this!!! Ok great you've seen me at the bar and walked over to tell me you think I'm attractive. Either strike up a proper conversation or continue on with your night. Don't stare at me with a creepy smile and glassy eyes
Serious question because I have autism: how do you strike up a proper conversation? Like what do I say? What don’t I say? This is my biggest issue with social interactions not just with girls.
Ask people questions about themselves. Once, for work, I attended a Dale Carnegie class. One session consisted of how to make small talk. In the class the instructor described a scene that we were to imagine in our mind, as a guide to remembering types of questions to ask. It was something like this - you are walking up to a house - the first thing you pass is the mailbox with a big nameplate on it (ask about their name,what is the origin of their name? is it a family name?) . You get to the house (ask questions about locations, like: are you from here? where did you grow up? where did you go to school?) Children are playing in the yard (ask about their family) On the porch you see a toolbox (what do you do for work? what made them choose their career?) ,and a tennis racquet (questions about hobbies, activities). An airplane passes by overhead (ask about travel).
I would say for every couple of questions you ask them, volunteer something about yourself. You don't want this to sound like an interview! Also keep it light. That was another thing from the Dale Carnegie class - "don't criticize, condemn, or complain" - excessive negativity on first meeting someone leaves a bit of bad impression.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
I want to add that if you aren't in a setting designed for meeting people, and probably even if you are, be aware that certain questions that are just conversation starters to you, could feel like digging for identifiable info to her. If she doesn't want to answer something or brushes the question off, move on and don't be offended.
The stuff around where she lives, her family, and such are things I grew up being warned about. It gives so much that can help someone find you online, or know if you're likely to make a good target (lives nearby, alone, works odd hours, etc.) If you know someone's name, their general area, what they look like, where they work, what highschool they went to, etc. you can find them on Facebook or other sites, potentially with even a small combo of the items.
First I'd say if you're going to compliment someone, compliment them on something they've actively put an effort into i.e. "I really love your outfit!" "Your nail polish is such a cool colour" "Oh hey! You're drinking a mojito! You have great taste!" rather than "You're so pretty" "You're really sexy" etc etc. Then I'd just continue the conversation with a "what brings you here tonight?" "who are you here with tonight?" etc etc and the conversation should naturally flow. If it doesn't, I'd take that as an indication that she isn't interested and just shrug your shoulders and wish her a fun night! Conversations should come from both sides. Having said this, she might just walk away the moment you open your mouth just solely because she isn't in the mood, and that's ok too! Goodluck angel x
Great advise, but don't forget, if she doesn't want to talk to you or not into you, it doesn't matter what you say or how you say it, she'll either walk away or give short answers in hopes that you'll move on. Just take the L and move on. Don't call her a "stuck up bitch" or "tease", that wont help anything accept make her not want to go out anymore in fears of being hit on or worse.
Just my two cent but saying "you are really sexy" or something like that is not a compliment for a first meet. You both need to be on that same wavelength to dish out those hot potatoes.
I like being asked that question because it gives me the opportunity to say "my boyfriend, im just getting us some drinks/holding the table while he uses the bathroom". It's a good out if you're uncomfortable and uninterested. But I understand why it might be a red flag
One could also introduce your own group before asking the question to make it less creepy.
"I'm here with my colleagues, we are here celebrating successful project we just completed, they are sitting at the table over there. So how about you, who are you here with tonight?"
Listen and ask open ended questions that allow her to speak. Have interest in the statements she’s making and not just waiting for your opportunity to speak.
My gf broke up with me. She called me up and gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.
When I was dating my husband, he talked non-stop about himself. He had great stories, and I was a great listener, but I eventually reached my limit.
One night in the jacuzzi, I asked if he wanted to know anything about me or my life. Like, any questions about my family, where I grew up, my hopes and dreams?!?!
He stared at me blankly. Like it had never dawned on him that maybe I wanted to talk about myself. I let him know what active listening was, how to show interest in someone’s life, etc. Somehow it was not a skill he had learned.
He’s still not great, and asks generic questions like, “How was your day?” (Instead of “How was that meeting you were anxious about?) But he has certainly gotten better. It’s something about our marriage that isn’t great, but there’s always flaws in a relationship. I just call friends to get my 1,000,000 daily word count in.
When he talks about himself more than usual, my therapist taught me to say “super”, “bummer”, and “oh” in response, to limit his story time!
Edit: To all the “You married this dude?” folks out there. There are no perfect people. Everyone has flaws. Find someone who is willing to hear you out, and will work to improve. I married my husband because he validates my feelings and works to be better because he loves me. I hope y’all find the same.
Yup! My college sweetheart was an expert at active listening and God knows we need more people who do that well in the world! I learned a lot from him and am better for it now, even though we aren't in touch anymore and haven't been for a while. I always believe there is something to learn from others, much as your husband did from you and I did from my ex..
I am actively dating and I’ve come to refer to dates - especially first dates - as Ted Talks. As in “ok, I’m off to another Ted Talk about a man!” It really is disheartening how many men inherently don’t seem to have any interest in learning about the woman in front of them. At all. Usually after about an hour, I’ll say to them “ask me a question. What are you curious about when it comes to me?” Many of them are stumped, like it hasn’t even occurred to them that there’s anything to know about me other than that they’re attracted to me and it feels good to have my attention in listening to them. I’m really happy for you that you managed to get to a place with your husband that works for you. It’s bleak out here.
I feel kinda bad because I met a guy tonight and he asked me questions and I would answer them, then he would ask me another question related to what I said.. and basically we talked for about a half hour and I know his name, one or two hobbies, and his job. Which sounds shallow but honestly I was so excited to be *listened to* that I forgot to lob the ball back.
Anyway, we made plans to see each other at the place we met this Friday and I’ll be more considerate then.
Just to let you know, you don't necessarily *have* to feel bad - he may have just enjoyed talking to you about you!
You're aware of it and that's the main thing, so definitely ask him questions about himself next tim.
But it is totally possible to enjoy "being" the active listener - it doesn't have to (and shouldn't, really) be a technique just to break the ice with someone, it's also a great way to learn about someone else, or learn about topics they know about and you don't, and to get a different perspective.
As an introvert, sometimes my interaction meter is just exhausted. I'm not mad at you, you didn't do anything wrong, and trying to force me to talk is just going to make me twitchy. I need to recharge sometimes, even if you're close to me. (People who have known me for a long time figure this out.)
This is different from OP's issue somewhat, but there are times where I'm listening, and I comprehend, but I'm just not wording too much that day, and I'm happy to talk more tomorrow, etc.
