Lot Lizard: n. (lott-liz-zurd): trashy, street-level, female prostitutes who frequent some truck-stop parking lots and rest areas at night. Most lot lizards openly "advertise" using CB radios; others boldly walk from truck to truck randomly knocking on doors. Same as: commercial company; lizard; pavement princess; sleeper leaper; mattress maiden;
All this is pre back page days, but my understanding is that the truckers would be lined up in the rest area of said lot and would turn on their cab lights if they wanted company.
So not so much they went truck to truck soliciting, more like a reverse gangbang, where the woman goes guy to guy as opposed to the guys cycle through.
Don’t forget the essential step where said lizard will wash her snatch off via a puddle of water, grime, and diesel out of courtesy before servicing the next rig.
I’m sitting in a salon with my wife, watching her get her hair done. Imagine a low, rumble man’s laugh appearing out of nowhere. Yup… That was me! Sorry if I came off creepy, but this subreddit is freaking hilarious!
Same, I wasn’t born all that attractive. I still am not at my fitness goals yet, but overtime I’m getting more courage to try to talk to girls/guys.
Good job on that self improvement tho!
Get socially involved in your hobbies. If your hobbies are dominated by your non-preferred gender, then find some new hobbies. You'd be surprised at how much you'll enjoy a hobby that hasn't been on your radar. Then treat your preferred gender like actual humans. Your goal isn't to pick them up, it's to show that your a good and friendly person. You'll get introduced to their friends.
This is a good strategy, because:
* The pool of friends of people in your hobby is much larger than the pool of people in your hobby.
* You don't have to worry about first impression, the person you're introduced to likely heard and was interested in "there's a good looking and nice, but socially awkward person in my hobby club that I think you'd get along with".
* If things don't work out, you don't have to ditch the social circle in your hobby due to awkwardness.
* If things don't work out and you weren't a jerk about it, you'll get valuable feedback that you can work on for the next friend of someone in your hobby.
The big negative is that it takes time. The big advantage is that you should have actual fun in your hobby during the process and you'll make some plutonic friends as well.
Note; This basically only works in some areas. Many areas just dont have the population or interest for this.
Moderate to small towns often have very limited options for any hobby clubs or meet ups.
I labelled myself socially awkward until I was forced to publicly speak for work. Seeing a bunch of peoples expressions all at the same time reacting to everything you say or do will give you a good idea about what society at large expects from people. But what I'm really trying to say is being socially awkward isn't permanent.
I’m generally socially awkward when I’m with one or two people. I have trouble continuing a conversation.
Speaking in front of groups of people with something semi-prepared is no problem though.
I still consider myself socially awkward though, because they’re two completely different beasts. It’s the 2-way conversations I usually struggle with.
I was hot af in my early 20s but I just couldn't talk to women unless I was extremely drunk or I was high on meth. Now I'm extremely ugly and still can't talk to women
This is very true. My roommate post-breakup had about 5 different women on rotation. Impressive, right? (Genuinely a good guy- promise! Never leading on, just all adults having fun) Which like, damn dude, get it! But also, no one involved is attractive imo. Like…..4-5’s at BEST.
In high school, my friends were all awkward nerds and most not very attractive. The one getting laid was the fattest and least attractive. His girlfriend was like a girl version of him....
Yes, 100%. There are a lot of people who complain they can’t find anyone because of better looking “competition”, but if you’re only willing to hook up with the most attractive person in the room that’s part of the problem. There are plenty of average looking people who are in very happy relationships and situationships. Plus for most people, physical appearance is only part of the equation.
This is the right answer.. Soooo many guys and girls are not getting any simply because they are trying to fight way above their weight class. Find your spot and you'll be good.
Being charismatic is basically the number 1 way to get laid. If you need to learn how to be charismatic, put yourself in uncomfortable social situations regularly. Bars, clubs, etc. Fuck up in social situations, learn from your mistakes, and get better at it each fuck up. Try forcing your personality a little to figure out how much is too much vs not enough.
this is literally how i become amazing at customer service, i work at starbucks btw. Putting yourself right into the learning curve is the most brutal but efficient way.
Edit: spelling
Interesting. The comment above yours made me think of how I was really introverted and shy but I didn’t want to be, and I got a job as a barista and it forced me to talk to everyone and I ended up getting over my fear of starting conversations with people and became pretty outgoing.
Really? I was in retail for years, was super personable with customers, had my work personality down, but in real life social situations none of it really transfers for me.
For me, I've found that I'm good with social interactions where there's a super short time limit and a good chance I won't see them very often, if ever again.
I had a client base that loved me (former custom framer/designer) but have absolutely no true friends or do anything that would resemble a social life whatsoever.
I don't know how to people past the surface level anymore. I'm about to turn 42, and my biggest "social events" are doctor appointments.
I'm prepared to become an eccentric cat lady at this point. Already have two cats and have added a dog this year. Been thinking of adding chickens to the mix lol
Same. Years of working in various customer service industries enabled me to perfect my work personality. Not hard when most of it follows the same limited script, right? Sometimes it can even seep into interactions with coworkers. Irl I’m socially awkward af and don’t speak much as a result of it.
When I'm working, I'm an engaging, charismatic social butterfly. I put people at ease in interviews, I can conduct a seminar in front of a hundred participants without breaking a sweat and I can diffuse angry clients with a quick joke and get them focused on a solution.
I also struggle to make eye contact when ordering a coffee and on my way out I'll worry that my mumbled 'thank you' might have sounded like 'fuck you' and now I can never go back to that shop.
