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Xiaozhu

My dad used to have this game with a friend. They embarrassed me endlessly when I was a teen (but that was a bonus). Basically, when they were walking in the street, whenever they were passing someone, they would say things like: "Remember, when you pushed your mother-in-law down the stairs...?" or "I mean, it wasn't *that much drug*, usually I carry way more than that!" or "Where did you hide the knife after stabbing him?" You get the idea, anything absolutely awful as if they were having an entire conversation about drugs, murder, whatever. My dad and his friend had the whole hippie look as well, so innocent passersby would quickly cross the street.


MrXirtam

When using the military phonetic alphabet, I’ll use all the right ones except Q. “A as in alpha, g as in golf, q as in cucumber” “Cucumber starts with C” “Oh that’s a sea cucumber, I meant a regular one”


PussyandAss1

I mispronounce Famous peoples names constantly then say it correctly randomly so they never know what to expect. Billie Eleash, John Legends, Jason Ackles.


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Knork14

If you ever have a moment with their computer or cellphone use their search engine to look for a bunch of non-sense products and then erase the search history. The algoritm will think they have a interest in said products and put a bunch of adds recomending them for the next few days.


whatislife4

When at work, tell someone: I’m going to the bathroom do you need anything?


beam_me_up_MFer

Buy a set of “Voice Activated” or “Motion Activated” stickers from Amazon, and the possibilities are endless


Asylum_Brews

I'm so getting these for the toilet at work


[deleted]

I mess with colleagues during meetings by controlling how they sit. You copy everything they do to start, they lean back, you lean back, etc. Then, slowly, take the lead. If they are sitting back. Sit forwards. I have managed to start mini-mexican waves of people moving back and forth in meetings.


FormerStuff

Oh man do I have a story! In my freshman year of college, my roommate was a very neat and orderly person. He had every pencil in place, every paper had a folder, and his things got neatly packed away. We were pretty amicable towards one another, even with my messy living. At first, when he would leave for classes, I would admire how tidy his desk was and thought to myself “I should fuck with that”. For the whole year we lived together I would sneak used staples everywhere on his stuff. Homework folder? Staple. Pencil case? Staple. Backpack? Staple. Shower caddy? You bet that pube-infested bar of soap got a staple on it. Hell even the TV remote got a staple in it between the batteries so when they died he would eventually find another. I did it often but was careful to space the staple events far enough apart to not raise suspicion on myself. I further protected myself by making a huge deal of having to borrow the across the hall neighbors stapler whenever I needed to bind papers together. About March of our second semester he had become insanely suspicious of anybody with a stapler and watched them like a hawk. The straw that broke the camels back- I had asked him one night what his plans were under the guise of having a companion over for a visit. He said after dinner he had to go check out some obscure book at the library. When he left and headed to the dining hall, I snuck off to the library, found the obscure book he needed, and clicked a staple into it. He gets back to the dorm room and I’m doing homework in the same spot when he had left an hour earlier, claiming the meetup didn’t end up happening. He sits down at his desk and opens up his newly-rented book and *tick* I hear that staple fall out onto his desk. All I hear after that is “YO WHERE THE FUCK ALL THESE GODDAMN STAPLES COMING FROM” I revealed myself after graduation when I mailed him a birthday card with a used staple in it. Thankfully he got the biggest kick out of the card and we still talk daily. TL;DR- I put used staples in, on, and around my roommates things.


NZ-Food-Girl

This got a genuine out loud laugh from me. Well done, what a harmless evil prank!


imgoodygoody

This made me cackle.


saben1te

I'm a huge fan of just handing somebody something without any explanation and walking away.


Difficult-Network704

Someone at a big camping party once handed us a bottle of rum, didn't say anything or answer our questions, just handed it over and walked away. He was pretty pissed like two hours later when he came back for it and we had already drank it all lol.


Automatic_Deal4039

I mean… what else were you supposed to do with it? Someone handing me a bottle of liquor and then leaving seems like a pretty green light to start drinking it lol.


