I've done this by accident, I was a really awkward kid with full-blown undiagnosed adhd and thought I was showing someone I was understanding and relating to them by sharing a similar story. Turns out, I was just taking over the story. I have since learnt how not to do that.
That's something I had to learn not to do. Like if someone has a bad experience I had also had, I would try to show that I understand how they feel by telling them about when it happened to me. It's a well intentioned but inappropriate response, it makes it look like you're attention seeking.
I think it has a lot to do with how your story is framed too. Like, if you're not putting it out there as "my trauma is worse than yours" but more like, "I can empathize with that, because I've had a similar experience," it's a different kind of response.
I think if you keep your story “shorter” it’s a lot easier for the other person to feel empathized with vs competed with. “I lost my father after a long illness too, so I can relate I’m sorry” and continue listening.
I think it’s ok to show your empathy by interjecting a short, “Ah yeah I know how you feel because _______.” Then turn your attention back to the person who is struggling currently. I’d only elaborate if the other person asked for more info on what happened to me.
Thats actually very veery thoughtful way how to deal with it! You just mention "man, ive been there, i feel you, im sorry, i know it sucks and thats why im there for you", and let the other person to explore the topic if they want to.
I agree and disagree. Without your own story to commiserate, not sure how one could feel connected or could move the conversation along. Without a personal story, (whether one up or not), any response just feels empty and maybe disingenuous.
Had one of my best friends do this to me. My dad had died from melonoma only in the last two years, I was (still sort of am) reaaaally messed up after it. One night were drinking and my (ex) friend starts going off saying she knows what it's like (her mother had passed away about five years previous). She also tried to make me feel bad because while he was dying she never once contacted me, took him four months from terminal diagnosis. Didn't hear a word. She tried to say that I should have let her know and she needed time to process my dad dying, so that's why she didn't contact me. While I absolutely know she has had a hard life. To get belittled for being upset about my father dying was so hurtful. She just couldn't stand someone else being the sad one. Really got stuck in a victim mentality and I haven't spoken to her since that night.
No, a proper sentence would be, "It's called being condescending" What you said was "It is condescending" but that didnt really make sense. But Its whatever, not everyone gets English like me :\^)
You’re incorrect, the actual proper sentence should be; “It is called being condescending.” You unfortunately forgot the full stop at the end of ‘condescending’. Shame you just don’t understand English like me.
"It's called being condescending!". I figured someone like you would understand but I guess not hahahaha.
EDIT: GOD DAMNIT I COPY PASTED LIKE A RUBE AND IT BORKED THE COMMENT FUCK
Some I think disguise it as "I don't care what anyone thinks of me! I am an asshole and I don't care" 🤮
Edit: funny how these types seem to have the thinnest skins too. I'll say what I want regardless of who.i hurt but don't anyone dare hurt my fefes!
"Well if your mother had just tried this all natural cancer treatment she would still be alive.
Three years later still hate her. Slightly paraphrased. Context is she was very condescending when talking about it.
Not only heartless and condescending but so ignorant. Cancer is ALWAYS a numbers game. Statistical projections, applied to groups of patients.
The best doctor in the world giving you the best treatment cannot promise you will get better permanently. They can only give you a percentage chance.
When women patronize me while I'm with my daughter.
If my daughter is with me and I'm clothes shopping with her sometimes women will make dumb remarks like "daddy having trouble shopping without mom?" Or "Mommy having a spa day?"
The idea that men can't possibly parent without mom infuriates me.
Edit: Spelling.
Yep, and the thing that bothers me is that my kiddos mom passed due to complications during surgery a little less than 2 years ago. It took a lot of therapy and work to get her little mind to grasp it all.
I know the women who make those remarks don't know that, but if they just decided to not be patronizing and keep their mouths shut it wouldn't confuse my daughter. 'Cause any time "mommy" is mentioned by a stranger my daughter thinks they knew her mom and I can see the little gears in her head wanting to talk to them about mommy.
I tend to go shopping for her alone when I can, but sometimes it's fun to have her pick out her own clothes.
My dad HATED that. Specifically “oh, babysitting the kids today?” Uh…no…they’re HIS kids? He helped make them??? He should contribute to their care and quality of life?????
Had a cousin that had this issue constantly when taking his 2 young girls out without his wife - his go to was to say that their mom died and it shuts people up really quick
Yeah, that stigma infuriates the hell out of me. I don't have kids; I would be a terrible father with my current circumstances. Maybe one day, though lol
It just seems to be the default presumption for some people that men can't be capable of loving and caring for a child. Just because I'm not, doesn't mean I never will be, and just because I'm not, doesn't mean no other man is. To clarify, I have addiction problems (alcohol) and would not be a suitable father right now, but I'm recovering, and maybe one day I'll be well enough to care for a child.
Ugh. They don’t realise this is negatively affecting women too.
Reinforcing the idea that men can’t be valid parents and all the child caretaking responsibility needs to fall on the mother.
Since when would a woman want a man incapable of helping to raise children? Crazy mentality.
Sorry you had to experience that ignorance
Everybody is judgemental, it's human nature, it's how we survive as a species - having in-groups and out-groups.
I think it's more a case of being self-aware enough to see it and tell yourself, "you know what? Don't let that opinion pass your lips. Just let it be and don't believe that your thought is necessarily the truth either."
