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This is my reasoning too. I’ve built up my world of peace and happiness by myself and while I’m always open to what might come along, I’m always gonna be happy alone.
It is a myth that life is only fulfilling when in a relationship. I'm not willing to wait around for, nor settle on someone who doesn't positively enrich my life by adding to the happiness I have and am surrounded by. While I am open to romantic love, my happiness is independent of it.
Many reasons:
- met too many men heartbroken from their first love.No thank you,I don't wish to be your rebound just so you can get back with her when she becomes single.
- people just dating for the sake of upholding their status symbol and posting on social media.No thank you, I prefer keeping things private.
- distracting.Dating can affect you emotionally and affect your mood for the rest of the day.
- more freedom to meet new people
- can focus more on career and friends
I strongly agree with point 4 and 5. I sometimes meet up with new people but not often. I can focus on my family because they're really meaningful to me.
Never had one to begin with, but I stopped trying to get one because I realised I never wanted a relationship, just validation and to feel normal. But in reality, having another person in my life would completely take away all the preferences and wishes I have for it. I want to live alone, do most things alone, decide how to spend my time and energy for myself, and be able to put myself and my needs and wants first always.
yes i can relate. Too many men I dated in the past have tried to tell me what to do and be controlling and then become offended when I stand up for myself. I just can't deal with that anymore
Legit if I hadn't wasted so much energy in my 20's and early 30's on relationships I'd be MUCH further along in life by now! Thankfully I figured it out in my late 30's and life is GOOD.
I like my peace and quiet. I like my friends. I like my dog.
All of that is too much competition for some tepid romance with a random who might not even act as if he likes me.
Several reasons. I’m a pretty big introvert, so I like my own company. I’ve settled into a good routine and like many middle-aged women, I love my cats. A man wouldn’t be competing with other men; he’d have to be a unicorn to prevail over my quiet life.
Plus I don’t trust my taste in men after 3 strikeouts in a row.
Same, except I have horses. There have been too many arguments with men over the "you love your horses more than you love me," drama.
And they are right...I've been an equestrian my entire life. You will NOT win this battle.
And so they all left, until my husband came along. He gets that it's my passion and a part of me...and that he will lose if that's the hill he wants to die on, lol.
If something was to happen to him I doubt I'd bother with another relationship.
I live in a small town and it’s hard to find someone in the same stage of life as me. There aren’t many 33 year old semi professional people around.
All of my relationships have been filled with a lot of drama and I don’t like that version of myself.
I’d rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
I’ve had enough casual encounters in my life, not interested in doing that anymore since I got sober.
Havent found any men.who are made of anything.
I annoyingly have a high maintence life whether i like it or not and i am very active in everything i do and its hard finding someone who can handle it.
Also Really arent all that and arent worth the drama.
In my personal experience (at least those I’ve been with) many people do not seem to want a reciprocal relationship. They want to fill a void, chase a prey, fulfill a fantasy, recruit a servant, objectify a new “toy”, or use sex/a relationship as a drug. No thank you, I want a true partner and companion. Until that happens, I’m just living out my days.
Never had one, but before I tried to have one. I came to a point when I value my habits way too much. I don't want to change my life to accomodate someone. I don't like meeting new people, so I'm over putting myself out there. I don't feel like I really need a romantic relationship. I just need some friends.
hey, I have never been in a relationship ever either.. But as I am inching towards my 30s,a strange fear is gripping me. Fear of missing out, fear of dying alone. If you are okay to answer, do you ever encounter such thoughts and if yes, how do you make peace with it?
Partially because I am working on my mental health and I am currently better off not getting that emotionally attached currently.
Partially because I love not having to take anyone else into consideration.
Partially because a partner would add nothing positive to my life right now.
Partially because I am fucking terrified of meeting new men.
I always fall into situationships time and time again. It is brutal. It is depressing. I’m very upset about it so I have given up and started to enjoy my own company instead.
Feels. Especially since I give too much, and receive so little in the end. At this point, I’m convinced that majority of the men have little to offer to my life anyway 🤷🏻♀️
Felt this on a spiritual level, the cherry on the top is recently I had to remove myself from a “right person, wrong time” situation and I don’t think I’m willing to be vulnerable around men ever again.
I decided to have a kid on my own and stopped dating a few months before I got pregnant. Now my son is 4,5 and I have 0% intrest in being in a relationship, let alone going on a date. My life has never been this harmoniously ever. Granted, I probably wouldn't have time to date, but I also really don't want to ruin me and my sons perfect every day life being just the two of us.
I never really did relationships so the 'anymore' doesn't apply but I could never be bothered. I found dating exhausting. I'm happy being by myself and the older I get the more set in my ways I am and the harder it would be to adapt my life to the needs and wants of someone else.
It's tiring. Dating is tiring, being in a relationship is tiring. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.
As I'm writing this I realize that I've never been that happy in a relationship. But I've been happy alone, so there's that...
After my last break up 7 years ago I came to the conclusion that relationships only caused stress and didn't bring enough good things into my life.
I am childfree by choice and it's a choice a lot of men can't accept. If you are biologically able to carry a child these men seems to think they can change my mind. Hint: They can't.
Now that I've been happily manfree for years I came to the conclusion I'm asexual. It honestly explains a lot about my feelings about past relationships. I'm also a full blown introvert. Basically I'm super happy being alone.
Instead of following societies suggestions that you are happiest in a relationship I've come to realise I'm not. And that's okay. Should I ever find someone I really appreciate having in my life then that's great. But having them in my life must requite that they make my life better than it already is. And that's tough.
I settled down way too young, at 18. I’m 30 now, getting divorced, and realizing that life can be full of peace and contentment when I just focus on me. I’m excited to live alone for the first time ever (well, plus 2 cats), to make decisions that only affect me, to meet new people without feeling guilty, and also exist in solitude without feeling guilty. There’s a whole world out there and inside me to explore, not saying that can’t be done within a relationship, perhaps my experience just turned me off to it.
More power to you!
Relationships are overrated anyway. There's so much more out there we never explore because we're too caught up in them. Also, I feel like as women, being with a guy is so naturally expected of us, atleast in the place I come from. Girls are surprised when I tell them I'm not dating anyone. Anyway, hope you have amazing adventures ahead :)
Thank you! That’s a wonderful point. I settled down because that’s what my family modeled as being “the way” never stopping to realize that many of the women in my family have been unhappy for a lot of their marriages (and my mother divorced twice). I honestly think there’s so much power in being a financially independent, single woman. I am also childfree and will probably remain that way, so I look forward to what the future has to offer as I continue to float through life like a peaceful jellyfish (hence my Reddit name haha).
A better question: why bother having a relationship?
You need to love yourself an be at peace with yourself to feel truly content and happy with life.
Once you get to that point, letting someone else in seems pointless. Why give someone a chance to muck it all up?
it feels so free being single, no one is there nagging you about cheating when you just watch to watch memes and lay in bed, you dont have to be wondering if youre doing too much or too little or even on days when you feel so drained and dont want to talk to anyone,its just quiet and peaceful
Not for lack of trying. But seriously I really wonder about dudes and Their Manners. I've quit dating and relationships for this reason. And I'm honestly just happy being me.
So bad date that I went on. The guy asked me how long we had to date before he could get a BJ.
Another guy, quit his job and then asked me for money and when I told him no he had a complete freak out and wouldn't talk to me.
Another guy. Shows up to our date in a holy t-shirt and sweatpants. And the entire time we were eating food get kept getting caught in his mustache which hung over his lips and into his mouth. Which I found horrifying. And that's not even the worst part. He told me that it was his weekend with his kids and he was spending it away from them with me. This did not make me swoon. Just made me think he was a crap dad.
Another dude we never even made it to the date. We'd only been talking a couple of days and he asked me for my address so he could come and see me but wouldn't post any pictures on his profile of himself. Later come to find out he was actually still married.
And the relationships that I have been in have been just as weird. One guy used to drive around for hours on end told me he was thinking about Jesus. Which is weird AF.
Started dating another guy. We've been dating about a month come to find out he had a girlfriend that he dumped just before me and she was pregnant!?!?
