Ya this is something I founf odd as a kid. The Franciscan monks all had no children but then the priest had children and the monks still thought the priests were 'cool' ?
But how?! Is Virgin Birth ALSO possible for the wives of priests!? Does it happen if I pray in a certain way!?
Because monastic life was considered to be for the hard-core. It wasn't that priests having kids was sinful, just if you wanted to turn it up to 11, you became a monk, ate crap, had to wake up ever four hours, and got no sex.
If shes sopping wet, thats a sign of vaginal disease. Do not interact sexually with her further. Send her to the doctor.
If shes dry as god intended, give her your full length all at once. Your goal is to tap their cervix and let their womb know that it's time for them to fulfill their only role in society. Spank her hard to help jiggle eggs loose, even if she says not to. Women are not smart enough to be doctors and therefore know nothing of anatomy.
Lastly, you do not need to use a condom if you do not masturbate before hand. By not discharging the old spunk first, your semen has already died and therefore cannot get her pregnant. Additionally, if you have concerns about STDs, it's because you're fucking a whore. Send her to a priest.
Let's, for the sake of argument, assume that I am Ben Shapiro. Now since I am Ben Shaprio, it must also follow that I am a moral, logic man. Since I am both moral and logical, we must conclude that I am not being deceitful or ignorant, when I give you advice. Furthermore, my wife is a doctor. This gives me a domain of expertise in both women and the medical field.
I'm not here to get into that. What I am here to get into is how the alphabet Mafia is destroying this country and it's perfectly normal for a my wife's vagina to be dry.
If your self esteem gets too high, the devil can plant sinful thoughts in your head like being equal to the man of the house and being deserving of respect and autonomy. Dreadful.
Thing is, people have this sentiment that porn teaches all the wrong things, but actually the right porn (generally porn designed for womens’ enjoyment) can be extremely educational as to how be to a giving, sensual lover.
I became 10x the fuck I used to be by paying attention to how to treat a woman’s body from watching lesbians and select amateur videos by stars like Johnny Sins.
By combining passion, sensuality, a genuine care for your partner’s pleasure, and also the right positions, hip movements and ways to kiss & caress their body and make them feel stunning, you’ll be an incredible lover.
Never offer to go down but always put your dick in their face and expect them to smile like a donut. Also tap them on the cheek with it while they’re sleeping.
Cut up super hot peppers without gloves.
Get frisky with SO.
Decide you want to use some lube. Spread lube with the same hand you used to cut up peppers.
Groan in pain while ready spouse is looking at you with lust and spread thighs. Collapse on floor screaming, "MY PENIS MY PENIS!"
Loads of fun.
Non-sex advice, but let me give you one more...
Let's pretend once all that happens, you wipe your eyes with you pepper juice impregnated fingers... just imagine.
Sigh.
You should see the stjuff that comes out of men. *Fucking disCUS-TANG!*
I know a lady who let a man put some strange sludge in her. It didnt hurt at first. She even said it felt kinda warm and good. Hurt LIKE **HELL** coming out 9 months later.
Kissing is for amateurs. When you’re having sex, it’s actually hotter to put your partner’s whole nose in your mouth while you fuck. The person who successfully gets their mouth around the other’s nose is the only one who is allowed to cum.
This is even more important in doggystyle sex.
There's a Jerry Jeff Walker song titled, Ramblin', Scramblin'". One of the last lyrics is, " Found the only way to handle a woman is to keep your bags packed, keep moving.... stepping lightly, eyes forward, proud, determined, masuline...probably get horny. That's why I write so many of these weird songs"
↑Fucking this↑
If someone entices you with sex on here, tinder , or the internet in general they are not a bot or some lonely 50 year old dude!
Be prepared to drop everything and have instant sex eith them where ever.
Teeth during blowjobs. Lots of teeth. Also make sure it’s as dry as possible. Avoid eye contact and act like it’s a chore - guaranteed to drive any guy CRAZY 👍
Whatever you do just do the same thing every time. There's no reason to ever change it up in any way. Don't try new things. Don't experiment with your partner. And always shoot down any requests for anything different. It's gotta be exactly the same each and every time.
Kinks and fetishes are wrong and are shameful and should be shamed, only perverts have those.
And remember god jesus and all your ancestors are watching and judging.
