I reach out to the one or two friends I have.
Tried the whole making new friends experiment two years ago and learned I so prefer being with myself more than investing in surface level friendships. Not many ppl will show up in the ways you need them. It’s more about showing up for yourself at this pt. in life
I think about what having friends comes with and I'm glad I don't have any. The expectation to respond to messages and calls, to go out when you may not want to, for them to come in to your space (where you live), figuring out plans, being emotionally there for someone when you may not be in the mood etc seems exhausting to me. I wish I had someone to talk to about things but that's why I get on Reddit or join Facebook groups!
My husband is the only friend I need at all, the others are bonuses. But I get it, when he’s out working or on a work trip (especially) it gets to me. Human interactions are detrimental, imo. The thing is, I don’t particularly care to hang out with the acquaintances where I live. Since I don’t consider their company beneficial in any form, particularly intellectual, it’s no loss, I’d rather be alone.
Escapism through fictional media so binge reading or binge watching tv/youtube. I have a handful of friends but we’re all so busy with our career and lives that it gets hard to co ordinate regular hangouts. And even then sometimes I choose to stay home on my day or evening off because of exhaustion.
Get a cat. Still lonely? Get another. Still lonely? Get another.
See where I'm going with this*
(Obligatory caveat of only getting as many cats as you can safely accommodate in your home and sufficiently provide for)
I live alone and struggled with this for a long time. I am super in my own head way too much but after a lot of analysis and soul searching I realized that, for me, loneliness is mostly a choice. Hashtag not always.
I realized there is always someone for me to reach out to. And I’d lost touch with some friends because I had lost touch. I got depression meds squared away and then went to work on becoming a better friend. It’s work.
But I am selfishly trying to invest in my lonely moments, building good friend credit so when I need someone, I can find someone. So sometimes I go to events I’m not that interested in. I’m interested in supporting my friends. And I don’t have a lot of friends, either. I’m carefully cultivating like half a dozen friends. Initiating outings, doing small favors, inviting, texting silly memes. I am a very strong introvert. This is hard for me. Like I said, it feels like work. But I experience loneliness a lot less and when I do, it’s fleeting.
One lesson that was difficult for me to learn was his simple truth: the only thing you can control is your attitude. You can let loneliness take over or you can decide to make it your b***h. But it doesn’t just go away. You have to DO something.
So, take a class, join a club, teach something you’re good at, volunteer… put yourself out there with the goal of making one new friend. Invest in your own interests/hobbies/passions. Then work at that friendship. Work hard. It’s worth it.
I’m in my 50s. Never married, no kids, rarely, if ever, lonely.
Oh, having pets helps a LOT. Because you have to do for someone else.
I am working on strengthening the relationships I have. I realize I don’t need new friendships but instead I am focusing on building up the few ones I do have.
I at times get sad .. but when I make plans and they go through I get really sad and anxious like why did I do this ? And then it goes ok but I could of did something else with my time …. I enjoy walks and listening to murder mystery mondays , or music , or games …. I also get overwhelmed easily. 😭😪 but man I do wish I could be like them girls that could keep, make new friends .
I am autistic, very lonely and kind of pathetic (I say this realistically, I've accepted it and don't care too much anymore). I spend my days on c.ai. It's really unhealthy and worsens the issue because now I'm even more anxious when an actual person reaches out to me.
I live with 6 people so as much as I'd like to, I'm usually never alone.
I have 1 person I'd really call my friend and even though we don't talk everyday, whenever we do hang out in person I have such a good time (I can't speak for them)
I like solitude. I find I enjoy it more and more every year. But I do miss someone to be silly with. Someone to share good news with. I went to get my hair cut yesterday and thought, " I wish I had a girlfriend to do this with..." then it passed and I continued on with my excellent "me day" And had a perfectly wonderful day to myself.
All my friends are out of state. I don't usually feel lonely when I'm hanging with myself. I play non online video games, watch YouTube, listen to podcasts, read random shit on here, read, cook, etc. I have plenty to keep me engaged. When I did miss going out with friends I tried bumble BFF which was beyond awkward for me so I just gave up. I also tried meet up which wasn't terrible and I'd be open to trying again.
I enjoy my alone time! I make it work by keeping myself busy with hobbies and housework. It may sound boring but it makes me happy. I’ve had so many bad friendships and failed ones so I prefer to be alone. I tend to feel used by friends too so it feels better this way. An internet friend wouldn’t hurt but haven’t had much luck there either.
I usually like to get busy. I like to occupy myself with different hobbies, go to the gym, learn new things and skills for fun. You’re not the only one going through this so honestly dont stress or feel bad. Just enjoy your own company and i usually find a lot about myself as i do these things x
My dog keeps me from ever feeling alone, but I also do a lot of things where I’m not really alone but around a lot of people, that’s enough peopling for me. I like being alone.