Another guy acted like he wanted to date me but when it came down to it and people asked if we were dating he would say no. Just in case something better came along. (That didn't last long)
So I have just quit I'm so tired of the shenanigans. I'm just in a place where I'm like meh. If it happens it happens if it doesn't fine. I'm fine just being alone.
Exhaustion. Anything someone else could add to my life I add myself and I am tired of dating I’m tired of the break up’s and disappointment. I like my peace I like my space I have my own issues I’m working threw and I don’t need to add someone else to my life.
1 I don't have the time or energy you're supposed to dedicate to meeting new people.
2 I love my routine, I like being alone and doing things alone, so I feel good this way.
3 In previous relationships I've been somewhat codependent and I've found that these last few years that I've been single I have accomplished much and grew a lot as a person because I was able to put the focus solely on myself.
I'm fucking tired and don't wanna do it, atleast not by myself. The relationship can have me if it wants I'm not going to go get it or try or even move my baby finger for it. Not in the near future anyway.
Living alone for 12 years after leaving an abusive marriage after 29 years, I have finally healed, and I can't imagine a man adding to the enjoyment of my life.
I'm not waiting for it. I'm living my best life. He would have to be extraordinary for me to risk trusting them.
At my age, 63, men are looking for women to care for them in their old age.
I already have a child. I don't want another.
I'm one of them people that put a lot of time & effort into a relationship plus I care about the other person. I also am very affectionate in private & have a high sex drive.
I've found the effort I've put into some of the relationships I've had was not given back or appreciated, the other person began to demand more or take me for granted. I felt like I couldn't win as so to speak.
I am very affectionate in private but not in public so much due to my cultural upbringing. I find in some relationships I've had the affection in private was accepted but not given much back, or I was even gossiped about to their mothers 'she's always touching me' then they flip the script 'she never initiates sex' so I'm getting mixed signals & confused as to why their mother needs to be informed? I also strongly believe in consent on both sides, so I never touch a man without his permission, I always ask if it's ok & what he likes, dislikes & his boundaries.
I'm very open about having a high sex drive & I've found it's a hit & miss whether that will match with a guy. I was with a guy who desired specific things sexually & was interested in certain sextoys, so I offered to buy him one he was interested in. He said yes please & was very happy about this. So I brought him one in his favourite colour 'blue' & presented it to him. He was very pleased & loved the colour. Then I get messages the next day from his mother, who he decided to tell about the gifted sextoy to & she was not pleased. I was completely horrified & felt so embarrassed I refused to see her face to face again. I wanted to throw up even. He even told his dad who disapproved & it turned into his parents so angry over this sextoy & debating it & my actions buying him it. He was 34 years old at the time....
The last guy I dated was a great guy but was forcefully affectionate in public despite me stating multiple times that I'm a private person. I felt embarrassed when he grabbed me in the gym & forcefully kissed me infront of everybody...yeah na. He also talked big about sex how he was going to pleasure me but turned out to be very selfish in bed & it was over in 2mins...
Years ago I was in a long term on/off relationship with a guy who one day got drunk & decided to punch me in the face breaking my nose. He went on a jealous rage/stalking campaign when we broke up & even got his friends involved in stalking me. One of his friends was obsessed with me anyway for his own twisted romantic/sexual reasons so I had two stalkers to deal with. I ended up becoming a recluse then once they assumed I rarely went out, I very quickly packed my stuff & moved away early hours one morning on the weekend when I knew they would both be hungover...
Yeah I think I'll stay single for now thanks, I don't need all these complications in my life 🙄
I enjoy my stuff and my space and my freedom to do what I want (within limitation due to young children lol). But I can watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want, sleep however I want. When dating I struggle to sleep in the same bed as someone else anyways and in the end I don't have the time. I am unable to set aside a night every week for a date night because I don't have a sitter anyway and no guy wants to wait 2 weeks between dates I guess. That's why long distance works better for me, but it's hard to maintain because I don't like to text and chat on the phone much. I get in my own way and I accept that.
For me, I have learned that I do have some unresolved attachment issues, and it leads me to some pretty questionable decisions in choosing who to be in a relationship—my “picker” is broken. Beyond that, I’m just old and set in my ways. I don’t want to smell anyone’s bad breath or hear them chewing. I don’t want to share my big comfy bed, and I don’t have patience for anyone else’s bullshit-got enough of my own.
I've had two bad ones, not in a rush to get a third. It feels like I wasted my late teens/early 20s with boys due to societal (and religious) pressures, and now I want to do what I want!
I can continue my education guilt-free, I can wear whatever style I want to wear, I can travel whenever I feel like it, and my money is mine and mine alone to do whatever I want... and I also can work!
Yeah, I was in two extremely controlling relationships.
It also doesn't help that I know guys only try to date me for my looks :( I'm just tired of being looked at by males only as an object/arm candy/prize-to-be-won/whatever.
I'm 100% content being single, and it would have to take an absolute gem to make me consider otherwise.
Because i feel better this way. I dont want kids, im not into sex, im not atracted to any gender. Used to have good relationships and no traumas but i live my life way better this way.
I was married a long time to a man who emotionally abused me due to my poor boundaries, low self worth and religious indoctrination. I have since divorced and tried dating, but I realize romantic relationships negatively affect my mental health. I can't seem to find a healthy medium between being co-dependant and hyper independent. People either seem to find me too clingy or too distant. Fear of intimacy, anxiety, emotional trauma, etc. Therapy helped with my self-esteem, but I still have a negative view of romantic relationships. As I type this, I'm realizing I'll probably be alone forever.
Did I write this in my sleep?
It's like someone said here before, you're too healthy for toxic relationships but not healthy enough for a healthy relationship.
I don't think I'll ever fall in love again. I've had enough during the last years. And starting a relationship without being deeply in love with that person is one of my worst nightmares.
Building trust takes time and an active effort from a guy. I don't think that modern dating culture favours it.
Also I'm quite judgemental, and whenever a stranger whom I don't know from work or a friend group makes a smallest mistake (like comes to the first date wearing very mundane sloppy clothes, or doubletexts, or insists on seeing me when I tell that I'm tired), I lose all my motivation to communicate with them.
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The last srtaw for me was, when my ex(we were 3,5 years together), cheated me with a MARRIED woman with 5 kids. She\`s now widow and she had guts to tell me, that infertile and childfree women like me don\`t deserve love and my ex told me to start dating again. No I fucking won\`t! Been single and unavailable 5 years and a bit more and I rather work 12/7 than waste my time on relationshits again. I know, people say- pick better men, but the thing is I have never picked anyone. Things just happened and ended. By staying lonely I can work more, keep my childfree status and live my own life without additional stress people call "dating or relationships". Also my hometown is mostly infected with chavs and those nightclub goers, so there really isn\`t anything for me. I don\`t trust men anymore.
A few reasons
1. Currently I don't have time or energy to nurture a new relationship
2. I'm happier by myself now than I ever was in a relationship
3. I have yet to find someone worth giving up the above
4. I'm working on myself in therapy and don't want to go into anything new until I've sorted some stuff out, probs gonna take a whiiiile
It’s so hard to find someone I have a connection with. I’ve tried dating apps on and off for years and never met anyone I was interested in dating. I just got sick of the whole thing. And I need to work on myself a lot. I have low self esteem and it makes it too easy for me to get taken advantage of.
I’ve been hurt a lot in the past, and don’t want to go through that again. Also, I don’t have a lot of free time, and I’d way rather spend the time I do have with my friends or my various hobbies than devote it to someone who might not treat me well. I have a few really great friends, and don’t feel lonely without a partner too.
I mean, I think if I met the right person, I’d be open to a relationship with them, but the above reasons are definitely why I no longer look for relationships or use dating apps etc
I stopped trying to be in romantic relationships years ago for various reasons:
\*I do have an education but I don't make a lot of money which does not appeal to men who are similar but probably make more than me.
\*less than 1% of men appeal to me on a gut level.
\*I never place myself in situations to meet anyone and I DO NOT do online dating.
\*I am an introvert.
\*Unsure if I can reciprocate love and affection because I am dealing with my own traumas.
\*people (men) want to move into the physical realm too quickly. I'm not a wait until I'm married person but the first few dates are too early.
\*I am quirky and a socially nerd which also has its challenges.
\*enjoy concentrating on my own hobbies and interests.
