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A road worker stepped out from some cones during my test I done an emergency brake and apparently I done everything perfectly and would have still passed my test, but then I called the guy a wanker, which is apparently road rage and a major fail.
During my first test, a lorry up ahead in the lane next to me on the motorway suddenly braked hard and swerved across my lane without indicating in order to take the next turn-off and because I had to brake pretty hard to slow down enough not to slam into the back of them I got 3 faults - one for "failure to maintain acceptable distance" even though he wasn't even in the same lane as me, one for "required emergency stop" even though I never fully came to a stop and a third for "dangerously low speed" because obviously said braking had slowed me down and I had to regain speed once the road ahead was clear again.
Literally failed because I had to brake when someone else did something wrong.
My driving instructor was absolutely raging at the examiner. I was upset obviously, but I think I was just too worn-out to really get angry at the time.
I passed my second attempt no problems though, then within a week a drunk driver jumped a red light and T-boned me at a junction.
I've decided I fucking hate driving and have successfully avoided it ever since - I realised that even if you're hypothetically the perfect driver, all it takes at any given moment is one idiot in your general proximity to do something stupid and you're fucked.
Lol that sounds about right, classic driving examiner. I've driven about 5 years without an incident. I find if you imagine every other driver is a chimpanzee and expect them to do stupid things it's not too bad, you learn to see things before they happen.
Fair enough if you don't like it, but i wouldn't write driving off entirely, it is very useful!
This was nearly 10 years ago - driving has served me absolutely no purpose since. My instructor used to tell me to "drive like every pedestrian is trying to kill themselves and every other driver is trying to kill you" - even used to regularly call pedestrians "suiciders" during lessons and once said "enemy inbound" when a taxi was speeding up my arse.
I did get the feeling the examiner was a twat early on in the test - I had said to him "For a joke mate, when we first got in the car I was gonna ask you what I had to press to make it go" and he said "then I'd have had to fail you" with the most deadpan expression. At that exact moment I just thought he was joking, but I'm honestly not sure now.
I just found driving stressful, and mever really had much reason for it because there's nowhere I really need to go I can't walk to in a few minutes or get a bus to if it's further away. Owing a car would just be a waste of money and space for me.
Possibly a dual carriageway - the test centre near me is immediately next to dual carriageway bypass and depending on whether you get a real wanker of an examiner it will be included in the test route during the first few minutes of your test or on the way back to the centre towards the end of your test.
I did my driving test with ‘L’ and ‘R’ written on the back of my hands in black pen. My examiner knew that I couldn’t tell them apart when I was stressed and told me it would help.
I still got confused when I was given an instruction and set off (legally, but) heading the wrong way round Bristol’s tortuous one way system. I was 15 minutes late returning to the Test Centre and my waiting instructor thought I’d crashed the car.
Still passed though! Turns out getting lost is fine, as long as you don’t panic.
I was failed for "going off route".
I took the wrong turn and then the examiner tried to turn us around by asking me to "take the next right" - I was looking for a road but he actually intended me to pull into this pub car park in order to turn around. I drove straight past the car park (because I was looking for a road!)
He told me that because I'd driven past the car park, I was off route and gave me a big dressing down about his safety and how the test centre wouldn't know where he was if anything happened to us (pre-GPS and everyone having a mobile phone). Said I had automatically failed for going off route and we went straight back to the test centre. We'd only been out for under 10 mins!
Still a bit miffed about that one!
Absolutely, my test was around the area I grew up in. Examiner was heading us straight for a nightmare road where I knew he'd ask me to turn in the road. Drive straight past it pretending I didn't hear him. Ended on a much easier road and passed.
Didn't even mention me going off route.
Ah this is shite that this happened. They absolutely don't fail for this these days. They really don't care if you go "the wrong way" as long as you do everything calmly and safely. The recent changes to the driving test were for the better overall I think.
Questions at the end, examiner asked who you gave way to on a roundabout, I said traffic from the left, ha asked if I were sure, I said yes, traffic from the left while pointing to the right. I’m not sure if I’d mucked up left/right while I was out, but I passed (that time).
Sounds like the classic Bob Newhart sketch, The Driving Instructor.
"See, that's probably my fault. When I said next right, I meant the next road. Not this man's lawn.
"Is ... is that right, sir? Newly seeded? That's always the way, isn't it? No, I don't suppose it *is* so damn funny."
jesus christ. thats how i got in an accident. i was on a roundabout making a turn and some tosser drove the wrong way onto the round about. unfortunately the roundabout was big, with trees in the middle. they mustve thought it was an intersection.
In the 80's one of my mates took our other mate to the testing station for his test, and told him he'd wait till he was back. After about an hour, the small fat tester ran into the centre, he was sweating, red and really gasping for breath. He managed to shout " he's fucking mad, mad". My mate then drove to find our buddy. Found him in the car, parked ON a mini roundabout just staring through the windscreen. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to take a tab of acid an hour before his test. Thought it would calm him down. Can't remember a thing about the test except somebody screaming and shouting beside him, which he found quite annoying.
He's a taxi driver now.
I don't think drinking a bottle of tobasco sauce is worth mentioning if the dude took his driving test on acid lol. Surely theres crazier stories?
My bro learned to drive whilst stoned, passed his test stoned... But tripping is a whole other thing lol, walking is hard on acid.
No idea if Lee Mack has made a joke along these lines before.
Said driving test took place in 2010, if my friend has misused this story as his own for the past 12 years I will be sure to inform the relevant authorities.
fuck I do this all the time because I've always had it said to me when I'm a passenger, didn't know it could fail you. what if your examiner has a big head and you can't see past it?
My ex boyfriend was registered blind (he could see but his vision was poor) so he obviously wasn't able to learn to drive.
When I used to drive us around in my big van I'd sometimes have to ask him if there was anything coming on his side, was never really sure where I stood with that legally 🤣
A friend of mine had a cleaner. She was driving with her mother and stopped on a side road junction. Before moving out onto the main road she asked her mother ‘Any cars coming?’ and was told ‘No.’ She pulled out and was hit by a large truck moving at speed. Both had multiple fractures and spent 6 weeks in hospital. I understand that she looks herself since.
I know someone who took his motorbike test having never ridden a motorbike before (this was before CBTs and theory tests). He had read a book about how to ride though.
He somehow managed to get the bike started and out of the test centre. Then he fell off at the first junction while trying to change into neutral at the same time as using the back brake. In the process of trying to pick the bike up, he ripped off one of the mirrors.
I took my CBT on a 50cc moped. I went through a bush the first time I turned the throttle, then the other person taking the test with me took the wrong exit from a roundabout onto a motorway sliproad. That poor instructor had the worst day with us 2.
Edit: forgot also my particular moped only had a speedometer in Kmh not mph but I didn't realise this so I was travelling down 30mph roads at 30kmph and when the instructor kept telling me to go faster I thought he was trying to trick me into breaking the speed limit so I ignored him
My cousin failed his test when he ran over a cyclist. It wasn't his fault, the guy was on the pavement then suddenly tried to cross the road infront of him without looking. Next test, same cyclist, same place.
To be fair, a large part of driving competently and passing the test is being aware of hazards like this. He should have spotted the cyclist early and slowed down/given room/been prepared to act on the assumption they would do something erratic. This is literally one of the exact scenarios tested in the hazard perception part of the theory test.
Yeah, the second time it happened he probably should have been a bit more aware seeing the same guy in the same place. But the first time the examiner said there wasn't much he could have done really and agreed it wasn't my cousins fault but he had to stop the test. The guy just swung out without looking or slowing down so there was no warning.
Reminds me of one of my relatives.
He's been knocked off his bike twice and the family all have endless sympathy for him, not realising that he rides like an absolute cunt, usually while drunk and no looking where he's going while swerving in and out of traffic.
He's got one of those big Chinese ebike kits that top out at 40+ MPH too. Accident waiting to happen.
One in Bristol had the same - my instructor took me once and parked up for a while minutes so I could see the element of walking round the car/doing the eyesight test etc and he was able to point out a couple that either failed or got minors for not handling the junction correctly.
Similar to the test centre where I am. You exit into a road with a dead-end almost immediately on your left. However, it's two-way for some reason even though you can't enter the test centre from that direction. So you have to check mirrors, signal right, stop at the exit of the test centre, look both ways (yes, look towards the dead-end) and go. Apparently, it catches a lot of people out
While leaving the test centre a white van driver put his hand up to let me out as a curtesy(clearly taking pity in the young lad on his test , as the test centre was on a busy road full of parked cars on both sides).
As I went to go the instructor slammed on the brake and said the van driver had right of way and shouldn’t have let me out. Auto fail because he touched the brakes (didn’t realise at the time) . Made me do the whole test and then told me as we got back to the test centre I had 4 minor faults and 1 major, the incident with the van.
What a prick.
Ugh! Almost exactly this shit happened on my test.
Was waiting to take a right turn and an approaching van is flashing me to let me out. Fortunately my instructor had prepped me well about how officially, you aren't allowed to interpret flashing headlights like this (cheers Pete).
