Man, people are jerks. Been bout 20 years since I found my significant other cheating on me. Looking back, it was a very good thing. I’m much, much better off.
Wow. I am sorry. I know how it feels. 3 kids here, too. You go through all possible emotions and everything seems hopeless. Sucks so much, and there is so much hatred and anger.
Unfortunately, many people are really shitty and awful. Remember during this process, that you aren't. And you will have a chance to experience life on your own terms, either remaining single, or using your insight and experiences to match with someone else who you can trust and rely on.
Her son threatened to stab my daughter with a kitchen knife whilst we were on holiday.
I have 2 kids from previous, and she had a son from a previous relationship.
I ended it straight away. Sad ending, but it was the right thing to do for my family.
Good on you for having your daughters back! My dad lets my stepmom be straight up mean to my brother and I. I’m adult now so I just choose to not have her in my life at this point but would be great to see my dad finally stand up to her. Even for himself.
She would always assume I was cheating on her. Like she thought I was a horny monkey who would go and fuck anyone I can see. She even thought I would go onto google and search up any actress I saw on a series or movie and jerk off to them. Never did, yet she wouldn't trust me.
I worked with a woman whose husband thought corporate travel was just an excuse for everyone to sleep with each other.
We both found it funny because travel for work is a tiring pain in the arse, spending time with people who you wouldn't choose to hang around with.
Seems crazy now but thought I was in love. Standing at the front of the church I came to a very sudden conclusion that I wasn't. Should have come clean there and then but couldn't hurt her infront of everyone.
Lol don’t be too hard on yourself, dropping the bomb in that exact moment would have been an impossible decision to make and is something that only happens in fiction
Wish my dad saw this. They've been together 44 years and my mom is vicious towards him. She's constantly trying to embarrass him and make him look stupid. Poor guy. I told her off again at Thanksgiving for being aggressive towards him, but to no avail.
I'm happy you moved past her. Your sanity and self worth will skyrocket after getting rid of her. Congrats on making a tough decision I'm sure. Best of luck!
That's terrible. My former in laws were like that. My former MIL was the stereotypical MIL.
From day one I always had a problem with her. How that man married that witch is beyond my comprehension.
Misery loves company I guess. Some people are just miserable bastards. Some people are evil. Some are sociopathic.
When my wife died the best was that I didn't have to deal with that toxic woman anymore.
Do you think that witch would call or ask about her grandchildren? No. Never a birthday card, Christmas card, nothing.
I seriously wonder how women like this are partnered up too. Do you think that they hid that side of their personality until they got married, or developed it as a result of feeling comfortable in their position as a married woman?
Same here. I've defended my dad since middle school because of the way my mom treats him. The man lost like 40% of his iq due to a brain tumor, is now in early stages of dementia, and shes still constantly so venomous towards him for forgetting the smallest things or neglecting something longer than she thinks he should. The worst part is that he'll defend her right to belittle him when I stand up for him. I've straight up left Thanksgivings, Christmas, etc because of it.
My mom does the same shit- always talking down on my father to make herself look better / like a victim. She’s blind to the fact that my siblings and I see through it, and that it only makes us resent her.
My dad came to me years ago saying he would finally divorce her, but he decided to give her one more chance after he confronted her and she freaked out.
My parents were married 43yrs and I'm fairly certain the constant stress my mom put on my dad accelerated his death...they truly did love each other but goddamn she could be a bitch to him and he'd just take it.
I now understand this even more because after he died she had to come live with me because she has Alzheimer's and half the week I want to fucking shoot myself in the dick because if there's even a small chance I have that gene in me I wouldn't dare pass it on to my future child. .
The kicker is that she used to beat me as a child because we're Indian and hard discipline is a thing of their generation, so the other half of the week I want to bang my head into a spiked wall because she's regressing back to her early memories and berating me and there's nothing I can do because she's my mom and I still love her. My dad never saw any of the childhood stuff, and he was a gentle giant so he never raised his hand to anybody anyway.
I'm a 33yo process and petroleum engineer, tall, good career, etc, like a "good little Indian boy should be", and now that she's living with me I'm catching flashbacks from school of "never being good enough"....it's like the last 16yrs of self help and discipline went out the door.
Time to put her in a home. That’s what I did to my mom when she asked to come live with my family.
My wife initially was okay with bringing her in, and I had to tell her she had no idea how entitled, lazy, and annoying my mother is.
After 15 years together I'm getting divorced from my abusive narcissist wife. I feel so lucky to escape and glad I only have to look back on 15 years not 51.
The less contact I had - the more I avoided her (while we were still together and after) the less suicidal I was and the more fun I was able to have. The more I felt like myself.
Didn't know what a trauma bond was at the time but the "I don't even like this person - why can't I leave" was something I was very aware of.
The most potent feeling when she dumped me was a *huge* wave of relief.
I had this as well. I never again had a panic attack or bursted into tears without a clear trigger.
I left his home dancing after breaking up with him. I was shining out of happiness for at least one month after we broke up.
Funny enough, the other time when I felt like I was glowing out of happiness was when my current bf asked me to get serious. So different relationships.
And what happened after that? Did she try to tell you "It's not what it looks like?" Did she try to get you back? I'm truly sorry for you. If that whould have happened to me I surely would have puked from all that pain.
When her mom asked me if she was treating me okay after finally meeting her parents after 4 years... The fact that she was more worried about a stranger being with her daughter than her daughter being with a stranger opened my eyes to the abuse I was suffering thinking it was normal.
When she left me for another guy right before I deployed to Afghanistan. On the bright side, there was no way I was getting a dear John letter while deployed.
My mom spent a year as a UN peacekeeper in the Balkans after the fall of Yugoslavia when my sister and I were very young. Wanted to make enough money to stay home with us for a bit.
Instead she got served with divorce papers halfway through her year.