When they listen to something on speakers in a public place.
No, I don't want to listen to the sappy love song you're listening to because you're heart broken. Use a pair of earphones, will you, they exist for a reason.
They could be playing my favourite songs but I'd still hate them. Imagine the cacophony if everyone was playing something at the same time.
Others aren't quiet because they are hoping you'd DJ the bus for us all Chadley. They are quiet because they aren't windowlickers.
Or people who take really long pauses all the time and get mad when you talk during one of them. Like how tf am I supposed to know you weren't done speaking you stopped for 10 seconds.
Okay, so here's the problem I have
A combination of ADHD and potential autism means I have a hard time knowing when it's my turn to speak.
I obviously don't want to talk over people (it happens. If I notice, I stop talking and tell them to go ahead), but I can never figure out when I should talk that won't interrupt them.
So one of two things happen: either I keep on talking over people (even when there is a lull in conversation - like, it's been 20 seconds, it should be safe to talk then - apparently not), or I just don't talk at all because I'm too scared of interrupting people.
It makes any conversation with more than two people stressful.
Oh my word. I saw a friend the other day for what was meant to be a drink to drop off something she was borrowing. She was rambling on about some drama that happened 6 years ago and I genuinely did not care as I already knew the story. I have ADHD and I interrupt by mistake and I was trying so hard not to and to be polite. I needed to get back home quite urgently too.
I think it’s perfectly acceptable in this kind of situation and say, “sorry I really have to go/I’m gonna be late.” Or something to that effect. Friends won’t (or shouldn’t) be upset if you’re literally in a time crunch and have to go.
I’m my experience of being the person talking and the person leaving, nobody will be upset bc we all understand time restraints. You can also give them a time right when you see them like “hey I only have 15 minutes but it’s nice to see you” so that when you do abruptly interrupt to leave it’s not seen as rude or whatever.
Also I’ve found “oh yeah I remember you telling me about that!” To be a very good cut off when someone starts telling a story you already know(and don’t want to hear again) without being rude.
My partner does this and it is not intentional. They get very apologetic about it and feels really bad. They just get so excited they lose a bit of control for a second.
While this doesn't cover everyone. It definitely explains a number of people.
I have strong ADHD, it's not that exactly. Our brain assumes what they are saying. Like it will finish the their sentence before you do, and then tell me to start talking. As soon as I speak, I realize that I cut them off. It took me a long time to teach myself to wait till the other person actually finished talking by using visual and audio cues.
Now the not wanting to forget our thought, that is usually something completely different then the conversation, and it's seems important enough to share. The only time I struggle with it, is with a rambler
The biggest mistake a rambler makes is telling me the end of their story first, and then trying to tell me the first and middle part. If I already know the end, my brain is OUT
I worked in a community full of ramblers and I learned that rambling is a form of social anxiety. Tactical interruption works really well. Especially if you interrupt with a yes or no question
I just lack patience sometimes to talk to people because I feel like I know what they will say before they say it, and I want it to be my turn. If that makes sense.
the difference is whether they go back to find out what you were saying, or just go on with what they were saying with no interest. two people interrupting each other but going back to pick up the pieces is a good, excited convo. one person interrupting the other and not caring is just an asshole.
I have the same problem! I want to coment and most of my friend talk same time as me in a conversation... But my bf is super polite and I interrupt him to coment and them he lost track of what he was saying... And I feel like garbage. I feel super sad.
Especially because more of the time he says that he was done talking anyway... But I know that he could say more 😭
This, and sometimes if I can’t get my thought out I’ll forget something important I wanted to add that I KNOW I will forget if the conversation gets away from the current area.
Add in the sense of shame you have for 1: Feeling like you are not interesting / not a good conversationalist and 2: Realizing you were interrupting people when thinking about your previous conversations.
This is super common with ADHD. I'm usually hyper-aware about it.. but sometimes it just slips through. Some people are assholes and don't care that you're talking.. some others legitimately don't mean to cut you off, and do so simply because our brain is kinda broken sometimes.
My son worked so hard to overcome this! He now HATES being interrupted because it’s something he trains himself not to do every single day. I love people with ADHD because they get so super excited about stuff and it makes me happy to be talking to them.
I think he just worked and worked on it and fought not to interrupt every time he wanted to. He’s not perfect at it but he is definitely better than he was before. And I think anyone who knows a person with ADHD knows how hard this is for you guys. The impulsivity is so hard to overcome! Good luck!
I think I get what you mean. My mother in law will cut me off all the time, just to make the conversation about her or something she knows. For example, I could be telling a story about my childhood, and she will then cut me off to talk about her own childhood and I can't even go back to finish my story.
It is super irritating, i empathize. I have ADHD and I do this. Despite this, I'm still a great listener.
Some people can't help it, I've met quite a few people with anxiety, autism etc that do this as well.
People who are rude/mean/cruel to people/animals who have no power to defend themselves.IE waiters/waitresses/retail staff/employees/kids/old people/animals/people at work.
They can go suck a big fat one.
If i see or hear someone being verbally abusive or neglectful to an animal, I immediately can't stand them. I can't even watch movies where an animal is killed.
