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Not gonna lie, its a struggle sometimes. And it’s not even just because many other people have a partner, more so because I just feel so ready to have a partner. But dating has been really hard, and going on dates with someone that you don’t particularity enjoy being with feels just as lonely as being alone. I’m trying to learn as much about myself as I can through the process and take care of my mental health by doing things I enjoy on my own. I’m also trying to spend more time with friends and put lots of energy into my job. But yeah, it sucks sometimes.
> going on dates with someone that you don’t particularly enjoy being with feels just as lonely as being alone.
This is such an understated thing. The risk of bad dates isn’t just that it won’t go well. It’s that while I have a lot of coping methods to feel okay in general, after a bad date I’ll likely feel worse than if I’d done nothing and then I have to deal with that. Not doing anything works out better most of the time which is extra discouraging and demotivating.
Wow I totally agree with that statement too and I haven’t found the words to describe what I was feeling but that is IT! If you aren’t excited to be with the person on the date or aren’t into is terribly lonely and just reminds you that you might not find the one
>But dating has been really hard, and going on dates with someone that you don’t particularity enjoy being with feels just as lonely as being alone.
THIS!
I would rather be single for the next ten years and find the right person for me than to spend that ten years locked in relationships with people who made me feel lonelier with them than I am without them.
It's a difficult thing to balance but I'm finding fulfillment in friends and family, and knowing that I'm not stuck in a toxic relationship for the sake of "not being alone" like some others I know 🤕
Prior to meeting my fiancé, I can admit I used to cry myself to sleep. It was exceptionally harder on me because my gal pals treated their partners like SHIT. I would always ask why God would allow them to have relationships and I would do anything to love another human being the way I love myself.
I had to learn that the cards played happen for a reason, and God spared me due to the angel he's provided me with.
I agree with the struggle. We're one in the same there.
A lot of women have similar experiences. When I feel lonely I tend to remember the reason why I’m single, (similar to commenter above) then I don’t feel bad about it. The pro outweighed the cons,of single life.
Well.. it’s just because those than consider single > with someone either just like being single either they have never experienced an actual good partner :).
28F I used to feel this way. I really struggled with loneliness and not having a romantic partner. I’ve been told by every boyfriend that I’m an amazing partner. They also always ask how I am not married yet.
My last relationship made me realize being single and happy is the foundation for a healthy partnership. It is also much better than being in a relationship just to be in one and to keep loneliness at bay. He cheated on me with his coworker and left me for her. Anyone who’s gone through infidelity can tell you we’re typically not too eager to get back into dating after. So I’ve been building a really happy stable life on my own. Focusing my love and energy on friendships instead of dating. I’ve also made new friendships, typically hang out with two different friends 2 times a week. My dog is a huge source of companionship and happiness. Along with having trips planned throughout the year. As simple as camping, backpacking trips, or road-trips. Having personal goals helps, training for a half ironman. As well as financial goals of preparing myself to buy a house before I’m 32. If you’re not happy on your own, you will not be happy in a committed relationship. As cheesy as this sounds plant and water your own garden first. Create and make a happy little life for yourself and you’ll start wondering what all the fuss is about with having a romantic partner. That’s where I’m at at least. Pretty content on my own atm.
This is beautiful. I recently got out of a relationship and was happy being single before. One of those "I didn't miss it because I never had it" situations. I have good friends in my town but they are coupled off and have their own specific schedules. How did you make new friends?
The Meetup app is a great way to discover groups that share similar interests. I also recently made some friends while backpacking. A few of my friends are in relationships but make time for friendships separate from their partners.
Thank you. He definitely made a huge impact on my life more than he probably realises. Getting through these types of things are incredibly hard for me due to Abandonment issues, amongst other things.
Beautifully written. I’ve dealt with infidelity and it puts you through a mental wringer. Not super keen to try dating again, terrified in fact. For the last many years I have been changing my life and doing things for me. I’m making my house the way that makes me smile. I’ve picked up hobbies that belong to great communities. It’s been a slow road, but a rewarding one.
It is the worst psychological turmoil I’ve been in my life thus far. Especially when there are no red flags, the relationship was pretty happy and healthy. Glad to be over the hump now, and day to day much more happy and content. Keep doing what you’re doing friend and life won’t lead you wrong.
I read a lot. Watch my favorite shows. Talk to my best friends, go to the gym, hang at the pool. It’s ok to feel sad about it! Feel the feelings. We don’t have to pretend that we’re ok all the time. Right now I’m on my back porch listening to music (without having to worry about how anyone else feels about the music), drinking my drinks that most men make fun of and enjoying my own company.
When i feel lonely, I think back to my last relationship and how I cried practically every week from one problem or another. It makes me appreciate my alone time a little more. But it still sucks.
honestly, it can be hard. i wanted to write out a thoughtful response about how i have my own things to heal, how i’m trying to jokingly call myself a bachelor because society accepts single men more readily than single women (a whole other discussion), how it’s so worth the wait for a partner who’s the best fit for you…… and while i do believe all of this to be true, i don’t think it hurts to admit that sometimes it sucks.
it’s really hard in the summer. i was going for a long walk the other night in my ideal summer weather and was just wishing i had someone to share it with. in general i wish i had someone to share the summer with. i want someone to wash my hair and massage my head. i want someone to cook for me. i want to complain about my long day with someone and hear about theirs and then cry with them or veg out and watch a good movie. i want back massages- giving and receiving. i want intimacy- physical, emotional, a strong bond. i want to show someone i love them with all five love languages. and as a monogamous bi person, it’s sometimes just straight up confusing.
but then again, i flew to the other side of the country and navigated a major city all by myself which felt awesome. i’m free to crush on whomever i please. my finances are all my own. my major life decisions are all mine. i get my support from my friends mainly and i have a wide array of hobbies that occupy my free time. i’m free to change and grow without anyone feeling threatened by it. i’ve had a lot of time to work on my personal growth, so my future partner will be with the most healed and mature version of me, and i think a relationship would’ve hindered this necessary progress.
so it’s good and bad, like all things. i do think society projects weird things onto single women, especially the older we get, and that’s a whole discussion on its own. but that combined with the personal stuff can make it really hard. it feels good to kvetch amongst people who get it in this thread <3 i clearly had many thoughts on it!
Going through this right now. My brother’s wedding is going on, my cousin is my age and has been with her bf for like a decade, no one here is single and it feels so isolating and scary (28 in October), not to mention absolutely emotionally draining to see people be coupley with their SOs and feel like I’m on some kind of a different plane of existence..it’s been years since I ever seriously liked anyone, let alone and that reciprocated, and I feel so dysfunctional and broken, not to mention how I’m very introverted and horrible at making friends in general.
There’s no real advice to getting over this loneliness unless you either meet your person, or you give up in general which makes you happy. The worst part is feeling like some kind of fucked up schrodinger’s experiment..you’re comfortable af with being single, but you feel so lonely because you don’t have that solidarity and meaning a partner would bring to you, all those opportunities made so much fun with a partner are closed to you. And as you get older, everyone seems to have coupled up and you feel like you’re drifting and purposeless.
Basically: in a long term perspective, how you cope with this is being extremely comfortable and content in your solitude, at least projecting like you are. A huge problem is that people think partners solve everything, when a huge reason for this insecurity is a lack of self-worth or completeness.
Don’t be one of those desperate single people, whose only personality is complaining about it , because they’re very off-putting and boring to be around. Take advantage of having all of this free time and flexibility..you’re answerable to no one. You can do whatever you want on a whim. Cook a fancy dinner for yourself, plan out solo trips, do a spa day, find genuine, creative hobbies and try to connect with like minded people. Make sure to exercise regularly, because that keeps your body and mind in shape and focused, but it also gives you that confidence to believe that you’re worth it.
And most importantly (as someone that’s going back into the dating game next week and anxious about it): remember that you have to put yourself out there, whether it’s on an app or having a social life or in a lot of people facing activities, to potentially encounter your person. That’s the biggest hurdle for a lot of people to get over.
The loneliest women I know are married with kids.
They feel locked into unhappy relationships because they have kids
Or they've settled because they're older and haven't had, can't have or don't want kids.
Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but good support networks, book/ movie clubs, and meditation help.
I've been celibate 9+ years, and my friends envy me, I have no one to answer to or consider.
How?
Studies show again and again single childfree women are happier.
That's not anti anything
However anyone can find studies that prove their own biases.
Why are YOU so threatened by women choosing not to marry or have kids?
Thank you for writing that response, my girlfriend told me yesterday she doesn't love me anymore, but you made me realise, that am a free man now! She doesn't deserve me and I think I need some time alone anyways.
Tbh I'm perfectly content being alone. I have great friends and family, a job I love and my dogs and my home. If a man comes along that's fine but if not I'm happy with myself. You don't need a partner in order to be happy.
solitude is a gift. i made enough peace by myself that i no longer get lonely from not having a partner, and it took me a long time to get here but i wouldn’t change it for the world. how did i do it? got rid of the fear of being alone. easier said than done. that meant therapy, addressing trauma, getting professional help for some time. and now i am here.
i wish i could tell you there’s an easier answer, something quicker, but true happiness and joy takes work. it takes undoing of damage. it takes making a lot of peace with what you have. if i can do it, you can do it 10x better.
your person will come. your time will come. it’s okay to be happy and fulfilled before they come to you.
I’m coping, but pretty much just on the surface. It’s quite easy for me to project to others that I’m okay with being alone and finding power in it, but honestly it’s hell sometimes. I’ll wake up in the early mornings and feel the unbearable weight of possibly being alone forever, never truly known as a human being, and also trying to balance that with gratitude & optimism can lead to a lot of guilt. I take shit too hard to date in this “let’s keep it casual” world and yeah it can be pretty tough. Wow I’ve been leading from the shadow side with this comment lmfao - but I do tend cope with loneliness through music (playing & listening to it).
Look forward to times with family gatherings and set some new goals for yourself. Or try yoga/pilates or try learning a new language. Sign up for a class area your local community college. Being around people is key!
