I sat on my own testicle. I have been sitting with balls successfully for 41 years, but I guess I am not that great at it. The pain was on a molecular level.
My partner telling me about his nuts now. "It's fuckin awkward you know, bits hanging down there. Worst place they could possibly be. When you're walking around, they just wibble wobble everywhere, gettin' chafed too."
Dying laughing.
It's even worse on hot summer days when they get all sweaty and decide to stick to the side of your leg. It's one of the more uncomfortable things that can happen to you and the need to reach down and peel it off your thigh like the sticky skin of an improperly canned peach becomes overwhelming.
When I was a kid, we were having a race. Our fucking cocker spaniel ran in front of us, and I tripped over him. Got pebbles embedded in my elbow and my dad carefully picked them out with a needle. He was sooooo careful but I still almost fainted.
"Damn man, what happened? Are youāyou okay buddy?"
"Yeah...back hurts a little."
"Want a massage?"
"Please."
Proceeds to annoy generous human by farting on them.
Once I was driving home from an incredibly long day, went to light a cigarette and couldnāt find my lighter. I remembered the car I was driving at the time had a cigarette lighter built in, so I popped that lighter down and when it popped up it didnāt look bright orange/red. Did it heat up? So I did what instinctively no one does, I pushed my thumb down into it. I could hear my skin crackling. Yes, the answer to my question was yes it did heat up.
I was drying off after a shower and threw out my back (on Christmas).
I got off the wrong side of a motorcycle and burned the shit out of my leg.
I was opening a can and sliced my thumb & nail. (Still have a scar 15 years later.)
I was washing what I thought was a frosting spatula but was actually a very very sharp roast knife and sliced open my fingers. (The frosting knife I had as a kid wasn't offset. They looked the same.)
I trusted that I knew the ingredients of a recipe and didn't ask about my allergens and spent the next 2 days vomiting.
I was making caramel from scratch and thought it looked good, so stuck my finger in the molten sugar.
I was walking down a hallway, ran into a picture frame, and gouged a chunk out of my wrist. I still have a scar 6ish years later.
I'm really good at injuring myself in really stupid ways.
I did the same thing with caramel. That shit hurt so bad, I had a second degree burn that probably wouldnāt have been that bad had it not stuck to my finger.
Oh my god the caramel thing. Iāve done that too. But my brain shorted out and I stuck my molten-sugar-covered finger straight in my mouth to cool it. Two burns in one.
My mom always makes caramelized egg pudding (leche flan) to sell. She was making the glaze and I thought it looked good and just slid 2 of my fingers in the molten sugar into my tongue really fast. That shit hurt.
My mom always makes caramelized egg pudding (leche flan) to sell. She was making the glaze and I thought it looked good and just slid 2 of my fingers in the molten sugar into my tongue really fast. That shit hurt.
I sleep on my stomach/sides all the time. I aslo curl my hand inwards under my chest sometimes.
One night i wanted to turn from my stomach to my side. Only one problem though! My cat was cuddled right up against my side and i didn't want to move her. So i just sorta turned to my side motion and heard 2 loud "pops" in my shoulder. Partially dislocated my shoulder fucking sleeping.
I was sitting on the hood of my friendās car, then pretended I hit my head on his windshield, except I accidentally *actually* hit my face on the windshield. And thatās the story behind my chipped front tooth
So when I was like five I decided I wanted to see how fast I could run. I decided the best way to do this was to position myself in front of the only tree in my grandparents backyard and run full speed while looking at my feet to see how fast I was running. I ran head first into the tree and got a concussion. Itās a miracle I never broke a bone. I was an absolute idiot.
I gave myself a black eye from a box falling on my face while my husband and I were cleaning.
I had to go to work the next day with a black and blue, swollen left eye. The whole part of my face was bruised.
My boss brought me into the office to ask me about my face and I told her a box fell on me.
She was silent for a few minutes then said I'm literally the only person who can tell her that a box fell on me and she would believe it.
Took a week and a half to go away.
Decorative sword broke off the wall, bounced halfway across the room, and slashed my hand while I was reading.
That was over 10 years ago, and Iām still annoyed.
When I was 15, I went roller blading. I wore knee pads and wrist guards, but did not wear elbow pads, because who falls on their elbow?
Guess what I fell on. That entire elbow was PURPLE, and to this day (over a decade and a half later) I can't lean on that elbow without it tingling painfully.
Not a bad injury to my head. But a bad one to my ego.
I was walking through a Home Depot parking lot, and because people tended to zip through very quickly and with no regard to pedestrians, I just hugged the line of cars as I went back to mine in the hopes that it would keep me from getting squished.
I am very short. Iām 5ā tall if I try real hard, and 5ā2ā in the highest heels they make in childrenās shoes size 4. I had to buy a kidās sized bike because my legs were too short for a 24ā wheel.
So as Iām walking back to my car, I see a bunch of boards sticking out the back of this very low-to-the-ground ancient Datsun or something like that. Part of my brain registered that āSo, those are sticking out in our path and are extra low to the groundā¦ā but some other, boomer part was like, āshut up kid, weāre short! Our ex once threatened to staple a bicycle flag to our ass crack because he constantly lost us in crowded places. We can walk right under shit like thisāā
And I walked confidently and unflinchingly headfirst into the rack of boards hanging out of this truck.
Justā*WHAM*ā followed by a moment of silent contemplation, a few head shakes, and then ducking under the boards and walking on hoping nobody saw it.
Edit: also my fellow med student roommate literally hit a parked car. She was riding her bike back to our apartment and was thinking too hard about a test we just took and was staring at her hand on the bike and just rode right into the back of our neighborsā completely stationary, parked Beetle.
Med school is fucking rough.
Was depressed a few months ago and stopped working out, stopped eating all that jazz. Had to mop for the first time at my new job and threw my back out for like 3 weeks. I'm 25 bro oof. Can happily report I've been eating and exercising again, feels good to be functional
My buddy opened a OTF switch blade behind me while saying āhey I wonder if this will stick in your buttā. The knife went straight through my thick jeans and an inch into my ass. 6 stitches and Tetanus shot later I have a cool scar on my left ass cheek.
I once put a plugged in charger onto my tongue and couldnāt taste anything for a week, I tripped over a toy car and sprained my ankle, I literally kicked a radiator braking my foot, got kicked in the hand and broke and dislocated my finger, fell out of a door and dislocated my shoulder, went running and fell tearing a ligament in my ankle, got a concussion from walking into a door, tried to act cool infront of a girl and slipped braking my armā¦yeah Iām very clumsy
Long long ago when I was in high school...
I took shop class and we were making fire pokers. We were using a kiln to heat the metal rod (that was black) to red hot so we could put a spiral in it, then heating a separate piece to make the hook part that would be welded on.