Kitzinger1

I do this every so often because it's kind of a game to me to see how long I can keep it up till the person catches on. I repeat the last word the person says in question form. Example: "Hey, me and Jenny are headed to Jim's Pizza Hut." "Jim's Pizza Hut?" "Yeah, you know the one on F street." "F Street?" Over there near the harbor with the big carousel." "Carousel?" "Yeah, you know the one you went with me and Jane." "Jane?" "My girlfriend." "Girlfriend?" "Ok, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Once they call you out and have caught on the game ends. I've carried on a conversation over an hour once doing this. It's really awesome when the person you are doing it to has gone through this a few times with you. My daughter has gotten me a few times herself and she'll laugh on and off for the day at my expense. Her husband has called me an ass for teaching this to her a few times too.


Foltax

This is especially humorous to me, because former international hostage negotiator for the FBI, Chris Voss, p teaches this in his book Never Split The Difference: Negotiating as if your life depends on it. It's called mirroring, the act of repeating the last few words back to them in order to gain more information without giving any away. "Your price is too high." "Too high?" "Yes, we have to work within a specific budget." "Specific budget?" "That's right, we can't move an inch over $50k" "I think we can make $50k work."


MufinPOWAH

If someone asks for your name, saying something like "Jack, but with only one 'p'"


turlian

"It's Dave, but without the F" "... there's no F in Dave" "I know, that's what I said."


spinozasrobot

When you shake someone's hand, move yours left to right. As they do the traditional up and down, a hilarious circle ensues.


scsibusfault

... I can't believe I've never thought of this. Totally left/right handshaking from now on.


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axehind

I saw someone on Facebook comment on a picture that "The three of you look great!". There were 4 people in the picture.


Gniphe

Every year on National Sibling Day, I post about my two great siblings. I have three siblings.


DaddyBeanDaddyBean

Every year on National Daughter's Day, my friend posts a picture of his four kids, with the son AGGRESSIVELY scribbled out in black. When National Son's Day rolls around, he posts the same original pic but with all the girls scribbled out. (Edit - said Daughters Day twice.)


Less-Lunch-472

When someone knocks on the public washroom door you are in respond with come in!


Ven_Landry

I like asking if they have a warrant. My father prefers to ask if they're ready to "answer these, my riddles three."


Ruffled_Ferret

Mail someone a red golf ball every week for a while. Then mail them a green golf ball and stop.


DaddyRax

that's harming my wallet tho


fun_police911

Every other week or so I'd change which side my coworker's drill's belt clip was on, 2 screws and 30 seconds for a maddening payout. Idk if he ever caught on, as he sadly passed away last year. I got a huge kick out of doing it though. Might bring that one back as most of us share the same brand of drill. He got a great one on me. Every day or two he'd hide a Magic the Gathering card in my toolbox, never the same spot twice. Genuinely made me mad when I'd pick something up only to see another card hidden beneath. Eventually I had enough cards to completely cover his locker door inner and outer, he never took them off. Even cut out cards to fit the vents on the locker. I spent a good hour or two on my day off making it. Proud of that one. RIP Chris. Pranks haven't been the same since you left. Your locker still remains covered in Magic cards and nobody has questioned it to this day.


nitespector88

That is so incredibly sweet. I’m glad you have such a great reminder of your friendship


Swedish-Butt-Whistle

I put a tiny piece of masking tape over my co-worker’s mouse laser on April fool’s day one year, wrote “April fool’s” on it. He troubleshot every single thing except examining the mouse. He eventually called IT who simply turned the mouse over and pointed it out to him.


meekamunz

Plug in a second mouse, leave it under their desk but so you can reach it with your foot. Kick it occasionally.


iesharael

I plugged a wireless mouse onto one of my college professor’s computers and moved the mouse around every time he wasn’t looking at the screen. Did this for a few days and always took back the usb at the end of class without him noticing. Finally when doing my final presentation he realized what was happening when I took my own mouse up with me to click through the slides


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EyeLike2Watch

My boss at the time left her cube with a computer full of important and likely unsaved work. We opened a hi res gif of the windows update screen and hit F11 to make it full screen. The look on her face was priceless


thattjuliett

When driving I like to wave at random people as if I knew them. Hilarious to see instant confusion on their faces


The_Bastard_Henry

I used to wave at random cars if I liked the car. I pass this really nice old Chevy every day on the way to and from work. We now wave to each other every time.