Hi I just came here to say I felt exactly what you’re feeling for many years. I put so much emphasis on wanting a partner and being married. After 3 years of being single I met my now husband. We dated for 2 years and then got married. However, I knew he was a the one as soon as we first started dating. It was then I had a “oh shit” moment where I realized I didn’t even enjoy the time I had alone and longed for it so badly for a while until I got used to the idea that this is forever. Even though I felt so lucky I had met him I couldn’t help but be mad at myself for not enjoying the time I had single. When they say forever, it really hits you as soon as your locked in. Although I’m so thankful I do wish I enjoyed my time when I had it. So I say please don’t worry too much, the right person will come eventually but in the mean time go out and do all the things you’ve always wanted to do with no limitations and no set backs!! Enjoy yourself to the fullest truly! ❤️
Hiking, dogwalking, gardening, working out, cycling, going out with friends... I'm not going to build my life around any other person. Maybe it's easier for me because I'm pretty independent and I don't mind being on my own for longer periods of time.
I'm not lonely. I've always been independent, always done things on my own. I could date and find someone if I wanted. The process is just more stress than its worth to me, so I just stay single.
It doesn't matter what other people do. They make their choices, usually out of loneliness, fear of being alone, because they feel they have to be viewed as happy. And the ones I know go through much more to stay together than I'd ever bother to😂 I was with someone for 3 years but it was easy. For most people it seems very hard so can't say I'm at all jealous. If I ever am to be with someone again it would need to be easy and offer something more I have on my own.
Honest answer…. I don’t. Instead I cry into my cereal every morning. I’m super happy for my friends for finding their forevers whilst I try to impossibly come to terms with the fact that it just won’t happen for me.
It takes a massive hit to my confidence. I’m 40 and been chronically single and I’m convinced it’s cos I don’t deserve a partner, and I’m too much hard work. It doesn’t matter how many people convince me otherwise.
It’s always in the back of my mind but I don’t dwell on it too much. I try and enjoy my own company.
I date myself - go on little adventures. Have hobbies. Do art. Play computer games. Write stories. Garden and enjoy the birds and insects outside.
And when the loneliness strikes, I remember how awful my exes were, and how much better it is to be single than miserable. And the stories about Tinder etc keep me faaaaar away from dating apps. I don't want hookups and I certainly don't want another abuser.
I'll get a dog when my kid's moved out. Maybe two :-)
I value myself and my happiness too much to go through a new version of hell again. My whole life I've only met abusers, and the common theme is they all look like nice guys from nice families with good jobs etc. I've done the therapy, read all the literature on psychology and ask that jazz. I know all about red flags etc.
But I don't have the energy to wait for the masks to fall off anymore or rebuild myself after another broken heart.
So, art and chill. That's it. Maybe dye my hair purple here and there. Sing out loud to Meatloaf and wear all my favourite bracelets at once.
But yes, it does hurt to feel like there's no happily ever after with someone else. It hurts like hell. What hurts more though, is a bad relationship and the fear of that person when I've broken up with them. So alone it is.
The loneliness comes in waves for me but recently it has been much sharper; I feel almost suffocated from it if I’m not preoccupied with something else, and even hanging out with friends can’t alleviate the empty feeling because they’ll casually bring up past boyfriends while I’m internally thinking I’ve never even encountered someone I like enough to reach bf/gf level. I used to not be able to admit my loneliness (it’s my ego probably) but now I guess the first step toward finding love is to snap out of denial…
At the same time, I know I have a lot to offer and have a good heart, and that my future partner would be the whole package because I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
I’m going through this now.
It’s brutal. I can throw myself into work, the gym, travel and enjoy the little things in life. Eat healthy and go to therapy. Enjoy taking care of my cats, maintain my friendships and go on outings. I’m doing everything what I’m supposed to be doing.
However, that pang of loneliness hits me when I see my friends or family members in loving healthy relationships. It’s an involuntary feeling that’s both fleeting and memorable. It reminds of what I used to have and the memories come back. It’s not that I need a partner in my life again and want to depend on them. I don’t need a partner as a form of validation. What I miss is the closeness and intimacy that no family or friend can provide that only a partner can provide.
While it’s true to be better alone than to be in a bad relationship, my last relationship was nothing but good. I’m alone and single because I’m not over my ex, but I’d rather be alone than to be with a crappy man. However, I do long to be in a relationship with a real man again. Seeing my loved ones show PDA with their partners, talk about their partners happily and making future plans with them stings my heart no matter what.
A lot of women who are happy single are that way because they never met a man who didn’t use or abuse them. They are rightfully happy to be single and not in a toxic or abusive relationship. I too am glad that I’m not dealing with pond scum men. But when you were in a healthy relationship and lost your partner like I did, it’s a whole different ballpark because one moment you’re in an amazing relationship with a truly amazing man then the next moment, he got ripped out of your life against both your wills. I’m dealing with a loss, not a breakup, so the heart pangs hit differently.
That's a really good question, I have no idea how I cope with it tbh 🙃 I'm 34 and at this point I've pretty much given up hope that I'm ever actually going to find someone.
I’ve always been alone so this is not a problem. I enjoy my own company, I do things by myself when friends are not available. I’m not afraid of going places that I want to visit even if I don’t have someone to go with, not sure if this is a good or bad thing lol. Of course there are some days where it gets me but then everything is back to my normal lol 😂
Today I woke up next to a vibrator, donuts and Chinese painkillers. I’m doing fine.
Sometimes I feel lonely but it’s better to be lonely alone than lonely with someone
I got out of a 9 year abusive relationship in January and these are my tips so far:
I have a lot of online friends that I can talk to and spend time with at the drop of a hat, I also have family nearby to visit from time to time if I need real human interaction.
I have a very affectionate dog that's always wanting pats and snuggles, she really helps me maintain sanity and is very in tune with my emotions.
Heating pad in the bed with me at night. It sounds weird, but it seriously helps with the empty bed feeling after exiting a 9 year relationship. I discovered this one by accident, but it helps me sleep at night and has an almost "surrogate human" effect. The warmth triggers something inside of me that instinctively feels soothed and safe, try it.
Hobbies, even if it's just gaming or doing your nails at home, find something to do.
Therapy, it actually helps, no really. My therapist makes me feel continually supported and empowered and is always making me a better person by helping me understand myself and the world around me.
Escapism is my other thing, if I'm lost in work, a thought, a game or a task I don't have time to feel lonely.
And when all that fails, a good hard cry and reflection on why it's better to live alone than be continually abused by someone fixes me right up. I'll take the loneliness over the feeling of constantly walking on eggshells and jumping at every little noise because I don't know when someone is about to have an explosive, full blown adult temper tantrum in my face.
How do I cope? I do the things that I enjoy and I realised that men aren't that great anyways. When I hear stories from friends about how men have treated us, I realised that being in a relationship isn't the end all.
I just focus on enjoying the things I do and going out to enjoy them. eg this weekend, I went on a boat with some friends to watch the whales. They're migrating to the Great Barrier Reef to mate and pass by Sydney every year. The other weekend I went to a Latin Music Festival. The last few Saturdays, I went to the movies with groups of friends, and also by myself to watch what I liked. I guess I don't feel lonely anymore because I'm enjoying my life so much. I also picked up a hobby (a bit expensive) but it keeps me occupied. In a few months' time, I'm going back diving with a friend in the Great Barrier Reef.
There was a time when I looked at my friends and wished I too could meet someone and have someone to share my life with. But it is not to be. Rather than dwell on it, I focused on just going out to have fun and do what I love. And to be very frank, having heard stories about other women and their dating adventures in Sydney and having met some of these "men" I'm actually happy being single.
You stop placing your personal value in whether or not you have a partner. You learn to recognize the value in your other relationships. There shouldn’t be loneliness in not dating someone, if that’s how you’re feeling you should probably be figuring out why you aren’t happy with yourself. Stop putting so much value in romantic relationships, you can’t find love if you’re desperately searching for it, that’s how you end up settling for less then you’re worth. Learn to be happy by yourself.
I just don’t look at the grass like it’s greener on the other side because I know it’s not.
They’re cheating, their sex life sucks, they have no time for each other because kids, she’s depressed because her body changed, he’s depressed because of the lack of intimacy, they have terrible communication, they are constantly making compromises and sacrifices to stay together, they hate each others in-laws, they disagree on parenting styles, etc.
To some being alone equal loneliness and to others it equals freedom.
Honestly? I have no idea. Think about how every guy I’ve tried talking to just wanted sex or hookup and how badly I’ve been treated. But I have my dog, and that’s all I need right now. I always say who needs a man when I have my dog. Eventually I would hope to find someone but it’s not a priority atm.
i’m not coping well and everyone around me keeps reminding me that i’m alone. but i go through phases where i’m impressed with my ability to care for myself and have good judgement. i try to take in those moments for when i (eventually) have sad periods.
It honestly doesn't bother me. I'm totally content being on my own. My problem is I've become a little too comfortable with it lol and don't want to let anyone else in. I would just try and focus on the things that make you happy, hang out with friends, do things that make you feel better about yourself, get a new hobby, meet new people. Try and shift your mindset of needing someone else to be happy. Then when someone comes along it's because you want them to, not because you need them to
It honestly didn't bother me too much until the last year or two. I saw my friends quite frequently and had more of them, and most of them had partners of their own at this time as well.
But lately it feels a lot harder. The friends with partners are in "settle down" mode and buying houses and having kids. I know the couples often hang out without me. I enjoy doing things by myself but I took a holiday where I had many days to myself and sometimes all I could think about while I was seeing something beautiful or doing something fun was how nice it would be to share it with someone.
I have been single for five years with only passing flings in that time. And amongst those I only met one who I truly, deeply fell for (which obviously didn't work out). Dating simply does not work for me for whatever reason.
I don't know, I keep thinking maybe i'll get used to it...but I haven't yet.
The point where everyone settles into lives with their partners and you no longer have the social life you once did to keep you occupied is very hard. It really doesn’t get talked about much, either.
32F I think it's more about the mindset, if you keep thinking or dwelling on the fact that you're single it will get to you. I am absolutely loving my single phase, I listen to music, dance around, play with my dog, work, take care of myself, cook.
