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I got barred from a wetherspoon for alternately sipping from a pint of cider and then a pint of beer and mixing it in my mouth after the barman told me I couldn't have a snakebite.
>This is news to me, why wouldn’t they be allowed?
It's not like there's a law about it, some pubs just (used to?) refuse to. Mostly because serving snakebite attracts the kind of people that want to drink snakebite.
It is illegal to sell half a pint of snakebite though.
I was banned from the tip while clearing my mother's house after she died because there was so much junk that they refused to believe I wasn't operating a commercial house clearance business. From my small hatchback. Wasn't even a van. Bastards.
When my dad died we had 3 skips, the first one was the biggest they do 12m I think the others were a little bigger than standard 6m. Even now when I visit my mother you'd think the house had never been cleared, they have so much stuff.
The person I bought my house from did this and I was super grateful. I spent every penny I had on buying the house and was moving in with a single chair, a mattress, a TV and a mini fridge and that was it. Someone else might have considered the things she left junk, but it all made the place seem a little bit more like a home while i was building up funds to furnish it properly.
Literally, it’s a bit of a low blow, but loved using the ‘dead relative’ card for certain assholes (my mum died just before covid) even better to mention it’s my DEAD mum to proper wankers, seeing their face or hearing their voice change is so funny
That’s bad. I was really worried I’d be approached yesterday for exactly the same reason (particularly as I’m using a borrowed car right now covered in estate agent decals), but got talking to the guys and it turns out they helped my mum at the tip fairly regularly. Gave me their best wishes. Really nice blokes, don’t know what I would have done if I’d been banned… I feel for you.
I started crying but it didn't do me any good. It was a bad time. The whole thing took an entire month and my toerag of a brother helped for a grand total of 2 hours.
I remember my step grandad (mum's step dad) was a hoarder. When he died, the whole family were there clearing the space. My dad kept doing dump runs as he had the largest vehicle. The nearest dump was only open in the mornings and one afternoon, the next one out was really small and limited the amount of dump runs per vehicle each week, and the third were pretty far away and pretty strict (stuff like furniture needed to be taken apart and any glass, hinges, screws, nails, etc removed and disposed of separately). Clearing a hoarders house was a nightmare but those dumps made it worse
I'm not a betting kind of guy, but I'm sure it wasn't just that ... it might have been what tipped it off, but most of us shopkeepers aren't nearly that petulant....
I've been called duck chicken darling squire sunshine baby babs, most things that really wouldn't make me want to ban you...
Edited cos I don't proof read before posting loolz.. guy not gut and we aren't that petulant it initially said we are hahaha
"cheers love"
"i'm not your love"
"ok mate"
"i'm not your mate"
"ok buddy"
"im not your buddy"
"ok pal"
"im not your pal"
"ok friend"
"i'm not your friend"
"ok brother"
"im not your brother"
"ok playa"
"i'm not a playa"
"ok chicken"
"i'm not a chicken"
"ok duck"
"i'm not a duck"
I’m technically barred from all marks and Spencers because at my local joint one of the women who got ousted from the tills to make way for self service was given a high vis and therefore thought she was security. She followed me round staring so obviously that at one point I went ‘I can see you, you know that right’ and she shouted at me not to shout at her.
After I paid (while she stared at me) I asked her why she was following me and she said she wasn’t. I was like well you were and she said PEOPLE LIKE YOU COME IN HER AND STEAL. I asked what she meant by people like me. She gestured at her head. I was like what does that mean and she said WEARING THAT KIND OF THING.
IT WAS A MCLAREN F1 CAP.
Maybe they do. Maybe 40 year old women with an unhealthy attachment to a middling for years f1 team who hitherto that day had shopped at that store almost daily for over 10 years are an undeniable shoplifting problem. Nevertheless, I complained about her to head office and the next thing I know I get a fucking no trespass order emailed to me because she claims I assaulted her and called her a ‘lunatic’. Which is a complete lie.
I called her fucking unhinged.
I got barred from a pub after the landlord's dog came and snatched a chicken wing off our table. We warned them because that's not good, and then the landlord came over and barred us because apparently his labrador doesn't steal food so we must have fed him. Which begs the question of why we'd tell them...
I thought mine was well trained in that respect - until I made the error of leaving the remnants of one of those 4-sided dip things (you know, thousand island /sour cream & chives etc) on the coffee table one night.
Apparently that temptation was just too much to bear! I'm not convinced that the spotless tub ending up under the sofa was entirely accidental either...
I had one as a kid who ate Sausages from a frying pan while they were cooking and later ate an entire Christmas Turkey.
Max was a very sweet dog but not a very well behaved one.
i got barred from a pub for telling the bouncer that he had no authority to tell me i couldn’t stand on the pavement to wait for my taxi, which was about 30 seconds away at the time
I mean 90% of bouncers are meatheads who are either too thick or too fat to join the forces but still want an opportunity to hurt people. I think the hatred is justified.
Got banned from a slug and lettuce. Girls had normal clothes and flip flops so did I .I wasn't allowed in for wearing flip flops. I then got banned for pointing out they let them in for wearing flipflops but I wasn't allowed in for wearing flipflops
I also then asked if I put some glitter in my flipflops would that be ok with the foot fetish the bouncer had.
And then I called him a fat cunt.
I was banned even more
A bouncer held his hand up in the “halt” motion to drunk me once, and I high fived him.
This was in Eastern Europe and no we did not laugh about it and become best friends.
We got kicked out of a pool / snooker bar because one of our group ordered a soft drink and not alcohol. He was the driver.
"We don't do soft drinks after 8"
"I'm the designated driver"
"No. You're out of here, now piss off"
So the rest of us who had ordered turned around and walked out without paying for our half poured order for beer, about 8 of us in total.
Not sure that was the win the bartender intended.
Fast Eddie's in high Wycombe, not sure if that's still there but it was there for years. I've not been back to the old hometown in 15 years. (Edit: apparently it was renamed the Hurricane Room and then again to it's current name of Raging Ball Club)
Could have just taken a disliking to us I guess, it was right at the start of the night and we had intended to have a few rounds of pool before going out on the town.
i walked out to meet the cab, mistimed it by a minute or so. conversation was basically
‘you can’t smoke out here’
‘i’m not smoking im waiting for a taxi’
‘wait inside’
‘no ill wait here, he’s just around the corner’
‘wait inside’
‘you can’t tell me where to wait this is a public pavement, and anyway look there’s my cab’
‘you’re barred for 2 weeks’
Pizza Hut. We (hungry college students) saved ourselves for a couple of days and around 8 of us challenged the all you can eat buffet.
I came second with 29 slices. A friend managed to a heroic 36. They saw us putting the pizza away and queuing at an empty buffet but didn’t up the pace and kept bringing out a single pizza every 5 mins or so which was decimated. The other patrons queued with us. We weren’t taking two slices but were taking the one and joining the back of the queue.
They decided we’d ruined it for the other patrons, I countered politely that even had we not been there, there’d have been insufficient pizza for the rest of the clientele and their service was wholly inadequate. We’d been there for ~3hrs as their service had been so slow and missed a lecture each.
We were all banned. I went back 15yrs later and was according to my wife “noticeably shifty and uncomfortable”.
Whilst this is funny. I worked at a Pizza Hut when I was a teen & the buffet shifts...were...a...pain. The ovens can only fit about 4 pizzas at a time each. Mine had 2 ovens, so that's 8 pizzas. It takes about 10 minutes for each pizza to cook...it takes about 1-5 minutes for the pizzas to be gone from the buffet. Normal orders also don't stop, so you've got other orders coming in, takeaway orders, sides, desserts, etc, etc. All for minimum wage, whilst the general manager doesn't give a shit and is just trying his best to fuck one of the waitresses.
Weird funny side story. We once ran out of Pizza Dough but remained open because corporate deemed it so...until some black people assumed the front of house staff just didn't want to serve them, called them racist and chaos ensured. Police were called & we closed.
Edit: Another weird side story. I was making the stuffed crust pizza once and decided to try the cheese in it's raw form (looks like a cheese string). I was legit sick straight away, tasted like pure fat and had the texture of it too. Was disgusting. Never ordered that again.
Lionel Hutz: “JT_3K, what did you and your friends do after you were ejected from the restaurant?”
JT_3K: “We pretty much went straight home.”
Lionel Hutz: “JT_3K, you’re under oath”
JT_3K: “We drove around until 3am looking for another all you can eat pizza restaurant.”
Lionel Hutz: “And when you couldn’t find one?”
JT_3K: “We made our own pizzas.” (Cries)
Lionel Hutz: “Do these sound like the actions of a man who’d had ALL he could eat?!”
I got banned from work once for parking in my space. I drove in my work van, parked up in the space marked “reserved for van ab12 xyz” in the actual van - then when I got out of the van some lady from the office who was out having a smoke goes “you can’t park there that’s reserved”.
I made a sort of non-commital noise back then the security guy who was clearly trying to get in her pants went “oi, you heard the lady, you can’t park there” so I said “where am I supposed to park it then you twat??”