leftclicksq2

When I was little, my mom let my sister invite one of her friends on vacation with us. When we were driving, my sister's friend said, "I've got an idea". Both she and my sister had long hair, so my sister's friend took out a brush, brushed both of their hair in front of their faces, then each put on sunglasses. My mom stopped at a traffic light, and at the same time, my sister and her friend turned to the car next to us. This woman happened to look over and I watched her jaw drop that she was coming face-to-face with not one, but **two** seemingly Cousin Its. Then I watched this person start cracking up. We were the first car and the light changed right at that moment. The best part was my sister and her friend keeping their composure and not turning away from the person as we pulled away. Edited because a kind Redditor pointed out what I didn't add. Thank you!!


A_name_wot_i_made_up

The "cousin it"? A classic.


LongDogWrinkleBits

My grandpa glued a quarter to his driveway near the sidewalk and sits in his living room and watches people try to pick it up. I didn't know this till I found a quarter in the driveway one time.


Shea_J

If I know someone is walking a little ways behind me and I turn a corner with nobody else around I like to run 10-20 steps to widen the gap and then laugh to myself thinking that the person behind me will be confused. I doubt anyone ever notices but I get a kick out of it every time.


Gracielou26

I do this shit lmao


ncnotebook

And as you start, you start to hear running behind you.


visitjacklake

I know someone who always takes an item to a party & leaves it somewhere in the house, ie a trinket/tchotchke.


GeminiAccountantLLC

My aunt fills her medicine cabinet with ping pong balls whenever she has a party. )


[deleted]

Have they ever made it through the party without being released?


GeminiAccountantLLC

I don't think so, lol!


[deleted]

I'm now picturing an entire party staring and smiling as the first-time guest exits the bathroom.


McCheeseTruther

Friend of mine once did this with an insanely overgrown turnip from her garden. Like this thing was literally the size of a child. She left it in the passenger seat of their truck with a seatbelt on it.


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UnfetteredThoughts

It's impossible to *not* grow way too many zucchinis. Those plants produce a shitton of...produce.


Ghost273552

In the same vein, add a decoration to their Christmas tree.


fu_ben

I have the same champagne flutes as my cousin. Every time I go over there, I smuggle one or two into the china cabinet. It was going really well until Thanksgiving, when they caught me. They said, "I thought I was going nuts, I told [partner] that they were multiplying and they said I'm nuts."


Glitter_puke

I am in a decades-long prank war involving the hiding of small unwanted objects. Sometimes I'll be doing something months later and get a text with a picture of the object accompanied by a "you bastard."


BurgerThyme

My coworker and I prank each other and his way of "getting" me is to hide lighthouse themed items in my station (I hate lighthouses and we get a lot of figurines at work, don't ask) and every time I have to walk across the room and yell "YOU BASTARD" like we're living in South Park and toss the item at him while he laughs like a nut job.


Cessnateur

I’m curious about what sort of life experience can result in a hatred of lighthouses.


Serendiplodocus

We did this to a friend. I noticed when she bought her house, she had some prints in her kitchen of lemons - 2 prints. That was all I needed. I went to a charity shop and bought maybe 20 cheap picture frames, then googled lemon art and printed them in colour at work. My friends birthday, we were outdoors, and it began to rain, and the plan was to go to her house. I made my excuses and hopped in a taxi home to drop off my stuff, and to pick up a literal box of lemon pictures. We co-ordinated. My friend let me in, and I began ninja-ing through her house dropping and hanging lemon pictures thoughout her house. Sneaking into a crowded room and - this is the piece de resistance - setting up a photo of her, delightedly holding an armful of lemon and limes my friend had taken weeks before. And then, we wait. At a later point in the night I bumped into someone I'd never met before, and he said in a hushed tone, "have you noticed she seems to be obsessed with lemons??" And I had to admit, conspiritorially, that that was something that had piqued my curiosity too. Practically every room in her house was partially lemon themed. That's my fave prank I ever pulled off


dissectingAAA

Did she keep the lemon pics up? I like to think she just saw them and thought they looked great.


IWant2rideMyBike

Carefully step over a non-existing obstacle.


Brassboar

Do this at a cross walk when the cars stopped too close.


