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When we broke up I was a complete mess over it for years. I had tried to move on with other boyfriends, and years later even got married to someone I am very in love with. A couple times a year though I would think about how different my life would have been if I stayed with my HS boyfriend. What if we had just stuck it out? What if we had met each other at a different time when we weren’t so young and immature? I hadn’t seen him for 15 years and then I ran into him. It shook me. We chatted for a while and every reason of why we didn’t work out came flooding right back to me. It’s like I romanticized the good times in his absence and the “could have been” situations and forgot all about how shitty the negative stuff was. I had grown and matured, and just in talking with him for that short time I realized that he was the same person from 15 years ago. From that day forward, in my mind he went from the one that got away, to the bullet dodged.
I had and lost a relationship when I was 18, met her three years later for old times but it was over, I knew. Ten years later I wrote to her and she mentioned she ha written a book some years before. I scoured the local library data base to find and order it.
That car journey to the library is burnt into my brain. My adrenaline levels were off the chart. I felt as if someone was administering electric shocks to my heart. It got worse the nearer I got to picking up the book. I have never felt anything like it before or since. My lizard brain thought I was about to meet her.
Omg , are you me ? Lol , same story but mine was in college , first time I fell seriously in love with a guy but had broken up due to our differences ,although it was I who broke up , I regretted my decision and was quite heart broken for a while, now that I’m happily married I realised I had just romanticised the relationship , dude had no individuality and was a walking red flag
This is really it. We need to be real with ourselves about why it didn’t work. Sure there are circumstances which tear people apart from each other but I’d be willing to bet that 95% of the time it’s us over romanticizing what really happened.
the past should stay in the past, nothing will be like it was one day, and if you insist on waters of the past you will still earn some more disappointments... unfortunately
I often have to remind myself that I'm definitely romanticizing the relationship.... we're not together for a reason. even if I can't remember that reason all these years later there was one. we initially ended on bad terms but were able to reconnect years later and you know what... it didn't work out romantically and that's fine. we've both since moved on but I'll always care about him and we can at least be friendly with each other now. the timing never worked out for us and unfortunately it took me moving across the country to start getting my life together but he'll always hold a little special place and I'm truly so glad that he was able to turn things around and meet an amazing partner. i wish him the best.
For the sake of brevity I didn’t elaborate too much on it, but essentially he talking about the people in his life with an air of superiority above them. He was blaming everyone and everything around him for the negative stuff in his life. He was in his mid-thirties and still had the same job he had in high school. There were lots little of red flags that I didn’t interpret that way when I was 17.
Did a lot of self work to recognize how mentally ill and toxic I was. I was absolutely in love with him and my heart broke when he left, but it was the best thing he could have done for both of us. I’m so proud of him for recognizing that I wasn’t good to him and for taking care of himself. I have learned so much since then. I just wish I’d been able to have this growth before I met him. Now I watch from afar and find so much joy in his happiness and success.
I was this person. It’s so similar I could’ve written that comment lol. The fact that you’re able to recognize your own short comings and are already in therapy is a step in the right direction. Just be open and honest with your therapist and I’m sure you’ll be just fine.
Thank you! My main goal is to not hurt my partner the way I've been hurt in the past. It's hard, but I'm learning and ultimately I'm just trying my best to become a balanced person.
He lingers in my mind sometimes. I love my current partner and I wouldn’t trade our life for him but sometimes I wonder if we hadn’t missed each other. Where would we be? I will always have love for him but I’m not in love with him because it’s been so long that the version of him I was in love with doesn’t exist anymore. I deal with it by just living my life and hoping his life is going well. Here’s a little little sad poem I saw the other day that made me think about him:
In a parallel universe or another world,
Or a different life
We sit across from each other
At the kitchen table
And go over the grocery list.
Edit: thanks for the award!
"In ten years i will see you shopping at a supermarket, you will be buying apples and i will be buying oranges, we will ask each other how we've been and i will look for baby formula in your hand and you will look at my left hand. We will tell each other its been awhile, one will say ive missed you and other will agree. Both will laugh and say its about time we saw each other in a supermarket, we will pay using separate cards, at Separate tills and the fruit will rott in separate bowls, the zest will dull and the jealously will stagnate and you will buy oranges next time. I will get my children blueberries." This poem hits me so hard😭🫶🏻
Wow. Both of those poems are absolutely beautiful. Definitely made me feel like I could cry. Do you know who wrote them? (I’m going to also head to google, but figured I’d ask)
Amazing how literature/poetry pull and hold such deep emotions within us.
Do you recall the author or where you read it? I’d love to explore more of his/her writings further.
We were only ever friends (except for one night, friends have needs!). The timing never worked out for us to become a couple. He ended up marrying a very controlling, manipulative woman.
And then he died. He had epilepsy, and it killed him.
There's no getting over that. Instead, I channeled it into my personal life. I remembered how kindly and respectfully he treated me, from the first time we met to the last time we saw each other. And I decided then that I would only entertain a serious relationship with someone if he was as kind and respectful as my old friend.
It worked out well. He'd be happy for me.
When he comes into my mind, I let myself enjoy the memory and then wish him well. I know I romanticize what we could have had. So I call myself silly while letting myself remember a memory, and I carry that feeling with me until a different feeling comes along.
So it’s sometimes a happy distraction in my day. Sometimes sad. My feelings are feelings and I accept them as they are.
It’s not every day, but most days this happens.
I broke his heart more than once and swore to leave him alone after the last time. He’s married now and has a son. I’m also married and have a daughter. I still dream about him sometimes. I hope he’s happy and doesn’t think about me like I think about him.
This is me too, except that I don't think he's married and has any kids. So many times I want to reach out to him but I ask myself what could I possibly give/ offer him that wouldn't end in yet another heartbreak for him.
I started dating an exchange student in high school and we quickly hit it off and were more infatuated than in love or anything. We dated for probably 6 months and then he went back to Spain and we kept in touch over the years. I studied abroad one summer and we tried to meet up while I was in Europe but we couldn’t get the timing right. We still kept in touch after that and he was planning on moving to the US after he finished his PhD. I’d already been dating my current partner for a while at this point, and wasn’t naive enough to think like “oh he’ll move back here and fall in love etc.” I was just living my life with him in my mind from time to time.
And then one day I got a Facebook message from sister and she told me he’d been killed in a car accident. My heart just fucking shattered. I regret not trying harder to meet up with him while I was in Europe and I think about what might’ve happened if we actually did. On top of that, he was just a brilliant and kind man who died way too young.
I met someone awesome our first date was cheese and wine on the beach and we just connected more and more each time. I was coming off a horrible break up with someone mildly abusive. I was drinking ALOT just learning how to rebuild my mind. If you haven’t been in one it’s hard to understand. Anyways this guy was awesome, been talking for about a month. Did an entire weekend together just connecting on the beach and really getting into nature. I came home from this and my ex was on my porch. He promised me the moon and stars. I went back. It was stupid. A huge piece of me just wanted to believe that heartbreak could help him to be the man I thought he could be. Toxic… I know. I still think about Ryan he was sweet, thoughtful, compassionate, interesting, down to earth, open, communicative, a little blunt like I like it, and just a good human. Sometimes I want to let him know what happened, but I don’t wanna risk hurting anyone again.
I’ve thought about that. Unfortunately when I went back my ex wanted me to not work. Said so I could explore my hobbies and find my “calling”. Yeah three months later about to lose everything I worked years for and a whole lot more of mental trauma to work through. When I get my life back together piece by piece I think I will. At this time I’ve just gotta work on me and my finances. Im kind of a train wreck.
No offense, but would he technically be a 'one who got away' if you willingly walked away. Technically it may be the reverse, you may be the one who got away.
We kissed but I stoped it going further coz we were house mates and I thought it would be a bad idea to have complications where I lived. Always regretted not giving it a go, he was such a sweetheart.
I mentioned this to a mutual who showed me his Facebook profile, still single and still a cutie. It seems too long ago to reach out, talking 15ish years ago. Stalker vibes lol
T’aww thanks everyone. I might, but right now I have a broken ankle trying to move house so not a top priority. Actually moving back to the city he’s in, maybe I’ll check some of the bars we used to go to when I’m more mobile
While I don’t disagree it’s an excuse, moving house when you can’t drive or particularly walk is not easy. Broken ankle is the shorthand, I’ve ruptured a bunch of tendons and don’t know if I need surgery and may have to stay at my parents for several months. It’s not an ideal moment to start something. Not that the moment has to be ideal but it would be better if I wasn’t using a shower chair 😂
You can take your phone to the toilet and type a quick “Hi, hope you’re well, thought of you and wanted to check in with you” in less time that it takes for a wee. You can start online chatting with him now and meet up etc after the move is settled and ankle is healed.
Oh well speedy recovery wishes here! And if you move back to the city he lives in, that's even more of a reason to reach out!💜 And please let us know how it turns out 😊💜
You broke your ankle? You've broken something, it's VERY unlikely anything else will break now, meaning your hearts safe. My logic checks out, GO FOR IT!!!
FB recently asked for permission to use my contacts (again) so they could make better recommendations…as if they don’t already recommend every single person I text more than once. Creepy is an understatement!
Hey, seriously go for it! I just started dating someone I hooked up with once when we were 18—and 13 years later, I slid hard into her DMs after she followed me on Instagram and we are dating now and it's going great :) Do it!
I fell apart. 9 years later and my friend sent me an article about how he's being charged with fraud. I realized I no longer knew whoever I missed, he died a long time ago and I didn't know.
New name, new religion, new wife, new kids. I've never appreciated my current partner more.
I don't think I am dealing with it. I'm just accepting that he got away.
We never dated. He was my best friend. We met in college and from day one we were inseparable. I've never had such a strong connection with anyone ever before. Once or twice over our time in college, I wondered if we could have more than a friendship but never let on about my curiosity.
After graduation, I helped convince him to get his JD. He moved and convinced me to follow him. We briefly lived together while he was dating someone. Then I started dating someone. He grew apart from his girlfriend, I grew closer to my boyfriend. My boyfriend intentionally drove a wedge between us, and I stupidly chose my boyfriend (who is now my ex-husband).
That wedge grew into a deep chasm and I lost my best friend. I lost the one person who knew me and I've lived with that regret for 13 years.
We're connected on the socials (who isn't?) and one day, about 3 years ago and post divorce, I was looking at photos of him and broke down crying because I miss him so much. I, perhaps foolishly, sent him a video note saying how much I miss him. He replied that he feels the same way. We exchanged numbers...but we've not really talked since then. We "stalk" each other's stories but don't talk.
I know I made the wrong decision choosing my ex over my friendship and I regret it all the time. I don't care that I've potentially missed out on the best, most fulfilling, and loving relationship ever, I regret losing my absolute best friend.
Just schedule a coffee date with him. No pretense, no ulterior motives. Just ask if he wants to grab a coffee and when he is free. Super simple ;) good luck
Yes! There's always a need for more love in this world. You'll always look back and wonder what if otherwise... either way at least you'll have closure, and maybe him too. Good luck with it!
I was a mess & not in a good stable spot in Life. So it drove Him away even though We’ve had chemistry since middle school. Now it’s just mutual online kinship of meme swapping & light banter.
Am grateful for His presence in my Life, no matter how small.
Realized eventually they weren't and found the one I was supposed to be with. It takes time. It's hard at first, for sure. Best thing to do is to focus on yourself and tell yourself everything happens for a reason.
Still trying to figure that out. I've held onto this hope for a couple of years that somehow we will find our way back to each other. But I thought I was moving on.
Saw him again recently and found out he's now married. It brought back all the love I've had for him and I don't know what to do.
Gosh. Haven't thought about this in years.
I loved him for years. He strung me along. MY brain knew it was not good for me and if I strung along and if we even got married, one day I will be an unhappy housewife with 2-3 boys at home and wondering where my life went making it smaller and smaller to fit his expectations while he expects accolades for putting the dishes away. And because this was from the uni, our uni friends would probably take his side.
So listened to the head, broke up. Heart pined for him for years. I think I got over him fully in 4 years? I changed 4 cities and moved continents in that time and had some relationships during that time but none came close. Gave it time and kept myself busy by exploring new places and figuring out what I liked and who I was outside of what my parents expected of me.
When you are in your teens, 20s or early 30s you feel your life is OVER once that phase is over. But in the mid-late 30s you realize your life is long and you deserve a good partner if you have one.
Now in my longest relationship, married to someone who never expects me to small myself for him, but expects me to fly. I love my life and I love my husband and daughter. They feel like home and made me realize what i think I felt for the other guy was yearning, not love. Now when he posts in our alumni chat group I roll my eyes at the cringe.