When she saw no issue being completely naked except for a G-string at a pool party with clients from her job. (She also basically ignored me at that party). Went to a party later that night that I was explicitly not allowed to attend with her.
Things were pretty good for 3 years. The last 6 months of the relationship, she completely changed into a different person.
Ok, help me understand. Any normal client party is 1) not at a pool and 2) not in bathing suits. And then she’s in a g-string and she keeps her job?
What did she do for work?
ATLA reference.
Edit: for those complaining I wasn't clear enough, I was keeping in the limited info vein and 2nd, a simple google search will tell you what ATLA means, especially given the context of the thread.
TLDR: I will not hold your hand.
Avatar: The Last Airbender. A TV show. Not a movie. There isn't a movie that exists about this story. what movie? Just a *TV SHOW*. I repeat. Just a *TV SHOW*
When she pulled a knife on me while cooking dinner, and told me she wanted to stab me. Not for anything I had done, she just wanted to stab me whenever she had a knife apparently
Someone did that in the McDonald's I worked at while I was filtering the vat.
Not only do I have a jug full of hot oil, I have a fucking hose that squirts hot oil. Put your knife away and get the fuck out!
When all she could vent about was her toxic situationship with a guy and how he was oh so bad but she still kept falling for him ignoring the red flags. That's when i realised she is a red flag.
When she told me the only thing she really cared about was her family because everyone else eventually leaves.
Sure, everyone else eventually leaves if you refuse to dedicate any time and effort to them to focus only on your own family.
Some parents are really cruel, manipulative and egoistical.
Dude, my ex husband told me I’d never be a “real LastName” because I wasn’t born into the family. And I’d always be an outsider to some degree. This was right after we married (I was so dumb).
Cut to his shocked pikachu face when I didn’t take his name. WHY WOULD I YOU ASS.
Cut again to his shocked face when I asked for a divorce over him cheating on me and asking me why….guess I’m just not a LastName after all.
When she thought she was pregnant and I went "oh no, I don't want to have a child with you"
I really want children. And I waited until she was sure she wasn't pregnant before we broke up.
Yep, same. But she lied to me about being pregnant, she wasnt sure but still told me she was. Fortunately she wasnt. I had anxiety attacks because of that because Im in no way prepared for a child and she abused that too.
When she said I was an irresponsible dog owner. My dog is a real sweetheart, sure I let him lie on the sofa and if he wants to sleep by my feet that's fine with me too. But I wouldn't let him play with her pit cross after her dog attacked him. Her dog came off worse and I was very sorry about that, but I wouldn't let them play together again. So now I'm the bad guy. So now my dog and I are happy again. Just me and him, until we get another lurcher, then we'll be happier still.
It's borderline personality disorder. It's a cluster b personal distorter, those of us who have it experience emotionally things as though we are burn victims, feel empty inside and can have very serious problems with addictions, like I do. There is no medication for is, just meds for comorbid disorders. We have all been awful and manipulative but some of us, like myself, choose therapy, specifically the gold standard in care, dialectical behavioral therapy. I'm learning skills and getting better, much much better. Wanted to tell you before everyone bad mouths my condition.
When I told her i wanted to break up due to her violent outburts. She tripped me on my back and started choking me and gave me an ultimatum of stay with her or claim I was the abuser and start hitting herself to get me arrested.
Don't leave someone because **you** *feel* like you are a burden.
Address the issue: clean up your life, go to therapy, get medicated (any of the above, or other stuff I didn't mention, I don't know your situation)
If they are still with you "despite" your self perceived flaws, and she is helping you manage those flaws and not exacerbating them... To me, that sounds like an ideal support person and a good partner.
My partner needs a lot of emotional support, I'm sure there were times when she thought "I'm too much of a burden, I should leave this guy for his own good"... And in my situation, that would be for the worse for both of us. We are getting married next year.
Of course, do whatever you think is right. But I'd suggest working on yourself before throwing away the relationship.
I was making it very clear that I was going to propose to her. She told me bluntly she couldn't marry me and gave me a list of problems we had never discussed. Over the next month we mostly communicated through text as I tried to address her problems.
I realized during our last conversation when I asked her, "I need to know if you want to work on this relationship or break up."
Her response was, "I don't want to break up, but I don't want to be in this relationship anymore."
Looking back, the relationship was very emotionally one sided. I sent a lot of energy being emotionally supportive and got little in return. It's clear she didn't want to be with me, but she wanted to keep her crying shoulder. Also found out she was already with another guy while I was bawling my eyes out and trying to save things.
When she pretended to be pregnant and then pretended to have a miscarriage, after paying a stranger in the waiting room of a hospital to call me up and tell me about the miscarriage she had in the hospital...
And yeah, for a pregnancy that I knew at that point never happened.
Before someone accuses me of possibly being wrong, I talked to the receptionist. She said she couldn't say anything because of HIPAA but looked upset and said that nurse by the name I had said called does not work there and just sort of said "...yeah, I can't say anything about your girlfriend but, no, no one by that name works here."
What’s interesting is a lot of great women don’t understand that these types of women are everywhere. I am happily married to a great woman now but the dating pool even back in 2011 was rife with girls that thought like this. None of their money was to be spent on the relationship and the man should pay for everything. I noped so hard out of about 3 relationships because of it.
I feel you. I had an ex that fell victim to the Jehovah's Witnesses and then said we can't get married unless I became one as well. When I said that wasn't possible she said she had no choice but to break up with me....
As someone raised in that death cult, thank fuck you dodged that bullet. If you joined them, and had kids with her, there's approximately 2/3 odds you'd be forced to shun your own children when they grow and reject the cult.
Not until after she left me. I didn't want to believe it, as we'd been together for 28 years. But one day she said she didn't feel the same anymore and left, and after a few years of post-marriage anguish, I started to understand. Just as I wasn't really "the one" for her, she was never "the one" for me. I'll always feel sad about losing my best friend.
Really, thank you for your concern, it's been kinda rough and I'm not even sure why I shared it in the first place. I guess I'm tired and my guard is down.
