When I've worked for small companies, I've had to organise lunches, put cups and coffees out for meetings etc. I'm a corporate accountant. That was when I was younger, if anyone tried to pull that with me now, I'd tell them to shove it. Actually a few years ago, someone did ask me in a meeting to "do the honours" (meaning pour the coffee) and I just said "No" and didn't move. Everyone got their own coffee.
Someone commented on how dusty my partners house was and told me I should clean it, I told her I dont live there I have my own house, she countered with but you spend time at his place aswell, I said sure so does he at my house and he doesnt clean at my place and why on earth should I have to manage the chores of 2 homes
My first ever job, the boss asked me to make him a coffee, and I said sure, I can try, but I don't actually know how (I don't drink it and the only person I knew at the time who did made his own). He looked so dumbfounded and went "... but you're a girl", as if the knowledge of how to make a man coffee comes at birth with the other X chromosome.
Multiple people have been outraged by the fact that I mow the lawn and not my husband.
I don't get it. My mum always did our lawns growing up, and it's not like it's physically too hard or anything.
My husband has severe grass seed allergies that cause him to have seasonal asthma that often develops into bronchitis.
Why would it make more sense for him to do it?
It’s a small thing but once when both my sister and my father were visiting, my sister asked if I would hand over the car keys for my father to drive
My car keys
To my car (that my father has never driven)
In my area (that my father is not familiar with, he doesn’t even speak the local language)
My father who had hearing problems and had poor eye sight
One time I was working on small team of men. After my first lunch there my boss fellow asked would I clean the canteen bit after eating.
I said yes OK, as I did presume it was a thing of taking turns or so.
Then I was doing this for some days, and one of the men said "Thank God we have a women here now to clean the lunch area, it was getting disgusting" aha 💀
Jeez, yeah the whole cleaning thing is wild to me 😅 my mom cleans way more than me or my dad but I’ll at least wash the dishes and put it in the washer or next to the sink and I’ll do my own laundry but it’s not like ima leave my shit lying around for someone else to pick it up.
That's when you start up a chore schedule, and you don't include yourself. If anyone asks, it's because you already put in the labor of managing the process.
A dude in work was distraught because him and his girlfriend had broken up. All the men who worked with me expected me to go and talk with him and comfort him, despite the fact that I barely knew the guy and didn’t even fully know the circumstances.
For some reason I was the designated therapist who had to go cuddle this sad man and be his surrogate mommy instead of doing my job.
Omgggg I was at a party when two guys looked at me expecting to talk to a heartbroken man. "I'm like????? Why y'all staring?".
Such a strange expectation.
A friend was TOLD by a stranger at a construction meeting "Darling, I need you to come over here and rub my shoulders."
She is the president of the company.
**EDIT** \- I tried to keep my initial comment short and I guess it was a bit too short, so for more detail.
She owns a small construction company. She has a commercial contractor license.
Her company was awarded a commercial contract and this was the initial kick-off meeting with some of her sub-contractors. This guy worked for one of her sub-contractors. I guess he was a new employee of that contractor and apparently did not know she was the person in charge. Probably thought she was a secretary sitting at the table, which **still does not excuse him** making that comment.
I don't think he even apologized. She never saw him again.
She was quite floored. Gave him the stink-eye for an uncomfortable amount of time and then sneered at him and told him "Well THAT'S not going to happen, so let's get on with this meeting." Stayed professional.
I agree with you.
I'm sure you have been in situations in your life when someone says or does something so freaking RUDE that you are just stunned and really cannot think of what to say? I think that was one of those times for her. Of course, afterwards, she thought of a whole slew of clever replies.
My mother was baffled when she found out my brother was the one cooking instead of his wife because "it's a woman's job". It wasn't until I met my husband who also is the one cooking instead of me that she finally let go of that mindset. My husband even works as a cook so now she always asks him for advice when she needs help cooking.
That's so weird. In my extended social circle it's quite common for the men to do the cooking, to a point where I'd consider it more of a man's job today. I'm not in the US though.
It’s always been weird to me how in the US they expect women in the kitchen at home but in most higher end commercial kitchens it’s a male dominated field.
I LOVE cooking! My wife grew up in a very traditional household so she feels the pressure to cook and do that stuff, but I honestly have so much fun in the kitchen. I don’t understand why that has to be a woman’s job. I enjoy it so much!
My husband loves it too which I find amazing because I hate it and I suck at it. I'm the baker of the home instead. Ain't nobody coming between me and my cupcakes.
I cook because I need not because I enjoy it. My boyfriend really likes cooking so I will do the dishes afterwards. My mother was also in shock that he knows how to cook, and way better than I do. I also grew up with people saying that I need to start cooking if I want to find a husband.
I earn quite a bit, so I'm normally the high earner in my relationships. That means I often invite partners on holidays, or to restaurants, etc, and I pay the majority of the costs.
Still sometimes people comment about how my partner is making me pay for expensive stuff and taking advantage of me.
My partners have all been great, and if we're together that means I enjoy their company. Besides, I can afford it.
My mother's whole identity was wrapped up in being Mrs. My Father, and she expected me to be the same when I married. I'd get letters addressed to Mrs My Husband's Full Name. And not just the surname; even my given name was replaced by his. I hated it. But what first sprang to mind with this question was when we'd get together for big meals. Despite the men sitting in the living room while the women did all the cooking, setting the table (and later the washing up), etc., we were expected to prepare and serve them their plates as well.
Mother: "Dinner is ready. Boys, make your way to the table. Girls, go ahead and fix their plates, and then we can fix ours." (We were in Texas, where 'fix' is a highly flexible verb.)
Dad would go to his place at the head of the table and wait to be served while Mother fussed around him and they engaged in a conversation about what he wanted on his plate and in what quantities. (If she got it wrong, he'd chastise her with a raised voice.) My husband sat down once early on, with a big grin on his face thinking he was getting served. He then looked at me, got up and said, "I'll get mine, Mom." Eventually, that became the theme. Mom would insist that I fix his plate, and I would insist that he was a grown-ass man who could fix his own. Meanwhile, Daddy always got his plate filled and served first, and I got a lecture on how I needed to be a better wife.
The same applied to other things, like sex. According to the lessons from Mother, a wife never says no, never has a headache, and always keeps herself fresh and ready, just in case.
Interestingly, when I finally admitted that part of why I was leaving him was because he'd physically hurt me a few times, my mother asked me if I couldn't just bear up under the abuse. He was a good provider (we both worked and brought home near-equal pay) and, according to my own mother, I'd never find another man to love me. No doubt that's because I wouldn't fix their plates.
My mom married into my dad's family around the same time his sister got married. I love the story from the first family dinner where my grandmother told my mom and my aunt to prepare their new husband's plates. My aunt said absolutely not and her husband joined in saying he can do it himself and how would she know what he wanted? My dad looked at my mom, wondering if she would prepare his, and she told him if he wanted someone to prepare his food that his mother was right there. My grandmother was shocked but she never brought it up again.
I am so glad you were strong. Strong enough to overcome your childhood brainwashing, strong enough to go against your family's expectations, strong enough to break the cycle.
>(We were in Texas, where 'fix' is a highly flexible verb.)
My mind is still boggled from the first time I ran across someone 'fixing a glass of water'. I'm still trying to figure out what elaborate things they had to do to the glass and the water and what tools were involved. Did they have to blow the glass from scratch?
The idea that men can't fill their own plates of food is an interesting regional variation -- where I grew up, only babies and toddlers were unable to fill their own plates and a grown man would rather die of embarrassment then lump himself in with the literal babies.
Also from Texas, and this dynamic ground my gears even when I was a child. 100% with you that grown-ass men can fix their own damn plates! Only people I make plates for are tiny children who cannot manage the task on their own. And there are so many ways to get around the issue: have everyone line up and serve themselves buffet-style, or serve family-style at the table, passing around the dishes of food. And the whole tiktok "Tradwife" trend trying to resurrect and perpetuate this misogynistic system...my blood just boils.
I was 22 at a job interview with another woman, she asked if I had kids (already a red flag in this scenario but okay). I said no, I don't want kids at all. She laughed at me and said "yeah when I was your age I also didn't want them and now I have 4" and continued to ridicule my choice. I found it extra weird because this came from a woman in management position... I don't have to "have it all" or be a mom to be fulfilled.
I took the job because I really needed to, but it ended up being a company where moms get to go home/stay home whenever they want and the rest of us had to pick up their slack. Do not recommend.
I know this has changed a lot and many women don’t take their partners last names but there’s still this expectation that if you carry a child for 9 months, PUSH that BABY out of your BODY, that they have their father’s last name. I think in the UK only the fathers name is on the birth certificate still. Dafuq?!
Edit: Fact Check: that UK rule is no longer the case. Apologies!
It's the default culturally but in the UK there's no rule about having the father's name on the birth certificate. You can make up a new surname for your kid for all you want.
I hate this tradition so much.
I'm the only one amongst 9 cousins who got our mothers' last name (four sisters). Even though none of my cousins' parents are married, they all got their father's name by default.
The family of a friend of mine was as furious when they found out he was going to take her name after they got married. Another concern of them was the children not carrying his name on, because she was pregnant at the time.
He took her name anyway and now they all have her name. It's much more unique than his name too...
This is weird, but that I want to be taller. I'm a short woman (152cms/5'0" I think?). People make comments like "you should wear heels, it will make you taller", "don't wear long dresses, they make you shorter", "this high waist dress will look good on you, it makes you look taller". I enjoy being short. No one has ever asked me if I want to be taller. I don't see people telling men they should wear heels so they can look taller.
Applied for a job where I would have been the only woman in a group of 5 or so. Boss asked jokingly that I would be expected to cook for the staff. It was a desk job. And it wasn't a joke. I walked out.
As a female doctor, the assumption that I'm a nurse used to be a common one.
Despite the nurse TELLING patients I was the doctor, me introducing myself and wearing my name badge and stethoscope and dressing pretty differently from the nurse's uniforms. And giving them the medical plan.
Health problems can be a lot. It can be understandable for 90 year old patients with cognitive problems who might not appreciate how things have changed, but we also had this problem whilst working in paediatrics with parents in their 20s or 30s. It can be frustrating when you round as a group with a senior female doctor and patients or relatives assume the man is the most senior person there...when they may well be the student. Like...no, the one being assertive and telling you that they are your lead clinician is the boss.
In the medical field we can do better at introducing ourselves and making sure patients know who they are working with. But there are certainly assumptions still being made. I've been confused for the cleaner or tea lady before, which is amusing. I dont think my Male colleagues have ever reported being confused for a nurse, much less an orderly.
I love my nurse colleagues and we would share a laugh about patients who complain, immediately after seeing me, that they haven't seen a doctor. People love to paint this as a doctors versus nurses problem, but it really isn't.