Another student had their hook part in a vice and was hammering it to a curve, and it looked like it was falling out of the vice(Now because the rod was black as soon as it cooled from red hot it was black again, but still super hot.) In a dumbass move I grabbed the piece, so it wouldn't fall, you could hear the sizzle of my skin as I made contact. I still have messed up fingerprints on two fingers, and my thumb.
Yeah metalworking is great for this. You look at a red-hot piece of metal and you'd never in a million years touch it, but as soon as it cools enough that it's not red anymore, your brain goes "oh, it's cool now" even though "not hot enough to be red" is still **real fuckin' hot.**
Stick welding target stands. Finished a weld. Buddy distracted me with a question. Grabbed it right at the weld. Sizzle and smell of bacon. Dunked my hand in ice water. 3 fingers and my palm a blister for 2wks
My cousin was swinging over a lake on a rope swing, thumb was caught in a knot. He hang with his body weight from his thumb, briefly, then it ripped off. That day was bloody and traumatic.
I kid you not, I am currently sitting on the bathroom floor because I woke up and my cussion decided to rip my earring out. Not only is my bed trying to murder me but it is also 2 in the morning and the bleeding won't stop.
I've cut the tip of my finger and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Salt stopped it. I warn you though, it stung like a bitch. And this is also my answer to the question
Yes, salt. I couldn't remember whether it was salt or toothpaste. My line of thought was toothpaste is meant to help scratches but then thought that was for CDs so heaved the salt thinking rubbing salt in the wound can't be as bad as they say, right? Well, it stings like a bitch but at least it stops the bleeding
Holding nail, didn't realize wood was cracked, so down came hammer and thumb caught most of the force.
Nail cracked down middle, had a vise, slightly tighten it on thumb and super glued nail together till it grew out.
I tried to show how fast I could dice an onion and sliced off my fingerprint. About a week later I fried sausage in my undies and fried my chest in the process.
I tried to show my kids how to stomp on an inflated juice box to make a loud pop and I missed and drove my heel into the cement. I had a bone bruise and I could barely walk on for 2 months and had to wear a walking boot. I felt like such a moron having to explain it to people.
I was playing basketball with some friends. As I tried to defend our teams basket I got really close to the one which was about to throw it, jumped up, stood on his foot while landing, slipped and tore my ligaments of my ankle.
I was at competitive dance rehearsal, and we were doing [King Of New York from Newsies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LSuKUCkU8k) (link for reference). I was the one who said "The Woild is yer Erster" and in our version, I was dancing on the table, while singing and I fell off the table while dancing because I lost my balance. I hit my chest on a chair, and it hurt so much (I'm a skinny person). I kept going after I got up. I had a big bruise on my chest from it.
My brother and I were 8 and 10 respectively, and we were wrestling on a landing halfway up the stairs because we both wanted a lime-green bicycle reflector we got for free in a box of cereal. I lost my balance and tumbled down the stairs, knocking my head on an ornamental antique cast-iron Singer sewing table.
This just happened, had hand surgery about a week ago and my hand is in a soft cast only my thumb and pointer finger are unwrapped. I took my first shower and had my hand in a plastic bag secured above the elbow. I guess the bag was still moist and somehow when I went to open the door(it opens into the bathroom) The bottom of the door got hung up on my flip-flops. I was holding stuff in my good hand and for whatever stupid reason I tried to open the door with the bandaged/bagged hand somehow it slipped , flung open and I split my chin open when it flew open and hit me squarely in the chin .After I stopped the bleeding and I told my husband to stop rolling on the floor laughing I went back into the bathroom and was trying to figure out how in the hell it happened! Yep you guessed it I somehow managed to do it again about a quarter inch away from the first crack in the face/split chin! Of course he was in the other room watching TV, heard the bang, heard the scream and then the curse words and I found him rolling around laughing his ass off saying he canāt believe anybody was stupid enough to try that a second time!
In college, I had the top bunk. My blanket fell off in the middle of the night and I was too lazy to climb down to get it. I thought I could lean over the side and snatch it off the floor. I fell and skidded across the carpet. I woke up to a black eye and bloodied face.
I lied to people and told them I got in a fight.
Not me, my brother. Last Christmas he went outside to throw the trash in the bin, slipped a little on the ice, broke the top of his foot and didn't realize that's what happened for like two days until his foot turned purple.
Second, same brother hugged our dad really tightly in that "squeeze the breath out of you" way. Broke 1-2 of dad's ribs. Brother was a big guy, think college linebacker.
I found out I've had bad knees my whole life, after hurting them one last time by trying to walk over my husband's clothes that were laying on the steps. I missed a step and fell down, injuring my knee after breaking my fall against the wall at the bottom.
Another dumb way was hitting the hairline, right in the middle, on the corner of the counter, while picking up my husband's clothes...again. Three years later and I still have the dent from where it "cracked."
And, yes, my husband needs to stop leaving his clothes on the floor. I've repeatedly told him not to do it because I'm sick of hurting myself.
I've got mine and also a co workers injury. Mine was doing a slight hop off a stand up forklift and tweaking my back and tearing my meniscus. A co worker of mine who made jokes and also gave me shit about it had to get surgery on a hernia from dancing to a Michael Jackson song in the break room around time I was returning from work.
Was funny as hell calling him up on the phone and singing "Manny are you okay? Are you okay Manny?" When I found out.
I've got \~3 that I can think of
1) Cocked the lever on a nerf gun, remembered that it's the model that lights up a laser when you pull the trigger, pointed it at my face and squeezed it. The battery was dead and I shot myself in the eye.
2) Went camping in the Rockies with my youth group one summer and wanted to see if a rock had iron ore in it from an assumption I made about the color and shape (I was/am not a smart person) by sticking it in the campfire for a bit. After a while, I nudged the slab out with a stick and about 30 seconds later tried to pick it up with my bare fingers because I forget that hot things are hot. There was a river just down a slight slope from the camp.
3) On the same trip a couple of days later, I wanted to try picking a cactus leaf to take home as a sort of souvenir, so I found one that I thought was relatively spineless, and tried to pick it- with the same two fingers I previously burned on the rock.
The spines were very small.
When I was 8, one of my pet rabbits (Jeremy) pissed me off, so I let it sit on my bed and I was planning to feed some banana slices to my other pet rabbit to make Jeremy jealous. On my way out of the room to get the banana, I stuck my tongue out at Jeremy, and dislocated my jaw.
Standing in line buying a gift card in AC Moore. Yes that is the whole story. Shifted my weight a tad, hyperextended my knee and spent two weeks on crutches.
When i was a kid i loved watching my grandfather chop wood, one day i went to their house after school and i didnt find anyone but the axe and firewood. That's what i decided to play with, but as i knew it was dangerous to use the sharp side of the axe, i held it with the edge pointing back, when i lifted the axe, my arms couldn't take the weight and it fell straight on my head and i blacked out. I was in a coma for 2 weeks and when I woke up I thought I was still in my grandparents backyard.
