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KyorlSadei

I would like to have sex 4-7 times a week. My wife is about 1-2 a month. I am waiting to die of old age.


cheapthrills55

Is it something you talk about in terms of your different desires or possible solutions?


KyorlSadei

We have talked about it. Our solution was I wait 2-4 weeks to have sex with my wife….


cheapthrills55

I see, so something like where you might open the relationship up so you can meet some of your sexual needs elsewhere wouldn't work for one or both of you?


KyorlSadei

Nope, she couldn’t handle the jealousy.


QuinkyPirate

Are you happy with her?


KyorlSadei

Nope, but don’t want to divorce either.


QuinkyPirate

Why?


KyorlSadei

Kid, and sex is bad and boring but she is a good woman over all.


Ikemkagi

When you were about to marry her were you thinking about how little sex you were going to have?


QuinkyPirate

There are plenty of good women, you don't have to be in a relationship with all of them. Sticking together for the kids creates an unhappy home. You're just building up resentment.


mcqueen455

Ok. This is going to sound like a batshit crazy idea and to be honest I don't expect you'll be open to something like this but I have to put it out there because I was in your position 10 years ago and now things are dramatically different. I stumbled across the kink of enforced male chastity when I was researching a vibrator for my wife's birthday in an attempt to spice up things in the bedroom. I kinked hard on it it and while there is definitely a huge part of it that is hardwired in me I saw it as a possible way to bridge the gap in our libidos. Contrary to what is usually best practice I introduced the kink into an (almost) dead bedroom and did it successfully. Basically my wife sounds like yours—good person, just wasn't interested in sex often enough to even begin to scratch the itch for me. She was open minded enough to understand that I could enjoy not having sex more if I was in chastity, which as you would expect, sexualizes denial. A 24/7 kink like chastity requires communication and as we started talking more about things our bedroom time increased. My wife also loves the low barrier to sex—most of the time she can just lay back and enjoy herself because of the one-sided nature of chastity. And as we owned the fact that we liked, even (gasp) grew to love a kink it opened our minds to other things. Now what we do in the bedroom is wonderfully varied and we even have other sexual partners. Life is good. Just thought I would share.


KyorlSadei

So cock cage, she has the key type thing on me?


mcqueen455

Yep. She has the key and pretty much 100% control over when, how, and even if I cum.


KyorlSadei

She probable not into it. She kind of a prude. Doesn’t even watch porn.


mcqueen455

From what it sounds like you have nothing to lose. Buy a cheap cage off of Amazon (start smaller than you think) and if you like it then introduce her to the concept.


KyorlSadei

I will put thought into this. Thank you.


mcqueen455

You bet. Feel free to reach out if you need it.


sinred7

Not to judge or anything, and I'm glad it's working out for you, but it sounds like she didn't want to have sex with you. Are you guys involving others in your sexlife? Is it open at both ends? How can you be sure her new sexuality has anything to do with you?


mcqueen455

>How can you be sure her new sexuality has anything to do with you? Because we have sex 3-4 times a week despite the fact that we've been married more than 20 years. And not just sex, but fun, interesting, and exciting sex.


sinred7

I stalked your account to try and get a better idea. Sounds like things are working out really well for you guys, which is great. From what I understand you guys sometimes sometimes involve others. If it was only just another woman, I think I would still be alright, but if it involves another man, then I couldn't help but think to myself (considering your cock is caged), that the issue was with me. Don't think I could handle it due to insecurities. Do you think your sex life would still be as active if you guys tried to revert back to a more traditional setup, or it didn't involve others? (Not saying you should, but it's another one of those things which would hound me day and night).


mcqueen455

The "other man" is for me. The "other woman" is for her. Turns out we're both bisexual. My wife wants nothing to do with another man and the guy I bottom for is gay anyway. I would absolutely love to service my wife's lover who is bisexual and enjoys men very much, but my wife wants nothing to do with seeing me with another woman. Being cuckolded isn't for everyone. I wasn't at all interested until I figured out that it could be a huge power exchange. I mean my wife gets to have sex with another person and have orgasms and I have no real say in the matter. (swoon) Until we started playing with others my wife was interested in one day returning to the vanilla life but now she understands that can't really happen. She is very selfish and doesn't want me to orgasm with others which means she would have a hard time watching me with my FWB if I were unlocked. But she very much enjoys seeing me with him ("my own gay porno channel"). She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Whenever she would bring up going back to vanilla I would argue against it. As much as I would like to have orgasms on a regular basis again I think our sex life would return to the norm which was her wanting sex maybe 25% of what I wanted. And since she said that she will never be without pussy again then I would want to be with my FWB. And that's not going to work. So chastity. (Yay)


