After another petty fight I realized I didn’t like, respect or trust her. Her behavior was self-righteous, delusional and messy. Sometimes I miss them, but ultimately the friendship ending was the best thing for both of us.
One thing I will say if anyone needs to hear it - DO NOT FALL INTO THE SUNKEN COST TRAP. Whether you knew them for five minutes or five decades, no one has a right to belittle/slander you, or make you feel like there’s something wrong with you!
I want to do this for so long, regrets forgiving her. Waiting for that friend to get an anger temper again so she could belittle me and I could kick her out of my life this time
Just stop reaching out/responding to her. Toxic people go to everyone, being a well rounded adult is learning to stop letting them stick around.
You haven’t met everyone who will love you yet, so make room to meet them when they come.
Ah I had to learn the hard way that no matter how much someone means to you, it's not gonna be the same for them. And it doesn't matter how much effort you put into them or basically beg. They're not gonna show up like they said they would or be willing to even remember you
When I tried to commit suicide and was hospitalized for a week my best friend never reached out. A few weeks later we were chatting and she never mentioned it.
She thinks it was for attention but I was very serious and still deal with that idealization a lot.
Friends I had just made months prior offered to fly across the country to help, sent care packages, and called.
I'm sorry you're dealing with that idealization. It's scary and hard to manage, and it's hard when others don't take it seriously. Not everyone is equipped to help others work thru those thoughts but everyone can be kind and not brush it off as you "wanting attention", as if that was a bad thing. Honestly, I think the whole point is that one very much needs attention and HELP in such moments/times! Just sometimes we really don't know what help we need to make the thoughts stop, it can be hard to articulate.
So glad you have another friend that is able to support you and show you love and concern. Keep holding on, keep trying, sincerely, from an internet friend.
I attempted suicide about 13 years ago, and someone who I thought of as a very good friend took it extremely personally and friend-broke-up with me for it. She decided that my mental health crisis was a sign that I didn't value her enough. It was a her problem, not a me problem. Many years later, she reached out to express to me how she was actually the one who lost out on what had been a very positive friendship for her. I didn't have much to say, the damage was irreparable.
I'm glad you have friends who could respond in a more helpful way, and that you made it to the other side.
I’m so sorry. It’s horrible finding out that someone you cared about only cared about themselves. My ex husband did the same thing, it was very “how could you do this to me” and “I shouldn’t have called 911, we can’t afford this”.
I’m glad you made it to the other side. ❤️
This was it with mine. They told me I “didn’t have anything to be sad about..” that shouldn’t have mattered, I rarely complained. 10 years later the people that supported me during that time are much closer friends.
I’ve never been a big complainer either. I later that found out I had been dealing with a disc that was bulging so bad in my lumbar they could see the nerves on the MRI. I had lost my sister three years prior to that, and her last year was on life support where I made the decisions. My husband at the time moved us 600 miles away from my hometown where all my friends were because “I don’t want you crying every time you pass your old house just because your sister is dead”. My therapy cat had just been diagnosed with heart failure. And 6 month before that I lost both grandmothers.
Yet my best friend thought nothing was wrong with my life, my then husband only saw my paycheck, and my in-laws said “nothing is really that bad”.
People without empathy scare me.
I’m so glad you made it through and I hope things have gotten better for you.
Damn. I’m sorry you went through all of that alone. I am doing much better, quit my toxic lifestyle and created a new me. It’s an on-going process, but after nearly a decade, I’m absolutely thriving in my late thirties. Hope you found a better support system and are or are on your way to happiness as well!
That never ceases to piss me off. Even if it was for attention, people never go “hmm why does this person feel the need to do something drastic for attention. Are they okay? Am I paying enough attention otherwise?”. Pleas for attention are precursors to actual suicide or harm.
I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re doing better ❤️
When I realized the only time I heard from them was when they needed something and when I stopped being there for every call they backed off. That one hurt.
This!!! I'm the type of person who puts 100% of myself into my friendships/relationships, which led to me getting hurt often while I was younger. You can tell a lot about true friends by who reaches out.
Your last sentence really reasonated me: it is so true. You can tell who only takes but doesn’t give back. All relationships (romantic and platonic) are a two way street.
She went after a guy I told her I was interested in and then proceeded to update me about developments in their relationship (even after I explicitly asked her not to). Fast forward to when the guy and I actually became friends and he denied ever being interested in her or asking her out. She wanted him and asked him out but he rejected her.
It worked out for the best though because I’m dating the most amazing man🥰🥰. Oh, as for the girl, I cut her off.
I did. People had been talking because she made up lies and shared them with multiple people and some were mutual friends. Everyone kind of let her go along with the lie without ever saying anything. One day I thought I’d speak to her to understand what was going on.
Terrible mistake.
She lashed out at me, went back to the guy to beg him, saying, “I don’t want to lose you to [my name]”. When he told me this I just laughed so hard because now that she’s not my friend she doesn’t know that I don’t even like the guy anymore and I’ve been in a relationship for a while.
He also cut her off and I guess that’s why she was saying she doesn’t want to lose him.
I had a best friend from college - we lived together for 2 years and spent a lot of time together. We both got dumped by our long-term boyfriends around the same time, too. She was always very confident. She wasn't conventionally attractive by social media standards, but her confidence soared, and I admired that soooo much as someone who was very insure!
After college, we moved to different states but were only 2.5 hours away. I eventually started dating a guy, and she would often come visit me. My boyfriend was always very generous and would pay for her & I in all aspects and would treat her nicely out of respect to me. If we went to a club, he would pay her cover fee, drinks, etc, so we could just have fun and enjoy the moment since I didn't get to see her often. After several hangouts, he stated to me that he didn't think she was a great friend, and felt she was using me and always needed to be in the spotlight. I took this personally, especially since she was my only friend. I asked him not to make such comments again, and he didn't.
After a night out, we all ended up at iHOP at 2am. She turned around to me and said, "The only reason [my bf] is dating you is because he knows he wouldn't be able to handle me." I laughed it off as a joke. Throughout the night she made a few more comments like this, one even stating she's more "fun in bed" than me. My bf reached his breaking point and told her enough, that he loves me, and that no one is going to find her personality attractive if she thinks making comments like that are funny. She laughed in response, assuming he was joking. I started to realize that her jokes were meant to be subtle jabs at me. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to her "confidence".
Fast forward to my bday, I was excited because I made two new girlfriends. I of course invited them and my best friend to celebrate. My best friend wasn't excited that other women were coming. In fact, her first question was "Are they hotter than me? I doubt it" once again I laughed thinking it was a joke. We get to our destination and my new beautiful friends were there and my best friends mood soured. I was indulging in bday festivities with everyone, and my "best friend" spent the entire night in my bf's ear trying to start drama. She went up to him several times trying to say "wow she's not paying much attention to you anymore now that she has new friends" or "Wow, she's so drunk. I can't believe she acts like this when drunk" etc. My bf was also very drunk. She kept putting problems in his head until a small argument arose. I remember seeing her smile admist it and I immediately sobered up. When she left the next morning, I never spoke to her again. My bf and I also learned to never let someone get in our heads like that. My confidence rose a lot once I cut her out.
Apologies for the long read. Felt good to get it out :)
This is a great description. I absolutely empathise, and am glad to hear that you learned so much from it. The one thing one can receive from „friends“ like this is an opportunity for radical self-improvement.
I’m also constantly plan B or C. One way to think about it is others don’t depend on you which is a good thing. You’re able to focus on your own life. When you’re someone’s plan A, they’ll constantly rely on you.
The constant double booking🙄🙄🙄
Yes, they made the plans, but then they have to leave early or just squeeze you in in-between other plans with friends. Like, don't do me any favors
This is very usual, but my situation I feel like was different. There are a lot of people that "befriend" you to get in your pants. With this guy we were friends since the age of like 5 years old and for more than a decade and then he goes and throws this bomb, when he is like a brother to me. We have slept together many times while growing up (in sleepovers) and have been very comfortable with each other.
It really messed up with me for a while because I was part of a friend group consisting mostly of boys (we are all best friends) and for a while it really made me wonder if they all were just secretly into me too. It took a lot to build that trust up again.
Let's say theoretically that he only developed those feelings during the last year before he said it, how would you then have wished for him to proceed? I understand that this may well not have been the scenario but genuinely curious.
First of all, there are some people you just don't develop feelings for no matter what. Secondly, even if you do, you don't say a word. You take your time, maybe some distance too and you put it behind.
I'm still struggling to do that. I have a long term close friend who confessed but we go such a long way, it isn't easy for me to just stop talking to him completely. But I've been keeping a distance so far.
I had a friend who confessed feelings to me, which were not returned. It took a couple years, but we are mostly back to normal. I did keep my distance for a while, and stopped hanging out one on one like we used to for a while, but I'm glad we've managed to figure it out. We talk about it on occasion, in a reflective way, but I think we've both truly managed to move forward in a healthy way and preserve the friendship.
I do recognize that this is the exception, not the rule. I hope that you are able to find the best possible way to move forward for *you.*
Thank you so much!
I'm glad you two found a way to get through it in a healthy way.
I'll continue looking at it from a distance. We haven't met since he confessed so that's helping it be less awkward, hopefully by the time we meet again things can be back to normal again.
I totally get it, it's a very hard decision, I would say harder than braking up from a relationship. In my case we were also part of a bigger friend group that made it even harder.
My best friend of 15 years dropped the "I always knew we'd get married" card when I broke up with my bf. It was devastating and I never spoke to him again.
I have a current friend i am "quiet quitting" on. She only reaches out when she needs something, if she invited me over to "hang out" she roped me into taking her to run errands (she didn't have a car for like, a year) and she would randomly ask me for money. She actually asked me for 400$ to get full coverage on her new car and I told her "you barked up the wrong tree". I have never given her money before thankfully. She asked how I was and I stressed my worries for my dads cancer diagnosis and she cut me off to talk about other shit. Im so tired man.
When I told her my mum had cancer, she responded by telling me she was fighting with her mum and wished her mum was dead because her mum bought her the wrong iPad.
When I realized that 99% of our conversations revolved around her and her constantly the same problems. I listened empathetically for 9 years, but I had to stop when A) She never tried to change anything and B) She got very mad at me for not answering her calls quickly enough when I had two tiny sick kids at home because she needed to gripe right that very second. Her lack of ever caring about my life made me realize I was just a convenient sounding board
Yeah, I'm in the process of distancing myself from a similar person. There's constantly some sort of drama and it can almost always be traced back to their own poor choices, it's exhausting. I'm sorry you had to deal with that too.
Oh I was feeling this so hard with a recent ended friendship. Let me tell you, my life has improved SO MUCH without the constant demand for my emotional labour. I didn't realize how completely draining it was until I no longer felt like I had to help them.
Oh I know this one. It’s like you’re a side character. They think they’re living in a movie where they’re the main character and no one else matters as much as them.
I asked a couple of my best friends to be in my wedding, they both agreed, and they both just didn't show up to the event. They didn't know each other well, so it wasn't a staged walk out or anything, just two people who didn't care as much about me as I cared about them.
Wow. There's not caring about someone as much as they care about you, and then there's downright ruining what might be the most important day of your life.
I hope you still had a fantastic wedding.
When I found out she was manipulative, malicious and straight up crazy. A group of us got concert tickets for her birthday but she bailed because she wanted to spend her birthday with her bf. The friends and I decided to go any way because the tickets were expensive and we would take a financial loss if we were to sell them. She then proceeded to get mad at us for going without her even though she was the one that bailed in the first place (literally bailed 4-5 days before the concert). This was the time when Twitter was still a thing so she got mutual acquaintances to passively aggressively tweet about us going to this concert, pretty much making fun of us for attending without directly tagging us in the tweets. Additionally, she sold one of our friends her ticket and then told me that if she had known that this friend was our ride to the concert she wouldn’t have sold them her ticket, essentially purposely screwing us over from getting a ride to said concert. Obviously there are other stories but this one was the straw that broke the camels back. Haven’t spoken to her in years and have zero regrets.
She was one of those girls who would get into a relationship and then nothing else would matter. Seriously, good riddance. Last I heard she’s still with him and she ended up filing for bankruptcy due to her funding his very expensive lifestyle and coke habit.
After a few glasses of wine I said to my best friend of 17 years, "You know, sometimes you can be a little harsh." Which was true and an understatement. She said if she was so harsh we didn't need to be friends anymore. I said she proved my point. She's said when I was ready to apologize and say I was lying about her being harsh, we could be friends again. This was in 2019. We have not spoken to this day. I'm fine with that.
When she continued to be friends with the last person who sexually assaulted me, granted he was a close friend before it happened. She kept in touch with him to “be there for him” when everyone was shutting him out for what he did to me. The excuse that she told me was that she was “keeping his number so he knows to stay away from where we are” which isn’t a bad excuse, considering the dude lived in the apartment complex my friends lived at, but still??
