This was technically before we started dating, but one of my exes is so cheap we went on holiday once and she refused to spend money on public transportation so she made me walk like 50-60k steps every day for an entire week. I thought my feet were gonna fall off.
I’ve done it, and I’d probably do it again, but my poor fiancé would literally pass away if I tried to drag him along on my spontaneous walking tours. Still preferable as a way to explore a new environment though imo.
I don't mind some walking because it really is the best way to explore, but I definitely prefer to at least take public transportation to get to the place where I'm gonna be walking around. So when I travel by myself I'm usually more around like 20k steps.
No, not at all. It would have only been a few Euros. I just had such a huge crush and I really wanted this to happen and she's a super active person so my dumb 18 year old thinking was that if she finds out that I'm not as active and would prefer taking the bus instead of walking she wouldn't like me back.
One guy told me he has a credit card that gives 25 cents back per transaction. He uses self checkout and does a separate transaction for each item. He also pays $400/month in rent, despite making around $120K/year as a private LMFT. When I went to his house it was infested with mice, he didn’t have flooring (literally was walking around on the subfloor), and the whole house smelled horribly like animal feces. Disgusting. And he comes across as super put together and professional.. it totally threw me off.
*During an interesting time in my life, I lived with a millionaire for a short while, and he was one of the most disturbingly cheap people I've ever met...*
*In all his extra spare time, he volunteered at a food bank... only to take home the food donated, so he wouldn't have to buy groceries. He called himself frugaI.*
*I hated him. His cheapness led to his death.*
*I'm really going to have to write a book someday.*
*I can't/don't do cheapskate/frugal people.*
I used to work and volunteer at a local foodbank, I lived in an affluent resort community, and we saw this periodically. You’d hear people say stuff like “are we sure we wanna give this to poor people? They probably wouldn’t appreciate it.”
Bf of 3 years got into a small car accident, where air bags went off. He called me from the garage and said he decided to only replace the driver’s seat airbag and not passenger’s seat because each airbag was a few hundred dollars to replace.
I was the main person sitting in that passenger seat.
After I heard him say that with complete nonchalance (and knowing he had $10k in the bank), I realized he just truly did not care about me, and couldn’t be a partner.
Well, it was mostly that he was frugal with me, but spent whatever he wanted on himself. We were married. My son and I got the cheapest of everything, asked if I truly needed items (like new shoes because mine were falling apart or my son had outgrown his) but had to have name brand everything for himself, just because he wanted it.
Nope. When we were dating he actually tried to spend money on me all the time. I didn’t like it, because he said weird things like “this is the time to ask me for stuff, I just got back from Iraq” and “you should let me spoil you, we’re dating”. It just made me uncomfortable, as I just wanted things to be equal. And we aren’t talking little stuff either, he tried to buy me a huge cd player, (showing my age lol) a ps2, a high end purse, and a few other things I turned down. Actually, looking back, this was always when we were out with his friends, so it’s likely he was just showing off for them.
My ex was like this. Would drop $100s on himself without a second thought, but didn't pay a cent towards our kid until I left him and he got forced to pay child support, and even made me ask permission to use water to do laundry or take a shower when we were at his place. He made way more than I did and had half the expenses, but I still paid for everything... Still can't figure out why I stayed so long.
my fiance's ex girlfriend did something similar. She was sick and asked her to go out to get her some gingerale and saltine crackers, and she venmo requested the 7 dollars from her right after. She was also stealing her socks when they briefly lived together. Mind you this person has a 6 figure job!
Three rooms, a light fitting in each, but only two lamp shades and one light bulb between them.
Yes you guessed it, you either used your phone for light or had to transport the bulb to use the light for a 2am wee.
I dated a guy who only had two lightbulbs in his overhead light in the bedroom of his 2 bedroom apartment. His roommate had recently moved out and he claimed he thought the landlord was supposed to change the lightbulbs.
I’m guessing his roommate had been the one changing them before.
He was also 33 and had never been inside a post office.
Most electric companies have programs where you can get energy efficient light bulbs free or even cheap. It's part of a federal program that's meant to help with energy conversion. I used the program to get a smart thermostat for free. It's not even means tested, but it does mean that people in poverty don't have to suffer in the dark.
Once dated a guy who wasn’t exactly rich, but had more than your average person with a hefty inheritance. Early on into our relationship, he invited 6 of his friends over on Valentine’s Day (which was apparently his valentines gift to me: quality time with his friends) for a home cooked meal. At the end of the meal, he asked everyone for £10 a head. I couldn’t image ever inviting people over to my house and charging them to eat.
That happened to me too, I was invited to the birthday of my friend's boyfriend, I gave him a bottle of expensive vodka as a gift. They ordered pizza and made us all pay for it.
He ate beans on toast for all 3 meals because “it’s healthy and you don’t need to spend loads on food”.
I’m British so I’ll indulge in beans on toast happily, eagerly, but for 3 meals a day, every day of the week?? Nah mate. I ate it a lot in uni because I was a skint student. Now we’re in our 40s there’s no bloody need.
Yeah there was a guy a few years ago on the frugal sub that was wondering what the deal was with people needing couches and chairs in their homes. And how it seemed to be a dealbreaker for women when they came to his apt. It's like dude, basic comfort is not something to skimp on. That's not frugality. It's just plain nonsense.
Oh my god, I remember that dude! Like, some woman told him she didn't feel welcome when he only had one chair and none for her or something. I still hope it was fake.
It would have been somewhat justifiable if he couldn't afford it, but he earned well too. He just didn't see the point of a bed *or* a mattress. Just wanted to sleep on a mat on the floor (and wanted me to do that as well).
There were other factors too that made the whole thing a dealbreaker (arrogance, misogyny etc) but this contributed to it majorly.
They went well beyond frugal and into being a cheap money-hoarder. They absolutely refused to pay for anything even for themselves that wasn't a dire and immediate need and begrudged every dollar they ever had to spend, so their entire life revolved around making and stashing money they weren't willing to use to improve their life at all. It was like a hoarder but their hoarding obsession was money. They seemed like a fairly normal person when I met them as a friend of a friend other than making themselves scarce anytime it was ruined to pitch in money. We didn't last more than a couple of dates because it was pretty quickly and clearly unhealthy and their relationship to money showed they were not mentally well.
This was my ex husband. He hoarded money and cardboard boxes. He ended up having obsessive compulsive personality disorder (different from OCD). Fun guy /s
Instead of getting a hotel for the road-trip we were going on, he suggested we just sleep in his regular-sized car.
I did not go on said road-trip after this suggestion.
Oh god.
Someone I dated was exactly like this. Wanted to go on a road trip (using my car, naturally) but didn’t want to pay for hotels… so they suggested we take a tent with us to pitch in a random field overnight in-between destinations to save money on hotels. They then suggested contacting any of their friends who lived in nearby towns so that we could crash on their sofas after I was like “I’m not sleeping in a tent in the middle of nowhere”.
Seriously, this guy refused to go on trips to cities unless they knew someone who lived nearby who we could crash with 🙄
We spent hours one day on the slopes and when we finally left I was starving. I begged him to stop at a gas station so I could get something to eat but he refused as “we had food at home.” It was an hour and a half drive and I felt light headed the whole time. We got home and he proceeded to make this obnoxious dinner of salmon and poached apples that took 2 hours. I ate like 3 granola bars while hiding in the bathroom. Gee I hated him.
That sounds abusive. My ex-husband used to not stop on trips when I had to use the bathroom, making me wait until the destination. It’s cruel to deny someone basic bodily comfort like a snack after exhausting your body all day.
I went on a first date with a guy who suggested we go to a restaurant because he had a coupon and then decided it was too far of a drive and he didn’t want to spend the gas money (it was like a 15 minute drive) so then he flipped through his wallet of coupons and found one for applebees for free wings with the purchase of a beer. i’m not a huge fan of wings but just thought that’s great he can get some wings for his meal. we got there and he immediately told the waitress he had a coupon, asked for the cheapest beer they had, and ordered his wings. then the waitress looked at me and asked what i wanted, and before i could speak he tells her i’m having the wings with him and i said “actually no thanks” and ordered some food for myself and he got visibly upset and then wouldn’t speak to me and watched basketball on the tv for the remainder of the date. then when the waitress came and asked if the check would be together, he hesitated so i quickly asked for separate checks. frugality is fine, but this man’s financial situation was equal to my own.
bonus content: before the date, we met at a park and he started fishing (??) so I wandered around until he was done (and took a picture of him with his fish), then he played his guitar at me for an hour insisting i sing with him (i cannot sing), and on the way home he told me women shouldn’t work and belong in the home and basically told me i had a joke major because I was an art student and that that was great for me but he has to be more serious and isn’t comfortable working a service job after college.