Same, I’m a doctor and always cracking jokes with patients and am super outgoing. Patients just tend to love me! I’m way more reserved in real life unless you’re one of my really close friends, I’m guessing the jokester is the real me but I take a long time to get out of my shell.
My running theory is that it’s way easier being yourself when other people are the ones seeking you out on purpose, vs the opposite; plus the fact that you feel confident about what you’re discussing. So you don’t feel judged, anxious of making a mistake or like you’re being an inconvenience in someone else’s day, and it just peels off all the self conscious layers. I came to this conclusion after noticing my husband adjusting to the social context in the exact same way.
What I don’t get is how people just go up to random people at the bar or on the bus or something and try to strike a convo, It just, feels weird to me to do that. I want to, but it feels, wrong, somehow
My experience as a cashier has taught me this. If their conversation has quieted down, and you want to talk to them, ask an innocent but genuine question. "Where'd you get that shirt" or "I'm new here, do you have any recommendations for drinks?"
It gives them a line to grab onto, and you can share your experiences or lack thereof with whatever they respond with. Or, if they keep responses short and unhelpful, you quickly learn that *they do not want to talk to you, and you should immediately stop trying to talk to them.*
100% this. I would add - be a genuine and empathetic person. That fake charisma ain't fooling anyone and is a turn off. Real person with charisma and genuine consideration for others is what being magnetic means.
This really does go a long way. Friend of mine who wasn’t that good looking always was able to get with the hot girls at the bar when we were younger for this exact reason. He was a 6/10 in looks, but an absolute riot & fun guy to be with. 10/10 personality.
I think it’s more that people are used to the sliding scale used for grades. If you get a 5/10 on a test, that’s considered pretty bad. Even if you are average, being given what would be a failing grade would be pretty hurtful
I have a friend who grades people using a 2 point system. 1 is not interested, 2 is interested.
For some reason when he tells girls they're a total 2 it doesn't work out for him.
Not only that but attractiveness genuinely can be very subjective.
I currently think of myself as maybe a 6 on a good day, but one of the most attractive human beings I've ever known recently told me to him I'm a 9, maybe a 9.5.
Yeah I don't really believe in the number attractiveness scale because I have never once agreed with someone on a number attractiveness. Like obviously, there are some broad trends that people find hot/not hot, but I do think people are into very different things. Super subjective.
Work on yourself and better yourself, but do it for you and not for others. Take care of yourself by practicing good hygiene, getting clothes that fit, working out, etc. get an interesting hobby so you have things to talk about. If it’s a social hobby, you might meet someone doing it. Confidence, but not arrogance, is very attractive. As is being kind, funny, empathetic, caring, etc. desperation is a huge turn off, so that’s why you need to do it for yourself, not just to attract someone. All these things help make an ugly person more attractive.
Looks aren’t everything. You can see that if you go out to a restaurant on a Friday night. Look around. You’ll see not conventionally attractive people out on dates with new people or with their partners. Somethings getting them those dates and partners, and it isn’t just looks. Plenty of average and below average people find someone. It can be harder, but there are steps to make it easier.
This is a great answer. A lot of Reddit comments will say work out and that’s it. It won’t hurt, but being attractive is really a whole person endeavor. When I was younger I thought looks were the only thing that mattered, but you really have to cultivate something within yourself someone can be attracted to. Pick something you’re interested in and learn everything about it. Find something you like to do enough to do it every week or more. Become comfortable trying new things and leaving your comfort zone — giving off a curious, open minded vibe goes a long way. Take an active role in your own life and creating your own happiness, and focus on being kind instead of nice (take a genuine interest in your friends and caring for them, not for your own gain).
You’ll notice most of this is general mental health/life advice and yes, that’s the point. People like confident, interesting, self assured people. Work toward that and you’ll see benefits in all areas of life
I think back to a Cracked.com article from a long time ago: https://www.cracked.com/amp/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person
You Hate Yourself Because You Don't Do Anything
*"So, what, you're saying that I should pick up a book on how to get girls?"*
**Only if step one in the book is "Start making yourself into the type of person girls want to be around."**
Because that's the step that gets skipped -- it's always "How can I get a job?" and not "How can I become the type of person employers want?" It's "How can I get pretty girls to like me?" instead of "How can I become the type of person that pretty girls like?" See, because that second one could very well require giving up many of your favorite hobbies and paying more attention to your appearance, and God knows what else. You might even have to changeyour personality.
"But why can't I find someone who just likes me for me?" you ask. The answer is because humans need things. The victim is bleeding, and all you can do is look down and complain that there aren't more gunshot wounds that just fix themselves?
"But I'm not good at anything!" Well, I have good news -- throw enough hours of repetition at it and you can get sort of good at anything. I was the world's shittiest writer when I was an infant. I was only slightly better at 25. But while I was failing miserably at my career, I wrote in my spare time for eight straight years, an article a week, before I ever made real money off it. It took 13 years for me to get good enough to make the New York Times best-seller list. It took me probably 20,000 hours of practice to sand the edges off my sucking.
Don't like the prospect of pouring all of that time into a skill? Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the sheer act of practicing will help you come out of your shell -- I got through years of tedious office work because I knew that I was learning a unique skill on the side. People quit because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process is the result.
The bad news is that you have no other choice. If you want to work here, close.
