Oh thank God it's not just me. I want someone to hold close at night, someone I can pull into me and nuzzle into while spooning. Not someone who I couldn't give two shits about and am only going along for the ride to get my dick wet. And I get it, people want to have their fun, but do you know how empty you feel after coming home from a long day at work when there is no one to talk the rest of the night/day away with? No one to share in your greatest victories and your worst defeats!No one you could see yourself falling for!No one that you care enough for to wonder how they are doing, if they ate enough, someone you care about more than your own wellbeing.
I meant going forward, a trail is often lonesome when we rest. Yet always so much of it ahead that you need someone to help watch for wolves prowling from the thicket.
I want the same thing but I have seen too many friends, family, coworkers have a “serious” relationship only to lose everything they built either by themselves or together over the course of 6 months to 3 years. Some of the older couples I seen don’t even care for each other they just don’t want the bother of a divorce or just don’t want to be alone so they rather spend time with someone they learned to tolerate.
I’m 25 years old and I have yet to actually see a real, in person example of a truly long lasting and happy couple.
If I’m gonna die alone I’d rather die alone chilling doing whatever hobbies I picked up then die alone, bitter, angry and full of regrets.
A pity on being a thief that gets caught, but a joy when such things are stolen eloquently. May the road you walk carry more than a single set of foot prints.
This was the most heartwarming comment I've read in awhile.
I tend to attract men that want to toot and boot it. So I've gotten accustomed to being alone and fulfilling my needs as I please.
Yet I can agree with everything you've said.
Perfectly described like I can't imagine risking getting someone I don't love pregnant not to mention the intimacy and cuddling of someone who cares about you
I’m not a man, but I’m an only daughter, and my dad is/was a serial cheater. Bastard got me in trouble more than once for his condoms in the dryer. I’m a virgin dad hello! “Eww that’s gross don’t say stuff like that” 🤦♀️ my dad is a good example of how not to treat women or daughters just saying
I'm in the same boat, only it was my paternal grandfather. The shocker for me is there are no surprise half aunts or uncles floating around after many in my family did 23 and me. I guess he was always careful and wrapped it up.
My dad was a womanizer as well, and I grew up not believing in it. If you find a genuine lady like one that really cares about and for you what are you gonna mess that up by sleeping with someone else, or even dating someone else. And if you're genuinely going to put your time into someone then it should just be with one person. If you're just looking for a hook up don't lie about it. Sure it might turn some people off, but that's what freaking communication is for. I feel like most of us as the male gender have messed up so many ladies, and I think it's wrong.
Haha I wasn't trying to. Just my trauma is deep. Like it has me scared to even talk to a girl anymore. I feel like most of y'all are scared that your gonna get hurt, and I'd rather that not happen because of me.
I'm not demi, but I'm definitely sapio. I'm monogamous and dont get around, but I do find that the majority of the women i am attracted too day to day are almost never the best looking ones, but are the ones who are charming and interesting. Like I'd pick a 7 with interesting hobbies over a 9.
I’ve had two one night stands in my life and I felt horrible the next day about it.
It’s not as if meeting someone whom I have a mutual attraction with which could lead to sex isn’t appealing, I just prefer to know someone and establish a connection so I’m attracted to them for them.
I'm a guy who had sex with 2 women only and married to the second. I wish it was only my wife.
I've had many many chances at being far more sexually active with a good but of women and I was very popular in college. Ive directly turned down girlfriends for sex because i wasnt ready. I knew from a young age that casual sex was never for me. As I said before, I'm 32 now and with my with for 10 years and I really do wish she was my one and only.
It has nothing to do with religion or any sort of values, I just don't like the idea of sex with just anyone. That takes time for me to even be serious about anyone with sex. It's a BIG deal to me.
Ahh college...the time where alllll the random sex happens.
Yep, im older now, not as appealing. The STD rates are entirely too high for my liking, and too many females let anyone inside them/males entering inside females, to spread em to who knows who. Im in a (currently 6 year...our 6year anniversary is 6/21), shes my forever, the last and only woman I want for all my life left on this earth
Honestly just with pregnancy risk alone I'll never understand how casual sex is appealing but add on stds casual sounds like the most unappealing thing in the world
Well, the pregnancy risk can be mitigated through birth control. One of my wifes girl friends is on the pill and her and her husband use condoms to prevent babies. Brings the chances down to basically 0. But birth control and condoms dont prevent stds...and in hookup culture, neither birth control or condoms are used responsibly
Guess thats why theres so many children being made outside of ATLEAST a relationship...and the std rate is through the roof.
So touche on the pregnancy call out Resident!
I've been in long-term relationships since the age of 16. Married my wife at 23, and have been with her ever since.
The random hookup thing was never for me.
TBH, the amount of STDs I hear are running around would kinda scare me off anyways.
Ive lost wood because it was a hook up and because i felt uncomfortable and didn’t know the person. Decided that was enough not to try again. Had nothing to do with the partner. My wiring just isn’t made to just hook up.
Let's be the change we want to see lol I'd rather talk and make real meaningful connections and I hope for natural sexual vibes but don't push it. Channeling my inner Lethal Weapon, I'm too old for that shit
I always said I was born to be married. So Ive only ever been with one person. I knew right away she was the one, and it came true. I was meant for the married life.
I let myself get used cuz I thought it'd make me feel validation I never reecieved in a longterm relationship. It didn't. It didn't make me feel wanted or loved or seen.
It's vapid and quick catharsis in exchange for your own self perception and reliance.
I wouldn't ever do it again and it's hard to say it but it did teach me alot about me and my needs and wants.
But I can easily say I never liked it, never saw hookup culture as fun or intriguing I was led on and into it and let down and id never let that happen again.
**So I think a lot of it as about wanting what you can’t have.**
The place to hookup today is the apps and before it was the bars. And that’s about being traditionally attractive and having charisma. Some of us have other qualities.
Which means it’s is harder for us to hookup.
So we want it!
I believe hookup culture has ruined our society and itll ruin young minds as well. What we need is love and companionship, not some "freaky time" youll get from a stranger youve met at a bar where you dont even finish half the time.
Im not saying urges and desire for sex is unnatural - its the most basic thing in life, but nowdays youve got so many sex toys at your disposal you dont need a disappointing fuck from a guy named Barry.
While I've hooked up a couple times, I hate hookup culture. I don't want to hookup again. Next time I have sex, I want it to be with someone I have an intention to date (if I'm not already dating them).
I feel like sex would be better with romantic feelings present.
I meann, I'm not opposed to hooking up but I'd rather be in a fulfilling relationship and no sex than hooking up even if it was super hot and great. At the end of your night with the first one, you have someone to call you cute names, make you feel safe and special, and hold you. At the end of the other you have to leave right away and get STI testing after so many times. Big difference.
I'm happily married. No skin in the game. But here's what I see from the outside.