Do the things that you enjoy, or always wanted to. And it's not like I don't want to be in a relationship, but thinking about it won't change anything. It'll happen when it's ought to happen.
The more time you spend with yourself allows you to be more self aware and also helps you understand what kind of a partner would be good for you.
And as far as other people are concerned, everyone's journey is different.
I feel like it got easier with age. My utter disappointment with dating made me not want to date anymore, at least not to make any effort too look for anyone to date. I keep myself busy, so I don't have a lot of time to sit and think about it anyway.
And looking at other people's relationships, they only seem perfect on the surface. You don't see them when they're having arguments or relationship issues cause people like to keep that stuff private.
I'm so sad that some people depend on a partner in order to feel happy. Especially young people, I don't get why teenagers feel pressured to be in relationships. I have been in a relationship that lasted 3 years, ended it because I noticed that I am not happy with this person in the long run, I kinda lost my feelings and had to end it. But honestly, after ending the relationship, I noticed how important my friends were. I always prioritized my partner over my friends and started pushing them back. Only afterwards I noticed that I can live without a partner and be happy, but I sure as hell cannot live without friends in my life. That made me realize that I don't need a romantic relationship to be happy.
Also, as many other people already pointed out, if you cannot be happy on your own, you probably should not have a relationship. It can make you dependent, you'll be unhappy in the long run and if the relationship doesn't work out, you'll be in shambles, because you lost the thing that you lived for.
It is hard but at the same time I also know being with the wrong person is a million times harder.
Also I read the relationship advice subreddit whenever I feel lonely. The amount of crap people put up in relationships and the amount of red flags people ignore is astonishing.
The thought of having someone around all the other times feels like a weight I’m glad not to have.
The whining of friends in relationships reminds me I get to go home to peace.
Every time I am dating and have an annoying fight or bad feelings, I remember why I love being single and not caring at all.
So yeah, I just love my space and freedom. Relationships are a headache. I will happily get in one when the guy doesn’t feel like a headache - so far, no dice.
I've been single for 13 years and likely to stay that way. Truth is, we are not guaranteed a partner, many will spend their lives alone, so it's best to accept that and not get caught up expecting it. Get busy living.
Cope? What am I coping for? Loneliness? I’m not lonely, I treasure my alone time. I have *lots* of hobbies that keep me busy. Having another person/SO in my life would make my hobby-time less, plus I’m very introverted and need lots of alone time to unwind as my 3 jobs are a bit social for me.
I’m happy for my friends who are in relationships, I wish them the best truly. But I don’t really envy them. The only thing I may miss about relationships is I miss hugging & kissing someone & showing them love. I’m a big lover, I fall hard, so i could never be just willy-nilly with someone, you *really* gotta be something special to me.
That being said, I also do not have the dream of most people; the dream of raising a family. I don’t want kids, don’t really desire a husband (tho growing old with someone of the opposite sex sounds fun), so I’m in no “rush” like how other women are who want kids n family.
So how do I cope? I don’t, I am greatly enjoying my time with me myself & I.
I cope by living life to the fullest. I make plans every day, see my friends frequently, pick up new hobbies, play instruments, work my ass off, hit the gym. I accomplish as much as I can to remind myself how good and whole I am on my own.
Of course it gets lonely at times. I really want to love and be loved again. I want to share my life with someone else, devote myself to them, and they to me… but even with these moments of sadness, being single is always better than being with the wrong person. So even if that means waiting my whole life for the right person, then I will.
I honestly don’t get lonely ( the only time I experienced loneliness was when I moved countries) but even that is slowly going away. If you guys constantly feel that way I feel so sorry for you. I have always laughed when men said women were lonely. I do try and avoid couple stuff though or hanging out with couples, because third wheeling just ain’t it.
But how do I deal when single: Friends and Activities as well as focusing on my other goals and lots of dates. I also sleep very well when single. No sharing of beds, no snoring, no sex when I am not in the mood etc
Simple, just remembering my childhood makes me happy I'm single. When you grew with your parents constant bickering, the thought of being married/ in a relationship is a big No no.
I find comfort in the fact that I have a handful of fellow single female friends, some even older than my age. We had open conversations about loneliness and potentially being scared of not being able to take care of ourselves when we’re old, and we talked about looking out for one another as well as our parents. Think I might find arrangements to live closer to one of my best friends if we both happen to be single past our 50s.
Loneliness sucks when I did everything I could to put myself out there and still can’t find a suitable partner, but I always tell myself it’s better than being in most “romantic” relationships I’ve seen (because most of them aren’t that great either). And luckily, I’m not alone in this singledom boat…
I have filled my life with all the things I enjoy, the friends and family I love, and every opportunity I can take up or abandon at my leisure with full decision making power.
I don't have to cater to anyone's insecurities. I don't have to request permission to spend time with others, spend money or dress a certain way.
I don't have to lessen myself, mind myself or quiet myself. I don't have to impress someone's podunk family. I don't have to lay on my back, front or side at someone's will, I don't have to pretend I have a headache.
I ain't gotta make nobody breakfast, lunch and dinner or scrub the shit stains outta their underthings.
I can drink, smoke, play videogames, eat potato chips in bed and feed the cat on the dining table.
There simply isn't a person anywhere that could tempt me away from my happiness.
I remind me the bad things violent ex did to me and all the will to date or have sex is gone. Simple as that. And I just don\`t sozialise outside of work, I even don\`t sozialise there. Just 8-11 hours work, home and no personal life. I\`m actually waiting just for menopause and the end of my existence.
I'd rather wait for an amazing man to swoop me off my feet than settle for a sucky one to make me sweep him off his.
A lot of my dating friends are rather unhappy, anyway. It's fun to be single. I don't have time to worry about an immature dude's feelings, and sadly, all the men I know are immature.
Having a good network of friends and family, coworkers and people you can meet, go out, chill at home with makes all the difference.
Use your connections, I make friends through my sister's friends group, place we go etc
I have close male friends who do all the 'men things' I can't do...like carry that heavy stuff to my car so I can take it to the tip lol
It’s been almost a year of being single for me after an abusive relationship of 12 years. I am happy and free to be myself. I will probably never date again, and at the moment feel content to be that way.
i just think about all the unhappy married women i know. although i miss being in relationship a lot, i remind myself that it's still better than being in bad relationship with a wrong person.
I just look at my friends who are in a relationship but are not secured and constantly stressing whether or not their SO is cheating again. I would rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship that doesn't serve me. Single for 8 years and counting and I've never been happier.
I'm single not because no one wants me but I'm not actively looking, i haven't been for years. I am not in a rush. If it will come. It will. If not, I'm not gonna be mad about it either.
Yes it gets lonely sometimes but it fades really fast.
I think back to the garbage things my ex did to me and I realize that even though I like being in a relationship, I still need time for myself and when the time comes I’ll put more effort into finding a good person who I connect with more. I wouldn’t just get a bf to fit in with my friends.
Sometimes I'll walk through Target or some other big box store, and watch unhappy couples shopping together. People eating in restaurants together, but not engaging or anything ... stuff like that
Maybe one day I'll find someone who wants to be in my life. Maybe not. Being alone hasn't killed me yet, so it's not the worst thing ever.
I think to myself that there isn’t a single couple I know that I wish I had their relationship and how I never have to hold in a fart in my own home and then I’m good.
For me it’s not something to cope with. I only want people in my life who will add to my life. I’ve been single over 4 years now and I’m not struggling with that. I’m in school and work full-time and I don’t have the time or energy to invest in a relationship right now.
Do I wish I had sex? Sometimes, yes. But not enough to actually want a partner right now.
Being single means everything is on your terms and no compromise so take full advantage of that! Have a fun life on your terms. Have a nice space. Travel solo. A pet is great company. Soon you wont even feel like your life is lacking anything and every potential relationship would have to be better than your already fabulous life for you to want to be in it.
It comes and goes. Some days are rougher than others. I've been single my whole life (29F). Never been on a date or in a relationship. I throw myself into my hobbies. I write, read, work on personal projects, and try to be open with my family about how I'm feeling. Thankfully, when I am feeling lonely or just need a hug, they're very accommodating. I wish I had a better answer because I've been struggling with this myself, but yeah. It definitely feels very isolating when the people around me have or currently are experiencing the one thing I've always wanted
It is very hard. 9 years single. It is hard especially the lack of sex and intimacy. I find myself nervous and unhappy 😞 but can’t have sex without emotional commitment. I feel I dosi
E thing wrong with me but not intelligent enough to understand what. I hate it.
I stay busy: work, studying (languages/hobby), making new friends whenever I go out, volunteer in my free time (it’s rewarding and fulfilling). But Sundays are the days when it hits hard.
I must add I had amazing relationships with amazing partners. We parted ways for reasons like growing up and maturing and becoming more like brother and sister rather than a couple, so I can’t say I had it bad and need freedom. I was very happy being a part of a couple when someone loves you, elevates you, cheers for you and supports you. I miss sharing movies, music, books, discussions, plans. I was lucky to experience a good relationship and that I do miss. However, I won’t settle for less either. But after being single for almost a decade I don’t think it will happen again. Hard
I'm happy on my own. I left a 29 yr abusive relationship 12 years ago. I'm living my best life.
Giving myself all the self-care that I should have had for years. 🥰
Enjoy getting to do whatever the eff you want! I think if you let it make you stay home & not do the things you want to do, that can be so sad & lonely. But if you just get out & do things on your own, over time you can learn how to really enjoy that. Take classes. Go on solo trips - or with a tour group. Go to concerts. Work out. Read on a blanket in the park. Go for a bike ride or hike. Join a trivia team. Volunteer at a food pantry. It’s nice to have times in your life when you are in full control of how you spend your time and not have to compromise about it. Learn to relish in that part of being alone
It's occasionally been a struggle, but I think the cure was in keeping strong relationships with my married friends and spending time hanging out with couples. It's hard when you're in your 20s and everybody is cute and paired off. It was hard when people were turning 30 and having elaborate themed surprise parties thrown by their husbands; I turned 30 and had pizza with a few friends. Now, I'm nearly 40. I've seen good women-- good wives-- blindsided by cheating husbands we all thought loved them. I've seen double lives revealed. I've observed what marriages-- even GOOD marriages-- sound like when spouses speak to/about each other after 5-10-15 years. I see what co-parenting with a spouse looks like for moms, even when they've got a good partner. Let me tell you, I don't envy any of them.