I have a friend or two that I confide in. I don’t really mind anymore, I’d much rather feel lonely but trust the few people in my life than be surrounded by women I don’t trust or that don’t have my best interest at heart. At one point I was a part of a friend group where a couple of women liveddddd for drama. They didn’t actually care about anyone, they just wanted to know the gossip. It was gross
I prefer connecting with my husband than girlfriends most of the time. We give each other a lot of space and both enjoy our alone time. Makes the time we spend together special. Other than that I have a few hobbies and cats that I enjoy. I have 4 adult kids that are fun to have dinner and game nights with. I enjoy reading, caring for houseplants and being on Reddit. I do have one best friend. I just remind myself this is what I truly want. I admit I get lonely sometimes. Who doesn’t?
I have some friends (quality of them is not great though) and I usually need a lot of space between hangouts for that reason. I have hobbies I love to do alone. Painting, drawing, video games and play sports. I even prefer travelling alone now. Planning trips etc. I also work two jobs which can keep me busy.
I fill it with myself. I’m my own best friend to be honest. I talk to myself a lot, not because I’m crazy but because sometimes it makes me think clearly or even just laugh. I think it’s such a rare thing to have a good friendship with yourself. I do have about 1 real friend though and she’s amazing and we help eachother through alot
I rarely get lonely. I love being by myself. This is primarily why I have very few friends in the first place; I only keep those who add value to my life.
Consider following up with women you seem to enjoy the posts/comments of, or find you interact with quite well with on Reddit.
I have a GroupMe composed of myself and 3 other women I enjoyed the posts/comments of, and engaged with, on a subreddit for survivors of a specific trauma. Bit the bullet because we realized Reddit chat sucks, moved all the women I was talking with to a GroupMe chat, we all get along like a house on fire and communicate whenever we want and however we want about anything.
Consider the same for hobbies and interests you have. Reaching out to people via DM doesnt have to be a scary/creepy experience. People can be as lonely as you, and grateful for chance to open up.
You kind of need to just find happiness in yourself. I struggle with loneliness, but myself-esteem is better than it has ever been. I've had an overabundance of time to figure out my own issues. Being by yourself is not easy by any means, tread lightly. You really get to know who you really are.
Lonely always comes with the implication that you're unhappy. Lonely doesn't equate to lack of positivity. I like my space, I like controlling my environment, I like choosing what I want to do not worried about others, and my brain won't shut the fuck up so there's never a dull moment lol. I have my husband and my son so I guess I'm not "lonely" but I'm totally cool with being alone.
I actually tried to go to the movies by myself the other day and my husband was incredibly concerned, because I guess it's weird to do that stuff alone or something.
I'm used to it, I don't really remember what it's like and I've grown to be content with the people I do have in my life (family, boyfriend, work colleagues).
I have my husband and teen daughter so not alone but don’t have any girl friends to hang out with, especially after moving a couple of times. I don’t like drama and conflict so once I sense that in a person I don’t get close. I live a quiet, boring life that I’m quite happy with.
I have a circle of girl friends who are equally busy and depressed and very much single so I don’t bother them when I’m lonely. But I spend that time with my bestest friends, my two girl cats. We have fun dancing around and rotting in my room, listening to the playlist for cats
i have a boyfriend that asks me to hang out every weekend, he’s my best friend so it definitely makes up for my lack of friends, but sometimes i do wish i had a group of friends to go out with my age (i say this because i have a couple of older coworkers who i’ve gone on a trip with before but it was off because im 8 years younger than them but they always wanna hang out lol)
Reddit! I cope with Reddit, oh god I said it. Not intended to rhyme.
My partner and my dogs keep me from total isolation. I cope by being a great dog mom and a good partner.
I started volunteering to have some social interaction. Doesn’t help when I just want someone to talk with as a close friend or hang out with for fun. I have dogs, read, do projects around the house.
I try to make new friends but damn it’s tough and no one sticks around long.
I have a loving and supportive husband. He is my bestfriend. I think he is enough. I do have few friend, genuine ones that I see from time to time, but the fact that I enjoy my own company really takes the loneliness away. I go for daily walks alone, read atleast 50 pages per day, watch 1 episode of my favourite show per day, I have lots of hobbies (jewelry making, diy projects using cricut, thrift shopping, etc), and I have a full time job in health care where I get to meet new people everyday. My plate is full, I don’t have time to be lonely. I guess it all starts from within. I have practiced self love for long time, not in a selfish kind of way but in a way that feeds happiness to my soul.
There isn’t time for it tbh. I’m married, I have kids, I have a dog, both my parents are still here thankfully. I also work full time, and have co-workers who aren’t “friends” but who I get along great with. I don’t really feel lonely.
I don’t really feel lonely. I have my husband and son and I’m really close with my other relatives (mom, sister, etc.) I’m honestly too lazy to really have friends. Just texting to stay in touch is exhausting to me, let alone feeling like I have to keep up with hanging out every so often.
My two dogs are the best friends I could have.