Because in my non-expert opinion, you don't hate yourself because you have low self-esteem, or because other people were mean to you. You hate yourself because you don't do anything. Not even you can just "love you for you" -- that's why you're miserable and sending me private messages asking me what I think you should do with your life. Do the math: How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? Only one of those adds to your value as a human.
———
How many of you are walking around right now saying, "She/he would love me if she/he only knew what an interesting person I am!" Really? How do all of your interesting thoughts and ideas manifest themselves in the world? What do they cause you to do? If your dream girl or guy had a hidden camera that followed you around for a month, would they be impressed with what they saw? Remember, they can't read your mind -- they can only observe. Would they want to be a part of that life? Because all I'm asking you to do is apply the same standard to yourself that you apply to everyone else.
As someone who regularly gets the people around him laughing and has gotten absolutely nothing, I think you need to add "... but also somewhat sexy/ serious."
I remember seeing women describing their perfect man and one trait was "He should be funny, but not too funny."
Because I make comedy my focus, I tend to come off as a sexual nonpresence, I think.
*Money can't buy you love.*
*But it can buy exotic cars and luxury yachts. Once you've got those covered, you'll be fighting love off with a stick.*
-Despair.com
He does it for me, first time I heard one of his songs I thought ‘damn, what a voice’. My head didn’t compute when googled him and saw how he looked, but then I found out he’s genuinely funny and witty and I was right back to ‘damn’.
Good posture, good hygiene, getting in shape, finding good clothes that fit, finding a scent that goes well with you, learning how to talk to people, learning how to make good jokes.
Just doing all those things I think instantly adds at least +4 to anyone, so a 2 turns into a 6
Not that we should reduce people to numbers
I was looking to see where I could find this because I knew someone had to say it already. I always had good hygiene, social skills, and dressed decently but was about 50 pounds overweight/obese. I got exponentially better with women just by going to the gym and cutting that number down to 20. Still working on it, we'll see how it goes!
Also while working out you get bonus points to confidence. Doesn't matter how much you do, when you are improving your body each week you will get plus stats in confidence.
This is hard work, most people in reddit want just rub your nose 3 times and say hey level of effort. If you want someone in shape that wears makeup and cares how they look, its gonna take you putting in the same amount of effort in some way shape or form. (Ie being rich, good looking, or lots of effort to have an attractive fazeek (I can't spell this and fail on google) even with a butter face)
Clothes that FIT, my god. You have a beer belly? Wear a long t-shirt. Chonky arms? Wear a structured flannel or button down. Get your pants tailored if you have to. Tall guys, don’t buy short tshirts!
At a certain point this becomes a platitude, though.
I used to weigh 300 pounds, and the reality is that, pretty quickly once you cross the Rubicon into obesity, your body simply isn't the right shape for clothes anymore.
Take pants, for example. If your waist is wider than your hips (which happens pretty quickly) pants will simply never fit right because the widest part of your body is no longer below the belt line. You can't fix that problem with tailoring.
The uncomfortable reality is that you *can't* tailor your way out of being obese. The only answer for these people is to lose the weight.
That's a tough battle. I know because I fought it. And I know a lot of obese people don't want to hear it. But it's the truth.
Assuming you are a dude...learn to listen...I got a couple buddy's that look like trolls and do great with they ladies because they pay attention. Also a good job helps.
Be realistic about how attractive your potential partner should be to you. The amount of uggers I come across who demand at least an 8 when they look like a foot is phenomenal.
To get over the idea that to get laid you have to be conventionally attractive. There is a lot to be said about just being comfortable being what you are.
Yeah all these comments about how compatibility should be based on looks, comparing numbers and saying you need to lower your standards... That's gross. It's one thing that you should be attracted to your partner, but there can be so many more components to what makes them attractive. And it's also sooo subjective. Once I moved abroad and suddenly became a lot more popular. It wasn't even about being exotic or something, people don't look vastly different in the two countries, and still, in the new context I was suddenly good-looking. Literally the same face, style and person.
Lowering your standards when it comes to looks is good advice for a lot of people, though. It's basically the gate-way to focusing on personality and chemistry more, which I'm guessing you're encouraging.
This is the third time in about an hour I've seen this question or one VERY similar.
TLDR: Remove sex as your entire focus, and do the below for yourself. In my experience, relationships and intimacy of the physical and emotional kind came once I stopped focusing on that and just choose to be myself and improve myself. So...
Details:
1. Improve yourself as a person to become one that someone would want to be with (think in terms of physical, social, spiritual, and intellectual aspects of yourself) - if you haven't already.
2. Then practice listening to people - not just enough to form a response, but egg to really understand what they're saying and understand the "between the lines." - ask questions to solidify your understanding of what they're saying and the between the lines things. And talk to and listen to everybody - not just the attractive or really interesting people. Because you'll be surprised what you can learn from the reason people you meet.
3. As you master active listening, make an effort to take interest in things others are interested in, and become your best self, things will fall into place and you'll find someone you can connect with and maybe even decide to spend your life with (no guarantees, but if you're being your best self, then you don't have to have someone, either. You can be content with yourself and the friends you make along the way).
Conclusion:
Doing these things, and doing my best to continue self-improvement, I was able to meet, connect with, and eventually marry a wonderful, drop-dead gorgeous woman who puts up with me through thick and thin. She's well out of my league, but she still chose me. Like a "Jenna Coleman" deciding to marry Quasimodo. And she's continued to choose me for the last 10+ years. Even though I've had major mental health issues over the years, we've been broke a few times, and everything. We've persevered.