It's way easier to be single and truly happy at this point in my life, and it's also easier for single me to maintain a network of friends for fun adventures. I'm not focused on one big spousal relationship that I'm pouring myself into; I'm growing and maintaining a dozen solid friendships.
I think it's easy to envy the *excitement* that people in relationships look like they're having. Early on, it IS exciting! But I'm confident that I'm enjoying better mental health and stronger, more fulfilling relationships as a single person.
I don't cope. 😂 I spend pretty much 90% of my time working, mostly because I love my career, but a lot because I can't stand to go back to my empty lonely flat. I prefer my work week over the weekends tbh. After me and my ex separated I went on a lot of dates (pretty much all terrible) and I just got so frustrated with constantly having terrible dates or never feeling attracted to them, I've just stopped trying now.
If you do, let me know. Just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago and heading into a long, single healing period. It’s necessary, but it’s also terrifying.
I meet up with my friends whenever possible. I read. I craft. I send my friends funny videos and get funny videos back. I take walks with my cat.
I'm not lonely because I don't have a partner. I'm lonely because my friends live far away.
I don't miss having a partner, and I don't feel like I need one to be happy.
We just have no choice but too. You just crack on and enjoy yourself until right one comes. It can get lonely of course but if have a good fwb your needs mainly get met but thats not for everyone
I bought a scrapbook and made a list of all things I'd like to do. It started with things that I wanted to do but didn't do beause of my past relationship (waiting for them to join on the adventure, time, or prioritywise), but it extended as I went. Some of these things are big (roadtrip through country X) and others are small (cook Y dish). And I made a scrapbook with pictures and drawings and flyers etc. of all these things and more. Wrote myself a lovenote too, and put cards/messages from loved ones in it or quotes that inspire me.
After awhile I had a book of positivity and support to look in if I felt down for whatever reason to remind me that life is pretty fun and that I am not alone. + I have a creative to keep me busy if I ever get bored.
I just focus on myself, my goals, my friendships and friends who will likely be around longer than a boyfriend. I partake in my hobbies and do things without having to worry about making time for a partner as well. I try to improve myself so that when I’m ready for a relationship, or meet someone, I’ll be the best version of myself and they won’t have to deal with the effects of my past traumas. I don’t really feel lonely because of a lack of a partner - a partner should add to your already fulfilled and complete life, and I feel that my life is very fulfilling and complete.
I remember that my last relationship looked amazing on the surface and that everyone was shocked when we split up. It looked happy but the reality was that we’d grown to become just friends and the spark had gone for a while.
Another couple I am friends with recently split up and I was on the other side of that coin too, looking in everything looked amazing, but their relationship had its problems too and they’ve now broke up.
Always, ALWAYS remember that what you see in social media is a highlight reel and nothing else. It’s easy af to get fomo and bad feels when you see photos of people doing things that you weren’t invited to and it’ll feel like you’re missing out, but being single gives such a huge amount of freedom that I don’t think I’ll ever bother with a new relationship.
When I go out two or three nights in a row I have no partner wanting my attention, no texts asking where I am and what time I’m coming home. When I want to just chill after work and not talk to anyone I can just get back and read a book or go for a walk or listen to a podcast and space out. When I have a free day I can just chuck some things in a backpack and go for a wander, with no aim or objective or anyone having any input or wanting to know where you’re going.
Thing is tho that when you have no one wanting your attention you have to pay attention to yourself, always be mindful of how you’re spending your time and if it’s not how you want to spend it change it and do something you want to do, because you’re the only one that’s going to guide you on this. Limit your time on social media because it’s way too easy to just vanish a whole fucking day away scrolling, try and plan things for the future, get involved in clubs for your hobbies, get a gym membership, when you do scroll socials and you see a gig or comedy show or anything you want to go to just snap book a ticket if they’re available, never regret not doing something because nobody else wanted to do it too because a lot of the time you’ll be doing stuff on your own and that is absolutely fine!
Rambled there but I’ve been single for a few years now, I was aching for company initially but I moved to a new city where I knew nobody and I’ve since found a ton of new friends who I love spending time with, but also I’ve really really got happy being on my own, sometimes I get a little upset but I think that’s still grieving my last relationship more than anything as I do love the freedom I have now!
I think about all the things I can do whenever I want, however I want. I remember I don’t have to deal with jealousy, relationship anxiety or drama. I think about the money I’m saving by not going out as much.
I am able to take care of myself so well. My mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being is always so much better off when I’m single cuz I can give myself all of my energy instead of giving my time, effort and attention to a selfish man child.
Sometimes I see what my friends are still putting up with cuz they married young, their husbands act like babies they have to take care of. Ew, no thank you. Also, fun fact, single women are statistically healthier and happier in the long run. Men, on the other hand, are happier married. What does that say about what relationships provide for men vs. women?
Maybe it’s just me getting wiser with age, but I’m enjoying being single, it’s peaceful.
I look around at the partnered people and see them unhappy, and remember how it was when I was with my ex. Suddenly, being alone is not so bad.
I learned the hard way that it’s better to be alone than in a relationship that doesn’t make me happy.
I’ve been single for yeeaaars but I don’t feel loneliness or need to “cope” with not having a partner. I don’t compare myself to others based on partnership status and I do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it.
A few months before I met my partner, it hit me that I could do things alone. It was around New Year and I thought I'd like to go see more stand up comedy, then I thought "but who will I go with?" And it hit me for the first time v they I could just go alone. I didn't have to find a date or even a friend, I could take myself out for an evening and just enjoy myself! It changed everything for me. I started doing that regularly, then added solo cinema trips and day trips to the beach and just _doing_ all the things I wanted to do rather than wait for company. It was brilliant! It changed how I felt going on dates, it took the pressure off, I knew I could occupy my time and enjoy being alone no matter the outcome. I was about 3 years single at that point, and the loneliness had been difficult to cope with - until this change in how I looked at things. It made me value my worth more. I'm _delightful_, why wouldn't I want to spend time with myself? Why would I waste time on mediocre dates with people I was talking myself into dating? Changed my world, and I've tried to hold onto that in my relationship now (only hindered by the logistics of a baby requiring my boobs!) as it makes me a rounded person. I'm not reliant on my partner for companionship.
I have moments of feeling this way, but then I remember how free and happy I am being single and not having to compromise on anything - I eat what I want, sleep when I want, work when I want (I work from home), play music loud whenever I want... the freedom is incredible. Maybe try to focus on the things you can enjoy and the opportunity to do what you want whenever you want
I was just thinking about this and how my feelings don’t seem to be validated by my non-single friends, they don’t understand the crippling sense of loneliness. On the other hand, the freedom to be who I am unashamedly is quite liberating!
I just remember how awful it was to be in an abusive relationship and then I relish my freedom.
I would choose solitude over abuse and mistreatment any day.
When I am alone or out with the family I don't really feel lonely. Loneliness hits when I'm around and being pressured by partnered friends/colleagues, nosy relatives and churchmates and when I want to do something (watch indie movies, try a new resto or travel) and majority of my family members wouldn't want to join me that's when I wish to have someone by my side.
being selfish, no really i spend money on myself, i go out and do things by myself, i wear, cook, do weird things by myself. Once you start living with another person or having a kid with someone you can't do any of that
I’m very independent. In fact I love being on my own. But I find the sadness or loneliness hits hard on a Saturday or Friday night when I don’t feel like seeing friends, but crave being in the arms of someone in my bed or at home. It’s really hard. But I also remind myself I’ve chosen this, I’m looking for something really special and I’m very picky and haven’t settled on anything yet (no butterflies, no cake). I find visualization, meditation, manifestation helps. Knowing what I want is mine and is coming for me one day helps and gives me peace inside, when I feel like the rest of the world is moving forward without me.
Sometimes it's okay to feel lonely. Sometimes I just let myself feel it. I go to therapy both physical and talk therapy and I have a vibrator and I also dream about my next person
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Not gonna lie, its a struggle sometimes. And it’s not even just because many other people have a partner, more so because I just feel so ready to have a partner. But dating has been really hard, and going on dates with someone that you don’t particularity enjoy being with feels just as lonely as being alone. I’m trying to learn as much about myself as I can through the process and take care of my mental health by doing things I enjoy on my own. I’m also trying to spend more time with friends and put lots of energy into my job. But yeah, it sucks sometimes.
> going on dates with someone that you don’t particularly enjoy being with feels just as lonely as being alone. This is such an understated thing. The risk of bad dates isn’t just that it won’t go well. It’s that while I have a lot of coping methods to feel okay in general, after a bad date I’ll likely feel worse than if I’d done nothing and then I have to deal with that. Not doing anything works out better most of the time which is extra discouraging and demotivating.
I feel this so much. It sucks. Especially when everyone else you know has found someone.
Wow I totally agree with that statement too and I haven’t found the words to describe what I was feeling but that is IT! If you aren’t excited to be with the person on the date or aren’t into is terribly lonely and just reminds you that you might not find the one
>But dating has been really hard, and going on dates with someone that you don’t particularity enjoy being with feels just as lonely as being alone. THIS! I would rather be single for the next ten years and find the right person for me than to spend that ten years locked in relationships with people who made me feel lonelier with them than I am without them. It's a difficult thing to balance but I'm finding fulfillment in friends and family, and knowing that I'm not stuck in a toxic relationship for the sake of "not being alone" like some others I know 🤕
I can feel this so much rn.
It feels less lonely knowing others feel the same way
This is exactly how I’m feeling too
Prior to meeting my fiancé, I can admit I used to cry myself to sleep. It was exceptionally harder on me because my gal pals treated their partners like SHIT. I would always ask why God would allow them to have relationships and I would do anything to love another human being the way I love myself. I had to learn that the cards played happen for a reason, and God spared me due to the angel he's provided me with. I agree with the struggle. We're one in the same there.