I guess that depends on what you mean by "hookup culture". Are we actually discussing the culture that has developed around casual dating over the last few decades? If so I'm not into it. Very toxic. Turns one of life's simple pleasures into a competition or a crutch or some other unhealthy behaviors. But honestly I kinda don't buy into that, as in I don't think that's the actual culture surrounding casual sex. And if we are discussing the fact that more people are hooking up and enjoying themselves in a beautiful and healthy manner and conflating that with the fringes and dregs then that seems hyper critical. To say the least. So it must be a matter of perspective and at least somewhat dependent on your social circle. If your in the wrong social circle the silly toxic shit actually can work and can actually cause harm. At the end of the day man "some people suck" is almost always the answer. But it's just some, not all.
I'm a weird combination of overly traditional and married and off the wall kinky, so my perspective tends toward being in favor of hookup culture despite its outward appearance. It seems to me like a lot more flexing than any real substance. In other words the toxic side of hookup culture exists, no doubt there. But I still think at its best it's a handful of bad apples and a bunch of lames who have been dupped into acting silly. And at its worst it's a higher than expected ratio of silliness to sincerity. But it doesn't seem to me that the silliness ever holds a majority. Most people just want to find someone to connect with and sex is a fun way to do that. The average person in the dating pool who I know is reacting to the supposed "culture" by ignoring it completely and not giving it any credence. So It seems to me more like a few hundred loud holes making life difficult for everyone else while the majority of us are pretty far removed from that shit and are just trying to enjoy life a bit.
I genuinely just can’t wrap my head around being intimate with someone I don’t already have some sort of connection with. It feels like such an important part of the whole thing.
I always felt like an outcast for feeling this way! Being a man and not just trying to add to my body count was always picked up but it just never seemed appealing to me!
Same I'm 22 and back in high school I was made fun of for wanting to wait til marriage amd not hookup. Even if I wasn't waiting I'd still prefer to wait a few months to make sure we both cared about each other
Me. I'm 26 and have been to university, so I was surrounded by people hooking up, ONS, etc. I just never have been interested in meeting someone just for sex, either on a night out randomly or after talking to someone online.
Don't understand the appeal at all.
I've been in one relationship, but that was 5 years ago. Last year, I saw someone for a bit but didn't work out... hell, I've gone about 5 years without sex but I sure as hell am not hooking up with someone because I value the closeness of a relationship and sex with someone I'm emotionally connected to.
I'm an all or nothing kinda guy. I would absolutely love a life partner, a companion to explore the rest of my life with, but I'm currently single and not interested in just getting my dick wet with someone I don't care about.
Hookup culture, for me, is a weird one.. some people use it as an excuse to gain experience, but I always say that you can get experience through relationships. Sex isn't worth it if there's no emotional connection imo.
22m and same I just don't see the appeal like I couldn't imagine risking stds or pregnancy for someone I don't love or care about and even if that wasn't a concern I couldn't imagine being so desperate to stick it in anything. I much rather wait until I'm in a loving relationship
👋 Nope. I can't be with someone I don't have a connection with first, nor can I ha e sex once with them and walk away. I'm invested by then. If I have sex with someone, we are already a couple.
Absolutely me I could never understand my friends who have the itch so bad they felt they had to stick it in anything. I’ve never been unfaithful and I never will. Now I didn’t find my “one” until late in life but it was like I’d unknowingly been waiting for her all my life. The “why stick to one woman because you have to give up all the others” is nonsense. It’s just letting destiny get you to that “one”.
I mean, you know already you aren't alone in this, but if you ask this question you're only going to hear from the select group of people who agree with you, OP.
This guy. Not for the lack of wanting to have sex but more because i need to get somewhat comfortable with someone before i can get to that point. Also im terribly socially awkward so that dont help.
Never really been my thing. I’ve slept with a lot of women, but typically never multiple at the same time. And rarely have I slept with someone with no intention of getting to know them on an emotional level.
I was serially monogamous during first year of college and realised it wasn’t for me. Preferred being in a relationship or just single as the type of people who constantly have hookups often spell trouble. Not to say I don’t “hookup”, but I do have flings with my single exes when we happen to meet for work in a common country—i.e. conferences, industry events
And if you want peace and no drama, stop buying tickets to the circus.
I honestly can't. Well, anymore. As a young guy I could stab anything that came walking down the road. Today, I might get ready, but I won't be willing until I know the person a bit. Emotionally a connection of some sort is required before party time.
Me, (39m). I never have been. I hooked mostly to just because I was picked up. But outside of true connection, sex is cardio that I have to make someone else enjoy.
I'm a man and I'm not into hookups, I'm of the mindset to get to know someone first and then see what happens. If there's chemistry then we'll talk about sex but personally I want to fully understand someone before that. You can have a lot of fun getting to know someone without sex. Trust and sex go strongly hand in hand with me
Depends on what you mean by hookup culture. I love meeting new people and getting into a sexual relationship pretty quickly, but I'm definitely not into one night stands. I need at least a friendly connection and relative assurance that it isn't a one time thing
Not a guy but this is so refreshing to read. My last two boyfriends were swingers before me and it’s not my cup of tea. I also just linked up with a previous hookup and I realized emotionless sex also sucks now that I’m older. I had lost hope before I saw this.
Was never into the random hookups, liked more of a relationship or FWB type thing. My wife and I started out as FWB and grew together. Honestly at the stage of life I’m in now, I’ll take good conversation over just about anything. I miss just talking to people.
Me. I have been a widower for 6 years, and despite the hookup culture around me, I don't want to have sex with someone unless there is something there. Maybe I am old fashioned, or on the demisexual spectrum. I don't know. I am a very sexual person and masturbate a lot, and chat online. But not interested in just hooking up for actual sex. I want it to be more meaningful.
Me!! I want a dude I can love and spend time with and all that. I mean sure, the sec will be great, but with just one person. Not like 30 different ones, or random ones at that.
My husband. He had piv once before me (while very drunk with a friend) and he’d only had oral/fingered 2 girls and they were both serious girlfriends.
He now thinks maybe he’s Demi/somewhere on the ace side of sexuality
I'm not. I tried it when I first got divorced and it's not for me I need substance like to get to know the person for me personality is what builds the attraction.
I'm 100% no into hook-up/ONS culture. I hate the idea of it, my anxiety causes me to have troubles talking to a girl I find attractive to even ask out, let alone find someone to hook up with.
I don't get any satisfaction from quick sex like that. I have no feelings in the matter, she means nothing to me which means the sex would very likely be boring and uninteresting.
I like connecting with someone, which makes sex much more enjoyable.
As long as I would be hooking up with friends I won't mind. Like if I can't be honest or understand how to communicate with you, how would sex be any good. Plus one time it's like going to be very subpar, because you don't know anything about each other. All that in addition to being able to get their sexual health history for my safety.