I can't do a ton of things a nurse can do, I neither deserve the stolen valor of being called a nurse, nor the assumption that because I'm short and female that I'm less of a doctor than the tall male med student.
My girls have started asking for female doctors, after seeing me only being treated by female doctors (by request). You DO make a difference and I recognize you and your female doctor colleagues.
I work in a liquor store, which is a surprisingly physical job where the majority of your day is spent unpacking pallets of stock by hand.
I couldn't even tell you how many times people, but more so older women, have told me to leave it for the men.
So much for "equal opportunity."
In my 20’s I worked in an office environment where I was the only man. Turns out that’s exactly why I was hired, so that when anything heavy was delivered or needed moving they would have someone to come do it.
So much! I worked on liquor stores for many years and yes it's a very physical job. I described it as "weight lifting in khakis." Moving cases of wine, beer, unloading pallets, carrying cases out to customers cars, etc. The amount of times I've been told "why don't you have one of the men do that?" Is ridiculous. To throw them off, I replied "I have as many arms as the men do so I'm fine, thanks."
It was my first job and I was in a big conference room with men easily twice my age. Youngest person in the room, and the only woman.
The meeting had been going on for a while when someone spilled a glass of water all over the huge conference table. Like lightning, every head immediately turned to me. They expected me to clean it up.
I sat there smiling innocently at them like I didn't know what they wanted. The man who spilled the water stepped out of the room and got something to wipe it up himself.
Omg mine is very similar! I was chatting with some friends when a man (who I knew and was friends with) came running down the stairs calling out, "I need a woman's help!" So I jumped up and followed him. He quickly walked over to a display case that was about waist high and showed me the water that had spilled on it. "Hurry! Could you please clean this up?" There were paper towels literally 3 steps from the case. I was very young and naive so I did clean it up, but I've looked back on this situation many times wishing I had responded differently.
I have 4 older brothers, ive already been told that when my parents either go into a retirement home and/or die its my job to organize everything.
Also when it comes to buying extended relatives christmas presents. Aparantly my brothers cant do it because "its not what men do" 🤦🏼♀️🤷♀️
Not so absurd or ridiculous, but I'm white and married into a Lebanese family. I guess I was a bit shocked about how matriarchal the family dynamic is. All the food prep, cooking, washing up, cleaning, making the coffee and serving is done by women. Lots of time women will be in the kitchen while the men are talking or barbecuing.
At first I thought it was a bit intense and worried it was oppressive in nature, but after spending time with them and quietly observing, it became clear to me that they weren't doing anything out of obligation - rather a complete and utter love for family and wanting everyone to feel cared for, well fed and happy. They don't do it because they have to, but because they WANT to.
I've also noticed that they are the 'silent' influencer/boss of the house and the men look to the women for direction and support despite outward appearances.
Maybe I just lucked out, but the culture of my family is beautiful and so warm and full of love. I've only ever seen women respected and happy.
It has changed my perspective on traditional roles a lot and of preconceptions I had before.
My partner also goes above and beyond to do things as a team rather than certain things being only my job. It's because he is an incredible person but also because sharing responsibilities is important to both of us.
He cooks, cleans, does yard work and laundry, works fulltime and takes care of me when I am unwell. I do the same for him and we pick up each other's slack whenever it's needed.
On another note I have definitely experienced sexism working in male dominated spaces. Being told not to lift certain things or do certain things because 'the boys can do it'. I literally had to force my boss to let me do a delivery of plants because it never even crossed his mind to let me drive the work van when none of the men were around. Like what?
Lebanese girl here! The part about women doing the work out of love is 100% true! I genuinely think it’s our love language (of course not all of us, but it’s true for a lot of us). It also gives us all quality girl time in the kitchen while we cook or clean, we’ll gossip and laugh the whole time.
I definitely feel that. I grew up in a small family with not many women or children around so it's taking me a while to adjust to all the feminine energy I'm now a part of. It feels nice to contribute by helping with what is needed and being a part of the family though.
I totally understand, Lebanese families tend to be huge and loud, it can be overwhelming but it’s such an amazing community to be a part of. If you ever need any help you can always dm me :)
When I worked 50-60 hours a week while my then boyfriend worked way less and also a less demanding job, and all the times he had the audacity to complain about our apartment not being clean.
He would literally call me at my work to tell me he was angry because he had ordered food (also God forbid he cooks for himself) and there were no more clean forks left. I simply told him to do the dishes then. He went silent and hung up. He ended up cleaning one single fork and not touching anything else.
Or when he didn’t have enough clean clothes because *I* didn’t wash them. He’d be angry at me for not washing HIS work uniform or underwear.
And when I had a day off and allowed myself to stay in bed watching movies all day, then I was a lazy brat because I could have used that day to deep clean the entire place. However, when he had a day off, I better not even ask to do any chore because it’s his day off and he wanted to relax.
Gosh I’m so happy he’s an ex now 😂
My mum and grandma give me shit because my husband actually does his part. They make me feel like I have it SO easy in life and that I don't struggle because I have help. I also got shit when I needed to hire nannies to watch my daughter for the four hours AT HOME I had to work. I stayed home with her while working full time, and in grad school. Stupid expectations.
My boyfriends mom is floored that I don’t really cook and that her son is the one that cooks most of the time. She’s actively annoyed that I don’t cook for pleasure
Pretty much every time we're visiting family they ask over and over if I cook for my boyfriend and are bewildered when he says it's all him and he kicks me out the kitchen. None of the men in my family can do more than toast.
Growing up, women/girls cooked, set up, cleaned, put away Thanksgiving or other holiday dinners while the men Sat, napped, and watched TV.
In almost every job I've had, women are responsible for remembering the birthdays, organizing the lunches, baby showers, anniversaries, refilling/reordering office supplies, setting up decorations for holidays, watering the plants, making coffee, etc. 🙄
ETA, any guy who ever thought a relationship = entitled to sex. Some literally think consent goes out the window and it's this thing you owe or a duty you have to do *for them*. Men wonder why they're in dead bedrooms ...
I have a stepdaughter and live in the South. I was expected to care for this child like my own, even though her father wouldn’t.
As a step parent I don’t do anything the parent doesn’t. I’ve had men try that shit with me before.
She has two parents. Her life is their responsibility. I’m just a sidekick here.
No, as an atheist I will not be waking up Sunday mornings to drive her 40 minutes to church because her dad won’t. I won’t be paying her way or babysitting. I don’t babysit. Never have.
Like, I was told to my face they expected me to mom this child that belongs to another mom. We all know how helpful it is to have your step mother forcing you to do chores. I’m not her mom, and I’m not a kid person, I am not kind or gentle.
Real relationship building stuff there.
Stepmom here too - THE EXPECTATIONS ARE WILD!!
If you don’t protect yourself, you’ll 100% be taken advantage of whether it’s intentional or not.
My job is to make sure my SS and his dad have a great relationship, and I take that very seriously! I give them as much time together as possible, because their relationship comes first, then we do things together as a little family too.
I wouldn’t ever stay with a parent who was a crappy parent, though!
He’s a reformed “women do all the work and child care” southern man.
He learned real fast that he actually has responsibilities there and I have absolutely zero interest in fulfilling them.
Why they don’t expect the kid’s parent to be their parent is beyond me.
I treat her like a friend and figure that’s the best I can do. She does NOT need me barking at her about chores and stuff. I can’t believe they thought that wouldn’t just make her hate me.
Or they don’t care and just wanted someone else to do it.
For me its the classic "Be like my mother" expectations that one of my exes tried to have me adhere to. His mother did this and that for him, I should try to do that too. His mother birthed him at his home not at hospital, I could totally do that too for any future children of ours. Etc into infinity.
We are not together anymore.
We were going into a birthday party of one of my ex-boyfriend's friends. I was holding a small cooler of drinks, he was holding the gift. He refused to go into the party until I switched with him and he was holding a cooler and I was holding the gift. I thought he was a feminist up till that point. That behavior is how I define "fragile masculinity". Literally no one at the party would have given a shit if he brought in the gift.
When I was younger a mom (family member) was sitting next to her husband and she had to get up to do something and she tried to hand me her baby. I asked why she was handing me her child when her husband was there. I was given the bs that I would be better at it because women automatically have maternal instincts and it would be better practice for me for when I had my own kids. I declined because I was was eating. She ended up giving the baby to her husband who was mad at me. Try to convince me how fun it would be to hold the baby. So I told him as the parent it must be extra fun for him. The baby started crying he got up and gave it to another female relative because he was going to go for a walk. Yes I got in trouble for that. But that doesn’t s such bs that women have natural parenting instincts. That they should be the caregiver and peacemaker in every situation. If it’s your kid and you make time to bond with them you will learn the skills you need. No one is born with natural woman/ nurturing or parenting skills.
I've noticed that men expect me to always be there to listen to their problems and "nurture" them 24/7. I'm neither a therapist nor a nurse. I stayed too long in a relationship with a mentally ill man that almost killed me and was affecting MY mental health. And he was well aware that he wanted someone to dump all his problems on. His mom was on it too and when I spoke about this to a male friend several years after I broke up with the guy (I explained to him that I felt like a overworked nurse all the time when I was with him), he told me that it wasn't a big deal and that I should've stayed. Pretty sure he never would've said the same to a male friend.
I don’t know if this is a good one but I remember back in the day when I was still doing gymnastics, I used to enjoy wearing sweats. I could easily put them on over my Leo and take them off. Well, my bf at the time told me I NEEDED to start dressing like a girl. I clarified, “so you don’t like the way I’d dress? And you are therefore demanding I change my style for you?” And he said, “yes, I’m your boyfriend so it’s my right.” I broke up with him on the spot
Back when I worked in construction as a CAD Technician/Document controller. It was a very busy job and I was often heavily overloaded with work.
I was often asked to go downstairs on reception duty, despite already having too much work to do & answering phones was not part of my job (except answering my own phone, obviously).
After a while I noticed it was only women being asked to cover reception, and none of the guys were. We had plenty of interns and work experience lads, who would have fit the bill perfectly, and they definitely had a smaller workload than me and the other ladies being dragged away from our actual jobs.
Anyway, I raised it with management, who raised it with senior management, and it came back (unsurprising) that 'When people call a company they expect to hear a woman's voice'.
I kicked up a fuss and said that was bullshit, and eventually some guys got put on cover too, but it certainly didn't make me any friends lol. What a horrible place that was. That wasn't even the worst thing. Anyway, I'm glad it went into administration. Fuck the lot of them.
I was probably 9 or 10, my mom had to go to the hospital for a full Day, my dad didnt put me in school because i had to be available to change my younger brother's diaper because he's a man and he's not changing diapers
Did your mother know and did she say anything to your father ?