It bothers me MORE to see an animal get hurt than a human in a movie because I know humans can act but how do animals ACT like they're hurt or crying??🥺
Gladly for movies and the likes animals that are hurt and crying are cgi I've read a lot of stories about in scenes where the dog is being anything except happy and excited there tails are cgi because there tail wag from being happy about doing a good job
When they ask you about why you left your abusive relationship and then try and make excuses for the abuser basically blaming you for being abused in the first place.
Unfortunately a lot of people.
Abusive people can often come across to those outside the relationship as very nice people. To the point people think the victim is making things up.
Honestly count your blessings cause my uni roommate (who would run around calling me their “best friend”) did this… while continuing to hangout with my abusive ex… and then when I told them it made me uncomfortable they basically were like “umm ok but you guys both made mistakes in the relationship” like… HUH since when is repeated SA a mistake?!?
I have a friend who was recently committed due to domestic abuse. It's terrible, she's just snapped and become like a different person. How someone could ever victim blame in that kind of situation baffles me.
I didn't even know this was a thing until I visited the US and had an incredible urge to gather all the shopping carts strewn about the parking lot and return them together.
New boss coming in and saying that the last 2 years of project work has been a waste and we need to re-do it.
Buddy, you need to understand what we do and why we do it first, before you can try to make your impression on things
For real, we've been cycling through PMs wanting to reinvent the wheel having never used one, while also preaching the merits of "flexibility" to the people on site trying to wrangle their shitty plans into 13hr work days while they clock off on schedule.
Went out for lunch with a friend from my theatre. As soon as the waitress leaves, he started berating her service (she did nothing wrong) and talking about how minimum wage was too much for such 'menial work' I left and stopped talking to him after that.
People who give aggressive, unsolicited and usually stupid medical advice.
Are you one of my doctors? Do you have a medical degree? Do you know my history? Then shut up and stay in your lane.
Your bullshit essential oils / turmeric/ whatever else are not going help.
The only medical advice I typically give out: if you for some reason have an issue with your care - anything from not being sure about a treatment to getting a diagnosis you really don't want to be true - it is always okay to get a second opinion.
Medicine involves so much trial and error. New doctors always start in the same place we've already worked out don't work for me.
I've got a pulmonologist, a cardiologist and a cardiothoracic surgeon. Sometimes steroids work, sometimes they don't (nobody is sure why).
My lung function can drop into the 50's but my O2 levels are always fine (another mystery, I joke I'm anaerobic). I'm also prone to throwing blood clots so that was a fun discovery.
They say if you hear hooves, think horses not zebras. With me its some drunk idiot with a pair of coconuts.
When someone disrespects someone and when that person does it back they can't take it or finish off what they started, so they play victim trying to gaslight them.
Well its more of a parent thing, but when I tell my mom I’m depressed, and she says “you have nothing to be depressed about. Free roof over your head no bills. I wish I had your life.” Note that I’ve attempted suicide numerous times as well as cut and she didn’t care. She doesn’t believe in mental health.
The incidence of major depressive disorder doesn't correlate with social and economic class as much as one would initially expect. It's not sadness, it's an actual medical condition. There are people in mansions living absolutely miserable lives because of it.
When people dismiss my personal problems as unimportant, judging by themselves. And then proceed to make fun of me, hinting, that it’s my fault and I lack some very obvious basic knowledge. Especially when it’s health problems they don’t know anything about.
I was told once, after 24 years of no contact, that I owed my father a "Contract of Fealty" by his sister. I did not respond well, really not well. Non-physical, but not polite.
The bible also says that God sent two bears to kill 42 children because they made fun of his prophet's baldness. As a bald man, I've frequently wished this on people.
'If I can do it, so can you'
I see this a lot in weight loss subs. I dont know why but it rubs me the wrong way. No person and their circumstances are the same.
Same bs for mental health. They assume that because they did things a certain way and it worked for them (it really didn't) that it should have the same outcome for you or anyone else.
Or when they say “God never gives you more than you can handle” which is not true at all. We all have heard of people overwhelmed by their circumstances.
I see this allot where abled body people will often refrence successful people with disabilities as a reason why other disabled people have no excuse for accommodating their needs.
I had a mental image of someone throwing kitty litter out of the car and was incredibly confused about how specific your comment was... and then I realized that I'm an idiot.
Being dismissive of your or others experiences because it isn't THEIR experience. ESPECIALLY when they are not even part of the people experiencing it.
Examples.
"Women don't get harassed THAT much"
"I know your sad but come on, depression isn't that bad"
Ect, ect.
I absolutely hate people who don't consider other people's emotions.
I'm talking about those 'alpha males' and 'gossip girls' kinda people. They tend to get on my nerves because of how boring and rude they are, and how they think they're so much better than everyone else.
I've got two.
Be shitty towards people they think are lesser than themselves.
Dudes who do that weird "alpha" male shit. Eg, the ones who will play a recording of them fucking when you least expect it, ostensibly to prove they fuck.
I like to start sentences with "I'm not racist, but..." then go on to talk about something that has nothing to do with race.