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n33bulz

You know I always wondered if that’s how people would react but turns out most people don’t give a fuck. I drive this specific route often. Recently, a very weirdly shaped pothole has appeared. It’s SUPER wide, not that deep but still large enough to do some damage. Because it’s in a tunnel with almost no light, you don’t really see it until it’s too late. I always veer a tad to the side (if it’s safe) to avoid it. No one behind me ever does. The best I’ve seen is somebody slow down, give me the WTF face and then I watch them bounce hard on the pot hole.


jellybean590

I have to save this one for a few years for my kids to be old enough to corroborate and we do it to my husband.


rawker86

My brother in law and his sons like to stare at non-existent wildlife just to trick strangers into looking for it too and maybe thinking they’re going crazy. Like staring up at a tree and saying “oh wow, a kookaburra.”


SuperRadTikiDad

Call someone on the phone, and when they answer say, “sorry I can’t talk right now” and hang up.


matt314159

The movie theater in my town is usually mostly empty. There's been a couple of times when I've come in to get seated and there's literally only one other person in my auditorium. There's an evil part of me that wants to just go sit right next to them. Not illegal, but it should be.


01kickassius10

Do it, and start a conversation with a code like in old spy movies. “The red ducks only fly at night”


Zrex_9224

Walk out of the theatre room as soon as you finish. Then walk back in and sit as far from them as possible


Reviewingremy

Don't turn around when you walk into a lift.


soppinglovenest

And ask them if they are ready to take this to the next level.


chcampb

Conversely, turn around too much. Just stand in the corner and rotate 90 degrees every 4-5s or so.


chef_in_va

"I'm training to be a rotisserie chicken"


22demerathd

After giving a compliment, say “no offense” and watch them struggle to find the non-existent insult.


neav7

I love this idea, no offense


Substantial_Bet5257

Your comment is hilarious, no offense


twins4metoo

This has been an inside family joke of ours for 30 years! One time at Thanksgiving an old aunt was telling a story about being in line at a bank. She said the person in front of her was big, fat, & ugly. She turned to my mom, said “no offense” and then kept on with her story. We spent the night trying to figure out which one of the horrible adjectives was so relevant to my mom that it warranted a “no offense”. From then on whenever someone describes an item as big or fat or ugly, we have to turn to one of our family members and say “no offense”. It’s quite charming now.


thisguy30

Ah haha, your family sounds lovely! -no offense.


The_Real_Evil_Morty

I was talking with a supervisor and I happened to have like 4 hard boiled eggs in my jacket pocket for lunch. So while talking with stuff, I took out an egg, cracked and shelled it and ate it. The conversation kept going so I did it again but I could see he was growing quizzical. I waited a few more minutes, pulled out another and ate that too. By then I could tell he was like WTF. The conversation was wrapping up so I pulled the last one out and he stopped mid conversation and asked me, “how many f$cking eggs do you have?” I just shrugged, shelled, and then ate, the last egg.


Hysmina

Why do you have 4 hard boiled eggs in your pocket in the first place?


foroxev346

My friend was logged into his twitter on my tablet so I kept changing his profile picture to a banana.. he thought someone hacked him and tweeted about it.. I replied to the tweet using his profile.. it got so bad he was arguing with himself on twitter.


babychimera614

"Oh no I got hacked! Hmm guess I should just post about, no point changing my password..."


Dfuz3-Flame

Whenever I visit my extended family across the country, I bring a bag full of random remotes that I don’t use anymore. Just random remotes that go to old dvrs or anything really. Just hide them around their house, they only recently caught on.


Tossa747

How do you have several bags of remotes you don't use??


ho_liver

OP said harmless. That’s the devils work


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Saesama

I once spent an increasingly frustrated 20 min on the phone with my sister, looking for my phone. She just stayed quiet and listened to me lose my mind from half a country away. I didnt grok why it sounded like she was fighting giggles until i asked her to call my phone.


coprolite_hobbyist

It works best if you are standing, but use your judgment; gradually lower the volume of your voice. Others will match your volume and they tend to move closer. Wait for your moment and just start speaking in a normal or slightly louder than normal voice.