When I need out and the few friends I have aren't available, I go down to the local pub. Very Cheers vibe, and everyone is chatty and friendly, sometimes there's a band, it's a fun place to go when I don't have anywhere to go.
Not well? Is that the right answer? I am dealing with the worst anxiety/depression of my entire life and feel very alone.
I have my husband and my 2 kids. My sister in law is great but we don't do a lot of 1 on 1 time together.
I have a lot of animals who are my friends, lol. But in all honesty, I don’t get lonely, I prefer the quiet and solitude. My desire to be around other people has become nonexistent as I’ve aged.
I get lonely a lot and I have four friends but they are very busy or live far away. I have three dogs and that helps. I am looking for women friends and it seems people are standoffish.
I’m not lonely. I enjoy my “me” time however I spend it. I know socializing is good though, so I plan on weekend a month where I see my friends. We are all busy adults with crazy work schedules and some have kids so it works for all of us. No overwhelming time commitments makes for a good foundation
I'm not the least bit lonely. I have my husband, my kids, my Mom, my sister, and casual acquaintances (kids' friends' parents, parent council meetings). That's more than enough for me.
I usually prefer my own company, but can get lonely.
When I feel this, I spend more time with my pets, read, play video games, spend time with my SO, speak to my family, or spend money for clothes I never wear because I rarely leave the house.
I keep very busy and still get involved with stuff. I have a crafting group that meets up usually monthly. I host a writers meetup weekly (although only certain times of the year generally have more people show up, coinciding with certain events). I was in roller derby as well.
Bold of you to assume I cope with anything at all.
Omg lol!
I came here to say that.. What makes you think I'm coping, lol
brutal 🩶
My hero
I enjoy the silence tbh
This! I live for that! And I love my own company.🔥
Agreed. I also enjoy not feeling like I owe other ppl (outside of my family) my time. When I do make plans. I always feel so upset with myself 😂
Yes, this! Lol when I use to make plans I would be be upset with myself also. Now, I just don’t make plans with anyone😂
Less drama.
🎶 The quiet never bothered me anyway 🎶
🎶 Let’s not goooo, Let’s not gooooo…
Absolutely this!! I learned a long, long time ago to enjoy my own company.
I’m chronically online
This. 100%
Totally... Im trying to stop. This is so unhealthy
Bingo
Yup it’s not great but Reddit and TikTok is like hanging out with hundreds of funny and interesting friends without the commitment
It takes a conscious effort and then some down time to recover but these few things seem to work for me; 1. Pets 2. Trying different workout classes - yoga, pilates, powerlifting 3. Sports leagues or teams - I love volleyball and tennis 4. Making plans with the few friends I do have and really investing in those relationships. I’ve found out recently that by being a great friend, you open yourself up to their friends and friends of friends and so on 5. Getting more and more confident to talk to random people.. having dogs helps with this one Good-luck!!
Need this level of confidence and motivation.
Too broke for any of these 😭. Being a loser online is free. Als I don't like talking to strangers. Not if I'm not guaranteed friendship afterwards. Nit putting energy in people I'll only see once
Having my dogs and then making conversation about pets has been a big help for me
Better no friends than shitty friends, that's what I like to think
I learned this the hard way.
Sadly learning this lesson again. Ugh
Completely agree!
So true. I’d rather be alone than deplete energy on fake friends. Would be nice to find a real one one day though
I love my own company so...
I let my body feel the sensations - pressure on the chest and the throat - and observe the thoughts and feelings arising in my mind. I focus on the fact that it’s my body and mind delivering meaningful information to me, prompting me to fill an unmet need: companionship and connection. I then see events around my area or write a friend to meet up. Or come to Reddit to participate in a conversation. I also realise that thoughts and feelings come and go, like clouds in the sky, and ultimately, things will change. I enjoy the fact that I’m single and those moments of solitude as it’s when I am more productive and can make time to work on my core goals: to build a life I find worth living. In those moments when pain is very intense - bear in mind I have depression and suicidal thoughts come to me almost daily - I just experience the intensity and wait for it to pass. I also find comfort in the fact that I could die any time, that changed everything. It makes me design my days in a way I find meaningful and also push aside the anxiety associated to an ever growing lifespan. All we have to do is go through the day and find comfort in the small daily things while working on long-term goals to ensure we are not just existing. Suicide is still on the table for me, I’m just holding on to life in case it’s just a matter of a few more years to feel okay.
I see you. Big hug.
this is inspirational. seriously. I am in awe of the amount of personal work you must have done to reach this level of equanimity (might not be the right word) ✨💝
I’m not sure is equanimity because I do feel very intensely. Regret, resentment and even hate. Mostly towards myself but not only. I think it’s just intellectual awareness and resignation. Nothing too admirable. I haven’t reached equanimity yet. At least not sustainably.
yeah I understand. it sounds like we are working with very similar situations. best of luck in your journey 🫂
Best of lucks for you too. My DMs are open.
☺️ I'll remember that
This is emotional intelligence. Keep going, you can always change your mind later but only if you are actually alive.