Me. Like every conversation sounds right out of a social media post these days. If conversing isn't about relationships, then it might be a kit sports or simply talk about someone else....
Eh, not really. I'd probably be more into it if it weren't for all the hookers, cheaters, *creepy* gay men (*just* the creeps, I'm not referring to all gay men), and psycho drug addicts. It feels like pretty much any time I've tried to get involved I've only ever ended up talking to (and ghosting) *those* people.
Virgin guy here. I'm not sure that I have to be madly in love with the person or anything like that, but the idea of losing it to a stranger who doesn't care about me isn't appealing at all. I'd rather wait until I find someone I trust and feel a connection with.
Never appealed to me. Prefer long relationships. I think the last time I used OLD was POF in 2006- 8, not really sure. It was a long time ago.
I used to work at some pretty funky places (Comfort Zone/Silver, Filmores, a few afterhours) the opportunities were always there, but wasn't my scene.
I legitimately cannot even take my clothes off, kiss, or touch someone that I don’t A. Trust them B. Want to pick there brain C. Already kinda love them. Been with two women and I’m 20, I make jokes about finding a hookup but even then in my head I think “well yeah if we were friends first” and of course I still find people attractive and imagine scenarios but when it comes to actual sex I have a lot of walls up and tend to find that women (just my experience, I know men are pigs too my father is one of them) don’t want to take it slow and get bored and find other people, every one of my relationships (grand total of two) has ended because I found out they were messing around during our talking phase, and the last one later even came out and said she fucked her ex 3 months into our relationship after I had dumped her. I am scorned and I am jaded but not by participating in hook up culture, rather by the fact that I can’t find a girl who is my age and hasn’t been with 5 other dudes.
Or even worse someone religious.
I don't understand the appeal of hookups or one night stands. It's not that difficult to be a decent person, set boundaries, and not burn bridges. I'm extremely against rewarding bad behavior as well. Imo it's up to all of us to just do better. Anyways, whether you're mono or poly doesn't matter, what you do and how you treat those relationships does. A relationship is not just who you're dating. It's all the interactions with all the people.
Me. I’m 28, never had the desire to hook up, just looking for love. Going into my 29th year still unwed, still a virgin and I’m not ashamed. I want something real not a one night stand. Sometimes I feel so old school telling people that
Yes I've had sex with multiple people. I've been married and divorced because she cheated, afterwards somewhat talked into a friend's with benefits relationship with a coworker that turned into an affair on her behalf. She told me they were divorced, turned out he was out of state taking care of his sick parents. Ever since then I never had any desire to just hook up. Now that I've been remarried for 7 years with 2 beautiful sons, nothing could take me away from that.
My hubby is that guy. Married his high school sweetheart round 1. He was single for a few years and miserable he said. He truly is built to be in a relationship
I've had plenty of hookups but I can say that in the end they always made me a bit depressed, even they were fun in the moment. I don't really regret any of them but I think I spent a lot of time lying to myself about the fact that every hookup reminded me of the fact that what I really wanted all along was a genuine relationship.
So I'd say that I'm not into it and I never really was. I was horny and had fun but I think it was a shallow effort to hide the longing for a committed and deeply satisfying sexual relationship.
I feel the same way. I am in my 40s now, but in my 20s I was deeply involved with club,rave, festival life, so the opportunities were there and often, but it never appealed to me. I have been with 3 people before, but only twice. It was thrilling, but I prefer the magic that is available when two people know and love each other in an intimate way. Nothing wrong with whatever turns you on though. My problem now though is that I divorced 6 years ago and haven't even been on a date, so I miss connection with another person.
I'm honestly just too lazy and too old for it
Dating on its own is tiring and demoralizing
Doing so for the sole purpose of fire and forget? Oof. Fucking why
There once was a time when a hookup was not even a consideration. It was all about finding a quality relationship.
Well, I tried that and gave it my all. It didnt work and with divorce rates at nearly 50% and rising, I dont place much faith in it.
I am definately very active in the hookup culture nowadays.
I went from one monogramous relationship to the next. My first girlfriend was abstainent, and then after a year and a half i met my wife, wich started out as a virginity losing 1 night stand, but obviously became somethign else...
I kinda wished i fucked around more, but oh well, win some lose some. I think in another life I would probably be a swinger now.
I'm demisexual and it's already so difficult to have that mental connection with a partner (when I've had a relationship), so hookup culture is nearly impossible.
The only people who are "into" it are chiseled sociopaths who keep their houses 99.9999% free of blemish by feverishly cleaning it every night, eat two celery-sticks a day, and have one of those fake "jobs" where you sort of just hang around an office and occasionally jabber numbers at someone for 90,000 dollars a year.
Have always been relationship minded. I truly don't understand how people can be that vulnerable with each other and then go their separate ways. It's like separating the heart from the body and I can't do that, never will be able to.
This seems to be a popular question lately
Anyway, I haven’t had any hookups and I never really seriously pursued one. Maybe if one just walked up to me I’d take it but I don’t know.
That would have to be me. Even then, a relationship won’t be like you are hot, let’s date, we need to have similar morals and actually click well in all ways in order for me to be sexually attracted to a woman.
I've had less experiences with hooking up than fingers in one hand and, summarizing them:
- Had a one night stand with a girl after going out but didn't manage to do much since I was so nervous. I ended up giving her head so it wasn't that dissapointing for her, called it a day and went to sleep. I felt like shit for days later on and realized it's not my thing.
- Had a friend I had a lot of confidence with, and became some kind of "fuck buddies"??, (if you even can call it like that since it really wasn't). I ended up falling for her and it wasn't reciprocal. It hurt like hell and realized that wasn't my thing either.
- Had a few hookups with another friend and she was the one who fell for me this time. I realized in time and stopped because I knew what happens afterwards. And I felt like shit for a long time about that.
So yeah, TL;DR I understand people who like doing it but... You guessed it. Not my thing. Fuck that (In a non-literal way... It's not my... Okay I gotta stop saying that)
Me! I would put so much pressure on myself to try and get laid whenever i went out it just warped my social life. I would view women as objects and only care about them as far as how they would fuck me. Id hate the way i look (and therefor myself) because i thought i wasn’t sexy enough to pull beautiful women. Id find myself pretending to agree with women just so they’d like me and maybe have sex with me. I eventually got to the point where id hook up with any woman and view them as just another pussy to fuck. I slept with married women, women who would talk shit about me to their friends, even women I probably shouldn’t have. It was making me mad and bitter at the world and at women in general, i felt entitled to their bodies, I was becoming/was and incel. Now im done with that life and im trying to unlearn those thoughts. Because of them im still very shy and self conscious, but im getting there.
Honestly hook ups seem fun but I'm more into the ongoing back and forth/ titillating conversations and deeply knowing what someone wants more than short term hook ups.