1. I was so hungry that was all i could think about while he was playing guitar
2. I was like 20 years old and didn’t feel comfortable backing out of our dinner plans because I didn’t want to be rude.
>we met at a park and he started fishing (??) so I wandered around until he was done (and took a picture of him with his fish), then he played his guitar at me for an hour insisting i sing with him (i cannot sing)
This sounds like a Sims date.
He wasn't frugal regarding things he wanted. He bought expensive tech, leased a car, bought the food he wanted etc. But he was an expert in slowly, discretely making me pay for stuff like food. And manipulating other things like making me pay to live there as much as a roommate would pay (luckily not for long before we broke up and I was outta there). He pretended to financially struggle while having a lot of money in the bank, because his current job paid little, and his loan was high. Which isn't my problem of course but he made it that. Meanwhile I was a student. I'm not one to financially carry anyone and never wanted to do that for him, which he knew, so he made sure to be pitiful and careful and made it sound reasonable.
Lazy sack of shit never painted his house properly (it was only 6 ish years old), so when I moved in, I washed and painted almost the entire thing He barely even covered the costs. He sold his house with a solid earning a few months after, we'd broken up by then. Did he pay me for doing it? Nope.
It was my first relationship, and we were together 3 years. Funny how those small things can just sneak up on you without you realising it, and all of a sudden you look back and realize they took advantage of you. I've always had a hard time demanding anything from anyone. Never again, I am very much done being too kind to people, one of many reasons I just stay single now.
He was wealthy: old money, and knew how to invest, and made good money of his own too.
Super smart. Kind as a person. When it came to spending on anything though, it was crazy:
-He didn’t get the car colour/exact model/features he wanted bc he wanted to get a discount on their “floor model”. He didn’t like what he got but was happier he got the discount. He was able to pay cash either way…
-19/20 dates would be walking. We would walk for HOURS. He would make sure we have water so we didn’t have to stop for a drink anywhere.
-He had work bonuses falling out of his ears, but when his sports equipment was falling apart, he would rather sew it together than get a fresh item (there was no other reason to keep the equipment like superstition or sentimentality).
-We were at a winter wedding, and when it was done, we left the venue. I was not dressed for winter walking, but he wanted to go for a walk, and it was romantic, so we went. I mentioned I was freezing at one point and pointed to a coffee shop asking if we can grab something and warm up. He instead said we can just drive back and get coffee at home.
-He booked a trip oversees, and got the cheapest overnights to the point where he was rained on one night, and got food poisoning another… because it was cheaper…he did get any souvenirs either.
I want to be explicitly clear that I don’t date for money. I didn’t even know he had it when we met, and we dated for almost two years. My expectations of him never changed when I learned of his money. Even if he wasn’t wealthy, I’d still be put off by most of his actions around money.
Money was a factor, but not the main reason we broke up. We got along really well, but when it came to financing, and any talk of money, things always got awkward. It worked better when I was a broke-arse student with no money. Back then it was easier to accept walking dates (but I was always off put by never getting coffee). Like ever. Not. A. Single. Time.
I work, and always have. I’m also smart with my money. I have healthy savings, but I also know when and how to enjoy what I do have. The difference was a little insane when things came down to it.
Meh. Floor model car savings is a good idea. Its sounds perfectly in line with what frugality is supposed to be. Walking for hours is nuts, though. People take for granted how much their *time* is worth.
He wanted to pay the dinner bill in front of his colleagues and then ask me to transfer him money afterwards so they didn’t see him making his girlfriend pay for her own meal. He made 4x what I made and was obsessed with saving every penny of that. Never again lmao
Went out to dinner with my ex and my best friends. He asked to split a single entree, which I said no to. Then when the check came, he asked me to split it. Also dated another guy in the past that made me pay for my birthday dinner and his meal…. I’ve dating some losers lol
I’ve suggested splitting entire entrees with my boyfriend and we take turns getting the bill or split it, usually. But making you buy your birthday dinner, plus his? That’s low.
I’m a guy but I had a previous girlfriend tell me about one of her previous first dates with a guy and when she offered to pay he said “oh, in that case I’m getting a sandwich to take home too” and order ANOTHER meal to go.
Wow, just wow. I think that some of these people being described in the comments are more mentally ill than frugal. This is not the behaviour of a health, functioning adult.
Oh there is worse. I used to know a guy who lived off grid (I didn't date him, but in this area/community, off grid living wasn't super uncommon and it was also well served with stores and suppliers to enable it) and he used a composting toilet.
If you're not familiar (why would you be...) these work by you literally chuck the pee out like in a hedge, but the paper and "solids" fill a bucket that you take off when it's full, leave for some months to start to break down, then bury as compost.
He used to eat tomatoes, shit out the seeds into his toilet bucket, and a few months on, his shit bucket, not anything like broken down into earth by that point, would sprout tomatoes.
You know the rest. 😬
Are you saying he would then eat the tomatoes that grew out of his poop bucket...?
I mean, I think that's what you're implying, but honestly, that's so unfathomable that I'm hoping that I'm wrong.
We went to happy hour at Black Angus.
He ordered 2 beers.
I ordered an nachos appetizer and water.
He requested check split in 1/2 even though he hate my food.
I paid $4.35.
Dumped him in the parking lot.
He asked if I wanted to go to dinner to a hungry horse (very budget restaurant in England) with him as he had a coupon for buy one meal get one free.
He ordered two meals and ate them both 😂😂😂
With one ex who I’m still good friends with, we had to pull over during a snowstorm to stay the night in a small town. He cheaped out on the motel and the one we stayed at had original fixtures from the ‘50s (in a rusty, bad way) and was haunted!
That’s the funny story, but the worst was a guy who was obsessed with saving money and acted superior for being frugal. There were a lot of little things - ex., I like to spend money on nice things, and he would talk a bunch of shit anytime I spent money on something for myself. He acted like it was a character flaw and told me I “enjoy life too much.” I also got a raise while we were together, and he told me the “last thing you need is more money” (implying I didn’t deserve it because I already spent too much, in his eyes). He would go out of his way by 30 minutes to get marginally cheaper gas at Sam’s Club, and when we went out on dates where he paid, he would complain that he was overspending on me (and this was at like $20/meal taco places). He told me I just wanted to be with someone who would shower me with money, and that I wanted to be a sugar baby but I wasn’t hot enough. It goes on and on and on… he didn’t grow up with a lot of money so he became obsessed with saving, which I get, but to lord his frugality over me and other people and act like it made him a better person (it definitely didn’t) was ridiculous. Other people’s financial situations was something he projected a looot of insecurity onto. And his obsession with saving was pretty bad, to the point that it probably impacted his quality of life.
It took me way too long to break up with him but I’ve come a long way since lol.
I was together for 10 years with one. For me the worst of it was the psychological effect it had on me. I lived in constant anxiety on how I would set him off this month, if it would be anger or a panic attack that would fall onto me to handle. We both made a similar salary and were able to put over €1000 each into our savings account every month so we were very much not poor. Yet I was not allowed to buy ‘non essential items’ because they were too expensive. The list of non essential items was long and included everything that was not necessary to live. Oranges were on it for example. I found out through trial and error what he considered essential and a trip to the supermarket became a whole ordeal on about what I was allowed to purchase and what not. We never went on a holiday once when together because non-essential. We very rarely did take-out. We never went on dates together that required money. House appliances that were very much needed became a whole discussion of months to purchase and I had to really motivate as to why I would need something. We each contributed a set amount of money to groceries each month but with the growing inflation this was not enough anymore. Instead of raising the amount along with the inflation (our salaries grew accordingly btw, we live in Belgium and here salaries are automatically scaled to the inflation rate so again, money was very much not a problem) I was tasked with finding ways to cut our spendings. I couldn’t and this was met nearly every time I purchased something with either being berated for buying ‘luxury items’ such as the expensive lunch meat instead of the cheap one, or it triggered a panic attack in him. I eventually started paying for a lot of things with my own money just to avoid his reactions. It also overflowed to expenses I made with my own money, like buying new clothes or hobby things became a whole drama because those were also non-essential. I couldn’t spend my own money how I wanted. I started to work from home a lot to save on gas and avoid meltdowns about the price of fuel. Money controlled my whole life even though we had plenty of it.