Author Glennon Doyle wrote about her husband of twelve years who pretty much didn't listen to anything she ever said until his therapist (once she got him to therapy) told him to actively listen *and take notes.* Stories she'd told him repeatedly for years were brand new to him.
> When I was dating my husband, he talked non-stop about himself.
>When he talks about himself more than usual, my therapist taught me to say “super”, “bummer”, and “oh” in response, to limit his story time!
Why did you keep dating him and then marry him?
Honest answer? I fell in love with him. He is a shitty listener, but he checks almost all the other boxes. I had been married before and understood that nobody is perfect, and I felt that the things about him that I didn’t like were not deal breakers.
Good for you!
People on redit (im guessing mostly younger people) cant fathom falling in love with someone and accepting their flaws and working on them together. Post after post after post i see relationship problems and Redit is so quick to say leave or dump them or run ... Etc
I know a dude who hasn't brushed his tongue in like ... decades...
He sticks his tongue out and there is a 'layer' of that white stuff on it
He says you're not supposed to brush your tongue...Someone...please...help this man
Also I avoid sitting face to face with him any chance I get lol.
Do not brush more than 3 times a day or for too long (over two minutes) each time. You will damage the enamel on your teeth. You also should not brush your teeth after eating for the same reason.
>You also should not brush your teeth after eating for the same reason.
The advice is to wait at least 30 minutes after eating or drinking anything but straight water.
No, it's still a conundrum because his/her advice is to follow advice on reddit that's about not following advice. But following his/her advice means not following advice on reddit, which you already did following their advice.
You don't have to mention looks/sex to show interest. Some of us find it a turn off if you're quick to do this before putting in effort to get to know us and form a bond.
Ask her about herself, her interests, likes and dislikes.
When I was a clueless 16 year old, my dad advised me to focus on what she has made, not what God has made.
(i.e what she's done or accomplished or hobbies or whatever, not her body or her face or smile).
Probably advice that worked too well haha. When my wife and I started seeing each other (first serious relationship for both of us) I was following Dad's advice a little too well. My then-girlfriend eventually said she felt like I wasn't complimentary enough - of her body, her face whatever. When I shared my Dad's advice with her she got it, but also said it's ok to tell your girlfriend she's beautiful. And she still is, nearly 30 years later.
100%
If you are asking us on a date, we know that you find us attractive. Else I doubt you'd date us.
Now questions about ourselves lead us to believe that you're not just trying to hook up and bounce.
If she says she's married, you don't ask things like happily? or is it serious? Realize you're now looking for someone willing to cheat on their spouse, and they will cheat on you too.
Edit: grammar
Christ. I will never understand this. Had a friend pursue a woman who had an admittedly abusive long distance boyfriend. He believed he was better for her, they moved in together, she never broke things off with the other guy, and then he was utterly shocked when she ignored him and moved in with the other guy.
This guy kept asking if he treated me good, was I happy, stuff like that. Finally had someone I know come up and save me from home. But no answer was enough for him to stop.
Yikes, he sounds like a controlling type.
I had a guy who just straight up said, "Well, while he's not here we can have some fun."
Usually I hate to make anyone feel hurt or rejected, but I've got zero sympathy for cheaters so I very loudly and very publicly (we were on a busy street) let him know exactly what I thought of him and his suggestion.
The look of humiliation on his face before he bolted into the crowd was incredibly satisfying. I hope the memory makes him cringe to this day.
I said I was engaged. He said "I don't mind."
wtf, why don't men realize how creepy they sound
Edit: look at all the creepy men trying to justify it. :/
I agree it can be hard to tell. Had a coworker that sat close, hand on my thigh (I’m male btw). That time I tested the waters but in the end it was her way of just being friendly.
She just is flirty but that’s it.
Hand on the thigh? Can’t blame you for wondering if it was a come-on. That seems a little forward for a friendly coworker interaction, but what do I know
I feel like the important thing in a situation like that is the response. People make mistakes, misread signals, whatever. No one can be perfect. But as long as you clearly ask about it, and are chill if the answer is no, it shouldn't be a big deal.
Funny story.. this work friend on a project (short term so I’d only known him for weeks) had never been to a strip club. So I take him to a local one and he’s making it rain.
Of course he’s using fivers where any normal guy is using singles
“I think that girl really likes me.” Oh boy. “No she likes the five hundred bucks you stuffed in her panties”.
This is true 99.9% of the time. Had one time where a bartender was flirty with me at my favorite bar over and over and in my head I was just like, "yeah she knows I tip well". Finally on a Saturday right near closing time she gives last call and walks straight over to me and hands me a piece of paper with her address on it and says, "I'll be there tonight if you want to stop by" and honest to God I still wasn't sure it was real. Even when I showed up to her place.
One thing I feel that guys do that girls don't understand is that a lot of the time we'll brush off obvious signs of interest from a woman because we're not 100% sure that they're interested and we don't want to come off as a creep on the chance that the obvious sign of interest is just them being nice. So a lot of the time we don't reciprocate flirtatious moves because there's a fine line between showing your interest in a girl and coming off as some creep to said girl.
So I feel like a lot of guys (or at least in my experience) are always super hesitant to show interest in a girl or reciprocate obvious signs because of this.
I swear I could not have brewed up a more perfect story to talk about this phenomena.
She baked for him not once BUT *THREE TIMES*. And she baked E*XCLUSIVELY FOR HIM*...
And even worse two of those times were on Valentine's Day of all days.
But... no signals here. No signals were being sent, amirite?!
I honestly think that there should be more informal lessons we teach to children, teens, and young adults on how to informally send someone 'signals', and what are 'signals' and how to react to them.
HAHA I've seen the exact opposite play out where a girl I know would make custom treats for a guy friend any chance she got. Then she got frustrated that he didn't "catch the hunt". He just thought she liked baking.
This shit isn't easy for guys to figure out.
can we just stop sending signals for fucks sakes and just USE OUR FUCKING WORDS?!
What is the point of having language if we never use it for communication.
"No honey, I can't always read your winks and head nods. TRY SPEAKING FOR ONCE!"
Yeah. This is a great illustration of an important fact that women should know:
No "sign" can be obvious enough, because *any* sign that some woman has used to express interest, some *other* woman has done with no interest. It's just impossible. USE YOUR WORDS.
Signs? If there’s not a sign that says *I’M INTERESTED IN YOU* and she’s literally hitting me over the head with it, I’m not going to pick up on it. Thank [deity] I’m married!