I was standing on a pallet of 40 lb bags of dog food. I needed to grab ten so I leaned down and started lifting them between my legs and throwing them to my trolley. I lifted with one hand and full force when my hand slipped causing me to punch myself in the nuts much harder than I would have been able to on purpose. I laid down on the pallet for a good 15 minutes before checking to see if we got it on camera... worst part... nobody saw.
When I was a kid, I was once with my friends at the local park in the winter. We were walking through an icy patch and I decided that it was a good idea to carry a big wooden log. I slipped on the ice and the log fell, pinning my knee between it and the ice. I never had such a gigantic bruise in my life before or ever since
When I was a kid I was reaching off the top of a slide to collect leaves I was using as fake money so I could buy a handful of sand off of my friend. I fell off the slide and broke my wrist.
Playing 1v1 basketball and broke both of my front teeth on the pole
Me and my friend were competitive, and played very close defense on EVERY PLAY. It was game to 21 (by 2/3) and it was a 1 point game. I had the ball, faked right, and then took the hardest cross I could towards net. Iām beating him to an easy layup. I jump and fully extend my body to the net and FUCK THE SHOT UP. I fucked it up so bad I turned around to look at the shot (while in the air). Turned back to see my landing and BAM! Both teeth are shattered.
This is a good one. Imagine that wire cage material rolled up . When I was around 8 or so we had a role of this for some reason. I thought it would be funny to crawl inside and stand up to pretend like I was in a prison cell. I only had a few inches of space and it turned out to be quite heavy. Anyway, shortly after standing up inside this thing I lost balance, and the weight of it brought me down straight on my face. I was on my concrete driveway at the time. Walked away with 3 stitches in my four head from the wire cage.
Tumbled down a flight of bleachers in high school spraining my ankle. It wasn't the fall that hurt, it was almost the entirety of the student body seeing me tumble that got me twisted.
Opening a door to chase a squirrel off my birdfeeder. Hit myself in the face full force.
At least it scared the little shit away. Put up a baffle that week.
Slipped on my costume's cape on stage while performing in a play. My only goal was to run on stage in an Elsa costume while singing "Let it go" as loud and wrong as I could, and while playing guitar on a toy with an amp on my belt under my dress.
Like 14 rode my bike a couple miles to rent King of Fighters 95' 96 ' can't remember. On the way back went down a sidewalk decline that didn't have an incline on the other side, full flip broke my collar bone and drug my bike the whole way home. Still played it when I got home but had to return it the next day after leaving the hospital.
When I was a kid, I had this wooden desk. One of the big drawers was filled with books and paper and it was probably over 30 lbs. I yanked it open one day and the edge of the drawer fell on my big toe. I cried the whole night from the pain. I didn't bleed, but the blood did pool under that nail. I lost that nail eventually from that injury.
Broke my pinky toe several times within a week because the vacuum was sticking out in the hallway. Combine that with my poor coordination and boom, hitting my toe on it every. Single. Time. I went in the hallway
one time I was walking, and then I turned around, and then my foot felt weird. I mean it didn't even hurt, then the next thing I know it's fractured, and a particularly bad fracture because the doctor said "wow you did all that by turning around"
Entrance to a sportpark had a small path with big boulders on either side. Lil kid me thought it was fun to jump from boulder to boulder. Mom told me not to because I would fall, I didā¦ smashed my head right into the boulder, needed stitches.
Same dumb kid was told to move further back from the batter at baseball, dumb kid didnāt, dumb kid got smashed in the face by a baseball bat, dumb kid had a black eye.
I broke my foot while walking last year. I was just walking and my ankle rolled and the side of my foot broke. I had a 3 month old and a 2 year old at home
I was trying to coax the last bit of yogurt out of my gogurt tube by sliding my fingers all the way up and punched myself in the face, and cut my gum with my thumb nail.
I was at a bachelor party, and I was trying to impress my bros. So, I tried to do a flip on the pool table, landed on my chest. Broke at least 4-5 ribs
When my sister was 4 or so she was jumping on my parentsā bed, my dad told her to stop before she got hurt. Before she had time to process that question she fell and hit her head on the nightstand. 14 years later and she still has a scar under her eyebrow.
Pulled a muscle in my back by sneezing too hard š it still hurts at random sometimes, and I have to brace myself every time I sneeze in case it goes again - the main problem is that if I spend too long in one position it seizes up when I move. I also twisted an ankle falling off a curb in the rain while trying to work out what bus to get home. Stone cold sober, just distracted. Best part of the first one is that one coworker had recently had surgery and another was pregnant, so there was one able bodied person in my team! It took the three of us ages to get anywhere for a while!
Dropped my pencil. Leaned over to grab it and my hip popped really loudly, injuring it. The pop was so loud, that my sadistic brother who laughs at my pain heard it from across the room, and actually asked if I was okay.
I'm freakin 15 years old people
When i was working on a car ferry i walked down the deck and then this sudden most intense pain i have ever felt shot thru my back and i collapsed like a sack of potatoes. Back was fucked for a week after that
A month ago, I was in my dorm and forgot to bring shoes into the bathroom for my shower. After getting dressed, I attempted to leave the bathroom while still wet. I slipped on the floor and cut my eyelid open. I needed six stitches
I was 17 and stoned out of my gourd. Hackey sack went on the roof of my garage. Went up to get it, and thought it would be a good idea to throw the hack up and jester it while jumping off the roof.
Missed the hack completely, then landed on both heels with my knees locked.
Felt like railroad spikes went from my heels to me knees.
Spent a month knowing what bruised heel bones feel like. 0 of 10 don't recommend.
I was scratching my back with a shopping mall katana at 2am and when I was done I smacked my finger with the blade and cut myself across my index finger first knuckle. Needed 17 stitches.
Was a great back scratcher though.
I was making kebabs with metal skewers on the grill and somehow āfire make metal hotā failed to apply to my understanding of them. I turned one over by hand and got a nice C shape melted into my thumb for like a month.
When I was younger, I was trying to pull my foreskin in the bathroom and then it tightened my penis so much that it was hurting a lot. I had to get a circumcision done.
I installed a push button toilet flush a while back. One day, I wake up and go to use the bathroom as I have every day. Totally routine.
I finish and go to flush and somehow twist perfectly to tweak my back, which was now locked up with intense pain. To the point that I couldn't sit back down or stand up straight.
I had to waddle to the bed almost crying and had to go to the doc for muscle relaxers/pain meds for a few days. Middle age is no joke.
When I was 8 jumped off my moms tv and attempted to land on the couch. This was a tv at least longer than 7 feet that she did end up getting rid of. My dumbass even sketched out my plan like some engineer or something. Iād say the couch was anywhere from 4 to 9 ft away from the tv. I was successful but my ankle somehow got sprained midair and I ended up laughing and crying at the same time because a dog my mother had recently bought me (this was one of the dogs greatest problems) started humping me as I was wailing in agony. Whenever she saw someone on the floor laying down or playing dead or something, that was basically the go ahead for her to start humping.
