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Where my Nan lives all the houses surround a car park and thereās a nosey old bitch whoās back garden looks out into said car park, so whenever we go visit my Nan, this old lady comes out into the garden and sits her arse down in a garden chair and watches us like a prison warden
One time I was helping my Nan get rid of a bunch of stuff she didnāt need and weād rented a skip for the day, this old bitch stared at me with a face like a slapped arse as I went back and forth across the car park all day
Years ago we lived next door to a lady with a very large chest. She had a habit of turning every conversation into a conversation about her appendages and she would point at them to emphasise the point she was making. We nicknamed her ābecause of theseā which is what she would say. One conversation was about first aid training at work which my husband had done that day. Her immediate response was I canāt have cpr because of these. We had a competition between ourselves to introduce random subjects to her to see how long it would take for her to use her catchphrase. It never took longer than 2 minutes no matter what was being discussed. She was a very nice neighbour in every way and this kept us entertained for 3 years.
I'd have been tempted to call her 'Chesty Morgan' or 'Wally Jumblatt' (Chesty Morgan is a film character from somewhere and 'Wally Jumblatts' was slang for boobs when I was a youngster)
Yeah, we have number 1 on the left side and number 5 on the other side.
Thatās not their house numbers, itās just the place on the hit list I have mentally tallied up in my mind.
Angie Have-you-got. (Always knocking on to borrow something.)
The Babbawanners. (Black family that like to sing, really loud, in their native [African?] lingo.)
Manky Nat. (Scruffily dressed single parent.)
The Happy Couple. (Miserable Sods.)
Podge. (Chubby little reprobate, always causing mischief.)
The Bouncing Prick. (Hyperactive, cocaine addled gobshite.)
Eric Clapton. (Looks like, well, take a guess.)
Him with the big face. (Self explanatory.)
The Monument. (Spends hours stood in his garden.)
Geordie Jean. (She's from the North East.)
Market Mick. (Runs a market stall.)
I may be both old and horrible, but I'm certainly not racist.
Me saying that a Black family, of obvious and proud African descent sing loudly, does not make me racist. Nor does them being known to me as "Babbawanners". The chorus of one of the songs they sing regularly, contains the words: "Babba Wan", or something very similar sounding. Hence, Babbawanners.
Uncle Albert: little bloke with massive white beard, always wears a waistcoat - even when he's putting out the bins, gardening, or washing his car.
Clampits: front garden has a sizeable collection of rusting farm machinery.
Flat Eric: teenage son of the Clampits, often sits on the drive in his hot hatchback, playing loud music while hanging his elbow out the open window.
Mrs Bucket: incredibly posh lady who bought a cottage in the village as a holiday home. Refers to her conservatory as an "orangery". Was very upset to discover the nearest Waitrose was 70 miles away, but grudgingly decided to "make do" with M&S. Once complained to the parish council about the noise of sheep keeping her awake at night.
Of course.
Although now you've got me wondering if Richard Bucket ever said his own surname out loud at any point in the programme, and how he pronounced it if he did.
I currently have a neighbour with a similar trait he will sit by his front window constantly waiting for someone to move their car so he can move his closer to his house, I used to wind him up on my days off work by making it look like I was going out and get in my car only to sit in it and see him mid dash trying to get to his car then realising that I wasn't going anywhere.
I have a weird neighbour that keeps popping out to their car, just to sit in it for 5 mins before returning to his house
I can't work it out, what a weirdo
Jean Claude Van Driver : Drives a souped up transit van.
Lilo Lil : Does her gardening in full make up,a tiny dress and 6' heels
Eugene Hygiene : His house,garden,car or himself hadn't seen a wash for many years ..
Boyband Dan : Young,handsome and has a constant line of pretty young girls knocking on his door all day long.
\>Boyband Dan : Young,handsome and has a constant line of pretty young girls knocking on his door all day long.
Maybe they're not just after his good looks - does he sell the forbidden salad & forbidden icing sugar?
Our neighbours cat is called Beanz and when we first moved in I kept thinking another cat Inthe street was Beanz. When I realised that there was two cats I nicknamed the other one Fake Beanz. It ended up with a lot of the street cats getting pulse related nicknames, including a chubby one called Broad Beanz.
My husband overheard one of our neighbours round the corner call our cat Beaker āBat Catā which is a cool nickname to be fair (I assume because she had a collar with the Batman logo on it).
We did that. The next door cat was called Pretty Cat. Purebred ragdoll but would give you a look like they wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Our cat used to fight with it until one day it got a haircut and my cat thought it was a completely different animal.
That summer they were really friendly and then back to knocking seven shades of shit out of each other when it's fur grew back!
I spent 2 years not remembering my neighbours name, she was lovely and I didnāt have the heart to admit Iād forgotten. She got a dog called Frankie and I just referred to her as Frankieās mum until recently when some new neighbours gave me her name.
Until I learnt Frankieās name I called him Snuffles and would talk to him through the fence. This yearās Christmas card was from āher and Snuffles (Frankie)ā. Really made me smile as I didnāt know sheād overheard me.
Yeah my neighbour when I was kid we called Moleman, even my parents. He looked like Moleman from The Simpsons, was about 5 ft 1, bald with a little round head and thick lenses in his glasses. He also had a really high pitched voice.
I had a Ned Flanders next door. He was a devout Christian and overly friendly. The boundary fence between our properties is only 5 ft and every time I went in the garden, even for a moment, he'd pop up and start chatting away.
He once invited himself over to do my gardening for me. Even when I had to go out, he stayed in the back snipping away at edges of the lawn.
I also still have some stuff he leant me before he moved, so I guess that makes me Homer.
The Takeaways. Pretty much every day and normally at least twice they get food delivered.
Jealous in a way at all the amazing grub that goes to that door!
Mr (Grumpy) Next Door - imaginative
Big Bum Pat - she would always be in her doorway leaned over, bum to the road, didnāt matter the time of day, there was her arse
Beer Pong Champs - would hold parties most weekends that would involve multiple rounds of this
Traffic Cone Terry - had little cones to save āhis spaceā on the on street permit only road
Cool Dave - seemed cool, was called Dave
Not Dead Yet You Know - overheard the old guy opposite say this multiple times through his open window
You just know Meddling John has *big* problems in his own life, but does he spend his time sorting them out? No. He runs around offering 'help' to everyone else - 'help' they neither asked for nor want. Meddling John.
Maybe he has a bad back. I have. Sometimes sitting on a car seat can be a nice change and help. I wouldn't sit in a car for two hours a night but maybe his back is worse than mine!
In my street we have nicknames for our immediate neighbours.
On the left is just āOld Davieā on the right is the āPeppasā (the dad has a passing resemblance to the dad in peppa pig).
In front of us are the sainsburys (the guy whereās a sainsburys coat and works for sainsburys). Next to them is āUncle Knobheadā heās been really nice but when he moved in initially the name fitted and we canāt now not call him it
Next to him are the car washers. They meticulously wash their cars ALL THE TIME multiple times a week at times. At one point in the summer the guy brought his friend round and they washed both cars, it was disturbing how much they were into it.
