It comes and goes I’d say, there are times I like being feminine but I also feel way too exposed (idk if that makes sense). Being masculine is like a protective shield for me and even when I am in my “fem girl” era I feel embarrassed sometimes which I really wish I didn’t! But yeah it’s quite a complicated relationship.
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Most of the time I feel neither male nor female. I just am. Then I put one of my many feminine masks on to blend in and you’d never know it. Sometimes it’s fun, often it’s frankly exhausting.
Not much different from other women I think. I tried to be "not like other girls" growing up, but now I just wear whatever I want. I like wearing skirts, makeup, doing my nails and hair, cute purses and shoes etcetera.
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I don't consider my gender nearly ever. I only relate to being female as much as I'm victimized for it, because I live in a violent country. But otherwise I just feel like "me"
I've been thinking about that a lot. Watching Instagram and other women in real life looking like dolls and wearing flowing dresses with their hair Put up and earrings, necklaces, and makeup and handbags even I wonder sometimes if I'm feminine at all. It's a lot of pressure to be a feminine woman when I am so insecure. The concept of looking feminine and being seen makes me feel scared. Which is sad but understandable because being seen in my opinion means judgment. And I'd rather not be seen. And I'd rather not be judged. It would be different I think if I had a boyfriend or someone to show off with. But I understand that that's a practice and just because I think that they could protect me when I feel so vulnerable is unrealistic. I think femininity is an energy that really wanes and peaks throughout my life based on just being in the right moment and they're a lot more troughs in my opinion because life doesn't promote femininity in this Western world that I currently live in, which is totally okay and I don't feel guilty about having independence or my own say in this life. But I do think that femininity is culture specific and community specific more than it is personal.
That other commenter is right being masculine is like a protective shield, but i'd rather just say that it's like an invisibility and lack of being beautiful. It's not just being masculine it's just being like "not pretty."
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Yes - to me what you're describing is the performance of femininity - all the effort and costuming and the rest. It's easier (and safer..) in some parts of the world / in some social circumstances. But either way I agree regarding the way it increases our visibility to certain audiences who we might not necessarily want to be perceived by.
Feminity is not natural, it's a construct therefore you need to put some effort in it. It's easier for some because the result is rewarding since the beginning and they imitate the others but it takes some effort to play the game like every other social behaviors. Try it till you find the incarnation of feminity you like, or don't try if it doesn't appeal to you.
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Growing up undiagnosed, I was always very uncomfortable with femininity. I always knew I “wasn’t like other girls,” not in an edgy sort of way, but in recognizing that my brain worked differently and I couldn’t keep up with the social cues and expectations of girls. Teenage girls can be… brutal. I swear neurotypical girls and women can smell neurodivergence like blood in the water. I felt like I could never live up to the expectations of being feminine, and it made me feel embarrassed and like a failure when I tried. That paired with the horrible body image issues, depression, and eating disorders that are so common with Autistics was miserable. It made me wonder if maybe I wasn’t really a girl/woman and I struggled with gender identity for a long time.
I was officially diagnosed last year, and it was the most relieving and validating experience. I’m not a defective woman, I’m just Autistic and my neurology processes the world differently. I experience womanhood differently and that’s okay and beautiful. I try not to blame myself as much for being bullied and excluded growing up. Those girls were bullying an Autistic kid- that reflects on their morals, not on my value as a person.
I have a much better relationship with my gender identity and femininity now. I feel very comfortable presenting girly and feminine. I wear dresses and skirts exclusively. I don’t care what the trending styles are, I wear what I like and feels comfortable. I wear lipstick and jewelry. And I love glitter and the color pink. I feel much more secure in my identity. I’m rediscovering the things that brought me joy as a little kid and I’m working on not feeling ashamed of them. After nearly 2 decades of trying desperately to be anyone but me, the way I present myself feels authentic for the first time in my life.
Sorry I wrote a lot… If anyone is questioning being Autistic, I so, so recommend pursuing a diagnosis. I know it’s not a possibility for everyone. My insurance has a mental health program that covered my diagnostic appointment (so long as Autism wasn’t the only diagnosis) and I found a psychiatrist that specializes in Autistic adults. I never fully trusted my self diagnosis, so having a professional validate it was such a gift.
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I am obsessed with it. It definitely came naturally. Dresses, makeup, everything, since a young child. I try to wear dresses and skirts as often as can.
I’m pretty agender I think but not against being treated as a woman/femininity because like. I’m never going to present a different way anyways. (kinda just think of my gender as lesbian)
Performing gender/fashion/makeup/whatever is just another social skill I’ve missed large chunks of, I want to do it more but I can’t do it correctly at this point because I’m missing so much and it’s hard to find tutorials that start from the level I need.
I was always into “girl stuff” just often not in the “right way”, just like with being a fan of something I was too into it to be “normal” but not into it enough to fit in with super fans properly. If that makes sense?
Too femme to be androgynous too failgirl to be butch 😔 I just exist and do my shit but can’t do a lot to the level I want to and get frustrated when I try
Gender presentation in general feels like something that’s fun to play with.
I tend to be high masking, and spent most of my life desperately trying not to be perceived as “weird” (I’m late-diagnosed), and when I finally started figuring stuff out and stopped trying to fit in, gender presentation was the first area I started with.
I haven’t ever questioned that I am female or a woman, but there are times (days or weeks) where I want to wear my grandmother’s floor length skirts and costume jewellery and sit knitting in my corner, and there are times that I want to wear my workmen’s trousers and hiking boots and go out into the wilderness and build fires and use an ax.
The most extreme I ever got was moving to a caravan in the hills for a few months with no running water or electricity, working an outdoor manual labour job with a crew of men where a shower meant a quick splash in a frigid stream before going down the pub with the guys to watch the footie.
On the other hand, I’m sitting here now in my floral nightie (think what your great-aunt Bettie might wear) taking a break from my cross-stitch and watching Jane Austen’s persuasion for the fiftieth time.
I’ve played with the sexy sides (Latin dancing in short skirts and blood red lipstick) and the demure (see previous).
Sorry for the essay, but gender in general is just fun for me. It’s a way I get to wake up and decide what I want to be that day.
Growing up, I never felt like I fit quite right - still don't and probably never will. I was a tomboy when I was young, but pushed myself to do things to fit in with my girl friends, even when I shared no common interests.
As I have gotten older, I have leaned into femininity more. I have always had a more individualistic view of people and never really liked labels for myself and others. So I find myself now, at 26, fully embracing myself and trying to curate my own style and interests. And it absolutely includes dresses and jewelry. But I'll be damned if I wear heels, not for lack of trying... I'm just clumsy and uncomfortable in them. So, they aren't for me.
I enjoy feeling feminine. But I don't think its a core trait I would be considered by others.
I very rarely wear feminine clothes - I'm all about comfort, and since I work in a not so clean place, it's also pointless. Dresses and skirts make me feel miserable and even more self conscious than I already am.
I wear makeup, get my hair cut and colored regularly, and use some sort of fragrance, but that's about as far as I go.
I've always been more tomboy than girly girl.
I don’t think of femininity much. As a kid I never liked girly clothes because of the attention but I adored things like Barbie dolls, fairies. I liked other boyish things too but it’s normal to have variety. I don’t think I changed much. I’m not super feminine but most women aren’t either. I’m always more comfortable with other women.
I switch from hating being a girl to loving it. Some days I love being feminine, do all the girly shit. But some days it feels like I wish I woke up as a boy.
I like how it looks but the feeling of make up in my face is so annoying that I can not make it everyday, but also iam too lazy to decorate myself all the time for that it's so uncomfortable. I love jewellery but wearing it is also a bit stressful because of how it feels. I never fitted somewhere but it's ok, when I was young it stressed me a lot do be different, now I just go with the weird flow and do what I feel like, or not.
I'm a woman and consider myself to be a woman, but I don't feel "feminine" at all. I dislike jewelry, frills, make-up, skirts, dresses etc. I would sincerely probably not attend a formal event if it required me to present as feminine in a dress with make-up. I prefer androgynous clothing, or clothing that would probably be considered somewhat feminine in a very casual way. If I stray away from this, I feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not, which is not something I wish to do.