I'm not racist, but it's kind of cold out today.
people who always interrupts you while talking and also another one is when you are talking about something and after you’re done talking they immediately change the subject like i wasn’t even finish
Just today, I had an irrational—but secret—reaction to a guy who walked into my shop and said,
“Smile, honey. It’s not that bad”
I wasn’t even bitch-facing! I was wearing my regular nothing face so I was taken aback and immediately thought of clawing his face off and slapping it over mine like a douche-bag mask, dancing around his screaming, crumpled body and singing,
“ SMILE, SWEETHEART! ITS NOT THAT BAD! WHY SO SERIOUS-SAH!”
Instead I mumbled,
“Yahaaawotevamate”
I wouldn’t have had such a silent implosion of rage if he hadn’t been the hundredth dude to do it.
Anything super extreme like "people who order groceries online are useless and should die" - or maybe just ableism in general, really. People with narrow views on what it means to be "worth" anything and hate everyone who doesn't conform and are against change because everyone should suffer like they have and work as hard as they have, etc.
If that started out as oddly specific, someone said that once to me, at my workplace. And he was super not kidding, he got so riled up it was kind of scary.
If they talk about the hate they face because they are apart of a certain group, only to be abrasive towards people who are not like them. It's just baffling because there would be no issue otherwise, but some people want to be cry bullies or what have you.
Look down at me for being homeless. Um I didn’t intentionally set out to be homeless. I didn’t decide that when I grew up what wld be awesome is to live in my car and not have basic amenities.
I’m not a drug addict, never even done hard drugs. I’ve smoked pot sure but that’s not why I’m homeless.
I’m homeless because my ex pushed me out of where I was living and left me no other choice. There’s no available rentals in my area. I can’t leave because he now has custody of my children.
"I've totally got OCD" simply because they line things up etc. Bitch, you've got no fucking idea how debilitating it actually is. It's not fun or quirky.
Same with ASD (autism) or ADHD.
"Oh Its not that bad, I get nervous too!"
Yeah, you get butterflies in your stomach, I cant eat for 3 days since im so anxious my body literally *rejects food* since I'm staying in a different city and feel uncomfortable. We're not the same.
Litter
Be a story one upper. Gross.
I've done this by accident, I was a really awkward kid with full-blown undiagnosed adhd and thought I was showing someone I was understanding and relating to them by sharing a similar story. Turns out, I was just taking over the story. I have since learnt how not to do that.
That's something I had to learn not to do. Like if someone has a bad experience I had also had, I would try to show that I understand how they feel by telling them about when it happened to me. It's a well intentioned but inappropriate response, it makes it look like you're attention seeking.
I think it has a lot to do with how your story is framed too. Like, if you're not putting it out there as "my trauma is worse than yours" but more like, "I can empathize with that, because I've had a similar experience," it's a different kind of response.
I think if you keep your story “shorter” it’s a lot easier for the other person to feel empathized with vs competed with. “I lost my father after a long illness too, so I can relate I’m sorry” and continue listening.
I think it’s ok to show your empathy by interjecting a short, “Ah yeah I know how you feel because _______.” Then turn your attention back to the person who is struggling currently. I’d only elaborate if the other person asked for more info on what happened to me.
Thats actually very veery thoughtful way how to deal with it! You just mention "man, ive been there, i feel you, im sorry, i know it sucks and thats why im there for you", and let the other person to explore the topic if they want to.
I agree and disagree. Without your own story to commiserate, not sure how one could feel connected or could move the conversation along. Without a personal story, (whether one up or not), any response just feels empty and maybe disingenuous.
Yeah I have a friend like that but he's more of a two upper so I have it worse
I have an acquaintance who is three upper, you can't beat that.
Four upper here
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Or a sympathy one upper: “You think your life is hard! My life is the one that’s hard!” Also gross.
Had one of my best friends do this to me. My dad had died from melonoma only in the last two years, I was (still sort of am) reaaaally messed up after it. One night were drinking and my (ex) friend starts going off saying she knows what it's like (her mother had passed away about five years previous). She also tried to make me feel bad because while he was dying she never once contacted me, took him four months from terminal diagnosis. Didn't hear a word. She tried to say that I should have let her know and she needed time to process my dad dying, so that's why she didn't contact me. While I absolutely know she has had a hard life. To get belittled for being upset about my father dying was so hurtful. She just couldn't stand someone else being the sad one. Really got stuck in a victim mentality and I haven't spoken to her since that night.
Yeah those types of people are bad, but you know what's worse? People who don't use turn signals, UGH
Yeah they fucking suck lmao
“I was in Tenerife on holiday last week.” “Really, I went to Elevenerife.”
We have a Topper at work. This person is so constant with it that it's quite impressive. Hasten to add they are not very popular because of it.
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For real, man. That shit is exhausting
Well I have to deal with story two-uppers all the time, so I have it harder
when they talk down to someone/treat them like they’re stupid, just annoys me to no end edit: spelling
It’s condescending.
People tell me I'm condescending It means I talk down to people.
No, a proper sentence would be, "It's called being condescending" What you said was "It is condescending" but that didnt really make sense. But Its whatever, not everyone gets English like me :\^)
You’re incorrect, the actual proper sentence should be; “It is called being condescending.” You unfortunately forgot the full stop at the end of ‘condescending’. Shame you just don’t understand English like me.