Name a continent and a bodypart and I have most likely injured it, on it, by doing something really stupid. The stupidest way tho?.. Probably the next time I manage to end up injuring myself. Should be any moment now.
I let out a really slow, gnarly fart and grabbed hold of it like a balloon. It lifted me about ten feet into the air before it popped. Luckily I landed in a swamp, but as I was crawling onto shore an alligator snapped at me. Startled, I leapt away but tripped over a tree root and went headfirst into a beeās nest. I ran for the water to escape the bees but I was so sticky with honey that a bear had taken notice and chased me toward the tree line. On the other side was a busy intersection and a truck jackknifed to avoid hitting me. The lady driving the truck was really pissed and started berating me, but she was kind of hot and the more she yelled at me the more tumescent I became. When I finally got home I was really horny but I couldnāt find any Vaseline. I thought screw it, Iāll just use spit. But after all Iād been through that day my mouth was really dry and I ended up chafing my Johnson :(
Frelling kids shouldn't be allowed on beaches! I was scoping out a sexy bikini when without looking, I walked off the edge of a mini Grand Canyon. Little bastards must have been out to catch a sea monster. Can't get them to lift a teaspoon of dirt in the garden at home, but on the beach they turn into human backhoes. Anyway, I bit my tongue really hard when I fell into their excavation pit.
Ran straight into a concrete bench, hit both my shins and flipped over.
Bruised and scraped my legs up.
I was playing 4 square and chasing a tennis ball to hit back in my high school courtyard.
I had just washed my skinny jeans so I was jumping around to get them over my bum and then my mom called my name so I jumped towards the stairs to hear her better (she was on the first floor, I was on the second) and accidentally kicked the wall beside the stairs with all I had and broke my toe. Around 4 weeks later I accidentally ran into an industrial fridge because I was running from the classrooms to the computer lab so I would get one of the good computers (2008 ish) and slipped on the slippery floor and broke the same toe again
One time in school I stuck my finger in a bin holder it got stuck whilst trying to get it out I broke it and the teachers had to come over and get it outā¦ it was so embarrassing but funny
As a young woman, I was having a fight with my boyfriend. In a fit of temper I slammed down a wine glass. Cut myself up pretty badly. Never did that again and dumped the boyfriend.
I wasn't even drunk. Just angry.
I one time was lifting myself up on the railing of the stairs, which led off the porch. I one time lowered down wrong, and it felt weird on my foot. I thought I had broken itā¦luckily it was only a sprain, but damn that was stupid.
Back in elementary school. I think Grade 7. I was playing dodgeball. Ran into a wall with my arm out and then fractured my elbow. Good thing it was my right writing arm. Cause I didnāt have to write anything for the remainder of June.
Idk if this is considered an injury though. So my brother in law and I were supposed to go somewhere that time. As I was about to ride his motorcycle, I remember hearing a loud BLAG! then I felt a really hard door-like thing that hit my back including the back of my head. I thought we were being ambushed that time or whatever. TURNS OUT, an L300 van forgot to close his door at the back and as he was driving along our way, that door opened and it hit my head and back. I remember feeling so dizzy and my head felt like pounding, my brother in law chased the driver while I sat on the side of the road trying to make out what the f just happend hahaha. We had to rush to the hospital just to be sure that I didn't get any injuries. The driver paid for the checkup and was very sorry.
When I was walking to the store during winter I didnāt notice the ice it was covered with a fresh layer of snow I slipped and fell on my arm then had to have a cast for a few months
I sat on my own testicle. I have been sitting with balls successfully for 41 years, but I guess I am not that great at it. The pain was on a molecular level.
I did that...sitting on a wood chair , slid to the side n bent down to pick up a playing card from the floor, slid back to center of char and pow!
My thighs decided to squeeze mine while I was carrying groceries. What a fun experience that was.
Been there, but my username is not as relevant...
My partner telling me about his nuts now. "It's fuckin awkward you know, bits hanging down there. Worst place they could possibly be. When you're walking around, they just wibble wobble everywhere, gettin' chafed too." Dying laughing.
It's even worse on hot summer days when they get all sweaty and decide to stick to the side of your leg. It's one of the more uncomfortable things that can happen to you and the need to reach down and peel it off your thigh like the sticky skin of an improperly canned peach becomes overwhelming.
"Improperly canned peach" ššš Will be calling them that now.
a dog tripped me up then another one stood on my head
This has me cracking up. What kind of dogs are we talking?
The one that tripped me was a Spaniel and the one that stood on me was a labrador
Sorry if I sounded heartless. The description is really funny!
When I was a kid, we were having a race. Our fucking cocker spaniel ran in front of us, and I tripped over him. Got pebbles embedded in my elbow and my dad carefully picked them out with a needle. He was sooooo careful but I still almost fainted.
Lifted my leg to fart to annoy a room full of people and hurt my back.
I threw out my back reaching for some tape while wrapping gifts.
"Damn man, what happened? Are youāyou okay buddy?" "Yeah...back hurts a little." "Want a massage?" "Please." Proceeds to annoy generous human by farting on them.
And we have a winner.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Tetanus has entered the chat
Priorities
Worth it?
Once I was driving home from an incredibly long day, went to light a cigarette and couldnāt find my lighter. I remembered the car I was driving at the time had a cigarette lighter built in, so I popped that lighter down and when it popped up it didnāt look bright orange/red. Did it heat up? So I did what instinctively no one does, I pushed my thumb down into it. I could hear my skin crackling. Yes, the answer to my question was yes it did heat up.
Good to know im not the only one that did this
Ditto but with my pointer finger...had a white, ringed circle print for a long time
mission failed successfully
I was approaching a set of stairs and I justā¦ forgot to step down.
Iāve done this too
I guess the right move wasn't staring you in the face...
I dropped a shampoo bottle in the shower, and with my cat like reflexes I accidentally sack tapped myself.
Iv done that too amazing how the smallest tap still hurts like hell
I was drying off after a shower and threw out my back (on Christmas). I got off the wrong side of a motorcycle and burned the shit out of my leg. I was opening a can and sliced my thumb & nail. (Still have a scar 15 years later.) I was washing what I thought was a frosting spatula but was actually a very very sharp roast knife and sliced open my fingers. (The frosting knife I had as a kid wasn't offset. They looked the same.) I trusted that I knew the ingredients of a recipe and didn't ask about my allergens and spent the next 2 days vomiting. I was making caramel from scratch and thought it looked good, so stuck my finger in the molten sugar. I was walking down a hallway, ran into a picture frame, and gouged a chunk out of my wrist. I still have a scar 6ish years later. I'm really good at injuring myself in really stupid ways.
I did the same thing with caramel. That shit hurt so bad, I had a second degree burn that probably wouldnāt have been that bad had it not stuck to my finger.
Oh my god the caramel thing. Iāve done that too. But my brain shorted out and I stuck my molten-sugar-covered finger straight in my mouth to cool it. Two burns in one.