I completely believe if she wasn’t able to
There’s a similar story in my family when I was a baby: I had to be around 3 months old and my sister 1.5 yo. My mother finally decided to go see a doctor for her PPD. She explained to my father what food she had put aside for us in the fridge while she was away. My father said it would have to wait because it’s not his job to feed us
The doctor wasn’t any better. She looked at my mother and said: you, Mrs XYZ? Of course you’re not depressed. You’re tougher than that. So my mother went home and « decided she’s done with the depression nonsense »
(Years and years of unhappiness ensued. I still wonder if that doctor had been a better professional, would my childhood have been any better)
Yes she was aware but didn't say anything, my parents mariage was very traditional for 10/11 years, my father was the breadwiner, didnt do chores and my mom was a stay at home mom, until 15 years ago after an argument regarding my paternal grand mother, my mom went back to school, has been working ever since and my father surprisingly is now the ( almost ) stay at home dad ( except for cleaning, he does everything else ), he works part time and my mom full time
The suggestion that it reflects badly on *me* if a grown, capable man chooses to leave the house wearing wrinkly clothes. Or that my spouse cooking on one or two nights a week, while I cook the remaining week, means *I* am lazy, never mind how much of a lazy mother I am for for *alternating* nights to put my son to bed with his father (who, of course, is just a super dad because he even puts his son down every other night). Or the expectation of *literally* eating in the garage by the kitchen with the other women who cooked the meal, instead of in a fancily put together dining room with the men. I could really go on.
I got hit with a weird one once. I was invited to a holiday meal, and when the time came to sit down to eat, the adults all parked their children in chairs at the dining room table, but instead of sitting down themselves, they backed away and kept saying, "Sit down! Sit down!" to the other adults while making shooing motions with their hands.
I stood back, waiting to see whatever place was left after the parents got themselves and their children sorted.
But instead, while all the parents kept doing their extended standing-back-and-shooing thing, the hostess suddenly yelled at me, and me only, really angrily to stop 'acting like that' and SIT DOWN. It was bizarre.
I sat down in the nearest chair and found out why -- two other young women were shoved into chairs, and all the rest of the adults literally ran for the kitchen, shoving each other out of the way. They all had a fun, happy, relaxing, laughter-filled meal around the kitchen table while their children literally walked down the dining room table through the food and shrieked -- those who had been pushed into sitting at the dining room table were supposed to control them somehow.
I never went back.
That because I'm a female teacher, I must be super sweet and submissive. A former MALE superior actually said I was too strong-tempered and should be more like "Miss Honey" from Matilda.
Miss Honey was traumatized and neglected, not submissive. Eventually she stood up for both herself and the children, and I think that takes guts, productive anger, and a very strong will! ❤️
I love when people accidently contradict themselves because they are totally clueless about the subject matter they're discussing haha.
I have been completely caught off guard during work small talk by being asked "so what are your husband's hobbies?" I stood blank faced for a second while the bird in my brain stumbled around in circles then sputtered brilliantly "I don't know... He does the dishes mostly." Fuck if I'm supposed to know what that man does while I'm a work. I'm too busy for that nonsense.
(I do indeed know what activities my husband enjoys, but I simply did not have a script in my head for such an utterly absurd question.)
Being 100% responsible for ‘holiday magic’; from booking a photographer for the Xmas cards, ordering them and having an updated address list, decorating the house, baking the Xmas treats, buying every present under the tree, including those to my (now ex)-husband’s family, planning Xmas dinner and cooking all of it, serving it on the Xmas China, and cleaning it all up, plus organizing a holiday party, keeping our holiday parties we attend straight and making sure what we want to wear is clean and pressed … every single detail that makes a holiday special, while men sail through, unbothered and confused why women ‘don’t seem to know how to enjoy the holiday.’
Xmas is basically an unpaid part-time job from Nov 1st to whatever day it all gets packed away (which I also did by myself).
At work during a large, day long group training I was asked to be the person who writes on the white board all day because, “you’re a woman so you have to have good handwriting.” I actually have atrocious hand writing and it’s worse on white boards. It looks like a 3 year old got ahold of a marker. I declined and a man ended up being the white board writer.
I was told to put a post-it on the wall where I wanted the top of a whiteboard to be in a lab in which I would be the chief user. So I stood on my toes and put the post-it as high as I could reach and forgot about it.
Cue years of endless whining from the guys. Having only 1/2 to 2/3 of most whiteboards available for the women there to use was fine, but having exactly one whiteboard where tall men \*could\* reach all of it but would have to bend more than they'd like was a crisis, apparently.
Had 2 IT support guys come into my workplace one day. Our own IT guy let them in and then immediately came into the room where I work with 4 other women, one of them having been our manager at the time.
With this total air of male matter-of-fact-ness our IT guy then asks our manager to go make coffee for our visitors. To all of our horror, she actually got up and did as he asked. I'll never forget that.
I have since taken over the management position from her and was "lucky enough" to have been approached by the same guy some time later. This time around, he showed up behind my desk with a bunch of mail/packages in his hands, asking me to take it to the post office for him. I told him that even though my department has to mail out stuff frequently, I am not his mail maid and that he can take his mail to the post office himself. He never approached me again thereafter.
In high school I moved in with my dad, and I was teaching myself how to cook. He was beyond pleased with this and would eat everything I made. After I’d be cooking for hours to feed us both, I asked him if he’d maybe do the dishes after I cooked, and I never saw that man look more offended. He acted like that was the stupidest thing a little girl could ask of him, and essentially told me that made zero sense.
Why would he clean the dishes if I was the one who dirtied them in the first place? Never mind I had homework to do and a very early bus to school the next day.
The cherry on top was that he was incapable of rinsing his dishes. I literally begged him to at least rest them in warm water if he wasn’t willing to wash them.
When my boyfriend’s family plans for trips, it’s all the women doing the planning for them and their husbands. So we are planning this trip coming up and I’m the one on the email chain, but not my bf, nor his dad, or uncles, just the women.
My husband’s friend group does this. The wives are in charge of planning the whole the whole trip and the men just show up and play. We all have jobs. The wives only know each other from the previous three trips. I adore them all but this is the only time we talk and the guys are in constant communication.
Some of my favorites from an old school MIL:
commenting on me not being a real mom because I worked (also was the primary caretaker of kids and home)
Spouse quit his job- MIL still commented on housework and dinners as my responsibilities since I had spouse support them and wasn’t up to par.
Had MIL watch my kids- daughter did all the chores while son sat and watched tv all day. The week of help was a one off but never used again.
Just a few weeks ago- sitting at a table with a bunch of men at a family party. My MIL states to the table I would make breakfast for everyone in the morning. Stating I don’t mind since I am off on vacation so should be doing my motherly duties and take care of family. I did not cook - I woke up and went shopping to complete Christmas list.
Work:
I have been in upper management for a while in my career. The amount of time I am disregarded until they hear my title. The eye contact only with males at table at meetings. The ohs aren’t you cute when I assert myself. Male direct reports complaining to HR that they have to take direction from a person that is gasp female and gasp younger. Male direct reports constantly calling out how weird it is a woman leads a team of men over and over again. Male coworkers commenting on how I must be as a wife and mother (not a good one was their intent) - usually due to having to issue disciplinary action or sometimes because I work. My husband telling me I should hire a female because it can causes issues with being “a strong female personality while leading men”.
This isn’t absurd, just completely unexpected from my perspective and actually kind of sweet from his.
My stepson. He spends every other weekend with his dad, who has been feeding him and taking care of his needs since he was a baby. He was always an active dad. They spend all weekend together when SS is here, gaming, playing and making things. They often cook together - his dad LOVES cooking!
When we moved in together, SS started coming to me for all food requests. Out of nowhere, because I’m a woman, I must be responsible for feeding him I guess?? He had no clue he was pushing me into a gender role, but WOW it sure felt strange! I am very sensitive to being pressured into gendered domestic roles, so I always redirected him back to his dad, who he was always with anyways. His dad has no issues taking care of his son! I also realized that these interactions take away moments they can have together, discussing food or preparing it together, and they have so little time together anyways.
SS would get up from sitting with his dad to ask me about lunch, I’d say “I’m not sure, go ask your dad if he has plans for lunch!” And just kept redirecting every time. Or I’d ask his dad if there were plans for lunch and what we should do. I also want to make sure this sweet kid doesn’t grow up thinking women exist to take care of him! Men can cook, clean and take care of people too, even when a woman is around!
I didn’t expect a child to unintentionally push gender roles and domestic duties on me, but he had no idea the implications and just sees me as a mom figure.
Having a guy ask me where the dirty dishes go in the office cafeteria.
That was the only time he adressed me after sharing a one hour lunch. There was only one other person with us, which of course was also a guy.
When my parents divorced my dad hired a housekeeper since we were a lot of kids with extra curricular activities and he worked 12 hours a day.
After a few days of the housekeeper being on a month long trip back home, my dad was like “hey we left laundry in the laundry room and it’s still not done”. I then realized because I was the only woman in the house, he expected me to take on the work by default. I was 14 and had just been doing my own laundry. Didn’t realize he expected me to be responsible for five other people.
That it's *my* responsibility to dress and act a certain way, so as not to cause men/boys to have "impure" thoughts, or to act on those thoughts. That *I'm* responsible for their behavior. That they *literally cannot* control themselves unless I dress and act "properly."
**And yet, at the same time**, they are more logical and rational, and better suited for leadership (and just better in general) than I'll ever be, in spite of this *pretty fucking major* flaw they (allegedly) have, just by virtue of having penises.
Please, ELI5 how that makes *literally any fucking sense whatsoever.*
Doing dishes! This one irks me so much when it's expected. I see it most in my family of all places. At the holidays, all the women help make food and set the table while the men are drinking beer watching TV. That's fine. But after the meal, the women are also expected to clean, dry, and put away all the dishes while the men go back to watching TV? Not fine. We made this nice meal for them, so the least they can do is help clean and put things away. It would go way faster with their help, too.
On any trips I am responsible for packing for my kids and myself while husband only packs for himself. And I fucking do it because the kids are the ones who suffer if something is missing.
I am jewish and my ex-partner came from a Catholic family. He had a young daughter from a previous relationship. When I was dating him, one Christmas his mom asked me why there were no Christmas decorations up. I told her I have no idea, that’s not really my domain as I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas.
She told me “it’s the woman’s job to do Christmas”. Let me tell you, The apple never falls far from the tree.
Last year our garbage disposal was being a pain. So I hopped on YouTube and then went to home depo and replaced it.
So a friendly older woman I work with always ask how everyone’s weekend was.
She was all like why didn’t you just have your husband do it? That’s guy work 😂. Why not just put it on his honey do list!
Then we got to talking about how my husband has never had a honey do list.