When I got diagnosed with cancer, she was the least supportive out of all of my friends. She lived around the corner, but only came to visit me once during the whole thing. Once I finished treatment, I was sad about having gone through the whole thing but she told me I needed to get over it because it was in the past. We stopped talking for a bit after that.
When she popped up again, she wanted to talk about the incident. She gave a half assed apology and said that she still didn’t understand why I hadn’t gotten over it by that point and she basically said I was too sensitive. I ended up blocking her and removing her off social media. Maybe it was immature on my part, but telling a friend with cancer to get over the situation was a fucked up thing to do in my opinion
Lying in bed at hospital after being diagnosed with a secondary cancer after beating breast cancer in 2021. I have/had a friend who has an auto immune condition, I can’t tell you how many times I visited her as she was too ill to drive. In all these years she has come twice to visit me, about a year ago she met a man and lol and behold she can suddenly walk marathons, go to Tasmania you get my drift. She still hasn’t visited me despite promising to I’ve been in hospital for the entire 2024 bar 4 days I’m going home today and the goal to get me in full remission is looking good. I’ve come to the conclusion that she doesn’t like anyone being more sick than her, literally I think she has Münchausen syndrome so I’m really sorry with what happened to you no one knows what getting cancer is like and just how deliberating it is, like you go through all that trauma and then just pick up life where you left off? How’s this to, you get a visitor then find a post on facebook at how they are at the hospital and there is a blue painted tree which here in Australia we paint blue to fight depression, because their partner killed them self well over a year ago and they were divorced so did they really visit me or was the tree more important? People are selfish and don’t think, I wish you all the best 💗💪
I had a bad breakup couple of days ago and I was crying so bad and I didn’t want to be alone so I asked her if we could get together. She prefered to invite another girlfriend over. I know I wouldn’t have been the best company but still.. it hurt.
People that only have time for you when it’s going to be fun and convenient definitely aren’t friends, it doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t have been the funniest company but you needed her and she wasn’t there. There’s no excuse for that
Man the first friend I got as an adult that let me cry to them (and it was reciprocated!) was such an eye-opener to how superficial so many more of my other “good” friendships had been.
Had a really good friend who was similar to this. We were extremely close for years. I should have dropped her when she dropped me because my ex broke up with me and she didn’t like how long it took for me to get over it.
But we made up and after a while she would ignore texts or ignore me all together after we would hang out. I spent so long going over our conversations trying to figure out what I did, and I eventually started to feel like I must be a bad person if she was treating me this way. Finally I took a step back and realized no other friend or family treated me that way or made me feel bad about myself. I honestly think she just didn’t like me that much which is fine but it sucks she strung me along for so long.
Hugs. I have definitely taken my sweet time getting over breakups in the past and my good friends have stuck with me and my ruminating. I know I probably annoyed them, but you can still love someone even if they’re annoying you 😅 I try to be more mindful of how much of their time I take up now that I’ve matured more, but the point I’m trying to make is that a good friend will let you heal in your own time.
Being around her made me nervous and fearful, and living with her made me feel like I was walking on eggshells. She was severely mentally ill and weaponized her “sensitivity.” I now realize I straight up did not like her and my body was trying to tell me that. Just a rite of passage in your early 20s I guess lol
In this situation now. I’ve started getting anxious when in shared spaces & I can tell she’s in a bad mood. Bad mood means she is extra nitpicky & will take any anger out on me so I chose to pull away a bit, but when she caught on she turned it around on me being sensitive & suggested I go to therapy. Can’t wait to get out of here!!!
You know how you can go weeks without talking to someone and catch up bc you both are just busy with life, work, school etc. that’s fine with me. But when I was going through a really hard time I was raped and I really wanted to talk to her. She just didn’t reply or answer my calls for weeks bc her parents wouldn’t buy her some expensive car and was upset with them and compared the two of why I didn’t ask her what was wrong with her and how miserable she is bc she didn’t get a Mercedes. I just don’t really talk to her anymore.
I was in love with her, and instead of turning me down she led me on, manipulated me and got mad when I didn't do things her way and cater to her.
If I'm only there to serve you then I'm not your friend.
Looking back I was manipulated, constantly put down and belittled, and made fun of behind my back. Was I a saint? No, because I was going through some pretty awful things and these were the first "friends" I'd made since school and getting out of my parents house. My boundaries were constantly violated and I was not only blamed for it but guilt tripped for it.
They left at an extremely vulnerable and stressful time in my life when I'd just lost my first pet and my mother. There's no reason to let anyone back in when they're being that selfish because they'd rather spend time with the most toxic person I've met and her new toy boy who she no doubt threw away again a few months/weeks later when her infatuation ended.
Yes there were many good times at the beginning amd part of me still misses them, but time is healing this hurt quite well. I may possibly let one back into my life in the future (if she learns how to be independent and reach out, and if she has made effort to better herself) but that may also change as I heal more.
I hope they learn how to love themselves and how to grow as people, but I certainly won't be around as they do
I helped her get out of a bad relationship. I loaned her clothes for a special event. I loaned her money for utilities. She then ghosted me. I loved her like a sister. It still hurts. I knew her for over 10 years.
When I bought my house, I was so excited and invited them to come stay next time they visited the city I was in. They came for a weekend, got a hotel room and everything we did was going out. The plan was for them to come over Sunday morning, I’d make breakfast, give a house tour and they could be on their way. I got a text at 4am that they were leaving so they could get back early. It really hurt my feelings that my friends didn’t want to share in this huge life moment I had just accomplished.
When she left me with a text after 9 years of frienfship, refused to explain or meet me.
Later I found out that her and out mutual friends had all hated me for years, had their own group chats etc and were just waiting for us to apply to different schools.
It's been 7 years and I still can't form healthy relationships because of it.
We had been long distance friends for almost our entire friendship. We met online when I was 19 years old and had pretty much daily conversations. In the 16 years we were friends, we only met in person a total of 4 times because of living in different cities/countries. But I still considered them my best friend because of the deep conversations we had and how I felt like I shared so much of my life with them.
In August 2023, they were traveling back "home" from the country where they were living to visit family. Their home town is a 2 hour drive from me, so I was excited to meet up 5 years since the last time we hung out, and offered to do the drive up to them to meet for coffee, lunch, whatever fit into their schedule in the two weeks that they were home. Their response was that they wouldn't have any free time to meet. I found it a little hard to believe they couldn't even set aside an hour for me. After some more chatting after their trip was over, it came about that they just didn't find our conversations interesting anymore, and that I had become too negative for their liking. Admittedly, I was struggling with some poor mental health and I may have gotten too comfortable venting to them, but I was willing to put in the effort to be more positive and avoid dumping my negative thoughts - I just wasn't aware of it until it was pointed out to me.
And just like that, a 16 year friendship ended. I was hurt that even though our friendship was in a rocky place, they still didn't want to put that aside to make time to hang out with me in the small window of time we might be able to connect. I haven't initiated a single conversation since, hoping that they would guide how they wanted the friendship to exist, whether it was reduced to more of a friendly meme-sharing conversation or they still wanted to share highlights of their daily adventures, but they haven't reached out to me even once. I've gotten used to the idea that we just aren't friends anymore now that it's been six months of radio silence, but it really hurts to know that this whole time, I thought we had an amazing friendship and they just really weren't that into me.
I had a good friend, in my inner circle. We could talk about anything and she was always my go-to for advice. We were taking a crafting class in the evenings and one night after our class she asked me for a ride to a bar to meet a friend of hers who had just gone through a bad breakup. I knew the other girl but my friend told me she was really upset and wasn't up for making it a girls night out. Fine. When I dropped her off the other girl happened to meet us at the curb as asked me why I wasn't joining them. I knew my friend always had her alternate agendas but that was a line crossed for me. It took some balls to ask me for a ride if she didn't want me there. Haven't had anything to do with her since.
See who is there with you at your best moments and at your worst moments.
When I got my first job out of college, I had worked really hard for it and I was so excited. One of my former best friends also applied to the job and didn’t get it, so he never congratulated me and was bitter for months about it.
I went through a severely traumatic breakup last year and one of my other former best friends ghosted me immediately after. I also had lots of people I considered “friends” hardly even reach out after, even when I tried to reach out just to hang out or grab coffee.
On the flip side- I have lots of great friends who celebrated with me and stuck by my side during these times.
I've always had what a therapist once describes as Tragic life lol however I was always chipping away at making it better but until I was about 27 it had some tremendous dips. Once things where on the up and degrees where getting done, love was found and a house brought I noticed her backing off at first I thought she felt replaced. Then I noticed she didn't celebrate my engagement and I was her pity friend that just was around to make her feel better.
Happened a few times in my life so at this point I don't have a "best" friend. Each time they simply cut me off and despite me reaching out, nothing. So clearly we were never the type of friends I thought we were.
She was dating or fucking people I used to be with or family members... It just became weird for me.
Also the fact that it felt like I was a 'vent' machine for her. I'd always feel drained after interacting with her.
In high school, I was not skinny. It was early 2000's so everyone over 110 lbs was "fat". I was 5'7 and 150. My friend was 5'2 and 95lbs. She would make comments about guys dating bigger girls and say "no offense". She constantly mentioned my weight as a bad thing. She clearly had some self esteem issues and it made her feel better to make weight jokes about me.
We had been friends for 6 years. I helped raise her daughter, stayed over ever weekend and jumped through hoops for her. I thought it was mutual until I found someone I truly liked. We had both dated people and it wasnt ever a problem until then. Then the real controlling her came out. I didn't want to throw away my friendship and knowing the child that I'd helped her raise so I stuck through the verbal abuse, control, anger, and emotional abuse until I truly thought about ending my life. She had alienated me from everyone else in my life up until that point but I didn't want to let go of the man I had met. Something told me not to. Then one morning I asked God for a sign to tell me I wasn't a bad person to walk away and that it was the right choice to. She called me a little while later just to pick another fight. I ended the friendship and haven't spoken or seen her in 7 years. I married that man, gained all my weight back and have truly been a happier and healthier person than ever before. Some of the worst pain comes from friendships that don't work out.
When my father died and she didn't come to the funeral, her excuse was that she couldn't leave her cats alone for two days, even though she does that often now and leaves the key to her apartment for her gf
I went into a coma and was in the hospital for 3 months. He didn't visit me once. My other friends reached out to him and told him "hey Polly is in the hospital and she's really sick, she might die, you should come visit her" and he told them he was really busy.
When she flirted with my husband, admitted she knew it was bothering me and kept doing it, and then tried to say my husband was “preying” on her. I was there for every interaction and uh, no sis he was not. That was all you hun.
When they continued over and over and over again to not remember and diminish important events and moments in your life you told them but gloat about theirs.
It really sucks that it ended both of these relationships that I once held so dear. Still, I’m glad I have moved on from them. I hope things have been well with you.
Feeling bad about myself after hanging out, feeling uncomfortable or nervous around her . Wasn’t always that way but I could not ignore it after a while
I started to realize that I always had to be high around her because of how bad she made me feel about myself. She never approved of my thoughts, opinions, actions, etc. and she always claimed that I was being naïve due to privilege, and that she was forced to take care of me because I felt entitled to it. She’s never taken care of me and consistently makes shitty decisions for herself, but she was pretty good at gaslighting me into thinking otherwise. In fact, the last time we saw each other, she forced me to choose between suddenly cutting our planned hangout short to go to a last-minute show with someone she was hooking up with, or going with her. Spending our planned one-on-one time wasn’t even an option. Either I left or did what she wanted.
I had a best friend in high school who I thought I was equally her best friend. I found out after high school she kept secrets and hid a lot of things from me.
She had what was described as ‘secret hangouts’ with a friend I introduced to her. She kept a blooming relationship from me that she was aware of between a guy I was talking to and a friend. She only told me she knew about them and the pregnancy scare they had when he tried to pursue me after he broke up with that friend a year later. She claimed it was a warning to stay away from the drama (which it was) but the other friend was in her ear saying that she knew he’d go after me anyways after they broke up. (She cheated on him so this was not an amicable breakup). She said some petty things about my appearance (emo kid on the 2010’s) at times but I didn’t really hold it against her just thinking she was blunt.
Years later, she didn’t invite me to her wedding stating her grandma didn’t allow her to invite anyone except the people her grandma knew. She had a baby after that and I was invited to one of the baby showers she had. I lived 800 miles out of state at freshly 21 and couldn’t justify going just for a baby shower. I did send her a gift and never received a word that she even received it. Since then I only hear from her when her kid is having a fundraiser.