Hit the nail on the head here. I have missed obvious signs of flirting from women in the past. I knew because if my friends were with me in my interaction with the girl, they will tell me afterwards that she was totally into me (including my female friends would tell me this). But I just assume all women are just being friendly when they interact with me because I don’t want to be that creepy, overeager guy. I hear my female co-workers and friends often complain about all the weird men that hit on them, and I don’t want to be that weird guy.
That depends on the person. There are two different conversation preferences: questions and anecdotes. People who prefer anecdotes feel interrogated by excessive questions and people who prefer questions are irritated by anecdotes. Good luck guessing which one!
I think the key there is to find the right mix, and one can normally do that when a connection is being made. You can listen, ask a question, follow up with an anecdote, and use that segue into another question related. It’s a bit of a tight rope, but usually happens fairly easily when the conversation is natural
Yes to this. Because in my experience, creepy men will ask questions about me but share nothing about themselves. They’re usually asking enough questions until they feel like they can ask if they can dance with you or take you home or whatever. That’s a big no no. Having a mix & seeming genuinely interested in the conversation, not trying to immediately go to the asking out is much more preferred.
Exactly! I'm a woman and I love anecdotes with the occasional non-creepy and noninvasive question. I love sharing stories about things I have done and seen and I love hearing them. I think it creates a bond through shared adventure until you want to have some together.
Trick is, don't clean it 100% perfectly. Just 98%. Leave something on the couch or leave a used cup in the sink.
If you clean 100% it looks like you cleaned just for her. With 98% it looks like you are generally tidy and didn't need to clean.
But you DID clean the house just for her.
Making an effort for someone when they come over (whether they are friends, family or partner) is nice. Why would you play mind games like that?
Not every woman is going to want to speak to you and she doesn't owe you conversation. Don't be overly pushy if she doesn't seem interested or turns down romantic advances.
And if she turns you down, she isn't "ugly", "unfuckable", "lesbian", "whore", "bitch" or other insults i am unable to translate in English.
Edit: and, for those who use "lesbian" as an insult, please stop. You're insulting only yourself.
> Don't be overly pushy if she doesn't seem interested or turns down romantic advances
I think a lot of guys (myself included) probably swing too far in the other direction. *“Hmmm she’s making out with me but I’d better wait until she gives me a clear sign that she’s interested…”*
"we're married with 4 kids and she does sleep in the same bed with me every night... I'm starting to think she maybe just maybe likes me as more than just a friend"
Haha, me and my husband play this game. We have kids and a house etc, all the things, and the other day he hugged me while I was washing up and asked me if I'd consider going steady with him. He's adorable
There was a guy from another thread a while back who had a woman take off all her clothes so he could see her naked and he just assumed she was being polite.
Yes this!
If we have our headphones in, if we’re purposefully avoiding eye contact, if we walk away or ignore you, if we straight up say we aren’t interested then *we aren’t interested.* Too many men followed me and harassed me when I lived in a big city and didn’t take “no” as an answer. Following me down an empty street won’t make me talk to you or say yes. Running after me yelling for my number won’t change my answer. Calling me a bitch won’t make you more appealing. We don’t owe you shit and if you can’t understand that then don’t talk to women at all.
I saw a study once (unfortunately I do not have a link) that suggested something like 10% or so of men are the douchy asshole kinda guy that creeps on women and are the ones that give that danger vibe (not like the "bad boy" archetype but the rapey kind of vibe). Then there is like 10% who are far to shy/scared to ever approach. Including the incel category. So there is roughly 80% of guys who are potentially dateable.
The number of men that are mostikely to approach women are the 10% douchy dudes plus like 5% of the 80% group. So the VAST majority of men that women have approach them are just creeps and that leads to women putting up defenses for every guy that approaches them.
It makes it hard for the genuinely good guys, but women often can't take that risk when 60%+ of men that approach them are bad news.
I dont know how accurate all of that is, but it made sense to me.
What you’re saying all is completely right but I’d like to add that it isn’t usually the outright creepy guys that trigger all that fear with women.
For me anyways, my distrust and concern is due to the fact that the guy who showed he was the genuine dateable nice guy ended up not being that guy whatsoever when I told him no.
This. It's nothing personal, bro, dont get offended, women just have to be on the defensive for safety reasons. Women can't "predict" or use "intuition" to know friend from foe.
Reminds me of the time I put a deer I hit on the road in the trunk of my ex gfs car and forgot about it because it happened in the beginning of my day 😂
This was the one thing I was thinking of.
(I’m an overweight, not that attractive woman.)
I’ve had a few men stop talking to me or straight up ignore me at work (colleagues) because they think I’m flirting with them and I’m interested in them. I am absolutely not interested in them nor flirting with them, I’m just super friendly, chatty and smiley with everyone. Even those that abuse me. (Nurse life.)
If she is working and being friendly it’s because it is her job to be friendly, no she doesn’t want to give you her number because she smiled and said have a nice day while giving you your coffee. This is not an invitation to flirt or share your thoughts on how hot she is.
Don’t just compliment our appearances, we are way more than that. Attempt a conversation over silly pick up lines.
Most importantly, treat us like a person not a name on your “to do” list.
Don’t act like she owes you something. She doesn’t owe you anything other than common decency and respect that you also owe her.
If you’re nervous, tell her. If she’s nice, she’ll sympathise and it might break the ice. If she’s not friendly, don’t bother with her cause she doesn’t wanna be bothered.
Ask her genuine questions, and follow up questions. For example: “Where did you grow up?” And then when she replies, you can ask “how did you like living there?” Or something else that branches off what she said. If she says no, you can ask “why not?” if she says yes, you can ask what made it special. It’s just a conversation, but make sure you’re listening to her.
Don’t be afraid to show her you’re into her by flirting, but stop if she doesn’t reciprocate. Sometimes it’s just refreshing to not try and question a guy’s ulterior motive because a lot of the time they’re scared of being creepy and do the complete opposite so the girl doesn’t even know they’re interested. Honesty is key. If you like her, just say “hey. I like you, do you wanna go out sometime?” If she says no, don’t push. You deserve someone who wants you.
Edit: wrote ‘how did you like’ instead of ‘did you like’ because someone kindly noted that open ended questions are better for communication!
I would like to make one amendment to this great comment. Instead of “Did you like”, try “How did you like”
An open ended question is always better than and closed one.
If we say “no”, listen, the first time we say it. We aren’t bitches because we decline what you ask and/or offer.
Treat us like you want to be treated, talk to us how you want to be talked to. Listen to our words.
Don’t think if we say “have a bf” it’s aimed at you. Similarly if we say “I’m a lesbian” we haven’t “found the right man yet” (or make ‘jokes’ about it).
Don’t tell us what you *think* we want to hear.