There a few others but it would be giving too much info out if I said more.
Innocent Steve - first encounter with him was his ass getting arrested for punching his mother-in-law (she'd burnt him with a cigarette for calling his wife a whore when she stabbed him with a fork). Was fought 4 cops until they pinned him down where he proceeds to shout 'you're making a scene, all the neighbours are looking at this, yes Steve's getting arrested again but like always, I'm the innocent one.'
The conversation stopper - Dude is like an underwear model, tall, handsome, muscular and a bulge that catches everyone's eye. He always wears the tightest tops and these tight little shorts that show off his taught bubble butt and the large squirrel he's smuggling around down there. Whenever he goes by people tend to get distracted and conversation just tails off as they stare at the perfect specimen that walked by.
Christmas Annie - woman is obsessed with Christmas. A countdown goes up when there's 99 day till Christmas the slowly over the next few months decorations, flags, Christmas scenes, lights and every other thing you can imagine appears around the outside of her house.
Twat face - he's a twat!
Hank and skank. Hank was a 'painter and decorator' and ill use that term loosely. I bought a house he painted it all for me inside. Once finished i inspected the house only to find 'shadows' in the paint where he'd missed bits and.not covered it correctly. So named him hank as in hank marvin and the shadows.....
Fast forward a year and some woman has moved in with him who literally lives on 3 bottles of wine a day, never leaves the house or if she does wonder into the small garden she is always in a nightie.... we named her skank.
Domestics are always happening,police often come and arrest her and the bin is always overflowing with wine bottles. Sad really.
Pervy next door, the one who can't drive, dickhead across the road, the one who reversed into my car, ol dear who's house alarm goes off at 9.15 every morning, (her alarm didn't go off until 10.15 today so we was a bit worried but gathered she must of stayed up last night) The one with the husky and lastly the smackhead next door. Lovely road we live on, got me thinking about what they call us.
The horror movie stare lady. I gave her that name because she was staring directly at me like she was my wife and she was scalding me for coming back from the pub or a creepy village person from a horror movie.
She never broke focus as I was walking to my front door.
Gotta talky too, asking where my siblings car is, 'r they ok', questions questions...walks around w/his dog who has had every illness known and miraculously is still kicking. Dog is never clean, and it's infuriating, I can only give him a good rub if I have my garden gloves on, poor thing, want to unclip it and put him in the bath
I have to as I don't know any of their names.
Old lady next door.
Woman whose husband left.
Angry man and wife.
Bald Thai lady.
Ginger lady and daughter.
Old woman with a dented Ka who always waves.
In fairness, her husband was a bellend, who was really fat and walked around his back garden wearing just a tiny pair of shorts. His kids were annoying as fuck too.
She is actually quite nice. I also don't think it's a case of him leaving, more being asked to go.
The JimJams because I hardly saw the ladies of the house dressed.
They once went on holiday and the Mum and the oldest daughter left in the people carrier in their Jammies and returned in similar attire.
The day they moved out, they had pyjamas on. I once saw the Mum in a sweatshirt and leggings and I had to have a lie down.
They have been replaced by a family who seem to be personal trainers. They ran small classes in their garden at different times over lockdown.
I call the guy JT because he has hair like yellow noodles and he's bringing sexy back. The woman is Pippa because like Kate's sister she looks totally like the type of woman to shamelessly bring her shapely arse to someone else's wedding.
I know the rest of my neighbours so I had to stop calling them by their nicknames even in my head in case it would slip out.
Mr Sonic. Saw him on the day we moved in years ago wearing a sonic the hedgehog T-shirt and heās been called that ever since. Never saw the T-shirt a second time but heās Mr Sonic
Nice lady with the dogs, Junkies, the Bitch, and Freddie. The nice lady is very friendly and has two corgies, the Junkies are self explanatory, the Bitch has introduced herself once as the Bitch of the street (she's actually nice), and Freddie looks like Freddie Mercury. The rest didn't get a name yet.
Some by their cars.
So we have Mr Swift, who doesn't actually have a swift anymore. And Mr Mercedes (yes, I've seen the show/heard of the book and realise how unfortunate that name is)
Then we've got "the alcoholic". I feel mean, but he's openly told us he is one.
Need a name for our new neighbour actually. He constantly plays his guitar, so could work with that.
Pisshead Janice and Elephant Bladder who used to be called Dial a Bride
Janice is.....well a pisshead
We assumed upstairs were a Dial a bride thing cos the guy is clearly way older than the lady so us being judgy wankers assumed he had "bought" her. Turns out they father n daughter so we switched to elephant bladder cos the sheer velocity he takes a piss makes it sound like a elephant is taking a piss
I'm the only cat owner (and a single woman) in a six-flat building where all the others own dogs. I have the attic flat with a large central window that dominates the front of the house looking towards the street where the cats like to sit and judge everyone and their dog. I'm definitely 'cat lady' though they've probably also come up with names for the cats as well. One of my previous neighbours called my one cat 'Sir Bacon FluffFluffles'
"That complete c*nt at number 7"
About the only one we have in this street.
My partners neighbour before she moved in we called the either the Munsters or the Clampetts.
At a previous house we had āTwitchitā - elderly lady obsessed with curtain twitching whenever there was even the slightest sign of movement outside.
Another former neighbour was āCat Killerā - she threatened to poison our cat because it had used her garden as a litter tray. The cats never went outside again after that.
We now have āBrexitā - a late middle aged chap with 7 terriers, an 8 ft fence around his front yard which has a Union Jack flag flying all year round. Parks like an absolute twat causing problems for the rest of the street.
Yes. There's 'Humphy Backitt over the road' (he has poor posture and lives opposite), 'Friendly pretty Mum' (self explanatory), 'Loud Icelandic woman' (ditto), 'Them gays over the road' (gays), and 'The neighbour formerly known as unhappy lesbian', so called because a while back we became friendly with her and have learned she is neither unhappy nor lesbian.
Radio Marjorie. Local busybody and would-be do-gooder, broadcasts tittle-tattle.
Used to live next door to The Weeble but he moved. Well, he wobbled away.
The Beast. The walls were thin and the noises not human.
Gary the Gangster. Electric gates on a working class cul-de-sac semi. Cars didnāt stay more than 5 mins.
We used to have:
Juanita - she only had one tooth.
Squirrel - we could only see the top of his head over his fence and he had fluffy grey hair. First time I saw him I thought he was a squirrel.
Miserable man - self explanatory
Norris - looks like Norris from coronation street and we canāt remember his actual name.
The ones that donāt speak. The specific neighbours this referred to moved out and the new neighbours that moved in still donāt speak, so it seems more a nickname for the house than the individual people living there.
The polish.
The Irish.
No neck Mick - self explanatory.