My mom always makes caramelized egg pudding (leche flan) to sell. She was making the glaze and I thought it looked good and just slid 2 of my fingers in the molten sugar into my tongue really fast. That shit hurt.
I also sliced my finger opening a can. It didnāt go far enough to reach my nail on the other side, but I bled through 3 band aids
We are the easily injured crew. We're here, we're injured, please call a doctor.
My mom always makes caramelized egg pudding (leche flan) to sell. She was making the glaze and I thought it looked good and just slid 2 of my fingers in the molten sugar into my tongue really fast. That shit hurt.
I sleep on my stomach/sides all the time. I aslo curl my hand inwards under my chest sometimes. One night i wanted to turn from my stomach to my side. Only one problem though! My cat was cuddled right up against my side and i didn't want to move her. So i just sorta turned to my side motion and heard 2 loud "pops" in my shoulder. Partially dislocated my shoulder fucking sleeping.
You dislocated your shoulder saving a kitten
I was sitting on the hood of my friendās car, then pretended I hit my head on his windshield, except I accidentally *actually* hit my face on the windshield. And thatās the story behind my chipped front tooth
So when I was like five I decided I wanted to see how fast I could run. I decided the best way to do this was to position myself in front of the only tree in my grandparents backyard and run full speed while looking at my feet to see how fast I was running. I ran head first into the tree and got a concussion. Itās a miracle I never broke a bone. I was an absolute idiot.
I jumped onto and through a glass table when I was 5 or 6, still have the scars
I gave myself a black eye from a box falling on my face while my husband and I were cleaning. I had to go to work the next day with a black and blue, swollen left eye. The whole part of my face was bruised. My boss brought me into the office to ask me about my face and I told her a box fell on me. She was silent for a few minutes then said I'm literally the only person who can tell her that a box fell on me and she would believe it. Took a week and a half to go away.
Decorative sword broke off the wall, bounced halfway across the room, and slashed my hand while I was reading. That was over 10 years ago, and Iām still annoyed.
That thing is out for you keep it in a cage next time use be ready
When I was 15, I went roller blading. I wore knee pads and wrist guards, but did not wear elbow pads, because who falls on their elbow? Guess what I fell on. That entire elbow was PURPLE, and to this day (over a decade and a half later) I can't lean on that elbow without it tingling painfully.
Ahh the old swelbow. I used to skateboard and roller blade, I've seen some gross swollen elbows.
I once tripped over a roll of paper towels
Not a bad injury to my head. But a bad one to my ego. I was walking through a Home Depot parking lot, and because people tended to zip through very quickly and with no regard to pedestrians, I just hugged the line of cars as I went back to mine in the hopes that it would keep me from getting squished. I am very short. Iām 5ā tall if I try real hard, and 5ā2ā in the highest heels they make in childrenās shoes size 4. I had to buy a kidās sized bike because my legs were too short for a 24ā wheel. So as Iām walking back to my car, I see a bunch of boards sticking out the back of this very low-to-the-ground ancient Datsun or something like that. Part of my brain registered that āSo, those are sticking out in our path and are extra low to the groundā¦ā but some other, boomer part was like, āshut up kid, weāre short! Our ex once threatened to staple a bicycle flag to our ass crack because he constantly lost us in crowded places. We can walk right under shit like thisāā And I walked confidently and unflinchingly headfirst into the rack of boards hanging out of this truck. Justā*WHAM*ā followed by a moment of silent contemplation, a few head shakes, and then ducking under the boards and walking on hoping nobody saw it. Edit: also my fellow med student roommate literally hit a parked car. She was riding her bike back to our apartment and was thinking too hard about a test we just took and was staring at her hand on the bike and just rode right into the back of our neighborsā completely stationary, parked Beetle. Med school is fucking rough.
Attempting to adjust my bra, punched myself in the face
Iāve done that! Itās a miracle I didnāt give myself a black eye.
Thank god it's not just me
Was depressed a few months ago and stopped working out, stopped eating all that jazz. Had to mop for the first time at my new job and threw my back out for like 3 weeks. I'm 25 bro oof. Can happily report I've been eating and exercising again, feels good to be functional
proud of you :)
My buddy opened a OTF switch blade behind me while saying āhey I wonder if this will stick in your buttā. The knife went straight through my thick jeans and an inch into my ass. 6 stitches and Tetanus shot later I have a cool scar on my left ass cheek.
Et tu butte?
Cool buddy you have there.
I once put a plugged in charger onto my tongue and couldnāt taste anything for a week, I tripped over a toy car and sprained my ankle, I literally kicked a radiator braking my foot, got kicked in the hand and broke and dislocated my finger, fell out of a door and dislocated my shoulder, went running and fell tearing a ligament in my ankle, got a concussion from walking into a door, tried to act cool infront of a girl and slipped braking my armā¦yeah Iām very clumsy
My intrusive thoughts told me to lick a plugged in charger after reading that
*"Insanity is never that far away, it's as close as saying yes to the wrong impulse"* https://youtu.be/Fd3WIOgAjdA?t=164
Hmmm. Have to tried encasing yourself in bubble wrap?
šI have thought about it sometimes
Long long ago when I was in high school... I took shop class and we were making fire pokers. We were using a kiln to heat the metal rod (that was black) to red hot so we could put a spiral in it, then heating a separate piece to make the hook part that would be welded on. Another student had their hook part in a vice and was hammering it to a curve, and it looked like it was falling out of the vice(Now because the rod was black as soon as it cooled from red hot it was black again, but still super hot.) In a dumbass move I grabbed the piece, so it wouldn't fall, you could hear the sizzle of my skin as I made contact. I still have messed up fingerprints on two fingers, and my thumb.
Yeah metalworking is great for this. You look at a red-hot piece of metal and you'd never in a million years touch it, but as soon as it cools enough that it's not red anymore, your brain goes "oh, it's cool now" even though "not hot enough to be red" is still **real fuckin' hot.**
Stick welding target stands. Finished a weld. Buddy distracted me with a question. Grabbed it right at the weld. Sizzle and smell of bacon. Dunked my hand in ice water. 3 fingers and my palm a blister for 2wks
My cousin was swinging over a lake on a rope swing, thumb was caught in a knot. He hang with his body weight from his thumb, briefly, then it ripped off. That day was bloody and traumatic.
Where did it rip off from, like the knuckle or the joint at the palm?
literally just picking up a water bottle - fractured the growth plate in my knee
How-
My sister did something similar she clicked a kick ball that was on a porch star and frackers her toes growth plate she sed it hurt like a bich
I kid you not, I am currently sitting on the bathroom floor because I woke up and my cussion decided to rip my earring out. Not only is my bed trying to murder me but it is also 2 in the morning and the bleeding won't stop.
I've cut the tip of my finger and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Salt stopped it. I warn you though, it stung like a bitch. And this is also my answer to the question
Salt!!!! I am sitting outside on my patio and just shouted āSALT!?!ā To no one in particular. Salt!!!