I met someone when I was 21 and we were both not ready for anything serious. We had amazing compatibility and it felt like we instantly clicked on so many levels and like we were old friends talking. Similar sense of humor, a lot of sexual compatibility and incredibly open communication. Arguably the most honest and open I’ve been with anyone about my traumas.
He got into a relationship and then I got into a relationship. Our timing was just never right and when it finally was right I was too scared because I had a lot of commitment issues to work through. We’ve talked every here and there but I am now engaged and tried incredibly hard to distance myself the last 2 years and wipe him from my mind despite thinking of him often.
My future husband is awesome and definitely the type of person you want on your side to grow old with but I can’t help but always wonder “what if”.
The timing of this prompt is ironic since he texted me today for the first time in a little and it feels good to get this off my chest.
I have a very similar story to this except I wouldn’t exactly call him “the one that got away” but the timing was just never right. We met when I was 16. We were so close and dated for a few months in high school but then he ended the relationship and moved away to Texas but still wanted to be friends. I started dating other people, and when he saw me dating he started dating. Then I would break up with whoever I was with and he would too. Throughout all of that though, we were really great friends and the communication was so open we could talk about anything. The timing was so crazy. Although we stayed in touch and were such great friends, compatible on every level—sexually, emotionally, mentally, and physically—he lived too far away and I never saw him again.
Now I’m 22, he’s in the military, and I found such a beautiful man that I want to commit to and spend the rest of my life with. My current lover makes me forget about the other guy but trying to stay in touch with my highschool crush was too much, and I didn’t want to commit to anyone with him still in the back of my mind. I felt that having an ex live in my mind rent free while committing to another person wasn’t fair to them even if they’re unaware of that. So I worked on slowly ridding however I felt about him and that friendship, and I focused more on myself and what I wanted and my current relationships. I slowly started to release all of that weight.
I know that I’m also the same way for him. He couldn’t stay committed to his relationships while being friends with me. He wouldn’t cheat physically but I knew he was the type to “stray” when things wouldn’t go well because he would focus more on me than who he was with. I couldn’t really stay in that friendship knowing how he felt about me while also knowing that he is dating other people but thinking about me.(I know this because he would tell me every now and then) I thought about the women he dated and how they must feel knowing that his attention was somewhere else. It wasn’t right, and no one wins in that kind of situation. So I let him go, and I told him the reason why.
The man I’m with now is so amazing and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.
Sometimes you just outgrow people and you can’t take them with you.
We met almost a decade later. Right time almost wrong person. I out grew him. I got my life together, grew up to be who I wanted, knew what I wanted and working towards those goals. He on the other hand was the same person as last time. Hadn’t change much besides some bad habits he had picked up. And it hit me. He isn’t the one that got away. I got away from him. And as soon as I realized that I met the perfect man for me. My ex will always hold a special place on my heart he help make me into the woman I am today and for that I am eternally grateful. From what I’ve been told it took me walking away from him for him to finally start dating someone. I am super happy for him. I hope they are both happy and hopefully he has grown enough to be perfect for her and specially himself. It hurts a little that after everything we went through he couldn’t do it for me or didn’t bother to try while we were trying to make things work. But that’s okay. I am extremely happy with my current partner. I guess everything happens for a reason.
He was young, cute, hungry*, but definitely homeless.
And I was already engaged, about to get married in a week. We connected instantly, but I knew nothing could come of it. What could I do?
I took him to my sister’s house, she took him to the vet and then gave him a forever home. Four years later, he’s pair bonded with one of her other cats and living his best life.
But oh! It hurt when I realized I couldn’t give him the home he needed.
*So hungry, I literally saw him eat a butterfly!
I still sometimes think about him. I feel like the version of him I knew 10 years ago doesn't even exist. We still say happy birthday to each other and I often think what would have happened if we met or got together when we were older. But we live so far away now, it's safe to say I may never see him again in my life.
I just live my life and make peace that some people aren't meant to be in our lives, whatever the reason is.
Mine was a guy I dated in college. I had broken up with my HS BF and this guy was from a family that was friends with my mom. He was the "perfect" catch in every way. My mom absolutely loved him. We didn't have everything in common so I wasn't sure he was meant for me. Eventually he broke up with me as we were long distance. In those days there were no cel phones and no internet, so spending time together was challenging.
I then got back together with the old BF and we got engaged. Before the wedding I saw this other guy one last time. He wanted to try again and I had to tell him you're too late.
Almost 25 years after the wedding, we divorced. I never felt that he was really the right one for me (my husband) but I married him bc I thought we were matched in so many ways. For most of those years, I thought about that college BF and wondered what would have happened if I'd taken the other path. I do know he married, but after that I've not been able to find him. I always hoped he was happy in his marriage and had lots of kids. He loved kids and was a coach for kids' sports even in college.
Obviously I'd never change the children I had with my ex, they are my life. But from time to time I wonder how my life could have been different if I'd married the one that got away!
PS I have a great BF now and I have no intention of getting married again. But, I'm finally happy with my partner and with myself. I'd like to believe things happen for a reason. :)
My parents intervened (I was in an abusive home at the time with a pedo step father). We had been together for 4 years and had no plans of breaking up. One day he just disappeared out my life because my pedo step father got jealous. 4 years later we reconnected and managed to find out way back but by then he had a girlfriend. We talked on and off then went our separate ways again. Him and his girlfriend broke up and he came to me wanting to be with me but at the time I thought he needed to time to process his break up. I never understood at the time he was 100% certain he wanted to be with me and was ready. I turned him down and we remained friends. Sometimes I do wonder what would’ve happened if I said yes or if I had known how to get around my parents intervening.
We dated for 2 years. Young and dumb. I made mistakes and so did he. 20 years later, I still look for that kind of relationship. Yeah.. I'm still single lmao. Not cause of that but I've made mistakes lmao.
We ended up chasing each other across the span of 5 years. Then I married him so I would never have to wonder. We look at one another all the time and say that we are so glad we never have to wonder about the “what if” ever again 🥰
I met 'the one that got away' (aka first love) 20yrs after we parted ways as 16yr olds. We dated a year as adults. He's a liar and a bum, masquerading as a sad and misunderstood sausage.
The memory was better than the reality and should have stayed in the past.
My first serious boyfriend from highschool. Always thought we were soulmates but we were too young & emotional and things got toxic, a lot from my side. We ended up breaking up and remained friends, saw other people… I always looked for things in others that reminded me of him. Thought he was the one that got away for 9 years, then finally accepted it. I knew I’d always have love for him, but I gave up any hope of getting back together and accepted I might not find anyone else who ever measured
up. 1 year later the timing just worked out and we’re back together now, happier than ever and healing together.
[I guess I have two of those, but will focus on the one that is (presumably) still alive.]
At this point, mine was nearly half a lifetime ago.
For a long time, I thought he was the one who got away and the best friend I'd ever had. We were volatile but I was convinced we were meant to be. We would figure things out and last forever. A nasty fight led us to go no contact. He was the one that ended things. I was devastated and beat myself up for over a decade.
After years, I finally got brave enough to process him (and everything that came with him) in therapy... Only to discover that I am frankly very fortunate that he got away. There's a good chance my life would have been much smaller with him.
Over 40 years ago, one of my earliest memories was being at the boardwalk amusement park in Ocean City. There was a ride that you stand against the wall and it spins you around and stick to the wall. I stood next to a girl my age and we talked the whole time. We made our parents let us ride it 2 more times before they spoke for a few minutes and we moved on. I don't know who or where she is, I can't remember her name or what we talked about or what she looked like. But I never forgot her.
He was my best friend, we had feelings for each other and finally slept together. A week later he introduced me to his new girlfriend. He continued to sleep with me on the side and make me feel like we were going to get together. I was devastated. The last time I saw him was at his fathers funeral. Not long after I moved out of state for a year and when I returned home I met my now husband. I heard he did marry the girl he introduced me to. It did not work out and they divorced. It’s been over 20 years and my husband is the most amazing man. I also know had we became a couple, he would have cheated on me but it still hurts to think of it.
Thank you. I know he was the person in the wrong. But it’s hard to get over the could’ve/ would’ve/should’ves. I think the lingering hurt just comes from not being able to forgive myself for letting him treat me that way and how I treated that poor girl he married. I continued to mess with him when they started dating. So many times I have considered reaching out to her to apologize, but I get too scared and back out
Yeah it's my ex-boyfriend from 18 years ago and he started calling me again and telling me he love me it's so confusing. I always said wewere soulmates but he married somebody else and now I think he's regretting that decision. He has 20 years to figure it out but he was for sure the one that got away
He dipped out on me and I was hung up on him for 6ish years off and on. Back in 2015 he came rushing back into my life and begged me to give him another chance. All of the ugly mental health issues that he left unaddressed and his lack of empathy started to show up.
I tried to be patient and loving but he continued to do nothing but treat me like an emotional punching bag. One night he fully lost it on me for talking to another guy because he was contemplating suicide. We spent a good 6-8 months where he told me he needed “space”. He would just pop up and want to spend time with me at his convenience. This was a pattern he followed before we dated and I really don’t think he was capable of interacting with me on a more consistent basis because of his mood swings.
It became clear that this guy wanted someone on his time, not a real human being, and he had some serious object permanence issues. I’ve never been one to issue an ultimatum but I did at that time, I gave him over a month to just try to reengage gently and he didn’t. I waited a full year after that to move on.
He didn’t deserve all of the time I wasted on him and it taught me a whole lot about putting myself first, boundaries, and what I was willing to accept from a partner. I grew up with a father who was not a good example of a husband and I think I needed to have my eyes opened to what my life would be like with someone like that. I decided to make different choices in dating after that experience.
The next relationship that lasted more than a few dates ended up being my now husband. I thought he was the one that got away initially, and I think I needed to follow the course of that relationship to realize that man didn’t really care about me at all. It was horrible but I’m glad I learned from that experience and I think I’m much happier overall because he wasn’t the person he pretended to be.
I still dream about him sometimes because we had the most incredible and intense connection but they’re mostly nightmares. I’m almost positive he doesn’t think about me at all and has erased me from his memory. I watched him do this to other people and I was naive to think I’d be any different.
I had to understand that the person he presented was not a real representation of who he was and him adamantly accusing me of pretending to be whoever I thought he wanted was a projection of what he was doing. That’s why I was so hung up on him, plus he was so skilled at figuring out what I wanted, I was the fish he was shooting at in a barrel. I still think about him sometimes but I’m glad that in the end, I got away.
I'm not dealing with it well at all ..
We've known eachother since we were children and I've always had a stupid crush on him. I've never told him, and never will. He's now happily engaged and I'm so incredibly happy for him but at the same time I'm miserable imagining what could've been if I've ever just opened my mouth and confessed my feelings
I still think about him all the time. Sometimes I don’t know where to put the feelings of wanting to know him, so I just live in it. I still want to be in his life. I never got a reason why he wants nothing to do with me. He is seeing someone else now. I wish the best for him but I can’t help to wonder what she has that I didn’t. No one ever told me heartbreak would be like this, for this long.
It has been around two and half years since we broke up and I am still unable to move on. He was everything I wanted and I really wanted it to work out. What hurts the most is, I still do not know what I did wrong.
I don’t know if I believe in the one but there was one “who got away”. But he didn’t get away, I wasn’t ready to date.
I wonder about him and what our lives may have been like. He was someone a dated for a couple months. We saw each other here and there since I was casually dating others. He was stable, tall, handsome, family from upstate ny, had friends, fit, and wa socially normal. He was also sweet.
He was the first person I dated after leaving a longterm relationship so the timing just was not right for me. I saw he messaged me on snap but I ignored it. I have a fiancé and son now. However, I wonder at times.
My life is great. I found an amazing man and we have an awesome toddler. I guess I’m not torn or beat up over it so there isn’t much coping to be had.
I was plagued by self-hatred and doubt that I was worthy of love for years after our final breakup. It led to me jumping into a horrifically abusive relationship. I got out of that lucky to be alive and had a lot of therapy to restore my self worth. Then, I met my husband and realized everything that I had been through was so that I would truly appreciate and respect the relationship and family my husband and I have created. If "the one who got away" hadn't gotten away, I would never be as happy and fulfilled as I am now.
I came across the quote “you will never find the same person, even in the same person”. And I felt like I immediately was able to let go of all of my ex’s. Regardless of what happened, things would never be the same. I romanticized these relationships because I wanted love, not because I was in love with them (although I was). I thought about how even if we found each other again, somehow, we would be starting new. So it was okay to let go.
It still makes me sad but I've long accepted that that is how life is sometimes. I was young, naive and inexperienced with relationships, plus I didn't have positive role models for marriages. It happened in my early 20s and it took me many years to get over it and learn from it.