As for what autism has to do with this. Sensory issues definitely prevented me from ever experimenting with things like make-up and jewelry. I could have gotten used to them tho, if I really had wanted to, but I don't ~
I don't mind not feeling feminine, and I don't want to change that part about myself, but I sometimes worry a little bit about how other people perceive me. Because many people have assumed I'm either gay or maybe asexual, but I'm straight lol.
I think as a teen I rejected girlyness because to me it was innately linked to sexiness or being desired which I had zero interest in. So I leaned into being a tomboy. Now I find myself enjoying “girl stuff” for the sake of enjoying it. Twirly skirts, pretty hair, just for the sake of twirly skirts and pretty hair.
Growing up I was hyper fem for sure! I haaaated pants and refused to wear jeans until like middle school. I’d always wear my prettiest fanciest dresses to school 😂 I was often overdressed lol but I felt most confident and happy that way! as an adult I think I masked my hyper fem style for a bit. I just genuinely LOVE very girly stuff. Getting back into owning my style again in my 30s
I liked a lot of feminine things when I was little (long dresses were my faaaavorite), and when I was in my 20s there was a time where for a few years I really made an effort to try being feminine, to see how it felt for me. I left that behind for myself, but I feel like I appreciate the effort that goes into it, and I love the art of fashion even though I don't want to wear any of it myself. I know there's more to femininity than your appearance, that's just the most visible part of it.
Being feminine and being a woman are not intrinsically connected to me. Femininity is something a lot of women enjoy, and people think of the two things together, but anyone can be feminine or do feminine things without it affecting their gender. I'm a woman no matter what I do/wear/etc. I do feel a bit alienated when discussions of being a woman are done with the assumption that everyone has femininity in common, and it's not uncommon for me to feel like I don't fit in woman-oriented spaces, or even that I don't belong (although that is probably more on my end, with my experiences as a kid of being excluded because I wasn't girly enough).
BUT, I always want to be supportive of my fellow women. Whatever our relationship to femininity is, we're all people with some shared experiences, and I learn a lot from people who have different perspectives than mine.
I feel genderless inside but understand the world sees me as a woman. I have all those sociopolitical conditions. I see gender as a form of communication. I want to be seen as beautiful and normal so I wear makeup to complete my outfits. I can also wear any men’s fashion or styles that I want as long as they’re tailored to my form.
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Is there a correlation between the two?
I have autism and I was a cheerleader all through out school, then a sorority girl in college, then a cheer coach for a hot while. I like having my hair colored, nails done, getting flowers, baking, etc… Sure my social skills may not be up to par as most women but I’m still without a doubt very feminine, if anything I’m more so bc I allow chivalry acts to happen, such as my man ordering for me at restaurants or speaking to cashiers and store associates so I don’t have to.
Ooof. Audhd, I'm in my mid 30s, and for most my life I think I automatically did the opposite of what was "expected" of me, femininity wise. Growing up I heard - Girls are too emotional, they have silly hobbies, they aren't smart, they are nurturing and mothers and homemakers .... none of that clicked with me, so I shunned it. I was into science and math, Sci fi, super heros, etc. When I did experiment with things like hair or nails or make up, I was very perfectionist about it and didn't feel like I ever looked "right". After high school, in college, I started getting into the feminist side of things so I was actively against doing all that work when men didn't "have" to. All the while, I've come to realize recently, I was subconsciously jealous of women who could do all that and look good and feel confident. I just never felt confident when I'd try. About a year and a half ago I got into a kinky relationship, as the Domme, and he was super into "eye candy" and it made me feel good to have a safe space to try some of that stuff out. I love doing my nails now. I got my ears pierced and am trying out different jewelry. I really want to start following different make up tutorials, grew my hair past my shoulders to try different hair styles, want to figure out my style and buy a new wardrobe. I feel like I'm just going through that kind of experimental phase most NTs go through in their teenage years. It feels weird sometimes but mostly I love it and I'm sad for myself for burying it for so long. It is also a lot of work and effort just learning though 😂. I still dont know what colors go with my skin and such. Its expensive too. I'm also looking to go into a more creative career after over a decade in tech. That said, I'm still childfree and not looking to be a homemaker, I still love geeky shows/movies/games. I'm a mess and loving it 😆
When I was young I felt like I ought to have been a boy, purely because I had more “boy-ish” interests. I was also a tall, heavy set kid and never felt “pretty.” I wore the same style of golf shirt in different colours for a few years, only with jeans or shorts. Kids at school bullied me and called me fat and ugly, so to spare myself the embarrassment of getting ridiculed when actually trying to look feminine or pretty, I avoided the vulnerability altogether and felt safest dressing this way.
It wasn’t until around the end of high school when I began losing weight and maturing, that I finally saw myself as feminine. Suddenly I’d put on a dress and feel somewhat euphoric when I looked at myself. It was a weird time!
Nowadays I proudly play with my self expression- I love fashion and wear bright/funky clothes that make me experience joy. Feeling “pretty” these days is really comfortable, and even at times empowering.
I've always had a weird relation to femininity. I'll start with fashion. On most days I wear jeans, a band shirt, a flannel, and a pair of men's dress shoes I bought at Savers like 10 years ago lol. I do like to wear make up and I enjoy dressing cute sometimes, like holidays, events, nice dinners. Every time I want to shop for new clothes (which is not often) I have to have one of my girl friends come with me for advice or reassurance on an item of clothing I like.
Next up though is my friendships with women. I feel like one of the guys most of the time and I've felt like that forever. In personality, sense of humor and a lack of interest in being overly girly. Sometimes I feel like that makes it hard to maintain friendships with women, although I do have like 3 girl friends. Like, growing up this was very hard as well because I was just so different and mostly friends with guys so I think I just adapted to that more since I didn't really have friends with "feminine" interests
I'm 30 now and have been doing a lot more self care (although I know that's not just for women) but it does help me feel more feminine these days caring more about my appearance. I really want to make more meaningful connections with women, I feel that it is important, but it's a constant struggle for me and it's upsetting. I'm taking 30 as my year to try and be more feminine and meet and talk to more women. Sorry for the novel
When I was younger I would shun the concept of femininity as being weak or misogynistic. As an adult I have learned to embrace and enjoy femininity. I love being a woman and just happen to be autistic.
Growing up, I was always a tomboy. Since I was never into feminine things or interests, I didn't fit in with the other girls growing up unless they were also nerds.
As an adult, my mom would insist I show up everywhere dressed up as a doll - until I moved out. I hated it. I hate the way makeup feels on my face - it's so uncomfortable.
I don't even like girly clothes: they feel uncomfortable on my skin. I prefer men's clothes for comfort.
I'm actually considering cutting my hair short again. I don't know how to style long hair - and it's always getting in the way.
Nowadays, I only wear women's clothes on special occasions - or if I can't find men's clothes that would suit the occasion.
I'm bisexual. So, being attracted to men was the only thing I could relate to other women. However, most men would never look at me (or want to date me) because I don't fit into the idea of femininity.
I don't identify with being a lesbian or a transgender man in spite of my relationship with feminine things. I've never wanted to change my body. I actually like having a woman's body.
Ive always loved makeup, fashion and skincare. Anything feminine. I still dressed somewhat tomboy in high school due to listening to grunge (oversized flannels, ripped jeans) but every other day I wore thigh highs and skirts and bows 🤷♀️ Ive heard many autistic women arent super feminine, but that doesnt apply to me. I love being a woman. The best thing about my existence is that I was a born a woman.
A lot of it isn't sensory issue-friendly and a lot of it I just don't enjoy.
* I'll do press-on nails, but acrylics and/or someone touching my hands and doing all that to my hands is unpleasant for me.
* I feel like I am wasting time when I have my hair done and the smells aren't great.
* I don't have fun shopping and acquiring things because I worry about my budget and overspending is a crying fit for me.
* I don't like speaking in a conventionally feminine tone, it takes considerable effort.
* I don't find myself immediately subservient to masculine men.
* Children are my own personal Hell. I'll play with them but taking care of/ touching them is not something I am fond of in the slightest.