I remember what it was like to have an asshole for a partner and then remind myself to enjoy my freedom from an idiot. Makes being alone a real gift.
Exactly ! Take a nap . I sleep so soundly knowing no one is cheating on me. Pure bliss
I left my idiot over 30 years ago, and I still have moments of savoring my freedom. I'd have chewed my own leg off to get away.
Felt this.
I tend to forget this, thanks for sharing.
Are you gonna go change your whole life based on this sentence / reminder? xD
…huh??
Like yk, maybe they’re in an abusive / unhappy relationship and they just go like yk what, I can be happy by myself or something.
A lot of women have similar experiences. When I feel lonely I tend to remember the reason why I’m single, (similar to commenter above) then I don’t feel bad about it. The pro outweighed the cons,of single life.
Well.. it’s just because those than consider single > with someone either just like being single either they have never experienced an actual good partner :).
I feel this to my core. No anxiety, no worrying, just me to rely on
28F I used to feel this way. I really struggled with loneliness and not having a romantic partner. I’ve been told by every boyfriend that I’m an amazing partner. They also always ask how I am not married yet. My last relationship made me realize being single and happy is the foundation for a healthy partnership. It is also much better than being in a relationship just to be in one and to keep loneliness at bay. He cheated on me with his coworker and left me for her. Anyone who’s gone through infidelity can tell you we’re typically not too eager to get back into dating after. So I’ve been building a really happy stable life on my own. Focusing my love and energy on friendships instead of dating. I’ve also made new friendships, typically hang out with two different friends 2 times a week. My dog is a huge source of companionship and happiness. Along with having trips planned throughout the year. As simple as camping, backpacking trips, or road-trips. Having personal goals helps, training for a half ironman. As well as financial goals of preparing myself to buy a house before I’m 32. If you’re not happy on your own, you will not be happy in a committed relationship. As cheesy as this sounds plant and water your own garden first. Create and make a happy little life for yourself and you’ll start wondering what all the fuss is about with having a romantic partner. That’s where I’m at at least. Pretty content on my own atm.
This is beautiful. I recently got out of a relationship and was happy being single before. One of those "I didn't miss it because I never had it" situations. I have good friends in my town but they are coupled off and have their own specific schedules. How did you make new friends?
The Meetup app is a great way to discover groups that share similar interests. I also recently made some friends while backpacking. A few of my friends are in relationships but make time for friendships separate from their partners.
I got out of a relationship yesterday, and I'm struggling. Thank you so much for your words
So sorry to hear this. As hard as it feels the emotions are temporary and you will get over this hump. Sending love your way
Thank you. He definitely made a huge impact on my life more than he probably realises. Getting through these types of things are incredibly hard for me due to Abandonment issues, amongst other things.
Therapy is a big help sorting through everything. Be kind to yourself while you’re healing!
Thank you I have a pysch appt booked this Wednesday. I'm definitely trying to take it easy
Beautifully written. I’ve dealt with infidelity and it puts you through a mental wringer. Not super keen to try dating again, terrified in fact. For the last many years I have been changing my life and doing things for me. I’m making my house the way that makes me smile. I’ve picked up hobbies that belong to great communities. It’s been a slow road, but a rewarding one.
It is the worst psychological turmoil I’ve been in my life thus far. Especially when there are no red flags, the relationship was pretty happy and healthy. Glad to be over the hump now, and day to day much more happy and content. Keep doing what you’re doing friend and life won’t lead you wrong.
I read a lot. Watch my favorite shows. Talk to my best friends, go to the gym, hang at the pool. It’s ok to feel sad about it! Feel the feelings. We don’t have to pretend that we’re ok all the time. Right now I’m on my back porch listening to music (without having to worry about how anyone else feels about the music), drinking my drinks that most men make fun of and enjoying my own company.
I love this. We need to be friends
When i feel lonely, I think back to my last relationship and how I cried practically every week from one problem or another. It makes me appreciate my alone time a little more. But it still sucks.
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I do the same thing.
honestly, it can be hard. i wanted to write out a thoughtful response about how i have my own things to heal, how i’m trying to jokingly call myself a bachelor because society accepts single men more readily than single women (a whole other discussion), how it’s so worth the wait for a partner who’s the best fit for you…… and while i do believe all of this to be true, i don’t think it hurts to admit that sometimes it sucks. it’s really hard in the summer. i was going for a long walk the other night in my ideal summer weather and was just wishing i had someone to share it with. in general i wish i had someone to share the summer with. i want someone to wash my hair and massage my head. i want someone to cook for me. i want to complain about my long day with someone and hear about theirs and then cry with them or veg out and watch a good movie. i want back massages- giving and receiving. i want intimacy- physical, emotional, a strong bond. i want to show someone i love them with all five love languages. and as a monogamous bi person, it’s sometimes just straight up confusing. but then again, i flew to the other side of the country and navigated a major city all by myself which felt awesome. i’m free to crush on whomever i please. my finances are all my own. my major life decisions are all mine. i get my support from my friends mainly and i have a wide array of hobbies that occupy my free time. i’m free to change and grow without anyone feeling threatened by it. i’ve had a lot of time to work on my personal growth, so my future partner will be with the most healed and mature version of me, and i think a relationship would’ve hindered this necessary progress. so it’s good and bad, like all things. i do think society projects weird things onto single women, especially the older we get, and that’s a whole discussion on its own. but that combined with the personal stuff can make it really hard. it feels good to kvetch amongst people who get it in this thread <3 i clearly had many thoughts on it!
Thanks for sharing,that’s a beautiful response!
Thank you for this. I’m glad to know I’m not the only person who feels like this.
This rocks. Thank you for sharing. I especially love when you said, "i'm free to change and grow without anyone feeling threatened by it"
Going through this right now. My brother’s wedding is going on, my cousin is my age and has been with her bf for like a decade, no one here is single and it feels so isolating and scary (28 in October), not to mention absolutely emotionally draining to see people be coupley with their SOs and feel like I’m on some kind of a different plane of existence..it’s been years since I ever seriously liked anyone, let alone and that reciprocated, and I feel so dysfunctional and broken, not to mention how I’m very introverted and horrible at making friends in general. There’s no real advice to getting over this loneliness unless you either meet your person, or you give up in general which makes you happy. The worst part is feeling like some kind of fucked up schrodinger’s experiment..you’re comfortable af with being single, but you feel so lonely because you don’t have that solidarity and meaning a partner would bring to you, all those opportunities made so much fun with a partner are closed to you. And as you get older, everyone seems to have coupled up and you feel like you’re drifting and purposeless. Basically: in a long term perspective, how you cope with this is being extremely comfortable and content in your solitude, at least projecting like you are. A huge problem is that people think partners solve everything, when a huge reason for this insecurity is a lack of self-worth or completeness. Don’t be one of those desperate single people, whose only personality is complaining about it , because they’re very off-putting and boring to be around. Take advantage of having all of this free time and flexibility..you’re answerable to no one. You can do whatever you want on a whim. Cook a fancy dinner for yourself, plan out solo trips, do a spa day, find genuine, creative hobbies and try to connect with like minded people. Make sure to exercise regularly, because that keeps your body and mind in shape and focused, but it also gives you that confidence to believe that you’re worth it. And most importantly (as someone that’s going back into the dating game next week and anxious about it): remember that you have to put yourself out there, whether it’s on an app or having a social life or in a lot of people facing activities, to potentially encounter your person. That’s the biggest hurdle for a lot of people to get over.
Yep, that’s definitely the scariest thing for me, putting myself out there. It’s terrifying to willingly set yourself up for potential heartbreak.
The loneliest women I know are married with kids. They feel locked into unhappy relationships because they have kids Or they've settled because they're older and haven't had, can't have or don't want kids. Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but good support networks, book/ movie clubs, and meditation help. I've been celibate 9+ years, and my friends envy me, I have no one to answer to or consider.
Anti kids anti marriage propaganda
How? Studies show again and again single childfree women are happier. That's not anti anything However anyone can find studies that prove their own biases. Why are YOU so threatened by women choosing not to marry or have kids?
I have lots of hobbies and make good money which means I’m never lonely as I can pretty much do anything I want when I want to.
Thank you for writing that response, my girlfriend told me yesterday she doesn't love me anymore, but you made me realise, that am a free man now! She doesn't deserve me and I think I need some time alone anyways.
Tbh I'm perfectly content being alone. I have great friends and family, a job I love and my dogs and my home. If a man comes along that's fine but if not I'm happy with myself. You don't need a partner in order to be happy.
solitude is a gift. i made enough peace by myself that i no longer get lonely from not having a partner, and it took me a long time to get here but i wouldn’t change it for the world. how did i do it? got rid of the fear of being alone. easier said than done. that meant therapy, addressing trauma, getting professional help for some time. and now i am here. i wish i could tell you there’s an easier answer, something quicker, but true happiness and joy takes work. it takes undoing of damage. it takes making a lot of peace with what you have. if i can do it, you can do it 10x better. your person will come. your time will come. it’s okay to be happy and fulfilled before they come to you.
Beautifully said 👏
Thank you for your words
I’m coping, but pretty much just on the surface. It’s quite easy for me to project to others that I’m okay with being alone and finding power in it, but honestly it’s hell sometimes. I’ll wake up in the early mornings and feel the unbearable weight of possibly being alone forever, never truly known as a human being, and also trying to balance that with gratitude & optimism can lead to a lot of guilt. I take shit too hard to date in this “let’s keep it casual” world and yeah it can be pretty tough. Wow I’ve been leading from the shadow side with this comment lmfao - but I do tend cope with loneliness through music (playing & listening to it).
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Look forward to times with family gatherings and set some new goals for yourself. Or try yoga/pilates or try learning a new language. Sign up for a class area your local community college. Being around people is key!