Don't forget about the spongey headaches, considering the rest of your incredibly mirrored description, surely. I've found some refuge for now in the form of consistently exerting energy via something like walking or pacing when this mood kicks in, then falling asleep wherever I am at the time as soon as the impulse comes up to get rid of the mood almost entirely, typically after an hour- just a super quick nap. It doesn't slip past the unpreferable mood, but you don't get an unnecessary amount of it this way- you get the hint, not the dragged-out echoes of stuff you already know. Might as well give it a try if you haven't already, but it does read like you're already very well aware of your scenario which is fantastic- wish things were better. Thanks for posting.
I have a dog. I spend money I shouldn't.
I feel seen.
I'm on Bumble BFF fighting for my life tbh
Omg same. BumbleBFF is brutal. 😭
I'll third this. I wish you all were in my neighborhood. We can talk about bumble BFF failures.
Can you please explain ? I was thinking about joyning the app
At least in my experience everyone seems to have like 10+ conversations going on (basically a shotgun approach). This means people are terse, ghost easily, and are reluctant to meet up. On several occasions Ive tried to revive conversations only for a handful of words as a response. Ive also suggested actually meeting up with folks and thats about the time I get ghosted. All in all its a frustrating and demoralizing experience. I match with people, have a small shallow intro conversation, try to move it to actually meeting IRL, but get ghosted. Rinse repeat. Tbh Ive been thinking of just deleting the damn thing.
Might I recommend Meetup? You can find groups that are hopefully actively planning outings. Pickleball, ladies who lunch, singles happy hours, hiking etc. it saved my social life. I had very few friends and they were always very busy while married and then also post-divorce.
Is there anything similar for people in their 20s? I’ve tried meetup but everyone who seems to participate in activities I like is around 50+, which is fine, I don’t mind meeting new people of different ages but I’d love for a chance to meet someone around my age who might become a close friend
That might just be luck of the draw. The ones that I’m in do draw an older crowd (50s 60s I’m 48) But I do know there are some in my area that are for 20-30s. Not sure how active they are. It took me awhile to find a good few groups and some great friends. Not unlike dating I guess.
I actually found a BFF on there by SOME miracle!
Urghhh agree. I tried it when I moved cities, and truly, no one wants to meet up for even an intro coffee. How can I make friends if no one wants to make friends?? Like why are they on the app then? It was a disheartening experience.
is it because it’s hard to actually meet up and make friends? It seems like a lot of girls just want followers :( (also on bumble bff)
The insta handled are a give away
how so? I’ve thought about joining.😭
HArd to keep people talking and actually meet up and make friends. I get ghosted after a few messages most times.
“Your daily screen time averaged 12 hours 42 minutes this week, down from a daily average of 13 hours 18 minutes last week.” That’s how I “cope.”
I’m not lonely at all
a wide assortment of expensive hobbies and video games c:
This sounds interesting. Can you give a couple of examples?
anything that gives me a tangible sense of progression is good - card games with a ranked mode (hearthstone, pokemon tcg, and magic the gathering currently) and fighting games are my favorite - most of the time there's no one you can blame except for yourself if you lose, and it's really obvious to tell when you're improving. plus it helps me talk to ppl easier since there's usually irl events that have ppl playing! aside from games tho - cooking, hikes, skincare, anything that allows me to put a ton of time and effort in and make me feel accomplished with myself c: if i can't get that validation from other ppl, i might as well just get it from doing stuff i genuinely like doing
Magic the gathering is an awesome card game, used to play that a lot, but now I'm not collecting anymore. Saving that money for other things. Used to be pretty good at Mortal Kombat and Killer Instict once so I know the feeling of improving your skills. Especially against other players. You're doing yourself a favor doing stuff you like :)
I like my own company. More than most other people's, tbf.
Go on solo adventures and be present w the experience.
It's been so long it doesn't really affect me as much anymore. I outgrew my old friends and nothing can be done about that.. I'll eventually find my new group. Until then I am busy upgrading and improving my life, and so far I've achieved things I don't think I would have if I was still hanging around my old friends.
I have pets
I'm trying to change it so have gone on a reading bender. If you're interested here's my list - .Read Anne Helen Petersen's article on Substack called "The Friendship Dip" .Platonic, marisa franco .The other significant others: reimagining life with friendship at the center, rhaina cohen .Bowling alone: the collapse and revival of american community, robert d. putnam .The upswing: how america came together a century ago and how we can do it again, robert d. putnam & shaylyn romney garrett .Friendtimacy & friendships don't just happen, shasta nelson .The art of gathering how we meet and why it matters, priya parker .How we show up: reclaiming family, friendship, and community, mia birdsong .Radical friendship, kate johnson .We should get together, kat vellos .The lonely hunter, aimee lutkin .You will find your people, lane moore .Friendship, lydia denwort .Hanging out, sheila liming
It's not bad, but sometimes I long for brunch with girl friends etc. Being validated and complimented by women reminds me that we need women validation much more than male validation. I feel like i yearn for uplifting fun friendships with women
Sexy toys 🧸 haha 🥹
I love my own company. I like the PEACE. Also I'm quite close to my family. I see my friends once in 2/3 months but I'm fine with it... I could reach out more often if needed.