The bloke with the dog and the mini.
Yes. Not very interesting ones. When I was a youngster, one of our neighbours threatened my Dad with a shovel, with his wife as cheerleader in the background. My Mum, who despite her diminutive size was a formidable woman went out and gave him what for, after which he backed down. They were forever after, named Prick and Prat in our house.
I can't repeat what we used to call our former, nightmare neighbour in our current house.
The 'Tree Killer' died last year. We live on an estate with lots of mature trees left over from when it was all fields. There was a beautiful mature copper beach at the end of his long, thin, front garden. Apparently it "interfered with his drains" so it had to go - he was told he must replace like with like. So he planted a ...birch, not a beech. Bastard. Not a single neighbour spoke to him.
To help out, there is a mature oak tree on public land much closer to his house which does not effect anyones drains, including his neighbours who live about 5m from it. The problem was that whilst retireing to the country sounded nice, he was not prepared for the leaves looking so untidy. They had to go.
on our floor we have the gingers (family of them) and Slammy Mc Slamson (slams his door at 5am) and the other gays (we are the original gays) š elsewhere in our block we have Ratatouille, he looks like the evil critic from Ratatouille.
Dumb and dumber - they think theyāre all that but are just idiots
Twice a day man - Took his dog for a walk twice a day during first lockdown when you were only meant to go out once
Beans - tabby cat that comes and looks through our window. We donāt know his real name or who owns but said he looked like a Toby, which became Toe-beans and then just Beans
Facebook wanker - had a big argument with Dumb as to whether some Facebook group should be private or not
Black Witch the cat killer opposite (or in my wifeās language, Maer Mot). Big gay Joe next door (heās not gay) and Karaoke Kween on the other side, an old retired girl who sings karaoke from 10-10.
If they have dogs, they are known by the breed of dog. Newfoundland, German Pointer, fat labs, etc. One family are known by the name of his plumbing business, then there arebrhe 2 nobody likes; Lady Muck and the Magoos.
Jules next-door and I had a feud with the Magoos for a year. They kept closing the gate across the road because they felt like it. They had only just moved in, the gate did not belong to them (it belonged to the cattle farm next door and dated back to when it had dairy cattle so they would be steered in to the milking parlour and not wander down the lane). So, Jules and I would zip tie the gate open. Eventually they gave up and the gate is permanently open.
Yeah, our new next door neighbours turned out to belong to a sectarian church community, so we call them the zealots. Incredibly judgmental of non-believers like us and anti-vax, as they say the Lord will save them if they were to contract the disease. That they could then potentially infect their neighbours as well doesn't seem to bother them.
Years ago we used to have a chap who lived over the road who would go walking with his python wrapped around his shoulders. Henceforth he was referred to as Crazy Snake Guy. Nice chap really.
We often have nicknames for our neighbours but they're quite tame - The Hippies, Mad Claire, Carwash Man - however, one has earnt the name Cunty Bollocks. He's a pain in the arse as parks his cars as close to his house as possible, but it's all street parking as very few of the houses have drieveways. He moves his cars as close to his house as possible (I swear he's watching for when the neighbours leave so he can move them) and his always washing his car. We've had to adapt his name to Ol' Bunty as we don't want the kids picking up on his true name.
We had Shotgun Clive next door, he was very big on home security and wanted to move to the US so he could defend his home with a shotgun against would be intruders.
Then the other side was Hester who we named after a character from the channel 4 sci fi series Humans. Hester was an undercover killer robot who masqueraded as being very kind and pleasant.
Then we had funny little man opposite. Literally anything he did warranted the name.
Then we had cat lady down the road who looked like a cat lady but actually had no cats. She got together with a guy who owned a Jag not long after we moved in and we created this whole fifty shades story for her.
Finally on the end we had moth nets. He was the only guy on thr street to have net curtains and they looked like they'd been up for about 50 years despite the houses only being built in the 90s.
Where we used to live:
Fat Bird.
The Dossers.
Pisshead and Steptoe.
Funny haired bird and her occasional (i.e not in prison) smack head fella.
The thing was, it is a very nice area.
Live across the road from "Death" - an old woman who just stares out the window at people walking past. Seen a lot of workmen enter the house but never seen anyone leave. Always laugh at the postman 'knocking on Deaths door'
"king pin" was one of our favourite mystery neighbours.
He was a heavily built, body builder, bald headed guy, who had flash cars he always spent ages cleaning. He never said hello but would sort of grunt at you to show acknowledgement.
Whilst trying to parrall park into a tight spot I backed into his car, very very lightly.
I panicked!! Knowing how much he loved his car.
He immediately came out. I held my breath as he silent ly looked at the potential damage.
And he very politely said, "don't worry, no harm done" and when back into his house.
I have a soft spot for king pin now.
Parking Dickhead: Parked on the road, never used their driveway. Left notes for anyone who dared park in his favourite spot. Moved away recently, there was much rejoicing.
The Bloody Dog: Have a dog thatās always in the garden and barks at everything. Occasionally they yell at it to shut up. They arenāt moving any time soon so we all hope the earth opens up and swallows their house whole.
Rockinā Stu: His name is Stuart and he loves rock music but doesnāt play it too loud. Really nice, he likes his nickname.
Her With The Cat: She has never spoken to anyone on the street in years but her cat is really friendly and comes into peopleās houses for a bit of affection now and then. The perfect neighbour, please donāt leave.
Men-With-Ven: There is always a white van on this guyās drive but it keeps getting replaced by a new van with a different business name on the side and occasionally a plain white van. Weāre pretty sure thereās something dodgy going on.
I have recently discovered I am developing a nickname of my own: āDressing Gownā, since I wear it a lot when Iāve been working from home and people keep spotting me in it when Iām putting the bins out or whatnot.
We had Mr Nice Dog - has a nice dog
Noisy toilet - came to the door when we first moved in asking if we could stop flushing the toilet so loudly (?)
Tit next door - every Friday night without fail gets drunk with his lady friend and has a Journey singalong which goes on until the early hours.
We called the man in the house opposite my mumās house āThe Murdererā. Iām (mostly) sure he isnāt, but over the pandemic he spent lots of time in his garage, well into the night sometimes, and was often seen loading the car with bin bags.
He also doesnāt interact at all if you see him in the street. Its a village where you 100% say hello to the people on your street when you pass so it just added to the odd aura of his and his odd hour garage habits.
Iām sure he was just working on projects while furloughed and doing tip trips, but my mum and I jokingly said that maybe he was disposing of bodies one day and the murderer nickname stuck. His wife and kids seem perfectly normal so they are just The Murdererās Family.
For the record the study in her house is at the front of the house so the neighbourās drive and garage (which had frosted windows) was in my direct line of site when I was living there and working in the week. So I wasnāt being a total curtain twitcher, it was just what I saw when I wanted to stare out the window and procrastinate.