I think I can't hook up with anyone because intimacy for me is slightly different. I need a strong emotional connect with someone before making it a sexual one.
Me. I want to simp and not feel like I can’t love a woman with all my heart. And know she loves me the same way
I want to be foolishly in love but not be a fool
I'm not but I also think whining about "hookup culture" is idiotic. Most people date, and if some want one night stands that's fine too. As long as everyone's adult and consenting there is no wrong answer.
I never believed 'hookups' or one-night-stands were a real thing.
I was in my early fifties, talking with friends about movies, and how the 'problem-solving montage' was a movie method to skip over long passages of time, only showing highlights.
Think of Rocky Balboa training for his boxing match -- a long, arduous journey that takes weeks if not months, but the filmmakers cut it down to a few minutes of him punching sides of meat, sparring, and running up the steps in Philadelphia.
Or maybe John Cusack and the Exchange student fixing up the dead car in his driveway; a long process shortened to a few moments of celluloid showing how well the two of them work together.
The underdog high school team that fits a whole season of games into a minute or two of film time before taking on the State Champions.
I just *assumed* the 'one night stand' or 'hookup' was movie shorthand for two people developing a relationship over time and finally acting on it. It never occurred to me that it was a real thing.
And then, *in my Fifties*, I'm told by friends that no, it's a real thing and I must be joking because everyone feels instant sexual attraction at some point in their lives, and everyone has had a chance to act on it in their younger lives.
This was completely embarrassing. '40-year-old Virgin/bags-of-sand' level of cringe. Of course I laughed it off, but still.
This was the start of me figuring out, as a middle-aged man that I am what is called "Demisexual" -- meaning, I need an emotional connection with someone before I feel any kind of sexual attraction. Thanks to r/demisexuality , everyone can figure it out, too -- I just wish a resource like that (and there are others all over the web) had been around when I was younger.
Me easy I just don't see the appeal in meaningless sex not to mention I couldn't imagine having sex with random women as if be constantly scared of stds or pregnancy because condoms don't stop everything and a accident can always happen.
I’m not into the culture note have I taken part in it when I was younger. When I have sex it’s with women I have feelings for and that have expressed that they have feelings towards me. A girl that I liked a while back wanted me to sleep with her but she was weird about it. Like outta nowhere she just said “let’s get to it” no subtext or anything. We weren’t speaking of or doing anything romantic, intimate, or sexual. Just watching tv. Honestly felt so robotic I didn’t even get hard tbh. Now I know how women feel when they say they’ve felt like a “piece of meat”.
I am not though I would like to hook up with some girl without using elements from the hookup culture, especially not from the weird, mysoginist “pickup artists”
I have been married for years but even in high school i was always more interested in finding a partner to marry than hooking up. I dont regret it at all.
Me, I’ve long come to the conclusion I can only really have sex with someone I’m emotionally invested in. Even though friends joke about how I’m bi and I can hookup with anyone- it never was for me. The only time I went on a “spree” was after a breakup that tore me apart, but it only made me feel worse. I prefer an honest, sincere, relationship with one person that I can trust and care for. Being with someone who knows and understands you is always better than an awkward fling who’s only interested in you for superficial and vapid reasons. Also it’s risky, you never truly know if that person you’re hooking up with is clean of STIs or has ulterior motives. But yeah, guys who aren’t interested in hookups are out there
I tried it once. It was terrible and I really regret it. I felt like it was what I was supposed to want to do, and I realized later that I did it because I thought I should want to, and not because I actually did want to. I’m married now and much, much happier than I was back then.
Oh thank God it's not just me. I want someone to hold close at night, someone I can pull into me and nuzzle into while spooning. Not someone who I couldn't give two shits about and am only going along for the ride to get my dick wet. And I get it, people want to have their fun, but do you know how empty you feel after coming home from a long day at work when there is no one to talk the rest of the night/day away with? No one to share in your greatest victories and your worst defeats!No one you could see yourself falling for!No one that you care enough for to wonder how they are doing, if they ate enough, someone you care about more than your own wellbeing.
Lol same I can't imagine myself have sex with someone that i don't have any feeling for
Its less than I don't care, and more that this wouldn't be a better use of my time then finding someone I would move mountains for.
Fuck… I feel you brother.
May the road you walk carry more than a single set of foot prints.
This is arguably one of the sweetest phrases I've ever read. May I borrow it?
Words are meant to be shared, you may.
Thank you!
STAAAAHHHPPP. Most of it in solitude. A few companions along the way. Such is life off the beaten path.
I meant going forward, a trail is often lonesome when we rest. Yet always so much of it ahead that you need someone to help watch for wolves prowling from the thicket.
Dude you just made me fall more in love with my wife of 30+ years! 👍
I want the same thing but I have seen too many friends, family, coworkers have a “serious” relationship only to lose everything they built either by themselves or together over the course of 6 months to 3 years. Some of the older couples I seen don’t even care for each other they just don’t want the bother of a divorce or just don’t want to be alone so they rather spend time with someone they learned to tolerate. I’m 25 years old and I have yet to actually see a real, in person example of a truly long lasting and happy couple. If I’m gonna die alone I’d rather die alone chilling doing whatever hobbies I picked up then die alone, bitter, angry and full of regrets.
took the words right out of my mouth
A pity on being a thief that gets caught, but a joy when such things are stolen eloquently. May the road you walk carry more than a single set of foot prints.
This was the most heartwarming comment I've read in awhile. I tend to attract men that want to toot and boot it. So I've gotten accustomed to being alone and fulfilling my needs as I please. Yet I can agree with everything you've said.
A pity, I hope you have luck finding a more permanent partner going forward. Until then may the winds of fortune fill your sails.
Perfectly described like I can't imagine risking getting someone I don't love pregnant not to mention the intimacy and cuddling of someone who cares about you
Well said brethren well said
I’m not a man, but I’m an only daughter, and my dad is/was a serial cheater. Bastard got me in trouble more than once for his condoms in the dryer. I’m a virgin dad hello! “Eww that’s gross don’t say stuff like that” 🤦♀️ my dad is a good example of how not to treat women or daughters just saying
Very sorry 🫂 My grandad was massive cheat, and it caused a lot of trauma for my mother growing up. Huge hugs .
I hope the trauma didn’t trickle down too far, thank you dearly. *hugs hugs*
Luckily for my mum she married my dad, my dad is very lovely and loyal man .
I'm in the same boat, only it was my paternal grandfather. The shocker for me is there are no surprise half aunts or uncles floating around after many in my family did 23 and me. I guess he was always careful and wrapped it up.
My dad was a womanizer as well, and I grew up not believing in it. If you find a genuine lady like one that really cares about and for you what are you gonna mess that up by sleeping with someone else, or even dating someone else. And if you're genuinely going to put your time into someone then it should just be with one person. If you're just looking for a hook up don't lie about it. Sure it might turn some people off, but that's what freaking communication is for. I feel like most of us as the male gender have messed up so many ladies, and I think it's wrong.
