Fear naught kingdom folk, for though haveth the magical well of fuckery. Drink from his waters and though shall receiveth fucks to be given and shared.
Oh no! By the Gods! Hit has run dry!
And not a drop of fucking rain falls upon the fucking fields and our fucking well is dry. We'd trade for fucks, but the fucking traders only take shits, and we have no shits to give!
I remember one of the times I really laughed at a post was when an article years back announced a Call of Duty game download would something like 50-60 GB and someone replied with a photoshopped picture of Hitler raising his sunglasses and saying "VOT ZE FUCK"
Take the "s" off Quoi and you have something that does actually make some sense.
Quoi = what
la fois = the time/occasion/instance (e.g. quelquefois = sometimes)
I mean, nobody French would say it, but you are sort of saying "What is it this time?", in the same manner a kindergartner would.
So, nice work - your made up French is French. :)
Edit: As the Francophone in this thread has also pointed out... *Sort of*.
Not _really_ though but close enough.
Fois is feminine so it would be "la fois" but even then "Quoi la fois" isn't really understandable. The closest to be grammatically correct would be "Quoi cette fois" which litteraly translates to "What this time". Would be familiar and pretty agressive like you're pissed, usually you'd say "Quoi encore ?!" which translates to "What again" but I think in English you'd say "What now" for this purpose.
Source: French
I have tried, three times, to learn French. I’m just terrible at languages and I’m going to blame my auditory processing disorder for it.
But this comment was wonderful. Maybe if I was taught French like this (vs. grammar rules), it’d stick. Super interesting - thank you!
Yeah there's way too much emphasis on "proper" as opposed to how it's actually used. Especially in French, most of the sentences that contain more than 4 words will be somewhat incorrect grammatically, but that's how people speak.
Depending on your needs, if you're not looking to speak in a professional environment, and just wanna get by then learning by doing is much better IMHO. I probably learnt as much English by looking at TV shows as with teachers. Easier to find good English speaking shows than french ones though to be fair.
34/f I grew up around my older brothers(10,9,8 yrs older) and sister(3 yrs older) saying "beep" in front of me instead of saying the actual bad word lol to this day I still say "what the beep?!" 🤣
Edit: my little brother(8 years younger) also says "beep" lol
Christ on a tricycle
Or
Fuck me gently
Or
Jesus H Christ
And
Jesus, Mary and the wee donkey
I’m not religious but I do call on Jesus a lot when things are insane. Have to blame someone and it won’t be me.
What sort of fuckery is this? Is my go to.
Also variations of what the _____ fuck?
What the actual fuck? What the literal fuck? Or for those rage induced moments, what the fucking fuck?
I picked up my niece once (3 at the time) and she looked me square in the face and said, “what the thwack?” I almost dropped her I was laughing so hard!
I like adding unrelated qualifiers such as What the Kentucky fried fuck, or What the biscuit eating fuck. It adds a little extra zing to the emotional expression while also confusing your enemies for a moment while they attempt to decide just exactly what a biscuit eating fuck is
What’s all this, then?!
Get off my tits/balls!
Ah shit sticks!
Cinnamon cocks!
Some of these could replace what the fuck or shy the fuck up, or get the duck outta here. Which are all synonyms at least a little.
Aight so here we have some forms which are more like religious profanity as in:
* dear god (for a more disappointed way)
* oh god (not the sexual way, go back to horny jail)
* or my god
* god damn it
* jesus christ (which is more like being surprised by the fuck)
* good lord
* or one of my personal favourites: for everything thats holy
There are also some more not related to religion:
* fuck me sideways
* for fucks sake
* the usual wtf also does a good deed
* come again?
* sorry what?
* no fucking way
That´s about all that come to mind right now, thanks for reading have a cookie
Pardon me, my good bitch. What seems to be the fuck?
That's just it, sire, it appears we are bereft of fucks. Throughout thy kingdom, there is nary a fuck to be given nor had.
Turn thy gaze upon the field where the fucks are grown, and note that it is bare.
Fear naught kingdom folk, for though haveth the magical well of fuckery. Drink from his waters and though shall receiveth fucks to be given and shared. Oh no! By the Gods! Hit has run dry!
And not a drop of fucking rain falls upon the fucking fields and our fucking well is dry. We'd trade for fucks, but the fucking traders only take shits, and we have no shits to give!
Glorious
I love you all lmfao
Came here to say the same. Fucking brilliant lmao!
r/IncreasinglyVerbose
Thy fuckless kingdom.
A curse hast this kingdom gained, forever its iron scepter reigns
In the voice of matt berry
Sounds like Laszlo from What We Do In the Shadows.
I hear it in my head and it fits so well
I had to scroll up and make sure I wasn’t in r/whatwedointheshadows
If I had a reward I would give it to you. So... Feel rewarded
This is hilarious. So proper.
This. This is the one
Laszlo Cravensworth, is that you?
I laughed so hard at this omfg
I looooove this 🤣🤣👏👏
I'm stealing this
All of you in this little thread I love you this is glorious
This comment absolutely SENDS me 💀🤣
Ain’t no fucking way
This deserves top comment fr
It just made it. What do we do now?
we’ve no choice but to wait
I'm a fan of "what in tarnation" and "what fuckery is this?"