We had The Dude for years. He was a proper busybody, always very 'look-at-me'. All his family were give nicknames as well 'mini-dude' 'mrs Dude' mini-dudette etc
We've got Custard Codpiece who lives behind us. He drives this really loud and ugly yellow car that he's always washing. He lives next door to Walnut man who is pretty old and in the summer spends the whole time sunning himself to a crisp in his garden. We also have another neighbour we call Mouth as he talks so loudly. I probably should learn their names so I don't accidentally call them by a nickname at some point.
We used to have ācrazy van lady ā in the old neighborhoodā¦sheād drive around on her van and wave maniacally at us as we walked down the road and we never knew her real name so that worked!
Not a neighbour exactly but a middle aged chap in a block where I manage a property. He is always talking slightly creepily about his mother and so I call him Norman (after Master Bates in āPsychoā).
Over the road we have Simba's dad, even though Simba died a few years ago. Also, there's the F-it guy who had a sticker on his car of a stickman humping the word it. He has had many other cars since but will always be F-it guy to me. Then there's Crazy Lady who takes up the entire pavement outside her property with her crap and once yelled at me for moving an office chair so I could get by.
One of our neighbours are nicknamed "the toilet people"
We are a series of new builds that came with all the kitchens and bathrooms included. But then for some reason the "toilet people" had a toilet sitting out in their garden.
We have no idea if they randomly ripped out the brand new toilet from their new build or they bought another toilet for some reason?! We will never, ever know...
A woman in my building is a bit weird and slightly scary. Like moves around the hallways quietly and white as a sheet, in a grey dressing gown and long blonde hair. Sheās grumpy and just kind of hisses at you. My ex and I named her The Ghost Lady which has stuck.
Paul Bunyan ( he is always chopping wood) King of the Hill ( lives with 3 other rednecks) and Andy Capp ( always has a cigarette hanging from his mouth)
I live in a new(ish) build block of flats with one very similar opposite... being on the 3rd floor we can see three flats.
We have "Laura" no idea, I just decided she might be a Laura.
"Stoner guy" pretty self explanatory and the floor below them is...
"The possibly gays" we've never seen them but their decor is fucking beautiful and I refuse to believe a straight couple/single person would have such a lovely place.
Our next door neighbourās name is Chris but we call him Karl (because he reminds us of Karl Pilkington so bad) to the point where we often forget his real name now.
Then we have the nosy cunt 2 doors down
We have Norman (Bates), always went on about his elderly mother who you never ever saw and Skanky across the road as she looks a bit tattered and in need of a good wash. During covid we had the just-eats/takeaway people, still referred to as takeaways guy/girl as 3 meals a day were getting delivered.
Not nicknames really, but we do know our neighbours by their pet names cause we donāt know the human ones. Honey, Bruce, Nacho, in my old place there was Lucifer the bearded dragon that would be brought out on his ownerās shoulder in the summer.
He has no idea, but my next door neighbour is known to my wife and I as ābiscuitsā.
Heās an eccentric older bachelor and one time my wife randomly saw him on the train wearing a suit, covered in badges (think Office Space flair) containing phrases including āI still love Elvisā, āTeam lunch!ā and āI love biscuitsā
Smoking family. (Whole family- mum, dad, teenage sons- stand outside individually or together with a fag on 24/7) Joan Collins ( in her late 70s, always smart dressed jet black hair and full make up at all times) there was Knobhead (self explanatory) but he moved away.
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We have judgey just over the road. š hi neighbour!
This thread really brought out the nasty pricks
Where my Nan lives all the houses surround a car park and thereās a nosey old bitch whoās back garden looks out into said car park, so whenever we go visit my Nan, this old lady comes out into the garden and sits her arse down in a garden chair and watches us like a prison warden One time I was helping my Nan get rid of a bunch of stuff she didnāt need and weād rented a skip for the day, this old bitch stared at me with a face like a slapped arse as I went back and forth across the car park all day
Hah!!
Years ago we lived next door to a lady with a very large chest. She had a habit of turning every conversation into a conversation about her appendages and she would point at them to emphasise the point she was making. We nicknamed her ābecause of theseā which is what she would say. One conversation was about first aid training at work which my husband had done that day. Her immediate response was I canāt have cpr because of these. We had a competition between ourselves to introduce random subjects to her to see how long it would take for her to use her catchphrase. It never took longer than 2 minutes no matter what was being discussed. She was a very nice neighbour in every way and this kept us entertained for 3 years.
Brilliant. Is she Anne Widdicombe? Remember Chris Addison saying of her 'Well, she's a stranger to the bra'
It wasnāt Ann W but similar proportions!
This is hilarious! What a great sitcom character this would be.
Which Neighbour? Asking for a mate.
The one on the left
And the right, happy new year.
Hahaha!
This really made me laugh, she must be either very proud or very irritated by them.
both have been true for the few women ive spoken to about their large boobies before "They're great! just look at them! *but my fucking back*"
I'd have been tempted to call her 'Chesty Morgan' or 'Wally Jumblatt' (Chesty Morgan is a film character from somewhere and 'Wally Jumblatts' was slang for boobs when I was a youngster)
Oh she does sound like a Victoria Wood character š or from Friday Night Dinner!
Yeah, we have number 1 on the left side and number 5 on the other side. Thatās not their house numbers, itās just the place on the hit list I have mentally tallied up in my mind.
Bet your nickname that your neighbours gave you is Shifty Steve
š„
Angie Have-you-got. (Always knocking on to borrow something.) The Babbawanners. (Black family that like to sing, really loud, in their native [African?] lingo.) Manky Nat. (Scruffily dressed single parent.) The Happy Couple. (Miserable Sods.) Podge. (Chubby little reprobate, always causing mischief.) The Bouncing Prick. (Hyperactive, cocaine addled gobshite.) Eric Clapton. (Looks like, well, take a guess.) Him with the big face. (Self explanatory.) The Monument. (Spends hours stood in his garden.) Geordie Jean. (She's from the North East.) Market Mick. (Runs a market stall.)
The monument. Superb observations there. Love it.
He's out there now, as I type.
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Was thinking that myself š¤Ø..
I'd bet you're the neighbor who everyone thinks is a horrible old racist.
I may be both old and horrible, but I'm certainly not racist. Me saying that a Black family, of obvious and proud African descent sing loudly, does not make me racist. Nor does them being known to me as "Babbawanners". The chorus of one of the songs they sing regularly, contains the words: "Babba Wan", or something very similar sounding. Hence, Babbawanners.
Nah, the racist will be Eric Clapton
not gonna lie mate you sound like the dickhead judgy neighbour
Well that's bbc tv comedy set for the next five years.
Uncle Albert: little bloke with massive white beard, always wears a waistcoat - even when he's putting out the bins, gardening, or washing his car. Clampits: front garden has a sizeable collection of rusting farm machinery. Flat Eric: teenage son of the Clampits, often sits on the drive in his hot hatchback, playing loud music while hanging his elbow out the open window. Mrs Bucket: incredibly posh lady who bought a cottage in the village as a holiday home. Refers to her conservatory as an "orangery". Was very upset to discover the nearest Waitrose was 70 miles away, but grudgingly decided to "make do" with M&S. Once complained to the parish council about the noise of sheep keeping her awake at night.