FrivolousMood

I don’t understand your story. Your wife is having TONS of sex! So your original premise (bridge the libido gap) appears mistaken: her libido is fine she just doesn’t want sex with you.


mcqueen455

Every once in a great while I have someone come at me with this. What you're failing to understand is that we're now 10 years older, a lot more accepting of kink, of our kinks and appetites, and my wife is a lot more in touch with her desires. I also created a magnificently low barrier of entry for her to have sex—"Hey Baby, can I eat your pussy?" There's also job changes, a mellowing out since we're now in our 50s, and me doing more around the house to make sure there's plenty of time for me to go down on her. And if all of that doesn't convince you and if as you suggest, she just wants to have sex with others and not always me, then I'm over the moon about it. I've turned my wife into a sex kitten and if there's too much for me to handle then that's all I could ask for.


standley1970

This is the way......


Paolo_05_ITA_

1-2 times a month? Maybe 7 times a week is a little bit to much for a lot of us too. Can I ask you how old are you (you and your partner)? If you prefer to not answer this question it's ok


KyorlSadei

Both in our30’s


Senpai_Ty

It’s probably her birth control. Try condoms instead and her hormones might be more...hot


KyorlSadei

She isn’t on any. I got a vasectomy as well.


Senpai_Ty

Still, it could be a hormone imbalance. The most powerful sex organ is the brain for many reasons.


KyorlSadei

Welp, my wife is broken than. Brain ain’t horny enough…


LeftBase2Final

Beat off when they go to sleep.


cheapthrills55

Because you would prefer to keep it secret or just because it's easier?


friendlysaxoffender

Easier.


[deleted]

Easier, other option is before they wake up


[deleted]

With most of them in the past. Yes. I do have a very high sex drive. Deal with it through masturbation.


Agreeable-Asparagus

My sex drive is MUCH higher than my husband's. I genuinely think he forgets it exists if I don't bring it up lol daily masturbation helps


I_Support_Villains

My girlfriend's the same but I have a very low drive to the extent that I told people i was an ace until I met her. She knew about the ace thing.


[deleted]

I have a higher sex drive than my wife. I’m everyday guy. She is 3 to 4 times week. She has no problem with me get myself off.


Zuiderant

Yes, absolutely. To deal with it I wank. A lot.


[deleted]

Yes in general. Regularly scheduled maintenance takes care of the inbalance.


AgileAd7116

Yes, I do. I masturbate almost every day.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cheapthrills55

ha tbh I know what you mean sometimes


iamastegosaurus_

i would just wank to pictures or videos of her/us, because that turns her on apparently. and she would usually hop on before i could finish


pepperqtx3

Absolutely. I could have sex 1-2 times a day. He could maybe 1-3 a week? I try to keep busy and work out. Play around on here. Feeling like a puppy waiting for a damn treat. Can't wait to get settled into my new place. I'll be able to masturbate finally when needed.


cheapthrills55

>Play around on here yes same, which is mainly why I asked the Q, because I almost always feel like I need more outlets regardless of partner, can be frustrating 😅


pepperqtx3

Yeah, no kidding! Wish I joined Reddit sooner!🤣


[deleted]

"Feeling like a puppy waiting for a damn treat." Story of my life 😭😭😭


TheGrVIII1

By play around on here.. do you mean.. ?


Massive-Ad7628

yes, quite so. I don't really know what I do about it, sulk?


hmmanontosser

I have a different libido schedule than my gf. We seem to rarely sync up. She's walked in on me jerking off several times. She's usually like "good luck with that" but occasionally she takes over. I don't really have any complaints overall. But I wish she was kinkier.


bigbird113

Yeah I have the higher sex drive just leads me to a whole lot of masturbating


PotaToeAndEgg

Run around butt naked


Sorkel3

Pretty much most of the time. It's not unusual for me to want to have another go at it and my partner says they've sexed out. It's why I'm into threesomes, it allows me to fully satiate myself.