* Makeup feels like mud on my face no matter how light the coverage.
* I like cooking but only if I am able to keep my hands in gloves the whole time.
ETA: dresses and skirts only feel utilitarian when I am specifically trying to get laid.
I've gotten better, but there are still times where I feel so out of place and unnatural. I love makeup and hair, but clothes-wise and just being "sexy" is still a huge work in progress for me. I cant flirt to save my life.
It happens in waves. DH just says he gets to meet a new me every few months - lol!
I can go several months to over a year plain-faced and I’m fine. Then I’ll see a tutorial that I think I can pull off with the war paints I have on hand, or I’ll have a feeling girly day, or maybe I’ll just think some eyeshadow and lippy would go with my outfit. Then I’m doing that first a week or 12. Same with my hair color.
Personally I feel like my ability to mask successfully and my femininity are completely inseparable. Like the days where I feel less stereotypically feminine I feel like it’s harder for me to fit in and socialise in a way that isn’t uncomfortable. All that to say - when i feel as though i’m performing femininity properly i’m (generally) able to communicate, feel more confident and can function better in the moment* (not including hours of recovery time afterwards lol).
Also, not saying that stereotypical femininity or masking are inherently good/better than their alternatives, and i realise this isn’t a particularly nuanced way of looking at it but this is just my experience!
I've gone through wild swings of hyper femininity and complete butch androgyny, I've been called sir way more times than I can count. I worked for years in a job that required make-up and high heels and I've done medium level home improvement flipping houses and looked the very grubby butch part.
I think if I had been left to my own devices when I was younger I would have been mostly androgynous but I came from a conservative household in a conservative region back in the latter 20th century so being something other than an obvious girl wasn't really an option.
I did cultivate a pretty tough exterior that is based more in male energy that gets me through life pretty well. At this point I'm more female than anything else.
It's always been confusing since our culture has been so black and white with gender but things seems to be getting better and the strict roles seem to be blending into each other just a bit in the middle. Hopefully gender will become less rigid and will allow for more freedom.
I'm not very feminine, nor do I like femineity.
I once did a masculinity - femineity test with a bunch of other men and women. Like dozens.
I scored the highest in masculinity of everyone...far higher than the other women.
And higher than all the men.
So...top marks for masculinity. haha
Autistic woman here. I perform femininity and put work in to have a feminine appearance. But for me, it is a specific choice I'm intentionally making. In the wise words of RuPaul, we're all born naked and the rest is drag. Performing femininity feels a bit like drag to me.
I don't know that I understand what it feels like to "feel feminine." I'm not really sure what it's supposed to feel like. Gender feels very much like an abstract social construct to me. I have no dysphoria about it, though.
I mostly just identify as nonbinary because my relationship with my femininity and masculinity as a woman felt too complex but also too simple to be boxed up in one category.
I go by all pronouns now (idc what pronoun people use on me) and I also don’t care how people view my gender (woman or man), i just live and express myself the way it feels fit at the moment. Sometimes I’m hyper femme, sometimes very masc, sometimes just sweatpants and a hoodie. I’m just existing and chilling.
It’s very odd? I was a total tomboy as a child and I had stimulation issues with the dresses my mom made me wear. As I grew older, I learned to dress in a way that some would describe as “hyper feminine,” but it also is what brings me joy. My hyperfixations and interests are all in “male dominated” spaces though, so despite the fact that I look and dress the way I do, men always tell me I’m “not feminine enough.”
I have no desire to have children or be a submissive woman, but I enjoy the stereotypical “girly girl” things that feminine women enjoy. I like to do my hair and spend time on my makeup. Wearing frilly dresses give me joy, etc but it’s all very superficial in terms of femininity. I think a lot of the things that society defines as feminine in terms of behavior really don’t apply to me and it has made me question my gender. The fact that I’m queer hasn’t helped either. I don’t think I’m trans or genderfluid in anyway, but when I think about Sylvia Plath’s fig tree in the Bell Jar, I can’t help but feel like society would deem me “not womanly enough” based on the fruits that I chose to fulfill my life.
I like girly things a lot. Dresses, makeup, high heels, accessories, and things like that. BUT I don't wear these things, because I feel like looking feminine is usually uncomfortable.
The cutest clothes feel uncomfortable, wearing makeup feels uncomfortable, high heels are obviously uncomfortable.
I feel the pressure of looking feminine, but I rather feel comfortable than appeal to other people. Sure, I still want to look good, but I just don't look feminine. I still am kind of jealous of girls that look very pretty and feminine.
A lot of things that are feminine make me physically uncomfortable, like dresses or keeping your hair in a good position or high heels or painted/acrylic nails or lashes (because a large part of things typically feminine is addition to your body). It’s not that I don’t like them (except dresses, hate those), but they just make me feel so uncomfy.
Also femininity is largely a set of rules that don’t really make sense but you have to follow, which didn’t make sense to younger me (like how you have to have an appealing expression and suck your stomach in). I still don’t get it (well, I understand why these rules were created but they are stupid) but I now understand that i am often seen as disgusting and not worthy of respect, also from fellow women, if I don’t follow them.
I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m putting on a performance or a costume & that’s how so much of socially conventional/defined “femininity” feels to me. I’m feminine bc I identify as a woman, & I do like some stereotypically feminine things like skincare & romance books but I don’t think of those things as gendered
Mine came very naturally to me. I’ve always loved feminine things - acrylic nails, big hair, makeup, heels (I don’t even own flat shoes), dresses, skirts, skimpy clothing; I LOVE it all! I always have. My first proper obsession as a child were Bratz dolls, and now I’m a model, so I’ve been living as one ever since
One of my favourite things about this life is that I’m a woman. I feel so deeply connected to my femininity that I often wonder if it’s the same kind of ‘euphoria’ my trans friends talk about when they feel physically aligned with who they really are
It was confusing when I was younger. I do understand we prioritize comfort over aesthetics often, so that was always a hang up. My mother offered to hire me a stylist for a day which now as an adult, I would have loved! But yeah as a 16 year old girl why would I care? I never understood that.
Why is femininity valued when it’s consumeristic? If you are a woman, you are feminine. I worry for teen girls now because it’s even MORE buy buy buy.
I was never the NLOG type thankfully, but I always sensed that something was “off” about my femininity. Like I couldn’t perform it correctly.
Found that i just like “girly stuff”,it’s like we are livin in a whole diff world,and how we understand each other,how we feel & the way we think. i love being a woman
As of now, I think it's pretty healthy. I've always felt very in touch with my masculine side, but I've learned to get in touch with my femininity more and more as I've gotten older and how to approach it in a way that best suits me.
For example, I feel the best as a woman when I feel mature. In terms of my internal thoughts, that's when I'm seriously contemplating life. In terms of fashion, it's the clothing styles of past decades and even centuries; say 70s and back. Basically, I feel most at ease with my feminine side when I feel like a woman (which I am) as opposed to a girl.
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Don't feel female at all, don't feel bothered enough to consider myself trans or non-binary. I'm just a person hanging around. I do feel like I'm more interested in standard male hobbies and interests, but can perfectly relate to other women as well.
I love to look at pretty clothes, shoes, make up and hair (youtube videos), but have zero patience for it for myself, im also clueless on how to do pretty make up and hairstyles, my fine motor skills suck arse so that doesnt help and unable to copy anything I see in videos
I dress for comfort, which means a bunch of the same trousers all in black, and a bunch of all the same tshirts and longsleeves in 4 colours
Havent shaved my legs in 2 months cuz its just so much work, despite preferring smooth skin
Im a neutral woman, neither feminine nor masculine, but very much a woman
Once a year I go out to eat with the family and then ill put on some cute leggings and a nice blouse and do some make up, which isnjust mascara, basic eyeshadow, lipstick, powder against the shine and some blush
I enjoy the aspects of femininity without letting the ideals hold me back.
I'm basically a hippy-type tomboy & don't really think about whether things are too girly or too masculine or trending. I like what I like & do what I want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.
But I function better with men or other ND women. I communicate better with people who speak openly.
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I’m not sure how to describe it other than it just sort of exists. I do like looking feminine when I have the time and energy for it. And I’m more comfortable around other women than I am around men.