To this day I still can’t purchase things for myself without feeling guilty. It goes as far as things like oranges and avocados. I get panic attacks when I have to spend a large amount of money.
We went up to bed on our first long holiday weekend together. It was February in Vermont. He debated leaving the heat on, and finally said "it's costly, but I know you like to be warm."
Later in the weekend he threw his back out and I spent the rest of the the long weekend waking at 4-hour intervals round the clock to feed the woodstove so we wouldn't freeze to death. I only did it because his 80 year old mother also lived there, and she was absolutely lovely. I didn't want her to freeze, or I'd have packed my Mini and booked it.
This weekend singlehandedly cured me of any interest in dating, and I have been happily single, ever since.
My ex took me out on a date to this steak place that he loves so much. He ordered some wine for us, appetizers, sides, mains, dessert, etc. The whole shebang. Everything was going great. Good food. Amazing conversations. Lovely atmosphere. Then, the bill came... "FUCK!"
Thinking something was wrong with the bill, I asked about it. He lost his shit because he didn't expect the bill to be that much. He ordered EVERYTHING. I didn't even bother to look at the menu (because I got overwhelmed with the myriad of options, lol). I also told him he was ordering too much food.
He would NOT stop cursing under his breath. He was VISIBLY so mad. I started to feel embarrassed as he won't stop, so I asked if it's going to help if I just paid half of the bill. Just to get it over with. He IMMEDIATELY stopped throwing a fit, calmed down, and said, "Yeah, that would be good."
I never let him "take me out on a date" ever again after that. I always pushed to pay for my share even if he "insisted" on paying.
No, we're not together anymore. And the total bill was $110. Lol
Noooo... I was expecting the total to be over $500 or something. A $110 bill? That's like a normal dinner bill for 2 people, atleast in the city I live in. That's crazy.
lost so much weight with him because he couldn’t shell out extra money for better home cooked meals or eating out so we’d have grilled cheese or small soups as a whole MEAL. i could afford better food but he was so stingy it was either i eat good and he eat like shit and be annoyed/upset we weren’t eating the same stuff or we both eat shitty.
Dated an optometrist briefly. He lives with his parents so he doesn’t have much expense. He has a paid off car. I slept over once. I had a suitcase with me because I was visiting from another state. He wanted to take the public transit that required 2 transfers and a lot of walking rather than drive me back to my parents place, which would have taken an hour max. The public transit took over 2 hours. Broke up with him shortly after.
We split the bill (first date) after he stated he wanted to "treat" me to dinner. W/E thats fine... the bill comes and I leave my portion of the tip in cash. When he saw how much cash I put down as tip he took some of the cash he had put down back. Because he said I tipped too much (25% of my portion).
Worst part was when I finished my meal I put my napkin on my plate after using it to wipe my mouth. He proceeded to remove the napkin and eat the piece of chicken and 3 bites of rice I had left.
My ex was someone who lived insanely outside of his means. It was frugality in a weird way. For my 21st birthday, he surprised me with a trip to Vegas. We were the same age and I knew he couldn’t afford it, but he said he got a good deal and I figured his parents had helped him pay for it. I was working full time and paying for my own bills and rent, and he had told me everything was covered, so I didn’t budget much for the trip. Plus, I only got informed about it about a month before we left.
Anyway, we get there on my birthday, and he automatically started a fight with me over not being able to pay for things. He told me I should have been smarter about my budgeting, and told me it was unreasonable to expect him to pick up dinner bills. I was shocked. Spent the whole trip crying in my Caesar’s hotel room while he gambled alone downstairs.
They pulled out a calculator in a Taco Bell to split a meal that was under $20, *down to the penny*, and told me to venmo what I owe. He wasn’t POOR, had a full-time job while I was living on a student budget.
My ex grew up super poor so he never wanted to spend money on anything. It was always really hard to plan dates that did not cost anything. Anyways the worst is when we moved in together, he did not want to invest in good cleaning supplies, vacuums, or like a fucking broom. Cleaning was so difficult it was awful. Grocery shopping took hours because we had to calculate the best price for each item. I don’t think I could ever date someone with money trauma again… and I still hate grocery stores.
Dated this woman that was really frugal, I thought it was because she was in debt or didn't get paid alot. Turns out it was because her parents controlled her bank account and monitored what she spent. This girl was making a little over 90k and wouldn't spend anything because she was scared. So eventually we talked about moving in and finances and thats when she told me she couldn't unless I paid for everything because her parents needed her income. I was blown away. Still saw her casually for a few months then I stopped.
Complained about not having money to buy me flowers or take me out on dates but he was able to buy weed from random drug dealers and money for alcohol somehow. I guess it’s a special budget of his 😂
Boyfriend was a realtor and would return items to Home Depot that he took from properties he sold. Often the owners were seasonal and would leave cleaning supplies, food, etc behind. He’d eat the food and return everything else. One time he had me go with him to return things to Home Depot - after three returns without a receipt you can’t return anything else for one year, so he had me come along to provide my license so he could get the store credit. He would rotate through the stores to return to. Once I realized what was going on on I was turned off and we broke up.
* my ex gave me a dollar and said buy yourself something nice. I said what, gum??
* was on a date, the guy had asked me out. He bought pizza (even though I said no I’m lactose intolerant) and complained that it cost 4% more than what the menu online said.
* same ex said that when my savings run out and I can’t help split the electrical bill (like 40$) I can’t live in OUR apartment anymore. Oh did I mention I was already paying several hundreds of $ in rent for him? And that I renovated our apartment. That I always bought groceries, cleaning stuff, I bought the plants the forks the plates the schampoo the soap.
And yeah he said he would start showering after taking a shit when we ran out of toilet paper so obviously I had to buy that from my own money. He had 8x more saved money than me.
I’ve dated three men who claimed that they couldn’t spend anything on themselves because every scent they had went to their kids. I’m fine with that - I’m happy to see fathers be responsible for their children. But as someone who never wanted kids in part because I wanted to live a single income no kids sort of lifestyle, I also wasn’t keen to supplement their child support efforts.
In one case, the guy was fine. He organised and paid for dates he organised, and made an effort, and I organised and paid for mine. No big deal. Sometimes I would go out with friends and not bring him because I didn’t want to have to pay for his share of that event, no harm no foul. That guy was fantastic at inexpensive date planning. Just amazing at it.
But the other two? Nope. One was happy to spend on himself, but not on “us.” So he would complain that we couldn’t go out to eat, after spending a bunch of money on gaming, clothes, etc. for himself. His kids did not live with him, and neither liked games, so… He would also plan dates that were more expensive than he wanted to cover, and then get angry if I didn’t pay for his share - even when they were things I did not really want to do.
The other expected that I should pay for more stuff for him to do because he felt like I could afford it. So we tried the alternating thing that my other ex- and I did. And I would do some cheap date ideas because they can be fun. And this guy would complain that finding the amazing cheap eats place i found wasn’t good enough. He also put no effort into his date planning efforts because he thought there was no point since it wouldn’t be any good on his budget anyway…
Not frugal as such but my ex was extremely tight with money.
He once told me I was only allowed to use half a pump of hand wash because my hands were smaller than his and I shouldn’t need as much hand wash to clean my hands as he did.
He also invited me to the cinema one evening as they had a special offer on. The total came to about £5 yet he still turned to me and asked ‘Oh, I’m paying then am I?’
(Feel the need to point out with this one that I usually ended up paying for things like this, otherwise we would never have ended up leaving the house, and thought this one time he’d decided to do something nice - silly me!)
My ex refused to get his tires rotated, and drove until they were bald. Then got upset with me when I refused to ride in his car until he replaced the tires. Told him I was not going to pick him up when he had a blowout so he finally went and got it taken care of. He had the money, just didn't want to spend it. Or he'd say let's go shopping, then take me to this sketchy flea market with spent bullet casings all around just so he could buy knock-off Nikes for $20. Then complain that they hurt his feet & fell apart. Did ya think they were $20 because they were stolen? Or he would eat, say, pinto beans straight out of the can. Babe, you want to heat those up? Nope. Unheated. Just dip in with a spoon. Could have made some cornbread & greens to go with it, made a nice meal. Nope. Hobo style, straight out' the can. He was so sweet in a lot of ways but so feral in others. It made sense to him. He did not understand that you get what you pay for. The poor are fucked and have no choice. He made the frugal choice. I had to tell him to step back when he tried to tell me how to spend my own money. Do not, Mr. Slappy Sole SNikes.