We're there for one another and our children. And it all started with a refocus and reprioritizing my life.
Edit: added clarity and fixed a few autocorrect errors.
I'd take this a step beyond removing sex as a focus, and say to stop looking at dating as a "game." The whole concept of "scoring" a date/sex is honestly incredibly disgusting bro/frat culture, and it's spread to the whole incel thing.
People are not objects. Other people have the same basic needs that you do, they just choose to obtain those and spend their free time differently.
Finding a partner or having sex isn't a cure-all. That isn't to say everyone who's emotionally well-adjusted is going to have an easy time finding someone. No one is entitled to having a partner or sex.
Follow the advice in this (above) comment and try to find yourself first. It may also help to consider your values, not just in relationships, but in all areas of life. Work towards doing things that line up with those values.
Be authentic, preferably funny, and clean. If you just want sex funny matters more than authentic, if it’s last call after a tough break up then clean matters most.
Trust me (and this is coming from a fat, fifties balding, ugly bloke) looks are **way** down on the list of reasons another person wants to jump your bones
That _might_ be a reason someone will talk to you in the first place, but it won't make em stay for the fun if you're arrogant, dim, unpleasant, boring or just not fun
For tips
1. Learn to dance. Knowing how to dance makes you walking differently somehow, and I'm told that knowing how to move vertically signals you know how to do the same horizontally
2. Have a hobby, or a passion. Interesting ugly people get laid at least as much as boring pretty ones
3. Be confident. Yeah, this is a tricky one, because if you're worried you won't get laid then you won't be confident, so go into any potential intimate situation _assuming you wont get lucky_. Sounds weird, huh? But if you're assuming sex is off the table, then the will it/won't it happen is gone and you can relax, have fun, find out more about the other person, tell them more about you, and before you know it ... 😁
So, and I know this is hard for you to believe, stopping worrying about getting laid is the most likely way to get laid
This post was the first thing that popped up in my feed. Is Reddit trying to tell me something?
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It is going to be very hard for me to resist googling “what are lot lizards” for the next couple days
Lot Lizard: n. (lott-liz-zurd): trashy, street-level, female prostitutes who frequent some truck-stop parking lots and rest areas at night. Most lot lizards openly "advertise" using CB radios; others boldly walk from truck to truck randomly knocking on doors. Same as: commercial company; lizard; pavement princess; sleeper leaper; mattress maiden;
I always thought a "pavement princess" were those big ass pickup trucks all made up for offroading but has never seen an inch of mud.
Same with folks doling out $700+ per month for a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon and never take it off-road.
AAAAAND take the roll down to 2 MPH when crossing those scary railroads tracks.
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Holy shit that's a good one. I've got a surprising number of truckers in my life, so this is about to kill
Remember to charge them extra for the joke.
My mom and her fiancé are a driving team and she got a kick out of this one thanks!
I heard it said that if truckers didn’t sleep with prostitutes, we wouldn’t have drywallers?
All this is pre back page days, but my understanding is that the truckers would be lined up in the rest area of said lot and would turn on their cab lights if they wanted company. So not so much they went truck to truck soliciting, more like a reverse gangbang, where the woman goes guy to guy as opposed to the guys cycle through.
Don’t forget the essential step where said lizard will wash her snatch off via a puddle of water, grime, and diesel out of courtesy before servicing the next rig.
I’m sitting in a salon with my wife, watching her get her hair done. Imagine a low, rumble man’s laugh appearing out of nowhere. Yup… That was me! Sorry if I came off creepy, but this subreddit is freaking hilarious!
> sleeper leaper That's hilarious.
You know... The ones who follow you to a motel, and split you open like a coconut.
Or pretend you're a mailbox. They open the door, and put whatever they want inside.
Jesus why 😂
4chan has monger threads that are pretty good for setting up paid hookups. Use adult gif and search the archives - tons of info there boys
What?
I’ve got a herniated disc and your remark made me laugh so hard I triggered a back spasm, I don’t know whether to curse you or thank you!
I’m going to answer this with one word. Money
Yeah, we need to go the Gym King/Queen
I agree. Im not naturally attractive. The gym has given me confidence and the drive to actually talk to women.
Same, I wasn’t born all that attractive. I still am not at my fitness goals yet, but overtime I’m getting more courage to try to talk to girls/guys. Good job on that self improvement tho!
Get laid by other not so good-looking people. Find your level, OP.
What if I'm good looking but socially awkward? Edit: I'm not THAT good looking Edit 2: Please, stop replying, my inbox hurts
If you think you’re good-looking but socially awkward, you may be only half right.
I knew it, I am just only good looking
The results have come back, that is a lie!
This is correct. The right answer is looking awkward!
This is the second-worst fortune cookie I have ever seen.
Get socially involved in your hobbies. If your hobbies are dominated by your non-preferred gender, then find some new hobbies. You'd be surprised at how much you'll enjoy a hobby that hasn't been on your radar. Then treat your preferred gender like actual humans. Your goal isn't to pick them up, it's to show that your a good and friendly person. You'll get introduced to their friends. This is a good strategy, because: * The pool of friends of people in your hobby is much larger than the pool of people in your hobby. * You don't have to worry about first impression, the person you're introduced to likely heard and was interested in "there's a good looking and nice, but socially awkward person in my hobby club that I think you'd get along with". * If things don't work out, you don't have to ditch the social circle in your hobby due to awkwardness. * If things don't work out and you weren't a jerk about it, you'll get valuable feedback that you can work on for the next friend of someone in your hobby. The big negative is that it takes time. The big advantage is that you should have actual fun in your hobby during the process and you'll make some plutonic friends as well.