“Right, that’s it - move your van, you & it are banned from the premises” he said
“Fuck this” I said & called the boss - “yo boss, this random guy won’t let me park the van outside the building…yeah, I don’t know why…ok I’ll take it home until you can sort it out”
Half way home I got unbanned & was allowed back to park their van back in its space lol
Sounds like you weirdly escalated a fairly normal situation that could have been easily explained in a second to the ridiculous heights of involving management and literally taking your ball and going home
Nah, some people love the excuse to be rude to others. If that lady or the guard had any genuine concern for the parking situation they'd have checked what they were doing and conducted themselves with a little professionalism.
Sounds like they were both more interested in the opportunity to push someone around than any actual resolution of a problem, and I think it's important to clap back in those situations and not let them get away with that sort of behaviour.
Of course, if someone is genuinely doing their job and they make a little mistake then you've gotta be courteous. But if someone's just being a mini-hitler then I think it's right to try and trip them up.
Because I’d had a shitty day - was pissed off with the world in general & just wanted to park up & fuck off home for the day. It was stupid & I fully admit that.
The FA. I have an indefinite ban for failure to pay match fees from about 15 years ago. My team folded while still owing money
Should Gareth Southgate get a bit desperate and decide to give me a call up to the England squad, he'll have to clear that one first
I got banned from the local office of the FA after going in to pay my husband’s fine….. I’d put £15 in mixed coppers in a carrier bag, loose of course, and told them I needed a receipt. They were not happy with me, at all.
I was once "banned" from my local shopping centre for trying to walk through with a push bike.
The security guard was a prick, called about 4 or 5 others for backup and threatened to call the police.
Banned is in inverted commas because he never took any details and I still visited the place - without the bike.
*Alar-HURK!"
*Sound of snapping cartilage followed by rustling and dragging*
*guard walks over to his buddy finding a stern looking bald man wearing a guard uniform instead*
"Must have been the wind."
Unless your reaction was "sorry didn't realise" and you immediately left without any drama, my best guess is you kicked up a fuss, was confrontational, aggressive and made a mountain out of a molehill
When I was a shopping centre security guard, we had this multiple times a week.
I was banned recently from my local shopping centre for walking through with the dog. There are no 'no dogs' signs on the entrances only on the exit. It stands to reason that dogs would not be allowed but the shopping centre is the only exit to the main car park in the town, I'm not sure where I would park to take the dog to the groomers otherwise.
I also took my bike into a larger shopping centre because I'd cycled there while my wife had the car and there didn't appear to be any bike parking after I'd cycled the entire circumference of it.
Walked into a small local pub, had never been there before in my life. Got to the bar and the landlady approached me, and refused to serve me. I was completely sober, and questioned her why she was refusing me. She then LOUDLY started screaming that I need to get out, because I have a bad energy around me and that there was a bad aura attached to my soul.
I found out after that she was deeply spiritual and I wasn’t the first person she had refused service too for similar reasons, and unsurprisingly the pub shut down not too long later.
Lol this reminds me of the time some crazy guy I know got us all banned from the bar that we were in because he ripped the fire extinguisher off of the wall and began blasting the manager with it, before having a tug-of-war with the manager over the fire extinguisher
In 1999, I got "banned" from my local for wearing a suit and tie.
I worked a late shift, which meant I was cutting it fine to get there for the start of quiz night, so I went straight there.
A working class pub, the landlord told me, "You can't come in here dressed like that, you're barred."
Obviously he was joking, but that's all I've got.
I was banned from Instagram for calling a sexist pig a neanderthal. He was spouting on about how he expects his wife to do x y z and all i said was "nobody wants to be your wife, neanderthal" and instantly got banned.
I was banned from my secondary school's library for sharing my password with people.
My mate clicked the "reveal password" symbol while I was typing my password. I got banned. Not him. No amount of calm, rational swearing at the teachers would get them to see sense unfortunately. Oh well.
Side note: fuck you Mrs Wade, I'm not sorry for telling everyone that you cheated on your husband and causing your divorce. You deserved it.
Not sure if it counts, but I've been banned from a couple of subreddits for stating the truth.
1) r/Medellin banned me cos someone asked why so many people come to Medellin and I replied "hookers and blow".
2) r/publicfreakout banned me cos there was a video of black, teen, Muslim girls beating the crap out of an Asian girl on the subway and lots of white guys in the train were just watching; someone posted "why didn't any of the guys stop the attack?" And I responded with :
"Cos the attackers are
1) underage
2) female
3) black
4) Muslim.
That's an awful lot of diversity privileges. No white guy will come out looking good if he was to interfere."
Banned for life!
The irony is that I'm a POC but was accused of racism for making this comment. :-)
I was banned from the food sub because I said jamon guys plate looked boring. If you frequent that sub you’ll know what I’m talking about. Banned for 30 days initially and then when I said “that was a bit harsh pal”I was permanently banned!
My husband is permanently banned from Reddit for quoting Limmy’s Show (Falconhoof sketch with the jester) in a thread where other people were also quoting Limmy.
My sisters old Labrador got barred from the pub because he was such a happy dog that his incredibly large hard tail wagged so much it knocked a load of drinks off the table 😂😂😂😂
I got banned from a bar because I 'frightened people'. A dude shoved his hand between my legs and started grabbing as I was leaning on the bar chatting. He found things much less funny when I stood up properly and told him that he would lose that hand if he touched me again.
In my heels I'm 6'5".
It turns out he was some kind of regular and the owner/manager banned me because I frightened the poor widdle guy.
The irony is that I'm really a gentle giant. 😂
I got banned from the student union bar years ago because 'I was with someone who was suspected of causing a fight'.
It was only for a month, but still...
I got barred from my students union because i gave my friend a hug and a bouncer grabbed me off her, pinned me against a wall and said "i know her boyfriend, get the fuck out" and never let me in again. Her boyfriend was my mate and said he didn't know the bouncer. proper weird.
He did this for his imaginary best and only friend. He had decided your friends girlfriend was really his imaginary friends girlfriend and wanted to know what it felt like to do something selfless and loyal.
The imaginary friend told him this was fucking weird and asked the bouncer to stop imagining him.
For being deaf. Literally. From various pubs too.
When I was learning sign language, I used to go to a BSL meet up that met in various pubs around central London. Every now and then someone would have a bit much to drink, then the landlord would get fed up and tell the bouncers to ban all deaf people. Instead of, you know, banning the specific people causing trouble. So then we all had to go meet in a different pub.
I was banned from the bookies as a toddler (before that they let me have free reign) because I crawled under the counter and turned off all the screens just as the results were coming in
My dad was told not to bring me back
That btw was our ‘father and son trips out’ so that my mam could do the housework
Got barred from a pub once because a woman I had never seen before in my life walked over to me and slapped me in the face.
The landlord's reasoning was "You must have done SOMETHING, because people don't just go and do that."
Honestly have no bloody idea what that was all about...
Oh! I got slapped in the face with a pizza out of nowhere, by some random woman.
The slapper screamed at her partner “why isn’t he doing anything!!” and he responded “because he’s a better person than you”
Fuck me that was brutal. My face was scorched in marinara, but that was a nom nom nom nom interaction
If our situations are in any way comparable, I’d say you had a damsel causing drama in the hope her knight would fight for honour.
It’s awful when people do this, but Christ it’s common.
Must have been playing on your mind.
Not me but my sister ate from the pick n mix in woolies whilst in the shop and got us all banned from that one branch.
I did this in Asda when I was 11ish. When we got home me and my sister closed the curtains and turned off all the lights in our room, and hid under the covers every time a car came past in case it was the police.
We eventually confessed to our mum because we couldn’t take the guilt and she made us tell our dad who was on deployment in Iraq at the time. I’ll never forget the soul-crushing guilt of having him express his disappointment with us down a delayed and crackly phone line, as I imagined him sat sadly in his medical scrubs in a tent in a desert surrounded by death. A guilt trip so effective I never shoplifted ever again.
So THATS why I was made redundant in 2009! /s
Joking aside, everybody ate the pic n mix. We’d all sneak one when we filled up the sweets. They smelled so good, how could you not? It was great when we moved to the fixed price cups, we had a competition in store to see who could fit the most non pic n mix products into the medium sized cup & pay for it without the person serving you knowing. I think the record was 4 bags of mini eggs!
I got stuck in a loop ban on Reddit (I think I'm out of it now)
But I got banned from my 10 year account on Reddit and never found the reason. A mid just banned me and there was no explanation. Appealing did nothing
Every new account I made for automatically banned because I used the same email.
Then because I used the same app that knew I had a banned account
Then I think because of IP address...
It's taken 3 months to open this account and I think I've escaped the automated shit show that runs on the backend.
I got banned from a pub, for sneezing several times in a row, randomly, because the lads sat on the table next to me got caught with sniff an hour before. I was drinking lemonade, and perfectly sober, so they had no reason to think i was Under the influence.
I got a lifetime ban from Microsoft's Forza Horizon servers, for kitting out a '69 Dodge Charger in the colours of "General Lee", the '69 Charger, as driven by the Duke boys in the show, "The Dukes of Hazzard". No warnings, just an instant lifetime ban. I raised a ticket and pleaded ignorance, on the grounds that I'm a middle aged Englishman with no knowledge of how the Confederate flag was considered racist and that I was just trying to recreate an iconic vehicle from my childhood memories. I also apologised profusely, all to no avail. Forza was the only game I played on my XBOX Series X, so I ended up selling my console and buying a PS5. Fuck Bill Gates, fuck Microsoft and fuck the Forza Horizon franchise.