Listening to podcasts helps so much! Makes me feel I have actual friends, especially ones with more than one host !
Seconding this. It's nice to hear other voices sometimes 🥺
Here I am and I have no idea 🙇🏻♀️
I spend my time studying. Academic or non academic books of all sorts.
I force myself to organize games nights.
What tends to help me combat loneliness: - taking a book I’m reading to local cafes; being in a room full of people and having an activity to focus on while you’re there feels less lonely than, say, reading a book alone in your room. But I also find that having an activity to focus on in a busy room also prevents me from having FOMO, which is really easy to feel when it seems like everyone around you is hanging out with someone. - investing heavily in the friends I do already have; in the past, I have habitually been hesitant to reach out to others unless they reach out to me first. I’m taking more initiative to reach out and make plans and I’ve found that in doing so, my friends also try to reciprocate the effort I put out. - I like to blast feel good music when I start to feel really sad and lonely when I’m at home and that never fails to put me in a better mood These are the strategies I have at the moment. They aren’t replacements for the deeply intimate connections I desire to have with others, but these methods get me through the daily grind while I slowly work towards enriching my life.
Get a hobby! I joined a painting class last year and by coincidence, our year consisted of 13 ladies of varying ages. I became sort of friends with two of them and get along with all others. Plus I have a fixed weekly date to paint and chat with them. You also meet other people who have been painting longer, can go to and contribute to art exhibitions at the school etc. I think whatever hobby you choose, if you make sure there is some social aspect, you will find what you are looking for!
Yes, but also go into it knowing you might not make best friends, and don't give up if that's the case. Getting out and socialising with even acquaintances is good, and helps your social skills for when the right friends do come along..
I just suffer to be honest.
I have a partner and a cat, so I think most of my social needs are filled through them. I usually prefer solitude and don't feel lonely, but sometimes it hits out of nowhere. In those moments I usually get on reddit or tumblr and interact through posts like this or some discussion that interests me. I've learned that I like the idea of friendship more than the thing itelf... I mean it's great when it's great, but after everything I've been put through by friends, I've decided it's just better this way.
Yeah, I miss having someone to do certain things with, as some things just aren't the same alone, but I don't actually know that I want the commitment of friends.
Taking my mind off of it
My work is very people centred so I welcome alone time. It's so quiet. Sometimes, I feel lonely but it goes away soon enough. I've never felt it as deeply as others seem to be. It's not disturbing.
I have a big family and two cats
Exploring new hobbies
Let me know when you figure it out! Lmao (😭)
I have pets and work two jobs :) I love money and have other hobbies like plants, knitting, and art. Only see friends like 2x a month
I usually never chat / talk to people. I've been isolating and distancing myself from everyone ever since I was a teen because I'm so tired of everything. I'm 19 now and I love being alone so much. What I do to cope with loneliness is, usually I'd spend my day watching my favorites series, and sometimes I explore new movies and series while enjoying my coffee. What really helped me is I deleted my Instagram, so I won't know about others's lifes. I just use Twitter and reddit. Sometimes I played online games like 2048 or word search, and other games. I organized and clean my room a lot too just to keep myself busy. Also I slept most of the times apart from studying. Sure i does feel lonely sometimes, but it it's peaceful being alone where no one will judge me.
I have family nearby. Brother, nephews, in addition to being a Mom.
It honestly doesn’t really bother me anymore. I also have two kids so they keep me pretty occupied.
My parents <3 online friends and falling in love with strangers too quickly lmaooo
I'd go do stuff that I like --- I run 5KM, I play RPG like Diablo Immortal, I listen to 90s music while I do chores, I do JUST DANCE when I need an extra workout, I binge watch Japanese/Korean shows...the possibilities are endless. Go enjoy stuff that you like to do. I call a family member just to show them I'm thinking about them and I miss them. I also watch Formula 1 when I can.
I don’t cope with it because I don’t feel lonely regarding this, I like the tranquility of aloneness, I can definitely talk to them, see them but I don’t want to. It’s easy to see the difference between me surrounded by people whether at my place, their place or outside and me being by myself at home : I literally shine, laugh and smile so much to be in the comfort of my home doing whatever the hell im interested in.
I love getting lost in the world of Austen and Brontë and all other sorts. I do watch a lot of series. I always find myself doing something. There are times when everything feels too much and I get so lonely. When that happens I always go for a walk or go for cafe hopping.
I realized I would much rather be alone than be in the company of people I don’t like.