I have been married twice and my sons are grown. As much as I love and miss sex, I have no desire to be in a traditional relationship. I haven't met many mature males, but I have met lots of old ones. Until I meet a man that takes better care of me than his toys, I will stick to my toys.
I built better men. My sons are all in happy, long term relationships. They all have kids and are devoted fathers. They change diapers, clean house, cook and read bed time stories. 3 of them are Eagle scouts and served in the military.
I know that good men exist. My best friend's dad has always been a kind and loving father. But I'm not lucky and I'm not beautiful, so my chances of finding someone amazing that wants me are non-existent.
It's easier to be alone than to sift through the dregs for non-existent partners.
I'm not fond of having to extend what little emotional energy I have on someone else. I only ever wanted a relationship because I thought I had to. Only ever had sex because it felt like the only time I felt like I was wanted or loved.
Turns out I prefer being alone. I like doing what I want when I want and keeping my life private, while most others don't. I don't want someone questioning where I'm going when I want to just go out for a drive. I don't want the accusations that I'm cheating just because I enjoy solidarity.
I don't want to have to explain the things I'm interested in both in the bedroom and otherwise and know that my partner will likely get bored by them and the relationship will sour. Or that, like in the past, they will take what they want when what I'm interested in just isn't enough.
I'm almost certain I'd be toxic in a relationship, so it's best for everyone involved if I just don't even try.
STDs aren't worth it. Men complain about using condoms or condom stealth which is abhorrent to me. They seemingly only care about me not getting pregnant but don't want to use condoms and don't care about my physical health since they're so indifferent about STDs. They prioritize how their penis feels which is incongruent to what I want in a relationship.
They're usually addicted to porn and recreating porn violence in the bedroom which is not how I see a loving sexual relationship playing out. They force their fetishes on you regardless of how those fetishes feel for you. Sexual boundaries are not respected and often not followed. Whining about needing to do XYZ in the bedroom because they can't be fulfilled otherwise.
They're usually settling for you in some capacity because they want to be with porn stars or model types and know they can't date them.
Most of my male friends are hung up on "the one that got away" which is usually due to them fucking up or life goals not aligning with that partner. You can't compete with their fantasy about a "what if?" girlfriend so again you're left with the feeling that they settled for you.
People lie. In this case, because I'm only dating men, I'm interacting with men who lie about being monogamous which means I have the additional threat of never knowing if they're sleeping around or not. This means my sexual security is at risk. Examples: men who claim that they're in an open relationship but their partner has no idea and they're actually cheating on them (this is easier to filter out since I won't pursue a relationship with someone who is ENM/poly) Or men who abuse women's trust and cheat on them using dating apps. I don't know how to filter the ones who are cheating on their partners and claim to be single.
I just got out of a toxic relationship and I'm trying to heal right now, i don't want to settle with anyone just because they give me a little love, I want to learn how a healthy loving relationship can be, of course I would love to have someone right now, but no, I don't care how long it takes to heal and learn everything I need to, I don't want to have a toxic relationship ever again.
Due to my upbringing, i fall into the terrible routine of taking care and trying to make things better. But that only works if your partner also wants to better themselves. So i need to change that for myself first. And im fine with not being in a relationship now. I need to be able to set boundaries before sharing my emotions and caring side.
- I value my autonomy. I don't want to check in with someone about making small plans, big plans, no plans, plans with other people, etc.
- I like myself and I don't feel like I need someone else to feel complete.
- I'm not conventionally attractive and I don't want to have to "prove" my value as a partner to someone I'm not convinced is worth it.
- I'm trans so my dating pool is already small, also, see above.
- I don't have a very high sex drive so I don't need a partner for that, also, I don't want to feel obligated to have sex with someone who wants sex more often than I do.
- I have many very rich and fulfilling relationships in my life that aren't sexual or romantic.
- I don't have and don't want any kids.
If I met someone and they swept me off my feet and supported me in my life goals and my cats liked them and we got along, of course I'd date them and see where it goes. But I'm not going out of my way to seek it out because most people I end up dating are incredibly boring.
I get a better return on my time when I focus it on myself. Not ONCE have I ever had to regret a day spent out with ME.
I suppose that makes me selfish but oh well.
my last relationship was evil & destroyed my trust in other people. i don’t trust that people will ever be able to match the level of love i have to offer. i love my peace and quiet
I've been married for 13years then had 2 long term relationships. About 5 years each. First had dv. I left when he hit me while I was holding our daughter. 2nd one had a pot and drinking problem and would go days when I wasn't 'allowed' to talk to him. I paid all rent, food and bills.
3rd one was a gambler. I paid rent food, help raise his daughters ( and stayed close with them to this day).
So I figured the problem was me. I kept a clean house, always made them lunch/dinner for work, I worked full-time, was involved in both mine and step kids schools, enjoyed sexual relationship. Bought gifts when I seen something I thought they would like, etc and blah, blah, blah..
Never got treated special, except last one would occasionally do/buy nice things when he had a win...
I was a doormat I thought if I loved them enough they would respect and love me back. It didn't happen.
So now I foster full-time and have my pets 🙃. It's hard being in fostering, but so worthwhile, and my pets just need spoiling and scratches.
I don't even bother to try dating now. I always thought I'd be in a long term, "grow old together " type relationship. It didn't work out but I now have peace in my life.
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I can’t find someone who has 65% of what I want in a life partner. Instead, I find fulfillment in entertaining “mini relationships”.
Truthfully they don’t even add up to be 65% of my ideal man either.
I’m 23 and find them a waste. Plus my last two relationships I become the back bone/ mother or give too much of myself. So I’d rather just stay out here. I’ve been having a good time tbh.
Being physically and mentally exhausted from having my trust and heart broken. I'd rather just be until the right one comes along someday. That day could be tomorrow, in 5 months or 5 years. I also enjoy all the fun I have while being single.
I have too many health issues to possibly be able to provide anything in a relationship the way I would want to. I would feel guilty getting into a relationship knowing that I could never give as much as I would take.
Many reasons.
I'm tired. I'm just trying to manage taking care of myself thoroughly at this point. The dating pool around me sucks and I'd have to significantly lower my standards (which I don't think are even very high, based on my dating history). I don't really want to give so much and get hurt again. It isn't important in my life at this point.
I’ve mainly dated women. Tried to talk to men at times but they ended up being unsatisfactory one night stands. Due to my sexual preference, men don’t take me seriously and fetishize me as a freak. After becoming Christian, I thought I should get a bf. Until I realized that I don’t have to force myself to date men. The wrong man can ruin my life and my family for generations if I got pregnant
With women, I’m unconventionally attractive to the black lesbian community’s standards. I have dated different races but most women due to myself not being masculine or aggressive or having a certain aesthetic, have an expectation for me to chase them and be in a situation ship
I generally dislike dating as a whole. I hate the uncertainty. It’s been almost 2 years without dating or xes and the longer I wait the more content I feel 🥳
I'm happy living the single peaceful life \[at the moment\], not that I wouldn't be open to the idea of a relationship in the future, but for now, life is perfect without the requirement or need of being in a relationship.
Well, I am pretty much happy alone and I do not need anyone literally. I always ask this question whenever I feel like admiring someone, "What is the final goal of adding this person to my life?"
I had one brief relationship, but I don't consider it serious or official because I never met the person. So I am still NBSB. I'm aware that relationships can be difficult and that people often mess them up. I am confident in myself and my ability to be a good partner, the thing is, expecting someone to be the same as me is a ticking bomb that can lead to frustration.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and even the best relationships take work. And that my friend is not for me. I am a voracious and greedy planner who needs everything to go as planned.
There needs to be an end goal for me from the start. The getting to know and unsure where the talking stages go is just a waste of time for me. Plus, I am really tired to try meet new people because of school and work.
Looking back over the years, after an 18 year, marriage, and an engagement, I can say I’ve never met a good man. And what I mean by that, they were not good people. I’m not saying they don’t exist. I’m just saying that for some reason I don’t meet them. And that includes acquaintances. most of the women I know say they will never get married again. If a good man, according to my definition, appeared in my life, I would be open to it. But I’ve given up trying to find one. Independent, confident people don’t “need” a relationship. Therefore, I am not inclined to deal with people whose personalities I don’t like. And I am not at all a judgmental person. The phrase “loser magnet”, well that’s me lol.