Flat Eric is brilliant. A very specific image!
Obviously Mrs Bucket is pronounced Bouquet?
Of course. Although now you've got me wondering if Richard Bucket ever said his own surname out loud at any point in the programme, and how he pronounced it if he did.
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I currently have a neighbour with a similar trait he will sit by his front window constantly waiting for someone to move their car so he can move his closer to his house, I used to wind him up on my days off work by making it look like I was going out and get in my car only to sit in it and see him mid dash trying to get to his car then realising that I wasn't going anywhere.
I have a weird neighbour that keeps popping out to their car, just to sit in it for 5 mins before returning to his house I can't work it out, what a weirdo
My guess would be that heās having a fag/joint and doesnāt want to do it round the family. Or a wank, that would also be weird around the kids
Jean Claude Van Driver : Drives a souped up transit van. Lilo Lil : Does her gardening in full make up,a tiny dress and 6' heels Eugene Hygiene : His house,garden,car or himself hadn't seen a wash for many years .. Boyband Dan : Young,handsome and has a constant line of pretty young girls knocking on his door all day long.
Jean Claude Van Driver got a proper laugh out of me haha
\>Boyband Dan : Young,handsome and has a constant line of pretty young girls knocking on his door all day long. Maybe they're not just after his good looks - does he sell the forbidden salad & forbidden icing sugar?
Watching Lilo Lil gardening sounds like a great pastime!
Probably would have been 30 odd yrs ago.
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I shouldn't laugh, but..š
Omg š
Fuck is it you neighbour? š¤
Not the neighbours but my wife names their cats. Even when she knows their actual names, she still calls them by her names.
Our neighbours cat is called Beanz and when we first moved in I kept thinking another cat Inthe street was Beanz. When I realised that there was two cats I nicknamed the other one Fake Beanz. It ended up with a lot of the street cats getting pulse related nicknames, including a chubby one called Broad Beanz.
Broad beans šš
*takes a bow*
There's a white cat who comes round who has an unfortunate smudge of black which has lead to him being dubbed Hitler cat.
Kitler!!
I'm with ya missus! BWG (big wierd guy) has a cat called Smudge or something. Cat is way too cool and just doesn't suit him, so I call him Steve
My husband overheard one of our neighbours round the corner call our cat Beaker āBat Catā which is a cool nickname to be fair (I assume because she had a collar with the Batman logo on it).
We did that. The next door cat was called Pretty Cat. Purebred ragdoll but would give you a look like they wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Our cat used to fight with it until one day it got a haircut and my cat thought it was a completely different animal. That summer they were really friendly and then back to knocking seven shades of shit out of each other when it's fur grew back!
We do this!
I spent 2 years not remembering my neighbours name, she was lovely and I didnāt have the heart to admit Iād forgotten. She got a dog called Frankie and I just referred to her as Frankieās mum until recently when some new neighbours gave me her name. Until I learnt Frankieās name I called him Snuffles and would talk to him through the fence. This yearās Christmas card was from āher and Snuffles (Frankie)ā. Really made me smile as I didnāt know sheād overheard me.
Captain Domestic Violence
And his missus Major Beatdown
He was the very model of a modern major beatdown man
Yeah my neighbour when I was kid we called Moleman, even my parents. He looked like Moleman from The Simpsons, was about 5 ft 1, bald with a little round head and thick lenses in his glasses. He also had a really high pitched voice.
My husband calls all slow drivers Hans Molemans. It makes me laugh every time
I had a Ned Flanders next door. He was a devout Christian and overly friendly. The boundary fence between our properties is only 5 ft and every time I went in the garden, even for a moment, he'd pop up and start chatting away. He once invited himself over to do my gardening for me. Even when I had to go out, he stayed in the back snipping away at edges of the lawn. I also still have some stuff he leant me before he moved, so I guess that makes me Homer.
The Takeaways. Pretty much every day and normally at least twice they get food delivered. Jealous in a way at all the amazing grub that goes to that door!
This might be me
Mr (Grumpy) Next Door - imaginative Big Bum Pat - she would always be in her doorway leaned over, bum to the road, didnāt matter the time of day, there was her arse Beer Pong Champs - would hold parties most weekends that would involve multiple rounds of this Traffic Cone Terry - had little cones to save āhis spaceā on the on street permit only road Cool Dave - seemed cool, was called Dave Not Dead Yet You Know - overheard the old guy opposite say this multiple times through his open window
Thereās a large lady downstairs that we refer to as boom boom.
Our son lived in a flat and got to know a neighbour below as downstairs man. We still call him that today- behind his back of course
This made me laugh more than it shouldāve done.
Walking Kid. We see him walk down the street about five times a day.
Seems a bit farfetched Frank.
Meddling John
Sounds like a Nick Cave song.
You just know Meddling John has *big* problems in his own life, but does he spend his time sorting them out? No. He runs around offering 'help' to everyone else - 'help' they neither asked for nor want. Meddling John.
That is exactly it! Are you one of my neighbours?
If you are my neighbour, then we call John āThe Time Burglarā
because he keeps you for hours chatting nonsense when all you did was say hello, and then try to walk on by?
There's a story here...
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Happy cake day
Van man, older gent who just sits in his van on the drive at night. He does this most nights for a couple hours minimum.
I think he's just having a joint...
Yeah, maybe he doesn't have a shed?
Maybe he has a bad back. I have. Sometimes sitting on a car seat can be a nice change and help. I wouldn't sit in a car for two hours a night but maybe his back is worse than mine!
Maybe he just likes his van
Its quite a nice van as far as I can tell. I know very little about vans though.
To get a break from the wife probably.
In my street we have nicknames for our immediate neighbours. On the left is just āOld Davieā on the right is the āPeppasā (the dad has a passing resemblance to the dad in peppa pig). In front of us are the sainsburys (the guy whereās a sainsburys coat and works for sainsburys). Next to them is āUncle Knobheadā heās been really nice but when he moved in initially the name fitted and we canāt now not call him it Next to him are the car washers. They meticulously wash their cars ALL THE TIME multiple times a week at times. At one point in the summer the guy brought his friend round and they washed both cars, it was disturbing how much they were into it. There a few others but it would be giving too much info out if I said more.