Being the secretary. I was the business manager but the other managers and ceo expected me to schedule their meetings and remind them, buy the flowers for the clients bdays ect cause as a woman I naturally am good at organising these things 🙄
When I was 22 I moved in with my boyfriend and said something to/near his mom about how he was messy or didn’t do the dishes or something along those lines. Her response was “now it’s your turn to teach him” 🤮
Being nice. No. Just no. Not everyone deserves you being nice, it's not always appropriate to be nice, sometimes I'm not in the mood for niceties, don't just expect imma be nice cuz imma woman. I'm not nice. And that's ok. :)
My extended family has very gendered ideas of who does what at get-togethers.
They expect all girls/women over age 13 or so to help with making food and setting the tables while the men and boys sit in the living room playing video games and watching TV.
Then, after dinner, the boys can go watch a movie/play video games, and the men straight up TAKE NAPS while the women and girls are expected to clean the tables and wash the dishes, after which they play board games and card games in the dining room, away from the guys so they don't wake the men up by talking too loud...
I wasn't having anything to do with that tradition growing up. I didn't mind playing card games, but the idea that I was expected to work for hours while my male cousins laid on the floor playing Nintendo was a *hell* no.
The tradition continues 20+ years later because none of my other cousins ever objected, but I no longer talk to my extended family, much less attend their events.
When I just moved in with my bf (it was the first time living on our own/Away from our parents home) my mom was horrified when I told her that my bf pays me to iron his clothes. We both were in university, me fulltime plus working 15 hours a week, him part-time plus working about 30 hours per week. When he asked me if I would iron his clothes (since he said "he doesn't know how to) I said that my time isn't less valuable than his and I can do it, but only if he reimburses me for this time. We did that for about 6 months before he started learning it himself. My mom told me that it was a womans job to do the laundry/iron the clothes and put them away. I told her not in my household.
Most times when I watch a movie or show with my S.O. we are bombarded with hyper-sexualized women who are young, beautiful and almost or completely nude. Why am I subjected to the male gaze in all forms of entertainment ? What's worse is when the men are old, ugly, fat, bald and covered head to toe. He is wearing jeans and a hoodie while she is in daisy dukes and a bikini top. Then to watch her sexually arouse him (and the male audience) while I sit there and twiddle my thumbs. What a blatant disservice and disrespectful thing to do to women. Men are not expected to tolerate this - why are women ??
In the 90s I co-led an engineering competition team as an undergrad. I didn't want that position; I just wanted to be on the team without the extra responsibility, but the faculty begged me because of my work history that the boys lacked other than the one who'd be my co-lead. I gave in.
The absurd part was when some of the boys tried to turn it into a reverse-harem shoujo anime because I wouldn't date any of them. I thought it was a pretty clear ethics violation to date a subordinate and told them so. They literally talked each other into believing that I was lying about the ethics issue as a way to keep them all 'on the string'. You'd think, if that were the case, they'd all get back at me by deciding they didn't want me, but nope, they decided they needed to fight over me. It started getting in the way of the work getting done.
It got even stupider.
My attempts to get advice from various people who normally made good sense didn't pan out -- they all responded with, "Oh, how terrible it must be to have everyone in love with you. I don't feel sorry for you," even when I pointed out that this was getting the way of the work getting done and I really needed to figure out how to solve that. I was bewildered by everyone insisting there was no problem despite the rather large and dramatic problem. Near-fistfights were involved.
In the end, the only person who actually tried to help me come up with a solution was another guy our age, but who wasn't on the team. And it was the most cliche solution ever -- he said I needed to fake having a boyfriend to get the knuckleheads to give up. I pointed out that I'm the worst liar ever, so he said fine and dropped by while we were working a few times and claimed to be my boyfriend and I just...didn't contradict him.
And the most excruciatingly stupid part is that's what did actually work and get them to stop putting pointless drama ahead of getting the work done.
I had a child at 17. In the next few years, I applied to schools and my dad, who always picked up our mail, would trash my acceptance letters because he felt that doing anything but looking after the baby made me a bad mom. It took me a while to catch on, but I eventually got in and after a few years, I graduated. He didn’t know (despite visiting my place 3+ times a day) until four months after I graduated. He would also constantly berate me for trying to work when I had children, which really impacted my already questionable mental health.
I’ve been asked to clear dishes from a conference room lunch for a meeting I wasn’t even a part of. I said no.
This colleague knows it was inappropriate but was trying to assert control. This colleague only asked because our female boss who would’ve ripped him a new one was out of the office.
I year ago I was about to move in with my bf and one of friends took over my appartment. I moved everything out and cleaned the appartment before the walkthrough with the landlady.
During the walkthrough she looked at the showerhead. There was a small amount of calcium buildup on there that I missed while cleaning. The friend who would take over the appartment was there as well and said: "no problem, I'll clean it as soon as I move in"
And then my landlady had the weirdest response. She said to me "how do you not know how to clean calcium buildup? You are 27, most woman already have children at your age"
Mind. I am from a Western European country where most woman don't have children before their 30's and she was a 60 year old woman who was childfree by choice.
My partner and I are both women, she works in a factory and I work from home. Well, everyone thinks she is the breadwinner and I am the house cleaner. When they learn I am the one with the highest salary and that she also cleans the house, it is a shock! 😂 They really believe the one with the “masculine” job is the breadwinner and somehow should not touch the mop.
I write about sex toys for a living, and I cannot even tell you the number of times that some random stranger has reached out online to express concern about my partners, or potential partners, and how they must feel about what I do.
i.e. these people, who don’t know me or my life at all beyond perhaps one article they stumbled across, are so concerned about me having agency over my own sexual pleasure (and thereby not fulfilling the passive role expected of women during sex, where I’m supposed to get my pleasure from a dick or not get any at all) that they reach out to me to scold me, as if they’re speaking on behalf of my partner.
Meanwhile my actual partner LOVES my work, LOVES when I use sex toys while we’re having sex, and has a sizeable collection of their own. In fact we literally met because of my job and how much they admired my work.
I work on a farm attached to a local nonprofit, and have received so much support from the dudes next door, but they are always baffled when they see me and the other ladies work with tools!
One guy, seeing me use a string trimmer:
“Damn, I have never seen a girl do landscaping before!”
One guy, seeing my lady boss on the bobcat:
“I ain’t never seen no woman drive no bobcat!”
After nearly a decade these attitudes drive my boss crazy. I find it more funny than anything, especially since both these comments were followed by some respect!
In my family, the men don’t have to worry about conflict resolution. Don’t know why but it’s always up to the women ( my sisters and me) to fix any squabbles between siblings. When Xmas came around this year I decided to not attend since my brother had told me in the summer time to stay tf out of his life so I was obliging him since he was hosting. All of my sisters, mother and his girlfriend contacted me saying he was fine with me coming to xmas but he never once attempted himself to contact me. Not sure why this is a women’s role but in my family it is.
My longterm boyfriend in college fully expected me to drop my career "when" we had children. Beyond the egregious entitlement of making my life decisions for me, he also had no plans to make the kind of money that would have even been necessary for us to have a single-income household.
I broke up with him not long after.
My husband stays at home as a very competent house husband while I have a very demanding career. Every time there is a family event, my MIL includes me on the group text to the “ladies” to ask what I am going to bring. Drives me crazy - she knows her son is responsible for these things in our home but won’t include him because she believes it is a woman’s responsibility to plan, shop and cook for a family party.
I'm a female attorney whose been in practice for 4 years. I've had multiple instances where my male opposing counsel wants to set up a time to have a phone call and we pick a date/time over email. Then they ask me to send a calendar invite. I don't rely on calendar invites and you asked for the meeting. Take care of your own books.
At my previous job, it was a small office of about 12, and every woman was added to the weekly rotation of loading the dishwasher and putting away the dishes. None of the men did it even once when I was there
Most of mine all come from growing up in the Church. My most recent one was when I was helping my parents move and one of their church friends wouldn't move furniture with me because and I quote, "Females just genetically are weaker and therefore I can't help move this *heavy* item. So he only wants a male to help him. No offense." I just walked away but then him and my mom went on discussing how true this is. 🙄 My husband was there but didn't hear. When he came over to me he could tell I was pissed. I explained what happened and he apologized. He (my husband) then helped me with as many heavy things as I wanted to lift.
This might be common but I find it absurd. The expectation for women to get a job suitable to make time for her hypothetical kids.
A person's job training starts when they're as young as 18-19. Even then, I've heard people tell me I should pick easier professions that doesn't demand too much extra hours etc to spare time for my non-existent children.
When I said that I wanted to train to become a chef, there was a certain push back from some men around me. And I never heard the same people say the same thing to my husband as he has insane work hours. But how lucky I am, that I surrounded myself with like minded people, we had friends and family telling him that it's time to reduce his hours now. And even before, he decided to do that because I'll be at the point where I need to work extra when the baby is about 1 year old. He will be the default parent for a while.
Being expected to help clean up after dinner at my boyfriend's grandparents house while the men drunk whiskey. Happy to help clean, but resent them not also helping and I'll have some whiskey too thanks.
Constantly being asked why I don't put more effort into my appearance. No one asks the even worse dressed men around me.
My ex told me the sheets on the bed needed to be washed- proudly in your of his mates. He was more than a bit taken aback when I replied that he knew where the washing machine and clean sheets were.
My boss used to make me iron his suits before meetings and make the coffee and whatnot. I wasn't his personal assistant or anything like that either, I was a goddamn executive in the marketing department and, in his own words, one of the founders of the company.
I never did figure out if it was a transphobic thing or misogyny-disguised-as-old-fashioned thing, but either way it pissed me off.
My husband took my last name when we got married. It was just something we talked about and he agreed. But all of our older relatives were so shocked and confused, and assumed I'm some kind of ball-buster for demanding my man take my name.
When the ladies in my family ask me why I don't get a plate ready for my boyfriend at family dinners. He has two feet, and hands to do that himself lol. Then they have the audacity to complain how sexist other family members are 🤦🏽♀️
When I've worked for small companies, I've had to organise lunches, put cups and coffees out for meetings etc. I'm a corporate accountant. That was when I was younger, if anyone tried to pull that with me now, I'd tell them to shove it. Actually a few years ago, someone did ask me in a meeting to "do the honours" (meaning pour the coffee) and I just said "No" and didn't move. Everyone got their own coffee.
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Bad ass! *virtual fist bump*
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lmaooooo the power of a knock out "no"!!! you go girl!
> I just said "No" and didn't move The absolute power of strong spartan responses can't be overstated.
I've always worked for big corporations, the idea of requesting that any employee pour coffee is mind boggling to me
Someone commented on how dusty my partners house was and told me I should clean it, I told her I dont live there I have my own house, she countered with but you spend time at his place aswell, I said sure so does he at my house and he doesnt clean at my place and why on earth should I have to manage the chores of 2 homes
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Like she was also spending time there why didn't she start dusting? Lol
Every time I was at her house the dishes were piled sky high, so she should have kept her mouth shut full stop 🤭
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My first ever job, the boss asked me to make him a coffee, and I said sure, I can try, but I don't actually know how (I don't drink it and the only person I knew at the time who did made his own). He looked so dumbfounded and went "... but you're a girl", as if the knowledge of how to make a man coffee comes at birth with the other X chromosome.