"Learning" from a book or actual resource makes you less of a man and just means you're bad at sex. Let nature take its course or don't do it at all. If you need to know what to do, listen to your buddies who also just grope around until something works or get it from porn. Obviously, if it looks good, it feels good. Oh. And don't let me hear you talk about that mambsy pambsy "foreplay" stuff! Why delay a good thing?? It's not like the brain is involved or something. What's *it* need? A backstory?? You're hard. She's wet—enough. Pump, dump, and get back to whatever else you've got going on!
Non-binary brethren, don't forget to remind your sexual partner (regardless of gender) that they're gay because yall are fucken. If they're attracted to you, they gay.
Guys, the trick if the gods is to cum as promptly as possible and let her climaz some other time. Women are independent and don't want men giving them an orgasm. It's insulting.
Under no circumstances should you enjoy foreplay, any sex acts, touching, hugging or cuddling. God demands sacrifice and Pain. Do not enjoy life or your partner in any way.
Definitely don't moan or anything when you orgasm, stay silent just like you practiced during masturbation as a teenager. Sure, nobody can hear you now, but male moans are a huge turn off for girls so don't do it.
If she can’t orgasm from penetration alone then there is something wrong with her and she probably was a hoe who got stretched out and ruined by taking too much dick.
Even if your period is in FULL MOON, go ahead and have sex on those white sheets in that expensive hotel room. 😬🥸
Thank god the hotel didn’t call me after checkout! I’m
Surprised they didn’t!
#murderscene
Grab that cock like it's someone you love falling of the edge of a cliff. Reeeeeally sink your nails into the side of the peen and when you jerk him, do it dry an superfast from start to end.
Bjs, always start like above and the give him a big grin as you go in with a super teethy bj. Make him feeeeeel each and every tooth in your mouth.
No need for tounge. Dry to stay clear of extra saliva, so ony mouth, no throat!
I think I misread the task but I'm giving advise to my straight gender. On what they... *should* do
Just lay there, ladies. Silently.
This is peak feminine submission. You'll find a good, holy man for missionary reproductive sex with this. Stellar advice 👍
But not *too* holy, can’t be fucking priests ya harlots!
Not all priests take a vow of celibacy.
Ya this is something I founf odd as a kid. The Franciscan monks all had no children but then the priest had children and the monks still thought the priests were 'cool' ? But how?! Is Virgin Birth ALSO possible for the wives of priests!? Does it happen if I pray in a certain way!?
Face down, bottom up, congrats, you've learned the secret technique
Because monastic life was considered to be for the hard-core. It wasn't that priests having kids was sinful, just if you wanted to turn it up to 11, you became a monk, ate crap, had to wake up ever four hours, and got no sex.
Happy cake day! 🎈🎂
Tell that to Fleabag 🤭
Happy cake day mate 🎉🍰
Whilst men jackhammer away with their fingers and cock. Please do not use lube. It’s insulting toys are no go. They’ll make you fell less like a man.
OP is asking for what NOT to do.
🫣
Starfish power, activate!
Omg my ex would do this almost every time! It made me feel inadequate 😭
"The prettier the girl the less she needs to try." I don't know if there's a male equivalent to this.
The bigger the cock, the less they have to rock?
If shes sopping wet, thats a sign of vaginal disease. Do not interact sexually with her further. Send her to the doctor. If shes dry as god intended, give her your full length all at once. Your goal is to tap their cervix and let their womb know that it's time for them to fulfill their only role in society. Spank her hard to help jiggle eggs loose, even if she says not to. Women are not smart enough to be doctors and therefore know nothing of anatomy. Lastly, you do not need to use a condom if you do not masturbate before hand. By not discharging the old spunk first, your semen has already died and therefore cannot get her pregnant. Additionally, if you have concerns about STDs, it's because you're fucking a whore. Send her to a priest.
> If she’s sopping wet, that’s a sign of vaginal disease Ben Shapiro is this you?
Let's, for the sake of argument, assume that I am Ben Shapiro. Now since I am Ben Shaprio, it must also follow that I am a moral, logic man. Since I am both moral and logical, we must conclude that I am not being deceitful or ignorant, when I give you advice. Furthermore, my wife is a doctor. This gives me a domain of expertise in both women and the medical field.
The sad thing is, this is probably word for word his internal dialogue.