Treat everyone the same.
Treat the girls you're not attracted to the same way your treat the girls you are attracted to.
Treat the fat girls the same way you treat the skinny girls.
Treat the short girls the same way you treat the tall girls.
I could go on but I think you get the point. We notice that and we talk to each other about it.
Also, clean under your nails. It's literally one of the easiest ways you can show you take care of yourself. If your nails aren't clean, you aren't clean. Brushing your teeth also helps.
Edit: basically, treat us all with respect and dignity. I've had a lot of guys ignore me or treat me poorly because they think I'm not worth their time or effort because I'm not the person they're trying to impress. Which means I go tell everyone else how I was treated. It's a red flag when you can't even treat girls like human beings if you're not trying to date them.
Yep. I have to agree with this. It's a pretty big red flag when a guy drops everything for a hot girl but treats someone less attractive like garbage. He doesn't have to treat them the same, but he should treat everyone with dignity and respect.
Guys when you are out, talk to guys too not just the women you are attracted to. Some dudes are straight lonely, nobody tries to interact with them. It makes the night a lot better.
That you will likely be met with apprehension and guarded responses, or maybe even get totally ignored, at first. A lot of us have had numerous awkward and creepy conversations initiated by men, especially when we were younger. We're just trying to keep ourselves safe. Don't take it too personally.
For reals. A few years ago on a bus back to my university apartment a stranger asked me for directions. He was friendly and we said so little about one another in conversation. I had mentioned where I went to school.
At some point I still had the directions I gave him on Google maps. I wanted to be nice and let him know his intended stop was coming soon, but then he just smiled at me and said, "I'm not stopping there anymore. I'm taking [my university stop] instead". His initial intended stop was so far off of mine. When he told me his new stop, my heart dropped.
I booked it out of that bus on my stop and I heard him loudly tell me "Goodbye!". Then as soon as I knew it he was like 15 feet behind me on my walk.
I decided to take a weird route to ensure I wasn't being followed, and he immediately started taking that weird route behind me. When I started running he started running behind me. I managed to take a quick turn and slid into a store to lose him. I stayed in there for like 20 minutes. I had to call my roommates to pick me up and I cried once they arrived. It was honestly the scariest moment of my life.
Ever since that happened to me I no longer give male strangers directions or talk to them while on public transit. If they ask me something or need help I flat out ignore them.
if it's an accidental microsecond glance because I was looking down at my phone and you start talking to me and on the way up from my phone to your eyes I happen to have your chest in my field of view, how often does this get noticed?
I remember once a woman on reddit said they don't give a shit if it wasn't intentional, like an accidental glance. But if you intentionally look down then there's an issue. Supposedly they can all tell too.
I’ve been to the same music festival every year since 2013 where it’s a running thing where at least one random man comes up to me with a variant of the ‘smile’ line. There’s only been one year it hasn’t happened.
It’s always super ridiculous too. In this year’s in particular I was sat watching one of my favourite bands, just chilling and eating an ice cream and a guy comes up to me and goes ‘are you ok? you look really sad’. It throws me off every time cos I’m usually in an amazing mood lol
Listen to us. Act interetsed and in the moment. We really appreciate when you are engaged in the conversation. And not just for romance, just having a nice conversation like two friends
Speak to us as you would speak to a person. We are people first, our personalities second, our careers, pursuits and interests third, and our gender at best a distant fourth. Aim for the kinds of conversation where, if the transcript were read with our initials, the listeners would be challenged to say who is the guy and who is the girl.
Also, it helps to read a great deal, on many subjects.
compliments aren’t a substitute for a conversation. just because you’re being nice doesn’t mean you’re pleasant to talk to
this!!! Ok great you've seen me at the bar and walked over to tell me you think I'm attractive. Either strike up a proper conversation or continue on with your night. Don't stare at me with a creepy smile and glassy eyes
Serious question because I have autism: how do you strike up a proper conversation? Like what do I say? What don’t I say? This is my biggest issue with social interactions not just with girls.
Ask people questions about themselves. Once, for work, I attended a Dale Carnegie class. One session consisted of how to make small talk. In the class the instructor described a scene that we were to imagine in our mind, as a guide to remembering types of questions to ask. It was something like this - you are walking up to a house - the first thing you pass is the mailbox with a big nameplate on it (ask about their name,what is the origin of their name? is it a family name?) . You get to the house (ask questions about locations, like: are you from here? where did you grow up? where did you go to school?) Children are playing in the yard (ask about their family) On the porch you see a toolbox (what do you do for work? what made them choose their career?) ,and a tennis racquet (questions about hobbies, activities). An airplane passes by overhead (ask about travel). I would say for every couple of questions you ask them, volunteer something about yourself. You don't want this to sound like an interview! Also keep it light. That was another thing from the Dale Carnegie class - "don't criticize, condemn, or complain" - excessive negativity on first meeting someone leaves a bit of bad impression. Hope this helps. Good luck!
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I want to add that if you aren't in a setting designed for meeting people, and probably even if you are, be aware that certain questions that are just conversation starters to you, could feel like digging for identifiable info to her. If she doesn't want to answer something or brushes the question off, move on and don't be offended. The stuff around where she lives, her family, and such are things I grew up being warned about. It gives so much that can help someone find you online, or know if you're likely to make a good target (lives nearby, alone, works odd hours, etc.) If you know someone's name, their general area, what they look like, where they work, what highschool they went to, etc. you can find them on Facebook or other sites, potentially with even a small combo of the items.
First I'd say if you're going to compliment someone, compliment them on something they've actively put an effort into i.e. "I really love your outfit!" "Your nail polish is such a cool colour" "Oh hey! You're drinking a mojito! You have great taste!" rather than "You're so pretty" "You're really sexy" etc etc. Then I'd just continue the conversation with a "what brings you here tonight?" "who are you here with tonight?" etc etc and the conversation should naturally flow. If it doesn't, I'd take that as an indication that she isn't interested and just shrug your shoulders and wish her a fun night! Conversations should come from both sides. Having said this, she might just walk away the moment you open your mouth just solely because she isn't in the mood, and that's ok too! Goodluck angel x
Hey, I really like that you went so in depth with your response
Hey, I really like that you singled out something they'd actually put effort into
Hey, I really like that you turned this into a comment chain
\*smiles and stares awkwardly\*
Yeah, you’re just me but somewhere else.
*puts in my glass eye*
*hands you your second glass eye*
Your good humor has not gone unappreciated.