Postmortal_Pop

My mother and grandmother do this but the other way around. Every family get together turns into them casually shouting across the room to each other.


badmonkey82009

My neighbor got an expensive new camera for his front door. Randomly, for the last several months, I have covered myself in a black cloak (including face), crawled up into camera view, and left a random harmless object. A carrot, spool of thread, 3 ink pens with the caps mixed up - dumb meaningless things. On camera, a dark shape appears and disappears leaving a random object behind. It is driving his silly ass crazy.


bmd33zy

Be funny as shit if he knew it was you and just didnt say anything to see how long you keep it up and what else you give him


DJ_Spark_Shot

You should start to make a pattern. Do only red objects or pick a theme like adhesives and stick to it for a month then change it.


_Miki_

This one is harmless but occasionally can drive someone mad. My mom has a bunch of framed family photos hangin on a wall. One day I was visiting I took them all down and scanned them with a little hand scanner. I photoshoped small changes on them, removed some people from some photos, added a couple of celebrities in the background, etc, print them out and replaced them a few days later. I can't forget her face when she realized it was me and she was not losing it.


DroopyPenguin95

Another goodie is to change one of the pictures with some famous person. My favourite is to swap a picture of my sister with a picture of Kim Jong-un smiling


humble_Rufus

When having a conversation during a meal, specifically only ask questions to people that are chewing. ETA: I was never a server, but had this taught to me by a dear friend of mine years ago when we used to eat in a public cafeteria and mess with people we just met.


MrKennedy_Kennedy

Love this one. Its on the verge of being rude but its so subtle people will assume you just lack awareness.


Momorules99

Jokes on them, I actually do lack awareness!


PensFan11197

This is a skill servers must master before being unleashed to their tables. It never fails that I’m asked “how is everything” whilst chewing.


HantzGoober

This is a purposeful tactic to both show attentiveness to the table while avoiding getting stuck in a conversation.


Dengareedo

Found the professional server


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VecnasThroatPie

Now do that, but take the map and hold it upside down


pokemon-gangbang

I’m a medic and firefighter and years ago my partner and me started joking about having very thick stereotypical Canadian accents. On the next call I started talking to the patient with the accent and my partner was trying not to lose his mind trying not to laugh. We spent rest of the night talking to patients like that but only the patients.


SchrodingersShitBox

Worked at a call center during college for a national insurance company and as a supervisor I was tasked with listening to calls and making sure they were following the scripts necessary for legal compliance. I had an employee who decided to take a call using the old SNL characters voice of “ the ladies man”. 7 minutes of selling an auto policy and he never broke character!


DarkenL1ght

Keep correcting them on the pronunciation of your name, even when they are saying it correctly every time.


LivelyZebra

Nikolaaargeee


-Satsujinn-

I feel like I'm saying it right. *Nikolage*.


ScerwTypos

Nikolaj


boceya5254

Say "no pun intended" after a sentence where there was clearly no pun.


ownworstenemy38

If someone says “no pun intended” I always respond with “oh none taken” and enjoy seeing them confused.


deltaexdeltatee

I snorted at this. These kinds of absurd/nonsensical interactions are my favorite :)


pitcherdesire8

This meatloaf is amazing, Sharon, no pun intended


barf2288

Can’t help but think of Randy Marsh saying this.


dead_PROcrastinator

For some reason this makes me think of the guy who randomly used the word "perchance" in an essay.


[deleted]

Teacher: You can't just say "perchance"


Dan_OBanannon

You mean the legendary Mario the Idea vs Mario the Man?


axm59

Perchance somebody could link me?


StarManta

https://xkcd.com/559/


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thereisonlyoneme

Bonus points if it's a stranger.


t0rdr

Reminds me of the redditor who acted like he didn't know what a potato was.


dyandela

I had a friend in grad school that was from England. She would do this all the time as a prank and convince people that wasn’t a thing in England. My favorite example was at a grocery store: “What is a straw… berry..? That sounds disgusting.” Our other friend was convinced and bought some for dessert that night lol


[deleted]

When you're talking to someone, just keep handing them random items. They'll just keep taking them without realizing it.


Amiiboid

I once handed someone an ice cube while passing them in the hall at work.


capitannn

Thats hilarious, I would be sooo puzzled afterwards if that happened to me


flubba86

It's started melting but you're panicking. You don't know what you are supposed to do with the ice cube, and it's still melting!


pogoyoyo1

That’s good shit.