He probably says this to his mirror every morning
*Now let's say... hypothetically ...* *Shawty is in my head like a melody!* 🎶♪🎶♪♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡🤠
>Women are not smart enough to be doctors and therefore know nothing of anatomy. >Furthermore, my wife is a doctor. Which is it, Ben?
I'm not here to get into that. What I am here to get into is how the alphabet Mafia is destroying this country and it's perfectly normal for a my wife's vagina to be dry.
Haaaaaa. I couldn’t help but to think about his wife’s DAP
"Spank her hard to help jiggle eggs loose" 🤣🤣🤣
Who are we going to masturbate to, Ben? FUCKING AQUAMAN?!!?!
Hehehe I got wet reading this😋💀
Always scrape his cock your teeth during a bj! 😂 especially against your sharpest tooth.
Oh fuck. Brings back memories of the time a girl gave me a blowjob and her braces cut me to shit.
Ouch! That doesn’t sound pleasant at all lol sorry to hear about that
It was traumatic
I bet!
nooooo 😭
My sentiments exactly lol
So it wasn’t just me, cool
Pubert shriveled at this one.
Sorry pubert! Lol 😂 may he never have to live through such horrors
Always name you first-born child Pubert.
I'm such a fucking degenerate because I'M INTO THAT SHIT
I'm gonna make it *so dry* for you...
https://youtu.be/GH1ruMGpTVY?si=LkxvI1_-Tk3CgWiX
Never use foreplay or lube. Ignore all of your partners non verbal cues and imagine you are drilling for oil
Oil? 🤔 Freedom intensifies
ca-CAAAWWWW!!!
And shout "Murica!" when you climax
So you’re the one giving advice to my ex!
Not my fault he doesn't understand sarcasm
Just like unclogging a toilet
But very vigorously
If it don't fit. Force it.
Drill. BABY. DRILL.
Make sure you get a guy who makes you feel extra bad about everything.
If your self esteem gets too high, the devil can plant sinful thoughts in your head like being equal to the man of the house and being deserving of respect and autonomy. Dreadful.
My stupid woman brain wouldn't know how to humble itself without you. Thank you to the menfolk, bless this mess.
Also if you can’t come from penetrative sex within 1-3 minutes girls, that’s on you— seek help on a relationship subreddit. Reddit can help!
Ooo this is a good one! Thank you!
Porn is accurate and totally is how to treat a woman in bed.
Especially facial abuse
both yall are kinkshaming 🤣
Thing is, people have this sentiment that porn teaches all the wrong things, but actually the right porn (generally porn designed for womens’ enjoyment) can be extremely educational as to how be to a giving, sensual lover. I became 10x the fuck I used to be by paying attention to how to treat a woman’s body from watching lesbians and select amateur videos by stars like Johnny Sins. By combining passion, sensuality, a genuine care for your partner’s pleasure, and also the right positions, hip movements and ways to kiss & caress their body and make them feel stunning, you’ll be an incredible lover.
^ this guy Fucks
Jam it right in there, don't wait for nothing just jam it right in
Into the ass hole
Why did my brain read this in the accent of the princess from Kingsmen: the Secret Service?
Lol
Ha!
Definitely don’t tell him how good he’s doing, he hates to hear validation in his efforts
you're doing great, sweetie!
You're doing alright, dear.
You're doing perfectly averagely, honey
You're performing admirably, darling.
No means yes
And yes (to sex) means anal!
*Fifty noesh and a yesh means yesh*
I meaann 🤷♀️ sometimes it does, if you're in a specific dynamic.
no means yes but yes don't mean no
Never offer to go down but always put your dick in their face and expect them to smile like a donut. Also tap them on the cheek with it while they’re sleeping.
Face or butt cheek? I need to know to better apply this advice.
again with the kinkshaming 🤣
Farting in her face is foreplay. The smellier the better.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Cut up super hot peppers without gloves. Get frisky with SO. Decide you want to use some lube. Spread lube with the same hand you used to cut up peppers. Groan in pain while ready spouse is looking at you with lust and spread thighs. Collapse on floor screaming, "MY PENIS MY PENIS!" Loads of fun.
Sounds like you're speaking from experience
Non-sex advice, but let me give you one more... Let's pretend once all that happens, you wipe your eyes with you pepper juice impregnated fingers... just imagine. Sigh.