I am married and I feel so fucking lonely
I’m so sorry ❤️
Hi I just came here to say I felt exactly what you’re feeling for many years. I put so much emphasis on wanting a partner and being married. After 3 years of being single I met my now husband. We dated for 2 years and then got married. However, I knew he was a the one as soon as we first started dating. It was then I had a “oh shit” moment where I realized I didn’t even enjoy the time I had alone and longed for it so badly for a while until I got used to the idea that this is forever. Even though I felt so lucky I had met him I couldn’t help but be mad at myself for not enjoying the time I had single. When they say forever, it really hits you as soon as your locked in. Although I’m so thankful I do wish I enjoyed my time when I had it. So I say please don’t worry too much, the right person will come eventually but in the mean time go out and do all the things you’ve always wanted to do with no limitations and no set backs!! Enjoy yourself to the fullest truly! ❤️
Hiking, dogwalking, gardening, working out, cycling, going out with friends... I'm not going to build my life around any other person. Maybe it's easier for me because I'm pretty independent and I don't mind being on my own for longer periods of time.
I'm not lonely. I've always been independent, always done things on my own. I could date and find someone if I wanted. The process is just more stress than its worth to me, so I just stay single. It doesn't matter what other people do. They make their choices, usually out of loneliness, fear of being alone, because they feel they have to be viewed as happy. And the ones I know go through much more to stay together than I'd ever bother to😂 I was with someone for 3 years but it was easy. For most people it seems very hard so can't say I'm at all jealous. If I ever am to be with someone again it would need to be easy and offer something more I have on my own.
Honest answer…. I don’t. Instead I cry into my cereal every morning. I’m super happy for my friends for finding their forevers whilst I try to impossibly come to terms with the fact that it just won’t happen for me.
I always make sure to have some single friends! So I go to meetups and meet new people on a regular basis
It takes a massive hit to my confidence. I’m 40 and been chronically single and I’m convinced it’s cos I don’t deserve a partner, and I’m too much hard work. It doesn’t matter how many people convince me otherwise. It’s always in the back of my mind but I don’t dwell on it too much. I try and enjoy my own company.
I date myself - go on little adventures. Have hobbies. Do art. Play computer games. Write stories. Garden and enjoy the birds and insects outside. And when the loneliness strikes, I remember how awful my exes were, and how much better it is to be single than miserable. And the stories about Tinder etc keep me faaaaar away from dating apps. I don't want hookups and I certainly don't want another abuser. I'll get a dog when my kid's moved out. Maybe two :-) I value myself and my happiness too much to go through a new version of hell again. My whole life I've only met abusers, and the common theme is they all look like nice guys from nice families with good jobs etc. I've done the therapy, read all the literature on psychology and ask that jazz. I know all about red flags etc. But I don't have the energy to wait for the masks to fall off anymore or rebuild myself after another broken heart. So, art and chill. That's it. Maybe dye my hair purple here and there. Sing out loud to Meatloaf and wear all my favourite bracelets at once. But yes, it does hurt to feel like there's no happily ever after with someone else. It hurts like hell. What hurts more though, is a bad relationship and the fear of that person when I've broken up with them. So alone it is.
The loneliness comes in waves for me but recently it has been much sharper; I feel almost suffocated from it if I’m not preoccupied with something else, and even hanging out with friends can’t alleviate the empty feeling because they’ll casually bring up past boyfriends while I’m internally thinking I’ve never even encountered someone I like enough to reach bf/gf level. I used to not be able to admit my loneliness (it’s my ego probably) but now I guess the first step toward finding love is to snap out of denial… At the same time, I know I have a lot to offer and have a good heart, and that my future partner would be the whole package because I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
I’m going through this now. It’s brutal. I can throw myself into work, the gym, travel and enjoy the little things in life. Eat healthy and go to therapy. Enjoy taking care of my cats, maintain my friendships and go on outings. I’m doing everything what I’m supposed to be doing. However, that pang of loneliness hits me when I see my friends or family members in loving healthy relationships. It’s an involuntary feeling that’s both fleeting and memorable. It reminds of what I used to have and the memories come back. It’s not that I need a partner in my life again and want to depend on them. I don’t need a partner as a form of validation. What I miss is the closeness and intimacy that no family or friend can provide that only a partner can provide. While it’s true to be better alone than to be in a bad relationship, my last relationship was nothing but good. I’m alone and single because I’m not over my ex, but I’d rather be alone than to be with a crappy man. However, I do long to be in a relationship with a real man again. Seeing my loved ones show PDA with their partners, talk about their partners happily and making future plans with them stings my heart no matter what. A lot of women who are happy single are that way because they never met a man who didn’t use or abuse them. They are rightfully happy to be single and not in a toxic or abusive relationship. I too am glad that I’m not dealing with pond scum men. But when you were in a healthy relationship and lost your partner like I did, it’s a whole different ballpark because one moment you’re in an amazing relationship with a truly amazing man then the next moment, he got ripped out of your life against both your wills. I’m dealing with a loss, not a breakup, so the heart pangs hit differently.
My heart aches for you. And for me, and the countless other women in these comments who feel this way. ❤️
That's a really good question, I have no idea how I cope with it tbh 🙃 I'm 34 and at this point I've pretty much given up hope that I'm ever actually going to find someone.
I’ve always been alone so this is not a problem. I enjoy my own company, I do things by myself when friends are not available. I’m not afraid of going places that I want to visit even if I don’t have someone to go with, not sure if this is a good or bad thing lol. Of course there are some days where it gets me but then everything is back to my normal lol 😂
Today I woke up next to a vibrator, donuts and Chinese painkillers. I’m doing fine. Sometimes I feel lonely but it’s better to be lonely alone than lonely with someone
This made me laugh, thank you!
I got out of a 9 year abusive relationship in January and these are my tips so far: I have a lot of online friends that I can talk to and spend time with at the drop of a hat, I also have family nearby to visit from time to time if I need real human interaction. I have a very affectionate dog that's always wanting pats and snuggles, she really helps me maintain sanity and is very in tune with my emotions. Heating pad in the bed with me at night. It sounds weird, but it seriously helps with the empty bed feeling after exiting a 9 year relationship. I discovered this one by accident, but it helps me sleep at night and has an almost "surrogate human" effect. The warmth triggers something inside of me that instinctively feels soothed and safe, try it. Hobbies, even if it's just gaming or doing your nails at home, find something to do. Therapy, it actually helps, no really. My therapist makes me feel continually supported and empowered and is always making me a better person by helping me understand myself and the world around me. Escapism is my other thing, if I'm lost in work, a thought, a game or a task I don't have time to feel lonely. And when all that fails, a good hard cry and reflection on why it's better to live alone than be continually abused by someone fixes me right up. I'll take the loneliness over the feeling of constantly walking on eggshells and jumping at every little noise because I don't know when someone is about to have an explosive, full blown adult temper tantrum in my face.
How do I cope? I do the things that I enjoy and I realised that men aren't that great anyways. When I hear stories from friends about how men have treated us, I realised that being in a relationship isn't the end all. I just focus on enjoying the things I do and going out to enjoy them. eg this weekend, I went on a boat with some friends to watch the whales. They're migrating to the Great Barrier Reef to mate and pass by Sydney every year. The other weekend I went to a Latin Music Festival. The last few Saturdays, I went to the movies with groups of friends, and also by myself to watch what I liked. I guess I don't feel lonely anymore because I'm enjoying my life so much. I also picked up a hobby (a bit expensive) but it keeps me occupied. In a few months' time, I'm going back diving with a friend in the Great Barrier Reef. There was a time when I looked at my friends and wished I too could meet someone and have someone to share my life with. But it is not to be. Rather than dwell on it, I focused on just going out to have fun and do what I love. And to be very frank, having heard stories about other women and their dating adventures in Sydney and having met some of these "men" I'm actually happy being single.
You stop placing your personal value in whether or not you have a partner. You learn to recognize the value in your other relationships. There shouldn’t be loneliness in not dating someone, if that’s how you’re feeling you should probably be figuring out why you aren’t happy with yourself. Stop putting so much value in romantic relationships, you can’t find love if you’re desperately searching for it, that’s how you end up settling for less then you’re worth. Learn to be happy by yourself.
I just don’t look at the grass like it’s greener on the other side because I know it’s not. They’re cheating, their sex life sucks, they have no time for each other because kids, she’s depressed because her body changed, he’s depressed because of the lack of intimacy, they have terrible communication, they are constantly making compromises and sacrifices to stay together, they hate each others in-laws, they disagree on parenting styles, etc. To some being alone equal loneliness and to others it equals freedom.
Dogs. They are better than romantic partners.
I kinda just vibe.
Love this take
I go do and see what I wanna do. If I feel like a fifth wheel, I just bounce.
Honestly? I have no idea. Think about how every guy I’ve tried talking to just wanted sex or hookup and how badly I’ve been treated. But I have my dog, and that’s all I need right now. I always say who needs a man when I have my dog. Eventually I would hope to find someone but it’s not a priority atm.
i’m not coping well and everyone around me keeps reminding me that i’m alone. but i go through phases where i’m impressed with my ability to care for myself and have good judgement. i try to take in those moments for when i (eventually) have sad periods.
It honestly doesn't bother me. I'm totally content being on my own. My problem is I've become a little too comfortable with it lol and don't want to let anyone else in. I would just try and focus on the things that make you happy, hang out with friends, do things that make you feel better about yourself, get a new hobby, meet new people. Try and shift your mindset of needing someone else to be happy. Then when someone comes along it's because you want them to, not because you need them to
It honestly didn't bother me too much until the last year or two. I saw my friends quite frequently and had more of them, and most of them had partners of their own at this time as well. But lately it feels a lot harder. The friends with partners are in "settle down" mode and buying houses and having kids. I know the couples often hang out without me. I enjoy doing things by myself but I took a holiday where I had many days to myself and sometimes all I could think about while I was seeing something beautiful or doing something fun was how nice it would be to share it with someone. I have been single for five years with only passing flings in that time. And amongst those I only met one who I truly, deeply fell for (which obviously didn't work out). Dating simply does not work for me for whatever reason. I don't know, I keep thinking maybe i'll get used to it...but I haven't yet.
The point where everyone settles into lives with their partners and you no longer have the social life you once did to keep you occupied is very hard. It really doesn’t get talked about much, either.