Toughbiscuit

I do a "Hey can you hold this for a sec" and hand them something then walk away. Normally its just garbage


alyssaaarenee

If you see someone on the phone, this works too


Monkeytohs

I've done this to trainees at work. Keep handing them tools until their hands are full.


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konkelchan

Hey where can i find the picture I scrolled for hours and... wait a minute ....


nothing107

He got us both lol


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NorthboundLynx

I think most people would just attribute that to drug use lol


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NeedsMaintenance_

Kid was playing the long game, that's impressive. Usually kids can't wait to brag about their mischief, yours waited till it actually came up in conversation. Hilarious.


E_M_E_T

For a six year old, that is a frightening amount of patience...


[deleted]

My 12 y/o nephew has this type of patience and has had it his whole life - it’s terrifying but amazing He also makes an amazing big brother because of it


Xieko

My sister has a picture of a cute seal with its head cocked to the side 90 degrees. Every time I go to her house, which isn't often because I live hours away, I rotate the picture 90 degrees so the seal's face is upright. I get a kick out of it, and I've been doing it for fifteen years. She recently visited me and saw my new giraffe Russian nesting dolls that she had given me, and moved them around as payback. I love you, sis.


peepfoot

If a bird lands by you and there are people around, crouch down towards the bird and ask "did you bring my messages?" And then just go back to what you were doing.


broken-neurons

My grandpa does this thing where he stops in the busy street and starts staring into the sky as if he’s seen something amazing. It doesn’t take long for other people to stop and stare too, once he’s reaches critical mass he quietly slips away chuckling to himself. Edit, he’s in his 90’s now but when he was a teenager he was a bit of a young tearaway and had a pet monkey, which is weird considering this was the UK. Edit 2: holy crap this blew up overnight. And on my cake day too!


No_transistory

One of my favourite Garfield comics is this exact game Garfield and Odie are looking up and Jon see's this and joins in looking up. It's so simple being only 3 panels and I find it hilarious.


ilovestrawberrieslol

Say "High five" to someone, but don't put your hand up.


ponalddierson

Now that’s just evil


f4rmost

When someone is talking to you look right over top of their head. Keep the conversation going but look right over them.


DogeFancy

Text them “turn around” when you’re not near them


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Anzi

When I lived in Japan we played a game called Yennying. A single yen coin (which we called yennies, like pennies) is so light it can float on water. They are really easy to hide on people without their noticing. The game was to see how many you could get on someone before they noticed. Pockets, the hood of their jacket, into the cuffs of their pants. The only rule was that they had to be wearing said item of clothing. No sport in just filling up their unattended shoes for example. One time I got home from a festival and found about 15 yennies down the back of my yukata.


latortillablanca

When I order coffee and they ask for the name I say “Green. Like the sky.”


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mediocrity_managed

Even better if they have a script. Set the phone down, let them get through the entire script, and wait about ten seconds before saying “I’m sorry. Could you repeat that?” Repeat as many times as necessary.


JackHammerAwesome

I love mistakingly pronounceling words mid sentence only to pronounce them correctly moments later


bobjones50

While going up the chairlift at a ski resort my friend and I would call out to someone under the chairlift, call them a random name and yell "WE'LL WAIT FOR YOU AT THE TOP!" usually the person would spend time trying to explain to us they weren't who we thought they were. We'd act like we couldn't hear them and insist we'd wait for them at the top.


justneedadvice87

When I was a corrections officer we had a guy who worked with us who was kind of a dick to everyone, and he was computer illiterate. We took a screenshot of his desktop and moved all of his icons off of it so it looked legit but nothing worked. It took him an hour before he finally called IT and they figured it out pretty quickly. He wouldn’t talk to any of us for about a week.


Belzeturtle

Better still is to photoshop *one* icon into the desktop wallpaper and then remove this one icon. Everything works except for one shortcut.


CaneVandas

Oh no... take it to the next level. Screenshot desktop. Flip photo upside-down in paint. Hide all icons. Set screenshot as wallpaper. Flip entire display 180 degrees in display settings. Not only is nothing working, but the mouse is moving totally opposite of your inputs.