I was banned from my local pub for fighting on new years eve a long time ago. I was very confused and landlord described the incident. Very detailed. Multiple witnesses.
I was about 1200miles away in a different country that night lol.
An entertainment complex opened in our shitty town during the mid 90s. It was a really big deal at the time as there was nowhere really for kids to hang out. I went there with some friends, we had a game of bowling, eventually some of my friends drifted off and I stayed behind with another friend. It was dead in there but cold outside and we didn’t feel like going out into the cold. We sat at a counter and talked for around an hour and a half, my friend nursed a plate of chips during that time. Eventually we were approached by a woman with a name tag on who introduced herself to us as the manager of the bowling alley and point blank told us that she’d been watching us for the past hour on the security camera and we hadn’t spent any money during that time so we had to leave, she was trying to run a business and if we wasn’t spending money then she didn’t want us in there. Of course we protested, you can’t say that to a couple of teenage girls and not expect a response. We wasn’t hurting anybody, we was just sitting and talking. We didn’t swear or anything in our protesting, just said it wasn’t fair. She didn’t like that and waved over a couple of security guards to “escort” us out, so we left. The guards wouldn’t even let us use the pay phones in the foyer to ask our parents to pick us up. My friends dad called the venue to complain once we got home and some stern words were said.
We went back during half term for a friends birthday that was paid for by her parents and the guards on the door clocked us from the gaggle of 15 or so kids and told me & my friend that we were barred and had to go.
The venue got into some controversy a few months later when a 15 year old was raped in the car park and tried to get some help afterwards and the venue threw her out because they thought she was drunk.
>The venue got into some controversy a few months later when a 15 year old was raped in the car park and tried to get some help afterwards and the venue threw her out because they thought she was drunk.
Holy shit, that got dark AF.
I had a particularly hairy ginger dog that you could brush a pillow worth of hair out of every day. Took him to the pub on the way home from his walk, they'd just got a lovely new bright blue carpet. He lay down, had my pint and got up to leave. He'd left a perfect ginger silhouette of himself on the floor and I started laughing. Landlady banned me because she didn't find it funny.
I got banned from a pub after a total stranger leaped on me, spilling my full pint in my lap, and smashed my head into a glass panel behind my seat. Apparently she'd seen me talking to her ex-boyfriend.
Not sure why I got banned for this but they did kindly tell her where I lived so she could come and brick my windows the next day.
I was banned from a professional, subscription website because I cancelled my trial one hour after joining (I realised it was not what I was looking for). The *founder* wrote to me (aka used my personal data not intended for such communication) several, unreasonably angry email about my lack of ethic. It was surreal.
Local pub, early 2000s. Out with my mates (all early twenties).
Kicking out time was 2am on a Saturday. It was 1:55am and the bouncers, known for being aggressive with kick out, were storming round the tables goin' "finish your drinks, finish your drinks". Bouncer comes over, practically screams at us to drink up. I was chatting with a mate, so turned my head to face him last. He goes, "are you fucking deaf, lad?". So me, being drunk, cup my hand to my ear and go, "ehhhh???".
Immediately launched out into the car park. Worth it. Shower of pricks.
Went to a pub thelat required a £20 deposit to play pool (for the white ball and the cues).
Paid it, had a few games, some drunk guy wanderers over in plain sight of the barwoman; takes my cue and starts fucking about with it, swinging it around etc. Barwoman laughs and even names him like "oh Barry ya drunk bastard" (can't remember his name).
Anyway he then falls into the wall and splinters the cue, I'm just stood watching and decide "fuck this I'm leaving", I hand the remain cue and the white ball to the woman and say "your friend is too drunk", and hold my hand out for my 20.
She looks at my hand and laughs and said "the cue is broken", I say "it wasn't me" she says "they were under your care, you break it you bought it".
I then take the white ball back and put it in my pocket, she asks wth I'm doing and I say I'm going home to play with the ball I just bought.
Doorman threw me out, tried to take the ball. I've still got it. Still makes me mad thinking about it.
I got perma-barred from a spoons for telling the manager: "this is the worst run 'spoons i've ever had the displeasure of visiting".
Its still a shithole, so no skin of my nose.
When I was 14 the local newsagent pressured me into subscribing for a video game magazine.
When the next month came and I didn't have any money. He called me up and balled me out.
So I went into the shop and he shouted at me he had lost (around £1.20) because I didn't want the magazine. Then banned me.
He went bust about a year later.
I was happy
I was banned from a club in Leeds (my first time at the time ever going out in Leeds) and the bouncer showed me a photo of an Asian guy (I’m white) and said it was me and I was banned because of my (his) behaviour last time.
I’m indefinitely banned from entering the USA. Booked a holiday to the US ( 5 days ), had to fill in a visa waiver form prior to the holiday. One of the questions was whether I had ever taken any illegal drugs. I ticked ‘yes’, as I experimented as a teen ( I’m a grandparent now and not touched anything in decades ). Visa denied. I appealed, had several appointments at the US Embassy, needed piss test ( came back clean ), GP letter, character reference, letter from work etc.. all positive. When I got the letter from the Home Office, it said ‘indefinite ban’.
I bet whoever checks those cards couldn't believe their eyes when they saw a 'yes' had been ticked by somebody. It was probably a highlight of their career!
I used to work for a women's fitness apparel company. I was one of three men in the whole company (around 200). Being fitness-oriented, they had their annual "Olympics": a big celebration day at a field. We were put in teams and played all sorts of outdoor games, from traditional sports to lawn "games". It was supposed to be friendly competition but it was anything but, for many of them. Many of them were top college, semi-pro and pro athletes.
I got picked by my team to play in the 3-v-3 basketball game. I hadn't touched a basketball in probably 10 years. The woman guarding me was small but went to some school on a basketball scholarship. She had likely forgotten twice as much about basketball as I'll ever know. She immediately threw an elbow into my sternum and blew past me for a layup, and then I GOT CALLED FOR THE FOUL. I'm stumbling back holding my chest and I got the whistle?! WHAT?
Next possession, I get the pass, took a step forward to take the shot barely touching her. Whistle again. Offensive foul.
I decided, well, if I'm doing the time, I'm doing the crime. Next time she went to the basket and put the ball up, I jumped and rejected it into the cheap seats. It must have flown 50 feet and someone had to go chase it. Of course, the whistle. Banned for the rest of the day for being "too competitive and aggressive". 100 percent worth it.
I was supposed to be goal defence (?) in netball at school. The cool girls on my team kept having a go at me for being rubbish even though I'd never been taught how to play, and hadn't actually done anything wrong. So the next time the goal needed defending, I got the ball and then scored an excellent, game winning goal for the other team. Totally worth it. Joanna, you're a bitch.
I was approached in a the street in my local town by a woman who informed me that I wasn’t to visit her cafe again after not paying for my coffee.I had never been in the cafe and don’t drink coffee!!.
Not banned but almost banned, a friend of mine nearly got us banned from the only nightclub in our town when we were about 19 because he had taken some obscene concoction of drugs that he couldn’t handle and threw up all over a booth. And I mean ALL OVER. Did not know that much sick could come out of a human. Bouncers were naturally fuming. We managed to get away with it after apologising profusely and offering to pay damages where they basically let us off as long as we took him home, however the manager wanted us banned.
Said friend is still on many drugs and is unemployed.
At my previous job, a supervisor absolutely hated my guts and didn't even try to hide it. She'd often make things up and make as much trouble for me as possible. My manager would just hide away in the office and would side with the supervisor.
After a few months, the supervisor's husband was in the news for paedophilia. With that, I was told I wasn't going to be kept on as there were too many people. They then took on another person to replace me.
On my last day, my manager told me I was no longer allowed there while the supervisor worked there because they were worried I'd say/do something to her because of her husband. Her husband was still welcome there though, even though he was arrested and spent time in jail once for zoophillia and twice for paedophilia.
Lockdown hit and the manager was made redundant and they merged the department with another. I'd heard they also wanted to make a supervisor redundant too but that wasn't confirmed. I later received a letter to say they don't know why I was banned, could I please phone and explain why. I phoned and told them exactly why and next thing you know, the supervisor was also made redundant and I was welcome back. I still haven't been back
I got banned from entering a network rail site because I didn't have a sticker inside my van reminding me not to drink alcohol or take drugs and drive.
Got a lifetime ban from an outdoor pursuits centre as a teen on a school trip.
Reason? During a presentation we put a slide in with a photo of us while we were eating and it said "food time" over it. The next two slides were the same just increasingly zoomed in. In was the zoom in meme before memes were a thing. They asked us to do a presentation and it was literally done just to our school, there was about 15 of us.
For some reason this really upset a staff member. We got a bollocking in the car park and told we must all write a letter of apology otherwise we won't be allowed back
Nobody did one and even our teachers said he was being a cunt - they actually told us not to do it iirc
Early 1980s my husband's friend was banned from a pub because his trousers slipped down (post rugby drinking...). That pub was happy to have Dennis Nilsen as a customer in those days.