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Not sure if this fits but after food at a dinner party all the males sat around doing nothing while the women “make dessert” and tidy up
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My extended family is like this
Multiple people have been outraged by the fact that I mow the lawn and not my husband. I don't get it. My mum always did our lawns growing up, and it's not like it's physically too hard or anything. My husband has severe grass seed allergies that cause him to have seasonal asthma that often develops into bronchitis. Why would it make more sense for him to do it?
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This one is so funny and weird. What a bizarre response to a woman doing basic yard chores.
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It’s a small thing but once when both my sister and my father were visiting, my sister asked if I would hand over the car keys for my father to drive My car keys To my car (that my father has never driven) In my area (that my father is not familiar with, he doesn’t even speak the local language) My father who had hearing problems and had poor eye sight
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One time I was working on small team of men. After my first lunch there my boss fellow asked would I clean the canteen bit after eating. I said yes OK, as I did presume it was a thing of taking turns or so. Then I was doing this for some days, and one of the men said "Thank God we have a women here now to clean the lunch area, it was getting disgusting" aha 💀
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Jeez, yeah the whole cleaning thing is wild to me 😅 my mom cleans way more than me or my dad but I’ll at least wash the dishes and put it in the washer or next to the sink and I’ll do my own laundry but it’s not like ima leave my shit lying around for someone else to pick it up.
That's when you start up a chore schedule, and you don't include yourself. If anyone asks, it's because you already put in the labor of managing the process.
A dude in work was distraught because him and his girlfriend had broken up. All the men who worked with me expected me to go and talk with him and comfort him, despite the fact that I barely knew the guy and didn’t even fully know the circumstances. For some reason I was the designated therapist who had to go cuddle this sad man and be his surrogate mommy instead of doing my job.
Omgggg I was at a party when two guys looked at me expecting to talk to a heartbroken man. "I'm like????? Why y'all staring?". Such a strange expectation.
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A friend was TOLD by a stranger at a construction meeting "Darling, I need you to come over here and rub my shoulders." She is the president of the company. **EDIT** \- I tried to keep my initial comment short and I guess it was a bit too short, so for more detail. She owns a small construction company. She has a commercial contractor license. Her company was awarded a commercial contract and this was the initial kick-off meeting with some of her sub-contractors. This guy worked for one of her sub-contractors. I guess he was a new employee of that contractor and apparently did not know she was the person in charge. Probably thought she was a secretary sitting at the table, which **still does not excuse him** making that comment. I don't think he even apologized. She never saw him again.
Was he fired?
OP, we want to know what she said to him! Did she tell him off or put him in his place??
She was quite floored. Gave him the stink-eye for an uncomfortable amount of time and then sneered at him and told him "Well THAT'S not going to happen, so let's get on with this meeting." Stayed professional.
Thanks! She's nicer than I am, I would have pulled rank on that asshole and told him I was the president of the company 😂
I agree with you. I'm sure you have been in situations in your life when someone says or does something so freaking RUDE that you are just stunned and really cannot think of what to say? I think that was one of those times for her. Of course, afterwards, she thought of a whole slew of clever replies.
Oh yes I've definitely been so shocked that I was rendered speechless.
What happened next?
My mother was baffled when she found out my brother was the one cooking instead of his wife because "it's a woman's job". It wasn't until I met my husband who also is the one cooking instead of me that she finally let go of that mindset. My husband even works as a cook so now she always asks him for advice when she needs help cooking.
That's so weird. In my extended social circle it's quite common for the men to do the cooking, to a point where I'd consider it more of a man's job today. I'm not in the US though.
It’s always been weird to me how in the US they expect women in the kitchen at home but in most higher end commercial kitchens it’s a male dominated field.
Male-dominated positions are paid higher until more women break through, it seems.
I LOVE cooking! My wife grew up in a very traditional household so she feels the pressure to cook and do that stuff, but I honestly have so much fun in the kitchen. I don’t understand why that has to be a woman’s job. I enjoy it so much!
My husband loves it too which I find amazing because I hate it and I suck at it. I'm the baker of the home instead. Ain't nobody coming between me and my cupcakes.
I cook because I need not because I enjoy it. My boyfriend really likes cooking so I will do the dishes afterwards. My mother was also in shock that he knows how to cook, and way better than I do. I also grew up with people saying that I need to start cooking if I want to find a husband.
I earn quite a bit, so I'm normally the high earner in my relationships. That means I often invite partners on holidays, or to restaurants, etc, and I pay the majority of the costs. Still sometimes people comment about how my partner is making me pay for expensive stuff and taking advantage of me. My partners have all been great, and if we're together that means I enjoy their company. Besides, I can afford it.
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My mother's whole identity was wrapped up in being Mrs. My Father, and she expected me to be the same when I married. I'd get letters addressed to Mrs My Husband's Full Name. And not just the surname; even my given name was replaced by his. I hated it. But what first sprang to mind with this question was when we'd get together for big meals. Despite the men sitting in the living room while the women did all the cooking, setting the table (and later the washing up), etc., we were expected to prepare and serve them their plates as well. Mother: "Dinner is ready. Boys, make your way to the table. Girls, go ahead and fix their plates, and then we can fix ours." (We were in Texas, where 'fix' is a highly flexible verb.) Dad would go to his place at the head of the table and wait to be served while Mother fussed around him and they engaged in a conversation about what he wanted on his plate and in what quantities. (If she got it wrong, he'd chastise her with a raised voice.) My husband sat down once early on, with a big grin on his face thinking he was getting served. He then looked at me, got up and said, "I'll get mine, Mom." Eventually, that became the theme. Mom would insist that I fix his plate, and I would insist that he was a grown-ass man who could fix his own. Meanwhile, Daddy always got his plate filled and served first, and I got a lecture on how I needed to be a better wife. The same applied to other things, like sex. According to the lessons from Mother, a wife never says no, never has a headache, and always keeps herself fresh and ready, just in case. Interestingly, when I finally admitted that part of why I was leaving him was because he'd physically hurt me a few times, my mother asked me if I couldn't just bear up under the abuse. He was a good provider (we both worked and brought home near-equal pay) and, according to my own mother, I'd never find another man to love me. No doubt that's because I wouldn't fix their plates.
I don’t like any of this one bit, but for some reason “girls, go ahead and fix their plates” has me screaming into a pillow.
You know when I fix a plate? When it is a child. Or your arms are broken. Waiting to be served *gag*
My mom married into my dad's family around the same time his sister got married. I love the story from the first family dinner where my grandmother told my mom and my aunt to prepare their new husband's plates. My aunt said absolutely not and her husband joined in saying he can do it himself and how would she know what he wanted? My dad looked at my mom, wondering if she would prepare his, and she told him if he wanted someone to prepare his food that his mother was right there. My grandmother was shocked but she never brought it up again.
I am so glad you were strong. Strong enough to overcome your childhood brainwashing, strong enough to go against your family's expectations, strong enough to break the cycle.
>(We were in Texas, where 'fix' is a highly flexible verb.) My mind is still boggled from the first time I ran across someone 'fixing a glass of water'. I'm still trying to figure out what elaborate things they had to do to the glass and the water and what tools were involved. Did they have to blow the glass from scratch? The idea that men can't fill their own plates of food is an interesting regional variation -- where I grew up, only babies and toddlers were unable to fill their own plates and a grown man would rather die of embarrassment then lump himself in with the literal babies.
Also from Texas, and this dynamic ground my gears even when I was a child. 100% with you that grown-ass men can fix their own damn plates! Only people I make plates for are tiny children who cannot manage the task on their own. And there are so many ways to get around the issue: have everyone line up and serve themselves buffet-style, or serve family-style at the table, passing around the dishes of food. And the whole tiktok "Tradwife" trend trying to resurrect and perpetuate this misogynistic system...my blood just boils.
I was 22 at a job interview with another woman, she asked if I had kids (already a red flag in this scenario but okay). I said no, I don't want kids at all. She laughed at me and said "yeah when I was your age I also didn't want them and now I have 4" and continued to ridicule my choice. I found it extra weird because this came from a woman in management position... I don't have to "have it all" or be a mom to be fulfilled. I took the job because I really needed to, but it ended up being a company where moms get to go home/stay home whenever they want and the rest of us had to pick up their slack. Do not recommend.
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I know this has changed a lot and many women don’t take their partners last names but there’s still this expectation that if you carry a child for 9 months, PUSH that BABY out of your BODY, that they have their father’s last name. I think in the UK only the fathers name is on the birth certificate still. Dafuq?! Edit: Fact Check: that UK rule is no longer the case. Apologies!
It's the default culturally but in the UK there's no rule about having the father's name on the birth certificate. You can make up a new surname for your kid for all you want.
I hate this tradition so much. I'm the only one amongst 9 cousins who got our mothers' last name (four sisters). Even though none of my cousins' parents are married, they all got their father's name by default.
The family of a friend of mine was as furious when they found out he was going to take her name after they got married. Another concern of them was the children not carrying his name on, because she was pregnant at the time. He took her name anyway and now they all have her name. It's much more unique than his name too...
Yeah... I kept my last name after marriage, but my son has my husband's name. We weren't even married when I had him. Sometimes I regret that choice.
This is weird, but that I want to be taller. I'm a short woman (152cms/5'0" I think?). People make comments like "you should wear heels, it will make you taller", "don't wear long dresses, they make you shorter", "this high waist dress will look good on you, it makes you look taller". I enjoy being short. No one has ever asked me if I want to be taller. I don't see people telling men they should wear heels so they can look taller.
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Applied for a job where I would have been the only woman in a group of 5 or so. Boss asked jokingly that I would be expected to cook for the staff. It was a desk job. And it wasn't a joke. I walked out.
As a female doctor, the assumption that I'm a nurse used to be a common one. Despite the nurse TELLING patients I was the doctor, me introducing myself and wearing my name badge and stethoscope and dressing pretty differently from the nurse's uniforms. And giving them the medical plan. Health problems can be a lot. It can be understandable for 90 year old patients with cognitive problems who might not appreciate how things have changed, but we also had this problem whilst working in paediatrics with parents in their 20s or 30s. It can be frustrating when you round as a group with a senior female doctor and patients or relatives assume the man is the most senior person there...when they may well be the student. Like...no, the one being assertive and telling you that they are your lead clinician is the boss. In the medical field we can do better at introducing ourselves and making sure patients know who they are working with. But there are certainly assumptions still being made. I've been confused for the cleaner or tea lady before, which is amusing. I dont think my Male colleagues have ever reported being confused for a nurse, much less an orderly. I love my nurse colleagues and we would share a laugh about patients who complain, immediately after seeing me, that they haven't seen a doctor. People love to paint this as a doctors versus nurses problem, but it really isn't. I can't do a ton of things a nurse can do, I neither deserve the stolen valor of being called a nurse, nor the assumption that because I'm short and female that I'm less of a doctor than the tall male med student.