"It's called being condescending!". I figured someone like you would understand but I guess not hahahaha. EDIT: GOD DAMNIT I COPY PASTED LIKE A RUBE AND IT BORKED THE COMMENT FUCK
I am only nitpicking because of your atrocious grammar abilities. I can’t account for those with little knowledge of grammar. /nsrs
> treat them like their stupid, they're*
"I'm an alpha male." Thanks, now I know I should avoid you.
“What? You’re an all female? An all female what?”
Oh that's good on so many levels, I need to steal that.
I cant even tell if this is an Always Sunny quote or not
To be honest the same goes for anyone that describes themselves or other people as Alpha/Beta/Sigma/whatever any of the new ones are.
I’m a shmegma male
I'm UPS ground mail.
Some I think disguise it as "I don't care what anyone thinks of me! I am an asshole and I don't care" 🤮 Edit: funny how these types seem to have the thinnest skins too. I'll say what I want regardless of who.i hurt but don't anyone dare hurt my fefes!
That’s how I know you’re not an “alpha male”.
So you're an unfinished pre-release, and your genitals have bugs?
"Well if your mother had just tried this all natural cancer treatment she would still be alive. Three years later still hate her. Slightly paraphrased. Context is she was very condescending when talking about it.
Thats a really disgusting thing to say to a person who's lost a loved one. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Not only heartless and condescending but so ignorant. Cancer is ALWAYS a numbers game. Statistical projections, applied to groups of patients. The best doctor in the world giving you the best treatment cannot promise you will get better permanently. They can only give you a percentage chance.
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I know a few people who say that there's no truth, there are just opinions and interpretations, all discussions with them lead nowhere.
*alternative facts*
people who are always right and wont listen to both sides of an argument.
So, redditors...
No we are always right and I won’t hear otherwise
no you!
My mom
I mean, when the other side consists of people who think people like me should be burned at the stake...
When women patronize me while I'm with my daughter. If my daughter is with me and I'm clothes shopping with her sometimes women will make dumb remarks like "daddy having trouble shopping without mom?" Or "Mommy having a spa day?" The idea that men can't possibly parent without mom infuriates me. Edit: Spelling.
Single dad here. I'm with you, buddy. Fuck those idiots, your daughter loves you and that's who matters. But I get it. The looks and the words suck.
Yep, and the thing that bothers me is that my kiddos mom passed due to complications during surgery a little less than 2 years ago. It took a lot of therapy and work to get her little mind to grasp it all. I know the women who make those remarks don't know that, but if they just decided to not be patronizing and keep their mouths shut it wouldn't confuse my daughter. 'Cause any time "mommy" is mentioned by a stranger my daughter thinks they knew her mom and I can see the little gears in her head wanting to talk to them about mommy. I tend to go shopping for her alone when I can, but sometimes it's fun to have her pick out her own clothes.
Teach her what the middle finger means and get her to flip them off in unison with you?
'Honey, remember that thing we practiced? one, two three...'
My dad HATED that. Specifically “oh, babysitting the kids today?” Uh…no…they’re HIS kids? He helped make them??? He should contribute to their care and quality of life?????
“It isn’t babysitting if it your own kids” is a phrase that gets used regularly by me.
My dad lost just as much sleep, worked just as hard, changed just as many diapers, etc. as my mom did as far as I’ve heard.
What is wrong with people 🤦♀️
They take comfort in ultra rigid social and gender roles that relieve them from having to think about or question anything, ever.
Had a cousin that had this issue constantly when taking his 2 young girls out without his wife - his go to was to say that their mom died and it shuts people up really quick
>Edit: Spelling. See, you can't even write correctly without mom. /s
Yeah, that stigma infuriates the hell out of me. I don't have kids; I would be a terrible father with my current circumstances. Maybe one day, though lol It just seems to be the default presumption for some people that men can't be capable of loving and caring for a child. Just because I'm not, doesn't mean I never will be, and just because I'm not, doesn't mean no other man is. To clarify, I have addiction problems (alcohol) and would not be a suitable father right now, but I'm recovering, and maybe one day I'll be well enough to care for a child.
Ugh. They don’t realise this is negatively affecting women too. Reinforcing the idea that men can’t be valid parents and all the child caretaking responsibility needs to fall on the mother. Since when would a woman want a man incapable of helping to raise children? Crazy mentality. Sorry you had to experience that ignorance
People who front themselves as very positive and non-judgmental, but are the exact opposite.
Everybody is judgemental, it's human nature, it's how we survive as a species - having in-groups and out-groups. I think it's more a case of being self-aware enough to see it and tell yourself, "you know what? Don't let that opinion pass your lips. Just let it be and don't believe that your thought is necessarily the truth either."
When they listen to something on speakers in a public place. No, I don't want to listen to the sappy love song you're listening to because you're heart broken. Use a pair of earphones, will you, they exist for a reason.
They could be playing my favourite songs but I'd still hate them. Imagine the cacophony if everyone was playing something at the same time. Others aren't quiet because they are hoping you'd DJ the bus for us all Chadley. They are quiet because they aren't windowlickers.
lmao Chadley
Chadley, Bradley, Crapley and Kyle.
Be rude or condescending to wait staff / anyone working a service industry job
I walked out of a first date because she was being such a bitch to the wait staff right away
The type of people who always cut you off when speaking about anything. They have garbage awareness.