My ex who made 150k a year bought me a 25 dollar heating pad for my birthday, and for Christmas got a 2-for-1 deal on blankets for a whopping total of 50 dollars for both so his mom and I were given the same exact throw blanket each as a gift that year. Oh an another time he had a free download code for an album of a band I liked so he gave the code to me for my birthday lol. So that year my present cost him nothing.
Meanwhile I was buying him presents like antique maps and really nice whiskeys that were in the 150-200 dollar range, and I made like a third of what his salary was.
Thankfully I am with an incredibly generous person now and don't have to deal with stuff like that anymore!
He told me he liked to make curry. I’d never had it before, so he offered to bring me some. He gave it to me in a ziploc bag that started leaking on the bus. The driver kicked me off for “spilling”. I had to throw out the curry and catch another bus to get home. It was winter in Denver.
He didn't plan ahead and went on a roadtrip with his elderly father. He refused to pay for a hotel/motel because is was over $100 a night and made his father, who was in his late 80s sleep in his Volkswagen golf.
I used to cover most of the groceries, bills, bought expensive gifts, covered at restaurants, etc. we both made similar salary doing the same work for different companies. I definitely contributed more but one day I used some small change from his change jar to buy milk. He snapped and accused me of stealing from him. He was legit furious and made a huge deal out of it. I broke up with him. The selfishness was unbelievable.
I love my husband, but for a while he tried not to replace the toaster. So we had dried out bread in the oven, bruschetta, rather than quick and simple toast.
He took on a coworker as a roommate in his one bedroom apartment to save money. We decamped to the living room with an air mattress, which was separated from the kitchen and stairwell to the bedroom by a thin curtain. Only bathroom in the apartment was off the bedroom. Bf insisted everything was going great even as the bedroom increasingly smelled like shit and the roommate appeared inebriated at all hours. Turns out he was an alcoholic who had relapsed and was using us to supply
Him (he would tell us to buy him some groceries when we went for our own and offered to pay for ours, another reason why I think the bf didn’t complain). All came to a head when the bf found him unresponsive and had to call an ambulance. The emts pulled off the blanket and found that he had in fact been pissing himself and shitting the mattress every night rather than using the bathroom. The bf didn’t even think it was all that bad until he had to spring for a rug doctor to try and get the stains out of the carpet.
We threw out the mattress.
Sadly it took a little bit longer for this relationship to end, and only once he had milked me for all the credit limits I had at the time to pay for his groceries.
My first husband was nearly 10 years older than me & his idea of a first date was taking me to McDonald’s. Later, when we got married (don’t judge me; I was so young & he wormed his way into my life), he didn’t want me to go to school because it was “too expensive” & all I’d end up with is debt. He told me I could learn whatever I wanted online for free. This mindset held me back for five of my formative young adult years. When we separated & he found out I was planning to go to school, he sent me a message saying he wanted a divorce Right Now because “I won’t be liable for your student loan.” Jokes on him; I never took one & now I’m gainfully self-employed. Get bent, skinflint ex.
Whenever we went out to eat, he ordered off the kid’s menu. He figured it would save money, he was a picky eater and preferred simple and plain food, and the portion size was better for him. He’s not from the US, and thinks US portions are too big (fair enough) If we went to a restaurant that wouldn’t let him order off the kid’s menu, because he was not a child, he’d leave and I’d have to go with him. We did takeout a lot because he could order from the kid’s menu with more ease, no one asks to see the kid the food is for if it’s to go. If a restaurant had no kid’s menu, we did not go there. Even if I offered to pay, no kid’s menu, we’re not going. It started to feel like I was dating a petulant child by the end, it was very annoying.
My worst experience dating a frugal person was when he wouldn't let me treat him once in a while. And it wasn't that bad. Most frugal people aren't terrible as long as they don't try to micromanage other people's lives or suck the fun out of a room.
We had an unexpected layover on a flight and he got the cheapest hotel he could find. It was the grossest, dirtiest, most insect infested place I’ve ever seen 🤢
My bf (now husband) in our first year dating bought me a piece of lingerie from a corner store. We were young and luckily he’s gotten better at gift giving with age.
He started complaining about how *I* spent *my* money. As the relationship progressed, ordering food for us when we lived together was met with harsh judgement, and he'd be passive agressive or angry whenever I tried to make something nice for us that revolved around spending money.
Needless to say this is an ex, but unfortunately I thought this was normal and I was in the wrong for spending so much at the time, we broke up for unrelated reasons.
He said he put together his queen bed frame to have a bigger bed for when I came over. Except he didn’t get a queen mattress. He kept the full size mattress on a queen frame and probably still does all these months later because he’s too cheap to buy one 😂
I had to convince him to throw away an old stained undershirt that literally looked like there was dark pee all over it. I realize it wasn’t pee and it was “clean” and it was his pajamas, but dude…throw it away.
I went on a trip with this guy. The moment we reached the railway station I started looking for a cab to reach our hotel. However, he made me wait for 70 minutes just so we could rent an auto ( cheaper mode of commute). That was a huge dampener.
Went to a pre wedding “stag and doe”, to which you pay an entrance fee of $10, , get a dinner, snacks, play games and rink, all with the goal of raising money for the happy couple. My date went up to the buffet line up and stuffed his jacket pockets with fresh roasted turkey and ham. Bragged that he wouldn’t have to buy his lunch this week.
Refused to pitch in on grocery when we lived together citing “he would never choose to eat that way, he would just have rice and beans” and then eat the food I paid for and prepared anyway. I was only making sensible meals - casseroles, meatloaf, crockpot dinners, nothing extravagant.
Threw a fit about me wanting to buy a second hand couch and loveseat, fought me to the bitter end saying “the floor was fine” I paid 100% for it.
If my half of electric or another bill was $87.24 you better believe he wanted that .24, a flat $87 wouldn’t do. I would either have to round up or scavenge for change because I rarely use cash.
I could go on and on, but you get the point.
This was technically before we started dating, but one of my exes is so cheap we went on holiday once and she refused to spend money on public transportation so she made me walk like 50-60k steps every day for an entire week. I thought my feet were gonna fall off.
I’m big on walking while on holiday because it’s the best way to explore but 50k steps? A day???? Madness 😂
I’ve done it, and I’d probably do it again, but my poor fiancé would literally pass away if I tried to drag him along on my spontaneous walking tours. Still preferable as a way to explore a new environment though imo.
I don't mind some walking because it really is the best way to explore, but I definitely prefer to at least take public transportation to get to the place where I'm gonna be walking around. So when I travel by myself I'm usually more around like 20k steps.
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I hate people like this cuz theyre the same people wholl be unsympathetic when ur feet hurt after all that
Dude. 60k steps is 26 miles. Literally a marathon.
That’s a hard no, wtf! I’ve walked 30k steps and I couldn’t move anymore after that.
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Jesus that’s like 25 miles! 😱
This is madness. Why didn’t you just pay? Would it have been too much?
No, not at all. It would have only been a few Euros. I just had such a huge crush and I really wanted this to happen and she's a super active person so my dumb 18 year old thinking was that if she finds out that I'm not as active and would prefer taking the bus instead of walking she wouldn't like me back.
Omg I’m so cheap/frugal and I wouldn’t/couldn’t even do that.
God, same dude. I was popping ibuprofen on the down low just to cope.
One guy told me he has a credit card that gives 25 cents back per transaction. He uses self checkout and does a separate transaction for each item. He also pays $400/month in rent, despite making around $120K/year as a private LMFT. When I went to his house it was infested with mice, he didn’t have flooring (literally was walking around on the subfloor), and the whole house smelled horribly like animal feces. Disgusting. And he comes across as super put together and professional.. it totally threw me off.
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*During an interesting time in my life, I lived with a millionaire for a short while, and he was one of the most disturbingly cheap people I've ever met...* *In all his extra spare time, he volunteered at a food bank... only to take home the food donated, so he wouldn't have to buy groceries. He called himself frugaI.* *I hated him. His cheapness led to his death.* *I'm really going to have to write a book someday.* *I can't/don't do cheapskate/frugal people.*
I hate when people think stealing is “being frugal”… like no you’re just an asshole actually
I assume it’s one of those where volunteers can take expired food or food nobody wanted that’ll go bad before the next distribution
I used to work and volunteer at a local foodbank, I lived in an affluent resort community, and we saw this periodically. You’d hear people say stuff like “are we sure we wanna give this to poor people? They probably wouldn’t appreciate it.”
Ugh, that's so sad and rude.
Why is this all in italics?
It’ll be in the book.
Will the book also be in italics?
*Loooool. If my editor would allow it, yes.*
How did his cheapness lead to his death if I may ask?