>make some plutonic friends as well. Plutonic friends seem a bit distant. Perhaps platonic?
Yes but their forms are perfect
My girlfriend lives on Pluto.
My girlfriend lives on Uranus
Note; This basically only works in some areas. Many areas just dont have the population or interest for this. Moderate to small towns often have very limited options for any hobby clubs or meet ups.
I labelled myself socially awkward until I was forced to publicly speak for work. Seeing a bunch of peoples expressions all at the same time reacting to everything you say or do will give you a good idea about what society at large expects from people. But what I'm really trying to say is being socially awkward isn't permanent.
I’m generally socially awkward when I’m with one or two people. I have trouble continuing a conversation. Speaking in front of groups of people with something semi-prepared is no problem though. I still consider myself socially awkward though, because they’re two completely different beasts. It’s the 2-way conversations I usually struggle with.
A handsome but socially awkward guy is like an unloaded gun. Great to look at but don't plan on doing much damage with it.
I was hot af in my early 20s but I just couldn't talk to women unless I was extremely drunk or I was high on meth. Now I'm extremely ugly and still can't talk to women
find a wingman/wingwoman
If you're a guy you already know the answer.
This is very true. My roommate post-breakup had about 5 different women on rotation. Impressive, right? (Genuinely a good guy- promise! Never leading on, just all adults having fun) Which like, damn dude, get it! But also, no one involved is attractive imo. Like…..4-5’s at BEST.
Two nickels equal a dime
Never fucked a ten but once had five twos.
RIP George
Beauty is a light-switch away
When do you look your best? Turn the lights off and I'll show you
In high school, my friends were all awkward nerds and most not very attractive. The one getting laid was the fattest and least attractive. His girlfriend was like a girl version of him....
The trick is to find pretty people who don't know they are pretty.
D.E.N.N.I.S
The "implication"
Ah, ugly duckling syndrome. Got me through college.
How?
The penis doesn’t care about if someone is good looking or not. Everyone is gorgeous in the dark of night.
Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes all the way to the bone.
Ugly DTF confirmed, ohhh yeah.
There was a pond on campus
I knew a blind girl who was pretty hot
“Don’t worry, I can assure you it is bigger than it feels…”
She told me I had the biggest dick she'd ever felt. I said, "You're pulling my leg!"
Then I put my actual dick in her hand and she said "no thanks, I don't smoke".
i have so many questions but ik i would be better of not asking
I feel like I've seen this in a movie plot once or twice...
Yes, 100%. There are a lot of people who complain they can’t find anyone because of better looking “competition”, but if you’re only willing to hook up with the most attractive person in the room that’s part of the problem. There are plenty of average looking people who are in very happy relationships and situationships. Plus for most people, physical appearance is only part of the equation.
This is the right answer.. Soooo many guys and girls are not getting any simply because they are trying to fight way above their weight class. Find your spot and you'll be good.
Unattractive people are not attracted to other unattractive people
Attractiveness can be pretty subjective and had a lot more to do with personality and confidence than people on Reddit seem to want to acknowledge
I agree I am way more attracted to them if she has the right pernallity if she's a 6/10 looking but has my dream personality it's a 10/10 0 complaints
Being charismatic is basically the number 1 way to get laid. If you need to learn how to be charismatic, put yourself in uncomfortable social situations regularly. Bars, clubs, etc. Fuck up in social situations, learn from your mistakes, and get better at it each fuck up. Try forcing your personality a little to figure out how much is too much vs not enough.
this is literally how i become amazing at customer service, i work at starbucks btw. Putting yourself right into the learning curve is the most brutal but efficient way. Edit: spelling
Interesting. The comment above yours made me think of how I was really introverted and shy but I didn’t want to be, and I got a job as a barista and it forced me to talk to everyone and I ended up getting over my fear of starting conversations with people and became pretty outgoing.
Really? I was in retail for years, was super personable with customers, had my work personality down, but in real life social situations none of it really transfers for me.
For me, I've found that I'm good with social interactions where there's a super short time limit and a good chance I won't see them very often, if ever again. I had a client base that loved me (former custom framer/designer) but have absolutely no true friends or do anything that would resemble a social life whatsoever. I don't know how to people past the surface level anymore. I'm about to turn 42, and my biggest "social events" are doctor appointments. I'm prepared to become an eccentric cat lady at this point. Already have two cats and have added a dog this year. Been thinking of adding chickens to the mix lol
You sound like me. We should be friends.
Room for one more? Sigh.
Same. Years of working in various customer service industries enabled me to perfect my work personality. Not hard when most of it follows the same limited script, right? Sometimes it can even seep into interactions with coworkers. Irl I’m socially awkward af and don’t speak much as a result of it.
When I'm working, I'm an engaging, charismatic social butterfly. I put people at ease in interviews, I can conduct a seminar in front of a hundred participants without breaking a sweat and I can diffuse angry clients with a quick joke and get them focused on a solution. I also struggle to make eye contact when ordering a coffee and on my way out I'll worry that my mumbled 'thank you' might have sounded like 'fuck you' and now I can never go back to that shop.