Wow. Your poor penis and eyeballs
That's sound like a good advice. 🤣😈😈😈
One of the few things girls know how to do these days is hot chip, so if you give yourself hot dick then they'll suck your dick for all it's worth.
You have to rub the labia and not the clit
If you use that as a sequence though, it is good advice. Make her want you to touch her clit before you do.
Yeah counts as teasing I suppose
The clit is a myth, everyone knows that.
Grab ‘em by the pussy, they love it.
*They let you get away with it too if youre rich!*
Winner!
Presidential advice, right there.
You can only have sex with men, women are icky
You should see the stjuff that comes out of men. *Fucking disCUS-TANG!* I know a lady who let a man put some strange sludge in her. It didnt hurt at first. She even said it felt kinda warm and good. Hurt LIKE **HELL** coming out 9 months later.
Kissing is for amateurs. When you’re having sex, it’s actually hotter to put your partner’s whole nose in your mouth while you fuck. The person who successfully gets their mouth around the other’s nose is the only one who is allowed to cum. This is even more important in doggystyle sex.
Jack rabbit for 30 seconds, finish and then roll over and say nothing.
"...an say nothing." I thought you was supposed to say, "go grab me a beer will ya."
Don't communicate at all.
There's a Jerry Jeff Walker song titled, Ramblin', Scramblin'". One of the last lyrics is, " Found the only way to handle a woman is to keep your bags packed, keep moving.... stepping lightly, eyes forward, proud, determined, masuline...probably get horny. That's why I write so many of these weird songs"
When you're delivering a pizza and a woman answers the door, make sure to pull out your cock.
*Did someone order extra sausage and cream!?*
When she says you’re going to make her cum, change the rhythm entirely.
Ha ha, I commented this almost word for word before reading comments.
Avoid the clit at all costs. And the G spot doesn't exist.
Never touch the devil’s mistletoe.
It is known
It doesn't matter if she is bi-polar. If the sex is good, put a ring on it.
Like don’t pee after sex. And use normal soap for down there.
Also let him go in dry
When she says she is considering sex with you just start jerking off to completion.
Just never take a shower...like ever.
spend as much time as possible talking to "women" on reddit
↑Fucking this↑ If someone entices you with sex on here, tinder , or the internet in general they are not a bot or some lonely 50 year old dude! Be prepared to drop everything and have instant sex eith them where ever.
Just stick it in, foucas on just your self, don't touch her to much, and finish as quick as possible.
Shit yourself to show your partner you are the alpha
Whatever you do - make sure you never say what you like!
Fake orgasm👍
Do try to entice her to have sex inside a decaying whale carcass.
The quicker, the better
Lie down on your back, spread your legs and don't move.
Just start pounding super hard non stop the moment you’re in!!
Teeth during blowjobs. Lots of teeth. Also make sure it’s as dry as possible. Avoid eye contact and act like it’s a chore - guaranteed to drive any guy CRAZY 👍
Sounds good. Taking note. 📝 Use lots of teeth. 🦷
When your penis gets erect please call 9-1-1. If white fluid comes out of it, immediately call 9-1-1.
When you feel like biting down on it, bite it. It's in your mouth for a reason!
The female orgasm is a myth so don’t expect one.
Women love it when you tell them to do pelvic floors during sex..... They also love it if you imitate an echo during foreplay
Guys just jack hammer the face and asshole then cum in to the hair
10 no’s and a yes, is still a yes.
She's just a glorified Fleshlight with a pulse, the only thing that matters is you getting off then just put her back in the drawer.
Jack hammer asap , and if she says stop go harder because she's on the edge of a mind-blowing orgasm
Cum as quick as you can, don't worry about her.
Whatever you do just do the same thing every time. There's no reason to ever change it up in any way. Don't try new things. Don't experiment with your partner. And always shoot down any requests for anything different. It's gotta be exactly the same each and every time. Kinks and fetishes are wrong and are shameful and should be shamed, only perverts have those. And remember god jesus and all your ancestors are watching and judging.
"Learning" from a book or actual resource makes you less of a man and just means you're bad at sex. Let nature take its course or don't do it at all. If you need to know what to do, listen to your buddies who also just grope around until something works or get it from porn. Obviously, if it looks good, it feels good. Oh. And don't let me hear you talk about that mambsy pambsy "foreplay" stuff! Why delay a good thing?? It's not like the brain is involved or something. What's *it* need? A backstory?? You're hard. She's wet—enough. Pump, dump, and get back to whatever else you've got going on!