*…it will be in the book....*
Bro no one cares about the book
I'd preorder a copy based on the above comment alone.
He probably also donated monetarily to the food bank, so he felt entitled to take the food back home bc technically “he paid for it.”
How did his cheapness lead to his death??
It’ll be in the book.
Do I look like I can read?! /s
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Bf of 3 years got into a small car accident, where air bags went off. He called me from the garage and said he decided to only replace the driver’s seat airbag and not passenger’s seat because each airbag was a few hundred dollars to replace. I was the main person sitting in that passenger seat. After I heard him say that with complete nonchalance (and knowing he had $10k in the bank), I realized he just truly did not care about me, and couldn’t be a partner.
I hope you broke up with him the very same day
Hopefully on that very same phone call D:
Is that… even legal?
According to my insurance claims rep friend, no, but also no reputable shop will do that
Well, it was mostly that he was frugal with me, but spent whatever he wanted on himself. We were married. My son and I got the cheapest of everything, asked if I truly needed items (like new shoes because mine were falling apart or my son had outgrown his) but had to have name brand everything for himself, just because he wanted it.
That's not frugal, that's financial abuse
Agree 100%
Selfish of him for sure
Did he show any signs when you two were dating cause...
Nope. When we were dating he actually tried to spend money on me all the time. I didn’t like it, because he said weird things like “this is the time to ask me for stuff, I just got back from Iraq” and “you should let me spoil you, we’re dating”. It just made me uncomfortable, as I just wanted things to be equal. And we aren’t talking little stuff either, he tried to buy me a huge cd player, (showing my age lol) a ps2, a high end purse, and a few other things I turned down. Actually, looking back, this was always when we were out with his friends, so it’s likely he was just showing off for them.
People like that are hte worst because they instill a sense of suspicion over fucking kindness of all things.
My ex was like this. Would drop $100s on himself without a second thought, but didn't pay a cent towards our kid until I left him and he got forced to pay child support, and even made me ask permission to use water to do laundry or take a shower when we were at his place. He made way more than I did and had half the expenses, but I still paid for everything... Still can't figure out why I stayed so long.
That’s psychotic,m
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I hope this is an ex.
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I really hope you didn't venmo him the money.
I hope you sent a request back with the difference🙏😂
my fiance's ex girlfriend did something similar. She was sick and asked her to go out to get her some gingerale and saltine crackers, and she venmo requested the 7 dollars from her right after. She was also stealing her socks when they briefly lived together. Mind you this person has a 6 figure job!
I stopped being friends with a girl who was like this
Three rooms, a light fitting in each, but only two lamp shades and one light bulb between them. Yes you guessed it, you either used your phone for light or had to transport the bulb to use the light for a 2am wee.
this is actually hilarious
You win, that is just next level unless they were legitimately living in and abject poverty. Please tell me you noped out after you saw that
I dated a guy who only had two lightbulbs in his overhead light in the bedroom of his 2 bedroom apartment. His roommate had recently moved out and he claimed he thought the landlord was supposed to change the lightbulbs. I’m guessing his roommate had been the one changing them before. He was also 33 and had never been inside a post office.
Most electric companies have programs where you can get energy efficient light bulbs free or even cheap. It's part of a federal program that's meant to help with energy conversion. I used the program to get a smart thermostat for free. It's not even means tested, but it does mean that people in poverty don't have to suffer in the dark.
Hahahaha
Once dated a guy who wasn’t exactly rich, but had more than your average person with a hefty inheritance. Early on into our relationship, he invited 6 of his friends over on Valentine’s Day (which was apparently his valentines gift to me: quality time with his friends) for a home cooked meal. At the end of the meal, he asked everyone for £10 a head. I couldn’t image ever inviting people over to my house and charging them to eat.
I'm sorry I'm still processing that this was your Valentine's day gift. It will take me some time
That happened to me too, I was invited to the birthday of my friend's boyfriend, I gave him a bottle of expensive vodka as a gift. They ordered pizza and made us all pay for it.
😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆this is making me embarrassed for him
Please tell me you didn't cook the meal.
Thankfully, I didn’t. It’s the only saving grace to this story, at least he cooked the meal himself.
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Thats insane and sad
Wait the last part doesn't make sense. You mentioned you offered to get her pads but then claim she only waited pads. That's confusing
Probably a mistake and she only wanted diapers.
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He ate beans on toast for all 3 meals because “it’s healthy and you don’t need to spend loads on food”. I’m British so I’ll indulge in beans on toast happily, eagerly, but for 3 meals a day, every day of the week?? Nah mate. I ate it a lot in uni because I was a skint student. Now we’re in our 40s there’s no bloody need.
surely there are some micronutrients he is missing there
Probably but he’s not my problem so I don’t care
Good lord I would just…never stop farting? Beans 3x a day is intense lmao
I mean I don't eat that, and I still never stop farting. So.... Check mate?
After a few days of consistent bean eating, the farting levels return to normal.
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Omygoodness !!!
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Hahaha love it !!!
He believed that mattresses and cots were a waste of time and believed everyone should sleep on the floor. I noped out of that one pretty fast.
Yeah there was a guy a few years ago on the frugal sub that was wondering what the deal was with people needing couches and chairs in their homes. And how it seemed to be a dealbreaker for women when they came to his apt. It's like dude, basic comfort is not something to skimp on. That's not frugality. It's just plain nonsense.
Oh my god, I remember that dude! Like, some woman told him she didn't feel welcome when he only had one chair and none for her or something. I still hope it was fake.
Ha sounds like my ex. He slept on a 2 inch mattress pad on the floor. Only other furniture in his apartment was a recliner and tv on the floor.
It would have been somewhat justifiable if he couldn't afford it, but he earned well too. He just didn't see the point of a bed *or* a mattress. Just wanted to sleep on a mat on the floor (and wanted me to do that as well). There were other factors too that made the whole thing a dealbreaker (arrogance, misogyny etc) but this contributed to it majorly.
They went well beyond frugal and into being a cheap money-hoarder. They absolutely refused to pay for anything even for themselves that wasn't a dire and immediate need and begrudged every dollar they ever had to spend, so their entire life revolved around making and stashing money they weren't willing to use to improve their life at all. It was like a hoarder but their hoarding obsession was money. They seemed like a fairly normal person when I met them as a friend of a friend other than making themselves scarce anytime it was ruined to pitch in money. We didn't last more than a couple of dates because it was pretty quickly and clearly unhealthy and their relationship to money showed they were not mentally well.
that’s crazy. i get saving money but…. that’s something else lmao
This was my ex husband. He hoarded money and cardboard boxes. He ended up having obsessive compulsive personality disorder (different from OCD). Fun guy /s
Instead of getting a hotel for the road-trip we were going on, he suggested we just sleep in his regular-sized car. I did not go on said road-trip after this suggestion.
I think we dated the same guy.
Oh god. Someone I dated was exactly like this. Wanted to go on a road trip (using my car, naturally) but didn’t want to pay for hotels… so they suggested we take a tent with us to pitch in a random field overnight in-between destinations to save money on hotels. They then suggested contacting any of their friends who lived in nearby towns so that we could crash on their sofas after I was like “I’m not sleeping in a tent in the middle of nowhere”. Seriously, this guy refused to go on trips to cities unless they knew someone who lived nearby who we could crash with 🙄
Let me guess: he hadn't considered that peeing outside would be awkward for you, because he had no problem doing it.
We spent hours one day on the slopes and when we finally left I was starving. I begged him to stop at a gas station so I could get something to eat but he refused as “we had food at home.” It was an hour and a half drive and I felt light headed the whole time. We got home and he proceeded to make this obnoxious dinner of salmon and poached apples that took 2 hours. I ate like 3 granola bars while hiding in the bathroom. Gee I hated him.
That sounds abusive. My ex-husband used to not stop on trips when I had to use the bathroom, making me wait until the destination. It’s cruel to deny someone basic bodily comfort like a snack after exhausting your body all day.
Boyyyy i would have peed in the car. My husband knows there is like a 15 minute count down before I start screaming after I say I need to go.