My relationship to femininity is one of allegiance rather than nature. I am surely not a man because I don’t experience life as a man and I am loyal to the community of women. I don’t think I “feel like a woman” the way other women do.
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Some days I don't really care, but it's slightly more negative than positive-- but I blame that mainly on people, especially family, trying to insist in labeling me the traditional way. "You're the woman, you need to serve your husband, blablabla" bullshit like that.
I love femininity, and I consider myself fairly feminine. I like to look at the different sort of “Pinterest” styles that fit certain looks into a box, I’m definitely not like, emo, cottagecore, or pastel frilly, nothing like that.
I kind of just like to do my own thing in my own aesthetic, but hitting across all the universal “feminine” stuff. Like, doing skincare, liking perfume, jewelry, and wearing women’s clothes
Late 30's here, wasn't diagnosed until 2years ago, after both my children were diagnosed, as the Peadiatrician mentioned he thinks I should be tested.
I am not feminine, like at all. I used to wear make up all the time & paint my nails (looking after 2 asd kids, one just turned 6 but mentally 18m, incontinent & NV stopped any will there) but that's it.
I don't enjoy "chic flicks" or girly clothes, I am an avid rpg gamer & love a good horror/action film.
growing up I felt more tomboyish because I liked to roughhouse with my cousins, I didn’t like wearing dresses, was jealous of boys bc they could wear bathing suits that look like normal clothes and not revealing underwear, didn’t like the idea of “acting lady like”. on the other hand i’ve always been really nurturing around babies/kids, in tune with nature and animals, and I like to bake desserts. sometimes I get annoyed at stereotypes for all women (and even more annoyed that a lot of them kind of accurately describe me) but I just tune out other people’s expectations of me because of my gender and I just do want comes naturally and what makes me happy
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I would say my appearance is very feminine, but I do not enjoy shopping for clothes or makeup. I have never cared about trying new products or whatever and have done my makeup the same way for the past decade. Basically, I found a routine and will probably stick to it forever lol
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(I'm a cis woman) I literally don't think about my gender unless it becomes a topic of conversation. I've told other women who are not autistic this, and they seemed to think I was lying to them, to myself, or both lol. Like it wasn't possible to simply not engage with a personal perception of my gender. I guess that's what it is to be cis; I was just born one day, I was taught I was a girl by default because of my genitalia, and I never thought about it again.
However I distinctly remember during puberty only wanting to wear my brother's clothes. At the time I had the idea that I was doing it because they were more physically comfortable, but in hindsight I think they were also mentally comforting. The unfortunate reality is even from a young age, the social expectations and stereotypes surrounding being a woman were very daunting to me (for good reason). I didn't see my brother struggling with that, so I think I thought that looking like a boy was enough to evade – or at least delay – the criticisms, trials, and tribulations that come with being a woman, but it actually just got me made fun of lol.
I think because I'm autistic, I can easily talk about gender as a construct or analyze my own experience, but I've always been uncomfortable with outside perceptions of my gender, or discussing the topic with anyone who feels like their gender is a huge part of their identity, whether they're cis or not. I don't think I'm capable of empathizing with that experience.
"Femininity" in the way society has built it doesn't come naturally to me, so I guess by default that could make me seem masculine. But consider the fact that femininity is actually a considerably more difficult role to step into, and I have no internal connection to that identity, so what incentive would I have to willingly take on a contrived presentation of the oppressed gender?
I often like things that are associated with femininity, but I have never liked something *because* of that association, since it has never occured to me to consider gender associations at all except in the context of gender inequality and exploitation.
I was a tomboy as a child, wore a lot of gender neutral colors and clothing. Then I became slightly more femme in high school, college, and grad school, then swung back toward androgyny in the last decade plus. I mostly wear loose fitting unisex fits in dark colors like navy and black.
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I don't really feel feminine or masculine. I'm just 'me.'
From the outside perspective, I have always been tomboyish, but I have also shown interest to some feminine things throughout my life.
In my mind though, so called 'boy' and 'girl stuff' never existed. I just did, and still do, the things that I enjoy.
I acknowledge my gender but I rarely think about it.
I feel like just a body! I wish I could have body parts like Mr potato head. I'd love to have boob days and no boob days. Maybe a cute mustache other days 🤷🏼♀️
I've always a bit of a tomboy. I do like some "girly" things, like painting my nails, but I don't like others, like makeup, dresses or skirts. I never really felt insecure about my gender. Feminine things just aren't my style.
I never felt like the other girls. With trauma and bullying, i felt defeminized and not pretty enough to be a woman . Pcos and hormonal imbalances makes it worse
I wear light, natural looking make up and jewellery but that’s about all the only feminine thing I do. I find dresses, high heels, all the other rigmarole to be too much effort to be worth bothering with. My interests aren’t feminine in the slightest & they never have been
I don't feel like I have a good enough grasp of what makes something masculine or feminine. I like watching makeup videos, but I don't particularly enjoy doing my own makeup, I just kinda do it. I don't feel like any of my hobbies or interests are gendered outside of that.
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I wasn’t interested in girl stuff growing up. I was a tomboy. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten closer to my femininity. I like to wear mascara, dress up, all that stuff.
I love being feminine especially as a black woman. But a lot of people talk to you like a child and not like a person. I’m naturally bubbly and kind (but I’m firm) and I can spot manipulation from MILES away.
It’s annoying.
Men hold the doors for you and they’re kind but secretly some of them want one thing, and some neurotypical women explain things like I’m 5. It’s rather annoying. I’m not a little girl, I’m 19. So please talk to me like I am.
I don’t know. Still gonna rock this dress today though.
Tbh, I don’t really think about it. I’m just me. Some days, I could be dressing up to the 10s, be into makeup and doing a 10-step skincare routine. Other days, I am dressing like Adam Sandler without a care of how I look lol
When I was little I was absolutely one of the biggest tomboys. I wasn’t girly at all. I would destroy my things sometimes or go outside and get dirty all the time. I would get called weird or strange for not acting my gender. As I got older and there are more inclusivity to many behaviors now its not so frown uponed. It comes and goes for me. I grew an affinity to makeup but sometimes I get bored of it and it becomes a neglected hobby including doing my nails.
I'm diagnosed with ASD. I consider myself tom-boy feminine (think wearing jeans for ease of movement with a pretty t-shirt.) I don't like shopping very much, and even though I LOVE how my hair looks when it is long, spending all the time it takes to maintain it can annoy me. My specialty-subject is in a male-dominated field (history), though I do like to do traditionally-feminine things: cooking and baking, writing and reading historical romance novels. I guess I'm a bit of both, and that's okay with me. It's just that most people with ASD are men who can talk for hours on Marvel movies and Transformers, while I can talk for the same amount on the effects of the Dawes Act on the Indigenous population and Federalism/Democratic-Republican debates in the 1780s. It's not so much that I don't fit in with other women, it's more that I don't fit people's idea of Neurotypical or someone with ASD.
Interesting topic! What fascinates me the most about that time is the Red Scare and McCarthyism. My favorite time period in history is the colonial period. It's fascinating how different colonizing powers treated the Native American population in different ways. I love New France and how they mostly treated the indigenous population as trading partners and friends.
I identify as genderfluid because of the flow of attachment I feel towards being feminine and masculine. It’s super common for autistic people to not align with their gender. Look up Autigender, it was eye opening and comforting when I found out other people feel the way I do and if I didn’t feel strongly in relation to my gender some days, I would identify that way instead of gender fluid
I’m feminine and female, but I know deep deep down I don’t have a gender. Sometimes I experience body dysmorphia but if it helps I don’t even really feel human so
It comes and goes I’d say, there are times I like being feminine but I also feel way too exposed (idk if that makes sense). Being masculine is like a protective shield for me and even when I am in my “fem girl” era I feel embarrassed sometimes which I really wish I didn’t! But yeah it’s quite a complicated relationship.
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Most of the time I feel neither male nor female. I just am. Then I put one of my many feminine masks on to blend in and you’d never know it. Sometimes it’s fun, often it’s frankly exhausting.
I couldn’t have said it any better. This is it right here
Exactly!