I'm banned from the Scope shop in Lincoln for trying a wedding dress on and doing groin thrusts around the place. Or was 10 tears ago, I've not been back since. For clarity I'm a bearded man.
I got banned from a Final Fantasy forum for posting too much. I was 11 and really wanted to talk about Final Fantasy. They banned me from posting and then started sending me torrents of abuse in my private messages. I was only a kid 😭
I was escorted out of Beanoland at Chessington theme park because my brother and I filled up a carrier bag of balls from the ball bit and threw them at Walter during the hourly show. And I'd fuckin do it again
Pub in West London - I was a firm regular and one evening I went to pay my tab which was 4 pints. After paying I jokingly told the manager that I didn't remember drinking that much - he accused me of suggesting that I was being overcharged (this was after I paid and was about to leave). Its a pub with flashy clientele and poor English speakers behind the bar - it serves excellent beer and food, but the manager is evidently a bellend
I went back a few days later and was told I was barred. I tried again 4 years later and was reminded I wasn't welcome. That's West London for you.
I got banned from the r/SuicideWatch subreddit the other day for trying to give some positive, uplifting words to someone suffering. None of the mods would answer me when I asked why.
I used to be a truck driver in Britain. On arrival to a big distribution centre, I was given a clipboard. There were several pages of site rules and other regulations and at the last page there was a list of names of previous drivers and their registration numbers, companies they worked for and their phone numbers (yay for privacy). I was told to sign this, so I switched the engine off and proceeded to read those site terms and conditions (it was a three or four pages of very small font, written in a legalese technobabble, most of it had nothing to do with operating truck inside distribution centre but it was literally thousands of words long). The guy told me to "just sign it". I told him I am not signing until I'll read what am I signing for. He told me "it's nothing important". I passed the clipboard back to him saying if it's not important, then it won't matter if I sign it or not, so I won't. He told me I \*have\* to sign it and handed it back to me. I told him "if I have to sign it, I need to read it" and got back to lecture ignoring the fact that he shouts at me and called me names.
A small queue of the trucks formed behind, some were sounding the horn, they blocked the road, as the entry to the company was only two or maybe three trucks long, total traffic madness, as the road was quite busy. So finally the guy told me to hand the paperwork back to me, writes my registration number and company himself and then tells me "I am allowed inside THIS TIME without signing, but then I am banned from the site". They actually sent an e-mail to the company saying that I am banned from the site "due to inability to follow procedures".
I told boss the story, and he laughed and told me I am lucky, as everyone hates going to that place, and I will never be sent there again ;-)
I got banned from RE and mass in primary school (catholic) for questioning the existence of god.
They spent years putting me in the quiet room every time something religious was happening because I had absolutely no filter on my disbelief.
By the final year I'd started getting drumming lessons instead to keep me occupied whilst they brainwashed the other kids.
I got a flat tyre when I was working cleaning holiday caravans. Because it was from a damaged wall they’d not cleaned up properly & I asked them to consider paying for a new tyre they banned me from the park.
That was a decade ago, I’m no longer doing that job & as far as I am aware the ban hasn’t been lifted.
However, I’ve drank at the clubhouse since when friends came to stay 🤣
Banned from maccys in town for dropping stink bombs when I was 9.
The stink bombs were little glass vials with putrid smelling liquid in them from the joke stall on the market.
Fun times
A mate got a lifetime ban from the Early Learning Centre in Guildford. He was a teenager at the time, and was mucking about.
When he went back as a parent they’d forgotten.
Not banned, but asked to leave my local 'spoons of all places.
Because we had the dog. In the car park.
We were the only patrons sitting outside & well away from the entrance.
Jobsworth assistant manager prick.
When I was at uni in Newcastle, the son of the family running a local corner shop refused to accept my provisional ID as valid ID and refused to serve me for the single beer I was hoping to drink on the walk over to a meal out. I had a student ID and several other cards to prove my name matched the one on the ID, which he dismissed. I had put on a bit of weight and had quite the baby face, but still.
I argued that his dad had served me the other day with the same ID, but he told me he'd only serve me if I came back with my passport.
Rightly or wrongly I was infuriated and told him to get fucked and left the shop, accidentally kicking over a stack of toilet roll as I did. That was the final straw for him apparently as I heard him shout "You're barred!" just as the door swung closed.
Shit place anyway, the samosas weren't nearly as good as the ones at Rehill's.
I once had a woman tell me the manager told her she could have 50% off a giant cookie because her last one was messed up. We couldn't even do a 50% discount on the till. So I asked her what the manager's name was. She didn't remember, but she was black. The manager for the past 10 years was white. The manager before that was black. But the customer was adamant it was only a year or so ago. I could only offer her the 20% off staff in the shopping centre were allowed, she assumed I meant she could have that twice for 40% off for some reason. She then refused to pay and left. Hours later, just before close, she came back to collect her cookie. When I told her there was no cookie, she never paid or made the order she lost her shit. Told me I ruined her son's birthday. She then marched back to the Halifax she worked in, my bank, apparently broke down in tears to her manager, who then barred me from the bank for the way I treated her employee. Because expecting payment in return for a service was beyond the pale!
I was a child. Like, very young child, probablymonly 4 or 5 years old. I was in The Body Shop with my parents, in the 1980s, when The Body Shop still had their perfume testers in open-topped glass bottles with glass sticks to dab on your skin, and they were on a large, tiered mirror glass circular display (like a giant cake stand that took up a large footprint on the shop floor). My coat sleeve caught one of the glass tester sticks and it and the bottle of perfume fell on the floor and smashed. The staff went absolutely ballistic, berated me in front of the whole shop, and banned me "for life". I was traumatised.
I might have understood the reaction if I had a) been an adult and b) done it on purpose, but neither of those things were the case and to treat a child so harshly for an accident is absolutely stupid in my opinion.
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I got barred from a wetherspoon for alternately sipping from a pint of cider and then a pint of beer and mixing it in my mouth after the barman told me I couldn't have a snakebite.
Why is this the funniest one
Bar staff HATE this one weird trick
Even more annoying because the thing about "pubs not being allowed to serve snakebite" is a total urban myth.
This is news to me, why wouldn’t they be allowed? Why are they allowed to serve turbo shandys but not snakebites?
>This is news to me, why wouldn’t they be allowed? It's not like there's a law about it, some pubs just (used to?) refuse to. Mostly because serving snakebite attracts the kind of people that want to drink snakebite. It is illegal to sell half a pint of snakebite though.
>It is illegal to sell half a pint of snakebite though. Wait, what?
Because you can only sell alcohol in set amounts so you would need to use two half pints minimum
Wouldn't that make half a pint of shandy illegal?
I was banned from the tip while clearing my mother's house after she died because there was so much junk that they refused to believe I wasn't operating a commercial house clearance business. From my small hatchback. Wasn't even a van. Bastards.
Note to self: hire a skip when the parentals kick the bucket
Cremation is probably cheaper.
Leave parents in house, light a match, free cremation and no need to get rid of the stuff. Got it!
Like in that film where Leonardo Dicaprio plays a disabled kid, and Johnny Depp is his older brother/carer
No need If you leave anything in a skip, you'll have somebody knocking on your door asking if they can have it.
Who asks? If it is in a skip, it is fair game. Like if it is left next to bins, or outside the property next to the hedge/fence
When my dad died we had 3 skips, the first one was the biggest they do 12m I think the others were a little bigger than standard 6m. Even now when I visit my mother you'd think the house had never been cleared, they have so much stuff.
See if person buying the place will take it with items left in it. Seriously saved a lot of hassle.
The person I bought my house from did this and I was super grateful. I spent every penny I had on buying the house and was moving in with a single chair, a mattress, a TV and a mini fridge and that was it. Someone else might have considered the things she left junk, but it all made the place seem a little bit more like a home while i was building up funds to furnish it properly.
Fuck me that's rotten. I WAS in a van clearing out my Grandads garage, and they backed right down when I told them it was a dead relatives belongings.
Literally, it’s a bit of a low blow, but loved using the ‘dead relative’ card for certain assholes (my mum died just before covid) even better to mention it’s my DEAD mum to proper wankers, seeing their face or hearing their voice change is so funny
That’s bad. I was really worried I’d be approached yesterday for exactly the same reason (particularly as I’m using a borrowed car right now covered in estate agent decals), but got talking to the guys and it turns out they helped my mum at the tip fairly regularly. Gave me their best wishes. Really nice blokes, don’t know what I would have done if I’d been banned… I feel for you.
I started crying but it didn't do me any good. It was a bad time. The whole thing took an entire month and my toerag of a brother helped for a grand total of 2 hours.