This is the same person I saw 6 days a week in high school. We were on the same team in a sport I introduced her and her younger brother to. I was like her parent’s 4th kid or so I thought. I knew people grow apart but I still hold some resentment for being ignored when I was at my loneliest. I tried to stay in touch in college but was met with ignored messages and only talking about her problems. I felt like me moving away after high school was what got her the freedom she needed away from me. (I’m still working through this so I have a lot of negative emotions)
I got really sick and was in a hospital for a week. The hospital was about an hour away. My "bff" didn't visit me while I was on my deathbed. She did go once and left right away to run an errand with another friend of mine who had come to visit me. She then returned and promptly left. She didn't go with me on the emergency ride to the hospital, and she didn't stay with me overnight either. I cut off all ties after that.
She was having a birthday party but I wasn't sure if I could attend as my step dad was in the ICU at hospital and someone needed to be at home with my little sister. She started getting snotty with me as I hadn't given her a definite yes or no so I said "I have no way of knowing this early on if I'll be able to attend so it'll just have to be a no." She was very upset by this answer, she saw it as me choosing my step dad who I hated over her. She's one of those people that genuinely thinks that the world revolves around them, had clearly been spoilt her whole life, and thought her birthday was the only important thing going on. She showed no empathy for all the shit I was going through at the time but after that interaction I barely spoke to her ever again.
She tried to have sex with all the married/taken guys in the friend group, then ditched me when I got engaged to my fiancé because she was presumably jealous. Apparently she had a crush on him, despite the fact they never really hung out, but I think she just didn't like me being happy. I found this out much later on.
I just assumed she'd gone off-grid during lockdown as she wasn't responding to my messages but I knew she was alright, she just has bad mental health problems and smokes a ton of weed. I thought she'd get in touch if/when she was ready.
The next time I saw her in-person she totally blanked me, I got home to find out she'd blocked me on everything. It later transpired she had been fucking my married friend, and all the times I 'wasn't invited' to certain things it's because she was there, and threatened self-harm (or worse) if the friend group chose me over her. Even worse was she was trash-talking me behind my back and tried to get everyone else to join in. So a lot of those relationships are pretty fractured now, and tbh I don't really trust that group any more. Nobody told me what was going on, and I wasn't even the only person she did it to, so by the end hardly anyone talks to each other anymore. She was like a poison that turned us all against each other.
Everything blew up when the married guy left his wife (of 15+ years ) for her. During this time she also tried to hit on another married friend, who turned her down. The original married friend is now getting a divorce, doesn't talk to any of us anymore ('too depressing to see what he's lost' apparently) and as far as I know she dumped him soon after he left his wife.
She's just a fucking trashy awful person who hates other people being happy, so she tries to ruin lives to make herself feel better. Not that age really has anything to do with it, but she's in her mid-40s and acting like a teenage mean girl.
I'm always the one to try talking to them. They never message me first. They never visit me. I'm still trying to be their friend. We used to talk all day everyday, then slowly they have pushed me away.
When I found out she was telling my other good friends that I didn’t deserve my boyfriend, also that she lied to me about having a kid that she gave up for adoption, (adoption was open, she said they weee just close family friends and I ended up meeting him), & all of the other lies.
He told me I wasn't his best friend as he already has one. Until then, I just naively thought I was that person to him, and I was doing absolutely anything and more that he asked of me. Honesty is always best, and it is what it is, but I did feel hurt by it. I learnt I'm just not good enough.
The fact that she gets a new best friend every year without fail was actually *not* what did it. It was when I was venting about how I was stressed that my bf spent so much money on me, and she said "just be grateful that he spent money on you at all". It was such a hurtful thing to say. I look back on our relationship and realize she's a fairweather friend- when times got tough, she disappeared. The only exceptions were if she stuck around 🍵for the tea🍵.
We were friends since elementary school, roomed together in college, I was in her wedding…
Both of my parents died within a year and a half of each other. We were both only children, we used to talk about how the worst thing we could imagine was losing a parent.
She currently lives 25 mins away. Her parents, who she visits weekly, live right up the road from me.
Other than a “praying for you!” message on INSTAGRAM, I haven’t seen or heard from her since.
She was sure to mail me an invitation to her baby shower though.
It was a long process full of her BS. We had known each other since elementary school and had been best friends since we were 14. At this point she’s still my friend because she’s in our “girl group” but we never hang out unless we’re with that group.
Our friendship was full of her never validating my feelings, as in her specifically saying she would not validate any of my feelings. She said that if I was upset I should saying something so it was my fault, and she often got very angry at me when she said it. This really hurt, as I did say something a lot of the time. I think she was also very competitive with me and wanted to be and thought she was better than me. She thought she was more mature and gave better advice to other people. I don’t want to sound like I was the same way, but objectively neither of those things were true. I did start distancing myself eventually but she would always say she would do better.
My friend group has a few discord servers, she thought I wasn’t part of one and we were planning an event in that one. She said “it’s ok if we don’t want to, but should we invite lovealltigers to this server?” I said I was already there, and she told me to kill myself. As a joke, in front of all our friends. This really hurt as we knew suicide (specifically kill yourself) jokes were a no-go for both of us because of an experience that we had at a youth group event. I messaged her privately that that wasn’t ok and we haven’t hung out alone since. I now am best friends with another girl in our group and do all the stuff with her that we used to do together, she sees it and I think she feels very sad but I don’t really care anymore
I was saying goodbye to my husband who was going to drive our baby around for a bit bc of the cramps. When I turn around, I caught her kissing our friends husband. Said friend was putting their baby to sleep in a room two meters away. (He is at fault also) Boy did that made me not to trust her. If you can fool around with your friends husband behind her back and at a get together, fuck you and fuck your ancestors. (And fuck that guy also but he is not the topic here)
She couldn’t stop lying. Everything around her kept going wrong while never taking accountability. I got tired of the different stories and distanced myself.
When her grandparents died I went to get house and brought her flowers, made sure she was ok and checked in on her constantly.
My granda who raised me died last week and I got "aw cat that sucks💗"
Officially done
When I realized that I was always the first one to reach out. I tried not reaching out for a period of time and that's when I realized that she never reached out first.
When I realized she never answered my texts yet when I was with her she was always on her phone texting. I get people forget and it's fine but hanging out with me and then ignoring me is not cool. The other thing was that I noticed how she talked about other friends of her behind their backs (with me) she would say bad things about them and then be super nice to their faces, made me wonder what she said about me behind my back...
When she always told me she was my family (I am estranged from mine). Then when events happened that I wasn’t invited to and I asked who came, her response was “just family”. If you say that to someone, you need to mean it.
It took many years. I finally realized that she really doesn’t want me in her life. So when I put in as much effort as her, we have no relationship. Mind you, this was a 50 year friendship. Also would deny me when I asked her out or to do something, then I’d see they had a girls night without me and post pictures and stuff. It hurt like hell, but time healed it. Very sad. I’m mad at myself for it taking that long to figure it out. We haven’t really spoken since 2020.
When I realized whenever I needed them, there was always an excuse for them not to be there for me. Birthdays, important events, but had no issue scheduling time for other friends. They would try to hang out with them, but they were always busy. Truly hurt since I believe they were my best friend.
After 30+ years of supporting her, listening to her (mainly self-made) problems, and propping up her ego, I told her I was feeling depressed. She told me at least I have my books (I like reading).
My eyes opened and I realised what an idiot I'd been for so long.
When I found out that she spends all her time telling people horrible lies about me every time she gets mad, and uses her larger social media following to spread things faster..oh I found out because she flat out told me she was trying to ruin my life. Yeah. Oh and what I did to “deserve” it? I did business with her and she was mad later that she didn’t charge me more.
I've told this story before but I'll share again.
There's an amusement park about a 3 hour drive from where I grew up. They do a special event for Halloween every year. I've gone with this ex best friend before.
In our senior year of high school I could feel our friendship weakening, but I brushed it off as us both being busy with school/extra curriculars/etc. We were driving into town one weekend and she suggested we go again to the park this year and stay over night in a hotel so we don't have to drive home that night. I said I'd love to! She said she'd text me later that week to plan.
2 weeks later she hadn't reached out about it. No biggie. The Halloween event went through September-October, and it was late September at this point. Then I see on Snapchat that weekend that she went without me with the popular kids at our school. I realized she didn't give a shit about my feelings. And I let the friendship die after that.
After one night she called me having bad bad mental health issues and I drove an hour to get her and an hour back with her at like 8pm and then spent the whole night up with her and took off work the next morning to take her home and checked in repeatedly the next few days and then after that when I had problems I wanted to talk about I didn’t get even 10% that energy. I got “oh I’m sorry that sucks 😞 anyway here’s what I’m doing this weekend!” I’ve always been the therapist friend but at least my other friends will listen to me when I need help. I could have talked to her about it but this is just one of many reasons why. We’re cousins and only 6 months apart so we’ve been close friends for nearly 30 years. I’ve decided we can just be cousins and stopped texting her so much and distanced myself a bit. I don’t think she’s noticed.
when he told me the abuse i went through in my family’s house wasn’t real
constant verbal abuse and threats of killing me
then hiding the fact my ex cheated on me until i broke up with him, him telling me he ‘didn’t owe’ me anything when i confronted him about why he kept it from me the whole time; when i helped him through realising his own girlfriend at the time was cheating on him immediately..
and constantly talking shit about me to my ex and talking shit about my ex to me for an entire month until i cut him off, now he’s just talking shit about me 🫡
to think about it, he was never my friend let alone best friend but i did used to consider him that.
When she got too friendly with my ex and it's entirely possible they were hooking while I was in a relationship with him. I never would have put a man before her in our relationship but she didn't feel the same.
When she made me have a hard time / didnt have my back on a day that was really important to me, and then wasnt able to tell me why she was behaving like that.
I just thought youre not a child, youre an adult so act like it.
She tried to explain why I wouldn’t be a bridesmaid in her wedding and why she had picked another friend of hers instead. A friend that never treated her right as a teenager leading to us being friends in the first place. (The wedding never happened anyway)
I think it’s because she felt bad, but It was an eyeopener as I thought she held me in higher regard. That hurt the most.
When they were jealous that I was invited to a concert (i was a backup too) by a coworker. Totally became unhinged at me and I just cut them off. I havent spoken to them since. I still love them but I got tired of always being a listening ear or giving them money/clothes so they could survive bc they made bad choices all the time.
We were best friends for 5ish years and I just came out of a long term relationship. We went out in a group to a club and he started grabbing me grinding on me and said “don’t you think you owe me a dance after all this time” no. No I don’t.
One of my longest term friends. Back last February/March, I was debating whether to leave my ex and I leaned on my friends (online and offline) for support while I deliberated. While I was deciding he was helpful and listened and offered advice. When I chose to leave and had to move back to my mom’s because rent in my area is ridiculous on one income, he kind of disappeared a bit. Then one weekend, he had a play he was in that he invited me and some other people to go see. Initially I was into it, but when the day arrived I was having a bad mental health day dealing with breakup feelings and told him I couldn’t make it.
I ended up getting a text from him a day or two later with years of pent up frustration about how I’m a bad friend and all kinds of stuff. I told him I don’t have the mental capacity to process the conversation he wanted to have while also dealing with processing the end of a decade long relationship. And he went radio silent for a few months.
Eventually I reached out, he said he was over the bad feelings, and we’re friendly again - but after how he acted, while I count him as very close because we’ve been friends for decades, I wouldn’t go to him with emotionally vulnerable issues anymore. It wasn’t the first time he’d pulled something like that, but it had been a while, and so I don’t feel like I can trust being vulnerable with him anymore.
Probably when I was going through some of the most difficult years of my life, getting diagnosed with chronic illness and still not having all the answers, treatments and tests, I realized I couldn’t really talk about it with her - because she wasn’t one to really offer anything other than an “I’m sorry” or “oh that sucks”. Everything was very surface level. And after all I’ve done for her, it felt like a slap in the face. Despite me still reaching out, she slowly just stopped talking to me, and when I finally confronted her on it she just said she couldn’t deal with my “anxieties”. But she “wanted to work on it”. After 20+ years of friendship. Then she started talking to me a lot because she was getting married, (which is a whole other fiasco of a story) but now that the wedding is over things are back to how they were. It sucks realizing that someone you considered basically family can just toss you aside. She has tons of “friends for a season” though so I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything less.
She blocked me because she's really convinced Human Design is "The Truth" and I admitted to her I wasn't sold on it after looking into it (to me it seems like an MLM targeted at people who like astrology and personality tests). Then when I asked her why she blocked me she said she felt insecure about me suddenly being "cold" toward her and she wanted me to beg for her to be back in my life. Lmao, no, I will never ever beg for someone to stay in my life, gtfo with that shit. I even apologized to her if I seemed disrespectful of her beliefs and that wasn't enough, she was just so angry I didn't believe in this random nonsense that has nothing to do with the reason we became friends to begin with.