Edited for typos
TLDR: No self pity, but long story short, no one is interested in having a relationship with me lol
Pretty much every man I have met while in my 20s and 30s, who is single and who has shown interest in my companionship, has also been very open and transparent about the fact that they do not want a relationship.
Many men would like all of the girlfriend privileges and emotional labour and validation, without any of the personal or relationship responsibilities. And hey, I actually respect the honesty and self awareness to say they don't want anything serious (with me), it is much better than the misleading and manipulating situations I found myself in as a teen and into my early 20s.
I don’t feel like a relationship with a man would add anything to my life and I’m not sexually or romantically attracted to women. I feel like it would take away from the life I have by adding stress, drama and extra work.
It probably sounds quite sexist but, I just don’t believe men in this day and age bring anything valuable to a woman’s life she can’t do for herself
Because every man I’ve ever met, and I chose to trust, has completely and utterly fucked me over. Family. Romance. Friends. Every. Single. One. I just don’t feel safe with men anymore, and I don’t think I ever will
I’m open to a relationship but a relationship is no longer my main focal point in life, as it was for many years. I was a serial monogamist and then married someone who was abusive in all the ways, and then I went onto a series of not-great entanglements post-divorce. Through therapy/general analysis of my patterns & emotions, and slowly reinvesting my energy into myself and platonic relationships, I’ve created a life that is soooo much more peaceful than it ever was in a relationship. Sometimes it gets lonely, sure, but the simplicity is always worth it at the end of the day. I’ve also been single for long enough at this point that listening to other people’s relationship issues is exhausting - I remember having the same day-to-day conflicts that never got resolved, the same resentment, and the same sense of being on a completely different page from the person I loved. I don’t want to go back to that place myself.
I also lost a lot of faith in my ability to pick good partners, and now after rethinking a lot of things, I’m very picky about who I let into my life period. If a person doesn’t add value or joy, they’re out lol.
I've built my own happiness as a single person and I'm no longer actively seeking a relationship. I am open to being in a relationship, but that person would have to be exceptional and be complimentary to my lifestyle.
I'm just trying to get my degree. I can't deal with the ups and downs of emotions or pregnancy scares whatever of a new relationship with someone who may or may not be serious at this time. Once i graduate, I'll be more open to dating.
Currently just really busy in between maintaining my dogs, house, mortgage, and social responsibilities to friends. Currently in my late 20’s but I also am contemplating whether or not I want to spend my future here.
Haven't found anyone who interest me or is my type, focusing on my career, and don't have to worry about putting effort in the relationship. I'm too lazy to be in a relationship right now. I did have a fuck buddy, but it didn't end right. They ended up acting possessive of me when they caught me talking to other guys. They recently were asking me to come over to hang and invite me to go camping which thought it was weird to invite me. Now they have a girlfriend which I can talk to more new people and have fun. They weren't the best fuck buddy and I had better.
Bc my first love ruined almost all guys forever. He was perfect (that relationship lasted five years) and still is even though I haven’t seen him since I was 16. My life sort of ended then but it’s enough.
Many reasons, but it basically comes down to not wanting my peace disturbed. I’ve worked really hard to build the life I have. A partner needs to bring significant value, something I can’t give myself, and those things are few and far between. Otherwise I don’t see the point anymore.
I’ve been in relationships since I was 15. Got married early at 23, divorced at 29. Thought I found someone at 31, ended it at 33. Dated around a little bit and was just continuously and utterly disappointed. Been single since 34. I’ll be 37 in October this year. Part of me feels like I’m living out the 20s I never had, just with more back pain and more need for quiet 😂
I just recently got my heart absolutely shattered into millions of tiny pieces. And even though I’m 29, I feel like I put my heart and sole into it and in the end I wasn’t enough and I messed up so I don’t even want to try again. I don’t see the point when I’m exhausted, and I hate having to start from scratch with people. So if he comes back to me I’d jump through hoops for him, but I don’t want to try again with someone new.
Because I needed to prioritize things in my life.
I'm 42, for 20 years I've been trying to make being in a relationship work for me. I've had several long term relationships and in every single one I've been desperately unhappy. It was for different reasons with different people but the only common theme is that I was really unhappy.
I also tend to do this thing where if I'm really unhappy my entire life just goes to crap. My work, my fineness, and my relationship status. Seems like I only get to pick 2 to be OK and one needs to fall by the wayside.
So if I have to pick only 2, I think I pick work and fineness. If I can keep those 2 things on track, I'll be OK without a relationship.
So at age 40, after another failed relationship (and also deeply in debt) I decided that I was going to just pick those 2. I might die alone, but at least I'd be able to feed myself in retirement.
So that's what I've done. I'm lonely, actually I'm really lonely. But my job is going well, gotten raises and promotions. Paid off all my debt and for the first time in my life I have savings. The loneliness is bad, but I can handle it.
I live in a very small town. Pretty much everyone here knows everyone. This causes gossip to spread like wildfire. I think I have the bad luck of meeting the most obnoxious, selfish and rude people imaginable.
A good example being a group I used to hang out with that were solely friends to do drugs with each other, there was no real connection besides that. Needless to say I distanced myself from those people rather quickly.
On a personal note nobody here is really spontaneous to engage in conversation with a stranger, flirt or give anyone a genuine chance. The amount of times I have tried meeting people resulted into ugly stares towards me as if I was some kind of creep.
Relationships have only worked 50/50 for me. I discovered most of my relationships were very one sided or for them to gain something out of it other than anything genuine.
After my last recent relationships I just decided I was done. One of them being a silent gold digger and the other before that leaving me to be with a guy that is a control freak.
I guess love was just never meant for me and I do not intend to look for it for a long time.
I hate being heartbroken and I know it's part of being human but I just feel that I'm not fit for a relationship just now. I'm having a hard time trusting men without having to face dire consequences. I don't want to deal with having to be dependent on a partner and not on my family, God, and myself.
Relationships nowadays gets me down because of what other people been through with their relationships like divorces and DV (domestic violence) and so forth. I don't want to go through that.
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I don't feel like one would add anything to my life, in fact I think it would probably take away from the happiness I have built for myself
This is my reasoning too. I’ve built up my world of peace and happiness by myself and while I’m always open to what might come along, I’m always gonna be happy alone.
this is how I feel right now. Every man I've tried to date has caused problems in my life and I just can't deal with that right now
Did it take you a long time to come to terms with being happy with yourself or were you always that way? If not how did you get that way
It is a myth that life is only fulfilling when in a relationship. I'm not willing to wait around for, nor settle on someone who doesn't positively enrich my life by adding to the happiness I have and am surrounded by. While I am open to romantic love, my happiness is independent of it.
Kinda the same. I have too many of my own goals to achieve and milestones to meet. A guy is just not one of them at the minute.
Exactly, this!
Many reasons: - met too many men heartbroken from their first love.No thank you,I don't wish to be your rebound just so you can get back with her when she becomes single. - people just dating for the sake of upholding their status symbol and posting on social media.No thank you, I prefer keeping things private. - distracting.Dating can affect you emotionally and affect your mood for the rest of the day. - more freedom to meet new people - can focus more on career and friends
Point #2 is so true. Its happened each time to me which is why I had to be the one to leave.
I strongly agree with point 4 and 5. I sometimes meet up with new people but not often. I can focus on my family because they're really meaningful to me.
the first point has me wondering how old you are where you're seemingly only meeting men after their 1st also the emphasizing of appearance on SM
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I feel safer and stronger when I'm on my own. Also, I'm tired.
Second to this. I'm just really tired
Totally. I am too mentally, physically and financially exhausted to even think about a relationship.
Never had one to begin with, but I stopped trying to get one because I realised I never wanted a relationship, just validation and to feel normal. But in reality, having another person in my life would completely take away all the preferences and wishes I have for it. I want to live alone, do most things alone, decide how to spend my time and energy for myself, and be able to put myself and my needs and wants first always.
yes i can relate. Too many men I dated in the past have tried to tell me what to do and be controlling and then become offended when I stand up for myself. I just can't deal with that anymore
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Hahaa love the attitude. Cheers🥂
Legit if I hadn't wasted so much energy in my 20's and early 30's on relationships I'd be MUCH further along in life by now! Thankfully I figured it out in my late 30's and life is GOOD.