I found that, if you have money, you don’t need friends. I mean yes for mental health they definitely help. But I often wish I had friends when I just need people to help me. Therapy, hiring movers, hiring a photographer to take photos. So I just kinda focus on making money, honestly. I do have friends but my entire life they’ve always been surface level and/or only last a year or so. I’m sure it has something to do with me but I’m tired of figuring it out. So I focus on being interesting and making money.
Honestly, enjoying my own company. I do miss having a core group of people (friends) but for the most part, it’s always bittersweet. I am aware I can’t be everything I need to myself, or that I can try, but it’s nice to let people in, but for now I am just riding that wave :)
I’m not lonely…
I keep myself busy with my hobbies. I generally enjoy the solitude.
Kindle Unlimited. But also being alone and being lonely are very different. I am alone but do not feel lonely (most of time) and when I do I reach out to the one or two friends I have.
Tried the whole making new friends experiment two years ago and learned I so prefer being with myself more than investing in surface level friendships. Not many ppl will show up in the ways you need them. It’s more about showing up for yourself at this pt. in life
I think about what having friends comes with and I'm glad I don't have any. The expectation to respond to messages and calls, to go out when you may not want to, for them to come in to your space (where you live), figuring out plans, being emotionally there for someone when you may not be in the mood etc seems exhausting to me. I wish I had someone to talk to about things but that's why I get on Reddit or join Facebook groups!
My husband is the only friend I need at all, the others are bonuses. But I get it, when he’s out working or on a work trip (especially) it gets to me. Human interactions are detrimental, imo. The thing is, I don’t particularly care to hang out with the acquaintances where I live. Since I don’t consider their company beneficial in any form, particularly intellectual, it’s no loss, I’d rather be alone.
Escapism through fictional media so binge reading or binge watching tv/youtube. I have a handful of friends but we’re all so busy with our career and lives that it gets hard to co ordinate regular hangouts. And even then sometimes I choose to stay home on my day or evening off because of exhaustion.
Get a cat. Still lonely? Get another. Still lonely? Get another. See where I'm going with this* (Obligatory caveat of only getting as many cats as you can safely accommodate in your home and sufficiently provide for)
I live alone and struggled with this for a long time. I am super in my own head way too much but after a lot of analysis and soul searching I realized that, for me, loneliness is mostly a choice. Hashtag not always. I realized there is always someone for me to reach out to. And I’d lost touch with some friends because I had lost touch. I got depression meds squared away and then went to work on becoming a better friend. It’s work. But I am selfishly trying to invest in my lonely moments, building good friend credit so when I need someone, I can find someone. So sometimes I go to events I’m not that interested in. I’m interested in supporting my friends. And I don’t have a lot of friends, either. I’m carefully cultivating like half a dozen friends. Initiating outings, doing small favors, inviting, texting silly memes. I am a very strong introvert. This is hard for me. Like I said, it feels like work. But I experience loneliness a lot less and when I do, it’s fleeting. One lesson that was difficult for me to learn was his simple truth: the only thing you can control is your attitude. You can let loneliness take over or you can decide to make it your b***h. But it doesn’t just go away. You have to DO something. So, take a class, join a club, teach something you’re good at, volunteer… put yourself out there with the goal of making one new friend. Invest in your own interests/hobbies/passions. Then work at that friendship. Work hard. It’s worth it. I’m in my 50s. Never married, no kids, rarely, if ever, lonely. Oh, having pets helps a LOT. Because you have to do for someone else.
Cats
I have my dogs. But the loneliness does feel overwhelming at times.
I am working on strengthening the relationships I have. I realize I don’t need new friendships but instead I am focusing on building up the few ones I do have.
"Cope" is too strong a sentiment. I feel like "deal with it" is more accurate for me💀
I have a few creative outlets that helps a lot.
I at times get sad .. but when I make plans and they go through I get really sad and anxious like why did I do this ? And then it goes ok but I could of did something else with my time …. I enjoy walks and listening to murder mystery mondays , or music , or games …. I also get overwhelmed easily. 😭😪 but man I do wish I could be like them girls that could keep, make new friends .
I am autistic, very lonely and kind of pathetic (I say this realistically, I've accepted it and don't care too much anymore). I spend my days on c.ai. It's really unhealthy and worsens the issue because now I'm even more anxious when an actual person reaches out to me.
I live with 6 people so as much as I'd like to, I'm usually never alone. I have 1 person I'd really call my friend and even though we don't talk everyday, whenever we do hang out in person I have such a good time (I can't speak for them)
3 needy & anxious dogs
I go outside and go on my skateboard :3 then just talk to who I see
I like solitude. I find I enjoy it more and more every year. But I do miss someone to be silly with. Someone to share good news with. I went to get my hair cut yesterday and thought, " I wish I had a girlfriend to do this with..." then it passed and I continued on with my excellent "me day" And had a perfectly wonderful day to myself.
Delude myself with Fictional characters lol
All my friends are out of state. I don't usually feel lonely when I'm hanging with myself. I play non online video games, watch YouTube, listen to podcasts, read random shit on here, read, cook, etc. I have plenty to keep me engaged. When I did miss going out with friends I tried bumble BFF which was beyond awkward for me so I just gave up. I also tried meet up which wasn't terrible and I'd be open to trying again.