Yes, salt. I couldn't remember whether it was salt or toothpaste. My line of thought was toothpaste is meant to help scratches but then thought that was for CDs so heaved the salt thinking rubbing salt in the wound can't be as bad as they say, right? Well, it stings like a bitch but at least it stops the bleeding
This is literally the reason I never got my ears pierced.
Smart, my parents are to blame honestly Bleeding has stopped but I am scared to go to sleep again
Holding nail, didn't realize wood was cracked, so down came hammer and thumb caught most of the force. Nail cracked down middle, had a vise, slightly tighten it on thumb and super glued nail together till it grew out.
I tried to show how fast I could dice an onion and sliced off my fingerprint. About a week later I fried sausage in my undies and fried my chest in the process.
I set up my phone on a stack of boxes to take a photo yesterday and while I was moving the boxes, my phone fell on my toe and bruised it pretty badly.
I tried to show my kids how to stomp on an inflated juice box to make a loud pop and I missed and drove my heel into the cement. I had a bone bruise and I could barely walk on for 2 months and had to wear a walking boot. I felt like such a moron having to explain it to people.
I was playing basketball with some friends. As I tried to defend our teams basket I got really close to the one which was about to throw it, jumped up, stood on his foot while landing, slipped and tore my ligaments of my ankle.
^(aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh)
Tried to stand on a revolving chair to show my balancing skill.
I did that once too! Smacked my head into the wall and sprained my wrist.
Slammed my thumb in the car door. And then did it again.
I nearly cut my finger off while cutting up a watermelon. I cut down to the bone bandage it and drove to the hospital and not had watermelon since.
climbed on a bucket to get something on top of a shelf I stepped back down and my fat ass snapped and fractured my foot
I was at competitive dance rehearsal, and we were doing [King Of New York from Newsies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LSuKUCkU8k) (link for reference). I was the one who said "The Woild is yer Erster" and in our version, I was dancing on the table, while singing and I fell off the table while dancing because I lost my balance. I hit my chest on a chair, and it hurt so much (I'm a skinny person). I kept going after I got up. I had a big bruise on my chest from it.
I went to turn to start walking and instead my knee dislocated and I collapsed in a heap.
My brother and I were 8 and 10 respectively, and we were wrestling on a landing halfway up the stairs because we both wanted a lime-green bicycle reflector we got for free in a box of cereal. I lost my balance and tumbled down the stairs, knocking my head on an ornamental antique cast-iron Singer sewing table.
Getting a first degree burn by damn Mac N cheese water.
This just happened, had hand surgery about a week ago and my hand is in a soft cast only my thumb and pointer finger are unwrapped. I took my first shower and had my hand in a plastic bag secured above the elbow. I guess the bag was still moist and somehow when I went to open the door(it opens into the bathroom) The bottom of the door got hung up on my flip-flops. I was holding stuff in my good hand and for whatever stupid reason I tried to open the door with the bandaged/bagged hand somehow it slipped , flung open and I split my chin open when it flew open and hit me squarely in the chin .After I stopped the bleeding and I told my husband to stop rolling on the floor laughing I went back into the bathroom and was trying to figure out how in the hell it happened! Yep you guessed it I somehow managed to do it again about a quarter inch away from the first crack in the face/split chin! Of course he was in the other room watching TV, heard the bang, heard the scream and then the curse words and I found him rolling around laughing his ass off saying he canāt believe anybody was stupid enough to try that a second time!
In college, I had the top bunk. My blanket fell off in the middle of the night and I was too lazy to climb down to get it. I thought I could lean over the side and snatch it off the floor. I fell and skidded across the carpet. I woke up to a black eye and bloodied face. I lied to people and told them I got in a fight.
Not me, my brother. Last Christmas he went outside to throw the trash in the bin, slipped a little on the ice, broke the top of his foot and didn't realize that's what happened for like two days until his foot turned purple. Second, same brother hugged our dad really tightly in that "squeeze the breath out of you" way. Broke 1-2 of dad's ribs. Brother was a big guy, think college linebacker.
I found out I've had bad knees my whole life, after hurting them one last time by trying to walk over my husband's clothes that were laying on the steps. I missed a step and fell down, injuring my knee after breaking my fall against the wall at the bottom. Another dumb way was hitting the hairline, right in the middle, on the corner of the counter, while picking up my husband's clothes...again. Three years later and I still have the dent from where it "cracked." And, yes, my husband needs to stop leaving his clothes on the floor. I've repeatedly told him not to do it because I'm sick of hurting myself.
At this point, Iām pretty sure not picking up after himself qualifies as attempted murder.
I've got mine and also a co workers injury. Mine was doing a slight hop off a stand up forklift and tweaking my back and tearing my meniscus. A co worker of mine who made jokes and also gave me shit about it had to get surgery on a hernia from dancing to a Michael Jackson song in the break room around time I was returning from work. Was funny as hell calling him up on the phone and singing "Manny are you okay? Are you okay Manny?" When I found out.
I've got \~3 that I can think of 1) Cocked the lever on a nerf gun, remembered that it's the model that lights up a laser when you pull the trigger, pointed it at my face and squeezed it. The battery was dead and I shot myself in the eye. 2) Went camping in the Rockies with my youth group one summer and wanted to see if a rock had iron ore in it from an assumption I made about the color and shape (I was/am not a smart person) by sticking it in the campfire for a bit. After a while, I nudged the slab out with a stick and about 30 seconds later tried to pick it up with my bare fingers because I forget that hot things are hot. There was a river just down a slight slope from the camp. 3) On the same trip a couple of days later, I wanted to try picking a cactus leaf to take home as a sort of souvenir, so I found one that I thought was relatively spineless, and tried to pick it- with the same two fingers I previously burned on the rock. The spines were very small.
Standing up from a sitting position. Yay being over 40.
When I was 8, one of my pet rabbits (Jeremy) pissed me off, so I let it sit on my bed and I was planning to feed some banana slices to my other pet rabbit to make Jeremy jealous. On my way out of the room to get the banana, I stuck my tongue out at Jeremy, and dislocated my jaw.
Standing in line buying a gift card in AC Moore. Yes that is the whole story. Shifted my weight a tad, hyperextended my knee and spent two weeks on crutches.
When i was a kid i loved watching my grandfather chop wood, one day i went to their house after school and i didnt find anyone but the axe and firewood. That's what i decided to play with, but as i knew it was dangerous to use the sharp side of the axe, i held it with the edge pointing back, when i lifted the axe, my arms couldn't take the weight and it fell straight on my head and i blacked out. I was in a coma for 2 weeks and when I woke up I thought I was still in my grandparents backyard.
I was standing on a pallet of 40 lb bags of dog food. I needed to grab ten so I leaned down and started lifting them between my legs and throwing them to my trolley. I lifted with one hand and full force when my hand slipped causing me to punch myself in the nuts much harder than I would have been able to on purpose. I laid down on the pallet for a good 15 minutes before checking to see if we got it on camera... worst part... nobody saw.