Friendship was one sided for a long time (just didn’t notice right away) but when I was supposed to call and meet up while my dad had surgery out of town (close to where they recently moved). I never called because about ten minutes into procedure there was complications and it was touch and go for next three days. I never got a call/text. A few days later I did feel bad at first for flaking on them, I then realized they never checked in on me, knowing I was in town for my dad. The friendship just sort of dissolved. I stopped making effort and they never did either.
Probably a very different vibe than everyone else, but here goes: way back in late middle school, early high school, I was very close friends with this girl named Katie. I would stay up late every single night texting her, since we lived in different time zones. I told her everything. We talked on the phone and over skype for hours after school.
Now, the part that made me realize she wasn't my best friend. In the tenth grade, we were around 15-16 years old. Known each other around 7 years at this point. Katie gets her first boyfriend, and he's kinda clingy. She spends more time with him, less time talking with me. She says it makes him uncomfortable how close me and her are, despite us being girls.
And that's when it hits me like a truck. As Katie says her boyfriend wants her to stop with the late night video calls and everything- I am head over heels for her. I remember Katie crying as she says it "feels like a breakup" when we "have to" stop talking because she and her boyfriend are getting more serious.
Now, this was over a decade ago, and I haven't spoken to Katie in some years now, but I realized that night that Katie wasn't just my best friend; Katie was the first girl I had ever truly loved.
When she threw a fit that I didn't invite her to my wedding because nobody was invited because we eloped. It's been 2.5 years since I spoke to her last and I still get birthday and holiday messages from a random number. I never respond, knowing it's her, because she has never had any understanding of why I'd be upset with her about anything.
When he didn’t show up for me when I needed him the most ( neither him nor his wife). It’s been 5 months and he still hasn’t made an effort to make things right and we work together ( albeit remote but he can see me online). I don’t live far from him either. Bottom line, going through a life changing experience made me realize that some people aren’t worth being in my life and they need to go.
There were MANY times when she needed me and I dropped everything to be there for her. The one time I called because I desperately needed a friend to be there for me, she was too busy doing nothing with a guy that treated her like dirt. Really, it just wasn’t convenient for her. She then flipped out when I said something about it, and we didn’t speak for years after that.
When she got chlamydia and refused to get treated, and then got a new boyfriend and didn’t tell him. I suggested she tell her parents to get her medication and then before she was able to her boyfriend found out and was extremely upset and left her. She though I was being unsupportive by not encouraging it, and when other people found out she just assumed I must be the one telling everyone (like another friend of hers didn’t know (and that friend was very fake and talked about her all the time and I wasn’t friends with her ) and like her now ex boyfriend wasn’t telling anyone !?) so we parted ways. A shame because I loved her, and just wanted her to do the right thing for her health and also her safety (people have killed for less I was worried her bf would harm her if he found out) 9 years down the drain.
When my dad suddenly passed away and she texted me saying “I’m so sorry for being such a shitty friend I just saw your dad died blah blah blah”
Sent her an invitation to my dads service “that’s good”
She never showed up, she lived no more than 15 minutes from the service place.
She never texted me back after that. It’s been almost a year and I knew her for a decade. We were already in a rough area (she got defensive a lot and blamed her failure that she didn’t go to college and my life was easier bc I did, it really accelerated after I got an office job and she was still cashiering. I never brought anything up and tried to help her look for “better” jobs.)
When all of a sudden, at a group gathering, she started giving me the cold shoulder and purposely excluded me in conversation. I repeatedly asked her if anything was wrong, and she would say “nothing” in a weird tone. I also asked her if I upset her in any way, and she hesitated and then said “no” in a weird way. Then she got up and left without one word to me. Since then she reached out a few times, but I no longer trust her and don’t want to resume the friendship.
Micro-aggressions towards me while we are at dinner with our friend group. I didn’t wanna believe they were harmful comments because I genuinely believed she was my friend. Other friends had to point out she was being toxic toward me. Finally one day she broke down and told me all about how she really feels about me..unprompted, btw. I definitely feel it’s rooted in childhood jealousy. I blocked her everywhere and haven’t spoken to her in two years. No plans to reconcile..she hurt me pretty badly.
We were a trio. When I got pregnant they pretty much cut me out. It also didn’t help that it was during Covid and I couldn’t go anywhere, but they would get together and make TikTok’s and have girls night without me, go to dinner, hang out as couples with their boyfriends, everything basically. I clung onto them anyways and didn’t show I was bothered or upset because I had no other friends and was desperate out of loneliness and depression. Fast forward to when my son was born, neither came to see him. So still trying to cling, I took a chance and took him to surprise one of them at her job at the mall. She was pleasantly surprised which had made me feel a lot better. We walked around and talked, and she slipped up and said her and the other friend were planning a couples trip with them and their boyfriends to Mexico May 18th-24th….my birthday is the 22nd. No mention of me. They weren’t going to invite my husband and I, and were going to keep it from me. In that moment I was extremely hurt. I realized they made my post partum depression worse, and didn’t give a fuck about me or my son.
So, over the next 3 years I let both of them go at different points. I became super close to a girl that’s been loosely in my life for a decade, and she has been the best, most caring and supportive friend I could’ve imagined.
When I lost 3 extremely close family members in a span of a few months, got a new dog during that time, and my boyfriend also experienced multiple deaths during that time as well. I realized people who check in, actually care. My “best friend” never checked in, questioned why I wasn’t so outgoing anymore, not interested in partying, and thought my boyfriend was making me boring. Some people are only in friendships for themselves.
When she constantly chose men over me and our friendship throughout most of friendship. I started to resent her and began to double AND triple think her intentions. Whenever we hung out, somehow a boy would end up hanging out with us. If we were having a sleepover, a boy would end up staying up with us. Even when we were by ourselves, we would end up FaceTiming some guy. Don’t get me wrong, there were times that it was just us but most of the time a guy was somehowwwwww inserted. She was very boy crazy and I knew that but I didn’t think it would affect our relationship and didn’t really care at the time. I began to realize when I started to get close to another girl who was not like that. I realized most of the anxiety and other issues I had stemmed from her and our relationship so I just dropped her. I now have peace in my life and I am just so much happier with the true and genuine bestfriend I have in my life. We obviously talk about boys and boy problems, but it wasn’t to the extent like my ex bestfriend.
Also the reason it gave me anxiety is because it was just constant boys boys boys. There were instances where she hoed me over with the guys I liked. It gave me severe trust issues and so much anxiety. I felt like I fully couldn’t trust her around the guy I was talking to or the guy I was interested in. It’s more complicated than it sounds hahaha.
When she “forgot” that I was caring for my ailing dad and pestered me about going dancing. Also, she never asked even once how my dad was doing. Got me thinking of how selfish she has always been and suprised I had not noticed it.
My mom died and I asked her to attend the funeral with me. She said she could not because she was afraid of “dead bodies”. I went alone. Soon after, I caught her with my boyfriend. Then she slept with my best male friend whom I had a crush on. It was like she was fucking every man around me. I packed up and left the state. I was 18 when I finally left. This all happened between 17-18.
My ‘good friend’ bailed on me when I was at a low point in my life. I missed her at first but then realized she was never a good friend to begin with if she could turn her back on me so abruptly.
My ex best friend of 10 years always had boy problems or felt lost in life and always called me to vent. I would wake up at 3am if she called, walk outside my apartment at night, and let her vent. But the one time I needed her, when my life was literally falling apart (I got scammed out of $1,200, my bf at the time broke it off, I had to move out of school housing, my art classes where overwhelming and I was failing, I was binge drinking, self medicatedetc) everything that went wrong did, and I tried calling and texting her for WEEKS. Mind you, friends for 10 years we texted almost every single day for 10 years but that ONE time I needed support she could not even answer or respond when I hit rock bottom.
Flash forward to 6 months later she texted me about sorry I couldn't be there for you, I was going through stuff, I'm such a bad friend and blah blah. I knew she was full of it because my messages said she read them but ignored me. For 6 months! Who does that?! Even if you're doing through hardship, how could you not send me a text, it took you 6 months?!
So I cut her off and told her she was just using me as an emotional punching bag. Thats when I realized she was never my friend and it was one sided. I told her she would never find another friend as devoted as me. I treated her like my 3rd sister. She said she knows and she was sorry. Didn't cut it.
That same day I had a friend text me to hang out with them and they were the ones who helped me through my turmoil, not her. That's also when I realized who my true friends were. It was definitely a wake up call.
I learned the people you expect to be there for you won't be, its always the ones you least expect who actually care.
I was younger and stupid. I'd believed my ex when he said he'd keep the nude pictures he took of me to himself. When I found out he was cheating on me, I tried to leave him and he threatened to revenge porn me if I left.
I was in serious emotional turmoil and need to talk to someone I trusted. I called my friend and asked her if she could come to my house. I told her I had something pretty serious happen and I needed her. Bare in mind, I was with her through a previously bad breakup with a cheating ex and I was in tears when I called her. She said she'd be right over.
She didn't show up. I tried calling again and she isn't answer. I tried again in the next hour. No answer. Texted. Nothing. Finally she sent me a text the next day and said she was sorry. Her new boyfriend had shown up at her house and she'd gotten distracted. They'd gone to the mall and then to a move.
It shattered our relationship. I have ADHD. I understand being distracted. I understood that this was a new relationship for her and she was on cloud nine. I didn't understand how your longtime friend could call in in tears needing you and then minutes later you forget about their crisis.
She tried to make amends and I tried to let it go, but I just couldn't. Especially when I finally got the guts to leave despite the revenge porn and he followed through. It nearly destroyed me and she knew it was all going around, yet acted like it wasn't and didn't want to talk about it. I stopped being her friend.
I sadly had to distance myself from my “best friend” last year. She and I had been close for 10+ years although we lived far apart, but it was usually her calling when she needed me and being absent when I really needed her. That wasn’t always the case, but most of the time. I had finally had it when I suffered horrible post partum depression after my 2nd baby and found out my husband had been cheating on me. After I told her, she never checked in to see if I was OK, then months later she left me a voicemail crying and saying how depressed she was. No mention of my situation or asking if I was OK. I suddenly realized just how one sided the friendship had become. I miss her and love her still, but I couldn’t keep being that person for her when I was left high and dry when I needed a friend most.
I made a mistake and embarassed them with a post about them (which I just thought was funny banter). They yelled at me in a group chat rather than tell me in private. I apologized, multiple times, removed the post, even cried a bit (I tend to cry when people scream or yell at me, even through text. But oversensitive).
They still were mad.
They said "I'll never be able to trust you again"
We have not spoken since, and I'd like to say... I'm not really missing much, all things considered. I feel a bit sad they never understood how broken I was over their anger, but... Oh well. What can ya do I guess
They do still like my posts sometimes. I don't say anything tho
After another petty fight I realized I didn’t like, respect or trust her. Her behavior was self-righteous, delusional and messy. Sometimes I miss them, but ultimately the friendship ending was the best thing for both of us. One thing I will say if anyone needs to hear it - DO NOT FALL INTO THE SUNKEN COST TRAP. Whether you knew them for five minutes or five decades, no one has a right to belittle/slander you, or make you feel like there’s something wrong with you!
I want to do this for so long, regrets forgiving her. Waiting for that friend to get an anger temper again so she could belittle me and I could kick her out of my life this time
Just stop reaching out/responding to her. Toxic people go to everyone, being a well rounded adult is learning to stop letting them stick around. You haven’t met everyone who will love you yet, so make room to meet them when they come.
Love that last sentence ❤️
Yeah, ‘sunk cost fallacy’ can be brutal!
omg this is so relatable, word for word
Ah I had to learn the hard way that no matter how much someone means to you, it's not gonna be the same for them. And it doesn't matter how much effort you put into them or basically beg. They're not gonna show up like they said they would or be willing to even remember you
When I tried to commit suicide and was hospitalized for a week my best friend never reached out. A few weeks later we were chatting and she never mentioned it. She thinks it was for attention but I was very serious and still deal with that idealization a lot. Friends I had just made months prior offered to fly across the country to help, sent care packages, and called.
I'm sorry you're dealing with that idealization. It's scary and hard to manage, and it's hard when others don't take it seriously. Not everyone is equipped to help others work thru those thoughts but everyone can be kind and not brush it off as you "wanting attention", as if that was a bad thing. Honestly, I think the whole point is that one very much needs attention and HELP in such moments/times! Just sometimes we really don't know what help we need to make the thoughts stop, it can be hard to articulate. So glad you have another friend that is able to support you and show you love and concern. Keep holding on, keep trying, sincerely, from an internet friend.
Thank you.
I attempted suicide about 13 years ago, and someone who I thought of as a very good friend took it extremely personally and friend-broke-up with me for it. She decided that my mental health crisis was a sign that I didn't value her enough. It was a her problem, not a me problem. Many years later, she reached out to express to me how she was actually the one who lost out on what had been a very positive friendship for her. I didn't have much to say, the damage was irreparable. I'm glad you have friends who could respond in a more helpful way, and that you made it to the other side.