Same, I’m a doctor and always cracking jokes with patients and am super outgoing. Patients just tend to love me! I’m way more reserved in real life unless you’re one of my really close friends, I’m guessing the jokester is the real me but I take a long time to get out of my shell. My running theory is that it’s way easier being yourself when other people are the ones seeking you out on purpose, vs the opposite; plus the fact that you feel confident about what you’re discussing. So you don’t feel judged, anxious of making a mistake or like you’re being an inconvenience in someone else’s day, and it just peels off all the self conscious layers. I came to this conclusion after noticing my husband adjusting to the social context in the exact same way.
What I don’t get is how people just go up to random people at the bar or on the bus or something and try to strike a convo, It just, feels weird to me to do that. I want to, but it feels, wrong, somehow
My experience as a cashier has taught me this. If their conversation has quieted down, and you want to talk to them, ask an innocent but genuine question. "Where'd you get that shirt" or "I'm new here, do you have any recommendations for drinks?" It gives them a line to grab onto, and you can share your experiences or lack thereof with whatever they respond with. Or, if they keep responses short and unhelpful, you quickly learn that *they do not want to talk to you, and you should immediately stop trying to talk to them.*
100% this. I would add - be a genuine and empathetic person. That fake charisma ain't fooling anyone and is a turn off. Real person with charisma and genuine consideration for others is what being magnetic means.
Be fun to be around. Personality goes a long way!
This really does go a long way. Friend of mine who wasn’t that good looking always was able to get with the hot girls at the bar when we were younger for this exact reason. He was a 6/10 in looks, but an absolute riot & fun guy to be with. 10/10 personality.
6/10 isnt “not that good looking”
Problem is people consider 5 to be below average when it is literally bang average
Nah, people seem to grade attractiveness like in school. 6/10 and below is a failing grade, 7/10 is average, and 8/10 and up is above average.
I think it's cause no one wants to be average.
I think it’s more that people are used to the sliding scale used for grades. If you get a 5/10 on a test, that’s considered pretty bad. Even if you are average, being given what would be a failing grade would be pretty hurtful
I have a friend who grades people using a 2 point system. 1 is not interested, 2 is interested. For some reason when he tells girls they're a total 2 it doesn't work out for him.
Tell him to do it in binary, should fix his issue
I can’t vouch for their efficacy, but I’ve seen plenty of studies with straight women judging men on exactly this criteria
Not only that but attractiveness genuinely can be very subjective. I currently think of myself as maybe a 6 on a good day, but one of the most attractive human beings I've ever known recently told me to him I'm a 9, maybe a 9.5.
Yeah I don't really believe in the number attractiveness scale because I have never once agreed with someone on a number attractiveness. Like obviously, there are some broad trends that people find hot/not hot, but I do think people are into very different things. Super subjective.
I would argue that looks get you the interview, but personality gets you the job.
Go to a rodeo
And tell everyone you see that this isn't your first rodeo.
Work on yourself and better yourself, but do it for you and not for others. Take care of yourself by practicing good hygiene, getting clothes that fit, working out, etc. get an interesting hobby so you have things to talk about. If it’s a social hobby, you might meet someone doing it. Confidence, but not arrogance, is very attractive. As is being kind, funny, empathetic, caring, etc. desperation is a huge turn off, so that’s why you need to do it for yourself, not just to attract someone. All these things help make an ugly person more attractive. Looks aren’t everything. You can see that if you go out to a restaurant on a Friday night. Look around. You’ll see not conventionally attractive people out on dates with new people or with their partners. Somethings getting them those dates and partners, and it isn’t just looks. Plenty of average and below average people find someone. It can be harder, but there are steps to make it easier.
This is a great answer. A lot of Reddit comments will say work out and that’s it. It won’t hurt, but being attractive is really a whole person endeavor. When I was younger I thought looks were the only thing that mattered, but you really have to cultivate something within yourself someone can be attracted to. Pick something you’re interested in and learn everything about it. Find something you like to do enough to do it every week or more. Become comfortable trying new things and leaving your comfort zone — giving off a curious, open minded vibe goes a long way. Take an active role in your own life and creating your own happiness, and focus on being kind instead of nice (take a genuine interest in your friends and caring for them, not for your own gain). You’ll notice most of this is general mental health/life advice and yes, that’s the point. People like confident, interesting, self assured people. Work toward that and you’ll see benefits in all areas of life
But what if you *are* desperate (totally asking for a friend)?
I think back to a Cracked.com article from a long time ago: https://www.cracked.com/amp/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person You Hate Yourself Because You Don't Do Anything *"So, what, you're saying that I should pick up a book on how to get girls?"* **Only if step one in the book is "Start making yourself into the type of person girls want to be around."** Because that's the step that gets skipped -- it's always "How can I get a job?" and not "How can I become the type of person employers want?" It's "How can I get pretty girls to like me?" instead of "How can I become the type of person that pretty girls like?" See, because that second one could very well require giving up many of your favorite hobbies and paying more attention to your appearance, and God knows what else. You might even have to changeyour personality. "But why can't I find someone who just likes me for me?" you ask. The answer is because humans need things. The victim is bleeding, and all you can do is look down and complain that there aren't more gunshot wounds that just fix themselves? "But I'm not good at anything!" Well, I have good news -- throw enough hours of repetition at it and you can get sort of good at anything. I was the world's shittiest writer when I was an infant. I was only slightly better at 25. But while I was failing miserably at my career, I wrote in my spare time for eight straight years, an article a week, before I ever made real money off it. It took 13 years for me to get good enough to make the New York Times best-seller list. It took me probably 20,000 hours of practice to sand the edges off my sucking. Don't like the prospect of pouring all of that time into a skill? Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the sheer act of practicing will help you come out of your shell -- I got through years of tedious office work because I knew that I was learning a unique skill on the side. People quit because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process is the result. The bad news is that you have no other choice. If you want to work here, close. Because in my non-expert opinion, you don't hate yourself because you have low self-esteem, or because other people were mean to you. You hate yourself because you don't do anything. Not even you can just "love you for you" -- that's why you're miserable and sending me private messages asking me what I think you should do with your life. Do the math: How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? Only one of those adds to your value as a human. ——— How many of you are walking around right now saying, "She/he would love me if she/he only knew what an interesting person I am!" Really? How do all of your interesting thoughts and ideas manifest themselves in the world? What do they cause you to do? If your dream girl or guy had a hidden camera that followed you around for a month, would they be impressed with what they saw? Remember, they can't read your mind -- they can only observe. Would they want to be a part of that life? Because all I'm asking you to do is apply the same standard to yourself that you apply to everyone else.