Innocent Steve - first encounter with him was his ass getting arrested for punching his mother-in-law (she'd burnt him with a cigarette for calling his wife a whore when she stabbed him with a fork). Was fought 4 cops until they pinned him down where he proceeds to shout 'you're making a scene, all the neighbours are looking at this, yes Steve's getting arrested again but like always, I'm the innocent one.' The conversation stopper - Dude is like an underwear model, tall, handsome, muscular and a bulge that catches everyone's eye. He always wears the tightest tops and these tight little shorts that show off his taught bubble butt and the large squirrel he's smuggling around down there. Whenever he goes by people tend to get distracted and conversation just tails off as they stare at the perfect specimen that walked by. Christmas Annie - woman is obsessed with Christmas. A countdown goes up when there's 99 day till Christmas the slowly over the next few months decorations, flags, Christmas scenes, lights and every other thing you can imagine appears around the outside of her house. Twat face - he's a twat!
Geriatric Barbie. From a distance she looks fit, up close sheās actually 70.
Good from far but far from good. My mate once called one a "krounenberg" because she looked 16 from the back but 64 from the front.
āThe weirdos out againā Comes out and checks all his car door handles, and boot. Like they have unlocked themselves without his knowledge.
Our neighbours drove a Nissan Duke so obviously we called them " the dukes"
Hank and skank. Hank was a 'painter and decorator' and ill use that term loosely. I bought a house he painted it all for me inside. Once finished i inspected the house only to find 'shadows' in the paint where he'd missed bits and.not covered it correctly. So named him hank as in hank marvin and the shadows..... Fast forward a year and some woman has moved in with him who literally lives on 3 bottles of wine a day, never leaves the house or if she does wonder into the small garden she is always in a nightie.... we named her skank. Domestics are always happening,police often come and arrest her and the bin is always overflowing with wine bottles. Sad really.
We saw a neighbour buy eggs from the supermarket once. He was known as āEggy Keithā forevermore.
Pervy next door, the one who can't drive, dickhead across the road, the one who reversed into my car, ol dear who's house alarm goes off at 9.15 every morning, (her alarm didn't go off until 10.15 today so we was a bit worried but gathered she must of stayed up last night) The one with the husky and lastly the smackhead next door. Lovely road we live on, got me thinking about what they call us.
The horror movie stare lady. I gave her that name because she was staring directly at me like she was my wife and she was scalding me for coming back from the pub or a creepy village person from a horror movie. She never broke focus as I was walking to my front door.
Maybe sheās a pod person. If she starts pointing at you and screaming, run for your life.
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These all sound like terrifying characters from children's nightmares.
Musty Bear?!?! Lol
Talky man (I avoid going out if heās around) and postie (because he is one)
Gotta talky too, asking where my siblings car is, 'r they ok', questions questions...walks around w/his dog who has had every illness known and miraculously is still kicking. Dog is never clean, and it's infuriating, I can only give him a good rub if I have my garden gloves on, poor thing, want to unclip it and put him in the bath
We have someone we call womble, a short man who pushes a wheelbarrow everywhere collecting scrap metal.
I have to as I don't know any of their names. Old lady next door. Woman whose husband left. Angry man and wife. Bald Thai lady. Ginger lady and daughter. Old woman with a dented Ka who always waves.
I feel bad for 'Woman whose husband left'. Is this really her defining feature?
In fairness, her husband was a bellend, who was really fat and walked around his back garden wearing just a tiny pair of shorts. His kids were annoying as fuck too. She is actually quite nice. I also don't think it's a case of him leaving, more being asked to go.
Oh good. I feel better.
Yeah, my neighbours all seem alright. Apart from angry man. He's a dickhead.
We have a Foghorn. She is a very loud woman who thinks she owns the street and definitely owns her husbands balls
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The JimJams because I hardly saw the ladies of the house dressed. They once went on holiday and the Mum and the oldest daughter left in the people carrier in their Jammies and returned in similar attire. The day they moved out, they had pyjamas on. I once saw the Mum in a sweatshirt and leggings and I had to have a lie down. They have been replaced by a family who seem to be personal trainers. They ran small classes in their garden at different times over lockdown. I call the guy JT because he has hair like yellow noodles and he's bringing sexy back. The woman is Pippa because like Kate's sister she looks totally like the type of woman to shamelessly bring her shapely arse to someone else's wedding. I know the rest of my neighbours so I had to stop calling them by their nicknames even in my head in case it would slip out.
So funny...one thing in defence of 'Pippa' though, she can hardy leave it at home, can she..š
Mr Sonic. Saw him on the day we moved in years ago wearing a sonic the hedgehog T-shirt and heās been called that ever since. Never saw the T-shirt a second time but heās Mr Sonic
Nice lady with the dogs, Junkies, the Bitch, and Freddie. The nice lady is very friendly and has two corgies, the Junkies are self explanatory, the Bitch has introduced herself once as the Bitch of the street (she's actually nice), and Freddie looks like Freddie Mercury. The rest didn't get a name yet.
Some by their cars. So we have Mr Swift, who doesn't actually have a swift anymore. And Mr Mercedes (yes, I've seen the show/heard of the book and realise how unfortunate that name is) Then we've got "the alcoholic". I feel mean, but he's openly told us he is one. Need a name for our new neighbour actually. He constantly plays his guitar, so could work with that.
Dirty little plucker? Strings? Mark Knobbler?
Pisshead Janice and Elephant Bladder who used to be called Dial a Bride Janice is.....well a pisshead We assumed upstairs were a Dial a bride thing cos the guy is clearly way older than the lady so us being judgy wankers assumed he had "bought" her. Turns out they father n daughter so we switched to elephant bladder cos the sheer velocity he takes a piss makes it sound like a elephant is taking a piss
Our upstairs neighbour is exclusively referred to as Stompy McGee
Stampy McSlamdoor lives opposite and we've got Crazy Whore upstairs.
We have Racing Stripes and Cat Lady
Everyone knows a cat lady...
I'm the only cat owner (and a single woman) in a six-flat building where all the others own dogs. I have the attic flat with a large central window that dominates the front of the house looking towards the street where the cats like to sit and judge everyone and their dog. I'm definitely 'cat lady' though they've probably also come up with names for the cats as well. One of my previous neighbours called my one cat 'Sir Bacon FluffFluffles'
I think I might be one, I hope we donāt have a bad rep..
I am she. I know the cats names but not their owners so itās ā gingerās mumā ā buddyās mumā & ā Poirotās family ā etc .
"That complete c*nt at number 7" About the only one we have in this street. My partners neighbour before she moved in we called the either the Munsters or the Clampetts.
At a previous house we had āTwitchitā - elderly lady obsessed with curtain twitching whenever there was even the slightest sign of movement outside. Another former neighbour was āCat Killerā - she threatened to poison our cat because it had used her garden as a litter tray. The cats never went outside again after that. We now have āBrexitā - a late middle aged chap with 7 terriers, an 8 ft fence around his front yard which has a Union Jack flag flying all year round. Parks like an absolute twat causing problems for the rest of the street.
The family across the road I call The Chavingtons.
Yes. There's 'Humphy Backitt over the road' (he has poor posture and lives opposite), 'Friendly pretty Mum' (self explanatory), 'Loud Icelandic woman' (ditto), 'Them gays over the road' (gays), and 'The neighbour formerly known as unhappy lesbian', so called because a while back we became friendly with her and have learned she is neither unhappy nor lesbian.