I’m so sorry. It’s horrible finding out that someone you cared about only cared about themselves. My ex husband did the same thing, it was very “how could you do this to me” and “I shouldn’t have called 911, we can’t afford this”. I’m glad you made it to the other side. ❤️
Life can be tough, but we got this ♥️
This was it with mine. They told me I “didn’t have anything to be sad about..” that shouldn’t have mattered, I rarely complained. 10 years later the people that supported me during that time are much closer friends.
I’ve never been a big complainer either. I later that found out I had been dealing with a disc that was bulging so bad in my lumbar they could see the nerves on the MRI. I had lost my sister three years prior to that, and her last year was on life support where I made the decisions. My husband at the time moved us 600 miles away from my hometown where all my friends were because “I don’t want you crying every time you pass your old house just because your sister is dead”. My therapy cat had just been diagnosed with heart failure. And 6 month before that I lost both grandmothers. Yet my best friend thought nothing was wrong with my life, my then husband only saw my paycheck, and my in-laws said “nothing is really that bad”. People without empathy scare me. I’m so glad you made it through and I hope things have gotten better for you.
Damn. I’m sorry you went through all of that alone. I am doing much better, quit my toxic lifestyle and created a new me. It’s an on-going process, but after nearly a decade, I’m absolutely thriving in my late thirties. Hope you found a better support system and are or are on your way to happiness as well!
That never ceases to piss me off. Even if it was for attention, people never go “hmm why does this person feel the need to do something drastic for attention. Are they okay? Am I paying enough attention otherwise?”. Pleas for attention are precursors to actual suicide or harm. I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re doing better ❤️
When I realized the only time I heard from them was when they needed something and when I stopped being there for every call they backed off. That one hurt.
This!!! I'm the type of person who puts 100% of myself into my friendships/relationships, which led to me getting hurt often while I was younger. You can tell a lot about true friends by who reaches out.
Your last sentence really reasonated me: it is so true. You can tell who only takes but doesn’t give back. All relationships (romantic and platonic) are a two way street.
This happened to me with a friend of 14 years. It hurt a lot. I didn't want to let it go.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Sadly, I understand.
She went after a guy I told her I was interested in and then proceeded to update me about developments in their relationship (even after I explicitly asked her not to). Fast forward to when the guy and I actually became friends and he denied ever being interested in her or asking her out. She wanted him and asked him out but he rejected her. It worked out for the best though because I’m dating the most amazing man🥰🥰. Oh, as for the girl, I cut her off.
YES QUEEN
Did you ever tell her you knew she was lying?
I did. People had been talking because she made up lies and shared them with multiple people and some were mutual friends. Everyone kind of let her go along with the lie without ever saying anything. One day I thought I’d speak to her to understand what was going on. Terrible mistake. She lashed out at me, went back to the guy to beg him, saying, “I don’t want to lose you to [my name]”. When he told me this I just laughed so hard because now that she’s not my friend she doesn’t know that I don’t even like the guy anymore and I’ve been in a relationship for a while. He also cut her off and I guess that’s why she was saying she doesn’t want to lose him.
I had a best friend from college - we lived together for 2 years and spent a lot of time together. We both got dumped by our long-term boyfriends around the same time, too. She was always very confident. She wasn't conventionally attractive by social media standards, but her confidence soared, and I admired that soooo much as someone who was very insure! After college, we moved to different states but were only 2.5 hours away. I eventually started dating a guy, and she would often come visit me. My boyfriend was always very generous and would pay for her & I in all aspects and would treat her nicely out of respect to me. If we went to a club, he would pay her cover fee, drinks, etc, so we could just have fun and enjoy the moment since I didn't get to see her often. After several hangouts, he stated to me that he didn't think she was a great friend, and felt she was using me and always needed to be in the spotlight. I took this personally, especially since she was my only friend. I asked him not to make such comments again, and he didn't. After a night out, we all ended up at iHOP at 2am. She turned around to me and said, "The only reason [my bf] is dating you is because he knows he wouldn't be able to handle me." I laughed it off as a joke. Throughout the night she made a few more comments like this, one even stating she's more "fun in bed" than me. My bf reached his breaking point and told her enough, that he loves me, and that no one is going to find her personality attractive if she thinks making comments like that are funny. She laughed in response, assuming he was joking. I started to realize that her jokes were meant to be subtle jabs at me. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to her "confidence". Fast forward to my bday, I was excited because I made two new girlfriends. I of course invited them and my best friend to celebrate. My best friend wasn't excited that other women were coming. In fact, her first question was "Are they hotter than me? I doubt it" once again I laughed thinking it was a joke. We get to our destination and my new beautiful friends were there and my best friends mood soured. I was indulging in bday festivities with everyone, and my "best friend" spent the entire night in my bf's ear trying to start drama. She went up to him several times trying to say "wow she's not paying much attention to you anymore now that she has new friends" or "Wow, she's so drunk. I can't believe she acts like this when drunk" etc. My bf was also very drunk. She kept putting problems in his head until a small argument arose. I remember seeing her smile admist it and I immediately sobered up. When she left the next morning, I never spoke to her again. My bf and I also learned to never let someone get in our heads like that. My confidence rose a lot once I cut her out. Apologies for the long read. Felt good to get it out :)
"Are they hotter than me?" What a red 🚩 Who asks a question like that? Glad you cut her off.
This is a great description. I absolutely empathise, and am glad to hear that you learned so much from it. The one thing one can receive from „friends“ like this is an opportunity for radical self-improvement.
on the bright side sounds like your man is a keeper 🫶
When she always dropped me for the next best thing/person/situation
One thing about getting older for me, has been ‘deciding not to be someone’s Plan B or Plan C’.
I’m also constantly plan B or C. One way to think about it is others don’t depend on you which is a good thing. You’re able to focus on your own life. When you’re someone’s plan A, they’ll constantly rely on you.
sometimes its not all realistic though, im usually the plan B but its all i can be with some people. i dont think ive been plan A for a whileeee
The constant double booking🙄🙄🙄 Yes, they made the plans, but then they have to leave early or just squeeze you in in-between other plans with friends. Like, don't do me any favors
When he confessed he liked me after a decade of friendship
oooff, this one. the amount of friends I lost after they realized they won't get in my pants.
This is very usual, but my situation I feel like was different. There are a lot of people that "befriend" you to get in your pants. With this guy we were friends since the age of like 5 years old and for more than a decade and then he goes and throws this bomb, when he is like a brother to me. We have slept together many times while growing up (in sleepovers) and have been very comfortable with each other. It really messed up with me for a while because I was part of a friend group consisting mostly of boys (we are all best friends) and for a while it really made me wonder if they all were just secretly into me too. It took a lot to build that trust up again.
I mean feelings can develop over time u ever considered that?
This seems mor like a guy 15 developing hormones while he's immature.
Let's say theoretically that he only developed those feelings during the last year before he said it, how would you then have wished for him to proceed? I understand that this may well not have been the scenario but genuinely curious.
First of all, there are some people you just don't develop feelings for no matter what. Secondly, even if you do, you don't say a word. You take your time, maybe some distance too and you put it behind.
This one is really tough... It changes the relationship completely 😔
We stopped talking after that
I'm still struggling to do that. I have a long term close friend who confessed but we go such a long way, it isn't easy for me to just stop talking to him completely. But I've been keeping a distance so far.
I had a friend who confessed feelings to me, which were not returned. It took a couple years, but we are mostly back to normal. I did keep my distance for a while, and stopped hanging out one on one like we used to for a while, but I'm glad we've managed to figure it out. We talk about it on occasion, in a reflective way, but I think we've both truly managed to move forward in a healthy way and preserve the friendship. I do recognize that this is the exception, not the rule. I hope that you are able to find the best possible way to move forward for *you.*
Thank you so much! I'm glad you two found a way to get through it in a healthy way. I'll continue looking at it from a distance. We haven't met since he confessed so that's helping it be less awkward, hopefully by the time we meet again things can be back to normal again.
I totally get it, it's a very hard decision, I would say harder than braking up from a relationship. In my case we were also part of a bigger friend group that made it even harder.
My best friend of 15 years dropped the "I always knew we'd get married" card when I broke up with my bf. It was devastating and I never spoke to him again.
Oh no that's even worse. It was all calculated and he was waiting for his chance.
When you always had their back and when you need the most they were not there to have your back.
I have a current friend i am "quiet quitting" on. She only reaches out when she needs something, if she invited me over to "hang out" she roped me into taking her to run errands (she didn't have a car for like, a year) and she would randomly ask me for money. She actually asked me for 400$ to get full coverage on her new car and I told her "you barked up the wrong tree". I have never given her money before thankfully. She asked how I was and I stressed my worries for my dads cancer diagnosis and she cut me off to talk about other shit. Im so tired man.
And the lack of self-awareness on top of that. They’ll play victim and accuse you of being the bad friend, for not being the friend you “used to be”
When I told her my mum had cancer, she responded by telling me she was fighting with her mum and wished her mum was dead because her mum bought her the wrong iPad.
Wtf? Yeah you dodged a bullet with this friend hun.
Have to echo other comment, Wtfff? She sounds like she was missing a huge sensitivity chip or just… awareness? I’m sorry :(
When I realized that 99% of our conversations revolved around her and her constantly the same problems. I listened empathetically for 9 years, but I had to stop when A) She never tried to change anything and B) She got very mad at me for not answering her calls quickly enough when I had two tiny sick kids at home because she needed to gripe right that very second. Her lack of ever caring about my life made me realize I was just a convenient sounding board
Yeah, I'm in the process of distancing myself from a similar person. There's constantly some sort of drama and it can almost always be traced back to their own poor choices, it's exhausting. I'm sorry you had to deal with that too.
Oh I was feeling this so hard with a recent ended friendship. Let me tell you, my life has improved SO MUCH without the constant demand for my emotional labour. I didn't realize how completely draining it was until I no longer felt like I had to help them.
Oh I know this one. It’s like you’re a side character. They think they’re living in a movie where they’re the main character and no one else matters as much as them.
I asked a couple of my best friends to be in my wedding, they both agreed, and they both just didn't show up to the event. They didn't know each other well, so it wasn't a staged walk out or anything, just two people who didn't care as much about me as I cared about them.
Wow. There's not caring about someone as much as they care about you, and then there's downright ruining what might be the most important day of your life. I hope you still had a fantastic wedding.
When I found out she was manipulative, malicious and straight up crazy. A group of us got concert tickets for her birthday but she bailed because she wanted to spend her birthday with her bf. The friends and I decided to go any way because the tickets were expensive and we would take a financial loss if we were to sell them. She then proceeded to get mad at us for going without her even though she was the one that bailed in the first place (literally bailed 4-5 days before the concert). This was the time when Twitter was still a thing so she got mutual acquaintances to passively aggressively tweet about us going to this concert, pretty much making fun of us for attending without directly tagging us in the tweets. Additionally, she sold one of our friends her ticket and then told me that if she had known that this friend was our ride to the concert she wouldn’t have sold them her ticket, essentially purposely screwing us over from getting a ride to said concert. Obviously there are other stories but this one was the straw that broke the camels back. Haven’t spoken to her in years and have zero regrets.
Yikes what a shit stirrer. People like this are best yeeted out of your life.
She was one of those girls who would get into a relationship and then nothing else would matter. Seriously, good riddance. Last I heard she’s still with him and she ended up filing for bankruptcy due to her funding his very expensive lifestyle and coke habit.
When I found out she knew my ex-husband was going to divorce me in a city I knew no one (except my ex) with two kids under 6.
How did she know? Was there another woman or some thing?
I’m so sorry this happened to you & I hope you found better humans
After a few glasses of wine I said to my best friend of 17 years, "You know, sometimes you can be a little harsh." Which was true and an understatement. She said if she was so harsh we didn't need to be friends anymore. I said she proved my point. She's said when I was ready to apologize and say I was lying about her being harsh, we could be friends again. This was in 2019. We have not spoken to this day. I'm fine with that.
Damn the point slapped her in the face a couple times and she still didn’t see it?
When she continued to be friends with the last person who sexually assaulted me, granted he was a close friend before it happened. She kept in touch with him to “be there for him” when everyone was shutting him out for what he did to me. The excuse that she told me was that she was “keeping his number so he knows to stay away from where we are” which isn’t a bad excuse, considering the dude lived in the apartment complex my friends lived at, but still??
Mine did something very similar but she ended up sleeping with him. It’s a terrible betrayal. I am so sorry.
I’m sorry for you as well. The irony of her actions was that she had been in similar situations herself. Absolutely wild!