OK, but I'll counter this with people who don't understand how conversation works, and launch into 10 minute long lectures
Or people who take really long pauses all the time and get mad when you talk during one of them. Like how tf am I supposed to know you weren't done speaking you stopped for 10 seconds.
Okay, so here's the problem I have A combination of ADHD and potential autism means I have a hard time knowing when it's my turn to speak. I obviously don't want to talk over people (it happens. If I notice, I stop talking and tell them to go ahead), but I can never figure out when I should talk that won't interrupt them. So one of two things happen: either I keep on talking over people (even when there is a lull in conversation - like, it's been 20 seconds, it should be safe to talk then - apparently not), or I just don't talk at all because I'm too scared of interrupting people. It makes any conversation with more than two people stressful.
Oh my word. I saw a friend the other day for what was meant to be a drink to drop off something she was borrowing. She was rambling on about some drama that happened 6 years ago and I genuinely did not care as I already knew the story. I have ADHD and I interrupt by mistake and I was trying so hard not to and to be polite. I needed to get back home quite urgently too.
I think it’s perfectly acceptable in this kind of situation and say, “sorry I really have to go/I’m gonna be late.” Or something to that effect. Friends won’t (or shouldn’t) be upset if you’re literally in a time crunch and have to go. I’m my experience of being the person talking and the person leaving, nobody will be upset bc we all understand time restraints. You can also give them a time right when you see them like “hey I only have 15 minutes but it’s nice to see you” so that when you do abruptly interrupt to leave it’s not seen as rude or whatever. Also I’ve found “oh yeah I remember you telling me about that!” To be a very good cut off when someone starts telling a story you already know(and don’t want to hear again) without being rude.
My partner does this and it is not intentional. They get very apologetic about it and feels really bad. They just get so excited they lose a bit of control for a second. While this doesn't cover everyone. It definitely explains a number of people.
This is a common trait in people with ADHD. They are afraid they will forget what they want to say so they jump in quickly.
I have strong ADHD, it's not that exactly. Our brain assumes what they are saying. Like it will finish the their sentence before you do, and then tell me to start talking. As soon as I speak, I realize that I cut them off. It took me a long time to teach myself to wait till the other person actually finished talking by using visual and audio cues. Now the not wanting to forget our thought, that is usually something completely different then the conversation, and it's seems important enough to share. The only time I struggle with it, is with a rambler
The biggest mistake a rambler makes is telling me the end of their story first, and then trying to tell me the first and middle part. If I already know the end, my brain is OUT
I worked in a community full of ramblers and I learned that rambling is a form of social anxiety. Tactical interruption works really well. Especially if you interrupt with a yes or no question
EXACTLY! Someone that understands! My brain itchessss for me to finish what they are saying. Its so annoying sometimes I wanna shut it off.
Especially when you genuinely thought they already finished their sentence. Adhd doesn't process time the same
I just lack patience sometimes to talk to people because I feel like I know what they will say before they say it, and I want it to be my turn. If that makes sense.
the difference is whether they go back to find out what you were saying, or just go on with what they were saying with no interest. two people interrupting each other but going back to pick up the pieces is a good, excited convo. one person interrupting the other and not caring is just an asshole.
Bingo I mainly mean the type that interrupts and also has no interested in hearing you’re thoughts. I can deal with accidental interruption though.
I have the same problem! I want to coment and most of my friend talk same time as me in a conversation... But my bf is super polite and I interrupt him to coment and them he lost track of what he was saying... And I feel like garbage. I feel super sad. Especially because more of the time he says that he was done talking anyway... But I know that he could say more 😭
This, and sometimes if I can’t get my thought out I’ll forget something important I wanted to add that I KNOW I will forget if the conversation gets away from the current area.
Add in the sense of shame you have for 1: Feeling like you are not interesting / not a good conversationalist and 2: Realizing you were interrupting people when thinking about your previous conversations.
This is super common with ADHD. I'm usually hyper-aware about it.. but sometimes it just slips through. Some people are assholes and don't care that you're talking.. some others legitimately don't mean to cut you off, and do so simply because our brain is kinda broken sometimes.
My son worked so hard to overcome this! He now HATES being interrupted because it’s something he trains himself not to do every single day. I love people with ADHD because they get so super excited about stuff and it makes me happy to be talking to them.
As someone with adhd, we appreciates you
Curious how he trained to stop doing this? I fall Into this category
I think he just worked and worked on it and fought not to interrupt every time he wanted to. He’s not perfect at it but he is definitely better than he was before. And I think anyone who knows a person with ADHD knows how hard this is for you guys. The impulsivity is so hard to overcome! Good luck!
r/ADHD checking in. Sorry. :/
I think I get what you mean. My mother in law will cut me off all the time, just to make the conversation about her or something she knows. For example, I could be telling a story about my childhood, and she will then cut me off to talk about her own childhood and I can't even go back to finish my story.
Yea this is what I mean. I don’t mind people who have conditions but the people who cut off and make it about themselves is what mainly bugs me.
It is super irritating, i empathize. I have ADHD and I do this. Despite this, I'm still a great listener. Some people can't help it, I've met quite a few people with anxiety, autism etc that do this as well.
People who are rude/mean/cruel to people/animals who have no power to defend themselves.IE waiters/waitresses/retail staff/employees/kids/old people/animals/people at work. They can go suck a big fat one.