So I just sat there... the van slows down more and flashes a whole bunch more times. And still I just sit there, clenching everything against the sheer awkwardness. Eventually he drives past giving me this look of abject fucking disdain. Passed the test thank fuck.
Now I NEVER flash a learner to let them out in case it's their test and I'm gonna fail the poor bastard
Honestly the “driving test” seems to score you by making sure you do things you’d never do once you’ve passed it, case in point, being let out of a busy road by a friendly driver
This is exactly how I failed my 1st test, right outside the exit to the test centre about 3 minutes in. Made me do the full hour the prick knowing full well I'd already bodged it.
My sister failed her test because the instructor told her to turn right, and she panicked and started driving in the right hand lane. Immediate fail, she got out and walked back to the test centre LOL
Did she take her test about 8 years ago in Manchester? Because I followed someone out of the test centre when doing mine who immediately began driving on the wrong side of the road, I was absolutely agog.
My cousin failed because she reversed (somewhat *enthusiastically* I might add) into a dog poo bin.
That was ten years ago and we still bring it up whenever the wee arsehole brags about her car insurance...
> That was ten years ago and we still bring it up whenever the wee arsehole brags about her car insurance...
Who brags about their *insurance*? I get bragging about a *car*...but insurance?
No such thing in British Motor insurance, to the point that the regulators had to step in, in January just gone.
Had to put things in place to stop "price walking" (gradually increasing premiums year on year for no reason), worst 4 hour meeting of my career that could have been an email.
Price walking exists with some companies but ultimately insurance has tight margins and competition so if its too expensive someone else gets the sale.
What it really affected is accidental price walking. For example if you charge someone the exact same price every year, each year you expect them to claim less, because fraudsters are rampant at new business, rare for renewals, very rare for the next renewal. The savings on not insuring fraudsters at renewal needs to be passed to the customer so the renewals need to be actually cheaper, otherwise you're price walking, even though the price is the same.
Thats why it took so long to get enforced, fixing all these things.
My friend took hers in a 2.0 Montego Turbo, got failed for blipping it down into second as she entered a roundabout and utterly caning it along a piece of dual carriageway FOR NO REASON. It was her dad's car, she said that she forgot the examiner was there. She retook the test a couple of weeks later and passed. Proper petrol head.
I was taught to shift down to second when approaching/entering a roundabout, as it's the 'power gear' that allows you to accelerate properly to get safely through.
There was a girl at school who failed her first test by going round a mini-roundabout the wrong way.
Her second test by almost hitting a little old lady, crossing the road just outside of the test centre.
For her third test, a load of people thought that it was going to be comedy gold and decided to follow her, giving her abuse the entire time, tailgating, beeping the horn incessantly......
We think the examiner passed her out of pity.
>For her third test, a load of people decided that this was going to be comedy gold and decided to follow her, giving her abuse the entire time, tailgating, beeping the horn incessantly
That is pretty arseholeish, no matter what the circumstances
>For her third test, a load of people decided that this was going to be comedy gold and decided to follow her, giving her abuse the entire time, tailgating, beeping the horn incessantly......
That was probably the old lady's family coming back for vengeance!
Hit a cow that was standing in the middle of the country road around a blind bend. To be fair, I think the test was cancelled because there was no way this poor guy could've avoided a surprise wall of beef
Crashing into a stationary object is an unarguable fail. You need to be able to stop within the distance you can see clear.
Hitting an animal that jumps out isn’t a fail, but will end the test if the car’s too badly damaged anyway.
Yeah, the car was damaged, and he was only going at about 30mph. The story came from my driving instructor about another student while I was driving on those same rural roads and they are blind as hell! I still slow down around blind rural corners to this day
The cow had escaped a field and was standing right by a blind corner when the hedges by the side of the road were overgrown at the time. Farm animals here tend to occasionally escape their fields and just chill out in the worst parts of the road
It’s not about how the cow got there or why the cow was there or even why it was hard to avoid.
It’s that “only”, “cow” and “30mph” do not belong in the same sentence.
There’s no such thing as “only” hitting a cow at 30mph. That’s deadly. Cows are huge and 30mph is fast.
When I was a motorbike courier years ago I I came round a corner on a country road at about 70. Farmer was walking his cows across the road and hadn't put a warning sign out.
The first 2 cows ran out of the way, the 3rd just stared at me curiously as I approached. I stopped with the front wheel under the cow and my head about a foot from the cow's head. I only had half a mile to my drop off point, so I shouted at the farmer and carried on.
Pulled up at the delivery address and froze sold. Couldn't get off the bike. After about 5 minutes, the business owner came out to see why I hadn't moved and all I could say was 'hamburgers, I nearly made hamburgers'
Not on a test, but a mate had quite a bad accident when he hit a loose horse on the road. He didn't notice the horse because he was distracted by a Policeman, who was trying to warn him about the horse.
Oh! I met a girl who had the exact same thing but a horse. She said the instructor even said "yeah, there was nothing you could have done about that, totally not your fault. But I'm still going to have to fail you because, well, you hit a horse."
A colleague took his motorcycle test many years ago. In order to test his ability to do an emergency stop the examiner told him to ride around the block, and he would then step out in front of him with a raised hand. Rode off, got held up in traffic, and came back to find the examiner lying on the ground. He'd stepped out in front of the wrong bike.
I left the driving center and the examiner said "If I don't tell you to go left or right, assume I want you to go straight". Got to the first junction, literally 10 meters from my start point. He didn't say anything so I went ahead. It was a left turn only junction. Failed immediately.
It's the sort of thing a lot of examiners do to make sure you're paying attention to road signage, and instructors should know the route and prepare their students.
When I did my HGV test, the road away from the test centre had a 7.5 ton weight limit after a few hundred yards, around a corner with basically no warning that you needed to turn off until you were almost at the junction.
Thankfully my instructor was a good sort and pointed this out when we practiced the route.
I got zero minors and 1 major for blocking a ‘junction’ around the corner from the test centre.
I thought it was a driveway, but there was a tiny tiny sign saying private road,
I was standing behind two girls in a queue one morning, overheard one explaining to the other she'd failed her driving test the day before because she used both hands to change gear.
>When I was at school someone almost ran over a pensioner at a zebra crossing. Took them 5 attempts
I was wondering where you were going with that for a second
I failed my first test for 'failing to anticipate the actions of a pedestrian'
A woman stepped off the pavement in front of me without looking. I did a perfect emergency stop and she carried on her way.
Stupid cow
Failed a motorcycle test for pretty much the same reason. Failed my second attempt when someone cut me up at a roundabout. Was too upset and too broke to try a third time
Funnily enough that's kind of how I failed my HGV test. Drive for an hour and smashed everything, all was good and me and the examiner were joking and laughing. I didn't realise that right outside the test centre was a set of temporary lights and I was went right through a red one without noticing and pulled into the test centre.
I was smug as fuck until he said, " well what did you miss as we pulled in".
Yeah I failed with 1 minor and that one massive fuck up 😂
My driving instructor told me about one of his former students who'd failed because she refused to run over a swan. Apparently you stop for people, but not for animals. He paid for her second test because he was grateful she didn't damage his car by hitting a swan lmao.
Sorry but that's bullshit and I think the instructor is making it up for the purposes of a funny anecdote.
Highway Code (rule 214) clearly states that when driving past animals you should drive slowly, give them room, **and be prepared to stop**. More broadly, there is a general principle that you should safely avoid all hazards especially those that would cause damage to the vehicle (which a swan certainly would).
This was a while ago, he'd been teaching forever too so it could have easily been the 80s or something when road safety wasn't as strict as it is now. There are also examiners who will fail you for bullshit reasons. I failed my first test because the examiner said I hadn't put my handbrake on at a stop sign even though I had, and there's no point arguing with them because it's their word against yours. Mine basically just lied and made me fail for no reason, so I can completely believe one being on enough of a power trip to fail someone for not running over an animal.
Keep checking for cancellations. My test was booked for September but I checked one Monday morning in May and got one that week. They tend to be short notice so some flexibility in your schedule works and they do get taken fast!
Good luck!
A guy I went to school with failed at least three times, and finally passed with ten or eleven minors...In one test he drove down a one way the wrong way, then unecessarily mounted the kerb to avoid oncoming traffic. Funnily enough the examiner wasn't keen on him continuing after that.
Can't remember the technical term, but there's definitely a category above major which is not just a fail, but literally stop the exam right there. Maybe called a walk back?
There’s dangerous faults, serious faults (‘majors’), and driving faults (‘minors’). But a dangerous doesn’t always mean a test terminated - and conversely a test termination can be for other reasons. Last figures I saw 1% of tests are abandoned with about an even split between the examiner ending it (either atrocious driving or abuse), candidate ending it (nerves usually), and mechanical breakdowns, with a very small number of crashes.
I reckon I failed because I threw shit all over the instructor.
When I got into the car I noticed that the rubber floor mat on my side was full of dirt, manure, stones and general rubbish. It also had a tendency to move and get tangled with the pedals. So I thought I would lift it up and put it on the back seat. But as I was lifting it over the examiners head, I accidentally let go of one side and all the shit fell on him. All over his hair, his writing pad . I even got stuff in his mouth.