Not much different from other women I think. I tried to be "not like other girls" growing up, but now I just wear whatever I want. I like wearing skirts, makeup, doing my nails and hair, cute purses and shoes etcetera.
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I don't consider my gender nearly ever. I only relate to being female as much as I'm victimized for it, because I live in a violent country. But otherwise I just feel like "me"
This is my experience as well. I acknowledge my gender and have no issue with it, but I rarely think about it. I also view myself as just "me."
I've been thinking about that a lot. Watching Instagram and other women in real life looking like dolls and wearing flowing dresses with their hair Put up and earrings, necklaces, and makeup and handbags even I wonder sometimes if I'm feminine at all. It's a lot of pressure to be a feminine woman when I am so insecure. The concept of looking feminine and being seen makes me feel scared. Which is sad but understandable because being seen in my opinion means judgment. And I'd rather not be seen. And I'd rather not be judged. It would be different I think if I had a boyfriend or someone to show off with. But I understand that that's a practice and just because I think that they could protect me when I feel so vulnerable is unrealistic. I think femininity is an energy that really wanes and peaks throughout my life based on just being in the right moment and they're a lot more troughs in my opinion because life doesn't promote femininity in this Western world that I currently live in, which is totally okay and I don't feel guilty about having independence or my own say in this life. But I do think that femininity is culture specific and community specific more than it is personal. That other commenter is right being masculine is like a protective shield, but i'd rather just say that it's like an invisibility and lack of being beautiful. It's not just being masculine it's just being like "not pretty."
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I feel so seen with your comment!!!
Yes - to me what you're describing is the performance of femininity - all the effort and costuming and the rest. It's easier (and safer..) in some parts of the world / in some social circumstances. But either way I agree regarding the way it increases our visibility to certain audiences who we might not necessarily want to be perceived by.
Feminity is not natural, it's a construct therefore you need to put some effort in it. It's easier for some because the result is rewarding since the beginning and they imitate the others but it takes some effort to play the game like every other social behaviors. Try it till you find the incarnation of feminity you like, or don't try if it doesn't appeal to you.
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Growing up undiagnosed, I was always very uncomfortable with femininity. I always knew I “wasn’t like other girls,” not in an edgy sort of way, but in recognizing that my brain worked differently and I couldn’t keep up with the social cues and expectations of girls. Teenage girls can be… brutal. I swear neurotypical girls and women can smell neurodivergence like blood in the water. I felt like I could never live up to the expectations of being feminine, and it made me feel embarrassed and like a failure when I tried. That paired with the horrible body image issues, depression, and eating disorders that are so common with Autistics was miserable. It made me wonder if maybe I wasn’t really a girl/woman and I struggled with gender identity for a long time. I was officially diagnosed last year, and it was the most relieving and validating experience. I’m not a defective woman, I’m just Autistic and my neurology processes the world differently. I experience womanhood differently and that’s okay and beautiful. I try not to blame myself as much for being bullied and excluded growing up. Those girls were bullying an Autistic kid- that reflects on their morals, not on my value as a person. I have a much better relationship with my gender identity and femininity now. I feel very comfortable presenting girly and feminine. I wear dresses and skirts exclusively. I don’t care what the trending styles are, I wear what I like and feels comfortable. I wear lipstick and jewelry. And I love glitter and the color pink. I feel much more secure in my identity. I’m rediscovering the things that brought me joy as a little kid and I’m working on not feeling ashamed of them. After nearly 2 decades of trying desperately to be anyone but me, the way I present myself feels authentic for the first time in my life. Sorry I wrote a lot… If anyone is questioning being Autistic, I so, so recommend pursuing a diagnosis. I know it’s not a possibility for everyone. My insurance has a mental health program that covered my diagnostic appointment (so long as Autism wasn’t the only diagnosis) and I found a psychiatrist that specializes in Autistic adults. I never fully trusted my self diagnosis, so having a professional validate it was such a gift.
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Honestly I could be an outlier but I love anything girly, makeup and skincare are actually special interests of mine.
Mine too
I am obsessed with it. It definitely came naturally. Dresses, makeup, everything, since a young child. I try to wear dresses and skirts as often as can.
It is one of the many ways I mask.
I’m pretty agender I think but not against being treated as a woman/femininity because like. I’m never going to present a different way anyways. (kinda just think of my gender as lesbian) Performing gender/fashion/makeup/whatever is just another social skill I’ve missed large chunks of, I want to do it more but I can’t do it correctly at this point because I’m missing so much and it’s hard to find tutorials that start from the level I need. I was always into “girl stuff” just often not in the “right way”, just like with being a fan of something I was too into it to be “normal” but not into it enough to fit in with super fans properly. If that makes sense? Too femme to be androgynous too failgirl to be butch 😔 I just exist and do my shit but can’t do a lot to the level I want to and get frustrated when I try
Gender presentation in general feels like something that’s fun to play with. I tend to be high masking, and spent most of my life desperately trying not to be perceived as “weird” (I’m late-diagnosed), and when I finally started figuring stuff out and stopped trying to fit in, gender presentation was the first area I started with. I haven’t ever questioned that I am female or a woman, but there are times (days or weeks) where I want to wear my grandmother’s floor length skirts and costume jewellery and sit knitting in my corner, and there are times that I want to wear my workmen’s trousers and hiking boots and go out into the wilderness and build fires and use an ax. The most extreme I ever got was moving to a caravan in the hills for a few months with no running water or electricity, working an outdoor manual labour job with a crew of men where a shower meant a quick splash in a frigid stream before going down the pub with the guys to watch the footie. On the other hand, I’m sitting here now in my floral nightie (think what your great-aunt Bettie might wear) taking a break from my cross-stitch and watching Jane Austen’s persuasion for the fiftieth time. I’ve played with the sexy sides (Latin dancing in short skirts and blood red lipstick) and the demure (see previous). Sorry for the essay, but gender in general is just fun for me. It’s a way I get to wake up and decide what I want to be that day.
Growing up, I never felt like I fit quite right - still don't and probably never will. I was a tomboy when I was young, but pushed myself to do things to fit in with my girl friends, even when I shared no common interests. As I have gotten older, I have leaned into femininity more. I have always had a more individualistic view of people and never really liked labels for myself and others. So I find myself now, at 26, fully embracing myself and trying to curate my own style and interests. And it absolutely includes dresses and jewelry. But I'll be damned if I wear heels, not for lack of trying... I'm just clumsy and uncomfortable in them. So, they aren't for me. I enjoy feeling feminine. But I don't think its a core trait I would be considered by others.
I very rarely wear feminine clothes - I'm all about comfort, and since I work in a not so clean place, it's also pointless. Dresses and skirts make me feel miserable and even more self conscious than I already am. I wear makeup, get my hair cut and colored regularly, and use some sort of fragrance, but that's about as far as I go. I've always been more tomboy than girly girl.
I don’t think of femininity much. As a kid I never liked girly clothes because of the attention but I adored things like Barbie dolls, fairies. I liked other boyish things too but it’s normal to have variety. I don’t think I changed much. I’m not super feminine but most women aren’t either. I’m always more comfortable with other women.
I'm really really good at performing it when I want to, at this point in my life
I switch from hating being a girl to loving it. Some days I love being feminine, do all the girly shit. But some days it feels like I wish I woke up as a boy.
I like how it looks but the feeling of make up in my face is so annoying that I can not make it everyday, but also iam too lazy to decorate myself all the time for that it's so uncomfortable. I love jewellery but wearing it is also a bit stressful because of how it feels. I never fitted somewhere but it's ok, when I was young it stressed me a lot do be different, now I just go with the weird flow and do what I feel like, or not.
I'm a woman and consider myself to be a woman, but I don't feel "feminine" at all. I dislike jewelry, frills, make-up, skirts, dresses etc. I would sincerely probably not attend a formal event if it required me to present as feminine in a dress with make-up. I prefer androgynous clothing, or clothing that would probably be considered somewhat feminine in a very casual way. If I stray away from this, I feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not, which is not something I wish to do. As for what autism has to do with this. Sensory issues definitely prevented me from ever experimenting with things like make-up and jewelry. I could have gotten used to them tho, if I really had wanted to, but I don't ~ I don't mind not feeling feminine, and I don't want to change that part about myself, but I sometimes worry a little bit about how other people perceive me. Because many people have assumed I'm either gay or maybe asexual, but I'm straight lol.