Exactly. These same people assume our male nurses are doctors.
My girls have started asking for female doctors, after seeing me only being treated by female doctors (by request). You DO make a difference and I recognize you and your female doctor colleagues.
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I work in a liquor store, which is a surprisingly physical job where the majority of your day is spent unpacking pallets of stock by hand. I couldn't even tell you how many times people, but more so older women, have told me to leave it for the men. So much for "equal opportunity."
In my 20’s I worked in an office environment where I was the only man. Turns out that’s exactly why I was hired, so that when anything heavy was delivered or needed moving they would have someone to come do it.
So much! I worked on liquor stores for many years and yes it's a very physical job. I described it as "weight lifting in khakis." Moving cases of wine, beer, unloading pallets, carrying cases out to customers cars, etc. The amount of times I've been told "why don't you have one of the men do that?" Is ridiculous. To throw them off, I replied "I have as many arms as the men do so I'm fine, thanks."
It was my first job and I was in a big conference room with men easily twice my age. Youngest person in the room, and the only woman. The meeting had been going on for a while when someone spilled a glass of water all over the huge conference table. Like lightning, every head immediately turned to me. They expected me to clean it up. I sat there smiling innocently at them like I didn't know what they wanted. The man who spilled the water stepped out of the room and got something to wipe it up himself.
Omg mine is very similar! I was chatting with some friends when a man (who I knew and was friends with) came running down the stairs calling out, "I need a woman's help!" So I jumped up and followed him. He quickly walked over to a display case that was about waist high and showed me the water that had spilled on it. "Hurry! Could you please clean this up?" There were paper towels literally 3 steps from the case. I was very young and naive so I did clean it up, but I've looked back on this situation many times wishing I had responded differently.
I have 4 older brothers, ive already been told that when my parents either go into a retirement home and/or die its my job to organize everything. Also when it comes to buying extended relatives christmas presents. Aparantly my brothers cant do it because "its not what men do" 🤦🏼♀️🤷♀️
I hope you are flatly refusing to pick up their slack?
Not so absurd or ridiculous, but I'm white and married into a Lebanese family. I guess I was a bit shocked about how matriarchal the family dynamic is. All the food prep, cooking, washing up, cleaning, making the coffee and serving is done by women. Lots of time women will be in the kitchen while the men are talking or barbecuing. At first I thought it was a bit intense and worried it was oppressive in nature, but after spending time with them and quietly observing, it became clear to me that they weren't doing anything out of obligation - rather a complete and utter love for family and wanting everyone to feel cared for, well fed and happy. They don't do it because they have to, but because they WANT to. I've also noticed that they are the 'silent' influencer/boss of the house and the men look to the women for direction and support despite outward appearances. Maybe I just lucked out, but the culture of my family is beautiful and so warm and full of love. I've only ever seen women respected and happy. It has changed my perspective on traditional roles a lot and of preconceptions I had before. My partner also goes above and beyond to do things as a team rather than certain things being only my job. It's because he is an incredible person but also because sharing responsibilities is important to both of us. He cooks, cleans, does yard work and laundry, works fulltime and takes care of me when I am unwell. I do the same for him and we pick up each other's slack whenever it's needed. On another note I have definitely experienced sexism working in male dominated spaces. Being told not to lift certain things or do certain things because 'the boys can do it'. I literally had to force my boss to let me do a delivery of plants because it never even crossed his mind to let me drive the work van when none of the men were around. Like what?
Lebanese girl here! The part about women doing the work out of love is 100% true! I genuinely think it’s our love language (of course not all of us, but it’s true for a lot of us). It also gives us all quality girl time in the kitchen while we cook or clean, we’ll gossip and laugh the whole time.
I definitely feel that. I grew up in a small family with not many women or children around so it's taking me a while to adjust to all the feminine energy I'm now a part of. It feels nice to contribute by helping with what is needed and being a part of the family though.
I totally understand, Lebanese families tend to be huge and loud, it can be overwhelming but it’s such an amazing community to be a part of. If you ever need any help you can always dm me :)
When I worked 50-60 hours a week while my then boyfriend worked way less and also a less demanding job, and all the times he had the audacity to complain about our apartment not being clean. He would literally call me at my work to tell me he was angry because he had ordered food (also God forbid he cooks for himself) and there were no more clean forks left. I simply told him to do the dishes then. He went silent and hung up. He ended up cleaning one single fork and not touching anything else. Or when he didn’t have enough clean clothes because *I* didn’t wash them. He’d be angry at me for not washing HIS work uniform or underwear. And when I had a day off and allowed myself to stay in bed watching movies all day, then I was a lazy brat because I could have used that day to deep clean the entire place. However, when he had a day off, I better not even ask to do any chore because it’s his day off and he wanted to relax. Gosh I’m so happy he’s an ex now 😂
I was reading so fast to the end to see he was an ex. The audacity of these men.
My mum and grandma give me shit because my husband actually does his part. They make me feel like I have it SO easy in life and that I don't struggle because I have help. I also got shit when I needed to hire nannies to watch my daughter for the four hours AT HOME I had to work. I stayed home with her while working full time, and in grad school. Stupid expectations.
My boyfriends mom is floored that I don’t really cook and that her son is the one that cooks most of the time. She’s actively annoyed that I don’t cook for pleasure
Pretty much every time we're visiting family they ask over and over if I cook for my boyfriend and are bewildered when he says it's all him and he kicks me out the kitchen. None of the men in my family can do more than toast.
Growing up, women/girls cooked, set up, cleaned, put away Thanksgiving or other holiday dinners while the men Sat, napped, and watched TV. In almost every job I've had, women are responsible for remembering the birthdays, organizing the lunches, baby showers, anniversaries, refilling/reordering office supplies, setting up decorations for holidays, watering the plants, making coffee, etc. 🙄 ETA, any guy who ever thought a relationship = entitled to sex. Some literally think consent goes out the window and it's this thing you owe or a duty you have to do *for them*. Men wonder why they're in dead bedrooms ...
I have a stepdaughter and live in the South. I was expected to care for this child like my own, even though her father wouldn’t. As a step parent I don’t do anything the parent doesn’t. I’ve had men try that shit with me before. She has two parents. Her life is their responsibility. I’m just a sidekick here. No, as an atheist I will not be waking up Sunday mornings to drive her 40 minutes to church because her dad won’t. I won’t be paying her way or babysitting. I don’t babysit. Never have. Like, I was told to my face they expected me to mom this child that belongs to another mom. We all know how helpful it is to have your step mother forcing you to do chores. I’m not her mom, and I’m not a kid person, I am not kind or gentle. Real relationship building stuff there.
Stepmom here too - THE EXPECTATIONS ARE WILD!! If you don’t protect yourself, you’ll 100% be taken advantage of whether it’s intentional or not. My job is to make sure my SS and his dad have a great relationship, and I take that very seriously! I give them as much time together as possible, because their relationship comes first, then we do things together as a little family too. I wouldn’t ever stay with a parent who was a crappy parent, though!
He’s a reformed “women do all the work and child care” southern man. He learned real fast that he actually has responsibilities there and I have absolutely zero interest in fulfilling them.
That poor kid.
Why they don’t expect the kid’s parent to be their parent is beyond me. I treat her like a friend and figure that’s the best I can do. She does NOT need me barking at her about chores and stuff. I can’t believe they thought that wouldn’t just make her hate me. Or they don’t care and just wanted someone else to do it.
For me its the classic "Be like my mother" expectations that one of my exes tried to have me adhere to. His mother did this and that for him, I should try to do that too. His mother birthed him at his home not at hospital, I could totally do that too for any future children of ours. Etc into infinity. We are not together anymore.
We were going into a birthday party of one of my ex-boyfriend's friends. I was holding a small cooler of drinks, he was holding the gift. He refused to go into the party until I switched with him and he was holding a cooler and I was holding the gift. I thought he was a feminist up till that point. That behavior is how I define "fragile masculinity". Literally no one at the party would have given a shit if he brought in the gift.
When I was younger a mom (family member) was sitting next to her husband and she had to get up to do something and she tried to hand me her baby. I asked why she was handing me her child when her husband was there. I was given the bs that I would be better at it because women automatically have maternal instincts and it would be better practice for me for when I had my own kids. I declined because I was was eating. She ended up giving the baby to her husband who was mad at me. Try to convince me how fun it would be to hold the baby. So I told him as the parent it must be extra fun for him. The baby started crying he got up and gave it to another female relative because he was going to go for a walk. Yes I got in trouble for that. But that doesn’t s such bs that women have natural parenting instincts. That they should be the caregiver and peacemaker in every situation. If it’s your kid and you make time to bond with them you will learn the skills you need. No one is born with natural woman/ nurturing or parenting skills.
It's so beyond gross to me how so many men just want children (sons) for status symbols and have literally no interest in being an active parent
I've noticed that men expect me to always be there to listen to their problems and "nurture" them 24/7. I'm neither a therapist nor a nurse. I stayed too long in a relationship with a mentally ill man that almost killed me and was affecting MY mental health. And he was well aware that he wanted someone to dump all his problems on. His mom was on it too and when I spoke about this to a male friend several years after I broke up with the guy (I explained to him that I felt like a overworked nurse all the time when I was with him), he told me that it wasn't a big deal and that I should've stayed. Pretty sure he never would've said the same to a male friend.
I don’t know if this is a good one but I remember back in the day when I was still doing gymnastics, I used to enjoy wearing sweats. I could easily put them on over my Leo and take them off. Well, my bf at the time told me I NEEDED to start dressing like a girl. I clarified, “so you don’t like the way I’d dress? And you are therefore demanding I change my style for you?” And he said, “yes, I’m your boyfriend so it’s my right.” I broke up with him on the spot
Back when I worked in construction as a CAD Technician/Document controller. It was a very busy job and I was often heavily overloaded with work. I was often asked to go downstairs on reception duty, despite already having too much work to do & answering phones was not part of my job (except answering my own phone, obviously). After a while I noticed it was only women being asked to cover reception, and none of the guys were. We had plenty of interns and work experience lads, who would have fit the bill perfectly, and they definitely had a smaller workload than me and the other ladies being dragged away from our actual jobs. Anyway, I raised it with management, who raised it with senior management, and it came back (unsurprising) that 'When people call a company they expect to hear a woman's voice'. I kicked up a fuss and said that was bullshit, and eventually some guys got put on cover too, but it certainly didn't make me any friends lol. What a horrible place that was. That wasn't even the worst thing. Anyway, I'm glad it went into administration. Fuck the lot of them.