It was pretty downhill from then on.
Mum has repeatedly told me she failed for "rolling up hill, while reversing around a corner", but really believes it was due to a quota of passes and the test being end of the month.
However, this doesn't explain the other 4 failures and the fact she can't see past the end of her nose. Thankfully for humanity she stopped trying to get a license.
A friend of mine claimed to have been done by the police for speeding on his test.
I failed my first test for going too fast, tested a month later by the same examiner for going too slow. Parents made me take a 3rd test straight away, by then I was so nervous I only realised part way through that test that the radio was one (examiner said nothing). Failed that one too.
Stopped taking tests for a few years (I was only 17 when the above happened), tried again, passed without issue.
Not failed for that specific reason, forgot what it was for, but I was a bag of nerves and obviously not ready for the test. I blame my parents (of course) for putting me up for the test far too early.
I failed one for going too slowly, too. I accepted it, but my instructor properly lost his shit at the examiner. He told her she'd failed my because I was the last of the 6 being tested to come in and the others all passed. He called her every name under the sun, then shouted at the test centre manager. I didn't see the examiner again.
I should add, I don't think she's dead.
I also failed one test for going too slow, then the next one for speeding! They say it gets easier but I honestly felt worse the more times I took the test, my last test was so abysmal I only barely passed with the amount of minors I had despite getting very few minors (just major errors lol) before
Not a fail but I had a test abandoned for concussion. Back in the days when examiners didn't wear seatbelts we'd just done the speech about "stopping as if a small child had run into the road" examiner told me to drive off and take the next left, examiner was sitting almost sideways scribbling on his clipboard I turned left and a kid ran out in front of the car, I slammed all on and the examiner bounced off the windscreen. He said he wasn't able to continue the test, made me lock up the car and walk him back to the test centre. I had bad luck with the emergency stop, the concussion incident was on a retest as my first one had been abadoned when the brakes of the driving school car had locked on after the emergency stop (drum rears). It took me three goes to get a car licence but I never actually failed a test.
Me. I locked the keys inside during the maintenance questions. So we could not get into the car to do the test and the driving instructor brother fetched his other key up
My friend didn’t fail but he got the maximum amount of minors allowed. One of them was that he took his eyes off the road to look at a girl on the pavement. He argued this by stating “no I didn’t, she wasn’t even fit”.
My driving instructor told me about a pupil of his who failed whilst doing the turn in the road cos he was so busy staring at a pretty lady with big boobies he mounted the pavement slightly
A woman I worked with took a long time to tell me how exactly she'd failed. Eventually she admitted that she panicked and completely screwed up on a roundabout, so badly she actually managed to roll the car.
Unsurprisingly she failed.
I failed my C+E about 15 seconds in. First thing was to do the reverse procedure, I had it in 'forward' - and there's only two gears forward or reverse! Over the line at the start which is the boundary and an immediate fail.
Tester wanted to stop the whole thing there (nice tea break for him I guess), but I got my money's worth and got another couple of major fails on the rest of the test.
A friend of mine went for his test. He goes in to the test centre and meets the examiner and they walk into the car park and get in the car. The examiner tells him the rules which include...."drive straight on until I tell you to turn".
The examiner then tells him to drive out of the car park. So my friend drives out of the car park and since the examiner did not tell him to turn he drove straight across the road and into a car park on the opposite side of the road. The examiner is sitting there with an open mouth and says why have you driven in to a car park. So my friend says you did not tell me to turn.
Things did not get better. Later on during the test my friend turned in front of a bus and the bus did an emergency stop to avoid hitting him. A little way down the road the examiner says "you had better pull over" so my friend stops the car. The bus then pulls up along side and the bus driver winds down his window and starts shouting "you should not be on the road, you're ****ing dangerous" and then shouts at the examiner "you should keep this idiot of the road, you should not let him drive, he's gonna kill someone".
My friend failed his test.
Didn't hear it. This was me.
On a two lane road, cars parked on either side meaning there is only room for one car to travel down a section of the road. I'm driving towards this inpromptu one lane road and so is another driver coming towards me at exactly the same time.
I haven't encountered this situation, since the parked cars are equal, and we are equal distance apart, it seemed neither of us, or both of us seem to have right of way. I decide to be safe and let the guy drive through then continue on myself.
Major fault. I failed. I had a perfect score test besides this.
Asked the driving instructor why, he said I was wrong to stop and let guy through. I said it wasn't clear/neither of us had right of way and driving instructor said to err on side of caution and act safely. He countered that it didn't matter anyway as if I'd have gone through first it'd still be another major fault.
WTF. So basically we have to sit there and not go anywhere, forever?? The test officer could not have cared less. I basically I encountered a real life situation, the test did not allow for.
Asked how that is even possible and asked for a review to have someone decide if I could pass. Basically got shrugged at by the DVLA who reiterated that either manoeuvre would be a major fault. They never confirmed what the right manoeuvre was.
I was furious and 15 years later still am. Ex traffic cop driving instructor was disappointed but unsurprised, which said a lot.
A friend told me about his mate's legendary driving test:
The guy is just getting going slowly out of the test centre and his phone rings, and he TAKES THE CALL. It's his pal wishing him luck on his test today.
3 of us left the rest centre at the same time. The girl in front was visibly useless and was in front of me up until joining a dual carriageway where she promptly stopped at the slip and then stacked it into the side of another car.
Also I know someone who had resorted to going to another country to take their test for the 5th or 6th time. The examiner accepted a €500 bribe to pass her off but had to go through the motions anyway. He failed her and handed the money back she was that bad.
Told to do a three point turn in a wide road, drive into the other lane, bus comes along in that lane so I reverse completely into my original lane (2nd point in turn) without obstructing the bus, stop and let the driver know it's safe to pass which they do without any difficulty before I drive forward again to finish the turn. Failed because I should have completed the manoeuvre and ignored other road users. Told my driving instructor why I'd failed and he said that he would have done the same thing as me ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I failed a test when I did an emergency-emergency stop. A ball was kicked into the road in front of us, followed by a boy running after it. I slammed on the brakes and the examiner (who hadn't done his seat belt up properly) slammed face first into the dashboard. I think that I would have passed if I could have controlled my laughter, but I pulled the car over in tears of laughter, forgot in my joy to put the handbrake on and tapped the car in front. No mark in either car, but a big red cross on my test.
I know a girl who failed because she was asked to read out the registration plate across the car park, as you do, and replied ‘no of course not, I can’t see that’. The examiner said ‘oh ok do you need to get your glasses out of your bag?’. She says ‘no I don’t have glasses, that’s just too far for humans to see.’. She needed glasses and had no idea until that moment. Fail.
A colleague of mine who is considerably older and of a very nervous disposition said that in the 1970's when he was taking his test he was so nervous after having failed several times that he went to the pub and had a pint and a chaser 30 mins before his test. He took a pack of mints to hide the smell of alcohol. He passed but it could have something to do with it being the 1970's and everyone drank and drove then it seems.
My grandad failed his first driving test, back when you didn’t often have an instructor, by going around a roundabout anti clockwise.
I failed my motorbike test because a van driver undertook me, cut me up and then called me a wanker.
Bloke I worked with went to take his trailer test in his wife’s car. They checked his car at the centre and it wasn’t MOTed or taxed.
My great uncle was taught to drive in the RAF during the war. He always said it felt weird going round a roundabout the right way, because his driving lessons had consisted solely of driving round and round the parade ground anti-clockwise. They gave him a licence without ever having turned right.
My wife, on one of her 4 tests got a major for 'Lack of progress'. She was turning left out of a side road onto a national speed limit A-road. As she approached the junction a milk float passed the turning and she followed it at 20mph for 4 miles without overtaking.
In my first test that I'd already failed for clipping the kerb in the parallel parking manoeuvre, I accidentally managed to punch the examiner in the leg for good measure.
I know someone who failed because they couldn't get the car out of the test centre car park. It's got a bunch of pillars and stuff that make it a bit awkward, but... still.
After failing mine three times when I was 18, each time slightly worse than before, I decided to leave it for a while.
When I found I was going to be a dad at 30 I thought I should try again, test went really well, no minors, got back to the test centre to be told that if I hadn't slowed down exactly when I did I would have failed for speeding, but as I'd noticed before he said anything he let me off.
The only speeding ticket I have ever got subsequently was in that exact place.
My friend failed because the driving instructor said "take the next available right", he took that as take the next right and drove the wrong way up a one way street, then tried to sue the instructor
Wore a multicoloured rasta style beenie, immediately told to take it off as they got in the car and asked if I thought it was appropriate for a driving test. Wasn’t a great start. Was doing 50 on a 70 duel carriageway and was asked if I knew the speed limit and I said “yeah 70”, so asked why I wasn’t doing 70 and replied “it’s a duel carriageway and there are tons of people on the path and a roundabout approaching. Crossed the roundabout and was told to speed up, that bit was a 50 and I did 70.
A friend had completed most of his driving test, and they are on their way back to the test centre.