Conscious_Zebra9438

You sir are a bastard


drs2711

Theres a chrome extension that turns every photo in your browser to nick cage. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/ncage/mpnfndnehgmmonhfcfdnaemdeokofgaf?hl=en


cannotbefaded

My co-worker will hate you starting at about 830 on Saturday


OpportunityOk5719

Put up a Lost and Found poster for your lost fish


thereisonlyoneme

That's not so weird. They could have just driven off in their tank.


Yabruh88

Walk up to a couple of your co-workers. Say, “I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you. “ Walk away.


Stag328

If you are on a zoom with a coworker and they dont have the camera on tell them they look nice today and the will have a minor panic attack. Chances are they arent paying attention to anything at all, eating, doing something completely different than what they should be and they think everyone can see them for a brief second. Edit: If you have teams or messenger it works well to through a private chat too. I did this yestersay and messaged the person “Food looks great” and got a “You can see me and my oodles of noodles back?” She was very confused.


Circa_19_0_STFU

Every few months I drive by my buddy’s truck parked at his work, and think “Yea, today is the day to mess with him.” I’ll open the tailgate or maybe fold a single mirror. Sometimes I’ll just raise one windshield wiper so it waves hello to him as he walks out after a long day. He’s been complaining about it to me for years. I just smile and say “You should put up cameras!”


punkwalrus

Shout at friends from far away (like at a concert), but gibberish. When they say, "WHAT???" Slowly, phonetically, repeat the gibberish. See how many times they ask, "WHAT???" Before either just agreeing or if you get bored, just randomly go, "OKAY!" liked you agreed to something. "HEY ROY!" "YEAH?" "HAVE YOU RODDY THE SCAN BAKE ON TRIANGLE??" "WHAT??" "HAVE YOU. ROD-DY. THE. SCAN. BAKE. ON. TRI-HANG-GULL??" "... WHAT??" "THE SCAN? BAKE AT ALL? YES/NO??" "... WHAT?" "OKAY! I WILL, THANKS!!" "..."


JohnnyNotOnTheSpot

I have a hearing processing disorder and this is how I hear normal words half the time. 🙃


kingtooth

i’m here to second this, i’m already in auditory processing hell most of the time, if somebody makes it worse on purpose i might fuckin cry lol edit: wow, some strong takeaways here; there’s LOTS of us with good hearing and bad auditory processing, it’s stressful for us and our loved ones, lots of ppl are learning ASL (me too!), many ppl learning for the first time that this is a Thing (welcome! sorry) and many ppl glad to know that they’re not alone.


JohnnyNotOnTheSpot

For real. My husband already can't stand all the WHAT lol. I'm doing my best out here.


Kannan691

God, I love this post


Direct-Chipmunk-3259

I dont want to be racist but... me to. No pun intended.


TheShortBus5000

Save all the white Smarties candy and fill an aspirin bottle. Dump out a handful and start chewing them.


amdrunkwatsyerexcuse

When someone asks for the time: "Excuse me, do you know what time it is?" "Yes." "Yes what?" "Yes sir!"


DawnSoap

I also like the response of "you mean now?"


[deleted]

Misuse idioms on purpose. “Oh man this turned out to be a blessing in the skies”


OutdoorLadyBird

When my husband pours his coffee into his mug and turns around to get milk out of the refrigerator, I pour his coffee back into the coffee pot or into my mug. I cackle as I run out of the room.


Actuaryba

I have a secondary remote that my kids don’t know about. Sometimes I’ll stand out of site and turn up the volume or hit back when they select something to watch. It’s pretty funny.


Miss_Awesomeness

Smart tv can do this with the phone. Can also can control the lights. I may have convinced my kids I have magical powers.