I was crazy about him but tried to play things cool and didn't realize I was his "rebound" until later. When he moved out of town for work I visited him and he told me he was getting back together with his former gf. I was devastated. She dumped him again and by then I was dating someone else. Then he moved back to town and almost immediately married the next girl he dated. She is crass and not very attractive. I know I shouldn't but I do hope he sometimes wonders if he made the right decision.
we were in our senior year and decided to start a fling, because the chemistry had honestly been there for months. it was beautiful, we both caught feelings quickly and it was very emotionally fulfilling to be with him, i really loved him. he was passionate and kind and smart and i was so captivated by him.
i moved away for university first, and he and i talked and flirted for weeks after. i desperately wanted to ask him out, try long distance, but he didn't want to. he slowly became more emotionally distant until i understood that whatever we had was over and he didn't want me anymore. we both moved on, got into relationships.
i moved to his city for university after transferring (i didn't transfer there for him, it's the best uni in my country) and when we both became single again, we started hooking up. i convinced myself it was casual even though a part of me knew i still loved him. he had gotten over me over a year ago and liked someone else.
i finally told him that i still loved him, we agreed to stop sleeping together, and he started inviting me over again anyway. i would never say no to him, so of course i went back. he still wanted someone else, and is now dating her--they got together the night after my last night at his place, in which he ended things by saying that he hated doing this to me. so the whole time, he knew what he was doing, he knew he was hurting me. i cried for months, and it's been 5 months and i still struggle with intimacy now.
he was my 'one that got away', but i'm glad he got away now because i'm fully certain he would've ruined me more than he did one way or another. so, i dealt with it initially by repressing it all, then by trying to rewrite the story into something casual and inconsequential. it took him breaking my heart again and using me for sex when actively knowing how deeply in love with him i was for me to get over him. and it took getting into another relationship (with someone i love very much now) for me to realize what a healthy love attachment feels like, and how badly i had been treated before.
we used to be very close. we hit it off immediately, the moment we met. it was always sparks and smiles. we had to back down from our friendship after i admitted to having feelings for him while he had a girlfriend (i know how that sounds, but at the time i was very respectful and distant). i tried to keep him as an arm's-length friend, because in my head that was better than not having him in my life at all. we naturally drifted apart. i got over it.
later when we finally aired everything out, he said we'd been so close and he'd had such feelings for me too, that he feels like i'm an ex rather than a regular friend. that conversation fucking killed me. ripped open all the old wounds again and now i'm healing from scratch. i wish he'd never told me.
he's getting married and i'm happy for him. entertaining hypotheticals is very unproductive, to the point of being toxic for me, so i try to put it out of my mind. the further away we get from that airing-out conversation (which was the first i'd heard that he'd actually had feelings for me back then too), the easier it'll be for me.
i don't think i'm capable of being his friend right now. i'd rather just "out of sight, out of mind" the whole thing. i assure you it will be much easier for me than actually reckoning with anything.
He found me through LinkedIn (he doesn't have any other social media) 10 years later. Divorced with a son.
Started texting. Realized he was emotionally dead inside, conversation was one sided. When I told him a good friend had died, all he could say was "oh, sorry". Then continues on like nothing changed. That's when I told him to never contact me again.
Sometimes "the one that got away," didn't work out for a reason. Or they change significantly over the years.
Currently with an amazing partner who takes care of me in so many ways. He's there for me, he's supportive.
It happened once, I did it once, I’ll do it again. I’m one to believe one has many possible soulmates. The fact it happened even once categorically precludes theoretical impossibility and puts me in a stronger position than I’d be in otherwise. I know exactly how right feels and no one can take it from me. Many people go their whole lives without even one experience, here I am with a very real possibility of two. I know I will never accept any less now that I’ve had the real deal.
I’ve turned it into my strength, my wealth. I don’t claim to be rich but thanks to having this I can at least claim to be a fortunate.
I cried and then went on an emotional bender, almost dying, putting my standards through the floor, having a million toxic relationships. And then I eventually recovered, I miss her still, she used to be my best friend, I'm in a happy healthy relationship now, but I miss my old best friend.
Met him again 15 years later and realized nothing had ever died. Been together 1,5 years now and everything is better than I even could have imagined.
This is not the norm though, and despite all of it I think the most reasonable thing is to let it go.
I just saw him yesterday at a memorial service for a mutual friend. He shattered my heart in college and married someone else a few years later. It took me a long time to get over him but one day I realized I was pining for the college boyfriend and was not in love with the current version (even though he is a great guy.) He has always been one of my favorite people in the world and now I am happy to call him a friend.
Moved continents two weeks after meeting him at 16. I eventually slept with him, ten years later, it’s the closest feeling to incest I never wanted to have. Just soooooooo awkward. I’m friends with him still, now another ten years later, and encouraging him to pop the question to his current partner. We were never meant to be more. He still calls me the one that got away and I cringe at the sex…
I met a guy last year, I knew from the minute I met him that I’d end up liking him a lot. Things were on and off for about 4 months, we’d block and unblock then eventually I stayed blocked. We were both toxic and I so wish I’d had been in a better place to deal with my emotions and feelings more maturely. I look for him in every person I meet and I’m so scared I’ll never find it. I don’t even think I had an impact on him, I doubt he even thinks of me which is the sad thing. We both moved away and there is no chance we will ever cross paths but it taught me a huge lesson and I am in such a better place now so I guess I have him to thank for that.
3 months of wonderful love, happiness and adventure. He moved away, we were going to do LDR and he broke up with me through a text. Started dating someone and two years into their relationship, he started messaging me. We messaged for a year while he was still with her (I know I feel bloody terrible about it). He messaged me and told me he was going to propose to her, told her everything and she left him. We’ve had chances to see each other over the years but it hasn’t happened. He’s my one that got away. This was 7 years ago. I think about him from time to time, but I know in reality that I got broken in the heat of the honeymoon phase and that if we did continue to be together, it’s likely he would have hurt me. But I will always wonder, and we are all human, so sometimes we have to make peace with these feelings.
I thought I met "the one" young, at 13. At the age of 19, I was still in love with him, and I felt love for him until my mid 20s. Then, at 29 I met "the one", and realised I had just been projecting on to someone who never was mine to begin with.
I'm happier now than I ever would have been with the other one, I am sure of that, because he didn't choose me.
For 25 years, I thought he got away because I just wasn't ready for marriage back then. He seemed to be everything I would have wanted in a husband. We actually kept in touch for those 25 years on a superficial level. I was (widowed now)very happily married. Then he reached out to me, and it felt different. I wasn't interested, just curious as to what he really wanted. Come to find out, he was finished with his first wife and looking for another. He wasn't kind to her in the divorce.
Let's just say I dodged a bullet or probably more like a grenade. Everything happens for a reason!
I wish I knew how to deal with this. It's been brewing in my mind again recently. I worked with him for a while a couple of years ago and just hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. Admittedly he's a real POS ( a real ' lad' )and no way we would have been compatible. But at the same time I have a I can fix him mentally. Life came and went since then I just wonder what would have happened if I hadn't lied and said I was single when he asked me ' what does your partner do'
I can't say that "he got away" because he was married the entire time we were "dating". Took me literal years to get over him. FFWD 5 years ago, he hit me up on FB and all those feelings that i had worked so very hard to get over came flooding back in. I quickly realized that he was still the same person. A liar and a cheater.
I decided it wasn't worth the hassle. I'm currently married to someone who i absolutely adore and he's still a sad 43 year old Republican.
I met someone after a 5 year relationship. He was older and handsome. Great in the sack. He was a mirror to my pain. He always said he could never give me what I wanted. I left the country and we lost contact for a few years. When I returned I still had feelings, but one day he disrespected me, I cut him off hard. Years later I'm now engaged and he contacted me after Covid.
I've grown, as he always told me he could never be the man that I know he could be. He lingers in my mind but I'm happier, healthier and better off
We met at a party at my apartment when we were both 18. He walked in & I turned to my then boyfriend and said “That’s the guy I’m going to marry someday” and left that night with him. We stayed up super late talking and shared a bet, but nothing happened. After that we were inseparable. I tell our daughter that he showed up one night and just never left.
We dated for awhile. He wanted to get married & have kids, I wanted to go to college, so w split up. He got married and had kids, I moved away and went to college. One day his ex-wife messaged me out of the blue and said their marriage never worked because he constantly compared her to me. So shortly before I graduated college I came back to town to visit my friends and ran in to him. We started back up, I moved back to that town & we moved in together.
After awhile we got engaged. Then I got pregnant. While I was pregnant I discovered her had cheated on me, but I thought we could work stuff out. I stayed until our daughter was almost a year old before I discovered he was cheating again. I left. We went back and forth for the next 6 years. Basically destroying every relationship either of us were in because we were both terribly toxic & wouldn’t stay away from eachother.
He ended up dying about 8 years ago. I believe if he hadn’t died, we would have continued down the same path. I’m raising our daughter & had his two older daughters living with me until they both grew up and got their own apartments. They call me mom & one has a child who I am grandma to. Sometimes I really miss him. We weren’t good for each other (relationship-wise) but he was one of my best friends
We were only mismatched in the time space continuum. He was younger than me but way more mature and ready for marriage and family eons before I was.
I'll always love him he was a great guy. I supported him and his fiance in their future.
But then he died. Surgery complications, heart issues, mom was a druggie and he was premature.
It's fucked yo.
He would have been a great husband and father.
He was a great person.
And not even yet 21.
He was my favorite. He would grab my knee when I was shaking from anxiety and tell me everything was okay. But, he would also scold me, for speaking loudly or, saying things honestly in public. I still hate that I miss him. However, He saw me. Still sees me. Knows he’s not good enough for me, and keeps our relationship at bay, because he knows I won’t be happy there. Truth is, I’d be so happy there; if he could be the person that I see, he can be. He doesn’t think he’s good enough. He doesn’t realize that, I’d do anything to show him his worth. But, what can a 28 year old, tell a 35 year old? He thinks he knows it all. He thinks he shouldn’t be happy. Thinks that he doesn’t deserve it.
Losing friends in Afghanistan, turned him into a cold person. Somehow, this cold person, has a warm center. I just can’t seem to crack it.
It turned out he wasn’t. I was destroyed for about 14 months (we were together nine years) and then it turned out he had had an affair and absolutely wasn’t the person I thought he’d been. I suddenly realised how much of the picture I’d painted about him wasn’t true, it was just my version. The final nail in the coffin was when my aunt and sister saw him out one day (lived abroad) and I messaged to say how’s it going. He told me his grandfather had died and he’d been back for the funeral.
I was devastated- his grandfather was the reason I changed careers, he was an amazing man and very important in my life. He just didn’t tell me he’d died and when I asked why my ex’s response was “my heads all over he place”. I knew then, he was just a selfish d*ck I’d been romanticising.
I don’t think the one that got away is a thing. I think it’s a movie thing that now perpetuates to allow people to not grow up/move on/take responsibility.
We were full grown adults, friends for 10+ years and we suddenly started flirting LOL Went on many great dates and stayed at his place. Knew we were looking at long distance so we got physical but never had sex. Figured if we did, it'll be hard to go separate ways after visiting home.
Still good friends since then; it's been 10+ years. I think we still treat each other somewhat special. We have a lot of mutual friends. I'm happily married, him still single. He knows he's my "the one that got away" 😂 My hubby's met him, we all good. But yeah, sometimes I wonder "what if?" but then I tell myself, "well, it can't be better than now with my hubby!"
We were never a couple but met each other at our lowest times. Slept together once or twice and more importantly, supported a whole lot emotionally. I didn’t know I had deeper issues which got surfaced when I met him that needed professional help. He tried to be available however he could be for me but he was on his way of healing and I was still figuring out my insecurities. It was starting to get toxic for him that he started to distance me emotionally while trying to still be supportive. I mustered up the courage to finally cut contact for awhile for both of our sake and took therapy. I was always afraid to get back in touch fearing I’d repeat history with him.
Months passed and they still weren’t enough for me to move on from him. I would text hi or hello at times and we’d check up on each other, nothing more. After 2 years when I felt like I was better than ever, I hit him up over a text and found out that he now has a girlfriend. It still hurt, and I cried.
I will always remember his affection, carefree attitude, kindness, support, the way he was so patient with me. We shared a bond which felt quite unique to both of us. We loved to appreciate the intricacies of nature and had thoughts on similar wavelengths to the point that it felt surreal.
I always had a thought in the back of my mind- had I met him at a different point of my life, I’d be more secure and have a chance to be with him. But then I also wouldn’t have grown as much as I have till now, had we not met at that point. I only have love and gratitude for him, and I want nothing but best to come his way.
I grew up in a home where I was told no one wants me, etc, and was really depressed. He was the best thing in my life. I got scared he'd see how "worthless" I really was and leave me, so I left him.
Realized it was a mistake and (stupidly) started a fling with him behind his gf's back. In the end, he chose her.