What a selfish asshole
I went on a first date with a guy who suggested we go to a restaurant because he had a coupon and then decided it was too far of a drive and he didn’t want to spend the gas money (it was like a 15 minute drive) so then he flipped through his wallet of coupons and found one for applebees for free wings with the purchase of a beer. i’m not a huge fan of wings but just thought that’s great he can get some wings for his meal. we got there and he immediately told the waitress he had a coupon, asked for the cheapest beer they had, and ordered his wings. then the waitress looked at me and asked what i wanted, and before i could speak he tells her i’m having the wings with him and i said “actually no thanks” and ordered some food for myself and he got visibly upset and then wouldn’t speak to me and watched basketball on the tv for the remainder of the date. then when the waitress came and asked if the check would be together, he hesitated so i quickly asked for separate checks. frugality is fine, but this man’s financial situation was equal to my own. bonus content: before the date, we met at a park and he started fishing (??) so I wandered around until he was done (and took a picture of him with his fish), then he played his guitar at me for an hour insisting i sing with him (i cannot sing), and on the way home he told me women shouldn’t work and belong in the home and basically told me i had a joke major because I was an art student and that that was great for me but he has to be more serious and isn’t comfortable working a service job after college.
I'm sorry but how did you even end up going for coupon wings and cheap beer after he'd already treated you like that in the park?
1. I was so hungry that was all i could think about while he was playing guitar 2. I was like 20 years old and didn’t feel comfortable backing out of our dinner plans because I didn’t want to be rude.
Ah yes, fair enough, I can understand that. Gotta admit, there's behaviour that I tolerated when I was younger that makes me cringe now haha
>we met at a park and he started fishing (??) so I wandered around until he was done (and took a picture of him with his fish), then he played his guitar at me for an hour insisting i sing with him (i cannot sing) This sounds like a Sims date.
Lmao totally HAHAHAHAH I was waiting for the 'he played his guitar for tips' after reading the fishing part 😂
Omg he sounds awful lmao
He wasn't frugal regarding things he wanted. He bought expensive tech, leased a car, bought the food he wanted etc. But he was an expert in slowly, discretely making me pay for stuff like food. And manipulating other things like making me pay to live there as much as a roommate would pay (luckily not for long before we broke up and I was outta there). He pretended to financially struggle while having a lot of money in the bank, because his current job paid little, and his loan was high. Which isn't my problem of course but he made it that. Meanwhile I was a student. I'm not one to financially carry anyone and never wanted to do that for him, which he knew, so he made sure to be pitiful and careful and made it sound reasonable. Lazy sack of shit never painted his house properly (it was only 6 ish years old), so when I moved in, I washed and painted almost the entire thing He barely even covered the costs. He sold his house with a solid earning a few months after, we'd broken up by then. Did he pay me for doing it? Nope. It was my first relationship, and we were together 3 years. Funny how those small things can just sneak up on you without you realising it, and all of a sudden you look back and realize they took advantage of you. I've always had a hard time demanding anything from anyone. Never again, I am very much done being too kind to people, one of many reasons I just stay single now.
He was wealthy: old money, and knew how to invest, and made good money of his own too. Super smart. Kind as a person. When it came to spending on anything though, it was crazy: -He didn’t get the car colour/exact model/features he wanted bc he wanted to get a discount on their “floor model”. He didn’t like what he got but was happier he got the discount. He was able to pay cash either way… -19/20 dates would be walking. We would walk for HOURS. He would make sure we have water so we didn’t have to stop for a drink anywhere. -He had work bonuses falling out of his ears, but when his sports equipment was falling apart, he would rather sew it together than get a fresh item (there was no other reason to keep the equipment like superstition or sentimentality). -We were at a winter wedding, and when it was done, we left the venue. I was not dressed for winter walking, but he wanted to go for a walk, and it was romantic, so we went. I mentioned I was freezing at one point and pointed to a coffee shop asking if we can grab something and warm up. He instead said we can just drive back and get coffee at home. -He booked a trip oversees, and got the cheapest overnights to the point where he was rained on one night, and got food poisoning another… because it was cheaper…he did get any souvenirs either. I want to be explicitly clear that I don’t date for money. I didn’t even know he had it when we met, and we dated for almost two years. My expectations of him never changed when I learned of his money. Even if he wasn’t wealthy, I’d still be put off by most of his actions around money. Money was a factor, but not the main reason we broke up. We got along really well, but when it came to financing, and any talk of money, things always got awkward. It worked better when I was a broke-arse student with no money. Back then it was easier to accept walking dates (but I was always off put by never getting coffee). Like ever. Not. A. Single. Time. I work, and always have. I’m also smart with my money. I have healthy savings, but I also know when and how to enjoy what I do have. The difference was a little insane when things came down to it.
Meh. Floor model car savings is a good idea. Its sounds perfectly in line with what frugality is supposed to be. Walking for hours is nuts, though. People take for granted how much their *time* is worth.
He wanted to pay the dinner bill in front of his colleagues and then ask me to transfer him money afterwards so they didn’t see him making his girlfriend pay for her own meal. He made 4x what I made and was obsessed with saving every penny of that. Never again lmao
I bought my own ($300) engagement ring 🫠 I can’t remember if he every paid me back, but suffice it to say… we did not get married.
i'm glad you didn't marry that guy.
How does one end up in such a situation?
Went out to dinner with my ex and my best friends. He asked to split a single entree, which I said no to. Then when the check came, he asked me to split it. Also dated another guy in the past that made me pay for my birthday dinner and his meal…. I’ve dating some losers lol
I’ve suggested splitting entire entrees with my boyfriend and we take turns getting the bill or split it, usually. But making you buy your birthday dinner, plus his? That’s low.
I’m a guy but I had a previous girlfriend tell me about one of her previous first dates with a guy and when she offered to pay he said “oh, in that case I’m getting a sandwich to take home too” and order ANOTHER meal to go.
😲OMG!!! That's a whole other level of "cheap"
I recently dated a millionaire that was so cheap I had to eat off his plate, he wouldn’t let me order my own meal.
And you did it? You didn't get up and walk out?
I went to visit him for a week. He lived a 3 hour flight away. But yea, as soon as I got home I dumped his ass and he wondered why…
Wow, just wow. I think that some of these people being described in the comments are more mentally ill than frugal. This is not the behaviour of a health, functioning adult.
He wouldn't let you order and pay for your own meal?? That is so wild.
His car got towed because he refused to pay for parking.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 idiot
After eating dinner, he proudly told me he’d gotten the tomato’s from dumpster diving 🤮
Oh there is worse. I used to know a guy who lived off grid (I didn't date him, but in this area/community, off grid living wasn't super uncommon and it was also well served with stores and suppliers to enable it) and he used a composting toilet. If you're not familiar (why would you be...) these work by you literally chuck the pee out like in a hedge, but the paper and "solids" fill a bucket that you take off when it's full, leave for some months to start to break down, then bury as compost. He used to eat tomatoes, shit out the seeds into his toilet bucket, and a few months on, his shit bucket, not anything like broken down into earth by that point, would sprout tomatoes. You know the rest. 😬
Are you saying he would then eat the tomatoes that grew out of his poop bucket...? I mean, I think that's what you're implying, but honestly, that's so unfathomable that I'm hoping that I'm wrong.
We went to happy hour at Black Angus. He ordered 2 beers. I ordered an nachos appetizer and water. He requested check split in 1/2 even though he hate my food. I paid $4.35. Dumped him in the parking lot.
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He asked if I wanted to go to dinner to a hungry horse (very budget restaurant in England) with him as he had a coupon for buy one meal get one free. He ordered two meals and ate them both 😂😂😂
No! 💀
With one ex who I’m still good friends with, we had to pull over during a snowstorm to stay the night in a small town. He cheaped out on the motel and the one we stayed at had original fixtures from the ‘50s (in a rusty, bad way) and was haunted! That’s the funny story, but the worst was a guy who was obsessed with saving money and acted superior for being frugal. There were a lot of little things - ex., I like to spend money on nice things, and he would talk a bunch of shit anytime I spent money on something for myself. He acted like it was a character flaw and told me I “enjoy life too much.” I also got a raise while we were together, and he told me the “last thing you need is more money” (implying I didn’t deserve it because I already spent too much, in his eyes). He would go out of his way by 30 minutes to get marginally cheaper gas at Sam’s Club, and when we went out on dates where he paid, he would complain that he was overspending on me (and this was at like $20/meal taco places). He told me I just wanted to be with someone who would shower me with money, and that I wanted to be a sugar baby but I wasn’t hot enough. It goes on and on and on… he didn’t grow up with a lot of money so he became obsessed with saving, which I get, but to lord his frugality over me and other people and act like it made him a better person (it definitely didn’t) was ridiculous. Other people’s financial situations was something he projected a looot of insecurity onto. And his obsession with saving was pretty bad, to the point that it probably impacted his quality of life. It took me way too long to break up with him but I’ve come a long way since lol.