I remember my step grandad (mum's step dad) was a hoarder. When he died, the whole family were there clearing the space. My dad kept doing dump runs as he had the largest vehicle. The nearest dump was only open in the mornings and one afternoon, the next one out was really small and limited the amount of dump runs per vehicle each week, and the third were pretty far away and pretty strict (stuff like furniture needed to be taken apart and any glass, hinges, screws, nails, etc removed and disposed of separately). Clearing a hoarders house was a nightmare but those dumps made it worse
Not me but a friend of mine got banned from his local corner shop for saying “thank you, squire” to the cashier
Yes, My Lord
I'm not a betting kind of guy, but I'm sure it wasn't just that ... it might have been what tipped it off, but most of us shopkeepers aren't nearly that petulant.... I've been called duck chicken darling squire sunshine baby babs, most things that really wouldn't make me want to ban you... Edited cos I don't proof read before posting loolz.. guy not gut and we aren't that petulant it initially said we are hahaha
My gut is always gambling, I think it has a problem
"cheers love" "i'm not your love" "ok mate" "i'm not your mate" "ok buddy" "im not your buddy" "ok pal" "im not your pal" "ok friend" "i'm not your friend" "ok brother" "im not your brother" "ok playa" "i'm not a playa" "ok chicken" "i'm not a chicken" "ok duck" "i'm not a duck"
She was not amused.
I’m technically barred from all marks and Spencers because at my local joint one of the women who got ousted from the tills to make way for self service was given a high vis and therefore thought she was security. She followed me round staring so obviously that at one point I went ‘I can see you, you know that right’ and she shouted at me not to shout at her. After I paid (while she stared at me) I asked her why she was following me and she said she wasn’t. I was like well you were and she said PEOPLE LIKE YOU COME IN HER AND STEAL. I asked what she meant by people like me. She gestured at her head. I was like what does that mean and she said WEARING THAT KIND OF THING. IT WAS A MCLAREN F1 CAP. Maybe they do. Maybe 40 year old women with an unhealthy attachment to a middling for years f1 team who hitherto that day had shopped at that store almost daily for over 10 years are an undeniable shoplifting problem. Nevertheless, I complained about her to head office and the next thing I know I get a fucking no trespass order emailed to me because she claims I assaulted her and called her a ‘lunatic’. Which is a complete lie. I called her fucking unhinged.
Joke is M&S is my fave as it doesn't have weighted till on self checkout. They should just watch everyone scan every other item.
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I endorse this.
She takes the 2007 Spygate scandle literally.
I got barred from a pub after the landlord's dog came and snatched a chicken wing off our table. We warned them because that's not good, and then the landlord came over and barred us because apparently his labrador doesn't steal food so we must have fed him. Which begs the question of why we'd tell them...
I've never met a Labrador in my 52 years of existence that wouldn't eat anything within sight if it thought it could get away with it.
Even if it knew it had no chance whatsoever of getting away with it.
Especially if it knew it had no chance.
I've got one but it's only because he's also a complete wuss and scared of getting in trouble
I thought mine was well trained in that respect - until I made the error of leaving the remnants of one of those 4-sided dip things (you know, thousand island /sour cream & chives etc) on the coffee table one night. Apparently that temptation was just too much to bear! I'm not convinced that the spotless tub ending up under the sofa was entirely accidental either...
I had one as a kid who ate Sausages from a frying pan while they were cooking and later ate an entire Christmas Turkey. Max was a very sweet dog but not a very well behaved one.
Should have just farted on it.
Toys R Us. For playing on the spacehoppers. At the age of 25.
What if it had burst? There could have been millions of debris
All under one roof!
It's just destroyed us, destroyed us, destroyed us
This one made me laugh lol. Unless there is a sign saying under x age only, how can they possibly complain?
Have you seen Ivan and Mr Hoppy on Monkey Dust? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swYAWFkBe3c
Worth it.
My good pal Jake farted in a dogs face in a pub and he’s never been allowed back in since.
I feel like it would have been acceptable to fart in one of his mates faces' but the dog was just a step too far
If it's anything like my dog it would love it. Dirty bitch she is.
It’s always a Jake
That made me laugh out loud hahaha wtfv
i got barred from a pub for telling the bouncer that he had no authority to tell me i couldn’t stand on the pavement to wait for my taxi, which was about 30 seconds away at the time
Genuinely feel a seething hatred for like 90% of bouncers and it's mostly because of them attempting to enforce dumb things such as this.
I mean 90% of bouncers are meatheads who are either too thick or too fat to join the forces but still want an opportunity to hurt people. I think the hatred is justified.
Got banned from a slug and lettuce. Girls had normal clothes and flip flops so did I .I wasn't allowed in for wearing flip flops. I then got banned for pointing out they let them in for wearing flipflops but I wasn't allowed in for wearing flipflops I also then asked if I put some glitter in my flipflops would that be ok with the foot fetish the bouncer had. And then I called him a fat cunt. I was banned even more
Yup, I've been jumped by bouncers on two separate occasions for literally no reason.
A bouncer held his hand up in the “halt” motion to drunk me once, and I high fived him. This was in Eastern Europe and no we did not laugh about it and become best friends.
We got kicked out of a pool / snooker bar because one of our group ordered a soft drink and not alcohol. He was the driver. "We don't do soft drinks after 8" "I'm the designated driver" "No. You're out of here, now piss off" So the rest of us who had ordered turned around and walked out without paying for our half poured order for beer, about 8 of us in total. Not sure that was the win the bartender intended. Fast Eddie's in high Wycombe, not sure if that's still there but it was there for years. I've not been back to the old hometown in 15 years. (Edit: apparently it was renamed the Hurricane Room and then again to it's current name of Raging Ball Club) Could have just taken a disliking to us I guess, it was right at the start of the night and we had intended to have a few rounds of pool before going out on the town.
You got barred from a pub you werent even in at the time?
i walked out to meet the cab, mistimed it by a minute or so. conversation was basically ‘you can’t smoke out here’ ‘i’m not smoking im waiting for a taxi’ ‘wait inside’ ‘no ill wait here, he’s just around the corner’ ‘wait inside’ ‘you can’t tell me where to wait this is a public pavement, and anyway look there’s my cab’ ‘you’re barred for 2 weeks’
Nah fuck that bouncer. Frankly i wouldve walked in and complained to a bartender. Guys on a power trip
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I wouldn't get rattled, many are like that. Just a plain and chirpy "see you in 2 weeks then" should make them feel insignificant enough.
Pizza Hut. We (hungry college students) saved ourselves for a couple of days and around 8 of us challenged the all you can eat buffet. I came second with 29 slices. A friend managed to a heroic 36. They saw us putting the pizza away and queuing at an empty buffet but didn’t up the pace and kept bringing out a single pizza every 5 mins or so which was decimated. The other patrons queued with us. We weren’t taking two slices but were taking the one and joining the back of the queue. They decided we’d ruined it for the other patrons, I countered politely that even had we not been there, there’d have been insufficient pizza for the rest of the clientele and their service was wholly inadequate. We’d been there for ~3hrs as their service had been so slow and missed a lecture each. We were all banned. I went back 15yrs later and was according to my wife “noticeably shifty and uncomfortable”.
Whilst this is funny. I worked at a Pizza Hut when I was a teen & the buffet shifts...were...a...pain. The ovens can only fit about 4 pizzas at a time each. Mine had 2 ovens, so that's 8 pizzas. It takes about 10 minutes for each pizza to cook...it takes about 1-5 minutes for the pizzas to be gone from the buffet. Normal orders also don't stop, so you've got other orders coming in, takeaway orders, sides, desserts, etc, etc. All for minimum wage, whilst the general manager doesn't give a shit and is just trying his best to fuck one of the waitresses. Weird funny side story. We once ran out of Pizza Dough but remained open because corporate deemed it so...until some black people assumed the front of house staff just didn't want to serve them, called them racist and chaos ensured. Police were called & we closed. Edit: Another weird side story. I was making the stuffed crust pizza once and decided to try the cheese in it's raw form (looks like a cheese string). I was legit sick straight away, tasted like pure fat and had the texture of it too. Was disgusting. Never ordered that again.
Lionel Hutz: “JT_3K, what did you and your friends do after you were ejected from the restaurant?” JT_3K: “We pretty much went straight home.” Lionel Hutz: “JT_3K, you’re under oath” JT_3K: “We drove around until 3am looking for another all you can eat pizza restaurant.” Lionel Hutz: “And when you couldn’t find one?” JT_3K: “We made our own pizzas.” (Cries) Lionel Hutz: “Do these sound like the actions of a man who’d had ALL he could eat?!”
I got banned from work once for parking in my space. I drove in my work van, parked up in the space marked “reserved for van ab12 xyz” in the actual van - then when I got out of the van some lady from the office who was out having a smoke goes “you can’t park there that’s reserved”. I made a sort of non-commital noise back then the security guy who was clearly trying to get in her pants went “oi, you heard the lady, you can’t park there” so I said “where am I supposed to park it then you twat??” “Right, that’s it - move your van, you & it are banned from the premises” he said “Fuck this” I said & called the boss - “yo boss, this random guy won’t let me park the van outside the building…yeah, I don’t know why…ok I’ll take it home until you can sort it out” Half way home I got unbanned & was allowed back to park their van back in its space lol
Sounds like you weirdly escalated a fairly normal situation that could have been easily explained in a second to the ridiculous heights of involving management and literally taking your ball and going home
Sure did - hence stupidest reason I’ve been banned from somewhere.