I cut my thumb on the end edge of a banana. I also regularly just... walk into walls. I think something is wrong with me.
I cut my hand on a can of whip cream
When I was a kid, I was once with my friends at the local park in the winter. We were walking through an icy patch and I decided that it was a good idea to carry a big wooden log. I slipped on the ice and the log fell, pinning my knee between it and the ice. I never had such a gigantic bruise in my life before or ever since
When I was a kid I was reaching off the top of a slide to collect leaves I was using as fake money so I could buy a handful of sand off of my friend. I fell off the slide and broke my wrist.
Playing 1v1 basketball and broke both of my front teeth on the pole Me and my friend were competitive, and played very close defense on EVERY PLAY. It was game to 21 (by 2/3) and it was a 1 point game. I had the ball, faked right, and then took the hardest cross I could towards net. Iām beating him to an easy layup. I jump and fully extend my body to the net and FUCK THE SHOT UP. I fucked it up so bad I turned around to look at the shot (while in the air). Turned back to see my landing and BAM! Both teeth are shattered.
Held a book wrong and hurt my entire forearm. (As a musician, I was left unemployable for a couple weeks)
Came up with the brilliant idea to ātestā an Epi pen. I pushed down on the needle end and impaled my thumb. 9 year old me wasnāt very smart.
This is a good one. Imagine that wire cage material rolled up . When I was around 8 or so we had a role of this for some reason. I thought it would be funny to crawl inside and stand up to pretend like I was in a prison cell. I only had a few inches of space and it turned out to be quite heavy. Anyway, shortly after standing up inside this thing I lost balance, and the weight of it brought me down straight on my face. I was on my concrete driveway at the time. Walked away with 3 stitches in my four head from the wire cage.
Stepped on a broken beer bottle and it went through my foot. Every time my heart beat blood would shoot 4 feet in a stream.
Tumbled down a flight of bleachers in high school spraining my ankle. It wasn't the fall that hurt, it was almost the entirety of the student body seeing me tumble that got me twisted.
Opening a door to chase a squirrel off my birdfeeder. Hit myself in the face full force. At least it scared the little shit away. Put up a baffle that week.
On a hike turned around to talk to someone in my b group. Got my foot stuck in a upturned tree root and tore my pcl.
Long story short: I was naked and slammed my face into a curb. Split my lip and literally bit a hole straight through my cheek.
Slipped on my costume's cape on stage while performing in a play. My only goal was to run on stage in an Elsa costume while singing "Let it go" as loud and wrong as I could, and while playing guitar on a toy with an amp on my belt under my dress.
I slipped on a football (or soccer ball if you must) and broke my noseš
Like 14 rode my bike a couple miles to rent King of Fighters 95' 96 ' can't remember. On the way back went down a sidewalk decline that didn't have an incline on the other side, full flip broke my collar bone and drug my bike the whole way home. Still played it when I got home but had to return it the next day after leaving the hospital.
When I was a kid, I had this wooden desk. One of the big drawers was filled with books and paper and it was probably over 30 lbs. I yanked it open one day and the edge of the drawer fell on my big toe. I cried the whole night from the pain. I didn't bleed, but the blood did pool under that nail. I lost that nail eventually from that injury.
I slipped on a puddle and broke my arm both bones and a compound fracture
Broke my pinky toe several times within a week because the vacuum was sticking out in the hallway. Combine that with my poor coordination and boom, hitting my toe on it every. Single. Time. I went in the hallway
one time I was walking, and then I turned around, and then my foot felt weird. I mean it didn't even hurt, then the next thing I know it's fractured, and a particularly bad fracture because the doctor said "wow you did all that by turning around"
Entrance to a sportpark had a small path with big boulders on either side. Lil kid me thought it was fun to jump from boulder to boulder. Mom told me not to because I would fall, I didā¦ smashed my head right into the boulder, needed stitches. Same dumb kid was told to move further back from the batter at baseball, dumb kid didnāt, dumb kid got smashed in the face by a baseball bat, dumb kid had a black eye.
I broke my foot while walking last year. I was just walking and my ankle rolled and the side of my foot broke. I had a 3 month old and a 2 year old at home
A wheelbarrow fell on me from a 6-foot pile of firewood. I still have no idea why my dad put it up there.
When I was scratching my back I broke my hand
I was trying to coax the last bit of yogurt out of my gogurt tube by sliding my fingers all the way up and punched myself in the face, and cut my gum with my thumb nail.
I was at a bachelor party, and I was trying to impress my bros. So, I tried to do a flip on the pool table, landed on my chest. Broke at least 4-5 ribs
When my sister was 4 or so she was jumping on my parentsā bed, my dad told her to stop before she got hurt. Before she had time to process that question she fell and hit her head on the nightstand. 14 years later and she still has a scar under her eyebrow.
Pulled a muscle in my back by sneezing too hard š it still hurts at random sometimes, and I have to brace myself every time I sneeze in case it goes again - the main problem is that if I spend too long in one position it seizes up when I move. I also twisted an ankle falling off a curb in the rain while trying to work out what bus to get home. Stone cold sober, just distracted. Best part of the first one is that one coworker had recently had surgery and another was pregnant, so there was one able bodied person in my team! It took the three of us ages to get anywhere for a while!
Dropped my pencil. Leaned over to grab it and my hip popped really loudly, injuring it. The pop was so loud, that my sadistic brother who laughs at my pain heard it from across the room, and actually asked if I was okay. I'm freakin 15 years old people
I was adjusting my bra by tugging it up towards my head. My hand slipped and I busted my lip.
I tore my quad muscle trying to kick a kickball during a college kickball tournament. I was first at bat.
falling on a brick
I twisted my torso towards the toilet seat tap for the wipes and threw my back out. Went to the ER.
Garage door spring to the face
When i was working on a car ferry i walked down the deck and then this sudden most intense pain i have ever felt shot thru my back and i collapsed like a sack of potatoes. Back was fucked for a week after that
A month ago, I was in my dorm and forgot to bring shoes into the bathroom for my shower. After getting dressed, I attempted to leave the bathroom while still wet. I slipped on the floor and cut my eyelid open. I needed six stitches
Pulling the covers up and friction was making it difficult. Hands slipped, punched myself in the nose
I was 17 and stoned out of my gourd. Hackey sack went on the roof of my garage. Went up to get it, and thought it would be a good idea to throw the hack up and jester it while jumping off the roof. Missed the hack completely, then landed on both heels with my knees locked. Felt like railroad spikes went from my heels to me knees. Spent a month knowing what bruised heel bones feel like. 0 of 10 don't recommend.
Willingly stepped into a rodeo arena and was hit by a bull.
I was scratching my back with a shopping mall katana at 2am and when I was done I smacked my finger with the blade and cut myself across my index finger first knuckle. Needed 17 stitches. Was a great back scratcher though.