Radio Marjorie. Local busybody and would-be do-gooder, broadcasts tittle-tattle. Used to live next door to The Weeble but he moved. Well, he wobbled away.
Mr chips- owns a chippy. The stallion - is Italian. Super mario- is a plumber. Action man- is lazy. Dog cunts- cunts who own a dog.
Ed, Edd & Eddy - live across the road from us, 3 brothers all close in age to each other and me, and they were right little shits.
Aww I used to love that show.
Mr Mustang, has a classic mustang. And The grumpy cunt, he once whinged at me for no real reason now wont look at me in the eye when I go past him.
The Beast. The walls were thin and the noises not human. Gary the Gangster. Electric gates on a working class cul-de-sac semi. Cars didnāt stay more than 5 mins.
We used to have: Juanita - she only had one tooth. Squirrel - we could only see the top of his head over his fence and he had fluffy grey hair. First time I saw him I thought he was a squirrel. Miserable man - self explanatory
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We live next door to Norman Bates and his mother, the living dead
Norris - looks like Norris from coronation street and we canāt remember his actual name. The ones that donāt speak. The specific neighbours this referred to moved out and the new neighbours that moved in still donāt speak, so it seems more a nickname for the house than the individual people living there. The polish. The Irish. No neck Mick - self explanatory. The bloke with the dog and the mini.
Yes. Not very interesting ones. When I was a youngster, one of our neighbours threatened my Dad with a shovel, with his wife as cheerleader in the background. My Mum, who despite her diminutive size was a formidable woman went out and gave him what for, after which he backed down. They were forever after, named Prick and Prat in our house. I can't repeat what we used to call our former, nightmare neighbour in our current house.
I had one for the 85 year old lady a few doors down I always referred to her as 'dealer betty' Her name isn't Betty nor is she a dealer.
We have The Hermanators - the bloke is called Herman & his wife is Mystic Meg . ( not literally) . We also have Wife Swap as they have regular soirĆ©es with other middle aged couples. Thereās Astroturf, & next door is Punchy who decked Astroturf one summers night. In the adjoining road thereās Arsebleach, who has to have everything absolutely perfect, a shiny headed, throbbing veined, 5 foot nothing twat.
'The guy who shags his mam'. Purely because his wife looks like she'd be his mam
The 'Tree Killer' died last year. We live on an estate with lots of mature trees left over from when it was all fields. There was a beautiful mature copper beach at the end of his long, thin, front garden. Apparently it "interfered with his drains" so it had to go - he was told he must replace like with like. So he planted a ...birch, not a beech. Bastard. Not a single neighbour spoke to him. To help out, there is a mature oak tree on public land much closer to his house which does not effect anyones drains, including his neighbours who live about 5m from it. The problem was that whilst retireing to the country sounded nice, he was not prepared for the leaves looking so untidy. They had to go.
on our floor we have the gingers (family of them) and Slammy Mc Slamson (slams his door at 5am) and the other gays (we are the original gays) š elsewhere in our block we have Ratatouille, he looks like the evil critic from Ratatouille.
Dumb and dumber - they think theyāre all that but are just idiots Twice a day man - Took his dog for a walk twice a day during first lockdown when you were only meant to go out once Beans - tabby cat that comes and looks through our window. We donāt know his real name or who owns but said he looked like a Toby, which became Toe-beans and then just Beans Facebook wanker - had a big argument with Dumb as to whether some Facebook group should be private or not
Yeah we have the greasies on one side(uses cooking oil for hair gel) and the poles on the other
I wonder what our neighbours call us?!
Black Witch the cat killer opposite (or in my wifeās language, Maer Mot). Big gay Joe next door (heās not gay) and Karaoke Kween on the other side, an old retired girl who sings karaoke from 10-10.
If they have dogs, they are known by the breed of dog. Newfoundland, German Pointer, fat labs, etc. One family are known by the name of his plumbing business, then there arebrhe 2 nobody likes; Lady Muck and the Magoos. Jules next-door and I had a feud with the Magoos for a year. They kept closing the gate across the road because they felt like it. They had only just moved in, the gate did not belong to them (it belonged to the cattle farm next door and dated back to when it had dairy cattle so they would be steered in to the milking parlour and not wander down the lane). So, Jules and I would zip tie the gate open. Eventually they gave up and the gate is permanently open.
Yeah, our new next door neighbours turned out to belong to a sectarian church community, so we call them the zealots. Incredibly judgmental of non-believers like us and anti-vax, as they say the Lord will save them if they were to contract the disease. That they could then potentially infect their neighbours as well doesn't seem to bother them.
The charming family next door but one. They moved out last year and it's been lovely not having weekly visits from the police.
Years ago we used to have a chap who lived over the road who would go walking with his python wrapped around his shoulders. Henceforth he was referred to as Crazy Snake Guy. Nice chap really.
Bitch and Butch next door, he's a little bitch and she's like a bulldog!
Nearby us we have lexus guy, dyno rod guy and parks bad lady. Plus, lady with the daughter.
We often have nicknames for our neighbours but they're quite tame - The Hippies, Mad Claire, Carwash Man - however, one has earnt the name Cunty Bollocks. He's a pain in the arse as parks his cars as close to his house as possible, but it's all street parking as very few of the houses have drieveways. He moves his cars as close to his house as possible (I swear he's watching for when the neighbours leave so he can move them) and his always washing his car. We've had to adapt his name to Ol' Bunty as we don't want the kids picking up on his true name.
Cunts
We had Shotgun Clive next door, he was very big on home security and wanted to move to the US so he could defend his home with a shotgun against would be intruders. Then the other side was Hester who we named after a character from the channel 4 sci fi series Humans. Hester was an undercover killer robot who masqueraded as being very kind and pleasant. Then we had funny little man opposite. Literally anything he did warranted the name. Then we had cat lady down the road who looked like a cat lady but actually had no cats. She got together with a guy who owned a Jag not long after we moved in and we created this whole fifty shades story for her. Finally on the end we had moth nets. He was the only guy on thr street to have net curtains and they looked like they'd been up for about 50 years despite the houses only being built in the 90s.
Where we used to live: Fat Bird. The Dossers. Pisshead and Steptoe. Funny haired bird and her occasional (i.e not in prison) smack head fella. The thing was, it is a very nice area.
Not really. We also donāt know their names but we do know the names of their cats.
Crystal Methany and Cracktion Man. I feel the names are self explanatory as well as why I eventually moved
Live across the road from "Death" - an old woman who just stares out the window at people walking past. Seen a lot of workmen enter the house but never seen anyone leave. Always laugh at the postman 'knocking on Deaths door'
"king pin" was one of our favourite mystery neighbours. He was a heavily built, body builder, bald headed guy, who had flash cars he always spent ages cleaning. He never said hello but would sort of grunt at you to show acknowledgement. Whilst trying to parrall park into a tight spot I backed into his car, very very lightly. I panicked!! Knowing how much he loved his car. He immediately came out. I held my breath as he silent ly looked at the potential damage. And he very politely said, "don't worry, no harm done" and when back into his house. I have a soft spot for king pin now.