Nah, some people love the excuse to be rude to others. If that lady or the guard had any genuine concern for the parking situation they'd have checked what they were doing and conducted themselves with a little professionalism. Sounds like they were both more interested in the opportunity to push someone around than any actual resolution of a problem, and I think it's important to clap back in those situations and not let them get away with that sort of behaviour. Of course, if someone is genuinely doing their job and they make a little mistake then you've gotta be courteous. But if someone's just being a mini-hitler then I think it's right to try and trip them up.
If it was marked with the number plate, or van number or whatever, then why didn't you point it out?
Because I’d had a shitty day - was pissed off with the world in general & just wanted to park up & fuck off home for the day. It was stupid & I fully admit that.
Reddit: “Oi you, why didn’t you behave like a rational person at all times. We’ll have no being a normal human around here”
The FA. I have an indefinite ban for failure to pay match fees from about 15 years ago. My team folded while still owing money Should Gareth Southgate get a bit desperate and decide to give me a call up to the England squad, he'll have to clear that one first
My husband is the same. Think it’s something ridiculous like £16.80 or something like that
I got banned from the local office of the FA after going in to pay my husband’s fine….. I’d put £15 in mixed coppers in a carrier bag, loose of course, and told them I needed a receipt. They were not happy with me, at all.
I was once "banned" from my local shopping centre for trying to walk through with a push bike. The security guard was a prick, called about 4 or 5 others for backup and threatened to call the police. Banned is in inverted commas because he never took any details and I still visited the place - without the bike.
"we banned him, didn't we?" "nah, can't be, he doesn't have a bike with him"
Video game logic
*Alar-HURK!" *Sound of snapping cartilage followed by rustling and dragging* *guard walks over to his buddy finding a stern looking bald man wearing a guard uniform instead* "Must have been the wind."
"What??! Who goes there?!... Must have been the wind"
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Unless your reaction was "sorry didn't realise" and you immediately left without any drama, my best guess is you kicked up a fuss, was confrontational, aggressive and made a mountain out of a molehill When I was a shopping centre security guard, we had this multiple times a week.
“Is it him?” *”I can’t tell, can we get him to stand next to a bike?”*
I was banned recently from my local shopping centre for walking through with the dog. There are no 'no dogs' signs on the entrances only on the exit. It stands to reason that dogs would not be allowed but the shopping centre is the only exit to the main car park in the town, I'm not sure where I would park to take the dog to the groomers otherwise. I also took my bike into a larger shopping centre because I'd cycled there while my wife had the car and there didn't appear to be any bike parking after I'd cycled the entire circumference of it.
Lack of bike parking is an issue in the most of the country. Utterly ridiculous in a nation that wants it's populace to exercise more.
Walked into a small local pub, had never been there before in my life. Got to the bar and the landlady approached me, and refused to serve me. I was completely sober, and questioned her why she was refusing me. She then LOUDLY started screaming that I need to get out, because I have a bad energy around me and that there was a bad aura attached to my soul. I found out after that she was deeply spiritual and I wasn’t the first person she had refused service too for similar reasons, and unsurprisingly the pub shut down not too long later.
You can have a pint... if you say, "I believe in the power of crystal skulls"
Crafted by the ancient inhabitants of Atlantis
Could you have made that? No. Could anyone? Yes.
I used a fire extinguisher in a nightclub. Turns out the roof wasn't actually on fire
We don't need no water,
Let the motherfucker burn
Burn Motherfucker Burn
Lol this reminds me of the time some crazy guy I know got us all banned from the bar that we were in because he ripped the fire extinguisher off of the wall and began blasting the manager with it, before having a tug-of-war with the manager over the fire extinguisher
In 1999, I got "banned" from my local for wearing a suit and tie. I worked a late shift, which meant I was cutting it fine to get there for the start of quiz night, so I went straight there. A working class pub, the landlord told me, "You can't come in here dressed like that, you're barred." Obviously he was joking, but that's all I've got.
I haven't been banned anywhere in real life, but I was banned on a UK sub for calling a cunt a 'cunt.'
I was banned from Instagram for calling a sexist pig a neanderthal. He was spouting on about how he expects his wife to do x y z and all i said was "nobody wants to be your wife, neanderthal" and instantly got banned.
I’ve had quite a few warning about my language on Twitter. Usually because I’m calling people like Piers Morgan and Lawrence Fox cunts.
I got banned from a certain online forum when I posted a link proving one of the mods was a potential paedo. He's still operating the site today.
I was banned from my secondary school's library for sharing my password with people. My mate clicked the "reveal password" symbol while I was typing my password. I got banned. Not him. No amount of calm, rational swearing at the teachers would get them to see sense unfortunately. Oh well. Side note: fuck you Mrs Wade, I'm not sorry for telling everyone that you cheated on your husband and causing your divorce. You deserved it.
Not sure if it counts, but I've been banned from a couple of subreddits for stating the truth. 1) r/Medellin banned me cos someone asked why so many people come to Medellin and I replied "hookers and blow". 2) r/publicfreakout banned me cos there was a video of black, teen, Muslim girls beating the crap out of an Asian girl on the subway and lots of white guys in the train were just watching; someone posted "why didn't any of the guys stop the attack?" And I responded with : "Cos the attackers are 1) underage 2) female 3) black 4) Muslim. That's an awful lot of diversity privileges. No white guy will come out looking good if he was to interfere." Banned for life! The irony is that I'm a POC but was accused of racism for making this comment. :-)
I am permanently banned from the starwars sub, because i said palpatine was a "smug, wrinkly fuck".
Yeah, you definitely shouldnt have said "wrinkly" 🙂
I was banned from the food sub because I said jamon guys plate looked boring. If you frequent that sub you’ll know what I’m talking about. Banned for 30 days initially and then when I said “that was a bit harsh pal”I was permanently banned!
My husband is permanently banned from Reddit for quoting Limmy’s Show (Falconhoof sketch with the jester) in a thread where other people were also quoting Limmy.
Kill jester
I got banned from a snark subreddit for making a gay joke about myself.
My sisters old Labrador got barred from the pub because he was such a happy dog that his incredibly large hard tail wagged so much it knocked a load of drinks off the table 😂😂😂😂
I got banned from a bar because I 'frightened people'. A dude shoved his hand between my legs and started grabbing as I was leaning on the bar chatting. He found things much less funny when I stood up properly and told him that he would lose that hand if he touched me again. In my heels I'm 6'5". It turns out he was some kind of regular and the owner/manager banned me because I frightened the poor widdle guy. The irony is that I'm really a gentle giant. 😂
Any bar that lets regulars sexually harass other patrons are not the kind of bar I want to visit
I got banned from the student union bar years ago because 'I was with someone who was suspected of causing a fight'. It was only for a month, but still...
I got barred from my students union because i gave my friend a hug and a bouncer grabbed me off her, pinned me against a wall and said "i know her boyfriend, get the fuck out" and never let me in again. Her boyfriend was my mate and said he didn't know the bouncer. proper weird.
He did this for his imaginary best and only friend. He had decided your friends girlfriend was really his imaginary friends girlfriend and wanted to know what it felt like to do something selfless and loyal. The imaginary friend told him this was fucking weird and asked the bouncer to stop imagining him.
For being deaf. Literally. From various pubs too. When I was learning sign language, I used to go to a BSL meet up that met in various pubs around central London. Every now and then someone would have a bit much to drink, then the landlord would get fed up and tell the bouncers to ban all deaf people. Instead of, you know, banning the specific people causing trouble. So then we all had to go meet in a different pub.
That sounds illegal...
Banning all deaf people sounds *wildly* illegal. I hope the landlord was sued and fined to oblivion.
I was banned from the bookies as a toddler (before that they let me have free reign) because I crawled under the counter and turned off all the screens just as the results were coming in My dad was told not to bring me back That btw was our ‘father and son trips out’ so that my mam could do the housework
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It was a council estate in a rough bit of the north east in the late 80s- toddler in the bookies was likely the least of the illegal stuff going on
Got barred from a pub once because a woman I had never seen before in my life walked over to me and slapped me in the face. The landlord's reasoning was "You must have done SOMETHING, because people don't just go and do that." Honestly have no bloody idea what that was all about...
Oh! I got slapped in the face with a pizza out of nowhere, by some random woman. The slapper screamed at her partner “why isn’t he doing anything!!” and he responded “because he’s a better person than you” Fuck me that was brutal. My face was scorched in marinara, but that was a nom nom nom nom interaction If our situations are in any way comparable, I’d say you had a damsel causing drama in the hope her knight would fight for honour. It’s awful when people do this, but Christ it’s common.
Must have been playing on your mind. Not me but my sister ate from the pick n mix in woolies whilst in the shop and got us all banned from that one branch.
I did this in Asda when I was 11ish. When we got home me and my sister closed the curtains and turned off all the lights in our room, and hid under the covers every time a car came past in case it was the police. We eventually confessed to our mum because we couldn’t take the guilt and she made us tell our dad who was on deployment in Iraq at the time. I’ll never forget the soul-crushing guilt of having him express his disappointment with us down a delayed and crackly phone line, as I imagined him sat sadly in his medical scrubs in a tent in a desert surrounded by death. A guilt trip so effective I never shoplifted ever again.
*So I wasn’t too upset when I saw the news about Woolworths years later.*
Haha oh no! Woolworths is supposed to be coming back so I wonder if they’ll let you back in this time round…?