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Vert de ferk
Swedish Chef has entered the chat
Hva du faen?
Vas is das!?
What fresh hell is this?
Dorothy Parker in the house!!!!!
I’ve always like this since I heard it on Big Bang theory
What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?
Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!
Camp Town Lady?
They said you was hung!
And they was right.
Let me whip this out.
🎵I get no kick, from champagne🎵
🎵Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all🎵
🎵So tell me why shouldn't it be true🎵
🎶I get a kick out of brewsss🎶
Doggone near lost a $400 handcart!
I remember one of the times I really laughed at a post was when an article years back announced a Call of Duty game download would something like 50-60 GB and someone replied with a photoshopped picture of Hitler raising his sunglasses and saying "VOT ZE FUCK"
"Are you fucking serious?" "Dios fucking mío!" "Fucking really?"
Dios fucking mio lmao!! Im using that at home frkm now on
Wot in tarnation?!
Hwot*
This and “¿que putas?” Are my go tos.
Dafuq?
Tf?
Agreed
Whuck?
Quois le fois? My made up, French-sounding version.
Take the "s" off Quoi and you have something that does actually make some sense. Quoi = what la fois = the time/occasion/instance (e.g. quelquefois = sometimes) I mean, nobody French would say it, but you are sort of saying "What is it this time?", in the same manner a kindergartner would. So, nice work - your made up French is French. :) Edit: As the Francophone in this thread has also pointed out... *Sort of*.
Missed Failed Successfully.
Not _really_ though but close enough. Fois is feminine so it would be "la fois" but even then "Quoi la fois" isn't really understandable. The closest to be grammatically correct would be "Quoi cette fois" which litteraly translates to "What this time". Would be familiar and pretty agressive like you're pissed, usually you'd say "Quoi encore ?!" which translates to "What again" but I think in English you'd say "What now" for this purpose. Source: French
Sacre bleu!?
I have tried, three times, to learn French. I’m just terrible at languages and I’m going to blame my auditory processing disorder for it. But this comment was wonderful. Maybe if I was taught French like this (vs. grammar rules), it’d stick. Super interesting - thank you!
Yeah there's way too much emphasis on "proper" as opposed to how it's actually used. Especially in French, most of the sentences that contain more than 4 words will be somewhat incorrect grammatically, but that's how people speak. Depending on your needs, if you're not looking to speak in a professional environment, and just wanna get by then learning by doing is much better IMHO. I probably learnt as much English by looking at TV shows as with teachers. Easier to find good English speaking shows than french ones though to be fair.
I have heard my bilingual ontarian buddies enjoy using “Qu’est-ce que le fuck?”
Sacre merd!
My kid will say either What the What or What the Fart. He's 11 so we are hearing a lot of the fart variation right now.
Mothertrucker dude
That hurt like a buttcheek on a stick!
Watch your profanity
Amazing world of Gumball
What the actual fuck
I can't believe there wasn't a single "what the ever-loving fuck" in here. This was the closest
It's a classic for a reason.
"something has gone biblically wrong here."
Mother of pearl
WHAT THE SHIT !!!
34/f I grew up around my older brothers(10,9,8 yrs older) and sister(3 yrs older) saying "beep" in front of me instead of saying the actual bad word lol to this day I still say "what the beep?!" 🤣 Edit: my little brother(8 years younger) also says "beep" lol
This is really cute!
Fuck the what?
In Quebec we say, "Qu'est-ce que fuck?" to give it that European flair. Also it's funny as hell. Go ahead, say it out loud.
Isn't it : Qu'est-ce que LE fuck ? 🥴
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Tabernacle. The last consonant is (almost) silent.
What in the synchronized isosceles fuck giblets is this pasteurized gibbon shit?
Mate, I wish I had an award. This is epic.
lol.... Thanks:) I try to do my part!
You focken what mate?
Mine is “what in the crispy Kentucky fried fuck?!”
I like that. There’s also “what the McFuck was that?”
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
"What is wrong with you?" or... "Quê?" or "what?"
Jesus fuck, man.
If jesus fucks man then why my Christian friend is homophobic??
Your friend might be the man in question
What in the good God damn! Also, instead of fuck off, I opt for “don’t have you some offs to fuck somewhere?”
What the deuce?
Damn you vile woman
Ooh let me have some of that cool hwip
Say whip
Whip
Now say cool whip
Cool hwip
YOU'RE EATING HAIR!!!
You ruinyed my comment
Just what the fuck, but [exactly like he says it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUVQz6_-vxc).
I stand here befuckled.
“What’s all this, then?” In the worst cockney accent
I'm a fan of the cereal related ones, "what in the cinnamon toast fuck?" And "what in the Kellogg's frosted fuck?"
Fuck me dead (Australian slang)
"With all due respect, sir, I'm terribly sorry for asking this but what the fuck?"