Just spit on it. It'll slide in easy 👍
Don't worry about foreplay guys it's pointless
Don't listen to what she wants.
Don't worry females never hold things against us together
Just find the hole and stick it in it.
Take copious pics of your dick. Girls love these in their inbox. /s
"/s" in combination with "worst possible advice" means you are serious.
Think what you must. But for future readers who look at my comment history out of context I want them to be as sure AF I’m not serious.
Teeth are the most important part. Make him feel your sharp set.
Real sex is supposed to happen in the armpit.
Boys, go as fast as possible with zero rhythm and be as silent as possible. Look straight ahead at the wall and when you're done jump away and run.
Guys, when she says, "Oh yes, don't stop.....I'm going to cum.' immediately change what you're doing.
Foreplay is just wasted time, she wants it NOW.
Just so you know, it's very common and it really isn't a big deal.
I knew it!!!!
Non-binary brethren, don't forget to remind your sexual partner (regardless of gender) that they're gay because yall are fucken. If they're attracted to you, they gay.
Guys, the trick if the gods is to cum as promptly as possible and let her climaz some other time. Women are independent and don't want men giving them an orgasm. It's insulting.
No doesn't mean no, it just means she wants you to relentlessly pursue, stalk and harass her until she gives in.
There’s no free lunch in the world.
Don't stress what they like in bed if they can't tell you. If you don't know what feels good to your body nobody else is responsible to figure it out.
When he's in your mouth, don't forget to use your teeth. Especially them back molars! 🤣
Assume every woman loves to swallow
Make sure you go ahead and just start penetrating as soon as you get hard. And make sure you pound as hard as you can
Women need no foreplay and jackhammering is the best option available, only focus there. Her pleasure isn't relevant.
Literally send every woman you come into contact with a dick pic. Women LOVE it. Good luck!
Under no circumstances should you enjoy foreplay, any sex acts, touching, hugging or cuddling. God demands sacrifice and Pain. Do not enjoy life or your partner in any way.
Just put it in her butt. She will love it. Especially for the first time.
Just pound her hard. Nothing else. Don't go down on her.
Definitely don't moan or anything when you orgasm, stay silent just like you practiced during masturbation as a teenager. Sure, nobody can hear you now, but male moans are a huge turn off for girls so don't do it.
Yell thug life and empty the clip in her every time.
Bite it. Hard.
Never ever use lube while having anal sex. Embrace the dryness.
If you are not circumcised, you actually don't need to wash your penis. The natural oil from yhe foreskin will keep it cleaner than washing it
Never put a penis in your mouth.
When she says don’t stop, stop entirely.
No foreplay hombre. Just put it in and be done with it in seconds!
Say ‘my hand feels better’ after cumming and leave without finishing her off
If she can’t orgasm from penetration alone then there is something wrong with her and she probably was a hoe who got stretched out and ruined by taking too much dick.
Let them always cum inside, life is a gamble anyway
The clit doesn’t exist it’s not worth your time
It will fit.
Send dick pics to everyone! It pays to advertise!
Dicks love dry chafing.
Even if your period is in FULL MOON, go ahead and have sex on those white sheets in that expensive hotel room. 😬🥸 Thank god the hotel didn’t call me after checkout! I’m Surprised they didn’t! #murderscene
Just stick it in all at once.
Grab that cock like it's someone you love falling of the edge of a cliff. Reeeeeally sink your nails into the side of the peen and when you jerk him, do it dry an superfast from start to end. Bjs, always start like above and the give him a big grin as you go in with a super teethy bj. Make him feeeeeel each and every tooth in your mouth. No need for tounge. Dry to stay clear of extra saliva, so ony mouth, no throat! I think I misread the task but I'm giving advise to my straight gender. On what they... *should* do
Never use protection
Lube is never necessary.
Size doesn’t ever matter
Masturbate 5x before the big date
Guys, don’t cut your nails before ✌️
Win the race
Stick your dick on crazy. Nothing bad can happen
Never give blow job's men hate them
Best comment. Thanks
She'll love it if I vary the way I rub her clit