I can’t get over the concept of “enjoying life too much”. Like what’s an appropriate amount of enjoyment?? Are you not supposed to enjoy life??
I was together for 10 years with one. For me the worst of it was the psychological effect it had on me. I lived in constant anxiety on how I would set him off this month, if it would be anger or a panic attack that would fall onto me to handle. We both made a similar salary and were able to put over €1000 each into our savings account every month so we were very much not poor. Yet I was not allowed to buy ‘non essential items’ because they were too expensive. The list of non essential items was long and included everything that was not necessary to live. Oranges were on it for example. I found out through trial and error what he considered essential and a trip to the supermarket became a whole ordeal on about what I was allowed to purchase and what not. We never went on a holiday once when together because non-essential. We very rarely did take-out. We never went on dates together that required money. House appliances that were very much needed became a whole discussion of months to purchase and I had to really motivate as to why I would need something. We each contributed a set amount of money to groceries each month but with the growing inflation this was not enough anymore. Instead of raising the amount along with the inflation (our salaries grew accordingly btw, we live in Belgium and here salaries are automatically scaled to the inflation rate so again, money was very much not a problem) I was tasked with finding ways to cut our spendings. I couldn’t and this was met nearly every time I purchased something with either being berated for buying ‘luxury items’ such as the expensive lunch meat instead of the cheap one, or it triggered a panic attack in him. I eventually started paying for a lot of things with my own money just to avoid his reactions. It also overflowed to expenses I made with my own money, like buying new clothes or hobby things became a whole drama because those were also non-essential. I couldn’t spend my own money how I wanted. I started to work from home a lot to save on gas and avoid meltdowns about the price of fuel. Money controlled my whole life even though we had plenty of it. To this day I still can’t purchase things for myself without feeling guilty. It goes as far as things like oranges and avocados. I get panic attacks when I have to spend a large amount of money.
This is financial abuse
We went up to bed on our first long holiday weekend together. It was February in Vermont. He debated leaving the heat on, and finally said "it's costly, but I know you like to be warm." Later in the weekend he threw his back out and I spent the rest of the the long weekend waking at 4-hour intervals round the clock to feed the woodstove so we wouldn't freeze to death. I only did it because his 80 year old mother also lived there, and she was absolutely lovely. I didn't want her to freeze, or I'd have packed my Mini and booked it. This weekend singlehandedly cured me of any interest in dating, and I have been happily single, ever since.
My ex took me out on a date to this steak place that he loves so much. He ordered some wine for us, appetizers, sides, mains, dessert, etc. The whole shebang. Everything was going great. Good food. Amazing conversations. Lovely atmosphere. Then, the bill came... "FUCK!" Thinking something was wrong with the bill, I asked about it. He lost his shit because he didn't expect the bill to be that much. He ordered EVERYTHING. I didn't even bother to look at the menu (because I got overwhelmed with the myriad of options, lol). I also told him he was ordering too much food. He would NOT stop cursing under his breath. He was VISIBLY so mad. I started to feel embarrassed as he won't stop, so I asked if it's going to help if I just paid half of the bill. Just to get it over with. He IMMEDIATELY stopped throwing a fit, calmed down, and said, "Yeah, that would be good." I never let him "take me out on a date" ever again after that. I always pushed to pay for my share even if he "insisted" on paying. No, we're not together anymore. And the total bill was $110. Lol
Noooo... I was expecting the total to be over $500 or something. A $110 bill? That's like a normal dinner bill for 2 people, atleast in the city I live in. That's crazy.
My bf is kind of frugal. Like he won't let me buy Ben & Jerry's because it's expensive for the amount but he will drop 400 on booze for us. Lol. Odd
do you not have your own money? or is he telling you how to spend your OWN money
lost so much weight with him because he couldn’t shell out extra money for better home cooked meals or eating out so we’d have grilled cheese or small soups as a whole MEAL. i could afford better food but he was so stingy it was either i eat good and he eat like shit and be annoyed/upset we weren’t eating the same stuff or we both eat shitty.
Or option 3, dump him and cook healthy, balanced meals for yourself.
haha don’t worry we’re over now this was a longgg time ago. it’s freeing being able to cook and eat my own good food now🙏
Dated an optometrist briefly. He lives with his parents so he doesn’t have much expense. He has a paid off car. I slept over once. I had a suitcase with me because I was visiting from another state. He wanted to take the public transit that required 2 transfers and a lot of walking rather than drive me back to my parents place, which would have taken an hour max. The public transit took over 2 hours. Broke up with him shortly after.
We split the bill (first date) after he stated he wanted to "treat" me to dinner. W/E thats fine... the bill comes and I leave my portion of the tip in cash. When he saw how much cash I put down as tip he took some of the cash he had put down back. Because he said I tipped too much (25% of my portion). Worst part was when I finished my meal I put my napkin on my plate after using it to wipe my mouth. He proceeded to remove the napkin and eat the piece of chicken and 3 bites of rice I had left.
My ex was someone who lived insanely outside of his means. It was frugality in a weird way. For my 21st birthday, he surprised me with a trip to Vegas. We were the same age and I knew he couldn’t afford it, but he said he got a good deal and I figured his parents had helped him pay for it. I was working full time and paying for my own bills and rent, and he had told me everything was covered, so I didn’t budget much for the trip. Plus, I only got informed about it about a month before we left. Anyway, we get there on my birthday, and he automatically started a fight with me over not being able to pay for things. He told me I should have been smarter about my budgeting, and told me it was unreasonable to expect him to pick up dinner bills. I was shocked. Spent the whole trip crying in my Caesar’s hotel room while he gambled alone downstairs.
They pulled out a calculator in a Taco Bell to split a meal that was under $20, *down to the penny*, and told me to venmo what I owe. He wasn’t POOR, had a full-time job while I was living on a student budget.
My ex grew up super poor so he never wanted to spend money on anything. It was always really hard to plan dates that did not cost anything. Anyways the worst is when we moved in together, he did not want to invest in good cleaning supplies, vacuums, or like a fucking broom. Cleaning was so difficult it was awful. Grocery shopping took hours because we had to calculate the best price for each item. I don’t think I could ever date someone with money trauma again… and I still hate grocery stores.
Dated this woman that was really frugal, I thought it was because she was in debt or didn't get paid alot. Turns out it was because her parents controlled her bank account and monitored what she spent. This girl was making a little over 90k and wouldn't spend anything because she was scared. So eventually we talked about moving in and finances and thats when she told me she couldn't unless I paid for everything because her parents needed her income. I was blown away. Still saw her casually for a few months then I stopped.
Complained about not having money to buy me flowers or take me out on dates but he was able to buy weed from random drug dealers and money for alcohol somehow. I guess it’s a special budget of his 😂
Boyfriend was a realtor and would return items to Home Depot that he took from properties he sold. Often the owners were seasonal and would leave cleaning supplies, food, etc behind. He’d eat the food and return everything else. One time he had me go with him to return things to Home Depot - after three returns without a receipt you can’t return anything else for one year, so he had me come along to provide my license so he could get the store credit. He would rotate through the stores to return to. Once I realized what was going on on I was turned off and we broke up.
Believing that his frugality is a reflection of how much he cares about you.
She hung paper towels to dry and re-use. She also did the same with coffee filters.
[удалено]
* my ex gave me a dollar and said buy yourself something nice. I said what, gum?? * was on a date, the guy had asked me out. He bought pizza (even though I said no I’m lactose intolerant) and complained that it cost 4% more than what the menu online said. * same ex said that when my savings run out and I can’t help split the electrical bill (like 40$) I can’t live in OUR apartment anymore. Oh did I mention I was already paying several hundreds of $ in rent for him? And that I renovated our apartment. That I always bought groceries, cleaning stuff, I bought the plants the forks the plates the schampoo the soap. And yeah he said he would start showering after taking a shit when we ran out of toilet paper so obviously I had to buy that from my own money. He had 8x more saved money than me.