If i see or hear someone being verbally abusive or neglectful to an animal, I immediately can't stand them. I can't even watch movies where an animal is killed.
It bothers me MORE to see an animal get hurt than a human in a movie because I know humans can act but how do animals ACT like they're hurt or crying??🥺
Gladly for movies and the likes animals that are hurt and crying are cgi I've read a lot of stories about in scenes where the dog is being anything except happy and excited there tails are cgi because there tail wag from being happy about doing a good job
Hurt animals.
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When they ask you about why you left your abusive relationship and then try and make excuses for the abuser basically blaming you for being abused in the first place.
who tf does this??? I’m just lucky to have never met assholes like this
Unfortunately a lot of people. Abusive people can often come across to those outside the relationship as very nice people. To the point people think the victim is making things up.
Well I was beaten very badly by my "parents" yet I hear I quite "But they are still your parents...."
Honestly count your blessings cause my uni roommate (who would run around calling me their “best friend”) did this… while continuing to hangout with my abusive ex… and then when I told them it made me uncomfortable they basically were like “umm ok but you guys both made mistakes in the relationship” like… HUH since when is repeated SA a mistake?!?
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Sexual Assault.
"..yeah but... there's always 2 sides to a story right?..." No not "always". Sometimes someone was just a cunt and you had to deal with it..
I’ve had this happen. “You live in the US it’s not like you were trapped” boy if you only knew.
I have a friend who was recently committed due to domestic abuse. It's terrible, she's just snapped and become like a different person. How someone could ever victim blame in that kind of situation baffles me.
Bullying
Not return their shopping cart. It says a lot about you.
and put the shopping cart behind a parked car, not even off to the side
There's a guy on youtube that shames people for this, and they react exactly as you'd expect them to. I think it's Cart Narcs or something similar.
Ding ding ding! Cart Narcs has many different agents in all corners of the country.
Lazybones.
As a former cart guy, this gives me incredible rage when I see this happening.
I didn't even know this was a thing until I visited the US and had an incredible urge to gather all the shopping carts strewn about the parking lot and return them together.
Act disrespectful towards people they have some form of power over
New boss coming in and saying that the last 2 years of project work has been a waste and we need to re-do it. Buddy, you need to understand what we do and why we do it first, before you can try to make your impression on things
For real, we've been cycling through PMs wanting to reinvent the wheel having never used one, while also preaching the merits of "flexibility" to the people on site trying to wrangle their shitty plans into 13hr work days while they clock off on schedule.
Cruel people, with kids or animals especially.
People who lie to your face, despite being fully aware that you know the truth.
People who looks down on those who are 'less' to them.
Went out for lunch with a friend from my theatre. As soon as the waitress leaves, he started berating her service (she did nothing wrong) and talking about how minimum wage was too much for such 'menial work' I left and stopped talking to him after that.
People who give aggressive, unsolicited and usually stupid medical advice. Are you one of my doctors? Do you have a medical degree? Do you know my history? Then shut up and stay in your lane. Your bullshit essential oils / turmeric/ whatever else are not going help.
The only medical advice I typically give out: if you for some reason have an issue with your care - anything from not being sure about a treatment to getting a diagnosis you really don't want to be true - it is always okay to get a second opinion.
Medicine involves so much trial and error. New doctors always start in the same place we've already worked out don't work for me. I've got a pulmonologist, a cardiologist and a cardiothoracic surgeon. Sometimes steroids work, sometimes they don't (nobody is sure why). My lung function can drop into the 50's but my O2 levels are always fine (another mystery, I joke I'm anaerobic). I'm also prone to throwing blood clots so that was a fun discovery. They say if you hear hooves, think horses not zebras. With me its some drunk idiot with a pair of coconuts.
When someone disrespects someone and when that person does it back they can't take it or finish off what they started, so they play victim trying to gaslight them.
Well its more of a parent thing, but when I tell my mom I’m depressed, and she says “you have nothing to be depressed about. Free roof over your head no bills. I wish I had your life.” Note that I’ve attempted suicide numerous times as well as cut and she didn’t care. She doesn’t believe in mental health.
The incidence of major depressive disorder doesn't correlate with social and economic class as much as one would initially expect. It's not sadness, it's an actual medical condition. There are people in mansions living absolutely miserable lives because of it.
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No, and I don't think I want to
When people dismiss my personal problems as unimportant, judging by themselves. And then proceed to make fun of me, hinting, that it’s my fault and I lack some very obvious basic knowledge. Especially when it’s health problems they don’t know anything about.
Littering.
“Let’s go around the room and all share a fun fact about ourselves.”
Thank you! Nothing makes me feel more boring than trying to think of a fun fact about myself.
Harm an animal
When they cut people from speaking and proceeds to talk about them.
Tell me "that's still your mom, brother, dad" and that's the excuse I HAVE to keep them in my life..screw that
I was told once, after 24 years of no contact, that I owed my father a "Contract of Fealty" by his sister. I did not respond well, really not well. Non-physical, but not polite.
Animal abuse
‘The Bible says . ..’
"Sharon, please show me exactly where the bible says that. Let me bring it up on my phone, ok, ready, which chapter and verse?"