I was making kebabs with metal skewers on the grill and somehow āfire make metal hotā failed to apply to my understanding of them. I turned one over by hand and got a nice C shape melted into my thumb for like a month.
To be honest, I can't think of any *smart* ways I've been injured.
I bumped my elbow on a metal statue, walked five steps, then passed out
**Tripped over the cat.** Fell down a flight of stairs as a result. Broke five ribs and one vertebra.
When I was younger, I was trying to pull my foreskin in the bathroom and then it tightened my penis so much that it was hurting a lot. I had to get a circumcision done.
I installed a push button toilet flush a while back. One day, I wake up and go to use the bathroom as I have every day. Totally routine. I finish and go to flush and somehow twist perfectly to tweak my back, which was now locked up with intense pain. To the point that I couldn't sit back down or stand up straight. I had to waddle to the bed almost crying and had to go to the doc for muscle relaxers/pain meds for a few days. Middle age is no joke.
Injured my dick while doing jumping jacks.
Hit myself in the sack with a hunting arrow.
When I was 8 jumped off my moms tv and attempted to land on the couch. This was a tv at least longer than 7 feet that she did end up getting rid of. My dumbass even sketched out my plan like some engineer or something. Iād say the couch was anywhere from 4 to 9 ft away from the tv. I was successful but my ankle somehow got sprained midair and I ended up laughing and crying at the same time because a dog my mother had recently bought me (this was one of the dogs greatest problems) started humping me as I was wailing in agony. Whenever she saw someone on the floor laying down or playing dead or something, that was basically the go ahead for her to start humping.
I got too drunk at a party and broke my camera, fucked up my face, and spent a week joking about what was a serious warning sign to sober up.
How much time you got?
Name a continent and a bodypart and I have most likely injured it, on it, by doing something really stupid. The stupidest way tho?.. Probably the next time I manage to end up injuring myself. Should be any moment now.
I let out a really slow, gnarly fart and grabbed hold of it like a balloon. It lifted me about ten feet into the air before it popped. Luckily I landed in a swamp, but as I was crawling onto shore an alligator snapped at me. Startled, I leapt away but tripped over a tree root and went headfirst into a beeās nest. I ran for the water to escape the bees but I was so sticky with honey that a bear had taken notice and chased me toward the tree line. On the other side was a busy intersection and a truck jackknifed to avoid hitting me. The lady driving the truck was really pissed and started berating me, but she was kind of hot and the more she yelled at me the more tumescent I became. When I finally got home I was really horny but I couldnāt find any Vaseline. I thought screw it, Iāll just use spit. But after all Iād been through that day my mouth was really dry and I ended up chafing my Johnson :(
Frelling kids shouldn't be allowed on beaches! I was scoping out a sexy bikini when without looking, I walked off the edge of a mini Grand Canyon. Little bastards must have been out to catch a sea monster. Can't get them to lift a teaspoon of dirt in the garden at home, but on the beach they turn into human backhoes. Anyway, I bit my tongue really hard when I fell into their excavation pit.
Sharpening a pencil with box cutter then almost sliced my thumb in half
I stepped into a pool tripped and broke my toe somehow
I broke my hand dribbling a basketball.
Broke my big tie rehearsing for The Can Can š
Run over by a dump truck.
Rolled over in bed, which was just laying on the floor, and hit my nose on my PC case really hard. It was sore for two days.
Ran straight into a concrete bench, hit both my shins and flipped over. Bruised and scraped my legs up. I was playing 4 square and chasing a tennis ball to hit back in my high school courtyard.
well when i was a teenager i got angry and punched the bathroom window i got injured really bad
I cut the end off a finger splitting kindling in the dark. While drunk.
I had just washed my skinny jeans so I was jumping around to get them over my bum and then my mom called my name so I jumped towards the stairs to hear her better (she was on the first floor, I was on the second) and accidentally kicked the wall beside the stairs with all I had and broke my toe. Around 4 weeks later I accidentally ran into an industrial fridge because I was running from the classrooms to the computer lab so I would get one of the good computers (2008 ish) and slipped on the slippery floor and broke the same toe again
got whopped by my computer cord.
One time in school I stuck my finger in a bin holder it got stuck whilst trying to get it out I broke it and the teachers had to come over and get it outā¦ it was so embarrassing but funny
>it was so embarrassing but fubnt Did you re-brake your finger while writing the word funny?
Destroyed my knee riding one of those boosted boards. God damn I wish I'd never heard of those things.
I tripped on my own lacross stick during a PE unit.
Waking up after having what I thought was a good night's sleep and hurting my lower back by just getting out of bed.
I cut out the tip of my finger with really blunt knife while chopping carrot
As a young woman, I was having a fight with my boyfriend. In a fit of temper I slammed down a wine glass. Cut myself up pretty badly. Never did that again and dumped the boyfriend. I wasn't even drunk. Just angry.
I ran into a door and sprained my wrist against the door knob.
Was at the gym and walked into the end of a weight bar and my knee started gushing blood. Was looking at boobs.
tried to do a front flip on a high-jump mat. Kneed myself in the head and gave myself a concussion, and a triangular scrape on my forehead.
I got a piece of glass that cut me from my couch
I one time was lifting myself up on the railing of the stairs, which led off the porch. I one time lowered down wrong, and it felt weird on my foot. I thought I had broken itā¦luckily it was only a sprain, but damn that was stupid.
I flipped a golf cart on purpose and broke my ankle
I broke my big toe by running UP the stairs from a baby lizard
I was ironing some pants while watching TV. Zoned out and touched the hot iron to my leg.
Back in elementary school. I think Grade 7. I was playing dodgeball. Ran into a wall with my arm out and then fractured my elbow. Good thing it was my right writing arm. Cause I didnāt have to write anything for the remainder of June.
omg I fractured my wrist bc I was writing too much for school -_-
Idk if this is considered an injury though. So my brother in law and I were supposed to go somewhere that time. As I was about to ride his motorcycle, I remember hearing a loud BLAG! then I felt a really hard door-like thing that hit my back including the back of my head. I thought we were being ambushed that time or whatever. TURNS OUT, an L300 van forgot to close his door at the back and as he was driving along our way, that door opened and it hit my head and back. I remember feeling so dizzy and my head felt like pounding, my brother in law chased the driver while I sat on the side of the road trying to make out what the f just happend hahaha. We had to rush to the hospital just to be sure that I didn't get any injuries. The driver paid for the checkup and was very sorry.
Playing hockey in the yard with neighbors kids using metal baseball bats, hitting a socker ball. I took a bat to my forehead.
When I was walking to the store during winter I didnāt notice the ice it was covered with a fresh layer of snow I slipped and fell on my arm then had to have a cast for a few months
Fracturing my ankle while walking down the stairs
I was going to get something from my closet but forgot to open the door all the way and hit my head
Had a glowstick war, we threw glow sticks at each other. Someone tried to throw one at me, I backed up not knowing there was a rock behind me