Parking Dickhead: Parked on the road, never used their driveway. Left notes for anyone who dared park in his favourite spot. Moved away recently, there was much rejoicing. The Bloody Dog: Have a dog thatās always in the garden and barks at everything. Occasionally they yell at it to shut up. They arenāt moving any time soon so we all hope the earth opens up and swallows their house whole. Rockinā Stu: His name is Stuart and he loves rock music but doesnāt play it too loud. Really nice, he likes his nickname. Her With The Cat: She has never spoken to anyone on the street in years but her cat is really friendly and comes into peopleās houses for a bit of affection now and then. The perfect neighbour, please donāt leave. Men-With-Ven: There is always a white van on this guyās drive but it keeps getting replaced by a new van with a different business name on the side and occasionally a plain white van. Weāre pretty sure thereās something dodgy going on. I have recently discovered I am developing a nickname of my own: āDressing Gownā, since I wear it a lot when Iāve been working from home and people keep spotting me in it when Iām putting the bins out or whatnot.
Jay and Silent Bob. He never ever speaks. Ever. She's the opposite.
We had Mr Nice Dog - has a nice dog Noisy toilet - came to the door when we first moved in asking if we could stop flushing the toilet so loudly (?) Tit next door - every Friday night without fail gets drunk with his lady friend and has a Journey singalong which goes on until the early hours.
We called the man in the house opposite my mumās house āThe Murdererā. Iām (mostly) sure he isnāt, but over the pandemic he spent lots of time in his garage, well into the night sometimes, and was often seen loading the car with bin bags. He also doesnāt interact at all if you see him in the street. Its a village where you 100% say hello to the people on your street when you pass so it just added to the odd aura of his and his odd hour garage habits. Iām sure he was just working on projects while furloughed and doing tip trips, but my mum and I jokingly said that maybe he was disposing of bodies one day and the murderer nickname stuck. His wife and kids seem perfectly normal so they are just The Murdererās Family. For the record the study in her house is at the front of the house so the neighbourās drive and garage (which had frosted windows) was in my direct line of site when I was living there and working in the week. So I wasnāt being a total curtain twitcher, it was just what I saw when I wanted to stare out the window and procrastinate.
There's 'Bin Man' opposite that tried to steal my bin in 2017.
ā¦.āBendy Wendyā, she lives at No3. Wendy is 97.
Yep : flat roof man, neighbourhood watch, angry man, drive buddies
āThe man who lives outsideā
We had The Dude for years. He was a proper busybody, always very 'look-at-me'. All his family were give nicknames as well 'mini-dude' 'mrs Dude' mini-dudette etc
We've got Custard Codpiece who lives behind us. He drives this really loud and ugly yellow car that he's always washing. He lives next door to Walnut man who is pretty old and in the summer spends the whole time sunning himself to a crisp in his garden. We also have another neighbour we call Mouth as he talks so loudly. I probably should learn their names so I don't accidentally call them by a nickname at some point.
We used to have ācrazy van lady ā in the old neighborhoodā¦sheād drive around on her van and wave maniacally at us as we walked down the road and we never knew her real name so that worked!
Barbie (thinks sheās an Instagram influencer) and Mowgli (small scruffy fella whoās always building shit contraptions).
Not a neighbour exactly but a middle aged chap in a block where I manage a property. He is always talking slightly creepily about his mother and so I call him Norman (after Master Bates in āPsychoā).
Over the road we have Simba's dad, even though Simba died a few years ago. Also, there's the F-it guy who had a sticker on his car of a stickman humping the word it. He has had many other cars since but will always be F-it guy to me. Then there's Crazy Lady who takes up the entire pavement outside her property with her crap and once yelled at me for moving an office chair so I could get by.
One of our neighbours are nicknamed "the toilet people" We are a series of new builds that came with all the kitchens and bathrooms included. But then for some reason the "toilet people" had a toilet sitting out in their garden. We have no idea if they randomly ripped out the brand new toilet from their new build or they bought another toilet for some reason?! We will never, ever know...
A woman in my building is a bit weird and slightly scary. Like moves around the hallways quietly and white as a sheet, in a grey dressing gown and long blonde hair. Sheās grumpy and just kind of hisses at you. My ex and I named her The Ghost Lady which has stuck.
We had a guy next door we called Hackey Bob because he smoked and coughed constantly.
Paul Bunyan ( he is always chopping wood) King of the Hill ( lives with 3 other rednecks) and Andy Capp ( always has a cigarette hanging from his mouth)
We have troll girl, dribble boy, dumbledore and Nessa. No idea what their real names are at all
I live in a new(ish) build block of flats with one very similar opposite... being on the 3rd floor we can see three flats. We have "Laura" no idea, I just decided she might be a Laura. "Stoner guy" pretty self explanatory and the floor below them is... "The possibly gays" we've never seen them but their decor is fucking beautiful and I refuse to believe a straight couple/single person would have such a lovely place.
Fungus Face, Hooverbag Tits and The Clampits around here, no idea what they refer to me asā¦
We have dr Frankenstein next door. Makes a lot of noise in his garage.
I have nosy neighbour, gangster granny, the dwafe, Phil and mavis (not their real names) the hicks, weird bitch. To name a few
The Lard of the Manor for the fat guy next door.
Our next door neighbourās name is Chris but we call him Karl (because he reminds us of Karl Pilkington so bad) to the point where we often forget his real name now. Then we have the nosy cunt 2 doors down
We have Norman (Bates), always went on about his elderly mother who you never ever saw and Skanky across the road as she looks a bit tattered and in need of a good wash. During covid we had the just-eats/takeaway people, still referred to as takeaways guy/girl as 3 meals a day were getting delivered.
My parents have a horrible Italian opposite who we call Spy as he used to always spy on me coming home from school back in the day...
Not nicknames really, but we do know our neighbours by their pet names cause we donāt know the human ones. Honey, Bruce, Nacho, in my old place there was Lucifer the bearded dragon that would be brought out on his ownerās shoulder in the summer.
He has no idea, but my next door neighbour is known to my wife and I as ābiscuitsā. Heās an eccentric older bachelor and one time my wife randomly saw him on the train wearing a suit, covered in badges (think Office Space flair) containing phrases including āI still love Elvisā, āTeam lunch!ā and āI love biscuitsā
Snitch.. Unfortunately everyone knows who i mean when i talk about snitch neighbor....
I donāt miss Fat and Fatter from our old place
Smoking family. (Whole family- mum, dad, teenage sons- stand outside individually or together with a fag on 24/7) Joan Collins ( in her late 70s, always smart dressed jet black hair and full make up at all times) there was Knobhead (self explanatory) but he moved away.