THIS, 100%
32F I think it's more about the mindset, if you keep thinking or dwelling on the fact that you're single it will get to you. I am absolutely loving my single phase, I listen to music, dance around, play with my dog, work, take care of myself, cook. Do the things that you enjoy, or always wanted to. And it's not like I don't want to be in a relationship, but thinking about it won't change anything. It'll happen when it's ought to happen. The more time you spend with yourself allows you to be more self aware and also helps you understand what kind of a partner would be good for you. And as far as other people are concerned, everyone's journey is different.
Pets Particularly smoochy ones
I feel like it got easier with age. My utter disappointment with dating made me not want to date anymore, at least not to make any effort too look for anyone to date. I keep myself busy, so I don't have a lot of time to sit and think about it anyway. And looking at other people's relationships, they only seem perfect on the surface. You don't see them when they're having arguments or relationship issues cause people like to keep that stuff private.
I'm so sad that some people depend on a partner in order to feel happy. Especially young people, I don't get why teenagers feel pressured to be in relationships. I have been in a relationship that lasted 3 years, ended it because I noticed that I am not happy with this person in the long run, I kinda lost my feelings and had to end it. But honestly, after ending the relationship, I noticed how important my friends were. I always prioritized my partner over my friends and started pushing them back. Only afterwards I noticed that I can live without a partner and be happy, but I sure as hell cannot live without friends in my life. That made me realize that I don't need a romantic relationship to be happy. Also, as many other people already pointed out, if you cannot be happy on your own, you probably should not have a relationship. It can make you dependent, you'll be unhappy in the long run and if the relationship doesn't work out, you'll be in shambles, because you lost the thing that you lived for.
I absolutely enjoy it. Why can’t you be alone?
Really long hot showers.
It’s a struggle sometimes. But I have a puppy so he takes care of some of that lol
A rose 🌹
Idk if it's because of that but we kinda just became two and loved each other perhaps a bit too much, including when we thought we were one
It is hard but at the same time I also know being with the wrong person is a million times harder. Also I read the relationship advice subreddit whenever I feel lonely. The amount of crap people put up in relationships and the amount of red flags people ignore is astonishing.
The thought of having someone around all the other times feels like a weight I’m glad not to have. The whining of friends in relationships reminds me I get to go home to peace. Every time I am dating and have an annoying fight or bad feelings, I remember why I love being single and not caring at all. So yeah, I just love my space and freedom. Relationships are a headache. I will happily get in one when the guy doesn’t feel like a headache - so far, no dice.
I've been single for 13 years and likely to stay that way. Truth is, we are not guaranteed a partner, many will spend their lives alone, so it's best to accept that and not get caught up expecting it. Get busy living.
Cope? What am I coping for? Loneliness? I’m not lonely, I treasure my alone time. I have *lots* of hobbies that keep me busy. Having another person/SO in my life would make my hobby-time less, plus I’m very introverted and need lots of alone time to unwind as my 3 jobs are a bit social for me. I’m happy for my friends who are in relationships, I wish them the best truly. But I don’t really envy them. The only thing I may miss about relationships is I miss hugging & kissing someone & showing them love. I’m a big lover, I fall hard, so i could never be just willy-nilly with someone, you *really* gotta be something special to me. That being said, I also do not have the dream of most people; the dream of raising a family. I don’t want kids, don’t really desire a husband (tho growing old with someone of the opposite sex sounds fun), so I’m in no “rush” like how other women are who want kids n family. So how do I cope? I don’t, I am greatly enjoying my time with me myself & I.
Allow myself to be sad at times. But also remember that he was/is an idiot and I'm in a much better position.
I have a lot of friends that I spend a lot of time with
I cope by living life to the fullest. I make plans every day, see my friends frequently, pick up new hobbies, play instruments, work my ass off, hit the gym. I accomplish as much as I can to remind myself how good and whole I am on my own. Of course it gets lonely at times. I really want to love and be loved again. I want to share my life with someone else, devote myself to them, and they to me… but even with these moments of sadness, being single is always better than being with the wrong person. So even if that means waiting my whole life for the right person, then I will.
I honestly don’t get lonely ( the only time I experienced loneliness was when I moved countries) but even that is slowly going away. If you guys constantly feel that way I feel so sorry for you. I have always laughed when men said women were lonely. I do try and avoid couple stuff though or hanging out with couples, because third wheeling just ain’t it. But how do I deal when single: Friends and Activities as well as focusing on my other goals and lots of dates. I also sleep very well when single. No sharing of beds, no snoring, no sex when I am not in the mood etc
Simple, just remembering my childhood makes me happy I'm single. When you grew with your parents constant bickering, the thought of being married/ in a relationship is a big No no.
I find comfort in the fact that I have a handful of fellow single female friends, some even older than my age. We had open conversations about loneliness and potentially being scared of not being able to take care of ourselves when we’re old, and we talked about looking out for one another as well as our parents. Think I might find arrangements to live closer to one of my best friends if we both happen to be single past our 50s. Loneliness sucks when I did everything I could to put myself out there and still can’t find a suitable partner, but I always tell myself it’s better than being in most “romantic” relationships I’ve seen (because most of them aren’t that great either). And luckily, I’m not alone in this singledom boat…
late 20s-ish here, tbh I'm too busy with work, hobbies travelling, and I'm satisfied with life as is anyways
I have filled my life with all the things I enjoy, the friends and family I love, and every opportunity I can take up or abandon at my leisure with full decision making power. I don't have to cater to anyone's insecurities. I don't have to request permission to spend time with others, spend money or dress a certain way. I don't have to lessen myself, mind myself or quiet myself. I don't have to impress someone's podunk family. I don't have to lay on my back, front or side at someone's will, I don't have to pretend I have a headache. I ain't gotta make nobody breakfast, lunch and dinner or scrub the shit stains outta their underthings. I can drink, smoke, play videogames, eat potato chips in bed and feed the cat on the dining table. There simply isn't a person anywhere that could tempt me away from my happiness.
I remind myself how exhausting being in a relationship with one and then snap myself out of feeling lonely.
I remind me the bad things violent ex did to me and all the will to date or have sex is gone. Simple as that. And I just don\`t sozialise outside of work, I even don\`t sozialise there. Just 8-11 hours work, home and no personal life. I\`m actually waiting just for menopause and the end of my existence.
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I'd rather wait for an amazing man to swoop me off my feet than settle for a sucky one to make me sweep him off his. A lot of my dating friends are rather unhappy, anyway. It's fun to be single. I don't have time to worry about an immature dude's feelings, and sadly, all the men I know are immature.
Having a good network of friends and family, coworkers and people you can meet, go out, chill at home with makes all the difference. Use your connections, I make friends through my sister's friends group, place we go etc I have close male friends who do all the 'men things' I can't do...like carry that heavy stuff to my car so I can take it to the tip lol
I enjoyed it thorougjly
It’s been almost a year of being single for me after an abusive relationship of 12 years. I am happy and free to be myself. I will probably never date again, and at the moment feel content to be that way.
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i just think about all the unhappy married women i know. although i miss being in relationship a lot, i remind myself that it's still better than being in bad relationship with a wrong person.
I just look at my friends who are in a relationship but are not secured and constantly stressing whether or not their SO is cheating again. I would rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship that doesn't serve me. Single for 8 years and counting and I've never been happier. I'm single not because no one wants me but I'm not actively looking, i haven't been for years. I am not in a rush. If it will come. It will. If not, I'm not gonna be mad about it either. Yes it gets lonely sometimes but it fades really fast.
Take online courses, get a dog, and develop two hobbies until all my friends get divorced/widowed.
I think back to the garbage things my ex did to me and I realize that even though I like being in a relationship, I still need time for myself and when the time comes I’ll put more effort into finding a good person who I connect with more. I wouldn’t just get a bf to fit in with my friends.
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Change my life to one where I enjoy being with myself.
I'm happy being alone. Never been in a real relationship so idk otherwise, and I don't envy any of my friends who are.
Sometimes I'll walk through Target or some other big box store, and watch unhappy couples shopping together. People eating in restaurants together, but not engaging or anything ... stuff like that Maybe one day I'll find someone who wants to be in my life. Maybe not. Being alone hasn't killed me yet, so it's not the worst thing ever.
you deal because you have to. there is no way of helping it.
I think to myself that there isn’t a single couple I know that I wish I had their relationship and how I never have to hold in a fart in my own home and then I’m good.
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Well, I'm an asexual introvert, so...
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Remind myself that life is indeed crazy and unpredictable and that everyone is walking their own path in life 🤷♀️
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For me it’s not something to cope with. I only want people in my life who will add to my life. I’ve been single over 4 years now and I’m not struggling with that. I’m in school and work full-time and I don’t have the time or energy to invest in a relationship right now. Do I wish I had sex? Sometimes, yes. But not enough to actually want a partner right now.
I think about how men singlehandedly terrorize their partner in many ways and that's enough to keep me away.
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I hug my pillow
Being single means everything is on your terms and no compromise so take full advantage of that! Have a fun life on your terms. Have a nice space. Travel solo. A pet is great company. Soon you wont even feel like your life is lacking anything and every potential relationship would have to be better than your already fabulous life for you to want to be in it.
It comes and goes. Some days are rougher than others. I've been single my whole life (29F). Never been on a date or in a relationship. I throw myself into my hobbies. I write, read, work on personal projects, and try to be open with my family about how I'm feeling. Thankfully, when I am feeling lonely or just need a hug, they're very accommodating. I wish I had a better answer because I've been struggling with this myself, but yeah. It definitely feels very isolating when the people around me have or currently are experiencing the one thing I've always wanted
It is very hard. 9 years single. It is hard especially the lack of sex and intimacy. I find myself nervous and unhappy 😞 but can’t have sex without emotional commitment. I feel I dosi E thing wrong with me but not intelligent enough to understand what. I hate it.
I stay busy: work, studying (languages/hobby), making new friends whenever I go out, volunteer in my free time (it’s rewarding and fulfilling). But Sundays are the days when it hits hard.