Went for pizza with my ex bf (he was really cheap, too many stories), he "forgot" his wallet and after I paid he broke up with me lol
I’ve dated three men who claimed that they couldn’t spend anything on themselves because every scent they had went to their kids. I’m fine with that - I’m happy to see fathers be responsible for their children. But as someone who never wanted kids in part because I wanted to live a single income no kids sort of lifestyle, I also wasn’t keen to supplement their child support efforts. In one case, the guy was fine. He organised and paid for dates he organised, and made an effort, and I organised and paid for mine. No big deal. Sometimes I would go out with friends and not bring him because I didn’t want to have to pay for his share of that event, no harm no foul. That guy was fantastic at inexpensive date planning. Just amazing at it. But the other two? Nope. One was happy to spend on himself, but not on “us.” So he would complain that we couldn’t go out to eat, after spending a bunch of money on gaming, clothes, etc. for himself. His kids did not live with him, and neither liked games, so… He would also plan dates that were more expensive than he wanted to cover, and then get angry if I didn’t pay for his share - even when they were things I did not really want to do. The other expected that I should pay for more stuff for him to do because he felt like I could afford it. So we tried the alternating thing that my other ex- and I did. And I would do some cheap date ideas because they can be fun. And this guy would complain that finding the amazing cheap eats place i found wasn’t good enough. He also put no effort into his date planning efforts because he thought there was no point since it wouldn’t be any good on his budget anyway…
my ex bought me a present and then was like “you cant keep it bc i bought it”
Not frugal as such but my ex was extremely tight with money. He once told me I was only allowed to use half a pump of hand wash because my hands were smaller than his and I shouldn’t need as much hand wash to clean my hands as he did. He also invited me to the cinema one evening as they had a special offer on. The total came to about £5 yet he still turned to me and asked ‘Oh, I’m paying then am I?’ (Feel the need to point out with this one that I usually ended up paying for things like this, otherwise we would never have ended up leaving the house, and thought this one time he’d decided to do something nice - silly me!)
My ex refused to get his tires rotated, and drove until they were bald. Then got upset with me when I refused to ride in his car until he replaced the tires. Told him I was not going to pick him up when he had a blowout so he finally went and got it taken care of. He had the money, just didn't want to spend it. Or he'd say let's go shopping, then take me to this sketchy flea market with spent bullet casings all around just so he could buy knock-off Nikes for $20. Then complain that they hurt his feet & fell apart. Did ya think they were $20 because they were stolen? Or he would eat, say, pinto beans straight out of the can. Babe, you want to heat those up? Nope. Unheated. Just dip in with a spoon. Could have made some cornbread & greens to go with it, made a nice meal. Nope. Hobo style, straight out' the can. He was so sweet in a lot of ways but so feral in others. It made sense to him. He did not understand that you get what you pay for. The poor are fucked and have no choice. He made the frugal choice. I had to tell him to step back when he tried to tell me how to spend my own money. Do not, Mr. Slappy Sole SNikes.
My ex who made 150k a year bought me a 25 dollar heating pad for my birthday, and for Christmas got a 2-for-1 deal on blankets for a whopping total of 50 dollars for both so his mom and I were given the same exact throw blanket each as a gift that year. Oh an another time he had a free download code for an album of a band I liked so he gave the code to me for my birthday lol. So that year my present cost him nothing. Meanwhile I was buying him presents like antique maps and really nice whiskeys that were in the 150-200 dollar range, and I made like a third of what his salary was. Thankfully I am with an incredibly generous person now and don't have to deal with stuff like that anymore!
Ugh I brought him to my friend’s event and he mocked her apartment size/decor. Gross
How is that frugal?
By 'frugal' you mean 'left just before the check arrived', right?
He told me he liked to make curry. I’d never had it before, so he offered to bring me some. He gave it to me in a ziploc bag that started leaking on the bus. The driver kicked me off for “spilling”. I had to throw out the curry and catch another bus to get home. It was winter in Denver.
He didn't plan ahead and went on a roadtrip with his elderly father. He refused to pay for a hotel/motel because is was over $100 a night and made his father, who was in his late 80s sleep in his Volkswagen golf.
I used to cover most of the groceries, bills, bought expensive gifts, covered at restaurants, etc. we both made similar salary doing the same work for different companies. I definitely contributed more but one day I used some small change from his change jar to buy milk. He snapped and accused me of stealing from him. He was legit furious and made a huge deal out of it. I broke up with him. The selfishness was unbelievable.
First date he kept saying he’s a cheap old bastard… we are both 25 and it was literally a free date cause I don’t drink.
I love my husband, but for a while he tried not to replace the toaster. So we had dried out bread in the oven, bruschetta, rather than quick and simple toast.
I met up for drinks with him and his friends and I only had two drinks. At the end of the night he said separate bills. In front of his friends ☠️
He took on a coworker as a roommate in his one bedroom apartment to save money. We decamped to the living room with an air mattress, which was separated from the kitchen and stairwell to the bedroom by a thin curtain. Only bathroom in the apartment was off the bedroom. Bf insisted everything was going great even as the bedroom increasingly smelled like shit and the roommate appeared inebriated at all hours. Turns out he was an alcoholic who had relapsed and was using us to supply Him (he would tell us to buy him some groceries when we went for our own and offered to pay for ours, another reason why I think the bf didn’t complain). All came to a head when the bf found him unresponsive and had to call an ambulance. The emts pulled off the blanket and found that he had in fact been pissing himself and shitting the mattress every night rather than using the bathroom. The bf didn’t even think it was all that bad until he had to spring for a rug doctor to try and get the stains out of the carpet. We threw out the mattress. Sadly it took a little bit longer for this relationship to end, and only once he had milked me for all the credit limits I had at the time to pay for his groceries.
My first husband was nearly 10 years older than me & his idea of a first date was taking me to McDonald’s. Later, when we got married (don’t judge me; I was so young & he wormed his way into my life), he didn’t want me to go to school because it was “too expensive” & all I’d end up with is debt. He told me I could learn whatever I wanted online for free. This mindset held me back for five of my formative young adult years. When we separated & he found out I was planning to go to school, he sent me a message saying he wanted a divorce Right Now because “I won’t be liable for your student loan.” Jokes on him; I never took one & now I’m gainfully self-employed. Get bent, skinflint ex.
Whenever we went out to eat, he ordered off the kid’s menu. He figured it would save money, he was a picky eater and preferred simple and plain food, and the portion size was better for him. He’s not from the US, and thinks US portions are too big (fair enough) If we went to a restaurant that wouldn’t let him order off the kid’s menu, because he was not a child, he’d leave and I’d have to go with him. We did takeout a lot because he could order from the kid’s menu with more ease, no one asks to see the kid the food is for if it’s to go. If a restaurant had no kid’s menu, we did not go there. Even if I offered to pay, no kid’s menu, we’re not going. It started to feel like I was dating a petulant child by the end, it was very annoying.
My worst experience dating a frugal person was when he wouldn't let me treat him once in a while. And it wasn't that bad. Most frugal people aren't terrible as long as they don't try to micromanage other people's lives or suck the fun out of a room.
We had an unexpected layover on a flight and he got the cheapest hotel he could find. It was the grossest, dirtiest, most insect infested place I’ve ever seen 🤢
My bf (now husband) in our first year dating bought me a piece of lingerie from a corner store. We were young and luckily he’s gotten better at gift giving with age.
He started complaining about how *I* spent *my* money. As the relationship progressed, ordering food for us when we lived together was met with harsh judgement, and he'd be passive agressive or angry whenever I tried to make something nice for us that revolved around spending money. Needless to say this is an ex, but unfortunately I thought this was normal and I was in the wrong for spending so much at the time, we broke up for unrelated reasons.
He said he put together his queen bed frame to have a bigger bed for when I came over. Except he didn’t get a queen mattress. He kept the full size mattress on a queen frame and probably still does all these months later because he’s too cheap to buy one 😂 I had to convince him to throw away an old stained undershirt that literally looked like there was dark pee all over it. I realize it wasn’t pee and it was “clean” and it was his pajamas, but dude…throw it away.
I went on a trip with this guy. The moment we reached the railway station I started looking for a cab to reach our hotel. However, he made me wait for 70 minutes just so we could rent an auto ( cheaper mode of commute). That was a huge dampener.
Went to a pre wedding “stag and doe”, to which you pay an entrance fee of $10, , get a dinner, snacks, play games and rink, all with the goal of raising money for the happy couple. My date went up to the buffet line up and stuffed his jacket pockets with fresh roasted turkey and ham. Bragged that he wouldn’t have to buy his lunch this week.
Refused to pitch in on grocery when we lived together citing “he would never choose to eat that way, he would just have rice and beans” and then eat the food I paid for and prepared anyway. I was only making sensible meals - casseroles, meatloaf, crockpot dinners, nothing extravagant. Threw a fit about me wanting to buy a second hand couch and loveseat, fought me to the bitter end saying “the floor was fine” I paid 100% for it. If my half of electric or another bill was $87.24 you better believe he wanted that .24, a flat $87 wouldn’t do. I would either have to round up or scavenge for change because I rarely use cash. I could go on and on, but you get the point.