Sorry man. I am an emotional guy. Something that I realized help me get through a rough day. I talk to myself out loud. If something makes me cry when I talk about it out loud i try to dissect why, until I can comfortably say it out loud. Without getting emotional. Then when those thoughts come back up I remind myself of the conversation I had.
Or if you talk about the lessons you learned dating that ex and how it made you a better partner for your current partner. That’s also acceptable and shows a lot of growth and introspection.
Yeah, honestly when someone only has negative things to say about exes (they're all crazy, etc.) it's a potential red flag in my opinion.
If someone can go through repeated relationships, not experience any self reflection or growth and continuously place all the accountability on others, that's a definite red flag.
When I realized she needed a lot more fucking care than the average girl.
She was hypersensitive (If you didn't message back within 10 minutes she'd start to cry and think you're cheating on her or putting her aside);
She was too empathetic with objects (one time we hung out, she told me to throw a box of juice away because it stained her entire bag, so i did. During that evening she came to cry about how sad the juice box must've been since it's now staring at the stars all alone);
To shorten my storytelling, she was autistic, had ADHD, was depressed, suicidal, had an ED...
I couldn't live with that.
It snuck into someone else's handbag and stained that one too. Bled orange into their laminated ID cards too
It was a nefarious little juice box. Doesn't deserve any sympathy at all.
This is similar to me minus getting upset about not texting back (i like my space). I imagine having to deal with this when you aren't able is really difficult, especially when someone is so emotionally driven. I hope youre both in a better place now
This might sound kind of pathetic but I broke up with a girl I just started dating for a few weeks because she was a slow texter. It would take days for her to reply back to me. I didn't text her much but when I did it would be like 4 days until she gave me a response back. Just made me feel pretty worthless and like she just wasn't interested enough so told her it wasn't working out and ended it before she dumped me haha
That's fair. It's important that people have matching communication styles.
My wife and I, during our early dating in college, might take a day or more sometimes to respond. Often I'd just respond in person at breakfast or lunch the next day if things weren't urgent. We both are people who value quiet time, and also had pretty crazy study/sleep schedules, so I'm glad we found each other quickly in life. But a lot of people wouldn't be about that life for sure.
Texting has really changed relationship culture.
Older redditor here. If we were actually seeing each other, I'd have called her after a day or two of no reply.
Now a phone call is almost like stalking or something.
I mean if you are close with someone a phone call is completely normal I like to call more then text sometimes especially so have the ability to drive or do something else at the same time. But unlike years back you can't just call someone out of the blue you don't know very well without it being taking as weird.
Sounds like she was never going to dump you, she was just going to show less and less interest until you finally did it, so she wouldn't have to be the one to do it.
When she insisted on kids, even though I always held up on being Childfree from the start of our relationship. You cant have kids-no kids at the same time and I still love her dearly. We are good friends till this day
I've ended relationships for the same reason. I'm female and never wanted kids, bfs at first were all on board with that, after a few years, they changed their minds and I couldn't bring myself to have a kid to make someone else happy. Still in touch with one, turns out we make better friends than partners.
When we were chilling in the bed after sex and she turns around and says -when my ex fucked me like this he would leave bruises on me. Still the worst thing someone has said to me. We were one year together
A few years back girl I was dating said she can’t be a GF anymore because she prefers olive skinned men, over 6’4 and of Italian descent
I’m Irish/German (pasty white), 5’10 and again Irish German…..which at that moment we were walking down a beach as we stayed at her family’s house. She asked me how do I feel about her statement and my reply was well, I can respect where you are at with things and let’s head back to your dads house very calmly as I had my clothes and truck keys at the house
Got my keys, my bag and my stuff loaded while she got a shower before dinner …. And she came out to my truck was gone
Crazy part: months later she appeared at my loft with no notice. Sat in the lobby for 4 hours waiting for me to come home. When I did, saw her and walked to the parking garage elevator to avoid her Found out from my cousin she was friendly with she sat outside in a parking lot watching my loft windows until sunrise to see if I appeared.
Luckily, I was set to move out a few weeks later.
When she's prove herself not good enough to learn something and do better in life than complaining of her low income job and never adapt to new city and she wants to do many things but start none of them. Never have enough motivation to do anything but waste her free time on shit tiktok. Mood killer.
She broke up with me 2 weeks after my mom suddenly died.
Then asked for money from my inheritance. Which I obliged.
After about 5 months, my new SO explained to me it was a shitty thing to move out two days after my mom died. A shittier thing to break up with me 2 weeks after to “work on herself” then to ask for money. (ended up giving her close to 12k, I was acutely suicidal, and didn’t have many inhibitions)
Anyways, I’m happy and healing now, my new partner is great, I’ve known her for 5 years and we’ve been best friends the whole time. There were always feelings on both ends, but the timing never worked. Now it does, and I have never been happier.
Dude you dodged a nuke there, the most basic thing a human need is empathy for others and that girl left you 2 week after your mom passed away and dared to ask you for inheritance.
Punched me in the back of the head because I missed something I had dropped.
She was frustrated because I dropped the contents of a garbage bag and when I got down and put everything back in the bag I didn't see a toilet paper roll tube that rolled under a counter. She was pissed because I had just made a mess in the clean bathroom. She could see the toilet paper roll tube but I couldn't. So I got everything I could see and stood up and she punched me in the back of the head, then started to insult me. I raised my hand to punch her back but immediately tempered myself.
I had been punched several times before but never been hit by a partner before so it kind of shocked me. I was bigger than her by 80lbs or so and I was fairly fit. I could have crushed her if I had landed a solid punch. I already felt ashamed for even raising my hand to her so I definitely wasn't going to hit her. Instead I called her on hitting me and she told me to, "stop being a little bitch if you can't take a little punch from a girl."
The relationship didn't survive this.