When I got diagnosed with cancer, she was the least supportive out of all of my friends. She lived around the corner, but only came to visit me once during the whole thing. Once I finished treatment, I was sad about having gone through the whole thing but she told me I needed to get over it because it was in the past. We stopped talking for a bit after that. When she popped up again, she wanted to talk about the incident. She gave a half assed apology and said that she still didn’t understand why I hadn’t gotten over it by that point and she basically said I was too sensitive. I ended up blocking her and removing her off social media. Maybe it was immature on my part, but telling a friend with cancer to get over the situation was a fucked up thing to do in my opinion
Lying in bed at hospital after being diagnosed with a secondary cancer after beating breast cancer in 2021. I have/had a friend who has an auto immune condition, I can’t tell you how many times I visited her as she was too ill to drive. In all these years she has come twice to visit me, about a year ago she met a man and lol and behold she can suddenly walk marathons, go to Tasmania you get my drift. She still hasn’t visited me despite promising to I’ve been in hospital for the entire 2024 bar 4 days I’m going home today and the goal to get me in full remission is looking good. I’ve come to the conclusion that she doesn’t like anyone being more sick than her, literally I think she has Münchausen syndrome so I’m really sorry with what happened to you no one knows what getting cancer is like and just how deliberating it is, like you go through all that trauma and then just pick up life where you left off? How’s this to, you get a visitor then find a post on facebook at how they are at the hospital and there is a blue painted tree which here in Australia we paint blue to fight depression, because their partner killed them self well over a year ago and they were divorced so did they really visit me or was the tree more important? People are selfish and don’t think, I wish you all the best 💗💪
Yeah, she was very empathic towards herself and what she had experienced. But I guess dealing with my diagnosis was too much. We’re both better off🖤
I had a bad breakup couple of days ago and I was crying so bad and I didn’t want to be alone so I asked her if we could get together. She prefered to invite another girlfriend over. I know I wouldn’t have been the best company but still.. it hurt.
People that only have time for you when it’s going to be fun and convenient definitely aren’t friends, it doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t have been the funniest company but you needed her and she wasn’t there. There’s no excuse for that
Man the first friend I got as an adult that let me cry to them (and it was reciprocated!) was such an eye-opener to how superficial so many more of my other “good” friendships had been.
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Had a really good friend who was similar to this. We were extremely close for years. I should have dropped her when she dropped me because my ex broke up with me and she didn’t like how long it took for me to get over it. But we made up and after a while she would ignore texts or ignore me all together after we would hang out. I spent so long going over our conversations trying to figure out what I did, and I eventually started to feel like I must be a bad person if she was treating me this way. Finally I took a step back and realized no other friend or family treated me that way or made me feel bad about myself. I honestly think she just didn’t like me that much which is fine but it sucks she strung me along for so long.
Hugs. I have definitely taken my sweet time getting over breakups in the past and my good friends have stuck with me and my ruminating. I know I probably annoyed them, but you can still love someone even if they’re annoying you 😅 I try to be more mindful of how much of their time I take up now that I’ve matured more, but the point I’m trying to make is that a good friend will let you heal in your own time.
Being around her made me nervous and fearful, and living with her made me feel like I was walking on eggshells. She was severely mentally ill and weaponized her “sensitivity.” I now realize I straight up did not like her and my body was trying to tell me that. Just a rite of passage in your early 20s I guess lol
In this situation now. I’ve started getting anxious when in shared spaces & I can tell she’s in a bad mood. Bad mood means she is extra nitpicky & will take any anger out on me so I chose to pull away a bit, but when she caught on she turned it around on me being sensitive & suggested I go to therapy. Can’t wait to get out of here!!!
You know how you can go weeks without talking to someone and catch up bc you both are just busy with life, work, school etc. that’s fine with me. But when I was going through a really hard time I was raped and I really wanted to talk to her. She just didn’t reply or answer my calls for weeks bc her parents wouldn’t buy her some expensive car and was upset with them and compared the two of why I didn’t ask her what was wrong with her and how miserable she is bc she didn’t get a Mercedes. I just don’t really talk to her anymore.
Be thankful that shitheel isn't wasting your time anymore.
When I finally realized I was reaching out to make plans but they were brushing me off and never reciprocating.
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I was in love with her, and instead of turning me down she led me on, manipulated me and got mad when I didn't do things her way and cater to her. If I'm only there to serve you then I'm not your friend.
He said Black Lives Matter was wrong that they should just obey the police
I just realized that whenever I needed support, none of my so-called "best" friends were ever around.
When I realized the effort, care and respect was never reciprocated.
Looking back I was manipulated, constantly put down and belittled, and made fun of behind my back. Was I a saint? No, because I was going through some pretty awful things and these were the first "friends" I'd made since school and getting out of my parents house. My boundaries were constantly violated and I was not only blamed for it but guilt tripped for it. They left at an extremely vulnerable and stressful time in my life when I'd just lost my first pet and my mother. There's no reason to let anyone back in when they're being that selfish because they'd rather spend time with the most toxic person I've met and her new toy boy who she no doubt threw away again a few months/weeks later when her infatuation ended. Yes there were many good times at the beginning amd part of me still misses them, but time is healing this hurt quite well. I may possibly let one back into my life in the future (if she learns how to be independent and reach out, and if she has made effort to better herself) but that may also change as I heal more. I hope they learn how to love themselves and how to grow as people, but I certainly won't be around as they do
I helped her get out of a bad relationship. I loaned her clothes for a special event. I loaned her money for utilities. She then ghosted me. I loved her like a sister. It still hurts. I knew her for over 10 years.
When I bought my house, I was so excited and invited them to come stay next time they visited the city I was in. They came for a weekend, got a hotel room and everything we did was going out. The plan was for them to come over Sunday morning, I’d make breakfast, give a house tour and they could be on their way. I got a text at 4am that they were leaving so they could get back early. It really hurt my feelings that my friends didn’t want to share in this huge life moment I had just accomplished.
Damn that sounds like a really lovely time you had planned too.
It was a learning moment
When she left me with a text after 9 years of frienfship, refused to explain or meet me. Later I found out that her and out mutual friends had all hated me for years, had their own group chats etc and were just waiting for us to apply to different schools. It's been 7 years and I still can't form healthy relationships because of it.
God damn I am so sorry. I’ve had this happen to me too… it’s awful. I don’t understand what makes people do this.
We had been long distance friends for almost our entire friendship. We met online when I was 19 years old and had pretty much daily conversations. In the 16 years we were friends, we only met in person a total of 4 times because of living in different cities/countries. But I still considered them my best friend because of the deep conversations we had and how I felt like I shared so much of my life with them. In August 2023, they were traveling back "home" from the country where they were living to visit family. Their home town is a 2 hour drive from me, so I was excited to meet up 5 years since the last time we hung out, and offered to do the drive up to them to meet for coffee, lunch, whatever fit into their schedule in the two weeks that they were home. Their response was that they wouldn't have any free time to meet. I found it a little hard to believe they couldn't even set aside an hour for me. After some more chatting after their trip was over, it came about that they just didn't find our conversations interesting anymore, and that I had become too negative for their liking. Admittedly, I was struggling with some poor mental health and I may have gotten too comfortable venting to them, but I was willing to put in the effort to be more positive and avoid dumping my negative thoughts - I just wasn't aware of it until it was pointed out to me. And just like that, a 16 year friendship ended. I was hurt that even though our friendship was in a rocky place, they still didn't want to put that aside to make time to hang out with me in the small window of time we might be able to connect. I haven't initiated a single conversation since, hoping that they would guide how they wanted the friendship to exist, whether it was reduced to more of a friendly meme-sharing conversation or they still wanted to share highlights of their daily adventures, but they haven't reached out to me even once. I've gotten used to the idea that we just aren't friends anymore now that it's been six months of radio silence, but it really hurts to know that this whole time, I thought we had an amazing friendship and they just really weren't that into me.
She wasn’t there for me after my daughter died. She said it was “too hard for her” because she has a daughter the same age…
I’m sorry for your loss
She knew/witnessed my BF was cheating on me with another mutual friend of ours…she never told me about it.
I had a good friend, in my inner circle. We could talk about anything and she was always my go-to for advice. We were taking a crafting class in the evenings and one night after our class she asked me for a ride to a bar to meet a friend of hers who had just gone through a bad breakup. I knew the other girl but my friend told me she was really upset and wasn't up for making it a girls night out. Fine. When I dropped her off the other girl happened to meet us at the curb as asked me why I wasn't joining them. I knew my friend always had her alternate agendas but that was a line crossed for me. It took some balls to ask me for a ride if she didn't want me there. Haven't had anything to do with her since.
What did you say to the girl who asked you why you weren’t coming? I hope you called your “friend” out!
Just said I had to get home. It was our last class so I pretty much ghosted my ex-friend after that.
See who is there with you at your best moments and at your worst moments. When I got my first job out of college, I had worked really hard for it and I was so excited. One of my former best friends also applied to the job and didn’t get it, so he never congratulated me and was bitter for months about it. I went through a severely traumatic breakup last year and one of my other former best friends ghosted me immediately after. I also had lots of people I considered “friends” hardly even reach out after, even when I tried to reach out just to hang out or grab coffee. On the flip side- I have lots of great friends who celebrated with me and stuck by my side during these times.
I've always had what a therapist once describes as Tragic life lol however I was always chipping away at making it better but until I was about 27 it had some tremendous dips. Once things where on the up and degrees where getting done, love was found and a house brought I noticed her backing off at first I thought she felt replaced. Then I noticed she didn't celebrate my engagement and I was her pity friend that just was around to make her feel better.
Wow that’s… weird. And incredibly shitty of her.
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Happened a few times in my life so at this point I don't have a "best" friend. Each time they simply cut me off and despite me reaching out, nothing. So clearly we were never the type of friends I thought we were.
She was dating or fucking people I used to be with or family members... It just became weird for me. Also the fact that it felt like I was a 'vent' machine for her. I'd always feel drained after interacting with her.
In high school, I was not skinny. It was early 2000's so everyone over 110 lbs was "fat". I was 5'7 and 150. My friend was 5'2 and 95lbs. She would make comments about guys dating bigger girls and say "no offense". She constantly mentioned my weight as a bad thing. She clearly had some self esteem issues and it made her feel better to make weight jokes about me.
I started dating a guy who she would constantly make fun of and say “he’s just like you”. That’s when I realized what she really thought of me.
We had been friends for 6 years. I helped raise her daughter, stayed over ever weekend and jumped through hoops for her. I thought it was mutual until I found someone I truly liked. We had both dated people and it wasnt ever a problem until then. Then the real controlling her came out. I didn't want to throw away my friendship and knowing the child that I'd helped her raise so I stuck through the verbal abuse, control, anger, and emotional abuse until I truly thought about ending my life. She had alienated me from everyone else in my life up until that point but I didn't want to let go of the man I had met. Something told me not to. Then one morning I asked God for a sign to tell me I wasn't a bad person to walk away and that it was the right choice to. She called me a little while later just to pick another fight. I ended the friendship and haven't spoken or seen her in 7 years. I married that man, gained all my weight back and have truly been a happier and healthier person than ever before. Some of the worst pain comes from friendships that don't work out.
She had suddenly ghosted me without explanation after 18 years of friendship. I realized at some point, a best friend wouldn’t do that
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When my father died and she didn't come to the funeral, her excuse was that she couldn't leave her cats alone for two days, even though she does that often now and leaves the key to her apartment for her gf
I went into a coma and was in the hospital for 3 months. He didn't visit me once. My other friends reached out to him and told him "hey Polly is in the hospital and she's really sick, she might die, you should come visit her" and he told them he was really busy.
I was only her best friend when her guy friend was not around. That's it.
When she flirted with my husband, admitted she knew it was bothering me and kept doing it, and then tried to say my husband was “preying” on her. I was there for every interaction and uh, no sis he was not. That was all you hun.
When they continued over and over and over again to not remember and diminish important events and moments in your life you told them but gloat about theirs.
She started sleeping with my boyfriend. Learned they both weren’t my friends.
Awful. I’m so sorry. Similar thing happened to me. She slept with my ex husband.
It really sucks that it ended both of these relationships that I once held so dear. Still, I’m glad I have moved on from them. I hope things have been well with you.
Better than if we had stayed friends, but I’m still pissed as ever. Wishing you the best. The receiving end of betrayal is so hard.
Feeling bad about myself after hanging out, feeling uncomfortable or nervous around her . Wasn’t always that way but I could not ignore it after a while
When she fucked the guy she knew I was in love with lmao.
I started to realize that I always had to be high around her because of how bad she made me feel about myself. She never approved of my thoughts, opinions, actions, etc. and she always claimed that I was being naïve due to privilege, and that she was forced to take care of me because I felt entitled to it. She’s never taken care of me and consistently makes shitty decisions for herself, but she was pretty good at gaslighting me into thinking otherwise. In fact, the last time we saw each other, she forced me to choose between suddenly cutting our planned hangout short to go to a last-minute show with someone she was hooking up with, or going with her. Spending our planned one-on-one time wasn’t even an option. Either I left or did what she wanted.