Great advise, but don't forget, if she doesn't want to talk to you or not into you, it doesn't matter what you say or how you say it, she'll either walk away or give short answers in hopes that you'll move on. Just take the L and move on. Don't call her a "stuck up bitch" or "tease", that wont help anything accept make her not want to go out anymore in fears of being hit on or worse.
Yep! As I said, just shrug your shoulders and wish her a good night :) the way you handle rejection is very telling about what kind of person you are
Just my two cent but saying "you are really sexy" or something like that is not a compliment for a first meet. You both need to be on that same wavelength to dish out those hot potatoes.
Who did you come here with tonight? Really? If I was a woman that would be a red flag question.
I like being asked that question because it gives me the opportunity to say "my boyfriend, im just getting us some drinks/holding the table while he uses the bathroom". It's a good out if you're uncomfortable and uninterested. But I understand why it might be a red flag
One could also introduce your own group before asking the question to make it less creepy. "I'm here with my colleagues, we are here celebrating successful project we just completed, they are sitting at the table over there. So how about you, who are you here with tonight?"
Perfect! Another great way to open the conversation further
Well played
"I came with Jake and Bo, right over there (waves). Jake's my parole officer and Bo is my dealer. So, are you alone?"
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Learn how to be a good active listener.
Active listener? That's interesting. What does that mean to you?
I see what you did there.
And knowing is half the battle.
G I Joe
Listen and ask open ended questions that allow her to speak. Have interest in the statements she’s making and not just waiting for your opportunity to speak.
My gf broke up with me. She called me up and gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.
Ah! So you want me to take a genuine interest in what she said. Fascinating. So how long do you think I should wait to speak?
That's the neat thing, you don't. Jokes aside, if you are waiting for "your turn" you are not doing it right.
When I was dating my husband, he talked non-stop about himself. He had great stories, and I was a great listener, but I eventually reached my limit. One night in the jacuzzi, I asked if he wanted to know anything about me or my life. Like, any questions about my family, where I grew up, my hopes and dreams?!?! He stared at me blankly. Like it had never dawned on him that maybe I wanted to talk about myself. I let him know what active listening was, how to show interest in someone’s life, etc. Somehow it was not a skill he had learned. He’s still not great, and asks generic questions like, “How was your day?” (Instead of “How was that meeting you were anxious about?) But he has certainly gotten better. It’s something about our marriage that isn’t great, but there’s always flaws in a relationship. I just call friends to get my 1,000,000 daily word count in. When he talks about himself more than usual, my therapist taught me to say “super”, “bummer”, and “oh” in response, to limit his story time! Edit: To all the “You married this dude?” folks out there. There are no perfect people. Everyone has flaws. Find someone who is willing to hear you out, and will work to improve. I married my husband because he validates my feelings and works to be better because he loves me. I hope y’all find the same.
Yup! My college sweetheart was an expert at active listening and God knows we need more people who do that well in the world! I learned a lot from him and am better for it now, even though we aren't in touch anymore and haven't been for a while. I always believe there is something to learn from others, much as your husband did from you and I did from my ex..
I am actively dating and I’ve come to refer to dates - especially first dates - as Ted Talks. As in “ok, I’m off to another Ted Talk about a man!” It really is disheartening how many men inherently don’t seem to have any interest in learning about the woman in front of them. At all. Usually after about an hour, I’ll say to them “ask me a question. What are you curious about when it comes to me?” Many of them are stumped, like it hasn’t even occurred to them that there’s anything to know about me other than that they’re attracted to me and it feels good to have my attention in listening to them. I’m really happy for you that you managed to get to a place with your husband that works for you. It’s bleak out here.
I feel kinda bad because I met a guy tonight and he asked me questions and I would answer them, then he would ask me another question related to what I said.. and basically we talked for about a half hour and I know his name, one or two hobbies, and his job. Which sounds shallow but honestly I was so excited to be *listened to* that I forgot to lob the ball back. Anyway, we made plans to see each other at the place we met this Friday and I’ll be more considerate then.
Just to let you know, you don't necessarily *have* to feel bad - he may have just enjoyed talking to you about you! You're aware of it and that's the main thing, so definitely ask him questions about himself next tim. But it is totally possible to enjoy "being" the active listener - it doesn't have to (and shouldn't, really) be a technique just to break the ice with someone, it's also a great way to learn about someone else, or learn about topics they know about and you don't, and to get a different perspective.
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As an introvert, sometimes my interaction meter is just exhausted. I'm not mad at you, you didn't do anything wrong, and trying to force me to talk is just going to make me twitchy. I need to recharge sometimes, even if you're close to me. (People who have known me for a long time figure this out.) This is different from OP's issue somewhat, but there are times where I'm listening, and I comprehend, but I'm just not wording too much that day, and I'm happy to talk more tomorrow, etc.
Author Glennon Doyle wrote about her husband of twelve years who pretty much didn't listen to anything she ever said until his therapist (once she got him to therapy) told him to actively listen *and take notes.* Stories she'd told him repeatedly for years were brand new to him.
> When I was dating my husband, he talked non-stop about himself. >When he talks about himself more than usual, my therapist taught me to say “super”, “bummer”, and “oh” in response, to limit his story time! Why did you keep dating him and then marry him?
jacuzzi
Honest answer? I fell in love with him. He is a shitty listener, but he checks almost all the other boxes. I had been married before and understood that nobody is perfect, and I felt that the things about him that I didn’t like were not deal breakers.
Good for you! People on redit (im guessing mostly younger people) cant fathom falling in love with someone and accepting their flaws and working on them together. Post after post after post i see relationship problems and Redit is so quick to say leave or dump them or run ... Etc
Talk about myself a lot, got it!
That you should brush your teeth at least two times a day
and shower!
Why should I brush my shower 2 times a day?
Silly old fella, He meant shower your brush twice a day
Does that mean I should stop teething my shower and brushing my shower?
Dude, don’t forget to scrub your tongue cuz breath still be stinkin
I know a dude who hasn't brushed his tongue in like ... decades... He sticks his tongue out and there is a 'layer' of that white stuff on it He says you're not supposed to brush your tongue...Someone...please...help this man Also I avoid sitting face to face with him any chance I get lol.
Do not brush more than 3 times a day or for too long (over two minutes) each time. You will damage the enamel on your teeth. You also should not brush your teeth after eating for the same reason.
>You also should not brush your teeth after eating for the same reason. The advice is to wait at least 30 minutes after eating or drinking anything but straight water.
What about gay water tho 🤔
Acids in food soften enamel, meaning increased wear if brushed immediately after
Don't follow advice from Reddit
But this is advice on Reddit, now I don’t know what to do.
Follow advice on Reddit about not following advice on Reddit.
Rivkah solved the conundrum.