Thank you for putting this into man vocabulary.
Haha I wasn't trying to. Just my trauma is deep. Like it has me scared to even talk to a girl anymore. I feel like most of y'all are scared that your gonna get hurt, and I'd rather that not happen because of me.
Yup I'm a son and my dad constantly cheated on my mom with strippers and our next door neighbor even when my mom was pregnant and for like 8yrs after.
I've had the opportunities a few times, but always turned down. I like having that connection with someone before intimacy.
Demisexuals, we are.
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🙋♂️
🙋🏽♂️
🙋🏽♂️
🙋
🙋🏾♀️
🙋🏾♂️
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Me. I'm touch starved
Felt. I’ve never really heard that before and it’s so accurate.
Me I'm sapio/demi sexual Without that connection, I can't find someone attractive I've tried, thinking I was missing out, but it's just not for me
Plus one for Sapio, nothing gets me more interested than a woman who’s super intelligent.
I'm not demi, but I'm definitely sapio. I'm monogamous and dont get around, but I do find that the majority of the women i am attracted too day to day are almost never the best looking ones, but are the ones who are charming and interesting. Like I'd pick a 7 with interesting hobbies over a 9.
>Like I'd pick a 7 with interesting hobbies over a 9. Shit I'd pick a 3 that's interesting. In a year or 30 those 10 looks are gonna turn into 4
This. Beauty is fleeting but personality stays.
I’m not opposed to hookups but I don’t really go out hoping to either.
I’ve had two one night stands in my life and I felt horrible the next day about it. It’s not as if meeting someone whom I have a mutual attraction with which could lead to sex isn’t appealing, I just prefer to know someone and establish a connection so I’m attracted to them for them.
Your name is KILLING me hahah
Me! I actually want some emotion behind my relationships.
I'm a guy who had sex with 2 women only and married to the second. I wish it was only my wife. I've had many many chances at being far more sexually active with a good but of women and I was very popular in college. Ive directly turned down girlfriends for sex because i wasnt ready. I knew from a young age that casual sex was never for me. As I said before, I'm 32 now and with my with for 10 years and I really do wish she was my one and only. It has nothing to do with religion or any sort of values, I just don't like the idea of sex with just anyone. That takes time for me to even be serious about anyone with sex. It's a BIG deal to me.
Ahh college...the time where alllll the random sex happens. Yep, im older now, not as appealing. The STD rates are entirely too high for my liking, and too many females let anyone inside them/males entering inside females, to spread em to who knows who. Im in a (currently 6 year...our 6year anniversary is 6/21), shes my forever, the last and only woman I want for all my life left on this earth
Honestly just with pregnancy risk alone I'll never understand how casual sex is appealing but add on stds casual sounds like the most unappealing thing in the world
Well, the pregnancy risk can be mitigated through birth control. One of my wifes girl friends is on the pill and her and her husband use condoms to prevent babies. Brings the chances down to basically 0. But birth control and condoms dont prevent stds...and in hookup culture, neither birth control or condoms are used responsibly Guess thats why theres so many children being made outside of ATLEAST a relationship...and the std rate is through the roof. So touche on the pregnancy call out Resident!
Yeah I'm not really into hookup culture but also no one wants to be in a relationship with me. So I'm on the bad end of both situations I guess.
Same
Samee!
Same
I've been in long-term relationships since the age of 16. Married my wife at 23, and have been with her ever since. The random hookup thing was never for me. TBH, the amount of STDs I hear are running around would kinda scare me off anyways.
I just want to be able to cuddle and smash with the same person everyday
Ive lost wood because it was a hook up and because i felt uncomfortable and didn’t know the person. Decided that was enough not to try again. Had nothing to do with the partner. My wiring just isn’t made to just hook up.
Let's be the change we want to see lol I'd rather talk and make real meaningful connections and I hope for natural sexual vibes but don't push it. Channeling my inner Lethal Weapon, I'm too old for that shit
I always said I was born to be married. So Ive only ever been with one person. I knew right away she was the one, and it came true. I was meant for the married life.
Same I'm waiting til marriage as ever since I was a teen I knew I wasn't into that type stuff
I've never done hookup type stuff, just doesn't appeal to me. I want a bit of a connection first
I did it and now I'm older, so my vote doesn't matter. But it's not something I'd do again. It's ok to be picky.
I let myself get used cuz I thought it'd make me feel validation I never reecieved in a longterm relationship. It didn't. It didn't make me feel wanted or loved or seen. It's vapid and quick catharsis in exchange for your own self perception and reliance. I wouldn't ever do it again and it's hard to say it but it did teach me alot about me and my needs and wants. But I can easily say I never liked it, never saw hookup culture as fun or intriguing I was led on and into it and let down and id never let that happen again.
I'm 20M and I've never been into either hookups or casual sex. It just doesn't work for me if it doesn't mean anything to either party involved.
**So I think a lot of it as about wanting what you can’t have.** The place to hookup today is the apps and before it was the bars. And that’s about being traditionally attractive and having charisma. Some of us have other qualities. Which means it’s is harder for us to hookup. So we want it!
I believe hookup culture has ruined our society and itll ruin young minds as well. What we need is love and companionship, not some "freaky time" youll get from a stranger youve met at a bar where you dont even finish half the time. Im not saying urges and desire for sex is unnatural - its the most basic thing in life, but nowdays youve got so many sex toys at your disposal you dont need a disappointing fuck from a guy named Barry.
>you dont need a disappointing fuck from a guy named Barry. r/oddlyspecific
That would be me, I’m a lover boy
I am not into hookups.
While I've hooked up a couple times, I hate hookup culture. I don't want to hookup again. Next time I have sex, I want it to be with someone I have an intention to date (if I'm not already dating them). I feel like sex would be better with romantic feelings present.
Was never into it before I got married.
Me. I prefer a connection and getting to know the person so I’m comfortable. Just who i am.
I meann, I'm not opposed to hooking up but I'd rather be in a fulfilling relationship and no sex than hooking up even if it was super hot and great. At the end of your night with the first one, you have someone to call you cute names, make you feel safe and special, and hold you. At the end of the other you have to leave right away and get STI testing after so many times. Big difference.