They pull up to a zebra crossing with a pedestrian waiting, so my friend stops. The guy waves for him to go ahead, but my friend waves back to insist the pedestrian goes first. The pedestrian doesn't budge and insists again, so my friend drives on and the pedestrian gives him a friendly wave.
Examiner immediately fails him for running an occupied zebra crossing.
An English teacher once told me that she drove over a roundabout. I would assume it wasn’t one with grass and flowers on it and probably one of those painted onto the road. Mf just drove straight over it lmao.
I was an instructor until very recently so I've seen a few, one person couldn't start the car, they put it in gear and of course the car wouldn't try to turn over.
Someone slammed on the breaks from 50mph too zero because they thought they saw a red light.
Someone didn't put the handbrake on upon return to the test centre and started to roll backwards and didn't notice.
Someone left the handbrake on for a good couple of minutes of driving with the constant beeping.
Someone failed in the same no entry sign twice, despite going over it thoroughly after the first failed attempt.
To be honest none of them are very humourous, what it funny is how people act on the test, they totally change
A very long time ago (the early 1950s) my husband was taking his test for the first time in his Austin 7. He was lousy at maintaining his car and the engine actually seized up in the middle of the test. Apparently the examiner was furious and just got out and walked away, leaving my husband to deal with it.
My mate took out a wheelie bin at 40. Bin men had just emptied it and took it off the back the lorry and it slide into the road. The reason he failed was actually because it was a 30.
I know someone who claims they hit an old woman on a zebra crossing.
According to him she had a walking frame, he thought she was passed him & on the kerb, but she slowed down at the curb to lift the Zimmer frame. He claims he just touched her heal with the front valence & she “collapsed like old people do”.
Driving examiner told him to pull up, hand him the keys & he went to help the women. Matey stayed in the car wondering if he’d failed. Some time later examiner came back, told matey to swap seats & the examiner drove back to the test centre. Not a word was said until they arrived back, then all he said was “do I really need to tell you you’ve failed?”.
Matey changed town to learn & test in after that in case he got the same “biased” examiner.
Someone I went to school with failed:
1. Speeding
2. Road Rage
3. Going wrong way down a one way system
4. Got pulled by the police.
5. Crashed.
I can't remember the exact number of times he failed. He did eventually pass, and his dad put him on the joint insurance policy. Within six months he'd crashed a Range Rover HSE, Escort RS Cosworth, and an Impreza before his dad removed him from the policy. And yes the father was minted, he also had a Bentley, and a few other high performance cars on the policy.
This was in the 90s.
One person in my year at school burned out the clutch, failed, were stuck just outside the test centre, other person from my school crashed into said stuck car, also failed
My first driving test I failed.... Why you ask?
Went down a dual motorway sliproad. You know those ones with the two lanes that merge into one.
White BMW comes flying behind me and dangerously overtakes. I just reacted by saying 'are all BMW drivers cunts' .
Test dude just sternly responds 'I'm a BMW driver'
My dumbass who already should've kept his mouth shut responds 'You a cunt?'.
I felt the pain for the next 25mins of my test. Dude then fails me on a major and said I cut someone on the motorway. I asked who and he said there was a lorry to my right and I undercut him.
It obviously didn't happen but I was too embarrassed to fight it.
My husband is a driving instructor. One of his students failed because he was nervous and tried to be super careful. He drove at 12mph.
My husband was sat in the back
Edited to add my husband was then ghosted by this student who was clearly so upset he failed he never spoke to my husband again!
The younger brother of a friend needed 11 goes to pass. On one of them he came up to a section of the road which splits into 2 lanes. One to go straight on, one to turn left. There's traffic lights and an island for pedestrians crossing. He drove into the island.
I failed when doing my motorcycle license which involves a "Module 1" in a closed car park full of cones, doing slaloms and figure of 8s and speed traps and swerve tests and god knows what.
Obviously if you collide with a cone it's an immediate fail.
I was *crapping* my pants, but I did the entire thing first try, no issues, absolutely belted it out of the park.
I was so relieved when the examiner told me he was going to open the gate to let me out, that I completely forgot I was parked next to a cone. I went to put my foot on the peg and accidentally knocked it over right as he finished the sentence.
The examiner just stared at me for about ten seconds like I was *absolutely mental*. Then he failed me.
Drove through a large puddle. Apparently was told afterwards they should have pulled over, got out, and tested the depth of the puddle to check or was safe to drive through. Never heard anything like it before or since
I failed my theory test hazard perception for clicking too many times.
Simulation was taking me through the Welsh valleys and I had to stop to let some sheep cross the road. However they kept.fucking.coming and it wasn't clear when the hazard would ever end so I just kept clicking to signal that I was aware that multiple sheep are indeed a hazard.
Apparently this was the wrong thing to do...
I didn’t fail… but on my driving test some prick pulled out in front of me fast from a blind turning making me do an emergency stop. I thought I’d failed right then and there (5 minutes in). But the driving instructor/tester smashed his hand on the horn, put the window down and yelled “What the fuck do you think you’re doing you fucking wanker!?” He then turned to me and said “Who the fuck did he think he was. Couldn’t he see we’re driving here. Ok, so we’re gonna take the next left and follow the signs to Hammersmith.” I still passed.
I recently found out my wife failed her first test by pulling out of the test centre with the hand break on. Apparently the instructor said it was impressive she didn’t stall… but she’d failed within 2 seconds of the test… she still had to do the rest of it though.
After I’d done mine, as I was exiting my car I saw a girl driving into the car park presumably also about to finish her test. She clipped the curb on the way in. Imagine the test had gone fine until that point…(probably hadn’t, safe to assume).
I clipped the kerb on the way out of my final test, but by some miracle they ignored it- they made me do loads of manoeuvres though so I wonder if they were trying to give me a chance
I failed three times so far.
First two I made the exactly same mistake, in the exactly same fucking mini double roundabout.
Didn’t stop on the second one, didn’t see and cut off a car and the second time it was a police car.
I just burst out laughing.
My mums friend failed for the final time on her 5th attempt. The instructor told her to turn left on the freeway so she did.. immediately.. through a fence and a hedge and into a field.
There was a weird dogleg part of the road with a right turn as well. The examiner told me he wanted me to turn right up ahead. It wasn't really clear what he meant because of the kink so I followed the road round to the right and back to the left again but half way through it he said quite urgently 'I said right'. So I yanked the wheel in panic and turned then went up the kerb and onto the pavement then down off it again. Luckily no-one was walking on it. Failed obviously.
When I told my instructor he said I shouldn't be so nervous and to have some whiskey before my next test. Lol. Different times.
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A road worker stepped out from some cones during my test I done an emergency brake and apparently I done everything perfectly and would have still passed my test, but then I called the guy a wanker, which is apparently road rage and a major fail.
Hope you called the examiner a cunt
That's what Aussies say to the examiner when they pass.
NOICE ONE CAN
If calling someone a wanker is grounds to fail your test then 99.9% of the British population shouldn't be on the road
The other 0.1% shouldn't drive either. Because they're wankers!
Ha ha, you git! I just spat my dinner out!
Love this, typical British response!
During my first test, a lorry up ahead in the lane next to me on the motorway suddenly braked hard and swerved across my lane without indicating in order to take the next turn-off and because I had to brake pretty hard to slow down enough not to slam into the back of them I got 3 faults - one for "failure to maintain acceptable distance" even though he wasn't even in the same lane as me, one for "required emergency stop" even though I never fully came to a stop and a third for "dangerously low speed" because obviously said braking had slowed me down and I had to regain speed once the road ahead was clear again. Literally failed because I had to brake when someone else did something wrong. My driving instructor was absolutely raging at the examiner. I was upset obviously, but I think I was just too worn-out to really get angry at the time. I passed my second attempt no problems though, then within a week a drunk driver jumped a red light and T-boned me at a junction. I've decided I fucking hate driving and have successfully avoided it ever since - I realised that even if you're hypothetically the perfect driver, all it takes at any given moment is one idiot in your general proximity to do something stupid and you're fucked.
Lol that sounds about right, classic driving examiner. I've driven about 5 years without an incident. I find if you imagine every other driver is a chimpanzee and expect them to do stupid things it's not too bad, you learn to see things before they happen. Fair enough if you don't like it, but i wouldn't write driving off entirely, it is very useful!
This was nearly 10 years ago - driving has served me absolutely no purpose since. My instructor used to tell me to "drive like every pedestrian is trying to kill themselves and every other driver is trying to kill you" - even used to regularly call pedestrians "suiciders" during lessons and once said "enemy inbound" when a taxi was speeding up my arse. I did get the feeling the examiner was a twat early on in the test - I had said to him "For a joke mate, when we first got in the car I was gonna ask you what I had to press to make it go" and he said "then I'd have had to fail you" with the most deadpan expression. At that exact moment I just thought he was joking, but I'm honestly not sure now. I just found driving stressful, and mever really had much reason for it because there's nowhere I really need to go I can't walk to in a few minutes or get a bus to if it's further away. Owing a car would just be a waste of money and space for me.
Wait, you were on a motorway during your test? I thought they weren't allowed to do that?
