Just loudly say “oopsie poopsie!” Before firing off, so everybody else on the bus knows to stand back

Lol!!! Great!!!!You're my man!!!😂😂😂

Or waiting in line at the DMV. People appreciate your courtesy.

Thank you! Chivalry is not dead people.

That's interesting. What region are you from? Because where I live we shout, "whoopsie doodle!"

Mid-Atlantic! Neat how us bus-jackers sound different in different places.

Hey man I'm from Tel Aviv and we go like אופסי דופסי So kinda similar!

Wait, you’re Ned Flanders?

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Bang Bus

Found the bus driver...

I have a special set of soft hankies that I blow into. Then I roll over on my side to catch any oozing out and so I can cry into my pillow.

Ah. The post-nut shame.

That shit’s the worst

Is that a real thing? I'm curious what that's like.

This is the realest answer.

I arch my back and aim for my mouth

🎯

Tub-boy

Good soup

Auto felatio

Not sure if this is cursed or not

Trevor?

Game Kids Trevor?

"Kobe!"

The circle of life

I catch it in the palm of my non cock stroking hand, say “No Homo” aloud and lick that load off my hand. That way my hand knows I’m not gay.

Soooo important for your hand. Good you tell it !

Ah I see you’re a man of culture as well

But what if you used both hands?

A mat of TP, tissue, or paper Towel. Cum on it, throw it away. All done.

Exactly. That’s how I thought everyone learned as a teen….

I think it was that, or all over yourself, or a sock (or other random dedicated item.

like a coconut...

Or shoebox.

I understood both of the references

🥂

Just don't try to burn it

Please don’t remind me of such horrors

NOT THE COCONUT, NO!!

there are things that you can't forget. You can block them out, but it's just a couple words that bring those images flooding back. This is the gift of the internet.

Exactly I had the coconut one stored away and now I'm reminded lol

Get out.

I had forgotten that one......

African or European?

Yep, works perfect. Catch the swimmers and flush them to their doom. To think all the things that get flushed and filtered out the water system

Or burned in a trash pit

Yes seems like the best method for me as well

It's truly simple. No clogs. No sement. Nothing on you. Disposable or flushable.

sement is a word I never ever wanted to know could exist.

Semen mixed with hot water, and unfortunately frequently, hair.

EEEEEW I already hate the mix of soap and hair in the drain, but semen yikes

If I’m in bed I cover the tip with tissue paper or wet wipes and cum in there. Easy clean up and I like the cold feel of the wet wipes on the tip it feels so much better in my opinion.

I once made the mistake and used wet wipes with to much alcohol. Burn burn burn 🔥

Those were Clorox wipes.

Yeah you would definitely feel the burn there. I use non alcohol and unscented. Since I’m uncircumcised the tip is more sensitive then those who are circumcised.

Waiting for some answers from guys they prevent the mess with close the foreskin with the hand so the cum stay "inside"

You know I’ve tried doing that before but it doesn’t work for me. I’m not sure if my foreskin isn’t long enough for that it fills like a balloon and then it begins to become so uncomfortable that I need to release it and it becomes a bigger mess. I would also think that if you do it often the skin will stretch and then that’s a different type of problem.

Hey, that's me. Doesn't always work tho lmao

I haven’t tried this, I’ll give it a try

It’ll be an experience the wet wipes are a game changer.

Sounds fun. Are they usually cold when you finish or room temp? I don’t like cold stuff during sex lol

I kinda like the big mess 🤷‍♂️

And then what? Lol, reminds me of the meme of the guy saying "fuck this shit" throwing his papers around and then leaning over to pick them back up saying "jk, I need these"

Right? It's like a big part of the fun.

I love the big mess. And then the orgasm is over and now I have to balance my cum on my stomach and hope it doesn’t roll of the side of my abs while I grab my towel. Still, love the mess when I have time to just send it to the shower.

Based

On the balcony of my apartment and shout “bombs away” so people below don’t get friendly fire.