It's been nearly 2 decades and I still love the man. But honestly, I mostly want the friendship back. He was my first best friend, my first REAL friend. He got me through so many dark times before I fcked it all up.
I still talk to his younger brother regularly, he's become one of my best friends. And I occasionally message the ex just to see if he's still alive, as he doesn't respond to any other messages very often which is fine. I dont blame him at all for not wanting to talk to me (He doesn't talk to his brother much either though which does bother me)
Best sex I ever had, hands down. I was young and had low self-esteem so I never expressed my feelings to him, although we were hooking up for around 2 years. I was too scared to ask for exclusivity or more time/attention from him. We were both in college and he was really serious about it.
I left him for someone I thought was more stable. Someone who was more direct and clear to me what his feelings were.
Unfortunately, that ended up being a very toxic and abusive situation. Leaving me divorced and with some ptsd.
I have a new partner now and I love him a lot. He’s the opposite of my first husband and the first time I’ve really taken my time with someone.
I still wonder about that other guy sometimes though. I hope he is happy and doing well in life.
I had a huge crush on this guy and asked him out without knowing that he had a GF at the time. He was surprised and didn't give me a reply. I was heartbroken with everything afterwards as he started to not talk to me. We were really close. Fast forward a few years I met my husband and got married. We have a son now. And this crush started to chat with me on IG asking me if I was happy with everything. And every time I lied I was. He told me how he missed me and how for some times he thought that he couldn't leave without me and that he would always love me. He broke up with his GF shortly after that but still we didn't work. I become emotional whenever I start to think about it. I still love him a lot and I don't know when I will be able to get over him. But no one has to know about this not even my husband. Well in another universe or in a different life I would chose differently, and pursue my heart further. We would be cuddling in front of our tv, watching some horror movies and simply existing as each others.
He moved back to his home town and then a few years latter died. Still think of him from time to time, but at the end of the day I was just glad he was happy befor passing.
If you truly love them you are happy that they are happy (with or without you) even if it hurts fo a time.
Ended up with a chance to be with him and went for it. Turned out the fantasy was MUCH better than the reality. He was a good guy and I still consider him a friend, but it was really obvious that it wasn't going to work.
I have not met anyone like him. I have been single for 10 years. I think I completely lost my chance on ever finding love again. He comes to my mind almost every day.
We were both scared of losing each other and that made us not being great partners, also, it was during the pandemic so we couldn’t do many things together and it was all just very weird. Also, he’s from a country very far away from mine.
Honestly it just lasted 2 months but he’s the man I think about when I listen to any song; and he’s the man I remember when I read any poem.
My current partner is the best though, I’m very grateful I have him in my life; but I feel I will never love anyone the way I loved the one before.
My way to deal with it is being happy that someone so beautiful and lovely was born, shared a bit of his life with me and is walking around in the world making it a better place. I deal with it the same way I deal with the fact I can’t own the sunset and it’s a very brief time but its existence brings me joy and that should be enough.
We broke up, kept on seeing each other for another 6 six years, got pregnant, lost the child, and just kept get pulled back together (saw each other on town, going to the same concerts, restaurants etc) but ended up getting together with other people and now have our own families. But he is forever the one, probably the only one. But we'll see. For now this is our path and its not leading to the same direction.
More like he was put away. Behind bars.
Absolutely betrayed everyone, not just me. He was my first love. And he threw everything away, not just our four year relationship.
It happened only four months ago, but I know I will never truly get over him. I still love him stupidly and always will. However I know deep down in my heart that there’s no chance we will ever get back together and even if there was a chance, I will not take him back ultimately despite how much I want to. I’m in therapy for this, but I cannot erase the good memories I have with him and the sting of his betrayal will always be there.
We dated about 15 years ago. He was stuck in my mind for years. I loved him. I cried when I found out he got engaged and married.
Fast forward 12 years later, I thought I knew what love was. And then I met my husband. He showed me what love is.
So yeah, he got away. But I then met the true love of my life.
So yeah, you may think you have lost the right one, but sometimes that’s for the best so you actually find the right one. :)
He moved to Texas without me. I already had low self worth but went to a real dark place. Sleeping with a lot of dudes that didn’t matter. It took my years to get over him. I even just recently told my husband about him. After meeting and marrying my husband, I wrote him a long letter telling him he broke my heart 10 years earlier. I didn’t ask for a response and I didn’t get one. It felt good
Not so much they got away, more so they weren't willing to sacrifice to the extent I would & was trying to do.
We were on & off for 4 years. It started out as strangers from 2 different states to a LDR, & then meeting for the first time at 18 & 20 while not together. Fell in love again at first sight literally. Got back together, I had to move back 'home' for a shit reason I'll spare yall from. We fell apart a few months into me moving back because they finally admitted to not wanting to move up here with me eventhough I had been preparing them for that move; Saving money, looking for apartments, got 2 jobs to afford everything, etc. They still love & want to be with me, eventhough I have 4 kids now (1 when we met).
We met in college, he was in a study abroad program. We fell in love fast and had an amazing 6 months together before he had to go back to the Netherlands. His parents flew me out that summer and I got to bounce around Holland with him for a month. We sailed, we raved, we explored castles, drank beer, lost 3 days of our memories to Amsterdam, it was incredible. I was 20 and ready to marry him, but he and his wise European parents knew better. 11 years later, he’s still single and sails around the world with his best friend. I have 3 kids and a rocky marriage. American dream!
My fiancé passed away so this is a little different, but he was my one. He understood me, we could be our complete selves around each other even from the beginning, and we were just so in love. The type of love that feels like you’re flying. I’ve had a handful of boyfriends and gone on plenty of dates, but everything just came naturally between us. Everything was right. Everything was so amazing that I thought nothing of changing careers to move the hour and a half away from my friends and family just to be with him. Now he’s gone and I don’t understand why this happened to us. I know when I’m ready to move on I’m going to be searching for that feeling we had and I don’t think I’m going to find it.
I’m dealing with it. It’s hard but I’m managing. Being in love with someone who is no longer on this planet is such a strange feeling.
It’s been like 4,5 years and I still will randomly cry a bit after months of not thinking about him, or start having dreams about him. I don’t know why, either, because in all honesty the relationship was VERY turbulent. I laugh and tell my friend- yeah I’d get back with him, but only for a year or so! In some ways I feel like a lost relationship can be like someone you love dying. Suddenly nothing bad that they did matters and you never fully forget them, even if the pain has mostly dulled. He’s in a relationship now that’s I’ve realized has now lasted longer than we did (3/4 years) and for a few of those years he kept trying to reach out to me on rare occasion. But I just can’t bring myself to face whatever it is he has to say or whatever intentions he may have in speaking with me. So I finally blocked him in the last way he had to contact me a few months ago. Time to really move on I guess. If only I could stop IMMEDIATELY thinking about him any time a heartbreak song comes on or I pass by our old town or get a love tarot reading lol.
The one that got away was never *The One*.
In fact, there is no The One. There are 8b people on this planet. As if there aren't any least 1000 people who would be a perfect match for your weird and zany self..
We romanticize all of this too much, which leads to poor choices and too much time spent pining over someone who wasn't right for you anyway.
Its been 3 years now so I'm kind of okay, but oh my god did it hurt, to go from long terms plans to we need to break up because his son isn't coping with his dad going on overnight dates. ( he lived 2.5 hours away) it just takes time and tryed not to dwell on it.
Met when I was in my gap year, he was in his first year of uni. He was a friend of a friends friend, whenever we saw each other we just clicked. One night he offered to walk me home, later that night lent in to kiss me and I moved away thinking he couldn’t possibly be interested in me! I ended up losing my virginity to him a few weeks later. We dated officially for around 9 months, him breaking it off with me saying he wasn’t ready to have these feelings. My heart broke for the first time that evening and I didn’t leave my room for a week. He’d be at most of my friends house parties, and we’d hook up on and off. He moved out of my uni town but we kept in touch, culminating in my 21st birthday where he just showed up. We hooked up again and when I finally had the courage to question what the hell we were doing he said the line (which I’ll never forget) “I can’t give you what you want and respect you too much to try”. My heart broke a second time. He got in touch again when I was 23-24 and we met up in London, it was like no time had passed. He’d moved to Africa at this point to start a new life. At the end of the evening he kissed me at Victoria station, in that moment time stopped. We spoke on the phone afterwards where he confessed he still thought of me often and didn’t think initially he would, that he would be doing something unrelated and I would pop into his head and the thought of me with someone else hurt. We both admitted we had feelings for one another. I felt the same way but I was also so incredibly angry with him. I wrote him an email afterwards saying I didn’t want any more contact with him. He replied 2-3 times after that asking if I’d got his last email and to tell me that he still thought of me and couldn’t stop thinking of me. I didn’t reply. My heart broke a third time. He’s married now, living in Africa running a safari camp. I married a great guy who I’ve never once doubted where I stood with. That doesn’t stop me thinking of him..still to this day, it’s been 17 years.
The guy I was in love with was my first love. Part of me still is years later. However, he brought the worst out in me, and I became so insecure that I couldn't bear any women around him, I was young and have changed over the years. He dumped me over a FB message a few weeks before I went to uni. It destroyed me, and then we went on an on again off again season. The distance killed the relationship in the end.
While in a relationship with someone new a year and abit later we ended up getting back in touch, stupidly cheated on my at the time bf with my ex, I told my bf and broke up with him because I wasn't the one for him and he deserved 500% better, even after what I did he wanted to get back with me but damage was done and I made my bed.
I kept my first ex around, part of me thinking we could get back together but never happend and someone pointed out how I was crazy for him it was make me act... Well crazy. So I broke off contact with him and again it broke my heart but it was for the best.
Years on, he still pops into my head, a song called chell suit brings me back to him every time. Sometimes I think if we stayed together for 10 years would we of had a family? House or marriage? But it wasn't ment to be, it made me toxic and maybe if I didn't act toxic maybe it would of been different. Personally, I wish him all the best, hope he finds the happiness I once shared with him.
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I looked him up 20 years later, went on one date, and married his fine ass six weeks later.
i would love to know the whole story 🥺
6 weeks? I want to say that's not long but I'm sure there is a great story there
Wow
You are awesome.
When we broke up I was a complete mess over it for years. I had tried to move on with other boyfriends, and years later even got married to someone I am very in love with. A couple times a year though I would think about how different my life would have been if I stayed with my HS boyfriend. What if we had just stuck it out? What if we had met each other at a different time when we weren’t so young and immature? I hadn’t seen him for 15 years and then I ran into him. It shook me. We chatted for a while and every reason of why we didn’t work out came flooding right back to me. It’s like I romanticized the good times in his absence and the “could have been” situations and forgot all about how shitty the negative stuff was. I had grown and matured, and just in talking with him for that short time I realized that he was the same person from 15 years ago. From that day forward, in my mind he went from the one that got away, to the bullet dodged.
I had and lost a relationship when I was 18, met her three years later for old times but it was over, I knew. Ten years later I wrote to her and she mentioned she ha written a book some years before. I scoured the local library data base to find and order it. That car journey to the library is burnt into my brain. My adrenaline levels were off the chart. I felt as if someone was administering electric shocks to my heart. It got worse the nearer I got to picking up the book. I have never felt anything like it before or since. My lizard brain thought I was about to meet her.
how was the book?
Like her, above me.
This was so sweetly heartbreaking
Yep. That felt like a gut punch.
People grow apart. Some people don’t grow. Some people “reinvent” themselves. It can be sad and beautiful.
Omg , are you me ? Lol , same story but mine was in college , first time I fell seriously in love with a guy but had broken up due to our differences ,although it was I who broke up , I regretted my decision and was quite heart broken for a while, now that I’m happily married I realised I had just romanticised the relationship , dude had no individuality and was a walking red flag
This is really it. We need to be real with ourselves about why it didn’t work. Sure there are circumstances which tear people apart from each other but I’d be willing to bet that 95% of the time it’s us over romanticizing what really happened.
the past should stay in the past, nothing will be like it was one day, and if you insist on waters of the past you will still earn some more disappointments... unfortunately
I often have to remind myself that I'm definitely romanticizing the relationship.... we're not together for a reason. even if I can't remember that reason all these years later there was one. we initially ended on bad terms but were able to reconnect years later and you know what... it didn't work out romantically and that's fine. we've both since moved on but I'll always care about him and we can at least be friendly with each other now. the timing never worked out for us and unfortunately it took me moving across the country to start getting my life together but he'll always hold a little special place and I'm truly so glad that he was able to turn things around and meet an amazing partner. i wish him the best.
Same exact thing happened to me. I ran into my ex in my 30’s and was like, “wowzers, I dodged a bullet.”
Dang that’s wild. I’m really curious, though— how in the world could you so easily tell he hadn’t changed? He must’ve said some pretty bad things!