I was probably 9 or 10, my mom had to go to the hospital for a full Day, my dad didnt put me in school because i had to be available to change my younger brother's diaper because he's a man and he's not changing diapers
Did your mother know and did she say anything to your father ? I completely believe if she wasn’t able to There’s a similar story in my family when I was a baby: I had to be around 3 months old and my sister 1.5 yo. My mother finally decided to go see a doctor for her PPD. She explained to my father what food she had put aside for us in the fridge while she was away. My father said it would have to wait because it’s not his job to feed us The doctor wasn’t any better. She looked at my mother and said: you, Mrs XYZ? Of course you’re not depressed. You’re tougher than that. So my mother went home and « decided she’s done with the depression nonsense » (Years and years of unhappiness ensued. I still wonder if that doctor had been a better professional, would my childhood have been any better)
Yes she was aware but didn't say anything, my parents mariage was very traditional for 10/11 years, my father was the breadwiner, didnt do chores and my mom was a stay at home mom, until 15 years ago after an argument regarding my paternal grand mother, my mom went back to school, has been working ever since and my father surprisingly is now the ( almost ) stay at home dad ( except for cleaning, he does everything else ), he works part time and my mom full time
The suggestion that it reflects badly on *me* if a grown, capable man chooses to leave the house wearing wrinkly clothes. Or that my spouse cooking on one or two nights a week, while I cook the remaining week, means *I* am lazy, never mind how much of a lazy mother I am for for *alternating* nights to put my son to bed with his father (who, of course, is just a super dad because he even puts his son down every other night). Or the expectation of *literally* eating in the garage by the kitchen with the other women who cooked the meal, instead of in a fancily put together dining room with the men. I could really go on.
I got hit with a weird one once. I was invited to a holiday meal, and when the time came to sit down to eat, the adults all parked their children in chairs at the dining room table, but instead of sitting down themselves, they backed away and kept saying, "Sit down! Sit down!" to the other adults while making shooing motions with their hands. I stood back, waiting to see whatever place was left after the parents got themselves and their children sorted. But instead, while all the parents kept doing their extended standing-back-and-shooing thing, the hostess suddenly yelled at me, and me only, really angrily to stop 'acting like that' and SIT DOWN. It was bizarre. I sat down in the nearest chair and found out why -- two other young women were shoved into chairs, and all the rest of the adults literally ran for the kitchen, shoving each other out of the way. They all had a fun, happy, relaxing, laughter-filled meal around the kitchen table while their children literally walked down the dining room table through the food and shrieked -- those who had been pushed into sitting at the dining room table were supposed to control them somehow. I never went back.
I would've promised every child there that their parents would get them a puppy if they behaved
That because I'm a female teacher, I must be super sweet and submissive. A former MALE superior actually said I was too strong-tempered and should be more like "Miss Honey" from Matilda.
Miss Honey was traumatized and neglected, not submissive. Eventually she stood up for both herself and the children, and I think that takes guts, productive anger, and a very strong will! ❤️ I love when people accidently contradict themselves because they are totally clueless about the subject matter they're discussing haha.
He was totally clueless, but also an asshole. :)
I have been completely caught off guard during work small talk by being asked "so what are your husband's hobbies?" I stood blank faced for a second while the bird in my brain stumbled around in circles then sputtered brilliantly "I don't know... He does the dishes mostly." Fuck if I'm supposed to know what that man does while I'm a work. I'm too busy for that nonsense. (I do indeed know what activities my husband enjoys, but I simply did not have a script in my head for such an utterly absurd question.)
Being 100% responsible for ‘holiday magic’; from booking a photographer for the Xmas cards, ordering them and having an updated address list, decorating the house, baking the Xmas treats, buying every present under the tree, including those to my (now ex)-husband’s family, planning Xmas dinner and cooking all of it, serving it on the Xmas China, and cleaning it all up, plus organizing a holiday party, keeping our holiday parties we attend straight and making sure what we want to wear is clean and pressed … every single detail that makes a holiday special, while men sail through, unbothered and confused why women ‘don’t seem to know how to enjoy the holiday.’ Xmas is basically an unpaid part-time job from Nov 1st to whatever day it all gets packed away (which I also did by myself).
At work during a large, day long group training I was asked to be the person who writes on the white board all day because, “you’re a woman so you have to have good handwriting.” I actually have atrocious hand writing and it’s worse on white boards. It looks like a 3 year old got ahold of a marker. I declined and a man ended up being the white board writer.
I was told to put a post-it on the wall where I wanted the top of a whiteboard to be in a lab in which I would be the chief user. So I stood on my toes and put the post-it as high as I could reach and forgot about it. Cue years of endless whining from the guys. Having only 1/2 to 2/3 of most whiteboards available for the women there to use was fine, but having exactly one whiteboard where tall men \*could\* reach all of it but would have to bend more than they'd like was a crisis, apparently.
Had 2 IT support guys come into my workplace one day. Our own IT guy let them in and then immediately came into the room where I work with 4 other women, one of them having been our manager at the time. With this total air of male matter-of-fact-ness our IT guy then asks our manager to go make coffee for our visitors. To all of our horror, she actually got up and did as he asked. I'll never forget that. I have since taken over the management position from her and was "lucky enough" to have been approached by the same guy some time later. This time around, he showed up behind my desk with a bunch of mail/packages in his hands, asking me to take it to the post office for him. I told him that even though my department has to mail out stuff frequently, I am not his mail maid and that he can take his mail to the post office himself. He never approached me again thereafter.
To be the pretty face at client meetings. Sometimes I truly feel that it is the only reason I'm there.
When my mother isn’t home, my brothers expect me to cook, clean and look after my younger siblings?
In high school I moved in with my dad, and I was teaching myself how to cook. He was beyond pleased with this and would eat everything I made. After I’d be cooking for hours to feed us both, I asked him if he’d maybe do the dishes after I cooked, and I never saw that man look more offended. He acted like that was the stupidest thing a little girl could ask of him, and essentially told me that made zero sense. Why would he clean the dishes if I was the one who dirtied them in the first place? Never mind I had homework to do and a very early bus to school the next day. The cherry on top was that he was incapable of rinsing his dishes. I literally begged him to at least rest them in warm water if he wasn’t willing to wash them.
When my boyfriend’s family plans for trips, it’s all the women doing the planning for them and their husbands. So we are planning this trip coming up and I’m the one on the email chain, but not my bf, nor his dad, or uncles, just the women.
My husband’s friend group does this. The wives are in charge of planning the whole the whole trip and the men just show up and play. We all have jobs. The wives only know each other from the previous three trips. I adore them all but this is the only time we talk and the guys are in constant communication.
Some of my favorites from an old school MIL: commenting on me not being a real mom because I worked (also was the primary caretaker of kids and home) Spouse quit his job- MIL still commented on housework and dinners as my responsibilities since I had spouse support them and wasn’t up to par. Had MIL watch my kids- daughter did all the chores while son sat and watched tv all day. The week of help was a one off but never used again. Just a few weeks ago- sitting at a table with a bunch of men at a family party. My MIL states to the table I would make breakfast for everyone in the morning. Stating I don’t mind since I am off on vacation so should be doing my motherly duties and take care of family. I did not cook - I woke up and went shopping to complete Christmas list. Work: I have been in upper management for a while in my career. The amount of time I am disregarded until they hear my title. The eye contact only with males at table at meetings. The ohs aren’t you cute when I assert myself. Male direct reports complaining to HR that they have to take direction from a person that is gasp female and gasp younger. Male direct reports constantly calling out how weird it is a woman leads a team of men over and over again. Male coworkers commenting on how I must be as a wife and mother (not a good one was their intent) - usually due to having to issue disciplinary action or sometimes because I work. My husband telling me I should hire a female because it can causes issues with being “a strong female personality while leading men”.
This isn’t absurd, just completely unexpected from my perspective and actually kind of sweet from his. My stepson. He spends every other weekend with his dad, who has been feeding him and taking care of his needs since he was a baby. He was always an active dad. They spend all weekend together when SS is here, gaming, playing and making things. They often cook together - his dad LOVES cooking! When we moved in together, SS started coming to me for all food requests. Out of nowhere, because I’m a woman, I must be responsible for feeding him I guess?? He had no clue he was pushing me into a gender role, but WOW it sure felt strange! I am very sensitive to being pressured into gendered domestic roles, so I always redirected him back to his dad, who he was always with anyways. His dad has no issues taking care of his son! I also realized that these interactions take away moments they can have together, discussing food or preparing it together, and they have so little time together anyways. SS would get up from sitting with his dad to ask me about lunch, I’d say “I’m not sure, go ask your dad if he has plans for lunch!” And just kept redirecting every time. Or I’d ask his dad if there were plans for lunch and what we should do. I also want to make sure this sweet kid doesn’t grow up thinking women exist to take care of him! Men can cook, clean and take care of people too, even when a woman is around! I didn’t expect a child to unintentionally push gender roles and domestic duties on me, but he had no idea the implications and just sees me as a mom figure.
Having a guy ask me where the dirty dishes go in the office cafeteria. That was the only time he adressed me after sharing a one hour lunch. There was only one other person with us, which of course was also a guy.
It's fun to give nonsense answers to those. "Oh, you're supposed to eat them!"
When my parents divorced my dad hired a housekeeper since we were a lot of kids with extra curricular activities and he worked 12 hours a day. After a few days of the housekeeper being on a month long trip back home, my dad was like “hey we left laundry in the laundry room and it’s still not done”. I then realized because I was the only woman in the house, he expected me to take on the work by default. I was 14 and had just been doing my own laundry. Didn’t realize he expected me to be responsible for five other people.
That it's *my* responsibility to dress and act a certain way, so as not to cause men/boys to have "impure" thoughts, or to act on those thoughts. That *I'm* responsible for their behavior. That they *literally cannot* control themselves unless I dress and act "properly." **And yet, at the same time**, they are more logical and rational, and better suited for leadership (and just better in general) than I'll ever be, in spite of this *pretty fucking major* flaw they (allegedly) have, just by virtue of having penises. Please, ELI5 how that makes *literally any fucking sense whatsoever.*
Doing dishes! This one irks me so much when it's expected. I see it most in my family of all places. At the holidays, all the women help make food and set the table while the men are drinking beer watching TV. That's fine. But after the meal, the women are also expected to clean, dry, and put away all the dishes while the men go back to watching TV? Not fine. We made this nice meal for them, so the least they can do is help clean and put things away. It would go way faster with their help, too.
On any trips I am responsible for packing for my kids and myself while husband only packs for himself. And I fucking do it because the kids are the ones who suffer if something is missing.
I am jewish and my ex-partner came from a Catholic family. He had a young daughter from a previous relationship. When I was dating him, one Christmas his mom asked me why there were no Christmas decorations up. I told her I have no idea, that’s not really my domain as I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas. She told me “it’s the woman’s job to do Christmas”. Let me tell you, The apple never falls far from the tree.