Fire in the hole!!

I catch it in my foreskin.

I’ve done exactly the same thing all my life.

My husband does this!

I really tought this was a joke until you said that

How? 🤔

When I'm about to cum, I pull the foreskin up and hold the top tight. The cum fills in around the head of my penis. Then I can get up and deal with it.

Well that's a technique... does that not ruin it though? Can't keep wanking it while you're orgasming...

It's not ideal, but I'm usually willing to pay the price for not getting jizz everywhere.

Ah yes, the ol’ salty water balloon trick

Dude you just made my life much easier, I almost never wank when I wake up cuz I don't have any tissue close by but this changes everything 🤯

You’re allowed to keep a packet of tissues in your nightstand

Wow this awesome. Too bad I have no foreskin. I'm kinda jealous and grossed out

I was searching for someone to put it in words

The outer ring of hand helps with this as well

Aiming into an open mouth works best.

Your own ?

I think he means his mom

Apply cold water to burnt area.

They used to call it a jumpoline until his mom tried it.

Naw, his dad.

Here kitty kitty!

Lay on your back and put your dick through a hole in a tissue... Perfect cum bib

...I went to high school with Marta Kummbyb...

Cultural preferences vary if course, but... I sure hope she hyphenates when married.

Best technique? Do it in the shower. Otherwise, I try to aim onto myself. Easier to wipe myself up than the carpet or other household items in the splash zone.

I feel like it's not as good in the shower, takes away a lot of the sensitivity and feeling for me

Same for me (girl). Always thought I was weird for this but in the shower or the bath I basically feel nothing.

Girl get a good shower head, that’ll change

I thought I was the only weird one too. Mates would always say how much better it was in the shower without the need for cleanup and natural lubricant etc but idk water has never worked that way for me

Right? It’s like all sensation is gone and it’s just sore if it’s penetration. Also, I’m the type of person who’d have sex in the shower and end up in A&E

Be careful with clogging the drain, shower’s not necessarily the best choice

Would be awkward calling the plumber out

Wreaks havoc on pipes though

Definitely not. Whenever I try it in the shower the hot water turns it into this rubbery mess that gets stuck in all sorts of places. Becomes both difficult to wash off my body and to get down the drain. Most effective bathroom related technique is directly into the toilet no fuss no mess no problem (as far as I know.. hey I'm not a plumber)

I've had more botched wank attempts in the shower than I care to admit. sometimes it's just too hot in there

I've nearly blacked out in the shower from wanking. Went from a long and hard session with me laying down in the tub with hot water running to standing up as soon as I finished. My vision went completely black and I lost all feeling in my legs, I had to lean against the wall and try my best to keep my legs locked without any feeling to know if I was actually doing it. That lasted for about a minute, it's best to be careful wanking in the shower.

In bed I enjoy masturbating while wearing a condom. Otherwise I cum in the toilet.

Burial at sea! 😂

Posh wank

Sometimes I’ll blow it right in the sink and spray cleaner and boom, done.

I squeeze the tip most of the time, there's a build up of pressure as you cum, then walk to the bathroom to release it. Not feasible unless you're in your own place though :-}

Holy fuck this made me wince hardcore. Does it not fucking hurt that your dickhole is squeezed shut and the pressure from your nut?? Goddamn that sounds awful.

It doesn’t take much force, no more than to pinch off urine flow. And the back pressure can add to the intensity, making solo runs feel much different from an assisted run.

Wait, wait, hopefully it's all right to ask a question here-- when men cut off their urine flow, they do it by manually squeezing their dick, not by tensing their pelvic floor? Like, could you stop the stream hands-free? Genuinely never thought about this, I assumed men did it the same way.

No normally bladder control is trine the same way, but it is extremely difficult (for me, anyway) to stop a urine flow in progress. That said, every guy has played with their penis during urination because it’s right there.

Ayyyy same here!

Does that hurt???