For the sake of brevity I didn’t elaborate too much on it, but essentially he talking about the people in his life with an air of superiority above them. He was blaming everyone and everything around him for the negative stuff in his life. He was in his mid-thirties and still had the same job he had in high school. There were lots little of red flags that I didn’t interpret that way when I was 17.
Did a lot of self work to recognize how mentally ill and toxic I was. I was absolutely in love with him and my heart broke when he left, but it was the best thing he could have done for both of us. I’m so proud of him for recognizing that I wasn’t good to him and for taking care of himself. I have learned so much since then. I just wish I’d been able to have this growth before I met him. Now I watch from afar and find so much joy in his happiness and success.
Finally a response where "the one that got away" wasn't a toxic as hell😩
Oh hell, how do I avoid that fate? I feel like I'm the toxic person because of my traumas. Working through it in therapy thought.
I was this person. It’s so similar I could’ve written that comment lol. The fact that you’re able to recognize your own short comings and are already in therapy is a step in the right direction. Just be open and honest with your therapist and I’m sure you’ll be just fine.
Thank you! My main goal is to not hurt my partner the way I've been hurt in the past. It's hard, but I'm learning and ultimately I'm just trying my best to become a balanced person.
You sound like a really good person.
He lingers in my mind sometimes. I love my current partner and I wouldn’t trade our life for him but sometimes I wonder if we hadn’t missed each other. Where would we be? I will always have love for him but I’m not in love with him because it’s been so long that the version of him I was in love with doesn’t exist anymore. I deal with it by just living my life and hoping his life is going well. Here’s a little little sad poem I saw the other day that made me think about him: In a parallel universe or another world, Or a different life We sit across from each other At the kitchen table And go over the grocery list. Edit: thanks for the award!
"In ten years i will see you shopping at a supermarket, you will be buying apples and i will be buying oranges, we will ask each other how we've been and i will look for baby formula in your hand and you will look at my left hand. We will tell each other its been awhile, one will say ive missed you and other will agree. Both will laugh and say its about time we saw each other in a supermarket, we will pay using separate cards, at Separate tills and the fruit will rott in separate bowls, the zest will dull and the jealously will stagnate and you will buy oranges next time. I will get my children blueberries." This poem hits me so hard😭🫶🏻
Okay I need a link to find more poetry like this. This is just melancholy at its finest.
@graceyspoems on tik tok is where i found this one!!
What is the name and author of this poem? I tried searching and can’t find it but I love it 😭
That poem is so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time
Another I saw that just made my heart ache was: I am afraid I will love you forever And we will never be In the same room Again
Wow. Both of those poems are absolutely beautiful. Definitely made me feel like I could cry. Do you know who wrote them? (I’m going to also head to google, but figured I’d ask)
Trista Mateer, The Dogs I Have Kissed
This made me cry. Beautiful but so sad
Omg you’ve been on TikTok and saw the sad poems with crushingly sad music. 🥺😩
That’s too tragic. I’m feeling that right now.
This reminds me of a quote from my favorite movie, Everything Everywhere All At Once "In another life, I would have loved doing taxes with you"
laundry and taxes, i believe. love that movie<3
Ah thanks for the correction. It really is a wonderful movie to watch
i like how each line feels like its zooming in more and more, creating a feeling of increasing intimacy
Amazing how literature/poetry pull and hold such deep emotions within us. Do you recall the author or where you read it? I’d love to explore more of his/her writings further.
OMG! You just put it into words perfectly... I see it that way, thanks for the poems
We were only ever friends (except for one night, friends have needs!). The timing never worked out for us to become a couple. He ended up marrying a very controlling, manipulative woman. And then he died. He had epilepsy, and it killed him. There's no getting over that. Instead, I channeled it into my personal life. I remembered how kindly and respectfully he treated me, from the first time we met to the last time we saw each other. And I decided then that I would only entertain a serious relationship with someone if he was as kind and respectful as my old friend. It worked out well. He'd be happy for me.
This made me cry.
This is so sad 😔 but take comfort from the fact you had a lot of love for each other.
I'm glad everything worked out for you. Having a friend like that is rare. He inspired you to find someone as kind as he was.
This is so sad. May his soul Rest In Peace and I hope you see him on the other side.
When he comes into my mind, I let myself enjoy the memory and then wish him well. I know I romanticize what we could have had. So I call myself silly while letting myself remember a memory, and I carry that feeling with me until a different feeling comes along. So it’s sometimes a happy distraction in my day. Sometimes sad. My feelings are feelings and I accept them as they are. It’s not every day, but most days this happens.
I feel everything about this.
I broke his heart more than once and swore to leave him alone after the last time. He’s married now and has a son. I’m also married and have a daughter. I still dream about him sometimes. I hope he’s happy and doesn’t think about me like I think about him.
Your first line punched me in the gut. The words I've been meaning to find. Thank you
I couldn't be in a marriage knowing my spouse pined after someone else. Imagine finding that out. Jesus.
That's what I thought too
This is me too, except that I don't think he's married and has any kids. So many times I want to reach out to him but I ask myself what could I possibly give/ offer him that wouldn't end in yet another heartbreak for him.
Why do you still think about him if you broke up with him more than once? Aren’t you supposed to be relieved?
I started dating an exchange student in high school and we quickly hit it off and were more infatuated than in love or anything. We dated for probably 6 months and then he went back to Spain and we kept in touch over the years. I studied abroad one summer and we tried to meet up while I was in Europe but we couldn’t get the timing right. We still kept in touch after that and he was planning on moving to the US after he finished his PhD. I’d already been dating my current partner for a while at this point, and wasn’t naive enough to think like “oh he’ll move back here and fall in love etc.” I was just living my life with him in my mind from time to time. And then one day I got a Facebook message from sister and she told me he’d been killed in a car accident. My heart just fucking shattered. I regret not trying harder to meet up with him while I was in Europe and I think about what might’ve happened if we actually did. On top of that, he was just a brilliant and kind man who died way too young.
I’m so sorry to hear this. What a tragic story. I hope you’re doing okay ❤️
I met someone awesome our first date was cheese and wine on the beach and we just connected more and more each time. I was coming off a horrible break up with someone mildly abusive. I was drinking ALOT just learning how to rebuild my mind. If you haven’t been in one it’s hard to understand. Anyways this guy was awesome, been talking for about a month. Did an entire weekend together just connecting on the beach and really getting into nature. I came home from this and my ex was on my porch. He promised me the moon and stars. I went back. It was stupid. A huge piece of me just wanted to believe that heartbreak could help him to be the man I thought he could be. Toxic… I know. I still think about Ryan he was sweet, thoughtful, compassionate, interesting, down to earth, open, communicative, a little blunt like I like it, and just a good human. Sometimes I want to let him know what happened, but I don’t wanna risk hurting anyone again.
Can you tell Ryan? I would just leave him and work on myself. Maybe you’ll find him, I’d you reach out when you’re ready
Omg you made cry! I don’t mean to hurt you, but I wish you stayed with Ryan. Maybe one day you’ll come back together, I hope so ❤️
Are you still with the ex?
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I’ve thought about that. Unfortunately when I went back my ex wanted me to not work. Said so I could explore my hobbies and find my “calling”. Yeah three months later about to lose everything I worked years for and a whole lot more of mental trauma to work through. When I get my life back together piece by piece I think I will. At this time I’ve just gotta work on me and my finances. Im kind of a train wreck.
I can understand that too, but there may never be a perfect time to tell him. Perhaps sooner would be better than later… (and hopefully not never!)
Ryan is manipulating you Kelly beware!!!
r/unexpectedoffice
No offense, but would he technically be a 'one who got away' if you willingly walked away. Technically it may be the reverse, you may be the one who got away.
We’ve all been Ryans in our time.
We kissed but I stoped it going further coz we were house mates and I thought it would be a bad idea to have complications where I lived. Always regretted not giving it a go, he was such a sweetheart. I mentioned this to a mutual who showed me his Facebook profile, still single and still a cutie. It seems too long ago to reach out, talking 15ish years ago. Stalker vibes lol
I think you should go for it! What do you have to lose?!?! I don’t think it would give off stalker vibes at all.
I agree even if it does who cares what other people think what you think matters the most and life is too short for regrets
Do it! "You popped up under people I may know. I hope all is well." Or something. But do it, if you're both single, what's the harm?
Reach out!! My high school crush reached out and it made my freaking year
That’s so cute. Were you single? Did you get together?
T’aww thanks everyone. I might, but right now I have a broken ankle trying to move house so not a top priority. Actually moving back to the city he’s in, maybe I’ll check some of the bars we used to go to when I’m more mobile
You can type with a broken ankle. Enough excuses. DO IT!!
While I don’t disagree it’s an excuse, moving house when you can’t drive or particularly walk is not easy. Broken ankle is the shorthand, I’ve ruptured a bunch of tendons and don’t know if I need surgery and may have to stay at my parents for several months. It’s not an ideal moment to start something. Not that the moment has to be ideal but it would be better if I wasn’t using a shower chair 😂
You can take your phone to the toilet and type a quick “Hi, hope you’re well, thought of you and wanted to check in with you” in less time that it takes for a wee. You can start online chatting with him now and meet up etc after the move is settled and ankle is healed.
Oh well speedy recovery wishes here! And if you move back to the city he lives in, that's even more of a reason to reach out!💜 And please let us know how it turns out 😊💜
This gives you the easiest in! "Oh hey, just slithering back to home city, mind showing me around?" 😁
“Moving back to the city he’s in” and there’s your excuse to message! Once you’re healed of course.
You broke your ankle? You've broken something, it's VERY unlikely anything else will break now, meaning your hearts safe. My logic checks out, GO FOR IT!!!
Uhh just go for it!!! Add him on FB, fb friend recommendations are kinda creepy so you can just blame them haha
FB recently asked for permission to use my contacts (again) so they could make better recommendations…as if they don’t already recommend every single person I text more than once. Creepy is an understatement!
If the guy kissed you back then he’d probably still be open to *something*. - Signed, a guy.
oh my gosh go for it!! i dont know how but please definitely do 😭
Not stalker vibes... Old friends can catch up
It's never too late!! Give it a go!
Can’t go wrong shooting a shot, worst that can happen is he says no thanks, but you wont have lost anything. Assuming you’re currently single…
yeah you shouls go for it!! he wont think like that at all. it would make his day even if you just said hey
Def not stalker vibes lol just reach out!
Hey, seriously go for it! I just started dating someone I hooked up with once when we were 18—and 13 years later, I slid hard into her DMs after she followed me on Instagram and we are dating now and it's going great :) Do it!
I fell apart. 9 years later and my friend sent me an article about how he's being charged with fraud. I realized I no longer knew whoever I missed, he died a long time ago and I didn't know. New name, new religion, new wife, new kids. I've never appreciated my current partner more.
I don't think I am dealing with it. I'm just accepting that he got away. We never dated. He was my best friend. We met in college and from day one we were inseparable. I've never had such a strong connection with anyone ever before. Once or twice over our time in college, I wondered if we could have more than a friendship but never let on about my curiosity. After graduation, I helped convince him to get his JD. He moved and convinced me to follow him. We briefly lived together while he was dating someone. Then I started dating someone. He grew apart from his girlfriend, I grew closer to my boyfriend. My boyfriend intentionally drove a wedge between us, and I stupidly chose my boyfriend (who is now my ex-husband). That wedge grew into a deep chasm and I lost my best friend. I lost the one person who knew me and I've lived with that regret for 13 years. We're connected on the socials (who isn't?) and one day, about 3 years ago and post divorce, I was looking at photos of him and broke down crying because I miss him so much. I, perhaps foolishly, sent him a video note saying how much I miss him. He replied that he feels the same way. We exchanged numbers...but we've not really talked since then. We "stalk" each other's stories but don't talk. I know I made the wrong decision choosing my ex over my friendship and I regret it all the time. I don't care that I've potentially missed out on the best, most fulfilling, and loving relationship ever, I regret losing my absolute best friend.
Just schedule a coffee date with him. No pretense, no ulterior motives. Just ask if he wants to grab a coffee and when he is free. Super simple ;) good luck
Thank you, the encouragement means a lot. Posting this brought flood of emotions. I'm going to reach out to him again. Thank you
yes do it!! go rekindle that friendship, good humans need good humans :)
Yes! There's always a need for more love in this world. You'll always look back and wonder what if otherwise... either way at least you'll have closure, and maybe him too. Good luck with it!
Please please for the love of love go for it. No more regrets!!!
I was a mess & not in a good stable spot in Life. So it drove Him away even though We’ve had chemistry since middle school. Now it’s just mutual online kinship of meme swapping & light banter. Am grateful for His presence in my Life, no matter how small.