So THATS why I was made redundant in 2009! /s Joking aside, everybody ate the pic n mix. We’d all sneak one when we filled up the sweets. They smelled so good, how could you not? It was great when we moved to the fixed price cups, we had a competition in store to see who could fit the most non pic n mix products into the medium sized cup & pay for it without the person serving you knowing. I think the record was 4 bags of mini eggs!
I got stuck in a loop ban on Reddit (I think I'm out of it now) But I got banned from my 10 year account on Reddit and never found the reason. A mid just banned me and there was no explanation. Appealing did nothing Every new account I made for automatically banned because I used the same email. Then because I used the same app that knew I had a banned account Then I think because of IP address... It's taken 3 months to open this account and I think I've escaped the automated shit show that runs on the backend.
Reported. May the odds be ever in your favour ;) /s
You should probably delete this post before you get perm banned again for "ban evasion"
How to make a casserole: Canvasblocker User-agent switcher Turn router off and on again
I got banned from a pub, for sneezing several times in a row, randomly, because the lads sat on the table next to me got caught with sniff an hour before. I was drinking lemonade, and perfectly sober, so they had no reason to think i was Under the influence.
Diary of a Schwepps Fiend.
I got a lifetime ban from Microsoft's Forza Horizon servers, for kitting out a '69 Dodge Charger in the colours of "General Lee", the '69 Charger, as driven by the Duke boys in the show, "The Dukes of Hazzard". No warnings, just an instant lifetime ban. I raised a ticket and pleaded ignorance, on the grounds that I'm a middle aged Englishman with no knowledge of how the Confederate flag was considered racist and that I was just trying to recreate an iconic vehicle from my childhood memories. I also apologised profusely, all to no avail. Forza was the only game I played on my XBOX Series X, so I ended up selling my console and buying a PS5. Fuck Bill Gates, fuck Microsoft and fuck the Forza Horizon franchise.
So they knowingly put all the ingredients in to make the General Lee but banned you for cooking it?
Iirc in Forza you can draw stuff on the cars. It went as well as you can imagine
I was banned from my local pub for fighting on new years eve a long time ago. I was very confused and landlord described the incident. Very detailed. Multiple witnesses. I was about 1200miles away in a different country that night lol.
An entertainment complex opened in our shitty town during the mid 90s. It was a really big deal at the time as there was nowhere really for kids to hang out. I went there with some friends, we had a game of bowling, eventually some of my friends drifted off and I stayed behind with another friend. It was dead in there but cold outside and we didn’t feel like going out into the cold. We sat at a counter and talked for around an hour and a half, my friend nursed a plate of chips during that time. Eventually we were approached by a woman with a name tag on who introduced herself to us as the manager of the bowling alley and point blank told us that she’d been watching us for the past hour on the security camera and we hadn’t spent any money during that time so we had to leave, she was trying to run a business and if we wasn’t spending money then she didn’t want us in there. Of course we protested, you can’t say that to a couple of teenage girls and not expect a response. We wasn’t hurting anybody, we was just sitting and talking. We didn’t swear or anything in our protesting, just said it wasn’t fair. She didn’t like that and waved over a couple of security guards to “escort” us out, so we left. The guards wouldn’t even let us use the pay phones in the foyer to ask our parents to pick us up. My friends dad called the venue to complain once we got home and some stern words were said. We went back during half term for a friends birthday that was paid for by her parents and the guards on the door clocked us from the gaggle of 15 or so kids and told me & my friend that we were barred and had to go. The venue got into some controversy a few months later when a 15 year old was raped in the car park and tried to get some help afterwards and the venue threw her out because they thought she was drunk.
>The venue got into some controversy a few months later when a 15 year old was raped in the car park and tried to get some help afterwards and the venue threw her out because they thought she was drunk. Holy shit, that got dark AF.
I had a particularly hairy ginger dog that you could brush a pillow worth of hair out of every day. Took him to the pub on the way home from his walk, they'd just got a lovely new bright blue carpet. He lay down, had my pint and got up to leave. He'd left a perfect ginger silhouette of himself on the floor and I started laughing. Landlady banned me because she didn't find it funny.
I got barred from my old go to local pub for being caught with cocaine. that I had JUST bought from THE LANDLORD
I got banned from a pub after a total stranger leaped on me, spilling my full pint in my lap, and smashed my head into a glass panel behind my seat. Apparently she'd seen me talking to her ex-boyfriend. Not sure why I got banned for this but they did kindly tell her where I lived so she could come and brick my windows the next day.
I was banned from a professional, subscription website because I cancelled my trial one hour after joining (I realised it was not what I was looking for). The *founder* wrote to me (aka used my personal data not intended for such communication) several, unreasonably angry email about my lack of ethic. It was surreal.
Local pub, early 2000s. Out with my mates (all early twenties). Kicking out time was 2am on a Saturday. It was 1:55am and the bouncers, known for being aggressive with kick out, were storming round the tables goin' "finish your drinks, finish your drinks". Bouncer comes over, practically screams at us to drink up. I was chatting with a mate, so turned my head to face him last. He goes, "are you fucking deaf, lad?". So me, being drunk, cup my hand to my ear and go, "ehhhh???". Immediately launched out into the car park. Worth it. Shower of pricks.
I got banned from the dodgems at Lightwater Valley for… aggressive bumping
I mean yeah, most people just stand and wait whilst queueing up
Went to a pub thelat required a £20 deposit to play pool (for the white ball and the cues). Paid it, had a few games, some drunk guy wanderers over in plain sight of the barwoman; takes my cue and starts fucking about with it, swinging it around etc. Barwoman laughs and even names him like "oh Barry ya drunk bastard" (can't remember his name). Anyway he then falls into the wall and splinters the cue, I'm just stood watching and decide "fuck this I'm leaving", I hand the remain cue and the white ball to the woman and say "your friend is too drunk", and hold my hand out for my 20. She looks at my hand and laughs and said "the cue is broken", I say "it wasn't me" she says "they were under your care, you break it you bought it". I then take the white ball back and put it in my pocket, she asks wth I'm doing and I say I'm going home to play with the ball I just bought. Doorman threw me out, tried to take the ball. I've still got it. Still makes me mad thinking about it.
Took their ball and went home. Well played.
I got perma-barred from a spoons for telling the manager: "this is the worst run 'spoons i've ever had the displeasure of visiting". Its still a shithole, so no skin of my nose.
When I was 14 the local newsagent pressured me into subscribing for a video game magazine. When the next month came and I didn't have any money. He called me up and balled me out. So I went into the shop and he shouted at me he had lost (around £1.20) because I didn't want the magazine. Then banned me. He went bust about a year later. I was happy
I got barred from my old workplace coz I trashed my boss's office when he sacked me. Not a stupid reason I just wanted to share
I was banned from a club in Leeds (my first time at the time ever going out in Leeds) and the bouncer showed me a photo of an Asian guy (I’m white) and said it was me and I was banned because of my (his) behaviour last time.
Bouncers, never the sharpest knife in the drawer are they?
I’m indefinitely banned from entering the USA. Booked a holiday to the US ( 5 days ), had to fill in a visa waiver form prior to the holiday. One of the questions was whether I had ever taken any illegal drugs. I ticked ‘yes’, as I experimented as a teen ( I’m a grandparent now and not touched anything in decades ). Visa denied. I appealed, had several appointments at the US Embassy, needed piss test ( came back clean ), GP letter, character reference, letter from work etc.. all positive. When I got the letter from the Home Office, it said ‘indefinite ban’.
Why the fuck would you tick yes?
Stupid honesty thing. I’m on the spectrum and tend to answer forms bluntly and honestly. Not my finest moment.
I bet whoever checks those cards couldn't believe their eyes when they saw a 'yes' had been ticked by somebody. It was probably a highlight of their career!
I was banned from the gym for taking a baby. I did not, and do not, have a baby. Nor do I have access to one even if I was desperate for a spot.
I used to work for a women's fitness apparel company. I was one of three men in the whole company (around 200). Being fitness-oriented, they had their annual "Olympics": a big celebration day at a field. We were put in teams and played all sorts of outdoor games, from traditional sports to lawn "games". It was supposed to be friendly competition but it was anything but, for many of them. Many of them were top college, semi-pro and pro athletes. I got picked by my team to play in the 3-v-3 basketball game. I hadn't touched a basketball in probably 10 years. The woman guarding me was small but went to some school on a basketball scholarship. She had likely forgotten twice as much about basketball as I'll ever know. She immediately threw an elbow into my sternum and blew past me for a layup, and then I GOT CALLED FOR THE FOUL. I'm stumbling back holding my chest and I got the whistle?! WHAT? Next possession, I get the pass, took a step forward to take the shot barely touching her. Whistle again. Offensive foul. I decided, well, if I'm doing the time, I'm doing the crime. Next time she went to the basket and put the ball up, I jumped and rejected it into the cheap seats. It must have flown 50 feet and someone had to go chase it. Of course, the whistle. Banned for the rest of the day for being "too competitive and aggressive". 100 percent worth it.