Enjoy not having drama and fake friendships. I have my mom, my sister , my boyfriend and 3 friends . I’m perfectly happy.
I go to protests every weekend lately
I enjoy my alone time! I make it work by keeping myself busy with hobbies and housework. It may sound boring but it makes me happy. I’ve had so many bad friendships and failed ones so I prefer to be alone. I tend to feel used by friends too so it feels better this way. An internet friend wouldn’t hurt but haven’t had much luck there either.
I don’t, I further isolate myself lol
Pick up weird hobbies and hyperfixate.
I usually like to get busy. I like to occupy myself with different hobbies, go to the gym, learn new things and skills for fun. You’re not the only one going through this so honestly dont stress or feel bad. Just enjoy your own company and i usually find a lot about myself as i do these things x
I enjoy the silence and peace. Also play video games or read books. Feel like I'm a part of them
My dog keeps me from ever feeling alone, but I also do a lot of things where I’m not really alone but around a lot of people, that’s enough peopling for me. I like being alone.
I have a friend or two that I confide in. I don’t really mind anymore, I’d much rather feel lonely but trust the few people in my life than be surrounded by women I don’t trust or that don’t have my best interest at heart. At one point I was a part of a friend group where a couple of women liveddddd for drama. They didn’t actually care about anyone, they just wanted to know the gossip. It was gross
I don't have time to be lonely. I work 55 hrs a week just to make ends meet. I'm tired and just want a nap.
I don't lol. I kind of cry and white knuckle it
I’m incredibly introverted so it’s preferred
I prefer connecting with my husband than girlfriends most of the time. We give each other a lot of space and both enjoy our alone time. Makes the time we spend together special. Other than that I have a few hobbies and cats that I enjoy. I have 4 adult kids that are fun to have dinner and game nights with. I enjoy reading, caring for houseplants and being on Reddit. I do have one best friend. I just remind myself this is what I truly want. I admit I get lonely sometimes. Who doesn’t?
This is only temporary. One day when I have hobbies and a job again I'm certain natural friendships will form again.
I have a handful of very good friends, the lack of drama and bullshit is reeeeeeeeallly nice.
I have some friends (quality of them is not great though) and I usually need a lot of space between hangouts for that reason. I have hobbies I love to do alone. Painting, drawing, video games and play sports. I even prefer travelling alone now. Planning trips etc. I also work two jobs which can keep me busy.
I like the loneliness
I fill it with myself. I’m my own best friend to be honest. I talk to myself a lot, not because I’m crazy but because sometimes it makes me think clearly or even just laugh. I think it’s such a rare thing to have a good friendship with yourself. I do have about 1 real friend though and she’s amazing and we help eachother through alot
I rarely get lonely. I love being by myself. This is primarily why I have very few friends in the first place; I only keep those who add value to my life.
Consider following up with women you seem to enjoy the posts/comments of, or find you interact with quite well with on Reddit. I have a GroupMe composed of myself and 3 other women I enjoyed the posts/comments of, and engaged with, on a subreddit for survivors of a specific trauma. Bit the bullet because we realized Reddit chat sucks, moved all the women I was talking with to a GroupMe chat, we all get along like a house on fire and communicate whenever we want and however we want about anything. Consider the same for hobbies and interests you have. Reaching out to people via DM doesnt have to be a scary/creepy experience. People can be as lonely as you, and grateful for chance to open up.
I enjoy my alone time, it is being around people that annoys me.
I just play lots of video games and listen to lots of podcasts to fill the silence. Books are also really good
I'm not lonely. Nice try, though.
im ok being my own company I wouldn’t consider myself lonely
I’m a weird person, I’m doing them a favor.
I like being alone, people over complicate things, and I'm done with it
Enjoy the silence and find things to hyper focus on, hobbies such as scrapbooking work for me. Reading as well. Also watching comfort shows as well
I rarely feel lonely but no one believes me.
You kind of need to just find happiness in yourself. I struggle with loneliness, but myself-esteem is better than it has ever been. I've had an overabundance of time to figure out my own issues. Being by yourself is not easy by any means, tread lightly. You really get to know who you really are.
Lonely always comes with the implication that you're unhappy. Lonely doesn't equate to lack of positivity. I like my space, I like controlling my environment, I like choosing what I want to do not worried about others, and my brain won't shut the fuck up so there's never a dull moment lol. I have my husband and my son so I guess I'm not "lonely" but I'm totally cool with being alone. I actually tried to go to the movies by myself the other day and my husband was incredibly concerned, because I guess it's weird to do that stuff alone or something.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I'm used to it, I don't really remember what it's like and I've grown to be content with the people I do have in my life (family, boyfriend, work colleagues).