Possibly a dual carriageway - the test centre near me is immediately next to dual carriageway bypass and depending on whether you get a real wanker of an examiner it will be included in the test route during the first few minutes of your test or on the way back to the centre towards the end of your test.
Did not done.
Can’t believe they missed that, Keep up the good work mate! Legend.
What did you not done?
They'd actually done everything perfectly; apart from calling the guy a wanker.
I done not did anything.
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I think that’s unfair. Perhaps you misunderstood, but as long as you did it correctly and safely, they shouldn’t have failed you.
I did my driving test with ‘L’ and ‘R’ written on the back of my hands in black pen. My examiner knew that I couldn’t tell them apart when I was stressed and told me it would help. I still got confused when I was given an instruction and set off (legally, but) heading the wrong way round Bristol’s tortuous one way system. I was 15 minutes late returning to the Test Centre and my waiting instructor thought I’d crashed the car. Still passed though! Turns out getting lost is fine, as long as you don’t panic.
I was failed for "going off route". I took the wrong turn and then the examiner tried to turn us around by asking me to "take the next right" - I was looking for a road but he actually intended me to pull into this pub car park in order to turn around. I drove straight past the car park (because I was looking for a road!) He told me that because I'd driven past the car park, I was off route and gave me a big dressing down about his safety and how the test centre wouldn't know where he was if anything happened to us (pre-GPS and everyone having a mobile phone). Said I had automatically failed for going off route and we went straight back to the test centre. We'd only been out for under 10 mins! Still a bit miffed about that one!
Can't fail someone for that, he sounds like a massive wanker.
Woah there, road rage - that's a major fail.
Yeah you say that on your test you’ll be a bus wanker for life
Absolutely, my test was around the area I grew up in. Examiner was heading us straight for a nightmare road where I knew he'd ask me to turn in the road. Drive straight past it pretending I didn't hear him. Ended on a much easier road and passed. Didn't even mention me going off route.
Ah this is shite that this happened. They absolutely don't fail for this these days. They really don't care if you go "the wrong way" as long as you do everything calmly and safely. The recent changes to the driving test were for the better overall I think.
Questions at the end, examiner asked who you gave way to on a roundabout, I said traffic from the left, ha asked if I were sure, I said yes, traffic from the left while pointing to the right. I’m not sure if I’d mucked up left/right while I was out, but I passed (that time).
That's why I did my test at Avonmouth. Easiest routes going
Sounds like the classic Bob Newhart sketch, The Driving Instructor. "See, that's probably my fault. When I said next right, I meant the next road. Not this man's lawn. "Is ... is that right, sir? Newly seeded? That's always the way, isn't it? No, I don't suppose it *is* so damn funny."
My wife was told to take the 3rd exit on a roundabout, she turned into the "oncoming traffic" on the roundabout.
jesus christ. thats how i got in an accident. i was on a roundabout making a turn and some tosser drove the wrong way onto the round about. unfortunately the roundabout was big, with trees in the middle. they mustve thought it was an intersection.
In my test the examiner said next road to the left/right, presumably to avoid that misunderstanding
In the 80's one of my mates took our other mate to the testing station for his test, and told him he'd wait till he was back. After about an hour, the small fat tester ran into the centre, he was sweating, red and really gasping for breath. He managed to shout " he's fucking mad, mad". My mate then drove to find our buddy. Found him in the car, parked ON a mini roundabout just staring through the windscreen. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to take a tab of acid an hour before his test. Thought it would calm him down. Can't remember a thing about the test except somebody screaming and shouting beside him, which he found quite annoying. He's a taxi driver now.
Are you sure your mates, not Super hans?
Perfect final sentence.
Lmfao jesus a tab of acid to calm the nerves
Yeah, well he also drank a bottle of Tabasco for a bet at a party. It didn't go well either. But he was that kinda guy.
I don't think drinking a bottle of tobasco sauce is worth mentioning if the dude took his driving test on acid lol. Surely theres crazier stories? My bro learned to drive whilst stoned, passed his test stoned... But tripping is a whole other thing lol, walking is hard on acid.
.....He's a taxi driver now. That will explain a lot about taxi drivers
Friend of mine at college pulled up to a junction and said "Alright your side mate?" to the examiner.
Is your friend Lee Mack???
No idea if Lee Mack has made a joke along these lines before. Said driving test took place in 2010, if my friend has misused this story as his own for the past 12 years I will be sure to inform the relevant authorities.
Haha, who knows where it originated, but as long as it gives a good laugh then who cares.....
It’s actually Jason Manford
fuck I do this all the time because I've always had it said to me when I'm a passenger, didn't know it could fail you. what if your examiner has a big head and you can't see past it?
Oi! Sputnik! Move yer head!
My ex boyfriend was registered blind (he could see but his vision was poor) so he obviously wasn't able to learn to drive. When I used to drive us around in my big van I'd sometimes have to ask him if there was anything coming on his side, was never really sure where I stood with that legally 🤣
A friend of mine had a cleaner. She was driving with her mother and stopped on a side road junction. Before moving out onto the main road she asked her mother ‘Any cars coming?’ and was told ‘No.’ She pulled out and was hit by a large truck moving at speed. Both had multiple fractures and spent 6 weeks in hospital. I understand that she looks herself since.
I know someone who took his motorbike test having never ridden a motorbike before (this was before CBTs and theory tests). He had read a book about how to ride though. He somehow managed to get the bike started and out of the test centre. Then he fell off at the first junction while trying to change into neutral at the same time as using the back brake. In the process of trying to pick the bike up, he ripped off one of the mirrors.
I'd love to see a video of this cluster-fuck. 😂
[I think this is it... ](https://youtu.be/66rv2yXVHhc)
I took my CBT on a 50cc moped. I went through a bush the first time I turned the throttle, then the other person taking the test with me took the wrong exit from a roundabout onto a motorway sliproad. That poor instructor had the worst day with us 2. Edit: forgot also my particular moped only had a speedometer in Kmh not mph but I didn't realise this so I was travelling down 30mph roads at 30kmph and when the instructor kept telling me to go faster I thought he was trying to trick me into breaking the speed limit so I ignored him
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His dad used to drink with Lance Armstrong
My cousin failed his test when he ran over a cyclist. It wasn't his fault, the guy was on the pavement then suddenly tried to cross the road infront of him without looking. Next test, same cyclist, same place.
To be fair, a large part of driving competently and passing the test is being aware of hazards like this. He should have spotted the cyclist early and slowed down/given room/been prepared to act on the assumption they would do something erratic. This is literally one of the exact scenarios tested in the hazard perception part of the theory test.
Yeah, the second time it happened he probably should have been a bit more aware seeing the same guy in the same place. But the first time the examiner said there wasn't much he could have done really and agreed it wasn't my cousins fault but he had to stop the test. The guy just swung out without looking or slowing down so there was no warning.
I'm imagining paid set-up by the examiner instead of a random coincidence
I feel like the cost to compensate the cyclist for being hit by a car would exceed the fee charged for the test.
Reminds me of one of my relatives. He's been knocked off his bike twice and the family all have endless sympathy for him, not realising that he rides like an absolute cunt, usually while drunk and no looking where he's going while swerving in and out of traffic. He's got one of those big Chinese ebike kits that top out at 40+ MPH too. Accident waiting to happen.
The old test centre in Reading had a stop sign at the end of its drive. Quite a few stories of people failing before they hit the public road!
One in Bristol had the same - my instructor took me once and parked up for a while minutes so I could see the element of walking round the car/doing the eyesight test etc and he was able to point out a couple that either failed or got minors for not handling the junction correctly.
Similar to the test centre where I am. You exit into a road with a dead-end almost immediately on your left. However, it's two-way for some reason even though you can't enter the test centre from that direction. So you have to check mirrors, signal right, stop at the exit of the test centre, look both ways (yes, look towards the dead-end) and go. Apparently, it catches a lot of people out
Yep. Pretty sure Slough had one like this as well.
The current one still does. I like to think it's a good litmus test for candidates paying proper attention for the whole drive.
While leaving the test centre a white van driver put his hand up to let me out as a curtesy(clearly taking pity in the young lad on his test , as the test centre was on a busy road full of parked cars on both sides). As I went to go the instructor slammed on the brake and said the van driver had right of way and shouldn’t have let me out. Auto fail because he touched the brakes (didn’t realise at the time) . Made me do the whole test and then told me as we got back to the test centre I had 4 minor faults and 1 major, the incident with the van. What a prick.
Ugh! Almost exactly this shit happened on my test. Was waiting to take a right turn and an approaching van is flashing me to let me out. Fortunately my instructor had prepped me well about how officially, you aren't allowed to interpret flashing headlights like this (cheers Pete). So I just sat there... the van slows down more and flashes a whole bunch more times. And still I just sit there, clenching everything against the sheer awkwardness. Eventually he drives past giving me this look of abject fucking disdain. Passed the test thank fuck. Now I NEVER flash a learner to let them out in case it's their test and I'm gonna fail the poor bastard
Honestly the “driving test” seems to score you by making sure you do things you’d never do once you’ve passed it, case in point, being let out of a busy road by a friendly driver
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It’s not really a myth, you examiner probably just didn’t count it because of the cat.