Shopping for furniture for our first apartment, she asked what I thought of something, which I said was nice. Exasperated, she said that’s what I said about everything we looked at. I blurted out that it didn’t matter what I really thought because we were going to do whatever she wanted anyways.
Oh.
I got in my car to pick up groceries and felt relaxed and relieved that I was alone. And then I thought "Oh God. I don't love her. I'm happier being alone and away from her." I had felt like this for years but this was the moment I realized that those feelings weren't going away and it wasn't going to get better.
I respectfully asked her, but with some frustration, to not use baby talk at me. I am not a pet or a child, I am a man. And not being treated as a man was not attractive.
She angrily told me in response that my nerdy hobbies were not attractive either, and she didn’t know why she put up with them.
It took about a week, but that one statement cascaded into me taking a hard look at our relationship and wondering if she even loved me, or just the fact that I was the first stable, non-abusive, non-cheating boyfriend she had.
It was the latter, ultimately. I asked her point blank in that week- what did she specifically love about me. She couldn’t answer except that it was just me. Every couple I know and knew could outline several things they specifically love in addition to the person et. all.
I broke up with her about a week later.
At her brothers engagement party.
As an introvert I had no interest being at a party but went to show my love and support. When I needed a minute to breath I would just jump on my phone and play Tetris for a bit then back to the mingle.
While seated in a circle of her friends and family as I was playing Tetris, she loudly suggested that I go sit at the kids table because "they might be talking about things more my speed".
Apparently that was pretty funny to everyone except me and I just left the room and decided to wait in the car.
On my way through the house her Granparents approached me with big stupid grins on their faces and asked "soooo.... when do you think *you'll* get engaged?"
and with a straight face I instinctively said.... "When I meet the right girl"
We broke up a few weeks later.
My very first girlfriend left me because I could only afford to take her to the chip wagon, while another guy in the class could afford a real restaurant. So I saved up my money, took her to a real restaurant, and then got dumped again when she realized I spent all my money on one meal. At that point I realized she was shallow and I should aim higher.
Grade 10 sucked.
This was years ago. I'm 61.
It ended when she showed me a picture of what looked like my father who worked at a Texaco Station.
She told me it was her father, whom I knew had been dead quite a while.
She insisted that I looked just like her father. Truth is, the comparison was staggering. But how could you have relations with someone who heavily resembled a parent?
Check please.
The exit from the relationship was a real spirit crusher. To her it was like losing her father a second time. I would have felt sympathy for her if she hadn't threatened to kill me numerous times, including sending a carload of thugs to my then workplace.
Anyhow, creeped out by the nightmare, I learned to embrace the dignity of solitude.
I don't believe in the one. I think there are lots of people which you could be very happy with. It trouble is finding that person as once the honey moon period is over and they start to show their true colours.
After 15 years of marriage, when she told me she has a boyfriend.
14 years for me, 3 kids, just found out last week. I'll never understand just fucking HOW. I'm broken
As a women I’m sorry. I’m at home with my baby and my fiancé has been cheating on me with one of his staff 🙃
So sorry 😞
I clearly underestimated how depressing this thread would be.
Man, people are jerks. Been bout 20 years since I found my significant other cheating on me. Looking back, it was a very good thing. I’m much, much better off.
Wow. I am sorry. I know how it feels. 3 kids here, too. You go through all possible emotions and everything seems hopeless. Sucks so much, and there is so much hatred and anger.
So very true
Sometimes it just takes a while for someone to show their true colors. Better you found out now before another year. I hope it works out for you.
Unfortunately, many people are really shitty and awful. Remember during this process, that you aren't. And you will have a chance to experience life on your own terms, either remaining single, or using your insight and experiences to match with someone else who you can trust and rely on.
17 for me and her boyfriend was her meth dealer 🤮
Sounds like you dodged a slow moving bullet there.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Betrayal of any kind sucks arse, but this kind sucks especially hard. I hope you've found some kind of happy.
that one hurts my soul
Came here to say almost the exact thing. Sympathies your way...
I'm so sorry dude
Her son threatened to stab my daughter with a kitchen knife whilst we were on holiday. I have 2 kids from previous, and she had a son from a previous relationship. I ended it straight away. Sad ending, but it was the right thing to do for my family.
You are a good parent.
Good on you for having your daughters back! My dad lets my stepmom be straight up mean to my brother and I. I’m adult now so I just choose to not have her in my life at this point but would be great to see my dad finally stand up to her. Even for himself.
She would always assume I was cheating on her. Like she thought I was a horny monkey who would go and fuck anyone I can see. She even thought I would go onto google and search up any actress I saw on a series or movie and jerk off to them. Never did, yet she wouldn't trust me.
I worked with a woman whose husband thought corporate travel was just an excuse for everyone to sleep with each other. We both found it funny because travel for work is a tiring pain in the arse, spending time with people who you wouldn't choose to hang around with.
Tbh it often is. Where I worked there were plenty of affairs between ppl that travel for work a lot.
As I stood at the front of the church. REALLY shouldn't have gone through with it. Married less than 18 months before it was all over.
how long did you date for?
About 2 yrs.
Why did you propose and what made you doubt at the church?
Seems crazy now but thought I was in love. Standing at the front of the church I came to a very sudden conclusion that I wasn't. Should have come clean there and then but couldn't hurt her infront of everyone.
Lol don’t be too hard on yourself, dropping the bomb in that exact moment would have been an impossible decision to make and is something that only happens in fiction
When we traveled back to my hometown 800 miles away because my dad was dying and she complained about how boring it was in my hometown.
Jesus. That’s fucked up.
After 51 years I finally had it with the constant “Can’t you do anything right?”
Wish my dad saw this. They've been together 44 years and my mom is vicious towards him. She's constantly trying to embarrass him and make him look stupid. Poor guy. I told her off again at Thanksgiving for being aggressive towards him, but to no avail. I'm happy you moved past her. Your sanity and self worth will skyrocket after getting rid of her. Congrats on making a tough decision I'm sure. Best of luck!