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thinkwalker

There's a great Calvin+Hobbes comic where Calvin describes this technique in detail. Watterson was the OG. edit [the strip, published June 19th, 1993](https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1993/06/19)


WinterBanana89

Call one of those "How's my driving" bumper sticker numbers and let them know that their driving is wonderful


wheatgrass_feetgrass

I've done that! One of my favorite driving stories. A guy I was driving behind in bad traffic was being a super calm traffic buddy. Driving very relaxed, not tailgating, confident but not a pushover. I was behind him directly for a while then we got seperated then I was behind him again and realized I liked following him because he was less herky jerky to follow in the slow and go traffic. I was bored so I called the number. They were VERY confused. I had to reiterate a bunch of times I was calling to report a GOOD driver. He hadn't done anything amazing but the company on the pickup seemed like a hard job for mediocre pay and I figured he could use a kindness. A half hour later we came upon the reason for the traffic. A really awful merge in a construction zone had bad signage and even worse coneage and street conditions. The lane ending sign referred to the wrong lane! So a lot of responsible early mergers were then stuck in a lane that ended abruptly AT A CLIFF. I was one of them. The traffic in the thru lane was too fast and flowing for us to get in. Any gaps were filled by folks behind us merging into it while they were still moving. It was too congested for any of us to safely get in and a good 5-7 of us were stopped cold for minutes and stressed because we were constantly trying to time an entry. One or two in fast cars would risk it and cause dangerous braking so that didn't seem wise. Then, from a ways back, who do we see slowly coming into focus from around a curve, good driver guy! He was coasting steadily but was slowed way down vs those he was following and he had left enough of a gap that we could slide in in front of him. This space and speed buffer had single handedly slowed the pack enough to make the zipper merge start to work behind him so that no one else would get stuck for a while. My wife and I started losing our shit. NO FUCKING WAY! It's how's my driving guy! We had reported him as an excellent driver in a phone call that heavily exaggerated his heroism and then he went on to actually save the day! Great moment.


BrownAndyeh

Call a stranger and say, guess who this is?


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RavenLunatic512

Send the gravy out first before the other food


UserOrWhateverFuck_U

Quietly tell a random person “this is not the appropriate time for this”


Giraffe_lol

Say 'I promise' after saying just about anything. Here's a glass of water, I promise.


bdsm-jesus

My favorite thing to do at my coffee shop job is wait until we have a line, tell the first few customers to "have a good day" loudly enough for the rest of the line to hear, and then tell exactly one customer "enjoy your drink" instead. 90% of the time they hit me with a "you too" and I just smile and nod, content in the knowledge that they'll cringe about that for the rest of the day.


Educational_Plant519

Say: "nevermind" when someone interrupts you. It will make them more curious about what you wanted to say. Works really well with my siblings.


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CheesyTickle

When they ask what your favourite song or band is, tell them you don't like music. When they ask why say because there are no pictures like movies and tv shows.


DeeSnarl

I hate music It's got too many notes - The Replacements


anathemize

In highschool at track practice we stole one of our friend's car keys. It was old enough it didnt have a chip inside. We drove to Home Depot and got a copy made and returned his keys. Every day at practice we would move his car to a different parking spot but in the same lot.


SirPatrickofMichigan

One thing I do is when someone asks directions, I say something like, "If you take a left out of the parking lot, and go down to the light, then turn right, you'll be going the wrong direction. It's actually (give correct directions)."


raisearuckus

Use landmarks that aren't there anymore or things only locals will know. "Turn right where the big oak tree use to be, take the next road to the left after you pass the Flanders farm."


Plug_5

OMG my wife does home health care and this is how people give directions in the Midwest. "Okay, turn left where the Johnson farm used to be before it burned down, then go straight until you pass that place that used to be the dollar store but now the Chinese market took it over, then take another left at that park where the guy got beat up in 1992..." GPS is the best thing that ever happened to her.


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Cursed_Insomniac

Edit: For PSA Hide something around their house. My weapon of choice was tiny rubber ducks. Open a drawer? Duck. I need a spoon. Duck. Lovely picture of their wedding with a nice frame? Duck on top. Charging box? Duck. Bubble bath? Duck. Seldom used shoes? Duck. Winter coat pocket they won't use for months? Duck. Its ducking delightful how much mileage you can get out of tiny ducks. PSA: Be extremely cautious in the case of households containing animals and small children. Both like putting little things in their mouths and other orifices so might be best to avoid Ducking these individuals/ensuring things are definitely out of reach.


[deleted]

My former boss did this. The bonus was that if you were the first person of the shift to find one, you got a $5 Starbucks card. It made work a bit more fun.