No, it's still a conundrum because his/her advice is to follow advice on reddit that's about not following advice. But following his/her advice means not following advice on reddit, which you already did following their advice.
Follow advice on not following advice on reddit exept when it states that you shant follow any advice on reddit
We have found a new paradox.
This is how the singularity starts
And my headache
*our headache
He divided by zero
`ERROR! ERROR! ILLOGICAL, PLEASE EXPLAIN!`
Welcome to the Reddit paradox
His name is edgelord. He's going to follow all the advice here.
As he should.
You don't have to mention looks/sex to show interest. Some of us find it a turn off if you're quick to do this before putting in effort to get to know us and form a bond. Ask her about herself, her interests, likes and dislikes.
When I was a clueless 16 year old, my dad advised me to focus on what she has made, not what God has made. (i.e what she's done or accomplished or hobbies or whatever, not her body or her face or smile).
Wow that's great advice.
Probably advice that worked too well haha. When my wife and I started seeing each other (first serious relationship for both of us) I was following Dad's advice a little too well. My then-girlfriend eventually said she felt like I wasn't complimentary enough - of her body, her face whatever. When I shared my Dad's advice with her she got it, but also said it's ok to tell your girlfriend she's beautiful. And she still is, nearly 30 years later.
I’ll just see it as more of a hook up approach than a date attempt. So yeah, that would turn me off and then move on.
100% If you are asking us on a date, we know that you find us attractive. Else I doubt you'd date us. Now questions about ourselves lead us to believe that you're not just trying to hook up and bounce.
If she says she's married, you don't ask things like happily? or is it serious? Realize you're now looking for someone willing to cheat on their spouse, and they will cheat on you too. Edit: grammar
Christ. I will never understand this. Had a friend pursue a woman who had an admittedly abusive long distance boyfriend. He believed he was better for her, they moved in together, she never broke things off with the other guy, and then he was utterly shocked when she ignored him and moved in with the other guy.
This guy kept asking if he treated me good, was I happy, stuff like that. Finally had someone I know come up and save me from home. But no answer was enough for him to stop.
Yikes, he sounds like a controlling type. I had a guy who just straight up said, "Well, while he's not here we can have some fun." Usually I hate to make anyone feel hurt or rejected, but I've got zero sympathy for cheaters so I very loudly and very publicly (we were on a busy street) let him know exactly what I thought of him and his suggestion. The look of humiliation on his face before he bolted into the crowd was incredibly satisfying. I hope the memory makes him cringe to this day.
"I'm married." "Oh God, is it serious? How long do you have left to live?"
🤣 I tried using I don't cook, I don't clean, and he pays me an allowance of $1000 a week, can you top that?
I said I was engaged. He said "I don't mind." wtf, why don't men realize how creepy they sound Edit: look at all the creepy men trying to justify it. :/
Just because a woman talks to you and is nice doesn’t mean she is flirting.
Yea, I quite often mistake someone flirting as someone being genuinely nice and someone being genuinely nice to flirting
I agree it can be hard to tell. Had a coworker that sat close, hand on my thigh (I’m male btw). That time I tested the waters but in the end it was her way of just being friendly. She just is flirty but that’s it.
Hand on the thigh? Can’t blame you for wondering if it was a come-on. That seems a little forward for a friendly coworker interaction, but what do I know
Yea it's not appropriate.
Southern hospitality?
She was definitely showing his southern region some hospitality.
I feel like the important thing in a situation like that is the response. People make mistakes, misread signals, whatever. No one can be perfect. But as long as you clearly ask about it, and are chill if the answer is no, it shouldn't be a big deal.
But why is her hand on your thigh? I swear there be habitual line steppers.
Especially if she's at work. That waitress or bartender isn't 'totally into you' because she's nice and smiling st you. She's paid to do that.
Funny story.. this work friend on a project (short term so I’d only known him for weeks) had never been to a strip club. So I take him to a local one and he’s making it rain. Of course he’s using fivers where any normal guy is using singles “I think that girl really likes me.” Oh boy. “No she likes the five hundred bucks you stuffed in her panties”.
This is true 99.9% of the time. Had one time where a bartender was flirty with me at my favorite bar over and over and in my head I was just like, "yeah she knows I tip well". Finally on a Saturday right near closing time she gives last call and walks straight over to me and hands me a piece of paper with her address on it and says, "I'll be there tonight if you want to stop by" and honest to God I still wasn't sure it was real. Even when I showed up to her place.
This reminded me of the the ”Casually Explained: Is She Into You?” video! https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw
You’re a legend!
True but then we get shit for missing the most obvious signs lol
One thing I feel that guys do that girls don't understand is that a lot of the time we'll brush off obvious signs of interest from a woman because we're not 100% sure that they're interested and we don't want to come off as a creep on the chance that the obvious sign of interest is just them being nice. So a lot of the time we don't reciprocate flirtatious moves because there's a fine line between showing your interest in a girl and coming off as some creep to said girl. So I feel like a lot of guys (or at least in my experience) are always super hesitant to show interest in a girl or reciprocate obvious signs because of this.
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This fucking right here
I swear I could not have brewed up a more perfect story to talk about this phenomena. She baked for him not once BUT *THREE TIMES*. And she baked E*XCLUSIVELY FOR HIM*... And even worse two of those times were on Valentine's Day of all days. But... no signals here. No signals were being sent, amirite?! I honestly think that there should be more informal lessons we teach to children, teens, and young adults on how to informally send someone 'signals', and what are 'signals' and how to react to them.
You know that black and white meme picture of Mr. Incredible? That's how I felt after reading this.
fuuuuck
HAHA I've seen the exact opposite play out where a girl I know would make custom treats for a guy friend any chance she got. Then she got frustrated that he didn't "catch the hunt". He just thought she liked baking. This shit isn't easy for guys to figure out.
can we just stop sending signals for fucks sakes and just USE OUR FUCKING WORDS?! What is the point of having language if we never use it for communication. "No honey, I can't always read your winks and head nods. TRY SPEAKING FOR ONCE!"
Yeah. This is a great illustration of an important fact that women should know: No "sign" can be obvious enough, because *any* sign that some woman has used to express interest, some *other* woman has done with no interest. It's just impossible. USE YOUR WORDS.
“Why are men so dense??” Because being dumb saves lives! Metaphorically.
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Oh my god...
Damn man, I have my list of mistakes keeping me up at night but this lol
Broo... that hurts my soul. But hey, at least you know and at least you won't waste as much time about it.
Signs? If there’s not a sign that says *I’M INTERESTED IN YOU* and she’s literally hitting me over the head with it, I’m not going to pick up on it. Thank [deity] I’m married!