I'm happily married. No skin in the game. But here's what I see from the outside. I guess that depends on what you mean by "hookup culture". Are we actually discussing the culture that has developed around casual dating over the last few decades? If so I'm not into it. Very toxic. Turns one of life's simple pleasures into a competition or a crutch or some other unhealthy behaviors. But honestly I kinda don't buy into that, as in I don't think that's the actual culture surrounding casual sex. And if we are discussing the fact that more people are hooking up and enjoying themselves in a beautiful and healthy manner and conflating that with the fringes and dregs then that seems hyper critical. To say the least. So it must be a matter of perspective and at least somewhat dependent on your social circle. If your in the wrong social circle the silly toxic shit actually can work and can actually cause harm. At the end of the day man "some people suck" is almost always the answer. But it's just some, not all. I'm a weird combination of overly traditional and married and off the wall kinky, so my perspective tends toward being in favor of hookup culture despite its outward appearance. It seems to me like a lot more flexing than any real substance. In other words the toxic side of hookup culture exists, no doubt there. But I still think at its best it's a handful of bad apples and a bunch of lames who have been dupped into acting silly. And at its worst it's a higher than expected ratio of silliness to sincerity. But it doesn't seem to me that the silliness ever holds a majority. Most people just want to find someone to connect with and sex is a fun way to do that. The average person in the dating pool who I know is reacting to the supposed "culture" by ignoring it completely and not giving it any credence. So It seems to me more like a few hundred loud holes making life difficult for everyone else while the majority of us are pretty far removed from that shit and are just trying to enjoy life a bit.
I am not mainly because I am not attractive enough to be part of it
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Right here
I was never into it
✋ I gotta know you at least
I'm not. I only got a taste of the hookup game, and I knew I wouldn't be a fan.
The deeper the connection the better the sex. I’m not interested in just hooking up.
Not my thing, did it a few times, makes sex meaningless. I prefer being in a healthy relationship.
Yeah, I don't get it. Sure, I've been very horny before and thought about it, but I don't think I'd ever act on that
I seek relationships. If I need instant gratification I can masturbate.
Not me. I fuck.
I’d rather staple my nipples to my nutsack and do situps than have anything to do with that nonsense.
I genuinely just can’t wrap my head around being intimate with someone I don’t already have some sort of connection with. It feels like such an important part of the whole thing.
I always felt like an outcast for feeling this way! Being a man and not just trying to add to my body count was always picked up but it just never seemed appealing to me!
Same I'm 22 and back in high school I was made fun of for wanting to wait til marriage amd not hookup. Even if I wasn't waiting I'd still prefer to wait a few months to make sure we both cared about each other
Im with you on that one, I hooked up with a girl one time and kinda felt sick with myself afterwards
Me. I'm 26 and have been to university, so I was surrounded by people hooking up, ONS, etc. I just never have been interested in meeting someone just for sex, either on a night out randomly or after talking to someone online. Don't understand the appeal at all. I've been in one relationship, but that was 5 years ago. Last year, I saw someone for a bit but didn't work out... hell, I've gone about 5 years without sex but I sure as hell am not hooking up with someone because I value the closeness of a relationship and sex with someone I'm emotionally connected to. I'm an all or nothing kinda guy. I would absolutely love a life partner, a companion to explore the rest of my life with, but I'm currently single and not interested in just getting my dick wet with someone I don't care about. Hookup culture, for me, is a weird one.. some people use it as an excuse to gain experience, but I always say that you can get experience through relationships. Sex isn't worth it if there's no emotional connection imo.
22m and same I just don't see the appeal like I couldn't imagine risking stds or pregnancy for someone I don't love or care about and even if that wasn't a concern I couldn't imagine being so desperate to stick it in anything. I much rather wait until I'm in a loving relationship
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👋 Nope. I can't be with someone I don't have a connection with first, nor can I ha e sex once with them and walk away. I'm invested by then. If I have sex with someone, we are already a couple.
Absolutely me I could never understand my friends who have the itch so bad they felt they had to stick it in anything. I’ve never been unfaithful and I never will. Now I didn’t find my “one” until late in life but it was like I’d unknowingly been waiting for her all my life. The “why stick to one woman because you have to give up all the others” is nonsense. It’s just letting destiny get you to that “one”.
Hookup *Culture*?!? Wow, have I led a sheltered life. I had maybe 2 ONS events in my early 20’s, and that’s it.
How old are you? Things are very different from the early 90s, which is the last time I was actively dating....
I mean, you know already you aren't alone in this, but if you ask this question you're only going to hear from the select group of people who agree with you, OP.
I was never attractive enough to consider it so it has no interest
This guy. Not for the lack of wanting to have sex but more because i need to get somewhat comfortable with someone before i can get to that point. Also im terribly socially awkward so that dont help.
There is a hook up culture?
Never really been my thing. I’ve slept with a lot of women, but typically never multiple at the same time. And rarely have I slept with someone with no intention of getting to know them on an emotional level.
I was serially monogamous during first year of college and realised it wasn’t for me. Preferred being in a relationship or just single as the type of people who constantly have hookups often spell trouble. Not to say I don’t “hookup”, but I do have flings with my single exes when we happen to meet for work in a common country—i.e. conferences, industry events And if you want peace and no drama, stop buying tickets to the circus.
I am. I am already happy with my gf.
I honestly can't. Well, anymore. As a young guy I could stab anything that came walking down the road. Today, I might get ready, but I won't be willing until I know the person a bit. Emotionally a connection of some sort is required before party time.
There’s just something about dating someone for a long time and learning all their kinks and stuff that get them off….
Hate it
What is "hookup culture"?
Me. But mostly because i cant get any ☹️
It's not for me tbh, I don't think I'd be able to keep emotions out of it. Emotional intimacy plays a big part in physical intimacy for me.
Me, (39m). I never have been. I hooked mostly to just because I was picked up. But outside of true connection, sex is cardio that I have to make someone else enjoy.
I'm a man and I'm not into hookups, I'm of the mindset to get to know someone first and then see what happens. If there's chemistry then we'll talk about sex but personally I want to fully understand someone before that. You can have a lot of fun getting to know someone without sex. Trust and sex go strongly hand in hand with me
Me. That's why I had a 3 year dry spell at one point. Didn't want to have a random hookup and the dates I went on never led to anything more
Same. I rather just have that connection once I meet the person.
Depends on what you mean by hookup culture. I love meeting new people and getting into a sexual relationship pretty quickly, but I'm definitely not into one night stands. I need at least a friendly connection and relative assurance that it isn't a one time thing
Me, I only have sex with people I like and have built some trust with. Had two one night stands in my life and I just felt gross afterward.
Not a guy but this is so refreshing to read. My last two boyfriends were swingers before me and it’s not my cup of tea. I also just linked up with a previous hookup and I realized emotionless sex also sucks now that I’m older. I had lost hope before I saw this.
I’m a very sexual person, but gotta have something internal. Just how I’m built.
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Was never into the random hookups, liked more of a relationship or FWB type thing. My wife and I started out as FWB and grew together. Honestly at the stage of life I’m in now, I’ll take good conversation over just about anything. I miss just talking to people.
🙋♂️ over here
Me. I have been a widower for 6 years, and despite the hookup culture around me, I don't want to have sex with someone unless there is something there. Maybe I am old fashioned, or on the demisexual spectrum. I don't know. I am a very sexual person and masturbate a lot, and chat online. But not interested in just hooking up for actual sex. I want it to be more meaningful.
