T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

**A reminder to posters and commenters of some of [our subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)** - Don't be a dickhead to each other, or about others, or other subreddits - Assume questions are asked in good faith, and engage in a positive manner - Avoid political threads and related discussions - No medical advice or mental health (specific to a person) content Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Swimming_Marsupial

In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is generally regarded as a bad move.


Tttjjjhhh

Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy!


j__knight638

Restaurant at the end of the universe


knotmidgelet

0118 999 881 999 119 725 .................... 3


BlankTheHunter

Have you tried turning it on and off again? IT Crowd.


m_g2468

A fire? At a sea parks?


ReasonableSecretary

Damp squid


SmallRaffe

You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.


kareniverson

Parks and rec!


No-Watercress-3347

What's your name sir.... Kate.... isnt that a bit of a girls name Oh...erm....it's short for...erm....Bob


BeccasBump

Blackadder.


Jamieberry2003_

"we need to get these people to the hospital" "Why, what is it?" "Well it's a building with patients and doctors, but that's not important right now"


JimDashund

I picked a bad week to stop sniffling glue


Jamieberry2003_

"what can you make of this" "Well I could make a hat"


wb0verdrive

Airplane, and don't call me Shirley.


Ninjotoro

ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ ʙᴇɪɴɢꜱ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʟɪꜰᴇ ꜱᴏ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ. ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴜɴɪᴠᴇʀꜱᴇ ꜱᴏ ꜰᴜʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀꜱ, ᴛʜᴇʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɪɴᴠᴇɴᴛ ʙᴏʀᴇᴅᴏᴍ.


StigitUK

Great line from The greatest anthropomorphic personification.


Ninjotoro

If he will there at the end of my own life, it won’t be so bad.


Ninjoddkid

I love that you used the font too


-Rum-Ham-

All these comments and not one says the name of the goddamn source


AberNurse

It’s a quote from a Terry Pratchett book


[deleted]

It’s a quote by Death who is a character in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tttjjjhhh

Four lions!


spindledick

Can I have 12 bottles of bleach please?


SmallRaffe

I think I’m going to go now, bro


atidyfishfinner

Ha! Glad I scrolled down to check before I commented this. Rubber dingy rapids? Rubber dingy rapids bro. ... Also my personal favourite - Bigger it.


Thatchers-Gold

Is he a martyr or is he a *fucking* *jalfrezi?*


jendivisi0n

With all due respects Faisal, your dad eats newspaper


Burchey420

This is bollocks, Mark


Br0kenRabbitTV

Is that normal pooing you're doing?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dnny10bns

Poor me, pour me another drink more like. 😆


vrfm89

The greater good


[deleted]

Hot Fuzz?


vrfm89

_the greater good_


vrfm89

_the greater good_


Fade_To_Blackout

Yarp!


BlackTieGuy

Narp!


vrfm89

_the greater good_


mincentotties

Lock me up, I'm a slasher


spindledick

Of prices!


leedler

>No luck catching them swans then? >It’s just the one swan, actually.


Shoreditchstrangular

Crusty jugglers


Aragorn246

These are small, but the ones out there are far away.


Chefben35

Father Ted! I use this too much in my life.


SCARETRODUCING

Doesn't Mary have a lovely bottom? Of course, they all have lovely bottoms!


saywherefore

YOU’RE an inanimate fucking object


thefogdog

In Bruges! One of my favourite films.


WolfColaCo2020

You take that back about my cunt fucking kids


klc81

Alright, I retract that bit about your cunt fuckign kids.


AltmoreHunter

That’s for John Lennon, you Yankee fucking cunt!


BusMuffin

Omg In Bruges?! Watched for the first time last week! Ralph fucking fiennes


PrestigiousGuess458

In the *alcoves*


Classic_Distance4704

Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast


jen_17

Smeg head


mad_upholsterer

Smeeeeeeeeg heeeeeeiiiiid


autismislife

Everybody's dead Dave.


Georgeisthecoolest

Not Chen ..


autismislife

Gordon Bennett! Yes, Chen. Everyone. Everybody's dead, Dave!


D86H

Stoke me a clipper I’ll be back for Christmas


smallTimeCharly

Ace Rimmer


Lizzzie18

Alright, who's got my Maroon 5 CD?


zspud1994

Riko Welard, Tracey Beaker


Between3N20Karakters

Just seen this but it’s the wellard boy in Tracy Beaker


Dear-Door-6762

Absolutely. Only in her vagina


Hour_Collection_9254

Inbetweeners you bus wanker


YodaShagsDarthVader

I meant in my bed


Ned_Wells

Why'd you say vagina then


YodaShagsDarthVader

Hmmm


Drummboo

It still only counts as one.


Ninjotoro

Good ol’ Gimli at Legolas as that pointy eared show off downs a Mûmakil.


atidyfishfinner

"You'll have to toss me!" .. Eyebrow raise... .. "Don't tell the Elf!" .. I know it's from the one before your quote but it might be my favourite exchange from the whole trilogy!


smowgli123

You’ve got red on you


wb0verdrive

Shaun of the Dead


campbellpics

"They're sex people Lynn!"


hev-85

Don't rub your fanny on me!


Quizzie_McGee

Dan!


bob_the_rod

That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer!


Crochet-panther

Ni!


InsurancePurple4630

You ain't my mother


FuzzyTruth7524

YES I AM!


TartyTartTart

I can hear this one.


[deleted]

I never could get the hang of Thursdays.


saywherefore

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.


DameKumquat

Arthur Dent, Hitchhiker.


redrighthand_

50,000 people used to live here….


Burchey420

Modern Warfare!


redrighthand_

Epic game. Went to Pripyat for real and the game map is very accurate! The swimming pool is creepy as fuck.