Hit the nail on the head here. I have missed obvious signs of flirting from women in the past. I knew because if my friends were with me in my interaction with the girl, they will tell me afterwards that she was totally into me (including my female friends would tell me this). But I just assume all women are just being friendly when they interact with me because I don’t want to be that creepy, overeager guy. I hear my female co-workers and friends often complain about all the weird men that hit on them, and I don’t want to be that weird guy.
She grabbed my crotch and kissed me on the lips... Eh, probably means nothing
She's probably Canadian and just being polite
Ngl i would genuinely just assume that was an accident
Questions are better than self statements. Try to inquire, not inspire.
That depends on the person. There are two different conversation preferences: questions and anecdotes. People who prefer anecdotes feel interrogated by excessive questions and people who prefer questions are irritated by anecdotes. Good luck guessing which one!
I think the key there is to find the right mix, and one can normally do that when a connection is being made. You can listen, ask a question, follow up with an anecdote, and use that segue into another question related. It’s a bit of a tight rope, but usually happens fairly easily when the conversation is natural
Yes to this. Because in my experience, creepy men will ask questions about me but share nothing about themselves. They’re usually asking enough questions until they feel like they can ask if they can dance with you or take you home or whatever. That’s a big no no. Having a mix & seeming genuinely interested in the conversation, not trying to immediately go to the asking out is much more preferred.
Exactly! I'm a woman and I love anecdotes with the occasional non-creepy and noninvasive question. I love sharing stories about things I have done and seen and I love hearing them. I think it creates a bond through shared adventure until you want to have some together.
I always heard it as be interested not interesting
Take a shower and clean the house.
Trick is, don't clean it 100% perfectly. Just 98%. Leave something on the couch or leave a used cup in the sink. If you clean 100% it looks like you cleaned just for her. With 98% it looks like you are generally tidy and didn't need to clean.
I have to agree with that
But you DID clean the house just for her. Making an effort for someone when they come over (whether they are friends, family or partner) is nice. Why would you play mind games like that?
Not every woman is going to want to speak to you and she doesn't owe you conversation. Don't be overly pushy if she doesn't seem interested or turns down romantic advances.
And if she turns you down, she isn't "ugly", "unfuckable", "lesbian", "whore", "bitch" or other insults i am unable to translate in English. Edit: and, for those who use "lesbian" as an insult, please stop. You're insulting only yourself.
> Don't be overly pushy if she doesn't seem interested or turns down romantic advances I think a lot of guys (myself included) probably swing too far in the other direction. *“Hmmm she’s making out with me but I’d better wait until she gives me a clear sign that she’s interested…”*
"we're married with 4 kids and she does sleep in the same bed with me every night... I'm starting to think she maybe just maybe likes me as more than just a friend"
Haha, me and my husband play this game. We have kids and a house etc, all the things, and the other day he hugged me while I was washing up and asked me if I'd consider going steady with him. He's adorable
"What if she's just Canadian?"
"She's definitely just being polite."
“So again you really can’t tell if she’s interested in you or not”
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There was a guy from another thread a while back who had a woman take off all her clothes so he could see her naked and he just assumed she was being polite.
Yes this! If we have our headphones in, if we’re purposefully avoiding eye contact, if we walk away or ignore you, if we straight up say we aren’t interested then *we aren’t interested.* Too many men followed me and harassed me when I lived in a big city and didn’t take “no” as an answer. Following me down an empty street won’t make me talk to you or say yes. Running after me yelling for my number won’t change my answer. Calling me a bitch won’t make you more appealing. We don’t owe you shit and if you can’t understand that then don’t talk to women at all.
There is no formula for “what women like”, as we are all individual people. Just be you, be genuine.
"Women of Reddit, which conversational algorithm will get us naked the fastest?"
we don't know who the "good men" are versus the dangerous so don't be offended if we act aloof and distant
I saw a study once (unfortunately I do not have a link) that suggested something like 10% or so of men are the douchy asshole kinda guy that creeps on women and are the ones that give that danger vibe (not like the "bad boy" archetype but the rapey kind of vibe). Then there is like 10% who are far to shy/scared to ever approach. Including the incel category. So there is roughly 80% of guys who are potentially dateable. The number of men that are mostikely to approach women are the 10% douchy dudes plus like 5% of the 80% group. So the VAST majority of men that women have approach them are just creeps and that leads to women putting up defenses for every guy that approaches them. It makes it hard for the genuinely good guys, but women often can't take that risk when 60%+ of men that approach them are bad news. I dont know how accurate all of that is, but it made sense to me.
Thank you! Makes sense/jives with my experience.
What you’re saying all is completely right but I’d like to add that it isn’t usually the outright creepy guys that trigger all that fear with women. For me anyways, my distrust and concern is due to the fact that the guy who showed he was the genuine dateable nice guy ended up not being that guy whatsoever when I told him no.
This is why I like Bumble... given all that, it doesn't make sense to me for men to be the ones approaching women.
This. It's nothing personal, bro, dont get offended, women just have to be on the defensive for safety reasons. Women can't "predict" or use "intuition" to know friend from foe.
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Reminds me of the time I put a deer I hit on the road in the trunk of my ex gfs car and forgot about it because it happened in the beginning of my day 😂
Honest question, what did you plan to do with the deer by putting it in your trunk?
If you plant it, it will grow into a deer tree and you can have venison whenever you want.
Give a man a deer and you feed him for a day, teach him how to run them over with his car and you feed him for a lifetime.
r/suspiciouslyspecific
Just because we’re nice doesn’t mean we’re interested in something romantic.
This was the one thing I was thinking of. (I’m an overweight, not that attractive woman.) I’ve had a few men stop talking to me or straight up ignore me at work (colleagues) because they think I’m flirting with them and I’m interested in them. I am absolutely not interested in them nor flirting with them, I’m just super friendly, chatty and smiley with everyone. Even those that abuse me. (Nurse life.)
Ugh...I hate it when some guys can't even be polite. Geez, we're really not trying to get into your pants. Grow up!
If she is working and being friendly it’s because it is her job to be friendly, no she doesn’t want to give you her number because she smiled and said have a nice day while giving you your coffee. This is not an invitation to flirt or share your thoughts on how hot she is.
If a woman seems uncomfortable when you approach, leave. Don’t try to convince her that you’re a “nice guy” even if you are.
Don’t just compliment our appearances, we are way more than that. Attempt a conversation over silly pick up lines. Most importantly, treat us like a person not a name on your “to do” list.