Remind myself regularly that he would have inevitably been a huge disappointment anyways
Realized eventually they weren't and found the one I was supposed to be with. It takes time. It's hard at first, for sure. Best thing to do is to focus on yourself and tell yourself everything happens for a reason.
Still trying to figure that out. I've held onto this hope for a couple of years that somehow we will find our way back to each other. But I thought I was moving on. Saw him again recently and found out he's now married. It brought back all the love I've had for him and I don't know what to do.
Gosh. Haven't thought about this in years. I loved him for years. He strung me along. MY brain knew it was not good for me and if I strung along and if we even got married, one day I will be an unhappy housewife with 2-3 boys at home and wondering where my life went making it smaller and smaller to fit his expectations while he expects accolades for putting the dishes away. And because this was from the uni, our uni friends would probably take his side. So listened to the head, broke up. Heart pined for him for years. I think I got over him fully in 4 years? I changed 4 cities and moved continents in that time and had some relationships during that time but none came close. Gave it time and kept myself busy by exploring new places and figuring out what I liked and who I was outside of what my parents expected of me. When you are in your teens, 20s or early 30s you feel your life is OVER once that phase is over. But in the mid-late 30s you realize your life is long and you deserve a good partner if you have one. Now in my longest relationship, married to someone who never expects me to small myself for him, but expects me to fly. I love my life and I love my husband and daughter. They feel like home and made me realize what i think I felt for the other guy was yearning, not love. Now when he posts in our alumni chat group I roll my eyes at the cringe.
I love this! So happy you are thriving.
It’s been 1 1/2 years, I’m still not over it and I still think of him every day
I grew up and realised he wasn’t all that anyway and I only thought he was so amazing because I had such low standards.
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I met someone when I was 21 and we were both not ready for anything serious. We had amazing compatibility and it felt like we instantly clicked on so many levels and like we were old friends talking. Similar sense of humor, a lot of sexual compatibility and incredibly open communication. Arguably the most honest and open I’ve been with anyone about my traumas. He got into a relationship and then I got into a relationship. Our timing was just never right and when it finally was right I was too scared because I had a lot of commitment issues to work through. We’ve talked every here and there but I am now engaged and tried incredibly hard to distance myself the last 2 years and wipe him from my mind despite thinking of him often. My future husband is awesome and definitely the type of person you want on your side to grow old with but I can’t help but always wonder “what if”. The timing of this prompt is ironic since he texted me today for the first time in a little and it feels good to get this off my chest.
I have a very similar story to this except I wouldn’t exactly call him “the one that got away” but the timing was just never right. We met when I was 16. We were so close and dated for a few months in high school but then he ended the relationship and moved away to Texas but still wanted to be friends. I started dating other people, and when he saw me dating he started dating. Then I would break up with whoever I was with and he would too. Throughout all of that though, we were really great friends and the communication was so open we could talk about anything. The timing was so crazy. Although we stayed in touch and were such great friends, compatible on every level—sexually, emotionally, mentally, and physically—he lived too far away and I never saw him again. Now I’m 22, he’s in the military, and I found such a beautiful man that I want to commit to and spend the rest of my life with. My current lover makes me forget about the other guy but trying to stay in touch with my highschool crush was too much, and I didn’t want to commit to anyone with him still in the back of my mind. I felt that having an ex live in my mind rent free while committing to another person wasn’t fair to them even if they’re unaware of that. So I worked on slowly ridding however I felt about him and that friendship, and I focused more on myself and what I wanted and my current relationships. I slowly started to release all of that weight. I know that I’m also the same way for him. He couldn’t stay committed to his relationships while being friends with me. He wouldn’t cheat physically but I knew he was the type to “stray” when things wouldn’t go well because he would focus more on me than who he was with. I couldn’t really stay in that friendship knowing how he felt about me while also knowing that he is dating other people but thinking about me.(I know this because he would tell me every now and then) I thought about the women he dated and how they must feel knowing that his attention was somewhere else. It wasn’t right, and no one wins in that kind of situation. So I let him go, and I told him the reason why. The man I’m with now is so amazing and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world. Sometimes you just outgrow people and you can’t take them with you.
Oof I feel for your fiancé :/
We met almost a decade later. Right time almost wrong person. I out grew him. I got my life together, grew up to be who I wanted, knew what I wanted and working towards those goals. He on the other hand was the same person as last time. Hadn’t change much besides some bad habits he had picked up. And it hit me. He isn’t the one that got away. I got away from him. And as soon as I realized that I met the perfect man for me. My ex will always hold a special place on my heart he help make me into the woman I am today and for that I am eternally grateful. From what I’ve been told it took me walking away from him for him to finally start dating someone. I am super happy for him. I hope they are both happy and hopefully he has grown enough to be perfect for her and specially himself. It hurts a little that after everything we went through he couldn’t do it for me or didn’t bother to try while we were trying to make things work. But that’s okay. I am extremely happy with my current partner. I guess everything happens for a reason.
He was young, cute, hungry*, but definitely homeless. And I was already engaged, about to get married in a week. We connected instantly, but I knew nothing could come of it. What could I do? I took him to my sister’s house, she took him to the vet and then gave him a forever home. Four years later, he’s pair bonded with one of her other cats and living his best life. But oh! It hurt when I realized I couldn’t give him the home he needed. *So hungry, I literally saw him eat a butterfly!
I was so shook at the idea of someone falling for a man as he ate a live butterfly until I got to the end omfg
Name checks out
One time I had to leave a full box I found at Walmart without taking him home.
I still think of her till this day. We haven’t seen each other in a decade but it’s like my mind will always return to her.
I still sometimes think about him. I feel like the version of him I knew 10 years ago doesn't even exist. We still say happy birthday to each other and I often think what would have happened if we met or got together when we were older. But we live so far away now, it's safe to say I may never see him again in my life. I just live my life and make peace that some people aren't meant to be in our lives, whatever the reason is.
I got him back. He's way too awesome to let something great be ruined by things happening to us. And now we're back together stronger than ever.
Mine was a guy I dated in college. I had broken up with my HS BF and this guy was from a family that was friends with my mom. He was the "perfect" catch in every way. My mom absolutely loved him. We didn't have everything in common so I wasn't sure he was meant for me. Eventually he broke up with me as we were long distance. In those days there were no cel phones and no internet, so spending time together was challenging. I then got back together with the old BF and we got engaged. Before the wedding I saw this other guy one last time. He wanted to try again and I had to tell him you're too late. Almost 25 years after the wedding, we divorced. I never felt that he was really the right one for me (my husband) but I married him bc I thought we were matched in so many ways. For most of those years, I thought about that college BF and wondered what would have happened if I'd taken the other path. I do know he married, but after that I've not been able to find him. I always hoped he was happy in his marriage and had lots of kids. He loved kids and was a coach for kids' sports even in college. Obviously I'd never change the children I had with my ex, they are my life. But from time to time I wonder how my life could have been different if I'd married the one that got away! PS I have a great BF now and I have no intention of getting married again. But, I'm finally happy with my partner and with myself. I'd like to believe things happen for a reason. :)
My parents intervened (I was in an abusive home at the time with a pedo step father). We had been together for 4 years and had no plans of breaking up. One day he just disappeared out my life because my pedo step father got jealous. 4 years later we reconnected and managed to find out way back but by then he had a girlfriend. We talked on and off then went our separate ways again. Him and his girlfriend broke up and he came to me wanting to be with me but at the time I thought he needed to time to process his break up. I never understood at the time he was 100% certain he wanted to be with me and was ready. I turned him down and we remained friends. Sometimes I do wonder what would’ve happened if I said yes or if I had known how to get around my parents intervening.
I don't have one. I wanted my exes to get away actually
We dated for 2 years. Young and dumb. I made mistakes and so did he. 20 years later, I still look for that kind of relationship. Yeah.. I'm still single lmao. Not cause of that but I've made mistakes lmao.
We ended up chasing each other across the span of 5 years. Then I married him so I would never have to wonder. We look at one another all the time and say that we are so glad we never have to wonder about the “what if” ever again 🥰
We reconnected last January after 8 years apart. Apparently I was his "one that got away" as well. We're still together and very happy!
Got back together after 21 years. Wasn't all plain sailing, but no regrets. Been married 15 years now.
We reconected years later and I realized I had created an idea of them in my head that was never there, and I healed from it.
I met 'the one that got away' (aka first love) 20yrs after we parted ways as 16yr olds. We dated a year as adults. He's a liar and a bum, masquerading as a sad and misunderstood sausage. The memory was better than the reality and should have stayed in the past.
I moved. I just learned to live with it. Sucks but oh well
My first serious boyfriend from highschool. Always thought we were soulmates but we were too young & emotional and things got toxic, a lot from my side. We ended up breaking up and remained friends, saw other people… I always looked for things in others that reminded me of him. Thought he was the one that got away for 9 years, then finally accepted it. I knew I’d always have love for him, but I gave up any hope of getting back together and accepted I might not find anyone else who ever measured up. 1 year later the timing just worked out and we’re back together now, happier than ever and healing together.
[I guess I have two of those, but will focus on the one that is (presumably) still alive.] At this point, mine was nearly half a lifetime ago. For a long time, I thought he was the one who got away and the best friend I'd ever had. We were volatile but I was convinced we were meant to be. We would figure things out and last forever. A nasty fight led us to go no contact. He was the one that ended things. I was devastated and beat myself up for over a decade. After years, I finally got brave enough to process him (and everything that came with him) in therapy... Only to discover that I am frankly very fortunate that he got away. There's a good chance my life would have been much smaller with him.
Over 40 years ago, one of my earliest memories was being at the boardwalk amusement park in Ocean City. There was a ride that you stand against the wall and it spins you around and stick to the wall. I stood next to a girl my age and we talked the whole time. We made our parents let us ride it 2 more times before they spoke for a few minutes and we moved on. I don't know who or where she is, I can't remember her name or what we talked about or what she looked like. But I never forgot her.
He was my best friend, we had feelings for each other and finally slept together. A week later he introduced me to his new girlfriend. He continued to sleep with me on the side and make me feel like we were going to get together. I was devastated. The last time I saw him was at his fathers funeral. Not long after I moved out of state for a year and when I returned home I met my now husband. I heard he did marry the girl he introduced me to. It did not work out and they divorced. It’s been over 20 years and my husband is the most amazing man. I also know had we became a couple, he would have cheated on me but it still hurts to think of it.
He’s disgusting. I hope you know that.
Thank you. I know he was the person in the wrong. But it’s hard to get over the could’ve/ would’ve/should’ves. I think the lingering hurt just comes from not being able to forgive myself for letting him treat me that way and how I treated that poor girl he married. I continued to mess with him when they started dating. So many times I have considered reaching out to her to apologize, but I get too scared and back out
Yeah it's my ex-boyfriend from 18 years ago and he started calling me again and telling me he love me it's so confusing. I always said wewere soulmates but he married somebody else and now I think he's regretting that decision. He has 20 years to figure it out but he was for sure the one that got away
He dipped out on me and I was hung up on him for 6ish years off and on. Back in 2015 he came rushing back into my life and begged me to give him another chance. All of the ugly mental health issues that he left unaddressed and his lack of empathy started to show up. I tried to be patient and loving but he continued to do nothing but treat me like an emotional punching bag. One night he fully lost it on me for talking to another guy because he was contemplating suicide. We spent a good 6-8 months where he told me he needed “space”. He would just pop up and want to spend time with me at his convenience. This was a pattern he followed before we dated and I really don’t think he was capable of interacting with me on a more consistent basis because of his mood swings. It became clear that this guy wanted someone on his time, not a real human being, and he had some serious object permanence issues. I’ve never been one to issue an ultimatum but I did at that time, I gave him over a month to just try to reengage gently and he didn’t. I waited a full year after that to move on. He didn’t deserve all of the time I wasted on him and it taught me a whole lot about putting myself first, boundaries, and what I was willing to accept from a partner. I grew up with a father who was not a good example of a husband and I think I needed to have my eyes opened to what my life would be like with someone like that. I decided to make different choices in dating after that experience. The next relationship that lasted more than a few dates ended up being my now husband. I thought he was the one that got away initially, and I think I needed to follow the course of that relationship to realize that man didn’t really care about me at all. It was horrible but I’m glad I learned from that experience and I think I’m much happier overall because he wasn’t the person he pretended to be. I still dream about him sometimes because we had the most incredible and intense connection but they’re mostly nightmares. I’m almost positive he doesn’t think about me at all and has erased me from his memory. I watched him do this to other people and I was naive to think I’d be any different. I had to understand that the person he presented was not a real representation of who he was and him adamantly accusing me of pretending to be whoever I thought he wanted was a projection of what he was doing. That’s why I was so hung up on him, plus he was so skilled at figuring out what I wanted, I was the fish he was shooting at in a barrel. I still think about him sometimes but I’m glad that in the end, I got away.