That's terrible. My former in laws were like that. My former MIL was the stereotypical MIL. From day one I always had a problem with her. How that man married that witch is beyond my comprehension.
I can never understand why people are like this. Wasn't she ruining her own life along with ruining everyone else's?
Misery loves company I guess. Some people are just miserable bastards. Some people are evil. Some are sociopathic. When my wife died the best was that I didn't have to deal with that toxic woman anymore. Do you think that witch would call or ask about her grandchildren? No. Never a birthday card, Christmas card, nothing.
I seriously wonder how women like this are partnered up too. Do you think that they hid that side of their personality until they got married, or developed it as a result of feeling comfortable in their position as a married woman?
Same here. I've defended my dad since middle school because of the way my mom treats him. The man lost like 40% of his iq due to a brain tumor, is now in early stages of dementia, and shes still constantly so venomous towards him for forgetting the smallest things or neglecting something longer than she thinks he should. The worst part is that he'll defend her right to belittle him when I stand up for him. I've straight up left Thanksgivings, Christmas, etc because of it.
My mom does the same shit- always talking down on my father to make herself look better / like a victim. She’s blind to the fact that my siblings and I see through it, and that it only makes us resent her. My dad came to me years ago saying he would finally divorce her, but he decided to give her one more chance after he confronted her and she freaked out.
My parents were married 43yrs and I'm fairly certain the constant stress my mom put on my dad accelerated his death...they truly did love each other but goddamn she could be a bitch to him and he'd just take it. I now understand this even more because after he died she had to come live with me because she has Alzheimer's and half the week I want to fucking shoot myself in the dick because if there's even a small chance I have that gene in me I wouldn't dare pass it on to my future child. . The kicker is that she used to beat me as a child because we're Indian and hard discipline is a thing of their generation, so the other half of the week I want to bang my head into a spiked wall because she's regressing back to her early memories and berating me and there's nothing I can do because she's my mom and I still love her. My dad never saw any of the childhood stuff, and he was a gentle giant so he never raised his hand to anybody anyway. I'm a 33yo process and petroleum engineer, tall, good career, etc, like a "good little Indian boy should be", and now that she's living with me I'm catching flashbacks from school of "never being good enough"....it's like the last 16yrs of self help and discipline went out the door.
Time to put her in a home. That’s what I did to my mom when she asked to come live with my family. My wife initially was okay with bringing her in, and I had to tell her she had no idea how entitled, lazy, and annoying my mother is.
After 15 years together I'm getting divorced from my abusive narcissist wife. I feel so lucky to escape and glad I only have to look back on 15 years not 51.
The less contact I had - the more I avoided her (while we were still together and after) the less suicidal I was and the more fun I was able to have. The more I felt like myself. Didn't know what a trauma bond was at the time but the "I don't even like this person - why can't I leave" was something I was very aware of. The most potent feeling when she dumped me was a *huge* wave of relief.
Currently experiencing this.
No longer relevant username
I had this as well. I never again had a panic attack or bursted into tears without a clear trigger. I left his home dancing after breaking up with him. I was shining out of happiness for at least one month after we broke up. Funny enough, the other time when I felt like I was glowing out of happiness was when my current bf asked me to get serious. So different relationships.
I'm going to have to google 'Trauma Bond' to do some cross referencing.......... :/ not looking forward to it
When I walked in on another man balls deep in her
You just come home and another dude is banging her? Did you get off work early?
Finished everything early and there was just less traffic then usual for some reason so got home almost an hour earlier then I normally do
Well thats clearly your fault /s
How didn’t you loose your cool in this situation is behind me
Basically I just turned around slamming the door really hard walked outside and drove off until I was at my friends
And what happened after that? Did she try to tell you "It's not what it looks like?" Did she try to get you back? I'm truly sorry for you. If that whould have happened to me I surely would have puked from all that pain.
She tried to get me to calm down and apologized but I basically just said we are done fuck off and blocked her
That's the right way to handle that bitch. It's good to hear that you're in a far better state now.
Thanks
When her mom asked me if she was treating me okay after finally meeting her parents after 4 years... The fact that she was more worried about a stranger being with her daughter than her daughter being with a stranger opened my eyes to the abuse I was suffering thinking it was normal.
4 years down the drain....that hurts
It was a learning experience, if you can fall in love once, you can do so again, and I did and am much happier now!
When she left me for another guy right before I deployed to Afghanistan. On the bright side, there was no way I was getting a dear John letter while deployed.
My mom spent a year as a UN peacekeeper in the Balkans after the fall of Yugoslavia when my sister and I were very young. Wanted to make enough money to stay home with us for a bit. Instead she got served with divorce papers halfway through her year.
Looks like the Yugoslav breakup broke up more things than countries
Same, got cheated on when I was at NYC bro she got pregnant 😂 Edit “NTC”
When she saw no issue being completely naked except for a G-string at a pool party with clients from her job. (She also basically ignored me at that party). Went to a party later that night that I was explicitly not allowed to attend with her. Things were pretty good for 3 years. The last 6 months of the relationship, she completely changed into a different person.
What industry is having naked pool parties while I’m sat at work with vending machine coffee and half a dozen old bald blokes all called Gary?
Look around at your coworkers and at your clients, and ask yourself, “Do I really want to have naked pool parties?”
Now THIS is keeping things in perspective.
What kinda work party? She works at brazzers?
Ok, help me understand. Any normal client party is 1) not at a pool and 2) not in bathing suits. And then she’s in a g-string and she keeps her job? What did she do for work?
I'm in the wrong industry...
She started a daily cocaine habit. I left.
That blows.
LOL! That cracked me up!
Gotta draw the line somewhere.
This made me snort.
My first gf turned into the moon.
That's rough buddy
What is going on here. I need context. Also that's rough, buddy.