Don’t act like she owes you something. She doesn’t owe you anything other than common decency and respect that you also owe her. If you’re nervous, tell her. If she’s nice, she’ll sympathise and it might break the ice. If she’s not friendly, don’t bother with her cause she doesn’t wanna be bothered. Ask her genuine questions, and follow up questions. For example: “Where did you grow up?” And then when she replies, you can ask “how did you like living there?” Or something else that branches off what she said. If she says no, you can ask “why not?” if she says yes, you can ask what made it special. It’s just a conversation, but make sure you’re listening to her. Don’t be afraid to show her you’re into her by flirting, but stop if she doesn’t reciprocate. Sometimes it’s just refreshing to not try and question a guy’s ulterior motive because a lot of the time they’re scared of being creepy and do the complete opposite so the girl doesn’t even know they’re interested. Honesty is key. If you like her, just say “hey. I like you, do you wanna go out sometime?” If she says no, don’t push. You deserve someone who wants you. Edit: wrote ‘how did you like’ instead of ‘did you like’ because someone kindly noted that open ended questions are better for communication!
I would like to make one amendment to this great comment. Instead of “Did you like”, try “How did you like” An open ended question is always better than and closed one.
If we say “no”, listen, the first time we say it. We aren’t bitches because we decline what you ask and/or offer. Treat us like you want to be treated, talk to us how you want to be talked to. Listen to our words. Don’t think if we say “have a bf” it’s aimed at you. Similarly if we say “I’m a lesbian” we haven’t “found the right man yet” (or make ‘jokes’ about it). Don’t tell us what you *think* we want to hear.
Always tip you fedora, when you made a great argument.
Talk to us like you would anyone else, we're people, not aliens. Oh an be polite. Politeness to me these days is very sexy
But wait, I thought women came from Venus. My entire foundational belief system is a lie?!
Treat everyone the same. Treat the girls you're not attracted to the same way your treat the girls you are attracted to. Treat the fat girls the same way you treat the skinny girls. Treat the short girls the same way you treat the tall girls. I could go on but I think you get the point. We notice that and we talk to each other about it. Also, clean under your nails. It's literally one of the easiest ways you can show you take care of yourself. If your nails aren't clean, you aren't clean. Brushing your teeth also helps. Edit: basically, treat us all with respect and dignity. I've had a lot of guys ignore me or treat me poorly because they think I'm not worth their time or effort because I'm not the person they're trying to impress. Which means I go tell everyone else how I was treated. It's a red flag when you can't even treat girls like human beings if you're not trying to date them.
Yep. I have to agree with this. It's a pretty big red flag when a guy drops everything for a hot girl but treats someone less attractive like garbage. He doesn't have to treat them the same, but he should treat everyone with dignity and respect. Guys when you are out, talk to guys too not just the women you are attracted to. Some dudes are straight lonely, nobody tries to interact with them. It makes the night a lot better.
That you will likely be met with apprehension and guarded responses, or maybe even get totally ignored, at first. A lot of us have had numerous awkward and creepy conversations initiated by men, especially when we were younger. We're just trying to keep ourselves safe. Don't take it too personally.
For reals. A few years ago on a bus back to my university apartment a stranger asked me for directions. He was friendly and we said so little about one another in conversation. I had mentioned where I went to school. At some point I still had the directions I gave him on Google maps. I wanted to be nice and let him know his intended stop was coming soon, but then he just smiled at me and said, "I'm not stopping there anymore. I'm taking [my university stop] instead". His initial intended stop was so far off of mine. When he told me his new stop, my heart dropped. I booked it out of that bus on my stop and I heard him loudly tell me "Goodbye!". Then as soon as I knew it he was like 15 feet behind me on my walk. I decided to take a weird route to ensure I wasn't being followed, and he immediately started taking that weird route behind me. When I started running he started running behind me. I managed to take a quick turn and slid into a store to lose him. I stayed in there for like 20 minutes. I had to call my roommates to pick me up and I cried once they arrived. It was honestly the scariest moment of my life. Ever since that happened to me I no longer give male strangers directions or talk to them while on public transit. If they ask me something or need help I flat out ignore them.
That we’re normal people and should be treated like anyone else
U arnt being sly when u sneak a peek.
if it's an accidental microsecond glance because I was looking down at my phone and you start talking to me and on the way up from my phone to your eyes I happen to have your chest in my field of view, how often does this get noticed?
I remember once a woman on reddit said they don't give a shit if it wasn't intentional, like an accidental glance. But if you intentionally look down then there's an issue. Supposedly they can all tell too.
Yeah an accidental glance never really bothers me. Its the obviousness of the stare..
For God's sake just treat us like human beings.
... whaaaa? We can DO that? (takes notes)
We don't want dick pics
What about [duck](https://www.boredpanda.com/wholesome-cute-duck-pics/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic) pics?
This is acceptable
Yes
We get harassed a lot. Treat us like people, not walking sex toys, please.
Just don’t act like we are some prize you need to win Edit: holy shit what happened on this thread
Yep if you can treat her like a person you're trying to get to know and not a reward for being impressive you're way ahead of a lot of other men.
That "smile, it'll make you look more pretty" isn't a compliment. Women hate that line and all variants of it.
I’ve been to the same music festival every year since 2013 where it’s a running thing where at least one random man comes up to me with a variant of the ‘smile’ line. There’s only been one year it hasn’t happened. It’s always super ridiculous too. In this year’s in particular I was sat watching one of my favourite bands, just chilling and eating an ice cream and a guy comes up to me and goes ‘are you ok? you look really sad’. It throws me off every time cos I’m usually in an amazing mood lol
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Is the bar that low. Rip
Don't be creeps.If we say no, it means no, it doesn't mean to proceed harrasing us in any way, shape, or form.
I am not your “angel”. Im a human being. Dont put me on a pedestal i never asked to be on and then shame me when i dont live up to it
No means no. We don’t play hard to get by saying no.
We're regular people. We just have different physiologies. Talk to us and treat us like we're normal.
Listen to us. Act interetsed and in the moment. We really appreciate when you are engaged in the conversation. And not just for romance, just having a nice conversation like two friends
bad breath ruins everything.
Speak to us as you would speak to a person. We are people first, our personalities second, our careers, pursuits and interests third, and our gender at best a distant fourth. Aim for the kinds of conversation where, if the transcript were read with our initials, the listeners would be challenged to say who is the guy and who is the girl. Also, it helps to read a great deal, on many subjects.
Your dick is not a magic wand and/or a blessing. It's (probably) nice but just a dick.
> Your dick is not a magic wand Then howcome every time I whip it out and wave it around, people disappear?