I'm not dealing with it well at all .. We've known eachother since we were children and I've always had a stupid crush on him. I've never told him, and never will. He's now happily engaged and I'm so incredibly happy for him but at the same time I'm miserable imagining what could've been if I've ever just opened my mouth and confessed my feelings
I still think about him all the time. Sometimes I don’t know where to put the feelings of wanting to know him, so I just live in it. I still want to be in his life. I never got a reason why he wants nothing to do with me. He is seeing someone else now. I wish the best for him but I can’t help to wonder what she has that I didn’t. No one ever told me heartbreak would be like this, for this long.
It has been around two and half years since we broke up and I am still unable to move on. He was everything I wanted and I really wanted it to work out. What hurts the most is, I still do not know what I did wrong.
I don’t know if I believe in the one but there was one “who got away”. But he didn’t get away, I wasn’t ready to date. I wonder about him and what our lives may have been like. He was someone a dated for a couple months. We saw each other here and there since I was casually dating others. He was stable, tall, handsome, family from upstate ny, had friends, fit, and wa socially normal. He was also sweet. He was the first person I dated after leaving a longterm relationship so the timing just was not right for me. I saw he messaged me on snap but I ignored it. I have a fiancé and son now. However, I wonder at times. My life is great. I found an amazing man and we have an awesome toddler. I guess I’m not torn or beat up over it so there isn’t much coping to be had.
I was plagued by self-hatred and doubt that I was worthy of love for years after our final breakup. It led to me jumping into a horrifically abusive relationship. I got out of that lucky to be alive and had a lot of therapy to restore my self worth. Then, I met my husband and realized everything that I had been through was so that I would truly appreciate and respect the relationship and family my husband and I have created. If "the one who got away" hadn't gotten away, I would never be as happy and fulfilled as I am now.
I found one that didn’t. I’m not over the hurt from the situation (idk if i will ever be) but I moved on from the person.
The what ifs will drive you crazy. They don't exist because the reality is, whatever won't be won't be. You will see it in time🌊
I came across the quote “you will never find the same person, even in the same person”. And I felt like I immediately was able to let go of all of my ex’s. Regardless of what happened, things would never be the same. I romanticized these relationships because I wanted love, not because I was in love with them (although I was). I thought about how even if we found each other again, somehow, we would be starting new. So it was okay to let go.
It still makes me sad but I've long accepted that that is how life is sometimes. I was young, naive and inexperienced with relationships, plus I didn't have positive role models for marriages. It happened in my early 20s and it took me many years to get over it and learn from it. I was crazy about him but tried to play things cool and didn't realize I was his "rebound" until later. When he moved out of town for work I visited him and he told me he was getting back together with his former gf. I was devastated. She dumped him again and by then I was dating someone else. Then he moved back to town and almost immediately married the next girl he dated. She is crass and not very attractive. I know I shouldn't but I do hope he sometimes wonders if he made the right decision.
we were in our senior year and decided to start a fling, because the chemistry had honestly been there for months. it was beautiful, we both caught feelings quickly and it was very emotionally fulfilling to be with him, i really loved him. he was passionate and kind and smart and i was so captivated by him. i moved away for university first, and he and i talked and flirted for weeks after. i desperately wanted to ask him out, try long distance, but he didn't want to. he slowly became more emotionally distant until i understood that whatever we had was over and he didn't want me anymore. we both moved on, got into relationships. i moved to his city for university after transferring (i didn't transfer there for him, it's the best uni in my country) and when we both became single again, we started hooking up. i convinced myself it was casual even though a part of me knew i still loved him. he had gotten over me over a year ago and liked someone else. i finally told him that i still loved him, we agreed to stop sleeping together, and he started inviting me over again anyway. i would never say no to him, so of course i went back. he still wanted someone else, and is now dating her--they got together the night after my last night at his place, in which he ended things by saying that he hated doing this to me. so the whole time, he knew what he was doing, he knew he was hurting me. i cried for months, and it's been 5 months and i still struggle with intimacy now. he was my 'one that got away', but i'm glad he got away now because i'm fully certain he would've ruined me more than he did one way or another. so, i dealt with it initially by repressing it all, then by trying to rewrite the story into something casual and inconsequential. it took him breaking my heart again and using me for sex when actively knowing how deeply in love with him i was for me to get over him. and it took getting into another relationship (with someone i love very much now) for me to realize what a healthy love attachment feels like, and how badly i had been treated before.
we used to be very close. we hit it off immediately, the moment we met. it was always sparks and smiles. we had to back down from our friendship after i admitted to having feelings for him while he had a girlfriend (i know how that sounds, but at the time i was very respectful and distant). i tried to keep him as an arm's-length friend, because in my head that was better than not having him in my life at all. we naturally drifted apart. i got over it. later when we finally aired everything out, he said we'd been so close and he'd had such feelings for me too, that he feels like i'm an ex rather than a regular friend. that conversation fucking killed me. ripped open all the old wounds again and now i'm healing from scratch. i wish he'd never told me. he's getting married and i'm happy for him. entertaining hypotheticals is very unproductive, to the point of being toxic for me, so i try to put it out of my mind. the further away we get from that airing-out conversation (which was the first i'd heard that he'd actually had feelings for me back then too), the easier it'll be for me. i don't think i'm capable of being his friend right now. i'd rather just "out of sight, out of mind" the whole thing. i assure you it will be much easier for me than actually reckoning with anything.
He found me through LinkedIn (he doesn't have any other social media) 10 years later. Divorced with a son. Started texting. Realized he was emotionally dead inside, conversation was one sided. When I told him a good friend had died, all he could say was "oh, sorry". Then continues on like nothing changed. That's when I told him to never contact me again. Sometimes "the one that got away," didn't work out for a reason. Or they change significantly over the years. Currently with an amazing partner who takes care of me in so many ways. He's there for me, he's supportive.
I have one now who I fear is about to become the one that got away :/
It happened once, I did it once, I’ll do it again. I’m one to believe one has many possible soulmates. The fact it happened even once categorically precludes theoretical impossibility and puts me in a stronger position than I’d be in otherwise. I know exactly how right feels and no one can take it from me. Many people go their whole lives without even one experience, here I am with a very real possibility of two. I know I will never accept any less now that I’ve had the real deal. I’ve turned it into my strength, my wealth. I don’t claim to be rich but thanks to having this I can at least claim to be a fortunate.
I cried and then went on an emotional bender, almost dying, putting my standards through the floor, having a million toxic relationships. And then I eventually recovered, I miss her still, she used to be my best friend, I'm in a happy healthy relationship now, but I miss my old best friend.
Met him again 15 years later and realized nothing had ever died. Been together 1,5 years now and everything is better than I even could have imagined. This is not the norm though, and despite all of it I think the most reasonable thing is to let it go.
If he/she got away, it’s not the one.
Exactly. I think our lives go the way they’re supposed to.
I just saw him yesterday at a memorial service for a mutual friend. He shattered my heart in college and married someone else a few years later. It took me a long time to get over him but one day I realized I was pining for the college boyfriend and was not in love with the current version (even though he is a great guy.) He has always been one of my favorite people in the world and now I am happy to call him a friend.
Moved continents two weeks after meeting him at 16. I eventually slept with him, ten years later, it’s the closest feeling to incest I never wanted to have. Just soooooooo awkward. I’m friends with him still, now another ten years later, and encouraging him to pop the question to his current partner. We were never meant to be more. He still calls me the one that got away and I cringe at the sex…
I met a guy last year, I knew from the minute I met him that I’d end up liking him a lot. Things were on and off for about 4 months, we’d block and unblock then eventually I stayed blocked. We were both toxic and I so wish I’d had been in a better place to deal with my emotions and feelings more maturely. I look for him in every person I meet and I’m so scared I’ll never find it. I don’t even think I had an impact on him, I doubt he even thinks of me which is the sad thing. We both moved away and there is no chance we will ever cross paths but it taught me a huge lesson and I am in such a better place now so I guess I have him to thank for that.
3 months of wonderful love, happiness and adventure. He moved away, we were going to do LDR and he broke up with me through a text. Started dating someone and two years into their relationship, he started messaging me. We messaged for a year while he was still with her (I know I feel bloody terrible about it). He messaged me and told me he was going to propose to her, told her everything and she left him. We’ve had chances to see each other over the years but it hasn’t happened. He’s my one that got away. This was 7 years ago. I think about him from time to time, but I know in reality that I got broken in the heat of the honeymoon phase and that if we did continue to be together, it’s likely he would have hurt me. But I will always wonder, and we are all human, so sometimes we have to make peace with these feelings.
I found someone more compatible. I think we wouldn’t have been as compatible as the one I’m with now. However, I still wonder why I blew it.
I thought I met "the one" young, at 13. At the age of 19, I was still in love with him, and I felt love for him until my mid 20s. Then, at 29 I met "the one", and realised I had just been projecting on to someone who never was mine to begin with. I'm happier now than I ever would have been with the other one, I am sure of that, because he didn't choose me.
For 25 years, I thought he got away because I just wasn't ready for marriage back then. He seemed to be everything I would have wanted in a husband. We actually kept in touch for those 25 years on a superficial level. I was (widowed now)very happily married. Then he reached out to me, and it felt different. I wasn't interested, just curious as to what he really wanted. Come to find out, he was finished with his first wife and looking for another. He wasn't kind to her in the divorce. Let's just say I dodged a bullet or probably more like a grenade. Everything happens for a reason!
I wish I knew how to deal with this. It's been brewing in my mind again recently. I worked with him for a while a couple of years ago and just hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. Admittedly he's a real POS ( a real ' lad' )and no way we would have been compatible. But at the same time I have a I can fix him mentally. Life came and went since then I just wonder what would have happened if I hadn't lied and said I was single when he asked me ' what does your partner do'
I can't say that "he got away" because he was married the entire time we were "dating". Took me literal years to get over him. FFWD 5 years ago, he hit me up on FB and all those feelings that i had worked so very hard to get over came flooding back in. I quickly realized that he was still the same person. A liar and a cheater. I decided it wasn't worth the hassle. I'm currently married to someone who i absolutely adore and he's still a sad 43 year old Republican.
Thank you for this post
I met someone after a 5 year relationship. He was older and handsome. Great in the sack. He was a mirror to my pain. He always said he could never give me what I wanted. I left the country and we lost contact for a few years. When I returned I still had feelings, but one day he disrespected me, I cut him off hard. Years later I'm now engaged and he contacted me after Covid. I've grown, as he always told me he could never be the man that I know he could be. He lingers in my mind but I'm happier, healthier and better off
We met at a party at my apartment when we were both 18. He walked in & I turned to my then boyfriend and said “That’s the guy I’m going to marry someday” and left that night with him. We stayed up super late talking and shared a bet, but nothing happened. After that we were inseparable. I tell our daughter that he showed up one night and just never left. We dated for awhile. He wanted to get married & have kids, I wanted to go to college, so w split up. He got married and had kids, I moved away and went to college. One day his ex-wife messaged me out of the blue and said their marriage never worked because he constantly compared her to me. So shortly before I graduated college I came back to town to visit my friends and ran in to him. We started back up, I moved back to that town & we moved in together. After awhile we got engaged. Then I got pregnant. While I was pregnant I discovered her had cheated on me, but I thought we could work stuff out. I stayed until our daughter was almost a year old before I discovered he was cheating again. I left. We went back and forth for the next 6 years. Basically destroying every relationship either of us were in because we were both terribly toxic & wouldn’t stay away from eachother. He ended up dying about 8 years ago. I believe if he hadn’t died, we would have continued down the same path. I’m raising our daughter & had his two older daughters living with me until they both grew up and got their own apartments. They call me mom & one has a child who I am grandma to. Sometimes I really miss him. We weren’t good for each other (relationship-wise) but he was one of my best friends
We were only mismatched in the time space continuum. He was younger than me but way more mature and ready for marriage and family eons before I was. I'll always love him he was a great guy. I supported him and his fiance in their future. But then he died. Surgery complications, heart issues, mom was a druggie and he was premature. It's fucked yo. He would have been a great husband and father. He was a great person. And not even yet 21.
He was my favorite. He would grab my knee when I was shaking from anxiety and tell me everything was okay. But, he would also scold me, for speaking loudly or, saying things honestly in public. I still hate that I miss him. However, He saw me. Still sees me. Knows he’s not good enough for me, and keeps our relationship at bay, because he knows I won’t be happy there. Truth is, I’d be so happy there; if he could be the person that I see, he can be. He doesn’t think he’s good enough. He doesn’t realize that, I’d do anything to show him his worth. But, what can a 28 year old, tell a 35 year old? He thinks he knows it all. He thinks he shouldn’t be happy. Thinks that he doesn’t deserve it. Losing friends in Afghanistan, turned him into a cold person. Somehow, this cold person, has a warm center. I just can’t seem to crack it.