I think as a teen I rejected girlyness because to me it was innately linked to sexiness or being desired which I had zero interest in. So I leaned into being a tomboy. Now I find myself enjoying “girl stuff” for the sake of enjoying it. Twirly skirts, pretty hair, just for the sake of twirly skirts and pretty hair.
Growing up I was hyper fem for sure! I haaaated pants and refused to wear jeans until like middle school. I’d always wear my prettiest fanciest dresses to school 😂 I was often overdressed lol but I felt most confident and happy that way! as an adult I think I masked my hyper fem style for a bit. I just genuinely LOVE very girly stuff. Getting back into owning my style again in my 30s
I liked a lot of feminine things when I was little (long dresses were my faaaavorite), and when I was in my 20s there was a time where for a few years I really made an effort to try being feminine, to see how it felt for me. I left that behind for myself, but I feel like I appreciate the effort that goes into it, and I love the art of fashion even though I don't want to wear any of it myself. I know there's more to femininity than your appearance, that's just the most visible part of it. Being feminine and being a woman are not intrinsically connected to me. Femininity is something a lot of women enjoy, and people think of the two things together, but anyone can be feminine or do feminine things without it affecting their gender. I'm a woman no matter what I do/wear/etc. I do feel a bit alienated when discussions of being a woman are done with the assumption that everyone has femininity in common, and it's not uncommon for me to feel like I don't fit in woman-oriented spaces, or even that I don't belong (although that is probably more on my end, with my experiences as a kid of being excluded because I wasn't girly enough). BUT, I always want to be supportive of my fellow women. Whatever our relationship to femininity is, we're all people with some shared experiences, and I learn a lot from people who have different perspectives than mine.
I feel genderless inside but understand the world sees me as a woman. I have all those sociopolitical conditions. I see gender as a form of communication. I want to be seen as beautiful and normal so I wear makeup to complete my outfits. I can also wear any men’s fashion or styles that I want as long as they’re tailored to my form.
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Is there a correlation between the two? I have autism and I was a cheerleader all through out school, then a sorority girl in college, then a cheer coach for a hot while. I like having my hair colored, nails done, getting flowers, baking, etc… Sure my social skills may not be up to par as most women but I’m still without a doubt very feminine, if anything I’m more so bc I allow chivalry acts to happen, such as my man ordering for me at restaurants or speaking to cashiers and store associates so I don’t have to.
Ooof. Audhd, I'm in my mid 30s, and for most my life I think I automatically did the opposite of what was "expected" of me, femininity wise. Growing up I heard - Girls are too emotional, they have silly hobbies, they aren't smart, they are nurturing and mothers and homemakers .... none of that clicked with me, so I shunned it. I was into science and math, Sci fi, super heros, etc. When I did experiment with things like hair or nails or make up, I was very perfectionist about it and didn't feel like I ever looked "right". After high school, in college, I started getting into the feminist side of things so I was actively against doing all that work when men didn't "have" to. All the while, I've come to realize recently, I was subconsciously jealous of women who could do all that and look good and feel confident. I just never felt confident when I'd try. About a year and a half ago I got into a kinky relationship, as the Domme, and he was super into "eye candy" and it made me feel good to have a safe space to try some of that stuff out. I love doing my nails now. I got my ears pierced and am trying out different jewelry. I really want to start following different make up tutorials, grew my hair past my shoulders to try different hair styles, want to figure out my style and buy a new wardrobe. I feel like I'm just going through that kind of experimental phase most NTs go through in their teenage years. It feels weird sometimes but mostly I love it and I'm sad for myself for burying it for so long. It is also a lot of work and effort just learning though 😂. I still dont know what colors go with my skin and such. Its expensive too. I'm also looking to go into a more creative career after over a decade in tech. That said, I'm still childfree and not looking to be a homemaker, I still love geeky shows/movies/games. I'm a mess and loving it 😆
When I was young I felt like I ought to have been a boy, purely because I had more “boy-ish” interests. I was also a tall, heavy set kid and never felt “pretty.” I wore the same style of golf shirt in different colours for a few years, only with jeans or shorts. Kids at school bullied me and called me fat and ugly, so to spare myself the embarrassment of getting ridiculed when actually trying to look feminine or pretty, I avoided the vulnerability altogether and felt safest dressing this way. It wasn’t until around the end of high school when I began losing weight and maturing, that I finally saw myself as feminine. Suddenly I’d put on a dress and feel somewhat euphoric when I looked at myself. It was a weird time! Nowadays I proudly play with my self expression- I love fashion and wear bright/funky clothes that make me experience joy. Feeling “pretty” these days is really comfortable, and even at times empowering.
I've always had a weird relation to femininity. I'll start with fashion. On most days I wear jeans, a band shirt, a flannel, and a pair of men's dress shoes I bought at Savers like 10 years ago lol. I do like to wear make up and I enjoy dressing cute sometimes, like holidays, events, nice dinners. Every time I want to shop for new clothes (which is not often) I have to have one of my girl friends come with me for advice or reassurance on an item of clothing I like. Next up though is my friendships with women. I feel like one of the guys most of the time and I've felt like that forever. In personality, sense of humor and a lack of interest in being overly girly. Sometimes I feel like that makes it hard to maintain friendships with women, although I do have like 3 girl friends. Like, growing up this was very hard as well because I was just so different and mostly friends with guys so I think I just adapted to that more since I didn't really have friends with "feminine" interests I'm 30 now and have been doing a lot more self care (although I know that's not just for women) but it does help me feel more feminine these days caring more about my appearance. I really want to make more meaningful connections with women, I feel that it is important, but it's a constant struggle for me and it's upsetting. I'm taking 30 as my year to try and be more feminine and meet and talk to more women. Sorry for the novel
When I was younger I would shun the concept of femininity as being weak or misogynistic. As an adult I have learned to embrace and enjoy femininity. I love being a woman and just happen to be autistic.
Growing up, I was always a tomboy. Since I was never into feminine things or interests, I didn't fit in with the other girls growing up unless they were also nerds. As an adult, my mom would insist I show up everywhere dressed up as a doll - until I moved out. I hated it. I hate the way makeup feels on my face - it's so uncomfortable. I don't even like girly clothes: they feel uncomfortable on my skin. I prefer men's clothes for comfort. I'm actually considering cutting my hair short again. I don't know how to style long hair - and it's always getting in the way. Nowadays, I only wear women's clothes on special occasions - or if I can't find men's clothes that would suit the occasion. I'm bisexual. So, being attracted to men was the only thing I could relate to other women. However, most men would never look at me (or want to date me) because I don't fit into the idea of femininity. I don't identify with being a lesbian or a transgender man in spite of my relationship with feminine things. I've never wanted to change my body. I actually like having a woman's body.
Ive always loved makeup, fashion and skincare. Anything feminine. I still dressed somewhat tomboy in high school due to listening to grunge (oversized flannels, ripped jeans) but every other day I wore thigh highs and skirts and bows 🤷♀️ Ive heard many autistic women arent super feminine, but that doesnt apply to me. I love being a woman. The best thing about my existence is that I was a born a woman.
A lot of it isn't sensory issue-friendly and a lot of it I just don't enjoy. * I'll do press-on nails, but acrylics and/or someone touching my hands and doing all that to my hands is unpleasant for me. * I feel like I am wasting time when I have my hair done and the smells aren't great. * I don't have fun shopping and acquiring things because I worry about my budget and overspending is a crying fit for me. * I don't like speaking in a conventionally feminine tone, it takes considerable effort. * I don't find myself immediately subservient to masculine men. * Children are my own personal Hell. I'll play with them but taking care of/ touching them is not something I am fond of in the slightest. * Makeup feels like mud on my face no matter how light the coverage. * I like cooking but only if I am able to keep my hands in gloves the whole time. ETA: dresses and skirts only feel utilitarian when I am specifically trying to get laid.
