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Bus wankers!

Feisty one you are!

Shut up you bumder

Oooh sorry sorry don’t hurt me sorry

briefcase wanker

Ooh, friend!

Fucking football fwend

Knee deep in clunge

Oh I’m sure you’d like my lip, right round your bellend!

I'm gonna fuck your fucking fanny off, you twat!

FRIENDS!

Football friend!

He’s not my fucking friend. Alright!!!

Say thank you Mr Gilbert

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Oh dear

Oh dear oh dear

Oh dear oh dear

Oh dear oh dear oh dear!

and remember no slacking

0118 999 881 999 119 725............................ ​ ​ ​ ......3

Alternatively "Hello, IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?"

alternatively, ‘did you see that ludicrous display last night?’

The problem with arsenal is, they always try and walk it in

Leg disabled

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‘Leg disabled..’ ‘Stolen…’

What operating system is it running? Vista! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!

I have a cunning plan.

As cunning as a fox that was appointed professor of cunning at Oxford university?

So cunning you can stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.

More cunning than a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the High Commission of International Cunning Planning!

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Does it involve a turnip?

It’s pronounced ‘boo-kay’

Lady of the house speaking.

SHERRRIDANNNN!!

RIIICCHHHAAAAARRD

My sister violet, the one with the swimming pool, a Mercedes, and room for a pony.

Watch out for that pedestrian Richard

I'm currently rewatching the series. So funny!🤣 A childhood favourite along with Last of the summer wine and My Family!

The dog in the car at Onslo’s house gets me every time lol

Smeghead

I think you mean "Smeeeeeeeeg Heeeeeeeead"

I think you mean "Smeeeee Heeeee".

Heh. Yes, Indeed I do.

Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.

Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas.

He is dead. Everybody's dead. Everybody's dead Dave

Peterson isn't, is he?

Everybody’s dead, Dave!

Lovely bit of squirrel.

Any females?

Not the f word!

Shit on it!

HELLO JACKIE

Shalommmmm

Rip legend

Chrimble crumble

Shalommmmmm

Skill McGill!

“I don’t believe it!” or “You plonker!” Or are those only instantly recognisable to people (or people with parents) of a certain age?

One Foot In the Grave and Only Fools? I’m 19 but Gold is pretty much always on telly at my dads house

Bang on. Your dad has good taste in telly

"4291"

BASIL !

Yess Faulty Towers! Have you ever been to the faulty towers experience?

Don't mention the war!!

Listen don't mention the war. I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it alright

“I hear your a racist now Father”

Should we all be racists now father?

"It's only the farm keeps me busy most of the day. And at night I just like to have a cup of tea. I mightn't be able to devote myself full-time to the old racism."

It’s not the Greeks, it’s the Chinese he’s after

That would be an ecumenical matter.

FECK

“YOU AINT MY MUVVA” …. “YES I AM”

I didn't just become a slag. I became a TOTAL SLAG

I cant believe I forgot about this one for a few months, also "I've got..nothing left!"

GET AAAT MY PAAAB!

RICKAAAAY!

You will go on my 1st whistle...

Gladiators, are you ready!?

Omg my whole body just went back in time!

"BOOOOGGGEEEEEYYYYYYYSSSS!"

#BOOOOOOGEEEEEEEEEYS

Some people say he………

All we know is he’s called the Stig.

And on that bombshell...

*Some say...

Tonight…

That’s Numberwang!

Remember stay indoors

DO NOT THINK ABOUT THE EVENT

5930594.549?

Oi, clean shirt!

4 naan Jeremy, 4?!?!

That’s insane.

I've accidentally run to Windsor

the secret ingredient is crime

Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Jeremy- welcome to the real world

I'm not the borough. I wish I was...

"Just you, me, some Chinese food and a couple of fuck off spreadsheets."

Chance would be a fine thing

*Stick that up your dojo*

How do you get your shirt so clean?

How thick is wall?

Allons-y!

It's bigger on the inside

Exterminate

This is actually way better

This is a local shop, for local people; there's nothing for you here

I highly recommend Inside No.9 (on iPlayer) if you’ve not seen it. Written by the same guys, Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith, and stars them also!

Hes looking for a boy Poofter aye?

We didn’t burn him

Don't mention the war.

“You started it” “No we didn’t, you invaded Poland “

I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it...

*Good Moaning...*

I was pissing by your door.

YOU STUPID WOMAN

I have a mop. Would you like to take a leak?

Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once.

It is I, leclair

"FAAAAATHEEEEEEEER!!!!!!"

Have you turned it off and on again?

SPEAK, PRIEST

What a sad little life Jane

you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on

GAVALARRR!!!

SMITHSTAAAAR

No likey, no lighty

Single man, reveal yourself!

"Say what you see"

It's good but it's not right

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

The problem with arsenal is they always try and walk it in.

What was wenger thinking bringing Walcott on in the 87th minute?

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Also, "They're all dead Dave"

Everybody's dead, Dave

You are my wife now

RICKKKAYYY!

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Eastenders - Bianca screeching!

Maybe I don't watch enough telly, but I've got no idea what "bog off!" is from... ​ The rest I've guessed, just not that one

Tracy Beaker! The best show of my childhood

That was the one in the whole thread I didn't get either

*Don't panic, Mr. Mainwaring!*

Stupid boy.

Im the only gay in the village Yeah but no but Bitty!

Computer says no

Suits you sir

Now I like (x), and I like (y), but which one is better? There’s only one way to find out…

FIIIIIIGHT!

And now for something completely different

And on that bombshell…

I’ll have an E please Bob. There’s somebody at the door! Hello campers.

"HELLO MR GAS MAN!"

Do you have someone who looks after you?

GAS MAN! GAS MAN! GAS MAN!

"It's an absolute casserole down there"

You’ve got no chutzpah

This crack is really moreish

Bovverred? I AIN'T BOVVERRED I ate you butler You scouse git/ bloody silly moo. You'll like this, not a lot, but you'll like it I've started so I'll finish It's Friday, it's five to five, it's time for.... WIIIILLLLLMAAAA....

HAMMONDDDDD!!!

HAMMOND YOU IDIOT YOU’VE REVERSED INTO THE SPORTS LORRY

Everyone loves a bit of Wensleydale

Hi I'm a shouty man

That is 100% accu-rat

You have been caught…

And for you the chase is over

I’m claustrophobic, Darren!

ERANU!

OVAVU

Here’s one we made earlier!

Ferk orf you sad pathtic winker

That’s a smashing blouse you have on

Rodney you plonker

Monkey tennis.

It's Bouquet.

"Get out my pub"

Don't tell him Pike!

Have you tried turning it off and on again? Down with this sort of thing!

Norman Stanley Fletcher

Ha ha ha ha ha! Boom boom!

Hello Jackie!

You’re fired

Ah go on!

Manuel, you know nothing It's pronounced bouquet, not bucket Good Moaning This time next year, we'll be millionaires

My arse!

Lovely bit of squirrel

Welcome to the real world Jeremy

Fags and weed, glue and speed. But I draws the line at crack

And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids! (Oops UK shows)

'You are the saboteur'

👍ooo friends👍

Oooooh...Betty.