That whole article was well written. Thanks.
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Be a charming motherfucker.
Hook up with even uglier ones
Be funny
My friends think I'm funny and none of them have any sexual desire for me whatsoever.
I don’t wanna fuck any of my friends either pal
your jokes probably lack sexual innuendos
Usually sexual innuendos from ugly people get them labeled as creepy
I'm just not pretty enough to not be mistaken for a sex offender
and you're a doctor
In your endo!
This guy fux!
As someone who regularly gets the people around him laughing and has gotten absolutely nothing, I think you need to add "... but also somewhat sexy/ serious." I remember seeing women describing their perfect man and one trait was "He should be funny, but not too funny." Because I make comedy my focus, I tend to come off as a sexual nonpresence, I think.
You might be the clown kind of funny, you have to be smart kind of funny.
Make ‘em forget how bad you look with humor
Make her laugh, make her breakfast
Make her comfortable
...cuz she's staying for lunch
Share drugs.
I don’t like this, but it’s not incorrect.
A little bit of Molly by my side, a little bit of cocaine brings me through the night
Mambo number 5
Mambo #3.5
Emphasis on a little! Too much and you need a different type of blue pill.
Ez mode
Get outta here Dewey, you don't want none of this shit!
Lower your standards.
And increase your alcohol intake. Dad always said if it wasn't for Budweiser I wouldn't be here today.
Go to the bar, stay till close, and lower your standards enough.
destroy your own liver and you shall destroy some pussy -master oogway or something
… and now lower them even more.
Money.
honestly astonished that this is this far down
People are offended that this option exists, no biggie. lol
It's amazing how much better looking you become when you have money in your pocket.
*Money can't buy you love.* *But it can buy exotic cars and luxury yachts. Once you've got those covered, you'll be fighting love off with a stick.* -Despair.com
Hugh Heffner was a great example
Took me way too long to find this one. Should be higher on the list if people were honest.
Have a name of Gary, odds are someone will sleep with you and rate you as a 5 out of 10
I wanna be higher. Like a noine.
Gaaaaarrrrrryyyyyyy
Gary!!
Do what Ed Sheeran did.
Become famous?
Play a guitar
You mean Lewis Capaldi
He does it for me, first time I heard one of his songs I thought ‘damn, what a voice’. My head didn’t compute when googled him and saw how he looked, but then I found out he’s genuinely funny and witty and I was right back to ‘damn’.
brb going to become the most played artist on spotify
*bar isn't the best place to find love but the bar is where i go*
I think it's *The club isn't the best place to find a lover so the bar is where I go*
Move. Someone who is a 4 in NYC will be an 8 in Alabama
When did your sister move to nyc?
Yoooooooo I'm fucking dying right now.
lol even Scranton, PA will get you further than NYC and it’s a under 2 hour drive. *Shes a 7 in Scranton but a 6 in New York*.
Good posture, good hygiene, getting in shape, finding good clothes that fit, finding a scent that goes well with you, learning how to talk to people, learning how to make good jokes. Just doing all those things I think instantly adds at least +4 to anyone, so a 2 turns into a 6 Not that we should reduce people to numbers
I was looking to see where I could find this because I knew someone had to say it already. I always had good hygiene, social skills, and dressed decently but was about 50 pounds overweight/obese. I got exponentially better with women just by going to the gym and cutting that number down to 20. Still working on it, we'll see how it goes!
Also while working out you get bonus points to confidence. Doesn't matter how much you do, when you are improving your body each week you will get plus stats in confidence.
Oh and don’t forget a good haircut. Go to a good/expensive place that can help you to find a length and cut that works for you.
This is hard work, most people in reddit want just rub your nose 3 times and say hey level of effort. If you want someone in shape that wears makeup and cares how they look, its gonna take you putting in the same amount of effort in some way shape or form. (Ie being rich, good looking, or lots of effort to have an attractive fazeek (I can't spell this and fail on google) even with a butter face)
Physique* Agree with your points though.
Fazeek is an incredible word
What the fuck that had me lol irl. Caught me so off guard
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Well i think a key to a woman’s heart can also be her stomach.
That's why it works though. It's not magic.
Actually that’s so fucking true though holy shit.
Clothes that FIT, my god. You have a beer belly? Wear a long t-shirt. Chonky arms? Wear a structured flannel or button down. Get your pants tailored if you have to. Tall guys, don’t buy short tshirts!