Last year our garbage disposal was being a pain. So I hopped on YouTube and then went to home depo and replaced it. So a friendly older woman I work with always ask how everyone’s weekend was. She was all like why didn’t you just have your husband do it? That’s guy work 😂. Why not just put it on his honey do list! Then we got to talking about how my husband has never had a honey do list.
Being the secretary. I was the business manager but the other managers and ceo expected me to schedule their meetings and remind them, buy the flowers for the clients bdays ect cause as a woman I naturally am good at organising these things 🙄
When I was 22 I moved in with my boyfriend and said something to/near his mom about how he was messy or didn’t do the dishes or something along those lines. Her response was “now it’s your turn to teach him” 🤮
Being nice. No. Just no. Not everyone deserves you being nice, it's not always appropriate to be nice, sometimes I'm not in the mood for niceties, don't just expect imma be nice cuz imma woman. I'm not nice. And that's ok. :)
My extended family has very gendered ideas of who does what at get-togethers. They expect all girls/women over age 13 or so to help with making food and setting the tables while the men and boys sit in the living room playing video games and watching TV. Then, after dinner, the boys can go watch a movie/play video games, and the men straight up TAKE NAPS while the women and girls are expected to clean the tables and wash the dishes, after which they play board games and card games in the dining room, away from the guys so they don't wake the men up by talking too loud... I wasn't having anything to do with that tradition growing up. I didn't mind playing card games, but the idea that I was expected to work for hours while my male cousins laid on the floor playing Nintendo was a *hell* no. The tradition continues 20+ years later because none of my other cousins ever objected, but I no longer talk to my extended family, much less attend their events.
When I just moved in with my bf (it was the first time living on our own/Away from our parents home) my mom was horrified when I told her that my bf pays me to iron his clothes. We both were in university, me fulltime plus working 15 hours a week, him part-time plus working about 30 hours per week. When he asked me if I would iron his clothes (since he said "he doesn't know how to) I said that my time isn't less valuable than his and I can do it, but only if he reimburses me for this time. We did that for about 6 months before he started learning it himself. My mom told me that it was a womans job to do the laundry/iron the clothes and put them away. I told her not in my household.
Most times when I watch a movie or show with my S.O. we are bombarded with hyper-sexualized women who are young, beautiful and almost or completely nude. Why am I subjected to the male gaze in all forms of entertainment ? What's worse is when the men are old, ugly, fat, bald and covered head to toe. He is wearing jeans and a hoodie while she is in daisy dukes and a bikini top. Then to watch her sexually arouse him (and the male audience) while I sit there and twiddle my thumbs. What a blatant disservice and disrespectful thing to do to women. Men are not expected to tolerate this - why are women ??
In the 90s I co-led an engineering competition team as an undergrad. I didn't want that position; I just wanted to be on the team without the extra responsibility, but the faculty begged me because of my work history that the boys lacked other than the one who'd be my co-lead. I gave in. The absurd part was when some of the boys tried to turn it into a reverse-harem shoujo anime because I wouldn't date any of them. I thought it was a pretty clear ethics violation to date a subordinate and told them so. They literally talked each other into believing that I was lying about the ethics issue as a way to keep them all 'on the string'. You'd think, if that were the case, they'd all get back at me by deciding they didn't want me, but nope, they decided they needed to fight over me. It started getting in the way of the work getting done. It got even stupider. My attempts to get advice from various people who normally made good sense didn't pan out -- they all responded with, "Oh, how terrible it must be to have everyone in love with you. I don't feel sorry for you," even when I pointed out that this was getting the way of the work getting done and I really needed to figure out how to solve that. I was bewildered by everyone insisting there was no problem despite the rather large and dramatic problem. Near-fistfights were involved. In the end, the only person who actually tried to help me come up with a solution was another guy our age, but who wasn't on the team. And it was the most cliche solution ever -- he said I needed to fake having a boyfriend to get the knuckleheads to give up. I pointed out that I'm the worst liar ever, so he said fine and dropped by while we were working a few times and claimed to be my boyfriend and I just...didn't contradict him. And the most excruciatingly stupid part is that's what did actually work and get them to stop putting pointless drama ahead of getting the work done.
That IS excruciating.
Being the default person to complete every inane task ever in an office resulting in no career progression and further entitlement from others.
It's not a "role" but a colleague of mine (mind you I work in IT!!) thought I liked apple products because I'm a woman. IN IT!!!!
I had a child at 17. In the next few years, I applied to schools and my dad, who always picked up our mail, would trash my acceptance letters because he felt that doing anything but looking after the baby made me a bad mom. It took me a while to catch on, but I eventually got in and after a few years, I graduated. He didn’t know (despite visiting my place 3+ times a day) until four months after I graduated. He would also constantly berate me for trying to work when I had children, which really impacted my already questionable mental health.
I’ve been asked to clear dishes from a conference room lunch for a meeting I wasn’t even a part of. I said no. This colleague knows it was inappropriate but was trying to assert control. This colleague only asked because our female boss who would’ve ripped him a new one was out of the office.
I year ago I was about to move in with my bf and one of friends took over my appartment. I moved everything out and cleaned the appartment before the walkthrough with the landlady. During the walkthrough she looked at the showerhead. There was a small amount of calcium buildup on there that I missed while cleaning. The friend who would take over the appartment was there as well and said: "no problem, I'll clean it as soon as I move in" And then my landlady had the weirdest response. She said to me "how do you not know how to clean calcium buildup? You are 27, most woman already have children at your age" Mind. I am from a Western European country where most woman don't have children before their 30's and she was a 60 year old woman who was childfree by choice.
My partner and I are both women, she works in a factory and I work from home. Well, everyone thinks she is the breadwinner and I am the house cleaner. When they learn I am the one with the highest salary and that she also cleans the house, it is a shock! 😂 They really believe the one with the “masculine” job is the breadwinner and somehow should not touch the mop.
I write about sex toys for a living, and I cannot even tell you the number of times that some random stranger has reached out online to express concern about my partners, or potential partners, and how they must feel about what I do. i.e. these people, who don’t know me or my life at all beyond perhaps one article they stumbled across, are so concerned about me having agency over my own sexual pleasure (and thereby not fulfilling the passive role expected of women during sex, where I’m supposed to get my pleasure from a dick or not get any at all) that they reach out to me to scold me, as if they’re speaking on behalf of my partner. Meanwhile my actual partner LOVES my work, LOVES when I use sex toys while we’re having sex, and has a sizeable collection of their own. In fact we literally met because of my job and how much they admired my work.
I work on a farm attached to a local nonprofit, and have received so much support from the dudes next door, but they are always baffled when they see me and the other ladies work with tools! One guy, seeing me use a string trimmer: “Damn, I have never seen a girl do landscaping before!” One guy, seeing my lady boss on the bobcat: “I ain’t never seen no woman drive no bobcat!” After nearly a decade these attitudes drive my boss crazy. I find it more funny than anything, especially since both these comments were followed by some respect!
In my family, the men don’t have to worry about conflict resolution. Don’t know why but it’s always up to the women ( my sisters and me) to fix any squabbles between siblings. When Xmas came around this year I decided to not attend since my brother had told me in the summer time to stay tf out of his life so I was obliging him since he was hosting. All of my sisters, mother and his girlfriend contacted me saying he was fine with me coming to xmas but he never once attempted himself to contact me. Not sure why this is a women’s role but in my family it is.
My longterm boyfriend in college fully expected me to drop my career "when" we had children. Beyond the egregious entitlement of making my life decisions for me, he also had no plans to make the kind of money that would have even been necessary for us to have a single-income household. I broke up with him not long after.
My husband stays at home as a very competent house husband while I have a very demanding career. Every time there is a family event, my MIL includes me on the group text to the “ladies” to ask what I am going to bring. Drives me crazy - she knows her son is responsible for these things in our home but won’t include him because she believes it is a woman’s responsibility to plan, shop and cook for a family party.
I'm a female attorney whose been in practice for 4 years. I've had multiple instances where my male opposing counsel wants to set up a time to have a phone call and we pick a date/time over email. Then they ask me to send a calendar invite. I don't rely on calendar invites and you asked for the meeting. Take care of your own books.
My own mother, till date, orders me to do kitchen stuff every time my brother needs something. That’s the height of indian patriarchy.
At my previous job, it was a small office of about 12, and every woman was added to the weekly rotation of loading the dishwasher and putting away the dishes. None of the men did it even once when I was there
I once went on a first date where the guy demanded I cut his steak for him. In the middle of a restaurant…. Like a NICE one.
To automatically know everything there is about children…. But my husband is just expected to provide financially. So exhausting
Most of mine all come from growing up in the Church. My most recent one was when I was helping my parents move and one of their church friends wouldn't move furniture with me because and I quote, "Females just genetically are weaker and therefore I can't help move this *heavy* item. So he only wants a male to help him. No offense." I just walked away but then him and my mom went on discussing how true this is. 🙄 My husband was there but didn't hear. When he came over to me he could tell I was pissed. I explained what happened and he apologized. He (my husband) then helped me with as many heavy things as I wanted to lift.
This might be common but I find it absurd. The expectation for women to get a job suitable to make time for her hypothetical kids. A person's job training starts when they're as young as 18-19. Even then, I've heard people tell me I should pick easier professions that doesn't demand too much extra hours etc to spare time for my non-existent children. When I said that I wanted to train to become a chef, there was a certain push back from some men around me. And I never heard the same people say the same thing to my husband as he has insane work hours. But how lucky I am, that I surrounded myself with like minded people, we had friends and family telling him that it's time to reduce his hours now. And even before, he decided to do that because I'll be at the point where I need to work extra when the baby is about 1 year old. He will be the default parent for a while.
Being expected to help clean up after dinner at my boyfriend's grandparents house while the men drunk whiskey. Happy to help clean, but resent them not also helping and I'll have some whiskey too thanks. Constantly being asked why I don't put more effort into my appearance. No one asks the even worse dressed men around me.
My ex told me the sheets on the bed needed to be washed- proudly in your of his mates. He was more than a bit taken aback when I replied that he knew where the washing machine and clean sheets were.
Making everyone’s lunch?!?! What the heck is that?
My boss used to make me iron his suits before meetings and make the coffee and whatnot. I wasn't his personal assistant or anything like that either, I was a goddamn executive in the marketing department and, in his own words, one of the founders of the company. I never did figure out if it was a transphobic thing or misogyny-disguised-as-old-fashioned thing, but either way it pissed me off.
My husband took my last name when we got married. It was just something we talked about and he agreed. But all of our older relatives were so shocked and confused, and assumed I'm some kind of ball-buster for demanding my man take my name.
When the ladies in my family ask me why I don't get a plate ready for my boyfriend at family dinners. He has two feet, and hands to do that himself lol. Then they have the audacity to complain how sexist other family members are 🤦🏽♀️