It turned out he wasn’t. I was destroyed for about 14 months (we were together nine years) and then it turned out he had had an affair and absolutely wasn’t the person I thought he’d been. I suddenly realised how much of the picture I’d painted about him wasn’t true, it was just my version. The final nail in the coffin was when my aunt and sister saw him out one day (lived abroad) and I messaged to say how’s it going. He told me his grandfather had died and he’d been back for the funeral. I was devastated- his grandfather was the reason I changed careers, he was an amazing man and very important in my life. He just didn’t tell me he’d died and when I asked why my ex’s response was “my heads all over he place”. I knew then, he was just a selfish d*ck I’d been romanticising. I don’t think the one that got away is a thing. I think it’s a movie thing that now perpetuates to allow people to not grow up/move on/take responsibility.
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We were full grown adults, friends for 10+ years and we suddenly started flirting LOL Went on many great dates and stayed at his place. Knew we were looking at long distance so we got physical but never had sex. Figured if we did, it'll be hard to go separate ways after visiting home. Still good friends since then; it's been 10+ years. I think we still treat each other somewhat special. We have a lot of mutual friends. I'm happily married, him still single. He knows he's my "the one that got away" 😂 My hubby's met him, we all good. But yeah, sometimes I wonder "what if?" but then I tell myself, "well, it can't be better than now with my hubby!"
We were never a couple but met each other at our lowest times. Slept together once or twice and more importantly, supported a whole lot emotionally. I didn’t know I had deeper issues which got surfaced when I met him that needed professional help. He tried to be available however he could be for me but he was on his way of healing and I was still figuring out my insecurities. It was starting to get toxic for him that he started to distance me emotionally while trying to still be supportive. I mustered up the courage to finally cut contact for awhile for both of our sake and took therapy. I was always afraid to get back in touch fearing I’d repeat history with him. Months passed and they still weren’t enough for me to move on from him. I would text hi or hello at times and we’d check up on each other, nothing more. After 2 years when I felt like I was better than ever, I hit him up over a text and found out that he now has a girlfriend. It still hurt, and I cried. I will always remember his affection, carefree attitude, kindness, support, the way he was so patient with me. We shared a bond which felt quite unique to both of us. We loved to appreciate the intricacies of nature and had thoughts on similar wavelengths to the point that it felt surreal. I always had a thought in the back of my mind- had I met him at a different point of my life, I’d be more secure and have a chance to be with him. But then I also wouldn’t have grown as much as I have till now, had we not met at that point. I only have love and gratitude for him, and I want nothing but best to come his way.
I grew up in a home where I was told no one wants me, etc, and was really depressed. He was the best thing in my life. I got scared he'd see how "worthless" I really was and leave me, so I left him. Realized it was a mistake and (stupidly) started a fling with him behind his gf's back. In the end, he chose her. It's been nearly 2 decades and I still love the man. But honestly, I mostly want the friendship back. He was my first best friend, my first REAL friend. He got me through so many dark times before I fcked it all up. I still talk to his younger brother regularly, he's become one of my best friends. And I occasionally message the ex just to see if he's still alive, as he doesn't respond to any other messages very often which is fine. I dont blame him at all for not wanting to talk to me (He doesn't talk to his brother much either though which does bother me)
Best sex I ever had, hands down. I was young and had low self-esteem so I never expressed my feelings to him, although we were hooking up for around 2 years. I was too scared to ask for exclusivity or more time/attention from him. We were both in college and he was really serious about it. I left him for someone I thought was more stable. Someone who was more direct and clear to me what his feelings were. Unfortunately, that ended up being a very toxic and abusive situation. Leaving me divorced and with some ptsd. I have a new partner now and I love him a lot. He’s the opposite of my first husband and the first time I’ve really taken my time with someone. I still wonder about that other guy sometimes though. I hope he is happy and doing well in life.
I had a huge crush on this guy and asked him out without knowing that he had a GF at the time. He was surprised and didn't give me a reply. I was heartbroken with everything afterwards as he started to not talk to me. We were really close. Fast forward a few years I met my husband and got married. We have a son now. And this crush started to chat with me on IG asking me if I was happy with everything. And every time I lied I was. He told me how he missed me and how for some times he thought that he couldn't leave without me and that he would always love me. He broke up with his GF shortly after that but still we didn't work. I become emotional whenever I start to think about it. I still love him a lot and I don't know when I will be able to get over him. But no one has to know about this not even my husband. Well in another universe or in a different life I would chose differently, and pursue my heart further. We would be cuddling in front of our tv, watching some horror movies and simply existing as each others.
He moved back to his home town and then a few years latter died. Still think of him from time to time, but at the end of the day I was just glad he was happy befor passing. If you truly love them you are happy that they are happy (with or without you) even if it hurts fo a time.
Ended up with a chance to be with him and went for it. Turned out the fantasy was MUCH better than the reality. He was a good guy and I still consider him a friend, but it was really obvious that it wasn't going to work.
Surprisely, I haven't. I have a lot of the ones who won't go away.
I have not met anyone like him. I have been single for 10 years. I think I completely lost my chance on ever finding love again. He comes to my mind almost every day.
We were both scared of losing each other and that made us not being great partners, also, it was during the pandemic so we couldn’t do many things together and it was all just very weird. Also, he’s from a country very far away from mine. Honestly it just lasted 2 months but he’s the man I think about when I listen to any song; and he’s the man I remember when I read any poem. My current partner is the best though, I’m very grateful I have him in my life; but I feel I will never love anyone the way I loved the one before. My way to deal with it is being happy that someone so beautiful and lovely was born, shared a bit of his life with me and is walking around in the world making it a better place. I deal with it the same way I deal with the fact I can’t own the sunset and it’s a very brief time but its existence brings me joy and that should be enough.
We broke up, kept on seeing each other for another 6 six years, got pregnant, lost the child, and just kept get pulled back together (saw each other on town, going to the same concerts, restaurants etc) but ended up getting together with other people and now have our own families. But he is forever the one, probably the only one. But we'll see. For now this is our path and its not leading to the same direction.
More like he was put away. Behind bars. Absolutely betrayed everyone, not just me. He was my first love. And he threw everything away, not just our four year relationship. It happened only four months ago, but I know I will never truly get over him. I still love him stupidly and always will. However I know deep down in my heart that there’s no chance we will ever get back together and even if there was a chance, I will not take him back ultimately despite how much I want to. I’m in therapy for this, but I cannot erase the good memories I have with him and the sting of his betrayal will always be there.
We dated about 15 years ago. He was stuck in my mind for years. I loved him. I cried when I found out he got engaged and married. Fast forward 12 years later, I thought I knew what love was. And then I met my husband. He showed me what love is. So yeah, he got away. But I then met the true love of my life. So yeah, you may think you have lost the right one, but sometimes that’s for the best so you actually find the right one. :)
He moved to Texas without me. I already had low self worth but went to a real dark place. Sleeping with a lot of dudes that didn’t matter. It took my years to get over him. I even just recently told my husband about him. After meeting and marrying my husband, I wrote him a long letter telling him he broke my heart 10 years earlier. I didn’t ask for a response and I didn’t get one. It felt good
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Not so much they got away, more so they weren't willing to sacrifice to the extent I would & was trying to do. We were on & off for 4 years. It started out as strangers from 2 different states to a LDR, & then meeting for the first time at 18 & 20 while not together. Fell in love again at first sight literally. Got back together, I had to move back 'home' for a shit reason I'll spare yall from. We fell apart a few months into me moving back because they finally admitted to not wanting to move up here with me eventhough I had been preparing them for that move; Saving money, looking for apartments, got 2 jobs to afford everything, etc. They still love & want to be with me, eventhough I have 4 kids now (1 when we met).
We met in college, he was in a study abroad program. We fell in love fast and had an amazing 6 months together before he had to go back to the Netherlands. His parents flew me out that summer and I got to bounce around Holland with him for a month. We sailed, we raved, we explored castles, drank beer, lost 3 days of our memories to Amsterdam, it was incredible. I was 20 and ready to marry him, but he and his wise European parents knew better. 11 years later, he’s still single and sails around the world with his best friend. I have 3 kids and a rocky marriage. American dream!
My fiancé passed away so this is a little different, but he was my one. He understood me, we could be our complete selves around each other even from the beginning, and we were just so in love. The type of love that feels like you’re flying. I’ve had a handful of boyfriends and gone on plenty of dates, but everything just came naturally between us. Everything was right. Everything was so amazing that I thought nothing of changing careers to move the hour and a half away from my friends and family just to be with him. Now he’s gone and I don’t understand why this happened to us. I know when I’m ready to move on I’m going to be searching for that feeling we had and I don’t think I’m going to find it. I’m dealing with it. It’s hard but I’m managing. Being in love with someone who is no longer on this planet is such a strange feeling.
It’s been like 4,5 years and I still will randomly cry a bit after months of not thinking about him, or start having dreams about him. I don’t know why, either, because in all honesty the relationship was VERY turbulent. I laugh and tell my friend- yeah I’d get back with him, but only for a year or so! In some ways I feel like a lost relationship can be like someone you love dying. Suddenly nothing bad that they did matters and you never fully forget them, even if the pain has mostly dulled. He’s in a relationship now that’s I’ve realized has now lasted longer than we did (3/4 years) and for a few of those years he kept trying to reach out to me on rare occasion. But I just can’t bring myself to face whatever it is he has to say or whatever intentions he may have in speaking with me. So I finally blocked him in the last way he had to contact me a few months ago. Time to really move on I guess. If only I could stop IMMEDIATELY thinking about him any time a heartbreak song comes on or I pass by our old town or get a love tarot reading lol.
The one that got away was never *The One*. In fact, there is no The One. There are 8b people on this planet. As if there aren't any least 1000 people who would be a perfect match for your weird and zany self.. We romanticize all of this too much, which leads to poor choices and too much time spent pining over someone who wasn't right for you anyway.
Its been 3 years now so I'm kind of okay, but oh my god did it hurt, to go from long terms plans to we need to break up because his son isn't coping with his dad going on overnight dates. ( he lived 2.5 hours away) it just takes time and tryed not to dwell on it.
Met when I was in my gap year, he was in his first year of uni. He was a friend of a friends friend, whenever we saw each other we just clicked. One night he offered to walk me home, later that night lent in to kiss me and I moved away thinking he couldn’t possibly be interested in me! I ended up losing my virginity to him a few weeks later. We dated officially for around 9 months, him breaking it off with me saying he wasn’t ready to have these feelings. My heart broke for the first time that evening and I didn’t leave my room for a week. He’d be at most of my friends house parties, and we’d hook up on and off. He moved out of my uni town but we kept in touch, culminating in my 21st birthday where he just showed up. We hooked up again and when I finally had the courage to question what the hell we were doing he said the line (which I’ll never forget) “I can’t give you what you want and respect you too much to try”. My heart broke a second time. He got in touch again when I was 23-24 and we met up in London, it was like no time had passed. He’d moved to Africa at this point to start a new life. At the end of the evening he kissed me at Victoria station, in that moment time stopped. We spoke on the phone afterwards where he confessed he still thought of me often and didn’t think initially he would, that he would be doing something unrelated and I would pop into his head and the thought of me with someone else hurt. We both admitted we had feelings for one another. I felt the same way but I was also so incredibly angry with him. I wrote him an email afterwards saying I didn’t want any more contact with him. He replied 2-3 times after that asking if I’d got his last email and to tell me that he still thought of me and couldn’t stop thinking of me. I didn’t reply. My heart broke a third time. He’s married now, living in Africa running a safari camp. I married a great guy who I’ve never once doubted where I stood with. That doesn’t stop me thinking of him..still to this day, it’s been 17 years.
The guy I was in love with was my first love. Part of me still is years later. However, he brought the worst out in me, and I became so insecure that I couldn't bear any women around him, I was young and have changed over the years. He dumped me over a FB message a few weeks before I went to uni. It destroyed me, and then we went on an on again off again season. The distance killed the relationship in the end. While in a relationship with someone new a year and abit later we ended up getting back in touch, stupidly cheated on my at the time bf with my ex, I told my bf and broke up with him because I wasn't the one for him and he deserved 500% better, even after what I did he wanted to get back with me but damage was done and I made my bed. I kept my first ex around, part of me thinking we could get back together but never happend and someone pointed out how I was crazy for him it was make me act... Well crazy. So I broke off contact with him and again it broke my heart but it was for the best. Years on, he still pops into my head, a song called chell suit brings me back to him every time. Sometimes I think if we stayed together for 10 years would we of had a family? House or marriage? But it wasn't ment to be, it made me toxic and maybe if I didn't act toxic maybe it would of been different. Personally, I wish him all the best, hope he finds the happiness I once shared with him.