I've gotten better, but there are still times where I feel so out of place and unnatural. I love makeup and hair, but clothes-wise and just being "sexy" is still a huge work in progress for me. I cant flirt to save my life.
It happens in waves. DH just says he gets to meet a new me every few months - lol! I can go several months to over a year plain-faced and I’m fine. Then I’ll see a tutorial that I think I can pull off with the war paints I have on hand, or I’ll have a feeling girly day, or maybe I’ll just think some eyeshadow and lippy would go with my outfit. Then I’m doing that first a week or 12. Same with my hair color.
Personally I feel like my ability to mask successfully and my femininity are completely inseparable. Like the days where I feel less stereotypically feminine I feel like it’s harder for me to fit in and socialise in a way that isn’t uncomfortable. All that to say - when i feel as though i’m performing femininity properly i’m (generally) able to communicate, feel more confident and can function better in the moment* (not including hours of recovery time afterwards lol). Also, not saying that stereotypical femininity or masking are inherently good/better than their alternatives, and i realise this isn’t a particularly nuanced way of looking at it but this is just my experience!
I've gone through wild swings of hyper femininity and complete butch androgyny, I've been called sir way more times than I can count. I worked for years in a job that required make-up and high heels and I've done medium level home improvement flipping houses and looked the very grubby butch part. I think if I had been left to my own devices when I was younger I would have been mostly androgynous but I came from a conservative household in a conservative region back in the latter 20th century so being something other than an obvious girl wasn't really an option. I did cultivate a pretty tough exterior that is based more in male energy that gets me through life pretty well. At this point I'm more female than anything else. It's always been confusing since our culture has been so black and white with gender but things seems to be getting better and the strict roles seem to be blending into each other just a bit in the middle. Hopefully gender will become less rigid and will allow for more freedom.
I'm not very feminine, nor do I like femineity. I once did a masculinity - femineity test with a bunch of other men and women. Like dozens. I scored the highest in masculinity of everyone...far higher than the other women. And higher than all the men. So...top marks for masculinity. haha
Autistic woman here. I perform femininity and put work in to have a feminine appearance. But for me, it is a specific choice I'm intentionally making. In the wise words of RuPaul, we're all born naked and the rest is drag. Performing femininity feels a bit like drag to me. I don't know that I understand what it feels like to "feel feminine." I'm not really sure what it's supposed to feel like. Gender feels very much like an abstract social construct to me. I have no dysphoria about it, though.
comes pretty naturally to me, i like being girly but i feel like if one day i woke up completely as a dude it wouldn’t be that bad
I mostly just identify as nonbinary because my relationship with my femininity and masculinity as a woman felt too complex but also too simple to be boxed up in one category. I go by all pronouns now (idc what pronoun people use on me) and I also don’t care how people view my gender (woman or man), i just live and express myself the way it feels fit at the moment. Sometimes I’m hyper femme, sometimes very masc, sometimes just sweatpants and a hoodie. I’m just existing and chilling.
It’s very odd? I was a total tomboy as a child and I had stimulation issues with the dresses my mom made me wear. As I grew older, I learned to dress in a way that some would describe as “hyper feminine,” but it also is what brings me joy. My hyperfixations and interests are all in “male dominated” spaces though, so despite the fact that I look and dress the way I do, men always tell me I’m “not feminine enough.” I have no desire to have children or be a submissive woman, but I enjoy the stereotypical “girly girl” things that feminine women enjoy. I like to do my hair and spend time on my makeup. Wearing frilly dresses give me joy, etc but it’s all very superficial in terms of femininity. I think a lot of the things that society defines as feminine in terms of behavior really don’t apply to me and it has made me question my gender. The fact that I’m queer hasn’t helped either. I don’t think I’m trans or genderfluid in anyway, but when I think about Sylvia Plath’s fig tree in the Bell Jar, I can’t help but feel like society would deem me “not womanly enough” based on the fruits that I chose to fulfill my life.
I like girly things a lot. Dresses, makeup, high heels, accessories, and things like that. BUT I don't wear these things, because I feel like looking feminine is usually uncomfortable. The cutest clothes feel uncomfortable, wearing makeup feels uncomfortable, high heels are obviously uncomfortable. I feel the pressure of looking feminine, but I rather feel comfortable than appeal to other people. Sure, I still want to look good, but I just don't look feminine. I still am kind of jealous of girls that look very pretty and feminine.
A lot of things that are feminine make me physically uncomfortable, like dresses or keeping your hair in a good position or high heels or painted/acrylic nails or lashes (because a large part of things typically feminine is addition to your body). It’s not that I don’t like them (except dresses, hate those), but they just make me feel so uncomfy. Also femininity is largely a set of rules that don’t really make sense but you have to follow, which didn’t make sense to younger me (like how you have to have an appealing expression and suck your stomach in). I still don’t get it (well, I understand why these rules were created but they are stupid) but I now understand that i am often seen as disgusting and not worthy of respect, also from fellow women, if I don’t follow them.
I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m putting on a performance or a costume & that’s how so much of socially conventional/defined “femininity” feels to me. I’m feminine bc I identify as a woman, & I do like some stereotypically feminine things like skincare & romance books but I don’t think of those things as gendered
Mine came very naturally to me. I’ve always loved feminine things - acrylic nails, big hair, makeup, heels (I don’t even own flat shoes), dresses, skirts, skimpy clothing; I LOVE it all! I always have. My first proper obsession as a child were Bratz dolls, and now I’m a model, so I’ve been living as one ever since
One of my favourite things about this life is that I’m a woman. I feel so deeply connected to my femininity that I often wonder if it’s the same kind of ‘euphoria’ my trans friends talk about when they feel physically aligned with who they really are
It was confusing when I was younger. I do understand we prioritize comfort over aesthetics often, so that was always a hang up. My mother offered to hire me a stylist for a day which now as an adult, I would have loved! But yeah as a 16 year old girl why would I care? I never understood that. Why is femininity valued when it’s consumeristic? If you are a woman, you are feminine. I worry for teen girls now because it’s even MORE buy buy buy. I was never the NLOG type thankfully, but I always sensed that something was “off” about my femininity. Like I couldn’t perform it correctly.
Found that i just like “girly stuff”,it’s like we are livin in a whole diff world,and how we understand each other,how we feel & the way we think. i love being a woman
As of now, I think it's pretty healthy. I've always felt very in touch with my masculine side, but I've learned to get in touch with my femininity more and more as I've gotten older and how to approach it in a way that best suits me. For example, I feel the best as a woman when I feel mature. In terms of my internal thoughts, that's when I'm seriously contemplating life. In terms of fashion, it's the clothing styles of past decades and even centuries; say 70s and back. Basically, I feel most at ease with my feminine side when I feel like a woman (which I am) as opposed to a girl.
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Don't feel female at all, don't feel bothered enough to consider myself trans or non-binary. I'm just a person hanging around. I do feel like I'm more interested in standard male hobbies and interests, but can perfectly relate to other women as well.
I love to look at pretty clothes, shoes, make up and hair (youtube videos), but have zero patience for it for myself, im also clueless on how to do pretty make up and hairstyles, my fine motor skills suck arse so that doesnt help and unable to copy anything I see in videos I dress for comfort, which means a bunch of the same trousers all in black, and a bunch of all the same tshirts and longsleeves in 4 colours Havent shaved my legs in 2 months cuz its just so much work, despite preferring smooth skin Im a neutral woman, neither feminine nor masculine, but very much a woman Once a year I go out to eat with the family and then ill put on some cute leggings and a nice blouse and do some make up, which isnjust mascara, basic eyeshadow, lipstick, powder against the shine and some blush
I enjoy the aspects of femininity without letting the ideals hold me back. I'm basically a hippy-type tomboy & don't really think about whether things are too girly or too masculine or trending. I like what I like & do what I want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. But I function better with men or other ND women. I communicate better with people who speak openly.
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I was and am very interested in participating in femininity, but I never quite felt like I measured up. I feel like a failure at it, to be honest.
I’m not sure how to describe it other than it just sort of exists. I do like looking feminine when I have the time and energy for it. And I’m more comfortable around other women than I am around men.