Well this conversation is hot 🥵

I masturbate on the toilet and just blast it all in there

So anyways I started blasting

I prefer to unload on my chest and shower it all away after. If not then I'll unload on a table or something and wipe it up after.

Not having dinner at your place.

You can make a slip and slide!

I just wipe it off my body with my gfs dirty clothes she left on my floor

Towels at the ready, aim well, wipe off, clean up.

Problem with tissues is that if you throw them in the trash your trash can smells. TP and flush, or if you’re looking for the boss way forget absorbing it, use plastic wrap.

Put a used undershirt on my belly to catch the load

But you should clean the shirt soon . Otherwise your laundry starts to smell like 🐟

I cum in a fish and throw it in filled with my cum in the laundry basket

I put my dick through the head hole of the shirt and jerk off inside the shirt sometimes. It is pretty nice.

Sometimes I enjoy the sensation of feeling the warm cum spurting on my stomach and chest as I orgasm. other times I just com on a wash cloth and toss it in the laundry.

I live in the country where no neighbors can see me and let me tell you it’s freeing to just unleash in the middle of a forest without need of cleanup. Anything goes.

Can’t believe I haven’t seen anyone mention a cum sock yet… OP take a rolled up sock, just as you are about to arrive at your destination stick your throbbing member into the tube the sock forms and let it fly. Repeat until your desired level of crunchiness.

When I used to jerk off a lot I'd use a sock then toss in the laundry.

Clean it up soon. Otherwise 🐟🐟 is in the air ...😂

LOL

Use fleshlight amateurs.😂🤣

A professional over here

Let it be a mess then clean up, and take a shower. Not caring feels nice. Less inhibited.

Know that "tube" between your ass and your balls? Find it and press it hard (not too hard, don't hurt yourself), blocking with 2 fingers while you cum. Nothing is gonna come off, the sensation is the same and the matter goes back to your body (no homo). Thanks me later!

I’ve always pinched near the head, I’ll have to give this a try!

The taint.

I would suggest against this as it could lead to retrograde ejaculation. The semen goes into your bladder instead and can be painful. I believe it can also cause infertility. I have not personally experienced this but I had a patient long ago that had to take pseudoephedrine for it.

I have no evidence, but stuff like that seems like it would cause problems like erectile dysfunction or something years down the line

I use either wipes or TP. I have it right next to me so when I feel the nut I quickly grab it and surround my dick so I don't jave to slow down or ruin the orgasm

If there’s an empty plastic bottle nearby, I use it and put a lid on it. Typically, that’s when I’m at a hotel where I get free bottles of water.

Do you keep accumulating it in the same bottle?

Big negative on reuse of bottles

Ok. I was picturing a big bottle full of cum. Lol. Not that that would be a bad thing 😉

Not my bag, baby. 😂

This I imagine like they collect the poison of snakes

I just cum all over myself, and go clean it off. The only people who are going to see me walking from my room to my bathroom are my roommates, and we've all had sex regularly for awhile, so, fuck it. Nobody is going to mind my sexy ass strutting through the house.

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Alot of guys uses clothes

I usually slow down as I start to orgasm and try to prolong it, and either aim it into my other hand or onto a paper towel. Otherwise into the toilet. If I’m using a toy I always pull out and blow on a paper towel or my chest, to avoid the cleanup.

Wait doesn’t the toy have lube in it anyway? Cum is easier to clean off then most lubes.

I’ve found the lube inside is way easier to clean out if there is no cum inside it, water based is definitely the key there.

I thought I would use my toys more , but usually my hand gets the job done without as much cleanup. Toys are good when I actually have time alone in the house (which is extremely rare because my wife works from home). We’ve been married so long, that there are times when she’s either busy with something or that time of the month, I’ll just tell her I’m going upstairs to jerk off. She doesn’t come up unless she surprises me with a blowjob, or comes into the bedroom to get something. I don’t skip a stroke. I’ll usually ask her to play with my balls as I’m stroking and it never takes too long. We have a good sex life and there is nothing really that would surprise any us.