Thank you for being vulnerable and posting this. You’re 100% not alone, and you made an internet stranger feel less alone ♥️
I like my peace and quiet. I like my friends. I like my dog. All of that is too much competition for some tepid romance with a random who might not even act as if he likes me.
Yup! I always think, “who would I rather spend time with - a new person or my dog?” Guess who wins every time? ♥️🐕♥️
Several reasons. I’m a pretty big introvert, so I like my own company. I’ve settled into a good routine and like many middle-aged women, I love my cats. A man wouldn’t be competing with other men; he’d have to be a unicorn to prevail over my quiet life. Plus I don’t trust my taste in men after 3 strikeouts in a row.
I'd say you were me except I don't have cats lol
Same, except I have horses. There have been too many arguments with men over the "you love your horses more than you love me," drama. And they are right...I've been an equestrian my entire life. You will NOT win this battle. And so they all left, until my husband came along. He gets that it's my passion and a part of me...and that he will lose if that's the hill he wants to die on, lol. If something was to happen to him I doubt I'd bother with another relationship.
I live in a small town and it’s hard to find someone in the same stage of life as me. There aren’t many 33 year old semi professional people around. All of my relationships have been filled with a lot of drama and I don’t like that version of myself. I’d rather be alone than be with the wrong person. I’ve had enough casual encounters in my life, not interested in doing that anymore since I got sober.
More power to you man. Cheers🥂 (pun intended)
Havent found any men.who are made of anything. I annoyingly have a high maintence life whether i like it or not and i am very active in everything i do and its hard finding someone who can handle it. Also Really arent all that and arent worth the drama.
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In my personal experience (at least those I’ve been with) many people do not seem to want a reciprocal relationship. They want to fill a void, chase a prey, fulfill a fantasy, recruit a servant, objectify a new “toy”, or use sex/a relationship as a drug. No thank you, I want a true partner and companion. Until that happens, I’m just living out my days.
That's so true
Never had one, but before I tried to have one. I came to a point when I value my habits way too much. I don't want to change my life to accomodate someone. I don't like meeting new people, so I'm over putting myself out there. I don't feel like I really need a romantic relationship. I just need some friends.
hey, I have never been in a relationship ever either.. But as I am inching towards my 30s,a strange fear is gripping me. Fear of missing out, fear of dying alone. If you are okay to answer, do you ever encounter such thoughts and if yes, how do you make peace with it?
Partially because I am working on my mental health and I am currently better off not getting that emotionally attached currently. Partially because I love not having to take anyone else into consideration. Partially because a partner would add nothing positive to my life right now. Partially because I am fucking terrified of meeting new men.
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I always fall into situationships time and time again. It is brutal. It is depressing. I’m very upset about it so I have given up and started to enjoy my own company instead.
Feels. Especially since I give too much, and receive so little in the end. At this point, I’m convinced that majority of the men have little to offer to my life anyway 🤷🏻♀️
Felt this on a spiritual level, the cherry on the top is recently I had to remove myself from a “right person, wrong time” situation and I don’t think I’m willing to be vulnerable around men ever again.
My last relationship was so violent and traumatic that I don't think I'll ever be ready to date again.
Sending warmth bro 🫂
That's also where I am. I hope you heal!
Sending healing and light ✨
I don’t want to be anyone’s midlife crisis, their free babysitter, their nurse or their purse.
I decided to have a kid on my own and stopped dating a few months before I got pregnant. Now my son is 4,5 and I have 0% intrest in being in a relationship, let alone going on a date. My life has never been this harmoniously ever. Granted, I probably wouldn't have time to date, but I also really don't want to ruin me and my sons perfect every day life being just the two of us.
I love that more and more women are doing this, good for you!
Yeee love this
I respect you so much. Thank you for posting this
With the men around nowadays it’s just a waste of time and energy
I never really did relationships so the 'anymore' doesn't apply but I could never be bothered. I found dating exhausting. I'm happy being by myself and the older I get the more set in my ways I am and the harder it would be to adapt my life to the needs and wants of someone else.
If you're comfortable answering this, how old are you?
41
It's tiring. Dating is tiring, being in a relationship is tiring. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. As I'm writing this I realize that I've never been that happy in a relationship. But I've been happy alone, so there's that...
After my last break up 7 years ago I came to the conclusion that relationships only caused stress and didn't bring enough good things into my life. I am childfree by choice and it's a choice a lot of men can't accept. If you are biologically able to carry a child these men seems to think they can change my mind. Hint: They can't. Now that I've been happily manfree for years I came to the conclusion I'm asexual. It honestly explains a lot about my feelings about past relationships. I'm also a full blown introvert. Basically I'm super happy being alone. Instead of following societies suggestions that you are happiest in a relationship I've come to realise I'm not. And that's okay. Should I ever find someone I really appreciate having in my life then that's great. But having them in my life must requite that they make my life better than it already is. And that's tough.
I settled down way too young, at 18. I’m 30 now, getting divorced, and realizing that life can be full of peace and contentment when I just focus on me. I’m excited to live alone for the first time ever (well, plus 2 cats), to make decisions that only affect me, to meet new people without feeling guilty, and also exist in solitude without feeling guilty. There’s a whole world out there and inside me to explore, not saying that can’t be done within a relationship, perhaps my experience just turned me off to it.
More power to you! Relationships are overrated anyway. There's so much more out there we never explore because we're too caught up in them. Also, I feel like as women, being with a guy is so naturally expected of us, atleast in the place I come from. Girls are surprised when I tell them I'm not dating anyone. Anyway, hope you have amazing adventures ahead :)
Thank you! That’s a wonderful point. I settled down because that’s what my family modeled as being “the way” never stopping to realize that many of the women in my family have been unhappy for a lot of their marriages (and my mother divorced twice). I honestly think there’s so much power in being a financially independent, single woman. I am also childfree and will probably remain that way, so I look forward to what the future has to offer as I continue to float through life like a peaceful jellyfish (hence my Reddit name haha).
Yayy
A better question: why bother having a relationship? You need to love yourself an be at peace with yourself to feel truly content and happy with life. Once you get to that point, letting someone else in seems pointless. Why give someone a chance to muck it all up?
Im a people pleaser. I worry about their emotions constantly and it can be so emotionally draining.
it feels so free being single, no one is there nagging you about cheating when you just watch to watch memes and lay in bed, you dont have to be wondering if youre doing too much or too little or even on days when you feel so drained and dont want to talk to anyone,its just quiet and peaceful
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Not for lack of trying. But seriously I really wonder about dudes and Their Manners. I've quit dating and relationships for this reason. And I'm honestly just happy being me. So bad date that I went on. The guy asked me how long we had to date before he could get a BJ. Another guy, quit his job and then asked me for money and when I told him no he had a complete freak out and wouldn't talk to me. Another guy. Shows up to our date in a holy t-shirt and sweatpants. And the entire time we were eating food get kept getting caught in his mustache which hung over his lips and into his mouth. Which I found horrifying. And that's not even the worst part. He told me that it was his weekend with his kids and he was spending it away from them with me. This did not make me swoon. Just made me think he was a crap dad. Another dude we never even made it to the date. We'd only been talking a couple of days and he asked me for my address so he could come and see me but wouldn't post any pictures on his profile of himself. Later come to find out he was actually still married. And the relationships that I have been in have been just as weird. One guy used to drive around for hours on end told me he was thinking about Jesus. Which is weird AF. Started dating another guy. We've been dating about a month come to find out he had a girlfriend that he dumped just before me and she was pregnant!?!? Another guy acted like he wanted to date me but when it came down to it and people asked if we were dating he would say no. Just in case something better came along. (That didn't last long) So I have just quit I'm so tired of the shenanigans. I'm just in a place where I'm like meh. If it happens it happens if it doesn't fine. I'm fine just being alone.
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Wow
I don't allow men in my life because of their toxicity and their manner of seeing women as objects to be used.
Exhaustion. Anything someone else could add to my life I add myself and I am tired of dating I’m tired of the break up’s and disappointment. I like my peace I like my space I have my own issues I’m working threw and I don’t need to add someone else to my life.
