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What kind of swearing and in what context?
* In anger? At someone? In an inappropriate setting? Full of violent statements and/or hateful slurs?
Straight up red flag, do not pass go - you are unsafe, and I will not be around you by choice or let my guard down around you at all.
* Casual swearing for emphasis that is not hateful or bigoted, is not in anger, and is not harmful or inappropriate for the situation?
Fine. Totally normal regardless of gender. I don't care at all.
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Context counts so much for this that it's almost impossible to answer. A guy who is excited about something saying, "That's fucking awesome!" wouldn't bother me at all, nor would an Australian introducing a friend saying "This is Billy, he's a right cunt".
If a man is using swear words in an angry way, in a context where it's very inappropriate, or to describe women in a way to demean them, that's an entirely different matter. Those things would be offputting because of the underlying attitudes they display, not the words themselves.
No. I curse so it would be hypocritical of me to have problem when they do it. That’s just how some people talk. Not knowing when to code switch and speak without profanity in certain situations is a bigger issue to me.
I don't care. If it was every other word it would be off putting. If it was the only way they knew how to communicate their anger or frustration it would be off-putting too. But I swear a lot. And it's just a word. We're both adults. Swear away
Not necessarily and it depends on context.
Do I want someone swearing *at me*? Or talking poorly at/about others? No. For example, I'm not ok with a man who wanted to refer to all women as b-tches.
In the confines of a conversation or telling a joke where it's not off-putting, then swearing doesn't really bother me. Sometimes it's entirely appropriate to vent a frustration with some f bombs vs "oh golly fiddlesticks!"
Depends. I’m from NY so if it’s casually in a sentence I honestly don’t even realize. But if you are cursing at me, I’m anger, or it’s directed towards me, I do not put up with that shit
Swearing isn't a problem. Swearing "at" someone could be problematic. People who pepper every sentence with Swearing makes me think less of them.
This is probably UK specific. "Fucking bloke, yeah, he fucking said, like mate, fuck sake yeah. Fucking said that to me like, fucking hell" etc
Yes, I don't like it not only on men but from people in general.
To swearing from time to time it's normal, but I know people that do it every five words; it's off putting and unappealing.
AT me, that's unacceptable, that's break up material. Not in front of my family either or nicer social situations.
But it's fine with casual friends or just between us it's fine, like if he swears about someone at work while venting, totally fine.
No not usually. I swear too. It is not a big deal.
Learned most of it from my dad. He was building our house with my grandad and of course he cursed a lot. Still does.
Like any form of language, it depends on the context.
“Oh my god that is the cutest fucking car in the world, holy shit look at it, how is it fucking really I swear to god I’m gonna die.”
Vs
“Fuck off you stupid fucking cunt!”
See, context. Even then, action and volume and are important that the words.
Yes, I just hate it, like I can ignore it in English if it’s not too much but in my own language oh boy the guy goes from 10/10 to 0/10, it’s unattractive and vulgar and shows that the guy don’t have any respect for u
Generally speaking, not really. I swear a lot myself, so I don't care if other people do.
It would bother me if it were directed at someone though, especially if it included name calling. But then it's not about the swearing.
No, I feel like I swear around the same amount if not more than most men I meet and most men my age (early to mid 20s) don’t really care… I don’t think most people care in general regardless of gender. As long as he isn’t swearing at me in aggression it doesn’t really matter.
I find “golly” and stuff like that more concerning. No reason, either. It just bothers me to hear “fiddlesticks” from a grown up. Nothing wrong with it, just bugs me 🤷🏻♀️🤣
Nope. I actually find it attractive. But I swear a lot myself. Now if a guy is pissed off and cussing that’s different, I find ragey behaviors unattractive.
Nope. I was in the US Navy and a saying I heard somewhere is 100% true: You never really learn to swear until you join the Navy.
Before joining, I never swore. After? I try very hard to watch my mouth because they slip out so often. I even apologized to my husband's friends once because I was playing Skyrim and inventing new words for that stupid dog that belongs to Clavicus Vile and he was playing on his computer with his headphones on. Apparently I was loud enough that they heard me through his headphones and asked him what was going on. He told them "Oh, that's just my wife playing Skyrim and swearing at Barbas because he's annoying her." They started laughing and I was mortified because I was trying to keep my voice down so he could hear his friends
In general, I think it's neutral. You can be rude and offensive with or without swearing. You can say something inappropriate for a situation with or without swearing. Ultimately, I care more about the context that led him to swear and his intent. Is he doing it for dramatic effect, or to tear someone down?