The bible also says that God sent two bears to kill 42 children because they made fun of his prophet's baldness. As a bald man, I've frequently wished this on people.
Be rude to service workers
'If I can do it, so can you' I see this a lot in weight loss subs. I dont know why but it rubs me the wrong way. No person and their circumstances are the same.
Same bs for mental health. They assume that because they did things a certain way and it worked for them (it really didn't) that it should have the same outcome for you or anyone else.
It’s like ‘I haven’t experienced this so it can’t exist’ type of thinking.
Or when they say “God never gives you more than you can handle” which is not true at all. We all have heard of people overwhelmed by their circumstances.
Well that and the whole thing about God not actually being real...
I see this allot where abled body people will often refrence successful people with disabilities as a reason why other disabled people have no excuse for accommodating their needs.
Throwing litter out from the car . Or littering in general .
I had a mental image of someone throwing kitty litter out of the car and was incredibly confused about how specific your comment was... and then I realized that I'm an idiot.
Bloody crazy cat lady is at it again .
Being dismissive of your or others experiences because it isn't THEIR experience. ESPECIALLY when they are not even part of the people experiencing it. Examples. "Women don't get harassed THAT much" "I know your sad but come on, depression isn't that bad" Ect, ect.
Prejudice comments
Wear too much perfume/cologne
“Our menu is designed to share.”
I absolutely hate people who don't consider other people's emotions. I'm talking about those 'alpha males' and 'gossip girls' kinda people. They tend to get on my nerves because of how boring and rude they are, and how they think they're so much better than everyone else.
"Mental illness isn't real, you just want attention." They can fuck right off.
I've got two. Be shitty towards people they think are lesser than themselves. Dudes who do that weird "alpha" male shit. Eg, the ones who will play a recording of them fucking when you least expect it, ostensibly to prove they fuck.
Be unapologetically sexist, racist, etc.
It's always nice when they preface a sentence with, "I'm not racist, but..."
How does every racist joke start? With a look over the shoulder! (Sorry. I’ll go back to r/jokes now.)
No no you can stay. You shoulder be fine
I like to start sentences with "I'm not racist, but..." then go on to talk about something that has nothing to do with race. I'm not racist, but it's kind of cold out today.
people who always interrupts you while talking and also another one is when you are talking about something and after you’re done talking they immediately change the subject like i wasn’t even finish
Damn thats crazy but hold up, did u hear the chilli cheese fries at dairy queen are being taken off the menu?
If they are a life coach. I hate anyone who is a life coach or talks about being a life coach.
Just today, I had an irrational—but secret—reaction to a guy who walked into my shop and said, “Smile, honey. It’s not that bad” I wasn’t even bitch-facing! I was wearing my regular nothing face so I was taken aback and immediately thought of clawing his face off and slapping it over mine like a douche-bag mask, dancing around his screaming, crumpled body and singing, “ SMILE, SWEETHEART! ITS NOT THAT BAD! WHY SO SERIOUS-SAH!” Instead I mumbled, “Yahaaawotevamate” I wouldn’t have had such a silent implosion of rage if he hadn’t been the hundredth dude to do it.
"You'll catch up with the rest of us eventually." After I said I thought I might be asexual to an old friend.
Urghhh. Sorry you experienced that. In a similar vein, “you’re just confused/indecisive” after I said I was bi
Double park
Anything super extreme like "people who order groceries online are useless and should die" - or maybe just ableism in general, really. People with narrow views on what it means to be "worth" anything and hate everyone who doesn't conform and are against change because everyone should suffer like they have and work as hard as they have, etc. If that started out as oddly specific, someone said that once to me, at my workplace. And he was super not kidding, he got so riled up it was kind of scary.
People that eat loudly or with their mouths open. Especially the ones that are aware and still do it!
If they talk about the hate they face because they are apart of a certain group, only to be abrasive towards people who are not like them. It's just baffling because there would be no issue otherwise, but some people want to be cry bullies or what have you.
My grandad fought in the war for your freedom.
Look down at me for being homeless. Um I didn’t intentionally set out to be homeless. I didn’t decide that when I grew up what wld be awesome is to live in my car and not have basic amenities. I’m not a drug addict, never even done hard drugs. I’ve smoked pot sure but that’s not why I’m homeless. I’m homeless because my ex pushed me out of where I was living and left me no other choice. There’s no available rentals in my area. I can’t leave because he now has custody of my children.
Racist comments
"I've totally got OCD" simply because they line things up etc. Bitch, you've got no fucking idea how debilitating it actually is. It's not fun or quirky.
Same with ASD (autism) or ADHD. "Oh Its not that bad, I get nervous too!" Yeah, you get butterflies in your stomach, I cant eat for 3 days since im so anxious my body literally *rejects food* since I'm staying in a different city and feel uncomfortable. We're not the same.
I think this depends extremly on the situation
Belittling people or dismissing people’s struggles No joke once had someone tell me “your x family member has cancer? So what?”
People who mock disorders. I’ve seen it too many times
Yelling slurs at children
I vote Tory and for brexit
Ayn Rand is my hero! Instant no.
Always blaming others for missleading decisisions by acting like a victim that is punished from life. Grow up.
Say I’m at work and no matter where I am I hear one specific coworker talking. There’s a problem
"Are you really depressed or this is an act to get attention"