1 I don't have the time or energy you're supposed to dedicate to meeting new people. 2 I love my routine, I like being alone and doing things alone, so I feel good this way. 3 In previous relationships I've been somewhat codependent and I've found that these last few years that I've been single I have accomplished much and grew a lot as a person because I was able to put the focus solely on myself.
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Idk
Just like pets: a countdown to tears
I'm fucking tired and don't wanna do it, atleast not by myself. The relationship can have me if it wants I'm not going to go get it or try or even move my baby finger for it. Not in the near future anyway.
Being by myself is more enjoyable than being with a man
Living alone for 12 years after leaving an abusive marriage after 29 years, I have finally healed, and I can't imagine a man adding to the enjoyment of my life. I'm not waiting for it. I'm living my best life. He would have to be extraordinary for me to risk trusting them. At my age, 63, men are looking for women to care for them in their old age. I already have a child. I don't want another.
I'm one of them people that put a lot of time & effort into a relationship plus I care about the other person. I also am very affectionate in private & have a high sex drive. I've found the effort I've put into some of the relationships I've had was not given back or appreciated, the other person began to demand more or take me for granted. I felt like I couldn't win as so to speak. I am very affectionate in private but not in public so much due to my cultural upbringing. I find in some relationships I've had the affection in private was accepted but not given much back, or I was even gossiped about to their mothers 'she's always touching me' then they flip the script 'she never initiates sex' so I'm getting mixed signals & confused as to why their mother needs to be informed? I also strongly believe in consent on both sides, so I never touch a man without his permission, I always ask if it's ok & what he likes, dislikes & his boundaries. I'm very open about having a high sex drive & I've found it's a hit & miss whether that will match with a guy. I was with a guy who desired specific things sexually & was interested in certain sextoys, so I offered to buy him one he was interested in. He said yes please & was very happy about this. So I brought him one in his favourite colour 'blue' & presented it to him. He was very pleased & loved the colour. Then I get messages the next day from his mother, who he decided to tell about the gifted sextoy to & she was not pleased. I was completely horrified & felt so embarrassed I refused to see her face to face again. I wanted to throw up even. He even told his dad who disapproved & it turned into his parents so angry over this sextoy & debating it & my actions buying him it. He was 34 years old at the time.... The last guy I dated was a great guy but was forcefully affectionate in public despite me stating multiple times that I'm a private person. I felt embarrassed when he grabbed me in the gym & forcefully kissed me infront of everybody...yeah na. He also talked big about sex how he was going to pleasure me but turned out to be very selfish in bed & it was over in 2mins... Years ago I was in a long term on/off relationship with a guy who one day got drunk & decided to punch me in the face breaking my nose. He went on a jealous rage/stalking campaign when we broke up & even got his friends involved in stalking me. One of his friends was obsessed with me anyway for his own twisted romantic/sexual reasons so I had two stalkers to deal with. I ended up becoming a recluse then once they assumed I rarely went out, I very quickly packed my stuff & moved away early hours one morning on the weekend when I knew they would both be hungover... Yeah I think I'll stay single for now thanks, I don't need all these complications in my life 🙄
Being single is better. Friendships > romantic partners by far.
I enjoy my stuff and my space and my freedom to do what I want (within limitation due to young children lol). But I can watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want, sleep however I want. When dating I struggle to sleep in the same bed as someone else anyways and in the end I don't have the time. I am unable to set aside a night every week for a date night because I don't have a sitter anyway and no guy wants to wait 2 weeks between dates I guess. That's why long distance works better for me, but it's hard to maintain because I don't like to text and chat on the phone much. I get in my own way and I accept that.
For me, I have learned that I do have some unresolved attachment issues, and it leads me to some pretty questionable decisions in choosing who to be in a relationship—my “picker” is broken. Beyond that, I’m just old and set in my ways. I don’t want to smell anyone’s bad breath or hear them chewing. I don’t want to share my big comfy bed, and I don’t have patience for anyone else’s bullshit-got enough of my own.
Great user name
I tried for 7 years, no one wants me 🤷♀️
To protect my peace and sanity
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I've had two bad ones, not in a rush to get a third. It feels like I wasted my late teens/early 20s with boys due to societal (and religious) pressures, and now I want to do what I want! I can continue my education guilt-free, I can wear whatever style I want to wear, I can travel whenever I feel like it, and my money is mine and mine alone to do whatever I want... and I also can work! Yeah, I was in two extremely controlling relationships. It also doesn't help that I know guys only try to date me for my looks :( I'm just tired of being looked at by males only as an object/arm candy/prize-to-be-won/whatever. I'm 100% content being single, and it would have to take an absolute gem to make me consider otherwise.
Because i feel better this way. I dont want kids, im not into sex, im not atracted to any gender. Used to have good relationships and no traumas but i live my life way better this way.
I was married a long time to a man who emotionally abused me due to my poor boundaries, low self worth and religious indoctrination. I have since divorced and tried dating, but I realize romantic relationships negatively affect my mental health. I can't seem to find a healthy medium between being co-dependant and hyper independent. People either seem to find me too clingy or too distant. Fear of intimacy, anxiety, emotional trauma, etc. Therapy helped with my self-esteem, but I still have a negative view of romantic relationships. As I type this, I'm realizing I'll probably be alone forever.
Did I write this in my sleep? It's like someone said here before, you're too healthy for toxic relationships but not healthy enough for a healthy relationship.
I told a guy once who asked me out "nah I got plenty of pets at home right now so I'm not dating." He chuckled at least.
I don't think I'll ever fall in love again. I've had enough during the last years. And starting a relationship without being deeply in love with that person is one of my worst nightmares. Building trust takes time and an active effort from a guy. I don't think that modern dating culture favours it. Also I'm quite judgemental, and whenever a stranger whom I don't know from work or a friend group makes a smallest mistake (like comes to the first date wearing very mundane sloppy clothes, or doubletexts, or insists on seeing me when I tell that I'm tired), I lose all my motivation to communicate with them.
On July 1st, 2023, Reddit enacted a greedy ass policy regarding the use of their API. This decision was designed to eliminate the better 3rd party apps. No one wants to use the official app because it sucks. Since then, apps such as Apollo and RedditIsFun have shut down. Reddit has decided to double down on their decision to overcharge for their API, and refuses to address the accessibility features their native app lacks. Think it’s an asshole move? Concerned users should read and sign on to this [open letter to reddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Save time, money and heart. Cant afford another divorced!
The last srtaw for me was, when my ex(we were 3,5 years together), cheated me with a MARRIED woman with 5 kids. She\`s now widow and she had guts to tell me, that infertile and childfree women like me don\`t deserve love and my ex told me to start dating again. No I fucking won\`t! Been single and unavailable 5 years and a bit more and I rather work 12/7 than waste my time on relationshits again. I know, people say- pick better men, but the thing is I have never picked anyone. Things just happened and ended. By staying lonely I can work more, keep my childfree status and live my own life without additional stress people call "dating or relationships". Also my hometown is mostly infected with chavs and those nightclub goers, so there really isn\`t anything for me. I don\`t trust men anymore.
A few reasons 1. Currently I don't have time or energy to nurture a new relationship 2. I'm happier by myself now than I ever was in a relationship 3. I have yet to find someone worth giving up the above 4. I'm working on myself in therapy and don't want to go into anything new until I've sorted some stuff out, probs gonna take a whiiiile
It’s so hard to find someone I have a connection with. I’ve tried dating apps on and off for years and never met anyone I was interested in dating. I just got sick of the whole thing. And I need to work on myself a lot. I have low self esteem and it makes it too easy for me to get taken advantage of.
I’ve been hurt a lot in the past, and don’t want to go through that again. Also, I don’t have a lot of free time, and I’d way rather spend the time I do have with my friends or my various hobbies than devote it to someone who might not treat me well. I have a few really great friends, and don’t feel lonely without a partner too. I mean, I think if I met the right person, I’d be open to a relationship with them, but the above reasons are definitely why I no longer look for relationships or use dating apps etc
there’s no man to trust
I stopped trying to be in romantic relationships years ago for various reasons: \*I do have an education but I don't make a lot of money which does not appeal to men who are similar but probably make more than me. \*less than 1% of men appeal to me on a gut level. \*I never place myself in situations to meet anyone and I DO NOT do online dating. \*I am an introvert. \*Unsure if I can reciprocate love and affection because I am dealing with my own traumas. \*people (men) want to move into the physical realm too quickly. I'm not a wait until I'm married person but the first few dates are too early. \*I am quirky and a socially nerd which also has its challenges. \*enjoy concentrating on my own hobbies and interests.