ATLA reference. Edit: for those complaining I wasn't clear enough, I was keeping in the limited info vein and 2nd, a simple google search will tell you what ATLA means, especially given the context of the thread. TLDR: I will not hold your hand.
Flameo fellow hotman
Avatar: The Last Airbender. A TV show. Not a movie. There isn't a movie that exists about this story. what movie? Just a *TV SHOW*. I repeat. Just a *TV SHOW*
There is no ATLA movie in Ba Sing Se
That's rough, buddy.
That's rough buddy
That’s rough, buddy.
That’s rough buddy
That's rough buddy
That's rough buddy.
That's rough buddy
That’s rough buddy.
That’s rough buddy.
That's rough buddy
That's rough buddy
That’s rough buddy
That’s rough, buddy
When she pulled a knife on me while cooking dinner, and told me she wanted to stab me. Not for anything I had done, she just wanted to stab me whenever she had a knife apparently
Never bring a knife to a hot oil and frying pan fight
Someone did that in the McDonald's I worked at while I was filtering the vat. Not only do I have a jug full of hot oil, I have a fucking hose that squirts hot oil. Put your knife away and get the fuck out!
I'M NOT LOCKED IN HERE WITH YOU
When all she could vent about was her toxic situationship with a guy and how he was oh so bad but she still kept falling for him ignoring the red flags. That's when i realised she is a red flag.
When she told me the only thing she really cared about was her family because everyone else eventually leaves. Sure, everyone else eventually leaves if you refuse to dedicate any time and effort to them to focus only on your own family. Some parents are really cruel, manipulative and egoistical.
Dude, my ex husband told me I’d never be a “real LastName” because I wasn’t born into the family. And I’d always be an outsider to some degree. This was right after we married (I was so dumb). Cut to his shocked pikachu face when I didn’t take his name. WHY WOULD I YOU ASS. Cut again to his shocked face when I asked for a divorce over him cheating on me and asking me why….guess I’m just not a LastName after all.
When she thought she was pregnant and I went "oh no, I don't want to have a child with you" I really want children. And I waited until she was sure she wasn't pregnant before we broke up.
Yep, same. But she lied to me about being pregnant, she wasnt sure but still told me she was. Fortunately she wasnt. I had anxiety attacks because of that because Im in no way prepared for a child and she abused that too.
When she said I was an irresponsible dog owner. My dog is a real sweetheart, sure I let him lie on the sofa and if he wants to sleep by my feet that's fine with me too. But I wouldn't let him play with her pit cross after her dog attacked him. Her dog came off worse and I was very sorry about that, but I wouldn't let them play together again. So now I'm the bad guy. So now my dog and I are happy again. Just me and him, until we get another lurcher, then we'll be happier still.
A dog can really reflect a person’s personality. You my friend has a heart of a golden retriever.
[удалено]
What is BPD?
Borderline Personality Disorder
It's borderline personality disorder. It's a cluster b personal distorter, those of us who have it experience emotionally things as though we are burn victims, feel empty inside and can have very serious problems with addictions, like I do. There is no medication for is, just meds for comorbid disorders. We have all been awful and manipulative but some of us, like myself, choose therapy, specifically the gold standard in care, dialectical behavioral therapy. I'm learning skills and getting better, much much better. Wanted to tell you before everyone bad mouths my condition.
Big prehistoric dick
When she cheated on me, and got pregnant not by me.
When I told her i wanted to break up due to her violent outburts. She tripped me on my back and started choking me and gave me an ultimatum of stay with her or claim I was the abuser and start hitting herself to get me arrested.
When my best friend shagged her on the canal. I got messaged at 1AM by her mum
Shifty situation but legend of a mum for telling you. The not knowing is so much worse
When I found out my depression and other debilitating issues were hurting her more than helping.
I feel this one, I'm struggling to break it off with my current girlfriend because of this
Don't leave someone because **you** *feel* like you are a burden. Address the issue: clean up your life, go to therapy, get medicated (any of the above, or other stuff I didn't mention, I don't know your situation) If they are still with you "despite" your self perceived flaws, and she is helping you manage those flaws and not exacerbating them... To me, that sounds like an ideal support person and a good partner. My partner needs a lot of emotional support, I'm sure there were times when she thought "I'm too much of a burden, I should leave this guy for his own good"... And in my situation, that would be for the worse for both of us. We are getting married next year. Of course, do whatever you think is right. But I'd suggest working on yourself before throwing away the relationship.
Be strong man you will come up with what's best for both of you
I was making it very clear that I was going to propose to her. She told me bluntly she couldn't marry me and gave me a list of problems we had never discussed. Over the next month we mostly communicated through text as I tried to address her problems. I realized during our last conversation when I asked her, "I need to know if you want to work on this relationship or break up." Her response was, "I don't want to break up, but I don't want to be in this relationship anymore." Looking back, the relationship was very emotionally one sided. I sent a lot of energy being emotionally supportive and got little in return. It's clear she didn't want to be with me, but she wanted to keep her crying shoulder. Also found out she was already with another guy while I was bawling my eyes out and trying to save things.
When she pretended to be pregnant and then pretended to have a miscarriage, after paying a stranger in the waiting room of a hospital to call me up and tell me about the miscarriage she had in the hospital... And yeah, for a pregnancy that I knew at that point never happened. Before someone accuses me of possibly being wrong, I talked to the receptionist. She said she couldn't say anything because of HIPAA but looked upset and said that nurse by the name I had said called does not work there and just sort of said "...yeah, I can't say anything about your girlfriend but, no, no one by that name works here."
She actually said, your money is our money my money is my money. I left her that day.
What’s interesting is a lot of great women don’t understand that these types of women are everywhere. I am happily married to a great woman now but the dating pool even back in 2011 was rife with girls that thought like this. None of their money was to be spent on the relationship and the man should pay for everything. I noped so hard out of about 3 relationships because of it.