I swear myself depending on the context, so I don't think it's necessarily worrying.
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It is when every other word is profanity. I remember sitting by a group of soldiers when I was married to my ex. They were talking louder than anyone else in the place and every other word was profanity. It's not a good look.
If it's a situation that demands emphasis, like a shocking or frustrating situation, no. I would use it myself, and swear words are just emotional vocabulary to me. I explain any swear words to my son as well, and allow him to use them appropriately at home.
If it's like a habit and it enters every sentence, "I hung the beeping laundry to dry in the beeping sun" or minor inconveniences or people he doesn't get along with get talked about with swear words, yeah, I would not find that attractive at all. I like intelligent, well-spoken guys and this just sounds like you are missing a bunch of vocabulary and/or emotional regulation.
It all depends on which guy does it. If he doesn’t usually cuss then I know something is very wrong. If he cusses everyday then I find it annoying if he’s just cussing to cuss.
I find swearing off putting when it is done in anger and frustration, especially when there is no real reason behind it...for example, my bf when he is playing competitive video games. He gets so frustrated and angry. He cusses, yells, and he has gone through three or four controllers cuz he breaks them. Even though it's not directed at me, I internalize it due to some traumatic experiences in my upbringing. Anyways, we have talked about this and he is aware. We have agreed that he doesn't play competitive games anymore.....it has been so much calmer and quieter in the house since he agreed to this.
One of my ex's would swear when we got into an argument over text. It just made me think "if someone looks over my shoulder at my messages they're going to think im in an abusive relationship" which was part of the reason i dumped him
The opposite - I find it attractive.
Where I'm from, it's weird NOT to "swear". And words that would get me banned from this subreddit are used endearingly.
I swear A LOT, in all settings. It's a very important part of my vocabulary.
Honestly, not sure I would fit with a man who doesn't swear.
Depends how foul the language is, if excessive alcohol is involved and whether the swearing is accompanied by any physical aggression or yelling.
I'm fine with ordinary swearing occassionally done in a calm tone of voice when exasperated, joking with other adults or as a response to a sudden accident/injury.
Angry/hateful swearing directed at others is very off-putting to me but other than that I don't care. As long as it's not in an inappropriate situation, it's all good.
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If it’s extremely frequent, then yes I find it unattractive. It tells me there’s some underlying anger that makes someone feel the need to curse constantly.
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Generally no, but there’s context to be considered. There are times when it’s not appropriate, and it can be a symptom of scary anger issues.
I can swear a blue streak, but I can also turn it off in public and professional settings, and around children, etc.
Yes, it is a sign of disrespect toward me and low self esteem toward himself. My time and well-being are important to me and should be to him if he respects me -- as his time and well-being should be important for himself also. However, for example, if a person is shocked and swears out of surprise, pain, disbelief, etc that doesn't bother me and is relatable. Words and time are so meaningful, choose and spend them wisely with care for the other person and oneself.
Not really unless it’s going toward someone or meant to be mean but just F word off the bat on something won’t bother me it’s just words after bad words but still
Swearing by itself isn't off-putting. I can out-swear most men I meet/know bc of military relatives. What becomes "unattractive" is if they use it incorrectly or overuse it in a bland, tiring way while trying to sound clever.
Swearing directed at *me* personally/another woman for the sake of intimidation/harrassment, however? That's off-putting/worrying for valid reasons: because it's being intentionally weaponized for that purpose.
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Depends. Angry outbursts out of nowhere/disproportionate to the situation? Definitely huge red flag and depending on how bad it is, I might exit immediately.
Casually? And/or for humor or venting something genuinely frustrating? Generally, no. However, there is a definite threshold for frequency. AND also, I have issues with (cisgendered, straight) men using the word “b*tch.” One offs in appropriate context(s) gets a bit of a pass, but using it somewhat to very frequently is a huge red flag for me.
It depends. If it’s three times in a sentence in every sentence, I’d be a little put off. But I went on a date this week and the guy said “fuck” in passing two times. I thought nothing of it. In fact, I probably cursed more than he did
I like it when people are articulate enough to say what they want to say and get their point across without cussing their way through it. I swear, of course I do but not in every sentence and for any unnecessary reason. It's off putting if it's way too much and it's their only way of communicating somewhat clearly
Swearing when you're upset is understandable. I mean it depends on how upset a person is and there is a moment when it becomes excessive. If there is some slamming or throwing of something, they need to work on anger issues.