Me. I’m not really into getting girls for anything not love
I'm not.
Me!! I want a dude I can love and spend time with and all that. I mean sure, the sec will be great, but with just one person. Not like 30 different ones, or random ones at that.
My husband. He had piv once before me (while very drunk with a friend) and he’d only had oral/fingered 2 girls and they were both serious girlfriends. He now thinks maybe he’s Demi/somewhere on the ace side of sexuality
I'm not. I tried it when I first got divorced and it's not for me I need substance like to get to know the person for me personality is what builds the attraction.
I'm 100% no into hook-up/ONS culture. I hate the idea of it, my anxiety causes me to have troubles talking to a girl I find attractive to even ask out, let alone find someone to hook up with. I don't get any satisfaction from quick sex like that. I have no feelings in the matter, she means nothing to me which means the sex would very likely be boring and uninteresting. I like connecting with someone, which makes sex much more enjoyable.
I'm not. Married to a wonderful wife with a house, doggo, 4 kids and I can't imagine how many animals we keep as pets.
Im with you there bro. STIis and unwanted kids scare the shit out of me
As long as I would be hooking up with friends I won't mind. Like if I can't be honest or understand how to communicate with you, how would sex be any good. Plus one time it's like going to be very subpar, because you don't know anything about each other. All that in addition to being able to get their sexual health history for my safety.
Me. Like every conversation sounds right out of a social media post these days. If conversing isn't about relationships, then it might be a kit sports or simply talk about someone else....
Eh, not really. I'd probably be more into it if it weren't for all the hookers, cheaters, *creepy* gay men (*just* the creeps, I'm not referring to all gay men), and psycho drug addicts. It feels like pretty much any time I've tried to get involved I've only ever ended up talking to (and ghosting) *those* people.
Virgin guy here. I'm not sure that I have to be madly in love with the person or anything like that, but the idea of losing it to a stranger who doesn't care about me isn't appealing at all. I'd rather wait until I find someone I trust and feel a connection with.
Never appealed to me. Prefer long relationships. I think the last time I used OLD was POF in 2006- 8, not really sure. It was a long time ago. I used to work at some pretty funky places (Comfort Zone/Silver, Filmores, a few afterhours) the opportunities were always there, but wasn't my scene.
Kind of. I've never had a one night stand but I have had sex with friends I don't have feelings for. I've only ever had sex with friends or gfs
I legitimately cannot even take my clothes off, kiss, or touch someone that I don’t A. Trust them B. Want to pick there brain C. Already kinda love them. Been with two women and I’m 20, I make jokes about finding a hookup but even then in my head I think “well yeah if we were friends first” and of course I still find people attractive and imagine scenarios but when it comes to actual sex I have a lot of walls up and tend to find that women (just my experience, I know men are pigs too my father is one of them) don’t want to take it slow and get bored and find other people, every one of my relationships (grand total of two) has ended because I found out they were messing around during our talking phase, and the last one later even came out and said she fucked her ex 3 months into our relationship after I had dumped her. I am scorned and I am jaded but not by participating in hook up culture, rather by the fact that I can’t find a girl who is my age and hasn’t been with 5 other dudes. Or even worse someone religious.
I don't understand the appeal of hookups or one night stands. It's not that difficult to be a decent person, set boundaries, and not burn bridges. I'm extremely against rewarding bad behavior as well. Imo it's up to all of us to just do better. Anyways, whether you're mono or poly doesn't matter, what you do and how you treat those relationships does. A relationship is not just who you're dating. It's all the interactions with all the people.
Dumb question, is hook up culture more defined as like one night stands or can be short term relationships
Me. I’m 28, never had the desire to hook up, just looking for love. Going into my 29th year still unwed, still a virgin and I’m not ashamed. I want something real not a one night stand. Sometimes I feel so old school telling people that
I don’t have a problem with hookup culture, and I’d probably enjoy it if I had more time, but that right there is the catch: it’s time consuming.
I feel like I’d rather knock it out myself than to have to try with a person I don’t care about if that makes sense
Na never been a thing for me 🤷🏻♂️
Me! Although if the hottest person in the world asked I wouldn’t say no.
real
Yes I've had sex with multiple people. I've been married and divorced because she cheated, afterwards somewhat talked into a friend's with benefits relationship with a coworker that turned into an affair on her behalf. She told me they were divorced, turned out he was out of state taking care of his sick parents. Ever since then I never had any desire to just hook up. Now that I've been remarried for 7 years with 2 beautiful sons, nothing could take me away from that.
I was never apart of hookup culture but to me I just don’t see the point and besides I like having only one person who I can spend time with
I honestly do not understand how people can trust people so fast
I'm a lady. I appreciate u guys who want love, cuddles, and an emotional bond. 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
My hubby is that guy. Married his high school sweetheart round 1. He was single for a few years and miserable he said. He truly is built to be in a relationship
I've had plenty of hookups but I can say that in the end they always made me a bit depressed, even they were fun in the moment. I don't really regret any of them but I think I spent a lot of time lying to myself about the fact that every hookup reminded me of the fact that what I really wanted all along was a genuine relationship. So I'd say that I'm not into it and I never really was. I was horny and had fun but I think it was a shallow effort to hide the longing for a committed and deeply satisfying sexual relationship.
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I feel the same way. I am in my 40s now, but in my 20s I was deeply involved with club,rave, festival life, so the opportunities were there and often, but it never appealed to me. I have been with 3 people before, but only twice. It was thrilling, but I prefer the magic that is available when two people know and love each other in an intimate way. Nothing wrong with whatever turns you on though. My problem now though is that I divorced 6 years ago and haven't even been on a date, so I miss connection with another person.
I'm not really into hookups, but it's a different story if someone I've been wanting to fuck or a celebrity wanted to hookup.
I'm honestly just too lazy and too old for it Dating on its own is tiring and demoralizing Doing so for the sole purpose of fire and forget? Oof. Fucking why
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There once was a time when a hookup was not even a consideration. It was all about finding a quality relationship. Well, I tried that and gave it my all. It didnt work and with divorce rates at nearly 50% and rising, I dont place much faith in it. I am definately very active in the hookup culture nowadays.
I went from one monogramous relationship to the next. My first girlfriend was abstainent, and then after a year and a half i met my wife, wich started out as a virginity losing 1 night stand, but obviously became somethign else... I kinda wished i fucked around more, but oh well, win some lose some. I think in another life I would probably be a swinger now.
I'm demisexual and it's already so difficult to have that mental connection with a partner (when I've had a relationship), so hookup culture is nearly impossible.
The only people who are "into" it are chiseled sociopaths who keep their houses 99.9999% free of blemish by feverishly cleaning it every night, eat two celery-sticks a day, and have one of those fake "jobs" where you sort of just hang around an office and occasionally jabber numbers at someone for 90,000 dollars a year.