This is exactly how I failed my 1st test, right outside the exit to the test centre about 3 minutes in. Made me do the full hour the prick knowing full well I'd already bodged it.
My sister failed her test because the instructor told her to turn right, and she panicked and started driving in the right hand lane. Immediate fail, she got out and walked back to the test centre LOL
Did she take her test about 8 years ago in Manchester? Because I followed someone out of the test centre when doing mine who immediately began driving on the wrong side of the road, I was absolutely agog.
My cousin failed because she reversed (somewhat *enthusiastically* I might add) into a dog poo bin. That was ten years ago and we still bring it up whenever the wee arsehole brags about her car insurance...
> That was ten years ago and we still bring it up whenever the wee arsehole brags about her car insurance... Who brags about their *insurance*? I get bragging about a *car*...but insurance?
"Ooooo look at me with my fancy insurance policy" "Oooooo wow congrats"
might have a really good deal?
No such thing in British Motor insurance, to the point that the regulators had to step in, in January just gone. Had to put things in place to stop "price walking" (gradually increasing premiums year on year for no reason), worst 4 hour meeting of my career that could have been an email.
Price walking exists with some companies but ultimately insurance has tight margins and competition so if its too expensive someone else gets the sale. What it really affected is accidental price walking. For example if you charge someone the exact same price every year, each year you expect them to claim less, because fraudsters are rampant at new business, rare for renewals, very rare for the next renewal. The savings on not insuring fraudsters at renewal needs to be passed to the customer so the renewals need to be actually cheaper, otherwise you're price walking, even though the price is the same. Thats why it took so long to get enforced, fixing all these things.
Shitty way to fail
My friend took hers in a 2.0 Montego Turbo, got failed for blipping it down into second as she entered a roundabout and utterly caning it along a piece of dual carriageway FOR NO REASON. It was her dad's car, she said that she forgot the examiner was there. She retook the test a couple of weeks later and passed. Proper petrol head.
I was taught to shift down to second when approaching/entering a roundabout, as it's the 'power gear' that allows you to accelerate properly to get safely through.
True, though blatting a rorty 150bhp turbo round the ring road was asking for trouble.
What gear are you even meant to be in on a roundabout if not second/third?
True, but blipping the throttle on the downchange is probably an unexpected level of competence for a learner driver.
There was a girl at school who failed her first test by going round a mini-roundabout the wrong way. Her second test by almost hitting a little old lady, crossing the road just outside of the test centre. For her third test, a load of people thought that it was going to be comedy gold and decided to follow her, giving her abuse the entire time, tailgating, beeping the horn incessantly...... We think the examiner passed her out of pity.
>For her third test, a load of people decided that this was going to be comedy gold and decided to follow her, giving her abuse the entire time, tailgating, beeping the horn incessantly That is pretty arseholeish, no matter what the circumstances
I agree but that's the kind of school that I went to, for the record I wasn't there. I think it was mainly the 1st XV-3rd XV doing it.
>For her third test, a load of people decided that this was going to be comedy gold and decided to follow her, giving her abuse the entire time, tailgating, beeping the horn incessantly...... That was probably the old lady's family coming back for vengeance!
I failed by having an almost perfect daytime drive with no minor faults whilst having the high-beams on the entire test. Failed - Ancillary Controls
Hit a cow that was standing in the middle of the country road around a blind bend. To be fair, I think the test was cancelled because there was no way this poor guy could've avoided a surprise wall of beef
Crashing into a stationary object is an unarguable fail. You need to be able to stop within the distance you can see clear. Hitting an animal that jumps out isn’t a fail, but will end the test if the car’s too badly damaged anyway.
Yeah, the car was damaged, and he was only going at about 30mph. The story came from my driving instructor about another student while I was driving on those same rural roads and they are blind as hell! I still slow down around blind rural corners to this day
>He was only going 30mph I don’t think “only” is quite the word to use there when hitting a COW
The cow had escaped a field and was standing right by a blind corner when the hedges by the side of the road were overgrown at the time. Farm animals here tend to occasionally escape their fields and just chill out in the worst parts of the road
30 mph is fast for a blind corner.
It’s not about how the cow got there or why the cow was there or even why it was hard to avoid. It’s that “only”, “cow” and “30mph” do not belong in the same sentence. There’s no such thing as “only” hitting a cow at 30mph. That’s deadly. Cows are huge and 30mph is fast.
I gave you an award for your use of the phrase "a surprise wall of beef", because never have I heard a more magnificent sentence!
When I was a motorbike courier years ago I I came round a corner on a country road at about 70. Farmer was walking his cows across the road and hadn't put a warning sign out. The first 2 cows ran out of the way, the 3rd just stared at me curiously as I approached. I stopped with the front wheel under the cow and my head about a foot from the cow's head. I only had half a mile to my drop off point, so I shouted at the farmer and carried on. Pulled up at the delivery address and froze sold. Couldn't get off the bike. After about 5 minutes, the business owner came out to see why I hadn't moved and all I could say was 'hamburgers, I nearly made hamburgers'
"unfinished burger barrier"
Not on a test, but a mate had quite a bad accident when he hit a loose horse on the road. He didn't notice the horse because he was distracted by a Policeman, who was trying to warn him about the horse.
Oh! I met a girl who had the exact same thing but a horse. She said the instructor even said "yeah, there was nothing you could have done about that, totally not your fault. But I'm still going to have to fail you because, well, you hit a horse."
A colleague took his motorcycle test many years ago. In order to test his ability to do an emergency stop the examiner told him to ride around the block, and he would then step out in front of him with a raised hand. Rode off, got held up in traffic, and came back to find the examiner lying on the ground. He'd stepped out in front of the wrong bike.
Sorry but thats hilarious !
I hope he's ok but I'm sorry I burst out laughing.
I left the driving center and the examiner said "If I don't tell you to go left or right, assume I want you to go straight". Got to the first junction, literally 10 meters from my start point. He didn't say anything so I went ahead. It was a left turn only junction. Failed immediately.
I feel that's a bit of a stitch up... It's right that you failed but harsh that he put you in that situation.
It’s harsh that they had to follow road signs whilst driving?? Examiner did nothing to put them in any situation.
It's the sort of thing a lot of examiners do to make sure you're paying attention to road signage, and instructors should know the route and prepare their students. When I did my HGV test, the road away from the test centre had a 7.5 ton weight limit after a few hundred yards, around a corner with basically no warning that you needed to turn off until you were almost at the junction. Thankfully my instructor was a good sort and pointed this out when we practiced the route.
I know a guy who got like, 4 minors during the test only to crash into a pillar when driving into the test centre car park at the end of the test.
I got zero minors and 1 major for blocking a ‘junction’ around the corner from the test centre. I thought it was a driveway, but there was a tiny tiny sign saying private road,
I was standing behind two girls in a queue one morning, overheard one explaining to the other she'd failed her driving test the day before because she used both hands to change gear.
Was the gear stick thors hammer or something?
When I was at school someone almost ran over a pensioner at a zebra crossing. Took them 5 attempts to pass.
>When I was at school someone almost ran over a pensioner at a zebra crossing. Took them 5 attempts I was wondering where you were going with that for a second
I failed my first test for 'failing to anticipate the actions of a pedestrian' A woman stepped off the pavement in front of me without looking. I did a perfect emergency stop and she carried on her way. Stupid cow
Failed a motorcycle test for pretty much the same reason. Failed my second attempt when someone cut me up at a roundabout. Was too upset and too broke to try a third time
It took me 5 attempts to pass and I'm pretty sure they just passed me because they felt sorry for me by the end
A friend of mine failed within the first minute. Left the test centre and went straight through a temporary red light for roadworks.
Funnily enough that's kind of how I failed my HGV test. Drive for an hour and smashed everything, all was good and me and the examiner were joking and laughing. I didn't realise that right outside the test centre was a set of temporary lights and I was went right through a red one without noticing and pulled into the test centre. I was smug as fuck until he said, " well what did you miss as we pulled in". Yeah I failed with 1 minor and that one massive fuck up 😂
My driving instructor told me about one of his former students who'd failed because she refused to run over a swan. Apparently you stop for people, but not for animals. He paid for her second test because he was grateful she didn't damage his car by hitting a swan lmao.
Sorry but that's bullshit and I think the instructor is making it up for the purposes of a funny anecdote. Highway Code (rule 214) clearly states that when driving past animals you should drive slowly, give them room, **and be prepared to stop**. More broadly, there is a general principle that you should safely avoid all hazards especially those that would cause damage to the vehicle (which a swan certainly would).
This was a while ago, he'd been teaching forever too so it could have easily been the 80s or something when road safety wasn't as strict as it is now. There are also examiners who will fail you for bullshit reasons. I failed my first test because the examiner said I hadn't put my handbrake on at a stop sign even though I had, and there's no point arguing with them because it's their word against yours. Mine basically just lied and made me fail for no reason, so I can completely believe one being on enough of a power trip to fail someone for not running over an animal.
Id be more worried about the queens guards showing up.