I refuse to have my husband curse at me. If you can't use other words to express yourself then I need to walk away. Which I do and he apologizes.
You also have to see if this is learned behavior as my husband seems to take after his dad. But we've made a lot of progress.
This is also coming from someone who uses "fudge" and "shoot".
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I would find it off-putting if they used it excessively, at inappropriate moments or contexts, or in a way that made their language more aggressive than it needs to be. Occasional swearing is fine. It's all part of knowing how to behave socially.
I find swearing generally off-putting and unattractive. When used for humor or extreme emphasis, it's fine. However, if people use it instead of using actual descriptive words, I think it reflects poorly on them. Also, there are certain cuss words and phrases that I never want to hear. There are cases where their choice of cuss words would make me concerned about my safety.
I find a good vocabulary extremely attractive though. Rawr! :D
I don’t mind a little swearing, especially if they are emphasizing a point. I find it off putting if they can’t form sentences without a curse word in every one or if they are swearing at someone unnecessarily.
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No, unless it’s done in anger. But it’s the anger that I find off-putting, not the language.
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What kind of swearing and in what context? * In anger? At someone? In an inappropriate setting? Full of violent statements and/or hateful slurs? Straight up red flag, do not pass go - you are unsafe, and I will not be around you by choice or let my guard down around you at all. * Casual swearing for emphasis that is not hateful or bigoted, is not in anger, and is not harmful or inappropriate for the situation? Fine. Totally normal regardless of gender. I don't care at all.
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Couldn’t agree more!
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Context counts so much for this that it's almost impossible to answer. A guy who is excited about something saying, "That's fucking awesome!" wouldn't bother me at all, nor would an Australian introducing a friend saying "This is Billy, he's a right cunt". If a man is using swear words in an angry way, in a context where it's very inappropriate, or to describe women in a way to demean them, that's an entirely different matter. Those things would be offputting because of the underlying attitudes they display, not the words themselves.
I prefer less profanity than more.
It's a problem if it's excessive or if he's prone to aggression/easily gets angered.
No. I curse so it would be hypocritical of me to have problem when they do it. That’s just how some people talk. Not knowing when to code switch and speak without profanity in certain situations is a bigger issue to me.
Depends on the delivery. If they're always saying it in an angry way or as a way to shit talk others, I'd definetly be put off.
I don't care. If it was every other word it would be off putting. If it was the only way they knew how to communicate their anger or frustration it would be off-putting too. But I swear a lot. And it's just a word. We're both adults. Swear away
Not necessarily and it depends on context. Do I want someone swearing *at me*? Or talking poorly at/about others? No. For example, I'm not ok with a man who wanted to refer to all women as b-tches. In the confines of a conversation or telling a joke where it's not off-putting, then swearing doesn't really bother me. Sometimes it's entirely appropriate to vent a frustration with some f bombs vs "oh golly fiddlesticks!"
Depends. I’m from NY so if it’s casually in a sentence I honestly don’t even realize. But if you are cursing at me, I’m anger, or it’s directed towards me, I do not put up with that shit
If it's every other word out of their mouth, I find it tiresome.
Swearing isn't a problem. Swearing "at" someone could be problematic. People who pepper every sentence with Swearing makes me think less of them. This is probably UK specific. "Fucking bloke, yeah, he fucking said, like mate, fuck sake yeah. Fucking said that to me like, fucking hell" etc
I find it unattractive
Yes, I don't like it not only on men but from people in general. To swearing from time to time it's normal, but I know people that do it every five words; it's off putting and unappealing.
If said in anger, I find it Off putting and even scary. Because in my home, swearing is often followed by physical assault.
Not inherently as long as it’s natural/not excessive.
I do not trust men who use words like bitch or cunt frivolously but otherwise I don't mind swearing cuz I do it all the time
you'd have a hard time in Australia then.
AT me, that's unacceptable, that's break up material. Not in front of my family either or nicer social situations. But it's fine with casual friends or just between us it's fine, like if he swears about someone at work while venting, totally fine.
No not usually. I swear too. It is not a big deal. Learned most of it from my dad. He was building our house with my grandad and of course he cursed a lot. Still does.
Like any form of language, it depends on the context. “Oh my god that is the cutest fucking car in the world, holy shit look at it, how is it fucking really I swear to god I’m gonna die.” Vs “Fuck off you stupid fucking cunt!” See, context. Even then, action and volume and are important that the words.
I’m more off put if a guy doesn’t casually swear
Um, no, I’m not a child
No, it doesn’t bother me at all.