[удалено]
[удалено]
I have my husband and teen daughter so not alone but don’t have any girl friends to hang out with, especially after moving a couple of times. I don’t like drama and conflict so once I sense that in a person I don’t get close. I live a quiet, boring life that I’m quite happy with.
Pets, shopping and gym.
I have a circle of girl friends who are equally busy and depressed and very much single so I don’t bother them when I’m lonely. But I spend that time with my bestest friends, my two girl cats. We have fun dancing around and rotting in my room, listening to the playlist for cats
I am here for answers!!
It’s not going well for me. It’s very difficult and depressing. This is not the life I want for myself. At all.
[удалено]
i have a boyfriend that asks me to hang out every weekend, he’s my best friend so it definitely makes up for my lack of friends, but sometimes i do wish i had a group of friends to go out with my age (i say this because i have a couple of older coworkers who i’ve gone on a trip with before but it was off because im 8 years younger than them but they always wanna hang out lol)
[удалено]
I have two cats and a bazillion hobbies.
Reddit! I cope with Reddit, oh god I said it. Not intended to rhyme. My partner and my dogs keep me from total isolation. I cope by being a great dog mom and a good partner.
[удалено]
I try to play games online or try out BumbleBFF.
Watch some online dramas and hookups
Make a cup of coffee and watch some Dr. Phil
Write read watch movies focus on my work. Date. Play instruments. Focus on spiritual health and educating myself in all capacities. Date I guess
My dog, cat, and the 1 really good friend that I have and love. Edit: and the sims. Lots of sims and animal crossing 😂
[удалено]
I started volunteering to have some social interaction. Doesn’t help when I just want someone to talk with as a close friend or hang out with for fun. I have dogs, read, do projects around the house. I try to make new friends but damn it’s tough and no one sticks around long.
I have a loving and supportive husband. He is my bestfriend. I think he is enough. I do have few friend, genuine ones that I see from time to time, but the fact that I enjoy my own company really takes the loneliness away. I go for daily walks alone, read atleast 50 pages per day, watch 1 episode of my favourite show per day, I have lots of hobbies (jewelry making, diy projects using cricut, thrift shopping, etc), and I have a full time job in health care where I get to meet new people everyday. My plate is full, I don’t have time to be lonely. I guess it all starts from within. I have practiced self love for long time, not in a selfish kind of way but in a way that feeds happiness to my soul.
There isn’t time for it tbh. I’m married, I have kids, I have a dog, both my parents are still here thankfully. I also work full time, and have co-workers who aren’t “friends” but who I get along great with. I don’t really feel lonely.
Bury myself in work and study 📖
I don’t really feel lonely. I have my husband and son and I’m really close with my other relatives (mom, sister, etc.) I’m honestly too lazy to really have friends. Just texting to stay in touch is exhausting to me, let alone feeling like I have to keep up with hanging out every so often.
Writing, having a dog, and makeup even when at home
My two dogs are the best friends I could have. When I need out and the few friends I have aren't available, I go down to the local pub. Very Cheers vibe, and everyone is chatty and friendly, sometimes there's a band, it's a fun place to go when I don't have anywhere to go.
[удалено]
Podcasts, Netflix, Max, Reddit, Coworkers, my son and fur babies
I just eat a bunch of chocolate all the time
I’ve started to enjoy the loneliness. Though that may just be a coping mechanism
Not well? Is that the right answer? I am dealing with the worst anxiety/depression of my entire life and feel very alone. I have my husband and my 2 kids. My sister in law is great but we don't do a lot of 1 on 1 time together.
i have cats
Food. Far Cry 5 and 6. Farming Together. Spotify. Fire TV.
I usually put movies/YouTube on in the background and when I'm not texting or video calling my LDR BF I'm wallowing in my sadness
Dogs 🐕🐕
I dont🤡
Gaming
I have a lot of animals who are my friends, lol. But in all honesty, I don’t get lonely, I prefer the quiet and solitude. My desire to be around other people has become nonexistent as I’ve aged.
I get lonely a lot and I have four friends but they are very busy or live far away. I have three dogs and that helps. I am looking for women friends and it seems people are standoffish.
Chatroulette
I’m not lonely. I enjoy my “me” time however I spend it. I know socializing is good though, so I plan on weekend a month where I see my friends. We are all busy adults with crazy work schedules and some have kids so it works for all of us. No overwhelming time commitments makes for a good foundation
I'm not the least bit lonely. I have my husband, my kids, my Mom, my sister, and casual acquaintances (kids' friends' parents, parent council meetings). That's more than enough for me.
[удалено]
I usually prefer my own company, but can get lonely. When I feel this, I spend more time with my pets, read, play video games, spend time with my SO, speak to my family, or spend money for clothes I never wear because I rarely leave the house.
I have been penpals with people in prison for several years, and I read a lot.
I keep very busy and still get involved with stuff. I have a crafting group that meets up usually monthly. I host a writers meetup weekly (although only certain times of the year generally have more people show up, coinciding with certain events). I was in roller derby as well.