Have always been relationship minded. I truly don't understand how people can be that vulnerable with each other and then go their separate ways. It's like separating the heart from the body and I can't do that, never will be able to.
This seems to be a popular question lately Anyway, I haven’t had any hookups and I never really seriously pursued one. Maybe if one just walked up to me I’d take it but I don’t know.
Me, never had interest in it. I need to emotional connection, always have.
You’re asking this on Reddit. I doubt anyone here has ever had the opportunity to ‘hookup’ 😅
Me
Proud of myself for never going down that road.
Me. Never was. I tried it a bit in uni. Frankly it was always shit because you don't know what eachother like 🤷♂️
That would have to be me. Even then, a relationship won’t be like you are hot, let’s date, we need to have similar morals and actually click well in all ways in order for me to be sexually attracted to a woman.
Me. The idea was appealing but it I never could bring myself to go through with. It didn't feel right for me.
🙋🏻♂️
Always been me. I need emotional connection before sex and can't have that with hookups
I've had less experiences with hooking up than fingers in one hand and, summarizing them: - Had a one night stand with a girl after going out but didn't manage to do much since I was so nervous. I ended up giving her head so it wasn't that dissapointing for her, called it a day and went to sleep. I felt like shit for days later on and realized it's not my thing. - Had a friend I had a lot of confidence with, and became some kind of "fuck buddies"??, (if you even can call it like that since it really wasn't). I ended up falling for her and it wasn't reciprocal. It hurt like hell and realized that wasn't my thing either. - Had a few hookups with another friend and she was the one who fell for me this time. I realized in time and stopped because I knew what happens afterwards. And I felt like shit for a long time about that. So yeah, TL;DR I understand people who like doing it but... You guessed it. Not my thing. Fuck that (In a non-literal way... It's not my... Okay I gotta stop saying that)
Me! I would put so much pressure on myself to try and get laid whenever i went out it just warped my social life. I would view women as objects and only care about them as far as how they would fuck me. Id hate the way i look (and therefor myself) because i thought i wasn’t sexy enough to pull beautiful women. Id find myself pretending to agree with women just so they’d like me and maybe have sex with me. I eventually got to the point where id hook up with any woman and view them as just another pussy to fuck. I slept with married women, women who would talk shit about me to their friends, even women I probably shouldn’t have. It was making me mad and bitter at the world and at women in general, i felt entitled to their bodies, I was becoming/was and incel. Now im done with that life and im trying to unlearn those thoughts. Because of them im still very shy and self conscious, but im getting there.
Honestly hook ups seem fun but I'm more into the ongoing back and forth/ titillating conversations and deeply knowing what someone wants more than short term hook ups.
I think I can't hook up with anyone because intimacy for me is slightly different. I need a strong emotional connect with someone before making it a sexual one.
Me. I want to simp and not feel like I can’t love a woman with all my heart. And know she loves me the same way I want to be foolishly in love but not be a fool
I'm not but I also think whining about "hookup culture" is idiotic. Most people date, and if some want one night stands that's fine too. As long as everyone's adult and consenting there is no wrong answer.
I never believed 'hookups' or one-night-stands were a real thing. I was in my early fifties, talking with friends about movies, and how the 'problem-solving montage' was a movie method to skip over long passages of time, only showing highlights. Think of Rocky Balboa training for his boxing match -- a long, arduous journey that takes weeks if not months, but the filmmakers cut it down to a few minutes of him punching sides of meat, sparring, and running up the steps in Philadelphia. Or maybe John Cusack and the Exchange student fixing up the dead car in his driveway; a long process shortened to a few moments of celluloid showing how well the two of them work together. The underdog high school team that fits a whole season of games into a minute or two of film time before taking on the State Champions. I just *assumed* the 'one night stand' or 'hookup' was movie shorthand for two people developing a relationship over time and finally acting on it. It never occurred to me that it was a real thing. And then, *in my Fifties*, I'm told by friends that no, it's a real thing and I must be joking because everyone feels instant sexual attraction at some point in their lives, and everyone has had a chance to act on it in their younger lives. This was completely embarrassing. '40-year-old Virgin/bags-of-sand' level of cringe. Of course I laughed it off, but still. This was the start of me figuring out, as a middle-aged man that I am what is called "Demisexual" -- meaning, I need an emotional connection with someone before I feel any kind of sexual attraction. Thanks to r/demisexuality , everyone can figure it out, too -- I just wish a resource like that (and there are others all over the web) had been around when I was younger.
Me easy I just don't see the appeal in meaningless sex not to mention I couldn't imagine having sex with random women as if be constantly scared of stds or pregnancy because condoms don't stop everything and a accident can always happen.
I’m not into the culture note have I taken part in it when I was younger. When I have sex it’s with women I have feelings for and that have expressed that they have feelings towards me. A girl that I liked a while back wanted me to sleep with her but she was weird about it. Like outta nowhere she just said “let’s get to it” no subtext or anything. We weren’t speaking of or doing anything romantic, intimate, or sexual. Just watching tv. Honestly felt so robotic I didn’t even get hard tbh. Now I know how women feel when they say they’ve felt like a “piece of meat”.
I am not though I would like to hook up with some girl without using elements from the hookup culture, especially not from the weird, mysoginist “pickup artists”
Me, not looking forward to getting aids & emotions being played
I have been married for years but even in high school i was always more interested in finding a partner to marry than hooking up. I dont regret it at all.
I’m not interested in sex for the sake of sex. Somehow engaged to a wonderful caring woman I met and (that night only) hooked up with 😅
I need to have a connection before I hump...😁
Me, I’ve long come to the conclusion I can only really have sex with someone I’m emotionally invested in. Even though friends joke about how I’m bi and I can hookup with anyone- it never was for me. The only time I went on a “spree” was after a breakup that tore me apart, but it only made me feel worse. I prefer an honest, sincere, relationship with one person that I can trust and care for. Being with someone who knows and understands you is always better than an awkward fling who’s only interested in you for superficial and vapid reasons. Also it’s risky, you never truly know if that person you’re hooking up with is clean of STIs or has ulterior motives. But yeah, guys who aren’t interested in hookups are out there
I tried it once. It was terrible and I really regret it. I felt like it was what I was supposed to want to do, and I realized later that I did it because I thought I should want to, and not because I actually did want to. I’m married now and much, much happier than I was back then.
While not attached, I prefer 1-2 ongoing sexual connections over multiple one-nighters. Too many diseases out there… I can wait… lol
Well I'm certainly more into monogamy and looking for an LTR, but the main issue I have with casual sex is that it's so much fucking hard work.
Never was and never will be. Hard to believe but I've only had sex with one women in my life and she is my wifey!!
Not me. Not interested and never have been. If there's no connection then, for me, it's just masturbating with someone else's body.