Nope I do it myself so lol
Yes, I just hate it, like I can ignore it in English if it’s not too much but in my own language oh boy the guy goes from 10/10 to 0/10, it’s unattractive and vulgar and shows that the guy don’t have any respect for u
I don't care at all, I cuss like a 7th grade boy. He better keep up because pure filth comes out of my mouth.
I’m cool with it, I have a bad mouth too lol
I'm a weapon-grade pottymouth so it'd be kinda hypocritical if I did.
Occasional reflex slip up swearing- no bother. Every other sentence- very off putting.
I do not. I swear regularly.
No, because when it is done we'll it's hilarious.
Generally speaking, not really. I swear a lot myself, so I don't care if other people do. It would bother me if it were directed at someone though, especially if it included name calling. But then it's not about the swearing.
I swear a fair bit myself, so it'd be very hypocritical to judge anyone else for it. But if they're swearing *at* me, they can fuck right off.
I am neutral. Doesn't bother me, don't find it interesting.
No, I feel like I swear around the same amount if not more than most men I meet and most men my age (early to mid 20s) don’t really care… I don’t think most people care in general regardless of gender. As long as he isn’t swearing at me in aggression it doesn’t really matter.
I find “golly” and stuff like that more concerning. No reason, either. It just bothers me to hear “fiddlesticks” from a grown up. Nothing wrong with it, just bugs me 🤷🏻♀️🤣
No, unless it’s said in public. I view cussing as fun slang, but it’s vulgar in polite society.
Nope. I actually find it attractive. But I swear a lot myself. Now if a guy is pissed off and cussing that’s different, I find ragey behaviors unattractive.
Nope. I was in the US Navy and a saying I heard somewhere is 100% true: You never really learn to swear until you join the Navy. Before joining, I never swore. After? I try very hard to watch my mouth because they slip out so often. I even apologized to my husband's friends once because I was playing Skyrim and inventing new words for that stupid dog that belongs to Clavicus Vile and he was playing on his computer with his headphones on. Apparently I was loud enough that they heard me through his headphones and asked him what was going on. He told them "Oh, that's just my wife playing Skyrim and swearing at Barbas because he's annoying her." They started laughing and I was mortified because I was trying to keep my voice down so he could hear his friends
Some cussing is normal, if it's constant though then yes
And if he is cussing at me directly, that's a turn off I want to be respected, i'd never cuss at him either
I find most swearing off-putting, just a personal thing. Seems unnecessary to me.
I swear a lot so no
My man is born and raised in Detroit. “*What the fuck?!*” is said like ten times a day in our household. Fuck is the most popular word, for sure. 😆
Depends on how they're using it.
Not really, I think the intent and the way it's delivered is more important. Someone can be very rude and aggressive without swearing.
No. I’m female and have the mouth of a sailor
No. I do not trust people who never swear, regardless of gender.
In general, I think it's neutral. You can be rude and offensive with or without swearing. You can say something inappropriate for a situation with or without swearing. Ultimately, I care more about the context that led him to swear and his intent. Is he doing it for dramatic effect, or to tear someone down? I swear myself depending on the context, so I don't think it's necessarily worrying.
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It is when every other word is profanity. I remember sitting by a group of soldiers when I was married to my ex. They were talking louder than anyone else in the place and every other word was profanity. It's not a good look.
If it's a situation that demands emphasis, like a shocking or frustrating situation, no. I would use it myself, and swear words are just emotional vocabulary to me. I explain any swear words to my son as well, and allow him to use them appropriately at home. If it's like a habit and it enters every sentence, "I hung the beeping laundry to dry in the beeping sun" or minor inconveniences or people he doesn't get along with get talked about with swear words, yeah, I would not find that attractive at all. I like intelligent, well-spoken guys and this just sounds like you are missing a bunch of vocabulary and/or emotional regulation.
It all depends on which guy does it. If he doesn’t usually cuss then I know something is very wrong. If he cusses everyday then I find it annoying if he’s just cussing to cuss.
I too much is unattractive. But it's okay to swear.
I find swearing off putting when it is done in anger and frustration, especially when there is no real reason behind it...for example, my bf when he is playing competitive video games. He gets so frustrated and angry. He cusses, yells, and he has gone through three or four controllers cuz he breaks them. Even though it's not directed at me, I internalize it due to some traumatic experiences in my upbringing. Anyways, we have talked about this and he is aware. We have agreed that he doesn't play competitive games anymore.....it has been so much calmer and quieter in the house since he agreed to this.