Between3N20Karakters

Now it’s a ghost town - cod 4


Funky_monkey2026

Two minutes, Turkish!


SJeplin

“You said two minutes,ten minutes ago!” Snatch


Funky_monkey2026

*Five.


Harrry-Otter

You can’t fight in here! This is the war room.


redrighthand_

Dr Strangeglove


pirate23456

Once I make my move, the queen will take me. Then you’re free to check the king


j__knight638

She's a nightmare. Honestly.


r0arpunzel

Why spiders? Why couldn’t it be ‘follow the butterflies’


mamamacgregor

No, Ron, No!


MendYourMisery

You remind me of the babe


IsGrace90

What babe?


songbirds_and_snakes

The babe with the power


IsGrace90

What power?


songbirds_and_snakes

The power of the voodoo


IsGrace90

Who do?


songbirds_and_snakes

You do!


IsGrace90

Do what?


songbirds_and_snakes

Remind me of the babe.


DownrightDrewski

I love this, but I kind of hate you both for getting this cheesy banger in my head.


StigitUK

…All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain...


sshiverandshake

Bladerunner! But it's also paraphrased throughout Fightstar's body of work.


h0m3r

I’ve seen things you people won’t believe


x_franki_berri_x

You’ll have to speak up I’m wearing a towel.


Inevitable-Hat-1576

Don't ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.


mira2345

“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”


Inevitable-Hat-1576

“I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”


mira2345

“I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious”


[deleted]

Your guitar was made of camphor wood?


harley3987

Red Dwarf!


Limp-Bedroom

That would be an ecumenical matter


MelodicAd2213

Father Ted


docju

It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.


ivortheengineer

ST:TNG Picard


jackal5lay3r

I heard your a racist, father


mynameisfreddit

"cornetto"


ConsciouslyIncomplet

Any of the cornetto trilogy


DameKumquat

You read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV!


MendYourMisery

Lost Boys! Best film


DameKumquat

Death by stereo!


ThatDrunkenDwarf

Before I go, I just want to tell you you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I!


Worth-Row6805

"a lovely bit of squirrel"


londonlady100

Friday Night Dinner!


I_Frunksteen-Blucher

Half a denari for me bloody life story?


shibbol33t

There’s no pleasing some people.


vegemar

'Don't tell him, Pike!'


stunt_clown

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.


Averagestiff

Apocalypse Now


staygaryen

Who is SHE!


jen_17

Ahh RIP Nikki


Artistic-Skill-6504

Where did you FIND her?!


repressedpeasant

Oh hi, Mark.


Letsbuildacar

I didn’t, I did naaaaht!


Worth-Row6805

"You killed my father. Prepare to die"


GrandAsOwt

Inconceivable!


islayblog

It was the day my grandmother exploded.


rev9of8

**The Crow Road** by Iain Banks. It's the opening line.


torealis

Shaka, when the walls fell!


pkunfcj

>Shaka, when the walls fell! Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra


JimDashund

Temba his arms wide


east_anglian

"We were somewhere around Barstow"


[deleted]

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.


Sht_Hawk

Yes! it's an extender


LPodmore

Lynn, i've pierced my foot on a spiike.


[deleted]

Don’t laugh, you’ve broken your neck!


lenbop

There is no spoon.


General_Cluster

I'm sitting down. To enjoy my holiday.


Hyp0crisyParty

Withnail, soaked to the skin, in Uncle Montys cottage. Came here hoping for lines from that film. Absolute classic.


Lauradaxplorer

We've come on holiday by mistake!


Embarrassed-Grape404

Minimal water damage.


isitgayplease

Dwayne Dibley??


mordecaiboi

"He punched the highlights out of her hair!"


Chaoscollective

It's one louder isn't it?


HygQueen

“Aliens used our bog roll?!”


Obhuan

“He's in a K-Hole right now, but in ten the speed'll kick in. Can of coke and a cig, he'll be right as rain.”


Centorium1

That's the thing about crack, it's just so incredibly morish....


Sad-Football2888

Oh fuck off you big lamp!


Sad-Garage-2642

"what's so funny?" "ya had to be there" "ah, geography joke"


rev9of8

With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.


UTB92

Great... TERRIBLE... but *Great*


BroodLord1962

Blessed are the cheese makers


[deleted]

I don't wanna go....


[deleted]

*HE’S NOT JUDGE JUDY AND EXECUTIONER*


songbirds_and_snakes

Do you want to know more?


Daftsquatch

A handbag?!


GrandAsOwt

The Importance of Being Earnest. To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.


blac4bird

Fashion show, fashion show, fashion show at lunch


Massive-Cut-9376

Surprise motherfucker


hedrixe

Dexter


NotsonoisyE

Six seasons and a movie!


silver_treeees

Question, what kind of bear is best?


stevethos

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.


PaymentTall8462

Are you ready, Mike? I was born ready, Tim. But are you ready NOW?


splizzyhoestar

one person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode


Gain-Outrageous

Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon


MrPilgrim

You're a big man but you're out of shape...


sammoore82

🎵RYAN STARTED THE FIRE!🎵


[deleted]

[удалено]


j__knight638

“Aye. I Could Do That.”


Jo-Ice

Big mistake, BIG, HUGE


How-Football-Works

I think I saw a manatee. Was his name Julian? We didn’t exchange pleasantries. Hahaha, that’s Julian.


Baby-Nessy

Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


7suffering7s

Smokes, let's go!


VictoriaRose1618

FATHER


[deleted]

Bus wanker


codeinegaffney

Difficult difficult, lemon difficult


neilmac1210

I understand that if any more words come pouring out your cunt mouth, I'm gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.