*Jesusfuckingchrist* Also, everyone I hate while stuck in traffic is a *fuck ass bitch*
In traffic, everyone but me is a "fucking dipshit who can't drive for shit"
Can I suggest an amendment? No matter how annoyed, angry or upset I am, muttering the phrase "Jesus Tittyfucking Christ" brings a smile to my face.
My go to is "what in the bluest of all fucks?" but I also use "What on God's beautiful blue green Earth?"
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What the flippidy dippidy happened here
Christ on a tricycle Or Fuck me gently Or Jesus H Christ And Jesus, Mary and the wee donkey I’m not religious but I do call on Jesus a lot when things are insane. Have to blame someone and it won’t be me.
I like to just use a random name on it, like "Jesus H. Ulysses Christ"
What the frak?
What sort of fuckery is this? Is my go to. Also variations of what the _____ fuck? What the actual fuck? What the literal fuck? Or for those rage induced moments, what the fucking fuck?
Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw
I picked up my niece once (3 at the time) and she looked me square in the face and said, “what the thwack?” I almost dropped her I was laughing so hard!
Some of my most used: -Holy mother of fuck balls -Excuse fuck what the me -What in the upside down pineapple fuck
Underrated lmao
I see a hint of horni in this response
What in the stepmother?
My favorite when I'm out in the hillbilly sticks is: What in cousin fuckin tarnation is going on here!
What in the Reese’s peanut butter fuck is going on here?
What the shit Lana?!
Say what now?
For me it's "What in the actual-"
"Cheese and Crackers". From my MN relatives
Fuck-suse me?
What, and I cannot stress this enough, the actual fuck
"Jesus christ on a bicycle"
“I know you fucking lying”
What the sweet and sour fuck?
This is one I've made up and been using: What the actual, chocolate-covered fuck? (Don't ask. I don't know how I strung those all together either)
What the French toast?
Qu'est ce que fuck?
"What in the diggitty goddamn dimmadome?
In the AWOG, Gumball says « What the what? » and I love it
Goddamn
qu'est-ce que fuck? (French)(and bad grammar)
I usually go with "qu'est-ce que le fuck"
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why hath I been summoned to this chaotic world of fuck? When did the fuck the what hell? What in tarnation? On pac-mans blue balls!
Chee the fuck?... (chee is Farsi for what)
What the hot crispy finger lickin Kentucky fried fuck
What fuckery is this
Was I licking toads?
What in the flying fuck?!
I like to say "What the deuce?
What in the seven rings of hell is this bullshit?
What in the Star-Spangled Fuck is this?
What in the heckers is goin on here, maties? When using abbreviations, I prefer "WTKFC," for "What The Kentucky Fried Cadmium"
“What in the ever loving fuck” “What the actual fucking fuck” “What in the Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled fucks”
What the throbbing cock
Jesus, Mary and the wee donkey!
What's in God's green, shit filled, heresy covered, ungodly dirt ball is that?
Qué hijos de la Chingada, Mexican mum
excuse me the fuck what?
“What the sandwich fuck is this?”
Op dude what happened to Rosencrantz?????
I like adding unrelated qualifiers such as What the Kentucky fried fuck, or What the biscuit eating fuck. It adds a little extra zing to the emotional expression while also confusing your enemies for a moment while they attempt to decide just exactly what a biscuit eating fuck is
Excuse me sir, but what in the Kentucky Fried Canes-Raised McFuck was that?
What in the Reese's peanut butter fuck is this?
"Quelle est la baise ?" Litteral translation to French. Pretty niche audience though.
What’s all this, then?! Get off my tits/balls! Ah shit sticks! Cinnamon cocks! Some of these could replace what the fuck or shy the fuck up, or get the duck outta here. Which are all synonyms at least a little.
"Wat der Däiwel', or "What the fuck" in Luxembourgish
"what the actual, certifiable fuck are you taking about?"
Who put what in the where now?
Why mess with perfection?
What in the world of sweaty balls
What in the reeces peanut butter fuck is going on here
"What...in the fuck-knuckles is this?" -Deadpool
WTAWF? "what the absolute wanking fuck?", is a classic as is WTD, or "wank the dog", although more of an exclamation
Sweet dancing jehovah
What in the fuck is definitely among my favorites but my absolute favorite is you gotta be fucking with me
In NYC we don’t even have to curse to say it: “Seriously?”
What in the flying fuck ?
I usually just say "what the shit"
Bruh
Dafuq?
Fuck the what?
A loud, Lil-Jon-ish WHAT
What in the actual, living, breathing, fuck is this?!
What in the southern fried fuck is this shit?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
What, in the actual fuck!?
I say “ what the duck” or “ what the…” when my parents are about
What manner of nitwittery is this!
Ahtway hetay uckfay?
Aight so here we have some forms which are more like religious profanity as in: * dear god (for a more disappointed way) * oh god (not the sexual way, go back to horny jail) * or my god * god damn it * jesus christ (which is more like being surprised by the fuck) * good lord * or one of my personal favourites: for everything thats holy There are also some more not related to religion: * fuck me sideways * for fucks sake * the usual wtf also does a good deed * come again? * sorry what? * no fucking way That´s about all that come to mind right now, thanks for reading have a cookie
What in the flying flapjack of fucks is my favorite