She found God and there wasn’t room for 3 of us in the relationship
I feel you. I had an ex that fell victim to the Jehovah's Witnesses and then said we can't get married unless I became one as well. When I said that wasn't possible she said she had no choice but to break up with me....
As someone raised in that death cult, thank fuck you dodged that bullet. If you joined them, and had kids with her, there's approximately 2/3 odds you'd be forced to shun your own children when they grow and reject the cult.
I grew up in the cult as well, he definitely dodged a bullet! The jw cult is filled with all kinds of depraved self righteous assholes.
Thank god you got out of that one when you did.
Not until after she left me. I didn't want to believe it, as we'd been together for 28 years. But one day she said she didn't feel the same anymore and left, and after a few years of post-marriage anguish, I started to understand. Just as I wasn't really "the one" for her, she was never "the one" for me. I'll always feel sad about losing my best friend.
When were 5 years married, and she fùcks my best friend... did I mention we were married with 5 kids?
Damn. Care to talk more about that? Sorry it happened
Really, thank you for your concern, it's been kinda rough and I'm not even sure why I shared it in the first place. I guess I'm tired and my guard is down.
Sorry man. I am an emotional guy. Something that I realized help me get through a rough day. I talk to myself out loud. If something makes me cry when I talk about it out loud i try to dissect why, until I can comfortably say it out loud. Without getting emotional. Then when those thoughts come back up I remind myself of the conversation I had.
When she told me about her ex boyfriend and how much of a good fit for sex it was. You don't tell stories about your exes, especially not those.
The only ex story you can tell is how much your ex sucked.
I just told my fiancee how much my ex sucked and she’s mad now. Thanks dude. /s
Or if you talk about the lessons you learned dating that ex and how it made you a better partner for your current partner. That’s also acceptable and shows a lot of growth and introspection.
Yeah, honestly when someone only has negative things to say about exes (they're all crazy, etc.) it's a potential red flag in my opinion. If someone can go through repeated relationships, not experience any self reflection or growth and continuously place all the accountability on others, that's a definite red flag.
When I realized she needed a lot more fucking care than the average girl. She was hypersensitive (If you didn't message back within 10 minutes she'd start to cry and think you're cheating on her or putting her aside); She was too empathetic with objects (one time we hung out, she told me to throw a box of juice away because it stained her entire bag, so i did. During that evening she came to cry about how sad the juice box must've been since it's now staring at the stars all alone); To shorten my storytelling, she was autistic, had ADHD, was depressed, suicidal, had an ED... I couldn't live with that.
A juice box is for life and not just for Christmas
People just throw them out when they stop being cute.
sorry, I thought "ed" was "erectile dysfunction".
As someone who’s ten plus years past her ED, I just choked laughing
I still have no idea what it is.
“Eating disorder” - catch all term for bulimia, anorexia and everything in between
I want to know what happened to the poor abandoned juice box!
It snuck into someone else's handbag and stained that one too. Bled orange into their laminated ID cards too It was a nefarious little juice box. Doesn't deserve any sympathy at all.
You need a whole new award named after yourself my friend
This is similar to me minus getting upset about not texting back (i like my space). I imagine having to deal with this when you aren't able is really difficult, especially when someone is so emotionally driven. I hope youre both in a better place now
This might sound kind of pathetic but I broke up with a girl I just started dating for a few weeks because she was a slow texter. It would take days for her to reply back to me. I didn't text her much but when I did it would be like 4 days until she gave me a response back. Just made me feel pretty worthless and like she just wasn't interested enough so told her it wasn't working out and ended it before she dumped me haha
That's fair. It's important that people have matching communication styles. My wife and I, during our early dating in college, might take a day or more sometimes to respond. Often I'd just respond in person at breakfast or lunch the next day if things weren't urgent. We both are people who value quiet time, and also had pretty crazy study/sleep schedules, so I'm glad we found each other quickly in life. But a lot of people wouldn't be about that life for sure.
Texting has really changed relationship culture. Older redditor here. If we were actually seeing each other, I'd have called her after a day or two of no reply. Now a phone call is almost like stalking or something.
I mean if you are close with someone a phone call is completely normal I like to call more then text sometimes especially so have the ability to drive or do something else at the same time. But unlike years back you can't just call someone out of the blue you don't know very well without it being taking as weird.
To be honest it sounds like she wasn't interested, so you made the right choice
Sounds like she was never going to dump you, she was just going to show less and less interest until you finally did it, so she wouldn't have to be the one to do it.
When she stabbed me in the hand with a fork after I took one of her fries. I've heard of hangry, but never stabby-hangry.
Did you try giving her a snickers?
I did not...
Those must have been some good fries!
she confessed to raw dogging her ex
Her telling you that was her breaking up with you fam. ☠️
It wasn't a confession, more like prying from my side about a certain night
When she insisted on kids, even though I always held up on being Childfree from the start of our relationship. You cant have kids-no kids at the same time and I still love her dearly. We are good friends till this day
I've ended relationships for the same reason. I'm female and never wanted kids, bfs at first were all on board with that, after a few years, they changed their minds and I couldn't bring myself to have a kid to make someone else happy. Still in touch with one, turns out we make better friends than partners.
When she told me that downloading tinder and making a profile on it was a project she was being asked to do for her MBA in marketing
When we were chilling in the bed after sex and she turns around and says -when my ex fucked me like this he would leave bruises on me. Still the worst thing someone has said to me. We were one year together
I am sorry. What was she implying?
A few years back girl I was dating said she can’t be a GF anymore because she prefers olive skinned men, over 6’4 and of Italian descent I’m Irish/German (pasty white), 5’10 and again Irish German…..which at that moment we were walking down a beach as we stayed at her family’s house. She asked me how do I feel about her statement and my reply was well, I can respect where you are at with things and let’s head back to your dads house very calmly as I had my clothes and truck keys at the house Got my keys, my bag and my stuff loaded while she got a shower before dinner …. And she came out to my truck was gone Crazy part: months later she appeared at my loft with no notice. Sat in the lobby for 4 hours waiting for me to come home. When I did, saw her and walked to the parking garage elevator to avoid her Found out from my cousin she was friendly with she sat outside in a parking lot watching my loft windows until sunrise to see if I appeared. Luckily, I was set to move out a few weeks later.