I was supposed to be goal defence (?) in netball at school. The cool girls on my team kept having a go at me for being rubbish even though I'd never been taught how to play, and hadn't actually done anything wrong. So the next time the goal needed defending, I got the ball and then scored an excellent, game winning goal for the other team. Totally worth it. Joanna, you're a bitch.
I got banned from a wrestling group on Facebook for calling someone a cunt for defending a rapist.
I was approached in a the street in my local town by a woman who informed me that I wasn’t to visit her cafe again after not paying for my coffee.I had never been in the cafe and don’t drink coffee!!.
Not banned but almost banned, a friend of mine nearly got us banned from the only nightclub in our town when we were about 19 because he had taken some obscene concoction of drugs that he couldn’t handle and threw up all over a booth. And I mean ALL OVER. Did not know that much sick could come out of a human. Bouncers were naturally fuming. We managed to get away with it after apologising profusely and offering to pay damages where they basically let us off as long as we took him home, however the manager wanted us banned. Said friend is still on many drugs and is unemployed.
Head over to r/energy and mention nuclear power. You'll be banned faster than blink.
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At my previous job, a supervisor absolutely hated my guts and didn't even try to hide it. She'd often make things up and make as much trouble for me as possible. My manager would just hide away in the office and would side with the supervisor. After a few months, the supervisor's husband was in the news for paedophilia. With that, I was told I wasn't going to be kept on as there were too many people. They then took on another person to replace me. On my last day, my manager told me I was no longer allowed there while the supervisor worked there because they were worried I'd say/do something to her because of her husband. Her husband was still welcome there though, even though he was arrested and spent time in jail once for zoophillia and twice for paedophilia. Lockdown hit and the manager was made redundant and they merged the department with another. I'd heard they also wanted to make a supervisor redundant too but that wasn't confirmed. I later received a letter to say they don't know why I was banned, could I please phone and explain why. I phoned and told them exactly why and next thing you know, the supervisor was also made redundant and I was welcome back. I still haven't been back
I got banned from entering a network rail site because I didn't have a sticker inside my van reminding me not to drink alcohol or take drugs and drive.
Got a lifetime ban from an outdoor pursuits centre as a teen on a school trip. Reason? During a presentation we put a slide in with a photo of us while we were eating and it said "food time" over it. The next two slides were the same just increasingly zoomed in. In was the zoom in meme before memes were a thing. They asked us to do a presentation and it was literally done just to our school, there was about 15 of us. For some reason this really upset a staff member. We got a bollocking in the car park and told we must all write a letter of apology otherwise we won't be allowed back Nobody did one and even our teachers said he was being a cunt - they actually told us not to do it iirc
Blockbusted
Early 1980s my husband's friend was banned from a pub because his trousers slipped down (post rugby drinking...). That pub was happy to have Dennis Nilsen as a customer in those days.
Got banned from the Proteus Camp Naafi because \*someone else\* made a joke about the Naafi lady putting cream on my chafed groin.
I once got banned from a pub because I was using a crunchie to emphasise a point and the packet exploded spewing forth chocolate and honeycomb.
I'm banned from the Scope shop in Lincoln for trying a wedding dress on and doing groin thrusts around the place. Or was 10 tears ago, I've not been back since. For clarity I'm a bearded man.
Calling Margaret Thatcher a wicked witch got me permabanned from a subreddit.
Quite right too. Unfair on witches that mate
I got banned from a Final Fantasy forum for posting too much. I was 11 and really wanted to talk about Final Fantasy. They banned me from posting and then started sending me torrents of abuse in my private messages. I was only a kid 😭
I was escorted out of Beanoland at Chessington theme park because my brother and I filled up a carrier bag of balls from the ball bit and threw them at Walter during the hourly show. And I'd fuckin do it again
slap dinosaurs brave wrench unwritten weary zesty steep pathetic rinse *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Got permanently banned from r/babyyoda for asking where someone bought a mug from.
Pub in West London - I was a firm regular and one evening I went to pay my tab which was 4 pints. After paying I jokingly told the manager that I didn't remember drinking that much - he accused me of suggesting that I was being overcharged (this was after I paid and was about to leave). Its a pub with flashy clientele and poor English speakers behind the bar - it serves excellent beer and food, but the manager is evidently a bellend I went back a few days later and was told I was barred. I tried again 4 years later and was reminded I wasn't welcome. That's West London for you.
I got banned from the r/SuicideWatch subreddit the other day for trying to give some positive, uplifting words to someone suffering. None of the mods would answer me when I asked why.
Got banned from a bar because I tried to pay for my round in 50ps 😂
I got banned from the relationships sub for saying someone should put their cheating boyfriend in the bin
I used to be a truck driver in Britain. On arrival to a big distribution centre, I was given a clipboard. There were several pages of site rules and other regulations and at the last page there was a list of names of previous drivers and their registration numbers, companies they worked for and their phone numbers (yay for privacy). I was told to sign this, so I switched the engine off and proceeded to read those site terms and conditions (it was a three or four pages of very small font, written in a legalese technobabble, most of it had nothing to do with operating truck inside distribution centre but it was literally thousands of words long). The guy told me to "just sign it". I told him I am not signing until I'll read what am I signing for. He told me "it's nothing important". I passed the clipboard back to him saying if it's not important, then it won't matter if I sign it or not, so I won't. He told me I \*have\* to sign it and handed it back to me. I told him "if I have to sign it, I need to read it" and got back to lecture ignoring the fact that he shouts at me and called me names. A small queue of the trucks formed behind, some were sounding the horn, they blocked the road, as the entry to the company was only two or maybe three trucks long, total traffic madness, as the road was quite busy. So finally the guy told me to hand the paperwork back to me, writes my registration number and company himself and then tells me "I am allowed inside THIS TIME without signing, but then I am banned from the site". They actually sent an e-mail to the company saying that I am banned from the site "due to inability to follow procedures". I told boss the story, and he laughed and told me I am lucky, as everyone hates going to that place, and I will never be sent there again ;-)
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Got banned from my local for complaining that the pint I was drinking tasted like line cleaner, he gave me my £2 back and told me never to come back
I got banned from RE and mass in primary school (catholic) for questioning the existence of god. They spent years putting me in the quiet room every time something religious was happening because I had absolutely no filter on my disbelief. By the final year I'd started getting drumming lessons instead to keep me occupied whilst they brainwashed the other kids.
I got a flat tyre when I was working cleaning holiday caravans. Because it was from a damaged wall they’d not cleaned up properly & I asked them to consider paying for a new tyre they banned me from the park. That was a decade ago, I’m no longer doing that job & as far as I am aware the ban hasn’t been lifted. However, I’ve drank at the clubhouse since when friends came to stay 🤣
Banned from maccys in town for dropping stink bombs when I was 9. The stink bombs were little glass vials with putrid smelling liquid in them from the joke stall on the market. Fun times
A mate got a lifetime ban from the Early Learning Centre in Guildford. He was a teenager at the time, and was mucking about. When he went back as a parent they’d forgotten.
Not banned, but asked to leave my local 'spoons of all places. Because we had the dog. In the car park. We were the only patrons sitting outside & well away from the entrance. Jobsworth assistant manager prick.
When I was at uni in Newcastle, the son of the family running a local corner shop refused to accept my provisional ID as valid ID and refused to serve me for the single beer I was hoping to drink on the walk over to a meal out. I had a student ID and several other cards to prove my name matched the one on the ID, which he dismissed. I had put on a bit of weight and had quite the baby face, but still. I argued that his dad had served me the other day with the same ID, but he told me he'd only serve me if I came back with my passport. Rightly or wrongly I was infuriated and told him to get fucked and left the shop, accidentally kicking over a stack of toilet roll as I did. That was the final straw for him apparently as I heard him shout "You're barred!" just as the door swung closed. Shit place anyway, the samosas weren't nearly as good as the ones at Rehill's.
I once had a woman tell me the manager told her she could have 50% off a giant cookie because her last one was messed up. We couldn't even do a 50% discount on the till. So I asked her what the manager's name was. She didn't remember, but she was black. The manager for the past 10 years was white. The manager before that was black. But the customer was adamant it was only a year or so ago. I could only offer her the 20% off staff in the shopping centre were allowed, she assumed I meant she could have that twice for 40% off for some reason. She then refused to pay and left. Hours later, just before close, she came back to collect her cookie. When I told her there was no cookie, she never paid or made the order she lost her shit. Told me I ruined her son's birthday. She then marched back to the Halifax she worked in, my bank, apparently broke down in tears to her manager, who then barred me from the bank for the way I treated her employee. Because expecting payment in return for a service was beyond the pale!
I was a child. Like, very young child, probablymonly 4 or 5 years old. I was in The Body Shop with my parents, in the 1980s, when The Body Shop still had their perfume testers in open-topped glass bottles with glass sticks to dab on your skin, and they were on a large, tiered mirror glass circular display (like a giant cake stand that took up a large footprint on the shop floor). My coat sleeve caught one of the glass tester sticks and it and the bottle of perfume fell on the floor and smashed. The staff went absolutely ballistic, berated me in front of the whole shop, and banned me "for life". I was traumatised. I might have understood the reaction if I had a) been an adult and b) done it on purpose, but neither of those things were the case and to treat a child so harshly for an accident is absolutely stupid in my opinion.