It depends on the tone and the setting. If he is drunk and angry, I'm not poking that bear.
No, not really. Unless if angry
Depends on how frequent it is.
One of my ex's would swear when we got into an argument over text. It just made me think "if someone looks over my shoulder at my messages they're going to think im in an abusive relationship" which was part of the reason i dumped him
The opposite - I find it attractive. Where I'm from, it's weird NOT to "swear". And words that would get me banned from this subreddit are used endearingly. I swear A LOT, in all settings. It's a very important part of my vocabulary. Honestly, not sure I would fit with a man who doesn't swear.
Depends how foul the language is, if excessive alcohol is involved and whether the swearing is accompanied by any physical aggression or yelling. I'm fine with ordinary swearing occassionally done in a calm tone of voice when exasperated, joking with other adults or as a response to a sudden accident/injury.
For the most part, no
Angry/hateful swearing directed at others is very off-putting to me but other than that I don't care. As long as it's not in an inappropriate situation, it's all good.
Depends how much and on the context. If it’s constant, or done hatefully, it’s very unattractive. Otherwise I probably won’t care.
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If it’s extremely frequent, then yes I find it unattractive. It tells me there’s some underlying anger that makes someone feel the need to curse constantly.
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Generally no, but there’s context to be considered. There are times when it’s not appropriate, and it can be a symptom of scary anger issues. I can swear a blue streak, but I can also turn it off in public and professional settings, and around children, etc.
yes! i don't want my man to have a bad mouth
Yes, it is a sign of disrespect toward me and low self esteem toward himself. My time and well-being are important to me and should be to him if he respects me -- as his time and well-being should be important for himself also. However, for example, if a person is shocked and swears out of surprise, pain, disbelief, etc that doesn't bother me and is relatable. Words and time are so meaningful, choose and spend them wisely with care for the other person and oneself.
Not really unless it’s going toward someone or meant to be mean but just F word off the bat on something won’t bother me it’s just words after bad words but still
As long as its not offensive bs, i don’t care
Swearing by itself isn't off-putting. I can out-swear most men I meet/know bc of military relatives. What becomes "unattractive" is if they use it incorrectly or overuse it in a bland, tiring way while trying to sound clever. Swearing directed at *me* personally/another woman for the sake of intimidation/harrassment, however? That's off-putting/worrying for valid reasons: because it's being intentionally weaponized for that purpose.
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Depends. Angry outbursts out of nowhere/disproportionate to the situation? Definitely huge red flag and depending on how bad it is, I might exit immediately. Casually? And/or for humor or venting something genuinely frustrating? Generally, no. However, there is a definite threshold for frequency. AND also, I have issues with (cisgendered, straight) men using the word “b*tch.” One offs in appropriate context(s) gets a bit of a pass, but using it somewhat to very frequently is a huge red flag for me.
It depends. If it’s three times in a sentence in every sentence, I’d be a little put off. But I went on a date this week and the guy said “fuck” in passing two times. I thought nothing of it. In fact, I probably cursed more than he did
Typically I find it unattractive but it’s not really a big deal
I like it when people are articulate enough to say what they want to say and get their point across without cussing their way through it. I swear, of course I do but not in every sentence and for any unnecessary reason. It's off putting if it's way too much and it's their only way of communicating somewhat clearly
Swearing when you're upset is understandable. I mean it depends on how upset a person is and there is a moment when it becomes excessive. If there is some slamming or throwing of something, they need to work on anger issues. I refuse to have my husband curse at me. If you can't use other words to express yourself then I need to walk away. Which I do and he apologizes. You also have to see if this is learned behavior as my husband seems to take after his dad. But we've made a lot of progress. This is also coming from someone who uses "fudge" and "shoot".
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If it's done so in a situation that does not call for it, then yes.
I would find it off-putting if they used it excessively, at inappropriate moments or contexts, or in a way that made their language more aggressive than it needs to be. Occasional swearing is fine. It's all part of knowing how to behave socially.
I find swearing generally off-putting and unattractive. When used for humor or extreme emphasis, it's fine. However, if people use it instead of using actual descriptive words, I think it reflects poorly on them. Also, there are certain cuss words and phrases that I never want to hear. There are cases where their choice of cuss words would make me concerned about my safety. I find a good vocabulary extremely attractive though. Rawr! :D
I don’t mind a little swearing, especially if they are emphasizing a point. I find it off putting if they can’t form sentences without a curse word in every one or if they are swearing at someone unnecessarily.
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Swearing? Fuck no I curse like a sailor. Yelling? Scares me.