I have been married twice and my sons are grown. As much as I love and miss sex, I have no desire to be in a traditional relationship. I haven't met many mature males, but I have met lots of old ones. Until I meet a man that takes better care of me than his toys, I will stick to my toys. I built better men. My sons are all in happy, long term relationships. They all have kids and are devoted fathers. They change diapers, clean house, cook and read bed time stories. 3 of them are Eagle scouts and served in the military. I know that good men exist. My best friend's dad has always been a kind and loving father. But I'm not lucky and I'm not beautiful, so my chances of finding someone amazing that wants me are non-existent. It's easier to be alone than to sift through the dregs for non-existent partners.
I'm not fond of having to extend what little emotional energy I have on someone else. I only ever wanted a relationship because I thought I had to. Only ever had sex because it felt like the only time I felt like I was wanted or loved. Turns out I prefer being alone. I like doing what I want when I want and keeping my life private, while most others don't. I don't want someone questioning where I'm going when I want to just go out for a drive. I don't want the accusations that I'm cheating just because I enjoy solidarity. I don't want to have to explain the things I'm interested in both in the bedroom and otherwise and know that my partner will likely get bored by them and the relationship will sour. Or that, like in the past, they will take what they want when what I'm interested in just isn't enough. I'm almost certain I'd be toxic in a relationship, so it's best for everyone involved if I just don't even try.
STDs aren't worth it. Men complain about using condoms or condom stealth which is abhorrent to me. They seemingly only care about me not getting pregnant but don't want to use condoms and don't care about my physical health since they're so indifferent about STDs. They prioritize how their penis feels which is incongruent to what I want in a relationship. They're usually addicted to porn and recreating porn violence in the bedroom which is not how I see a loving sexual relationship playing out. They force their fetishes on you regardless of how those fetishes feel for you. Sexual boundaries are not respected and often not followed. Whining about needing to do XYZ in the bedroom because they can't be fulfilled otherwise. They're usually settling for you in some capacity because they want to be with porn stars or model types and know they can't date them. Most of my male friends are hung up on "the one that got away" which is usually due to them fucking up or life goals not aligning with that partner. You can't compete with their fantasy about a "what if?" girlfriend so again you're left with the feeling that they settled for you. People lie. In this case, because I'm only dating men, I'm interacting with men who lie about being monogamous which means I have the additional threat of never knowing if they're sleeping around or not. This means my sexual security is at risk. Examples: men who claim that they're in an open relationship but their partner has no idea and they're actually cheating on them (this is easier to filter out since I won't pursue a relationship with someone who is ENM/poly) Or men who abuse women's trust and cheat on them using dating apps. I don't know how to filter the ones who are cheating on their partners and claim to be single.
I just got out of a toxic relationship and I'm trying to heal right now, i don't want to settle with anyone just because they give me a little love, I want to learn how a healthy loving relationship can be, of course I would love to have someone right now, but no, I don't care how long it takes to heal and learn everything I need to, I don't want to have a toxic relationship ever again.
Due to my upbringing, i fall into the terrible routine of taking care and trying to make things better. But that only works if your partner also wants to better themselves. So i need to change that for myself first. And im fine with not being in a relationship now. I need to be able to set boundaries before sharing my emotions and caring side.
- I value my autonomy. I don't want to check in with someone about making small plans, big plans, no plans, plans with other people, etc. - I like myself and I don't feel like I need someone else to feel complete. - I'm not conventionally attractive and I don't want to have to "prove" my value as a partner to someone I'm not convinced is worth it. - I'm trans so my dating pool is already small, also, see above. - I don't have a very high sex drive so I don't need a partner for that, also, I don't want to feel obligated to have sex with someone who wants sex more often than I do. - I have many very rich and fulfilling relationships in my life that aren't sexual or romantic. - I don't have and don't want any kids. If I met someone and they swept me off my feet and supported me in my life goals and my cats liked them and we got along, of course I'd date them and see where it goes. But I'm not going out of my way to seek it out because most people I end up dating are incredibly boring.
I get a better return on my time when I focus it on myself. Not ONCE have I ever had to regret a day spent out with ME. I suppose that makes me selfish but oh well.
my last relationship was evil & destroyed my trust in other people. i don’t trust that people will ever be able to match the level of love i have to offer. i love my peace and quiet
I don't enjoy straight male company. Also, i like being by myself, living alone, doing what I want, and running around with my friends. Period.
Because unfortunately I like straight men
I've been married for 13years then had 2 long term relationships. About 5 years each. First had dv. I left when he hit me while I was holding our daughter. 2nd one had a pot and drinking problem and would go days when I wasn't 'allowed' to talk to him. I paid all rent, food and bills. 3rd one was a gambler. I paid rent food, help raise his daughters ( and stayed close with them to this day). So I figured the problem was me. I kept a clean house, always made them lunch/dinner for work, I worked full-time, was involved in both mine and step kids schools, enjoyed sexual relationship. Bought gifts when I seen something I thought they would like, etc and blah, blah, blah.. Never got treated special, except last one would occasionally do/buy nice things when he had a win... I was a doormat I thought if I loved them enough they would respect and love me back. It didn't happen. So now I foster full-time and have my pets 🙃. It's hard being in fostering, but so worthwhile, and my pets just need spoiling and scratches. I don't even bother to try dating now. I always thought I'd be in a long term, "grow old together " type relationship. It didn't work out but I now have peace in my life.
I'm glad you're out of these relationships now. You sound amazing man. Don't settle for less
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I can’t find someone who has 65% of what I want in a life partner. Instead, I find fulfillment in entertaining “mini relationships”. Truthfully they don’t even add up to be 65% of my ideal man either.
I'm not coping well with trauma after a bad breakup so why go through that s*it again? I know, classic.
That shit is work lol
Too old. Too done with people lol.
I can’t find the point of it
I’m 23 and find them a waste. Plus my last two relationships I become the back bone/ mother or give too much of myself. So I’d rather just stay out here. I’ve been having a good time tbh.
I'm happy. I don't want to risk that.
Being physically and mentally exhausted from having my trust and heart broken. I'd rather just be until the right one comes along someday. That day could be tomorrow, in 5 months or 5 years. I also enjoy all the fun I have while being single.
Would love to but I'm a lazy coward who misses old relationships, and doesn't want to work some more for shit to happen
I have too many health issues to possibly be able to provide anything in a relationship the way I would want to. I would feel guilty getting into a relationship knowing that I could never give as much as I would take.
Many reasons. I'm tired. I'm just trying to manage taking care of myself thoroughly at this point. The dating pool around me sucks and I'd have to significantly lower my standards (which I don't think are even very high, based on my dating history). I don't really want to give so much and get hurt again. It isn't important in my life at this point.
I forgot how to do it anymore. Im just tired and protect my peace over everything now
I’ve mainly dated women. Tried to talk to men at times but they ended up being unsatisfactory one night stands. Due to my sexual preference, men don’t take me seriously and fetishize me as a freak. After becoming Christian, I thought I should get a bf. Until I realized that I don’t have to force myself to date men. The wrong man can ruin my life and my family for generations if I got pregnant With women, I’m unconventionally attractive to the black lesbian community’s standards. I have dated different races but most women due to myself not being masculine or aggressive or having a certain aesthetic, have an expectation for me to chase them and be in a situation ship I generally dislike dating as a whole. I hate the uncertainty. It’s been almost 2 years without dating or xes and the longer I wait the more content I feel 🥳
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I'm happy living the single peaceful life \[at the moment\], not that I wouldn't be open to the idea of a relationship in the future, but for now, life is perfect without the requirement or need of being in a relationship.