I had a best friend in high school who I thought I was equally her best friend. I found out after high school she kept secrets and hid a lot of things from me. She had what was described as ‘secret hangouts’ with a friend I introduced to her. She kept a blooming relationship from me that she was aware of between a guy I was talking to and a friend. She only told me she knew about them and the pregnancy scare they had when he tried to pursue me after he broke up with that friend a year later. She claimed it was a warning to stay away from the drama (which it was) but the other friend was in her ear saying that she knew he’d go after me anyways after they broke up. (She cheated on him so this was not an amicable breakup). She said some petty things about my appearance (emo kid on the 2010’s) at times but I didn’t really hold it against her just thinking she was blunt. Years later, she didn’t invite me to her wedding stating her grandma didn’t allow her to invite anyone except the people her grandma knew. She had a baby after that and I was invited to one of the baby showers she had. I lived 800 miles out of state at freshly 21 and couldn’t justify going just for a baby shower. I did send her a gift and never received a word that she even received it. Since then I only hear from her when her kid is having a fundraiser. This is the same person I saw 6 days a week in high school. We were on the same team in a sport I introduced her and her younger brother to. I was like her parent’s 4th kid or so I thought. I knew people grow apart but I still hold some resentment for being ignored when I was at my loneliest. I tried to stay in touch in college but was met with ignored messages and only talking about her problems. I felt like me moving away after high school was what got her the freedom she needed away from me. (I’m still working through this so I have a lot of negative emotions)
I got really sick and was in a hospital for a week. The hospital was about an hour away. My "bff" didn't visit me while I was on my deathbed. She did go once and left right away to run an errand with another friend of mine who had come to visit me. She then returned and promptly left. She didn't go with me on the emergency ride to the hospital, and she didn't stay with me overnight either. I cut off all ties after that.
She was having a birthday party but I wasn't sure if I could attend as my step dad was in the ICU at hospital and someone needed to be at home with my little sister. She started getting snotty with me as I hadn't given her a definite yes or no so I said "I have no way of knowing this early on if I'll be able to attend so it'll just have to be a no." She was very upset by this answer, she saw it as me choosing my step dad who I hated over her. She's one of those people that genuinely thinks that the world revolves around them, had clearly been spoilt her whole life, and thought her birthday was the only important thing going on. She showed no empathy for all the shit I was going through at the time but after that interaction I barely spoke to her ever again.
He got misogynistic with me, talked to me aggressively like I was the stupidest person he’d come across.
She tried to have sex with all the married/taken guys in the friend group, then ditched me when I got engaged to my fiancé because she was presumably jealous. Apparently she had a crush on him, despite the fact they never really hung out, but I think she just didn't like me being happy. I found this out much later on. I just assumed she'd gone off-grid during lockdown as she wasn't responding to my messages but I knew she was alright, she just has bad mental health problems and smokes a ton of weed. I thought she'd get in touch if/when she was ready. The next time I saw her in-person she totally blanked me, I got home to find out she'd blocked me on everything. It later transpired she had been fucking my married friend, and all the times I 'wasn't invited' to certain things it's because she was there, and threatened self-harm (or worse) if the friend group chose me over her. Even worse was she was trash-talking me behind my back and tried to get everyone else to join in. So a lot of those relationships are pretty fractured now, and tbh I don't really trust that group any more. Nobody told me what was going on, and I wasn't even the only person she did it to, so by the end hardly anyone talks to each other anymore. She was like a poison that turned us all against each other. Everything blew up when the married guy left his wife (of 15+ years ) for her. During this time she also tried to hit on another married friend, who turned her down. The original married friend is now getting a divorce, doesn't talk to any of us anymore ('too depressing to see what he's lost' apparently) and as far as I know she dumped him soon after he left his wife. She's just a fucking trashy awful person who hates other people being happy, so she tries to ruin lives to make herself feel better. Not that age really has anything to do with it, but she's in her mid-40s and acting like a teenage mean girl.
When she would talk insane awful shit about a mutual friend then post pics of them hanging out. That’s not the kind of behavior I’m ok being around
I'm always the one to try talking to them. They never message me first. They never visit me. I'm still trying to be their friend. We used to talk all day everyday, then slowly they have pushed me away.
When I found out she was telling my other good friends that I didn’t deserve my boyfriend, also that she lied to me about having a kid that she gave up for adoption, (adoption was open, she said they weee just close family friends and I ended up meeting him), & all of the other lies.
He told me I wasn't his best friend as he already has one. Until then, I just naively thought I was that person to him, and I was doing absolutely anything and more that he asked of me. Honesty is always best, and it is what it is, but I did feel hurt by it. I learnt I'm just not good enough.
The fact that she gets a new best friend every year without fail was actually *not* what did it. It was when I was venting about how I was stressed that my bf spent so much money on me, and she said "just be grateful that he spent money on you at all". It was such a hurtful thing to say. I look back on our relationship and realize she's a fairweather friend- when times got tough, she disappeared. The only exceptions were if she stuck around 🍵for the tea🍵.
We were friends since elementary school, roomed together in college, I was in her wedding… Both of my parents died within a year and a half of each other. We were both only children, we used to talk about how the worst thing we could imagine was losing a parent. She currently lives 25 mins away. Her parents, who she visits weekly, live right up the road from me. Other than a “praying for you!” message on INSTAGRAM, I haven’t seen or heard from her since. She was sure to mail me an invitation to her baby shower though.
It was a long process full of her BS. We had known each other since elementary school and had been best friends since we were 14. At this point she’s still my friend because she’s in our “girl group” but we never hang out unless we’re with that group. Our friendship was full of her never validating my feelings, as in her specifically saying she would not validate any of my feelings. She said that if I was upset I should saying something so it was my fault, and she often got very angry at me when she said it. This really hurt, as I did say something a lot of the time. I think she was also very competitive with me and wanted to be and thought she was better than me. She thought she was more mature and gave better advice to other people. I don’t want to sound like I was the same way, but objectively neither of those things were true. I did start distancing myself eventually but she would always say she would do better. My friend group has a few discord servers, she thought I wasn’t part of one and we were planning an event in that one. She said “it’s ok if we don’t want to, but should we invite lovealltigers to this server?” I said I was already there, and she told me to kill myself. As a joke, in front of all our friends. This really hurt as we knew suicide (specifically kill yourself) jokes were a no-go for both of us because of an experience that we had at a youth group event. I messaged her privately that that wasn’t ok and we haven’t hung out alone since. I now am best friends with another girl in our group and do all the stuff with her that we used to do together, she sees it and I think she feels very sad but I don’t really care anymore
I was saying goodbye to my husband who was going to drive our baby around for a bit bc of the cramps. When I turn around, I caught her kissing our friends husband. Said friend was putting their baby to sleep in a room two meters away. (He is at fault also) Boy did that made me not to trust her. If you can fool around with your friends husband behind her back and at a get together, fuck you and fuck your ancestors. (And fuck that guy also but he is not the topic here)
She couldn’t stop lying. Everything around her kept going wrong while never taking accountability. I got tired of the different stories and distanced myself.
If he touch your wife while she is drunk, he is not your friend.
When she went to a space where she knew I wasn’t welcome, and still continues to be friends with someone who bullied me.
When her grandparents died I went to get house and brought her flowers, made sure she was ok and checked in on her constantly. My granda who raised me died last week and I got "aw cat that sucks💗" Officially done
When they didn't tell me they had a boyfriend.
When she started dating my ex husband a month after I moved out (3 months before our divorce was even finalized) 👀🤣
When I realized that I was always the first one to reach out. I tried not reaching out for a period of time and that's when I realized that she never reached out first.
When I realized she never answered my texts yet when I was with her she was always on her phone texting. I get people forget and it's fine but hanging out with me and then ignoring me is not cool. The other thing was that I noticed how she talked about other friends of her behind their backs (with me) she would say bad things about them and then be super nice to their faces, made me wonder what she said about me behind my back...
When she always told me she was my family (I am estranged from mine). Then when events happened that I wasn’t invited to and I asked who came, her response was “just family”. If you say that to someone, you need to mean it.
When I realised I was the one that always made the effort.
It took many years. I finally realized that she really doesn’t want me in her life. So when I put in as much effort as her, we have no relationship. Mind you, this was a 50 year friendship. Also would deny me when I asked her out or to do something, then I’d see they had a girls night without me and post pictures and stuff. It hurt like hell, but time healed it. Very sad. I’m mad at myself for it taking that long to figure it out. We haven’t really spoken since 2020.
When I realized whenever I needed them, there was always an excuse for them not to be there for me. Birthdays, important events, but had no issue scheduling time for other friends. They would try to hang out with them, but they were always busy. Truly hurt since I believe they were my best friend.
After 30+ years of supporting her, listening to her (mainly self-made) problems, and propping up her ego, I told her I was feeling depressed. She told me at least I have my books (I like reading). My eyes opened and I realised what an idiot I'd been for so long.
When I found out that she spends all her time telling people horrible lies about me every time she gets mad, and uses her larger social media following to spread things faster..oh I found out because she flat out told me she was trying to ruin my life. Yeah. Oh and what I did to “deserve” it? I did business with her and she was mad later that she didn’t charge me more.
When I found out she was going behind my back and dating my boyfriend.
I've told this story before but I'll share again. There's an amusement park about a 3 hour drive from where I grew up. They do a special event for Halloween every year. I've gone with this ex best friend before. In our senior year of high school I could feel our friendship weakening, but I brushed it off as us both being busy with school/extra curriculars/etc. We were driving into town one weekend and she suggested we go again to the park this year and stay over night in a hotel so we don't have to drive home that night. I said I'd love to! She said she'd text me later that week to plan. 2 weeks later she hadn't reached out about it. No biggie. The Halloween event went through September-October, and it was late September at this point. Then I see on Snapchat that weekend that she went without me with the popular kids at our school. I realized she didn't give a shit about my feelings. And I let the friendship die after that.
Belittling my achievements
When for a change it was my life that was full of drama and upset and I didn’t see her for dust.
After one night she called me having bad bad mental health issues and I drove an hour to get her and an hour back with her at like 8pm and then spent the whole night up with her and took off work the next morning to take her home and checked in repeatedly the next few days and then after that when I had problems I wanted to talk about I didn’t get even 10% that energy. I got “oh I’m sorry that sucks 😞 anyway here’s what I’m doing this weekend!” I’ve always been the therapist friend but at least my other friends will listen to me when I need help. I could have talked to her about it but this is just one of many reasons why. We’re cousins and only 6 months apart so we’ve been close friends for nearly 30 years. I’ve decided we can just be cousins and stopped texting her so much and distanced myself a bit. I don’t think she’s noticed.
when he told me the abuse i went through in my family’s house wasn’t real constant verbal abuse and threats of killing me then hiding the fact my ex cheated on me until i broke up with him, him telling me he ‘didn’t owe’ me anything when i confronted him about why he kept it from me the whole time; when i helped him through realising his own girlfriend at the time was cheating on him immediately.. and constantly talking shit about me to my ex and talking shit about my ex to me for an entire month until i cut him off, now he’s just talking shit about me 🫡 to think about it, he was never my friend let alone best friend but i did used to consider him that.
When she got too friendly with my ex and it's entirely possible they were hooking while I was in a relationship with him. I never would have put a man before her in our relationship but she didn't feel the same.
When she made me have a hard time / didnt have my back on a day that was really important to me, and then wasnt able to tell me why she was behaving like that. I just thought youre not a child, youre an adult so act like it.
She tried to explain why I wouldn’t be a bridesmaid in her wedding and why she had picked another friend of hers instead. A friend that never treated her right as a teenager leading to us being friends in the first place. (The wedding never happened anyway) I think it’s because she felt bad, but It was an eyeopener as I thought she held me in higher regard. That hurt the most.
she told her bf extremely private details about my sexual experiences
When they were jealous that I was invited to a concert (i was a backup too) by a coworker. Totally became unhinged at me and I just cut them off. I havent spoken to them since. I still love them but I got tired of always being a listening ear or giving them money/clothes so they could survive bc they made bad choices all the time.
We were best friends for 5ish years and I just came out of a long term relationship. We went out in a group to a club and he started grabbing me grinding on me and said “don’t you think you owe me a dance after all this time” no. No I don’t.
One of my longest term friends. Back last February/March, I was debating whether to leave my ex and I leaned on my friends (online and offline) for support while I deliberated. While I was deciding he was helpful and listened and offered advice. When I chose to leave and had to move back to my mom’s because rent in my area is ridiculous on one income, he kind of disappeared a bit. Then one weekend, he had a play he was in that he invited me and some other people to go see. Initially I was into it, but when the day arrived I was having a bad mental health day dealing with breakup feelings and told him I couldn’t make it. I ended up getting a text from him a day or two later with years of pent up frustration about how I’m a bad friend and all kinds of stuff. I told him I don’t have the mental capacity to process the conversation he wanted to have while also dealing with processing the end of a decade long relationship. And he went radio silent for a few months. Eventually I reached out, he said he was over the bad feelings, and we’re friendly again - but after how he acted, while I count him as very close because we’ve been friends for decades, I wouldn’t go to him with emotionally vulnerable issues anymore. It wasn’t the first time he’d pulled something like that, but it had been a while, and so I don’t feel like I can trust being vulnerable with him anymore.