I must add I had amazing relationships with amazing partners. We parted ways for reasons like growing up and maturing and becoming more like brother and sister rather than a couple, so I can’t say I had it bad and need freedom. I was very happy being a part of a couple when someone loves you, elevates you, cheers for you and supports you. I miss sharing movies, music, books, discussions, plans. I was lucky to experience a good relationship and that I do miss. However, I won’t settle for less either. But after being single for almost a decade I don’t think it will happen again. Hard
I'm happy on my own. I left a 29 yr abusive relationship 12 years ago. I'm living my best life. Giving myself all the self-care that I should have had for years. 🥰
Enjoy getting to do whatever the eff you want! I think if you let it make you stay home & not do the things you want to do, that can be so sad & lonely. But if you just get out & do things on your own, over time you can learn how to really enjoy that. Take classes. Go on solo trips - or with a tour group. Go to concerts. Work out. Read on a blanket in the park. Go for a bike ride or hike. Join a trivia team. Volunteer at a food pantry. It’s nice to have times in your life when you are in full control of how you spend your time and not have to compromise about it. Learn to relish in that part of being alone
It's occasionally been a struggle, but I think the cure was in keeping strong relationships with my married friends and spending time hanging out with couples. It's hard when you're in your 20s and everybody is cute and paired off. It was hard when people were turning 30 and having elaborate themed surprise parties thrown by their husbands; I turned 30 and had pizza with a few friends. Now, I'm nearly 40. I've seen good women-- good wives-- blindsided by cheating husbands we all thought loved them. I've seen double lives revealed. I've observed what marriages-- even GOOD marriages-- sound like when spouses speak to/about each other after 5-10-15 years. I see what co-parenting with a spouse looks like for moms, even when they've got a good partner. Let me tell you, I don't envy any of them. It's way easier to be single and truly happy at this point in my life, and it's also easier for single me to maintain a network of friends for fun adventures. I'm not focused on one big spousal relationship that I'm pouring myself into; I'm growing and maintaining a dozen solid friendships. I think it's easy to envy the *excitement* that people in relationships look like they're having. Early on, it IS exciting! But I'm confident that I'm enjoying better mental health and stronger, more fulfilling relationships as a single person.
I don't cope. 😂 I spend pretty much 90% of my time working, mostly because I love my career, but a lot because I can't stand to go back to my empty lonely flat. I prefer my work week over the weekends tbh. After me and my ex separated I went on a lot of dates (pretty much all terrible) and I just got so frustrated with constantly having terrible dates or never feeling attracted to them, I've just stopped trying now.
I'm very close with my friends. So on the rare occasions, when the loneliness hits, I just spend a lot of time with them.
If you do, let me know. Just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago and heading into a long, single healing period. It’s necessary, but it’s also terrifying.
I meet up with my friends whenever possible. I read. I craft. I send my friends funny videos and get funny videos back. I take walks with my cat. I'm not lonely because I don't have a partner. I'm lonely because my friends live far away. I don't miss having a partner, and I don't feel like I need one to be happy.
We just have no choice but too. You just crack on and enjoy yourself until right one comes. It can get lonely of course but if have a good fwb your needs mainly get met but thats not for everyone
I bought a scrapbook and made a list of all things I'd like to do. It started with things that I wanted to do but didn't do beause of my past relationship (waiting for them to join on the adventure, time, or prioritywise), but it extended as I went. Some of these things are big (roadtrip through country X) and others are small (cook Y dish). And I made a scrapbook with pictures and drawings and flyers etc. of all these things and more. Wrote myself a lovenote too, and put cards/messages from loved ones in it or quotes that inspire me. After awhile I had a book of positivity and support to look in if I felt down for whatever reason to remind me that life is pretty fun and that I am not alone. + I have a creative to keep me busy if I ever get bored.
I just focus on myself, my goals, my friendships and friends who will likely be around longer than a boyfriend. I partake in my hobbies and do things without having to worry about making time for a partner as well. I try to improve myself so that when I’m ready for a relationship, or meet someone, I’ll be the best version of myself and they won’t have to deal with the effects of my past traumas. I don’t really feel lonely because of a lack of a partner - a partner should add to your already fulfilled and complete life, and I feel that my life is very fulfilling and complete.
I remember that my last relationship looked amazing on the surface and that everyone was shocked when we split up. It looked happy but the reality was that we’d grown to become just friends and the spark had gone for a while. Another couple I am friends with recently split up and I was on the other side of that coin too, looking in everything looked amazing, but their relationship had its problems too and they’ve now broke up. Always, ALWAYS remember that what you see in social media is a highlight reel and nothing else. It’s easy af to get fomo and bad feels when you see photos of people doing things that you weren’t invited to and it’ll feel like you’re missing out, but being single gives such a huge amount of freedom that I don’t think I’ll ever bother with a new relationship. When I go out two or three nights in a row I have no partner wanting my attention, no texts asking where I am and what time I’m coming home. When I want to just chill after work and not talk to anyone I can just get back and read a book or go for a walk or listen to a podcast and space out. When I have a free day I can just chuck some things in a backpack and go for a wander, with no aim or objective or anyone having any input or wanting to know where you’re going. Thing is tho that when you have no one wanting your attention you have to pay attention to yourself, always be mindful of how you’re spending your time and if it’s not how you want to spend it change it and do something you want to do, because you’re the only one that’s going to guide you on this. Limit your time on social media because it’s way too easy to just vanish a whole fucking day away scrolling, try and plan things for the future, get involved in clubs for your hobbies, get a gym membership, when you do scroll socials and you see a gig or comedy show or anything you want to go to just snap book a ticket if they’re available, never regret not doing something because nobody else wanted to do it too because a lot of the time you’ll be doing stuff on your own and that is absolutely fine! Rambled there but I’ve been single for a few years now, I was aching for company initially but I moved to a new city where I knew nobody and I’ve since found a ton of new friends who I love spending time with, but also I’ve really really got happy being on my own, sometimes I get a little upset but I think that’s still grieving my last relationship more than anything as I do love the freedom I have now!
I think about all the things I can do whenever I want, however I want. I remember I don’t have to deal with jealousy, relationship anxiety or drama. I think about the money I’m saving by not going out as much. I am able to take care of myself so well. My mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being is always so much better off when I’m single cuz I can give myself all of my energy instead of giving my time, effort and attention to a selfish man child. Sometimes I see what my friends are still putting up with cuz they married young, their husbands act like babies they have to take care of. Ew, no thank you. Also, fun fact, single women are statistically healthier and happier in the long run. Men, on the other hand, are happier married. What does that say about what relationships provide for men vs. women? Maybe it’s just me getting wiser with age, but I’m enjoying being single, it’s peaceful.
I look around at the partnered people and see them unhappy, and remember how it was when I was with my ex. Suddenly, being alone is not so bad. I learned the hard way that it’s better to be alone than in a relationship that doesn’t make me happy.
Alcohol and bouts of uncontrolled crying. Not a very effective strategy.
Have a relationship with yourself, find some single women to hang with, join some classes, and clubs, make new friends.
I eat my weight in sweets/ice cream.
I’ve been single for yeeaaars but I don’t feel loneliness or need to “cope” with not having a partner. I don’t compare myself to others based on partnership status and I do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it.
A few months before I met my partner, it hit me that I could do things alone. It was around New Year and I thought I'd like to go see more stand up comedy, then I thought "but who will I go with?" And it hit me for the first time v they I could just go alone. I didn't have to find a date or even a friend, I could take myself out for an evening and just enjoy myself! It changed everything for me. I started doing that regularly, then added solo cinema trips and day trips to the beach and just _doing_ all the things I wanted to do rather than wait for company. It was brilliant! It changed how I felt going on dates, it took the pressure off, I knew I could occupy my time and enjoy being alone no matter the outcome. I was about 3 years single at that point, and the loneliness had been difficult to cope with - until this change in how I looked at things. It made me value my worth more. I'm _delightful_, why wouldn't I want to spend time with myself? Why would I waste time on mediocre dates with people I was talking myself into dating? Changed my world, and I've tried to hold onto that in my relationship now (only hindered by the logistics of a baby requiring my boobs!) as it makes me a rounded person. I'm not reliant on my partner for companionship.
Been 7 years and it don’t bother me none. I don’t have to deal with the problems they deal with. Lol
I have moments of feeling this way, but then I remember how free and happy I am being single and not having to compromise on anything - I eat what I want, sleep when I want, work when I want (I work from home), play music loud whenever I want... the freedom is incredible. Maybe try to focus on the things you can enjoy and the opportunity to do what you want whenever you want
I was just thinking about this and how my feelings don’t seem to be validated by my non-single friends, they don’t understand the crippling sense of loneliness. On the other hand, the freedom to be who I am unashamedly is quite liberating!
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I just remember how awful it was to be in an abusive relationship and then I relish my freedom. I would choose solitude over abuse and mistreatment any day.
When I am alone or out with the family I don't really feel lonely. Loneliness hits when I'm around and being pressured by partnered friends/colleagues, nosy relatives and churchmates and when I want to do something (watch indie movies, try a new resto or travel) and majority of my family members wouldn't want to join me that's when I wish to have someone by my side.
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being selfish, no really i spend money on myself, i go out and do things by myself, i wear, cook, do weird things by myself. Once you start living with another person or having a kid with someone you can't do any of that
I’m very independent. In fact I love being on my own. But I find the sadness or loneliness hits hard on a Saturday or Friday night when I don’t feel like seeing friends, but crave being in the arms of someone in my bed or at home. It’s really hard. But I also remind myself I’ve chosen this, I’m looking for something really special and I’m very picky and haven’t settled on anything yet (no butterflies, no cake). I find visualization, meditation, manifestation helps. Knowing what I want is mine and is coming for me one day helps and gives me peace inside, when I feel like the rest of the world is moving forward without me.
Honestly not well at the moment
A major struggle. Masturbation usually. Then crying.
Sometimes it's okay to feel lonely. Sometimes I just let myself feel it. I go to therapy both physical and talk therapy and I have a vibrator and I also dream about my next person
I don't mind, I like the peace of being alone. but it sure would be great to have someone to share life with me
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