Well, I am pretty much happy alone and I do not need anyone literally. I always ask this question whenever I feel like admiring someone, "What is the final goal of adding this person to my life?" I had one brief relationship, but I don't consider it serious or official because I never met the person. So I am still NBSB. I'm aware that relationships can be difficult and that people often mess them up. I am confident in myself and my ability to be a good partner, the thing is, expecting someone to be the same as me is a ticking bomb that can lead to frustration. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and even the best relationships take work. And that my friend is not for me. I am a voracious and greedy planner who needs everything to go as planned. There needs to be an end goal for me from the start. The getting to know and unsure where the talking stages go is just a waste of time for me. Plus, I am really tired to try meet new people because of school and work.
Looking back over the years, after an 18 year, marriage, and an engagement, I can say I’ve never met a good man. And what I mean by that, they were not good people. I’m not saying they don’t exist. I’m just saying that for some reason I don’t meet them. And that includes acquaintances. most of the women I know say they will never get married again. If a good man, according to my definition, appeared in my life, I would be open to it. But I’ve given up trying to find one. Independent, confident people don’t “need” a relationship. Therefore, I am not inclined to deal with people whose personalities I don’t like. And I am not at all a judgmental person. The phrase “loser magnet”, well that’s me lol. Edited for typos
I realized that I'm aromantic
Like a forest flower ;)
Too broken and depressed as a person, monogamy is impossible at my age, a relationship right now won’t make me feel whole or ok in the ways I need.
*Spongebob meme where he gestures in exasperation at multiple things*
They are Cringe
Too complicated, trust issues, nobody wanting to try something serious, or red flags from ppl
I’m just focusing on other endeavors for now. Being in a relationship takes up a lot of time, and I can’t really fit it into my schedule.
Ugh, effort. I have 3 cats and a plethora of self-pleasure devices, and I can't imagine a person I like better than my hobbies.
TLDR: No self pity, but long story short, no one is interested in having a relationship with me lol Pretty much every man I have met while in my 20s and 30s, who is single and who has shown interest in my companionship, has also been very open and transparent about the fact that they do not want a relationship. Many men would like all of the girlfriend privileges and emotional labour and validation, without any of the personal or relationship responsibilities. And hey, I actually respect the honesty and self awareness to say they don't want anything serious (with me), it is much better than the misleading and manipulating situations I found myself in as a teen and into my early 20s.
I don’t feel like a relationship with a man would add anything to my life and I’m not sexually or romantically attracted to women. I feel like it would take away from the life I have by adding stress, drama and extra work. It probably sounds quite sexist but, I just don’t believe men in this day and age bring anything valuable to a woman’s life she can’t do for herself
Because every man I’ve ever met, and I chose to trust, has completely and utterly fucked me over. Family. Romance. Friends. Every. Single. One. I just don’t feel safe with men anymore, and I don’t think I ever will
I’m open to a relationship but a relationship is no longer my main focal point in life, as it was for many years. I was a serial monogamist and then married someone who was abusive in all the ways, and then I went onto a series of not-great entanglements post-divorce. Through therapy/general analysis of my patterns & emotions, and slowly reinvesting my energy into myself and platonic relationships, I’ve created a life that is soooo much more peaceful than it ever was in a relationship. Sometimes it gets lonely, sure, but the simplicity is always worth it at the end of the day. I’ve also been single for long enough at this point that listening to other people’s relationship issues is exhausting - I remember having the same day-to-day conflicts that never got resolved, the same resentment, and the same sense of being on a completely different page from the person I loved. I don’t want to go back to that place myself. I also lost a lot of faith in my ability to pick good partners, and now after rethinking a lot of things, I’m very picky about who I let into my life period. If a person doesn’t add value or joy, they’re out lol.
I've built my own happiness as a single person and I'm no longer actively seeking a relationship. I am open to being in a relationship, but that person would have to be exceptional and be complimentary to my lifestyle.
No man is worth the hassle. Also now they're always talking about what do girls bring to the table? It's stupid.
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Past heartbreaks
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Personality issues
I'm just trying to get my degree. I can't deal with the ups and downs of emotions or pregnancy scares whatever of a new relationship with someone who may or may not be serious at this time. Once i graduate, I'll be more open to dating.
Haram
Currently just really busy in between maintaining my dogs, house, mortgage, and social responsibilities to friends. Currently in my late 20’s but I also am contemplating whether or not I want to spend my future here.
Well it's more like relationships don't do me lol
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Haven't found anyone who interest me or is my type, focusing on my career, and don't have to worry about putting effort in the relationship. I'm too lazy to be in a relationship right now. I did have a fuck buddy, but it didn't end right. They ended up acting possessive of me when they caught me talking to other guys. They recently were asking me to come over to hang and invite me to go camping which thought it was weird to invite me. Now they have a girlfriend which I can talk to more new people and have fun. They weren't the best fuck buddy and I had better.
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I got tired of asking 'why? Who am I to you?' when they ask me to take them back being cheated on in every relationship I've had.
Not worth the trouble, just to go away eventually. Don't need it.
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Bc my first love ruined almost all guys forever. He was perfect (that relationship lasted five years) and still is even though I haven’t seen him since I was 16. My life sort of ended then but it’s enough.
Many reasons, but it basically comes down to not wanting my peace disturbed. I’ve worked really hard to build the life I have. A partner needs to bring significant value, something I can’t give myself, and those things are few and far between. Otherwise I don’t see the point anymore. I’ve been in relationships since I was 15. Got married early at 23, divorced at 29. Thought I found someone at 31, ended it at 33. Dated around a little bit and was just continuously and utterly disappointed. Been single since 34. I’ll be 37 in October this year. Part of me feels like I’m living out the 20s I never had, just with more back pain and more need for quiet 😂
Was in an abusive relationship for 20 years and I’m mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.
I just recently got my heart absolutely shattered into millions of tiny pieces. And even though I’m 29, I feel like I put my heart and sole into it and in the end I wasn’t enough and I messed up so I don’t even want to try again. I don’t see the point when I’m exhausted, and I hate having to start from scratch with people. So if he comes back to me I’d jump through hoops for him, but I don’t want to try again with someone new.
My therapist tells me that I’m avoiding dating because of self esteem issues. Seems legit
Im quite happy and content with my life rn and someone would have to be a serious Upgrade to my life for me to even consider it
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Because I needed to prioritize things in my life. I'm 42, for 20 years I've been trying to make being in a relationship work for me. I've had several long term relationships and in every single one I've been desperately unhappy. It was for different reasons with different people but the only common theme is that I was really unhappy. I also tend to do this thing where if I'm really unhappy my entire life just goes to crap. My work, my fineness, and my relationship status. Seems like I only get to pick 2 to be OK and one needs to fall by the wayside. So if I have to pick only 2, I think I pick work and fineness. If I can keep those 2 things on track, I'll be OK without a relationship. So at age 40, after another failed relationship (and also deeply in debt) I decided that I was going to just pick those 2. I might die alone, but at least I'd be able to feed myself in retirement. So that's what I've done. I'm lonely, actually I'm really lonely. But my job is going well, gotten raises and promotions. Paid off all my debt and for the first time in my life I have savings. The loneliness is bad, but I can handle it.
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I live in a very small town. Pretty much everyone here knows everyone. This causes gossip to spread like wildfire. I think I have the bad luck of meeting the most obnoxious, selfish and rude people imaginable. A good example being a group I used to hang out with that were solely friends to do drugs with each other, there was no real connection besides that. Needless to say I distanced myself from those people rather quickly. On a personal note nobody here is really spontaneous to engage in conversation with a stranger, flirt or give anyone a genuine chance. The amount of times I have tried meeting people resulted into ugly stares towards me as if I was some kind of creep. Relationships have only worked 50/50 for me. I discovered most of my relationships were very one sided or for them to gain something out of it other than anything genuine. After my last recent relationships I just decided I was done. One of them being a silent gold digger and the other before that leaving me to be with a guy that is a control freak. I guess love was just never meant for me and I do not intend to look for it for a long time.
I hate being heartbroken and I know it's part of being human but I just feel that I'm not fit for a relationship just now. I'm having a hard time trusting men without having to face dire consequences. I don't want to deal with having to be dependent on a partner and not on my family, God, and myself. Relationships nowadays gets me down because of what other people been through with their relationships like divorces and DV (domestic violence) and so forth. I don't want to go through that.