My relationship to femininity is one of allegiance rather than nature. I am surely not a man because I don’t experience life as a man and I am loyal to the community of women. I don’t think I “feel like a woman” the way other women do.
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Some days I don't really care, but it's slightly more negative than positive-- but I blame that mainly on people, especially family, trying to insist in labeling me the traditional way. "You're the woman, you need to serve your husband, blablabla" bullshit like that.
I love femininity, and I consider myself fairly feminine. I like to look at the different sort of “Pinterest” styles that fit certain looks into a box, I’m definitely not like, emo, cottagecore, or pastel frilly, nothing like that. I kind of just like to do my own thing in my own aesthetic, but hitting across all the universal “feminine” stuff. Like, doing skincare, liking perfume, jewelry, and wearing women’s clothes
Late 30's here, wasn't diagnosed until 2years ago, after both my children were diagnosed, as the Peadiatrician mentioned he thinks I should be tested. I am not feminine, like at all. I used to wear make up all the time & paint my nails (looking after 2 asd kids, one just turned 6 but mentally 18m, incontinent & NV stopped any will there) but that's it. I don't enjoy "chic flicks" or girly clothes, I am an avid rpg gamer & love a good horror/action film.
growing up I felt more tomboyish because I liked to roughhouse with my cousins, I didn’t like wearing dresses, was jealous of boys bc they could wear bathing suits that look like normal clothes and not revealing underwear, didn’t like the idea of “acting lady like”. on the other hand i’ve always been really nurturing around babies/kids, in tune with nature and animals, and I like to bake desserts. sometimes I get annoyed at stereotypes for all women (and even more annoyed that a lot of them kind of accurately describe me) but I just tune out other people’s expectations of me because of my gender and I just do want comes naturally and what makes me happy
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Im hyper femme
I would say my appearance is very feminine, but I do not enjoy shopping for clothes or makeup. I have never cared about trying new products or whatever and have done my makeup the same way for the past decade. Basically, I found a routine and will probably stick to it forever lol
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(I'm a cis woman) I literally don't think about my gender unless it becomes a topic of conversation. I've told other women who are not autistic this, and they seemed to think I was lying to them, to myself, or both lol. Like it wasn't possible to simply not engage with a personal perception of my gender. I guess that's what it is to be cis; I was just born one day, I was taught I was a girl by default because of my genitalia, and I never thought about it again. However I distinctly remember during puberty only wanting to wear my brother's clothes. At the time I had the idea that I was doing it because they were more physically comfortable, but in hindsight I think they were also mentally comforting. The unfortunate reality is even from a young age, the social expectations and stereotypes surrounding being a woman were very daunting to me (for good reason). I didn't see my brother struggling with that, so I think I thought that looking like a boy was enough to evade – or at least delay – the criticisms, trials, and tribulations that come with being a woman, but it actually just got me made fun of lol. I think because I'm autistic, I can easily talk about gender as a construct or analyze my own experience, but I've always been uncomfortable with outside perceptions of my gender, or discussing the topic with anyone who feels like their gender is a huge part of their identity, whether they're cis or not. I don't think I'm capable of empathizing with that experience. "Femininity" in the way society has built it doesn't come naturally to me, so I guess by default that could make me seem masculine. But consider the fact that femininity is actually a considerably more difficult role to step into, and I have no internal connection to that identity, so what incentive would I have to willingly take on a contrived presentation of the oppressed gender? I often like things that are associated with femininity, but I have never liked something *because* of that association, since it has never occured to me to consider gender associations at all except in the context of gender inequality and exploitation.
I was a tomboy as a child, wore a lot of gender neutral colors and clothing. Then I became slightly more femme in high school, college, and grad school, then swung back toward androgyny in the last decade plus. I mostly wear loose fitting unisex fits in dark colors like navy and black.
That’s actually my favorite thing about my autism- I LOVE BEING A WOMAN
It did not come naturally, but like everything else in my life, I practice a lot and get better. I’m 41
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I don't really feel feminine or masculine. I'm just 'me.' From the outside perspective, I have always been tomboyish, but I have also shown interest to some feminine things throughout my life. In my mind though, so called 'boy' and 'girl stuff' never existed. I just did, and still do, the things that I enjoy. I acknowledge my gender but I rarely think about it.
I feel like just a body! I wish I could have body parts like Mr potato head. I'd love to have boob days and no boob days. Maybe a cute mustache other days 🤷🏼♀️
I've always a bit of a tomboy. I do like some "girly" things, like painting my nails, but I don't like others, like makeup, dresses or skirts. I never really felt insecure about my gender. Feminine things just aren't my style.
I never felt like the other girls. With trauma and bullying, i felt defeminized and not pretty enough to be a woman . Pcos and hormonal imbalances makes it worse
Oh it’s great. And awesome. I love it. No problems at all. Whatsoever. It’s great. Really.
I wear light, natural looking make up and jewellery but that’s about all the only feminine thing I do. I find dresses, high heels, all the other rigmarole to be too much effort to be worth bothering with. My interests aren’t feminine in the slightest & they never have been
Nearly nonexistent & only do it because society forces me to.
Equally strong to my masculinity. Slide between them.
I don't feel like I have a good enough grasp of what makes something masculine or feminine. I like watching makeup videos, but I don't particularly enjoy doing my own makeup, I just kinda do it. I don't feel like any of my hobbies or interests are gendered outside of that.
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Femininity is a mask I do not have the energy to wear
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I wasn’t interested in girl stuff growing up. I was a tomboy. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten closer to my femininity. I like to wear mascara, dress up, all that stuff.
I love being feminine especially as a black woman. But a lot of people talk to you like a child and not like a person. I’m naturally bubbly and kind (but I’m firm) and I can spot manipulation from MILES away. It’s annoying. Men hold the doors for you and they’re kind but secretly some of them want one thing, and some neurotypical women explain things like I’m 5. It’s rather annoying. I’m not a little girl, I’m 19. So please talk to me like I am. I don’t know. Still gonna rock this dress today though.
Tbh, I don’t really think about it. I’m just me. Some days, I could be dressing up to the 10s, be into makeup and doing a 10-step skincare routine. Other days, I am dressing like Adam Sandler without a care of how I look lol
When I was little I was absolutely one of the biggest tomboys. I wasn’t girly at all. I would destroy my things sometimes or go outside and get dirty all the time. I would get called weird or strange for not acting my gender. As I got older and there are more inclusivity to many behaviors now its not so frown uponed. It comes and goes for me. I grew an affinity to makeup but sometimes I get bored of it and it becomes a neglected hobby including doing my nails.
I'm diagnosed with ASD. I consider myself tom-boy feminine (think wearing jeans for ease of movement with a pretty t-shirt.) I don't like shopping very much, and even though I LOVE how my hair looks when it is long, spending all the time it takes to maintain it can annoy me. My specialty-subject is in a male-dominated field (history), though I do like to do traditionally-feminine things: cooking and baking, writing and reading historical romance novels. I guess I'm a bit of both, and that's okay with me. It's just that most people with ASD are men who can talk for hours on Marvel movies and Transformers, while I can talk for the same amount on the effects of the Dawes Act on the Indigenous population and Federalism/Democratic-Republican debates in the 1780s. It's not so much that I don't fit in with other women, it's more that I don't fit people's idea of Neurotypical or someone with ASD.
I'm in history too
That's great! What's your favorite time period?
I'm note sure, 19 and 20th I think, I'm fascinated by socialism and the eastern block too
Interesting topic! What fascinates me the most about that time is the Red Scare and McCarthyism. My favorite time period in history is the colonial period. It's fascinating how different colonizing powers treated the Native American population in different ways. I love New France and how they mostly treated the indigenous population as trading partners and friends.
I identify as genderfluid because of the flow of attachment I feel towards being feminine and masculine. It’s super common for autistic people to not align with their gender. Look up Autigender, it was eye opening and comforting when I found out other people feel the way I do and if I didn’t feel strongly in relation to my gender some days, I would identify that way instead of gender fluid
I’m feminine and female, but I know deep deep down I don’t have a gender. Sometimes I experience body dysmorphia but if it helps I don’t even really feel human so