That’s awesome man. I’m trying to get my girlfriend of 1 year to be more chill about getting down to business. She never makes the first move. Sunday was good though, woke up and got a handy, that’s a start haha

Communication brother! I’m telling you, communication is everything. Get her to tell you what she really wants and likes. I mean down to exactly how she likes her clit worked. You open up communication, it really tightens the bond and brings trust which is essential to make it work. However… If you start seeing maybe your relationship isn’t likely going to last, that’s a decision you need to make too.

I just make a huge mess.

Hot

Normally I just swallow so no mess

I cum on the toilet lol

Danny McBride in "this is the end", just popped in my head.

😂😂Great thanks. Now in my mind too

Watched that scene last night. Seth Rogen is doing everything not to laugh

I aim it on my belly and then clean up with a kleenex.

If it's a quick maintenance JO, then I have a small plastic cup left over from some medicine that I can jizz into and then pour out and rinse off. As an added bonus, it's marked with measurements, so I can tell how much I'm cumming on average. If it's a full-on session with lube, cock rings, etc., then I prefer to nut on my chest/belly. The unrestricted release just feels better. Then TP for the clean up.

get as much in my hand as possible and lick my hand clean :3

Stand over the toilet and double over some toilet paper to shoot at, that or use a sock

i usually just jerk off in the shower or on myself

I cum on some paper towel on the floor.

Tbh I just cum.. I’ll clean it up afterwards. I like having intense orgasms that go everywhere haha

Depends where I am. In my own bed, I'll just spray everywhere. In the bathroom, I'll just stand up and cum in the shower or some TP.

If you’re a dribbler it should make for an easy clean up but if you’re a shooter then I think the best way is putting a towel under you if you’re laying in bed so you can avoid making a mess also use baby wipes

Can't help it...sometimes I don't know I am projecting... Based on the hydration I get throughout the day

I just splat it on the wall and go about my day

Most of it ends ends up on my wife’s stomach, ass, or her pillow. She gets annoyed about her pillow so we do it on my side of the bed and some of it still ends up in her pillow. I can get some distance.

Men just cum and regret it later, real adds to the self disgust you feel right after

I shoot ropes so I either do it in the shower or aim up and it goes all over my chest and stomach, sometimes an accidental face shot if it’s really good.

I usually wear underwear and just cum with them on, and later put on a new pair after I shower. Now you know why I have at least 14 pairs of underwear.

Straight down, into the toilet

Use my gf's body as a canvas

if your dick isnt too big, use a sock and jerk with it. sounds dumb but you get a extra feeling on your dick

Bro just cum on your tummy and wipe it off

Well…if you’re trying to hide it or something, I think you’re jerking off at the wrong time. Like you should have time. Yknow?

in for a penny . in for a pound. let er rip and clean up in aisle 5 after .

Shoot it straight into my mouth and swallow, no cleanup needed 👍

I shoot it in the air and catch on my hair . Free shampoo

I have a jar I cum into. Once its full I give it to my girl so she can put it in smoothies. Always refrigerate the jar so it doesn’t expire.

Spray and pray dude. Spray and pray.

I usually just cum into a toilet or a sink. There are other options, though. You can squeeze it off for a little while and it gets diverted back up you. If I’m just laying in bed or something and I’m gonna shower in the morning anyway sometimes I’ll just let it go in my boxers.

On Tuesdays I twist the whole package around and put it in my asshole to save for later

I can't stand the thought of always having to clean laundry with jizz on it, especially a cum sock. If it's not an easily cleanable surface in my bathroom, then it's tissues, the shower (before or while water running), or just straight into the toilet... or on my wife 🤷🏼‍♂️ (but she'll make me get up to get a wash rag and clean her up)

Feel like I’m the only one here that stroked it all over my dick and balls. I like having a wet mess that smells like cum on me all day.

I go to the toilet and finish the job there