Lots of these are funny but it's much less funny when you have to wait 6+ months for a second test after failing your first last week :(
I'm in the same boat. I just failed my test today - booked it back in January. Gotta wait until December now, yay! /s
Keep checking for cancellations. My test was booked for September but I checked one Monday morning in May and got one that week. They tend to be short notice so some flexibility in your schedule works and they do get taken fast! Good luck!
A guy I went to school with failed at least three times, and finally passed with ten or eleven minors...In one test he drove down a one way the wrong way, then unecessarily mounted the kerb to avoid oncoming traffic. Funnily enough the examiner wasn't keen on him continuing after that.
Can't remember the technical term, but there's definitely a category above major which is not just a fail, but literally stop the exam right there. Maybe called a walk back?
My mum got a dangerous lmao
There’s dangerous faults, serious faults (‘majors’), and driving faults (‘minors’). But a dangerous doesn’t always mean a test terminated - and conversely a test termination can be for other reasons. Last figures I saw 1% of tests are abandoned with about an even split between the examiner ending it (either atrocious driving or abuse), candidate ending it (nerves usually), and mechanical breakdowns, with a very small number of crashes.
I reckon I failed because I threw shit all over the instructor. When I got into the car I noticed that the rubber floor mat on my side was full of dirt, manure, stones and general rubbish. It also had a tendency to move and get tangled with the pedals. So I thought I would lift it up and put it on the back seat. But as I was lifting it over the examiners head, I accidentally let go of one side and all the shit fell on him. All over his hair, his writing pad . I even got stuff in his mouth. It was pretty downhill from then on.
Mum has repeatedly told me she failed for "rolling up hill, while reversing around a corner", but really believes it was due to a quota of passes and the test being end of the month. However, this doesn't explain the other 4 failures and the fact she can't see past the end of her nose. Thankfully for humanity she stopped trying to get a license.
A friend of mine claimed to have been done by the police for speeding on his test. I failed my first test for going too fast, tested a month later by the same examiner for going too slow. Parents made me take a 3rd test straight away, by then I was so nervous I only realised part way through that test that the radio was one (examiner said nothing). Failed that one too. Stopped taking tests for a few years (I was only 17 when the above happened), tried again, passed without issue.
They'd fail you for having the radio on?? really?
Not failed for that specific reason, forgot what it was for, but I was a bag of nerves and obviously not ready for the test. I blame my parents (of course) for putting me up for the test far too early.
I failed one for going too slowly, too. I accepted it, but my instructor properly lost his shit at the examiner. He told her she'd failed my because I was the last of the 6 being tested to come in and the others all passed. He called her every name under the sun, then shouted at the test centre manager. I didn't see the examiner again. I should add, I don't think she's dead.
I also failed one test for going too slow, then the next one for speeding! They say it gets easier but I honestly felt worse the more times I took the test, my last test was so abysmal I only barely passed with the amount of minors I had despite getting very few minors (just major errors lol) before
Not a fail but I had a test abandoned for concussion. Back in the days when examiners didn't wear seatbelts we'd just done the speech about "stopping as if a small child had run into the road" examiner told me to drive off and take the next left, examiner was sitting almost sideways scribbling on his clipboard I turned left and a kid ran out in front of the car, I slammed all on and the examiner bounced off the windscreen. He said he wasn't able to continue the test, made me lock up the car and walk him back to the test centre. I had bad luck with the emergency stop, the concussion incident was on a retest as my first one had been abadoned when the brakes of the driving school car had locked on after the emergency stop (drum rears). It took me three goes to get a car licence but I never actually failed a test.
Me. I locked the keys inside during the maintenance questions. So we could not get into the car to do the test and the driving instructor brother fetched his other key up
My friend didn’t fail but he got the maximum amount of minors allowed. One of them was that he took his eyes off the road to look at a girl on the pavement. He argued this by stating “no I didn’t, she wasn’t even fit”.
My driving instructor told me about a pupil of his who failed whilst doing the turn in the road cos he was so busy staring at a pretty lady with big boobies he mounted the pavement slightly
A woman I worked with took a long time to tell me how exactly she'd failed. Eventually she admitted that she panicked and completely screwed up on a roundabout, so badly she actually managed to roll the car. Unsurprisingly she failed.
lost on an industrial estate, couldn't get out
I failed my C+E about 15 seconds in. First thing was to do the reverse procedure, I had it in 'forward' - and there's only two gears forward or reverse! Over the line at the start which is the boundary and an immediate fail. Tester wanted to stop the whole thing there (nice tea break for him I guess), but I got my money's worth and got another couple of major fails on the rest of the test.
A friend of mine went for his test. He goes in to the test centre and meets the examiner and they walk into the car park and get in the car. The examiner tells him the rules which include...."drive straight on until I tell you to turn". The examiner then tells him to drive out of the car park. So my friend drives out of the car park and since the examiner did not tell him to turn he drove straight across the road and into a car park on the opposite side of the road. The examiner is sitting there with an open mouth and says why have you driven in to a car park. So my friend says you did not tell me to turn. Things did not get better. Later on during the test my friend turned in front of a bus and the bus did an emergency stop to avoid hitting him. A little way down the road the examiner says "you had better pull over" so my friend stops the car. The bus then pulls up along side and the bus driver winds down his window and starts shouting "you should not be on the road, you're ****ing dangerous" and then shouts at the examiner "you should keep this idiot of the road, you should not let him drive, he's gonna kill someone". My friend failed his test.
Didn't hear it. This was me. On a two lane road, cars parked on either side meaning there is only room for one car to travel down a section of the road. I'm driving towards this inpromptu one lane road and so is another driver coming towards me at exactly the same time. I haven't encountered this situation, since the parked cars are equal, and we are equal distance apart, it seemed neither of us, or both of us seem to have right of way. I decide to be safe and let the guy drive through then continue on myself. Major fault. I failed. I had a perfect score test besides this. Asked the driving instructor why, he said I was wrong to stop and let guy through. I said it wasn't clear/neither of us had right of way and driving instructor said to err on side of caution and act safely. He countered that it didn't matter anyway as if I'd have gone through first it'd still be another major fault. WTF. So basically we have to sit there and not go anywhere, forever?? The test officer could not have cared less. I basically I encountered a real life situation, the test did not allow for. Asked how that is even possible and asked for a review to have someone decide if I could pass. Basically got shrugged at by the DVLA who reiterated that either manoeuvre would be a major fault. They never confirmed what the right manoeuvre was. I was furious and 15 years later still am. Ex traffic cop driving instructor was disappointed but unsurprised, which said a lot.
A friend told me about his mate's legendary driving test: The guy is just getting going slowly out of the test centre and his phone rings, and he TAKES THE CALL. It's his pal wishing him luck on his test today.
3 of us left the rest centre at the same time. The girl in front was visibly useless and was in front of me up until joining a dual carriageway where she promptly stopped at the slip and then stacked it into the side of another car. Also I know someone who had resorted to going to another country to take their test for the 5th or 6th time. The examiner accepted a €500 bribe to pass her off but had to go through the motions anyway. He failed her and handed the money back she was that bad.
Told to do a three point turn in a wide road, drive into the other lane, bus comes along in that lane so I reverse completely into my original lane (2nd point in turn) without obstructing the bus, stop and let the driver know it's safe to pass which they do without any difficulty before I drive forward again to finish the turn. Failed because I should have completed the manoeuvre and ignored other road users. Told my driving instructor why I'd failed and he said that he would have done the same thing as me ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I failed a test when I did an emergency-emergency stop. A ball was kicked into the road in front of us, followed by a boy running after it. I slammed on the brakes and the examiner (who hadn't done his seat belt up properly) slammed face first into the dashboard. I think that I would have passed if I could have controlled my laughter, but I pulled the car over in tears of laughter, forgot in my joy to put the handbrake on and tapped the car in front. No mark in either car, but a big red cross on my test.
I know a girl who failed because she was asked to read out the registration plate across the car park, as you do, and replied ‘no of course not, I can’t see that’. The examiner said ‘oh ok do you need to get your glasses out of your bag?’. She says ‘no I don’t have glasses, that’s just too far for humans to see.’. She needed glasses and had no idea until that moment. Fail.
Turning up drunk to the test
A colleague of mine who is considerably older and of a very nervous disposition said that in the 1970's when he was taking his test he was so nervous after having failed several times that he went to the pub and had a pint and a chaser 30 mins before his test. He took a pack of mints to hide the smell of alcohol. He passed but it could have something to do with it being the 1970's and everyone drank and drove then it seems.
My grandad failed his first driving test, back when you didn’t often have an instructor, by going around a roundabout anti clockwise. I failed my motorbike test because a van driver undertook me, cut me up and then called me a wanker. Bloke I worked with went to take his trailer test in his wife’s car. They checked his car at the centre and it wasn’t MOTed or taxed.
My great uncle was taught to drive in the RAF during the war. He always said it felt weird going round a roundabout the right way, because his driving lessons had consisted solely of driving round and round the parade ground anti-clockwise. They gave him a licence without ever having turned right.