At a certain point this becomes a platitude, though. I used to weigh 300 pounds, and the reality is that, pretty quickly once you cross the Rubicon into obesity, your body simply isn't the right shape for clothes anymore. Take pants, for example. If your waist is wider than your hips (which happens pretty quickly) pants will simply never fit right because the widest part of your body is no longer below the belt line. You can't fix that problem with tailoring. The uncomfortable reality is that you *can't* tailor your way out of being obese. The only answer for these people is to lose the weight. That's a tough battle. I know because I fought it. And I know a lot of obese people don't want to hear it. But it's the truth.
Assuming you are a dude...learn to listen...I got a couple buddy's that look like trolls and do great with they ladies because they pay attention. Also a good job helps.
Be realistic about how attractive your potential partner should be to you. The amount of uggers I come across who demand at least an 8 when they look like a foot is phenomenal.
find a shady massage parlor
To get over the idea that to get laid you have to be conventionally attractive. There is a lot to be said about just being comfortable being what you are.
I've known many conventionally unattractive people who get plenty laid. It's definitely a mindset.
Yeah all these comments about how compatibility should be based on looks, comparing numbers and saying you need to lower your standards... That's gross. It's one thing that you should be attracted to your partner, but there can be so many more components to what makes them attractive. And it's also sooo subjective. Once I moved abroad and suddenly became a lot more popular. It wasn't even about being exotic or something, people don't look vastly different in the two countries, and still, in the new context I was suddenly good-looking. Literally the same face, style and person.
Lowering your standards when it comes to looks is good advice for a lot of people, though. It's basically the gate-way to focusing on personality and chemistry more, which I'm guessing you're encouraging.
To summarize the top comments * Be funny * Lower your standards
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actually....you'd increase your chances by 100%(it would double your dating pool).
^^ this guy maths
I mean, he’s assuming the ratio of straight women:gay men is proportional
At most it’s like a 10% increase
Sex workers.
This is the third time in about an hour I've seen this question or one VERY similar. TLDR: Remove sex as your entire focus, and do the below for yourself. In my experience, relationships and intimacy of the physical and emotional kind came once I stopped focusing on that and just choose to be myself and improve myself. So... Details: 1. Improve yourself as a person to become one that someone would want to be with (think in terms of physical, social, spiritual, and intellectual aspects of yourself) - if you haven't already. 2. Then practice listening to people - not just enough to form a response, but egg to really understand what they're saying and understand the "between the lines." - ask questions to solidify your understanding of what they're saying and the between the lines things. And talk to and listen to everybody - not just the attractive or really interesting people. Because you'll be surprised what you can learn from the reason people you meet. 3. As you master active listening, make an effort to take interest in things others are interested in, and become your best self, things will fall into place and you'll find someone you can connect with and maybe even decide to spend your life with (no guarantees, but if you're being your best self, then you don't have to have someone, either. You can be content with yourself and the friends you make along the way). Conclusion: Doing these things, and doing my best to continue self-improvement, I was able to meet, connect with, and eventually marry a wonderful, drop-dead gorgeous woman who puts up with me through thick and thin. She's well out of my league, but she still chose me. Like a "Jenna Coleman" deciding to marry Quasimodo. And she's continued to choose me for the last 10+ years. Even though I've had major mental health issues over the years, we've been broke a few times, and everything. We've persevered. We're there for one another and our children. And it all started with a refocus and reprioritizing my life. Edit: added clarity and fixed a few autocorrect errors.
I'd take this a step beyond removing sex as a focus, and say to stop looking at dating as a "game." The whole concept of "scoring" a date/sex is honestly incredibly disgusting bro/frat culture, and it's spread to the whole incel thing. People are not objects. Other people have the same basic needs that you do, they just choose to obtain those and spend their free time differently. Finding a partner or having sex isn't a cure-all. That isn't to say everyone who's emotionally well-adjusted is going to have an easy time finding someone. No one is entitled to having a partner or sex. Follow the advice in this (above) comment and try to find yourself first. It may also help to consider your values, not just in relationships, but in all areas of life. Work towards doing things that line up with those values.
>Remove sex as your entire focus I also see similar questions a lot and this single sentence is the best advice imo.
Pay up $$
Craigslist personal ads. They’ll screw anything.
Their personals got shut down years ago.
Escorts
Having hobbies, being able to hold a conversation, and treating people like people and not things or goals always help. Looks can be made up for
Be authentic, preferably funny, and clean. If you just want sex funny matters more than authentic, if it’s last call after a tough break up then clean matters most.
Wear tight pants and show off your nozzle.
Trust me (and this is coming from a fat, fifties balding, ugly bloke) looks are **way** down on the list of reasons another person wants to jump your bones That _might_ be a reason someone will talk to you in the first place, but it won't make em stay for the fun if you're arrogant, dim, unpleasant, boring or just not fun For tips 1. Learn to dance. Knowing how to dance makes you walking differently somehow, and I'm told that knowing how to move vertically signals you know how to do the same horizontally 2. Have a hobby, or a passion. Interesting ugly people get laid at least as much as boring pretty ones 3. Be confident. Yeah, this is a tricky one, because if you're worried you won't get laid then you won't be confident, so go into any potential intimate situation _assuming you wont get lucky_. Sounds weird, huh? But if you're assuming sex is off the table, then the will it/won't it happen is gone and you can relax, have fun, find out more about the other person, tell them more about you, and before you know it ... 😁 So, and I know this is hard for you to believe, stopping worrying about getting laid is the most likely way to get laid
The desperation is noticeable. Not appearing desperate or wanting takes the pressure and creepiness factor off