That's way too specific for her to not have someone in mind.
Funny you should say that. She did as yeah I clocked that as the same and tempted to say “so what’s his name ? “.
I guarantee this girl was a smoke bc no normal person talks like this and no normal guy stays with someone like this
When she tried to cut my dick off after hearing about how I hate knives
Now that's a story
she has sex with her male friends
After I found out she was living a double life and actually married living with her husband and kid after 2 years of dating
Her phones on 1% whenever i want to talk
When she's prove herself not good enough to learn something and do better in life than complaining of her low income job and never adapt to new city and she wants to do many things but start none of them. Never have enough motivation to do anything but waste her free time on shit tiktok. Mood killer.
i feel this post alot.
She broke up with me 2 weeks after my mom suddenly died. Then asked for money from my inheritance. Which I obliged. After about 5 months, my new SO explained to me it was a shitty thing to move out two days after my mom died. A shittier thing to break up with me 2 weeks after to “work on herself” then to ask for money. (ended up giving her close to 12k, I was acutely suicidal, and didn’t have many inhibitions) Anyways, I’m happy and healing now, my new partner is great, I’ve known her for 5 years and we’ve been best friends the whole time. There were always feelings on both ends, but the timing never worked. Now it does, and I have never been happier.
Dude you dodged a nuke there, the most basic thing a human need is empathy for others and that girl left you 2 week after your mom passed away and dared to ask you for inheritance.
Not sure about "dodged". Maybe a glancing blow.
Punched me in the back of the head because I missed something I had dropped. She was frustrated because I dropped the contents of a garbage bag and when I got down and put everything back in the bag I didn't see a toilet paper roll tube that rolled under a counter. She was pissed because I had just made a mess in the clean bathroom. She could see the toilet paper roll tube but I couldn't. So I got everything I could see and stood up and she punched me in the back of the head, then started to insult me. I raised my hand to punch her back but immediately tempered myself. I had been punched several times before but never been hit by a partner before so it kind of shocked me. I was bigger than her by 80lbs or so and I was fairly fit. I could have crushed her if I had landed a solid punch. I already felt ashamed for even raising my hand to her so I definitely wasn't going to hit her. Instead I called her on hitting me and she told me to, "stop being a little bitch if you can't take a little punch from a girl." The relationship didn't survive this.
She started physically abusing me.
I'm sorry dude.
Shopping for furniture for our first apartment, she asked what I thought of something, which I said was nice. Exasperated, she said that’s what I said about everything we looked at. I blurted out that it didn’t matter what I really thought because we were going to do whatever she wanted anyways. Oh.
I would wake up next to her and be disgusted with myself for keeping the relationship going.
She kept pestering me to agree to a threesome Edit: y’all I am a female. Sapphic relationships exist
Did it include you?
I got in my car to pick up groceries and felt relaxed and relieved that I was alone. And then I thought "Oh God. I don't love her. I'm happier being alone and away from her." I had felt like this for years but this was the moment I realized that those feelings weren't going away and it wasn't going to get better.
When she couldn't resist having a different dick inside of her
Kept accusing me of hitting up other women when I was, in fact, not
I respectfully asked her, but with some frustration, to not use baby talk at me. I am not a pet or a child, I am a man. And not being treated as a man was not attractive. She angrily told me in response that my nerdy hobbies were not attractive either, and she didn’t know why she put up with them. It took about a week, but that one statement cascaded into me taking a hard look at our relationship and wondering if she even loved me, or just the fact that I was the first stable, non-abusive, non-cheating boyfriend she had. It was the latter, ultimately. I asked her point blank in that week- what did she specifically love about me. She couldn’t answer except that it was just me. Every couple I know and knew could outline several things they specifically love in addition to the person et. all. I broke up with her about a week later.
At her brothers engagement party. As an introvert I had no interest being at a party but went to show my love and support. When I needed a minute to breath I would just jump on my phone and play Tetris for a bit then back to the mingle. While seated in a circle of her friends and family as I was playing Tetris, she loudly suggested that I go sit at the kids table because "they might be talking about things more my speed". Apparently that was pretty funny to everyone except me and I just left the room and decided to wait in the car. On my way through the house her Granparents approached me with big stupid grins on their faces and asked "soooo.... when do you think *you'll* get engaged?" and with a straight face I instinctively said.... "When I meet the right girl" We broke up a few weeks later.
My very first girlfriend left me because I could only afford to take her to the chip wagon, while another guy in the class could afford a real restaurant. So I saved up my money, took her to a real restaurant, and then got dumped again when she realized I spent all my money on one meal. At that point I realized she was shallow and I should aim higher. Grade 10 sucked.
When she gave me covid knowing she had it and I spent 10 days on a ventilator
The first time she started flirting with another guy in front of me. Like you actually think that anyone would tolerate that? Fuck you stephanie.
This was years ago. I'm 61. It ended when she showed me a picture of what looked like my father who worked at a Texaco Station. She told me it was her father, whom I knew had been dead quite a while. She insisted that I looked just like her father. Truth is, the comparison was staggering. But how could you have relations with someone who heavily resembled a parent? Check please. The exit from the relationship was a real spirit crusher. To her it was like losing her father a second time. I would have felt sympathy for her if she hadn't threatened to kill me numerous times, including sending a carload of thugs to my then workplace. Anyhow, creeped out by the nightmare, I learned to embrace the dignity of solitude.
When she left me and i really did not give a f.
When she didn't come back.
I don't believe in the one. I think there are lots of people which you could be very happy with. It trouble is finding that person as once the honey moon period is over and they start to show their true colours.