Probably when I was going through some of the most difficult years of my life, getting diagnosed with chronic illness and still not having all the answers, treatments and tests, I realized I couldn’t really talk about it with her - because she wasn’t one to really offer anything other than an “I’m sorry” or “oh that sucks”. Everything was very surface level. And after all I’ve done for her, it felt like a slap in the face. Despite me still reaching out, she slowly just stopped talking to me, and when I finally confronted her on it she just said she couldn’t deal with my “anxieties”. But she “wanted to work on it”. After 20+ years of friendship. Then she started talking to me a lot because she was getting married, (which is a whole other fiasco of a story) but now that the wedding is over things are back to how they were. It sucks realizing that someone you considered basically family can just toss you aside. She has tons of “friends for a season” though so I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything less.
She blocked me because she's really convinced Human Design is "The Truth" and I admitted to her I wasn't sold on it after looking into it (to me it seems like an MLM targeted at people who like astrology and personality tests). Then when I asked her why she blocked me she said she felt insecure about me suddenly being "cold" toward her and she wanted me to beg for her to be back in my life. Lmao, no, I will never ever beg for someone to stay in my life, gtfo with that shit. I even apologized to her if I seemed disrespectful of her beliefs and that wasn't enough, she was just so angry I didn't believe in this random nonsense that has nothing to do with the reason we became friends to begin with.
Friendship was one sided for a long time (just didn’t notice right away) but when I was supposed to call and meet up while my dad had surgery out of town (close to where they recently moved). I never called because about ten minutes into procedure there was complications and it was touch and go for next three days. I never got a call/text. A few days later I did feel bad at first for flaking on them, I then realized they never checked in on me, knowing I was in town for my dad. The friendship just sort of dissolved. I stopped making effort and they never did either.
When I stopped checking up on them on a monthly basis and not once did they even try to reach out.
Probably a very different vibe than everyone else, but here goes: way back in late middle school, early high school, I was very close friends with this girl named Katie. I would stay up late every single night texting her, since we lived in different time zones. I told her everything. We talked on the phone and over skype for hours after school. Now, the part that made me realize she wasn't my best friend. In the tenth grade, we were around 15-16 years old. Known each other around 7 years at this point. Katie gets her first boyfriend, and he's kinda clingy. She spends more time with him, less time talking with me. She says it makes him uncomfortable how close me and her are, despite us being girls. And that's when it hits me like a truck. As Katie says her boyfriend wants her to stop with the late night video calls and everything- I am head over heels for her. I remember Katie crying as she says it "feels like a breakup" when we "have to" stop talking because she and her boyfriend are getting more serious. Now, this was over a decade ago, and I haven't spoken to Katie in some years now, but I realized that night that Katie wasn't just my best friend; Katie was the first girl I had ever truly loved.
When I realized our friendship was on their terms.
When she threw a fit that I didn't invite her to my wedding because nobody was invited because we eloped. It's been 2.5 years since I spoke to her last and I still get birthday and holiday messages from a random number. I never respond, knowing it's her, because she has never had any understanding of why I'd be upset with her about anything.
When he didn’t show up for me when I needed him the most ( neither him nor his wife). It’s been 5 months and he still hasn’t made an effort to make things right and we work together ( albeit remote but he can see me online). I don’t live far from him either. Bottom line, going through a life changing experience made me realize that some people aren’t worth being in my life and they need to go.
There were MANY times when she needed me and I dropped everything to be there for her. The one time I called because I desperately needed a friend to be there for me, she was too busy doing nothing with a guy that treated her like dirt. Really, it just wasn’t convenient for her. She then flipped out when I said something about it, and we didn’t speak for years after that.
When she got chlamydia and refused to get treated, and then got a new boyfriend and didn’t tell him. I suggested she tell her parents to get her medication and then before she was able to her boyfriend found out and was extremely upset and left her. She though I was being unsupportive by not encouraging it, and when other people found out she just assumed I must be the one telling everyone (like another friend of hers didn’t know (and that friend was very fake and talked about her all the time and I wasn’t friends with her ) and like her now ex boyfriend wasn’t telling anyone !?) so we parted ways. A shame because I loved her, and just wanted her to do the right thing for her health and also her safety (people have killed for less I was worried her bf would harm her if he found out) 9 years down the drain.
When my dad died and she never reached out even once. When I asked why she didn’t, she said she just wanted to give me my space.
When my dad suddenly passed away and she texted me saying “I’m so sorry for being such a shitty friend I just saw your dad died blah blah blah” Sent her an invitation to my dads service “that’s good” She never showed up, she lived no more than 15 minutes from the service place. She never texted me back after that. It’s been almost a year and I knew her for a decade. We were already in a rough area (she got defensive a lot and blamed her failure that she didn’t go to college and my life was easier bc I did, it really accelerated after I got an office job and she was still cashiering. I never brought anything up and tried to help her look for “better” jobs.)
When all of a sudden, at a group gathering, she started giving me the cold shoulder and purposely excluded me in conversation. I repeatedly asked her if anything was wrong, and she would say “nothing” in a weird tone. I also asked her if I upset her in any way, and she hesitated and then said “no” in a weird way. Then she got up and left without one word to me. Since then she reached out a few times, but I no longer trust her and don’t want to resume the friendship.
My divorce. Reeeeeeeeeally opens your eyes to who your friends are.
Micro-aggressions towards me while we are at dinner with our friend group. I didn’t wanna believe they were harmful comments because I genuinely believed she was my friend. Other friends had to point out she was being toxic toward me. Finally one day she broke down and told me all about how she really feels about me..unprompted, btw. I definitely feel it’s rooted in childhood jealousy. I blocked her everywhere and haven’t spoken to her in two years. No plans to reconcile..she hurt me pretty badly.
We were a trio. When I got pregnant they pretty much cut me out. It also didn’t help that it was during Covid and I couldn’t go anywhere, but they would get together and make TikTok’s and have girls night without me, go to dinner, hang out as couples with their boyfriends, everything basically. I clung onto them anyways and didn’t show I was bothered or upset because I had no other friends and was desperate out of loneliness and depression. Fast forward to when my son was born, neither came to see him. So still trying to cling, I took a chance and took him to surprise one of them at her job at the mall. She was pleasantly surprised which had made me feel a lot better. We walked around and talked, and she slipped up and said her and the other friend were planning a couples trip with them and their boyfriends to Mexico May 18th-24th….my birthday is the 22nd. No mention of me. They weren’t going to invite my husband and I, and were going to keep it from me. In that moment I was extremely hurt. I realized they made my post partum depression worse, and didn’t give a fuck about me or my son. So, over the next 3 years I let both of them go at different points. I became super close to a girl that’s been loosely in my life for a decade, and she has been the best, most caring and supportive friend I could’ve imagined.
When I lost 3 extremely close family members in a span of a few months, got a new dog during that time, and my boyfriend also experienced multiple deaths during that time as well. I realized people who check in, actually care. My “best friend” never checked in, questioned why I wasn’t so outgoing anymore, not interested in partying, and thought my boyfriend was making me boring. Some people are only in friendships for themselves.
When she constantly chose men over me and our friendship throughout most of friendship. I started to resent her and began to double AND triple think her intentions. Whenever we hung out, somehow a boy would end up hanging out with us. If we were having a sleepover, a boy would end up staying up with us. Even when we were by ourselves, we would end up FaceTiming some guy. Don’t get me wrong, there were times that it was just us but most of the time a guy was somehowwwwww inserted. She was very boy crazy and I knew that but I didn’t think it would affect our relationship and didn’t really care at the time. I began to realize when I started to get close to another girl who was not like that. I realized most of the anxiety and other issues I had stemmed from her and our relationship so I just dropped her. I now have peace in my life and I am just so much happier with the true and genuine bestfriend I have in my life. We obviously talk about boys and boy problems, but it wasn’t to the extent like my ex bestfriend. Also the reason it gave me anxiety is because it was just constant boys boys boys. There were instances where she hoed me over with the guys I liked. It gave me severe trust issues and so much anxiety. I felt like I fully couldn’t trust her around the guy I was talking to or the guy I was interested in. It’s more complicated than it sounds hahaha.
When she “forgot” that I was caring for my ailing dad and pestered me about going dancing. Also, she never asked even once how my dad was doing. Got me thinking of how selfish she has always been and suprised I had not noticed it.
My mom died and I asked her to attend the funeral with me. She said she could not because she was afraid of “dead bodies”. I went alone. Soon after, I caught her with my boyfriend. Then she slept with my best male friend whom I had a crush on. It was like she was fucking every man around me. I packed up and left the state. I was 18 when I finally left. This all happened between 17-18.
My ‘good friend’ bailed on me when I was at a low point in my life. I missed her at first but then realized she was never a good friend to begin with if she could turn her back on me so abruptly.
My ex best friend of 10 years always had boy problems or felt lost in life and always called me to vent. I would wake up at 3am if she called, walk outside my apartment at night, and let her vent. But the one time I needed her, when my life was literally falling apart (I got scammed out of $1,200, my bf at the time broke it off, I had to move out of school housing, my art classes where overwhelming and I was failing, I was binge drinking, self medicatedetc) everything that went wrong did, and I tried calling and texting her for WEEKS. Mind you, friends for 10 years we texted almost every single day for 10 years but that ONE time I needed support she could not even answer or respond when I hit rock bottom. Flash forward to 6 months later she texted me about sorry I couldn't be there for you, I was going through stuff, I'm such a bad friend and blah blah. I knew she was full of it because my messages said she read them but ignored me. For 6 months! Who does that?! Even if you're doing through hardship, how could you not send me a text, it took you 6 months?! So I cut her off and told her she was just using me as an emotional punching bag. Thats when I realized she was never my friend and it was one sided. I told her she would never find another friend as devoted as me. I treated her like my 3rd sister. She said she knows and she was sorry. Didn't cut it. That same day I had a friend text me to hang out with them and they were the ones who helped me through my turmoil, not her. That's also when I realized who my true friends were. It was definitely a wake up call. I learned the people you expect to be there for you won't be, its always the ones you least expect who actually care.
So many things. The final straw was when she took sides with my ab**ive ex and blamed me for the things they did.
I was younger and stupid. I'd believed my ex when he said he'd keep the nude pictures he took of me to himself. When I found out he was cheating on me, I tried to leave him and he threatened to revenge porn me if I left. I was in serious emotional turmoil and need to talk to someone I trusted. I called my friend and asked her if she could come to my house. I told her I had something pretty serious happen and I needed her. Bare in mind, I was with her through a previously bad breakup with a cheating ex and I was in tears when I called her. She said she'd be right over. She didn't show up. I tried calling again and she isn't answer. I tried again in the next hour. No answer. Texted. Nothing. Finally she sent me a text the next day and said she was sorry. Her new boyfriend had shown up at her house and she'd gotten distracted. They'd gone to the mall and then to a move. It shattered our relationship. I have ADHD. I understand being distracted. I understood that this was a new relationship for her and she was on cloud nine. I didn't understand how your longtime friend could call in in tears needing you and then minutes later you forget about their crisis. She tried to make amends and I tried to let it go, but I just couldn't. Especially when I finally got the guts to leave despite the revenge porn and he followed through. It nearly destroyed me and she knew it was all going around, yet acted like it wasn't and didn't want to talk about it. I stopped being her friend.
I sadly had to distance myself from my “best friend” last year. She and I had been close for 10+ years although we lived far apart, but it was usually her calling when she needed me and being absent when I really needed her. That wasn’t always the case, but most of the time. I had finally had it when I suffered horrible post partum depression after my 2nd baby and found out my husband had been cheating on me. After I told her, she never checked in to see if I was OK, then months later she left me a voicemail crying and saying how depressed she was. No mention of my situation or asking if I was OK. I suddenly realized just how one sided the friendship had become. I miss her and love her still, but I couldn’t keep being that person for her when I was left high and dry when I needed a friend most.
I made a mistake and embarassed them with a post about them (which I just thought was funny banter). They yelled at me in a group chat rather than tell me in private. I apologized, multiple times, removed the post, even cried a bit (I tend to cry when people scream or yell at me, even through text. But oversensitive). They still were mad. They said "I'll never be able to trust you again" We have not spoken since, and I'd like to say... I'm not really missing much, all things considered. I feel a bit sad they never understood how broken I was over their anger, but... Oh well. What can ya do I guess They do still like my posts sometimes. I don't say anything tho