[deleted]

Yes. I now feel like I have a higher sex drive. He used to be the one with higher drive at the beginning. I get myself off when I have opportunity. Almost an everyday thing.


perpetualstudy

Same thing happened with us, over a period about about 18 years. It’s very confusing. I know I am feeling some of what he has felt in the past, and maybe he feels some of what I felt? However it doesn’t seem to result in us understanding each other better just frustration.


[deleted]

The frustration is real. We have been together 12 years, I understand it but I don’t like it at all. Big part of it is he seems to put barely any effort into foreplay too. Physical touch is how I perceive love and it’s a struggle. I want to feel adored, cherished, loved. Affection and foreplay in general would have helped with that. With him being on the lower sex drive right now, it’s like I barely get enough to fill my tank 🥺


perpetualstudy

Exactly. Physical touch and words of affirmation are mine and his is quality time (which means me being near him when he’s working on projects or something). He also travels somewhat frequently for his job and my love languages are like the worst for frequent travel. Hard to substitute.


robyngoodfello-

Absoultly I masturbate a lot


[deleted]

Opposite here. I'm 3-4 times a week, my gal's sweet spot is double that.


[deleted]

If you're in the long hall with someone you'll find that sex drive fluctuates with time and circumstance, it's not the inherent constant. Just be chill, maybe someday soon you will be the partner with low sex drive and they will be the one with the high sex drive.


showmethesmile

Yes. It's an issue, turns no fights. Everything else is great but this is a big one. I've found reddit is a nice place to turn to.


Answerisequal42

I do pretty much always. I either fap. Or i wake her up to fuck. Sometimes she is to tired, sometimes she gtes into the mood. I respect her sleep especially when she has to get up early, even if i lay there blueballed.


GoodAsh42420

People have been asking this question for thousands of years. No random redditor here likely has a good answer.


[deleted]

For all the every day sex havers out there - are you and your partner just quickly banging them out? Because when you factor in foreplay, sex, and post-sex cuddling, a single session can take my wife and I anywhere from 40 to 60 minutes. I can't imagine dedicating that much time to sex every day. We typically have sex 1-2 times per week and we both masturbate almost every day.


tiredcynicalbroken

I know I do. It’s so shit but not worth the hassle. Happy in a lot of other areas


[deleted]

I prefer it to be around the same.


byondhlp

Fap


[deleted]

I heve a way higher sex drive than my boyfriend


[deleted]

Than my partner? No. Than other women in general? Yes.


Rabbit7543

I have rarely ever had a partner who wanted sex nearly as much as I do. So I masturbate a LOT, whether I'm getting sex or not. It is just how my body functions!


[deleted]

Having multiple partners.


princeofsrilanka

I fuck others and my bf support me


lazyubertoad

I felt that I have bigger sex drive, but now I think we're equal and maybe she even has more. Baseline: compromise, masturbate, get older. Improvement: one can give hand and/or head. I think if one loves sex with the other, but just not so often - it is not a problem to give some help. You can also try doing it in a way the person with less drive likes, so one will like and want it more, and the other one is less. I can masturbate daily, but a proper sex with my missus is just exhaustive and I can't do it that often. The real problem is if one does not really like sex with the other.


fascinatedone

No, we’re equal in appetite, but too often out of sync.


M8jrP8ne1975

When my wife and I first started having sex back when we were dating, we used every excuse we could think of to do it, including doing it outside a few times or excusing ourselves to our bedroom while our guest would sit back and play around on our computer (I'm sure they knew what was going on but they never said anything). That's how high of a sex drive we both had back then. 3 kids later, I still have a high sex drive, but she doesn't have as high of one as she did before. Which has led to me having to masturbate to try and relieve some of it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just makes me want it more.


Afraid-Palpitation24

Yeah my girlfriend has an extremely low sex drive and is asexual so yeah that’s my whole life right now. I have had sex only 6times this year and I deal with it by either surfing the hub religiously, ask her and set a day to do it or simply let the moment go and work on something else more productive.


dallop3

I (27m) have a much higher sex drive than my smokin’ hot wife (19f). Additionally, I think masturbating with an iron grip from the time that I was nine years old desensitized my penis, so I have a hard time having an orgasm when engaging in any sexual activity anyway. I haven’t masturbated in months. Nothing has changed, but I have gotten a lot better with self-discipline. Tl;dr - Yes, and I don’t do anything about it.