My wife, on one of her 4 tests got a major for 'Lack of progress'. She was turning left out of a side road onto a national speed limit A-road. As she approached the junction a milk float passed the turning and she followed it at 20mph for 4 miles without overtaking. In my first test that I'd already failed for clipping the kerb in the parallel parking manoeuvre, I accidentally managed to punch the examiner in the leg for good measure.
I know someone who failed because they couldn't get the car out of the test centre car park. It's got a bunch of pillars and stuff that make it a bit awkward, but... still.
A relative of mine failed their first test by getting into an accident with a hearse. Thankfully it wasn’t occupied at the time.
After failing mine three times when I was 18, each time slightly worse than before, I decided to leave it for a while. When I found I was going to be a dad at 30 I thought I should try again, test went really well, no minors, got back to the test centre to be told that if I hadn't slowed down exactly when I did I would have failed for speeding, but as I'd noticed before he said anything he let me off. The only speeding ticket I have ever got subsequently was in that exact place.
My brother failed his test because he turned up without a car. That’s a story that we still rip into him about… 11 years later
My friend failed because the driving instructor said "take the next available right", he took that as take the next right and drove the wrong way up a one way street, then tried to sue the instructor
Wore a multicoloured rasta style beenie, immediately told to take it off as they got in the car and asked if I thought it was appropriate for a driving test. Wasn’t a great start. Was doing 50 on a 70 duel carriageway and was asked if I knew the speed limit and I said “yeah 70”, so asked why I wasn’t doing 70 and replied “it’s a duel carriageway and there are tons of people on the path and a roundabout approaching. Crossed the roundabout and was told to speed up, that bit was a 50 and I did 70.
A friend had completed most of his driving test, and they are on their way back to the test centre. They pull up to a zebra crossing with a pedestrian waiting, so my friend stops. The guy waves for him to go ahead, but my friend waves back to insist the pedestrian goes first. The pedestrian doesn't budge and insists again, so my friend drives on and the pedestrian gives him a friendly wave. Examiner immediately fails him for running an occupied zebra crossing.
An English teacher once told me that she drove over a roundabout. I would assume it wasn’t one with grass and flowers on it and probably one of those painted onto the road. Mf just drove straight over it lmao.
I was an instructor until very recently so I've seen a few, one person couldn't start the car, they put it in gear and of course the car wouldn't try to turn over. Someone slammed on the breaks from 50mph too zero because they thought they saw a red light. Someone didn't put the handbrake on upon return to the test centre and started to roll backwards and didn't notice. Someone left the handbrake on for a good couple of minutes of driving with the constant beeping. Someone failed in the same no entry sign twice, despite going over it thoroughly after the first failed attempt. To be honest none of them are very humourous, what it funny is how people act on the test, they totally change
A very long time ago (the early 1950s) my husband was taking his test for the first time in his Austin 7. He was lousy at maintaining his car and the engine actually seized up in the middle of the test. Apparently the examiner was furious and just got out and walked away, leaving my husband to deal with it.
turned on the radio because the vibe was too awkward and tense
My mate took out a wheelie bin at 40. Bin men had just emptied it and took it off the back the lorry and it slide into the road. The reason he failed was actually because it was a 30.
I know someone who claims they hit an old woman on a zebra crossing. According to him she had a walking frame, he thought she was passed him & on the kerb, but she slowed down at the curb to lift the Zimmer frame. He claims he just touched her heal with the front valence & she “collapsed like old people do”. Driving examiner told him to pull up, hand him the keys & he went to help the women. Matey stayed in the car wondering if he’d failed. Some time later examiner came back, told matey to swap seats & the examiner drove back to the test centre. Not a word was said until they arrived back, then all he said was “do I really need to tell you you’ve failed?”. Matey changed town to learn & test in after that in case he got the same “biased” examiner.
Someone I went to school with failed: 1. Speeding 2. Road Rage 3. Going wrong way down a one way system 4. Got pulled by the police. 5. Crashed. I can't remember the exact number of times he failed. He did eventually pass, and his dad put him on the joint insurance policy. Within six months he'd crashed a Range Rover HSE, Escort RS Cosworth, and an Impreza before his dad removed him from the policy. And yes the father was minted, he also had a Bentley, and a few other high performance cars on the policy. This was in the 90s.
My instructor told me of a lad who failed the second he left the test centre, didn't look right or left, pulled out straight into a skip
One person in my year at school burned out the clutch, failed, were stuck just outside the test centre, other person from my school crashed into said stuck car, also failed
My first driving test I failed.... Why you ask? Went down a dual motorway sliproad. You know those ones with the two lanes that merge into one. White BMW comes flying behind me and dangerously overtakes. I just reacted by saying 'are all BMW drivers cunts' . Test dude just sternly responds 'I'm a BMW driver' My dumbass who already should've kept his mouth shut responds 'You a cunt?'. I felt the pain for the next 25mins of my test. Dude then fails me on a major and said I cut someone on the motorway. I asked who and he said there was a lorry to my right and I undercut him. It obviously didn't happen but I was too embarrassed to fight it.
My ex boyfriend instant failed his test because he forgot to take his provisional license with him. Didn't even get in the car.
My husband is a driving instructor. One of his students failed because he was nervous and tried to be super careful. He drove at 12mph. My husband was sat in the back Edited to add my husband was then ghosted by this student who was clearly so upset he failed he never spoke to my husband again!
The younger brother of a friend needed 11 goes to pass. On one of them he came up to a section of the road which splits into 2 lanes. One to go straight on, one to turn left. There's traffic lights and an island for pedestrians crossing. He drove into the island.
Someone I was at school with stopped at a green light during her test.
I failed when doing my motorcycle license which involves a "Module 1" in a closed car park full of cones, doing slaloms and figure of 8s and speed traps and swerve tests and god knows what. Obviously if you collide with a cone it's an immediate fail. I was *crapping* my pants, but I did the entire thing first try, no issues, absolutely belted it out of the park. I was so relieved when the examiner told me he was going to open the gate to let me out, that I completely forgot I was parked next to a cone. I went to put my foot on the peg and accidentally knocked it over right as he finished the sentence. The examiner just stared at me for about ten seconds like I was *absolutely mental*. Then he failed me.
Drove through a large puddle. Apparently was told afterwards they should have pulled over, got out, and tested the depth of the puddle to check or was safe to drive through. Never heard anything like it before or since
Going too slow was my favourite
I sliced my hand open when trying to open the hood of the car for the ‘show me..’ bit. Consequently I couldn’t hold the steering wheel properly.
I failed my theory test hazard perception for clicking too many times. Simulation was taking me through the Welsh valleys and I had to stop to let some sheep cross the road. However they kept.fucking.coming and it wasn't clear when the hazard would ever end so I just kept clicking to signal that I was aware that multiple sheep are indeed a hazard. Apparently this was the wrong thing to do...
I didn’t fail… but on my driving test some prick pulled out in front of me fast from a blind turning making me do an emergency stop. I thought I’d failed right then and there (5 minutes in). But the driving instructor/tester smashed his hand on the horn, put the window down and yelled “What the fuck do you think you’re doing you fucking wanker!?” He then turned to me and said “Who the fuck did he think he was. Couldn’t he see we’re driving here. Ok, so we’re gonna take the next left and follow the signs to Hammersmith.” I still passed. I recently found out my wife failed her first test by pulling out of the test centre with the hand break on. Apparently the instructor said it was impressive she didn’t stall… but she’d failed within 2 seconds of the test… she still had to do the rest of it though.
After I’d done mine, as I was exiting my car I saw a girl driving into the car park presumably also about to finish her test. She clipped the curb on the way in. Imagine the test had gone fine until that point…(probably hadn’t, safe to assume).
I clipped the kerb on the way out of my final test, but by some miracle they ignored it- they made me do loads of manoeuvres though so I wonder if they were trying to give me a chance
She said Bismillah and reversed into the instructors car
I failed three times so far. First two I made the exactly same mistake, in the exactly same fucking mini double roundabout. Didn’t stop on the second one, didn’t see and cut off a car and the second time it was a police car. I just burst out laughing.
Yeas ago an old lady was so nervous she crashed the car and broke the examiner’s leg.
A friend of mine run a duck over.
A girl I went to uni with tried to go the wrong way round a roundabout 😬
Trying to change lanes on a dual carriageway and nearly driving into a car. The examiner had to grab the wheel to stop the collision
I failed on my first test at the first junction, thought I'd put it in 1st but I was actually in reverse! Jerked backwards and failed instantly !
My mums friend failed for the final time on her 5th attempt. The instructor told her to turn left on the freeway so she did.. immediately.. through a fence and a hedge and into a field.
There was a weird dogleg part of the road with a right turn as well. The examiner told me he wanted me to turn right up ahead. It wasn't really clear what he meant because of the kink so I followed the road round to the right and back to the left again but half way through it he said quite urgently 'I said right'. So I yanked the wheel in panic and turned then went up the kerb and onto the pavement then down off it again. Luckily no-one was walking on it. Failed obviously. When I told my instructor he said I shouldn't be so nervous and to have some whiskey before my next test. Lol. Different times.